FN7I1 ; 29; 3M

4
 '

THE

WITH
Whores and Rogues .*

Or, A New

PROJECT
FOR

Dedicated to Mr. Darnel de Fos^ Au-

thor of the ShoHefi Way with
DiJffenietSo
*—»« I
1
1
I I

LONDON,
Printed in the Year 170?.
, m I I II r ! Ii 1
'
'"" '""
'
" ->»
0mm^'^^mtm^it^

THE
DEDICATIO
TO
Mr. Daniel de Foe^

Author of the Shorteji-Way wi

the Diffenters.

Satyrical Sir^

Haveydmo^g the F E W, tho* thought

worth while^perufedyonrShoTtQ^
it

Way with the Diflenters^ dnd

thg has been for Jeveral
it Months^ a
Received Cnjiom among MEN OF
LETTERS, to look no further into a Book
when they fee The True Born Englifli-
man in the Title Page^ yet I who' pretend
tQ more Cnriofity than Difcretion in that
Cafe^ did travel (I affnre yoit) hour m
in your SHORT-WAY: And, thd I
defign to be civiler to pn^ in this De-
A 2 * dicatiQii
 •

The Dedication.
diC2itionfhanj/ou vpere to ^^^ Diffenters |
,jef I muji tell joH (ketmqujLQf:^: a/^dlMr.
Foe,) theirHands can never he clean that
throiv fd much Dir^ inH other Mens
Faces.
Mr^ Foe, liadyoH^ vfihenjonrjhei^d us
the SHORTEST-WAY to fnpprefs the
Diffenters, Jhewn vs the Shcrteji Way to
fupprefs WHORES artd ROGUES, you
had done your Country Service : But^
•J/r, (tho' you are A Short-Way Inyen-^

ter, yet ') it appears by your Reformatio

on-Poeni (wherein you Jlander the heji
Men in the Nation^ that the defign of all
your Satyrs is to expofe Particular Per-
sons, not to Reform the Age.
&V, Tou have been huge Witty in expO"
fing Sir Robert J Sir Charles D—
and other eminent Perfons ^ but (by never
looking at home)you are the greatep FOE
to your fe If.
Siry thefe abufive Satyrs haveingagd
we in A New Projeft for Reformation,
Tvhirein I endeavoir to Satyrize VICE
(not the Difienters) ^^W I do it infoGc-
neral <^ way, that noae but the Guilty
will wince«

Siry
 The Dedication.
Sir, (to convert the Diffenters) you
teach us the SHORT DOCTRINE of
Fire and Faggot 5 and I here propofe as
SHORT a way to clear the Kingdom of
Whores and Rogues, and 'tis time to
take the SHORTEST-WAY rpith this
fort of Cattle 5 for are not all Varieties
of Sins lifted to their Vertical Point >
Is not the Demi (that jttbtil Impojlor)
pat to his Nil Ultra, in Coining them fo
faji as Men woud willinglj/ put them in
PraSice, But Sir^ yoiiU findin thefol^
lowing Satyr ^ that I am not lefs afraid
than yoii to fay Sin is Sin 3 for as Vile
as the Age is ^ a Man may yet with more
fafety reprove Sin, than commit it : I con-
fifs Wlioredom and.YyA)^\XQ\\^x^ have jo
many Friends^ that my prop ojing A Short
W^ytofupprefs it wi^ bring upon me a whole
Rabble of Rogues and Vy\\ox^s.,who will
be apt to cal/ me aS^tyYi{\:,2i Precifian^a Fa-
ratick fich as thefe willnot bear to hear
^
either of God or the Devil, of Heaven
or Hell nor of any Projeft that fhould
niove theni to Repentance : When Lot
went about to dijfxcade the Sodomites
from their Abominations^ were they not an*'
gry with him ^ Did they not fay to him^
What haft thou to do to take upon
thee
 The DedicatioQ.
tiaeeto correct and Jadge us? BhI fun
I amy that M^?^ (be he Rich or Poor)
that hath this hardnefs of Hearty that he
fuither fee let h his omft Sin^ and wont he
J&ld of it by another^ he is no more of the
Race ^/Adam, who was afliamed of
bimfelf, ^/^^^/Pharoah, who hardnedhk
evpn Heart,
I htow the Sinners of Quality mil he
ready to fay^ We go to Church every
Sunday, and fome of us keep Chaplains
iif read Prayers, then how dare yon cen"

fure f£s that are Conftant Church-men,

£t»d both Fear God and Honour the
Qr»een.
To
piOTy
this I Afifwer — I own.
yon go to Church,, hnt 'tis to fmv
Gentle*

jaiir Pomp and Pride ^ or rather yon go

if Sermons ^/ludas went to the Sapper
cfthe hard 5 far {ifyou go to Church and
^illlivein a known ^in^ yon return hom^
la a. warfe cafe than you went thither.
There are many wilt go to Church, thef
will not mifs aStrmon, they have their
Books carried after them, they are very
£ttentive^ they confent to the Preacher^
the^-fiy his Da&m/e is good, but being .

ei/ee own Homes, what

returned t» their
^Reformation; or Amendment of Life >
 The Dedication,
they fill live Heaven and HcU
as if
vpert tsjur FiSwm^ und that the T^brtAt-
mmgs dm^iin£cd hj she Preacher^ vpere ^11
Dx^ams^ iu//, GmtUt^im^ be not de-
ceived, neither Fornicator, neither A-
nor Idaloter (hall Inheritthe
dulterer,
Kingdom of God. Ltt fuchjlxtt^r them-
jfdv£s ^i ibey ph^fe, they are in a d^n-'
^QX'JDHs Condition^ and ht their Pedigree

ie su^erfo LONG I<:mt ht too SHOKT

with them.
Thefe ihinTz ^tts time tnmgh te M.ef€nt
whznthiir Climafterleal Year is C'omei^
oMd then if they have but time t<o fay
Lord have Mercy opon us, they think it
»iU ferve for a Quiet ns Eft for all their
Sins fore^pnfs^d : i*They may ^ perhap ^
Dream of a Dying liom^^ hut it is hnt
Si Dreamy for they mil tiot tefolve for
Heaveu till thej find they can livs m ^

longer^
IkmnpQJir. Tot)fome mil thk^li me:
to& SHORT ^i^A thefe Lords and Ladies
{that wou'd approve mylaftiingthe lit-^
tie SmnQxs)j?nt lam not of this Opinion |
for .can I he toe ferious and bold in ex-
^Uimingagdnji Pride^ ^gaifjjl Adultery^
^gdnfi Diunkennefs, dgainfi Svy-earing,
^^d ^gawji fiich 0ther m^djhgre:^.! tiiiDio^
 The Dedication.

ties as 1 think, finceit Ram d Fire and

Brimjlom n^on Sodom and Gomorah^
there was never the like : If it he
not now

time tobeSnOKi: with Whores^»^

B-Ogues (however dignified and diftin^

guimed) it is high time the World wert

at an end. n , r
Ihave not medled (in this Satyr) with
any thing that is repugnant to Religioii,
mr have I jldnder'd any Mans Private
Perfon^ Heave that (Mr. Foe) tojoa^
who have fnch a (watchlefs^ Talent at
Perf6nal-Slandering5 yet have I taken
the SHORTEST-Way 2PiVA Rogues ^/^^
Whores ^ and if my Satyr prove difiajiefd
there he o-
to fome Palates, yet I hope
thers that will hetter relijhit 5 for thofe
that Jhall think it too tart, let themnfett
i^theJledddfVcxjuk^, for fweej Meats
Same.
are ever heft relifljd with foHre
But at worft 'tis SHORT,^^^ Penketiv
man tells, that every thing that is SHORT
pleafes. except SHORT Commons^
it he

SHOTT Payments and SHORT hofes.

However, Sir, if my SHORT^WAY
be plain and hlunt^ it fo much the more
refembles its Sire 5 and for a Child tobe^
like his Father, it is a pgn that he ts
U-
^ Mr*
 iThe Dedication;
Mr. FoCj I make no doubt but my Sa- ^

tyr will pledfc ds tHdny at I defire it

fiouldy and thofe are the moderate and

good People 3 I fay the moderate and
good People 5 fir I knovf ^>&tf Adiilterer
mil not endure it 5 the Drunkard vpUI,
te angry mth it \ the Blafphemer will
fwear at it 5 the Bribe-taker mil defpite
it 5 the Papift mil burn it 5 and (to con-^
elude) perhaps Mr. Foe will mpe hit
A -with it ^ for there is no Guilty
Confcience that will willingly entertairt'
it 5hut for thefe and the reji that ara
gauldy if t rub them unawares^ 'tis but
Chance-medley, and then I hope IJhall
obtain a Pardon of Courfe Protejiing (^as
Ifaid before) that I have not aimed at
any one particularly that hath not a
Guilty Confcience to accufe him 5 hut
if after all I have faid (jo excufe my
being fo SHORT with Whores and
Rogues) any Jhoud think myS2ityristop
bitter 5 let Him ufeitas an Apothecaries-
Pilly that the more Bitter the more Purg"
ging.
ThuSy Sir^ have I
given you a brief
account oj the Short Way I take with
Whores and Rogues.

9, And
 The DedicatiOHl.

^'-Jndtovphom cau Ifo proper Ijt dedicate

d Satyr of Ms
Nature as to Mr. Foe, w'^&
(by publijhmg The True Born Englilh-
Man, and other fnarling Pamphlets)
v^oud bethought ^ Mighty Critick in the
Works of Darknefs.i >'^ ;^
•

. But Sir^ tho yoH and I have thishtgk

Opimofi of DsLukl Foe (^the Hofe Faftor
of Free-mans-Yard^ j/e^, in S RT,? HO
every Man elfe thmks you a fcandalous
and fedicious. Author Qforfo the Gazet
calls you.) and for this Reafon^ our Gra-
cious Queen has promised fifty Pounds to
,

any one that. flyallfd%e you and *tisnot -^

doubt ed(ifyou Are not trippd to Holland)

hut your long Chin, and Mold in your
Face, wiU (TSHORTLYJ put a Pre-
ternatural Hook in your Roman Nofe.
But dont expe^ when the Halbcrt
Gentlemen do you the honour to guard
your Psrfony that the DilTenters /W^i
jland by you fexped to pelt you with
rotten Eggs.)
No^ Mr. Foe, you are not of their Par-.
.

ty, except (by your advifeing the Govern* ^

ment to Jiang 'em all at once) it be hj
mj of IRONIE.

And
 The Dedicationi
'
A^d Gfaurch of England.
tpo (7/Y;5e

fkalljljovpyonas little Fauonras the Dif-

ftntcrs had met wiih, had ffpt oHrCom"'"^
jtion'Moth^V C^ho wakes Religion afid^
Moderation tht principal Jewel of her'
Crown) abhoredyonr SHORTEST-WAY.'^
to mine her Titjfenting SuhjeBs 3 even in:^
thisPropofal (as Ker Majefty has pro-
itiis'dto maintain the AS: of Tolerati-
dn) yoH have endeavour d to Ljhl the
^-'^JSnesnin the World.'' ^f^^'' '

Sir (a, word in your Estry as //fuch as*

Itmj/OHr Friend:, I mtJifajiy^iUf*^ Writing
for, and againft' the Diffenters, Mrpi^
yoH to be one of the greateji -^^-^B^c^ that:i
ever talk' d fine and icpder thifir^ to 4:^
Woman* .^^'1 i^^wU ^^^Vi^viHr

After all^ Mr. from

Fo.e, take advice
pNEthat wifhesyoH well^ and wont far*
ther expofe you nnlefs you force him ^
Ask forgiveaefsof God and the Queen.
-;:-:Xell the DiiTenters you are forry for 1

what you have done, Difchargc

your Printer, Publiftier, and other Per-
fons you have left in the Lurch.
Look after your Brick and Pantile works
—
near Tilbury-Fort. And leave (lan-
dring of Hoiicft mem ~->-r
"•if r w -
 The Dedication*
If God will not give yoH the GRACE tf
follow this Advice^ I recommend yon t^
#^/ SHORT WAY •f htirning joh (f^
ironically) defigndfor thef^i&nttrs^ony
adding the Experiment qf a String to it^
end no Queftion but God in his ProvjiT-
dence has defigned fomething like that
for you 3 for jour Sin efjlandering has
foundyoH out^ and God's Judgments 4^
now follow yoHjfor endeavouring toRui^
the Diflenters under fretencc of beiftg\
iheir Friends
^Accept tbts pcntle Pcdic^tjon ^an4
feafonabUWdrning)fr6ft one thdt^nfftber
Loves nor Fears youy (^apd were it J^vfy
ful) dares meet you at any Time pfitft 4
irighier Weapon than a Pen.

^%^ -i

:^fii i;

THE
 '

THE

WITH
Wkoref and Rogues^ &G.

Am here taking the Shortefi Way

(that I cou'd find out) to la(ii Vice
and Debauchery out of the World,
I call it A
New Froje^ for Kefor-
tnauon^ as the Punilhments I pro-
pofe for the Whores and Rogues were never
thought on before, but were thej put in
Praftice, woiu'd make a Heaven on Earth •,

I confefs the Phyfick I give is extr^am bit-

ter, but the Age is dangeroully 111, and the
Remedy (zs Dr. F — obferves) muft
be fomething Violent to be EjfeS^al, Sin is
entrenched in an advantageous Poft, and,
there's np coming at it the ordinary way ^ 'tis
no battering at the Out-works^ nothing but
Bombs and fir^ Works will d ifpoflefs it ;
|
fbgU tjblsirefor? propojfc A New Way to R^,
'
form
« Cfie^lHJttea ma?
f$rm the World^ that, if poflible, allWhores
and Rogues (^and I may add Knaves and
Fc^oh) may be either ScarM or Sham'd into
better Lives and I (liall be as S H O R T
•,

with the Lzaws of 'Sinfu/^m/ity-^ for wheij

they grow Lewd and Whorifh, they remove
to another fet of Beings^ ancj njiuft expeft tp
be inform'd againft, as they defer ve the
Vumjhments I propo^ for 'em ; And I hope"
Eone will be backward to inform againft
'em 9 for tho' the Infirrmers againft Diffen-
ters were counted Scandalous Fellows, yec
none can Inform againft Whores and Rogues^
fet- will have the Thanks of all good Men.
That good Emperor Auguftus was never
angry with Accufcrs, but thought it necef-
fory> that where tliere were (tore of Vicc$,
there (hould likewife be many to find fault.
And I think there is great occafion for it,
when the Sins of all the World are every
eay ingrofled and tranfported into ^^gland.
We have ftoln away Pride and Ambiti-
tlie

on of thQ Spaniard, the Fraud and Falfi

kood of the French^ thQ Deceit arid Subtil-
ty of the Italian^ the Drunkennef^ and
Swearing of the German; Wp
have rqbb'd
taejftcof his Ufury^ the barbarous S/Vi-
of his Rage arid Cruelty, the T;/^/^ and
fa/?
1^^/ of his Infidelity and his Unbelief ^
wc have fpoiled the Venetian Curtizans of
.

their alluring Vanities, to deck our EngUjt>

Women in the new Fafhion : Arid Rome^th^t
^tb fometimes
-^''^
been worthily Renowned^
, bui;
but now reputed to be the very Sink of
Sin, we have btought from them their Uo-
latry^ their Superftition^ their Fopcry^ their
Herefie and we have Robb'd the Pope
-,

himfelf and all his Colledge of Cardinals,

both of their Luxury and their Letchcry 5
and all his whole Ramblement of Monks,
Friers, and Maffing Priefts, of their Beaftly
Poftures. Ihis propagation of Sin^ that
has infeSed the whole World with
their Abominations, thus tranfportcd into
England^ are now refident and all entertai-
ned, not like Strangers^ but as Natives
that had been Born and Bread in the Coun-
try.
It is faid that Africa biingeth forth e-
vcry Year a New Monfler^ the Reafon is,^
that in the Dcfarts of that Country, the
wild and favage Beaits, that are both di-
vers in Nature, and contrary in Kind, will
yet ingender the one with the o^ther : But
England, hatcheth up every Month a new
lAonfter^ every Week a new Sin^ and every
Day a new f'afhion Our Monfiers are not-
:

bred in the Defarts^ as thofe in Africa^ but

in every Town and G/j, where they are fo-
well cheriflied, that they multiply by Hun-
dreds and by Thoufands. I own the AdttU
r^r^rwill cry phough at the loathfome Sin
of Drunketinejs 5 the Blafphemer will Swear
the Ufurcr is a moft Damned Creature ^
the Extortioner will laugh at Pride, and
make himfelf meiry with the Folly oi new
FaihioD^.
4 Cge ^Sotted Ws^
i^fhlons. -—- Thus
every Vkwu^ LlUff
can one deride another, but they cannot eri-
dure to here themfelves detefted V and they^
will Laugh at the very fame linperft^ions-
in another, that they cannot fee in them-
felves^ butfuch as thefe are SlKgOrCganU
3BlO0Uei5, and I (hall take the Sfer/^^ ^i^^
to lupprefs them all I confels, as@{|'^t
.-

as rde bewith them, it is not poffible for

me to fet down how this monfterous
Ge-
neration thus hatched up by g)fn, hath
been from time to time procreated and
brought into the World, one Sin Jii/I be*
getting another.
So that if 111 take the Shortefi Waymth
Who^-es and Rugues, 'tis a dark Road that I
have to go, ,qnd my fellow Travellers are
a company of Scoundrels^ However, that
my Frojelijor Kejormntion may fuczcd. the
better (for methods fake) I'll firft take the
Sborteji Way with the Froud HeSor andState^
ly Minks. ^

I. The Shorteji Way with the Frond Hedor

and Stately Minks/
Tride^ the Eldeft Daughter
of S/>, was
Spaund in Heaven She was from thence'
firlt ;

Expeil'd ^ but (he drew after her a great*

DiiTolution of J;7^^/x. It was Pr/Jr that
begat Contempt in Varadife^ where thercj
was no Apple in thQ Garden fo wdl pleafing'
to Eve^ as that which God had forbiddea"
her. It
 •It was Co/If cmpt thzt hQ^ot Ma/ice^ and}^
Ma/ice again begot Murder^ when Cai/i kit-
led his Brother Abe//,
As the Sons of Men incrcafed in the
World, fo 5/> began to multiply fo faft,
that God repented him that he had made
Man
To purge the World of her Abomina-
tions , the Deluge came , and all were
Drown'd, except eight Perlons. After the
Flood, amongft the Sons of Noab^ the Ge-
neration of the accurfed Cham became to
be (great anO ^IgStJ? upon the Earth 5
at which time Sin was grown again to that
ftrength, that (he began, on the fudden, to
piay the £l0b0l, and with a tumultuous Af-
lembly gathered together in the Plains of
Shinar^ (he began to fortifie her felf againft
Heaven*
fride the firjl and lafl Vice of a Chri-
is

fiian^ and therefore- not unfitly may it be

called the Heart of the Old Man. l^ride
f faith a Divine) isthe great Majler Fock of
the Soul , it will bud and cannot be hid :
It is the Spiritual Leprojie that breaks forth
in the Forehead. Thou reprehendeft me
of Pride ffaid Arijiippus to Dioge/ies) for
wearing my Apparel neat but I fee thy
-^

Pride in thy flovenly Attire, and affefted

Beaftlinefs, fpying it through that rent and
torn Mantle ot thine. Yride precedes a
fall ; Nebucbadneszar'sfdll may be an Ex-
^^mple. that Pride is the certain way to
 * %U ©fiorteft map
Ruine, It was a great foretoken of Darius
hisRuine^ when, in Ms Letter toAlcxander^
he called himlelf The. King of Ki/igy, ani
Coufin' of the Gods but for Alexander^ he
•,

called him his g)Ctil9nt* Sigifmuni the

young King of Hungary^ beholding thq
greatnefs of his Army ;faid, What need, we
to fear the Turk, 'who need not at all to
fear the falling of the Heavens^ being abh
with our Spears and Halberts to hold them
up. He afterwards (hortly received a no-
table Overthrow, being himftlf ^lad to get
over Danubius^ in a little Boat, to fave his
*
Life. AniBajazet the Terror of the World,
and /as he thought^ luperior to Fortune,
yet, in an inftant, was thrown into the bot-
tom of Mifery. Pride goeth before Di-
firuSiony and a haughty Spirit before a
ML
Oh Pride r The Earth which is God's
/Foot-ftool, is not good enough to be thinii;.
When one of Antipater^s Friends com-
mended him to Alexander for his modera-
tion, that he did not degeaerate as other
Lieutenants did, into the Perjian Pride, ih
ul^ of Purple, but kept the ancient Habit of
Macedony of Black : True, iiid Akxartder^
hutAntipater is all Purple with in. Our firft
Mother^whofe Garments wetetut out by the
Hands of God, v»ras contented to be cloath-
|hed with Skins ^ and now Seas muft be
failed over, and the bounds of Elements
kroken^ to feekout DrelTings for us. How
.» ridi-
ridiculous itis to fee a ftrutting Prodigal over-

look a Region with his waving Plume, as if

he could aseafily (hake that as his Feather ;
yet in private will creep like the crouching
Spaniel to the bafeft Proftitute.
Pride playing in all Ages upon conceited
Opinions of Decency, hath infinitely x^aried
the Faftiion of all Apparell j Cuftoms of
our Anceftors appearing as Antick to us, as
our Fafliions, perchance, will feem incredi-
ble to Pofterity. Who would believe that
ever our Englijh^ fome four hundred Years
fince, woreShooesfnouted and picked more
than a Finger long, crooking upwards (cal«
led CrackowesJ which were faftned by the
Knees with Chains of Gold and Silver ? Ot^
that about the Reign of King Henry V.
Men grew fo exceffive in that kind, that it
was faine to be ordered by Proclamation,
That none (hould wear their Shooes broa-
der at the Toes than fix Inches > What
Vanity then, yea whalt Impudence to glory
in thefe covers of Shame Would any one,
!

having committed fome capital OiFence a-

gainit his Prince, for vvhich he is after par-
doned ^ but on Condition, he fhall wear a

Halter about his Neck, become proud of his

Halter, and efteem it a Badge of Honour ?
We are all in thefelf fame Cafe 5 we have
commlttedi)ig:]^CteafOnagainft the King
6i Heaven, yet are we received to Mercy,
bearing about us thofe Memorialls of our
IhameJtul fall, or defeflion from our King,
B 2 tvhich
*'
Cfie ©fiotteff map
which (hould, Realon, rather *mo\re
in all
us to be afham'dof our felves, then to prize
our felves higher for thefe Ornaments of
(hatfte. And lb much (hall ferve to be fpo<
ken o( the Proud HtdiOT and Stately Minks^-'
and of the difmal State they are in, I
fliall next (hew the g)f)OtteffrbeiDg a new;
way to Reform the P/'Wii^5'^r and State-
ly Minks,

l^tlDC being the Bejeafe of the Thancy^

there's no coming at it with Fhyfical Pre-
Icriptions, nor can Cupping and fh/ebotomy
cure the Tympany. The Jhorteji method
will be to put rerfons quite out of conceit
with themfelves, and this Proje£l may be
the belt acomplifh'd, by buzzing fome JR^-
marks upon them in their hearing ^ as for
inftance when we're in Company, or walk-
ing the Streets near fome /welling Beau, 'tis
eafie for us to fay, C&at ®tntt\tmm9
S)fjoulcers dxt ametfiino; toitft t&et8icfe=^
eff* 31)10 ipip-OSdne^ are a little too far
fiefjina 6nm De {)a!S a l^air of parallel
legffjS; tfiep are fputt prettp equally;
certain?)) there's a ©tafee Dotrsn tJ)e mia-'
m of })im, f)e gfo ^prifi:f)t> Doubtlefsf
i)!0 €W IS ftippo?tea
Crotoiiti |)at
ttitft
loofeee
a piece of a
iji0|) fioto Sfe
Coat tDrirtfele0. il)iis Gaig'S out o'
•BUCl^leiS* Thefe, or the like Reflexions
if they were handfomely whifper'd, wou'd
make a Man
begin to fufpeSt himfelf The
lame method mutt be taken with my fine
?iilken
Silken lurbileaU'Lady. And here my Me-
mory fails me in their Catalogue ofDreffes-
However, when you fe? one that looks par-
ticelai', you may ipread the
Report as if
%miW m
f\tt Ceetf), or
(he had got the
that (he's full Cf)tee aitH Cfiittp, anu
great Truths
W
giniS to Oecap, for thefe are
very frequently.—You may proceed in un-
4re(lingher as your own Invention will fug-
geft but the moft effeaual way is to con-
•,

vince them they either want Wit., ox Beau-

ty ^ for thefi two Conceits are the ,ufual
fupports of Female Pride. All this muft
not be told them to their Face, but to fom^
Friend, or fo, only the Diftance and the
Voice muft be fo adjufted, that they may
nnderftand the Matter. In a little time
youll fee whether the Phylick works or
no if it don't, Fm poflitively tor putting
',

them in Dung-Carts to pick Cinders ^ only

if they'd rather go to Bedlam let them, for
their IntellcUmls are out of Order fuffic-

If thefe prefcriptions were but practic d,

Pm perfwaded we fhou'd not have fo many-
Particularities inDrefs and Behaviour.There
now wants nothing to this Head, but that
the Hint fhou'd be Univerfally known, tor
Niture enough abroad to fet the
there's 111
Projea on Foot^ and I think 'tis the belt
Uie can be made of it, and 'tis certain the
fxejormaiion would lofe nothing by it.
10 Cfie ^&orteft Mnjf

11. The Shorteji Way with the Athieft,« —

Ty?ere is no Nation under Heaven fo bdf^

barous^ hut yields there is a God. It is
much a do for Atheifal to find a perfeft and
continual affent in Man's Heart. Some
Ru/ns of the Truth do ftill remain in himt
fince the Fall : And altho' he may deny all
by Day, hisConfclence will make him
Itartle by Night. Caligula^ the Athieft,
ciept under the Bed every time he heard it
Thunder. F rot agar as doubted whether
there was a God, therefore was banifhed by
the Athenians ^ and Diagoras .denied Itout-
iv there was a God 5 but well leave fuch
Perfons to thecenfureof the Scriprure. T.he
fool hath /aid in his Heart there is no God,
k was a good Speech of him who being
ask'd whatGodwas^anfwer'd, Sifcirem Deus
tflem. If I knew that, I (liould be a God.
But to 2{s there is one God
the Father ^ of
zvhom are all things^ and vce in him who is
Bh'jjed for ever^ the high and lofty one thai
inhabitcih Eternity, far exceedeth
But it

ihe reach of Reafon, and above Created

is

C ipacicy we may [land and gHJC? and that

is the neareft that we poor finite fooli(h
Creatures can approach towards the com-
puhenfion of io infinite a Being
The Indians of the Weft, have Names
ft^r rlieir particular Gods, though they have

no Name for God, Which (hews,

that
 feftl; saijoresJ ana Eogttes. n
that even thofe barbarous People have the
Notion, the' they have not the Latitude
and Extent of it: So that againll y\thiefl:s
the very Savages take part, with the very
fubtilleft Phylofophers.
They that deny a.God, deftroy Man's No-
bility ^ for certainly Man is of kin to the
Bealts by his Body and if he be not of
•,

kin to God by his Spirit, he is a bafe and

ignoble Creature.
As Atheifm is, in all refpefls, hateful,
fo in this, that it depraveth Humane Na-
ture of the means to exalt it felf avove
Humane Frailty.
The great Athiefts indeed are Hypocrites,
who are ever handling Holy Things but
without feeling fo that they mutt needs
•,

be cauterized in the end.

^ Some have been Sacrificed to Flames, as
T>iagoras^ fome eaten up with Lice, asPhe-
ncydes'^ others devoured by Dogs, as~L/^*
cian ^ others Thunder (hot in 'a Bath, and
turned to Afhes in the twinckling of an
Eye, zsOlympius^ others have fuddenlyloit
Humane Speech, and have bellowed like
,Bulls, and in this roaring have yielded up
their Souls, as ^imon Thuvan^ a wicked Pe-
dant, in the Year 1201 ^ others have burft
in pieces in an infamous Privy, infeftingthe
Sink and publick Sewers with their Souls
(mnch. more ftinkingj as did the wicked
Anus.

And
 12 C8e@!)0tteft 5Hap
And fo much fhall ferve to be fpoken of
the Athieji^ and of the difmal State he is
in. —I (hall next (hew the Shortejl (^being

a new) Way to Reform him.

The3tl)lC(!, one wou'd think, might
meet with a Sentence fevere enough at the
Tribunal of his own Mind, when he begins
to difcfedit the very Being of #his own Ma-
ker ^ but lo it is, that before he»becomes an
Athiefi^ generally his greateft Intereft to
'tis

be i^o ^ however, tho' his Confcience be full

of Terror when he rakes a ProfpcQ: of Fu-
turity, and does but wifh, at belt, that the
Eternal Truth wou'd turn into a Lye ^ yist
there fhou'd be fome Courfe taken with him
that he may do no Mifchief to Mankind,
and the Shorteft Way wou'd be to fix a Mark
on his Forehead with this Infcription^ 3f
tm mW^iz% tm aont belieae €%-
iUntz of
Means he wou'd
m mn J^iifeer*
be a walking Teflimony a-
tfie
By this

gainft himfelf ^ and 'tis a Thoufand to One

but he'd publifh his Recantation, rather than
be pointed at as a Wen and a Wemijh of Hu-
mane Nature. However, thofe of 'em that
remain Impenitent, (hou'd have Apartments
slotted them under-Ground in fome Q^ltft-
SDUltJCOIt, where the Infeftion cou'd not
ipread, and where they might have leifure
toconfult their own Thoughts-, and if after
all they continue Obftinate, whea there is a
Company of them together, they (hou'd be
franfported into fome Biifart Ifland beyond
tha
Frigid Zone^ iipon pain of' Death if ever
th'./ leturtVd. Thus fhou'd the inhumane
t^oWoxvj be lent ofF from the Society of
Mankind, and them linger out
there let
their Days, beyond
if poflTible, the very
'Reach of Vfevidence €^;^iihe Frote&ion of

Heaven. This ivou (^ ,e 'a Reformation

worthy of the Name, «nd exemplary Ter-
ror of the Punifhment, wou'd guard others
within the Compafs of Religion and Law
of Nature.

III. The Shortejl Way with the Murderer.

reported of the Bees, that when one

It is
IS Sick they all Mourn and of Sheep, that
•,

if one be faint, tlje reft will ftand betwixt

it and the Sun till it be revived Only Man
:

to Man mofl pernicious.

is

Surely if others Sins have a woe hanging

^t their Heels, according to that oi Job lo,
i %. Bloody Men (hall have a Woe with
a witnefs, Nahum 3, i, as thofe that walk
in theway o^Cain. The Blood of one A-
be I had as many Tongues as Drops, and e-
Very .Drop a Voice to cry for Vengience.
The Julii.ce of God, in all Ages, hadi fent
out his Writ of Enciuiry after bloody Men,
and for 'the Blood of the Innocent ^ yea,
God will (as it were^ give a Tongue to the
Earth, he will make Sp€echlefs Creatures
Spsak^ rather then Blocd (hall bs conceal-
fd j wQnderfwl are the lnftanc@s how Mar-
C dersts
 J4 Clje S)fjorteff KUa?
dcrers have met with the Hand of Revenge.
Some immediately from God , others from the
Civil ?.vQord of the Alagijlrate ^ fome from
jhe ha^id of the Murderers^ like theinfelves,
,
'and niany have done Violence to their own
Lives, being haiUted;by the Furies of their
own ConfciencieS..
It was a faying oiK. James I. That if God
iid leave him to Kill a'Mtn he woiid^think
Hod did not Love him.
Blood Guiltinefs made not only Cz/V/reft-
lefs, but how terrible aifo was the Voice of
it in Jadas's Conicience ^ It did need no
Tongue no witneis to accufe it but his own.
No Man accufed Juias^ but in cafe of Blood
Judas muft accufe himf^lf.
Charles the Ninth [of France (Author of
the Bloody Mafiacre of Paris) died of ex-
ceeding Bleeding. Richardllh of this King-
dom, and Queen Alary I. had the (horteit
Reigns of any.fince the Ccnquelt. A bare
llifiory of all the Murderers that have died
at Tiburn in the latt Century, wou'd of it
fclf make a Folio of 2<js,
Abfolom and Achitophel came to Tragical
-Ends. So did all the Primitive Ferfecutors^
according to that Pfal. 55. 2g. Bloody and
'Deceitful Men fhall not live out half their
Days, God has Imprinted his own Image
wpon Man ^ and tho' ftis trqej by the fall
\\ is defac'd and abolifli'd yet there are
•,

ibme Rcliqjues thereof flill abiding which

Cgd will nor have deftroy'd.
'
. Confider
 toft!) JBIjortis niiB Sosticsf. 15
Confider 'ifUatrcdhQ lb Damnable, what
h Murder ? It is the Dwlhii£lion ofGod's
Image, oi' a Member ot Chriit, lor whom
Chriit Died, and a Temple of the holy
Ghoji. The Land is poUiutd by it, aud can-
not be expiated but by Btood. U Dives be
in Hell ibr notfaving Li'^% how (hall they
efcapeHell that dciiroy it ? Whojojheddeth
Man's bloody byManjhallhis blood bejhedi:
for in the Image of God made he Man^ (Qcn.
ix. 6.J Deliver me from blood Gultinefs^
God, f Pf. li. 14.;
And (o much (hall fcrve to be fpoken of
the Murderer^ and of the difmal State he
]$ in, T- I fliall next (hew the SHORTEST
(being a new) way toPuitlfljhim, I can't
fay to KcfXItUt him, as he oault die both
by the Lazes of God and Man.
The ^lirieter is fuch a FpJi'Rate Sin^
ner^ that all the feverides ot humane Jul
Itice are, in this Cafe, impott?nr, and can-
not punifh him up to the Nature of his
Crime \ all that can be done to him in time
is only to fend \\\\x\jooner to his Mijety iij
another State, where Juftice and Omnipo-
tence Ihall give him his proportion of ra»
nilhmsnt. However , I have fomething
'New on this Head, and 'tis this, WUt:,o the
Murtherer is feized,let IjI^BttfOU be fcmC
aarfe ann fame lonelp Ctiijc, anti tfie
oeaD Carcafg in&icfj f)e feas oepriatJ of
IX% be carneo to tlje fame apartment,
ano tbece plac 5 in tfie siem of tbe s^a=
c 2 lEtiJit^^
r6 C6e %fiomitmap
tecto^ luitfj till tfie '(iBc!iin50 jyapiner
ana t&e jface tontfjo into all tfte po-
fitirrs^fCerror ana ama^tmnt; ana.
If a pafe iLamn toere firs to anaantatye,
t tocu5a0tiWetbe|)otmi!: of tSe g)cenei
an5 almoff terrifie tf)e Criniinal inw
Peitltence>— Some grave Divi/2e (hou'd
alfo be appointed to vific. the Criminal^ and
to read £eO:ares to him upon his Guile,
and upon the Objeft before his Eyes^. This
Vrojetl feems wonderfully adapted to give
the Murderer a fenfeof his Sin, and lb to
Vim'ifl) him into future Happinefs, I wou'd

not have the World to miftake me neither, '

for I don't defign this (liou'd fcrean ths

Murderer from Juftice iivthe ufual way^^
but only that he fhou'd feeep tfjC ©Cal3
Ti30lSJ> Company till he's brought to th^
Barr •,and I'm perfeftly perfwaded, that
this Method of Punifhment wou'd give
Men fo much Terror in the very Thought
of it, that fcarce any, for the future^ wou'd
dare to attempt upon the Lives of others ^
for there's nothing we entertain a greater
iiverfion to, than the CatfeaflCS Of Ollt
I'elfOtU^Cteatilteg ; but in this Ca/e the
( -onfcienee of Guilt, the gaflily Looks of

the Dead Body, and the gaping Wounds

would make ftrange Imprefiions , the filence
^nd folitude of the place, would give him
Leifure to Pvefteft, and the Diranefs of
rhe Light would make it look the very
'^.wblem of Hdl and all this is tQO little
-^

'

for
 CBIjoteg ants Kogiicis.
toitS 17
for him that uiurps upon the Property of
Heaven, and takes that away which he can
never reltore.

IV. The Short ejl Way with the Thief.

The Sun's a T/;/>/, and with his great

attra£lion Robbs the vart Sea ^ the Moorfs
an arrant Thef^ and her pale Fire iha
fnatches from the Sun : The Sea's a I hiefy
whole liquid Surge refolves the Moon into-
ialt Tears ; The Earth's a Thief that feeds
and breeds by a Compolture, Itolien from
general Excrements.
Indeed this isjejling^ but I tLhik (in rea-
lity) their is more Impudent Thieveing
now than ever^ *tistrue, 'tis fuch fafe Tia-
vaililng in Spain and JS^evo Efigland^ that
one may carry Gold in the Palm of his
Hand-, but wliat defperate Thieving is in
other places ?

They fay, that, of late, a T/;/V/purfue4;

on all fides, and delperate of his lafetyv
leapt from the top [of the preeipitati?!^
Cliffy called Capo Bam co by the Ala?'nneKi
into the Sea, and Sworn unto Tyri^s^ which
is feven Miles diPrant, who, for the ftrange-

nefs of the Faft, was forgiven by the Em-

peror.
There is fuch defperate Thieving in Sl^
cily^^ Gentlemen fin M.e/iffina'] put
that the
theirMonies into the common Table ^ for
which the City Hands bound, and receives
^

it.
itagain upon rhelr Bills, according to their,
ufc.s^ for they dare not venture to keep it
in their Houfes, ordinarily broken open by
Thieves^ for ail their Crofs barr'd Windows,
Iron Doors, Locks, Bolts, and Barrs on
^

the infide, wherein, and in their private

Revenges no Night doth pafs v/ithout
Murther.
fle4:hat ha4:h taken fo much
care for the
fecurity of fOur Edates and Pofleflions, as
to niake a prohibition of fteahh one of the
Commandments , hath taken care likewife
to annex a Penalty to the fame, and hath
allowed us to kill a Night Thief with-
out imputing it to us the Sin of Murder,
and hath hlmfelf likewife appear'd an
avenger of the Crime, as in the cafe of A-
chan^ Ahab^ ^z- and befides it may appear
plain enough to any one, that makes any
careful Remarks upon Divine Providencej
That ill got Goods feldo?n pro/per. When
a poor Woman complain'd to Tamerlane of
one of his Soldiers that had (lolcn from her
a lictle Milk and a piece of Cheefe, he
ca^as'd the Soldier's Belly tobe rip'd up to
fee whether (he had falfely acciijed him or
jBo, and finding the Milk in his Stomach,
adjudged him worthy of that Punilhment
for ftealing from fo poor a Woman. Th«
hocrians put out his Eyes that had Stoln
ought from his Neighbour. The Hetru^
rfans Ston'd them to Deathl The Vaccians
tifed luch ieveritles towards thefe kind of
; Men,
 gBborciS ana Ecjjuejj.
toit!) i?
Men, that if one had but taken a hand-
ful of Corn he was fure to Die for it. In
Georgia a Thief is acquitted, paying iex^n
told tor what he has Stole, two parts to
the party Rob'd, one to the Judges, and
four to the King ^ if he hath not werewith
j
to fatisfie he hjold^ if the Produfl: do not
^
yet equar the Sum his Wife isfold^ and if
that will not do his Childre??.
I might enlarge, but humane Judgments
are fo often infiifted in thefe cafes,, and our
Prifons are fo loud with the cries of poor,
guilty Malefa£lors, and the Gallozvs fo con-
fpicuous in every County, that 'tis lefs ne-
ceflary to enquire, for particular l/ijia?7ces^
of Divine Vengeance on Theft. No King-
dom can match England for FickFockets^
I'oot-FaJs^ Hoiife-Breakers, and High-way-
men.
But of all Theft none is fo henious as
SACRILE;DGE. This Uither complain-
ed much of in his Time, that even in the
Refor7ned Churches^ Pari flies and Schools,
were rob'd of their due Maintenance, as if
they meant to Itarve us all. A Frieji jn
Jerufale?n f the City being Befiged) took
all the Goblets and VelTels of Silver, not fo
much as fparing the little Golden Pictures
which Augujlus and his Wife fent to the
Temple.
Sacrlidge a very dangeroius Sin* 'Die-
is
nifms that rob'd his God was caft out of his
KingdoiX] 5 and Bdjhazer paid dear for
diiflkiag.
drinking the Bouls of the San8:uary,
in
Sacrilegous Theft proves as fatal to Men as
the Gold of the Temple of Tholoje did to
Sciptos Soldiers ^ of which, whoever car-
ried any part away never profpered after-
wards.
I might be large giving Inftances this
in
way, only confider what a iad end hefel
Cardinal WoIfey\ whilft he fought more to
fleaje thefKrng than Gof as himfelf fa id •,

and what a revenging Hind of God putfu-

ed, five of his Servants that were inftru-
mental for Lira in a Sacrilegous Enterphfe^
I would Men would take heed by thefe
and the like Examples, how they @t0itl
irom any Man, but more efpecially how
they mcrddle with things oncj confecrated
to God? Thoit that .abhorefl Idols^ doft ihou
couwiit'iacriledge? fKom. 2. 2 2. J Will a
Man Rob God? let ye have robbed me
Te are carfed with a Ciirfe^ for ye have rob*
bed me (^Mal. ^. 8. 9.^ It is afnare to the
Man mho devoureth that which is holy(?iov.
20. 25?.)
And therefore confidering what has been
faid of the common and notorious Sin
cf Thefts and the PunKliments infli8:ed on
Robbers in other Countries whether it •,

were noca ihoner v;ay to fupprefs Thiev-

ing, to take avoay Life for theft -^
or, at
lealt, if any Steal , to fatisfie Hunger
that fatlsfiiVion be made for their
Theftj and l«i cafe they have it not t€>
pay,
 :

tmt!) Mi)Otz& ana Eoffties. 21

pay, then after fome fharp corporal Pu^
nifhirienr, as whipping, or the like, to fa-
tisfietheLaw •, which may beintiirfed left
or tfiore, according to the Nature of the
Offence, the Magiltrates Handing by to
judge how much, as in Holland^ &:c. then
the OSender to return to Prifon , And were
it not grcper that all fuch and other Prifons
were made Work Houies, where fuch Fe-
lons ^may remain, and be forced to work to
get their Brdad, and to earn out that Debt
they have -Robbed any Perfon of, according
to Scripture Example, he that jieah m,uft
make rejl'itut ion jour fould^ then at lealt
one fould ^ and certainly, were this Courfe
taken/ it would far more deter Thieves
rlien that Death they fo commonly fuffer :
for is not this common with many of them
to follow Theft as a Trade^ and fo will not
Mve it, but refolve to Steal to fatisfie their

Lufe, and if they be taken and come to

Prifon, oft fcape by being Burnt in the Hand,
and then fall to the fame Courfe again, and
many of them come into Newgate
at Lon-
dm again, and other Prifons within a few
Days, nay Hours after fo releafed ^ and
many of them have faid, they owe a Debr^
and that they muft pay, and that is to Deaths
and they will fatisfie their Lults while they
Live, and they can be but Hanged for it
So death deters not fuch Perlons, but fharp
corporal Punifliment, and afterwards work-
ing in Prifon till they have fatlsfiedail iuch
•D Thefts,
Thefts, would more deter than Death by
far ^ and alfo, be a means to keep them
iroin much Evils and Roboeries, which they
could not do whenibkept in Prifonin Law-
ful knployment. i ' :

And the like in other Prifons for Debt,

were they Work Houfes, where all that
live and lie ibr Debt were made W^rk,
then Men of Eftates, that from a Thevifli
Principle will lie in Prifon, andijot-pay^
would rather pay, than, work hard 5 and
others that have nothing to pay, may ei*
ther be releafed to go intdfome lawful Cal-
liiig, to earn wherewith to maintain them-

fglves and t amilies, or clfe be made work

in Prifon, to earn Bread, and have Beds,
and not feed and lie too oft in Holes and
Dungeons, like Bealts, and fo, in time,
they may earn more then they fpend towards
fatisfying their Creditors if fome fuch
•,

Courfes might be taken, Prifons would not

be lb inhabited with Guefts, that for want
of Imployment dive Idely, which is the
Mother and Nurfe of all Impiety and •,

Prifons be fo like the Confines of Satan's

Kingdom : Certainly fome fuch way inight
be found out for the Reformat io/2 oiiuoh
wicked Praftices.
And fo much (hall lerve to be fpoken of
Highway and Trading ThUvesy and the dif-
mal State they are in.

Ifliall
 feit!) ©azotes arm Eogueis. 2;
I (hall next (hew the SHORTEST Tbeing
a new) way to Reform them.
The Cfitef is a Myfterous Fellow, that
breaks in upon the Property of others, and
ravages the Gifts of Providence. He's an
Enemy to Society and makes a Forfeiture of
his Life into the Hands of Juftice
-,but fee-
ing the Gallows have Itood fo long, and
have been inefteftual to prevent this grow-
ing Mifchief; 'tis high Time, methir.kes,
that fome jeetoStJeafutts Of punifljmetit
ftiou'd be confulted that might do the Bu-
finefs 5 and as for him that Ihieves away
his Life in the Cenfure of the Law, Td
propofe this Punifliment when he is ap-
prehended and found Guilty 3 tl IjaSe ait
Crcctttfonet appointen, tl&at id toeil
0feiH » m
anatonip, anu fie DEiouKi eijct?
Dap silect (bme fmall part of tfie Con-
HcmiteO Ctimfnal ; but the more Effenti^
al part of the Body fhou'd remain untouch-
ed, that he might die with leifure and
have Time to Repent : for his Pains wou'd
encreafe daily, and refrefh his Memory that
he's to Die fhortly ^ and as to the fupporr
of his Life, he fhou'd have the Allowance
of Bread and Water at pleafure. This Me-
thod of Juftice wou'd terrine all fuch as
have a LoVetoLife, or any Dread of Death;;
and I am perfwaded that this inhumane
Butchery wou'd reftrain a great Number
from turning Thieves. One fittgte €%ttW
tlOrt of this fort, wou'd make a
ftrange
>

D 2 Noife
 24 Cfie g)f)0rteff map
Noife,andPeople wou'd flock to fee it; and
by this means the Terror of it wou'd fpread.
Then with refpeft to pett); Thieves, that
don't venture their Lives but play at lefler
Games, when the Theft cou'd be prov'd a-
gajnft them, they (hou'd be fent back to
Prifon, and fed there four Years with
a
Pint 0f mmt ann a WHmny Eoil e-
fierp Oap, and when the Term run, they
is
iliou^d be either fold for Slaves, or tranf-
ported into fome of our own Plantations,
lor there's no Confidence can be put in fuch
Perfons that have got the Habit of Thiev^
Ing, they're in no Condition to be fuffered
at large ^ the Inftances are fo few of fuch
as have Reformed after they've htQn burnd
\in the Hand^ or in the CheeL
Thefe Pu-
nidiments are reaionable, and cou'd they
but obtain with the Government, they'd
certainly help on the Rrformationy which is
all I defign.

V. The Shorteji Way with the Whore-

Majier.

Fornication is a complex Word cokv

prehending all manner of Bodily Unc/ean-
nefs with Women ^ but in a ftria fenle 'tis
that Uncleannef^ which is committed with
a Maid, or Widdow, and ^whatever the
Papifts fay; is a Damning Sira.

D^mojilene^
 )

tDitij mimt& ana Ecffucsit 2^

Demoflhenes went to Lais the j^trumpet
for ^ Nights Lodging: She ask 'd icooo
Drachmes No, Soft^ (faith \\k.) V II not buy
:

Repenta72ce at fo dear a Rate. Other Vict^s

iare conquer' d by Itruggling with them ,
but the belt way to fubdue Fornication, is
to fight with it alter the manner of the
Farihia/is^ who did Fight flying. F/ee For-
nication.
Father Lat'wiur gave Hen?y VIII. a New-
Years Gift, whicli was a Teflament and a
Handkerchief, with this Pofie about it. For-
nicaters and Adulterers God will judge,
'Twas boldly done^ and the Admonition,
tho' very biting, yet had the Word of God
for its Bafis.
Nay, I'm bold to fay, That if any of
our Nobles and Gentry make ufe of their
Power and Riches to be more Lewd than
others, and give bad, inftead of good Exam-
ples, they are as much more Guilty than
others, as they are Higher than they ^ their
Names will be Exposed Ttho' not iii thcic:
Sheets, yet^ in the bolder Chronicles of
after Ages-, and whilii Offenders of lefler
Quality may 'fcape with the Lalh. in Bride-
w^/, and their faults and they be (hortly
bury'd together , thefe greater Delinquents
(hall be tranfmitted down
to Pofterity, in
thofe proper Colours their Crimes deferve.
And as the Quality of the Peafon aggravates
the Crime, fo fhould the Crime efcapc
itnpunifh'd (jho ^fmere found in a Duke, or
Lord.
26 C&eS>6r^ Wa^
Lor^^) The malicioui World will fay, and
thiijiiftly too. That Juftice is not fairly
Hoodwinked, but makes a fliift to get a
glance of the Parties concein'd, and fpares
one more than another That all is but a
*,

'Mock Reformation^ or like thofe Cobweb

Laws, which great Flys break through 5
and that 'tis now plain, That all this noife
ifbout a Reformationy is only 'bout little
Sinners, while the Drunkard^ the Swearer^
the Whoremajier of Quality, maj ftill take
what libe tv he himfelf pleafes. But this
is all a Miftake ^ for I mull be fo
f oolifh
SHORT with the Keeping Lord, as to tell
him, nothing can excufe his Whoredom :
Becaufe, Itfiains his Bocly with alpecu^
i.

liar kind of filth. 2. Such a one is guilty

of Sacriiedge ; for that our Bodies are con-

fecrated to God as his Temples. 3. Becaufe
zjde are not our own^ to give our Bodies to
any other ^ much lefs to Satan and the flefh.
But as abominable as Whoredom is, I won-
der how ill featured that one fhould be, f if
fhe were made for Woman) whom at the
Infurre£tion of his Lull fome Men would
lefufe.
But this Sin is the more aggravated when
*tis committed by Married Peifons, for then
there is Theft in it, whilft the Child of a
Stranger carries away the Goods or Lands
of the Family. Befides this, Adultery
flrikes at the very Sinews, Heart and Life
of the Marriage K^npt, and diiTolves it. The
very
very Birds of the Air can retain a memory
of a difhonoured Love •,witnefs the For-
phirio, who, as J^/ian reports, no
fooner
finds another too familiar a fharer in his
Love, than (he defpairs any longer to live :
Her Neft (he leaves defolate, and becomes
fo difconfolate, as (he chufes Grief tQ be
her only AfTociate to her Grave.
I own, we (hould not be forward
to Cen-
fure, for many are taxt with Adultery that
are really Innocent. Cunegundus^ the Wife
oiHenrictts Baiiarus Emperor fufpeSed of
Adultery, to clear herfelf, trod upon red
hot Iron, and had no harm. And ?aufanias
faith, that he was once an Eye-witnefs of
fuch a Miracle at 'Dianc^% Temple, a Maid
charged with Whoredom, who to clear her-
felf, walked upon burning Coals without
any harm at all. But tho' fome fufpefted
oi Adultery, are Innocent, yet there be ma-
ny Conjugal Whoremafters,ri wifh I could
not lay, contented Cuckolds) There's my
Lord i* declar'd he could love his
Wife above all Women in the World, if
fhe were not his Wife ^ Sir Charles is of
the fame Mind i and Squire if little

better •, John follows his Example, and

^Sir
others have a tang of this Rambling Fan-
cy.
There are feldom fo few as 500 Virgins
kept in a Seraglio by themfelves, and at-
tended on, only by Women and Eunuchs*
They are all of them th^ great Turk^
Slaves,
28 Cfie %l)ottttt CBap
Slaves, and afs indeed the Choiceft Beau-
ties of the Empire. They are dot to be
prefented unto the Emperor until certain
Months be expir'd ^ in which time they
are Purg'd and Dieted: When it is his Plea-
fure to have one^ they itand Rank'd in a
Gallery and Ihe prepared for his Bed to
-,

whom he giveth his Handkerchief. 1

aim told, that fome of oiir ^al'ity Whore-

wafers are as Nice as the Great Ti/r/^,
with refpeO: to their Whores^ (fox I love
to' give every thing its right NameJ cr ra-
ther more Curious than he ^ for I could
name d L—— ^or he's fadly bely'dj that
changes his Whore every Year, and has got
Baftards (might they Inlieritj for every
Mantior he has.
Indeed Reader ) there's abundance of
(
Cuckolds in England\ We were wont to fay,
It was a wife Child that knew his own Fa-
ther - but now we may fay, It is a wife
father that knm)s his own Child.- Men and
Women as familiarly go into a Chamber
to Damn one another on a Feather-bed, as
into a Tavern to be Merry with Wine. She
that does not Dance lo lofty that you may
fee her filken Garters, and learn to forget
S'hame, is No
body. Bat would Flefli and
Blood liften to ?rov, 22. 14. and remember
that the Child often praves the Pi£lare of
the Lover, aiiqi dlfcovers it, {Bleffed conclu-
^§n of ftol/i Svieets /}ithey'd ne'er Invade the
Right of another.
Thf
 .

the were fo averfe to CuckoU

E^^yptia?7s
dom,\h^\.\\l^^ ufed to cut offth^NofeoftlKi
Adulterefs. Nebuchadnezzar Roaftedin the
Fire Zedektah and Ahab^ becaufe they com-
mitted Adultery with their Neighbours
Wivcs: And where Men have fail'd to Pu-
nifh, God hath done it remarkably. la
Anno 158^, in London^ Two Citizens com-
mitting Adultery on the Lord's Day, were
ftruck Dead with Fire from Heaven in the
Tery AQ. of Uncleannefs, their Bodies being
left Dead in the place, half Burnt up, for
a Speftacle of God's Anger againft Adul-
tery and Sabbath-breaking. Matter C/^^i;(f/-
reports of one that he knew, who had
committed the Aft of Uncleannefs, and in
the horror of Confcience, he Hang'd him-
felf ^ but before, he wrote in a Paper, and
left ina place to this efte£t : Indeed^ I ac*
knowledge- it (faid he^ to be utterly unlaw-
ful for a Man to Kill himfelf'^ but I am
bound to aU the Magijfrates part^ becaufc^
the Funijhment of this Sin is Death.
This A£1 was not to be juftified ^ but it
fhews what a Controverfie God hath with
Adulterers^ and what a deep Gafli that Sin
makes in theConfcience.What need have we
tliereforeCwith/<?iJto make a Covenant with
eur Eyes !Looking is oft the Seed of Luft*
ing, as in Jofeph\ Miftrefs, who fet hec
Eye upon Jojeph And Davidy^ who faw
:

Bathfheba Bathing, Lufl: is quick-lighted.

Sampfcns Eyes were the firit Offenders thac
% betray'd
betray'd him to Lull : Therefore are they
pulled our.
firfl:

Inceft is another divifion of Uncleannels,

which is caird* abhor^d Filthinefs ^ not Jo
much as to be named without detefiationy
(i Cor. 5. I.)
Inceft fignifics that kind of Naughtinefs
which committed between two near of
is
Kin. Reader, take heed of Intempeyaiice.
het in a Drunfeen pang,forgets he is Father,
and does that that Heaven and Earth are
afterwards afham'd of It is^ well obferv'd
by our Divines, that Lot offended againfl:
the Chaltity of both his Daughters, in of-
fering them up unto the Sodomites ^ and
they now
confpire againfl: his Chaflity : So
that his Sin found him out, and he is pu-
niflied in the fame kind wherein h^ offen-
ded.
next fpeak of a more Unnatural
I (hall
A9: of Uncleannefs, I mean Sodomy which ^^

is fo called from the Men of Sodom,

This Sin is an Abufe of either Sex agairift
Nature and is fuch a Filthinefs as is not
•,

to be found amongft the Beafl-s. For God

hath ordained that the Male and the Female
fhould Couple together 5 %nd not the Fe-
male and Female, nor Male and Male.
But in this horrible manner did the Sodo-
mites^ Ro?7tans^ and other of the Gentiles :
And of late, fevcral in England have been
charged with this Unnatural Sin^ as Mr.
C^"-^ of Manchejfer^ and the (late^ Clerk
•
of
of St. Dunjlans. At this day, in the Lr-
Sodomy is held no Sin.
x^a;//, The Turkilh
Bajfhaws have many Wives, tiut ("which is,
far more abominable) ^more -Catamites :
But Sodow;/ (and Sdf?Dilution^ which is
a fort o[ Murder; is a Sin fo againll Na-
ture, that Children (Natures End) and Po-
lierity are utterly loft by it and therefore
•,

'ti3 faid, God gave them upt& vile affe-

Sions : For even their Wo??ief2 did change

the natural uje into that which is again]}
nature and likewife alfo the Men^ leaving
•,

the natural nje of the Woman^ burned in

their luji one towards another^ Men wiih
Men, working that which is unfeemly (Horn,
I, 26,27.;
Add unto thefethe Sin of B/z^^^/j, which
is fuch ail abominable a£l of
Uncleannels,
ihzt Mofes tell us, Whofoever lyeth with a
%aft^ Jball furily be put to death. This
JUnnatural Vice has been often prafticed in
England, and that (I blu(h to fpeak it) by
both Sexes. In the Year 677, there was $
1

ftrange and wonderful Tryal of a Woman

who was proved feveral times to have Car-
nal Coupulation with a Dog, which Dog wa^
brought into Court, and with the Womaii
afterwards Hang'd at Tyburn. And at thf
fame time, a Man was Tryed for Buggering
of a Mare. John Ath^rtoxt (B'lfhop of Wc^-
terford) for this Utinatural Luft, was Kti
raigned and Executed at Dublin*
52 ^^f)o?teil a^ap
Strange Whether will thefe Libidinous
!

Ylames carry Men ? Sure they are an earneft

cf thofe they /ball feel hereafter !
If the feveral forts of llndcannefs bo
thus Deftruftive both to Soul and Body,
I'll conclude this fubjeSl with querying.

Whether thofe AQs already made againlt

Adultery^ Whoredom^ 8ic. be ever likely
{'thoroughly) to Reform thofe deteftable
Wickedneffes, except they be ftrengthned
with more Enlargements >
As firft, for Adultery : Whether it be
poffible to find out that Sin, by that Aft,
except by the Parties own Contellion againlt
themfelves, which is not likely any will
do, to the taking away of their own
Lives.
And therefore, whether would not be
it

agreeable to right Reafon, grounded* upon

Scripture, that if Perfons do fuch AQions
as may plainly be judged is equivalent to
that Sin whether itnaay not be called that
•,

Sin, and fo be proceeded againft as Guilty

of that Sin?
As for example'-, for a Man and Woman,
fcoth, or one of them Married, and (hall
fee found Naked in Bed together, or in a
Room together Naked, as hath been re-
ported of thofe called Ranters^ and fuch
like profane Perfons whether this may not
•,

Jlighteoufly be called Adultery^ andjudged

accordingly > Elfe it's impofhble to find out
that Sin And therefore that Aft elfe is of
;

liltle
liftle or no force. the like may be
And
faid of Fornication and fuch like Unclean*
nefles. And certainly, if fuch Remedies
were provided, the Land would be foon in
freat meafure cleanfed of fuch abominable
'raftices, whereby God is Provoked, and
the Land Defiled.
. And fo much (hall ferve to be fpoken of
the Wboremafiers^ and the dilmal State
they are in.
I (hall next (hew the«HORTEST Cbeing

a new) way to Reform them.

In order to Punifh thewhole Syftem of

IDebauchery, 111 firit begin with the kind
Keeper of Quality, let him be Lord or
Duke 'tis matter of indifference with me^
and the Method Fd take with him. rriould
at once Difcover and Puni(h him.
A Proclamation fliould be publifhed,
That every Mifs that's Kept by' a Lord or
puke, upon making the difccrv^ery, (hould
have 3000 /. Confilcated for her own ufe
out of her Keeper's Eftate^ 3000 /. (hould
be Confifcated out of his Eftate to the Poor
of the Parilh where he has his Seat ard •,

4000 /. more to carry on the War: Farth€jr,

the Perfon thus discovered, (hould he ob-
liged to publKh an Advertifement of his
own Shame, at his own Charge, in the
Gazate-^ for a Moath togetJici*

l^nj
 .

14,
C&e^80?teft mt(j?
'"'And (hould any Perfon of Quality foli-
other, upoa
Cite any Street Walker, or any
good Evidence of the Fa£i:, fhefhouldhave
looo /. forfeited out of his Etlate, and he
(hould be dlvefted of all his Titles, and
thrown out of all Capacity to Serve in any
Office of Truft or Profit in the thre^
King-
doms. Let's now defcend to the common
fort ofM^.nkind. ;
The lormcator fhould be Whipt fronj
.Guild'Hall to Charing'Crqfs ; a Third part
of his Eitate (hould go to carry on the War,
a Third part to the Perfon that
makes the
Diicovery, and a Third part to the Poor of
theParifli, and himfelf fent Overleas into
Her Majellies Service. ^

Th« Adulterer fhould Refund his Wiks

Portion have the Marriage NulUfy'd,
his

own Perfonal Eftate fhould go to Maintaia

Poor Mens Sons at the Univerfity, and he
himfelf fhould. enter inta.ikr Majeities
'

Service. '^ ^'''";---, ,

. ,

"The Gallam thzi's furpnzed with his

Confiifcated
Mils, (hould h^ve his Eftate
toMaintaiH the Holpitals, and himlelf fent
and
imo Br idewel to Beat Hemp two Years,
afterwards go into the Army.
He or (he that's guity of be/J'Fo//utw/i,
foould Adv^rtife it in every News Papei
i
Week together, at their own Coft, aad
^ould forfeit lo ./. to the Informer.

Thofe
 Thofe who are guilty ot hceji^ fliould
le as remarkable in their Puwifhmerlt, as
their Sin. And becaufe the Man in this
cale is commonly thought the Aggreflbr,and
the greater Criminal ^ yet this Sin could
never be pra£^iced, without a mutual Con-
fent . The Man therefore, after the Law
has done Execution upon him, fhould have
his Carkafs brought back to Prilbn, and
there the Female Sinner (hould have no o-
ther Allowance to feed upon for 2 Months^
but the dead Body : When
the Time's ex-
pired, (lie fliould be enlarged with the In-
fcription, INCEST, as an indelible
CharaQer upon her Forehead. This Cob-
trivance, I'm inclin'd to thipk, wou'd in 3,
little time make the Sin as hateful as the
nature of it deferves Or, if this e'nt fufiB-
:

cient, cut off her two Ears, her middle

Finger, and her right Leg.
The Sodomite (hould be placed in a Tub,
and have liquid and burning Brimftone
poured down upon him till he expires in a
way which Heaven has found out for the
Puniflimentof fo Unnatural a Sin. Or, if
It may be thought a more Ipeedy way to
fiipprefs Sodomy^ let every Man guilty of
this Sin, have his Genitals cut off, and burnt
by the common Hangman.
He preved guilty of Buggery fliouli
that's
be Repriev'd from Execution, till he hath
eaten up the Bead with which he has com-
Hiitted the Sin, at the rate of hslf a pound
3^ d)0 S&0?tCff CJ^P
a hay when he has done
•,
this, he fhould
hi Hang'd Mee/s upwards^ 4enote that
^t(Sr

his Sin has been Unnatural. But^i^eing no

Punifhmentcan.be bad enough for Tufib a
Lewd Sinner, -e'en let him,ibe Stoned to
Deaths, and when his Beaftly Carkafs .is
Dead, let his Head befaftnedti? the Mare
he has Bugger' d, and anade^-a Speaacle to
alltheWorld/^ .

Wl^he Short ejl Way-^whUthe g)ttttmpet

»*
You that are Strmifets^^m^ indeed yery
confiderable for your Numbers, and ft)me of
you ateof no meaa Qmiity ^^.but I could
Jieartily wifh that all of, yon ^ad
better
Qpalifications and fnuft make bold to tell
•,

you. That tho' you Jqvq, now to go under

the TitlQS Ladies of Pleafure, yourPra-
oi:

aice will prove Bitjcerfiefs in^ie Endf both

to your felves, and;thofe conc^frnedv with
you : For, if thofe iwure Flames be not
quenched by the Blood of Jefus Chrift,, and
the Tears of fincere Re;p^tanee,the Reward
of your Whoredcim will.le Unquenchable
Flames. . :, v ^.

You do, by polluting y<0ur felves with .

the Lufts ot the Elelh, renounce your Bap-

tifmal Covenant^ by which you were made
Members of it, and pi:omifed to Renounce
the Eejh : And you do befxdes, render your
felves liable to the Cenfure of the Church;
tho' It muft be faid^ to the Shame of thofe
COH|
 ^

concerned, Tkit thofe Ccnfures are not fa

duly put in Execution as they ought to be.
However, you cannot but know that in the
Comminution^ ufcd at the beginning ofLent
and other Timesy the Church hath appointed
Fornicators and Adulterers to be Lurfed :
So that if you have any regard to the Au-
thority of the Scriptures, or rhat of the
Church of England^ you muft acknowledg
yourfelves to be an accurfed Crew.
I hear there be fevcral Diviiions amongft
you, as the Keeping Lady^ the Vlyer t9
Bawdy Houfes^ tht Commoti Night-waiket^
and xhtBawd.
The Keeping Lady is at a yearly Expence
for a Man that (h« would have Conftant ^
but (he is fcarce fo herfelf ^ for Keeping
Ladies are doubly Impudent ^ wkilft Sin
is Modeft, it may be Heal'd ^ but if it once
grow Impudent, the Fefter fpreads above all
hopes of Cure, Such Wantons as thefe,
when their Stallions are abfent, will Taft«
their Page, willadmit a Groom
fecretly
into their Arms, will practice with their
Doftor, and take Phyfick in a clofe Room,
The Women of 5/^ are fo given to Venery,
that their very Husbands are their Panders^
and fome of 'em Keep Men. And even in
England^ there's the fs of C D
—
*

has her G and the Lady li

<
-—
her B '
>

w
5« Cfte
*
But you,' Ladies, thsitaJe'fo Lewd ast©
to Debauch'y6u, let me ask you',
-
TCccp Men
Whether, before you were *a£tually De-
bauch'd, you did not thlnK the. Name of a
Whore to be very Repffoachfut v -not only
to the Perfons themfelve^, hit tb all their
Relations? Have you never at any time
feen fome of thofe Vile Mifcreants, Carted
and Pillbry^d, and 'purfued through the.
Streets, having their Outfides polluted with
Mire and Filth, as Emblem of their
f juft .3'''
^

polluted Infides 7^'*^,' y '

K'' Then pray confider with your

felves,That
your own PraOiice is as Vile in the Eyes of
God and Good Men, as^ theirs, and every
whit as difgracefiil to your Relations •, and
if either by your Secrecy or Quality you
cfcape futh Ignominious Punifhments, yet
you deferve it as v^rell as they. If you
have Parents of any Reputation or Sob|:iety5
confider what a Wound your Lafcivious
and Unclean Dalliances give t6 theif very
Souls and good Names, and hbw uncom^
^

fortable it is to be the' Father or Mother of

a Whore or a Whorefefter. Ifyouhav^;
Husbands, what an ignominious thing it is
to have t^e Neighbours point at him, as
he walks the Street, or for any of them to
reproach him in their Anger with the Odi-
'
ous Name of a Cuckold, If you have Sifters
or Brothers, what a difgrace 4s it forthem
to be upbraided by their Companions, That
mcir Sifter is 9 Strumpet f If you have
: . ':
. , Children
Children, confider how clofe the Reproach
fitsupon them, to have It ever now an4 then
hit in their. Tcethj That their Mother was

'
Such of you aS follow that abominable
Praftice meerly to fatisfie xhQ Lufis of the
flefh^ confider. Whether it be worth your
^hile to puTchafc thof? Impure Pieafures
at theExpenceof your Reputation, Healthy
and Salvation? If you are Married, you
add Perjury to your Uncleannefs, befidcg
all the Ignominy to your Children before-
mentioned, aiid muft be lookt i^pon as Infa«
liable Monfters,who have leapt over all the
Bounds ot Nature and Religion. If Pro-
vidence has fo ordefed it, that you cannot
be content with the Remedy that Marriagi
affords, cpnfider if it were not better to
bring your Flefh under Subjeftion, by Pray-
er and Falling, than to become Caft-aways^
and if you beUnmarried,refle9: upon it feri-
oully. Whether you h^ii'-^ot better Marry
than ^/^r;7>0r,if you hav^not an Opportuni-
ty of Marriage, Wj^etEer it were not better
for ycu t(> curbyo^|:^^fcivious IncFin^tions
by Watching, paftipg, Praying, a|j(9fa fpare
Diet, than to Ruipp y9i|f g(^od Name, your
Body, yout Soul, and ~^tp extinguifh all
hopes or ever being credibly Married.
As for you that are l^lyers at Bawify
Houfes, and follow tMs ungodly courfe of
Life/f?r a Llv'wg^ (as you call it) fuch as
you oi'tii) Dje like June Shore i^^Mifs to a
F 2 King)
 )
40 %tfi &botttii mtiTf
King) in si Ditch or Hoipital, and (hortea
that Life, which you prolong. In
feefe to
^Ma/ta arc a Number of Plying Curte-
zans^ who Playing in their Houfes on
fit

Inftruments, to inveagle Paffengcrs: 'And

in Naples are 90000 Strumpets that Ply
only in Houfes But is it not better to fub^
:

mit to the pooreft Livelihood,! than to Ply

in a Bawdy Houfe, under the Charaftcr of
Citizens Wives > Neither will the Motives
and Temptations of Honour any ways ex-
cufe you : It will be no Plea for you to
fay. You would not be Miffes to fuch as
are poor Men, when you become a willing
prey to the Solicitations of Lords and
Knights : For Whoredom and Adultery arc
Hill the fame, be the Perfon to whom you
proftitute your felves High or Low.
The Commm Night-walkers^ are thofe I
(hall next treat of.
Confider (Oh^ you Briwftone Vsrmine I
how horridly Contemptible you make your
felv€s, how unnaturally you extinguifh the
natural Modefty of you Sex, and debafc
the Human Nature below that of Bealts, by
ftrowling in the Streets, to proftitute your
felves to the firft who will accept ^of your
impious ProflFer infomuch, that there's n^
•,

difference betwixt you and Unreafonabl«

Brutes, who have neither the Reftraints of
Divine nor Humane Laws,nor of Coalciencc
and Reafonupoa them.

A
 t

In divers partsfof Cbina^ thtire arc certr^jn

Wenchesof Lov^ thzt out of Charity pro-
ftitate themfelves to Travellers which hav*
*

no Money.
And aitho' our London l^tght -walker
would not like to be Lewd for Nothing,
(^for they Whore for Bread) yot with them
it is accounted /z vtork of Mercy. But (let
our Night-walkers take it asi they pleafej|
the Scripture calls fuch Beajlly Creaturei
as thele^ by .the Names of D^^j and Svoine^
becaufe of theit Likenefs of Temper and
Praftice •, and Yis not doubted but thofe
who are entruftcd \vith the Government pf
this Great and Noble City, will take eff«-
ftual Methods to cleanfe our Streets fron?
thefe Daughters of Sodom.
1 (hallnext fpeak of xh^O/d Bazjui^ and
then I have done with the Pocky Crew.
Old Strumpets ffuch as Mother Cre/we/)
whenpaft the Trade, and are become Dif-
ealed by the Pox^ are (^in China) put intp
Houfes, where they are very well looked
finto, and furnifhed abundantly with all
things, at the Charges of the other of the
fame Trade.
But as many Whores as there are in Lon..
ion^ our Magiftrates give no Encourage-
ment to 'em, but do all they can to Sup-
prefs 'em. Yet there is little hopes of Re-
torming an Old Bawd for (he is fo Lewd
-,

and Impudent, (even tho' her Ability for

Whoring is gonej th^it when (Ije is Dead, I
coul4
42 ^W^^ltttt
could almoft think (he will make herGravc
a Brothel, aiid tempt Worms to Adulterate
her Garkafs. In a word, Adders lie Sun-
ning in her Wrinkles, (he's a Limb of the
Devil, and the very Emblem of HelL I
might enlarge in her Character, but (he
ftinks above ground, and pray Mr. Surgeon
take her xa the Hofpital out of my fight.
And fo mucK (hall ferve to be fpoken of
the Keeping Vady^ the Flyer at Bawd^
Uoufes^ the Common 'Night-walker^ and the
Old Bawd^ and the difmal State they are in,
Khali next fhew theShorteft(^beinga New)
way to Reform them.

art here to pfoje8: fome Piini(hments"

I
for the Female Sex : And as for the Keep-
ing Women of ^lality^ their Puhi(hments
(hoiild be the fame with that of a Lord of
Duke only Mutatis Mutandis^ with re-
•,

fpeft to their Sex and Circumftances,

The Adulterefs (hould be Divorced, and
turn'd off Naked, Imprifon'd for Life, and
th^re Maintained by her Accomplice in the
t)in.
The Common Bawd^ and the Street Tlyer^
ftiould through the ufual courfe at
run
Bridewel'^ and then be fent into a Work-
lloufe during Life, where her Employtnent
ftould be aliign'd by an A£t of Parlia-
;33ent.
The BuggerijT)^ Inceflnous^ and Sodomltijk
Wome»3 Ihouldhave the. Puniihineats that
are allotted to thefe fort of Men Sin-
ners^.
.
Were but thefe (hort Methods of PenaJ.
JulHce fet on foot, Debauchery wou'd lofe
Ground, and the REFORMATION Iprcad
more.

VII. The
' '
i-r'
$horreJi
'
.
r% wuh the T)m\XMtQ^
.
> .
"\ •
»

T^runkennefs is a Sin that is prohibited

f-^ J he Laws of God and Man •, and upon
-good Reofon^ Becaufe it tends to the ruine
cf a Man's Healthy the diminution of hit
EJiate^ and the mi/pending oj his precious
Hours ^ the Poverty of his ^anuly^ and in
fine^ the difhonour ofGod^ andthe defiru&iort
^fhis Soul: And therefore no wonder if
we often find the Divine Vengeance cloft
upon the Heels af this Sin.
Manlius tells us of three abominable
Drunkards^ who Drunkone fo long, till

of them fell down ftark Dead, (as a Drun-

kard did not long ftnee in Lorn bard ftreet;,^
and yet the other two, nothing terrify 'd
with fuch a Preadful Example of Divine
Vengeance, went on to Drink, and poured
the deid Mao's part into him, as he lay-
by them.
Marcus Antonius wrote, or rather fpew'd
out a Book concerning his own Abilities to
bear Strong Drink. The King oi Denmark
Feafting the Earl ofLeieefter^ the King (as
Uowel tells us^ began Thirty five Healths^
 44 1E8^ €^0?tel! JHSap
To all the Kings and ^eens in Chrifiendom^
Darius boalted of his exceffive Drinking,
in his very Epitaph. Alexander the Great
Drank hinilelf to Death ; and KiU'd 0ns
and Forty more with exceffive Drinking,
to get that Crown of One hundred and 80
pounds weight, which he had provided for
Aim that Drunk moft. A Bailiff of Hed-
ley being DrunK at Melford^ got upon his
Horfe to Ride through the Streets, faying,
^hat his Hor/e would carry him to the Devil ^
and prefentlyihis Horfe calt hirg, and broke'
his Neck. In Bohemia^ fivQ Drunkards
were Quaffing and Blafpheming the Namie
<i^f God^ arid thePiftureof the Devil being

painted upon the Wail,they drunk HealthB

to him ^ who' the Night after paid them
their Wages •, for they were found Dead,'
with their Necks broken and quafhed to
pieces, as if a Wheel had gone ov?r theni,
I think all Ale Houfes, &c. that fuffer ex:-
teflive Drinking, fhould be fupprejfed'^ and
I find f P of this opinion : For
being asked why he ftruck his Hoft ^ he
anfwered^' It was his hojl's fault for givifig
iim Li^uorjbjirong.
•

In the Nonage of the World, Men and

Beatts had but One Buttery which was the
Fountain and thfe River ^ but nowadays,
fome could wifh themf^^lves Whales, fo as
the Sea were ftrong Liquor, Drunkennejs
is called Goodfellowfhip, even as the int-
pDUs Pope was oaUed P//yx. Thus the In-
temperate
 tDitS (Hg^fiajes! ana Eagues. 4;
-temperate Man (like fome Candles>Sweal<j
away kis Life.
Bacchus is ufh^lly Paintefl by the poets
leaked, to (hew that when a Man is Drunk;,
he is Mad, and reveals all the Seciets of
his Heart.
. That good to be Drunk once ^ Month,
'tis

is a common
S^lattery of Senfu^Uty fpr -,

Jie that is Drunk, ^hath loft himfeljf. Ex-

ceffive Drinking is fo Abominable, that
even the Grand Vizier is a hafier o^Drun*
kennefs For (as Sanis tells us^ a Uurk
:

having drunk too much, was Apprehended

and catry'd before him ^ who feeing him
Drunk, inflifted this Punifliment upon, him.
To have boiled Lead poured into his Moutb
and Ears. And King James I. being ask'd
what Punifhment he'd have inflifted on
one that was Drunk, ^anfwefd. Let him h^
Drunk agen; Intimating thereby, he could
not have a greater Punilhment.
were v<rell if Drunkards would co^jS;
It
der what Anacharfis hath told them, th^f
The Vine bearetb three Grapes: .The »ifl: of
Fleafurg ^ the 2d oi Drun kennefs-^ the 9(1
oiMifery. Or, remember Vi\i2it Mahomet
laid 10 kis Followers, that In every Grape^
there ivnelt \i DeviL We are forbid to live
in Rioting and Drunkennefs (Rom, 1 2. 1 9.)
But I find Alexander of another opinion,
when in a Speech to his Soldiers, he told
*em, that Kone could be a good Comma^'der;.
thus was not doublyDrunk^ withWifie^ and
4*5 C6e <g)6o?teff iEffliap

tion, I don't know what Valour he found

in Sack -, but for my own part, the little
Glafles are my Favouritcs-.I ever hated excefs
.in Drinking and do heartily wifh Curtefic
•,

would invent fome other cuftome of Ente^

tainment. But the Boon Companion will
tell ye, The
Shot to bedifchar£d^ is the
bejl
Tavern Bi/I the beft Alarnt^ the founding
'j

of Healths ^ and the moft abfohtte March^ is

Reeling, 'Tis not to he imagined what Mai
things Men will aft in their Drink.
A company of Young Men at Agrigen-
turn in Sicily^ came into a Tavern 5 where,
after they had freely taken their Liquor,
upon a fuddcn they began to be troubled
in their Brains, and their Fantafie ^o craz'd,
thatthey thought they were in a Ship at
Sea, and now ready to be Caft away, by
reafon of aTcmpeil Wherefore., toavoii
:

Shipwrack, they threw all the Goods out

at the Windows into the Streets (or into
the Sea, as they fuppos'd.) What Madnefs
and Villany is it that a drunken Man mil
not commit ? He will Murder his Father,
Lie with his Mother , and Stab his
Friend, tifc.

I might enlarge in this copious fubjeft,

hut (hall only add. That a Man Poflefled
with the ©Cttl, may be thought to be in
a more hopeful ftate than a T>runkardi
For albeit he be Pofiefs'd, yet it is compul-
fively and againft his will : But the Drun-
kard YihoWy Dedicates hinnfelf, and all the
Faculties
 Jttftft tMo^ mta Eofftce?* 47
Faculties of his Soul, voluntarily to Serve
the Devil : And therefore Til conclude this
Head with querying, Whether tha-AQs al-
ready made againlt Drunkennejs^ Swearing^
Curjing^ and Blafphemy^ be ever likely f the*
roughly^ to Reform thefe deteftable Wic-
kedneflcs? I fear not; and therefore better
Remedies are to be provided; for
jchefe Wickcdntfles are committed in the
Streets daily ^ and never was thole Sins of
Drunkcnnefs^ Qurfing^ Sweari/ig^ Blafphe-
tning the Nam^ ofOoi^ more frequent than
in thefe days : And is not the reafon plain-
ly thus ? It Men have a mind to Reform it,
they canngr, for thcfe R^afons follow-
ing. Iv ibv^o '

Firfl:, A
Warrant muft be gotten from a
Juftice of the Peace, which is very hard of-
tentimes to procure, For Jultices of rhe
Peace are fo number, and live fof^r"
teiv in.

alunder, that it takes much time and la-

hour to go t6 them*5 and oftentimes they
'^t not at Home,
or at Leifurp: And then
it is a hard thing- to^fcnow fuch Offenders

Names to put. into the Warrant, for which

thei (Clerfc mufl: have a Fee of Twelve-
>

pence : And aftd: ^he Warrant is with

.

much ditBculty obtain'd, it may be it's as'

hatd get a Coiiltable to Serve it 5 partly,'
Jto

beCaufe they either are not at Home, or

loth to carry them lb far as to a Juttice,
:

being fo far ofFthem^or elfe,it'maybe, they

arq guilty of the fame Faults thsmfelves j
 .

49 %u9>Mttfttmp
as too many, both of thein,a!ndi Jufliee&allQ,
are ofteHtimeSi aiid fo they have no mind
to punifli that in others, they ufe them-
felves : then for the nioft part the Of
And
fcnde^ i^ gbne, and not to be found, before ^

all this caji be cffeftedv which difcourageth

thofcjhat would Refc^m, feeing the tod-
fiffeof it*--^Itw<nild.prevcnt thefe Evils.
If Po^er might be given to any Pexfon
h^aringfuch Oaths and Cui:fing,2S aforelkid,
and fee?ng a JQri;^;^<2r^,pjelently to lay-
Hand fjpoir thenij anA toji^iire aid of any
fiext hand, to helpand affiftbim or them^i
and fo to have them to the pext Conftafclejl
or J«fticey without ai^ Warranf^ and thatT
Conftable might have Power given him in
tl^ai; behalf^ t(]rfi^eaiteiii& JLaw in alfuJl

a-mannef upon fuCh Qffendei^i, being fully!

proved by tv^o Witnefles,^ as la Jiiitice oft
feace now! hath or that; there may be aT
-,

tultiCef or Conin:»ffioQers: appointed in eaclu;

rredjift or farifli, orCommiffioners accord
ding to the greatnefs or iftxallnefs of tfaole
Divifiofts ^ and they nhight have Power Jtoi
adminifter an Oath toiiich \¥itneffes :• At^kl
by this means^ in a fhort time, the I«at]di
nJay ^ purged from &ch deteflable: Aboq
minatioo^. And if, any^iuckpfficers ftudti
T^fhfe to^db. their Duty), they may beiPn*!
nifhable by a fuperior Power : And Ibjitfecf
 toft!) Mfm^ »Ji5 EiJ0ues(. ^^
And fo much (hall fcrve to be fpoken of
the Drnnkardj 8ce. and the dilmal State he
is in.
I (hall noxt (hew the SHORTEST fbefng
1^ new) way to Reform him. t vk
The Drunkard fins for the moft pari
with Impunity ^ and *tis great pity he fli wldj
for when he Reels, and Foams, and Swears,
he's a BlemK'b to the jHumaa Nature, ana
helow the dignity of a ILeafonable Creature,
he ruines his own Health, turns the Gift-^
of Providence to a wrong ufe, and iii the
end, will peeve the greateft Enem:y to hiqi'^,
felf So. that! 'twould be the grcateft ObU-
.

gaticn one coiiid do him,;Iof £aft him into

Vertue and Sobriety ; and the Method' I'i
propofe fhould be this : Whoever is oyer-,
taken in Drink,(hQuld be carry'd to a Workr
HoulJe, andi there have no other AUowaiipe^,
but Bread and Water for one Year: Ai^tJ
fo much as he may reafonably be thougfit
tc have fpent each day \n:Dru/ike^rre/sl
fliould be forfeited out of his Eftateto the
Poor of theParifh, duririg that Year. Far-
ther, when the Criminal is Enlarg'd, h$
thould ever after wear the Initial hetters of
the Name of the WortHoufe upon his left
Shoulder..
'
The Difgrace and the Infamy of this Pu?
nifliment, would certainly make the Sin
detefted, and hdp to carry on the Reform
mat ion* - .^^^
r .^ - VIILTi^
5# Ci^e^o^ CSIa?

Vni. The Shorteft Way with the &iMiiUtf

In the Third Gommandment, God doth

»ot only forbid the taking of his Name in
vains but threatens withal, to have a
watchful Eye upon thofe that doit: And
however Men may, through remifsnefs of
DifcipUne, negleft their Duty, and account
fuch cuftomary Smearing no Sin , yet, Goi
txiiU net hold them Guiltlefs^ that
take his
^
iiame in vain.
Michael^ a Jewifh Rabbin, as he was
Swearing^ and Blafpheming the Name pf
Tefus, fell down, and broke his Neck.
'
One who for twelve Years together ufed
to Swear by God's Arm in the end his
•,

own Arm being hurt with a Knife, coul4

not be heard, but it felter'd from day to
day, and.atlaftfo rotted, that it fell away
by Piccejncal.
And a Soldier at Ware (1649 J going to
Wafli himfelf in a River, wasadviled a^^
f;ainft it, being
fo deep ^ to whom be mj
war'd, God Damn me, if it be^as deep di
^ell^ Ivoillgo into it \ Which accordingly:
he did s ^^"^ immediately funk to the bot-:
-
iL* lo
torn, never rifing again. i

It were to be wifh'd, That that Law

tnade by Ludovicus King of France^ were
univcrfally Eftablifh'd , That xxlhofoever
Smareth^ fhould k Burnt ih ihe, < Mouth
^b an hot Iron,
But
 ,

But now-a-days, Swearing and Blafphc*

filingGod's great and glorious Name, is
Teckned for a Moral Vertue, the grace of
Birth and Honour, the cognifance of an
high-bred Spirit. What Chriftian can re-
frain Cthat hath any fpark of GraceJ to ua*
fluce the Floodgates of his Eyes, and Kt
his nielting Heart gufh through in Tears,
when the Streets he (hall hear Littit
in
Q)iidr0n^ fcarce able to Go, or Speak to be
underftood, volley forth moft fearful Oaths,
and with (uch readinefs, as if they had
been tutor'd in their Mothers Womb?
Whilft their Parents (landing by, offer not
to Check them with fo much as a four Re-
proof ^ but feeming rather to folace them-
(elves in their Childrens Sins, and delight
in their own Damnations, like thofe who
Die of a Sardinian Laughter.
How many miraculous Judgments hath
God (hot out againft theBlafphemersof his
Sacred Name > What Sin can be more
Damnable ^ and yet, what more praftifed?
None can fooner plunge the Soul into the
implacable Gulf of Perdition, and yet no
Sin fby earneft Endeavour^ fo ea(ie to be
cropt off, and weeded up : For Swearing ij
no Incidental ilTue of Natural Corruption,
but an Accidental Monfter ingendred of
corrupted Cuftome. A Learned Father
confcfTeth, That at every other word^ he
once ujei to Swear ^ but at length endea-
vouring to lock up the door ofhiji- Lips, to
fet
 Tongue^ imploring
fit 'k imatch before his
Divine Ajjiflcmce th'erein^ and intrcating
inoreover his friends tojmite him with the
Rod of Keprehenfwni, in forty Days, he ut-
terly lofl the abufive ufe t})ereof: So that
now Cfaith he^ nvthing is more eafie unta
nSi 'than mt >ta Smear at atl, ,

It i^ Recorded, that Lewis ?II. King of

¥rance^ divulged an Edi£t, That whofoqyer
was known to War againft Heaven with
Oathes, fhould be Branded iu the Forehead,
as a Capital Offender.
* 'tAnd fo much (hall f^rve to be fpoken of

the Swearer^ and* the difnaal ftate he is

in.
next fhew the SHORTEST Cbeing
I fhall
a New j Way toRefornii hinn.

The Swearer a difintercfled Sinner

is •,

he has neither Profit nor folid Satisfa£lion

f«r his Guilt. In God's aecount, he's a Sin-
ner of the firft Rank and 'tis fomething
•, ^

Unreafonable, that Humane Juftice can't

tot]ch a Life for an Offence which
Man s
Heaven will punifh with Eternal Death.
However, I would not have him difpatclf d
when there are any hopes of .Penitence and
Amendment-, tho' I'd have him piinifh'd
fo feverely^ that the Sin maytft be catch-

The Method I'd have taken with him

thould be this; He (hould Itand Gagg'd
fbar.Haurs in every Towa within theCoun-
ty where he lives And as for his Ghrillian
:

Tvlame, it (houid be lo s. Forfeiture to call

•him by't. For there's no reafon he fhould
.have the lealt Badge or Benefit of Chrllti-
janity him,
left when he |ias thrown fo
rauchCpncempt bDrh upon thjPraSlice and
the Author pi it. If after the Punifhment
he be kfiown,to relapfe, his PenqUy (hould
be doubled tlm' upon his Repentance and
-^

Reformation, all his Infatny and Difgrace

(Jjould be clean wip'd off.
How this fort of Juifice would terrifie, I
,cannot tell, becaufe the Experiment has
not yc^ been made-, tho' I think it pro-
mifes as much to the Reformation of this
fort of Sinners, as any other that can be
invented.

IX. The Shortcft Way with the jLpaiT*

Our To;igues are the Indexes of our Mind,

to fignifie the Thoughts and Meanings
thereof to the World. If the one a'gree
not to the ether, the Motions are falfe, and
the Wheels out of ordcr« W^hat'isa Clock
good for, if it doth not tell the true Hour
of the Day / Remove from me the way of
lying (JPfal. 119. 2^./ Ly^z/vare (hutout
of the Kingdom of Heaven, and deferve
but little Favour upon Earth, and fome-
times meet with juft Pi^nilhments, {?i;ov,

^ The/pis
 ^fie S)f)0?teft SBifip
54
Tl)efph, an Athertian Poet, being cheeky
by Solon for AQlng in a Play, becaufc
thereby he did Lye openly in tijie face 0f
all the City, excused himfelf (Z% Mr.
F;?^

did with his frony)Becaufe it was but in Jeft t

To whomS^^/7 reply'df as we do to theHang-

ing Jell Mr.loe publifti'd) If we co7?ime?id
Dr 'allo\G Lying in Jejl we jlallfoon findit
•,

iifed in gogJ Earnefl^ in all our Bargains

and Dealings.
.
Cyrus told the King o^ Armenia^ That a
tye was not capable of Pardon.
The Emperor Trajan took away from the
Son of Cuhatus the Kingdom of Dacea,
only becaufe he caught him in a Lye.
The and Indians deprived the
Ferjians
Lyar of all Honour, and liberty of Speech.
The CWJc^^/^ depriv'd him of all Dig-
nities, and condemn'd him to remain in per-
petual Darknefs, without Speaking.
Artaxerxcs having found one of his Sol-
diers in a Lycy caiiied his Tongue to be
thrult through with tiiree Needles.
And the old Scythians ordain'd Death for
the Punifhment oi Lyars.
^Fythagerus was wont to fty^ that hi two
things KY' be com e like unto God. i. In be-
ftowing Benefits. 2. In telling the Truth.
The Devil was firlta Lya)\ and then a
Murderer —The CretianswtXQ loud Lyars.
—And Terrullian faith of Tacitus, that he
never open'd his Mouth, but there came
ii)rth a Lye-^ — -It was grown to a common
Proverb,
 felt!) M%om anu Eogiieis. 5:5

Proverb, 3 jfr^at, a Lpat One of 'em

undertook to (hew a Feather ot the Wing
of^ the Angel Gabriel: But a noted Lyar
has this Curfe attends him, not be- Ws
iie&d when he /peaks the Truth Hieroyri —
wriieth' of one upon the Rack that uttered
thefe words, God's Feopie are Children that
mil not Lye^ they will Die rather Se?2eca —
obferves, That zLye is of a thin and tran-
fparent nature, a diligent Eye may lee
through it Lying
is a blufliful Evil,
thetefore doth the Lyar deny hisL^^
Arifioile faith, A L>'^ is in itfdf evil, and
contrary to the order of Nature, which hath
given Words to exprefs Mens Mindjs and.
Meanings.
There
is a Threefold Lye^ which we muff
both avoid and oppofe.
.
I. (Iletbnh when a Man tells a falfe
Tale, or hringeth up a falfe Report.
Doctrinal when a falfe Pofirion is
2. •,

aVerr'd to be the Truth of God, and Ihm-

ped, with Divine Authority.
3- l^^actlCah this is not a Lye fpoken,
but done ^ when a Man's Aftionsconcraditt
his Profeflion.
Andthere is (giJUftOCatton now fet forth,
of a later Imprelhon ^ a Peit which the
Je^
fuifs have of late called back from Heil,for
the Ccmfort of Afflicled Cathoiicks. But
^

M is plain theD;?vil did oxiX^EquivocateyNltXx

®ur ^rii: Parents; and yet is calfd a Lyar,

H 5 Irs
s6 C(je g)f)0?tea 2Hii?
It's faid, Auguftiis Cafary after a long'
enquiry into all the Parts of his Empire,
found but one Man who was never accoun-
ted to have told a Lye: For which caule-
he was deemed Capableand Worthy, tobc^
the Sacrificer in the Temple of Truth. If
at this Day the like Inquificion fhould be
made, I much fbr the Ahars of Verity;
would rather be without a Priett, than the--^
Shrine oi Lyes without Viftims.
homer iays, He hates him worfe than
W~ll Mouth, that utters one thing with his-
Tongue^ and keeps another thing in his
Breaft. Which high Expreifion was groun-
ded upon Divine Reafori •.
For a Lyin^.
Mouth is a (linking Pit, and Murders with
the Contagion it venteth.c
'Tis cercain, the ufe of a lye any way,-
is as great a Fault as an Impertection, and

carries a kind of diflidence of God along

with it. None but a Coward or AthciJii*
cal Sinner wull hide himfelf under the Lit-
tlenefs ot a Lye.
Indeed, Flato allowed a lye lawful, ei-
ther to fave a Citizen, or to deceive an
Enemy : But I can't be of this opinion , for
when a Lye is once fet on ioot, befides the
firlt Founders, ip meeteth with many Benc-

faftors, who contribute their Charity there-

unto.
And fo much fnall ferve to be fpoken of
t\\QLyary and the difmal State he is in.

I (hall
 I fhall next ihew the SHORTEST (being
a Newj way to Reform him.
s

The Lyar is a living Contradiftion to

the God of Truth ^and 'tis a Satyr upon the
Great Creator, to have him reckon'd among
his Works. He perverts the Inflrirment of
Speech, into an Inttrument of Deceit and
Error ; And, in (liorr, he's not to be fuf-
fcr'd in a Civil Society. when a Man
For,
has loft his Confcience, he may do a world
of Mifchief with' his Tongue. A Lyar is
io perfeft a Froie-as that one can but de^
fciibe him in General, for 'tis impofiibleto
find him out in Particulars. However, not
to Hand long upon defining him. He's one
ihac broaches a Falfhood, with a deiign to
Deceive. And this^ime Gentleman would
I have punifh'd in the following manner :

He (hould have a Hole run through his

Tongue, and be hung up by't till the Hole
wears out, and he drops down. After this,
he (hould have L Y A R infcribed on his
Forehead, that he may Cheat no-body for
the future.
Our Trading Lyarswill reckon this too
hard meafure^ but I'm fure there's reafon
to apprehend thofe for the Sin, that fpeak
againft the Punifhment^ for there's not* a
Soul would Patronize a Lyar^ were* he not
one of the Gang hirafelf.

lyars
58 C&eSIj0|te(! CJLlctp

Lyars are fo prejudicial to Trade, and

all Mutual Commerce amoHgft Men, that
theymuft of neceffitybe hated by all but their
3Fraternity : Therefore I'll not have the Pu-
nifhment qualify'd in the leaft^unlefs they'll
rather Vote to be Hang'd. And if in this cafe
they might have their wifli^yet they would
be the greatelt Enemies to themfelves^ fot
1 have the fame Affurance, That they're
unfit to Die, as That they don't deferve to
Live So that upon that very Thought, the
:

lbsmer Punifliment has the preference, in

legard it gives 'em Time to Repent.

X. The Shortefl Way with the %di^hi[t\y

God feparated the Sabbath from all other

Days of the Week for his Worfliip And :

three forts of Servile Works were allowM.

i. Works of Charity, Luke 13. i^. 2.
Works diieSlly tending to God's Worfliip^
not only Killing of Sacrifices, and Cir-
ciimcilingof Children ^ but the Priclls
might lawfuly blow their Trumpets and
Horns on the Sabbath Day fox the AlTem-
faling of the People -S^o now to Ring
Bells, tho' they are in their own natures
bodily Labours, yet the Temple which was
SanSlify'd, did change the nature of them,
and make them Holy. 3. Works of abfo-
lute JSleceffity ^ as the defending one's felf
againft his Enemy.
As
 As God requires us to Remember the Sab-
bath Day^ Jo as to keep it holy ^ fo himfeU'
Remembers them that dare to Prophane ii-
The Child that gathered Sticks on that
Day among the Ifraelites, was, by the or-
der of God himfelf,Ston'd to Death,
Nnmb, lo. Thefirft Blow given the Ger-
man Churches, wa5 upon the Sabbath Day,
which they carelefsly obferv'd ^ and Prague
was Loft upon that Day.
And as God began to (hew his Severity
betimes in the Punilhing of Sabbath-Break-
ing 5 fo hp hath continued to the prefent
Age to fhew his great Difplcafure againft
ii ^ infomuch, that fames I. was much in

the right, when he caus'd his Declaration

for Sports upon that Day, to be torn out of
his Printed Volume of Writings, where it is
not now to be feen. And the BfefTed Martyt
Charles I. would have fliin d as bright in Hi-
ftory as he now does, if finffead of decli-
ling for 'emj he had fhewn his abfaorrenre
of Sports and Paftimes on the Lord'j^
Day.
jfudge Hal^s was of this opinion ', ancl,
therefore tells his Childrsn, He always Pra-
Jpered the following Week^ according as be
bad been more or Lords
lefs obfervaftt of the
Bay. And it has been obfcrv'd, That no
Criminal has died at Tyburn^ ffince the
Martyrdom oi Charles I,) but has lamented
his Breaking the Sabbath, and own'd it
10 be his firftStep to a Wici^ed Life. The
iailj;
 o

dalljr Infrances we have of God's Jiidgmeiits

upon Sabbatb-Breakers:, tally prove what a
dangerous thing i,t is to piophane the Sab-
bath.
At Akafter in Warwick/hire, upon the
coming forth of the Declaration for Sports
and Paltimes on the Lord's Day, a young
Woman went to a ,Green tp Dance, where
tiie fatd. She would Dance as long as Jhe

could ftnnd : But While (he was Dancing^

God Itruck her with a violent Difeafe,
whereof (he died.
Near Oundle in 'Northamptonjliir^e^ oo a
Lord's Day, the Leader pf a Dance ifeli
down fuddenly and died. .

At Woofjion, a Miller going on the Sab-

teth Day to a Wake when he came Home
-,

at Night, found his Houfe, Mill, and all

that he had, Burnt down to the Ground.
This (^fays my Authorj I faw with my
own Eyes On the River Trent neac f
:

Gainshorotigh^2S fourteen Boys were Playing

on a Lord's Day on the Ice ^ the Ice fud-
denly broke, and they were all Drown'd. ,

Stratford u^oxi Avon^ was jt^ic.e Con-*^

.

famed with Fire, as the Inhabitants were

Prophaning the Sabbath.— And a Month
3go five Perfons (hooting the Bridge on a
Sunday^ were Droyi^n'd.
f

As for the Lord's Day which now

tjie Church obferves, it was fet apart in
honour of the Refurreftion.-, and he .that
keeps that Day moll ftriftly, he keeps it
teft, and mott confonant t6 the Church^
Sanftifying the Lord's Day,' in the Primr
tlvje Times, was a Badge of Chrittianiry;
Wh^n the Qiieftion was put, Haji thou
kvpt the Sdbbath > the Anfwer was returned,
I a^ a Chriftiar?^ and may not do Mermfe,
That Iioty Man, Johanna , when the Sab-
bath Day approached, put upon hini his
bdt Apparel, welcomed the Sabbatli
and.
v^ith thde.words^ Co^ie^. my fweet Spoufei
He was glad' of it, as the Bridegroom of
jrfie Bride. . . . ..
'...'.

Even the T^r/^? keep a Sabbatlv and ob-

ferve it in fuch
a: rigorous manner, that a

Turk had about i6di, his Ears nailed tq

feiy.ShoiJ-Bqard, for Opening it too timc^

Having made fonrre few Remains-. oil the

,Sabbith, and view'd the Sabbath Breaker
in f the Judgments tha^ attend^ his Sports
^jid Jaftlmes on that Day, We'll next yievi
him at Church, and at that time whenthi
PreathfeTiScin the Pulpit, and we ftiall there
fte^fuicfr Hypocrifie,fuch Counterfeitifigl,
fojob Diffembling,. and fuch Mocking pf
Qtwi^f that feeing his. Wrath is fo ofteq
kirrdled- againft him for his Sins, were it
not a^ dften quenched by hisMercy, it could
not te, but that the Juftice of God would
thete Attaint him.
'J^^Th.etfe yotifhail fee him that in his Lifq.
^"!id (f!onverfation\(^/v? thejhew of the Wcrld)
when he is otu of the Church, liveth as if
I he
62 ^ CSeS)6«teff ISIap
he made doubt, whether there were any
God, or no yet he will there join with
•,

the Preacher in Prayer, and cry out, Our

father which art in Heaven,
Hallowed he thy Name^ (faith the common
Swearer) who with unhallowed Lips, doth
everyday Blafpheme the Name of God.
And he' that repofeth his whole Felicity
in the traRhtory Pleafures of this World,
that makes Gold his God, and wh^fe
Heaven is upon this Earth, will there be-
feech in Prayer, Lord, let thy Kingdom come..
Another, that repines ac' the Ordi-
nances of God,, that will murmur and
grudgs at thofe Vifitations wherewith It
pleafcth God fomedmesto afflift him, will,
yet make Petlcions, Thy will be done on
Earth as it is in Heaven, \ '

' ;

.There you fhall fee him to;make ilnter-

ce^Kpn for his daily Breads that pollutes
h/iWelf all the Week after, with his flaily
Drinksjv/ -.' : ,
^.J^ii'mi'
'.
JS^ot, what a Mifery is this, Th^t the
Goiiteriiijous, ihe Malicious, the Wrachful,
ar-id for biiti that ."leeks Revcngcs^fortbe
I<:u(t()itence that was offered him, i^ovnt-
t\-ii£^':k)f Bi'jody- E-evenge, foniedmes
bj^ :&ilts . i<)f .. Iku^^^^^^ times at all
WutaA'gra^t rigor and violence
: jwill yet •,

crave I)/ Fedtion, Lord^ forgive itr oar tr€'r

ffajje^^\as %ve forgive' them that Jrfjpiafs
«?i,^<2i/{/f^i^ drawing thereby their own Pam-

riatipJ9!,iipo;i their own^Heads ?

You
 ^
You may on Sunday, fee the Extor-
alfo
tioner, the Adulterer, the Blalphemer, un-
der the Colour qf t>evotion^ fo transform
themfelves into fhow of San£tity, that
during the time of the Sermon , they
feeni to be Saints, but being out of the
Chittch-dcor, a Man would think them to
be Demi-Devils.
There you
fhall fee the Ufurer, the Bri-
ber, the
Broker, with their Books laid
open before them, turning over Leaves as
bufily, as if they were in their Counting-
Houfes, Calling up their Debts, and
Calculating what Sums were owing
them. There you fliall iee the Merchant,
the Shopkeeper, the Tradefman, and fuch
others as live by Buying and Selling, lifting
up their Eyes, heaving up their Hands, and
making (how, as if they were inflamed with
a Burning Zeal.
But ihefe ufe Religion, as Women maki
ufe of their Paint - it ferves but to cover
their Deformities ^ they have one Confci-
ence for the Church, and another for the
Market.
And fo much (hall ferve to be
fpoken of
iki^ Sabbath Brea^r, and the difmai Itate he
is in.
i (hall next Ihew the SHORTESr (hdng
a New; Way to Reform him.

e
64 Clie ^5o|teff ^JIB^ fiiM

Wcanderltand by a Saljiath-Brea/^^rSuch
a^iaful Wretch as viqlatestheLp^d'^ Day,
wliich in our Account^,, r^^ju^ps with t|i^j$rft
E^y of every Week. '
'
. ^

As to the Solemnity of the Day, 'tis ^-

t9gether as facred as the Sabbath jvasto
the Jews:, for we are not fallen. uqier a
inore Licentious Difpenfation th^n they.
QurDuty andObedi^ce under the Law of
Grace, requires as ilrifl: an obfervance from
us, as the Jewifh Ruuals did from them;
And feeing the Rule of Duty is now mads
fo plaip, tiiofe who iin againft the Funda-
mentals of a Religipus Conftitutioij, fliould
not efcape with Impunity.
And in regard the Sabbath Breaker is the
greateft Criminal of this kind, his Doom
ll|allbe this One third part ot his Eflate^
:

whatever it is, fhould be forfeited to get

the- Poor People fooae Gloaths, that they
may make their Appearance at Church.
Then, as for himfelf, he .fhould be forced
to Build a Seat at his own Charge which
flioald overlook the reft of the Church, and
there fliould he lit every Lord's Day for a
whole Year ^ and the Reader fhould befent
home after him, to enquire how much of
the Sermon lie remembers ^ and whether
he can repeat the Doftrine, the Method,
and the Subdivifions ? If he gives not a
good account, his Confinement muft con-
tinue.
Farther
 -

Farther, fliould the ^c^ibath- Brewer fee

never fo Old, yet he (hovld b^ ohljg'd to
fay the Catiechilm u;i ,the-Chuicho before a
full Congregation, once a %i}jf}^/gj: pne
Year. ^ -./^
Were of Puniihme^t
this prefcription
but well lookt after, England (Fm perfwa-
ded) would notcxpofeh^felf to the Wraith
of Heaven every Lord's Day a? fl^e ^4?e^

XL The Shertejl Way with the ^[^^T^^jX*

Agood Mame in Man and Woman is the

immediate Jewel of their Souls ^ who
tteals my Purfe, fteals TraOi ^ 'tis Some-
thing, Nothing-, 'twas mine, 'tis his, and
has been flavc to thouf^nds : But he that
filches my good Name, robs me of my beft
treafure.
Medius being of this, told the
fenfible
Flatterers of Alexander^ That they fhould
not fear to Slander boldly, for faith he.
Albeit^ he that is BitUn Jhould be cured ef
the Wound^yet thie Scojrat the leajl wUljlill
reiTKLin,
I own fwith Medrills) 'tis difficult play
i^ig jin after Game for But
Reputation.
tho the Flatterers of Alexander might
S-lander at random, yet ^oft other Perfon^
have had Slanderers in great Abhorrence.
Critlas was fuch an enemy i>o Slandering^
that he reprov'd Archilpchus^ becaufe he
fpakQ not well of bimfelf.
Darius
66 Cfie&ficqteff (K!la?
Darius made the Accufers? of Daniel to
be devoured of Lions.
Tiberius the Emperor condemned a great
Railer with hisTongue^and commanded that
hefhouldnot Speak a word the fpacc of «
Year.
TheLydiaris fent all the Slar.derers intd
^ fecret Place, far frofn all Company.
he had put Juftinian to
Tueontius^ after
Flight, caufed two of his Slandeaers to be
traird by the Feet, and Burnti
^lato Banifhed Slanderers out of his
Common Wealth. And Anthony ^^iit thofc'
Talebearers to Death which could not prove
their Accufations. And even inEngland^ a
Slanderer fwhen he once is Detected) i%
deipifed by all good Men.
But yet it is fit to take fome Short Way'
with the Slanderer: For whoever looks
about him, will find, no Venue, nor Crown
is free from Detraftion. A Slanderous
Tongue will Ailault as well the Miters,
the Diadems and Scarlets, as the Ruffet
Coat The Honour of Magiftrates, of La-
:

dies, of young Virgins, many times moft.

Innocent, is not fpared ^ when no Merit of
Fortune can make fome Men* hope to enjoy
their Bodi€S,they will yet lie with their Re-
purations^and make their good Name fufFcr.
Nay, fometimes even faithful Servants, are
traduced by the wiles of Calumny now- -,

a days Men are bold to Speak any thing,fincc

many are willing to believe all ; And we ge-
nerally
nerally find the belt People are molt Slan-
dered- The Dogs Bark againft the Mooi|
tho' (he's fo pur.e. Frogs Croke againlt the
Sun which is fo beneficial an4 rcfplendent.
Monftrous Figures and the Names of Beafls
have been impofed on the Vertues of Hea-
ven,and there is no Illuftrious Planet which
I^ath not beea accufed of fome Crime.
However, they take no Revenge ^ and
what Stains foever are laid upon" them,
what Vapours foever arife to them from
the Earth, they ceafe not to do good to the
Slanderers^ tiidL di (honour them : K ei-
ther do they forbear to Enlighten the Earth
which pbfcures them.
And even good Men have the fame Fate
with the Planets. Anjlobulus through a
faUe Report,put to Death his own Brother.
Arijhphanes was Accufed by the Athemans
Ninety five times, and as often Acquitted.
Jujl Heaven will never forjake thehno-
cent,
An4 if we look into Hiftory, we ihall
find the Judgments of God never iail to
follow tht^/anderer '^^•^-^Theodofuis Kjng
of the Goths (in Rage) through a fo;rge4.
Accufation, Executed Sym-machus Shortly :

^fter he was lerved at the Table with the

Head of a Fifh, which fecmed to him zq
be the fame of Symmachus^ looking afquint
upon him, with which Conceit, he fell
ipck, and died. -Jkrofjbuhs. King of
the Jevos^ took fuch a Conceit in riiar \m
had
6^ HUMMttft m«^
KadflaSriliis Brdttef without hearing his
E5(cufe^ that he diedi —
The like befel
t& A^ifiobu/U^ iot Slandenng his Brother
AmieSus^ who Vomitted up his Blood in
tht5 place where his Brother's was fpilt^
and, in remofle of Confcience, died. And
^ven they which Accufed Socrates^ not be-
i,ng atle any longer to abide the publicfc
Hate, Strangled th^felves. The Slan^
derers Wit hath too miich edge But grea^" :

Mirtdsf (Tike Socrates) diffipate Cakmmes

By tfe Innocence of their LiVps, as the
Chriftal Currents of Riyers c^fty aw
long the fmall flying Duft All' the Ar- :

rows of Reproach (as is feen in the DiC

grace that befal Slanderers) return upon
the Csflunnniator. Thus a Bafil isk defirous
to inft£l a Looking Glafs, killeth himftlf
by repercuflion 6f Vapours Which proceed
from his own Body Ancl the ^laijderer
•,

doth the like^ wherf f like the Accufers of

Sdcrates) he meeteth with an unfpotte^f
Life: it is a fmoatK Glals, #fiidh Killeth
him with his own proper AtaiS; -

And for this reafon^ whenl^W///^ tfes

jidvifed tt)Chaftize tH6 Gr^c/V/Zi* fo^lbdak-
ilfi^ againft him, He 6nl)^ anTv^rdd,- If they

Slander nte miihoiif rdafoH^ fxhdttiimitdth^f

$0 if Ifhduld dortheMliim ? j^^rf^ldihej
they -make tftt a BMter Man y fi^ IJlrii)^
Mty^ both ifi myWdtds hni Diedi^ t^fr^ii
i^KmLyars. ,
^ ,.- u^i^bn^ /-•':

^'-''
And
 And fo much fliallof ferve to be fpoken
the Slanderer^ and the difmal State he
is in.

I (hall next (hew the SHORTEST (f being

isi new) way to Reform him.

The
Slanderer has neither fo good a
Character, nor fo honourable an Employ,
ment, that he (hould be fo very bufie at it'.
As for his Charafter, 'tis generally a fecret
and an envious Lyar : His Employment is
to deftroy other Mens Reputation. There
are abundance of thefe Monfters in the
World ^ fo that a Man knows not when
nor where he is fecure and the greateft
•,

Mifchicf is, they've no Mark upon 'em toi

make 'em knovvn by. •

Pd have thele Cormorants rigg'd out

firll

fomething particularly for publick Appea-

rance. SLANDER lliould be Infcrib'd
upon their Foreheads, and on their Backs
they fhould wear a Vulture in a Gnawing
pofture \ and before this Devourer, fhoukl
be Infcrib'd Reputation. Thus they'd ap-
pear in their own Colours, and wear their
own Hieroglyph icks on their Liveries.
Thus much for th«ir Habit and Appea-
rance Then, as for their Treatment in the
:

World, and in Converlation, I (hall offer

thefe DiredioDS. E;;/?, The vileft Inhu-
manities fhould be laid at their Door, oa
puxpofe to Teaze, and let 'em feel the Un-
tafiweti which they've given others without
K taufe*
70 C6e ^fwiteff mtii?
caufe. Secondly^ Whenever they begin to
Nibble at the Reputation of others, the
quite contrary fhould as often be believed,
and afferted t^ their Face.
This would either Reform 'em, or make
'em weary of Converfation ^ fo that they'd
be in no Capacity of hurting People for the
future.

XII. The Shorteft Way mtb the Ptt-^

fectito^

All that will live Godly in Chriji Jefii^^

Jhallfujfer Verjecution. It is a glorious
thing to fay with St. ?aul^ For the hope of
Ifrael am
bound with this Chain, Chryjo-
1
jlome fays, There* can be no greater thing
to glory of than this. The Apoftles them-
Iclves gforied in it, that They were counted
worthy tojuffer for the Name of Chriji. It
was the Queen of Bohemia's Motto, Perfe-
cut or s may hut cnnnot hurt. Believe
kill^

me Cfaid Philpot the Mdnyv) There is no

fuch Joy in the Worlds as the People of
ChriJI have under the Crofs ^ when
our Enemies Imprifon cur Bodiesy they fet
cur Souls at Liberty with God. 1 praife
Cod^ (faid another Martyr J thateverlliv'd
to fee this Day •, and my God and
blefjed be
7nerciful father^ that ever he gave me «
Body to ghrifie his Na7ne,

The
 toftfj wamt& aim Kojyiiesf. 71
The Blood of the Martyrs is the Seed
of the Church ; yet were there Eleven
Perfecutions of the Primitive Chnrch.
The firtt was in the Rclgn of the Empe-
ror J^'cro^ who caufed the Bodies of Chri-
ftian^ to be torn in pieces with Dogs and •

to m-^ke the Dogs more fierce, they were

braced in Skins of Bears, and other Savage
Bealis Under him Suffered Peter diud ?auh
:

It continued three Years.

The 2d, was by Domitmn-^ who under-
ftanding that one fliouid fpring out of the
Loins oiDavid which (hould Expel him his
Empire^ he caufed all thofe to be put to
Death which defcended from the Race of
David: Amongft the Jews^ he Exiled and.
ConSned St. /6/;i^ the Evangel iff- into the
\i[Qoi¥athmos. It continued two Years.
The 3d, was by Trajan^ Who determi-
ned by Torments to puniih the Chriftiansi
and therefore by publick EdiQ, Ordained
that the Chriltians fhould Worftiip the >

Idols of the Gentiles, upon Pain of Deaths

which they refufing to do. he made a great
Slaughter of them. Afterward he Itayed
the Perfecution, and gave them Liberty.
The 4th, was in the time oi Mar, Au*
firnamed the Philofopher ^ who Per-
rel'ius-,

fecuted the Church Militant in Afia and

Europe^ wherer Lucius Varus was Gover-
nor.
The Septimus Severus^riYvuck
5:th, \xniitx
P^rftcutigo caufed God to difturbhis Peace 1
^^
M.2^ fw
72 €:5e ©fjojteft CBap
for one of his Captains, called A/binii/s^
Rebelled againft him, who made all Britain
Revolt from him, calling himfelf Emperor
during his Life.
. The 6rh, under Maximns^ who moft
Devilliflily Perfecuted the Chriftians, being
offended that A. Severus had fupported
them.
The 7th, was in the Reign of Decius^
who Perfecuted 'em in defpight of his Pre<
decefjbr Yhillip^ who was Chriftned.
The 8th, m Valerian's Reign who ^ id-^
the beginning greatly favoured them-, but
afterwards he was feduced by a Magician
of Egypt, becaufe they impugned his De-
ceits and Sorceries, and Perfecuted them
wiih great Slaughter.
The 9th, the time of the Emperor
in
Aurelius who the firft fix Years ufed them
•,

moft lovingly ^ but in the end, by the pro-

vocation of the Devil, he Perfecuted them
throughout all the Confines of his Eni-
pire.
The
loth, under Dioclejian^ which con-
tinned ten Years together, of the; which,
Eujebius and Orojius were Eye-witneffes •,

Jbme were Broiled and Scorched Alive ^ o-

thers> their Flefli Carded, as tho' it had
licen Wool.
The nth and laft, was \if Juttanus Afo-
fiata ^ who feeing that the Blood of xh^
Martyrs was the Seed of thfe Chufch,t€mp-
led diverSj by Fref^rments and Offices, to
commit
 fef rtj Wboi^ ana laoffttesf. 7^
commit Idolatry. This was the greatcft
Wound that ever the Church receiv'd.
Yet we find the Bvils done te God's Peo-
ple have been repaid bv a juft RetributioH
to their Enemies ; Pharoah and the E^yp-
tianswere Cruel Enemies to God's Ifrael^
and defigned the ruine of their poor Inno-
cent Babes : And God repaid Ir, in Smiting
all the Firft-born of Egypt in one Night,
(Esiod, 12. 29.)
Hamman etefted a Gallows Fifty Cubits
high for Mordecai ^ and God fo order'd it^
that himfelf and his ten Sons were Hanged
on it. And indeed, it was meet (zs a Re-
verend Divine faith) That he Jhould eat the
fruit of that Tree which himfelf bad planted
(Efther 7. loj
Achiiophel plots againft David^ and give^
Counfel, like an Oracle, how to procure
his Fall And that very Counfel, like a
:

furcharged Gun, recoils upon himfelfj ar4

procures his Ruine.
The Arm which Jeroboam flretched out
to Smite the Prophet, God Smites. And
had room, I could give 500 Inftanccsof
I
Divine Judgments upon Terfecutors,
Maximius, whofet forth his Proclama-
tion for the utter Abolifliing the Chriftian
Religion, had a fwarm of Lice fent to prey
upon his Entrails.
Charles IX. who made the Streets of
Paris to ftream with Proteftant Blood,
74 Clje g)fj02te(! Mm
Died iiis Blood ftreaming from
miferabijr,
of his Body-
all Parts
Stephen Gardner^ that Burnt fo many of
God's Servants to Allies, was himfdf fo
Scorched up by an Inflammation, that his
very Tongue was Black, and. hung out of
his Mouth.
Burton^ a Papift in Q. JMarf^ R^^gn,
goes to Church, and there fays to the Cur.
rate, (then Reading the Engiiih Service)
Sirrah^ will you not Jay Mafs ? Buckleyour
/elf to it^ yoa Knave ^ or by God's Bloody Vll
Jheath my Dagger in your Shoulder, Shortly
after, Riding with a Neighbour over Fen
Bank^ a Crow flew over his Head with her
ufual Note, voiding her Excrements on his
Nofe, which run down upon his Beard,
and fet him fo a Vomitting, that he halt-
Ked Home and to Bed, wheie hecontinu'd
Vomitting, Swearing and Curling at the
Crow, till at laft h-e Died.
And if we look into our own Times, we
(hall fcarccly find one Perjecutor that has
died a natural Death.
One of Alderman Cornijljes JuryMen
had his Brains dafht out. Another (hot
himfelf •, and Time muft (hew what will
become of the rclt
Tis generally thought that Matchlefs
Yerfecutor (^the French KingJ will never
D'}fi in his in his Bed.

Thofe
 , )

toitlj ©Sfjoits^ ana jRoguesi.

Thofc two Ferfecutors^ Hilton and 5^^^,
tvere both Branded for Perjured Villains.
The Woman that Inform'd againlt Mr.
Rofwe!^ went out of the World an infamous
Wretch. And I'm told, that Juftice Bakh
died figning a Warrant for Seizing that emi-
nent Servant of Chrift, Di^Samitel Annefley,
And 'tis certain ('for I heard it my fell
that when the Devil came tor his Soul, he
made fuch hideous Roaring as Irighted all
his Neighbours in Spit tie-fields
And io much fpoken of
fhail ferve to be
the P^/y^a/r^r.and the difmal State he is in.
I (hall next fliew the SHORTEST (being

a Newj way to Reform hioa.

The Ferfecutor is one who commits
Outrage upon the Property and the Intereft
of Heaven in this World ^ he commonly
fins under the Proteftion of Power and Ty-
ranny and 'tis frequently fo, that he can't
',

be brought to the Bar of Humane Juftice in

this World la that cafe, 'tis the Province
:

of Divine Juftice to Torment him for ever

in the future State.
However, fometimes it happen^ that he
falls into the Hands of Men; And in fuch
a cafe, Fd not have him difpatch'd out
of liand, but this method fhould be ta-
ken with him Some filent and fome foli-
.*

tary Cave ftiould be found out for him,

where he (hould be Fed, all his Days, with
Bread and Wat^r, and a Divine fhould be
appointed to Vifit him once a Week, and
 76 CSe ©fioiteit oaap
to Read Leftures of Terror to him ^ the
impreflion of which, in fo Thoughtful a
Place, would link upon his Confcience, and
prove a feverer Torment to him than any
that can be invented.
Who knows but this might iffue well,
and prove a very merciful piece of Cruelty .^
His Guilt and his own Confcience wouM
never Sleep quietly in fuch Silence and So-
litude, which perhaps might melt him into
true Penitence and Contrition. This fame
Method would I have prafticed upon
Lems XIV. was but the Perfecuting Tyrant
once in our Hands.

XIIL The Shorteft Way

with the Cotttetl*
ten Cucfeoltu

I fimple Cuckoldom is no Vice 5

own
for if the Wife will be Lewd, how can
the Husband help it > But to be Jealous of
a good Woman, is a great Sin and for a
•,

Man to be Pandar to his own Wife, is a

greater.
I own.this is a Vice that can't endure the
'
Rays of the Sun, (and is confin'd to Dark-
nefs) but let the Vice be never fo abomina-
ble, there's Mr. T privy to his owa
Cuckoldom ^ and Mr. P —
is the fame^

and I could name feveral Husbands, that

hold the Door to their own Flefh and Blood,
and are ('what a^Man may call^ Contented
'Q.iHkolis^
^ "
Th€
 . .

mi) SMfio^es ana Eogjues^. 77

The Jealous Cuckold isthe more honeft
Man of the two, yet is more troublefome
thau the Contented Cuckold ^ for Jealoufie
is the Rage of a Man ^ Jealoufie is born of
a good Houfe, that of Lovp and Honour ^
but itdivideth Beds and Empires^ and hath
Eyes ever fo Bleared, that it cannot endure
a Partner, tho' but in Imagination.
In Love Affairs^ Jofelfijh we are g7'own^ >]
That the lov'^dOhjett mufl he all our own^ V
Or elfe we voi/h might be enjofd by none, ii

But if a Woman has a Fancy to Cuckold

her Husband, (ot 'tis the Man's DeftinyJ I
can't fee how (he can help it. She that has
an ill thing in her Head^ will foon havi it
in her Tail. A Mail may be made as Great
a CUCKOLD (if his Wife is refolv'd
upon't) in the Time he goes to the Royal*
Exchange^ as he may in a Voyage to the
Eajl Indies,
At Goa the Women are fo fubtil in Cuc-
kolding their Husbands, that with a certain
D|:ink they give 'em to drive away Care,
(as they fay J they will maka them Sleep
for 24 Hours, and fo Intoxicate them, that
they can Remember nought of that they
faw done, or heard ^ and by Walhiag of
their Feet, reftpre them agen 5 and f# make
theirHusbands Cuckolds before their Faces*
This is a new Experiment to make a^
Cuckold Contented^ and I fcarce know how
to diflike it *, for Jealoufie is only a Giij
L thafi
78 Cl&e g)8oiteff JSaa?
that we fet to catch Serpents -, wliicb, aa
foon as we have caught them, Sting us.
The Jealous Husband would fain think the
belt of his HandfomeWifes yet fomething
(and often when there is no occafionj is
bufie in his Brains, and in the fhape of Jea-
loufie prefents a thoufand Fears.
I know
the Jealous Hu5band will tell us,
that he's uneafis at his dear Sj)oufe, out of
Itark (taring Kindnefs. But, Tellom S'lr^ let
me tell you, Jealowfie's no better fign of
Love, than Fevers are of Life ^ they fliew
there is a Being, tho' impair'd and perifli-
ifjg , and that AfFeftion is fick, and in
dilbrder hxi^ if Jealoufie be Fire in pri-*
;

vate Petfons, tobefur^ 'tis Wild-Fire in

F|rinces.
VOne would think, the Charms. of a Kind
Wife fbould cure the Jealous Husband ^
btft "tis often feen, it avails little: For, as
there be Serpents which are naturally Ene-
riiics and as Oogs do not
to fine Flowers ^

Bark againft the Moon, but when (he is

petfeft, and poflefles all her Light \ fo
there be Jealous Devils, who have a parti-
cnlar Spite againlt pleafing and illuftrious
Vertues. I know the Cuckold will lay, CI
mean the Wital who is pleafed with Toot-
ing his Silver Horhj If a Man have a hock
xvhich every Man^s Key will o^en as well as'
his own^ whyjhould he think to keep it pri-
vate to himjelf?

Of
 , .

tuitl) £050?e0 ana Ecgitep. 7?:

Of thefe Contented Cuckolds^ there are
two forts : Som* that fufpcft their Man-
hood. And fuch Contented Cnckolds were
the Kings of Gr/^'^/^r 5 who (^as Burton tdk
us^ will not Touch their Wives till one of
their Biarmi Or High-Priefts have Lain firR
with them, to SanSifie their Wombs.
And I fuppofe this was the reafon for
that Scotch Law
whereby every Bride
,

was obliged to Lye with the Lord of

the Manner, before (he Lay with her Hus-
bands. Or, 2dly^ Such as. Liv^e by Cuckol-
dom: And fuch Contented Cue ke ids vjqxq .

the Men of 5V^

: For their Wives (as I hin-
ted before) being given to Exceffive^
Venery, their Husband^ are their Pandars v
and when they fee any Stranger arrive, they
prefently demand, If he woidd have a Mi^
ltrefs> And fo they make Whores [of their
own Wives ^
^nd'are contented, for a little
Gain, to wear Horns.
I fear there b$ top many Knights of this.
Order, fo dubbed by their Wives. Amongft
the Carthagenians^^ the Bridegroom Peti*
tions the King of the Country to Lye with
his Bride the firft N.ight, and once a Year.*
Thefe Contented Cu,ckolds lie promijfcuoufly
ail together. And if we look at Horn?,
(provided there's Moiaey coming^ wherc'sf,
the Man but what's a Contented Cuckold}
There's T by Cripplegate finding
his Wife a-Bed with another Man, put
up the Wrong for a Quart pf Sack : 5*«--t*.
L 2 ptofter'^
profFet'd firft a Pint : Nay, faid T-^
fure Neighbour 'tis worth two Pints, which
the Adulterer gave him, and de- T
clared himfelf fully Satisfied.
Mr. B —
(now Living in Holborn)
finding his Wife had Born a Man toonaany^"
drew his Sword, and Swore if he had not'
been his Friend, he would have Kiil'd him.
Another Cuckold in ^mithjield^ (I could^
name the Man and his Sign) hearing one
had done that for him which ho Man de-^
fires to be done by a Deputy, foUow'd^
iiim in a Rage with his Sword drawn-'
z.ti6. having overtook him, laid Adultery to-

tiischarge ^ the Offender hotly purfued^^

cpnfaffeditwas true^ with which confeflion
lie was and fo left him, Swearing
fatisfied,
that If he haddeny'd it, he would not have

put i;ap^ -;- ^ '

'

"
Mr. iC'^ of ileetftreet was morcP
'
.' ^

—
'

Co'/!te,ntedthan thefe for finding G--r-- -> •,

ia.BeQ with his Wife, all he faid, was, T^^

TLordgive me- Fatience^the Lord give me Pa^
tience^ and fo (Contentedly) left 'em togethefP
And Mr.
Whore as m^ch as
R™
told his Wife fhe might^
(he would. If flie'd take-
4ake care to fallen the Door (^which fhe once
forgotj that kis Servants might know n^'^
thing of it.
But of all Cuckolds, I think none fo
Contented-^^F' of Harzmch^ who being-
asked by his Wife, Iffliefhould Lye with
Sir ^ 'ion 5 /. and a good Goofe, (\x n
" > '^

'm being
 .

toitfi faJ6o?e0 arm Eoffitcs. sp

being what he proffer'd her fox a Night's
Lodging^ all the anfwer he gave, 'was, I
would not be a Cue kohl for all the World ;.

but you k/iow^ Honey\ wc zmnt Mo/2}\ cind

the Goofeisagood Goofe^ that'^s the triah.
orCt, To this (lie reply'd, Then^ Deaf\
Jhall I Lye with Si?' Itell thee (re-
ply'd the Cuckold agenj you knoifs, JV/fe^

that we want Mony^ and the Goofeisagood

Goofe^ thafsjhe truth ont,
^ And as there are Jealous Cuckolds, and

Contented Cuckolds^ fo there is the Husband

his own Cuckold, I mean that Marries on
purpofe to be a Cuckold ^ and for that rea-
fon gets a Captain or Enfigns Place, that
^ome Lord or Knight may enjoy his Wife
witiiout Interruption.
And fo much (hall ferve to be fpoken of
tht Contented Cuck&ld^ and thedifmgl ftate
he is in.

I (hall next fhew the SHORTEST Cbeliig

a New^ Way to Reform him.

Contented Cueko/d is fo mean a Sin-

^he
ned, that he's almoft below my Notice.
His Conjugal Affection mult needs be grown
very Cold upon his Hands, lo that he'd
fcarce feel the Puni(hmeHt of a Divorce,
However^ he (Jiould have one, if it wers
only to leffen and difcontinne his Sin. But
that fiiould not be all for he (hould
•, make
an exchange of his Cloaths with his Wife,
and fox ever after he fliould walk in Ps^tti-
coats ^
 S2 Cfjeg)602teff M^v
coats and his Wife that was, fliould be,
•,

obliged to wear her Husband's Habit- Botlr

of 'em in this Drefs fnould be coni^n'd to
Ibme Work-Houfe during Life, where they'll',;
Jiave leifure to refleft and to repent of their,
former Follies.
The Jealous Cuckold ^ that is, he who
fjppofes himfelf a Cuckold before he has
any Affurance of it, fhould be obliged to,
v/ear two Anders of a Buck upon the front
of his Hat, and never to appear in Publick
without 'em, upon Pain of Hunger or Im-
priibnment for his Life-time. This is but
a juft mealure ofPuniihrnent for doing an
Injury to the Vertue of his Wife, and for
Cuckolding himfelf in his own Imagina-
tion].

XIV. The Shortefi Way with the COtoarU*

Occafioned by the late i'owardije of Cap-
tain Khkhy^ &c, and may ferve as a
Caution to other Officers,

Themijl(>cies compared a Cozvard to the

Sword Fifh, which hath a Weapon, but
wants a Heart. The Coward conje£lures
every poil^biliry of Misfortune, net only
forccafting likely Perils, but fuch as all the
Planets together could fcarcely have con-
fpir'd. Other PafTions are grounded upon
Things that are , as Envy upon Happinels,
Ra^e upon Injury, Love upon Beauty But ;

Cowardife is grounded upon Things that

are
are nor : Coinsf Mifcbiefs, that neither
It
be, nor can be. 'I'hey thu by an even
poife might fit fafe in a Boat on a rough
Sea 5 by rifing wp to avoid Drowning, are
Drowned.
Then let me rather have a Mind Confi-
dent, and undaunted wirh feme Troubles,
than a Ptilfe ftill beating Fear in the flufh
of Profperity. I had rather be confidently
Bold, than foolifhly Cowardly. He that
in every thing fears to do well, will at
length do ill in all. The Coward is the
Trumpet to found the March to others, but
fecretty founds a Retreat ro himfelf. He
will Talk big when Danger keeps at a due
diftance, but in time ot Fight, like the
Moufe in the Fable, he will not venture to
hang the Bell to the Cars Neck. Cowards
Fight as fearfully as Jealous Husbands a&k
after lome Secrets they care not to know,
They will not Attack the Enemy firft, for
fear to difpleafe him. A Coward will refign
his Weapon, rather than venture one fmall
Scratch. Evils that muft be, the Coward
meets with before his time^ as ifheftrived
to make himfelf Miferable fooner than God
appointed him. Kirkbys Cowardife, and
not his Valour, fent him to the Court-Mar-
tial, and has by 'this time Shot him to
Death, or Hang'd him.
Thus, when the PaflTenger Gallops by
(ox Fights, like Kirhy^ 2l League from the
Enemy} as if his Fear made him fpeedy,
ihe
 :

84 C6e %Mtt(t CHa?

the Cur follows him wi^^ an open Mouth .

and ftviftnefs^but let hihr'Walk by in a con*

fident Negleft, and the Dog will nQvex ftir
.at liim. And this is Caution enough to our
F/^^ and ¥landers Captains, as they are
Men oi" a Matchlefs Courage. But when
1 Talk to the Cczvard, I fear I Talk to the

Wind for 1 never heard of any A£l becom-

;,

ing Venue that came from any Coward

All the Noble Deeds that have beaten
their Marches through fucceeding Ages,
have all proceeded from Men of Courage.
A Soldier being ask'd what Exploits he had
done in Glanders ^ anfwefd, That he had
Cut off a hrnchmarfs Legs It was an-
:

fA^'er'd, It had been fomething, if he had

Cut Head
off his O (faid he) you muft
:

confider his Head was off before.

Can I be Short enough with fuch Cowards ?
Abaga^ lo make fuch Valiant, caufed them
that Run away from the Battle, ever after
to wear Womens Apparel. I think a Cow-
ardly Captain can't be too much Expofed ^
for befides the Diigrace he brings on his
Countiy, he Eclipfes God's Sufficiency, by
unworthily doubting that God will not
biinghim off. ..

And fomuch (hall fervcto be

Ipoken of*
i;he Ccw.ird^ and he is in.
the difntal State
{ fliall next fliew the Shortejl ('being a
New) way to Reform him. .>:'|'

T\\Q Coward, tho' pel haps he may nrt be

a SiiiH^r under this very Notion, yet Tm
; ,
* fur^
iure he's a (hame to hi^ Sex, and our Na^
tion has futFered lufEcientlyof late from
this veryTopick of Cowardice / 'Tis a Dif^
grace among Men that don't wear Swoids
and Red Coats but 'tis the liiolt -unpar-
•,

donable among the Soldiery. ^

Fd have the Coward^ whether by Sea or

Land, always put in the Polt of greateft
Danger ^ and upon the lead fign of Fear-
fulnels or Retreat, hefhould be difpatch'd
out of Hand. Thofe who maintain any
Poll in the Army, upon a fufpicion of heir
Cowardice, (hould be Cafhier'd, and Tent
home in P«tticoats, and be obliged to w^ar
the Livery for Life- time Which would
:

prove a very fenfible AffliSlion to him ;

for I know none that would* rather have the
reputation of Courage, than thofe that want
it : So upon this fcore the Mortifica-
that
tion of Petticoats would go deeper.
Farther, that theWorld may be fure to
know of the Matter, the Cowardice of
iuch a Perfon (hould be once Advertized in
all the News Papers. And to lay yet a greater
load upon the Puniftiment, a Third part of
the Coward's Eftate Ihould be Confifcated
to carry on the War.
Private Gentlemen that are troubled with
this Effeminate, Spirit, (liould not efcape
the Lafh but after they are Pofted tor
•,

Cotmrdy^ they fliould be fent into th?- xlrniy^

and there Exposed to the greatelt Dc'ngers ^
and io foon as their Cowardice appears,
M they
 :

s6 Cfje S>fja?tell Map

they fliould run the Gantlet of the Punini-
ment abovemcntlon'd.
Were this Projeft put in Pra£lice, Ym
psrfwaded v^e fliould have a Reformation
arnongit Cowardsy which would be a Na-
tional Advantage at this Jun&ure.

XV. The Short ejl Way iioith the ©atttelfetr*

Sporting and Gaming is not fimply and

abfolutely unlawful, but rather a whet to
our Scuii^s and lawful Employments as •,

Eating, Drinking, and Sleeping moderately

and fcafonably, rather refreflieth our Spi-
rits, and makes u^ more fit and brisk for
Care and Bufinefs \ but the immoderate
life or abufe of 'em, is of evil Report, and
tends to the Effeminating of the Mind, the
lofs of Time, and all the ill efltefts of aa
Idle Life.
In (horr, where Games are not ufed with
thefe cautions, Seafonably, and
Soberly,
Prudently, they are naught and dangerous*
And for this reafon the Turks, tho' they^
ofuen Game, yet 'tis always for Nothing
And 'tis a Capital Crime among them to
Play for Money. In oisr own Nation all Di-
ciLg is generally forbidden, 1 Rich. 2. Dicers
Punilifd with fix Days Imprifonment.
31 Hc/iry 4. With fitting in the Stocks.
1 1 i/^/7. 7. Keepers of Dice Play with three.

Years Imprifonment, Players with two,

17 Eclw, 4. And in the State. of Geneva^
tjie very making of Dice is cojademn'd. A
Spanifh Council held at Eiiberis^ Siifpends
every Chriftian Man from the Lord's Table
that (hall Play at Dice or Tables, for a
Twelve month, Cone, FJib, 79. And the
^r.

Lord Fitz Gerard a little before his Dejth

(which was Anno i^SoJ wrote a Peniten-
tialSonnet concerning hjs former Gaming-,
which is to be ih^n 'in a Pamphlet, called.
The 'Nicker Nic^d. But there arc but ve y
few People that fee the Folly of Gaming.
The Ch'inefe delight exceffively in all forts
of Game*, and when they have loii, care
not tho' they ftake Wives and Children ^
whom they willingly part with, till they
can redeem them.
Claudius Csfar writ a Book of the Art
of Dicing and Gaming, which he and his
Succeflbr Augufius greatly ftudicd. Sarda-
napalus was fo fubjeft to Gaming, that he
confum'd all his Tiir^e therein: Whofc
Motto was,

Edefiibe^L^ide^poJi Mortwn nullaVoIiiptas.

The Greeks had four great Games ap-

pointed upon Mount Olympus in Arcadia^
which were fo Famous, that as the Romans
ufed to account the Time by their Coniuls,
fo did the Greeks by thele Games.
I own, fome Gaming has been made ufc..
ful , Xerxes invented the Chefs- Play,
for
to warn a Tyrant to avoid his Tyranny ^
and by this Play to lee him underlt^nd how
M 7 '
d.m-
88 C6e aftoiteff SBap
dangerous the Eftate of a Prince is, that
doth not ufe his SuWeSs wdL But gene-
rally fpeaking, fewMen govern themfelves
as they fhould do in Play and many have
-,

Ruin'd themfelves and Families by it. Of

which, I could give many latelnftances^but
(hall content my felf with fonlyjtelling my
Reader, that near fi^////fl;7^, a City in Hel-
vetia, a Perfpn at Dice ufed Blafphemous
Expreflions, faying, If fortune deceive me
vow J. willflick my Dagger into the veryBody
of God^ as far as lean : And prefently the
Devil carry'd away this Blalphemeus
Wretch with fuch force and noife, that the
whole City was aftonifh'd.
And in the Year 1 5:5:05 there liv^d ia
Alfatia one Adam Steckman^ who lofinghis
Wages at Dice, he grewfodiforder'd (wan-
ting wherewith to Maintain his Family^
that in his Wife's abfence he Murdred his
Children, and would have Hang'd himfelf,
but that his Wife comtngin, prevented it.
And fo much fhall ferve to be fpoken of
the Gamefler, and the difmal ftate he is
Is.
I (hall next (hew the Shvrteft Cbeing a
NewJ way to Reform him.

The Gamefter being one who Lavi(hes

sway the Bounties of Providence, FU en-
.deavour to make his Sentence as Short
as he commonly doe=5 his Eftate-, all
thaf s left of it (hould be Forfeited, one
-
' '
\ •
half
half to carry on the War, and the othef
half to the Poor of the Parifh: And as for
himfelf, he fhould immediately be IrHprelt
into Her Majefties Service.
This Method would leflen the number
of Extravagants, and Parents would noi;
fuffer fuch frequent Difappointments in
their Children. Befides, we (liould no^
hs^ve the Roads pelter'd with fo many
K^bbers and Footpads, which would be a
National Advantage in the end.

XVI. Tk Short eft Way with the Wmtt^

By Vfiirer^ I mean an exa£ling Creditor,
one whofe Pen is Plough, Parchment
his
his Field, Ink his Seed, and Time his Rail?,
to ripen his greedy Defircs.
'ThQ IJfiirer^ faith one, breeds Money of
Money, to the third and fourth Generation.
Indeed, many are the evafions which Mea
have framed amongft the reft, diftingaifh-
•,

ing Biti;2g Ufury from Tootb/e/s Ufury :

But both thefe are condemn'd, EzeA.iS.S^i:}.
The old Indians and Germans knew not
what Ufury meant.
Amafis King oi Egypt mdi^Q a Law, That
the Praetor (hould call every one to Account
how they Lived ^ and if by Ufury ^ they
ihould be puni(he4 as Maletaftors.
Cato drove all the UJurers out ofSici/ia^
(altogether Undone by them^ and reftor'd
her to her former Glory. •

There
po tS;6e©5o?tc(f 8X3ap
There was a Law amongft the ancient
V.9mans^ which forbad all IJfury furmount-
ing one Penny for an ^hundred Pounds, and
they call'd it Unciarie Vfury.
Agis^ xhQ Athenian QQx\tX2i\^ fer Fire upon
«11 the Ufurers Books and Bonds in the?
Market-Place than which Fire, Agefilaus
•,

was went to fay. He never faw a fairer.

Arijlotle in one page condemneth the
XJfurer and the Dicer, and yet fome Chri-
ftians blufh at neither ^ which I admire at,
for no Man of Note in all Antiquity (/^tt?j
and Manicheestyizt'^x.^^) for One thoufand
five hundred Years after Chrifl:^ hath ever
undertaken the defence o? Vfury ^ neither is
there any ground in Scripture for that di-
ftin£lion. In P/. 14.4. U/'//;'<frx are calkd
Man Eaters. The Vfurers are like Pickrels
Jn a Pond, or Sharks in the Sea, that devour
the lefler Fifnes.
Thefe Oftriches can digeft any Metal,
cfpecially Money. There is no footing for
Vfury in the Word of God. It rather makes
void three great Rules which our Saviour
hath given us in the Gofpel. Read thcma
Matth, 7. 12. Luke 6. 95. Heh, 13. 5.
Let Men therefore take heed how they
meddle with Vfury^ feeing there is iljch a
Cloud of Witneifes againft it, and not truft
to a diltinftion of Man's Brain making -,

Jailing Vfury unlawful, and Qxhti Vfury

awful, till by this diftinftion they get
Money into their Coffers, and lofe their
Souls
 Souls at lalt. Lord^ who Jhali abide' in thy
Tabernacle ^ Who Jhali dwell in thy holy
Hill? He that putteth not out his Money 19
IJfury, Surely, an ill Trade that ex-
'tis

cludes a Man from Heaven. So that I find

the Ufurer hath no excufe for Hard-heart-
ednels ^ for where can he caft his Eyes
that he beholds not Objefts of Charity ? A
Vfurer Merciful No, in cafe of Security
!

he reiblves againft any thing lefs than two

thoufand Pounds for a fingle hundred. By
this we fee, (x\\o the World adores him^
that he is Poorer in his Soul, than he that
Feeds hi the Hofpital.
It fares with the Vfurer^ as Liquor with
an Hydropick Man, who the more he
drinks, the more he thirlls. Gold and
Silver indeed I refpeft, as it bears the Pi.
£lureof mv Queen -^ but J can't find in my
heart to Worfhip it 5 for what greater
Folly can there be, than to adore that
vyhich Nature herielf hath put under our
Feet, and hidden in the Bowels of the
Earth, as unworthy to be leen > Th^ Rich
Poor Man's empi.atically
Poor, for he
Scarves in the midit of Plenty, and wants
(as he has not the Heart to ufe it;
even
what he pofTeifes. To Starve in the midft
of Plenty, isfuch a piece ot Madnefs, that *
one would think the World could nor give
lis one Inltance of it But fuch Wretchi:s
:

are in every Town.

Cardind ,
92 C6e SIjo?teff Jma^
Cardinal Angrkt was fo bafely Covetous,
that by a private way he ufed to
go into
x\^ Stable and fteal the Oats
fronn his^

Hoxres. So that on a time the Matter of

in the dark,
his Horfe going infj the Stable
and finding him there, taking him for a
Thief, Beat him foundly. ^
Braiihwaite'iQ\[s m oX2i Vjurer, who
tinwiUing to (ell his Corn while it was at
an high Price, expefting the Market
would
rife higher when he faw it
t,
afterwards fall,
in Defpair Hang'dhimfclf upon a
Beam ot
his Chamber which his Man hearing, and
•,

making hafte, cut the Rope, and preferv'd

his Life : Afterwards when
he came to
himlclf, (and Fm fure I could match
him
in Ho^fdo/j) he would needs have his Man
pay tor the Cord he had cut, and thus
AbTs'd him.

y hafpoild my Rope 'twasftrong

'

Tou Dog ! !

and tight,
Andcoft Vmfure a Groat hut father Nights
Agoodfuhfiantial Rope, to give its due,
'Twould hold an hundred heavier Rogues
than Tou, r i r
f
^

T/I/wear the Peace ! Iflood in ear o

my Lije-,
lie vi 6C armis ca/?ie he brought a Knife
-,
•,

With vjhich,tho I for certain cannot know

t,

meant to cut my ^[oat-

1 doubt the ViJlain
homer, he fpoirdmyGoods, the befllhad.
He cut my Rope hnjure, and that s as bad :
Til
 ^

ftttft UiWt& ana Eoguee. n

til trounce the Rogue 5 I'll try from Court
to Courts
If there be any Law in England y^rV :
mujt fuch an Arbitrary Cur as be
Divefi one of ones Right and Property ?
f\[ff if the fudge fuch trices as thefe
allovos^
A Manfhan^t Hang himfelfin hisDiUnHoufe^
The envious Wretch dragged back my Stare-
ing Soul^
Juft clambring up againfl the fleepy Vole %
And when with Liberty grown free an Id dm
Chain d it to a Corps^ (ant pleafe ye ! ) all
defird :

What Soul alive^ for both the Iridies Riches^

Would e'er defcena to fuch a pair of Breeches ?
Let's Hang him upforfaving me^ and then
If e^erl cut him down^ e*en Hang me up ageft.

I am alfo informed, That a Pious Divine

Vifiting an Vfurefs as {he lay Lanquilhing,
he told her there Were three things by her
neceflary to be done, if ever fhe hoped to
be Saved i. She was to
: be contrite ift
Heart, 1. She was to confefs htv' Sins^ .

5. She was to mike Rsftitution, Whereto

(he reply'd, The two ffrft I will do willing-
ly •, but (hould I make Reltitution, what
would remain my Children their
to raife
Portions The
> Divine anfwer'd. Without
,theie three, you cannot be Saved. Yea but
quoth (he. Do our Learned Men and Scri-
ptures fay fo ^ Yes, furcly, faid the Divine.

0^-
94 'SDlje ©Ijoiteff (K3ap
And Iwill try, quoth (he, whether they
fpeak true, or no for I will reftore no-
•,

thing, neither will I (^faid fhej give a Far'

thing to the Poor. But Vis but iuft. That
thofe People who fliut up their Bowels of
Charity from their Neighbours, (hould
fufierby a Retaliation as themfelves were
•,

not Merciful, fofliouldthey find no Mercy'.

Nafure had done well to have thrult fuch
into the World without an Eye, that like
a Mole are thusaftefted to bafe Earth, as
if they meant to dig for Paradife.
1 could here give many Initances of Di-

vine Judgments on griping Vfurers ^ but

this one will be fufticient.
Afino ChriJ}, io66, Reginherus Bidiopof
Mijnia^ after Dinner, went into his Cham-
ber where he had his Bags, {for h^ was a
notorious Ufiirer) and Ihut himfelf in
as it he would take a little Sleep ^ but his
Servants thinking him long, firlt knocked
at the Door, and afterward broke it open,
and found him Dead, with his Neck bro-
ken, and his Body of an ugly Colour, lying
in a milerable manner upon his Money.
And lb much (Iiall {'lis'q to be fpoken of
the Vfurcr^ and the difmal ftare he is in.
I (hall next (hew the SHORTESr (hzmg
a Newj Way to Reform him.

The Scraping Ufurcr has fo much Mi-

iery and Diiappoinrment on his
in carrying
Trade, that 'tis almolt a pity to encreaic
his
his Punifhmcnt. But feeing he's in greac
danger of being Ruin'd in the other World,
I (hall contrive fome meafures to give him
adifgultto his Gain, or at lead, to put
him out of any capacity of compalhng wiiut^
he has made the Bufinefs an4 the End of
his Life.
have all his Deeds, his. Bonds, his
I'd
Bills, and indeed, all his Paper
Securities,

Burnt before his Eyes By this means, he'd

:

lofe all his Properties at once.

Farther, feeing fuch Men
have ufually a"
good Stock by 'em, fwhich for lafety is .

cotrmonly depofited in a Chett, or Desk,

or fome fuch Conveniencej Fd therefore
have a Itrong Chain, made out of his own
Gold, and the UJurer (bould be tied to his
Cheft, an4 there live out his Days in that
d^ar Society.— And as for the Neceffaries
of Life^ proper Food and Cloaths fhould
be allotted for him as is for other Mad-men ^
but he fhould be Maintained out of his
Burthen very fparingly , and fo foon as 'tis
fpent, he Ihould be turned out to beg Bread.
Thefe Punilhments, I'm perfwaded, would
touch a Man of his Inclinations very fcnii-
bly : And for that reafon, they are the fitetl
toReform him.
XVII. The Shortefl way with the ^Xit^XdXZ^

. Ingratitude ! I can hardly name it with-

out blulhing: To render Good for Evil, is
Divine ^ to render Good for Good, is Hu-
N 2 mane I
 ,

p^ Wat <S)&0?teff ^ap

mane to render Evil for Evil, is Brutifh y
•,

but to render Evil for Good, is Devilifh.

Will any but a Monfler with his Heel kick
nie under Water, while I holdup his Chin
to fave him from Drowning > But fuchi
Monfters there are, as you'll hear anon.
hycurgus^ the hacedemonian Law-giver,
•would make no Law againft Ungrateful
Verfons becaufe it could not be imagin'd
•,

that any would be fo unworthy, as not to

Recompence one Kindnefs with another.
And the old Romans decreed, That fuch
as were found Ungrateful^ (hould be caft
alive to the Cornaorant, to be pulPd in
pieces and devoured.
There feems to be a great deal of reafon
for this Law ^ for under this Monfler //ri'
gratitude^ have all Vices been compreheh-J
ded. Omnia dixeris Ji ingratum dixeris,^
Q^ Eliz. told Henry the 4th o{ France^ fhe
believed Ingratitude to be the Sin againft
the Holy Gholt.
I own, Ingratitude makes all things Black,
but I won't carry the Sin fohigh, as to fay,
fris the Sin againft the Holy Ghoft : But
certainly the ungrateful Perfon is moft
rightly figured in who eat the
Swine,
Acorns, but never look to the Tree : Of
rather, the Ungrateful Perfon may be com*
pared to the Stag in the Fable, which
(hrouded himfelf under the Branches of
the Vine in a time of NeceiTity, whi^h be-
ipg paftj he fell a brouzing, and eat thofe
^ ^

Leaves
 feftfj tKIi^ies aim JRoguesf* 97
Leaves which pr^ferv'd him ; afting in this
like the Spaniel, who as foon as he gets
to fhore, fhake^ off mat Water which iup'-
ported him. The G;:;nerous F<?rfon, like the
Bee, brings Honey to the Hive ^ and then,
Hke the Bee, is Murder'd for his pains.
One would hardly thiirk there werefuch
Monfters as Ungrateful Perfons But if :

you look into HilTory, you'll find the Syra-

cufans Banifhed Dion^ by whofe Wifdoru
and Valour they recovered their Liberty 5
apd being afterwards repeafd, they Killed
him.
And to fpeak my Thoughts, I think our
Englifh Jacobites are as Ungrateful to the
Glorions Memory
of King William, The
leaft prefent Intereft to an Ungrateful Man,
cancels all former Obligations ^ it feeming
to many, Thajt even Benefits fuflfer prefcri-
ption by the length of Time ^ and being
once grown old, do no longer bind to Gra-
titude.
My felf once obligeda Perfon beyond
<
all poflibility of requital, fas he had ac-
J^nowledged in feveral Letters)but upon the
firft Misfortune that befel me, he was fo
far from requiting the Favours I did him^
that he (^or W 5— for him j chal-
leng^'d me to prove I had e'er Obliged
him.
But as Ungrateful as the Age is at pre-
fent, there have been Men of a Grateful
Temper, fhillip the Yrench King put one
'

of
5S C&e ©Ijoiteff mav
of his Soldiers out of Pay, becaufe he was
Ungrateful and caufed him to be marked
•,

inhisForehead with the word UNTHANK-

FUL. , ,
. :

Crefus being Reliev'd before he came to

his Kingdom by one Pamphaesy afterward
in token that he had not forgotten this
good
Turn, he fent him a Chariot fall of Silver,
Pyrrhus was exceedingly grieved for the
Death of a Friend, who Died before hQ
had requited his many
Favours.
And the Gratitude of Pope Innocent 7th
was very remarkable. This Grateful
Pope employ ^d a famous Painter, named,
Andrew Mattineus, in Adorning his Cha-
pel of the Vatican. This famous Workman
therein ufed his moft exquifite Invention-^
He (notwithftandinghe faw his Labours go
daily on) felt no Reward coming, upon this
he refoives to be reveng'd with fome trick
of his. The Pope having commanded him
to Paint the feveii deadly Sins ^ he, inllead
of taking his proportion tor feven Places,
added thereunto an eighth, wherein he pur-
pofed to make a hideous Monfter. Inno^
cent more fully informing himielf of hi5
defign, the Painter anfwer'd, he left
thi^

Place there, to reprefent Ingratitude^ as

the moft Capital of all Vices. The Pope
fmiling, faid, I give confent thou Paint
hgratitnde as ugly as thou pleafelt,lo thou
^hctPatience dire£lly over againttir ^ fi:om
which thou art very much alienated, being
unable
unable a little to expe£l patiently the
Good have refolved to do thee And pre-
I :

fently he gave him a good Benefice lor his

Son's Preferment.
By this it appears there have been Grate-
ful Perfons in former Ages. 'Twas faid
indeed of Bifliop Cranme)\ Do him an
ill Turn, (he was fo ready to ForgiveJ that

he'd be your Friend ever after ^ bu(Men

are grown fo Brutifh in this Age, that
now-a-days to oblige any Man more than
ordinary, is the way to have him your
Enemy ; So that all's loft that is laid out
upon an Unthankful Perfon : He hurries
Benefits as the barren Earth doth the
Seed.
In a word, the Unthankful Man is like
a Moufe in a Satchel, or a Snake in one's
Bofom, who do but ill requite their Hortefs
for their Lodging. And as the Ungratetuf
Man is a meer Viper, fo he is a wicked
Man ^ and therefore our Saviour fitly yokes
them together, To the Unthankful^ and tg
the Evi/^ Luke 6. 3.
And fo much (hall ferve to be fpoken of
the Ungrateful Yerfon-, and the difmal flats
he is in.

next Jliew the Shorteji Cbeing a

I fliall

NewJ way to Reform him.

The Ungrateful Perfon is one I have a
particular Refpei^l for and having be^^n
•,

ib often Trickt by him, I have jaowan op-

portunity to mak^ evea with him,
5 1 have
 Ihave read of one, who advancing his
Friend, was himfelf put out of Office by
his own Beneffeiary Whereupon he made
:

a Prefent of an Emblem to the XJngrateful^

which reprefented the Sun Eclipfed by the
Mo»n, with this Motto, Totum adimit quo
nigrata refulget : She oh/cures the Sourfe
iff her oz»n Light, This Inlcription was
Witty and Satyrical enough, but yet 'twas
too. Mild for the Sinner.
r.d have the Ungrateful Perfon punifh'd,
as the Heathens were accuftomed to Punifh
him who had injured the Reputation of
another- They would not
condefcend to
Speak to him, nor (hew him the lealt Of-
fice of Humanity They would not fell
:

him the very Neceflaries of Life, nor fo

much as fufFer him to draw Water.
Now, I (hall endeavour to bring home
this Punifhment to the prefent purpofe :
And there wants nothing but that his Name
UNGRATEFUL (hould be Infcrib'd on his
Forehead, that People may know him :
And after this, he that (hews him the lead
Civility, that either Trades with him, of
-Supports him, fhould have hisEftate made
a Forfeiture lo the Crown.
By thefe Means, the Ungrateful Wretch
mult be iorced to wander like Cain^ and fo
be cut off from ail Communication with
Mankind .*
He muft Travel in Deferts and
in Solitudes, and there Converfe with Wild-
Beafts and Monfters, which yet are not fo
Frightful
 toftft ?Il5a?eiS nnl! Eipesf* lai
Frightful and Monftrous as hfmfelf. I havd
only to add, That the Mark (hauld be fixt
upon him, by the Friend againft whom he
has committed the Ingratitude ^ and this
would add to the Solemnity of the Punifh-
-meHt.

XVIII. The Short eft Way with the ©COllr*

A ^old is the very abftra£l of Impudence.

A
Husband which meeteth with lo ill a
Chance fas to Marry zSeeld) daily Afteth
that Part in kis Houfe, which did hereto-
fore Vrometheus on the Mountain of Cauca*
yix, when a Vultur rent him Alive, and
gnaw'd upon his Heart.
A right Scold hath a Fury in her Breaft,
more than Hell ever knew-, and will he
fent thither in time Like a great Ger*
man Clock, (he Rings a tedious Larum to
her whole Houfe, and then is quiet* again
for ao Hour.
"^
Stroudj the Cook at Weftminjler^ out of
a miflik« to the Preacher^ went to the Ta-
vern. At Night his Wife entertained hiih
•asif (he would have bailed him inftead of
the Mutton, faying. The Devi/^ the Devil
^ouli fetch him. Said he, I know the De*
vil will do me no harm, for I have Mar-
.,!led his Kinfwoman A right Sco/d will
not let her Husband Sleep, nor Eat, nor
^©rink, but will ftill torture him with a
Ipeal of Chiding j fo that he i^uft gonfefs
'
' '^
Q th9
J 02 CSe S)!)0?ttff ^ap
the troubled Sea more calm the Thun^ct •,

withlcfs violence cleaves the Air^ the Ra-

vens, Screech Owls, and the Mandrakes
Voice, are his conftant Mufick ^ and for
his Friends that come to fee him, they art
all Deaf with her loud Clamours.
In a word, (he vents forth againft her
Husband all the Gall of her Spirit, which
is more bitter, and comes from a far worfc
Spring than Poifon.
Upon Sufan Aretln in St. huke^s Church
in Venice^ is an Epitaph thus Englifhed. -

The Scolding Aretin lies in this Grave y

She who at all^ exceepting God^ did Rave y
And if the reafon you deftre to have,
— — She kne^ him not.

might enlarge upon all thofe Railing

I
terms which I was never Scoij^ ;>(} enough <

to nnderftand; but I am fick ot uuungfolate

Language, and for that rearer. WiU not
wind you np (fdear Lara ;v R^ and run
out your Li'ie ct length, and lo be quiet.
And fo much (iialL ferve to be fpoken of
the Scold^ and the difmal ftate (he is iii.
I (hall next (hew the SHORTEST (being
a New) Way to Reform tex, , .. i..

,.,.;._;, ^ .1:. '\ fc^-t

The Scold is commonly a Creature of
ther^.iiale StX; And the ufual methods
of Cjre. are aUogether ineffeaualj for (he
kas nc.iher th^ Icalt ingenuous Sentiment,
nor
Tcnfe of (hame left ncr : S9 Lhat I'd take a
very bhti? w^y wifh her.
She fhowldhave aliheri( re Teeth pluckt
out, and fo much of her Tongue cut off,
as (hould efteftualiy hind«r her Noife and
Clamour for the future And if her Tongue,
:

as Fin afraid, fhould begin to grow, it

(hould Lje par'd once a Month, to keep it
within limits ^ and whenfoevcr (h^ offers
to break loofe through all thefe impedi-
ments, I'd have her Duckt in cold VS/ater,
till her Paflions begin to cool and fubfide a
little.
|f this PreTcxiption don't do her bufinefs,
I promifc her all the AfTiftance that my cold
Invention cgn furnifh : For really, Tve io
tender ^ Refpefl: for her, that I had rather
be among Cats when they're Caterwauling
than be tormented with W
Eterjial Din.

JETX The Shorteft Way with the (JjtO^-

As Men fick of an Atrophy, Eat much,

but Thrive not 5 fo thefe, tho' they Devour
Widows Houfej, Feed upon the Fat of
Land, lay Land to Land, and hoord up
Treafure to Enrich a Progeny of Riotors 1
yet they feldomThrive with the Fat qI their
Extortion.
If the Extortioner have once Wronge4
a Mail) he is io far from ipaking him
9 2 amcfids
 104 Wtf^
amends, that all his Race, Friends,
Aflbciates, fall into his chace.
They make themfclvej Remarkafele, as
dreadful Comets, by the Ruin of the whole
World.
They live in the Society of Men, as Pikes
(cdiWd. the Tyrants of Rivers) in the eoni-
pany of other Fifhes to Ruin, Devour, and
•,

Fatten themfelves with the Blood of the

Cpmmons.
A poor Man in Sevilin Spain^. having a
Fruitful Pear-Tree, one of the Fathers of
Inquifition defired (fuch l^yrants Reqiiefi^;
are Commanh) fome of the Fruit thereof*
The poor Man , not to gfatifie , btit
Fear to offend, as if it were a Sin for him
to have better Fruit than his Betters, (fuf-
pe£ling, on his denial, the Tree might be
made his own Rod, if not his GaTlovi^^)
piuekt up Tres?, Roots and all, and-gave
unto him.
So that, the Extoriioner is like theT^r-
tarian^\'AViU Boraneth which growing up
-^

to the vifihle for;n of a Lamli,. inlenfifely

Eats up all the Grafs roun^ about it -^ n ,

Bat fuch Riches areHan^s that take tneif

Wal'.er by the Throat ^ they ar^ Ponyafds
with golden Kafts, v\?hich jdjeliglit the %e^
,. fcut pierce the Heart. Wliatever the Kx-
. tortioner think§ of his Riches, I^flli^e IjiSi
it caiinot tj^ji^'h.olelbmi wheh every Morfel

of his Heat is Mumnny Tgood Phylick,

but
tut bad Food^ made of the Corps of Mtm
Eftates. ' .

And fo much be fpokeu of

(hall fetve to
the Extortioner^ and the difmal State he
'^''^^
is in. '^^f';/ I

I (hall next fliew the Shorteft Cbeing i

New) way to Reform him.

The Extortioner is worfe by thtee de-

grees than a Foot-Pad, and wants but a
very little of the length of the talleft Sin*
Bcr. He has neither Religion nor Morals-
the Divine iaWthreatens him to no Ptit-
pofe, and the Laws of Nations and of Ni-
tore can^'t keep him within Bounds. His
Funiflimeht is. ripening for him in Eternity^
however, 'tis pity he (hbiifd Sin on nfipa^
Mfh'd till he comes them
TheShort way to Reckon Wth him time
in
and I think I
fliould be this, can't welt be
too fevere with a Sinner of his quality.
Thofe whom he has Wrong'd, ihould
have one third part of his Eftate forfeited
to their particular Benefit : And for his
own Perlon, he (hould have moft of his
Skin extorted and pluckt off with Pincers^
and where his Body will bear it, the Sevc.
go deeper. This Punifhment is
rity fliould
fomething of the nature of his Crime, and
will explain to him, from the Argument
of his own Feeling, how Cruel and Un-
merciful his Extortion hz^h^Qfh,
This
to« C6e »!i«|tef! 2Jt3a?, etc.
This Projeft might be put in praaicg
with eafe enough for the Liws we have
•,

on foot, and liis very -Motions aipongMan-

kind of commutative juftice, will deter,
mine when there's Extortion in the cafe ;
So more would be wanting,
that nothing ^

to
tut Proteaion ftom the Govcrnmeirt,
thofe that ihould attempt the Punifhinent

Thus I have perform d my TasU^ and

propofed a New and a Short Way
with

Offenders : The World is now left

toCri^

ticife upon the whole 5

And I dont fe^r
thefevereJiTefi: For Jhould Ifall
in the

Pefence ofVertue, at^d in ^ War

with

Vice-"twmd and Honourable^

be Great
and^I Jhould onlj pitj and prajfar^
prophaneWorld.

'^LL
ii—p—— ^ .
I

F I N I S
 5

T H.E

CONTENTS.
1 T'T'^HEJhorteftifiay mtb the Haughty
X Pcrfon
1 The J})ortejt way with the Atheift
- Page 4
IQ
5 Thejhortejl way with the Murderer 15
4 Thejhortefi way with the Thief 17
5 The Jhorleft way with the Whore-Maftcr24
6 Thejhortejl viay with the Strumpet 96
7 Thejhorteji way with the Drunkard 4^
8 Thejhortejl way with the Swearer 50
9 The^fljortejl way with the Lyar 55
10 Thejhortejl way with the Sabbath Brea-
ker 58
a I The Jhortejl way with the ShndQTet 6%
12 The/hortejl way with the Perfecutor 70
13 The Jhorteft way with the Cuckold, -jS
14 Thejhortejl way with the Coward 82
1 The Jhorteft way with the Gamefter 8^
\S Thejhortejl way with theViiwXQi 8^
17 The Jhorteft way with the Ungrateful
Perfon 95^
18 Thejhorteji way with the Scold i®i
J 9 Thejhortefi way with the Extortioner xq^
 .

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c;3 \ 71

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