A Professor was traveling by boat.

On his way he asked the sailor: Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology? The sailor said no to all his questions. Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy. After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology? The professor said no. Sailor: Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

Joker joining the Army: Officer: We need you in the army. Joker: Ill join but on three conditions. Officer: Ok. what are the conditions? Joker: My first condition is that Ill not wear the uniform because it is hot. Officer: Ok. What is the second condition? Joker: Ill not do the perade and other training under the sun because it is hot. Ill only do it under the shed or some kind of shadow cover. Officer: Ok. What is your third condition? Joker: And my last and most important condition is that during war times, Ill remain on leave.

Once there were three boys who went to the park, their names were: Shut Up, Manners and Trouble. Trouble got lost so Shut Up told Manners to wait while he went to ask the police for help. The police asked, What is your name? He said Shut Up, then the police yelled, What is your name? He said Shut Up, then the police asked where are your manners? The boy said out in the park. Then the police asked, Are you looking for trouble? Then the boy said, Yes, how did you know?

Once a Japanese came to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a taxi and asked the driver to take him to the airport. On the way, a Toyota car passed them very fast, the Japanese yelled Toyota made in Japan very fast. Then the Mitsubishi passed, the Japanese again yelled Mitsubishi made in Japan very fast. On the 3rd time, he yelled again when he saw another Japanese car. The taxi driver got angry but he didnt say anything. When they reached the airport, the taxi driver asked a charge of 800 rupees. The Japanese exclaimed: What! That is too much. The Indian driver yelled back loudly: Meter, made in India, very, very fast!

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds. AND IT BETTER BE THERE!

The next morning when his wife woke up she looked out the window to find a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since.

Wife to husband: Darling, doctor suggested me to go to Switzerland or Paris for relaxation, where shall we go? Husband: Other doctor!

A: Arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

One day a woman was waiting for a bus. It comes and she walks in and the bus driver says Wow, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen! So the women sits down and she says to the man next to her The bus driver just insulted me! The man says You go talk to him, just go, lll hold your monkey for you.

One day, 4 people were on a small aeroplane, a captain, a priest, a boy scout, and a smartest man in the world. They were all eating a nice meal until the pilot came out and said, This plane is about to crash. Grab a parachute and jump! The pilot then grabbed a parachute and jumped off. The smartest man in the world said, I need that parachute, the world needs my knowledge and so he jumped off. The priest said, Boy you take that last parachute, the world doesnt need me, I am just an old priest. The boy scout said, No, what are you talking about? There are 2 parachutes left. What? the priest. It is correct, the smartest man in the world took my backpack. responded the boy scout.

The child and his mother: A curious child asked his mother: Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey? The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey! The child replied innocently: Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.

How much does it cost to get married? A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? The father replied: I dont know son, Im still paying.

A funny story involving a cop and two ladies: There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A state trooper pulled it over. What did I do wrong, officer? the driver asked. You were going 26 MPH on a major highway, there is a law against that. You must go at least 50 MPH. But when I got onto the highway, the sign said 26! That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isnt the speed limit! The driver leaned back into her car seat and the cop saw another woman sitting beside her, she looked as pale as a ghost. What happened to her? the officer asked. I dont know, but she has been that way ever since we got off the interstate 160.

Wrong email address: A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preachers wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.