1.

VEDIC WEDDING (By Anbil Ramaswamy)

AN INTRODUCTION

Marriage is a religious ceremony and is an important "Samskaaram".

"Samskaaram" is meant "to purify" There are 40 Samskaaras

prescribed in the Saastras. 26 of them relate to wedding and post-
wedding periods. This shows the importance of the role of Grihasta
(householder) who is considered to be pivotal in Society. Also, the
others belonging to Brahmacharya (The Celibate), Vaanaprasta (The
Anchorite) and Sannyasa (The Renounced) are not qualified to perform
any rites involving the use of fire (agni Karyam) and they are
prohibited from begetting progeny. "Dharma prajaartham vriNeemahE"
says the mantra which means that marriage is primarily for begetting
progeny. It is therefore the duty of the house-holder to enter this
Aasrama with due respect. Marriage is, no doubt, primarily for
begetting children but it was also required for the proper
performance of worship.
To drive home this point during the first four days after the
wedding function, the couple is supposed to share the same bed but
is not supposed to indulge in sex.
Marriage is not only a contract between individuals but also a
contract between families. Marriage is in NOT a license for sexual
pleasures but a holy and irrevocable contract not only between the
man and wife but also casts the burden of ensuring it to be so, till
the very last, on the community comprising of the families of both
sides.

"Marriage is marriage" and is not a mere "love affair" which is

nothing but an infatuation. Love affair is a relationship just for
pleasure and when the pleasure wears out, the affair is gone. But,
marriage is a lifetime commitment to yourself, to your other half
and represents the prime concern of your life.

If you make a sacrifice, you are not sacrificing to that person. It

is a sacrifice to a permanent relationship. If pain there is in such
relationship, there is also life in it. Love bears all, endures all.
If the relationship has pains, remember that life is also not all
that blissful all through all the time. The stronger the love, the
more pain it is prepared to bear and ultimately the pain would turn
out to be even enjoyable.

Partners who enter in wedlock are not 'paragons of virtue' as they

appear in the first flush of enthusiasm. None is perfect and to seek
for perfection in the partner is like `seeking a mirage in the
desert'. Perfect relationship is created by conscious effort and not
discovered all on a sudden. The incompatibilities have to be
resolved by a continual mutual adjustment and reconciliation by a
willing attitude of 'give and take'.

1. Samaavartanam
After completing studies in "Gurukula Vaasam" (Residential school in
the teacher's home) learning the Vedas and other scriptures, the
student proceeds to marry with the permission of the preceptor.

2. Kaasi Yatra
The bachelor is now in a dilemma. He has to decide whether to remain
a confirmed bachelor (naishTika Brahmachari) for the rest of his
life or to get married and become a Grihasta. His first inclination
would be to choose the former. He would plan to be a mendicant and
go on a "Paadayatra" to holy places. He would prefer to start with a
journey to Kaasi (Vaaruna-asi). At that time, the father of a
prospective bride would intervene to persuade him to marry his
daughter and start a family of his own offering him a lot of gifts
to start the Aasrama. He would consult his parents and other elders
in his family. The bachelor would be convinced, when they give the
green signal!

3. KANYAA SULKAM
A few representatives of the boy would be deputed to meet with the
parents of the girl. An offer would be made by the boy's party to
the girl's party for conducting the marriage. This is known
as "Kanyaa Sulkam"

In the good old days, the practice of "Vara dakshiNai" now enforced
ruthlessly on the parents of the brides with disastrous consequences
was practically unknown and is nowhere contemplated in the Saastras.

4. VARA PRESHANAM
When once the parents of the bride accept the offer, the groom is
deemed to be a replica of Mahaa VishNu himself and treated as such
and is shown due courtesies by the bride's party.

5. NANDI and VARA POOJA

Nandi is a ceremony in which, the two families solicit the blessings

of their ancestors for formalizing the marriage.
When once the parents of the bride accept the offer, the groom is
deemed to be a replica of Mahaa VishNu himself and treated as such
and is shown due courtesies by the bride's party.
The priest announces three generations of the ancestry of both the
bride and the groom.

6. VRATAM
This consists of several preliminary Samskaaras like NaamakaraNam,
Jaata karaNam etc. For boys, all these would have been done already
during Upanayanam. For girls, however, this is required to be done
immediately before the marriage. Usually, it is done on the previous
morning or on the morning of the wedding day.

7. VISHWAKSENA ARADANAM / LAKSHMI POOJA

Before the commencement of the rites, the first event in any
religious ceremony will be to seek the blessings of Vishwaksena who
removes all obstacles in the way of successful conduct of the
function. Lord Mahaalakshmi is invoked by placing at the feet of the
Goddess, a gold pendent and other jewelry of the bride seeking her
blessings for a long and happy married life for the young couple.

8. PUNYAHAVACHANAM
VaruNa, the Lord of waters with appropriate mantras is then invoked
in a vessel containing holy waters and decorated with a coconut,
flowers, kumkum and turmeric. Invoking Lord VishNu and the nine
planets, the place is sprinkled with this water as a means of
purification to make the venue fit for the functions that follow.

9. AnkuraarpaNam
Some seeds of paddy, black gram, green gram, sesame and mustard are
soaked in water and filled in small mud bowls. The sprouts are
carefully nursed and kept intact till the completion of the wedding
functions. This is known as "Paalikai". The sprouting is symbolic of
the intended production of progenies of the couple.

10. BOY AND GIRL MEET

At the time of the first meeting, several mantras are chanted by the
prospective groom praying for the removal of any blemishes that the
girl might have contracted knowingly or unknowingly.

11. EXCHANGING GARLANDS

The boy and the girl exchange flower garlands and shower each other
with rice mixed with turmeric as a token of their coming together
for the holy wedding. This indicates that free exchange of ideas
between them after the marriage and that neither of them would keep
back anything from the other.

12. OONJAL
They are made to sit on a swing. The swing symbolizes the ups and
downs of life, which the couple may have to face united and with
confidence and full faith in each other. Ladies sing songs in
lilting tunes to add a festive fervor of the occasion.

13. Parting is painful

Any parting is painful. The bride is about to leave her parent's
home where she had grown up all along and is about to enter a
totally new and alien surrounding of her would - be husband. Both
the girl and her parents would feel the pangs of prospective
separation and the uncertain atmosphere in which the girl would have
to lead her life post-marriage, tears might roll down their cheeks.
Since it would not be proper to shed tears on such an auspicious
occasion, a special mantra is uttered to ward off any evil effects
of such feelings.

14. PRATISARA BANDHAM / RAKSHA BANDHAM

A string soaked in turmeric is tied around the left wrist of the
girl and on the right wrist of the boy, probably to indicate a
resolution of loyalty to each other. This is known as Pratisara
Bhandham.

15. YOKE
To reassure them, a ritual is prescribed in which one side of a
miniature yoke is placed on the head of the bride signifying that
the boy and the girl would act in unison in carrying out their new
life like a pair of bulls dragging a cart. The Mangalyam is placed
in the hole in the yoke and water is poured drop by drop through the
hole on the bride. There are other interpretations of this ritual
linking it to the story of one "Apaala" (daughter of Sage Atri) who
was rescued by Indra (the Lord of Gods) through a yoke of his
chariot as a result of which she became relieved of disease and
shone in full luster.
16. MANGALA SNAANAM
The bride is then given a ceremonial bath called MangaLa Snaanam.
The bridegroom has a shave and bath. He wears a "Panchakachcham" and
two sacred threads (yagjnOpaveetam)

17. AGNI PRATHISHTA

Fire god is deemed to be the intermediary between the devotees and
Gods. He is the Chief witness to the entire proceedings. So, fire is
ignited in the fire pit (hOma kuNDam) into which the offerings
(Mainly ghee (Clarified butter) are offered with a request to the
Fire God to carry the offerings to satisfy the Gods.

18. MADHUPARKAM
The bride and the groom are then offered some pieces of fruits and
honey to indicate that their married life would be sweet all the way.

19. KOORAI PUDAVAI

The groom presents an expensive sari (with blouse) to the girl. She
returns to the hall wearing this sari and fully bedecked with jewels
befitting the occasion. The groom ties a string of reeds around the
waist of the girl, perhaps indicating that she is "tied" to him!

20. THE GIRL IS ALREADY MARRIED!

According to Saastras, a spinster is euphemistically said to have
married the celestials called Soman, Chandran, and Agni before
marrying a human! In other words, she has been blessed by these
celestials. The groom recites a mantra to this effect and proceeds
to go through the rest of the rituals.
[To be continued]

dasoham
Anbil Ramaswamy
(To be continued)
VEDIC WEDDING – Part 2 (By Anbil Ramaswamy)

21. MARRIAGE RITES

There are several rites to be observed in sequence prescribed in the
10th MaNDala of the Rig vEda and the Grihya Sutras and Kalpa Sutras
and compiled by Sage Aaapatsthamba and are purely religious- like
Sumangali Praartahna, Pandakkaal, Nishcyatartham, Vratam, Jaatakama,
Naama karma, Laaja hOma, Griha pravEsam, Ammi midittal, (flat
grinding stone) Arundati Sighting, Paalikai, wearing MeTTi (silver
toe-rings) etc.

There are other observances that are mainly social like Jaanuvaasam,
Kaasi Yaatra, Oonjal, and Tiru maangalyam.

The most significant part of the wedding ceremony as prescribed in

the ancient texts are "PaaNi-grahaNam" and "Sapta-Pathi" without
which no marriage could be considered to be complete.

22. MAANGALYA DHAARANAM

The Tirumaangalyam is taken round to get the blessings of the elders
present in the marriage hall. The bridegroom then invokes Maangalya
DEvataa and performs "ShOdasa Upachaara" (16 kinds of obeisance).
The bride's father sits on a raised seat facing east. The bride sits
on his lap. The bridegroom places the Mangalyam around the neck of
the bride and ties one knot. Uttering the well known SlOkam that is
invariably flashed out in season and out of season in Television
shows and movies depicting the tying of the "MangaLa Sutram". This,
however, is NOT A VEDIC MANTRAM but it is recited by way of
tradition.

"maangalyam tantunaanEna mama jeevana hEtunaa/

kaNTE badnaami subhagE tvam jeeva saratas satam//"
(Vide page 23 of Vivaaha Mantraartha Bodhini" pub: Llifco Associates
Reprint 1991)The bridegroom's sister then ties two more knots.

23. PAANI GRAHANAM (CLASPING THE HAND)

The bridegroom clasps with his right palm the right palm of the
bride including the thumb and recites 4 Mantras invoking celestials
like Bagan, Aryama, Savita, Indra Agni, Surya, Saraswati and Vaayu
praying for their blessings. There is a famous SlOka in Srimad
Ramayana on this. King Janaka requests Sri Rama to grasp with his
right palm, Sri Sita's right palm including all her five fingers.

"iyam Sita mama suthaa saha dharma charee tava/

Prateecha cha yENaam badram tE paaNim griheeshva paaNinaa//"

Once this grasping of hand commences, the grasp cannot be given the
go by till at least after "Saptapathi".

Nowadays, it is the norm to hold the reception on the eve of the

wedding. It is, however, NOT a desirable practice to introduce the
couple as husband and wife, even prior to the marriage ceremony.
There is a tendency among the guests to rush to the dais, to shake
hands with the couple, immediately after the "Maangalya DhaaraNam"
is over. Instead, they should wait till the immediate post-marriage
rituals including the "Seven steps" are completed, when alone the
marriage gets fully solemnized."

(Page27 of "Lakshmi Kalyaana VaibhogamE' Supplement to Nrisimhapriya

Jan. 2005)

24. SAPTAPATHEE

This literally means seven steps and is the MOST IMPORTANT item in
the Marriage ceremony. The groom is required to hold the right toe
of the bride with his right hand and make her take 7 steps towards
the north or east of the "hOma kuNdam" (fire-pit) reciting the
relevant mantras for each step as follows:
1. EkamishE VishNus tvaa anvEtu//
"Oh! Fair maiden! With this your first step, May Lord VishNu come
with you to bless you with plentitude of grains etc. for a life
without hunger"
2. dvE OorjE VishNus tvaa anvEtu//
"With this second step of yours, May Lord VishNu come with you to
bless you physical and mental strength and health in life"
3. treeNI vrataaya VishNus tvaa anvEtu//
"With this third step of yours, May Lord VishNu come with you to
bless you with the power and energy to do all your religious duties
diligently"
4. chatvaari mayO bhavaaya VishNus tvaa anvEtu//
"With this fourth step of yours, May Lord VishNu come with you to
bless you with all happiness to at all times"
5. pancha pasubhyO VishNus tvaa anvEtu//
"With this fifth step of yours, May Lord VishNu come with you to
bless you with wealth in cattle"
6. shad ritubhyO VishNus tvaa anvEtu//
"With this sixth step of yours, May Lord VishNu come with you to
make all the seasons good and favorable for you"
7. sapta saptabhyO hOtraabhyO VishNus tvaa anvEtu//
"With this seventh step of yours, May Lord VishNu come with you to
give you the ability to fulfill all your duties in life by
performing all the prescribed hOmas"
25. AFTER SAPTAPATHI
After taking these seven steps, the groom says to the bride:
(Meanings given after the SlOkas)
sakhaa sapta padaa bhava,
sakhaayou sapta padaa babhoova,
sakhyantE gamEyam,
sakhyaath tE maa yOsham,
sakhyaan mE maayOshTaah,
samayaiva sankalpaa vahai,
sam priyou rOchishNoo,
su-manasya maanee,
eesham oorjam abhi sam vasaanou,
sannou manaagumsi,
sam vrataa sam uchittaany aakaram,
saa tvam asya mooham,
amooham asmi saa tvam,
dhyour aham prithvee tvam,
rEto aham rEtO bhru tvam,
manO aham asmi vaak tvam,
saama aham asmi ruk tvam,
saa maam anu vrataa bhava,
pugumsE putraaya vEttavai, sriyai putraaya vEttavaa yEhi soonrutE//"

Meaning:
"Having taken these seven steps with me, you have become my friend.
Once we have taken these seven steps together, we have become
partners. I take your friendship. I will not leave your side under
any circumstances. Neither do you leave me. Let us be together
always. We will live with mutual love and affection for each other.
We will live with good intentions. We will enjoy our life together.
We will be of one mind. We will do our Vratas (religious duties)
together. Our wishes will be of the same kind. I will be the music
and you will be the lyrics of the song of life. I will be the sky
and you will be the earth. I will be the voice and you will be the
mind. Oh! Maiden with sweet words! We will obtain all that is good
in life. Please come with me"

Saastras say that on taking seven steps together, friendship

blossoms. Since the couple should remain friendly to each other
throughout their lives, it is a vow addressed to the sanctity of
this friendship. What is friendship? In weal and woe, the couple
should stand united, face the joys and sorrows of life together
without blaming each other, thus promoting perfect understanding
between them. Just like "Rik" and "Saamam" are inseparable forever,
the mantras seek to emphasize that the couple should remain
inseparable at all times.

26. HOMAMS GALORE - PRADAANA HOMAM AND LAAJA HOMAM

This is followed by several hOmams, the most important one
being "Pradaana HOmam" and later on a "Laaja HOmam" in which the
brother of the bride hands over the palm of the bride parched rice
which mixed with clarified butter, she offers in the sacred fire.
Parched rice is a symbol of prosperity.

27. AMMI MIDITTAL / ASMAAROHANAM

The groom holds the feet of the bride and places it on a grinding
stone accompanied by recital of some mantras. This is said to
indicate a request to her to stand firm like a rock through ups and
downs in their married life.

28. A BOY ON THE LAP OF THE BRIDE!

A small boy is made to sit on the lap of the bride after ensuring
that none of the boy's siblings had died! This is probably to
indicate that the bride should bring forth a male child like him if
and when she conceives.

29. SIGHTING DHRUVA AND ARUNDATI ON THE SKY

The groom shows her the Dhruva star (Pole star) and Arundati star,
the proverbial personification of chastity. This is also said to
reinforce the same message as "Ammi Midittal"

30. ROLLING THE COCONUT AND SMASHING THE FRIED PAPAD

To impart an aura of festive mood, a mock game is arranged in which
the bride and the groom are seated facing each other and engage in
rolling coconuts like balls and the onlookers are said to umpire the
game and declare the winner. Later, they are made to smash fired
pappads on each other's head! This is observed in south Indian
marriages.

31. GRIHA PRAVESAM

This refers to the formal entry of the bride into the home of the
husband. She is supposed to enter placing her right foot first while
entering and this is considered as auspicious.
32. HOMAMS AGAIN

"Pravisya HOmam", "Jayaati Homam" "SEsha Homam" and "Praayaschitta

Homam"Pravisya HOmam relates to the formal entry of the bride into
her new home.

Jayaati Homam seeks to pray for prosperity in the new home.

SEsha Homam relates to a prayer for protection of the family in the
new home.

Praayaschitta Homam relates to atonement for any commissions and

omissions in observing the rituals and praying to God to forgive
their transgressions, if any.

33. ASIEERVAADAM

The elders assembled would sprinkle rice mixed with turmeric powder
and bless the couple to the chanting of appropriate mantras.

34. ARATHI
This is the traditional closing ceremony when two Sumangali ladies
wave around the face of the couple plate containing water made red
with turmeric and lime (ChuNNaambu) to ward off effects of any evil
eye!

35. SAANTHI MUHOORTHAM

Marriage is not meant as a means to satisfy carnal craving. It is
regarded as a means to spiritual glory, a `sin qua non' for the
development of lineage - a necessary link between the "dead past"
and an "unborn future" that must come alive to be undertaken as a
part of spiritual duty with devotion to perpetuate the family
tradition. Marriage is an integral part of a Grihasta for it is said
that no ritual is efficacious without the presence of the wife,
the "Saha DharmiNi". The wife always accompanies the husband in
discharging his duties

dasoham
Anbil Ramaswamy
(To be continued)