About the Author

Sheila Seymour was born in Chiswick, west London. She was educated at the Godolphin and Latymer School, Kingston University and oyal !olloway, University o" London, where she obtained her #h$. She worked mostly in "inancial so"tware development but later as a !istory Seminar Leader at oyal !olloway. She now resides in %ewtownards, County $own.

SONS OF JANUS

$edication
&or 'enny (ryant, Simon )oore and 'ayne Gallagher as thanks alone are not enough.

Sheila Seymour

SONS OF JANUS

Copyright Sheila Seymour *he right o" Sheila Seymour to be identi"ied as author o" this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section ++ and +, o" the Copyright, $esigns and #atents Act -.,,. All rights reserved. %o part o" this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any "orm or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission o" the publishers. Any person who commits any unauthori/ed act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims "or damages. A C0# catalogue record "or this title is available "rom the (ritish Library. 0S(% .+, -,1.23 1.2 4 www.austinmacauley.com &irst #ublished 564-17 Austin )acauley #ublishers Ltd. 68 Canada S9uare Canary :har" London ;-1 8L(

#rinted and bound in Great (ritain

Now understand this: Janus is not a two-faced God, but a God who faces two ways. He looks to the East and to the West. He watches the sun rise and traces its path until it sets: so also the moon, from hori on to hori on, phase by phase. Janus ne!er sleeps and does not tire. He is the God of Gate and "oor: entrance and e#it. Nothin$ be$ins, or ends, without him knowin$. %he wise seek his compliance before initiatin$ chan$e, for Janus sits at the fulcrum and will inter!ene to keep "estiny&s perfect balance. His inter!ention may not be noticed' if noticed, it may not please, but understand that it is necessary and

accept any ad(ustment with $race.

Authors Notes:
*here are no outright heroes and no outright villains to be "ound in these pages because those involved were all real people. *here are no "ictitious characters, no "ictitious events. 0 have endeavoured to give "air and accurate portrayals o" all the people you will encounter. *here are photographs o" all the principle characters. *he "ashions o" the day may make them look a little unreal, but behind the "ormal poses sit people once as lively as our own relatives and "riends. *he character o" each is etched <ust as clearly on his or her "ace. *he views 0 have assigned to them are, 0 hope, "itting and appropriate, but this is where creative interpretation has come into play. 0 trust 0 have caused no o""ence to any descended "rom them "or 0 have developed great sympathy "or all those whose voices 0 have purloined "or this book. 0t is also important to appreciate the centrality o" music in the lives o" ussians at this time. 0t received enormous press coverage and everyone had his or her own "avourite composer, conductor and per"ormer. Conse9uently, critics= opinions were o" great importance> they could make or break a new work. &or ease o" reading 0 have rarely used the patronymic. ;?ceptions are@ #etyor 0llych *chaikovsky and %ikolai Grigoryevich ubinstein 5rarely employed7. All soubri9uets are authentic e?cept one> 0 have no evidence that Anton ubinstein re"erred to his brother as A%iko=. ussia used the oldBstyle 'ulian calendar until 3- st 'anuary -.-,. *his ran thirteen days behind the Gregorian calendar adopted by most western states. All the dates in this book relate to the latter.

Prologue: Modest Tchaikovsky

Modest a d Petyor Tchaikovsky c!"#"

Lyon, France, July, 1878: Cnce *olya had #etyor away "rom )oscow he wrote to me more "re9uently. ;very letter was a dirge, repeating that #etyor=s nerves were shattered and his physical health "ragile. !e needed me D not *olya, me. Conse9uently when, in early $ecember, #etyor himsel" wrote "rom San emo to e?plain that *olya=s leave o" absence "rom the )inistry was due to end, and that maybe 0 could replace him as companion, 0 rushed to speak to !erman Konradi, my employer. 0 did not tell him how bad #etyor sounded, <ust that his convalescence had to be e?tended. Konradi thought it an e?cellent idea that 0 should go and take Kolia, his son and my pupil, with me. *hank God, he agreedE 0 en<oy being based here in &rance but at that moment 0 rued my separation "rom my "amily. 0 have always considered mysel" the closest to #etyor, but when he was most in need he had turned to my twin, *olya. 0 went over and over it@ whyF :hy had #etyor D or anyone come to that D told me nothing but the most basic "acts concerning his marriage and subse9uent collapseF 0 resented being usurped in his a""ections. :ho had poisoned his mindF :as it *olyaF :as it the womanF *he whole thing was

weird. )arriage is not "or him anymore than it is "or me. !e knows it and 0 know it. #robably all the "amily, e?cept #apa, know it. 0 tried to convince mysel" it was some sort o" mutually bene"icial arrangement. *hat she would be a housekeeper... perhaps one o" his students had got hersel" into trouble and he was playing the gentleman... maybe the child was *olya=sF 0 liked that one. 0t made complete sense D and, 0 am ashamed to say, "ed my <ealousy. *olya is ambitious and will have to marry strategically. !is wi"e=s "amily must be in a position to advance him, but he is a young blood. C" course he has had women and i" he had got a decent sort o" girl in the "amily way, "or #etyor to marry her might seem a tidy solution. 0t would account "or why they had become so pally. 0t was also e?actly the sort o" rash sacri"ice #etyor would make "or a brother, but in the a"termath it would gnaw away at him and make him ill, <ust like this. !e would "ear the girl=s permanent presence in *olya=s circle, the restrictions being married to him would place on her D and him D and he would angst over how, in time, they could decently part. 0t suited the character o" all those involved so neatly, 0 was convinced this had to be the situation@ and how smart o" me to work it outE %ow 0 only needed to come up with a solution. 0t was not di""icult to "ormulate a scheme. Any woman can be bought o"". Cnce 0 knew the details 0 would go to )oscow, sort the woman out, give *olya a damn good talking to and then call in to calm #apa and his latest wi"e, ;li/aveta, be"ore returning to &rance. #apa and ;li/aveta were longing to meet Kolia and it would distract them "rom the other business. :ell pleased with mysel", 0 settled down to en<oy the <ourney. All went well until we got to )ilan. 0 needed to change the roubles #etyor had sent me into lire, but since 0 had le"t &rance ussia had su""ered a reverse in the war against *urkey and our currency had lost "orty percent o" its value. %o bureau de chan$e would take them. :e were in e""ect penniless and we had to stay in )ilan until someone could come up "rom San emo and rescue us. 0t turned out to be #etyor himsel" B a good sign. 0 met him at the station. !e was leaning out o" the train window like a schoolboy. !e saw me and waved his

handkerchie" wildly. 0 called his name, over and over@ A#etyorE #etyorE )on fr*re+ )on cher+ ,omment -a !a. = !is responseF A%r/s bien+ %ous !ent tr/s bien+ :ait Atil 0 get o"" this train you young rascalE 0 want to kiss youE 0s Kolia with youF 0" not go straight back to &ranceE 0 shall re"use to acknowledge youE= :hat, 0 wondered, had *olya been up to, worrying me so outrageouslyF *here was nothing wrong with #etyor. !e was all smiles and consumed with delight. :e hugged and kissed. !e hugged and kissed Kolia. :e all laughed until the tears ran. :e were happy. #raise )aria, he was happyE !e was thinner perhaps, but then perhaps not, and there was no sign o" the tick he develops when under stress. !e was tanned and rela?ed and <oy"ul. 0ll health was an impossibility. 0 <ettisoned all my "ears. A beauti"ul young 0talian porter came to take his luggage and 0 raised an eyebrow to #etyor. !e winked, shook his head, and wagged a "inger at me. ;verything was going to be all right. :e "ollowed the beauti"ul boy who engaged a coach to take us to the hotel. 0 tipped him well, hoping it would make him remember me D and then saw #etyor do the sameE !ow we laughedE :hat had started out as a rescue mission was going to be a splendid holiday. 0n San emo a letter "rom *olya awaited me. 0t was so negative, so pathetic and so crudely insulting it made me "ume. *hat=s right *olya, blame me. (lame me "or everything, you always have and probably always will. 0 kicked out randomly. *o hell with any damage, hoteliers would have seen it all be"ore and #etyor could pay them o"". !e has plenty o" money nowadays. "ear 0rother, 1 kiss you+ What a mess. What a bloody, bloody mess 2etyor is in 3 and 1 fear 1 am to blame. 1 could ha!e stopped that weddin$, you know: stopped it a do en times. 1 could ha!e talked him out of it, sabota$ed the arran$ements, locked him in his room, shouted out durin$ the ceremony: 45top this farce. 5top this bloody, bloody, stupid farce&... 1 am sure you would

ha!e - but 1 did nothin$. Worse still 1 collaborated. 1 (ollied him alon$, 1 poured his laudanum the ni$ht before and left the bottle out for him to dose himself in the mornin$. 1 acted as best man durin$ the ceremony and e!en held him up when he was in dan$er of collapsin$ throu$h panic or laudanum, 1 cannot not say which... but it had him in a bad way. )odest, 1 can barely li!e with my conscience. 6or the past ei$ht or nine weeks, 1 ha!e been his nurse, his prison $uard, his confidant. 0ut as his brother, 1 ha!e done a poor (ob 3 and he has been so $ood to me when 1 ha!e been troubled by my own 4black do$& of depression. 6or God&s sake write soon and $i!e me some succour. 7et me know how you $et on, tell me about 2etyor&s health and for God&s sake don&t $et him into any escapades. 8ou know what 1 mean by this. 1 know what you and 2etyor are like. 1 know how you e$$ each other on, how you walk the streets to$ether... 8ou must not do it this time+ "o you understand me, )odest. 1t absolutely must not happen while you ha!e 2etyor in your care. He is sick, )odest. 9eally, seriously sick. 1 ha!e $ot him eatin$ a$ain, workin$ a$ain, takin$ some interest in life and abo!e all pretty well balanced a$ain and 1 do not want you foulin$ e!erythin$ up. "o you understand me, )odest. 0e adult and responsible. "o not encoura$e 2etyor to drink, romance, take laudanum. %reat him as you do :olia... and keep me posted as to how you are $ettin$ on. 1 mean it )odest. 1 will bloody kill you if you undo all my hard work and let 2etyor relapse... Now, let me tell you, calmly, what has happened to this point. 8ou may know some of it, or think you do, but here is an honest account by one at the centre of e!ents. 2etyor, himself, dates e!erythin$ from when he !isited ;ichy and you met up. He was so impressed by what you ha!e achie!ed with :olia. He says you

ha!e a mar!ellous relationship and that the lad has ad!anced more than anyone e!er thou$ht possible for a boy without hearin$ and only limited speech. He describes :olia as happy, educated, $ood company and as de!oted to you as he is to his parents. 1ndeed, it was witnessin$ this happy e#tended family that started all the terrible e!ents that ha!e led us to this moment. He watched :onradi with his son, you with your char$e, and en!ied you beyond endurance. 1t broke his heart and then his sanity. He feared it was a deli$ht he could ne!er e#perience, for he belie!es he confuses his se#ual preference for men with his simple lo!e for children and adolescents. We 3 1 mean you, me, our brothers, sisters and cousins, and outside friends 3 ha!e spent hours and hours with him and ne!er doubted his intentions, but tellin$ him this doesn&t help. He worries that he looks differently upon boy-children. 1t wracks him to the point of obsession, or as he terms it, 4monomania&. <n the trip home from the :onradi&s he thou$ht of nothin$ else and then he came up with this bloody stupid plan. He con!inced himself it was so simple, so natural, that it had to be ri$ht: he would marry, ha!e children of his own and throu$h the blessed, natural instinct of a father, would come to understand the whole man=child relationship. He told only me and our sister, 5asha. We ur$ed him to think a$ain, but 2etyor had all the answers off pat and would not be deterred. His primary ar$ument was that many of his dearest friends were married and fathers, and if they could cope, so surely would he. %here followed a strin$ of other rationales. )arria$e would brin$ his life e!erythin$ he cra!ed' a lo!in$, stable home' an adorin$ woman to buoy him up and shield him from life&s annoyances' and, if he could find the ri$ht woman, understandin$ and tolerance of his broader lifestyle. He thou$ht that when they had children his

fear of the titillation they presently arouse in him would abate and if he could find a poor woman, it would e!en be a charitable act. He also thou$ht it would put an end to the $ossip that surrounds him in )oscow and 5t 2etersbur$. He persuaded himself that his life could be as idyllic as the :onradi&s. %hen came the words neither of us took seriously enou$h, that as he was now thirty-ei$ht, he needed to mo!e >uickly. What kind of lo$ic is that. 6antasy. 5heer bloody fantasy. He can be so self-decei!in$ 3 or as Nikolai 9ubinstein, his boss at the )oscow ,onser!atoire, maintains 4such a selfish bu$$er&. Ne!er one to mince his words, our Nikolai+ 2etyor mi$ht ha!e $otten o!er it, but soon after he returned home he recei!ed a fan letter from a woman called ?ntonia )iliyuko!a. He saw it as a si$n that the Gods were on his side. He a$reed to meet her and within days made that idiotic proposal. ?ntonia may be stupid but e!en she is not so stupid she did not know a $ood thin$ when she met it. ?t twentyei$ht, of indifferent looks, indifferent family and no fortune she was unlikely to $et any other offers, let alone one from the likes of our brother. <f course she $rabbed it and 1 don&t blame her, but she was as wron$ a choice as 2etyor could make. E!en 2etyor admits now that he knew he was bein$ foolish, but plou$hed on re$ardless. Why. 46ate, my dearest %olya, fate.& What twaddle. 1t is true that he told no one e#cept me the date of the weddin$ until it was too late for them to make the (ourney @not e!en 2apa, if that makes you feel any better, for 1 know you are an$ry at bein$ e#cludedA. Why did he choose me. 9ubinstein thinks it is because 1 am a soft touch, and maybe he is ri$ht... 2etyor seems to play on e!eryone&s weaknesses... 1t was a !ery, !ery stran$e weddin$. %he priest conductin$ the ser!ice was an ordained collea$ue from the ,onser!atoire. 1 don&t know how he s>uares

his conscience with the ?ll )i$hty+ No neutral would ha!e $one ahead with it. 1 had real trouble with 2etyor the ni$ht before: weepin$, hysterics, threats to run away @which 1 should ha!e encoura$ed, of courseA and cartloads of self-pity. He arri!ed at the ,athedral still stupefied by the effects of laudanum and it showed, but no one said a word. %here was only a handful of us there: ?ntonia, 2etyor, her closest relati!es, :otek @2etyor&s present lo!er 3 can you belie!e it+A and me. 1 had for$otten the symbolic red handkerchief for ?ntonia to stand on, but no one was $oin$ to let anythin$ stop this marria$e. 1t was cra y. :otek put down his white handkerchief and the ceremony continued... %he priest droned on and on, ?ntonia clutched 2etyor by one arm and 1 held the other to keep him upri$ht, and :otek... well :otek could barely stop lau$hin$ out loud. 1f 2apa had been there... 1f you had been there... 8ou would not ha!e been so cowed. 8ou would ha!e stopped it, but 1 took the coward&s route and played alon$. When the priest told 2etyor he could kiss the bride he nearly con!ulsed and :otek ceased all attempts to restrain his amusement. 5ham+ 1t was so clearly a sham. 2etyor did not e!en attend the Weddin$ 0reakfast 3 which ?ntonia herself described as a Wake. ?s we left the church he announced he needed to rest @the first true word spoken all mornin$A and went home. What the staff at the hotel we had booked for the 0reakfast made of it all Hea!en alone knows. 1 $a!e them all a massi!e bonus, but e!en so we were lucky, any one of them mi$ht still ha!e told the press. Bnsurprisin$ly the honeymoon was as ridiculous as the weddin$. 2etyor and ?ntonia went up to 5t 2etersbur$ for a week. %hey were booked on the ni$ht train. 1 took ?ntonia to the station as 2etyor did not reappear all day. He (oined us, red-eyed and drunk, with (ust seconds to spare. Needless to say the marria$e was not, and has not been, consummated 3

althou$h ?ntonia has tried hard enou$h, 1 understand. 2oor old 2etyor 3 and poor old ?ntonia, come to that. 1n 5t 2etersbur$ they !isited our 2apa and Eli a!eta whom 2etyor could e!ade no lon$er. 0oth went out of their way to make ?ntonia welcome, but 2etyor is con!inced Eli a!eta saw throu$h her immediately. 2apa&s deli$ht near broke his heart... <nce back in )oscow they !isited ?ntonia&s parents. 2etyor loathed them and 1 ima$ine the feelin$ was mutual. 1t was at this point we met up a$ain. 2etyor looked dreadful. 9eally, really dreadful. He asked if the world was $ossipin$. 1 could not brin$ myself to answer truthfully: that the ,onser!atoire was abu with speculation and cheap (ibes and that if only he were seen out rather more with ?ntonia and rather less with :otek it would help enormously. 1ncredibly, ?ntonia seemed >uite cheerful and was busy mo!in$ them to a smaller apartment. %hey were out of funds as a lar$e sum she had e#pected from a sale of some land had $one south 3 if it e!er e#isted. %hat woman li!es in a fantasy world... 2etyor did not seem bothered by the lack of money or mo!e, but he whined constantly that ?ntonia had fired the elder of his manser!ants and in!ested the sa!in$s in a cook and lady&s maid for herself. <h, dear. Not a wise mo!e, althou$h 1 understand her tactics. 5oon after the mo!e 2etyor could stand no more of ?ntonia&s ad!ances and banal con!ersation. :nowin$ that our sister 5asha and her husband were away from their :amenka estate he fled there. He says he tried to work, but was de!oid of concentration, so instead he wrote to one and all. What was your letter like. )ine was black in tone. %hey say those who talk of suicide ne!er do it. 1 hope this platitude is ri$ht. %here was (ust one optimistic para$raph, 2etyor thinks he has found a patron, and not (ust any patron but Nade dha !on )eck. 8ou must ha!e heard of her' she is a widow and absolutely loaded+ 9icher than

the %sar, some say. ?pparently they had been e#chan$in$ letters for a few weeks, and she had already subbed him with a considerable loan 3 althou$h 2etyor did not seem in the least concerned about how or when he would pay it back. <ne can only hope )adame !on )eck has a pra$matic soul. ,ome 5eptember and the new academic year 2etyor had to return to his teachin$ at the ,onser!atoire. 1 was back in 5t 2etersbur$, but established a re$ular correspondence with 9ubinstein, who has been a complete brick. He reported that 2etyor was performin$ his lecturin$ duties well enou$h, but was still not mi#in$ with the other staff or attendin$ any meetin$s he could decently a!oid. Where he went after hours no one knew. 1t certainly wasn&t home. :otek&s would be my best $uess. Just two weeks into term 2etyor sent a tele$ram askin$ me to send him one back, in the name of the "irector of the 1mperial %heatres, re>uestin$ his attendance at some rehearsals in 5t 2etersbur$ and for me to meet him at the station. 1 obli$ed. When 1 picked him up 1 was horrified. His face was $ray, his lips blue and he looked a hundred. 1 took him strai$ht to a nearby hotel and called my own doctor. 2etyor wryly told me not to worry, nothin$ would kill him, he had tried. ?pparently one e!enin$ he had walked into the )osk!a ri!er, icy cold at this time of year, and stood chest deep until his limbs were numb. He then walked home in his soppin$ clothes 3 the result. Not the pneumonia he cra!ed, not e!en a cold. ?ntonia cared for him so well she sta!ed both off. 2oor old 2etyor. 2erhaps ?ntonia really does lo!e him, in her own way. 1f e!er a couple were ill-met it is them. %he doctor called in one of those modern mind doctors, a psychiatrist, who dia$nosed se!ere ner!ous disorder. He ordered total rest, a chan$e of scenery and a complete separation from ?ntonia. 1 decided to take 2etyor to ,larens, on 7ake Gene!a,

as 1 knew he had it found beneficial once before, but before we left 1 had to tell ?ntonia. 1 asked 9ubinstein to come with me, partly because 1 dreaded it, but also because 1 thou$ht a witness mi$ht be useful. 1 know he and 2etyor ha!e had their ups and downs, but Nikolai is a $ood chap and o!er the years has pro!en a steady friend to 2etyor. )ore than this he has personal e#perience of a rash and disastrous marria$e. "id you know that when only twenty he married a woman of thirty, one of those influential :hrushche!s. %he marria$e was opposed by both sets of parents and they separated in less than three years. 1f 9ubinstein mentions the affair at all, he lau$hs it off as social ambition laced with lust. 1t ruined both their li!es. "i!orce is not an option and Nikolai is not the sort of man to take a mistress openly, so he li!es with his sister, 5ofia. 1t is a shame, a real, deep shame. 0ut that is his problem. 1 only mention it to e#plain why he was such a $ood choice to come with me. 9ubinstein was brilliant, really brilliant. He spelt out to ?ntonia in stark detail all that the doctor had told me. He used short sentences and simple words, omittin$ nothin$, but whether he $ot throu$h to her 1 doubt. 5he stopped listenin$, you could see it. Her eyes were on the tea table, her rin$s, the street outside, ne!er on 9ubinstein or me. 5he asked no >uestions, showed no concern. 9ubinstein is ri$ht when he says it is like bein$ with a bad actress readin$ a bad script for the first time. 5he says all the ri$ht words, but without any emotion or inflection. )aybe, she is !ery, !ery cle!er, a composite dissembler, but 1 doubt it. 1 think she is (ust dim-witted. ?t the ,onser!atoire 9ubinstein announced that 2etyor was on e#tended lea!e and that ?ntonia would be (oinin$ him in 5wit erland shortly. %he same !ersion was $i!en to the newspapers. No one belie!es it of course, but

somethin$ had to be said. ? similarly laundered !ersion was $i!en to 2apa and, 1 suppose, you. He accepted it, but Eli a!eta was not fooled. 5he is a $ood woman' !ery likeable and !ery wise, our stepmother. 1 like her and wish 2etyor would talk to her. We $ot to ,larens by mid-<ctober, but it was not the success 1 had hoped. %his time 2etyor found the mountains loomin$ and oppressi!e, and there were so many fellow 9ussians there we $ot no pri!acy. Nosey bastards. We were (ust plannin$ to mo!e on when we had a letter from 5asha. 5he had ?ntonia at :amenka and had been entirely taken in by her. 5he ur$ed us to return as soon as possible to try for a reconciliation. How could 5asha be so $ullible. 1 thou$ht there were elements of blackmail in the letter, a 4come home or else& undercurrent. 2etyor disa$reed. 1 was pleased that he was able to discuss the letter rationally, and thou$ht it showed pro$ress, but he (ust would not let the sub(ect drop 3 monomania a$ain. %o break the cycle 1 encoura$ed him to work. @1 recommend this tactic to youA. ?t first his output was patchy and there were some nasty tantrums, probably born out of frustration, but $radually his concentration le!el impro!ed and he started to find real relief from his troubles. 1ndeed, by his own admission 1 ha!e facilitated the completion of some comple# orchestration on his 6ourth 5ymphony and an opera, Eu$ene <ne$in. Not all bad then+ %hin$s looked up further when )adame !on )eck wrote promisin$ him a stipend of si# thousand roubles a year. 5i# thousand roubles a year+ )ore than double his ,onser!atoire salary+ )y God, 1 would be a kin$ on that+ ? banker&s draft for the first instalment was enclosed. 5uddenly we were in funds. 2etyor perked up and started plannin$ 3 ridiculously, e#tra!a$antly, fecklessly e!en, but at least he was out of his depression. %hat was all 1

cared about. %o celebrate we went to 2aris. ? doctor there told 2etyor there was nothin$ wron$ with him and he could li!e to be a hundred. 0etter and better. <n this fillip we went to 6lorence. %here 1 started to worry a$ain. <ur standard of hotel had soared. 5urely )adam !on )eck&s patrona$e was not intended for this kind of (unket. 2etyor brushed my ob(ections aside. While we were there he heard a boy street sin$er and became fi#ated. He wanted to track him down and spend time with the lad, notatin$ his tunes. 1 confess 1 panicked and was deliberately obstructi!e so that we ne!er found him. <ur ne#t mo!e was entirely to my taste. We had to $o to 9ome to pick up the second banker&s draft from )adame !on )eck. 9ome is $lorious, but 2etyor set himself a$ainst it and became >uite petulant. ?s soon as he had the money we mo!ed on a$ain, to ;enice this time. 2etyor settled us in the $randest of hotels o!erlookin$ the Grand ,anal. His (ustification. 41 am %chaiko!sky, dear brother+ "oes that mean nothin$ to you.& 1 can ne!er tell when he is (oshin$ these days... We had (ust settled when 2etyor announced we were $oin$ to ;ienna. ;ienna+ Not e!en in the same country+ We had barely unpacked there when he insisted we return to ;enice. 1 thou$ht he mi$ht be e#periencin$ a relapse and demanded he told me what was $oin$ on. 6inally he admitted he had heard from )adam !on )eck that :otek was in ;ienna and he 4had to see the dear boy&, but in the e!ent :otek was already elsewhere God in Hea!en, $i!e me patience+ %he full story would ha!e been hilarious if the (ester were not 2etyor... 1t seems 9ubinstein had worked :otek the post of 9esident )usician at )adame !on )eck&s @sounds $rander than it was, 1 suspectA but he had $ot himself fired for womanisin$ of all thin$s+ 2etyor was (ealous and wanted a showdown. 1 $a!e thanks that we had missed him, but 1 was premature. 2etyor $ot a

second date from somewhere and off we went a$ain. 1 really did not care to play $ooseberry, but as it turned out 1 did not ha!e to. :otek has indeed chan$ed his tastes and is now chasin$ anythin$ in skirts. 1 always did wonder how ac>uiescent that chap was to 2etyor&s passions... Whate!er, as :otek and 2etyor had been so close before the weddin$ 1 feared some reaction, and it duly came. 6rom the moment we left ;ienna 1 rarely saw 2etyor truly sober. 1f only he had been able to talk to me about :otek, 1 may ha!e been able to help, but this side of his life he can only discuss with you... %his is not, 1 emphasise, a su$$estion you reopen the sub(ect, (ust a $eneral obser!ation. 1 (ust buffed up his e$o a little and encoura$ed him to lay poor old :otek on the discard pile, as 9ubinstein an incorri$ible $ambler, would phrase it. ?t least this analo$y raised a smile... 0y now it was early "ecember and 2etyor had arran$ed for his termite of a manser!ant, 5ofrono!, to (oin us in ;ienna. %he prospect dampened my spirits, 1 can tell you. 1 really am uncomfortable in that man&s company and as 1 had to be back at the )inistry before the end of the year 1 decided it was time to make a mo!e. Howe!er, as you know, 5ofrono! is not a stable character and his relationship with 2etyor undesirable by any standard, so 1 was not happy about lea!in$ him as 2etyor&s mainstay. 1t was then 1 had my best idea to date: 1 su$$ested 2etyor in!ite you to (oin him. He burst into tears, cursin$ himself that he had not thou$ht of it earlier. He misses you terribly, you know. We may ha!e become close, but it is you he lo!es the more 3 and 1 ha!e no problem acknowled$in$ it. He then flew off into one of his enthusiasms, wrote to you at once and could not rest until he $ot your reply which, (oy of (oys, was positi!e. 0ut listen, )odest, and take my words

seriously. 8ou must, must, must beha!e responsibly. 2etyor has not been well beha!ed since we left ,larens and 1 ha!e spent many an afternoon, e!enin$ or e!en ni$ht alone while 2etyor went for 4a stroll& throu$h the town 3 and you know what he means by that+ 1 know he wants to return to 6lorence to track down that street sin$er. %he lad does ha!e a pure and true !oice and his son$s may pro!e a source of inspiration but, oh brother of mine, who knows. "o not encoura$e him+ 8ou ha!e :olia with you. 6or God&s sake, beha!e like a responsible adult and try to make 2etyor do the same. He is a man of some renown now and we do not want the whispers that attend him in )oscow and 5t 2etersbur$ spread o!er the whole of Europe. "o you understand me, )odest. <r is this letter already crumpled and in the hotel litter bin. 0efore 1 close, let me repeat those words of 2etyor&s: 41 am %chaiko!sky, dear brother+ "oes that mean nothin$ to you.& We may lau$h, but 2etyor is more than our brother now. He is a $reat man, with much to lose: a reputation, a patroness, a $lorious future. He has suffered terribly for a foolish mistake but is reco!erin$. 1n my ba$$a$e 1 am carryin$ the completed scores for the 5ymphony and <pera. He has more to achie!e, but e!erythin$ to lose. 7ife can, surely, only $et better for him. 2lease, please do not let him (eopardise it. 8ou are more than my brother, you are my twin. 1 lo!e you more dearly than 1 lo!e myself, but when 1 consider the responsibility 1 am lea!in$ you with 1 also fear for you. )ar!ellous as he is, 2etyor can be !ery irksome and capricious. %ry to keep your patience+ 9emember he is ill, e!en if it does not show physically. 1f you need me, summon me... With deepest affection, 1 kiss you a$ain+ %olya

2ost 5cript: ? second letter has arri!ed from 5asha. 1 feared its contents but this time it is $ood news. 5he has ar$ued with ?ntonia and sent her packin$. Now our sister is completely on our side, and with her personal bad e#perience of ?ntonia makes the best kind of ally. %he tide is definitely turnin$+ :elcome to San emo, )odestE God, *olya can be patronising. 0 think he has been more a <ailer than a holiday companion. #etyor glows with good health. All he needs now is a bit o" "un D and 0 am the very man to ensure he gets some. Get ready San emo, a very di""erent pair o" *chaikovsky brothers are in townE %ow, where is that brother o" mine D and yes, *olya, your letter is heading "or the binE )y "irst week with #etyor did not go 9uite as 0 had planned and 0 began to understand *olya=s letter. #etyor had been on his own "or nearly a "ortnight and all he wanted to do was talk... and talk and talk. &irst he wanted to know what the ussian press was making o" his marriage and subse9uent events. $i""icult one. 0 prevaricated, reminding him that we were engaged in a war against the *urks and the press had bigger things to worry about, but this did not de"lect him. AAnd the gossip columnsF= he asked. :ell, 0 have long held to the ma?im that when cornered, stick to the truth, so 0 told him all. 0 did not use the words A"ield day=, but other than that 0 was straight with him. Speculation was ri"e and some o" it nasty. !e shrugged and then wept. 0 was tempted to call "or brandies, but a spectre o" *olya rose be"ore me. 0t really was too early in the day... :e went "or a walk instead D and then had the brandiesE #etyor returned to the sub<ect o" the press "re9uently and 0 began to understand what *olya had said about his obsessions. 0 got him to list his an?ieties and then started to work through them. *here was some pretty serious stu"" to be "aced. :e agreed the "irst thing to do was buy him more time. #etyor sees the Conservatoire, and ubinstein in particular, as very hostile. *his is grossly un"air to ubinstein, but it is one o" his monomania, so 0 did not argue. #etyor was due to return

to the Conservatoire "or the Spring *erm, but had already written to ubinstein saying he needed his sick leave e?tended "urther. ubinstein had replied swi"tly and, 0 thought, sympathetically, but he still managed to upset #etyor. eally, really upset #etyor. 0 had not seen him in such a pet "or years. ubinstein=s o""ence was to remind #etyor that he had agreed to lead the ussian musical delegation to the #aris 0nternational ;?hibition. !e would be needed in #aris "or 'anuary and &ebruary, but a"ter that it was up to him whether he returned or stayed on to the end o" the ;?hibition in September. And the remuneration was splendid, a thousand roubles a month plus e?penses. And the honourE ubinstein must have put his reputation on the line to engineer that one "or #etyor. !e e?plained that it would get #etyor some good press coverage and allow him to return to )oscow openly, in triumph, rather than uncom"ortably, prey to the gossip mongers. 0 thought it a very considerate o""er and typical o" %ikolai ubinstein. #etyor was dea" to such observations. !e denied vehemently 5too vehemently, 0 thought7 that he had actually Aagreed=, saying he had only Aagreed to consider it= and re"used to concede any virtue to poor old ubinstein. !e declaimed him as Gheartless, dry and "ull o" sel"BimportanceH, an enemy determined to destroy him by setting him up as laughing stock on the largest stage possible. ubinstein, he insisted, knew Lis/t would be there and get all the attention, while he, the great #etyor 0llych *chaikovsky, would be a mere sideshow. &urthermore, he insisted the &rench people still hated ussia and he would not e?pose himsel" to be booed on a podium, or worse assassinated D and the (ritish were bound to stir things up, one way or another. %o, no, no, he would not go. And he said terrible things against poor old ubinstein personally@ terrible, ungrate"ul things. !e turned on me too, claiming that *olya would understand, even i" a dolt like me could not. *hat hurt. An e?change o" letters, telegrams and insults between him and ubinstein "ollowed. ubinstein told #etyor that he was Gcowardly... la/yH and only wanted Gto sit in the sun with the widow=s bankroll in his pocketH and that he should stop Gtaking advantage, ... IandJ take himsel" in

handH. #etyor reposted by calling him Gvulgar, bra/en and insolentH and even Ga bounderH. *hat really was going a bit "ar. &inally, ubinstein gave up, e?tended #etyor=s sabbatical until the autumn and sent 3,444 roubles as a gesture o" good "aith. :hether it was a loan, on account, or due to #etyor 0 am not sure, but it kept us going nicely. #etyor was triumphant, claiming GAll these despots become tame i" you growl at them. *he ruder my letter was, the kinder the answerHE - 0 think #etyor en<oys bullying ubinstein. $espite his victory #etyor remained discontent and whined on and on about how he would never cross the doorstep to the Conservatoire again, etc. etc. 0rksome. *hat was a good word choice by *olya. #etyor was being very, very, irksome D and damned ungrate"ul. !aving e?perienced #etyor=s irrationality over ubinstein "irst hand, it was with some trepidation that 0 brought up the sub<ect o" his wi"e, Antonia )iliyukova. $ue to his training *olya had o""ered to act as both lawyer and goBbetween and #etyor agreed to be guided by his <udgement. ;?cellent. Antonia opened by demanding one thousand roubles a month "or li"e. :e decided not to contest the amount, but to make it conditional on her good behaviour and a promise not to bring the "amily name into disrepute. She agreed, but her word proved worthless. She started writing to #apa. Luckily, *olya intercepted the letters. *hey were nasty. #apa is too old to be bothered by the likes o" her. :e discussed how much it would take to really keep her 9uiet and "inally decided on 6,844 roubles. 0t was a risk. Could we trust herF #robably not. $espite re"erring to the arrangement in con"ident terms to #etyor, *olya and 0 braced ourselves "or the ne?t demand. !aving Kolia with me proved a godsend. !e is ten now and his <oy in simple pleasures kept us all going in what proved to be a dreary place. #etyor and he were plainly at ease with each other and 0 saw this as "urther evidence o" #etyor=s recovery. #etyor used his creativity to think o" activities that transcended Kolia=s speech and hearing limitations. *hey devised nature trails and made collections o" the local "lora and
1

#.0. *chaikovsky, 7etters to his 6amily, p.-11.

"auna. Kolia came to adore my brother and it gave me a much needed break. :e would have moved on but were obliged to stay "or two weeks while So"ronov was treated "or the clapE *hat put the wind up #etyor, 0 can tell you, "or he is a dread"ul valetudinarian at the best o" times 5never ask him how he is, or how he slept, "or he will spend the ne?t two hours telling youE7 (ut he seems to be "ine. 0t was a good day when we packed up and moved on to &lorence. Li"e was much better there and, although cautious "rom So"ronov=s e?perience, #etyor and 0 allowed ourselves some adventures, most arranged through a pimp named %apoleone who keeps a "ine stable o" young lads. :e le"t So"ronov to look a"ter Kolia, a <ob he did surprisingly responsibly. $uring the day #etyor was obsessed with tracking down the child street singer he had heard with *olya. 0t took a while, but once we had established his name, Kittorio, it was easy. #etyor thought him delicious. 0 thought him an urchin. :e heard him per"orm a couple o" times, but he was disappointing. !owever, #etyor got the tunes he wanted and a photograph. &i?ation over, #etyor announced we were leaving "or Geneva. 0 was sorry to go as 0 was having a good time, but #etyor said our "unds were running low@ no arguing with that one... *ime had dripped through our "ingers and by now it was early )arch. 0n Geneva we each indulged in our own interests. #etyor worked, Kolia and 0 e?plored the town and So"ronov seduced o" our landlady=s daughterE 0 "ound the speed, crudity and volume o" his wooing amusing, but it revolted #etyor. !e has resolved to change their relationship to a strict masterLservant one. 0 hope he carries it through D but doubt i" he will. At the end o" the month we went to Clarens where Kotek was waiting to scrounge o"" #etyor again, but at least they were reconciled. #etyor=s convalescence was over and 0 was content that 0 had completed what *olya had begun. #etyor is "it, stable and ready to get on with his li"e. As brothers #etyor, *olya and 0 are united and my petty <ealousy history. :e all travelled together to Kienna and then went our separate ways. 0t was a typical *chaikovsky "amily parting.

:e wept, we embraced, we laughed, we kissed and we e?changed "arewell gi"ts, but 0 also prayed@ prayed that #etyor would survive his return, and prayed that Antonia would keep out o" his li"e... As soon as we were in our own carriage Kolia and 0 opened our gi"ts "rom #etyor. *hey were wildly e?travagant. idiculous. Good old #etyor. :e are all privileged, but #etyor... #etyor lives a "antasy e?istence.