The Four Agreements

Introduction to the Four Agreements

THE ROLE OF AGREEMENTS IN DEVELOPING OUR REALITY
We store information through agreement. When we believe something is true, it becomes an agreement between us and the world. As soon as we agree, we believe it. This cycle leads us to develop rules or laws that govern what we see as true. We come to base our judgments and decisions on these agreements and laws. When we, ourselves or others, break our laws we experience the negative aspects of conflict or drama.

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS

Be impeccable with your word Dont take anything personally Dont make assumptions Always do your best

Agreement One:
Be impeccable with your word
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
To be impeccable with your word means to: Speak with integrity Say only what you mean Avoid using words to speak against yourself Avoid using words to speak against others Use the power of your word for truth and encouragement

OUR WORD
Our ability to use words sets us apart as humans, but this ability is also a two-edged sword. Words can create and words can destroy. When we misuse our words, we can create major problems, but using our words impeccably heals and empowers others.

GOSSIP
Not only does gossip destroy others, but it is also produces conflict and creates drama. Gossip works like a computer virus. Once it is introduced, your thoughts become mixed up and you stop producing good results. With gossip, one little piece of information can break down other communication. Gossip infects everyone it touches. With a computer virus, we have safety precautions that tell us Dont open this file because once you do, its too late. When we gossip, we act like hackers who intentionally spread a virus to destroy how others think and to cause drama. The Four Agreements can provide us with guidelines to determine what is gossip. Three questions you can ask yourself when you hear or consider giving information about another person or situation are;

1. Is it my story to tell? How do I know the information? 2. Do I have the right to speak the information? 3. What is my intention in speaking the information?

BEING POSITIVE AND TRUTHFUL

Keep in mind that your opinion is just your point of view and not necessarily true. Remember, your opinion comes from your own perspective and experience, your own beliefs and rules. When you speak well of people and yourself, and when you stop yourself from demanding everyone live by your rules, you feel good and at peace with yourself. Use your words to speak truth and to encourage yourself and others.

Agreement Two:
Dont take anything personally
DONT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing other people do or say is because of you. What people do or say is a result of their own dream world. When we take things personally, we feel offended and react by defending ourselves, creating drama. It is important to understand that people may give compliments or criticism, but what they say is about them and how they feel at that moment and about their own needs. What they say is not just about you. When we avoid taking words personally, we take away the power other people try to have over us. We become immune to manipulation. If you refuse to take things personally, even if someone is trying to draw you into their dream world and is being critical, you can remain peaceful.

SETTING LIMITS
When someone asks you to do something, listen intently and repeat what the person is asking. Dont take the request personally even if it is presented with criticism or with a compliment. You can simply ask, You would like to or You want me to to clarify the persons request. Be sure to clarify if you correctly understand what someone is communicating to you. Set limits by being impeccable with your word. Use your words to speak truth and to encourage yourself and others. There are several techniques that can help: Use I statements. Dont put yourself down. Dont use excuses or blame others. Offer any possible alternatives.

Agreement Three:
Dont make assumptions
INTERNAL ASSUMPTIONS
The ABCs of emotion tell us about how and why we make internal assumptions. First, there is an Activating event that helps us set up an assumption. Then, we establish a Belief system. This belief may be either rational (based upon observable, factual data) or irrational (not based upon facts). Finally, we develop a Consequential emotion that is triggered by our belief. It is important to recognize when an irrational belief could be beneficially changed to a rational one.

DONT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

We create drama by making assumptions, by taking it personally, and by gossiping about our assumptions. We perpetuate this by not asking for clarification, defending our assumptions, and trying to make someone else wrong based on our assumptions. To avoid making assumptions, it is important to gather more facts about the situation and about our own beliefs. It is also important to gain knowledge about the facts, about how others perceive the situation, and about your own beliefs. Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Agreement Four:
Always do your best
YOUR BEST
Your best is never going to be the same from one moment to another. Regardless of the quality, keep doing no less than your best. Accept your best and recognize that it feels good to give your best because doing your best feels productive and is not based on expecting a reward. Do your best to live up to the other three agreements: Be impeccable with your word. Dont take anything personally. Dont make assumptions.

HOW TO DO YOUR BEST

Work for Win/Win instead of Win/Lose results. Since dissatisfaction drives people to change, you should do your best to uncover the dissatisfactions of others. Remember to avoid focusing on the problem, but rather to work toward a solution. Focusing on a problem reduces energy, results in blaming, and leads others to see their resources as limited. Develop a preferred future. Ask what it would look like If I got it right Set rules for brainstorming. Good rules for brainstorming include: Dont judge ideas Dont discuss ideas The more ideas the better Build on others ideas Bring new resources to the table. Set your first steps to explore others opinions or implement an agreement.