Angela's Ashes: A Memoir By Frank McCourt This book is dedicated to my brothers, Malachy, Michael,Alphonsus.

I learn rom you, I admire you and I lo!e you. Ac k n o " l e d g m e n t s This is a small hymn to an e#altation o "omen. $'lene %ahlberg anned the embers. &isa 'ch"ar(baum read early pages and encouraged me. Mary Breasted 'myth, elegant no!elist hersel , read the irst third and passed it on to Molly Friedrich, "ho became my agent and thought that )an *raham, +ditor,in,Chie at 'cribner, "ould be -ust the right person to put the book on the road. And Molly "as right. My daughter, Maggie, has sho"n me ho" li e can be a grand ad!enture, "hile e#.uisite moments "ith my granddaughter, Chiara, ha!e helped me recall a small child's "onder. My "i e, +llen, listened "hile I read and cheered me to the inal page. I am blessed among men. My ather and mother should ha!e stayed in )e" /ork "here they met and married and "here I "as born. Instead, they returned to Ireland "hen I "as our, my brother, Malachy, three, the t"ins, 0li!er and +ugene, barely one, and my sister, Margaret, dead and gone. 1hen I look back on my childhood I "onder ho" I sur!i!ed at all. It "as, o course, a miserable childhood: the happy childhood is hardly "orth your "hile.1orse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and "orse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood. 2eople e!ery"here brag and "himper about the "oes o their early years, but nothing can compare "ith the Irish !ersion: the po!erty3 the shi tless lo.uacious alcoholic ather3 the pious de eated mother moaning by the ire3 pompous priests3 bullying schoolmasters3 the +nglish and the terrible things they did to us or eight hundred long years. Abo!e all,"e "ere "et. 0ut in the Atlantic 0cean great sheets o rain gathered to dri t slo"ly up the $i!er 'hannon and settle ore!er in &imerick.The rain dampened the city rom the Feast o the Circumcision to )e" /ear's +!e. It created a cacophony o hacking coughs, bronchial rattles, asthmatic "hee(es, consumpti!e croaks. It turned noses into ountains, lungs into bacterial sponges.It pro!oked cures galore3to ease the catarrh you boiled onions in milk blackened "ith pepper3 or the congested passages you made a paste o boiled lour and nettles, "rapped it in a rag, and slapped it, si((ling, on the chest. From 0ctober to April the "alls o &imerick glistened "ith the damp. Clothes ne!er dried: t"eed and "oolen coats housed li!ing things, sometimes sprouted mysterious !egetations. In pubs, steam rose rom damp bodies and garments to be inhaled "ith cigarette and pipe smoke laced "ith the stale umes o spilled stout and "hiskey and tinged "ith the odor o piss "a ting in rom the outdoor -akes "here many a man puked up his "eek's "ages. The rain dro!e us into the church,our re uge, our strength, our only dry place. At Mass, Benediction, no!enas, "e huddled in great damp clumps, do(ing through priest drone, "hile steam rose again rom our clothes to mingle "ith the s"eetness o incense, lo"ers and candles. &imerick gained a reputation or piety, but "e kne" it "as only the rain. My ather, Malachy McCourt, "as born on a arm in Toome, County Antrim. &ike his ather be ore, he gre" up "ild, in trouble "ith the +nglish,or the Irish,or both.4e ought "ith the 0ld I$A and or some desperate act he "ound up a ugiti!e "ith a price on his head. 1hen I "as a child I "ould look at my ather, the thinning hair, the collapsing teeth, and "onder "hy anyone "ould gi!e money or a head like that.1hen I "as thirteen my ather's mother told me a secret: as a "ee lad your poor ather "as dropped on his head. It "as an accident, he "as ne!er the same a ter, and you must remember that people dropped on their heads can be a bit peculiar. Because o the price on the head he had been dropped on, he had to be spirited out o Ireland !ia cargo ship rom *al"ay. In )e" /ork, "ith 2rohibition in ull s"ing, he thought he had died and gone to hell or his sins.Then he disco!ered speakeasies and he re-oiced. A ter "andering and drinking in America and +ngland he yearned or peace in his declining years. 4e returned to Bel ast, "hich erupted all around him. 4e said,A po# on all their houses, and chatted "ith the ladies o

Andersonto"n. They tempted him "ith delicacies but he "a!ed them a"ay and drank his tea. 4e no longer smoked or touched alcohol, so "hat "as the use5 It "as time to go and he died in the $oyal 6ictoria 4ospital. My mother, the ormer Angela 'heehan, gre" up in a &imerick slum "ith her mother, t"o brothers,Thomas and 2atrick, and a sister, Agnes. 'he ne!er sa" her ather, "ho had run o to Australia "eeks be ore her birth. A ter a night o drinking porter in the pubs o &imerick he staggers do"n the lane singing his a!orite song, 1ho thre" the o!eralls in Mrs. Murphy's cho"der5 )obody spoke so he said it all the louder It's a dirty Irish trick and I can lick the Mick 1ho thre" the o!eralls in Murphy's cho"der. 4e's in great orm altogether and he thinks he'll play a "hile "ith little 2atrick, one year old. &o!ely little ella. &o!es his daddy. &aughs "hen %addy thro"s him up in the air. 7psy daisy, little 2addy, upsy daisy, up in the air in the dark, so dark, oh, 8asus, you miss the child on the "ay do"n and poor little 2atrick lands on his head, gurgles a bit, "himpers, goes .uiet. *randma hea!es hersel rom the bed, hea!y "ith the child in her belly, my mother. 'he's barely able to li t little 2atrick rom the loor. 'he moans a long moan o!er the child and turns on *randpa. *et out o it. 0ut. I you stay here a minute longer I'll take the hatchet to you, you drunken lunatic. By 8esus, I'll s"ing at the end o a rope or you. *et out. *randpa stands his ground like a man. I ha!e a right, he says, to stay in me o"n house. 'he runs at him and he melts be ore this "hirling der!ish "ith a damaged child in her arms and a healthy one stirring inside. 4e stumbles rom the house, up the lane, and doesn't stop till he reaches Melbourne in Australia. &ittle 2at, my uncle, "as ne!er the same a ter. 4e gre" up so t in the head "ith a le t leg that "ent one "ay, his body the other. 4e ne!er learned to read or "rite but *od blessed him in another "ay. 1hen he started to sell ne"spapers at the age o eight he could count money better than the Chancellor o the +#che.uer himsel . )o one kne" "hy he "as called Ab 'heehan, The Abbot, but all &imerick lo!ed him. My mother's troubles began the night she "as born. There is my grandmother in the bed hea!ing and gasping "ith the labor pains, praying to 't. *erard Ma-ella, patron saint o e#pectant mothers. There is )urse 0'4alloran, the mid"i e, all dressed up in her inery. It's )e" /ear's +!e and Mrs. 0'4alloran is an#ious or this child to be born so that she can rush o to the parties and celebrations. 'he tells my grandmother:1ill you push, "ill you, push. 8esus, Mary and holy 't. 8oseph, i you don't hurry "ith this child it "on't be born till the )e" /ear and "hat good is that to me "ith me ne" dress5 )e!er mind 't. *erard Ma-ella.1hat can a man do or a "oman at a time like this e!en i he is a saint5 't. *erard Ma-ella my arse. My grandmother s"itches her prayers to 't.Ann,patron saint o di icult labor. But the child "on't come. )urse 0'4alloran tells my grandmother, 2ray to 't. 8ude, patron saint o desperate cases. 't. 8ude, patron o desperate cases, help me. I'm desperate. 'he grunts and pushes and the in ant's head appears, only the head, my mother, and it's the stroke o midnight, the )e" /ear. &imerick City erupts "ith "histles, horns, sirens, brass bands, people calling and singing, 4appy )e" /ear. 'hould auld ac.uaintance be orgot, and church bells all o!er ring out the Angelus and )urse 0'4alloran "eeps or the "aste o a dress, that child still in there and me in me inery.1ill you come out, child, "ill you5 *randma gi!es a great push and the child is in the "orld, a lo!ely girl "ith black curly hair and sad blue eyes. Ah,&ord abo!e,says )urse 0'4alloran,this child is a time straddler, born "ith her head in the )e" /ear and her arse in the 0ld or "as it her head in the 0ld /ear and her arse in the )e". /ou'll ha!e to "rite to the 2ope, missus, to ind out "hat year this child "as born in and I'll sa!e this dress or ne#t year. And the child "as named Angela or the Angelus "hich rang the midnight hour, the )e" /ear, the minute o her coming and because she "as a little angel any"ay. &o!e her as in childhood Though eeble, old and grey. For you'll ne!er miss a mother's lo!e Till she's buried beneath the clay. At the 't.6incent de 2aul 'chool, Angela learned to read, "rite, and calculate and by her ninth year her

schooling "as done. 'he tried her hand at being a char"oman, a ski!!y, a maid "ith a little "hite hat opening doors, but she could not manage the little curtsy that is re.uired and her mother said,/ou don't ha!e the knack o it./ou're pure useless.1hy don't you go to America "here there's room or all sorts o uselessness5 I'll gi!e you the are. 'he arri!ed in )e" /ork -ust in time or the irst Thanksgi!ing %ay o the *reat %epression. 'he met Malachy at a party gi!en by %an MacAdorey and his "i e, Minnie, on Classon A!enue in Brooklyn. Malachy liked Angela and she liked him. 4e had a hangdog look, "hich came rom the three months he had -ust spent in -ail or hi-acking a truck. 4e and his riend 8ohn Mc+rlaine belie!ed "hat they "ere told in the speakeasy, that the truck "as packed to the roo "ith cases o canned pork and beans. )either kne" ho" to dri!e and "hen the police sa" the truck lurch and -erk along Myrtle A!enue they pulled it o!er.The police searched the truck and "ondered "hy anyone "ould hi-ack a truck containing, not pork and beans, but cases o buttons. 1ith Angela dra"n to the hangdog look and Malachy lonely a ter three months in -ail, there "as bound to be a knee,trembler. A knee,trembler is the act itsel done up against a "all, man and "oman up on their toes, straining so hard their knees tremble "ith the e#citement that's in it. That knee,trembler put Angela in an interesting condition and, o course, there "as talk.Angela had cousins, the Mac)amara sisters, %elia and 2hilomena, married, respecti!ely, to 8immy Fortune o County Mayo, and Tommy Flynn, o Brooklyn itsel . %elia and 2hilomena "ere large "omen, great,breasted and ierce. 1hen they sailed along the side"alks o Brooklyn lesser creatures stepped aside, respect "as sho"n.The sisters kne" "hat "as right and they kne" "hat "as "rong and any doubts could be resol!ed by the 0ne, 4oly, $oman, Catholic and Apostolic Church. They kne" that Angela, unmarried, had no right to be in an interesting condition and they "ould take steps. 'teps they took.1ith 8immy and Tommy in to" they marched to the speakeasy on Atlantic A!enue "here Malachy could be ound on Friday, payday "hen he had a -ob.The man in the speak, 8oey Cacciamani, did not "ant to admit the sisters but 2hilomena told him that i he "anted to keep the nose on his ace and that door on its hinges he'd better open up or they "ere there on *od's business. 8oey said, A"right, a"right, you Irish. 8ee(o(9 Trouble, trouble. Malachy, at the ar end o the bar, turned pale, ga!e the great breasted ones a sickly smile, o ered them a drink. They resisted the smile and spurned the o er. %elia said,1e don't kno" "hat class o a tribe you come rom in the )orth o Ireland. 2hilomena said,There is a suspicion you might ha!e 2resbyterians in your amily, "hich "ould e#plain "hat you did to our cousin. 8immy said, Ah, no", ah, no". 'Tisn't his ault i there's 2resbyterians in his amily. %elia said,/ou shuddup. Tommy had to -oin in.1hat you did to that poor un ortunate girl is a disgrace to the Irish race and you should be ashamed o yoursel . 0ch, I am, said Malachy. I am. )obody asked you to talk, said 2hilomena./ou done enough damage "ith your blather, so shut your yap. And "hile your yap is shut, said %elia, "e're here to see you do the right thing by our poor cousin,Angela 'heehan. Malachy said,0ch,indeed,indeed.The right thing is the right thing and I'd be glad to buy you all a drink "hile "e ha!e this little talk. Take the drink, said Tommy, and sho!e it up your ass. 2hilomena said, 0ur little cousin no sooner gets o the boat than you are at her.1e ha!e morals in &imerick, you kno", morals.1e're not like -ackrabbits rom Antrim, a place cra"ling "ith 2resbyterians. 8immy said, 4e don't look like a 2resbyterian. /ou shuddup, said %elia. Another thing "e noticed, said 2hilomena./ou ha!e a !ery odd manner. Malachy smiled. I do5 /ou do, says %elia. I think 'tis one o the irst things "e noticed about you, that odd manner, and it gi!es us a !ery uneasy eeling. 'Tis that sneaky little 2resbyterian smile, said 2hilomena. 0ch, said Malachy, it's -ust the trouble I ha!e "ith my teeth. Teeth or no teeth, odd manner or no odd manner, you're gonna marry that girl, said Tommy. 7p the middle aisle you're going. 0ch, said Malachy, I "asn't planning to get married, you kno". There's no "ork and I "ouldn't be able to support . . . Married is "hat you're going to be,

said %elia. 7p the middle aisle, said 8immy. /ou shuddup, said %elia. . . . Malachy "atched them lea!e. I'm in a desperate pickle, he told 8oey Cacciamani. Bet your ass, said 8oey. I see them babes comin' at me I -ump inna 4udson $i!er. Malachy considered the pickle he "as in. 4e had a e" dollars in his pocket rom the last -ob and he had an uncle in 'an Francisco or one o the other Cali ornia 'ans.1ouldn't he be better o in Cali ornia, ar rom the great breasted Mac)amara sisters and their grim husbands5 4e "ould, indeed, and he'd ha!e a drop o the Irish to celebrate his decision and departure. 8oey poured and the drink nearly took the lining o Malachy's gullet. Irish, indeed9 4e told 8oey it "as a 2rohibition concoction rom the de!il's o"n still.8oey shrugged.I don't kno" nothing. I only pour. 'till, it "as better than nothing and Malachy "ould ha!e another and one or yoursel , 8oey, and ask them t"o decent Italians "hat they'd like and "hat are you talking about, o course, I ha!e the money to pay or it. 4e a"oke on a bench in the &ong Island $ailroad 'tation, a cop rapping on his boots "ith a nightstick,his escape money gone,the Mac)amara sisters ready to eat him ali!e in Brooklyn. 0n the east o 't. 8oseph, a bitter day in March, our months a ter the knee,trembler, Malachy married Angela and in August the child "as born. In )o!ember Malachy got drunk and decided it "as time to register the child's birth. 4e thought he might name the child Malachy, a ter himsel , but his )orth o Ireland accent and the alcoholic mumble con used the clerk so much he simply entered the name Male on the certi icate. )ot until late %ecember did they take Male to 't. 2aul's Church to be bapti(ed and named Francis a ter his ather's ather and the lo!ely saint o Assisi.Angela "anted to gi!e him a middle name,Munchin,a ter the patron saint o &imerick but Malachy said o!er his dead body. )o son o his "ould ha!e a &imerick name. It's hard enough going through li e "ith one name. 'ticking on middle names "as an atrocious American habit and there "as no need or a second name "hen you're christened a ter the man rom Assisi. There "as a delay the day o the baptism "hen the chosen god ather, 8ohn Mc+rlaine, got drunk at the speakeasy and orgot his responsibilities. 2hilomena told her husband, Tommy, he'd ha!e to be god ather. Child's soul is in danger, she said.Tommy put his head do"n and grumbled. All right. I'll be god ather but I'm not goin' to be responsible i he gro"s up like his ather causin' trouble and goin' through li e "ith the odd manner or i he does he can go to 8ohn Mc+rlaine at the speakeasy.The priest said,True or you,Tom, decent man that you are, ine man that ne!er set oot inside a speakeasy. Malachy, resh rom the speakeasy himsel , elt insulted and "anted to argue "ith the priest, one sacrilege on top o another. Take o that collar and "e'll see "ho's the man. 4e had to be held back by the great breasted ones and their husbands grim.Angela, ne" mother, agitated, orgot she "as holding the child and let him slip into the baptismal ont, a total immersion o the 2rotestant type. The altar boy assisting the priest plucked the in ant rom the ont and restored him to Angela, "ho sobbed and clutched him, dripping, to her bosom.The priest laughed, said he had ne!er seen the likes, that the child "as a regular little Baptist no" and hardly needed a priest. This maddened Malachy again and he "anted to -ump at the priest or calling the child some class o a 2rotestant.The priest said, :uiet, man, you're in *od's house, and "hen Malachy said, *od's house, my arse, he "as thro"n out on Court 'treet because you can't say arse in *od's house. A ter baptism 2hilomena said she had tea and ham and cakes in her house around the corner. Malachy said,Tea5 and she said,/es, tea, or is it "hiskey you "ant5 4e said tea "as grand but irst he'd ha!e to go and deal "ith 8ohn Mc+rlaine, "ho didn't ha!e the decency to carry out his duties as god ather. Angela said,/ou're only looking or an e#cuse to run to the speakeasy, and he said,As *od is my "itness, the drink is the last thing on my mind.Angela started to cry./our son's christening day and you ha!e to go drinking. %elia told him he "as a disgusting specimen but "hat could you e#pect rom the )orth o Ireland. Malachy looked rom one to the other, shi ted on his

eet, pulled his cap do"n o!er his eyes, sho!ed his hands deep in his trouser pockets, said, 0ch, aye, the "ay they do in the ar reaches o County Antrim, turned, hurried up Court 'treet to the speakeasy on Atlantic A!enue "here he "as sure they'd ply him "ith ree drink in honor o his son's baptism. At 2hilomena's house the sisters and their husbands ate and drank "hile Angela sat in a corner nursing the baby and crying. 2hilomena stu ed her mouth "ith bread and ham and rumbled at Angela,That's "hat you get or being such a ool. 4ardly o the boat and you all or that lunatic./ou shoulda stayed single,put the child up or adoption,and you'd be a ree "oman today.Angela cried harder and %elia took up the attack, 0h, stop it,Angela, stop it./ou ha!e nobody to blame but yoursel or gettin' into trouble "ith a drunkard rom the )orth, a man that doesn't e!en look like a Catholic, him "ith his odd manner. I'd say that . . . that . . . Malachy has a streak o the 2resbyterian in him right enough./ou shuddup, 8immy. I I "as you,said 2hilomena,I'd make sure there's no more children. 4e don't ha!e a -ob, so he don't, an' ne!er "ill the "ay he drinks. 'o . . . no more children,Angela.Are you listenin' to me5 I am, 2hilomena. A year later another child "as born.Angela called him Malachy a ter his ather and ga!e him a middle name, *erard, a ter his ather's brother. The Mac)amara sisters said Angela "as nothing but a rabbit and they "anted nothing to do "ith her till she came to her senses. Their husbands agreed. I'm in a playground on Classon A!enue in Brooklyn "ith my brother, Malachy. 4e's t"o, I'm three.1e're on the seesa". 7p, do"n, up, do"n. Malachy goes up. I get o . Malachy goes do"n. 'eesa" hits the ground. 4e screams. 4is hand is on his mouth and there's blood. 0h, *od. Blood is bad. My mother "ill kill me. And here she is, trying to run across the playground. 4er big belly slo"s her. 'he says,1hat did you do5 1hat did you do to the child5 I don't kno" "hat to say. I don't kno" "hat I did. 'he pulls my ear. *o home. *o to bed. Bed5 In the middle o the day5 'he pushes me to"ard the playground gate. *o. 'he picks up Malachy and "addles o . My ather's riend, Mr. MacAdorey, is outside our building. 4e's standing at the edge o the side"alk "ith his "i e, Minnie, looking at a dog lying in the gutter.There is blood all around the dog's head.It's the color o the blood rom Malachy's mouth. Malachy has dog blood and the dog has Malachy blood. I pull Mr. MacAdorey's hand. I tell him Malachy has blood like the dog. 0h, he does, indeed, Francis. Cats ha!e it, too.And +skimos.All the same blood. Minnie says, 'top that, %an. 'top con using the "ee ello". 'he tells me the poor "ee dog "as hit by a car and he cra"led all the "ay rom the middle o the street be ore he died.1anted to come home, the poor "ee creature. Mr. MacAdorey says,/ou'd better go home, Francis. I don't kno" "hat you did to your "ee brother, but your mother took him o to the hospital. *o home, child. 1ill Malachy die like the dog, Mr. MacAdorey5 Minnie says, 4e bit his tongue. 4e "on't die. 1hy did the dog die5 It "as his time, Francis. The apartment is empty and I "ander bet"een the t"o rooms,the bedroom and the kitchen.My ather is out looking or a -ob and my mother is at the hospital "ith Malachy. I "ish I had something to eat but there's nothing in the icebo# but cabbage lea!es loating in the melted ice. My ather said ne!er eat anything loating in "ater or the rot that might be in it. I all asleep on my parents' bed and "hen my mother shakes me it's nearly dark./our little brother is going to sleep a "hile. )early bit his tongue o . 'titches galore. *o into the other room. My ather is in the kitchen sipping black tea rom his big "hite enamel mug. 4e li ts me to his lap. %ad, "ill you tell me the story about Coo Coo5 Cuchulain. 'ay it a ter me, Coo,hoo,lin. I'll tell you the story "hen you say the name right. Coo,hoo,lin. I say it right and he tells me the story o Cuchulain, "ho had a di erent name "hen he "as a boy, 'etanta. 4e gre" up in Ireland "here %ad li!ed "hen he "as a boy in County Antrim. 'etanta had a stick and ball and one day he hit the ball and it "ent into the mouth o a big dog that belonged to Culain and choked him. 0h, Culain "as angry and he said,1hat am I to do no" "ithout my big dog to guard my house and my "i e and my ten small children as "ell as numerous pigs, hens, sheep5

'etanta said, I'm sorry. I'll guard your house "ith my stick and ball and I'll change my name to Cuchulain, the 4ound o Culain. 4e did. 4e guarded the house and regions beyond and became a great hero, the 4ound o 7lster itsel . %ad said he "as a greater hero than 4ercules or Achilles that the *reeks "ere al"ays bragging about and he could take on ;ing Arthur and all his knights in a air ight "hich, o course, you could ne!er get "ith an +nglishman any"ay. That's my story. %ad can't tell that story to Malachy or any other children do"n the hall. 4e inishes the story and lets me sip his tea. It's bitter, but I'm happy there on his lap. For days Malachy's tongue is s"ollen and he can hardly make a sound ne!er mind talk. But e!en i he could no one is paying any attention to him because "e ha!e t"o ne" babies "ho "ere brought by an angel in the middle o the night.The neighbors say, 0oh,Ah, they're lo!ely boys, look at those big eyes. Malachy stands in the middle o the room, looking up at e!eryone, pointing to his tongue and saying, 7ck, uck.1hen the neighbors say, Can't you see "e're looking at your little brothers5 he cries, till %ad pats him on the head. 2ut in your tongue, son, and go out and play "ith Frankie. *o on. In the playground I tell Malachy about the dog "ho died in the street because someone dro!e a ball into his mouth. Malachy shakes his head.)o uck ball.Car uck kill dog.4e cries because his tongue hurts and he can hardly talk and it's terrible "hen you can't talk. 4e "on't let me push him on the s"ing. 4e says,/ou uck kill me uck on seesa". 4e gets Freddie &eibo"it( to push him and he's happy, laughing "hen he s"ings to the sky. Freddie is big, he's se!en, and I ask him to push me. 4e says, )o, you tried to kill your brother. I try to get the s"ing going mysel but all I can do is mo!e it back and orth and I'm angry because Freddie and Malachy are laughing at the "ay I can't s"ing.They're great pals no", Freddie, se!en, Malachy, t"o.They laugh e!ery day and Malachy's tongue gets better "ith all the laughing. 1hen he laughs you can see ho" "hite and small and pretty his teeth are and you can see his eyes shine. 4e has blue eyes like my mother. 4e has golden hair and pink cheeks. I ha!e bro"n eyes like %ad. I ha!e black hair and my cheeks are "hite in the mirror. My mother tells Mrs. &eibo"it( do"n the hall that Malachy is the happiest child in the "orld. 'he tells Mrs. &eibo"it( do"n the hall, Frankie has the odd manner like his ather. I "onder "hat the odd manner is but I can't ask because I'm not supposed to be listening. I "ish I could s"ing up into the sky, up into the clouds. I might be able to ly around the "hole "orld and not hear my brothers, 0li!er and +ugene,cry in the middle o the night anymore.My mother says they're al"ays hungry. 'he cries in the middle o the night, too. 'he says she's "orn out nursing and eeding and changing and our boys is too much or her. 'he "ishes she had one little girl all or hersel . 'he'd gi!e anything or one little girl. I'm in the playground "ith Malachy. I'm our, he's three. 4e lets me push him on the s"ing because he's no good at s"inging himsel and Freddie &eibo"it( is in school. 1e ha!e to stay in the playground because the t"ins are sleeping and my mother says she's "orn out. *o out and play, she says, and gi!e me some rest. %ad is out looking or a -ob again and sometimes he comes home "ith the smell o "hiskey, singing all the songs about su ering Ireland. Mam gets angry and says Ireland can kiss her arse. 4e says that's nice language to be using in ront o the children and she says ne!er mind the language, ood on the table is "hat she "ants, not su ering Ireland. 'he says it "as a sad day 2rohibition ended because %ad gets the drink going around to saloons o ering to s"eep out the bars and li t barrels or a "hiskey or a beer. 'ometimes he brings home bits o the ree lunch, rye bread, corned bee , pickles. 4e puts the ood on the table and drinks tea himsel . 4e says ood is a shock to the system and he doesn't kno" "here "e get our appetites. Mam says,They get their appetites because they're star!ing hal the time. 1hen %ad gets a -ob Mam is cheer ul and she sings, Anyone can see "hy I "anted your kiss, It had to be and the reason is this Could it be true, someone like you Could lo!e me, lo!e me5 1hen %ad brings home the irst "eek's "ages Mam is delighted she can pay the lo!ely Italian man

in the grocery shop and she can hold her head up again because there's nothing "orse in the "orld than to o"e and be beholden to anyone. 'he cleans the kitchen, "ashes the mugs and plates, brushes crumbs and bits o ood rom the table, cleans out the icebo# and orders a resh block o ice rom another Italian. 'he buys toilet paper that "e can take do"n the hall to the la!atory and that, she says, is better than ha!ing the headlines rom the %aily )e"s blackening your arse. 'he boils "ater on the sto!e and spends a day at a great tin tub "ashing our shirts and socks, diapers or the t"ins, our t"o sheets, our three to"els. 'he hangs e!erything out on the clotheslines behind the apartment house and "e can "atch the clothes dance in "ind and sun. 'he says you "ouldn't "ant the neighbors to kno" "hat you ha!e in the "ay o a "ash but there's nothing like the s"eetness o clothes dried by the sun. 1hen %ad brings home the irst "eek's "ages on a Friday night "e kno" the "eekend "ill be "onder ul.0n 'aturday night Mam "ill boil "ater on the sto!e and "ash us in the great tin tub and %ad "ill dry us. Malachy "ill turn around and sho" his behind. %ad "ill pretend to be shocked and "e'll all laugh. Mam "ill make hot cocoa and "e'll be able to stay up "hile %ad tells us a story out o his head.All "e ha!e to do is say a name, Mr. MacAdorey or Mr. &eibo"it( do"n the hall, and %ad "ill ha!e the t"o o them ro"ing up a ri!er in Bra(il chased by Indians "ith green noses and puce shoulders. 0n nights like that "e can dri t o to sleep kno"ing there "ill be a break ast o eggs, ried tomatoes and ried bread, tea "ith lashings o sugar and milk and, later in the day, a big dinner o mashed potatoes, peas and ham, and a tri le Mam makes, layers o ruit and "arm delicious custard on a cake soaked in sherry. 1hen %ad brings home the irst "eek's "ages and the "eather is ine Mam takes us to the playground. 'he sits on a bench and talks to Minnie MacAdorey. 'he tells Minnie stories about characters in &imerick and Minnie tells her about characters in Bel ast and they laugh because there are unny people in Ireland, )orth and 'outh.Then they teach each other sad songs and Malachy and I lea!e the s"ings and see,sa"s to sit "ith them on the bench and sing, A group o young soldiers one night in a camp 1ere talking o s"eethearts they had. All seemed so merry e#cept one young lad, And he "as do"nhearted and sad. Come and -oin us, said one o the boys, 'urely there's someone or you. But )ed shook his head and proudly he said I am in lo!e "ith t"o, +ach like a mother to me, From neither o them shall I part. For one is my mother, *od bless her and lo!e her, The other is my s"eetheart. Malachy and I sing that song and Mam and Minnie laugh till they cry at the "ay Malachy takes a deep bo" and holds his arms out to Mam at the end. %an MacAdorey comes along on his "ay home rom "ork and says $udy 6allee better start "orrying about the competition. 1hen "e go home Mam makes tea and bread and -am or mashed potatoes "ith butter and salt. %ad drinks the tea and eats nothing. Mam says, *od abo!e, 4o" can you "ork all day and not eat5 4e says,The tea is enough. 'he says, /ou'll ruin your health, and he tells her again that ood is a shock to the system. 4e drinks his tea and tells us stories and sho"s us letters and "ords in the %aily )e"s or he smokes a cigarette, stares at the "all, runs his tongue o!er his lips. 1hen %ad's -ob goes into the third "eek he does not bring home the "ages. 0n Friday night "e "ait or him and Mam gi!es us bread and tea.The darkness comes do"n and the lights come on along Classon A!enue. 0ther men "ith -obs are home already and ha!ing eggs or dinner because you can't ha!e meat on a Friday./ou can hear the amilies talking upstairs and do"nstairs and do"n the hall and Bing Crosby is singing on the radio, Brother, can you spare a dime5 Malachy and I play "ith the t"ins.1e kno" Mam "on't sing Anyone can see "hy I "anted your kiss. 'he sits at the kitchen table talking to hersel ,1hat am I going to do5 till it's late and %ad rolls up the stairs singing $oddy McCorley.4e pushes in the door and calls or us,1here are my troops5 1here are my our "arriors5 Mam says, &ea!e those boys alone.They're gone to bed hal hungry because you ha!e to ill your belly "ith "hiskey. 4e comes to the bedroom door. 7p, boys, up. A nickel or e!eryone "ho promises to die or Ireland. %eep

in Canadian "oods "e met From one bright island lo"n. *reat is the land "e tread, but yet 0ur hearts are "ith our o"n. 7p, boys, up. Francis, Malachy, 0li!er, +ugene. The $ed Branch ;nights, the Fenian Men, the I$A. 7p, up. Mam is at the kitchen table, shaking, her hair hanging damp, her ace "et. Can't you lea!e them alone5 she says. 8esus, Mary and 8oseph, isn't it enough that you come home "ithout a penny in your pocket "ithout making ools o the children on top o it5 'he comes to us. *o back to bed, she says. I "ant them up, he says. I "ant them ready or the day Ireland "ill be ree rom the center to the sea. %on't cross me, she says, or i you do it'll be a sorry day in your mother's house. 4e pulls his cap do"n o!er his ace and cries, My poor mother. 2oor Ireland. 0ch, "hat are "e going to do5 Mam says,/ou're pure stone mad,and she tells us again to go to bed. 0n the morning o the ourth Friday o %ad's -ob Mam asks him i he'll be home tonight "ith his "ages or "ill he drink e!erything again5 4e looks at us and shakes his head at Mam as i to say, 0ch, you shouldn't talk like that in ront o the children. Mam keeps at him. I'm asking you, Are you coming home so that "e can ha!e a bit o supper or "ill it be midnight "ith no money in your pocket and you singing ;e!in Barry and the rest o the sad songs5 4e puts on his cap, sho!es his hands into his trouser pockets, sighs and looks up at the ceiling. I told you be ore I'll be home, he says. &ater in the day Mam dresses us. 'he puts the t"ins into the pram and o "e go through the long streets o Brooklyn. 'ometimes she lets Malachy sit in the pram "hen he's tired o trotting along beside her. 'he tells me I'm too big or the pram. I could tell her I ha!e pains in my legs rom trying to keep up "ith her but she's not singing and I kno" this is not the day to be talking about my pains. 1e come to a big gate "here there's a man standing in a bo# "ith "indo"s all around.Mam talks to the man.'he "ants to kno" i she can go inside to "here the men are paid and maybe they'd gi!e her some o %ad's "ages so he "ouldn't spend it in the bars.The man shakes his head. I'm sorry, lady, but i "e did that "e'd ha!e hal the "i!es in Brooklyn storming the place. &otta men ha!e the drinking problem but there's nothing "e can do long as they sho" up sober and do their "ork. 1e "ait across the street. Mam lets me sit on the side"alk "ith my back against the "all.'he gi!es the t"ins their bottles o "ater and sugar but Malachy and I ha!e to "ait till she gets money rom %ad and "e can go to the Italian or tea and bread and eggs. 1hen the "histle blo"s at hal i!e men in caps and o!eralls s"arm through the gate, their aces and hands black rom the "ork. Mam tells us "atch care ully or %ad because she can hardly see across the street hersel , her eyes are that bad.There are do(ens o men, then a e", then none. Mam is crying,1hy couldn't ye see him5 Are ye blind or "hat5 'he goes back to the man in the bo#.Are you sure there "ouldn't be one man le t inside5 )o, lady, he says.They're out. I don't kno" ho" he got past you. 1e go back through the long streets o Brooklyn.The t"ins hold up their bottles and cry or more "ater and sugar. Malachy says he's hungry and Mam tells him "ait a little, "e'll get money rom %ad and "e'll all ha!e a nice supper.1e'll go to the Italian and get eggs and make toast "ith the lames on the sto!e and "e'll ha!e -am on it. 0h, "e "ill, and "e'll all be nice and "arm. It's dark on Atlantic A!enue and all the bars around the &ong Island $ailroad 'tation are bright and noisy.1e go rom bar to bar looking or %ad.Mam lea!es us outside "ith the pram "hile she goes in or she sends me.There are cro"ds o noisy men and stale smells that remind me o %ad "hen he comes home "ith the smell o the "hiskey on him. The man behind the bar says,/eah,sonny,"haddya "ant5 /ou're not supposeta be in here, y'kno". I'm looking or my ather. Is my ather here5 )a", sonny, ho"'d I kno" dat5 1ho's your a"dah5 4is name is Malachy and he sings ;e!in Barry. Malarkey5 )o, Malachy. Malachy5 And he sings ;e!in Barry5 4e calls out to the men in the bar,/ouse guys, youse kno" guy Malachy "hat sings ;e!in Barry5 Men shake their heads.0ne says he kne" a guy Michael sang ;e!in Barry but he died o the drink "hich he had because o his "ar "ounds. The barman says, 8ee(, 2ete, I didn't a# ya to tell me history o' da "oild, did I5 )a", kid.1e don't let people

sing in here. Causes trouble. 'pecially the Irish. &et 'em sing, ne#t the ists are lying. Besides, I ne!er hoid a name like dat Malachy. )a", kid, no Malachy here. The man called 2ete holds his glass to"ard me. 4ere, kid, ha!e a sip, but the barman says,1haddya doin',2ete5 Tryina get the kid drunk5 %o that again, 2ete, an' I'll come out an' break y'ass. Mam tries all the bars around the station be ore she gi!es up. 'he leans against a "all and cries. 8esus, "e still ha!e to "alk all the "ay to Classon A!enue and I ha!e our star!ing children. 'he sends me back into the bar "here 2ete o ered me the sip to see i the barman "ould ill the t"ins' bottles "ith "ater and maybe a little sugar in each.The men in the bar think it's !ery unny that the barman should be illing baby bottles but he's big and he tells them shut their lip. 4e tells me babies should be drinking milk not "ater and "hen I tell him Mam doesn't ha!e the money he empties the baby bottles and ills them "ith milk. 4e says, Tell ya mom they need that or the teeth an' bones./a drink "ater an' sugar an' all ya get is rickets.Tell ya Mom. Mam is happy "ith the milk. 'he says she kno"s all about teeth and bones and rickets but beggars can't be choosers. 1hen "e reach Classon A!enue she goes straight to the Italian grocery shop. 'he tells the man her husband is late tonight, that he's probably "orking o!ertime,and "ould it be at all possible to get a e" things and she'll be sure to see him tomorro"5 The Italian says, Missus, you al"ays pay your bill sooner or later and you can ha!e anything you like in this store. 0h, she says, I don't "ant much. Anything you like, missus, because I kno" you're an honest "oman and you got a bunch o' nice kids there. 1e ha!e eggs and toast and -am though "e're so "eary "alking the long streets o Brooklyn "e can barely mo!e our -a"s to che".The t"ins all asleep a ter eating and Mam lays them on the bed to change their diapers.'he sends me do"n the hall to rinse the dirty diapers in the la!atory so that they can be hung up to dry and used the ne#t day. Malachy helps her "ash the t"ins' bottoms though he's ready to all asleep himsel . I cra"l into bed "ith Malachy and the t"ins. I look out at Mam at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette, drinking tea, and crying. I "ant to get up and tell her I'll be a man soon and I'll get a -ob in the place "ith the big gate and I'll come home e!ery Friday night "ith money or eggs and toast and -am and she can sing again Anyone can see "hy I "anted your kiss. The ne#t "eek %ad loses the -ob.4e comes home that Friday night, thro"s his "ages on the table and says to Mam, Are you happy no"5 /ou hang around the gate complaining and accusing and they sack me. They "ere looking or an e#cuse and you ga!e it to them. 4e takes a e" dollars rom his "ages and goes out.4e comes home late roaring and singing.The t"ins cry and Mam shushes them and cries a long time hersel . 1e spend hours in the playground "hen the t"ins are sleeping, "hen Mam is tired, and "hen %ad comes home "ith the "hiskey smell on him, roaring about ;e!in Barry getting hanged on a Monday morning or the $oddy McCorley song, 7p the narro" street he stepped 'miling and proud and young About the hemp rope on his neck The golden ringlets clung, There's ne!er a tear in the blue eyes Both glad and bright are they, As $oddy McCorley goes to die 0n the bridge o Toome today. 1hen he sings he marches around the table, Mam cries and the t"ins ho"l "ith her. 'he says, *o out, Frankie, go out, Malachy./ou shouldn't see your ather like this. 'tay in the playground. 1e don't mind going to the playground.1e can play "ith the lea!es piling up on the ground and "e can push each other on the s"ings but then "inter comes to Classon A!enue and the s"ings are ro(en and "on't e!en mo!e. Minnie MacAdorey says, *od help these poor "ee boys. They don't ha!e a glo!e bet"een them. That makes me laugh because I kno" Malachy and I ha!e our hands bet"een us and one glo!e "ould be silly. Malachy doesn't kno" "hat I'm laughing at: 4e "on't kno" anything till he's our going on i!e. Minnie brings us in and gi!es us tea and porridge "ith -am in it. Mr. MacAdorey sits in an armchair "ith their ne" baby, Maisie. 4e holds her bottle and sings, Clap hands, clap hands, Till %addy comes home, 1ith buns in his pocket For Maisie alone. Clap hands, clap hands, Till %addy comes home, For %addy has money And Mammy has none. Malachy

tries to sing that song but I tell him stop, it's Maisie's song. 4e starts to cry and Minnie says,There, there./ou can sing the song. That's a song or all the children. Mr. MacAdorey smiles at Malachy and I "onder "hat kind o "orld is it "here anyone can sing anyone else's song. Minnie says, %on't ro"n, Frankie. It makes your ace dark and *od kno"s it's dark enough. 'ome day you'll ha!e a little sister and you can sing that song to her. 0ch, aye./ou'll ha!e a little sister, surely. Minnie is right and Mam gets her "ish.There's a ne" baby soon, a little girl, and they call her Margaret.1e all lo!e Margaret. 'he has black curly hair and blue eyes like Mam and she "a!es her little hands and chirps like any little bird in the trees along Classon A!enue. Minnie says there "as a holiday in hea!en the day this child "as made. Mrs. &eibo"it( says the "orld ne!er sa" such eyes, such a smile, such happiness. 'he makes me dance, says Mrs. &eibo"it(. 1hen %ad comes home rom looking or a -ob he holds Margaret and sings to her: In a shady nook one moonlit night A leprechaun I spied. 1ith scarlet cap and coat o green A cruiskeen by his side. 'T"as tick tock tick his hammer "ent 7pon a tiny shoe. 0h, I laugh to think he "as caught at last, But the airy "as laughing, too. 4e "alks around the kitchen "ith her and talks to her. 4e tells her ho" lo!ely she is "ith her curly black hair and the blue eyes o her mother. 4e tells her he'll take her to Ireland and they'll "alk the *lens o Antrim and s"im in &ough )eagh. 4e'll get a -ob soon, so he "ill, and she'll ha!e dresses o silk and shoes "ith sil!er buckles. The more %ad sings to Margaret the less she cries and as the days pass she e!en begins to laugh. Mam says, &ook at him trying to dance "ith that child in his arms, him "ith his t"o le t eet. 'he laughs and "e all laugh. The t"ins cried "hen they "ere small and %ad and Mam "ould say 1hisht and 4ush and eed them and they'd go back to sleep. But "hen Margaret cries there's a high lonely eeling in the air and %ad is out o bed in a second, holding her to him, doing a slo" dance around the table, singing to her, making sounds like a mother.1hen he passes the "indo" "here the streetlight shines in you can see tears on his cheeks and that's strange because he ne!er cries or anyone unless he has the drink taken and he sings the ;e!in Barry song and the $oddy McCorley song. )o" he cries o!er Margaret and he has no smell o drink on him. Mam tells Minnie MacAdorey, 4e's in hea!en o!er that child. 4e hasn't touched a drop since she "as born. I should'!e had a little girl a long time ago. 0ch, they're lo!ely, aren't they5 says Minnie. The little boys are grand, too, but you need a little girl or yoursel . My mother laughs, For mysel 5 &ord abo!e, i I didn't nurse her I "ouldn't be able to get near her the "ay he "ants to be holding her day and night. Minnie says it's lo!ely, all the same, to see a man so charmed "ith his little girl or isn't e!eryone charmed "ith her5 +!eryone. The t"ins are able to stand and "alk and they ha!e accidents all the time.Their bottoms are sore because they're al"ays "et and shitty.They put dirty things in their mouths, bits o paper, eathers, shoelaces, and they get sick.Mam says "e're all dri!ing her cra(y.'he dresses the t"ins, puts them in the pram, and Malachy and I take them to the playground. The cold "eather is gone and the trees ha!e green lea!es up and do"n Classon A!enue. 1e race the pram around the playground and the t"ins laugh and make goo,goo sounds till they get hungry and start to cry. There are t"o bottles in the pram illed "ith "ater and sugar and that keeps them .uiet or a"hile till they're hungry again and they cry so hard I don't kno" "hat to do because they're so small and I "ish I could gi!e them all kinds o ood so that they'd laugh and make the baby sounds.They lo!e the mushy ood Mam makes in a pot, bread mashed up in milk and "ater and sugar. Mam calls it bread and goody. I I take the t"ins home no" Mam "ill yell at me or gi!ing her no rest or or "aking Margaret. 1e are to stay in the playground till she sticks her head out the "indo" and calls or us. I make unny aces or the t"ins to stop their crying. I put a piece o paper on my head and let it all and they laugh and laugh. I push the pram o!er to Malachy playing on the s"ings "ith Freddie &eibo"it(. Malachy is trying to tell Freddie all about the "ay 'etanta became Cuchulain. I

tell him stop telling that story, it's my story. 4e "on't stop. I push him and he cries, 1aah, "aah, I'll tell Mam. Freddie pushes me and e!erything turns dark in my head and I run at him "ith ists and knees and eet till he yells, 4ey, stop, stop, and I "on't because I can't, I don't kno" ho", and i I stop Malachy "ill go on taking my story rom me. Freddie pushes me a"ay and runs o , yelling, Frankie tried to kill me. Frankie tried to kill me. I don't kno" "hat to do because I ne!er tried to kill anyone be ore and no" Malachy, on the s"ing, cries, %on't kill me, Frankie, and he looks so helpless I put my arms around him and help him o the s"ing. 4e hugs me. I "on't tell your story anymore. I "on't tell Freddie about Coo, Coo. I "ant to laugh but I can't because the t"ins are crying in the pram and it's dark in the playground and "hat's the use o trying to make unny aces and letting things all o your head "hen they can't see you in the dark5 The Italian grocery shop is across the street and I see bananas, apples, oranges. I kno" the t"ins can eat bananas. Malachy lo!es bananas and I like them mysel . But you need money, Italians are not kno"n or gi!ing a"ay bananas especially to the McCourts "ho o"e them money already or groceries. My mother tells me all the time, )e!er, ne!er lea!e that playground e#cept to come home.But "hat am I to do "ith the t"ins ba"ling "ith the hunger in the pram5 I tell Malachy I'll be back in a minute. I make sure no one is looking, grab a bunch o bananas outside the Italian grocery shop and run do"n Myrtle A!enue, a"ay rom the playground, around the block and back to the other end "here there's a hole in the ence. 1e push the pram to a dark corner and peel the bananas or the t"ins.There are i!e bananas in the bunch and "e east on them in the dark corner.The t"ins slobber and che" and spread banana o!er their aces, their hair, their clothes. I reali(e then that .uestions "ill be asked.Mam "ill "ant to kno" "hy the t"ins are smothered in bananas, "here did you get them5 I can't tell her about the Italian shop on the corner. I "ill ha!e to say, A man. That's "hat I'll say.A man. Then the strange thing happens. There's a man at the gate o the playground. 4e's calling me. 0h, *od, it's the Italian. 4ey, sonny, come 'ere. 4ey, talkin' to ya. Come 'ere. I go to him. /ou the kid "id the little bruddas, right5 T"ins5 /es, sir. 4eah. *otta bag o' ruit. I don' gi!e it to you I tro" id out. $ight5 'o, heah, take the bag./a got apples, oranges, bananas./a like bananas, right5 I think ya like bananas, eh5 4a, ha. I kno" ya like the bananas. 4eah, take the bag./a gotta nice mother there./a ather5 1ell, ya kno", he's got the problem, the Irish thing. *i!e them t"ins a banana. 'hud 'em up. I hear 'em all the "ay cross the street. Thank you, sir. 8ee(. 2olite kid, eh5 1here -a loin dat5 My ather told me to say thanks, sir. /our ather5 0h, "ell. %ad sits at the table reading the paper. 4e says that 2resident $oose!elt is a good man and e!eryone in America "ill soon ha!e a -ob. Mam is on the other side o the table eeding Margaret "ith a bottle. 'he has the hard look that rightens me. 1here did you get that ruit5 The man. 1hat man5 The Italian man ga!e it to me. %id you steal that ruit5 Malachy says,The man.The man ga!e Frankie the bag. And "hat did you do to Freddie &eibo"it(5 4is mother "as here. &o!ely "oman. I don't kno" "hat "e'd do "ithout her and Minnie MacAdorey.And you had to attack poor Freddie. Malachy -umps up and do"n. 4e din't. 4e din't. %in't try to kill Freddie. %in't try to kill me. %ad says,1hisht, Malachy, "hisht. Come o!er here. And he takes Malachy on his lap. My mother says, *o do"n the hall and tell Freddie you're sorry. But %ad says, %o you "ant to tell Freddie you're sorry5 I don't. My parents look at one another. %ad says, Freddie is a good boy. 4e "as only pushing your little brother on the s"ing. Isn't that right5 4e "as trying to steal my Cuchulain story. 0ch, no". Freddie doesn't care about the Cuchulain story. 4e has his o"n story. 4undreds o stories. 4e's 8e"ish. 1hat's 8e"ish5 %ad laughs. 8e"ish is, 8e"ish is people "ith their o"n stories.They don't need Cuchulain.They ha!e Moses.They ha!e 'amson. 1hat's 'amson5 I you go do"n and talk to Freddie I'll tell you about 'amson later. /ou can tell Freddie you're sorry and you'll ne!er do it again and you can e!en ask him about 'amson.Anything you like as long as you talk to

Freddie.1ill you5 The baby gi!es a little cry in my mother's arms and %ad -umps up, dropping Malachy to the loor. Is she all right5 My mother says, 0 course she's all right. 'he's eeding. *od abo!e, you're a bundle o ner!es. They're talking about Margaret no" and I'm orgotten. I don't care. I'm going do"n the hall to ask Freddie about 'amson, to see i 'amson is as good as Cuchulain, to see i Freddie has his o"n story or i he still "ants to steal Cuchulain. Malachy "ants to go "ith me no" that my ather is standing and doesn't ha!e a lap anymore. Mrs. &eibo"it( says, 0h, Frankie, Frankie, come in, come in. And little Malachy.And tell me, Frankie, "hat did you do to Freddie5 Tried to kill him5 Freddie is a good boy,Frankie.$eads his book.&istens to radio "ith his papa.4e s"inks you brother on s"ink.And you try to kill him. 0h, Frankie, Frankie.And you poor mother and her sick baby. 'he's not sick, Mrs. &eibo"it(. 'ick she is. <at is one sick baby. I kno" rom sick babies. I "ork in ho(tipal. %on't tell me, Frankie. Come in, come in. Freddie, Freddie, Frankie is here. Come out. Frankie "on't kill you no more./ou and little Malachy. )ice Che"ish name, ha!e piece cake, eh5 1hy they gi!e you a Che"ish name, eh5 'o, glass milk, piece cake./ou boys so thin, Irish don't eat. 1e sit at the table "ith Freddie, eating cake, drinking milk. Mr. &eibo"it( sits in an armchair reading the paper, listening to the radio. 'ometimes he speaks to Mrs. &eibo"it( and I don't understand because strange sounds come rom his mouth. Freddie understands.1hen Mr. &eibo"it( makes the strange sounds Freddie gets up and takes him a piece o cake. Mr. &eibo"it( smiles at Freddie and pats his head and Freddie smiles back and makes the strange sounds. Mrs. &eibo"it( shakes her head at Malachy and me. 0y, so thin. 'he says 0y so much Malachy laughs and says 0y and the &eibo"it(es laugh and Mr. &eibo"it( says "ords "e can understand,1hen Irish oyes are smiling. Mrs. &eibo"it( laughs so hard her body shakes and she holds her stomach and Malachy says 0y again because he kno"s that makes e!eryone laugh. I say 0y but no one laughs and I kno" 0y belongs to Malachy the "ay Cuchulain belongs to me and Malachy can ha!e his 0y. Mrs. &eibo"it(, my ather said Freddie has a a!orite story. Malachy says, 'am, 'am, 0y. +!eryone laughs again but I don't because I can't remember "hat comes a ter 'am. Freddie mumbles through his cake, 'amson, and Mrs. &eibo"it( tells him, %on't talk "i( you mouse ull, and I laugh because she's gro"n,up and she says mouse instead o mouth. Malachy laughs because I laugh and the &eibo"it(es look at each other and smile. Freddie says, )ot 'amson. My a!orite story is %a!id and the giant, *oliath. %a!id killed him dead "ith a slingshot, a stone in his head. 4is brains "as on the ground. 1ere on the ground, says Mr. &eibo"it(. /es, 2apa. 2apa.That's "hat Freddie calls his ather and %ad is "hat I call my ather. My mother's "hisper "akes me.1hat's up "ith the child5 It's still early and there isn't much morning in the room but you can see %ad o!er by the "indo" "ith Margaret in his arms. 4e's rocking her and sighing, 0ch. Mam says, Is she, is she sick5 0ch, she's !ery .uiet and she's a "ee bit cold. My mother is out o the bed, taking the child. *o or the doctor. *o or *od's sake, and my ather is pulling on his trousers o!er his shirt, no -acket, shoes, no socks on this bitter day. 1e "ait in the room, the t"ins asleep at the bottom o the bed, Malachy stirring beside me.Frankie,I "ant a drink o "ater.Mam rocks in her bed "ith the baby in her arms. 0h, Margaret, Margaret, my o"n little lo!e. 0pen your lo!ely blue eyes, my little lean!. I ill a cup o "ater or Malachy and me and my mother "ails,1ater or you and your brother. 0h, indeed,1ater, is it5 And nothing or your sister./our poor little sister. %id you ask i she had a mouth in her head5 %id you ask i she'd like a drop o "ater5 0h, no. *o on and drink your "ater, you and your brother, as i nothing happened. A regular day or the t"o o you, isn't it5 And the t"ins sleeping a"ay as i they didn't ha!e a care and their poor little sister sick here in my arms. 'ick in my arms. 0h, s"eet 8esus in hea!en. 1hy is she talking like this5 'he's not talking like my mother today. I "ant my ather.1here is my ather5 I get back into bed and start to cry.Malachy says,1hy you cry5 1hy you cry5 till Mam is at me again./our sister is sick in my arms and

you're there "hining and "hinging. I I go o!er to that bed I'll gi!e you something to "hinge about. %ad is back "ith the doctor. %ad has the "hiskey smell.The doctor e#amines the baby, prods her, raises her eyelids, eels her neck, arms, legs. 4e straightens up and shakes his head. 'he's gone. Mam reaches or the baby, hugs her, turns to the "all. The doctor "ants to kno", 1as there any kind o accident5 %id anyone drop the baby5 %id the boys play too hard "ith her5 Anything5 My ather shakes his head. %octor says he'll ha!e to take her to e#amine her and %ad signs a paper. My mother begs or another e" minutes "ith her baby but the doctor says he doesn't ha!e all day. 1hen %ad reaches or Margaret my mother pulls a"ay against the "all. 'he has the "ild look, her black curly hair is damp on her orehead and there is s"eat all o!er her ace, her eyes are "ide open and her ace is shiny "ith tears, she keeps shaking her head and moaning, Ah, no, ah, no, till %ad eases the baby rom her arms. The doctor "raps Margaret completely in a blanket and my mother cries, 0h, 8esus, you'll smother her. 8esus, Mary and 8oseph, help me. The doctor lea!es. My mother turns to the "all and doesn't make a mo!e or sound. The t"ins are a"ake, crying "ith the hunger, but %ad stands in the middle o the room, staring at the ceiling. 4is ace is "hite and he beats on his thighs "ith his ists. 4e comes to the bed, puts his hand on my head. 4is hand is shaking. Francis, I'm going out or cigarettes. Mam stays in the bed all day, hardly mo!ing. Malachy and I ill the t"ins' bottles "ith "ater and sugar. In the kitchen "e ind a hal loa o stale bread and t"o cold sausages.1e can't ha!e tea because the milk is sour in the icebo# "here the ice is melted again and e!eryone kno"s you can't drink tea "ithout milk unless your ather gi!es it to you out o his mug "hile he's telling you about Cuchulain. The t"ins are hungry again but I kno" I can't gi!e them "ater and sugar all day and night. I boil sour milk in a pot, mash in some o the stale bread, and try to eed them rom a cup, bread and goody. They make aces and run to Mam's bed, crying. 'he keeps her ace to the "all and they run back to me, still crying. They "on't eat the bread and goody till I kill the taste o the sour milk "ith sugar. )o" they eat and smile and rub the goody o!er their aces. Malachy "ants some and i he can eat it, so can I.1e all sit on the loor eating the goody and che"ing on the cold sausage and drinking "ater my mother keeps in a milk bottle in the icebo#. A ter "e eat and drink "e ha!e to go to the la!atory do"n the hall but "e can't get in because Mrs. &eibo"it( is inside, humming and singing. 'he says, 1ait, chiltren, "ait, darlinks. 1on't be t"o seconds. Malachy claps his hands and dances around, singing,1ait, chiltren, "ait, darlinks. Mrs. &eibo"it( opens the la!atory door. &ook at him. &ittle actor a"ready. 'o, chiltren, ho"'s you mother5 'he's in bed, Mrs. &eibo"it(. The doctor took Margaret and my ather "ent or cigarettes. 0h, Frankie, Frankie. I said that "as one sick child. Malachy is clutching himsel . 4a!e to pee. 4a!e to pee. 'o, pee a"ready./ou boys pee and "e see you mother. A ter "e pee Mrs.&eibo"it( comes to see Mam.0h,Mrs.McCourt. 0y !ey, darlink. &ook at this. &ook at these t"ins. )aked. Mrs. McCourt, "hat is ma((er, eh5 The baby she is sick5 'o talk to me. 2oor "oman. 4ere turn around, missus.Talk to me. 0y, this is one mess.Talk to me, Mrs. McCourt. 'he helps my mother sit up against the "all. Mam seems smaller. Mrs. &eibo"it( says she'll bring some soup and tells me get some "ater to "ash my mother's ace. I dip a to"el in cold "ater and pat her orehead. 'he presses my hand against her cheeks. 0h, 8esus, Frankie. 0h, 8esus. 'he "on't let my hand go and I'm rightened because I'!e ne!er seen her like this be ore. 'he's saying Frankie only because it's my hand she's holding and it's Margaret she's thinking about, not me. /our lo!ely little sister is dead, Frankie. %ead. And "here is your ather5 'he lets my hand drop. I said "here is your ather5 %rinking. That's "here he is.There isn't a penny in the house. 4e can't get a -ob but he inds money or the drink, money or the drink, money or the drink, money or the drink. 'he rears back, knocks her head on the "all and screams,1here is she5 1here is she5 1here is my little girl5 0h, 8esus, Mary and 8oseph, help me this night. I'll go mad, so I "ill, I'll go pure mad. Mrs.

&eibo"it( rushes in. Missus, missus, "hat is it5 The little girl. 1here is she5 My mother screams again, %ead, Mrs. &eibo"it(. %ead. 4er head drops and she rocks back and orth.Middle o the night,Mrs.&eibo"it(. In her pram. I should ha!e been "atching her. 'e!en "eeks she had in this "orld and died in the middle o the night, alone, Mrs. &eibo"it(, all alone in that pram. Mrs. &eibo"it( holds my mother in her arms. 'hush, no", shush. Babies go like that. It happens, missus. *od takes them. In the pram, Mrs. &eibo"it(. )ear my bed. I could ha!e picked her up and she didn't ha!e to die, did she5 *od doesn't "ant little babies. 1hat is *od going to do "ith little babies5 I don't kno", missus. I don't kno" rom *od. 4a!e soup. *ood soup. Make you strong./ou boys. *et bo"ls. I gi!e you soup. 1hat's bo"ls, Mrs. &eibo"it(5 0h, Frankie./ou don't kno" bo"l5 For the soup, darlink./ou don' ha!e a bo"l5 'o get cups or the soup. I mi# pea soup and lentil soup. )o ham. Irish like the ham. )o ham, Frankie. %rink, missus. %rink you soup. 'he spoons the soup into my mother's mouth, "ipes the dribble rom her chin. Malachy and I sit on the loor drinking rom mugs.1e spoon the soup into the t"ins' mouths. It is lo!ely and hot and tasty. My mother ne!er makes soup like this and I "onder i there's any chance Mrs. &eibo"it( could e!er be my mother. Freddie could be me and ha!e my mother and my ather,too,and he could ha!e Malachy and the t"ins or brothers. 4e can't ha!e Margaret anymore because she's like the dog in the street that "as taken a"ay. I don't kno" "hy she "as taken a"ay. My mother said she died in her pram and that must be like getting hit by a car because they take you a"ay. I "ish little Margaret could be here or the soup. I could gi!e it to her "ith a spoon the "ay Mrs. &eibo"it( is gi!ing it to my mother and she'd gurgle and laugh the "ay she did "ith %ad. 'he "ouldn't cry anymore and my mother "ouldn't be in the bed day and night and %ad "ould be telling me Cuchulain stories and I "ouldn't "ant Mrs. &eibo"it( to be my mother anymore. Mrs. &eibo"it( is nice but I'd rather ha!e my ather telling me Cuchulain stories and Margaret chirping and Mam laughing "hen %ad dances "ith t"o le t eet. Minnie MacAdorey comes in to help. Mother o' *od, Mrs. &eibo"it(, these t"ins smell to the high hea!ens. I don't kno" about Mother o' *od, Minnie, but these t"ins need a "ash.They need clean diapers. Frankie, "here are the clean diapers5 I don't kno". Minnie says,They're -ust "earing rags or diapers. I'll get some o Maisie's. Frankie, you take o those rags and thro" them out. Malachy remo!es 0li!er's rag and I struggle "ith +ugene. The sa ety pin is stuck and "hen he "riggles it comes loose, sticks him in the hip, and starts him screaming or Mam. But Minnie is back "ith a to"el and soap and hot "ater. I help her "ash a"ay the caked shit and she lets me shake talcum po"der on the t"ins' ra" sore skin. 'he says they're good little boys and she has a big surprise or them. 'he goes do"n the hall and brings back a pot o mashed potatoes or all o us. There is plenty o salt and butter in the potatoes and I "onder i there's any chance Minnie could be my mother so that I could eat like this all the time. I I could ha!e Mrs. &eibo"it( and Minnie or mothers at the same time I'd ha!e no end o soup and mashed potatoes. Minnie and Mrs.&eibo"it( sit at the table.Mrs.&eibo"it( says something has to be done.These children are running "ild and "here is the ather5 I hear Minnie "hisper he's out or the drink.Mrs.&eibo"it( says terrible, terrible, the "ay the Irish drink. Minnie says her %an doesn't drink.)e!er touches the stu and %an told her that "hen the baby died that poor man, Malachy McCourt, "ent mad all o!er Flatbush A!enue and Atlantic A!enue, that he "as thro"n out o all the bars around the &ong Island $ailroad 'tation, that the cops "ould ha!e thro"n him in -ail i it "as anything else but the death o that lo!ely little baby. 4ere he has our lo!ely little boys, says Minnie, but it's no com ort to him. That little girl brought out something in him./ou kno" he didn't e!en drink a ter she "as born and that "as a miracle. Mrs. &eibo"it( "ants to kno" "here Mam's cousins are, the big "omen "ith the .uiet husbands. Minnie "ill ind them and tell them the children are neglected, running "ild, sore arses and e!erything. T"o days later %ad returns rom his cigarette hunt.It's the middle o the night

but he gets Malachy and me out o the bed. 4e has the smell o the drink on him. 4e has us stand at attention in the kitchen.1e are soldiers. 4e tells us "e must promise to die or Ireland. 1e "ill, %ad, "e "ill. All together "e sing ;e!in Barry, 0n Mount-oy one Monday morning, 4igh upon the gallo"s tree, ;e!in Barry ga!e his young li e For the cause o liberty. 8ust a lad o eighteen summers 'ure there's no one can deny As he marched to death that morning 4o" he held his head on high. There's a knock at the door, Mr. MacAdorey. 0ch, Malachy, or *od's sake, it's three in the morning./ou ha!e the "hole house "oke "ith the singing. 0ch, %an, I'm only teaching the boys to die or Ireland. /ou can teach them to die or Ireland in the daytime, Malachy. 'Tis urgent, %an, 'tis urgent. I kno", Malachy, but they're only children. Babies./ou go to bed no" like a dacent man. Bed, %an9 1hat am I to do in bed5 4er little ace is there day and night, her curly black hair and her lo!ely blue eyes. 0h, 8esus, %an, "hat "ill I do5 1as it the hunger that killed her, %an5 0 course not./our missus "as nursing her. *od took her. 4e has his reasons. 0ne more song, %an, be ore "e go to bed. *ood night, Malachy. Come on, boys. 'ing. Because he lo!ed the motherland, Because he lo!ed the green 4e goes to meet a martyr's ate 1ith proud and -oyous mien3 True to the last, oh9 true to the last 4e treads the up"ard "ay3 /oung $oddy McCorley goes to die 0n the bridge at Toome today. /ou'll die or Ireland, "on't you, boys5 1e "ill, %ad. And "e'll all meet your little sister in hea!en, "on't "e, boys5 1e "ill, %ad. My brother is standing "ith his ace pressed against a leg o the table and he's asleep. %ad li ts him, staggers across the room, places him in the bed by my mother. I climb into bed and my ather, still in his clothes, lies beside me. I'm hoping he'll put his arms around me but he goes on singing about $oddy McCorley and talking to Margaret, 0h, my little curly,haired, blue,eyed lo!e, I "ould dress you in silks and take you to &ough )eagh, till day is at the "indo" and I all asleep. That night Cuchulain comes to me.There's a big green bird on his shoulder that keeps singing about ;e!in Barry and $oddy McCorley and I don't like that bird because there's blood dripping rom his mouth "hen he sings. In one hand Cuchulain carries the gae bolga, the spear that is so mighty only he can thro" it. In the other hand he carries a banana, "hich he keeps o ering to the bird, "ho -ust s.ua"ks and spits blood at him./ou'd "onder "hy Cuchulain puts up "ith a bird like that. I the t"ins e!er spat blood at me "hen I o ered them a banana I think I'd hit them on the head "ith it. In the morning my ather is at the kitchen table and I tell him my dream. 4e says there "ere no bananas in Ireland in the old times and e!en i there "ere Cuchulain "ould ne!er o er one to that bird because that "as the one that came o!er rom +ngland or the summer and perched on his shoulder "hen he "as dying and propped up against a stone and "hen the men o +rin "hich is Ireland "anted to kill him they "ere a raid till they sa" the bird drinking Cuchulain's blood and then they kne" it "as sa e to attack him, the dirty bloody co"ards. 'o you ha!e to be "ary o birds, Francis, birds and +nglishmen. Most o the day Mam lies in bed "ith her ace to the "all. I she drinks tea or eats anything she thro"s up in the bucket under the bed and I ha!e to empty it and rinse it in the la!atory do"n the hall. Mrs. &eibo"it( brings her soup and unny bread that is t"isted. Mam tries to slice it but Mrs. &eibo"it( laughs and tells her -ust pull. Malachy calls it pull bread but Mrs. &eibo"it( says, )o, it's challah, and teaches us ho" to say it. 'he shakes her head. 0y, you Irish./ou'll li!e ore!er but you'll ne!er say challah like a Che". Minnie MacAdorey brings potatoes and cabbage and sometimes a piece o meat. 0ch, times are hard, Angela, but that lo!ely man, Mr. $oose!elt, "ill ind a -ob or e!eryone and your husband "ill ha!e "ork.2oor man,it's not his ault there's a %epression.4e looks or "ork day and night. My %an is lucky, our years "ith the city and he don't drink. 4e gre" up in Toome "ith your husband. 'ome drink. 'ome don't. Curse o the Irish. )o" eat,Angela. Build yoursel up a ter your loss. Mr. MacAdorey tells %ad there's "ork "ith the 12A and "hen he gets the "ork there's money or ood and Mam lea!es the bed to clean the t"ins

and to eed us.1hen %ad comes home "ith the drink smell there's no money and Mam screams at him till the t"ins cry, and Malachy and I run out to the playground. 0n those nights Mam cra"ls back into bed and %ad sings the sad songs about Ireland.1hy doesn't he hold her and help her sleep the "ay he did "ith my little sister "ho died5 1hy doesn't he sing a Margaret song or a song that "ill dry Mam's tears5 4e still gets Malachy and me out o bed to stand in our shirts promising to die or Ireland. 0ne night he "anted to make the t"ins promise to die or Ireland but they can't e!en talk and Mam screamed at him, /ou mad oul' bastard, can't you lea!e the children alone5 4e'll gi!e us a nickel or ice cream i "e promise to die or Ireland and "e promise but "e ne!er get the nickel. 1e get soup rom Mrs. &eibo"it( and mashed potatoes rom Minnie MacAdorey and they sho" us ho" to take care o the t"ins, ho" to "ash their bottoms and ho" to "ash diaper rags a ter they get them all shitty. Mrs. &eibo"it( calls them diapers and Minnie calls them nappies but it doesn't matter "hat they call them because the t"ins get them shitty any"ay. I Mam stays in the bed and %ad goes out looking or a -ob "e can do "hat "e like all day.1e can put the t"ins in the small s"ings in the park and s"ing them till they get hungry and cry.The Italian man calls to me rom across the street, 4ey, Frankie, c'mere.1atch out crossing da street. %em t"ins hungry again5 4e gi!es us bits o cheese and ham and bananas but I can't eat bananas anymore a ter the "ay the bird spat blood at Cuchulain. The man says his name is Mr. %imino and that's his "i e, Angela, behind the counter. I tell him that's my mother's name. )o kiddin', kid./our mother is Angela5 I didn't kno" the Irish had any Angelas. 4ey, Angela, his mother's name is Angela. 'he smiles. 'he says,Thatsa nice. Mr. %imino asks me about Mam and %ad and "ho cooks or us. I tell him "e get ood rom Mrs. &eibo"it( and Minnie MacAdorey. I tell him all about the diapers and the nappies and ho" they get shitty any"ay and he laughs.Angela, you listenin' to this5 Thank *od you're Italian, Angela. 4e says, ;id, I gotta talk to Mrs. &eibo"it(./a gotta ha!e relations can take care o you./a see Minnie MacAdorey, tell her come in see me./ou kids runnin' "ild. T"o big "omen are at the door.They say,1ho are you5 I'm Frank. Frank9 4o" old are you5 I'm our going on i!e. /ou're not !ery big or your age, are you5 I don't kno". Is your mother here5 'he's in the bed. 1hat is she doing in the bed on a ine day in the middle o the day5 'he's sleeping. 1ell, "e'll come in.1e ha!e to talk to your mother. They brush past me into the room.8esus,Mary and 8oseph,the smell o this place.And "ho are these children5 Malachy runs smiling to the big "omen.1hen he smiles you can see ho" "hite and straight and pretty his teeth are and you can see the shiny blue o his eyes, the pink o his cheeks. All that makes the big "omen smile and I "onder "hy they didn't smile "hen they talked to me. Malachy says, I'm Malachy and this is 0li!er and this is +ugene, they're t"ins, and that's Frankie o!er there. The big "oman "ith the bro"n hair says,1ell, you're not a bit shy, are you5 I'm your mother's cousin, 2hilomena, and this is your mother's cousin,%elia.I'm Mrs.Flynn and she's Mrs.Fortune and that's "hat you call us. *ood *od, says 2hilomena.Those t"ins are naked. %on't you ha!e clothes or them5 Malachy says,They're all shitty. %elia barks. 'ee.That's "hat happens.A mouth like a se"er, and no "onder "ith a ather rom the )orth. %on't use that "ord.That's a bad "ord, a curse "ord./ou could go to hell using a "ord like that. 1hat's hell5 says Malachy./ou'll kno" soon enough, says %elia. The big "omen sit at the table "ith Mrs. &eibo"it( and Minnie MacAdorey. 2hilomena says it's terrible "hat happened to Angela's little baby.They heard all about it and you'd "onder, "ouldn't you, "hat they did "ith the little body./ou might "onder and I might "onder but Tommy Flynn didn't "onder.Tommy said that Malachy rom the )orth got money or that baby. Money5 says Mrs. &eibo"it(.That's right, says 2hilomena. Money.They take bodies any age and do e#periments on them and there's not much le t to gi!e back nor "ould you "ant back bits o baby "hen they can't be buried in consecrated ground in that condition. That's terrible, says Mrs. &eibo"it(.A ather or mother "ould ne!er gi!e the baby or something

like that. They "ould, says %elia, "hen they ha!e the cra!ing or the drink. They'd gi!e their o"n mothers "hen they ha!e the cra!ing so "hat's a baby that's dead and gone in the irst place5 Mrs. &eibo"it( shakes her head and rocks in her chair. 0y, she says, oy, oy, oy.The poor baby.The poor mother. I thank *od my husband don'ha!e no "hat you call it5 Cra!ing5 $ight,cra!ing.It's the Irish ha!e the cra!ing. )ot my husband, says 2hilomena. I'd break his ace i he came home "ith the cra!ing. 0 course, %elia's 8immy has the cra!ing. +!ery Friday night you see him slipping into the saloon. /ou needn't start insulting my 8immy, says %elia. 4e "orks. 4e brings home his "ages. /ou'd "ant to keep an eye on him, says 2hilomena. The cra!ing could get the better o him and you'd ha!e another Malachy rom the )orth on your hands. Mind your o"n bloody business, says %elia.At least 8immy is Irish, not born in Brooklyn like your Tommy. And 2hilomena has no ans"er or that. Minnie is holding her baby and the big "omen say she's a lo!ely baby, clean, not like this pack o Angela's running around this place. 2hilomena says she doesn't kno" "here Angela got her dirty habits because Angela's mother "as spotless, so clean you could eat your dinner o her loor. I "onder "hy you'd "ant to eat your dinner o the loor "hen you had a table and a chair. %elia says something has to be done about Angela and these children or they are a disgrace, so they are, enough to make you ashamed to be related.A letter has to be "ritten to Angela's mother. 2hilomena "ill "rite it because a teacher in &imerick told her once she had a ine ist. %elia has to tell Mrs. &eibo"it( that a ine ist means good hand"riting. Mrs. &eibo"it( goes do"n the hall to borro" her husband's ountain pen, paper and an en!elope.The our "omen sit at the table and make up a letter to send to my mother's mother: %ear Aunt Margaret, I take pen in hand to "rite you this letter and hope this inds you as it lea!es us in the best o health. My husband Tommy is in ine orm "orking a"ay and %elia's husband 8immy is in ine orm "orking a"ay and "e hope this inds you in ine orm. I am !ery sorry to tell you that Angela is not in ine orm as the baby died, the little girl that "as called Margaret a ter yoursel , and Angela has not been the same since lying in the bed "ith her ace to the "all.To make matters "orser "e think she's e#pecting again and that's too much altogether. The minute she losses one child there is another one on the "ay.1e don't kno" ho" she does it. 'he's married our years, i!e children and another on the "ay.That sho"s you "hat can happen "hen you marry someone rom the )orth or they ha!e no control o!er themsel!es up there a bunch o 2rotestands that they are. 4e goes out or "ork e!ery day but "e kno" he spends all his time in the saloons and gets a e" dollars or s"eeping loors and li ting barrels and spends the money right back on the drink. It's terrible,Aunt Margaret, and "e all think Angela and the children "ould be better o in her nati!e land.1e don't ha!e the money to buy the tickets oursel!es or times is hard but you might be able to see your "ay. 4opping this inds you in ine orm as it lea!es us thank *od and 4is Blessed Mother. I remain your lo!ing neice 2hilomena Flynn ="hat "as Mac)amara> and last but not least your neice %elia Fortune ="hat "as Mac)amara, too, ha ha ha> *randma 'heehan sent money to 2hilomena and %elia.They bought the tickets, ound a steamer trunk at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety, hired a !an to take us to the pier in Manhattan, put us on the ship, said *ood,bye and good riddance, and "ent a"ay. The ship pulled a"ay rom the dock. Mam said,That's the 'tatue o &iberty and that's +llis Island "here all the immigrants came in.Then she leaned o!er the side and !omited and the "ind rom the Atlantic ble" it all o!er us and other happy people admiring the !ie". 2assengers cursed and ran, seagulls came rom all o!er the harbor and Mam hung limp and pale on the ship's rail.home the money rom the &abour +#change and you don't ha!e to be running around to pubs to ind them. II In a "eek "e arri!ed at Mo!ille, County %onegal, "here "e took a bus to Bel ast and rom there another bus to Toome in County Antrim. 1e le t the trunk in a shop and set out to "alk the t"o miles up the road to *randpa McCourt's house.

It "as dark on the road, the da"n barely stirring on the hills beyond. %ad carried the t"ins in his arms and they took turns crying "ith the hunger.Mam stopped e!ery e" minutes to sit and rest on the stone "all along the road.1e sat "ith her and "atched the sky turn red and then blue. Birds started to chirp and sing in the trees and as the da"n came up "e sa" strange creatures in the ields, standing, looking at us. Malachy said,1hat are they, %ad5 Co"s, son. 1hat are co"s, %ad5 Co"s are co"s, son. 1e "alked arther along the brightening road and there "ere other creatures in the ields, "hite urry creatures. Malachy said,1hat are they, %ad5 'heep, son. 1hat are sheep, %ad5 My ather barked at him, Is there any end to your .uestions5 'heep are sheep, co"s are co"s, and that o!er there is a goat.A goat is a goat. The goat gi!es milk, the sheep gi!es "ool, the co" gi!es e!erything. 1hat else in *od's name do you "ant to kno"5 And Malachy yelped "ith right because %ad ne!er talked like that, ne!er spoke sharply to us.4e might get us up in the middle o the night and make us promise to die or Ireland but he ne!er barked like this. Malachy ran to Mam and she said, There, there, lo!e, don't cry./our ather is -ust "orn out carrying the t"ins and 'tis hard ans"ering all those .uestions "hen you're carting t"ins through the "orld. %ad set the t"ins on the road and held out his arms to Malachy. )o" the t"ins started to cry and Malachy clung to Mam, sobbing.The co"s mooed, the sheep maaed, the goat ehehed, the birds t"ittered in the trees, and the beep beep o a motor car cut through e!erything. A man called rom the motor car, *ood &ord, "hat are you people doing on this road at this hour o an +aster 'unday morning5 %ad said, *ood morning, Father. Father5 I said. %ad, is that your ather5 Mam said, %on't ask him any .uestions. %ad said, )o, no, this is a priest. Malachy said,1hat's a,5 but Mam put her hand o!er his mouth. The priest had "hite hair and a "hite collar.4e said,1here are you going5 %ad said, 7p the road to McCourts o Moneyglass, and the priest took us in his motor car. 4e said he kne" the McCourts, a ine amily, good Catholics, some daily communicants, and he hoped he'd see us all at Mass, especially the little /ankees "ho didn't kno" "hat a priest "as, *od help us. At the house my mother reaches or the gate latch. %ad says, )o, no, not that "ay. )ot the ront gate.They use the ront door only or !isits rom the priest or unerals. 1e make our "ay around the house to the kitchen door. %ad pushes in the door and there's *randpa McCourt drinking tea rom a big mug and *randma McCourt rying something. 0ch, says *randpa, you're here. 0ch, "e are, says %ad. 4e points to my mother.This is Angela, he says. *randpa says, 0ch, you must be "orn out, Angela. *randma says nothing, she turns back to the rying pan. *randpa leads us through the kitchen to a large room "ith a long table and chairs. 4e says, 'it do"n and ha!e some tea.1ould you like bo#ty5 Malachy says,1hat's bo#ty5 %ad laughs. 2ancakes, son. 2ancakes made "ith potatoes. *randpa says,1e ha!e eggs. It's +aster 'unday and you can ha!e all the eggs you can hold. 1e ha!e tea and bo#ty and boiled eggs and "e all all asleep. I "ake up in a bed "ith Malachy and the t"ins. My parents are in another bed o!er by the "indo".1here am I5 It's getting dark.This is not the ship. Mam snores hink, %ad snores honk. I get up and poke at %ad. I ha!e to pee. 4e says, 7se the chamber pot. 1hat5 7nder the bed, son.The chamber pot. It has roses on it and maidens ca!orting in the glen. 2ee in that, son. I "ant to ask him "hat he's talking about or e!en i I'm bursting I eel strange peeing into a pot "ith roses and maidens ca!orting, "hate!er they are.1e had nothing like this in Classon A!enue "here Mrs. &eibo"it( sang in the la!atory "hile "e clutched oursel!es in the hall. )o" Malachy has to use the chamber pot but he "ants to sit on it. %ad says, )o, you can't do that, son./ou ha!e to go outside.1hen he says that I ha!e to go, too, to sit. 4e leads us do"nstairs and through the big room "here *randpa is sitting reading by the ire and *randma is do(ing in her chair. It's dark outside, though the moon is bright enough or us to see "here "e're going. %ad opens the door o a little house that has a seat "ith a hole in it. 4e sho"s Malachy and me ho" to sit on the hole and ho" to "ipe oursel!es

"ith s.uares o ne"spaper stuck on a nail.Then he tells us "ait "hile he goes inside, closes the door and grunts. The moon is so bright I can look do"n the ield and see the things called co"s and sheep and I "onder "hy they don't go home. In the house there are other people in the room "ith my grandparents. %ad says,These are your aunts: +mily, )ora, Maggie,6era./our aunt +!a is in Ballymena "ith children like you. My aunts are not like Mrs. &eibo"it( and Minnie MacAdorey, they nod their heads but they don't hug us or smile. Mam comes into the room "ith the t"ins and "hen %ad tells his sisters,This is Angela and these are the t"ins, they -ust nod again. *randma goes to the kitchen and soon "e ha!e bread and sausages and tea.The only one "ho speaks at the table is Malachy. 4e points his spoon at the aunts and asks their names again.1hen Mam tells him eat his sausage and be .uiet his eyes ill "ith tears and Aunt )ora reaches o!er to com ort him. 'he says,There, there, and I "onder "hy e!eryone says there there "hen Malachy cries. I "onder "hat there there means. It's .uiet at the table till %ad says,Things are terrible in America. *randma says, 0ch, aye. I read it in the paper. But they say Mr. $oose!elt is a good man and i you stayed you might ha!e "ork by no". %ad shakes his head and *randma says, I don't kno" "hat you're going to do, Malachy.Things are "orse here than they are in America. )o "ork here and, *od kno"s, "e don't ha!e room in this house or si# more people. %ad says, I thought I might get "ork on some o the arms. 1e could get a small place. 1here "ould you stay in the meantime5 says *randma. And ho" "ould you support yoursel and your amily5 0ch, I could go on the dole, I suppose. /ou can't get o a ship rom America and go on the dole, says *randpa.They make you "ait a "hile and "hat "ould you do "hile you're "aiting5 %ad says nothing and Mam looks straight ahead at the "all. /ou'd be better o in the Free 'tate, says *randma. %ublin is big and surely there's "ork there or in the arms around. /ou're entitled to money rom the I$A, too, says *randpa./ou did your bit and they'!e been handing out money to men all o!er the Free 'tate./ou could go to %ublin and ask or help.1e can loan you the bus are to %ublin.The t"ins can sit on your lap and you "on't ha!e to pay or them. %ad says,0ch,aye,and Mam stares at the "all "ith tears in her eyes. A ter "e ate "e "ent back to bed and ne#t morning, all the gro"n,ups sat around looking sad. 'oon a man came in a motor car and took us back do"n the road to the shop "hich had our trunk.They li ted the trunk up on the roo o a bus and "e got into the bus. %ad said "e "ere going to %ublin. Malachy said, 1hat's %ublin5 but no one ans"ered him. %ad held +ugene on his lap and Mam held 0li!er. %ad looked out at the ields and told me this is "here Cuchulain liked to go or a "alk. I asked him "here Cuchulain hit the ball into the dog's mouth and he said a e" miles a"ay. Malachy said, &ook, look, and "e looked. It "as a great sil!ery sheet o "ater and %ad said it "as &ough )eagh, the largest lake in Ireland, the lake "here Cuchulain used to s"im a ter his great battles. Cuchulain "ould get so hot that "hen he -umped into &ough )eagh it boiled o!er and "armed the surrounding countryside or days. 'ome day "e'd all come back and go s"imming like Cuchulain himsel .1e'd ish or eels and ry them in a pan not like Cuchulain, "ho "ould pluck them rom the lough and s"allo" them, "riggling, because there's great po"er in an eel. Is that right, %ad5 'Tis. Mam didn't look out the "indo" at &ough )eagh. 4er cheek rested on top o 0li!er's head and she stared at the loor o the bus. 'oon the bus is rolling into a place "here there are big houses, motor cars, horses pulling carts, people on bicycles and hundreds "alking. Malachy is e#cited.%ad,%ad,"here's the playground,the s"ings5 I "ant to see Freddie &eibo"it(. 0ch, son, you're in %ublin no", ar rom Classon A!enue./ou're in Ireland, a long "ay rom )e" /ork. 1hen the bus stops the trunk is li ted do"n and set on the loor o the bus station. %ad tells Mam she can sit on a bench in the station "hile he goes to see the I$A man in a place called Terenure. 4e says there are la!atories in the station or the boys, he "on't be long, he'll ha!e money "hen he returns and "e'll all ha!e ood. 4e tells me go "ith him and Mam says, )o, I need him to help. But "hen %ad says, I'll need help

carrying all that money, she laughs and says,All right, go "ith your 2op. /our 2op.That means she's in a good mood. I she says your ather it means she's in a bad mood. %ad holds my hand as I trot along beside him. 4e's a ast "alker, it's a long "ay to Terenure and I'm hoping he'll stop and carry me the "ay he did "ith the t"ins in Toome. But he lopes along and says nothing e#cept to ask people "here Terenure is. In a"hile he says "e're in Terenure and no" "e ha!e to ind Mr. Charles 4eggarty o the I$A. A man "ith a pink patch on his eye tells us "e're on the right street, Charlie 4eggarty li!es at number ourteen, *od blast him. The man tells %ad, I can see you're a man that did his bit. %ad says, 0ch, I did my bit, and the man says, I did me bit, too, and "hat did it get me but one eye less and a pension that "ouldn't eed a canary. But Ireland is ree, says %ad, and that's a grand thing. Free, my arse, the man says. I think "e "ere better o under the +nglish. *ood luck to you any"ay, mister, or I think I kno" "hat you're here or. A "oman opens the door at number ourteen. I'm a raid, she says, that Mr. 4eggarty is busy. %ad tells her he -ust "alked all the "ay rom the middle o %ublin "ith his small son, that he le t "i e and three children "aiting or him at the bus place, and i Mr. 4eggarty is that busy then "e'll "ait or him on the doorstep. The "oman is back in a minute to say Mr.4eggarty has a little time to spare and "ould you come this "ay. Mr. 4eggarty is sitting at a desk near a glo"ing ire. 4e says,1hat can I do or you5 %ad stands be ore the desk and says, I ha!e -ust returned rom America "ith "i e and our children.1e ha!e nothing. I ought "ith a Flying Column during the Troubles and I'm hoping you can help me no" in the time o need. Mr. 4eggarty takes %ad's name and turns the pages o a big book on his desk. 4e shakes his head, )o, no record o your ser!ice here. %ad makes a long speech. 4e tells Mr. 4eggarty ho" he ought, "here, "hen, ho" he had to be smuggled out o Ireland because o the price on his head, ho" he "as raising his sons to lo!e Ireland. Mr. 4eggarty says he's sorry but he can't be handing out money to e!ery man "ho "anders in claiming he did his bit. %ad says to me, $emember this, Francis. This is the ne" Ireland. &ittle men in little chairs "ith little bits o paper.This is the Ireland men died or. Mr. 4eggarty says he'll look into %ad's claim and he'll be sure to let him kno" "hat turns up. 4e'll let us ha!e money to take the bus back into the city.%ad looks at the coins in Mr.4eggarty's hand and says,/ou could add to that and make the price o a pint. 0h, it's the drink you "ant, is it5 0ne pint is hardly drink. /ou'd "alk the miles back and make the boy "alk because you "ant a pint, "ouldn't you5 1alking ne!er killed anyone. I "ant you to lea!e this house, says Mr. 4eggarty, or I'll call a guard, and you can be sure you'll ne!er hear rom me again.1e're not handing out money to support the *uinness amily. )ight alls along the streets o %ublin. Children laugh and play under streetlights, mothers call rom door"ays, smells o cooking come at us all the "ay, through "indo"s "e see people around tables, eating. I'm tired and hungry and I "ant %ad to carry me but I kno" there's no use asking him no" the "ay his ace is tight and set. I let him hold my hand and I run to keep up "ith him till "e reach the bus place "here Mam is "aiting "ith my brothers. They're all asleep on the bench, my mother and three brothers. 1hen %ad tells Mam there's no money she shakes her head and sobs, 0h, 8esus, "hat are "e going to do5 A man in a blue uni orm comes o!er and asks her,1hat's up, missus5 %ad tells him "e're stranded there at the bus station, "e ha!e no money and no place to stay and the children are hungry.The man says he's going o duty no", he'll take us to the police barracks "here he has to report any"ay, and they'll see "hat can be done. The man in uni orm tells us "e can call him guard.That's "hat you call policemen in Ireland. 4e asks us "hat you call policemen in America and Malachy says, cop.The guard pats him on the head and tells him he's a cle!er little /ankee. At the police barracks the sergeant tells us "e can spend the night. 4e's sorry but all he can o er is the loor. It's Thursday and the cells are illed "ith men "ho drank their dole money and "ouldn't lea!e the pubs. The guards gi!e us hot s"eet tea and thick slices o bread slathered "ith butter and

-am and "e're so happy "e run around the barracks, playing.The guards say "e're a great bunch o little /anks and they'd like to take us home but I say, )o, Malachy says, )o, the t"ins say, )o, )o, and all the guards laugh. Men in cells reach out and pat our heads, they smell like %ad "hen he comes home singing about ;e!in Barry and $oddy McCorley going to die. The men say, 8asus, "ill ye listen to them.They sound like bloody illum stars. %id ye( all outa the sky or "hat5 1omen in cells at the other end tell Malachy he's gorgeous and the t"ins are dotes. 0ne "oman talks to me. C'mere, lo!e, "ould you like a s"eet5 I nod, and she says,All right, put your hand out. 'he takes something sticky rom her mouth and puts it on my hand.There you are no", she says, a nice bit o butterscotch. 2ut that in your mouth. I don't "ant to put it in my mouth because it's sticky and "et rom her mouth but I don't kno" "hat you're supposed to do "hen a "oman in a cell o ers you sticky butterscotch and I'm about to put it in my mouth "hen a guard comes, takes the butterscotch and thro"s it back at the "oman./ou drunken hoor, he says, lea!e the child alone, and all the "omen laugh. The sergeant gi!es my mother a blanket and she sleeps stretched out on a bench.The rest o us lie on the loor. %ad sits "ith his back to the "all, his eyes open under the peak o his cap, and he smokes "hen the guards gi!e him cigarettes.The guard "ho thre" the butterscotch at the "oman says he's rom Ballymena in the north and he talks "ith %ad about people they kno" there and in other places like Cushendall and Toome.The guard says he'll ha!e a pension some day and he'll li!e on the shores o &ough )eagh and ish his days a"ay. +els, he says, eels galore.8asus,I lo!e a ried eel.I ask %ad,Is this Cuchulain5 and the guard laughs till his ace turns red.Ah, Mother o' *od, did ye( hear this5 The lad "ants to kno" i I'm Cuchulain.A little /ank and he kno"s all about Cuchulain. %ad says, )o, he's not Cuchulain but he's a ine man "ho "ill li!e on the shores o &ough )eagh and ish his days a"ay. %ad is shaking me. 7p, Francis, up. It is noisy in the barracks. A boy mopping the loor is singing, Anyone can see "hy I "anted your kiss, It had to be and the reason is this, Could it be true, someone like you Could lo!e me, lo!e me5 I tell him that's my mother's song and he's to stop singing it but he -ust pu s on his cigarette and "alks a"ay and I "onder "hy people ha!e to sing other people's songs. Men and "omen coming out o the cells are ya"ning and grunting. The "oman "ho o ered me the butterscotch stops and says, I had a drop taken, child. I'm sorry I made a ool o you, but the guard rom Ballymena tells her, Mo!e on, you oul' hoor, be ore I lock you up again. 0h, lock me up, she says. In, out. 1hat does it matter, you blue arsed bastard. Mam is sitting up on the bench, the blanket "rapped around her.A "oman "ith gray hair brings her a mug o tea and tells her, 'ure, I'm the sergeant's "i e and he said you might need help.1ould you like a nice so t,boiled egg, missus5 Mam shakes her head, no. Ah,no",missus,surely you should ha!e a nice egg in your condition. But Mam shakes her head and I "onder ho" she can say no to a so t,boiled egg "hen there's nothing in the "orld like it. All right, ma'am, says the sergeant's "i e, a bit o toast, then, and something or the children and your poor husband. 'he goes back to another room and soon there's tea and bread. %ad drinks his tea but gi!es us his bread and Mam says,1ill you eat your bread, or *od's sake./ou "on't be much use to us alling do"n "ith the hunger. 4e shakes his head and asks the sergeant's "i e is there any chance o a cigarette. 'he brings him the cigarette and tells Mam the guards in the barracks ha!e taken up a collection to pay our train ares to &imerick.There "ill be a motor car to pick up our trunk and lea!e us at ;ingsbridge $ail"ay 'tation and,/ou'll be in &imerick in three or our hours. Mam puts up her arms and hugs the sergeant's "i e. *od bless you and your husband and all the guards, Mam says. I don't kno" "hat "e'd do "ithout you.*od kno"s 'tis a lo!ely thing to be back among our o"n. 'Tis the least "e could do, says the sergeant's "i e.These are lo!ely children you ha!e and I'm rom Cork mesel and I kno" "hat 'tis to be in %ublin "ithout t"o pennies to rub together. %ad sits at the other end o the bench, smoking his cigarette, drinking his tea.

4e stays that "ay till the motor car comes to take us through the streets o %ublin. %ad asks the dri!er i he'd mind going by "ay o the *.2.0. and the dri!er says, Is it a stamp you "ant or "hat5 )o, says %ad. I hear they put up a ne" statue o Cuchulain to honor the men "ho died in ?@?A and I'd like to sho" it to my son here "ho has a great admiration or Cuchulain. The dri!er says he has no notion o "ho this Cuchulain "as but he "ouldn't mind stopping one bit. 4e might come in himsel and see "hat the commotion is all about or he hasn't been in the *.2.0. since he "as a boy and the +nglish nearly "recked it "ith their big guns iring up rom the &i ey $i!er. 4e says you'll see the bullet holes all o!er the ront and they should be le t there to remind the Irish o +nglish per idy. I ask the man "hat's per idy and he says ask your ather and I "ould but "e're stopping outside a big building "ith columns and that's the *.2.0. Mam stays in the motor car "hile "e ollo" the dri!er into the *.2.0.There he is, he says, there's your man Cuchulain. And I eel tears coming because I'm looking at him at last, Cuchulain,there on his pedestal in the *.2.0.4e's golden and he has long hair, his head is hanging and there's a big bird perched on his shoulder. The dri!er says, )o" "hat in *od's name is this all about5 1hat's this ello" doin' "ith the long hair and the bird on his shoulder5 And "ill you kindly tell me, mister, "hat this has to do "ith the men o ?@?A5 %ad says, Cuchulain ought to the end like the men o +aster 1eek. 4is enemies "ere a raid to go near him till they "ere sure he "as dead and "hen the bird landed on him and drank his blood they kne". 1ell, says the dri!er, 'tis a sad day or the men o Ireland "hen they need a bird to tell them a man is dead. I think "e better go no" or "e'll be missing that train to &imerick. The sergeant's "i e said she'd send a telegram to *randma to meet us in &imerick and there she "as on the plat orm, *randma, "ith "hite hair, sour eyes, a black sha"l, and no smile or my mother or any o us, e!en my brother, Malachy, "ho had the big smile and the s"eet "hite teeth. Mam pointed to %ad. This is Malachy, she said, and *randma nodded and looked a"ay. 'he called t"o boys "ho "ere hanging around the rail"ay station and paid them to carry the trunk.The boys had sha!ed heads, snotty noses, and no shoes and "e ollo"ed them through the streets o &imerick. I asked Mam "hy they had no hair and she said their heads "ere sha!ed so that the lice "ould ha!e no place to hide. Malachy said,1hat's a lice5 and Mam said, )ot lice. 0ne o them is a louse. *randma said,1ill ye stop it9 1hat kind o' talk is this5 The boys "histled and laughed and trotted along as i they had shoes and *randma told them, 'top that laughin' or 'tis droppin' an' breakin' that trunk ye'll be. They stopped the "histling and laughing and "e ollo"ed them into a park "ith a tall pillar and a statue in the middle and grass so green it da((led you. %ad carried the t"ins, Mam carried a bag in one hand and held Malachy's hand "ith the other.1hen she stopped e!ery e" minutes to catch her breath, *randma said,Are you still smokin' them ags5 Them ags "ill be the death o you.There's enough consumption in &imerick "ithout people smokin' ags on top o it an' 'tis a rich man's oolishness. Along the path through the park there "ere hundreds o lo"ers o di erent colors that e#cited the t"ins.They pointed and made s.ueaky noises and "e laughed, e!eryone e#cept *randma, "ho pulled her sha"l o!er her head. %ad stopped and put the t"ins do"n so that they could be closer to the lo"ers. 4e said, Flo"ers, and they ran back and orth, pointing, trying to say Flo"ers. 0ne o the boys "ith the trunk said, *od, are they Americans5 and Mam said,They are.They "ere born in )e" /ork.All the boys "ere born in )e" /ork.The boy said to the other boy, *od, they're Americans.They put the trunk do"n and stared at us and "e stared back at them till *randma said,Are ye goin' to stand here all day lookin' at lo"ers an' ga"kin' at each other5 And "e all mo!ed on again, out o the park, do"n a narro" lane and into another lane to *randma's house. There is a ro" o small houses on each side o the lane and *randma li!es in one o the small houses. 4er kitchen has a shiny polished black iron range "ith a ire glo"ing in the grate.There is a table along the "all under the "indo" and a

press opposite "ith cups and saucers and !ases. This press is al"ays locked and she keeps the key in her purse because you're not supposed to use anything in there unless someone dies or returns rom oreign parts or there's a !isit by a priest. There is a picture on the "all by the range o a man "ith long bro"n hair and sad eyes. 4e is pointing to his chest "here there is a big heart "ith lames coming out o it.Mam tells us,That's the 'acred 4eart o 8esus, and I "ant to kno" "hy the man's heart is on ire and "hy doesn't 4e thro" "ater on it5 *randma says,%on't these children kno" anything about their religion5 and Mam tells her it's di erent in America. *randma says the 'acred 4eart is e!ery"here and there's no e#cuse or that kind o ignorance. 7nder the picture o the man "ith the burning heart there is a shel "ith a red glass holding a lickering candle and ne#t to it a small statue. Mam tells us,That's the Baby 8esus, the In ant o 2rague, and i ye e!er need anything pray to 4im. Malachy says,Mam,could I tell 4im I'm hungry,and Mam puts her inger to her lips. *randma grumbles around the kitchen making tea and telling Mam to cut the loa o bread and don't make the cuts too thick. Mam sits by the table "ith her breath coming hard and says she'll cut the bread in a minute. %ad takes the kni e and starts slicing the bread and you can see *randma doesn't like that. 'he ro"ns at him but says nothing e!en though he makes thick slices. There aren't enough chairs or e!eryone so I sit on the stairs "ith my brothers to ha!e bread and tea. %ad and Mam sit at the table and *randma sits under the 'acred 4eart "ith her mug o tea. 'he says, I don't kno" under *od "hat I'm goin' to do "ith ye.There is no room in this house.There isn't room or e!en one o ye. Malachy says,/e,ye,and starts to giggle and I say,/e,ye,and the t"ins say,/e, ye, and "e're laughing so hard "e can hardly eat our bread. *randma glares at us. 1hat are ye laughin' at5 There's nothin' to laugh at in this house./e better beha!e yeersel!es be ore I go o!er to ye. 'he "on't stop saying /e, and no" Malachy is helpless "ith laughter, spe"ing out his bread and tea, his ace turning red. %ad says, Malachy and the rest o you, stop it. But Malachy can't, he goes on laughing till %ad says, Come o!er here. 4e rolls up Malachy's slee!e and raises his hand to slap his arm. Are you going to beha!e yoursel 5 Malachy's eyes ill "ith tears and he nods, I "ill, because %ad ne!er raised his hand like that be ore. %ad says, Be a good boy and go sit "ith your brothers, and he pulls do"n the slee!e and pats Malachy on the head. That night Mam's sister, Aunt Aggie, came home rom her -ob in the clothing actory. 'he "as big like the Mac)amara sisters, and she had laming red hair. 'he "heeled a large bicycle into the little room behind the kitchen and came out to her supper. 'he "as li!ing in *randma's because she had a ight "ith her husband, 2a ;eating, "ho told her, "hen he had drink taken, /ou're a great at co", go home to your mother. That's "hat *randma told Mam and that's "hy there "as no room or us in *randma's house. 'he had hersel , Aunt Aggie, and her son 2at, "ho "as my uncle and "ho "as out selling ne"spapers. Aunt Aggie complained "hen *randma told her Mam "ould ha!e to sleep "ith her that night. *randma said, 0h, "ill you shut your gob. 'Tis only or one night an' that "on't kill you an' i you don't like it you can go back to your husband "here you belong any"ay instead o runnin' home to me. 8esus, Mary an' 4oly 't. 8oseph, look at this house, you an' 2at an' Angela and her clatther o Americans.1ill I ha!e any peace in the latter end o my li e5 'he spread coats and rags on the loor o the little back room and "e slept there "ith the bicycle. %ad stayed on a chair in the kitchen, took us to the la!atory in the backyard "hen "e needed it, and in the night hushed the t"ins "hen they cried rom the cold. In the morning,Aunt Aggie came or her bicycle telling us,1ill ye mind yeersel!es, "ill ye5 1ill ye get out o my "ay5 1hen she le t, Malachy kept saying, 1ill ye mind yeersel!es, "ill ye5 1ill ye get out o the "ay, "ill ye5 and I could hear %ad laughing out in the kitchen till *randma came do"n the stairs and he had to tell Malachy be .uiet. That day *randma and Mam "ent out and ound a urnished room on 1indmill 'treet "here Aunt Aggie had a lat "ith her husband, 2a ;eating. *randma paid the rent, ten

shillings or t"o "eeks. 'he ga!e Mam money or ood, loaned us a kettle, a pot, a rying pan, kni!es and spoons, -am -ars to be used or mugs, a blanket and a pillo". 'he said that "as all she could a ord anymore, that %ad "ould ha!e to get up o his arse, get a -ob, go on the dole, go or the charity at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety or go on the relie . The room had a ireplace "here "e could boil "ater or our tea or an egg in case "e e!er came into money.1e had a table and three chairs and a bed, "hich Mam said "as the biggest she had e!er seen.1e "ere glad o the bed that night, "orn out a ter nights on loors in %ublin and in *randma's. It didn't matter that there "ere si# o us in the bed, "e "ere together, a"ay rom grandmothers and guards, Malachy could say ye ye ye and "e could laugh as much as "e liked. %ad and Mam lay at the head o the bed, Malachy and I at the bottom, the t"ins "here!er they could ind com ort. Malachy made us laugh again./e, ye, ye, he said, and oy oy oy, and then ell asleep. Mam made the little hink hink snore sound that told us she "as sleeping. In the moonlight I could look up the length o the bed and see %ad still a"ake and "hen 0li!er cried in his sleep %ad reached or him and held him.1hisht, he said.1hisht. Then +ugene sat up, screaming, tearing at himsel .Ah, ah, Mommy, Mommy. %ad sat up.1hat5 1hat's up, son5 +ugene "ent on crying and "hen %ad leaped rom the bed and turned on the gaslight "e sa" the leas, leaping, -umping, astened to our lesh. 1e slapped at them and slapped but they hopped rom body to body, hopping, biting.1e tore at the bites till they bled.1e -umped rom the bed, the t"ins crying, Mam moaning,0h,8esus,"ill "e ha!e no rest9 %ad poured "ater and salt into a -am -ar and dabbed at our bites.The salt burned but he said "e'd eel better soon. Mam sat by the ireplace "ith the t"ins on her lap. %ad pulled on his trousers and dragged the mattress o the bed and out to the street. 4e illed the kettle and the pot "ith "ater, stood the mattress against the "all, pounded it "ith a shoe, told me to keep pouring "ater on the ground to dro"n the leas dropping there.The &imerick moon "as so bright I could see bits o it shimmering in the "ater and I "anted to scoop up moon bits but ho" could I "ith the leas leaping on my legs. %ad kept pounding "ith the shoe and I had to run back through the house to the backyard tap or more "ater in the kettle and the pot. Mam said, &ook at you./our shoes are drenched and you'll catch your death and your ather "ill surely get the pneumonia "ithout a shoe to his oot. A man on a bicycle stopped and "anted to kno" "hy %ad "as beating that mattress. Mother o' *od, he said, I ne!er heard such a cure or leas. %o you kno" that i a man could -ump like a lea one lep "ould take him hal "ay to the moon5 The thing to do is this, "hen you go back inside "ith that mattress stick it on the bed upside do"n and that "ill con use the little buggers. They "on't kno" "here they are and they'll be biting the mattress or each other, "hich is the best cure o all.A ter they bite the human being they ha!e the ren(y, you kno", or there are other leas around them that also bit the human being and the smell o the blood is too much or them and they go out o their minds.They're a right bloody torment an' I should kno" or didn't I gro" up in &imerick, do"n in the Irishto"n, an' the leas there "ere so plenti ul an' or"ard they'd sit on the toe o your boot an' discuss Ireland's "oe ul history "ith you. It is said there "ere no leas in ancient Ireland, that they "ere brought in be the +nglish to dri!e us out o our "its entirely,an'I "ouldn't put it past the +nglish.An'isn't it a !ery curious thing that 't. 2atrick dro!e the snakes out o Ireland an' the +nglish brought in the leas. For centuries Ireland "as a lo!ely peace ul place, snakes gone, not a lea to be ound./ou could stroll the our green ields o Ireland "ithout ear o snakes an' ha!e a good night's sleep "ith no leas to bother you. Them snakes "ere doin' no harm, they "ouldn't bother you unless you cornered them an' they li!ed o other creatures that mo!e under bushes an'such places,"hereas the lea sucks the blood rom you mornin' noon an' night or that's his nature an' he can't help himsel . I hear or a act that places that ha!e snakes galore ha!e no leas. Ari(ona, or instance./ou're ore!er hearing about the snakes o Ari(ona but "hen did you

e!er hear o leas in Ari(ona5 *ood luck to you. I ha!e to be care ul standin' here or i one o them gets on my clothes I might as "ell in!ite his "hole amily home.They multiply aster than 4indus. %ad said,/ou "ouldn't by any chance ha!e a cigarette, "ould you5 A cigarette5 0h, sure, o course. 4ere you are. Aren't I nearly destroyed rom the ags mysel .The oul' hacking cough, you kno". 'o po"er ul it nearly knocks me o the bicycle. I can eel that cough stirring in me solar ple#us an' "orkin' its "ay up through me entrails till the ne#t thing it takes o the top o' me head. 4e struck a match on a bo#, lit a cigarette or himsel and held out the match or %ad. 0 course, he said, you're bound to ha!e the cough "hen you li!e in &imerick because this is the capital city o the "eak chest and the "eak chest leads to the consumption. I all the people that has consumption in &imerick "ere to die this "ould be a ghost to"n, though I don't ha!e consumption mesel . )o, this cough "as a present rom the *ermans. 4e paused, pu ed on his cigarette, and struggled "ith a cough. Be-esus, e#cuse the language, but the ags'll get me in the end.1ell, I'll lea!e you no" to the mattress an' remember "hat I told you, con use the little buggers. 4e "obbled a"ay on his bicycle, the cigarette dangling rom his mouth, the cough racking his body. %ad said, &imerickmen talk too much. Come on, "e'll put this mattress back and see i there's any sleep in this night. Mam sat by the ireplace "ith the t"ins asleep on her lap, and Malachy lay curled up on the loor by her eet. 'he said,1ho "as that you "ere talking to5 It sounded !ery like 2a ;eating, Aggie's husband. I could tell by the cough. 4e got that cough in France in the "ar "hen he s"allo"ed the gas. 1e slept the rest o that night, and in the morning "e sa" "here the leas had easted, our lesh pink "ith lea "elts and bright "ith the blood o our scratches. Mam made tea and ried bread, and once more %ad dabbed at our bites "ith the salty "ater. 4e hauled the mattress outside again to the backyard. 0n a cold day like this the leas "ould surely ree(e to death and "e'd all ha!e a good night's sleep. A e" days later "hen "e're settled into the room %ad is shaking me out o my dreams. 7p, Francis, up. 2ut on your clothes and run o!er or your aunt Aggie./our mother needs her. 4urry. Mam is moaning in the bed, her ace pure "hite. %ad has Malachy and the t"ins out o the bed and sitting on the loor by the dead ire. I run across the street and knock on Aunt Aggie's door till 7ncle 2at ;eating comes coughing and grumbling,1hat's up5 1hat's up5 My mother is moaning in the bed. I think she's sick. )o" Aunt Aggie comes grumbling. /e are nothing but trouble since ye came rom America. &ea!e him alone,Aggie, he's only a child that's doing "hat he's told. 'he tells 7ncle 2a go back to bed, that he has to go to "ork in the morning not like some rom the )orth that she "on't mention. 4e says, )o, no, I'm coming.There's something "rong "ith Angela. %ad tells me sit o!er there "ith my brothers. I don't kno" "hat's up "ith Mam because e!eryone is "hispering and I can barely hear Aunt Aggie telling 7ncle 2a the child is lost run or the ambulance and 7ncle 2a is out the door, Aunt Aggie telling Mam you can say "hat you like about &imerick but the ambulance is ast. 'he doesn't talk to my ather, ne!er looks at him. Malachy says, %ad, is Mammy sick5 0ch, she'll be all right, son. 'he has to see the doctor. I "onder "hat child is lost because "e're all here, one t"o three our o us, not a lost child any"here and "hy can't they tell me "hat's "rong "ith my mother. 7ncle 2a comes back and the ambulance is right behind him.A man comes in "ith a stretcher and a ter they carry Mam a"ay there are blood spots on the loor by the bed. Malachy bit his tongue and there "as blood and the dog on the street had blood and he died. I "ant to ask %ad to tell me i Mam "ill be gone ore!er like my sister Margaret but he's going "ith Mam and there's no use asking Aunt Aggie anything or ear she'd bite your head o . 'he "ipes a"ay the blood spots and tells us get back into bed and stay there till %ad comes home. It's the middle o the night and the our o us are "arm in the bed and "e all asleep till %ad comes home and tells us Mam is nice and com ortable in the hospital and she'll be home in no time. &ater, %ad goes to the &abour +#change or the dole.There is no hope

o a laboring man "ith a )orth o Ireland accent getting a -ob in &imerick. 1hen he returns, he tells Mam "e'll be getting nineteen shillings a "eek. 'he says that's -ust enough or all o us to star!e on. )ineteen shillings or si# o us5 That's less than our dollars in American money and ho" are "e supposed to li!e on that5 1hat are "e to do "hen "e ha!e to pay rent in a ortnight5 I the rent or this room is i!e shillings a "eek "e'll ha!e ourteen shillings or ood and clothes and coal to boil the "ater or the tea. %ad shakes his head, sips his tea rom a -am -ar, stares out the "indo" and "histles BThe Boys o 1e# ord.B Malachy and 0li!er clap their hands and dance around the room and %ad doesn't kno" "hether to "histle or smile because you can't do both and he can't help himsel . 4e has to stop and smile and pat 0li!er's head and then go back to the "histling. Mam smiles, too, but it's a !ery .uick smile and "hen she looks into the ashes you can see the "orry "here the corners o her mouth turn do"n. )e#t day she tells %ad to mind the t"ins and takes Malachy and me "ith her to the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety.1e stand in a .ueue "ith "omen "earing black sha"ls. They ask our names and smile "hen "e talk.They say, &ord abo!e, "ould you listen to the little /ankees, and they "onder "hy Mam in her American coat "ould be looking or charity since there's hardly enough or the poor people o &imerick "ithout /anks coming o!er and taking the bread out o their mouths. Mam tells them a cousin ga!e her that coat in Brooklyn, that her husband has no "ork, that she has other children at home, t"in boys. The "omen sni and pull their sha"ls about them, they ha!e their o"n troubles. Mam tells them she had to lea!e America because she couldn't stand it a ter her baby girl died. The "omen sni again but no" it's because Mam is crying. 'ome say they lost little ones, too, and there's nothing "orse in the "orld,you could li!e as long as Methuselem's "i e but you ne!er get o!er it. )o man can e!er kno" "hat it is to be a mother that has lost a child, not i the man li!ed longer than t"o Methuselems. They all ha!e a good cry till a red,haired "oman passes a little bo# around.The "omen pick something rom the bo# bet"een their ingers and stu it up their noses. A young "oman snee(es and the red,haired "oman laughs. Ah, sure, Biddy, you're not able or that snu . Come here, little /ankee boys, ha!e a pinch. 'he plants the bro"n stu in our nostrils and "e snee(e so hard the "omen stop crying and laugh till they ha!e to "ipe their eyes "ith their sha"ls. Mam tells us,That's good or ye, 't"ill clear yeer heads. The young "oman, Biddy, tells Mam "e're t"o lo!ely boys. 'he points at Malachy.That little ella "ith the goldy ringlet, isn't he gorgeous5 4e could be a ilm star "ith 'hirley Temple. And Malachy smiles and "arms up the .ueue. The "oman "ith the snu says to Mam, Missus, I don't "ant to be or"ard but I think you should be sitting do"n or "e heard about your loss. Another "oman "orries,Ah, no, they don't like that. 1ho don't like "hat5 Ah, sure, )ora Molloy, the 'ociety don't like us sittin' on the steps. They "ant us to be standin' respect ul against the "all. They can kiss my arse, says )ora, the red,haired "oman. 'it do"n there, missus, on that step an' I'll sit ne#t to you an' i there's one "ord out o the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety I'll take the ace o 'em, so I "ill. %o you smoke, missus5 I do, says Mam, but I don't ha!e them. )ora takes a cigarette rom a pocket in her apron, breaks it, and o ers hal to Mam. The "orried "oman says,They don't like that either.They say e!ery ag you smoke is taking ood rom the mouth o your child. Mr. :uinli!an inside is dead against it. 4e says i you ha!e money or the ags you ha!e money or ood. :uinli!an can kiss my arse, too, the grinny oul' bastard. Is he going to begrudge us a pu o a ag, the only com ort "e ha!e in the "orld5 A door opens at the end o the hall and a man appears.Are any o ye "aiting or children's boots5 1omen raise their hands, I am. I am. 1ell, the boots are all gone./e'll ha!e to come back ne#t month. But my Mikey needs boots or school. They're all gone, I told you. But 'tis ree(in' abroad, Mr. :uinli!an. The boots are all gone. )othing I can do. 1hat's this5 1ho's smoking5 )ora "a!es her cigarette. I am, she says, and en-oying it do"n to the last ash. +!ery pu you take, he starts. I kno", she says, I'm taking ood

out o the mouths o my children. /ou're insolent, "oman./ou'll get no charity here. Is that a act5 1ell,Mr.:uinli!an,i I don't get it here I kno" "here I "ill. 1hat are you talking about5 I'll go to the :uakers.They'll gi!e me the charity. Mr. :uinli!an steps to"ard )ora and points a inger. %o you kno" "hat "e ha!e here5 1e ha!e a souper in our midst.1e had the soupers in the Famine.The 2rotestants "ent round telling good Catholics that i they ga!e up their aith and turned 2rotestant they'd get more soup than their bellies could hold and, *od help us, some Catholics took the soup,and "ere e!er a ter kno"n as soupers and lost their immortal souls doomed to the deepest part o hell.And you, "oman, i you go to the :uakers you'll lose your immortal soul and the souls o your children. Then, Mr. :uinli!an, you'll ha!e to sa!e us, "on't you5 4e stares at her and she stares back at him. 4is eyes "ander to the other "omen. 0ne puts her hand to her mouth to smother a laugh. 1hat are you tittering about5 he barks. 0h, nothing, Mr. :uinli!an. 4onest to *od. I'm telling ye once more, no boots. And he slams the door behind him. 0ne by one the "omen are called into the room. 1hen )ora comes out she's smiling and "a!ing a piece o paper. Boots, she says. Three pairs I'm gettin' or my children.Threaten the men in there "ith the :uakers and they'll gi!e you the dra"ers o their arses. 1hen Mam is called she brings Malachy and me in "ith her.1e stand be ore a table "here three men are sitting asking .uestions. Mr. :uinli!an starts to say something but the man in the middle says, +nough out o you,:uinli!an.I "e le t it up to you "e'd ha!e the poor people o &imerick -umping into the arms o the 2rotestants. 4e turns to Mam, he "ants to kno" "here she got that ine red coat. 'he tells him "hat she told the "omen outside and "hen she comes to the death o Margaret she shakes and sobs. 'he tells the men she's !ery sorry or crying like that but it "as only a e" months ago and she's not o!er it yet, not e!en kno"ing "here her baby "as buried i she "as buried at all, not kno"ing e!en i she "as bapti(ed itsel because she "as so "eak rom ha!ing the our boys she didn't ha!e the energy to be going to the church or the baptism and it's a heart scald to think Margaret might be in &imbo ore!er "ith no hope o her e!er seeing the rest o us "hether "e're in hea!en, hell, or 2urgatory itsel . Mr. :uinli!an brings her his chair. Ah, no", missus. Ah, no". 'it do"n, "ill you. Ah, no". The other men look at the table, the ceiling.The man in the middle says he's gi!ing Mam a docket to get a "eek's groceries at Mc*rath's shop on 2arnell 'treet.There "ill be tea, sugar, lour, milk, butter and a separate docket or a bag o coal rom 'utton's coal yard on the %ock $oad. The third man says,0 course you "on't be getting this e!ery "eek, missus.1e "ill be !isiting your house to see i there's a real need.1e ha!e to do that, missus, so "e can re!ie" your claim. Mam "ipes her ace on the back o her slee!e and takes the docket. 'he tells the men, *od bless you or your kindness.They nod and look at the table, the ceiling, the "alls and tell her send in the ne#t "oman. The "omen outside tell Mam,1hen you go to Mc*rath's, keep an eye on the oul' bitch or she'll cheat you on the "eight. 'he'll put stu on a paper on the scale "ith the paper hanging do"n on her side behind the counter "here she thinks you can't see it. 'he'll pull on that paper so that you're lucky i you get hal o "hat you're supposed to get. And she has pictures o the 6irgin Mary and the 'acred 4eart o 8esus all o!er the shop, and she's ore!er on her knees abroad in 't. 8oseph's chapel clackin' her rosary beads an' breathing like a !irgin martyr, the oul' bitch. )ora says, I'll go "ith you, missus. I'm on to the same Mrs. Mc*rath and I'll kno" i she's cheating you. 'he leads the "ay to the shop in 2arnell 'treet.The "oman behind the counter is pleasant to Mam in her American coat till Mam sho"s the 't.6incent de 2aul docket. The "oman says, I don't kno" "hat you're doing here at this hour o the day. I ne!er ser!e the charity cases be ore si# in the e!ening. But this is your irst time and I'll make an e#ception. 'he says to )ora, %o you ha!e a docket, too5 )o. I'm a riend helping this poor amily "ith their irst docket rom the 't.6incent de 2aul. The "oman lays a sheet o ne"spaper on the scale and pours on lour rom a large bag. 1hen she inishes

pouring, she says, There's a pound o lour. I don't think so, says )ora.That's a !ery small pound o lour. The "oman lushes and glares,Are you accusin' me5 Ah, no, Mrs. Mc*rath, says )ora. I think there "as a little accident there the "ay your hip "as pressed against that paper and you didn't e!en kno" the paper "as pulled do"n a bit. 0h, *od, no. A "oman like you that's ore!er on her knees be ore the 6irgin Mary is an inspiration to us all and is that your money I see on the loor there5 Mrs. Mc*rath steps back .uickly and the needle on the scale -umps and .ui!ers.1hat money5 she says, till she looks at )ora, and kno"s. )ora smiles. Must be a trick o the shado"s, she says, and smiles at the scale. There "as a mistake right enough or that sho"s barely hal a pound o lour. That scale gi!es me more trouble, says Mrs. Mc*rath. I'm sure it does, says )ora. But my conscience is clear be ore *od, says Mrs. Mc*rath. I'm sure it is, says )ora, and you're admired by one and all at the 't. 6incent de 2aul 'ociety and the &egion o Mary. I try to be a good Catholic. Try5 *od kno"s 'tis little trying you'd ha!e or you're "ell kno"n or ha!ing a kind heart and I "as "ondering i you could spare a couple o s"eets or the little boys here. 1ell, no", I'm not a millionaire, but here . . . *od bless you, Mrs. Mc*rath, and I kno" it's asking a lot but could you possibly lend me a couple o cigarettes5 1ell, no", they're not on the docket. I'm not here to supply lu#uries. I you could see your "ay, missus, I'd be sure to mention your kindness to the 't.6incent de 2aul. All right, all right, says Mrs. Mc*rath. 4ere. 0ne time or the cigarettes and one time only. *od bless you, says )ora, and I'm sorry you had so much trouble "ith that scale. 0n the "ay home "e stopped in the 2eople's 2ark and sat on a bench "hile Malachy and I sucked on our s"eets and Mam and )ora smoked their cigarettes. The smoking brought on )ora's cough and she told Mam the ags "ould kill her in the end, that there "as a touch o consumption in her amily and no one li!ed to a ripe old age, though "ho "ould "ant to in &imerick, a place "here you could look around and the irst thing you noticed "as a scarcity o gray hairs, all the gray hairs either in the gra!eyard or across the Atlantic "orking on railroads or sauntering around in police uni orms. /ou're lucky, missus, that you sa" a bit o the "orld. 0h, *od, I'd gi!e anything to see )e" /ork, people dancing up and do"n Broad"ay "ithout a care. )o, I had to go and all or a boo(er "ith the charm, 2eter Molloy, a champion pint drinker that had me up the pole and up the aisle "hen I "as barely se!enteen. I "as ignorant, missus.1e gre" up ignorant in &imerick, so "e did, kno"ing eck all about anything and signs on, "e're mothers be ore "e're "omen. And there's nothing here but rain and oul' biddies saying the rosary. I'd gi!e me teeth to get out, go to America or e!en +ngland itsel .The champion pint drinker is al"ays on the dole and sometimes he e!en drinks that and dri!es me so demented I "ind up in the lunatic asylum. 'he dre" on her cigarette and gagged, coughing till her body rocked back and orth, and in bet"een the coughs she "himpered, 8esus, 8esus.1hen the cough died a"ay she said she had to go home and take her medicine. 'he said, I'll see you ne#t "eek, missus, at the 't.6incent de 2aul. I you're stuck or anything send a message to me at 6i(e's Field.Ask anyone or the "i e o 2eter Molloy, champion pint drinker. +ugene is sleeping under a coat on the bed. %ad sits by the ireplace "ith 0li!er on his lap. I "onder "hy %ad is telling 0li!er a Cuchulain story. 4e kno"s the Cuchulain stories are mine, but "hen I look at 0li!er I don't mind. 4is cheeks are bright red, he's staring into the dead ire, and you can see he has no interest in Cuchulain. Mam puts her hand on his orehead. I think he has a e!er, she says. I "ish I had an onion and I'd boil it in milk and pepper. That's good or the e!er. But e!en i I had "hat "ould I boil the milk on5 1e need coal or that ire. 'he gi!es %ad the docket or the coal do"n the %ock $oad. 4e takes me "ith him but it's dark and all the coal yards are closed. 1hat are "e going to do no", %ad5 I don't kno", son. Ahead o us "omen in sha"ls and small children are picking up coal along the road. There, %ad, there's coal. 0ch, no, son.1e "on't pick coal o the road.1e're not beggars. 4e tells Mam the coal yards are closed and "e'll

ha!e to drink milk and eat bread tonight, but "hen I tell her about the "omen on the road she passes +ugene to him. I you're too grand to pick coal o the road I'll put on my coat and go do"n the %ock $oad. 'he gets a bag and takes Malachy and me "ith her. Beyond the %ock $oad there is something "ide and dark "ith lights glinting in it. Mam says that's the $i!er 'hannon.'he says that's "hat she missed most o all in America, the $i!er 'hannon.The 4udson "as lo!ely but the 'hannon sings.I can't hear the song but my mother does and that makes her happy. The other "omen are gone rom the %ock $oad and "e search or the bits o coal that drop rom lorries. Mam tells us gather anything that burns, coal, "ood, cardboard, paper. 'he says, There are them that burn the horse droppings but "e're not gone that lo" yet. 1hen her bag is nearly ull she says, )o" "e ha!e to ind an onion or 0li!er. Malachy says he'll ind one but she tells him, )o, you don't ind onions on the road, you get them in shops. The minute he sees a shop he cries out,There's a shop, and runs in. 0onyen, he says. 0onyen or 0li!er. Mam runs into the shop and tells the "omen behind the counter, I'm sorry.The "oman says,&ord,he's a dote.Is he an American or "hat5 Mam says he is. The "oman smiles and sho"s t"o teeth, one on each side o her upper gum.A dote, she says, and look at them gorgeous goldy curls.And "hat is it he "ants no"5 A s"eet5 Ah, no, says Mam.An onion. The "oman laughs, An onion5 I ne!er heard a child "anting an onion be ore. Is that "hat they like in America5 Mam says, I -ust mentioned I "anted to get an onion or my other child that's sick. Boil the onion in milk, you kno". True or you, missus./ou can't beat the onion boiled in milk. And look,little boy,here's a s"eet or yoursel and one or the other little boy, the brother, I suppose. Mam says, Ah, sure, you shouldn't. 'ay thank you, boys. The "oman says, 4ere's a nice onion or the sick child, missus. Mam says, 0h, I can't buy the onion no", missus. I don't ha!e a penny on me. I'm gi!ing you the onion, missus. &et it ne!er be said a child "ent sick in &imerick or "ant o an onion.And don't orget to sprinkle in a little pepper. %o you ha!e pepper, missus5 Ah, no, I don't but I should be getting it any day no". 1ell, here, missus. 2epper and a little salt. %o the child all the good in the "orld. Mam says, *od bless you, ma'am, and her eyes are "atery. %ad is "alking back and orth "ith 0li!er in his arms and +ugene is playing on the loor "ith a pot and a spoon. %ad says, %id you get the onion5 I did, says Mam, and more. I got coal and the "ay o lighting it. I kne" you "ould. I said a prayer to 't. 8ude. 4e's my a!orite saint, patron o desperate cases. I got the coal. I got the onion, no help rom 't. 8ude. %ad says,/ou shouldn't be picking up coal o the road like a common beggar. It isn't right. Bad e#ample or the boys. Then you should ha!e sent 't. 8ude do"n the %ock $oad. Malachy says, I'm hungry, and I'm hungry, too, but Mam says,/e'll "ait till 0li!er has his onion boiled in milk. 'he gets the ire going, cuts the onion in hal , drops it in the boiling milk "ith a little butter and sprinkles the milk "ith pepper. 'he takes 0li!er on her lap and tries to eed him but he turns a"ay and looks into the ire. Ah,come on,lo!e,she says.*ood or you.Make you big and strong. 4e tightens his mouth against the spoon. 'he puts the pot do"n, rocks him till he's asleep, lays him on the bed and tells the rest o us be .uiet or she'll demolish us. 'he slices the other hal o the onion and ries it in butter "ith slices o bread. 'he lets us sit on the loor around the ire "here "e eat the ried bread and sip at the scalding s"eet tea in -am -ars. 'he says,That ire is good and bright so "e can turn o that gaslight till "e get money or the meter. The ire makes the room "arm and "ith the lames dancing in the coal you can see aces and mountains and !alleys and animals leaping. +ugene alls asleep on the loor and %ad li ts him to the bed beside 0li!er. Mam puts the boiled onion pot up on the mantelpiece or ear a mouse or rat might be at it. 'he says she's tired out rom the day, the 6incent de 2aul 'ociety, Mrs. Mc*rath's shop, the search or coal do"n the %ock $oad, the "orry o!er 0li!er not "anting the boiled onion, and i he's like this tomorro" she's taking him to the doctor, and no" she's going to bed. 'oon "e're all in bed and i there's the odd lea I don't mind because

it's "arm in the bed "ith the si# o us and I lo!e the glo" o the ire the "ay it dances on the "alls and ceiling and makes the room go red and black, red and black, till it dims to "hite and black and all you can hear is a little cry rom 0li!er turning in my mother's arms. In the morning %ad is lighting the ire, making tea, cutting the bread. 4e's already dressed and he's telling Mam hurry up and get dressed. 4e says to me, Francis, your little brother 0li!er is sick and "e're taking him to the hospital./ou are to be a good boy and take care o your t"o brothers.1e'll be back soon. Mam says, 1hen "e're out go easy "ith that sugar. 1e're not millionaires. 1hen Mam picks up 0li!er and "raps him in a coat +ugene stands on the bed. I "ant 0llie, he says. 0llie play. 0llie "ill be back soon, she says, and you can play "ith him. )o" you can play "ith Malachy and Frank. 0llie, 0llie, I "ant 0llie. 4e ollo"s 0li!er "ith his eyes and "hen they're gone he sits on the bed looking out the "indo". Malachy says, *enie, *enie, "e ha!e bread, "e ha!e tea. 'ugar on your bread, *enie. 4e shakes his head and pushes a"ay the bread Malachy is o ering. 4e cra"ls to the place "here 0li!er slept "ith Mam, puts his head do"n and stares out the "indo". *randma is at the door. I heard your ather and mother "ere running do"n 4enry 'treet "ith the child in their arms. )o" "here are they gone to5 0li!er is sick, I said. 4e "ouldn't eat the boiled onion in milk. 1hat are you blatherin' about5 1ouldn't eat the boiled onion and got sick. And "ho's minding ye5 I am. And "hat's up "ith the child in the bed5 1hat's his name5 That's +ugene. 4e misses 0li!er.They're t"ins. I kno" they're t"ins.That child looks star!ed.4a!e ye any porridge here5 1hat's porridge5 says Malachy. 8esus, Mary and 4oly 't. 8oseph9 1hat's porridge9 2orridge is porridge.That's "hat porridge is./e are the most ignorant bunch o' /anks I e!er seen. Come on, put on yeer clothes and "e'll go across the street to your aunt Aggie. 'he's there "ith the husband, 2a ;eating, and she'll gi!e ye some porridge. 'he picks up +ugene,"raps him in her sha"l and "e cross the street to Aunt Aggie's. 'he's li!ing "ith 7ncle 2a again because he said she "asn't a at co" a ter all. %o you ha!e any porridge5 *randma says to Aunt Aggie. 2orridge5 Am I supposed to be eeding porridge to a cro"d o /anks5 2ity about you, says *randma. It "on't kill you to gi!e them a little porridge. And I suppose they'll be "anting sugar and milk on top o e!erything or they might be banging on my door looking or an egg i you don't mind. I don't kno" "hy "e ha!e to pay or Angela's mistakes. 8esus, says *randma, 'tis a good thing you didn't o"n that stable in Bethlehem or the 4oly Family "ould still be "anderin' the "orld crumblin' "ith the hunger. *randma pushes her "ay past Aunt Aggie, puts +ugene on a chair near the ire and makes the porridge. A man comes in rom another room. 4e has black curly hair and his skin is black and I like his eyes because they're !ery blue and ready to smile.4e's Aunt Aggie's husband, the man "ho stopped the night "e "ere attacking the leas and told us all about leas and snakes, the man "ith the cough he got rom s"allo"ing gas in the "ar. Malachy says,1hy are you all black5 and 7ncle 2a ;eating laughs and coughs so hard he has to ease himsel "ith a cigarette. 0h, the little /anks, he says.They're not a bit shy. I'm black because I "ork at the &imerick *as 1orks sho!eling coal and coke into the urnaces. *assed in France and back to &imerick to "ork in the gas "orks.1hen you gro" up you'll laugh. Malachy and I ha!e to lea!e the table so the big people can sit and ha!e tea.They ha!e their tea but 7ncle 2a ;eating, "ho is my uncle because he's married to my aunt Aggie, picks up +ugene and takes him on his lap. 4e says,This is a sad little ella, and makes unny aces and silly sounds. Malachy and I laugh but +ugene only reaches up to touch the blackness o 2a ;eating's skin, and then "hen 2a pretends to bite his little hand, +ugene laughs and e!eryone in the room laughs. Malachy goes to +ugene and tries to make him laugh e!en more but +ugene turns a"ay and hides his ace in 2a ;eating's shirt. I think he likes me, says 2a, and that's "hen Aunt Aggie puts do"n her teacup and starts to ba"l,1aah, "aah, "aah, big teardrops tumbling do"n her at red ace. A", 8esus, says *randma, there she is again.1hat's up "ith you this time5 And Aunt Aggie blubbers,To see 2a there "ith

a child on his lap an' me "ith no hope o ha!ing my o"n. *randma barks at her, 'top talkin' like that in ront o the children. 4a!e you no shame5 1hen *od is good and ready 4e'll send you your amily. Aunt Aggie sobs, Angela "ith i!e born an' one -ust gone an' her so useless she couldn't scrub a loor an' me "ith none an' I can scrub an' clean "ith the best and make any class o a ste" or a ry. 2a ;eating laughs, I think I'll keep this little ella. Malachy runs to him. )o, no, no.That's my brother, that's +ugene. And I say, )o, no, no, that's our brother. Aunt Aggie pats the tears on her cheeks. 'he says, I don't "ant nothing o Angela's. I don't "ant nothing that's hal &imerick and hal )orth o Ireland, so I don't, so ye can take him home. I'll ha!e me o"n someday i I ha!e to do a hundred no!enas to the 6irgin Mary and her mother, 't.Ann, or i I ha!e to cra"l rom here to &ourdes on me t"o bended knees. *randma says, That's enough. /e ha!e had yeer porridge and 'tis time to go home and see i yeer ather and mother are back rom the hospital. 'he puts on her sha"l and goes to pick up +ugene but he clutches so hard at 2a ;eating's shirt she has to pull him a"ay though he keeps looking back at 2a till "e're out the door. 1e ollo"ed *randma back to our room. 'he put +ugene in the bed and ga!e him a drink o "ater. 'he told him to be a good boy and go to sleep or his little brother, 0li!er, "ould be home soon and they'd be playing again there on the loor. But he kept looking out the "indo". 'he told Malachy and me "e could sit on the loor and play but to be .uiet because she "as going to say her prayers. Malachy "ent to the bed and sat by +ugene and I sat on a chair at the table making out "ords on the ne"spaper that "as our tablecloth. All you could hear in the room "as Malachy "hispering to make +ugene happy and *randma mumbling to the click o her rosary beads. It "as so .uiet I put my head on the table and ell asleep. %ad is touching my shoulder. Come on, Francis, you ha!e to take care o your little brothers. Mam is slumped on the edge o the bed, making small crying sounds like a bird. *randma is pulling on her sha"l. 'he says, I'll go do"n to Thompson the undertaker about the co in and the carriage. The 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety "ill surely pay or that, *od kno"s. 'he goes out the door.%ad stands acing the "all o!er the ire,beating on his thighs "ith his ists, sighing, 0ch, och, och. %ad rightens me "ith his och, och, och, and Mam rightens me "ith her small bird sounds and I don't kno" "hat to do though I "onder i anyone "ill light the ire in the grate so that "e can ha!e tea and bread because it's a long time since "e had the porridge. I %ad "ould mo!e a"ay rom the ireplace I could light the ire mysel .All you need is paper, a e" bits o coal or tur , and a match. 4e "on't mo!e so I try to go around his legs "hile he's beating on his thighs but he notices me and "ants to kno" "hy I'm trying to light the ire. I tell him "e're all hungry and he lets out a cra(y laugh. 4ungry5 he says. 0ch, Francis, your "ee brother 0li!er is dead./our "ee sister is dead and your "ee brother is dead. 4e picks me up and hugs me so hard I cry out.Then Malachy cries, my mother cries,%ad cries,I cry,but +ugene stays .uiet.Then %ad sni les,1e'll ha!e a east. Come on, Francis. 4e tells my mother "e'll be back in a"hile but she has Malachy and +ugene on her lap in the bed and she doesn't look up. 4e carries me through the streets o &imerick and "e go rom shop to shop "ith him asking or ood or anything they can gi!e to a amily that has t"o children dead in a year, one in America, one in &imerick, and in danger o losing three more or the "ant o ood and drink. Most shopkeepers shake their heads. 'orry or your troubles but you could go to the 't. 6incent de 2aul 'ociety or get the public assistance. %ad says he's glad to see the spirit o Christ ali!e in &imerick and they tell him they don't need the likes o him "ith his northern accent to be telling them about Christ and he should be ashamed o himsel dragging a child around like that like a common beggar, a tinker, a knacker. A e" shopkeepers gi!e bread, potatoes, tins o beans and %ad says, 1e'll go home no" and you boys can eat something, but "e meet 7ncle 2a ;eating and he tells %ad he's !ery sorry or his troubles and "ould %ad like to ha!e a pint in this pub here5 There are men sitting in this pub "ith great

glasses o black stu be ore them. 7ncle 2a ;eating and %ad ha!e the black stu , too.They li t their glasses care ully and slo"ly drink.There is creamy "hite stu on their lips, "hich they lick "ith little sighs. 7ncle 2a gets me a bottle o lemonade and %ad gi!es me a piece o bread and I don't eel hungry anymore. 'till, I "onder ho" long "e'll sit here "ith Malachy and +ugene hungry at home,hours rom the porridge,"hich +ugene didn't eat any"ay. %ad and 7ncle 2a drink their glass o black stu and ha!e another. 7ncle 2a says, Frankie, this is the pint.This is the sta o li e.This is the best thing or nursing mothers and or those "ho are long "eaned. 4e laughs and %ad smiles and I laugh because I think that's "hat you're supposed to do "hen 7ncle 2a says something. 4e doesn't laugh "hen he tells the other men about 0li!er dying. The other men tip their hats to %ad. 'orry or your troubles, mister, and surely you'll ha!e a pint. %ad says yes to the pints and soon he's singing $oddy McCorley and ;e!in Barry and song a ter song I ne!er heard be ore and crying o!er his lo!ely little girl, Margaret, that died in America and his little boy,0li!er,dead beyond in the City 4ome 4ospital.It rightens me the "ay he yells and cries and sings and I "ish I could be at home "ith my three brothers, no, my t"o brothers, and my mother. The man behind the bar says to %ad,I think no",mister,you'!e had enough.1e're sorry or your troubles but you ha!e to take that child home to his mother that must be heartbroken by the ire. %ad says, 0ne, one more pint, -ust one, eh5 and the man says no. %ad shakes his ist. I did me bit or Ireland, and "hen the man comes out and takes %ad's arm, %ad tries to push him a"ay. 7ncle 2a says, Come on no", Malachy, stop the blaguarding./ou ha!e to go home to Angela./ou ha!e a uneral tomorro" and the lo!ely children "aiting or you. But %ad struggles till a e" men push him out into the darkness. 7ncle 2a stumbles out "ith the bag o ood. Come on, he says.1e'll go back to your room. %ad "ants to go to another place or a pint but 7ncle 2a says he has no more money. %ad says he'll tell e!eryone his sorro"s and they'll gi!e him pints. 7ncle 2a says that's a disgrace ul thing to do and %ad cries on his shoulder./ou're a good riend, he tells 7ncle 2a. 4e cries again till 7ncle 2a pats him on the back. It's terrible, terrible, says 7ncle 2a, but you'll get o!er this in time. %ad straightens up and looks at him. )e!er, he says. )e!er. )e#t day "e rode to the hospital in a carriage "ith a horse.They put 0li!er in a "hite bo# that came "ith us in the carriage and "e took him to the gra!eyard.They put the "hite bo# into a hole in the ground and co!ered it "ith earth. My mother and Aunt Aggie cried, *randma looked angry, %ad, 7ncle 2a ;eating, and 7ncle 2at 'heehan looked sad but did not cry and I thought that i you're a man you can cry only "hen you ha!e the black stu that is called the pint. I did not like the -ackda"s that perched on trees and gra!estones and I did not "ant to lea!e 0li!er "ith them. I thre" a rock at a -ackda" that "addled o!er to"ard 0li!er's gra!e. %ad said I shouldn't thro" rocks at -ackda"s, they might be somebody's soul. I didn't kno" "hat a soul "as but I didn't ask him because I didn't care. 0li!er "as dead and I hated -ackda"s. I'd be a man someday and I'd come back "ith a bag o rocks and I'd lea!e the gra!eyard littered "ith dead -ackda"s. The morning a ter 0li!er's burial %ad "ent to the &abour +#change to sign and collect the "eek's dole,nineteen shillings and si#pence. 4e said he'd be home by noon, that he'd get coal and make a ire, that "e'd ha!e rashers and eggs and tea in honor o 0li!er, that "e might e!en ha!e a s"eet or t"o. 4e "asn't home by noon, or one, or t"o, and "e boiled and ate the e" potatoes the shopkeepers had gi!en the day be ore.4e "asn't home anytime be ore the sun "ent do"n that day in May.There "as no sign o him till "e heard him, long a ter the pubs closed, rolling along 1indmill 'treet, singing, 1hen all around a !igil keep, The 1est's asleep, the 1est's asleep, Alas, and "ell may +rin "eep 1hen Connacht lies in slumber deep. There lake and plain smile air and ree, 'Mid rocks their guardian chi!alry. 'ing, 0h, let man learn liberty From crashing "ind and lashing sea. 4e stumbled into the room, hanging on to the "all.A snot oo(ed rom his nose and he "iped it

a"ay "ith the back o his hand. 4e tried to speak. <ee(e shildren should be in bed. &ishen to me. 'hildren go to bed. Mam aced him. These children are hungry. 1here's the dole money5 1e'll get ish and chips so they'll ha!e something in their bellies "hen they go to sleep. 'he tried to stick her hands into his pockets but he pushed her a"ay. 4a!e respheck, he said. $eshpeck in ront o shildren. 'he struggled to get at his pockets.1here's the money5 The children are hungry. /ou mad oul' bastard, did you drink all the money again5 8ust "hat you did in Brooklyn. 4e blubbered, 0ch, poor Angela.And poor "ee Margaret and poor "ee 0li!er. 4e staggered to me and hugged me and I smelled the drink I used to smell in America. My ace "as "et rom his tears and his spit and his snot and I "as hungry and I didn't kno" "hat to say "hen he cried all o!er my head. Then he let me go and hugged Malachy, still going on about the "ee sister and the "ee brother cold in the ground, and ho" "e all ha!e to pray and be good, ho" "e ha!e to be obedient and do "hat our mother tells us. 4e said "e ha!e our troubles but it's time or Malachy and me to start school because there's nothing like an education, it "ill stand to you in the end, and you ha!e to get ready to do your bit or Ireland. Mam says she can't spend another minute in that room on 1indmill 'treet. 'he can't sleep "ith the memory o 0li!er in that room, 0li!er in the bed,0li!er playing on the loor,0li!er sitting on %ad's lap by the ire. 'he says it's not good or +ugene to be in that place, that a t"in "ill su er more o!er the loss o his brother than e!en a mother can understand.There's a room going on 4artstonge 'treet "ith t"o beds instead o the one "e ha!e here or the si# o us, no, the i!e o us.1e're getting that room and to make sure she's going to the &abour +#change on Thursday to stand in the .ueue to take the dole money the minute it's handed to %ad. 4e says she can't do that, he'd be disgraced "ith the other men.The &abour +#change is a place or men not or "omen taking the money rom under their noses. 'he says, 2ity about you. I you didn't s.uander the money in the pubs I "ouldn't ha!e to ollo" you the "ay I did in Brooklyn. 4e tells her he'll be shamed ore!er. 'he says she doesn't care. 'he "ants that room on 4artstonge 'treet, a nice "arm com ortable room "ith a la!atory do"n the hall like the one in Brooklyn, a room "ithout leas and the dampness that kills. 'he "ants that room because it's on the same street as &eamy's )ational 'chool and Malachy and I can come home at the dinner hour, "hich is noon, or a cup o tea and a cut o ried bread. 0n Thursday Mam ollo"s %ad to the &abour +#change. 'he marches in behind him and "hen the man pushes the money to"ard %ad she takes it.The other men on the dole nudge each other and grin and %ad is disgraced because a "oman is ne!er supposed to inter ere "ith a man's dole money. 4e might "ant to put si#pence on a horse or ha!e a pint and i all the "omen start acting like Mam the horses "ill stop running and *uinness "ill go broke. But she has the money no" and "e mo!e to 4artstonge 'treet.Then she carries +ugene in her arms and "e go up the street to &eamy's )ational 'chool.The headmaster, Mr. 'callan, says "e are to return on Monday "ith a composition book, a pencil, and a pen "ith a good nib on it.1e are not to come to school "ith ring"orm or lice and our noses are to be blo"n at all times, not on the loor, that spreads the consumption, or on our slee!es, but in a handkerchie or a clean rag. 4e asks us i "e are good boys and "hen "e say "e are, he says, *ood &ord, "hat's this5 Are they /anks or "hat5 Mam tells him about Margaret and 0li!er and he says, &ord abo!e, &ord abo!e, there's great su ering in the "orld. Any"ay, "e'll put the little ello", Malachy, in the in ants' class and his brother in irst class. They're in the same room "ith one master. Monday morning, then, nine o'clock prompt. The boys in &eamy's "ant to kno" "hy "e talk like that. Are ye /anks or "hat5 And "hen "e tell them "e came rom America they "ant to kno",Are ye gangsters or co"boys5 A big boy sticks his ace up to mine. I'm asking ye a .uestion, he says.Are ye gangsters or co"boys5 I tell him I don't kno" and "hen he pokes his inger into my chest Malachy says, I'm a gangster, Frank's a co"boy.The big boy says,/our little brother is smart and you're a stupid /ank. The boys around him are e#cited. Fight, they yell,

ight, and he pushes me so hard I all. I "ant to cry but the blackness comes o!er me the "ay it did "ith Freddie &eibo"it( and I rush at him, kicking and punching. I knock him do"n and try to grab his hair to bang his head on the ground but there's a sharp sting across the backs o my legs and I'm pulled a"ay rom him. Mr. Benson, the master, has me by the ear and he's "hacking me across the legs./ou little hooligan, he says. Is that the kind o beha!ior you brought rom America5 1ell, by *od, you'll beha!e yoursel be ore I'm done "ith you. 4e tells me hold out one hand and then the other and hits me "ith his stick once on each hand. *o home no", he says, and tell your mother "hat a bad boy you "ere./ou're a bad /ank. 'ay a ter me, I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. )o" say, I'm a bad /ank. I'm a bad /ank. Malachy says, 4e's not a bad boy. It's that big boy. 4e said "e "ere co"boys and gangsters. Is that "hat you did, 4e ernan5 I "as only -okin', sir. )o more -oking, 4e ernan. It's not their ault that they're /anks. 'Tisn't, sir. And you, 4e ernan, should get do"n on your t"o knees e!ery night and thank *od you're not a /ank or i you "ere,4e ernan,you'd be the greatest gangster on t"o sides o the Atlantic.Al Capone "ould be coming to you or lessons. /ou're not to be bothering these t"o /anks anymore, 4e ernan. I "on't, sir. And i you do, 4e ernan, I'll hang your pelt on the "all. )o" go home, all o ye. There are se!en masters in &eamy's )ational 'chool and they all ha!e leather straps, canes, blackthorn sticks.They hit you "ith the sticks on the shoulders, the back, the legs, and, especially, the hands. I they hit you on the hands it's called a slap.They hit you i you're late, i you ha!e a leaky nib on your pen, i you laugh, i you talk, and i you don't kno" things. They hit you i you don't kno" "hy *od made the "orld, i you don't kno" the patron saint o &imerick, i you can't recite the Apostles' Creed, i you can't add nineteen to orty,se!en, i you can't subtract nineteen rom orty,se!en, i you don't kno" the chie to"ns and products o the thirty,t"o counties o Ireland, i you can't ind Bulgaria on the "all map o the "orld that's blotted "ith spit, snot, and blobs o ink thro"n by angry pupils e#pelled ore!er. They hit you i you can't say your name in Irish, i you can't say the 4ail Mary in Irish, i you can't ask or the la!atory pass in Irish. It helps to listen to the big boys ahead o you. They can tell you about the master you ha!e no", "hat he likes and "hat he hates. 0ne master "ill hit you i you don't kno" that +amon %e 6alera is the greatest man that e!er li!ed.Another master "ill hit you i you don't kno" that Michael Collins "as the greatest man that e!er li!ed. Mr. Benson hates America and you ha!e to remember to hate America or he'll hit you. Mr. 0'%ea hates +ngland and you ha!e to remember to hate +ngland or he'll hit you. I you e!er say anything good about 0li!er Crom"ell they'll all hit you. . . . +!en i they slap you si# times on each hand "ith the ash plant or the blackthorn "ith the knobs you must not cry./ou'll be a sissy. There are boys "ho might -eer at you and mock you on the street but e!en they ha!e to be care ul because the day "ill come "hen the master hits and slaps them and they ha!e to keep the tears behind their eyes or be disgraced ore!er. 'ome boys say it is better to cry because that pleases the masters. I you don't cry the masters hate you because you'!e made them look "eak be ore the class and they promise themsel!es the ne#t time they ha!e you up they'll dra" tears or blood or both. Big boys in i th class tell us Mr. 0'%ea likes to get you in ront o the class so that he can stand behind you, pinch your sideburns, "hich are called cossicks, pull up on them. 7p, up, he says, till you're on tiptoe and the tears are illing your eyes./ou don't "ant the boys in the class to see you cry but pulling on the cossicks makes the tears come "hether you like it or not and the master likes that. Mr. 0'%ea is the one master "ho can al"ays bring the tears and the shame. It is better not to cry because you ha!e to stick "ith the boys in the school and you ne!er "ant to gi!e the masters any satis action. I the master hits you there's no use complaining to your ather or mother.They al"ays say,/ou deser!e it. %on't be a baby. I kno" 0li!er is dead and Malachy kno"s 0li!er is dead but +ugene is too small to kno" anything.1hen he "akes in the

morning he says, 0llie, 0llie, and toddles around the room looking under the beds or he climbs up on the bed by the "indo" and points to children on the street, especially children "ith air hair like him and 0li!er. 0llie, 0llie, he says, and Mam picks him up, sobs, hugs him. 4e struggles to get do"n because he doesn't "ant to be picked up and hugged. 4e "ants to ind 0li!er. %ad and Mam tell him 0li!er is in hea!en playing "ith angels and "e'll all see him again someday but he doesn't understand because he's only t"o and doesn't ha!e the "ords and that's the "orst thing in the "hole "orld. Malachy and I play "ith him. 1e try to make him laugh. 1e make unny aces.1e put pots on our heads and pretend to let them all o .1e run across the room and pretend to all do"n.1e take him to the 2eople's 2ark to see the lo!ely lo"ers, play "ith dogs, roll in the grass. 4e sees small children "ith air hair like 0li!er.4e doesn't say 0llie anymore. 4e only points. %ad says +ugene is lucky to ha!e brothers like Malachy and me because "e help him orget and soon, "ith *od's help, he'll ha!e no memory o 0li!er at all. 4e died any"ay. 'i# months a ter 0li!er "ent, "e "oke on a mean )o!ember morning and there "as +ugene,cold in the bed beside us.%r.Troy came and said that child died o pneumonia and "hy "asn't he in the hospital long ago5 %ad said he didn't kno" and Mam said she didn't kno" and %r.Troy said that's "hy children die. 2eople don't kno". 4e said i Malachy or I sho"ed the slightest sign o a cough or the aintest rattle in the throat "e "ere to be brought to him no matter "hat time o day or night.1e "ere to be kept dry at all times because there seemed to be a bit o a "eakness in the chest in this amily. 4e told Mam he "as !ery sorry or her troubles and he'd gi!e her a prescription or something to ease the pain o the days to come. 4e said *od "as asking too much, too damn much. *randma came o!er to our room "ith Aunt Aggie. 'he "ashed +ugene, and Aunt Aggie "ent to a shop or a little "hite go"n and a set o rosary beads.They dressed him in a "hite go"n and laid him on the bed by the "indo" "here he used to look out or 0li!er. They placed his hands on his chest, one hand on top o the other, bound in the little "hite rosary beads. *randma brushed the hair back rom his eyes and orehead and she said, %oesn't he ha!e lo!ely so t silky hair5 Mam "ent to the bed and pulled a blanket o!er his legs to keep him "arm. *randma and Aunt Aggie looked at each other and said nothing. %ad stood at the end o the bed beating his ists against his thighs, talking to +ugene, telling him, 0ch, it "as the $i!er 'hannon that harmed you, the dampness rom that ri!er that came and took you and 0li!er. *randma said, 1ill you stop that5 /ou're making the "hole house ner!ous. 'he took %r. Troy's prescription and told me run o!er to 0'Connor the chemist or the pills, that there "ould be no charge due to the kindness o %r.Troy. %ad said he'd come "ith me, that "e'd go to the 8esuit church and say a prayer or Margaret and 0li!er and +ugene, all happy in hea!en.The chemist ga!e us the pills, "e stopped to say the prayers, and "hen "e returned to the room, *randma ga!e %ad money to bring a e" bottles o stout rom the pub. Mam said, )o, no, but *randma said, 4e doesn't ha!e the pills to ease him, *od help us, and a bottle o stout "ill be some small com ort.Then she told him he'd ha!e to go to the undertaker tomorro" to bring the co in back in a carriage. 'he told me to go "ith my ather and make sure he didn't stay in the pub all night and drink all the money. %ad said, 0ch, Frankie shouldn't be in pubs, and she said,Then don't stay there. 4e put on his cap and "e "ent to 'outh's pub and he told me at the door I could go home no", that he'd be home a ter one pint. I said, )o, and he said, %on't be disobedient. *o home to your poor mother. I said, )o, and he said I "as a bad boy and *od "ould be displeased. I said I "asn't going home "ithout him and he said, 0ch, "hat is the "orld coming to5 4e had one .uick pint o porter in the pub and "e "ent home "ith the bottles o stout. 2a ;eating "as in our room "ith a small bottle o "hiskey and bottles o stout and 7ncle 2at 'heehan brought t"o bottles o stout or himsel . 7ncle 2at sat on the loor "ith his arms around his bottles and he kept saying,They're mine, they're mine, or ear they'd be taken rom him. 2eople "ho "ere dropped on their heads al"ays "orry someone "ill

steal their stout. *randma said,All right, 2at, drink your stout yoursel . )o one "ill bother you. 'he and Aunt Aggie sat on the bed by +ugene. 2a ;eating sat at the kitchen table drinking his stout and o ering e!eryone a sip o his "hiskey. Mam took her pills and sat by the ire "ith Malachy on her lap. 'he kept saying Malachy had hair like +ugene and Aunt Aggie said no he did not till *randma dro!e her elbo" into Aunt Aggie's chest and told her shut up. %ad stood against the "all drinking his stout bet"een the ireplace and the bed "ith +ugene.2a ;eating told stories and the big people laughed e!en though they didn't "ant to laugh or they "eren't supposed to laugh in the presence o a dead child.4e said "hen he "as in the +nglish army in France the *ermans sent gas o!er "hich made him so sick they had to take him to the hospital.They kept him in the hospital a "hile and then sent him back to the trenches. +nglish soldiers "ere sent home but they didn't gi!e a iddler's art about the Irish soldiers, "hether they li!ed or died. Instead o dying 2a made a !ast ortune. 4e said he sol!ed one o the great problems o trench "ar are. In the trenches it "as so "et and muddy they had no "ay o boiling the "ater or the tea.4e said to himsel , 8asus, I ha!e all this gas in my system and 'tis a great pity to "aste it. 'o he sho!ed a pipe up his arse, lit a match to it, and there in a second he had a ine lame ready to boil "ater in any billycan.Tommies came running rom trenches all around "hen they heard the ne"s and they ga!e him any amount o money i he'd let them boil "ater. 4e made so much money he "as able to bribe the generals to let him out o the army and o he "ent to 2aris "here he had a ine time drinking "ine "ith artists and models. 4e had such a high time o it he spent all his money and "hen he came back to &imerick the only -ob he could get "as in the gas "orks sho!eling coal into the urnaces. 4e said there "as so much gas in his system no" he could supply light to a small to"n or a year. Aunt Aggie sni ed and said that "as not a proper story to be telling in the presence o a dead child and *randma said it "as better to ha!e a story like that than to be sitting around "ith the long ace. 7ncle 2at 'heehan, sitting on the loor "ith his stout, said he "as going to sing a song. More po"er to you, said 2a ;eating, and 7ncle 2at sang BThe $oad to $asheen.B 4e kept saying, $asheen, $asheen, ma!ourneen mean, and the song made no sense because his ather dropped him on his head long ago and e!ery time he sang that song he had di erent "ords. *randma said that "as a ine song and 2a ;eating said Caruso better look o!er his shoulder. %ad "ent o!er to the bed in the corner "here he slept "ith Mam. 4e sat on the edge, put his bottle on the loor, co!ered his ace "ith his hands and cried. 4e said, Frank, Frank, come here, and I had to go to him so that he could hug me the "ay Mam "as hugging Malachy. *randma said, 1e better go no" and sleep a bit be ore the uneral tomorro".They each knelt by the bed and said a prayer and kissed +ugene's orehead. %ad put me do"n, stood up and nodded to them as they le t.1hen they "ere gone he li ted each o the stout bottles to his mouth and drained it. 4e ran his inger inside the "hiskey bottle and licked it. 4e turned do"n the lame in the para in oil lamp on the table and said it "as time or Malachy and me to be in bed.1e'd ha!e to sleep "ith him and Mam that night as little +ugene "ould be needing the bed or himsel . It "as dark in the room no" e#cept or the sli!er o streetlight that ell on +ugene's lo!ely so t silky hair. %ad lights the ire in the morning, makes the tea, toasts the bread in the ire. 4e brings Mam's toast and tea but she "a!es it a"ay and turns to the "all. 4e brings Malachy and me to +ugene to kneel and say a prayer.4e says the prayers o one child like us are "orth more in hea!en than the prayers o ten cardinals and orty bishops. 4e sho"s us ho" to bless oursel!es, In the name o the Father, and o the 'on, and o the 4oly *host. Amen, and he says, %ear *od, this is "hat you "ant, isn't it5 /ou "ant my son, +ugene./ou took his brother, 0li!er,/ou took his sister, Margaret. I'm not supposed to .uestion that, am I5 %ear *od abo!e, I don't kno" "hy children ha!e to die but that is /our "ill./ou told the ri!er to kill and the 'hannon killed. Could /ou at last be merci ul5 Could /ou lea!e us the children "e ha!e5 That is

all "e ask.Amen. 4e helps Malachy and me "ash our heads and eet so that "e'll be clean or +ugene's uneral.1e ha!e to be !ery .uiet e!en "hen he hurts us cleaning our ears "ith the corner o the to"el "e brought rom America. 1e ha!e to be .uiet because +ugene is there "ith his eyes closed and "e don't "ant him to be "aking up and looking out the "indo" or 0li!er. *randma comes and tells Mam she has to get up.There are children dead, she says, but there are children ali!e and they need their mother. 'he brings Mam a little tea in a mug to "ash do"n the pills that ease the pain.%ad tells *randma it's Thursday and he has to go to the &abour +#change or the dole and then do"n to the undertaker to bring the mourning carriage and the co in. *randma tells him to take me "ith him but he says it's better or me to stay "ith Malachy so that I can pray or my little brother dead in the bed. *randma says, Is it coddin' me you are5 2ray or a little child that's barely t"o and already playing "ith his little brother in hea!en5 /ou'll take your son "ith you and he'll remind you this is no day or the pubs. 'he looks at him and he looks at her and he puts on his cap. At the &abour +#change "e stand at the end o the .ueue till a man comes rom behind the counter and tells %ad he's !ery sorry or his troubles and he should go ahead o e!eryone else on this sorro" ul day. Men touch their caps and say they're sorry or his troubles and some pat my head and gi!e me pennies, t"enty, our pennies, t"o shillings. %ad tells me I'm rich no" and I should buy mysel a s"eet "hile he goes into this place or a minute. I kno" this place is a pub and I kno" he "ants to get the black stu that is called a pint but I don't say anything because I "ant to go to the shop ne#t door or a piece o to ee. I che" my to ee till it melts and lea!es my mouth all s"eet and sticky. %ad is still in the pub and I "onder i I should get another piece o to ee as long as he's in there "ith the pint. I'm about to gi!e the money to the "oman in the shop "hen my hand is slapped do"n and there's Aunt Aggie, raging. Is this "hat you do, she says, on the day o your brother's uneral5 *orgin' yoursel on s"eets.And "here's that ather o yours5 4e's, he's, in the pub. 0 course he's in the pub./ou out here stu in' yoursel "ith s"eets and him in there gettin' himsel into a staggerin' condition the day your poor little brother goes to the gra!eyard. 'he tells the shop "oman, 8ust like his ather, the same odd manner, the same oul' northern -a". 'he tells me get into that pub and tell my ather to stop the drinking and get the co in and the carriage. 'he "ill not set oot inside the pub or the drink is the curse o this poor god orsaken country. %ad is sitting at the back o the pub "ith a man "ho has a dirty ace and hair gro"ing out o his nose.They're not talking but staring straight ahead and their black pints are resting on a small "hite co in on the seat bet"een them. I kno" that's +ugene's co in because 0li!er had one like it and I "ant to cry "hen I see the black pints on top o it. I'm sorry no" I e!er ate that to ee and I "ish I could take it out o my stomach and gi!e it back to the "oman in the shop because it's not right to be eating to ee "hen +ugene is dead in the bed and I'm rightened by the t"o black pints on his "hite co in.The man "ith %ad is saying, )o, mister, you can't lea!e a child's co in in a carriage no more. I did that once, "ent in or a pint and they robbed that little co in out o the bloody carriage.Can you credit that5 It "as empty,thank *od,but there you are. %esperate times "e li!e in, desperate.The man "ith %ad li ts his pint and takes a long s"allo" and "hen he puts his glass do"n there's a hollo" sound in the co in. %ad nods at me.1e'll be going in a minute, son, but "hen he goes to put his glass on the co in a ter the long s"allo" I push it a"ay. That's +ugene's co in. I'll tell Mam you put your glass on +ugene's co in. )o", son. )o", son. %ad, that's +ugene's co in. The other man says,1ill "e ha!e another pint, mister5 %ad says to me,1ait outside another e" minutes, Francis. )o. %on't be a bad boy. )o. The other man says, By 8esus, i that "as my son I'd kick his arse rom here to the County ;erry. 4e ha!e no right to be talkin' to his ather in that manner on a sorro" ul day. I a man can't ha!e a pint the day o a uneral "hat's the use o li!in' at all, at all. %ad says,All right.1e'll go. They

inish their pints and "ipe the "et bro"n stains o the co in "ith their slee!es.The man climbs up to the dri!er's seat o the carriage and %ad and I ride inside. 4e has the co in on his lap and he presses it against his chest. At home our room is illed "ith big people, Mam, *randma, Aunt Aggie, her husband, 2a ;eating, 7ncle 2at 'heehan, 7ncle Tom 'heehan, "ho is Mam's oldest brother and "ho ne!er came near us be ore because he hates people rom the )orth o Ireland. 7ncle Tom has his "i e, 8ane, "ith him. 'he's rom *al"ay and people say she has the look o a 'paniard and that's "hy no one in the amily talks to her. The man takes the co in rom %ad and "hen he brings it into the room Mam moans, 0h, no, oh, *od, no.The man tells *randma he'll be back in a"hile to take us to the gra!eyard. *randma tells him he'd better not come back to this house in a drunken state because this child that's going to the gra!eyard su ered greatly and deser!es a bit o dignity and she "on't put up "ith a dri!er that's drunk and ready to all out o the high seat. The man says, Missus, I dro!e do(ens o' children to the gra!eyard an' ne!er once ell out o any seat, high or lo". The men are drinking stout rom bottles again and the "omen are sipping sherry rom -am -ars. 7ncle 2at 'heehan tells e!eryone,This is my stout, this is my stout, and *randma says, 'Tis all right, 2at. )o one "ill take your stout.Then he says he "ants to sing BThe $oad to $asheenB till 2a ;eating says, )o, 2at, you can't sing on the day o a uneral./ou can sing the night be ore. But 7ncle 2at keeps saying,This is my stout and I "ant to sing BThe $oad to $asheen,B and e!eryone kno"s he talks like that because he "as dropped on his head. 4e starts to sing his song but stops "hen *randma takes the lid o the co in and Mam sobs, 0h, 8esus, oh, 8esus, "ill it e!er stop5 1ill I be le t "ith one child5 Mam is sitting on a chair at the head o the bed. 'he's stroking +ugene's hair and ace and hands. 'he tells him that o all the children in the "orld he "as the s"eetest and the most delicate and lo!ing. 'he tells him 'tis a terrible thing to lose him but isn't he in hea!en no" "ith his brother and his sister and isn't that a com ort to us, kno"ing 0li!er is no longer lonesome or his t"in. 'till, she puts her head do"n ne#t to +ugene and cries so hard all the "omen in the room cry "ith her. 'he cries till 2a ;eating tells her "e ha!e to go be ore the darkness alls, that "e can't be in gra!eyards in the dark. *randma "hispers to Aunt Aggie,1ho'll put the child in the co in5 and Aunt Aggie "hispers, I "on't.That's the -ob or the mother. 7ncle 2at hears them. I'll put the child in the co in, he says. 4e limps to the bed and places his arms around Mam's shoulders. 'he looks up at him and her ace is drenched. 4e says, I'll put the child in the co in,Angela. 0h, 2at, she says. 2at. I can do it, he says. 'ure he's only a small child an' I ne!er li ted a small child be ore in my li e. I ne!er had a small child in me arms. I "on't drop him,Angela. I "on't. 4onest to *od, I "on't. I kno" you "on't, 2at. I kno" you "on't. I'll li t him an' I "on't be singin'BThe $oad to $asheen.B I kno" you "on't, 2at, Mam says. 2at pulls do"n the blanket Mam put there to keep +ugene "arm. +ugene's eet are "hite and bright "ith little blue !eins. 2at bends o!er, picks up +ugene and holds him against his chest. 4e kisses +ugene's orehead and then e!eryone in the room kisses +ugene. 4e places +ugene in the co in and steps back.1e are all gathered around looking at +ugene or the last time. 7ncle 2at says, 'ee, I didn't drop him, Angela, and she touches his ace. Aunt Aggie goes to the pub or the dri!er. 4e puts the lid on the co in and scre"s it do"n. 4e says,1ho's comin' in the carriage5 and takes the co in to the carriage.There's room only or Mam and %ad, Malachy and me. *randma says,/e go ahead to the gra!eyard and "e'll "ait here. I don't kno" "hy "e can't keep +ugene. I don't kno" "hy they ha!e to send him a"ay "ith that man "ho puts his pint on the "hite co in. I don't kno" "hy they had to send Margaret a"ay and 0li!er. It is a bad thing to put my sister and my brothers in a bo# and I "ish I could say something to someone. The horse clop,clopped through the streets o &imerick. Malachy said, Are "e going to see 0li!er5 and %ad said, )o, 0li!er is in hea!en and don't ask me "hat hea!en is because I don't kno". Mam said, 4ea!en

is a place "here 0li!er and +ugene and Margaret are happy and "arm and "e'll see them there some day. Malachy said,The horse did his doodoo on the street and there "as a smell, and Mam and %ad had to smile. At the gra!eyard the dri!er climbs do"n and opens the door o the carriage. *imme that co in, he says, an' I'll carry it up to the gra!e. 4e yanks at the co in and stumbles.Mam says,/ou're not carrying my child in the condition you're in. 'he turns to %ad./ou carry him, she says. %o "hat you like,says the dri!er.%o "hat you bloody "ell like,and he climbs up to his seat. It's getting dark no" and the co in seems "hiter than e!er in %ad's arms. Mam takes our hands and "e ollo" %ad through the gra!es.The -ackda"s are .uiet in the trees because their day is nearly o!er and they ha!e to rest so that they can get up early in the morning and eed their babies. T"o men "ith sho!els are "aiting by a small open gra!e. 0ne man says,/e are !ery late. *ood thing this is a small -ob or "e'd be gone. 4e climbs into the gra!e. 4and it to me, he says, and %ad hands him the co in. The man sprinkles some stra" and grass on the co in and as he climbs out the other man sho!els in the earth. Mam lets out a long cry, 0h, 8esus, 8esus, and a -ackda" croaks in a tree. I "ish I had a rock to hit that -ackda". 1hen the men inish sho!eling in the earth they "ipe their oreheads and "ait. 0ne says,Ah, "ell, no", there's usually a little something or the thirst that's in it. %ad says, 0h, yes, yes, and gi!es them money. They say, 'orry or your troubles, and they lea!e. 1e make our "ay back to the carriage at the gra!eyard gate but the carriage is gone. %ad looks around in the darkness and comes back shaking his head. Mam says, That dri!er is nothing but a dirty old drunkard, *od orgi!e me. It's a long "alk rom the gra!eyard to our room. Mam tells %ad, These children need some nourishment and you ha!e money le t rom the dole this morning. I you're thinking o going to the pubs tonight you can orget it.1e're taking them to )aughton's and they can ha!e ish and chips and lemonade or 'tisn't e!ery day they bury a brother. The ish and chips are delicious "ith !inegar and salt and the lemonade is tart in our throats. 1hen "e get home the room is empty.There are empty stout bottles on the table and the ire is out. %ad lights the para in oil lamp and you can see the hollo" le t in the pillo" by +ugene's head./ou e#pect to hear him and see him toddling across the room, climbing up on the bed to look out the "indo" or 0li!er. %ad tells Mam he's going out or a "alk. 'he says no. 'he kno"s "hat he's up to, that he can't "ait to spend his last e" shillings in the pubs.All right, he says. 4e lights the ire and Mam makes tea and soon "e're in bed. Malachy and I are back in the bed "here +ugene died. I hope he's not cold in that "hite co in in the gra!eyard though I kno" he's not there anymore because angels come to the gra!eyard and open the co in and he's ar rom the 'hannon dampness that kills, up in the sky in hea!en "ith 0li!er and Margaret "here they ha!e plenty o ish and chips and to ee and no aunts to bother you, "here all the athers bring home the money rom the &abour +#change and you don't ha!e to be running around to pubs to ind them. III Mam says she can't spend another minute in that room on 4artstonge 'treet. 'he sees +ugene morning, noon and night. 'he sees him climbing the bed to look out at the street or 0li!er and sometimes she sees 0li!er outside and +ugene inside, the t"o o them chatting a"ay. 'he's happy they're chatting like that but she doesn't "ant to be seeing and hearing them the rest o her li e. It's a shame to mo!e "hen "e're so near &eamy's )ational 'chool but i she doesn't mo!e soon she'll go out o her mind and "ind up in the lunatic asylum. 1e mo!e to $oden &ane on top o a place called Barrack 4ill. There are si# houses on one side o the lane, one on the opposite side. The houses are called t"o up, t"o do"n, t"o rooms on top, t"o on the bottom. 0ur house is at the end o the lane, the last o the si#. )e#t to our door is a small shed, a la!atory, and ne#t to that a stable. Mam goes to the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety to see i there's any chance o getting urniture.The man says he'll gi!e us a docket or a table, t"o chairs, and t"o beds. 4e says "e'll ha!e to go to a second,hand urniture shop

do"n in the Irishto"n and haul the urniture home oursel!es. Mam says "e can use the pram she had or the t"ins and "hen she says that she cries. 'he "ipes her eyes on her slee!es and asks the man i the beds "e're getting are secondhand.4e says o course they are, and she says she's !ery "orried about sleeping in beds someone might ha!e died in, especially i they had the consumption. The man says, I'm !ery sorry, but beggars can't be choosers. It takes us all day to haul the urniture on the pram rom one end o &imerick to the other.There are our "heels on the pram but one is bockety, it "ants to go in a di erent direction.1e ha!e t"o beds, one sideboard "ith a mirror, a table and t"o chairs.1e're happy "ith the house.1e can "alk rom room to room and up and do"n the stairs./ou eel !ery rich "hen you can go up and do"n the stairs all day as much as you please. %ad lights the ire and Mam makes the tea. 4e sits at the table on one chair, she sits on the other and Malachy and I sit on the trunk "e brought rom America.1hile "e're drinking our tea an old man passes our door "ith a bucket in his hand. 4e empties the bucket into the la!atory and lushes and there's a po"er ul stink in our kitchen. Mam goes to the door and says,1hy are you emptying your bucket in our la!atory5 4e raises his cap to her. /our la!atory, missus5 Ah, no. /ou're making a bit o a mistake there, ha, ha.This is not your la!atory. 'ure, isn't this the la!atory or the "hole lane./ou'll see passing your door here the buckets o ele!en amilies and I can tell you it gets !ery po"er ul here in the "arm "eather, !ery po"er ul altogether. 'Tis %ecember no", thank *od, "ith a chill in the air and Christmas around the corner and the la!atory isn't that bad, but the day "ill come "hen you'll be calling or a gas mask. 'o, good night to you, missus, and I hope you'll be happy in your house. Mam says, 1ait a minute, sir. Could you tell me "ho cleans this la!atory5 Cleans5 Ah, 8asus, that's a good one. Cleans, she says. Is it -oking you are5 These houses "ere built in the time o :ueen 6ictoria hersel and i this la!atory "as e!er cleaned it must ha!e been done by someone in the middle o the night "hen no one "as lookin'. And he shu les up the lane laughing a"ay to himsel . Mam comes back to her chair and her tea.1e can't stay here, she says.That la!atory "ill kill us "ith all diseases. %ad says,1e can't mo!e again.1here "ill "e get a house or si# shillings a "eek5 1e'll keep the la!atory clean oursel!es. 1e'll boil buckets o "ater and thro" them in there. 0h, "ill "e5 says Mam, and "here "ill "e get the coal or tur or blocks to be boiling "ater5 %ad says nothing. 4e inishes his tea and looks or a nail to hang our one picture.The man in the picture has a thin ace. 4e "ears a yello" skullcap and a black robe "ith a cross on his chest. %ad says he "as a 2ope,&eo the Thirteenth,a great riend o the "orkingman.4e brought this picture all the "ay rom America "here he ound it thro"n out by someone "ho had no time or the "orkingman. Mam says he's talking a lot o bloody nonsense and he says she shouldn't say bloody in ront o the children. %ad inds a nail but "onders ho" he's going to get it into the "all "ithout a hammer. Mam says he could go borro" one rom the people ne#t door but he says you don't go around borro"ing rom people you don't kno". 4e leans the picture against the "all and dri!es the nail "ith the bottom o a -am -ar.The -am -ar breaks and cuts his hand and a blob o blood alls on the 2ope's head. 4e "raps his hand in the dish rag and tells Mam,:uick,.uick,"ipe the blood o the 2ope be ore it dries. 'he tries to "ipe the blood a"ay "ith her slee!e but it's "ool and spreads the blood till the "hole side o the 2ope's ace is smeared. %ad says, &ord abo!e, Angela, you'!e destroyed the 2ope entirely, and she says,Arrah, stop your "hining, "e'll get some paint and go o!er his ace some day, and %ad says, 4e's the only 2ope that "as e!er a riend to the "orkingman and "hat are "e to say i someone rom the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety comes in and sees blood all o!er him5 Mam says, I don't kno". It's your blood and 'tis a sad thing "hen a man can't e!en dri!e a nail straight. It -ust goes to sho" ho" useless you are./ou'd be better o digging ields and any"ay I don't care. I ha!e pain in my back and I'm going to bed. 0ch, "hat am I going to do5 %ad says. Take do"n the 2ope and hide him in

the coal hole under the stairs "here he "on't be seen and he'll be out o harm's "ay. I can't, says %ad. It "ould be bad luck. Coal hole is no place or a 2ope.1hen the 2ope is up, he's up. 'uit yoursel , says Mam. I "ill, says %ad. This is our irst Christmas in &imerick and the girls are out in the lane, skipping rope and singing, Christmas is coming And the goose is getting at, 2lease put a penny In the old man's hat. I you ha!en't a penny A ha'penny "ill do And i you ha!en't a ha'penny *od bless you. Boys tease the girls and call out, May your mother ha!e an accident Abroad in the loo. Mam says she'd like to ha!e a nice Christmas dinner but "hat can you do "hen the &abour +#change reduces the dole to si#teen shillings a ter 0li!er and +ugene died5 /ou pay the rent o si# shillings, you ha!e ten shillings le t, and "hat use is that to our people5 %ad can't get any "ork. 4e gets up early on "eekdays, lights the ire, boils "ater or the tea and his sha!ing mug. 4e puts on a shirt and attaches a collar "ith studs. 4e puts on his tie and his cap and goes to the &abour +#change to sign or the dole. 4e "ill ne!er lea!e the house "ithout collar and tie. A man "ithout collar and tie is a man "ith no respect or himsel . /ou ne!er kno" "hen the clerk at the &abour +#change might tell you there's a -ob going at $ank's Flour Mills or the &imerick Cement Company, and e!en i it's a laboring -ob "hat "ill they think i you appear "ithout collar and tie5 Bosses and oremen al"ays sho" him respect and say they're ready to hire him, but "hen he opens his mouth and they hear the )orth o Ireland accent, they take a &imerickman instead. That's "hat he tells Mam by the ire and "hen she says,1hy don't you dress like a proper "orkingman5 he says he'll ne!er gi!e an inch, ne!er let them kno", and "hen she says,1hy can't you try to talk like a &imerickman5 he says he'll ne!er sink that lo" and the greatest sorro" o his li e is that his sons are no" a licted "ith the &imerick accent.'he says,'orry or your troubles and I hope that's all you'll e!er ha!e, and he says that some day, "ith *od's help, "e'll get out o &imerick and ar rom the 'hannon that kills. I ask %ad "hat a licted means and he says, 'ickness, son, and things that don't it. 1hen he's not looking or "ork %ad goes or long "alks,miles into the country. 4e asks armers i they need any help, that he gre" up on a arm and can do anything. I they hire him he goes to "ork right a"ay "ith his cap on and his collar and tie. 4e "orks so hard and long the armers ha!e to tell him to stop. They "onder ho" a man can "ork through a long hot day "ith no thought o ood or drink. %ad smiles. 4e ne!er brings home the money he earns on arms.That money seems to be di erent rom the dole, "hich is supposed to be brought home. 4e takes the arm money to the pub and drinks it. I he's not home "hen the Angelus rings at si# o'clock Mam kno"s he had a day o "ork. 'he hopes he might think o his amily and pass the pub e!en once, but he ne!er does. 'he hopes he might bring home something rom the arm, potatoes, cabbage, turnips, carrots, but he'll ne!er bring home anything because he'd ne!er stoop so lo" as to ask a armer or anything. Mam says 'tis all right or her to be begging at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety or a docket or ood but he can't stick a e" spuds in his pocket. 4e says it's di erent or a man./ou ha!e to keep the dignity. 1ear your collar and tie, keep up the appearance, and ne!er ask or anything. Mam says, I hope it keeps ine or you. 1hen the arm money is gone he rolls home singing and crying o!er Ireland and his dead children, mostly about Ireland. I he sings $oddy McCorley, it means he had only the price o a pint or t"o. I he sings ;e!in Barry, it means he had a good day, that he is no" alling do"n drunk and ready to get us out o bed, line us up and make us promise to die or Ireland, unless Mam tells him lea!e us alone or she'll brain him "ith the poker. /ou "ouldn't do that,Angela. I "ould and more./ou better stop the nonsense and go to bed. Bed, bed, bed.1hat's the use o going to bed5 I I go to bed I'll only ha!e to get up again and I can't sleep in a place "here there's a ri!er sending poison to us in mist and og. 4e goes to bed, pounds the "all "ith his ist, sings a "oe ul song, alls asleep. 4e's up at daylight because no one should sleep beyond the da"n. 4e "akes Malachy and me and "e're tired rom being

kept up the night be ore "ith his talking and singing.1e complain and say "e're sick, "e're tired, but he pulls back the o!ercoats that co!er us and orces us out on the loor. It's %ecember and it's ree(ing and "e can see our breath. 1e pee into the bucket by the bedroom door and run do"n stairs or the "armth o the ire %ad has already started.1e "ash our aces and hands in a basin that sits under the "ater tap by the door.The pipe that leads to the tap has to be held to the "all by a piece o t"ine looped around a nail. +!erything around the tap is damp, the loor, the "all, the chair the basin sits on.The "ater rom the tap is icy and our ingers turn numb. %ad says this is good or us, it "ill make men o us. 4e thro"s the icy "ater on his ace and neck and chest to sho" there's nothing to ear.1e hold our hands to the ire or the heat that's in it but "e can't stay there long because "e ha!e to drink our tea and eat our bread and go to school. %ad makes us say grace be ore meals and grace a ter meals and he tells us be good boys at school because *od is "atching e!ery mo!e and the slightest disobedience "ill send us straight to hell "here "e'll ne!er ha!e to "orry about the cold again. And he smiles. T"o "eeks be ore Christmas Malachy and I come home rom school in a hea!y rain and "hen "e push in the door "e ind the kitchen empty.The table and chairs and trunk are gone and the ire is dead in the grate. The 2ope is still there and that means "e ha!en't mo!ed again. %ad "ould ne!er mo!e "ithout the 2ope. The kitchen loor is "et, little pools o "ater all around, and the "alls are t"inkling "ith the damp.There's a noise upstairs and "hen "e go up "e ind %ad and Mam and the missing urniture. It's nice and "arm there "ith a ire bla(ing in the grate, Mam sitting in the bed, and %ad reading The Irish 2ress and smoking a cigarette by the ire. Mam tells us there "as a terrible lood, that the rain came do"n the lane and poured in under our door.They tried to stop it "ith rags but they only turned sopping "et and let the rain in. 2eople emptying their buckets made it "orse and there "as a sickening stink in the kitchen. 'he thinks "e should stay upstairs as long as there is rain. 1e'll be "arm through the "inter months and then "e can go do"nstairs in the springtime i there is any sign o a dryness in the "alls or the loor. %ad says it's like going a"ay on our holidays to a "arm oreign place like Italy.That's "hat "e'll call the upstairs rom no" on, Italy. Malachy says the 2ope is still on the "all do"nstairs and he's going to be all cold and couldn't "e bring him up5 but Mam says, )o, he's going to stay "here he is because I don't "ant him on the "all glaring at me in the bed.Isn't it enough that "e dragged him all the "ay rom Brooklyn to Bel ast to %ublin to &imerick5 All I "ant no" is a little peace, ease and com ort. . . . Mam takes Malachy and me to the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety to stand in the .ueue and see i there's any chance o getting something or the Christmas dinner,a goose or a ham, but the man says e!eryone in &imerick is desperate this Christmas.4e gi!es her a docket or groceries at Mc*rath's shop and another one or the butcher. )o goose, says the butcher, no ham. )o ancy items "hen you bring the docket rom the 't.6incent de 2aul.1hat you can ha!e no", missus, is black pudding and tripe or a sheep's head or a nice pig's head. )o harm in a pig's head, missus, plenty o meat and children lo!e it, slice that cheek, slather it "ith mustard and you're in hea!en, though I suppose they "ouldn't ha!e the likes o that in America "here they're mad or the steak and all classes o poultry, lying, "alking or s"imming itsel . 4e tells Mam, no, she can't ha!e boiled bacon or sausages and i she has any sense she'll take the pig's head be ore they're all gone the "ay the poor people o &imerick are clamoring or them. Mam says the pig's head isn't right or Christmas and he says 'tis more than the 4oly Family had in that cold stable in Bethlehem long ago./ou "ouldn't ind them complaining i someone o ered them a nice at pig's head. )o, they "ouldn't complain, says Mam, but they'd ne!er eat the pig's head.They "ere 8e"ish. And "hat does that ha!e to do "ith it5 A pig's head is a pig's head. And a 8e" is a 8e" and 'tis against their religion and I don't blame them. The butcher says, Are you a bit o an e#pert,missus,on the 8e"s and the

pig. I am not, says Mam, but there "as a 8e"ish "oman, Mrs. &eibo"it(, in )e" /ork, and I don't kno" "hat "e "ould ha!e done "ithout her. The butcher takes the pig's head o a shel and "hen Malachy says, 0oh, look at the dead dog, the butcher and Mam burst out laughing. 4e "raps the head in ne"spaper, hands it to Mam and says, 4appy Christmas. Then he "raps up some sausages and tells her, Take these sausages or your break ast on Christmas %ay. Mam says, 0h, I can't a ord sausages, and he says, Am I asking you or money5 Am I5 Take these sausages. They might help make up or the lack o a goose or a ham. 'ure, you don't ha!e to do that, says Mam. I kno" that, missus. I I had to do it, I "ouldn't. Mam says she has a pain in her back, that I'll ha!e to carry the pig's head. I hold it against my chest but it's damp and "hen the ne"spaper begins to all a"ay e!eryone can see the head. Mam says, I'm ashamed o me li e that the "orld should kno" "e're ha!ing pig's head or Christmas. Boys rom &eamy's )ational 'chool see me and they point and laugh.A",*a"d,look at Frankie McCourt an'his pig's snout.Is that "hat the /anks ate or Christmas dinner, Frankie5 0ne calls to another, 4ey, Christy, do you kno" ho" to ate a pig's head5 )o, I don't, 2addy. *rab him by the ears an' che" the ace o a him. And Christy says, 4ey, 2addy, do you kno" the only part o the pig the McCourts don't ate5 )o, I don't, Christy. The only part they don't ate is the oink. A ter a e" streets the ne"spaper is gone altogether and e!eryone can see the pig's head. 4is nose is lat against my chest and pointing up at my chin and I eel sorry or him because he's dead and the "orld is laughing at him. My sister and t"o brothers are dead, too, but i anyone laughed at them I'd hit them "ith a rock. I "ish %ad "ould come and help us because Mam has to stop e!ery e" steps and lean against a "all. 'he's holding her back and telling us she'll ne!er be able to climb Barrack 4ill. +!en i %ad came he "ouldn't be much use because he ne!er carries anything, parcels, bags, packages. I you carry such things you lose your dignity.That's "hat he says. 4e carried the t"ins "hen they "ere tired and he carried the 2ope, but that "as not the same as carrying ordinary things like a pig's head. 4e tells Malachy and me that "hen you gro" up you ha!e to "ear a collar and tie and ne!er let people see you carry things. 4e's upstairs sitting by the ire,smoking a cigarette,reading The Irish 2ress, "hich he lo!es because it's %e 6alera's paper and he thinks %e 6alera is the greatest man in the "orld. 4e looks at me and the pig's head and tells Mam it's a disgrace ul thing to let a boy carry an ob-ect like that through the streets o &imerick. 'he takes o her coat and eases hersel into the bed and tells him that ne#t Christmas he can go out and ind the dinner. 'he's "orn out and gasping or a cup o tea so "ould he drop his grand airs, boil the "ater or the tea and ry some bread be ore his t"o small sons star!e to death. 0n Christmas morning he lights the ire early so that "e can ha!e sausages and bread and tea. Mam sends me to *randma to see i "e can borro" a pot or the pig's head. *randma says,1hat are ye ha!ing or yeer dinner5 2ig's head9 8esus, Mary an' 8oseph, that's goin' beyond the beyonds.Couldn't your ather get out and ind a ham or a goose at least5 1hat kind o man is he at all, at all5 Mam puts the head in the pot, -ust co!ered "ith "ater, and "hile the pig is boiling a"ay %ad takes Malachy and me to Mass at the $edemptorist church. It's "arm in the church and s"eet "ith lo"ers and incense and candles. 4e takes us to see the Baby 8esus in the crib. 4e's a big at baby "ith air curls like Malachy. %ad tells us that's 8esus' mother there, Mary, in the blue dress, and his ather, 't. 8oseph, the old man "ith the beard. 4e says they're sad because they kno" 8esus "ill gro" up and be killed so that "e can all go to hea!en. I ask "hy the Baby 8esus has to die and %ad says you can't ask .uestions like that. Malachy says,1hy5 and %ad tells him be .uiet. Mam is in a terrible state at home.There isn't enough coal to cook the dinner, the "ater isn't boiling anymore and she says she's demented "ith "orry.1e'll ha!e to go do"n the %ock $oad again to see i there's any coal or tur lying around rom the lorries. 'urely "e'll ind something on the road this day o all days. +!en the poorest o the poor don't go out on Christmas %ay picking coal o the

road.There's no use asking %ad to go because he "ill ne!er stoop that lo" and e!en i he did he "on't carry things through the streets. It's a rule he has. Mam can't go because o the pain in her back. 'he says,/ou'll ha!e to go, Frank, and take Malachy "ith you. It's a long "ay to the %ock $oad but "e don't mind because our bellies are illed "ith sausages and bread and it's not raining.1e carry a can!as bag Mam borro"ed rom Mrs. 4annon ne#t door and Mam is right, there is no one on the %ock $oad.The poor are all at home ha!ing pig's head or maybe a goose and "e ha!e the %ock $oad to oursel!es.1e ind bits o coal and tur stuck in cracks on the road and in the "alls o the coal yards.1e ind bits o paper and cardboard that "ill be use ul in starting the ire again.1e're "andering around trying to ill the bag "hen 2a ;eating comes along. 4e must ha!e "ashed himsel or Christmas because he's not as black as he "as "hen +ugene died. 4e "ants to kno" "hat "e're doing "ith that bag and "hen Malachy tells him he says, 8esus, Mary and 4oly 't. 8oseph9 Christmas %ay and ye don't ha!e a ire or yeer pig's head.That's a bloody disgrace. 4e takes us to 'outh's pub, "hich is not supposed to be open, but he's a regular customer and there's a back door or men "ho "ant their pint to celebrate the birthday o the Baby 8esus abo!e in the crib. 4e orders his pint and lemonade or us and asks the man i there's any chance o getting a e" lumps o coal.The man says he's been ser!ing drink or t"enty,se!en years and nobody e!er asked him or coal be ore. 2a says it "ould be a a!or and the man says i 2a asked or the moon he'd ly up and bring it back.The man leads us to the coal hole under the stairs and tells us take "hat "e can carry. It's real coal and not bits rom the %ock $oad and i "e can't carry it "e can drag it along the ground. It takes us a long time to go rom 'outh's pub to Barrack 4ill because o a hole in the bag. I pull the bag and it's Malachy's -ob to pick up the lumps that all through the hole and put them back again.Then it starts to rain and "e can't stand in a door"ay till it passes because "e ha!e that coal and it's lea!ing a black trail along the pa!ement and Malachy is turning black rom picking up the lumps, pushing them into the bag and "iping the rain rom his ace "ith his "et black hands. I tell him he's black, he tells me I'm black, and a "oman in a shop tells us get a"ay rom that door, 'tis Christmas %ay and she doesn't "ant to be looking at A rica. 1e ha!e to keep dragging the bag or "e'll ne!er ha!e our Christmas dinner. It "ill take ages to get a ire going and ages more to get our dinner because the "ater has to be boiling "hen Mam puts in the head o cabbage and the potatoes to keep the pig company in the pot.1e drag the bag up 0'Connell A!enue and "e see people in their houses sitting around tables "ith all kinds o decorations and bright lights. At one house they push up the "indo" and the children point and laugh and call to us, &ook at the <ulus.1here are yeer spears5 Malachy makes aces at them and "ants to thro" coal at them but I tell him i he thro"s coal there's less or the pig and "e'll ne!er get our dinner. The do"nstairs in our house is a lake again rom the rain pouring under the door but it doesn't matter because "e're drenched any"ay and "e can "ade through the "ater. %ad comes do"n and drags the bag upstairs to Italy. 4e says "e're good boys or getting so much coal, that the %ock $oad must ha!e been co!ered "ith it.1hen Mam sees us she starts to laugh, and then she cries. 'he's laughing because "e're so black and crying because "e're sopping "et. 'he tells us take o all our clothes and she "ashes the coal o our hands and aces. 'he tells %ad the pig's head can "ait a "hile so that "e can ha!e a -am -ar o hot tea. It's raining outside and there's a lake do"nstairs in our kitchen but up here in Italy the ire is going again and the room is so dry and "arm that, a ter our tea, Malachy and I do(e o in the bed and "e don't "ake till %ad tells us the dinner is ready. 0ur clothes are still "et, so Malachy sits on the trunk at the table "rapped in Mam's red American o!ercoat and I'm "rapped in an old coat that Mam's ather le t behind "hen he "ent to Australia. There are delicious smells in the room, cabbage, potatoes, and the pig's head, but "hen %ad li ts the head rom the pot to a plate Malachy says, 0h, the poor pig. I don't "ant to eat the

poor pig. Mam says, I you "ere hungry you'd eat it. )o" stop the nonsense and eat your dinner. %ad says,1ait a minute. 4e takes slices rom the t"o cheeks, places them on our plates and smears them "ith mustard. 4e takes the plate that holds the pig's head and puts it on the loor under the table. )o", he says to Malachy, that's ham, and Malachy eats it because he's not looking at "hat it came rom and it isn't pig's head anymore.The cabbage is so t and hot and there are plenty o potatoes "ith butter and salt. Mam peels our potatoes but %ad eats his skin and all. 4e says all the nourishment o a potato is in the skin and Mam says it's a good thing he's not eating eggs, he'd be che"ing the shells and all. 4e says he "ould, and it's a disgrace that the Irish thro" out millions o potato skins e!ery day and that's "hy thousands are dying o consumption and surely there's nourishment in the shell o an egg since "aste is the eighth deadly sin. I he had his "ay, and Mam says, )e!er mind your "ay. +at your dinner. 4e eats hal a potato "ith its skin on and puts the other hal back in the pot. 4e eats a small slice o the pig's cheek and a lea o cabbage and lea!es the rest on his plate or Malachy and me. 4e makes more tea and "e ha!e that "ith bread and -am so that no one can say "e didn't ha!e a s"eet on Christmas %ay. It's dark no" and still raining outside and the coal is glo"ing in the grate "here Mam and %ad sit and smoke their cigarettes.There's nothing to do "hen your clothes are "et but get back into bed "here it's co(y and your ather can tell you a story about ho" Cuchulain became a Catholic and you all asleep and dream about the pig standing in the crib at the $edemptorist church crying because he and the Baby 8esus and Cuchulain all ha!e to gro" up and die. The angel that brought Margaret and the t"ins comes again and brings us another brother, Michael. %ad says he ound Michael on the se!enth step o the stairs to Italy. 4e says that's "hat you ha!e to "atch or "hen you ask or a ne" baby, the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep. Malachy "ants to kno" ho" you can get a ne" brother rom the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep i you don't ha!e any stairs in your house and %ad tells him that asking too many .uestions is an a liction. Malachy "ants to kno" "hat an a liction is. A liction. I'd like to kno" "hat that "ord means. A liction, but %ad says, 0ch, child, the "orld is an a liction and e!erything in it, puts on his cap and goes to the Bed ord $o" 4ospital to see Mam and Michael. 'he's in the hospital "ith the pain in her back and she has the baby "ith her to make sure he "as healthy "hen he "as le t on the se!enth step. I don't understand this because I'm sure angels "ould ne!er lea!e a sick baby on the se!enth step.There's no use asking %ad or Mam about this. They say,/ou're getting as bad as your brother or asking .uestions. *o play. I kno" that big people don't like .uestions rom children.They can ask all the .uestions they like, 4o"'s school5 Are you a good boy5 %id you say your prayers5 but i you ask them did they say their prayers you might be hit on the head. %ad brings Mam home "ith the ne" baby and she has to stay in bed or a e" days "ith the pain in her back. 'he says this baby is the spitting image o our sister "ho died,"ith his "a!y black hair,his lo!ely blue eyes, and the gorgeous eyebro"s.That's "hat Mam says. I "ant to kno" i the baby "ill be spitting. I also "ant to kno" "hich is the se!enth step because there are nine steps on the stairs and I'd like to kno" i you count rom the bottom or the top. %ad doesn't mind ans"ering this .uestion.Angels come do"n rom abo!e, he says, and not up rom kitchens like ours "hich are lakes rom 0ctober till April. 'o I ind the se!enth step by counting rom the top. . . .The baby Michael has a cold. 4is head is stu ed and he can barely breathe. Mam "orries because it's 'unday and the %ispensary or the poor is closed. I you go to the doctor's house and the maid sees you're rom the lo"er classes she tells you go to the %ispensary "here you belong. I you tell her the child is dying in your arms she'll say the doctor is in the country riding his horse. Mam cries because the baby is struggling to get air through his mouth. 'he tries to clear his nostrils "ith a bit o rolled up paper but she's a raid to push it too ar up.%ad says,There's no need or that./ou're not supposed to be pushing things inside a child's head.

It looks like he's going to kiss the baby. Instead, he has his mouth on the little nose and he's sucking sucking the bad stu out o Michael's head. 4e spits it into the ire, Michael gi!es out a loud cry and you can see him dra"ing the air into his head and kicking his legs and laughing. Mam looks at %ad as i he -ust came do"n rom hea!en and %ad says,That's "hat "e did in Antrim long be ore there "ere doctors riding their horses. Michael entitles us to a e" e#tra shillings on the dole but Mam says it isn't enough and no" she has to go to the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety or ood. 0ne night there is a knock on the door and Mam sends me do"n to see "ho it is.There are t"o men rom the 't.6incent de 2aul and they "ant to see my mother and ather. I tell them my parents are upstairs in Italy and they say,1hat5 7pstairs "here 'tis dry. I'll tell them. They "ant to kno" "hat that little shed is beside our ront door. I tell them it's the la!atory.They "ant to kno" "hy it isn't in the back o the house and I tell them it's the la!atory or the "hole lane and it's a good thing it's not in the back o our house or "e'd ha!e people traipsing through our kitchen "ith buckets that "ould make you sick. They say, Are you sure there's one la!atory or the "hole lane5 I am. They say, Mother o *od. Mam calls do"n rom Italy.1ho's do"n there5 The men. 1hat men5 From the 't.6incent de 2aul. They're care ul the "ay they step into the lake in the kitchen and they make tsk tsk and tut tut noises and they tell one another, Isn't this a disgrace5 till they get upstairs to Italy.They tell Mam and %ad they're sorry to disturb them but the 'ociety has to be sure they're helping deser!ing cases. Mam o ers them a cup o tea but they look around and say, )o, thank you.They "ant to kno" "hy "e're li!ing upstairs.They "ant to kno" about the la!atory.They ask .uestions because big people can ask all the .uestions they like and "rite in notebooks, especially "hen they're "earing collars and ties and suits. They ask ho" old Michael is, ho" much %ad gets at the &abour +#change, "hen did he last ha!e a -ob, "hy doesn't he ha!e a -ob no" and "hat class o an accent is that he has5 %ad tells them the la!atory could kill us "ith e!ery class o disease, that the kitchen loods in the "inter and "e ha!e to mo!e upstairs to stay dry. 4e says the $i!er 'hannon is responsible or all the dampness in the "orld and killing us one by one. Malachy tells them "e're li!ing in Italy and they smile. Mam asks i there's any chance o getting boots or Malachy and me and they say she'll ha!e to come do"n to 0(anam 4ouse and apply.'he says she hasn't been eeling "ell since the baby came and she "ouldn't be able to stand long in a .ueue, but they say e!eryone has to be treated the same, e!en a "oman do"n in the Irishto"n that had triplets and, thank you, "e'll make our report to the 'ociety. 1hen they're lea!ing Malachy "ants to sho" them "here the angel le t Michael on the se!enth step but %ad tells him, )ot no", not no". Malachy cries and one o the men gi!es him a piece o to ee rom his pocket and I "ish I had something to cry about so that I'd get a piece, too. I ha!e to go do"nstairs again and sho" the men "here to step to keep their eet dry. They keep shaking their heads and saying, *od Almighty and Mother o *od, this is desperate. That's not Italy they ha!e upstairs, that's Calcutta. %ad is telling Mam up in Italy she should ne!er beg like that. 1hat do you mean, beg5 %on't you ha!e any pride, begging or boots like that5 And "hat "ould you do, Mr. *rand Manner5 1ould you let them go bare oot5 I'd rather i# the shoes they ha!e. The shoes they ha!e are alling to pieces. I can i# them, he says. /ou can't i# anything./ou're useless, she says. 4e comes home the ne#t day "ith an old bicycle tire. 4e sends me to Mr. 4annon ne#t door or the loan o a last and a hammer. 4e takes Mam's sharp kni e and he hacks at the tire till he has pieces to it on the soles and heels o our shoes. Mam tells him he's going to destroy the shoes altogether but he pounds a"ay "ith the hammer, dri!ing the nails through the rubber pieces and into the shoes. Mam says, *od abo!e, i you le t the shoes alone they'd last till +aster, at least, and "e might get the boots rom the 't.6incent de 2aul. But he "on't stop till the soles and heels are co!ered "ith s.uares o rubber tire "hich stick out on each side o the shoe and lop be ore and behind. 4e makes us put

on the shoes and tells us our eet "ill be good and "arm but "e don't "ant to "ear them anymore because the tire pieces are so lumpy "e stumble "hen "e "alk around Italy. 4e sends me back to Mr. 4annon "ith the last and hammer and Mrs.4annon says,*od abo!e,"hat's up "ith your shoes5 'he laughs and Mr. 4annon shakes his head and I eel ashamed. I don't "ant to go to school ne#t day and I pretend to be sick but %ad gets us up and gi!es us our ried bread and tea and tells us "e should be grate ul "e ha!e any shoes at all, that there are boys in &eamy's )ational 'chool "ho go to school bare oot on bitter days. 0n our "ay to school &eamy's boys laugh at us because the tire pieces are so thick they add a e" inches to our height and the boys say, 4o"'s the air up there5 There are si# or se!en bare oot boys in my class and they don't say anything and I "onder i it's better to ha!e shoes "ith rubber tires that make you trip and stumble or to go bare oot.I you ha!e no shoes at all you'll ha!e all the bare oot boys on your side. I you ha!e rubber tires on your shoes you're all alone "ith your brother and you ha!e to ight your o"n battles. I sit on a bench in the schoolyard shed and take o my shoes and stockings but "hen I go into the class the master "ants to kno" "here my shoes are. 4e kno"s I'm not one o the bare oot boys and he makes me go back to the yard, bring in the shoes and put them on.Then he says to the class,There is sneering here.There is -eering at the mis ortunes o others. Is there anyone in this class that thinks he's per ect5 $aise your hands. There are no hands. Is there anyone in this class that comes rom a rich amily "ith money galore to spend on shoes5 $aise your hands. There are no hands. 4e says,There are boys here "ho ha!e to mend their shoes "hate!er "ay they can.There are boys in this class "ith no shoes at all. It's not their ault and it's no shame. 0ur &ord had no shoes. 4e died shoeless. %o you see 4im hanging on the cross sporting shoes5 %o you, boys5 )o, sir. 1hat is it you don't see 0ur &ord doing5 4anging on the cross and sporting shoes, sir. )o" i I hear o one boy in this class -eering and sneering at McCourt or his brother o!er their shoes the stick "ill come out.1hat "ill come out, boys5 The stick, sir. The stick "ill sting, boys.The ash plant "ill "histle through the air, it "ill land on the backside o the boy that -eers, the boy that sneers. 1here "ill it land, boys5 0n the boy that -eers, sir. And5 The boy that sneers, sir. The boys bother us no more and "e "ear our shoes "ith the rubber tires the e" "eeks to +aster "hen the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety gi!es us the gi t o boots. I I ha!e to get up in the middle o the night to pee in the bucket I go to the top o the stairs and look do"n to see i the angel might be on the se!enth step. 'ometimes I'm sure there's a light there and i e!eryone's asleep I sit on the step in case the angel might be bringing another baby or -ust coming or a !isit.I ask Mam i the angel -ust brings the babies and then orgets about them. 'he says, 0 course not. The angel ne!er orgets the babies and comes back to make sure the baby is happy. I could ask the angel all kinds o .uestions and I'm sure he'd ans"er, unless it's a girl angel. But I'm sure a girl angel "ould ans"er .uestions, too. I ne!er heard anyone say they didn't. I sit on the se!enth step a long time and I'm sure the angel is there. I tell him all the things you can't tell your mother or ather or ear o being hit on the head or told go out and play. I tell him all about school and ho" I'm a raid o the master and his stick "hen he roars at us in Irish and I still don't kno" "hat he's talking about because I came rom America and the other boys "ere learning Irish a year be ore me. I stay on the se!enth step till it gets too cold or %ad gets up and tells me go back to bed. 4e's the one "ho told me the angel comes to the se!enth step in the irst place and you'd think he'd kno" "hy I'm sitting there. I told him one night that I "as "aiting or the angel, and he said, 0ch, no", Francis, you're a bit o a dreamer. I get back into bed but I can hear him "hisper to my mother.The poor "ee lad "as sitting on the stairs talking a"ay to an angel. 4e laughs and my mother laughs and I think, Isn't it curious the "ay big people laugh o!er the angel "ho brought them a ne" child. Be ore +aster "e mo!e back do"nstairs to Ireland. +aster is better than Christmas because the air is

"armer, the "alls are not dripping "ith the damp, and the kitchen isn't a lake anymore, and i "e're up early "e might catch the sun slanting or a minute through the kitchen "indo". In ine "eather men sit outside smoking their cigarettes i they ha!e them, looking at the "orld and "atching us play. 1omen stand "ith their arms olded, chatting.They don't sit because all they do is stay at home, take care o the children, clean the house and cook a bit and the men need the chairs.The men sit because they're "orn out rom "alking to the &abour +#change e!ery morning to sign or the dole, discussing the "orld's problems and "ondering "hat to do "ith the rest o the day. 'ome stop at the bookie to study the orm and place a shilling or t"o on a sure thing. 'ome spend hours in the Carnegie &ibrary reading +nglish and Irish ne"spapers.A man on the dole needs to keep up "ith things because all the other men on the dole are e#perts on "hat's going on in the "orld.A man on the dole must be ready in case another man on the dole brings up 4itler or Mussolini or the terrible state o the Chinese millions.A man on the dole goes home a ter a day "ith the bookie or the ne"spaper and his "i e "ill not begrudge him a e" minutes "ith the ease and peace o his cigarette and his tea and time to sit in his chair and think o the "orld. +aster is better than Christmas because %ad takes us to the $edemptorist church "here all the priests "ear "hite and sing.They're happy because 0ur &ord is in hea!en. I ask %ad i the baby in the crib is dead and he says, )o, 4e "as thirty,three "hen 4e died and there 4e is, hanging on the cross. I don't understand ho" 4e gre" up so ast that 4e's hanging there "ith a hat made o thorns and blood e!ery"here, dripping rom 4is head, 4is hands, 4is eet, and a big hole near 4is belly. %ad says I'll understand "hen I gro" up. 4e tells me that all the time no" and I "ant to be big like him so that I can understand e!erything. It must be lo!ely to "ake up in the morning and understand e!erything.I "ish I could be like all the big people in the church,standing and kneeling and praying and understanding e!erything. At the Mass people go up to the altar and the priest puts something into their mouths.They come back to their seats "ith their heads do"n, their mouths mo!ing.Malachy says he's hungry and he "ants some,too. %ad says, 'hush, that's 4oly Communion, the body and blood o 0ur &ord. But, %ad. 'hush, it's a mystery. There's no use asking more .uestions. I you ask a .uestion they tell you it's a mystery, you'll understand "hen you gro" up, be a good boy, ask your mother, ask your ather, or the lo!e o' 8esus lea!e me alone, go out and play. %ad gets his irst -ob in &imerick at the cement actory and Mam is happy. 'he "on't ha!e to stand in the .ueue at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety asking or clothes and boots or Malachy and me. 'he says it's not begging, it's charity, but %ad says it's begging and shame ul. Mam says she can no" pay o the e" pounds she o"es at ;athleen 0'Connell's shop and she can pay back "hat she o"es her o"n mother. 'he hates to be under obligation to anyone, especially her o"n mother. The cement actory is miles outside &imerick and that means %ad has to be out o the house by si# in the morning. 4e doesn't mind because he's used to the long "alks.The night be ore Mam makes him a lask o tea, a sand"ich, a hard,boiled egg. 'he eels sorry or him the "ay he has to "alk three miles out and three miles back.A bicycle "ould be handy but you'd ha!e to be "orking a year or the price o it. Friday is payday and Mam is out o the bed early,cleaning the house and singing. Anyone can see "hy I "anted your kiss, It had to be and the reason is this . . . There isn't much to clean in the house.'he s"eeps the kitchen loor and the loor o Italy upstairs. 'he "ashes the our -am -ars "e use or mugs. 'he says i %ad's -ob lasts "e'll get proper cups and maybe saucers and some day, "ith the help o *od and 4is Blessed Mother, "e'll ha!e sheets on the bed and i "e sa!e a long time a blanket or t"o instead o those old coats "hich people must ha!e le t behind during the *reat Famine. 'he boils "ater and "ashes the rags that keep Michael rom shitting all o!er the pram and the house itsel . 0h, she says, "e'll ha!e a lo!ely tea "hen your 2op brings home the "ages tonight. 2op. 'he's in a good mood. 'irens and "histles go o all o!er the city "hen the men inish

"ork at hal ,past i!e. Malachy and I are e#cited because "e kno" that "hen your ather "orks and brings home the "ages you get the Friday 2enny.1e kno" this rom other boys "hose athers "ork and "e kno" that a ter your tea you can go to ;athleen 0'Connell's shop and buy s"eets. I your mother is in a good mood she might e!en gi!e you tuppence to go to the &yric Cinema the ne#t day to see a ilm "ith 8ames Cagney. The men "ho "ork in actories and shops in the city are coming into the lanes to ha!e their supper, "ash themsel!es and go to the pub. The "omen go to the ilms at the Coliseum or the &yric Cinema.They buy s"eets and 1ild 1oodbine cigarettes and i their husbands are "orking a long time they treat themsel!es to bo#es o Black Magic chocolates.They lo!e the romance ilms and they ha!e a great time crying their eyes out "hen there's an unhappy ending or a handsome lo!er goes a"ay to be shot by 4indus and other non,Catholics. 1e ha!e to "ait a long time or %ad to "alk the miles rom the cement actory.1e can't ha!e our tea till he's home and that's !ery hard because you smell the cooking o other amilies in the lane. Mam says it's a good thing payday is Friday "hen you can't eat meat because the smell o bacon or sausages in other houses "ould dri!e her out o her mind.1e can still ha!e bread and cheese and a nice -am -ar o tea "ith lashings o milk and sugar and "hat more do you "ant5 The "omen are gone to the cinemas, the men are in the pubs, and still %ad isn't home. Mam says it's a long "ay to the cement actory e!en i he's a ast "alker. 'he says that but her eyes are "atery and she's not singing anymore. 'he's sitting by the ire smoking a 1ild 1oodbine she got on credit rom ;athleen 0'Connell.The ag is the only lu#ury she has and she'll ne!er orget ;athleen or her goodness. 'he doesn't kno" ho" long she can keep the "ater boiling in this kettle.There's no use making the tea till %ad gets home because it "ill be ste"ed, coddled, boiled and un it to drink. Malachy says he's hungry and she gi!es him a piece o bread and cheese to keep him going. 'he says,This -ob could be the sa!ing o us. 'Tis hard enough or him to get a -ob "ith his northern accent and i he loses this one I don't kno" "hat "e're going to do. The darkness is in the lane and "e ha!e to light a candle. 'he has to gi!e us our tea and bread and cheese because "e're so hungry "e can't "ait another minute. 'he sits at the table, eats a bit o bread and cheese, smokes her 1ild 1oodbine. 'he goes to the door to see i %ad is coming do"n the lane and she talks about the paydays "hen "e searched or him all o!er Brooklyn. 'he says, 'ome day "e'll all go back to America and "e'll ha!e a nice "arm place to li!e and a la!atory do"n the hall like the one in Classon A!enue and not this ilthy thing outside our door. The "omen are coming home rom the cinemas, laughing, and the men, singing, rom the pubs. Mam says there's no use "aiting up any longer. I %ad stays in the pubs till closing time there "ill be nothing le t rom his "ages and "e might as "ell go to bed. 'he lies in her bed "ith Michael in her arms. It's .uiet in the lane and I can hear her crying e!en though she pulls an old coat o!er her ace and I can hear in the distance, my ather. I kno" it's my ather because he's the only one in &imerick "ho sings that song rom the )orth, $oddy McCorley goes to die on the bridge o Toome today. 4e comes round the corner at the top o the lane and starts ;e!in Barry. 4e sings a !erse, stops, holds on to a "all, cries o!er ;e!in Barry.2eople stick their heads out "indo"s and doors and tell him, For 8asus' sake, put a sock in it. 'ome o us ha!e to get up in the morning or "ork. *o home and sing your eckin' patriotic songs. 4e stands in the middle o the lane and tells the "orld to step outside, he's ready to ight, ready to ight and die or Ireland, "hich is more than he can say or the men o &imerick, "ho are kno"n the length and breadth o the "orld or collaborating "ith the per idious 'a#ons. 4e's pushing in our door and singing, And i , "hen all a !igil keep, The 1est's asleep, the 1est's asleep9 Alas9 and "ell my +rin "eep, That Connacht lies in slumber deep, But hark9 a !oice like thunder spake 'The 1est's a"ake9 the 1est's a"ake9 'ing, 0h, hurrah, let +ngland .uake, 1e'll "atch till death or +rin's sake9' 4e calls rom the bottom o the stairs, Angela, Angela, is there a drop o tea in this house5 'he

doesn't ans"er and he calls again, Francis, Malachy, come do"n here, boys. I ha!e the Friday 2enny or you. I "ant to go do"n and get the Friday 2enny but Mam is sobbing "ith the coat o!er her mouth and Malachy says, I don't "ant his old Friday 2enny. 4e can keep it. %ad is stumbling up the stairs, making a speech about ho" "e all ha!e to die or Ireland. 4e lights a match and touches it to the candle by Mam's bed. 4e holds the candle o!er his head and marches around the room, singing, 'ee "ho comes o!er the red,blossomed heather, Their green banners kissing the pure mountain air, 4eads erect, eyes to ront, stepping proudly together, 'ure reedom sits throned on each proud spirit there. Michael "akes and lets out a loud cry, the 4annons are banging on the "all ne#t door, Mam is telling %ad he's a disgrace and "hy doesn't he get out o the house altogether. 4e stands in the middle o the loor "ith the candle o!er his head. 4e pulls a penny rom his pocket and "a!es it to Malachy and me./our Friday 2enny, boys, he says. I "ant you to -ump out o that bed and line up here like t"o soldiers and promise to die or Ireland and I'll gi!e the t"o o you the Friday 2enny. Malachy sits up in the bed. I don't "ant it, he says. And I tell him I don't "ant it, either. %ad stands or a minute, s"aying, and puts the penny back in his pocket. 4e turns to"ard Mam and she says,/ou're not sleeping in this bed tonight. 4e makes his "ay do"nstairs "ith the candle, sleeps on a chair, misses "ork in the morning, loses the -ob at the cement actory, and "e're back on the dole again. IV The master says it's time to prepare or First Con ession and First Communion, to kno" and remember all the .uestions and ans"ers in the catechism, to become good Catholics, to kno" the di erence bet"een right and "rong, to die or the Faith i called on. The master says it's a glorious thing to die or the Faith and %ad says it's a glorious thing to die or Ireland and I "onder i there's anyone in the "orld "ho "ould like us to li!e. My brothers are dead and my sister is dead and I "onder i they died or Ireland or the Faith. %ad says they "ere too young to die or anything. Mam says it "as disease and star!ation and him ne!er ha!ing a -ob. %ad says, 0ch,Angela, puts on his cap and goes or a long "alk. The master says "e're each to bring threepence or the First Communion catechism "ith the green co!er. The catechism has all the .uestions and ans"ers "e ha!e to kno" by heart be ore "e can recei!e First Communion. 0lder boys in the i th class ha!e the thick Con irmation catechism "ith the red co!er and that costs si#pence. I'd lo!e to be big and important and parade around "ith the red Con irmation catechism but I don't think I'll li!e that long the "ay I'm e#pected to die or this or that. I "ant to ask "hy there are so many big people "ho ha!en't died or Ireland or the Faith but I kno" i you ask a .uestion like that you get you the thump on the head or you're told go out and play. It's !ery handy to ha!e Mikey Molloy li!ing around the corner rom me. 4e's ele!en, he has its and behind his back "e call him Molloy the Fit. 2eople in the lane say the it is an a liction and no" I kno" "hat a liction means.Mikey kno"s e!erything because he has !isions in his its and he reads books. 4e's the e#pert in the lane on *irls' Bodies and %irty Things in *eneral and he promises,I'll tell you e!erything,Frankie,"hen you're ele!en like me and you're not so thick and ignorant. It's a good thing he says Frankie so I'll kno" he's talking to me because he has crossed eyes and you ne!er kno" "ho he's looking at. I he's talking to Malachy and I think he's talking to me he might go into a rage and ha!e a it that "ill carry him o . 4e says it's a gi t to ha!e crossed eyes because you're like a god looking t"o "ays at once and i you had crossed eyes in the ancient $oman times you had no problem getting a good -ob. I you look at pictures o $oman emperors you'll see there's al"ays a great hint o crossed eyes.1hen he's not ha!ing the it he sits on the ground at the top o the lane reading the books his ather brings home rom the Carnegie &ibrary. 4is mother says books books books, he's ruining his eyes "ith the reading, he needs an operation to straighten them but "ho'll pay or it. 'he

tells him i he keeps on straining his eyes they'll loat together till he has one eye in the middle o his head. +!er a ter his ather calls him Cyclops,"ho is in a *reek story. )ora Molloy kno"s my mother rom the .ueues at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety. 'he tells Mam that Mikey has more sense than t"el!e men drinking pints in a pub. 4e kno"s the names o all the 2opes rom 't.2eter to 2ius the +le!enth.4e's only ele!en but he's a man,oh,a man indeed. Many a "eek he sa!es the amily rom pure star!ation. 4e borro"s a handcart rom Aidan Farrell and knocks on doors all o!er &imerick to see i there are people "ho "ant coal or tur deli!ered, and do"n the %ock $oad he'll go to haul back great bags a hundred"eight or more. 4e'll run messages or old people "ho can't "alk and i they don't ha!e a penny to gi!e him a prayer "ill do. I he earns a little money he hands it o!er to his mother, "ho lo!es her Mikey. 4e is her "orld, her heart's blood, her pulse, and i anything e!er happened to him they might as "ell stick her in the lunatic asylum and thro" a"ay the key. Mikey's ather, 2eter, is a great champion. 4e "ins bets in the pubs by drinking more pints than anyone. All he has to do is go out to the -akes, stick his inger do"n his throat and bring it all up so that he can start another round. 2eter is such a champion he can stand in the -akes and thro" up "ithout using his inger.4e's such a champion they could chop o his ingers and he'd carry on regardless. 4e "ins all that money but doesn't bring it home. 'ometimes he's like my ather and drinks the dole itsel and that's "hy )ora Molloy is o ten carted o to the lunatic asylum demented "ith "orry o!er her hungry amishing amily. 'he kno"s as long as you're in the asylum you're sa e rom the "orld and its torments, there's nothing you can do, you're protected, and "hat's the use o "orrying. It's "ell kno"n that all the lunatics in the asylum ha!e to be dragged in but she's the only one that has to be dragged out, back to her i!e children and the champion o all pint drinkers. /ou can tell "hen )ora Molloy is ready or the asylum "hen you see her children running around "hite "ith lour rom poll to toe.That happens "hen 2eter drinks the dole money and lea!es her desperate and she kno"s the men "ill come to take her a"ay./ou kno" she's inside rantic "ith the baking. 'he "ants to make sure the children "on't star!e "hile she's gone and she roams &imerick begging or lour. 'he goes to priests, nuns, 2rotestants, :uakers. 'he goes to $ank's Flour Mills and begs or the s"eepings rom the loor. 'he bakes day and night. 2eter begs her to stop but she screams, This is "hat comes o drinking the dole. 4e tells her the bread "ill only go stale.There's no use talking to her. Bake bake bake. I she had the money she'd bake all the lour in &imerick and regions beyond. I the men didn't come rom the lunatic asylum to take her a"ay she'd bake till she ell to the loor. The children stu themsel!es "ith so much bread people in the lane say they're looking like loa!es. 'till the bread goes stale and Mikey is so bothered by the "aste he talks to a rich "oman "ith a cookbook and she tells him make bread pudding. 4e boils the hard bread in "ater and sour milk and thro"s in a cup o sugar and his brother lo!es it e!en i that's all they ha!e the ortnight their mother is in the lunatic asylum. My ather says, %o they take her a"ay because she's gone mad baking bread or does she go mad baking bread because they're taking her a"ay5 )ora comes home calm as i she had been at the seaside. 'he al"ays says,1here's Mikey5 Is he ali!e5 'he "orries o!er Mikey because he's not a proper Catholic and i he had a it and died "ho kno"s "here he might "ind up in the ne#t li e. 4e's not a proper Catholic because he could ne!er recei!e his First Communion or ear o getting anything on his tongue that might cause a it and choke him.The master tried o!er and o!er "ith bits o the &imerick &eader but Mikey kept spitting them out till the master got into a state and sent him to the priest, "ho "rote to the bishop, "ho said, %on't bother me, handle it yoursel .The master sent a note home saying Mikey "as to practice recei!ing Communion "ith his ather or mother but e!en they couldn't get him to s"allo" a piece o the &imerick &eader in the shape o a "a er.They e!en tried a piece o bread shaped like the "a er "ith bread and -am and it "as no use. The

priest tells Mrs. Molloy not to "orry. *od mo!es in mysterious "ays 4is "onders to per orm and surely 4e has a special purpose or Mikey, its and all. 'he says, Isn't it remarkable he can s"ally all kinds o s"eets and buns but i he has to s"ally the body o 0ur &ord he goes into a it5 Isn't that remarkable5 'he "orries Mikey might ha!e the it and die and go to hell i he has any class o a sin on his soul though e!eryone kno"s he's an angel out o hea!en. Mikey tells her *od is not going to a lict you "ith the it and then boot you into hell on top o it.1hat kind o a *od "ould do a thing like that5 Are you sure, Mikey5 I am. I read it in a book. 4e sits under the lamppost at the top o the lane and laughs o!er his First Communion day, "hich "as all a cod. 4e couldn't s"allo" the "a er but did that stop his mother rom parading him around &imerick in his little black suit or The Collection5 'he said to Mikey,1ell, I'm not lying so I'm not. I'm only saying to the neighbors, 4ere's Mikey in his First Communion suit.That's all I'm saying,mind you.4ere's Mikey. I they think you s"allied your First Communion "ho am I to contradict them and disappoint them5 Mikey's ather said, %on't "orry, Cyclops./ou ha!e loads o time. 8esus didn't become a proper Catholic till he took the bread and "ine at the &ast 'upper and 4e "as thirty,three years o age. )ora Molloy said,1ill you stop calling him Cyclops5 4e has t"o eyes in his head and he's not a *reek. But Mikey's ather, champion o all pint drinkers, is like my uncle 2a ;eating, he doesn't gi!e a iddler's art "hat the "orld says and that's the "ay I'd like to be mysel . Mikey tells me the best thing about First Communion is The Collection./our mother has to get you a ne" suit someho" so she can sho" you o to the neighbors and relations and they gi!e you s"eets and money and you can go to the &yric Cinema to see Charlie Chaplin. 1hat about 8ames Cagney5 )e!er mind 8ames Cagney. &ots o blather. Charlie Chaplin is your only man.But you ha!e to be "ith your mother on The Collection.The gro"n,up people o &imerick are not going to be handing out money to e!ery little Tom %ick and Mick "ith a First Communion suit that doesn't ha!e his mother "ith him. Mikey got o!er i!e shillings on his First Communion day and ate so many s"eets and buns he thre" up in the &yric Cinema and Frank *oggin, the ticket man, kicked him out. 4e says he didn't care because he had money le t o!er and "ent to the 'a!oy Cinema the same day or a pirate ilm and ate Cadbury chocolate and drank lemonade till his stomach stuck out a mile. 4e can't "ait or Con irmation day because you're older, there's another collection and that brings more money than First Communion. 4e'll go to the cinema the rest o his li e, sit ne#t to girls rom lanes and do dirty things like an e#pert. 4e lo!es his mother but he'll ne!er get married or ear he might ha!e a "i e in and out o the lunatic asylum.1hat's the use o getting married "hen you can sit in cinemas and do dirty things "ith girls rom lanes "ho don't care "hat they do because they already did it "ith their brothers. I you don't get married you "on't ha!e any children at home ba"ling or tea and bread and gasping "ith the it and looking in e!ery direction "ith their eyes.1hen he's older he'll go to the pub like his ather, drink pints galore, stick the inger do"n the throat to bring it all up, drink more pints, "in the bets and bring the money home to his mother to keep her rom going demented. 4e says he's not a proper Catholic "hich means he's doomed so he can do anything he bloody "ell likes. 4e says, I'll tell you more "hen you gro" up, Frankie./ou're too young no" and you don't kno" your arse rom your elbo". The master, Mr. Benson, is !ery old. 4e roars and spits all o!er us e!ery day.The boys in the ront ro" hope he has no diseases or it's the spit that carries all the diseases and he might be spreading consumption right and le t. 4e tells us "e ha!e to kno" the catechism back"ards, or"ards and side"ays.1e ha!e to kno" the Ten Commandments, the 'e!en 6irtues, %i!ine and Moral, the 'e!en 'acraments, the 'e!en %eadly 'ins.1e ha!e to kno" by heart all the prayers, the 4ail Mary, the 0ur Father, the Con iteor, the Apostles' Creed, the Act o Contrition, the &itany o the Blessed 6irgin Mary.1e ha!e to kno" them in Irish and +nglish and i "e orget an Irish "ord and use +nglish he goes into a rage and goes at us

"ith the stick.I he had his "ay "e'd be learning our religion in &atin, the language o the saints "ho communed intimately "ith *od and 4is 4oly Mother, the language o the early Christians,"ho huddled in the catacombs and "ent orth to die on rack and s"ord, "ho e#pired in the oaming -a"s o the ra!enous lion. Irish is ine or patriots, +nglish or traitors and in ormers, but it's the &atin that gains us entrance to hea!en itsel . It's the &atin the martyrs prayed in "hen the barbarians pulled out their nails and cut their skin o inch by inch. 4e tells us "e're a disgrace to Ireland and her long sad history, that "e'd be better o in A rica praying to bush or tree. 4e tells us "e're hopeless, the "orst class he e!er had or First Communion but as sure as *od made little apples he'll make Catholics o us, he'll beat the idler out o us and the 'ancti ying *race into us. Brendan :uigley raises his hand. 1e call him :uestion :uigley because he's al"ays asking .uestions. 4e can't help himsel . 'ir, he says, "hat's 'ancti ying *race5 The master rolls his eyes to hea!en. 4e's going to kill :uigley. Instead he barks at him, )e!er mind "hat's 'ancti ying *race, :uigley. That's none o your business./ou're here to learn the catechism and do "hat you're told./ou're not here to be asking .uestions.There are too many people "andering the "orld asking .uestions and that's "hat has us in the state "e're in and i I ind any boy in this class asking .uestions I "on't be responsible or "hat happens. %o you hear me, :uigley5 I do. I do "hat5 I do, sir. 4e goes on "ith his speech,There are boys in this class "ho "ill ne!er kno" the 'ancti ying *race. And "hy5 Because o the greed. I ha!e heard them abroad in the schoolyard talking about First Communion day, the happiest day o your li e. Are they talking about recei!ing the body and blood o 0ur &ord5 0h, no.Those greedy little blaguards are talking about the money they'll get,The Collection.They'll go rom house to house in their little suits like beggars or The Collection.And "ill they take any o that money and send it to the little black babies in A rica5 1ill they think o those little pagans doomed ore!er or lack o baptism and kno"ledge o the True Faith5 &ittle black babies denied kno"ledge o the Mystical Body o Christ5 &imbo is packed "ith little black babies lying around and crying or their mothers because they'll ne!er be admitted to the ine able presence o 0ur &ord and the glorious company o saints, martyrs, !irgins. 0h, no. It's o to the cinemas, our First Communion boys run to "allo" in the ilth spe"ed across the "orld by the de!il's henchmen in 4olly"ood. Isn't that right, McCourt5 'Tis, sir. :uestion :uigley raises his hand again.There are looks around the room and "e "onder i it's suicide he's a ter. 1hat's henchmen, sir5 The master's ace goes "hite, then red. 4is mouth tightens and opens and spit lies e!ery"here. 4e "alks to :uestion and drags him rom his seat. 4e snorts and stutters and his spit lies around the room. 4e logs :uestion across the shoulders, the bottom, the legs. 4e grabs him by the collar and drags him to the ront o the room. &ook at this specimen, he roars. :uestion is shaking and crying. I'm sorry, sir. The master mocks him. I'm sorry, sir.1hat are you sorry or5 I'm sorry I asked the .uestion. I'll ne!er ask a .uestion again, sir. The day you do, :uigley, "ill be the day you "ish *od "ould take you to 4is bosom.1hat "ill you "ish, :uigley5 That *od "ill take me to 4is bosom, sir. *o back to your seat, you omadhaun, you poltroon, you thing rom the ar dark corner o a bog. 4e sits do"n "ith the stick be ore him on the desk. 4e tells :uestion to stop the "himpering and be a man. I he hears a single boy in this class asking oolish .uestions or talking about The Collection again he'll log that boy till the blood spurts. 1hat "ill I do, boys5 Flog the boy, sir. Till5 Till the blood spurts, sir. )o", Clohessy, "hat is the 'i#th Commandment5 Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not commit adultery "hat5 Thou shalt not commit adultery, sir. And "hat is adultery, Clohessy5 Impure thoughts, impure "ords, impure deeds, sir. *ood,Clohessy./ou're a good boy./ou may be slo" and orget ul in the sir department and you may not ha!e a shoe to your oot but you're po"er ul "ith the 'i#th Commandment and that "ill keep you pure. 2addy Clohessy has no shoe to

his oot, his mother sha!es his head to keep the lice a"ay, his eyes are red, his nose al"ays snotty.The sores on his kneecaps ne!er heal because he picks at the scabs and puts them in his mouth. 4is clothes are rags he has to share "ith his si# brothers and a sister and "hen he comes to school "ith a bloody nose or a black eye you kno" he had a ight o!er the clothes that morning. 4e hates school.4e's se!en going on eight,the biggest and oldest boy in the class, and he can't "ait to gro" up and be ourteen so that he can run a"ay and pass or se!enteen and -oin the +nglish army and go to India "here it's nice and "arm and he'll li!e in a tent "ith a dark girl "ith the red dot on her orehead and he'll be lying there eating igs, that's "hat they eat in India, igs, and she'll cook the curry day and night and plonk on a ukulele and "hen he has enough money he'll send or the "hole amily and they'll all li!e in the tent especially his poor ather "ho's at home coughing up great gobs o blood because o the consumption. 1hen my mother sees 2addy on the street she says,1isha, look at that poor child.4e's a skeleton "ith rags and i they "ere making a ilm about the amine he'd surely be put in the middle o it. I think 2addy likes me because o the raisin and I eel a bit guilty because I "asn't that generous in the irst place.The master, Mr. Benson, said the go!ernment "as going to gi!e us the ree lunch so "e "ouldn't ha!e to be going home in the ree(ing "eather. 4e led us do"n to a cold room in the dungeons o &eamy's 'chool "here the char"oman, )ellie Ahearn, "as handing out the hal pint o milk and the raisin bun.The milk "as ro(en in the bottles and "e had to melt it bet"een our thighs.The boys -oked and said the bottles "ould ree(e our things o and the master roared,Any more o that talk and I'll "arm the bottles on the backs o yeer heads.1e all searched our raisin buns or a raisin but )ellie said they must ha!e orgotten to put them in and she'd in.uire rom the man "ho deli!ered.1e searched again e!ery day till at last I ound a raisin in my bun and held it up.The boys started grousing and said they "anted a raisin and )ellie said it "asn't her ault. 'he'd ask the man again. )o" the boys "ere begging me or the raisin and o ering me e!erything, a slug o their milk, a pencil, a comic book. Toby Mackey said I could ha!e his sister and Mr. Benson heard him and took him out to the hall"ay and knocked him around till he ho"led. I "anted the raisin or mysel but I sa" 2addy Clohessy standing in the corner "ith no shoes and the room "as ree(ing and he "as shi!ering like a dog that had been kicked and I al"ays elt sad o!er kicked dogs so I "alked o!er and ga!e 2addy the raisin because I didn't kno" "hat else to do and all the boys yelled that I "as a ool and a eckin' ee-it and I'd regret the day and a ter I handed the raisin to 2addy I longed or it but it "as too late no" because he pushed it right into his mouth and gulped it and looked at me and said nothing and I said in my head "hat kind o an ee-it are you to be gi!ing a"ay your raisin. Mr. Benson ga!e me a look and said nothing and )ellie Ahearn said,/ou're a great oul'/ankee, Frankie. The priest "ill come soon to e#amine us on the catechism and e!erything else. The master himsel has to sho" us ho" to recei!e 4oly Communion. 4e tells us gather round him. 4e ills his hat "ith the &imerick &eader torn into little bits. 4e gi!es 2addy Clohessy the hat, kneels on the loor, tells 2addy to take one bit o paper and place it on his tongue. 4e sho"s us ho" to stick out the tongue, recei!e the bit o paper, hold it a moment, dra" in the tongue, old your hands in prayer, look to"ard hea!en, close your eyes in adoration, "ait or the paper to melt in your mouth, s"allo" it, and thank *od or the gi t, the 'ancti ying *race "a ting in on the odor o sanctity.1hen he sticks out his tongue "e ha!e to hold in the laugh because "e ne!er sa" a big purple tongue be ore. 4e opens his eyes to catch the boys "ho are giggling but he can't say anything because he still has *od on his tongue and it's a holy moment.4e gets o his knees and tells us kneel around the classroom or the 4oly Communion practice. 4e goes around the room placing bits o paper on our tongues and mumbling in &atin. 'ome boys giggle and he roars at them that i the giggling doesn't stop it's not 4oly Communion they'll be getting but the &ast

$ites and "hat is that sacrament called, McCourt5 +#treme 7nction, sir. That's right, McCourt. )ot bad or a /ank rom the sin ul shores o Amerikay. 4e tells us "e ha!e to be care ul to stick out our tongues ar enough so that the Communion "a er "on't all to the loor. 4e says,That's the "orst thing that can happen to a priest. I the "a er slides o your tongue that poor priest has to get do"n on his t"o knees, pick it up "ith his o"n tongue and lick the loor around it in case it bounced rom one spot to another. The priest could get a splinter that "ould make his tongue s"ell to the si(e o a turnip and that's enough to choke you and kill you entirely. 4e tells us that ne#t to a relic o the True Cross the Communion "a er is the holiest thing in the "orld and our First Communion is the holiest moment in our li!es.Talking about First Communion makes the master all e#cited. 4e paces back and orth, "a!es his stick, tells us "e must ne!er orget that the moment the 4oly Communion is placed on our tongues "e become members o that most glorious congregation,the 0ne,4oly,$oman,Catholic and Apostolic Church,that or t"o thousand years men, "omen and children ha!e died or the Faith, that the Irish ha!e nothing to be ashamed o in the martyr department. 4a!en't "e pro!ided martyrs galore5 4a!en't "e bared our necks to the 2rotestant a#5 4a!en't "e mounted the sca old, singing, as i embarking on a picnic, ha!en't "e, boys5 1e ha!e, sir. 1hat ha!e "e done, boys5 Bared our necks to the 2rotestant a#, sir. And5 Mounted the sca old singing, sir. As i 5 +mbarking on a picnic, sir. 4e says that, perhaps, in this class there is a uture priest or a martyr or the Faith, though he doubts it !ery much or "e are the la(iest gang o ignoramuses it has e!er been his mis ortune to teach. But it takes all kinds, he says, and surely *od had some purpose "hen 4e sent the likes o ye to in est this earth. 'urely *od had a purpose "hen among us 4e sent Clohessy "ith no shoes, :uigley "ith his damnable .uestions and McCourt hea!y "ith sin rom America. And remember this, boys, *od did not send 4is only begotten 'on to hang on the cross so that ye can go around on yeer First Communion day "ith the pa"s clutching or The Collection. 0ur &ord died so that ye might be redeemed. It is enough to recei!e the gi t o Faith.Are ye listening to me5 1e are, sir. And "hat's enough5 The gi t o Faith, sir. *ood. *o home. At night three o us sit under the light pole at the top o the lane reading, Mikey, Malachy and I. The Molloys are like us "ith their ather drinking the dole money or the "ages and lea!ing no money or candles or para in oil or the lamp. Mikey reads books and the rest o us read comic books. 4is ather, 2eter, brings books rom the Carnegie &ibrary so that he'll ha!e something to do "hen he's not drinking pints or "hen he's looking a ter the amily anytime Mrs. Molloy is in the lunatic asylum. 4e lets Mikey read any book he likes and no" Mikey is reading this book about Cuchulain and talking as i he kno"s e!erything about him. I "ant to tell him I kne" all about Cuchulain "hen I "as three going on our, that I sa" Cuchulain in %ublin, that Cuchulain thinks nothing o dropping into my dreams. I "ant to tell him stop talking about Cuchulain, he's mine, he "as mine years ago "hen I "as young, but I can't because Mikey reads us a story I ne!er heard o be ore, a dirty story about Cuchulain "hich I can ne!er tell my ather or mother, the story o ho" +mer became Cuchulain's "i e. Cuchulain "as getting to be an old man o t"enty,one. 4e "as lonely and "anted to get married, "hich made him "eak, says Mikey, and got him killed in the end.All the "omen in Ireland "ere mad about Cuchulain and they "anted to marry him.4e said that "ould be grand, he "ouldn't mind marrying all the "omen o Ireland. I he could ight all the men o Ireland "hy couldn't he marry all the "omen5 But the ;ing, Conor Mac)essa, said,That's all !ery "ell or you, Cu, but the men o Ireland don't "ant to be lonely in the ar reaches o the night. The ;ing decided there "ould ha!e to be a contest to see "ho "ould marry Cuchulain and it "ould be a pissing contest. All the "omen o Ireland assembled on the plains o Muirthemne to see "ho could piss the longest and it "as +mer. 'he "as the champion "oman pisser o Ireland and married Cuchulain and that's "hy to this day she is called *reat Bladdered +mer. Mikey and Malachy laugh o!er this

story though I don't think Malachy understands it. 4e's young and ar rom his First Communion and he's only laughing o!er the piss "ord. Then Mikey tells me I'!e committed a sin by listening to a story that has that "ord in it and "hen I go to my First Con ession I'll ha!e to tell the priest. Malachy says, That's right. 2iss is a bad "ord and you ha!e to tell the priest because 'tis a sin "ord. I don't kno" "hat to do. 4o" can I go to the priest and tell him this terrible thing in my First Con ession5 All the boys kno" "hat sins they're going to tell so that they'll get the First Communion and make The Collection and go to see 8ames Cagney and eat s"eets and cakes at the &yric Cinema.The master helped us "ith our sins and e!eryone has the same sins. I hit my brother. I told a lie. I stole a penny rom my mother's purse. I disobeyed my parents, I ate a sausage on Friday. But no" I ha!e a sin no one else has and the priest is going to be shocked and drag me out o the con ession bo# into the aisle and out into the street "here e!eryone "ill kno" I listened to a story about Cuchulain's "i e being the champion "oman pisser in all Ireland. I'll ne!er be able to make my First Communion and mothers "ill hold their small children up and point at me and say, &ook at him. 4e's like Mikey Molloy, ne!er made his First Communion, "andering around in a state o sin, ne!er made The Collection, ne!er sa" 8ames Cagney. I'm sorry I e!er heard o First Communion and The Collection.I'm sick and I don't "ant any tea or bread or anything. Mam tells %ad it's a strange thing "hen a child "on't ha!e his bread and tea and %ad says, 0ch, he's -ust ner!ous o!er the First Communion. I "ant to go o!er to him and sit on his lap and tell him "hat Mikey Molloy did to me but I'm too big to be sitting on laps and i I did Malachy "ould go out in the lane and tell e!eryone I "as a big baby. I'd like to tell my troubles to the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep but he's busy bringing babies to mothers all o!er the "orld. 'till, I'll ask %ad. %ad, does the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep ha!e other -obs besides bringing babies5 4e does. 1ould the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep tell you "hat to do i you didn't kno" "hat to do5 0ch, he "ould, son, he "ould.That's the -ob o an angel, e!en the one on the se!enth step. %ad goes or a long "alk, Mam takes Michael and goes to see *randma, Malachy plays in the lane, and I ha!e the house to mysel so that I can sit on the se!enth step and talk to the angel. I kno" he's there because the se!enth step eels "armer than the other steps and there's a light in my head. I tell him my troubles and I hear a !oice. Fear not, says the !oice. 4e's talking back"ard and I tell him I don't kno" "hat he's talking about. %o not ear, says the !oice.Tell the priest your sin and you'll be orgi!en. )e#t morning I'm up early and drinking tea "ith %ad and telling him about the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep. 4e places his hand on my orehead to see i I'm eeling all right. 4e asks i I'm sure I had a light in my head and heard a !oice and "hat did the !oice say5 I tell him the !oice said Fear not and that means %o not ear. %ad tells me the angel is right, I shouldn't be a raid, and I tell him "hat Mikey Molloy did to me. I tell him all about *reat Bladdered +mer and I e!en use the piss "ord because the angel said, Fear not. %ad puts do"n his -am -ar o tea and pats the back o my hand. 0ch, och, och, he says, and I "onder i he's going demented like Mrs. Molloy, in and out o the lunatic asylum, but he says, Is that "hat you "ere "orried about last night5 I tell him it is and he says it's not a sin and I don't ha!e to tell the priest. But the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep said I should. All right. Tell the priest i you like but the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep said that only because you didn't tell me irst. Isn't it better to be able to tell your ather your troubles rather than an angel "ho is a light and a !oice in your head5 'Tis, %ad. The day be ore First Communion the master leads us to 't. 8oseph's Church or First Con ession.1e march in pairs and i "e so much as mo!e a lip on the streets o &imerick he'll kill us on the spot and send us to hell bloated "ith sin.That doesn't stop the bragging about the big sins.1illie 4arold is "hispering about his big sin, that he looked at his sister's naked body. 2addy 4artigan says he stole ten shillings rom his aunt's purse and made

himsel sick "ith ice cream and chips. :uestion :uigley says he ran a"ay rom home and spent hal the night in a ditch "ith our goats. I try to tell them about Cuchulain and +mer but the master catches me talking and gi!es me a thump on the head. 1e kneel in the pe"s by the con ession bo# and I "onder i my +mer sin is as bad as looking at your sister's naked body because I kno" no" that some things in the "orld are "orse than others.That's "hy they ha!e di erent sins, the sacrilege, the mortal sin, the !enial sin.Then the masters and gro"n, up people in general talk about the un orgi!able sin, "hich is a great mystery. )o one kno"s "hat it is and you "onder ho" you can kno" i you'!e committed it i you don't kno" "hat it is. I I tell a priest about *reat Bladdered +mer and the pissing contest he might say that's the un orgi!able sin and kick me out o the con ession bo# and I'll be disgraced all o!er &imerick and doomed to hell tormented ore!er by de!ils "ho ha!e nothing else to do but stab me "ith hot pitch orks till I'm "orn out. I try to listen to 1illie's con ession "hen he goes in but all I can hear is a hissing rom the priest and "hen 1illie comes out he's crying. It's my turn. The con ession bo# is dark and there's a big cruci i# hanging o!er my head. I can hear a boy mumbling his con ession on the other side. I "onder i there's any use trying to talk to the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep. I kno" he's not supposed to be hanging around con ession bo#es but I eel the light in my head and the !oice is telling me, Fear not. The panel slides back be ore my ace and the priest says,/es, my child5 Bless me, Father, or I ha!e sinned.This is my First Con ession. /es, my child, and "hat sins ha!e you committed5 I told a lie. I hit my brother. I took a penny rom my mother's purse. I said a curse. /es, my child.Anything else5 I, I listened to a story about Cuchulain and +mer. 'urely that's not a sin, my child. A ter all "e are assured by certain "riters that Cuchulain turned Catholic in his last moments as did his ;ing, Conor Mac)essa. 'Tis about +mer, Father, and ho" she married him. 4o" "as that, my child5 'he "on him in a pissing contest. There is hea!y breathing.The priest has his hand o!er his mouth and he's making choking sounds and talking to himsel , Mother o' *od. 1ho, "ho told you that story, my child5 Mikey Molloy, Father. And "here did he hear it5 4e read it in a book, Father. Ah, a book. Books can be dangerous or children, my child. Turn your mind rom those silly stories and think o the li!es o the saints. Think o 't. 8oseph, the &ittle Flo"er, the s"eet and gentle 't. Francis o Assisi, "ho lo!ed the birds o the air and the beasts o the ield.1ill you do that, my child5 I "ill, Father. Are there any other sins, my child5 )o, Father. For your penance say three 4ail Marys, three 0ur Fathers, and say a special prayer or me. I "ill. Father, "as that the "orst sin5 1hat do you mean5 Am I the "orst o all the boys, Father5 )o, my child, you ha!e a long "ay to go. )o" say an Act o Contrition and remember 0ur &ord "atches you e!ery minute. *od bless you, my child. First Communion day is the happiest day o your li e because o The Collection and 8ames Cagney at the &yric Cinema.The night be ore I "as so e#cited I couldn't sleep till da"n.I'd still be sleeping i my grandmother hadn't come banging at the door. *et up9 *et up9 *et that child outa the bed. 4appiest day o his li e an' him snorin' abo!e in the bed. I ran to the kitchen.Take o that shirt, she said. I took o the shirt and she pushed me into a tin tub o icy cold "ater.My mother scrubbed me, my grandmother scrubbed me. I "as ra", I "as red. They dried me.They dressed me in my black !el!et First Communion suit "ith the "hite rilly shirt, the short pants, the "hite stockings, the black patent leather shoes. Around my arm they tied a "hite satin bo" and on my lapel they pinned the 'acred 4eart o 8esus, a picture o the 'acred 4eart, "ith blood dripping rom it, lames erupting all around it and on top a nasty looking cro"n o thorns. Come here till I comb your hair, said *randma. &ook at that mop, it "on't lie do"n./ou didn't get that hair rom my side o the amily. That's that )orth o Ireland hair you got rom your ather.That's the kind o hair you see on 2resbyterians. I your mother had married a proper decent &imerickman you "ouldn't ha!e this standing up, )orth o

Ireland, 2resbyterian hair. 'he spat t"ice on my head. *randma, "ill you please stop spitting on my head. I you ha!e anything to say, shut up. A little spit "on't kill you. Come on, "e'll be late or the Mass. 1e ran to the church. My mother panted along behind "ith Michael in her arms.1e arri!ed at the church -ust in time to see the last o the boys lea!ing the altar rail "here the priest stood "ith the chalice and the host, glaring at me.Then he placed on my tongue the "a er, the body and blood o 8esus.At last, at last. It's on my tongue. I dra" it back. It stuck. I had *od glued to the roo o my mouth. I could hear the master's !oice, %on't let that host touch your teeth or i you bite *od in t"o you'll roast in hell or eternity. I tried to get *od do"n "ith my tongue but the priest hissed at me, 'top that clucking and get back to your seat. *od "as good. 4e melted and I s"allo"ed 4im and no", at last, I "as a member o the True Church, an o icial sinner. 1hen the Mass ended there they "ere at the door o the church, my mother "ith Michael in her arms, my grandmother. They each hugged me to their bosoms.They each told me it "as the happiest day o my li e.They each cried all o!er my head and a ter my grandmother's contribution that morning my head "as a s"amp. Mam, can I go no" and make The Collection5 'he said,A ter you ha!e a little break ast. )o, said *randma./ou're not making no collection till you'!e had a proper First Communion break ast at my house. Come on. 1e ollo"ed her. 'he banged pots and rattled pans and complained that the "hole "orld e#pected her to be at their beck and call. I ate the egg, I ate the sausage, and "hen I reached or more sugar or my tea she slapped my hand a"ay. *o aisy "ith that sugar. Is it a millionaire you think I am5 An American5 Is it bedecked in glitterin' -e"elry you think I am5 'mothered in ancy urs5 The ood churned in my stomach. I gagged. I ran to her backyard and thre" it all up. 0ut she came. &ook at "hat he did. Thrun up his First Communion break ast. Thrun up the body and blood o 8esus. I ha!e *od in me backyard. 1hat am I goin' to do5 I'll take him to the 8esuits or they kno" the sins o the 2ope himsel . 'he dragged me through the streets o &imerick. 'he told the neighbors and passing strangers about *od in her backyard. 'he pushed me into the con ession bo#. In the name o the Father, the 'on, the 4oly *host. Bless me, Father, or I ha!e sinned. It's a day since my last con ession. A day5 And "hat sins ha!e you committed in a day, my child5 I o!erslept. I nearly missed my First Communion. My grandmother said I ha!e standing up, )orth o Ireland, 2resbyterian hair. I thre" up my First Communion break ast. )o" *randma says she has *od in her backyard and "hat should she do. The priest is like the First Con ession priest. 4e has the hea!y breathing and the choking sounds. Ah . . . ah . . . tell your grandmother to "ash *od a"ay "ith a little "ater and or your penance say one 4ail Mary and one 0ur Father. 'ay a prayer or me and *od bless you, my child. *randma and Mam "ere "aiting close to the con ession bo#. *randma said, 1ere you telling -okes to that priest in the con ession bo#5 I 'tis a thing I e!er ind out you "ere telling -okes to 8esuits I'll tear the bloody kidneys outa you. )o" "hat did he say about *od in me backyard5 4e said "ash 4im a"ay "ith a little "ater, *randma. 4oly "ater or ordinary "ater5 4e didn't say, *randma. 1ell, go back and ask him. But, *randma . . . 'he pushed me back into the con essional. Bless me, Father, or I ha!e sinned, it's a minute since my last con ession. A minute9 Are you the boy that "as -ust here5 I am, Father. 1hat is it no"5 My grandma says, 4oly "ater or ordinary "ater5 0rdinary "ater, and tell your grandmother not to be bothering me again. I told her, 0rdinary "ater, *randma, and he said don't be bothering him again. %on't be bothering him again.That bloody ignorant bogtrotter. I asked Mam, Can I go no" and make The Collection5 I "ant to see 8ames Cagney. *randma said, /ou can orget about The Collection and 8ames Cagney because you're not a proper Catholic the "ay you le t *od on the ground. Come on, go home. Mam said,1ait a minute.That's my son.That's my son on his First Communion day. 4e's going to see 8ames Cagney. )o he's not. /es he is. *randma said,Take him then to 8ames Cagney and see i that "ill sa!e his 2resbyterian )orth o Ireland American soul. *o ahead. 'he pulled her sha"l

around her and "alked a"ay. Mam said, *od, it's getting !ery late or The Collection and you'll ne!er see 8ames Cagney.1e'll go to the &yric Cinema and see i they'll let you in any"ay in your First Communion suit. 1e met Mikey Molloy on Barrington 'treet. 4e asked i I "as going to the &yric and I said I "as trying.Trying5 he said./ou don't ha!e money5 I "as ashamed to say no but I had to and he said,That's all right. I'll get you in. I'll create a di!ersion. 1hat's a di!ersion5 I ha!e the money to go and "hen I get in I'll pretend to ha!e the it and the ticket man "ill be out o his mind and you can slip in "hen I let out the big scream. I'll be "atching the door and "hen I see you in I'll ha!e a miraculous reco!ery.That's a di!ersion.That's "hat I do to get my brothers in all the time. Mam said, 0h, I don't kno" about that, Mikey.1ouldn't that be a sin and surely you "ouldn't "ant Frank to commit a sin on his First Communion day. Mikey said i there "as a sin it "ould be on his soul and he "asn't a proper Catholic any"ay so it didn't matter. 4e let out his scream and I slipped in and sat ne#t to :uestion :uigley and the ticket man, Frank *oggin, "as so "orried o!er Mikey he ne!er noticed. It "as a thrilling ilm but sad in the end because 8ames Cagney "as a public enemy and "hen they shot him they "rapped him in bandages and thre" him in the door, shocking his poor old Irish mother, and that "as the end o my First Communion day. V *randma "on't talk to Mam anymore because o "hat I did "ith *od in her backyard. Mam doesn't talk to her sister,Aunt Aggie, or her brother 7ncle Tom. %ad doesn't talk to anyone in Mam's amily and they don't talk to him because he's rom the )orth and he has the odd manner. )o one talks to 7ncle Tom's "i e, 8ane, because she's rom *al"ay and she has the look o a 'paniard. +!eryone talks to Mam's brother 7ncle 2at,because he "as dropped on his head,he's simple,and he sells ne"spapers. +!eryone calls him The Abbot or Ab 'heehan and no one kno"s "hy. +!eryone talks to 7ncle 2a ;eating because he "as gassed in the "ar and married Aunt Aggie and i they didn't talk to him he "ouldn't gi!e a iddler's art any"ay and that's "hy the men in 'outh's pub call him a gas man. That's the "ay I'd like to be in the "orld, a gas man, not gi!ing a iddler's art, and that's "hat I tell the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep till I remember you're not supposed to say art in the presence o an angel. 7ncle Tom and *al"ay 8ane ha!e children but "e're not supposed to talk to them because our parents are not talking.They ha!e a son and daughter, *erry and 2eggy, and Mam "ill yell at us or talking to them but "e don't kno" ho" not to talk to our cousins. 2eople in amilies in the lanes o &imerick ha!e their "ays o not talking to each other and it takes years o practice.There are people "ho don't talk to each other because their athers "ere on opposite sides in the Ci!il 1ar in ?@CC. I a man goes o and -oins the +nglish army his amily might as "ell mo!e to another part o &imerick "here there are amilies "ith men in the +nglish army. I anyone in your amily "as the least "ay riendly to the +nglish in the last eight hundred years it "ill be brought up and thro"n in your ace and you might as "ell mo!e to %ublin "here no one cares. There are amilies that are ashamed o themsel!es because their ore athers ga!e up their religion or the sake o a bo"l o 2rotestant soup during the Famine and those amilies are kno"n e!er a ter as soupers. It's a terrible thing to be a souper because you're doomed ore!er to the souper part o hell.It's e!en "orse to be an in ormer. The master at school said that e!erytime the Irish "ere about to demolish the +nglish in a air ight a ilthy in ormer betrayed them. A man "ho's disco!ered to be an in ormer deser!es to be hanged or, e!en "orse, to ha!e no one talk to him or i no one talks to you you're better o hanging at the end o a rope. In e!ery lane there's al"ays someone not talking to someone or e!eryone not talking to someone or someone not talking to e!eryone. /ou can al"ays tell "hen people are not talking by the "ay they pass each other.The "omen hoist their noses, tighten their mouths and turn their aces a"ay. I the "oman is "earing a sha"l she takes a corner and lings it o!er her shoulder as i to say,0ne "ord

or look rom you,you ma aced bitch, and I'll tear the countenance rom the ront o your head. It's bad "hen *randma "on't talk to us because "e can't run to her "hen "e need to borro" sugar or tea or milk.There's no use going to Aunt Aggie. 'he'll only bite your head o . *o home, she'll say, and tell your ather to get o his northern arse and get a -ob like the decent men o &imerick. They say she's al"ays angry because she has red hair or she has red hair because she's al"ays angry. Mam is riendly "ith Bridey 4annon, "ho li!es ne#t door "ith her mother and ather. Mam and Bridey talk all the time. 1hen my ather goes or his long "alk Bridey comes in and she and Mam sit by the ire drinking tea and smoking cigarettes. I Mam has nothing in the house Bridey brings tea, sugar and milk. 'ometimes they use the same tea lea!es o!er and o!er and Mam says the tea is ste"ed, coddled and boiled. Mam and Bridey sit so close to the ire their shins turn red and purple and blue.They talk or hours and they "hisper and laugh o!er secret things. 1e're not supposed to hear the secret things so "e're told go out and play. I o ten sit on the se!enth step listening and they ha!e no notion I'm there. It might be lashing rain out but Mam says, $ain or no, out you go, and she'll tell us, I you see your ather coming, run in and tell me. Mam says to Bridey, %id you e!er hear that poem that someone must ha!e made up about me and him5 1hat poem,Angela5 'Tis called BThe Man rom the )orth.B I got this poem rom Minnie MacAdorey in America. I ne!er heard that poem. 'ay it or me. Mam says the poem but she laughs all through it and I don't kno" "hy, 4e came rom the )orth so his "ords "ere e" But his !oice "as kind and his heart "as true. And I kne" by his eyes that no guile had he, 'o I married my man rom the )orth Country. 0h, *arryo"en may be more gay Than this .uiet man rom beside &ough )eagh And I kno" that the sun shines so tly do"n 0n the ri!er that runs through my nati!e to"n. But there's not,and I say it "ith -oy and "ith pride A better man in all Munster "ide And &imerick to"n has no happier hearth Than mine has been "ith my man rom the )orth. I "ish that in &imerick they only kne" The kind kind neighbors I came unto. 'mall hate or scorn "ould there e!er be Bet"een the 'outh and the )orth Country. 'he al"ays repeats the third !erse and laughs so hard she's crying and I don't kno" "hy. 'he goes into hysterics "hen she says, And &imerick to"n has no happier hearth Than mine has been "ith my man rom the )orth. I he comes back early and sees Bridey in the kitchen the man rom the )orth says, *ossip, gossip, gossip, and stands there "ith his cap on till she lea!es. Bridey's mother and other people in our lane and lanes beyond "ill come to the door to ask %ad i he'll "rite a letter to the go!ernment or a relation in a distant place. 4e sits at the table "ith his pen and bottle o ink and "hen the people tell him "hat to "rite he says, 0ch, no, that's not "hat you "ant to say, and he "rites "hat he eels like "riting.The people tell him that's "hat they "anted to say in the irst place, that he has a lo!ely "ay "ith the +nglish language and a ine ist or the "riting.They o er him si#pence or his trouble but he "a!es it a"ay and they hand it to Mam because he's too grand to be taking si#pence. 1hen the people lea!e he takes the si#pence and sends me to ;athleen 0'Connell's shop or cigarettes. *randma sleeps in a big bed upstairs "ith a picture o the 'acred 4eart o 8esus o!er her head and a statue o the 'acred 4eart on the mantel piece. 'he "ants to s"itch rom gaslight to electric light someday so that she'll ha!e a little red light under the statue ore!er. 4er de!otion to the 'acred 4eart is kno"n up and do"n the lane and in lanes beyond. 7ncle 2at sleeps in a small bed in a corner o the same room "here *randma can make sure he comes in at a proper hour and kneels by the bed to say his prayers. 4e might ha!e been dropped on his head, he may not kno" ho" to read and "rite, he may drink one pint too many, but there's no e#cuse or not saying his prayers be ore he goes to sleep. 7ncle 2at tells *randma he met a man "ho is looking or a place to stay that "ill let him "ash himsel morning and night and gi!e him t"o meals a day, dinner and tea. 4is name is Bill *al!in and he has a good -ob do"n at the lime kiln. 4e's co!ered all the time "ith "hite lime dust but surely that's better than coal dust. *randma "ill ha!e to gi!e up her bed

and mo!e into the small room. 'he'll take the 'acred 4eart picture and lea!e the statue to "atch o!er the t"o men. Besides, she has no place or a statue in her little room. Bill *al!in comes a ter "ork to see the place. 4e's small, all "hite, and he snu les like a dog. 4e asks *randma i she'd mind taking do"n that statue because he's a 2rotestant and he "ouldn't be able to sleep. *randma barks at 7ncle 2at or not telling her he "as dragging a 2rotestant into the house. 8esus, she says, there "ill be gossip up and do"n the lane and beyond. 7ncle 2at says he didn't kno" Bill *al!in "as a 2rotestant./ou could ne!er tell by looking at him especially the "ay he's co!ered "ith lime. 4e looks like an ordinary Catholic and you'd ne!er imagine a 2rotestant "ould be sho!eling lime. Bill *al!in says his poor "i e that -ust died "as a Catholic and she had the "alls co!ered "ith pictures o the 'acred 4eart and the 6irgin Mary sho"ing their hearts. 4e's not against the 'acred 4eart himsel , it's -ust that seeing the statue "ill remind him o his poor "i e and gi!e him the heartache. *randma says,Ah, *od help us, "hy didn't you tell me that in the irst place5 'ure I can put the statue on the "indo"sill in my room and your heart "on't be tormented at the sight o it. +!ery morning *randma cooks Bill's dinner and takes it to him at the lime kiln.Mam "onders "hy he can't take it "ith him in the morning and *randma says, %o you e#pect me to get up at da"n and boil cabbage and pig's toes or his lordship to take in his dinner can5 Mam tells her, In another "eek school "ill be o!er and i you gi!e Frank si#pence a "eek he'll surely be glad to take Bill *al!in his dinner. I don't "ant to go to *randma's e!ery day. I don't "ant to take Bill *al!in his dinner all the "ay do"n the %ock $oad, but Mam says that's si#pence "e could use and i I don't do it I'm going no"here else. /ou're staying in the house,she says./ou're not playing "ith your pals. *randma "arns me to take the dinner can directly and not be meandering, looking this "ay and that, kicking canisters and ruining the toes o my shoes.This dinner is hot and that's the "ay Bill *al!in "ants it. There's a lo!ely smell rom the dinner can, boiled bacon and cabbage and t"o big loury "hite potatoes. 'urely he "on't notice i I try hal a potato. 4e "on't complain to *randma because he hardly e!er talks outside o a snu le or t"o. It's better i I eat the other hal potato so that he "on't be asking "hy he got a hal . I might as "ell try the bacon and cabbage too and i I eat the other potato he'll surely think she didn't send one at all. The second potato melts in my mouth and I'll ha!e to try another bit o cabbage, another morsel o bacon.There isn't much le t no" and he'll be !ery suspicious so I might as "ell inish o the rest. 1hat am I going to do no"5 *randma "ill destroy me, Mam "ill keep me in or a year. Bill *al!in "ill bury me in lime. I'll tell him I "as attacked by a dog on the %ock $oad and he ate the "hole dinner and I'm lucky I escaped "ithout being eaten mysel . 0h, is that so5 says Bill *al!in.And "hat's that bit o cabbage hanging on your gansey5 %id the dog lick you "it his cabbagey gob5 *o home and tell your grandmother you ate me "hole dinner and I'm alling do"n "ith the hunger here in this lime kiln. 'he'll kill me. Tell her don't kill you till she sends me some class o a dinner and i you don't go to her no" and get me a dinner I'll kill you and thro" your body into the lime there and there "on't be much le t or your mother to moan o!er. *randma says, 1hat are you doin' back "ith that can5 4e could bring that back by himsel . 4e "ants more dinner. 1hat do you mean more dinner5 8esus abo!e, is it a hole he has in his leg5 4e's alling do"n "ith the hunger belo" in the lime kiln. Is it coddin' me you are5 4e says send him any class o a dinner. I "ill not. I sent him his dinner. 4e didn't get it. 4e didn't5 1hy not5 I ate it. 1hat5 I "as hungry and I tasted it and I couldn't stop. 8esus, Mary and holy 't. 8oseph. 'he gi!es me a clout on the head that brings tears to my eyes. 'he screams at me like a banshee and -umps around the kitchen and threatens to drag me to the priest, the bishop, the 2ope himsel i he li!ed around the corner. 'he cuts bread and "a!es the kni e at me and makes sand"iches o bra"n and cold potatoes. Take these sand"iches to Bill *al!in and i you e!en look cross,eyed at them I'll skin your hide. 0

course she runs to Mam and they agree the only "ay I can make up or my terrible sin is to deli!er Bill *al!in's dinner or a ortnight "ithout pay. I'm to bring back the can e!ery day and that means I ha!e to sit "atching him stu the ood into his gob and he's not one that "ould e!er ask you i you had a mouth in your head. +!ery day I take the can back *randma makes me kneel to the statue o the 'acred 4eart and tell 4im I'm sorry and all this o!er Bill *al!in, a 2rotestant. Mam says, I'm a martyr or the ags and so is your ather. There may be a lack o tea or bread in the house but Mam and %ad al"ays manage to get the ags, the 1ild 1oodbines.They ha!e to ha!e the 1oodbines in the morning and anytime they drink tea.They tell us e!ery day "e should ne!er smoke, it's bad or your lungs, it's bad or your chest, it stunts your gro"th, and they sit by the ire pu ing a"ay. Mam says, I 'tis a thing I e!er see you "ith a ag in your gob I'll break your ace. They tell us the cigarettes rot your teeth and you can see they're not lying.The teeth turn bro"n and black in their heads and all out one by one. %ad says he has holes in his teeth big enough or a sparro" to raise a amily. 4e has a e" le t but he gets them pulled at the clinic and applies or a alse set.1hen he comes home "ith the ne" teeth he sho"s his big ne" "hite smile that makes him look like an American and "hene!er he tells us a ghost story by the ire he pushes the lo"er teeth up beyond his lip to his nose and rightens the li e out o us. Mam's teeth are so bad she has to go to Barrington's 4ospital to ha!e them all pulled at the same time and "hen she comes home she's holding at her mouth a rag bright "ith blood. 'he has to sit up all night by the ire because you can't lie do"n "hen your gums are pumping blood or you'll choke in your sleep. 'he says she'll gi!e up smoking entirely "hen this bleeding stops but she needs one pu o a ag this minute or the com ort that's in it. 'he tells Malachy go to ;athleen 0'Connell's shop and ask her "ould she e!er let her ha!e i!e 1oodbines till %ad collects the dole on Thursday. I anyone can get the ags out o ;athleen, Malachy can. Mam says he has the charm, and she tells me,There's no use sending you "ith your long puss and your ather's odd manner. 1hen the bleeding stops and Mam's gums heal she goes to the clinic or her alse teeth. 'he says she'll gi!e up the smoking "hen her ne" teeth are in but she ne!er does.The ne" teeth rub on her gums and make them sore and the smoke o the 1oodbines eases them. 'he and %ad sit by the ire "hen "e ha!e one and smoke their cigarettes and "hen they talk their teeth clack.They try to stop the clacking by mo!ing their -a"s back and orth but that only makes it "orse and they curse the dentists and the people abo!e in %ublin "ho made the teeth and "hile they curse they clack. %ad claims these teeth "ere made or rich people in %ublin and didn't it so they "ere passed on to the poor o &imerick "ho don't care because you don't ha!e much to che" "hen you're poor any"ay and you're grate ul you ha!e any class o a tooth in your head. I they talk too long their gums get sore and the teeth ha!e to come out.Then they sit talking by the ire "ith their aces collapsed. +!ery night they lea!e the teeth in the kitchen in -am -ars illed "ith "ater. Malachy "ants to kno" "hy and %ad tells him it cleans them. Mam says, )o, you can't ha!e teeth in your head "hile you're sleeping or they'll slip and choke you to death entirely. The teeth are the cause o Malachy going to Barrington's 4ospital and me ha!ing an operation. Malachy "hispers to me in the middle o the night, %o you "ant to go do"nstairs and see i "e can "ear the teeth5 The teeth are so big "e ha!e trouble getting them into our mouths but Malachy "on't gi!e up. 4e orces %ad's upper teeth into his mouth and can't get them out again.4is lips are dra"n back and the teeth make a big grin. 4e looks like a monster in a ilm and it makes me laugh but he pulls at them and grunts, 7ck, uck, and tears come to his eyes.The more he goes 7ck, uck, the harder I laugh till %ad calls rom upstairs, 1hat are you boys doing5 Malachy runs rom me,up the stairs,and no" I hear %ad and Mam laughing till they see he can choke on the teeth. They both stick their ingers in to pull out the teeth but Malachy gets rightened and makes desperate uck uck sounds. Mam says,1e'll ha!e to take him to the hospital, and %ad says he'll take

him. 4e makes me go in case the doctor has .uestions because I'm older than Malachy and that means I must ha!e started all the trouble. %ad rushes through the streets "ith Malachy in his arms and I try to keep up. I eel sorry or Malachy up there on %ad's shoulder, looking back at me, tears on his cheeks and %ad's teeth bulging in his mouth.The doctor at Barrington's 4ospital says, )o bother. 4e pours oil into Malachy's mouth and has the teeth out in a minute.Then he looks at me and says to %ad,1hy is that child standing there "ith his mouth hanging open5 %ad says,That's a habit he has, standing "ith his mouth open. The doctor says, Come here to me. 4e looks up my nose, in my ears, do"n my throat, and eels my neck. The tonsils, he says. The adenoids. They ha!e to come out. The sooner the better or he'll look like an idiot "hen he gro"s up "ith that gob "ide as a boot. )e#t day Malachy gets a big piece o to ee as a re"ard or sticking in teeth he can't get out and I ha!e to go to the hospital to ha!e an operation that "ill close my mouth. 0n a 'aturday morning Mam inishes her tea and says,/ou're going to dance. %ance5 1hy5 /ou're se!en years old, you made your First Communion, and no" 'tis time or the dancing. I'm taking you do"n to Catherine 'treet to Mrs. 0'Connor's Irish dancing classes./ou'll go there e!ery 'aturday morning and that'll keep you o the streets.That'll keep you rom "andering around &imerick "ith hooligans. 'he tells me "ash my ace not orgetting ears and neck, comb my hair, blo" my nose, take the look o my ace, "hat look5 ne!er mind, -ust take it o , put on my stockings and my First Communion shoes "hich, she says, are destroyed because I can't pass a canister or a rock "ithout kicking it. 'he's "orn out standing in the .ueue at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety begging or boots or me and Malachy so that "e can "ear out the toes "ith the kicking./our ather says it's ne!er too early to learn the songs and dances o your ancestors. 1hat's ancestors5 )e!er mind, she says, you're going to dance. I "onder ho" I can die or Ireland i I ha!e to sing and dance or Ireland, too. I "onder "hy they ne!er say,/ou can eat s"eets and stay home rom school and go s"imming or Ireland. Mam says, %on't get smart or I'll "arm your ear. Cyril Benson dances. 4e has medals hanging rom his shoulders to his kneecaps. 4e "ins contests all o!er Ireland and he looks lo!ely in his sa ron kilt.4e's a credit to his mother and he gets his name in the paper all the time and you can be sure he brings home the odd e" pounds. /ou don't see him roaming the streets kicking e!erything in sight till the toes hang out o his boots, oh, no, he's a good boy, dancing or his poor mother. Mam "ets an old to"el and scrubs my ace till it stings, she "raps the to"el around her inger and sticks it in my ears and claims there's enough "a# there to gro" potatoes, she "ets my hair to make it lie do"n, she tells me shut up and stop the "hinging, that these dancing lessons "ill cost her si#pence e!ery 'aturday, "hich I could ha!e earned bringing Bill *al!in his dinner and *od kno"s she can barely a ord it. I try to tell her, Ah, Mam, sure you don't ha!e to send me to dancing school "hen you could be smoking a nice 1oodbine and ha!ing a cup o tea, but she says, 0h, aren't you cle!er./ou're going to dance i I ha!e to gi!e up the ags ore!er. I my pals see my mother dragging me through the streets to an Irish dancing class I'll be disgraced entirely.They think it's all right to dance and pretend you're Fred Astaire because you can -ump all o!er the screen "ith *inger $ogers. There is no *inger $ogers in Irish dancing and you can't -ump all o!er./ou stand straight up and do"n and keep your arms against yoursel and kick your legs up and around and ne!er smile. My uncle 2a ;eating said Irish dancers look like they ha!e steel rods up their arses, but I can't say that to Mam, she'd kill me. There's a gramophone in Mrs. 0'Connor's playing an Irish -ig or a reel and boys and girls are dancing around kicking their legs out and keeping their hands to their sides. Mrs. 0'Connor is a great at "oman and "hen she stops the record to sho" the steps all the at rom her chin to her ankles -iggles and I "onder ho" she can teach the dancing. 'he comes o!er to my mother and says, 'o, this is little Frankie5 I think "e ha!e the makings o a dancer here. Boys and girls, do "e ha!e the makings o a dancer here5 1e do, Mrs.

0'Connor. Mam says, I ha!e the si#pence, Mrs. 0'Connor. Ah, yes, Mrs. McCourt, hold on a minute. 'he "addles to a table and brings back the head o a black boy "ith kinky hair, big eyes, huge red lips and an open mouth. 'he tells me put the si#pence in the mouth and take my hand out be ore the black boy bites me.All the boys and girls "atch and they ha!e little smiles. I drop in the si#pence and pull my hand back be ore the mouth snaps shut. +!eryone laughs and I kno" they "anted to see my hand caught in the mouth. Mrs. 0'Connor gasps and laughs and says to my mother, Isn't that a ho"l, no"5 Mam says it's a ho"l. 'he tells me beha!e mysel and come home dancing. I don't "ant to stay in this place "here Mrs. 0'Connor can't take the si#pence hersel instead o letting me nearly lose my hand in the black boy's mouth. I don't "ant to stay in this place "here you ha!e to stand in line "ith boys and girls, straighten your back, hands by your sides, look ahead, don't look do"n, mo!e your eet, mo!e your eet, look at Cyril, look at Cyril, and there goes Cyril, all dressed up in his sa ron kilt and the medals -ingling, medals or this and medals or that and the girls lo!e Cyril and Mrs. 0'Connor lo!es Cyril or didn't he bring her ame and didn't she teach him e!ery step he kno"s, oh, dance, Cyril, dance, oh, 8esus, he loats around the room, he's an angel out o hea!en and stop the ro"ning, Frankie McCourt, or you'll ha!e a puss on you like a pound o tripe, dance, Frankie, dance, pick up your eet or the lo!e o' 8esus, onet"othree our i!esi#se!en onet"othree and a onet"othree, Maura, "ill you help that Frankie McCourt be ore he ties his t"o eet around his poll entirely, help him, Maura. Maura is a big girl about ten. 'he dances up to me "ith her "hite teeth and her dancer's dress "ith all the gold and yello" and green igures that are supposed to come rom olden times and she says, *i!e me your hand, little boy, and she "heels me around the room till I'm di((y and making a pure ee-it o mysel and blushing and oolish till I "ant to cry but I'm sa!ed "hen the record stops and the gramophone goes hoosh hoosh. Mrs. 0'Connor says, 0h, thank you, Maura, and ne#t "eek, Cyril, you can sho" Frankie a e" o the steps that made you amous.)e#t "eek, boys and girls, and don't orget the si#pence or the little black boy. Boys and girls lea!e together. I make my o"n "ay do"n the stairs and out the door hoping my pals "on't see me "ith boys "ho "ear kilts and girls "ith "hite teeth and ancy dresses rom olden times. Mam is ha!ing tea "ith Bridey 4annon, her riend rom ne#t door. Mam says, 1hat did you learn5 and makes me dance around the kitchen, onet"othree our i!esi#se!en onet"othree and a onet"othree. 'he has a good laugh "ith Bridey.That's not too bad or your irst time. In a month you'll be like a regular Cyril Benson. I don't "ant to be Cyril Benson. I "ant to be Fred Astaire. They turn hysterical, laughing and s.uirting tea out o their mouths, 8esus lo!e him, says Bridey. %oesn't he ha!e a great notion o himsel . Fred Astaire ho" are you. Mam says Fred Astaire "ent to his lessons e!ery 'aturday and didn't go around kicking the toes out o his boots and i I "anted to be like him I'd ha!e to go to Mrs. 0'Connor's e!ery "eek. The ourth 'aturday morning Billy Campbell knocks at our door. Mrs. McCourt, can Frankie come out and play5 Mam tells him, )o, Billy. Frankie is going to his dancing lesson. 4e "aits or me at the bottom o Barrack 4ill. 4e "ants to kno" "hy I'm dancing, that e!eryone kno"s dancing is a sissy thing and I'll "ind up like Cyril Benson "earing a kilt and medals and dancing all o!er "ith girls. 4e says ne#t thing I'll be sitting in the kitchen knitting socks. 4e says dancing "ill destroy me and I "on't be it to play any kind o ootball, soccer, rugby or *aelic ootball itsel because the dancing teaches you to run like a sissy and e!eryone "ill laugh. I tell him I'm inished "ith the dancing, that I ha!e si#pence in my pocket or Mrs. 0'Connor that's supposed to go into the black boy's mouth, that I'm going to the &yric Cinema instead. 'i#pence "ill get the t"o o us in "ith tuppence le t o!er or t"o s.uares o Clee!es' to ee, and "e ha!e a great time looking at $iders o the 2urple 'age. %ad is sitting by the ire "ith Mam and they "ant to kno" "hat steps I learned today and "hat they're called. I already did BThe 'iege o +nnisB and BThe 1alls o &imerick,B "hich

are real dances. )o" I ha!e to make up names and dances. Mam says she ne!er heard o a dance called BThe 'iege o %ingleBbut i that's "hat I learned go ahead, dance it, and I dance around the kitchen "ith my hands do"n by my sides making my o"n music, diddley eye di eye di eye diddley eye do you do you, %ad and Mam clapping in time "ith my eet. %ad says, 0ch, that's a ine dance and you'll be a po"er ul Irish dancer and a credit to the men "ho died or their country. Mam says, That "asn't much or a si#pence. )e#t "eek it's a *eorge $a t ilm and the "eek a ter that a co"boy ilm "ith *eorge 0'Brien.Then it's 8ames Cagney and I can't take Billy because I "ant to get a bar o chocolate to go "ith my Clee!es' to ee and I'm ha!ing a great time till there's a terrible pain in my -a" and it's a tooth out o my gum stuck in my to ee and the pain is killing me. 'till, I can't "aste the to ee so I pull out the tooth and put it in my pocket and che" the to ee on the other side o my mouth blood and all. There's pain on one side and delicious to ee on the other and I remember "hat my uncle 2a ;eating "ould say,There are times "hen you "ouldn't kno" "hether to shit or go blind. I ha!e to go home no" and "orry because you can't go through the "orld short a tooth "ithout your mother kno"ing. Mothers kno" e!erything and she's al"ays looking into our mouths to see i there's any class o disease. 'he's there by the ire and %ad is there and they're asking me the same old .uestions, the dance and the name o the dance. I tell them I learned BThe 1alls o CorkB and I dance around the kitchen trying to hum a made up tune and dying "ith the pain o my tooth. Mam says, B1alls o' Cork,B my eye, there's no such dance, and %ad says, Come o!er here. 'tand there be ore me.Tell us the truth, %id you go to your dancing classes today5 I can't tell a lie anymore because my gum is killing me and there's blood in my mouth. Besides, I kno" they kno" e!erything and that's "hat they're telling me no". 'ome snake o a boy rom the dancing school sa" me going to the &yric Cinema and told and Mrs. 0'Connor sent a note to say she hadn't seen me in ages and "as I all right because I had great promise and could ollo" in the ootsteps o the great Cyril Benson. %ad doesn't care about my tooth or anything. 4e says I'm going to con ession and drags me o!er to the $edemptorist church because it's 'aturday and con essions go on all day. 4e tells me I'm a bad boy, he's ashamed o me that I "ent to the pictures instead o learning Ireland's national dances, the -ig, the reel, the dances that men and "omen ought and died or do"n those sad centuries. 4e says there's many a young man that "as hanged and no" moldering in a lime pit that "ould be glad to rise up and dance the Irish dance. The priest is old and I ha!e to yell my sins at him and he tells me I'm a hooligan or going to the pictures instead o my dancing lessons although he thinks himsel that dancing is a dangerous thing almost as bad as the ilms, that it stirs up thoughts sin ul in themsel!es, but e!en i dancing is an abomination I sinned by taking my mother's si#pence and lying and there's a hot place in hell or the likes o me, say a decade o the rosary and ask *od's orgi!eness or you're dancing at the gates o hell itsel , child. I'm se!en, eight, nine going on ten and still %ad has no "ork. 4e drinks his tea in the morning, signs or the dole at the &abour +#change, reads the papers at the Carnegie &ibrary, goes or his long "alks ar into the country. I he gets a -ob at the &imerick Cement Company or $ank's Flour Mills he loses it in the third "eek. 4e loses it because he goes to the pubs on the third Friday o the -ob, drinks all his "ages and misses the hal day o "ork on 'aturday morning. Mam says, 1hy can't he be like the other men rom the lanes o &imerick5 They're home be ore the Angelus rings at si# o'clock, they hand o!er their "ages, change their shirts, ha!e their tea, get a e" shillings rom the "i e and they're o to the pub or a pint or t"o. Mam tells Bridey 4annon that %ad can't be like that and "on't be like that. 'he says he's a right bloody ool the "ay he goes to pubs and stands pints to other men "hile his o"n children are home "ith their bellies stuck to their backbones or the "ant o a decent dinner. 4e'll brag to the "orld he did his bit or Ireland "hen it "as neither popular nor pro itable, that he'll gladly die or Ireland

"hen the call comes, that he regrets he has only one li e to gi!e or his poor mis ortunate country and i anyone disagrees they're in!ited to step outside and settle this or once and or all. 0h, no, says Mam, they "on't disagree and they "on't step outside, that bunch o tinkers and knackers and begrudgers that hang around the pubs.They tell him he's a grand man, e!en i he's rom the )orth, and 't"ould be an honor to accept a pint rom such a patriot. Mam tells Bridey, I don't kno" under *od "hat I'm going to do. The dole is nineteen shillings and si#pence a "eek, the rent is si# and si#, and that lea!es thirteen shillings to eed and clothe i!e people and keep us "arm in the "inter. Bridey drags on her 1oodbine, drinks her tea and declares that *od is good. Mam says she's sure *od is good or someone some"here but 4e hasn't been seen lately in the lanes o &imerick. Bridey laughs. 0h,Angela, you could go to hell or that, and Mam says, Aren't I there already, Bridey5 And they laugh and drink their tea and smoke their 1oodbines and tell one another the ag is the only com ort they ha!e. 'Tis. :uestion :uigley tells me I ha!e to go to the $edemptorist church on Friday and -oin the boys' di!ision o the Arch Con raternity. /ou ha!e to -oin./ou can't say no. All the boys in the lanes and back streets that ha!e athers on the dole or "orking in laboring -obs ha!e to -oin. :uestion says,/our ather is a oreigner rom the )orth and he don't matter but you still ha!e to -oin. +!eryone kno"s &imerick is the holiest city in Ireland because it has the Arch Con raternity o the 4oly Family, the biggest sodality in the "orld. Any city can ha!e a Con raternity, only &imerick has the Arch. 0ur Con raternity ills the $edemptorist church i!e nights a "eek, three or the men, one or the "omen, one or the boys.There is Benediction and hymn singing in +nglish, Irish and &atin and best o all the big po"er ul sermon $edemptorist priests are amous or. It's the sermon that sa!es millions o Chinese and other heathens rom "inding up in hell "ith the 2rotestants. The :uestion says you ha!e to -oin the Con raternity so that your mother can tell the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety and they'll kno" you're a good Catholic. 4e says his ather is a loyal member and that's ho" he got a good pensionable -ob cleaning la!atories at the rail"ay station and "hen he gro"s up himsel he'll get a good -ob too unless he runs a"ay and -oins the $oyal Canadian Mounted 2olice so that he can sing BI'll Be Calling /ou 0oo 0oo 0oo,B like )elson +ddy singing to 8eanette Mac%onald e#piring "ith consumption there on the so a. I he brings me to the Con raternity the man in the o ice "ill "rite his name in a big book and some day he might be promoted to pre ect o a section, "hich is all he "ants in li e ne#t to "earing the Mountie uni orm. The pre ect is head o a section "hich is thirty boys rom the same lanes and streets. +!ery section has the name o a saint "hose picture is painted on a shield stuck on top o a pole by the pre ect's seat.The pre ect and his assistant take the attendance and keep an eye on us so that they can gi!e us a thump on the head in case "e laugh during Benediction or commit any other sacrileges. I you miss one night the man in the o ice "ants to kno" "hy, "ants to kno" i you're slipping a"ay rom the Con raternity or he might say to the other man in the o ice, I think our little riend here has taken the soup.That's the "orst thing you can say to any Catholic in &imerick or Ireland itsel because o "hat happened in the *reat Famine. I you're absent t"ice the man in the o ice sends you a yello" summons to appear and e#plain yoursel and i you're absent three times he sends The 2osse, "hich is i!e or si# big boys rom your section "ho search the streets to make sure you're not out en-oying yoursel "hen you should be on your knees at the Con raternity praying or the Chinese and other lost souls. The 2osse "ill go to your house and tell your mother your immortal soul is in danger. 'ome mothers "orry but others "ill say, *et a"ay rom my door or I'll come out and gi!e e!ery one o' ye a good ong in the hole o yeer arse.These are not good Con raternity mothers and the director "ill say "e should pray or them that they'll see the error o their "ays. The "orst thing o all is a !isit rom the director o the Con raternity himsel , Father *orey. 4e'll stand at the top o

the lane and roar in the !oice that con!erted the Chinese millions,1here is the house o Frank McCourt5 4e roars e!en though he has your address in his pocket and kno"s !ery "ell "here you li!e. 4e roars because he "ants the "orld to kno" you're slipping a"ay rom the Con raternity and putting your immortal soul in danger.The mothers are terri ied and the athers "ill "hisper, I'm not here, I'm not here, and they'll make sure you go to the Con raternity rom this on out so they "on't be disgraced and shamed entirely "ith the neighbors muttering behind their hands. The :uestion takes me to the section 't. Finbar's, and the pre ect tells me sit o!er there and shut up. 4is name is %eclan Collopy, he's ourteen and he has lumps on his orehead that look like horns. 4e has thick ginger eyebro"s that meet in the middle and hang o!er his eyes and his arms hang do"n to his kneecaps. 4e tells me he's making this the best section in the Con raternity and i I'm e!er absent he'll break my arse and send the bits to my mother.There's no e#cuse or absence because there "as a boy in another section that "as dying and still they brought him in on a stretcher. 4e says, I you're e!er absent it better be a death, not a death in the amily but your o"n death. %o you hear me5 I do, %eclan. Boys in my section tell me that pre ects get re"ards i there is per ect attendance. %eclan "ants to get out o school as soon as he can and get a -ob selling linoleum at Cannock's big shop on 2atrick 'treet. 4is uncle, Foncey, sold linoleum there or years and made enough money to start his o"n shop in %ublin, "here he has his three sons selling linoleum. Father *orey, the director, can easily get %eclan the re"ard o a -ob at Cannock's i he's a good pre ect and has per ect attendance in his section and that's "hy %eclan "ill destroy us i "e're absent. 4e tells us, )o one "ill stand bet"een me and the linoleum. %eclan likes :uestion :uigley and lets him miss an occasional Friday night because the :uestion said, %eclan, "hen I gro" up and get married I'm going to co!er my house in linoleum and I'll buy it all rom you. 0ther boys in the section try this trick "ith %eclan but he says, Bugger o , ye'll be lucky enough to ha!e a pot to piss in ne!er mind yards o linoleum. %ad says "hen he "as my age in Toome he ser!ed Mass or years and it's time or me to be an altar boy. Mam says,1hat's the use5 The child doesn't ha!e proper clothes or school ne!er mind the altar.%ad says the altar boy robes "ill co!er the clothes and she says "e don't ha!e the money or robes and the "ash they need e!ery "eek. 4e says *od "ill pro!ide and makes me kneel on the kitchen loor. 4e takes the part o the priest or he has the "hole Mass in his head and I ha!e to kno" the responses. 4e says, Introibo ad altare %ei, and I ha!e to say, Ad %eum .ui laeti icat -u!entutem meam. +!ery e!ening a ter tea I kneel or the &atin and he "on't let me mo!e till I'm per ect. Mam says he could at least let me sit but he says &atin is sacred and it is to be learned and recited on the knees./ou "on't ind the 2ope sitting around drinking tea "hile he speaks the &atin. The &atin is hard and my knees are sore and scabby and I'd like to be out in the lane playing though still I'd like to be an altar boy helping the priest !est in the sacristy, up there on the altar all decked out in my red and "hite robes like my pal 8immy Clark, ans"ering the priest in &atin,mo!ing the big book rom one side o the tabernacle to the other, pouring "ater and "ine into the chalice, pouring "ater o!er the priest's hands, ringing the bell at Consecration, kneeling, bo"ing, s"inging the censer at Benediction, sitting o to the side "ith the palms o my hands on my knees all serious "hile he gi!es his sermon, e!eryone in 't. 8oseph's looking at me and admiring my "ays. In a ortnight I ha!e the Mass in my head and it's time to go to 't. 8oseph's to see the sacristan, 'tephen Carey, "ho is in charge o altar boys. %ad polishes my boots. Mam darns my socks and thro"s an e#tra coal on the ire to heat up the iron to press my shirt. 'he boils "ater to scrub my head, neck, hands and knees and any inch o skin that sho"s. 'he scrubs till my skin burns and tells %ad she "ouldn't gi!e it to the "orld to say her son "ent on the altar dirty. 'he "ishes I didn't ha!e scabby knees rom running around kicking canisters and alling do"n pretending I "as the greatest ootballer in the "orld. 'he "ishes "e had a

drop o hair oil in the house but "ater and spit "ill keep my hair rom sticking up like black stra" in a mattress. 'he "arns me speak up "hen I go to 't. 8oseph's and don't be mumbling in +nglish or &atin. 'he says, 'Tis a great pity you gre" out o your First Communion suit but you ha!e nothing to be ashamed o , you come rom good blood, McCourts, 'heehans, or my mother's amily the *uil oyles that o"ned acre a ter acre in County &imerick be ore the +nglish took it a"ay and ga!e it to ootpads rom &ondon. %ad holds my hand going through the streets and people look at us because o the "ay "e're saying &atin back and orth. 4e knocks at the sacristy door and tells 'tephen Carey,This is my son, Frank, "ho kno"s the &atin and is ready to be an altar boy. 'tephen Carey looks at him, then me. 4e says,1e don't ha!e room or him, and closes the door. %ad is still holding my hand and s.uee(es till it hurts and I "ant to cry out. 4e says nothing on the "ay home. 4e takes o his cap, sits by the ire and lights a 1oodbine. Mam is smoking, too.1ell, she says, is he going to be an altar boy5 There's no room or him. 0h. 'he pu s on her 1oodbine. I'll tell you "hat it is, she says. 'Tis class distinction. They don't "ant boys rom lanes on the altar. They don't "ant the ones "ith scabby knees and hair sticking up.0h,no,they "ant the nice boys "ith hair oil and ne" shoes that ha!e athers "ith suits and ties and steady -obs.That's "hat it is and 'tis hard to hold on to the Faith "ith the snobbery that's in it. 0ch, aye. 0h, och aye my arse. That's all you e!er say./ou could go to the priest and tell him you ha!e a son that has a head stu ed "ith &atin and "hy can't he be an altar boy and "hat is he going to do "ith all that &atin5 0ch, he might gro" up to be a priest. I ask him i I can go out and play./es, he says, go out and play. Mam says,/ou might as "ell. VI Mr. 0')eill is the master in the ourth class at school. 1e call him %otty because he's small like a dot. 4e teaches in the one classroom "ith a plat orm so that he can stand abo!e us and threaten us "ith his ash plant and peel his apple or all to see.The irst day o school in 'eptember he "rites on the blackboard three "ords "hich are to stay there the rest o the year, +uclid, geometry, idiot. 4e says i he catches any boy inter ering "ith these "ords that boy "ill go through the rest o his li e "ith one hand. 4e says anyone "ho doesn't understand the theorems o +uclid is an idiot. )o", repeat a ter me, Anyone "ho doesn't understand the theorems o +uclid is an idiot. 0 course "e all kno" "hat an idiot is because that's "hat the masters keep telling us "e are. Brendan :uigley raises his hand. 'ir, "hat's a theorem and "hat's a +uclid5 1e e#pect %otty to lash at Brendan the "ay all the masters do "hen you ask them a .uestion but he looks at Brendan "ith a little smile. Ah, no", here's a boy "ith not one but t"o .uestions.1hat is your name, boy5 Brendan :uigley, sir. This is a boy "ho "ill go ar.1here "ill he go, boys5 Far, sir. Indeed and he "ill.The boy "ho "ants to kno" something about the grace, elegance and beauty o +uclid can go no"here but up. In "hat direction and no other can this boy go, boys5 7p, sir. 1ithout +uclid, boys, mathematics "ould be a poor doddering thing. 1ithout +uclid "e "ouldn't be able to go rom here to there. 1ithout +uclid the bicycle "ould ha!e no "heel.1ithout +uclid 't. 8oseph could not ha!e been a carpenter or carpentry is geometry and geometry is carpentry. 1ithout +uclid this !ery school could ne!er ha!e been built. 2addy Clohessy mutters behind me, Feckin' +uclid. %otty barks at him./ou, boy, "hat is your name5 Clohessy, sir. Ah, the boy lies on one "ing.1hat is your Christian name5 2addy. 2addy "hat5 2addy, sir. And "hat, 2addy, "ere you saying to McCourt5 I said "e should get do"n on our t"o knees and thank *od or +uclid. I'm sure you did, Clohessy. I see the lie estering in your teeth.1hat do I see, boys5 The lie, sir. And "hat is the lie doing, boys5 Festering, sir. 1here, boys, "here5 In his teeth, sir. +uclid, boys, "as a *reek.1hat, Clohessy, is a *reek5 'ome class o a oreigner, sir. Clohessy, you are a hal ,"it. )o", Brendan, surely you kno" "hat a *reek is5 /es, sir. +uclid "as a *reek. %otty gi!es him the little smile.

4e tells Clohessy he should model himsel on :uigley, "ho kno"s "hat a *reek is. 4e dra"s t"o lines side by side and tells us these are parallel lines and the magical and mysterious thing is that they ne!er meet, not i they "ere to be e#tended to in inity, not i they "ere e#tended to *od's shoulders and that, boys, is a long "ay though there is a *erman 8e" "ho is upsetting the "hole "orld "ith his ideas on parallel lines. 1e listen to %otty and "onder "hat all this has to do "ith the state o the "orld "ith the *ermans marching e!ery"here and bombing e!erything that stands.1e can't ask him oursel!es but "e can get Brendan :uigley to do it. Anyone can see Brendan is the master's pet and that means he can ask any .uestion he likes.A ter school "e tell Brendan he has to ask the .uestion tomorro", 1hat use is +uclid and all those lines that go on ore!er "hen the *ermans are bombing e!erything5 Brendan says he doesn't "ant to be the master's pet, he didn't ask or it, and he doesn't "ant to ask the .uestion. 4e's a raid i he asks that .uestion %otty "ill attack him.1e tell him i he doesn't ask the .uestion "e'll attack him. )e#t day Brendan raises his hand. %otty gi!es him the little smile. 'ir, "hat use is +uclid and all the lines "hen the *ermans are bombing e!erything that stands5 The little smile is gone. Ah, Brendan. Ah, :uigley. 0h, boys, oh, boys. 4e lays his stick on the desk and stands on the plat orm "ith his eyes closed. 1hat use is +uclid5 he says. 7se5 1ithout +uclid the Messerschmitt could ne!er ha!e taken to the sky.1ithout +uclid the 'pit ire could not dart rom cloud to cloud. +uclid brings us grace and beauty and elegance.1hat does he bring us, boys5 *race, sir. And5 Beauty, sir. And5 +legance, sir. +uclid is complete in himsel and di!ine in application. %o you understand that, boys5 1e do, sir. I doubt it,boys,I doubt it.To lo!e +uclid is to be alone in this "orld. 4e opens his eyes and sighs and you can see the eyes are a little "atery. 2addy Clohessy is lea!ing the school that day and he's stopped by Mr. 0'%ea, "ho teaches the i th class. Mr. 0'%ea says,/ou, "hat's your name5 Clohessy, sir. 1hat class are you in5 Fourth class, sir. )o" tell me, Clohessy, is that master o yours talking to you about +uclid5 4e is, sir. And "hat is he saying5 4e's saying he's a *reek. 0 course he is, you diddering omadhaun.1hat else is he saying5 4e's saying there "ould be no school "ithout +uclid. Ah. )o" is he dra"ing anything on the board5 4e's dra"ing lines side by side that "ill ne!er meet e!en i they land on *od's shoulders. Mother o' *od. )o, sir. *od's shoulders. I kno", you idiot. *o home. The ne#t day there's a great noise at our classroom door and Mr. 0'%ea is yelling,Come out,0')eill,you chancer,you poltroon.1e can hear e!erything he's saying because o the broken glass o!er the door. The ne" headmaster, Mr. 0'4alloran, is saying, )o", no", Mr. 0'%ea. Control yoursel . )o .uarreling in ront o our pupils. 1ell, then, Mr. 0'4alloran, tell him stop teaching the geometry. The geometry is or the i th orm and not the ourth.The geometry is mine.Tell him to teach the long di!ision and lea!e +uclid to me. &ong di!ision "ill stretch his intellect such as it is, *od help us. I don't "ant the minds o these boys destroyed by that chancer up there on the plat orm, him handing out apple skins and causing diarrhea right and le t. Tell him +uclid is mine, Mr. 0'4alloran, or I'll put a stop to his gallop. Mr. 0'4alloran tells Mr. 0'%ea to return to his classroom and asks Mr. 0')eill to step into the hall. Mr. 0'4alloran says, )o", Mr. 0')eill, I ha!e asked you be ore to stay a"ay rom +uclid. /ou ha!e,Mr.0'4alloran,but you might as "ell ask me to stop eating my daily apple. I'll ha!e to insist, Mr. 0')eill. )o more +uclid. Mr. 0')eill comes back to the room and his eyes are "atery again. 4e says little has changed since the time o the *reeks or the barbarians are "ithin the gates and their names are legion.1hat has changed since the time o the *reeks, boys5 It is torture to "atch Mr. 0')eill peel the apple e!ery day, to see the length o it, red or green, and i you're up near him to catch the reshness o it in your nose. I you're the good boy or that day and you ans"er the .uestions he gi!es it to you and lets you eat it there at your desk so that you can eat it in peace "ith no one to bother you the "ay they "ould i you took it into the yard. Then they'd

torment you, *imme a piece, gimme a piece, and you'd be lucky to ha!e an inch le t or yoursel . There are days "hen the .uestions are too hard and he torments us by dropping the apple peel into the "astebasket.Then he borro"s a boy rom another class to take the "astebasket do"n to the urnace to burn papers and apple peel or he'll lea!e it or the char"oman, )ellie Ahearn, to take it all a"ay in her big can!as sack.1e'd like to ask )ellie to keep the peel or us be ore the rats get it but she's "eary rom cleaning the "hole school by hersel and she snaps at us, I ha!e other things to be doin' "ith me li e besides "atchin' a scabby bunch rootin' around or the skin o an apple. *o '"ay. 4e peels the apple slo"ly. 4e looks around the room "ith the little smile. 4e teases us, %o you think, boys, I should gi!e this to the pigeons on the "indo"sill5 1e say, )o, sir, pigeons don't eat apples. 2addy Clohessy calls out, 'T"ill gi!e them the runs, sir, and "e'll ha!e it on our heads abroad in the yard. Clohessy,you are an omadhaun.%o you kno" "hat an omadhaun is5 I don't, sir. It's the Irish, Clohessy, your nati!e tongue, Clohessy. An omadhaun is a ool, Clohessy./ou are an omadhaun.1hat is he, boys5 An omadhaun, sir. Clohessy says, That's "hat Mr. 0'%ea called me, sir, a diddering omadhaun. 4e pauses in his peeling to ask us .uestions about e!erything in the "orld and the boy "ith the best ans"ers "ins. 4ands up, he says, "ho is the 2resident o the 7nited 'tates o America5 +!ery hand in the class goes up and "e're all disgusted "hen he asks a .uestion that any omadhaun "ould kno".1e call out, $oose!elt. Then he says,/ou,Mulcahy,"ho stood at the oot o the cross "hen 0ur &ord "as cruci ied5 Mulcahy is slo".The T"el!e Apostles, sir. Mulcahy, "hat is the Irish "ord or ool5 0madhaun, sir. And "hat are you, Mulcahy5 An omadhaun, sir. Fintan 'lattery raises his hand. I kno" "ho stood at the oot o the cross, sir. 0 course Fintan kno"s "ho stood at the oot o the cross.1hy "ouldn't he5 4e's al"ays running o to Mass "ith his mother, "ho is kno"n or her holiness. 'he's so holy her husband ran o to Canada to cut do"n trees, glad to be gone and ne!er to be heard rom again. 'he and Fintan say the rosary e!ery night on their knees in the kitchen and read all kinds o religious maga(ines: The &ittle Messenger o the 'acred 4eart,The &antern,The Far +ast, as "ell as e!ery little book printed by the Catholic Truth 'ociety.They go to Mass and Communion rain or shine and e!ery 'aturday they con ess to the 8esuits "ho are kno"n or their interest in intelligent sins not the usual sins you hear rom people in lanes "ho are kno"n or getting drunk and sometimes eating meat on Fridays be ore it goes bad and cursing on top o it. Fintan and his mother li!e on Catherine 'treet and Mrs. 'lattery's neighbors call her Mrs. 0 er,It,7p because no matter "hat happens, a broken leg, a spilled cup o tea, a disappeared husband, she says,1ell, no", I'll o er that up and I'll ha!e no end o Indulgences to get me into hea!en. Fintan is -ust as bad. I you push him in the schoolyard or call him names he'll smile and tell you he'll pray or you and he'll o er it up or his soul and yours.The boys in &eamy's don't "ant Fintan praying or them and they threaten to gi!e him a good ong in the arse i they catch him praying or them. 4e says he "ants to be a saint "hen he gro"s up, "hich is ridiculous because you can't be a saint till you're dead. 4e says our grandchildren "ill be praying to his picture. 0ne big boy says, My grandchildren "ill piss on your picture, and Fintan -ust smiles. 4is sister ran a"ay to +ngland "hen she "as se!enteen and e!eryone kno"s he "ears her blouse at home and curls his hair "ith hot iron tongs e!ery 'aturday night so that he'll look gorgeous at Mass on 'unday. I he meets you going to Mass he'll say, Isn't my hair gorgeous, Frankie5 4e lo!es that "ord, gorgeous, and no other boy "ill e!er use it. 0 course he kno"s "ho stood at the oot o the cross. 4e probably kno"s "hat they "ere "earing and "hat they had or break ast and no" he's telling %otty 0')eill it "as the three Marys. %otty says, Come up here, Fintan, and take your re"ard. 4e takes his time going to the plat orm and "e can't belie!e our eyes "hen he takes out a pocketkni e to cut the apple peel into little bits so that he can eat them one by one and not be stu ing the "hole thing into his mouth like the

rest o us "hen "e "in. 4e raises his hand, 'ir, I'd like to gi!e some o my apple a"ay. The apple, Fintan5 )o, indeed./ou do not ha!e the apple, Fintan. /ou ha!e the peel,the mere skin./ou ha!e not nor "ill you e!er achie!e heights so di((y you'll be easting on the apple itsel .)ot my apple,Fintan. )o" did I hear you say you "ant to gi!e a"ay your re"ard5 /ou did, sir. I'd like to gi!e three pieces, to :uigley, Clohessy and McCourt. 1hy, Fintan5 They're my riends, sir. The boys around the room are sneering and nudging each other and I eel ashamed because they'll say I curl my hair and I'll be tormented in the schoolyard and "hy does he think I'm his riend5 I they say I "ear my sister's blouse there's no use telling them I don't ha!e a sister because they'll say,/ou'd "ear it i you had a sister.There's no use saying anything in the schoolyard because there's al"ays someone "ith an ans"er and there's nothing you can do but punch them in the nose and i you "ere to punch e!eryone "ho has an ans"er you'd be punching morning noon and night. :uigley takes the bit o peel rom Fintan.Thanks, Fintan. The "hole class is looking at Clohessy because he's the biggest and the toughest and i he says thanks I'll say thanks. 4e says,Thanks !ery much, Fintan, and blushes and I say,Thanks !ery much, Fintan, and I try to stop mysel rom blushing but I can't and all the boys sneer again and I'd like to hit them. A ter school the boys call to Fintan,4oi,Fintan,are you goin'home to curl your gorgeous hair5 Fintan smiles and climbs the steps o the schoolyard.A big boy rom se!enth class says to 2addy Clohessy,I suppose you'd be curlin' your hair too i you "asn't a baldy "ith a sha!ed head. 2addy says, 'hurrup, and the boy says, 0h, an' "ho's goin' to make me5 2addy tries a punch but the big boy hits his nose and knocks him do"n and there's blood. I try to hit the big boy but he grabs me by the throat and bangs my head against the "all till I see lights and black dots. 2addy "alks a"ay holding his nose and crying and the big boy pushes me a ter him. Fintan is outside on the street and he says, 0h, Francis, Francis,oh,2atrick,2atrick,"hat's up5 1hy are you crying,2atrick5 and 2addy says, I'm hungry. I can't ight nobody because I'm star!ing "ith the hunger an' allin' do"n an' I'm ashamed o mesel . Fintan says, Come "ith me, 2atrick. My mother "ill gi!e us something, and 2addy says,Ah, no, me nose is bleedin'. %on't "orry.'he'll put something on your nose or a key on the back o your neck. Francis, you must come, too./ou al"ays look hungry. Ah, no, Fintan. Ah, do, Francis. All right, Fintan. Fintan's lat is like a chapel.There are t"o pictures, the 'acred 4eart o 8esus and the Immaculate 4eart o Mary. 8esus is sho"ing 4is heart "ith the cro"n o thorns, the ire, the blood. 4is head is tilted to the le t to sho" 4is great sorro". The 6irgin Mary is sho"ing her heart and it "ould be a pleasant heart i it didn't ha!e that cro"n o thorns. 4er head is tilted to the right to sho" her sorro" because she kno"s her 'on "ill come to a sad end. There's a picture on another "all o a man "ith a bro"n robe and birds sitting all o!er him. Fintan says, %o you kno" "ho that is, Francis5 )o5 That's your patron, 't. Francis o Assisi, and do you kno" "hat today is5 The ourth o 0ctober. That's right and it's his east day and special or you because you can ask 't. Francis or anything and he'll surely gi!e it to you.That's "hy I "anted you to come here today. 'it do"n, 2atrick, sit do"n, Francis. Mrs. 'lattery comes in "ith her rosary beads in her hand. 'he's happy to meet Fintan's ne" riends and "ould "e like a cheese sand"ich5 And look at your poor nose, 2atrick. 'he touches his nose "ith the cross on her rosary beads and says a little prayer. 'he tells us these rosary beads "ere blessed by the 2ope himsel and "ould stop the lo" o a ri!er i re.uested ne!er mind 2atrick's poor nose. Fintan says he "on't ha!e a sand"ich because he's asting and praying or the boy "ho hit 2addy and me. Mrs. 'lattery gi!es him a kiss on the head and tells him he's a saint out o hea!en and asks i "e'd like mustard on our sand"iches and I tell her I ne!er heard o mustard on cheese and I'd lo!e it. 2addy says, I dunno. I ne!er had a sang"idge in me li e, and "e all laugh and I "onder ho" you could li!e ten years like 2addy and ne!er ha!e a sand"ich. 2addy laughs, too, and you can see his teeth

are "hite and black and green. 1e eat the sand"ich and drink tea and 2addy "ants to kno" "here the la!atory is. Fintan takes him through the bedroom to the backyard and "hen they come back 2addy says, I ha!e to go home. Me mother'll kill me. I'll "ait or you outside, Frankie. )o" I ha!e to go to the la!atory and Fintan leads me to the backyard. 4e says, I ha!e to go, too, and "hen I unbutton my ly I can't pee because he's looking at me and he says,/ou "ere ooling./ou don't ha!e to go at all. I like to look at you, Francis.That's all. I "ouldn't "ant to commit any class o a sin "ith our Con irmation coming ne#t year. 2addy and I lea!e together. I'm bursting and run behind a garage to pee. 2addy is "aiting or me and as "e "alk along 4artstonge 'treet he says,That "as a po"er ul sang"idge, Frankie, an' him an' his mother is !ery holy but I "ouldn't "ant to go to Fintan's lat anymore because he's !ery odd, isn't he, Frankie5 4e is, 2addy. The "ay he looks at it "hen you take it out, that's odd, isn't it, Frankie5 'Tis, 2addy. A e" days later 2addy "hispers,Fintan 'lattery said "e could come to his lat at lunchtime. 4is mother "on't be there and she lea!es his lunch or him. 4e might gi!e us some too and he has lo!ely milk.1ill "e go5 Fintan sits t"o ro"s rom us. 4e kno"s "hat 2addy is saying to me and he mo!es his eyebro"s up and do"n as i to say,1ill you come5 I "hisper yes to 2addy and he nods to Fintan and the master barks at us to stop "aggling our eyebro"s and our lips or the ash plant "ill sing across our backsides. Boys in the schoolyard see the three o us "alk out and they pass remarks. 0h, *a"d, look at Fintan and his ingles. 2addy says, Fintan, "hat's an ingle5 and Fintan says it's -ust a boy rom olden times "ho sits in a corner, that's all. 4e tells us sit at the table in his kitchen and "e can read his comic books i "e like, Film Fun, the Beano, the %andy, or the religious maga(ines or his mother's romance maga(ines, the Miracle and the 0racle, "hich al"ays ha!e stories about actory girls "ho are poor but beauti ul in lo!e "ith sons o earls and !ice !ersa and the actory girl ends up thro"ing hersel into the Thames "ith the hopelessness only to be rescued by a passing carpenter "ho is poor but honest and "ill lo!e the actory girl or her o"n humble sel though it turns out the passing carpenter is really the son o a duke, "hich is much higher than an earl, so that no" the poor actory girl is a duchess and can look do"n her nose at the earl "ho spurned her because she's happy tending her roses on her t"el!e, thousand,acre estate in 'hropshire and being kind to her poor old mother, "ho re uses to lea!e her humble little cottage or all the money in the "orld. 2addy says, I don't "ant to read nothing, it's all a cod, all them stories. Fintan remo!es the cloth co!ering his sand"ich and glass o milk. The milk looks creamy and cool and delicious and the sand"ich bread is almost as "hite. 2addy says, Is that a ham sang"idge5 and Fintan says, 'Tis. 2addy says,That's a lo!ely looking sang"idge and is there mustard on it5 Fintan nods and slices the sand"ich in t"o. Mustard seeps out. 4e licks it o his ingers and takes a nice mouth ul o milk. 4e cuts the sand"ich again into .uarters, eighths, si#teenths, takes The &ittle Messenger o the 'acred 4eart rom the pile o maga(ines and reads "hile he eats his sand"ich bits and drinks his milk and 2addy and I look at him and I kno" 2addy is "ondering "hat "e're doing here at all, at all, because that's "hat I'm "ondering mysel hoping Fintan "ill pass o!er the plate to us but he doesn't, he inishes the milk, lea!es bits o sand"ich on the plate,co!ers it "ith the cloth and "ipes his lips in his dainty "ay, lo"ers his head, blesses himsel and says grace a ter meals and, *od, "e'll be late or school, and blesses himsel again on the "ay out "ith holy "ater rom the little china ont hanging by the door "ith the little image o the 6irgin Mary sho"ing her heart and pointing at it "ith t"o ingers as i "e couldn't make it out or oursel!es. It's too late or 2addy and me to run and get the bun and milk rom )ellie Ahearn and I don't kno" ho" I'm going to last rom no" till I can run home a ter school and get a piece o bread. 2addy stops at the school gate. 4e says, I can't go in there star!ing "ith the hunger. I'd all asleep and %otty'd kill me. Fintan is an#ious. Come on, come on, "e'll be late. Come on, Francis, hurry up.

I'm not going in, Fintan./ou had your lunch.1e had nothing. 2addy e#plodes./ou're a eckin' chancer, Fintan.That's "hat you are an' a eckin' begrudger too "ith your eckin' sang"idge an' your eckin' 'acred 4eart o 8esus on the "all an' your eckin' holy "ater./ou can kiss my arse, Fintan. 0h, 2atrick. 0h, 2atrick my eckin' arse, Fintan. Come on, Frankie. Fintan runs into school and 2addy and I make our "ay to an orchard in Ballinacurra.1e climb a "all and a ierce dog comes at us till 2addy talks to him and tells him he's a good dog and "e're hungry and go home to your mother.The dog licks 2addy's ace and trots a"ay "a!ing his tail and 2addy is delighted "ith himsel .1e stu apples into our shirts till "e can barely get back o!er the "all to run into a long ield and sit under a hedge eating the apples till "e can't s"allo" another bit and "e stick our aces into a stream or the lo!ely cool "ater.Then "e run to opposite ends o a ditch to shit and "ipe oursel!es "ith grass and thick lea!es. 2addy is s.uatting and saying,There's nothing in the "orld like a good eed o apples, a drink o "ater and a good shit, better than any sang"idge o cheese and mustard and %otty 0')eill can sho!e his apple up his arse. There are three co"s in a ield "ith their heads o!er a stone "all and they say moo to us. 2addy says, Be-asus, 'tis milkin' time, and he's o!er the "all, stretched on his back under a co" "ith her big udder hanging into his ace.4e pulls on a teat and s.uirts milk into his mouth. 4e stops s.uirting and says, Come on, Frankie, resh milk. 'Tis lo!ely. *et that other co", they're all ready or the milkin'. I get under the co" and pull on a teat but she kicks and mo!es and I'm sure she's going to kill me. 2addy comes o!er and sho"s me ho" to do it, pull hard and straight and the milk comes out in a po"er ul stream.The t"o o us lie under the one co" and "e're ha!ing a great time illing oursel!es "ith milk "hen there's a roar and there's a man "ith a stick charging across the ield.1e're o!er the "all in a minute and he can't ollo" us because o his rubber boots. 4e stands at the "all and shakes his stick and shouts that i he e!er catches us "e'll ha!e the length o his boot up our arses and "e laugh because "e're out o harm's "ay and I'm "ondering "hy anyone should be hungry in a "orld ull o milk and apples. It's all right or 2addy to say %otty can sho!e the apple up his arse but I don't "ant to rob orchards and milk co"s ore!er and I'll al"ays try to "in %otty's apple peel so that I can go home and tell %ad ho" I ans"ered the hard .uestions. 1e're "alking back through Ballinacurra.There's rain and lightning and "e run but it's hard or me "ith the sole o my shoe lapping and threatening to trip me. 2addy can run all he "ants in his long bare eet and you hear them slapping on the pa!ement. My shoes and stockings are soaked and they make their o"n sound,s.uish,s.uish.2addy notices that and "e make a song rom our t"o sounds, slap slap, s.uish, s.uish, slap s.uish, s.uish slap.1e laugh so hard o!er our song "e ha!e to hold on to one another.The rain gets hea!ier and "e kno" "e can't stand under a tree or "e'll be ried entirely so "e stand by a door "hich is opened in a minute by a big at maid in a little "hite hat and a black dress "ith a little "hite apron "ho tells us get a"ay rom this door "e're a disgrace.1e run rom the door and 2addy calls back, Mullingar hei er, bee to the heels, and he laughs till he chokes and has to lean against a "all "ith the "eakness.There's no sense in standing in rom the rain anymore, "e're soaked to the skin, so "e take our time do"n 0'Connell A!enue. 2addy says he learned that Mullingar hei er thing rom his uncle 2eter, the one that "as in India in the +nglish army and they ha!e a photo o him standing "ith a group o soldiers "ith their helmets and guns and bandoliers around their chests and there are dark men in uni orm "ho are Indians and loyal to the ;ing. 7ncle 2eter had a great time or himsel in a place called ;ashmir, "hich is lo!elier than ;illarney that they're al"ays bragging about and singing. 2addy goes on again about running a"ay and "inding up in India in a silken tent "ith the girl "ith the red dot and the curry and the igs and he's making me hungry e!en i I'm stu ed "ith apples and milk. The rain is clearing and there are birds honking o!er our heads.2addy says they're ducks or geese or something on their "ay to A rica "here it's nice

and "arm.The birds ha!e more sense than the Irish.They come to the 'hannon or their holidays and then they go back to the "arm places, maybe e!en India.4e says he'll "rite me a letter "hen he's o!er there and I can come to India and ha!e my o"n girl "ith a red dot. 1hat's that dot or, 2addy5 It sho"s they're high class, the .uality. But, 2addy, "ould the .uality in India talk to you i they kne" you "ere rom a lane in &imerick and had no shoes5 Course they "ould, but the +nglish .uality "ouldn't.The +nglish .uality "ouldn't gi!e you the steam o their piss. 'team o their piss5 *od, 2addy, did you think o that yoursel 5 )a", na", that's "hat my ather says belo" in the bed "hen he's coughin' up the gobs and blamin' the +nglish or e!erything. And I think, 'team o their piss. I'll keep that or mysel . I'll go around &imerick saying it, 'team o their piss, 'team o their piss, and "hen I go to America some day I'll be the only one "ho kno"s it. :uestion :uigley is "obbling to"ard us on a big "oman's bicycle and calls to me, 4oi, Frankie McCourt, you're going to be killed. %otty 0')eill sent a note to your house and said you didn't come back to school a ter lunch, that you "ent on the mooch "ith 2addy Clohessy. /our mother is going to kill you. /our ather is out looking or you and he's going to kill you, too. 0h,*od,I eel cold and empty and I "ish I could be in India "here it's nice and "arm and there's no school and my ather could ne!er ind me to kill me. 2addy tells the :uestion, 4e didn't go on the mooch and I didn't either. Fintan 'lattery star!ed us to death and "e "ere too late or the bun and the milk. Then 2addy says to me, %on't mind 'em, Frankie, 'tis all a cod.They're al"ays sendin' notes to our house and "e "ipe our arses "ith them. My mother and ather "ould ne!er "ipe their arses "ith a note rom the master and I'm a raid no" to go home.The :uestion rides o on the bicycle, laughing, and I don't kno" "hy because he once ran a"ay rom home and slept in a ditch "ith our goats and that's "orse than mooching rom school hal a day anytime. I could turn up the Barrack $oad no" and go home and tell my parents I'm sorry I "ent on the mooch and I did it because o the hunger but 2addy says, Come on, "e'll go do"n the %ock $oad and thro" rocks in the 'hannon. 1e thro" rocks in the ri!er and "e s"ing on the iron chains along the bank. It's getting dark and I don't kno" "here I'm going to sleep. I might ha!e to stay there by the 'hannon or ind a door or I might ha!e to go back out the country and ind a ditch like Brendan :uigley "ith our goats. 2addy says I can go home "ith him, I can sleep on the loor and I'll dry out. 2addy li!es in one o the tall houses on Arthur's :uay looking at the ri!er. +!eryone in &imerick kno"s these houses are old and might all do"n at any minute. Mam o ten says, I don't "ant any o ye going do"n to Arthur's :uay and i I ind ye there I'll break yeer aces.The people do"n there are "ild and ye could get robbed and killed. It's raining again and small children are playing in the hall"ay and up the stairs. 2addy says, Mind yoursel , because some o the steps are missing and there is shit on the ones that are still there. 4e says that's because there's only one pri!y and it's in the backyard and children don't get do"n the stairs in time to put their little arses on the bo"l, *od help us. There's a "oman "ith a sha"l sitting on the ourth light smoking a cigarette. 'he says, Is that you, 2addy5 'Tis, Mammy. I'm agged out, 2addy. Them steps is killin' me. %id you ha!e your tea5 I didn't. 1ell, I don't kno" i there's any bread le t. *o up an' see. 2addy's amily li!e in one big room "ith a high ceiling and a small ireplace.There are t"o tall "indo"s and you can see out to the 'hannon. 4is ather is in a bed in the corner, groaning and spitting into a bucket. 2addy's brothers and sisters are on mattresses on the loor, sleeping, talking, looking at the ceiling.There's a baby "ith no clothes cra"ling o!er to 2addy's ather's bucket and 2addy pulls him a"ay.4is mother comes in, gasping, rom the stairs. 8esus, I'm dead, she says. 'he inds some bread and makes "eak tea or 2addy and me. I don't kno" "hat I'm supposed to do.They don't say anything.They don't say "hat are you doing here or go home or anything till Mr. Clohessy says, 1ho's that5 and 2addy tells him, 'Tis Frankie McCourt. Mr. Clohessy says, McCourt5 1hat

class o a name is that5 My ather is rom the )orth, Mr. Clohessy. And "hat's your mother's name5 Angela, Mr. Clohessy. Ah, 8aysus, 't"ouldn't be Angela 'heehan, "ould it5 'T"ould, Mr. Clohessy. Ah, 8aysus, he says, and he has a coughing it "hich brings up all kinds o stu rom his insides and has him hanging o!er the bucket. 1hen the cough passes he alls back on the pillo". Ah, Frankie, I kne" your mother "ell. %anced "ith her, Mother o' Christ, I'm dying inside, danced "ith her I did belo" in the 1embley 4all and a champion dancer she "as too. 4e hangs o!er the bucket again. 4e gasps or air and reaches his arms out to get it. 4e su ers but he "on't stop talking. Champion dancer she "as, Frankie. )ot skinny mind you but a eather in my arms and there "as many a sorry man "hen she le t &imerick. Can you dance, Frankie5 Ah, no, Mr. Clohessy. 2addy says, 4e can, %ada. 4e had the lessons rom Mrs. 0'Connor and Cyril Benson. 1ell, dance, Frankie. $ound the house an' mind the dresser, Frankie. &i t the oot, lad. I can't, Mr. Clohessy. I'm no good. )o good5 Angela's 'heehan's son5 %ance, Frankie, or I'll get outa this bed an' "heel you round the house. My shoe is broken, Mr. Clohessy. Frankie, Frankie, you're bringin' the cough on me.1ill you dance or the lo!e o' 8esus so I can remember me youth "ith your mother in the 1embley 4all.Take o the eckin' shoe, Frankie, an' dance. I ha!e to make up dances and tunes to go "ith them the "ay I did a long time ago "hen I "as young. I dance around the room "ith one shoe because I orgot to take it o . I try to make up "ords, 0h,The 1alls o &imerick are alling do"n, alling do"n, alling do"n, The 1alls o &imerick alling do"n and the $i!er 'hannon kills us. Mr. Clohessy is laughing in the bed. 0h, 8aysus, I ne!er heard likes o' that on land or sea.That's a great leg or the dancing you ha!e there, Frankie. 0h, 8aysus. 4e coughs and brings up ropes o green and yello" stu . It makes me sick to look at it and I "onder i I should go home rom all this sickness and this bucket and let my parents kill me i they "ant to. 2addy lies do"n on a mattress by the "indo" and I lie beside him. I keep my clothes on like e!erybody else and I e!en orget to take o my other shoe, "hich is "et and s.uishy and stinks. 2addy alls asleep right a"ay and I look at his mother sitting by the bit o a ire smoking another cigarette. 2addy's ather groans and coughs and spits into the bucket. 4e says, Feckin' blood, and she says,/ou'll ha!e to go into the sanatorium sooner or later. I "ill not.The day they put you in there is the end o you. /ou could be gi!in'the consumption to the children.I could get the guards to take you a"ay you're that much o a danger to the children. I they "ere to get it they'd ha!e it be no". The ire dies and Mrs. Clohessy climbs o!er him into the bed. In a minute she's snoring e!en i he's still coughing and laughing about the days o his youth "hen he danced "ith Angela 'heehan light as a eather in the 1embley 4all. It's cold in the room and I'm shi!ering in my "et clothes. 2addy is shi!ering too but he's asleep and he doesn't kno" he's cold.I don't kno" i I should stay here or get up and go home but "ho "ants to be "andering the streets "hen a guard might ask you "hat you're doing out. It's my irst time a"ay rom my amily and I kno" I'd rather be in my o"n house "ith the smelly la!atory and stable ne#t door. It's bad "hen our kitchen is a lake and "e ha!e to go up to Italy but it's "orse in the Clohessys' "hen you ha!e to go do"n our lights to the la!atory and slip on shit all the "ay do"n. I'd be better o "ith our goats in a ditch. I dri t in and out o sleep but I ha!e to "ake up or good "hen Mrs. Clohessy goes around pulling at her amily to get them up. They all "ent to bed "ith their clothes on so they don't ha!e to get dressed and there's no ighting.They grumble and run out the door to get do"nstairs to the backyard la!atory. I ha!e to go too and I run do"n "ith 2addy but his sister 2eggy is on the bo"l and "e ha!e to piss against a "all. 'he says, I'll tell Ma "hat ye did, and 2addy says, 'hurrup or I'll push you do"n into that eckin' la!atory. 'he -umps o the la!atory, pulls her dra"ers up and runs up the stairs crying, I'll tell, I'll tell, and "hen "e get back to the room Mrs. Clohessy gi!es 2addy a belt on the head or "hat he did to his poor little sister. 2addy says nothing because Mrs. Clohessy is

spooning porridge into mugs and -am -ars and one bo"l and telling us to eat up and go to school. 'he sits at the table eating her porridge. 4er hair is gray black and dirty. It dangles in the bo"l and picks up bits o porridge and drops o milk.The children slurp the porridge and complain they didn't get enough, they're star!ing "ith the hunger. They ha!e snotty noses and sore eyes and scabby knees. Mr. Clohessy coughs and s.uirms on the bed and brings up the great gobs o blood and I run out o the room and puke on the stairs "here there's a step missing and there's a sho"er o porridge and bits o apple to the loor belo" "here people go back and orth to the la!atory in the yard. 2addy comes do"n and says, 'ure that's all right. +!ery"an gets sick an' shits on them stairs an' the "hole eckin' place is alling do"n any"ay. I don't kno" "hat I'm supposed to do no". I I go back to school I'll be killed and "hy should I go back to school or go home to get killed "hen I can go out the road and li!e on milk and apples the rest o my li e till I go to America. 2addy says, Come on. 'chool is all a cod any"ay an' the masters is all madmen. There's a knock at the Clohessys' door and it's Mam holding my little brother, Michael, by the hand, and *uard %ennehy, "ho is in charge o school attendance. Mam sees me and says,1hat are you doing "ith one shoe on5 and *uard %ennehy says,Ah, no", missus, I think a more important .uestion "ould be,1hat are you doing "ith one shoe o , ha, ha. Michael runs to me. Mammy "as crying. Mammy "as crying or you, Frankie. 'he says,1here "ere you all night5 I "as here. /ou had me demented./our ather "alked e!ery street in &imerick looking or you. Mr. Clohessy says,1ho's at the door5 It's my mother, Mr. Clohessy. *od abo!e, is that Angela5 'Tis, Mr. Clohessy. 4e struggles up on his elbo"s.1ell, or the lo!e o *od, "ill you come in,Angela. %on't you kno" me5 Mam looks pu((led. It's dark in the room and she tries to make out "ho is in the bed. 4e says, 'Tis me, %ennis Clohessy,Angela. Ah, no. 'Tis,Angela. Ah, no. I kno",Angela. I'm changed.The cough is killin' me. But I remember the nights at the 1embley 4all.A", 8aysus, you "ere a great dancer. )ights at the 1embley 4all, Angela, and the ish and chips a ter. 0h, boys, oh, boys,Angela. My mother has tears running do"n her ace. 'he says,/ou "ere a great dancer yoursel , %ennis Clohessy. 1e could ha!e "on competitions,Angela. Fred and *inger "ould ha!e been lookin' o!er their shoulders but you had to run o to America.A", 8aysus. 4e has another coughing it and "e ha!e to stand and "atch him hang o!er the bucket again and bring up the bad stu rom his insides. *uard %ennehy says, I think, missus, "e ound the by an' I'll be going. 4e says to me, I you e!er go on the mooch again, by, "e'll ha!e you in the -ail abo!e.Are you listenin' to me, by5 I am, *uard. %on't be tormentin' your mother, by.That's "an thing the guards "on't put up "ith, the tormentin' o mothers. I "on't, *uard. I "on't torment her. 4e lea!es and Mam goes to the bed to take Mr. Clohessy's hand. 4is ace is ca!ed in all around his eyes and his hair is shiny black "ith the s"eat running rom the top o his head. 4is children stand around the bed looking at him and looking at Mam. Mrs. Clohessy sits by the ire rattling the poker in the grate and pushing the baby a"ay rom the ire. 'he says, 'Tis his o"n bloody ault or not goin' into hospital, so 'tis. Mr. Clohessy gasps, I'd be all right i I could li!e in a dry place. Angela, is America a dry place5 'Tis, %ennis. The doctor told me go to Ari(ona. A unny man that doctor. Ari(ona ho" are you. I don't ha!e the money to go around the corner or a pint. Mam says,/ou'll be all right, %ennis. I'll light a candle or you. 'a!e your money,Angela. My dancin' days are done. I ha!e to go no", %ennis. My son has to go to school. Be ore you go,Angela, "ill you do one thing or me5 I "ill, %ennis, i 'tis in my po"er. 1ould you e!er gi!e us a !erse o that song you sang the night be ore you "ent to America5 That's a hard song, %ennis. I "ouldn't ha!e the "ind or it. Ah, come on, Angela. I ne!er hear a song anymore. There isn't a song in this house.The "i e there doesn't ha!e a note in her head an' no step in her oot. Mam says,All right. I'll try. 0h, the nights o the ;erry dancing, 0h, the ring o the piper's tune, 0h, or one o those hours o gladness, gone, alas, like our youth too soon. 1hen the boys

began to gather in the glen o a 'ummer night, And the ;erry piper's tuning made us long "ith "ild delight. 'he stops and presses her hand to her chest, 0h, *od, my "ind is gone. 4elp me, Frank, "ith the song, and I sing along, 0h, to think o it, 0h, to dream o it, ills my heart "ith tears. 0h, the nights o the ;erry dancing, 0h, the ring o the piper's tune 0h, or one o those hours o gladness, gone, alas, like our youth too soon. Mr. Clohessy tries to sing "ith us, gone, alas, like our youth too soon, but it brings on the cough. 4e shakes his head and cries, I "ouldn't doubt you,Angela. It takes me back. *od bless you. *od bless you, too, %ennis, and thanks, Mrs. Clohessy, or ha!ing Frankie here o the streets. 'T"as no trouble, Mrs. McCourt. 4e's .uiet enough. :uiet enough, says Mr. Clohessy, but he's not the dancer his mother "as. Mam says, 'Tis hard to dance "ith one shoe, %ennis. I kno",Angela, but you'd "onder "hy he didn't take it o . Is he a bit strange5 Ah, sometimes he has the odd manner like his ather. 0h, yes. The ather is rom the )orth, Angela, and that "ould account or it.They'd think nothing o dancing "ith one shoe in the )orth. 1e "alk up 2atrick 'treet and 0'Connell 'treet, 2addy Clohessy and Mam and Michael and mysel , and Mam sobs all the "ay. Michael says, %on't cry, Mammy. Frankie "on't run a"ay. 'he li ts him up and hugs him. 0h, no, Michael, 'tisn't Frankie I'm crying about. 'Tis %ennis Clohessy and the dancing nights at the 1embley 4all and the ish and chips a ter. 'he comes into the school "ith us. Mr. 0')eill looks cross and tells us sit do"n he'll be "ith us in a minute.4e talks a long time at the door "ith my mother and "hen she lea!es he "alks bet"een the seats and pats 2addy Clohessy on the head. I'm !ery sorry or the Clohessys and all their troubles but I think they sa!ed me rom getting into trouble "ith my mother. VII There are Thursdays "hen %ad gets his dole money at the &abour +#change and a man might say,1ill "e go or a pint,Malachy5 and %ad "ill say, 0ne, only one, and the man "ill say, 0h, *od, yes, one, and be ore the night is o!er all the money is gone and %ad comes home singing and getting us out o bed to line up and promise to die or Ireland "hen the call comes. 4e e!en gets Michael up and he's only three but there he is singing and promising to die or Ireland at the irst opportunity.That's "hat %ad calls it, the irst opportunity. I'm nine and Malachy is eight and "e kno" all the songs.1e sing all the !erses o ;e!in Barry and $oddy McCorley, BThe 1est's Asleep,B B0'%onnell Abu,BBThe Boys o 1e# ord.B 1e sing and promise to die because you ne!er kno" "hen %ad might ha!e a penny or t"o le t o!er rom the drinking and i he gi!es it to us "e can run to ;athleen 0'Connell's ne#t day or to ee. 'ome nights he says Michael is the best singer o all and he gi!es him the penny. Malachy and I "onder "hat's the use o being eight and nine and kno"ing all the songs and ready to die "hen Michael gets the penny so that he can go to the shop ne#t day and stu his gob "ith to ee galore. )o one can ask him to die or Ireland at the age o three, not e!en 2adraig 2earse, "ho "as shot by the +nglish in %ublin in ?@?A and e#pected the "hole "orld to die "ith him. Besides, Mikey Molloy's ather said anyone "ho "ants to die or Ireland is a donkey's arse.Men ha!e been dying or Ireland since the beginning o time and look at the state o the country. It's bad enough that %ad loses -obs in the third "eek but no" he drinks all the dole money once a month. Mam gets desperate and in the morning she has the bitter ace and she "on't talk to him. 4e has his tea and lea!es the house early or the long "alk into the country.1hen he returns in the e!ening she still "on't talk to him and she "on't make his tea. I the ire is dead or the "ant o coal or tur and there's no "ay o boiling "ater or the tea, he says, 0ch, aye, and drinks "ater out o a -am -ar and smacks his lips the "ay he "ould "ith a pint o porter. 4e says good "ater is all a man needs and Mam makes a snorting sound.1hen she's not talking to him the house is hea!y and cold and "e kno" "e're not supposed to talk to him either or ear she'll gi!e us the bitter look.1e kno" %ad has done the bad thing and "e kno" you can make anyone su er

by not talking to him. +!en little Michael kno"s that "hen %ad does the bad thing you don't talk to him rom Friday to Monday and "hen he tries to li t you to his lap you run to Mam. I'm nine years old and I ha!e a pal, Mickey 'pellacy, "hose relations are dropping one by one o the galloping consumption. I en!y Mickey because e!ery time someone dies in his amily he gets a "eek o rom school and his mother stitches a black diamond patch on his slee!e so that he can "ander rom lane to lane and street to street and people "ill kno" he has the grie and pat his head and gi!e him money and s"eets or his sorro". But this summer Mickey is "orried. 4is sister, Brenda, is "asting a"ay "ith the consumption and it's only August and i she dies be ore 'eptember he "on't get his "eek o rom school because you can't get a "eek o rom school "hen there's no school. 4e comes to Billy Campbell and me to ask i "e'll go around the corner to 't. 8oseph's Church and pray or Brenda to hang on till 'eptember. 1hat's in it or us, Mickey, i "e go around the corner praying5 1ell, i Brenda hangs on and I get me "eek o ye can come to the "ake and ha!e ham and cheese and cake and sherry and lemonade and e!erything and ye can listen to the songs and stories all night. 1ho could say no to that5 There's nothing like a "ake or ha!ing a good time.1e trot around to the church "here they ha!e statues o 't. 8oseph himsel as "ell as the 'acred 4eart o 8esus, the 6irgin Mary and 't. ThDrEse o &isieu#, the &ittle Flo"er. I pray to the &ittle Flo"er because she died o the consumption hersel and she'd understand. 0ne o our prayers must ha!e been po"er ul because Brenda stays ali!e and doesn't die till the second day o school.1e tell Mickey "e're sorry or his troubles but he's delighted "ith his "eek o and he gets the black diamond patch "hich "ill bring the money and s"eets. My mouth is "atering at the thought o the east at Brenda's "ake. Billy knocks on the door and there's Mickey's aunt.1ell5 1e came to say a prayer or Brenda and Mickey said "e could come to the "ake. 'he yells, Mickey9 1hat5 Come here. %id you tell this gang they could come to your sister's "ake5 )o. But, Mickey, you promised . . . 'he slams the door in our aces.1e don't kno" "hat to do till Billy Campbell says, 1e'll go back to 't. 8oseph's and pray that rom no" on e!eryone in Mickey 'pellacy's amily "ill die in the middle o the summer and he'll ne!er get a day o rom school or the rest o his li e. 0ne o our prayers is surely po"er ul because ne#t summer Mickey himsel is carried o by the galloping consumption and he doesn't get a day o rom school and that "ill surely teach him a lesson. 2roddy 1oddy ring the bell, )ot or hea!en but or hell. 0n 'unday mornings in &imerick I "atch them go to church, the 2rotestants, and I eel sorry or them, especially the girls, "ho are so lo!ely, they ha!e such beauti ul "hite teeth. I eel sorry or the beauti ul 2rotestant girls, they're doomed.That's "hat the priests tell us. 0utside the Catholic Church there is no sal!ation. 0utside the Catholic Church there is nothing but doom.And I "ant to sa!e them. 2rotestant girl, come "ith me to the True Church. /ou'll be sa!ed and you "on't ha!e the doom.A ter Mass on 'unday I go "ith my riend Billy Campbell to "atch them play cro.uet on the lo!ely la"n beside their church on Barrington 'treet. Cro.uet is a 2rotestant game.They hit the ball "ith the mallet,pock and pock again,and laugh.I "onder ho" they can laugh or don't they e!en kno" they're doomed5 I eel sorry or them and I say, Billy, "hat's the use o playing cro.uet "hen you're doomed5 4e says, Frankie, "hat's the use o not playing cro.uet "hen you're doomed5 *randma says to Mam, /our brother 2at, bad leg an' all, "as selling papers all o!er &imerick by the time he "as eight and that Frank o yours is big and ugly enough to "ork. But he's only nine and still in school. 'chool. 'Tis school that has him the "ay he is talkin' back an' goin' around "ith the sour puss an' the odd manner like his ather. 4e could get out an' help poor 2at o a Friday night "hen the &imerick &eader is a ton "eight. 4e could run up the long garden paths o the .uality an' sa!e 2at's poor legs an' earn a e" pennies into the bargain. 4e has to go to the Con raternity on Friday nights. )e!er mind the Con raternity. There's nothin' in the catechism about con raternities. I meet 7ncle 2at at the &imerick &eader on Friday e!ening

at i!e. The man handing out the papers says my arms are that skinny I'd be lucky to carry t"o stamps but 7ncle 2at sticks eight papers under each arm.4e tells me,I'll kill you i you drop 'em or 'tis raining abroad,pelting out o the hea!ens. 4e tells me hug the "alls going up 0'Connell 'treet to keep the papers dry. I'm to run in "here there's a deli!ery, climb the outside steps, in the door, up the stairs, yell 2aper, get the money they o"e him or the "eek,do"n the stairs,gi!e him the money and on to the ne#t stop. Customers gi!e him tips or his troubles and he keeps them or himsel . 1e make our "ay up 0'Connell A!enue, out Ballinacurra, in by the 'outh Circular $oad, do"n 4enry 'treet and back to the o ice or more papers. 7ncle 2at "ears a cap and a thing like a co"boy poncho to keep his papers dry but he complains his eet are killing him and "e stop in a pub or a pint or his poor eet. 7ncle 2a ;eating is there all black and ha!ing a pint and he says to 7ncle 2at, Ab, are you going to let that boy stand there "ith his ace hanging out or the "ant o a lemonade5 7ncle 2at says,1ha5 and 7ncle 2a ;eating gets impatient. Christ, he's dragging your eckin' papers all o!er &imerick and you can't,0h, ne!er mind.Timmy, gi!e the child a lemonade. Frankie, don't you ha!e a raincoat at home5 )o, 7ncle 2a. /ou're not supposed to be out in this "eather. /ou're drenched entirely.1ho sent you out in this muck5 *randma said I had to help 7ncle 2at because o his bad leg. Course she did, the oul' bitch, but don't tell them I said that. 7ncle 2at is struggling o the seat and gathering up his papers. Come on, 'tis gettin' dark. 4e hobbles along the streets calling, Anna &ie '"eets &ie, "hich doesn't sound a bit like &imerick &eader and it doesn't matter because e!eryone kno"s this is Ab 'heehan that "as dropped on his head. 4ere, Ab, gi!e us a &eader, ho"'s your poor leg, keep the change an' get yoursel a ag or 'tis an a" ul eckin' night to be out sellin' the eckin' papers. Tanks, says Ab, my uncle.Tanks, tanks, tanks, and it's hard to keep up "ith him on the streets bad as his leg is.4e says,4o" many &eaders ha!e you under your o#ter5 0ne, 7ncle 2at. Take that &eader in to Mr. Timoney. 4e o"es me or a ortnight no". *et that money an' there's a tip. 4e's a good man or the tip an' don't be sho!in' it in your pocket like your cousin *erry. 'ho!ed it in his pocket, the little bugger. I bang on the door "ith the knocker and there's a great ho"l rom a dog so big he makes the door shake.A man's !oice says, Macushla, .uit the bloody racket or I'll gi!e you a good ong in the arse or yoursel . The racket stops, the door opens and the man is there, "hite hair, thick glasses, "hite s"eater, a stick in his hand. 4e says,1ho is it5 1ho do "e ha!e5 The paper, Mr.Timoney. 1e don't ha!e Ab 'heehan here, do "e5 I'm his nephe", sir. Is it *erry 'heehan "e ha!e here5 )o, sir. I'm Frank McCourt. Another nephe"5 %oes he make them5 Is there a little nephe" actory in the backyard5 4ere's the money or the ortnight and gi!e me the paper or keep it. 1hat's the use5 I can't read anymore and Mrs. Minihan that's supposed to read to me didn't come. &egless "ith the sherry, that's "hat she is.1hat's your name5 Frank, sir. Can you read5 I can, sir. %o you "ant to earn a si#pence5 I do, sir. Come here tomorro"./our name is Francis, isn't it5 Frank, sir. /our name is Francis. There "as ne!er a 't. Frank. That's a name or gangsters and politicians. Come here tomorro" at ele!en and read to me. I "ill, sir. Are you sure you can read5 I am, sir. /ou can call me Mr.Timoney. I "ill, Mr.Timoney. 7ncle 2at is mumbling at the gate, rubbing his leg. 1here's me money an' you're not supposed to be chattin' "ith the customers an' me here "ith the leg destroyed be the rain. 4e has to stop at the pub at 2unch's Cross to ha!e a pint or the destroyed leg.A ter the pint he says he can't "alk another inch and "e get on a bus.The conductor says, Fares, please, ares, but 7ncle 2at says, *o '"ay an' don't be botherin' me, can't you see the state o' me leg5 0h, all right,Ab, all right. The bus stops at the 0'Connell Monument and 7ncle 2at goes to the Monument Fish and Chip Ca D "here the smells are so delicious my stomach beats "ith the hunger. 4e gets a shilling's "orth o ish and chips and my mouth is "atering but "hen "e get to *randma's door he gi!es me a threepenny bit,

tells me meet him again ne#t Friday and go home no" to my mother. The dog Macushla is lying outside Mr. Timoney's door and "hen I open the little garden gate to go up the path she rushes at me and knocks me back out on the pa!ement and she'd eat my ace i Mr.Timoney didn't come out and lail at her "ith his stick and yell, Come in out o it, ye hoor, ye o!ergro"n man eatin' bitch. %idn't you ha!e your break ast, you hoor5 Are you all right, Francis5 Come in. That dog is a right 4indu, so she is, and that's "here I ound her mother "andering around Bangalore. I e!er you're getting a dog, Francis, make sure it's a Buddhist. *ood natured dogs, the Buddhists. )e!er, ne!er get a Mahommedan.They'll eat you sleeping. )e!er a Catholic dog. They'll eat you e!ery day including Fridays. 'it do"n and read to me. The &imerick &eader, Mr.Timoney5 )o, not the bloody &imerick &eader. I "ouldn't "ipe the hole o my arse "ith the &imerick &eader. There's a book o!er there on the table, *ulli!er's Tra!els. That's not "hat I "ant you to read. &ook in the back or another thing, A Modest 2roposal. $ead that to me. It begins, It is a melancholy ob-ect to those "ho "alk . . . %o you ha!e that5 I ha!e the "hole bloody thing in my head but I still "ant you to read to me. 4e stops me a ter t"o or three pages./ou're a good reader. And "hat do you think o that, Francis, that a young healthy child "ell nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and "holesome ood, "hether ste"ed, roasted, baked, or boiled, eh5 Macushla "ould lo!e a dinner o a nice plump Irish in ant, "ouldn't you, you oul' hoor5 4e gi!es me si#pence, and tells me return ne#t 'aturday. Mam is delighted I earned si#pence or reading to Mr. Timoney and "hat "as it he "anted read, the &imerick &eader5 I tell her I had to read A Modest 2roposal rom the back o *ulli!er's Tra!els and she says, That's all right, 'tis only a children's book./ou'd e#pect him to "ant something strange or he's a little o in the head a ter years in the sun in the +nglish army in India and they say he "as married to one o them Indian "omen and she "as accidentally shot by a soldier during some class o a disturbance.That's the kind o thing that "ould dri!e you to children's books. 'he kno"s this Mrs. Minihan "ho li!es ne#t door to Mr. Timoney and used to clean house but couldn't stand it anymore the "ay he laughed at the Catholic Church and said one man's sin "as another man's romp. Mrs. Minihan didn't mind the odd drop o sherry o a 'aturday morning but then he tried to turn her into a Buddhist, "hich he said he "as himsel and the Irish "ould be much better o in general i they sat under a tree and "atched the Ten Commandments and the 'e!en %eadly 'ins loat do"n the 'hannon and ar out to sea. The ne#t Friday %eclan Collopy rom the Con raternity sees me on the street deli!ering the papers "ith my uncle 2at 'heehan. 4oi, Frankie McCourt, "hat are you doin' "ith Ab 'heehan5 4e's my uncle. /ou're supposed to be at the Con raternity. I'm "orking, %eclan. /ou're not supposed to be "orking. /ou're not e!en ten and you're destroyin' the per ect attendance in our section. I you're not there ne#t Friday I'll gi!e you a good thump in the gob, do you hear me5 7ncle 2at says, *o '"ay, go '"ay, or I'll "alk on you. Ah, shut up, Mr. 'tupid that "as dropped on your head. 4e pushes 7ncle 2at on the shoulder and knocks him back against the "all. I drop the papers and run at him but he steps aside and punches me on the back o the neck and my orehead is rammed into the "all and it puts me in such a rage I can't see him anymore. I go at him "ith arms and legs and i I could tear his ace o "ith my teeth I "ould but he has long arms like a gorilla and he -ust keeps pushing me a"ay so that I can't touch him. 4e says,/ou mad eckin' ee-it. I'll destroy you in the Con raternity, and he runs a"ay. 7ncle 2at says,/ou shouldn't be ightin' like that an' you dropped all me papers an' some o' them is "et an' ho" am I supposed to sell "et papers, and I "anted to -ump on him too and hit him or talking about papers a ter I stood up to %eclan Collopy. At the end o the night he gi!es me three chips rom his bag and si#pence instead o threepence. 4e complains it's too much money and it's all my mother's ault or going on to *randma about the lo" pay. Mam is delighted I'm getting si#pence on Fridays rom 7ncle 2at and si#pence on 'aturdays rom Mr.Timoney.A shilling a

"eek makes a big di erence and she gi!es me tuppence to see the %ead +nd ;ids at the &yric a ter I'm inished the reading. )e#t morning Mr.Timoney says,1ait till "e get to *ulli!er, Francis. /ou'll kno" 8onathan '"i t is the greatest Irish "riter that e!er li!ed, no, the greatest man to put pen to parchment.A giant o a man, Francis.4e laughs all through A Modest 2roposal and you'd "onder "hat he's laughing at "hen it's all about cooking Irish babies. 4e says,/ou'll laugh "hen you gro" up, Francis. /ou're not supposed to talk back to gro"n,ups but Mr. Timoney is di erent and he doesn't mind "hen I say, Mr. Timoney, big people are al"ays telling us that. 0h, you'll laugh "hen you gro" up. /ou'll understand "hen you gro" up. +!erything "ill come "hen you gro" up. 4e lets out such a roar o a laugh I think he's going to collapse. 0h, Mother o' *od, Francis./ou're a treasure.1hat's up "ith you5 %o you ha!e a bee up your arse5 Tell me "hat's up. )othing, Mr.Timoney. I think you ha!e the long puss, Francis, and I "ish I could see it. *o o!er to the mirror on the "all, 'no" 1hite, and tell me i you ha!e the long puss. )e!er mind. 8ust tell me "hat's up. %eclan Collopy "as at me last night and I got into a ight. 4e makes me tell him about the Con raternity and %eclan and my uncle 2at 'heehan, "ho "as dropped on his head, and then he tells me he kno"s my uncle 2a ;eating, "ho "as gassed in the "ar and "orks in the gas "orks. 4e says, 2a ;eating is a -e"el o a man.And I'll tell you "hat I'll do, Francis. I'll talk to 2a ;eating and "e'll go to the cra"thumpers at the Con raternity. I'm a Buddhist mysel and I don't hold "ith ighting but I ha!en't lost it.They're not going to inter ere "ith my little reader, oh, by 8esus, no. Mr.Timoney is an old man but he talks like a riend and I can say "hat I eel. %ad "ould ne!er talk to me like Mr. Timoney. 4e'd say, 0ch, aye, and go or a long "alk. 7ncle 2at 'heehan tells *randma he doesn't "ant me to help "ith the papers anymore, he can get another boy much cheaper and he thinks I should be gi!ing him some o my 'aturday morning si#pence any"ay since I'd ne!er ha!e the reading -ob "ithout him. A "oman ne#t door to Mr.Timoney tells me I'm "asting my time knocking on the door, Macushla bit the postman, the milkman and a passing nun on the same day and Mr.Timoney couldn't stop laughing though he cried "hen the dog "as taken a"ay to be put do"n./ou can bite postmen and milkmen all you like but the case o the passing nun goes all the "ay to the bishop and he takes steps especially i the o"ner o the dog is a kno"n Buddhist and a danger to good Catholics around him. Mr.Timoney "as told this and cried and laughed so hard the doctor came and said he "as gone beyond recall so they carted him o to the City 4ome, "here they keep old people "ho are helpless or demented. That's the end o my 'aturday si#pence but I'll read to Mr.Timoney money or no money. I "ait do"n the street till the "oman ne#t door goes in, I climb in Mr.Timoney's "indo" or *ulli!er'sTra!els and "alk miles to the City 4ome so that he "on't miss his reading.The man at the gate says,1hat5 /ou "ant to come in an' read to an oul' man5 Is it coddin' me you are5 *et outa here be ore I call the guards. Could I lea!e the book or someone else to read to Mr.Timoney5 &ea!e it. &ea!e it or 8aysus sake an' don't be botherin' me. I'll send it up to him. And he laughs. Mam says, 1hat's up "ith you5 1hy are you moping5 And I tell her ho" 7ncle 2at doesn't "ant me anymore and ho" they put Mr. Timoney in the City 4ome or laughing -ust because Macushla bit the postman, the milkman and a passing nun. 'he laughs too and I'm sure the "orld is gone mad. Then she says, Ah, I'm sorry and it's a pity you lost t"o -obs./ou might as "ell start going to the Con raternity again to keep The 2osse a"ay and, "orse, the director, Father *orey. %eclan tells me sit in ront o him and i there's any blaguarding he'll break my eckin' neck or he'll be "atching me as long as he's pre ect and no little shit like me is going to keep him rom a li e in linoleum. Mam says she has trouble climbing the stairs and she's mo!ing her bed to the kitchen. 'he laughs, I'll come back up to 'orrento "hen the "alls are damp and the rain runs under the door. 'chool is o!er and she can stay in bed in the kitchen as long as she likes because she doesn't ha!e to get up or us. %ad lights the ire, makes

the tea, cuts the bread, makes sure "e "ash our aces and tells us go out and play. 4e lets us stay in bed i "e like but you ne!er "ant to stay in bed "hen there's no school.1e're ready to run out and play in the lane the minute "e "ake. Then one day in 8uly he says "e can't go do"nstairs.1e ha!e to stay up here and play. 1hy, %ad5 )e!er mind. 2lay here "ith Malachy and Michael and you can go do"n later "hen I tell you. 4e stands at the door in case "e might get a notion to "ander do"n the stairs.1e push our blanket up in the air "ith our eet and pretend "e're in a tent, $obin 4ood and his Merry Men.1e hunt leas and s.uash them bet"een our thumbnails. Then there's a baby's cry and Malachy says,%ad,did Mam get a ne" baby5 0ch, aye, son. I'm older so I tell Malachy the bed is in the kitchen so that the angel can ly do"n and lea!e the baby on the se!enth step but Malachy doesn't understand because he's only eight going on nine and I'll be ten ne#t month. Mam is in the bed "ith the ne" baby. 4e has a big at ace and he's red all o!er.There's a "oman in the kitchen in a nurse's uni orm and "e kno" she's there to "ash ne" babies "ho are al"ays dirty rom the long -ourney "ith the angel.1e "ant to tickle the baby but she says, )o, no, ye can look at him but don't lay a inger. %on't lay a inger.That's the "ay nurses talk. 1e sit at the table "ith our tea and bread looking at our ne" brother but he "on't e!en open his eyes to look back at us so "e go out and play. In a e" days Mam is out o the bed holding the baby on her lap by the ire. 4is eyes are open and "hen "e tickle him he makes a gurgling sound, his belly shakes and that makes us laugh. %ad tickles him and sings a 'cottish song, 0h, oh, stop your ticklin', 8ock, 'top your ticklin', 8ock. 'top your ticklin', Ickle ickle icklin 'top your ticklin', 8ock. %ad has a -ob so Bridey 4annon is able to !isit Mam and the baby any time she likes and or once Mam doesn't tell us go out and play so they can talk about secret things.They sit by the ire smoking and talking about names. Mam says she likes the names ;e!in and 'ean but Bridey says, Ah, no, there's too many o them in &imerick. 8esus, Angela, i you stuck your head out the door and called, ;e!in or 'ean, come in or your tea, you'd ha!e hal o' &imerick running to your door. Bridey says i she had a son "hich please *od she "ill some day she'll call him $onald because she's mad about $onald Colman that you see in the Coliseum Cinema. 0r +rrol, no" that's another lo!ely name, +rrol Flynn. Mam says,1ill you go "ay outa that, Bridey. I'd ne!er be able to stick my head out the door and say, +rrol, +rrol, come in or your tea. 'ure the poor child "ould be a laughingstock. $onald, says Bridey, $onald. 4e's gorgeous. )o, says Mam, it has to be Irish. Isn't that "hat "e ought or all these years5 1hat's the use o ighting the +nglish or centuries i "e're going to call our children $onald5 8esus, Angela, you're starting to talk like himsel "ith his Irish this and his +nglish that. 'till an' all, Bridey, he's right. 'uddenly Bridey is gasping, 8esus,Angela, there's something "rong "ith that child. Mam is out o the chair, hugging the child, moaning. 0h, 8esus, Bridey, he's choking. Bridey says, I'll run or my mother, and she's back in a minute "ith Mrs. 4annon. Castor oil, says Mrs. 4annon. %o you ha!e it5 Any oil. Cod li!er oil5 That'll do. 'he pours the oil into the baby's mouth, turns him o!er, presses on his back, turns him back o!er, sticks a spoon do"n his throat and brings up a "hite ball.That's it no", she says.The milk. It collects and gets hard in their little throats so you ha!e to ease it "ith any class o an oil. Mam is crying, 8esus, I nearly lost him. 0h, I'd die so I "ould. 'he's clutching the baby and crying and trying to thank Mrs. 4annon. /erra, don't mention it, missus.Take the child and get back into that bed or the t"o o' ye had a great shock. 1hile Bridey and Mrs. 4annon are helping Mam to the bed I notice spots o blood on her chair. Is my mother bleeding to death5 Is it all right to say, &ook, there's blood on Mam's chair5 )o, you can't say anything because they al"ays ha!e secrets. I kno" i you say anything the gro"n,up people "ill tell you, )e!er mind, you're al"ays ga"king, none o your business, go out and play. I ha!e to keep it inside or I can talk to the angel. Mrs. 4annon and Bridey lea!e and I sit on the se!enth step. I try to tell the angel Mam is bleeding to death. I

"ant him to tell me, Fear not, but the step is cold and there's no light, no !oice. I'm sure he's gone ore!er and I "onder i that happens "hen you go rom nine to ten. Mam doesn't bleed to death. 'he's out o the bed ne#t day getting the baby ready or baptism, telling Bridey she could ne!er orgi!e hersel i the baby died and "ent to &imbo, a place or unbapti(ed babies, "here it may be nice and "arm but, still, dark ore!er and no hope o escape e!en on the 8udgment %ay. *randma is there to help and she says, That's right, no hope in hea!en or the in ant that's not bapti(ed. Bridey says it "ould be a hard *od that "ould do the likes o that. 4e has to be hard, says *randma, other"ise you'd ha!e all kinds o babies clamorin' to get into hea!en, 2rotestants an' e!erything, an' "hy should they get in a ter "hat they did to us or eight hundred years5 The babies didn't do it, says Bridey.They're too small. They "ould i they got the chance, says *randma.They're trained or it. They dress the baby in the &imerick lace dress "e "ere all bapti(ed in. Mam says "e can all go to 't. 8oseph's and "e're e#cited because there "ill be lemonade and buns a ter. Malachy says, Mam, "hat's the baby's name5 Alphonsus 8oseph. The "ords ly out o my mouth,That's a stupid name. It's not e!en Irish. *randma glares at me "ith her old red eyes. 'he says, That ella needs a good clitther on the gob. Mam slaps me across the ace and sends me lying across the kitchen. My heart is pounding and I "ant to cry but I can't because my ather isn't there and I'm the man o the amily.Mam says,/ou go upstairs "ith your big mouth and don't mo!e rom that room. I stop at the se!enth step but it's still cold, no light, no !oice. The house is .uiet "ith e!eryone gone to the chapel. I sit and "ait upstairs, knocking the leas o my arms and legs, "ishing I had %ad here, thinking o my little brother and his oreign name,Alphonsus, an a liction o a name. In a"hile there are !oices do"nstairs and there is talk o tea, sherry, lemonade, buns, and isn't that child the lo!eliest little ella in the "orld, little Alphie, oreign name but still an' all still an' all not a sound outa him the "hole time he's that good,natured *od bless him sure he'll li!e ore!er "ith the s"eetness that's in him the little dote spittin' image o his mother his ather his grandma his little brothers dead an' gone. Mam calls rom the bottom o the stairs, Frank, come do"n and ha!e lemonade and a bun. I don't "ant it./ou can keep it. I said come do"n this minute or i I ha!e to climb these stairs I'll "arm your behind and you'll rue the day. $ue5 1hat's rue5 )e!er mind "hat's rue. Come do"n here at once. 4er !oice is sharp and rue sounds dangerous. I'll go do"n. In the kitchen *randma says, &ook at the long puss on him./ou'd think he'd be happy or his little brother e#cept that a boy that's going rom nine to ten is al"ays a right pain in the arse an' I kno" or didn't I ha!e t"o o 'em. The lemonade and bun are delicious and Alphie the ne" baby is chirping a"ay en-oying his baptism day too innocent to kno" his name is an a liction. *randpa in the )orth sends a telegram money order or i!e pounds or the baby Alphie. Mam "ants to cash it but she can't go ar rom the bed. %ad says he'll cash it at the post o ice. 'he tells Malachy and me to go "ith him. 4e cashes it and tells us,All right, boys, go home and tell your mother I'll be home in a e" minutes. Malachy says, %ad, you're not to go to the pub. Mam said you're to bring home the money./ou're not to drink the pint. )o", no", son. *o home to your mother. %ad, gi!e us the money.That money is or the baby. )o", Francis, don't be a bad boy. %o "hat your ather tells you. 4e "alks a"ay rom us and into 'outh's pub. Mam is sitting by the ireplace "ith Alphie in her arms. 'he shakes her head. 4e "ent to the pub, didn't he5 4e did. I "ant ye to go back do"n to that pub and read him out o it.I "ant ye to stand in the middle o the pub and tell e!ery man your ather is drinking the money or the baby./e are to tell the "orld there isn't a scrap o ood in this house,not a lump o coal to start the ire,not a drop o milk or the baby's bottle. 1e "alk through the streets and Malachy practices his speech at the top o his !oice, %ad, %ad, that i!e pounds is or the ne" baby.That's not or the drink.The child is abo!e in the bed ba"ling and roaring or his milk and you're drinking the pint. 4e's gone

rom 'outh's pub. Malachy still "ants to stand and make his speech but I tell him "e ha!e to hurry and look in other pubs be ore %ad drinks the "hole i!e pounds. 1e can't ind him in other pubs either. 4e kno"s Mam "ould come or him or send us and there are so many pubs at this end o &imerick and beyond "e could be looking or a month.1e ha!e to tell Mam there's no sign o him and she tells us "e're pure useless. 0h, 8esus, I "ish I had my strength and I'd search e!ery pub in &imerick. I'd tear the mouth out o his head, so I "ould. *o on, go back do"n and try all the pubs around the rail"ay station and try )aughton's ish and chip shop. I ha!e to go by mysel because Malachy has the runs and can't stray ar rom the bucket. I search all the pubs on 2arnell 'treet and around. I look into the snugs "here the "omen drink and in all the men's la!atories. I'm hungry but I'm a raid to go home till I ind my ather. 4e's not in )aughton's ish and chip shop but there's a drunken man asleep at a table in the corner and his ish and chips are on the loor in their &imerick &eader "rapping and i I don't get them the cat "ill so I sho!e them under my -ersey and I'm out the door and up the street to sit on the steps at the rail"ay station eat my ish and chips "atch the drunken soldiers pass by "ith the girls that giggle thank the drunken man in my mind or dro"ning the ish and chips in !inegar and smothering them in salt and then remember that i I die tonight I'm in a state o sin or stealing and I could go straight to hell stu ed "ith ish and chips but it's 'aturday and i the priests are still in the con ession bo#es I can clear my soul a ter my eed. The %ominican church is -ust up *lent"orth 'treet. Bless me, Father, or I ha!e sinned, it's a ortnight since my last con ession. I tell him the usual sins and then, I stole ish and chips rom a drunken man. 1hy, my child5 I "as hungry, Father. And "hy "ere you hungry5 There "as nothing in my belly, Father. 4e says nothing and e!en though it's dark I kno" he's shaking his head. My dear child, "hy can't you go home and ask your mother or something5 Because she sent me out looking or my ather in the pubs, Father, and I couldn't ind him and she hasn't a scrap in the house because he's drinking the i!e pounds *randpa sent rom the )orth or the ne" baby and she's raging by the ire because I can't ind my ather. I "onder i this priest is asleep because he's !ery .uiet till he says, My child, I sit here. I hear the sins o the poor. I assign the penance. I besto" absolution. I should be on my knees "ashing their eet. %o you understand me, my child5 I tell him I do but I don't. *o home, child. 2ray or me. )o penance, Father5 )o, my child. I stole the ish and chips. I'm doomed. /ou're orgi!en. *o. 2ray or me. 4e blesses me in &atin, talks to himsel in +nglish and I "onder "hat I did to him. I "ish I could ind my ather so I could say to Mam, 4ere he is and he has three pounds le t in his pocket. I'm not hungry no" so I can go up one side o 0'Connell 'treet and do"n the other and search pubs on the side streets and there he is in *leeson's, ho" could I miss him "ith his singing, 'Tis alone my concern i the grandest surprise 1ould be shining at me out o somebody's eyes. 'Tis my pri!ate a air "hat my eelings "ould be 1hile the *reen *lens o Antrim "ere "elcoming me. My heart is banging a"ay in my chest and I don't kno" "hat to do because I kno" I'm raging inside like my mother by the ire and all I can think o doing is running in and gi!ing him a good kick in the leg and running out again but I don't because "e ha!e the mornings by the ire "hen he tells me about Cuchulain and %e 6alera and $oose!elt and i he's there drunk and buying pints "ith the baby's money he has that look in his eyes +ugene had "hen he searched or 0li!er and I might as "ell go home and tell my mother a lie that I ne!er sa" him couldn't ind him. 'he's in the bed "ith the baby. Malachy and Michael are up in Italy asleep. I kno" I don't ha!e to tell Mam anything, that soon "hen the pubs close he'll be home singing and o ering us a penny to die or Ireland and it "ill be di erent no" because it's bad enough to drink the dole or the "ages but a man that drinks the money or a ne" baby is gone beyond the beyonds as my mother "ould say. VIII

I'm ten years old and ready to go to 't. 8oseph's Church or my Con irmation. In school the master, Mr. 0'%ea, prepares us. 1e ha!e to kno" all about 'ancti ying *race, a pearl o great price, bought or us by 8esus in 4is dying. Mr. 0'%ea's eyes roll in his head "hen he tells us that "ith Con irmation "e "ill become part o %i!inity.1e "ill ha!e the *i ts o the 4oly *host:1isdom, 7nderstanding, Counsel, Fortitude, ;no"ledge, 2iety, the Fear o the &ord. 2riests and masters tell us Con irmation means you're a true soldier o the Church and that entitles you to die and be a martyr in case "e're in!aded by 2rotestants or Mahommedans or any other class o a heathen. More dying. I "ant to tell them I "on't be able to die or the Faith because I'm already booked to die or Ireland. Mikey Molloy says, Is it -okin' you are5 That thing about dying or the Faith is all a cod. 'Tis only a saying they made up to righten you. Ireland too. )o one dies or anything anymore.All the dying is done. I "ouldn't die or Ireland or the Faith. I might die or my mother but that's all. Mikey kno"s e!erything. 4e's going on ourteen. 4e gets the its. 4e has !isions. The gro"n,ups tell us it's a glorious thing to die or the Faith, only "e're not ready or that yet because Con irmation day is like First Communion day,you make the rounds o lanes and back streets and you get cakes and s"eets and money,The Collection. That's "here poor 2eter %ooley comes in.1e call him :uasimodo because he has a hump on his back like the one on the hunchback o )otre %ame, "hose real name "e kno" is Charles &aughton. :uasimodo has nine sisters and it is said his mother ne!er "anted him but that "as "hat the angel brought her and it's a sin to .uestion "hat's sent. :uasimodo is old, he's i teen. 4is red hair sticks up in all directions. 4e has green eyes and one rolls around in his head so much he's constantly tapping his temple to keep it "here it's supposed to be. 4is right leg is short and t"isted and "hen he "alks he does a little t"irly dance and you ne!er kno" "hen he'll all.That's "hen you're surprised.4e curses his leg,he curses the "orld,but he curses in a lo!ely +nglish accent "hich he got rom the radio, the BBC. Be ore he lea!es his house he al"ays sticks his head out the door and tells the lane, 4ere's me head, me arse is coming.1hen he "as t"el!e :uasimodo decided that "ith the "ay he looked and the "ay the "orld looked at him the best thing "ould be to prepare or a -ob "here he could be heard and not seen and "hat better than sitting behind a microphone at the BBC in &ondon reading the ne"s5 But you can't get to &ondon "ithout money and that's "hy he hobbles up to us that Friday, the day be ore Con irmation. 4e has an idea or Billy and me. 4e kno"s the ne#t day "e'll be getting Con irmation money and i "e promise to pay him a shilling each he'll let us climb up the rainspout behind his house this !ery night to look in the "indo" and see his sisters' naked bodies "hen they take their "eekly "ash. I sign right a"ay. Billy says, I ha!e my o"n sister.1hy should I pay to see your naked sisters5 :uasimodo says that looking at your o"n sister's naked body is the "orst sin o all and he's not sure i there's a priest in the "orld can orgi!e you, that you might ha!e to go to the bishop, "ho e!eryone kno"s is a holy terror. Billy signs. Friday night "e climb the "all o :uasimodo's backyard. It's a lo!ely night "ith the 8une moon loating high o!er &imerick and you can eel a "arm bree(e o the 'hannon $i!er. :uasimodo is about to let Billy up the spout and "ho comes clambering o!er the "all but Mikey Molloy the Fit himsel hissing at :uasimodo, 4ere's a shilling, :uasimodo. &et me up the spout. Mikey is ourteen no", bigger than any o us and strong rom his -ob deli!ering coal. 4e's black rom the coal like 7ncle 2a ;eating and all you can see are the "hites o his eyes and the "hite roth on his lo"er lip, "hich means he could ha!e the it anytime. :uasimodo says,1ait,Mikey.They're irst.1ait,my arse,says Mikey, and he's a"ay up the spout. Billy complains but :uasimodo shakes his head, I can't help it. 4e comes e!ery "eek "ith the shilling. I ha!e to let him up the spout or he'll beat me up and tell my mother and the ne#t thing she locks me in the coal hole all day "ith the rats.The Fit is up hanging on to the spout "ith one hand.The other hand is in his pocket mo!ing,mo!ing and

"hen the spout itsel starts to mo!e and creak :uasimodo hisses, Molloy, there's to be no "hankin' up the spout. 4e hops around the yard cackling. 4is BBC accent is gone and he's pure &imerick. 8aysus, Molloy, come do"n o that spout or I'll tell me mother. Mikey's hand goes aster in his pocket, so ast the spout gi!es a lurch and collapses and Mikey is rolling on the ground yelping, I'm dead. I'm destroyed. 0h, *od./ou can see the roth on his lips and the blood that comes rom biting his tongue. :uasimodo's mother comes screaming through the door,1hat in the name o 8esus9 and the kitchen light ills the yard. The sisters are s.ua"king rom the "indo" abo!e. Billy tries to escape and she drags him o the "all.'he tells him run to 0'Connor the chemist around the corner to ring up an ambulance or a doctor or something or Mikey. 'he screams at us to get into the kitchen. 'he kicks :uasimodo into the hall. 4e's on his hands and knees and she drags him to the coal hole under the stairs and locks him in. 'tay there till you come to your senses. 4e's crying and calling to her in a pure &imerick accent. Ah, Mamma, Mamma, let me out.The rats is here. I only "ant to go to the BBC, Mamma. A", 8asus, Mamma, 8asus. I'll ne!er let anyone up the spout again. I'll send money rom &ondon, Mamma. Mamma9 Mikey is still on his back, -erking and t"isting around the yard.The ambulance takes him o to the hospital "ith a broken shoulder and his tongue in ribbons. 0ur mothers are there in no time. Mrs. %ooley says, I'm disgraced, so I am, disgraced. My daughters can't "ash theirsel!es o a Friday night "ithout the "hole "orld ga"king in the "indo" and them boys there are in a state o sin and should be taken to the priest or con ession be ore their Con irmation tomorro". But Mam says, I don't kno" about the rest o the "orld but I sa!ed a "hole year or Frank's Con irmation suit and I'm not going to the priest to ha!e him tell me my son is not it or Con irmation so that I'll ha!e to "ait another year "hen he gro"s out o this suit and all because he climbed a spout or an innocent ga"k at the scra"ny arse o Mona %ooley. 'he drags me home by the ear and makes me kneel be ore the 2ope. '"ear, she says, s"ear to that 2ope that you didn't look at Mona %ooley in her pelt. I s"ear. I you're lying you "on't be in a state o grace or Con irmation tomorro" and that's the "orst kind o sacrilege. I s"ear. 0nly the bishop himsel could orgi!e a sacrilege like that. I s"ear. All right. *o to bed and rom this day out stay ar a"ay rom that mis ortunate :uasimodo %ooley. 1e are all con irmed the ne#t day.The bishop asks me a catechism .uestion,1hat is the Fourth Commandment5 and I tell him,4onor thy ather and thy mother. 4e pats my cheek and that makes me a soldier o the True Church. I kneel in the pe" and think o :uasimodo locked in the coal hole under the stairs and I "onder, 'hould I gi!e him the shilling any"ay or his career at the BBC5 But I orget all about :uasimodo because my nose starts bleeding and I eel di((y. Con irmation boys and girls are outside 't. 8oseph's "ith their parents and there is hugging and kissing in the bright sun and I don't care. My ather is "orking and I don't care. My mother kisses me and I don't care.The boys talk about The Collection and I don't care. My nose "on't stop and Mam is "orried I'll ruin my suit. 'he runs into the church to see i 'tephen Carey, the sacristan, "ould spare her a rag and he gi!es her some kind o can!as cloth that makes my nose sore.'he says, %o you "ant to make your collection5 and I tell her I don't care. Malachy says, %o, do, Frankie, and he's sad because I promised I'd take him to the &yric Cinema to see the ilm and stu oursel!es "ith s"eets. I "ant to lie do"n. I could lie do"n there on the steps o 't. 8oseph's and sleep ore!er. Mam says, *randma is making a nice break ast, and the mention o ood makes me so sick I run to the edge o the pa!ement to thro" up and the "hole "orld is looking at me and I don't care. Mam says she'd better take me home and put me to bed and my pals look surprised that anyone can go to bed "hen there's a collection to be made. 'he helps me take o my Con irmation suit and puts me to bed. 'he "ets a rag and places it under my neck and a ter a"hile the bleeding stops. 'he brings tea but the look o it makes me sick and I ha!e to thro" up in the bucket. Mrs. 4annon comes in rom ne#t door and I can hear her say that's a !ery sick child

and he should ha!e a doctor. Mam says it's 'aturday, the %ispensary is closed and "here "ould you get a doctor5 %ad comes home rom his -ob at $ank's Flour Mills and tells Mam I'm going through a stage, gro"ing pains. *randma comes up and says the same thing. 'he says "hen boys go rom the one number year, "hich is nine, to the t"o number year, "hich is ten, they're changing and prone to the nosebleed. 'he says I might ha!e too much blood in me any"ay and a good cleaning out "ouldn't do me one bit o harm. The day passes and I'm in and out o sleep. Malachy and Michael come into the bed at night and I can hear Malachy say, Frankie is !ery hot. Michael says, 4e's bleeding on my leg. Mam puts the "et rag on my nose and a key on my neck but it "on't stop the bleeding. 0n 'unday morning there's blood on my chest and all around me. Mam tells %ad I'm bleeding through my bottom and he says I might ha!e a case o the runs, "hich is common "ith the gro"ing pains. %r.Troy is our doctor but he's a"ay on holiday and the man that comes to see me on Monday has a smell o "hiskey on him. 4e e#amines me and tells my mother I ha!e a bad cold and keep me in bed. %ays pass and I sleep and bleed. Mam makes tea and bee tea and I don't "ant it. 'he e!en brings ice cream and the look o it makes me sick. Mrs. 4annon comes in again and says that doctor doesn't kno" "hat he's talking about, see i %r.Troy is back. Mam comes "ith %r.Troy. 4e eels my orehead, rolls up my eyelids, turns me o!er to see my back, picks me up and runs to his motor car. Mam runs a ter him and he tells her I ha!e typhoid e!er. Mam cries,0h,*od,oh,*od,am I to lose the "hole amily5 1ill it e!er end5 'he gets into the car, holds me in her lap and moans all the "ay to the Fe!er 4ospital at the City 4ome. The bed has cool "hite sheets. The nurses ha!e clean "hite uni orms and the nun, 'ister $ita, is all in "hite. %r. 4umphrey and %r. Campbell ha!e "hite coats and things hanging rom their necks "hich they stick against my chest and all o!er. I sleep and sleep but I'm a"ake "hen they bring in -ars o bright red stu that hang rom tall poles abo!e my bed and they stick tubes into my ankles and the back o my right hand. 'ister $ita says,/ou're getting blood, Francis. 'oldier's blood rom the 'ars ield Barracks. Mam is sitting by the bed and the nurse is saying,/ou kno", missus, this is !ery unusual. )o one is e!er allo"ed into the Fe!er 4ospital or ear they'd catch something but they made an e#ception or you "ith his crisis coming. I he gets o!er this he'll surely reco!er. I all asleep. Mam is gone "hen I "ake but there's mo!ement in the room and it's the priest, Father *orey, rom the Con raternity saying Mass at a table in the corner. I dri t o again and no" they're "aking me and pulling do"n the bedclothes.Father *orey is touching me "ith oil and praying in &atin. I kno" it's +#treme 7nction and that means I'm going to die and I don't care.They "ake me again to recei!e Communion. I don't "ant it, I'm a raid I might get sick. I keep the "a er on my tongue and all asleep and "hen I "ake up again it's gone. It's dark and %r. Campbell is sitting by my bed. 4e's holding my "rist and looking at his "atch. 4e has red hair and glasses and he al"ays smiles "hen he talks to me. 4e sits no" and hums and looks out the "indo". 4is eyes close and he snores a little. 4e tilts o!er on the chair and arts and smiles to himsel and I kno" no" I'm going to get better because a doctor "ould ne!er art in the presence o a dying boy. 'ister $ita's "hite habit is bright in the sun that comes in the "indo". 'he's holding my "rist, looking at her "atch, smiling. 0h, she says, "e're a"ake, are "e5 1ell, Francis, I think "e'!e come through the "orst. 0ur prayers are ans"ered and all the prayers o those hundreds o little boys at the Con raternity.Can you imagine that5 4undreds o boys saying the rosary or you and o ering up their communion. My ankles and the back o my hand are throbbing rom the tubes bringing in the blood and I don't care about boys praying or me. I can hear the s"ish o 'ister $ita's habit and the click o her rosary beads "hen she lea!es the room. I all asleep and "hen I "ake it's dark and %ad is sitting by the bed "ith his hand on mine. 'on, are you a"ake5 I try to talk but I'm dry, nothing "ill come out and I point to my mouth. 4e holds a glass o "ater to my lips and it's s"eet and cool. 4e presses my hand and says I'm a great old soldier and "hy

"ouldn't I5 %on't I ha!e the soldier's blood in me5 The tubes are not in me anymore and the glass -ars are gone. 'ister $ita comes in and tells %ad he has to go. I don't "ant him to go because he looks sad. 4e's like 2addy Clohessy the day I ga!e him the raisin.1hen he looks sad it's the "orst thing in the "orld and I start crying. )o" "hat's this5 says 'ister $ita. Crying "ith all that soldier blood in you5 There's a big surprise or you tomorro", Francis./ou'll ne!er guess. 1ell, I'll tell you, "e're bringing you a nice biscuit "ith your tea in the morning. Isn't that a treat5 And your ather "ill be back in a day or t"o, "on't you, Mr. McCourt5 %ad nods and puts his hand on mine again. 4e looks at me, steps a"ay, stops, comes back, kisses me on the orehead or the irst time in my li e and I'm so happy I eel like loating out o the bed. The other t"o beds in my room are empty.The nurse says I'm the only typhoid patient and I'm a miracle or getting o!er the crisis. The room ne#t to me is empty till one morning a girl's !oice says, /oo hoo, "ho's there5 I'm not sure i she's talking to me or someone in the room beyond. /oo hoo, boy "ith the typhoid, are you a"ake5 I am. Are you better5 I am. 1ell, "hy are you here5 I don't kno". I'm still in the bed.They stick needles in me and gi!e me medicine. 1hat do you look like5 I "onder,1hat kind o a .uestion is that5 I don't kno" "hat to tell her. /oo hoo, are you there, typhoid boy5 I am. 1hat's your name5 Frank. That's a good name. My name is 2atricia Madigan. 4o" old are you5 Ten. 0h. 'he sounds disappointed. But I'll be ele!en in August, ne#t month. 1ell, that's better than ten. I'll be ourteen in 'eptember. %o you "ant to kno" "hy I'm in the Fe!er 4ospital5 I do. I ha!e diphtheria and something else. 1hat's something else5 They don't kno". They think I ha!e a disease rom oreign parts because my ather used to be in A rica. I nearly died.Are you going to tell me "hat you look like5 I ha!e black hair. /ou and millions. I ha!e bro"n eyes "ith bits o green that's called ha(el. /ou and thousands. I ha!e stitches on the back o my right hand and my t"o eet "here they put in the soldier's blood. 0h, *od, did they5 They did. /ou "on't be able to stop marching and saluting. There's a s"ish o habit and click o beads and then 'ister $ita's !oice. )o", no", "hat's this5 There's to be no talking bet"een t"o rooms especially "hen it's a boy and a girl. %o you hear me, 2atricia5 I do, 'ister. %o you hear me, Francis5 I do, 'ister. /ou could be gi!ing thanks or your t"o remarkable reco!eries./ou could be saying the rosary./ou could be reading The &ittle Messenger o the 'acred 4eart that's beside your beds.%on't let me come back and ind you talking. 'he comes into my room and "ags her inger at me. +specially you, Francis, a ter thousands o boys prayed or you at the Con raternity. *i!e thanks, Francis, gi!e thanks. 'he lea!es and there's silence or a"hile. Then 2atricia "hispers, *i!e thanks, Francis, gi!e thanks, and say your rosary, Francis, and I laugh so hard a nurse runs in to see i I'm all right. 'he's a !ery stern nurse rom the County ;erry and she rightens me.1hat's this, Francis5 &aughing5 1hat is there to laugh about5 Are you and that Madigan girl talking5 I'll report you to 'ister $ita.There's to be no laughing or you could be doing serious damage to your internal apparatus. 'he plods out and 2atricia "hispers again in a hea!y ;erry accent, )o laughing, Francis, you could be doin' serious damage to your internal apparatus. 'ay your rosary, Francis, and pray or your internal apparatus. Mam !isits me on Thursdays. I'd like to see my ather, too, but I'm out o danger, crisis time is o!er, and I'm allo"ed only one !isitor. Besides, she says, he's back at "ork at $ank's Flour Mills and please *od this -ob "ill last a "hile "ith the "ar on and the +nglish desperate or lour. 'he brings me a chocolate bar and that pro!es %ad is "orking. 'he could ne!er a ord it on the dole. 4e sends me notes. 4e tells me my brothers are all praying or me, that I should be a good boy, obey the doctors, the nuns, the nurses, and don't orget to say my prayers. 4e's sure 't. 8ude pulled me through the crisis because he's the patron saint o desperate cases and I "as indeed a desperate case. 2atricia says she has t"o books by her bed. 0ne is a poetry book and that's the one she lo!es.The other is a short history o +ngland and do I "ant it5 'he gi!es it to 'eamus,the

man "ho mops the loors e!ery day, and he brings it to me. 4e says, I'm not supposed to be bringing anything rom a dipteria room to a typhoid room "ith all the germs lying around and hiding bet"een the pages and i you e!er catch dipteria on top o the typhoid they'll kno" and I'll lose my good -ob and be out on the street singing patriotic songs "ith a tin cup in my hand, "hich I could easily do because there isn't a song e!er "ritten about Ireland's su erings I don't kno" and a e" songs about the -oy o "hiskey too. 0h, yes, he kno"s $oddy McCorley. 4e'll sing it or me right enough but he's barely into the irst !erse "hen the ;erry nurse rushes in.1hat's this, 'eamus5 'inging5 0 all the people in this hospital you should kno" the rules against singing. I ha!e a good mind to report you to 'ister $ita. Ah, *od, don't do that, nurse. 6ery "ell, 'eamus. I'll let it go this one time./ou kno" the singing could lead to a relapse in these patients. 1hen she lea!es he "hispers he'll teach me a e" songs because singing is good or passing the time "hen you're by yoursel in a typhoid room. 4e says 2atricia is a lo!ely girl the "ay she o ten gi!es him s"eets rom the parcel her mother sends e!ery ortnight. 4e stops mopping the loor and calls to 2atricia in the ne#t room, I "as telling Frankie you're a lo!ely girl, 2atricia, and she says,/ou're a lo!ely man, 'eamus. 4e smiles because he's an old man o orty and he ne!er had children but the ones he can talk to here in the Fe!er 4ospital. 4e says, 4ere's the book, Frankie. Isn't it a great pity you ha!e to be reading all about +ngland a ter all they did to us, that there isn't a history o Ireland to be had in this hospital. The book tells me all about ;ing Al red and 1illiam the Con.ueror and all the kings and .ueens do"n to +d"ard, "ho had to "ait ore!er or his mother,6ictoria, to die be ore he could be king. The book has the irst bit o 'hakespeare I e!er read. I do belie!e, induced by potent circumstances That thou art mine enemy. The history "riter says this is "hat Catherine, "ho is a "i e o 4enry the +ighth, says to Cardinal 1olsey, "ho is trying to ha!e her head cut o . I don't kno" "hat it means and I don't care because it's 'hakespeare and it's like ha!ing -e"els in my mouth "hen I say the "ords. I I had a "hole book o 'hakespeare they could keep me in the hospital or a year. 2atricia says she doesn't kno" "hat induced means or potent circumstances and she doesn't care about 'hakespeare, she has her poetry book and she reads to me rom beyond the "all a poem about an o"l and a pussycat that "ent to sea in a green boat "ith honey and money and it makes no sense and "hen I say that 2atricia gets hu y and says that's the last poem she'll e!er read to me. 'he says I'm al"ays reciting the lines rom 'hakespeare and they make no sense either. 'eamus stops mopping again and tells us "e shouldn't be ighting o!er poetry because "e'll ha!e enough to ight about "hen "e gro" up and get married. 2atricia says she's sorry and I'm sorry too so she reads me part o another poem "hich I ha!e to remember so I can say it back to her early in the morning or late at night "hen there are no nuns or nurses about, The "ind "as a torrent o darkness among the gusty trees, The moon "as a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas, The road "as a ribbon o moonlight o!er the purple moor, And the high"ayman came riding $iding riding The high"ayman came riding, up to the old inn door. 4e'd a French cocked hat on his orehead, a bunch o lace at his chin, A coat o the claret !el!et, and breeches o bro"n doe skin, They itted "ith ne!er a "rinkle, his boots "ere up to the thigh. And he rode "ith a -e"elled t"inkle, 4is pistol butts a,t"inkle, 4is rapier hilt a,t"inkle, under the -e"elled sky. +!ery day I can't "ait or the doctors and nurses to lea!e me alone so I can learn a ne" !erse rom 2atricia and ind out "hat's happening to the high"ayman and the landlord's red lipped daughter. I lo!e the poem because it's e#citing and almost as good as my t"o lines o 'hakespeare.The redcoats are a ter the high"ayman because they kno" he told her, I'll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the "ay. I'd lo!e to do that mysel , come by moonlight or 2atricia in the ne#t room not gi!ing a iddler's art though hell should bar the "ay. 'he's ready to read the last e" !erses "hen in comes the nurse rom ;erry shouting at her, shouting at me, I told ye there "as to be no

talking bet"een rooms. %ipthteria is ne!er allo"ed to talk to typhoid and !isa !ersa. I "arned ye.And she calls out, 'eamus, take this one.Take the by. 'ister $ita said one more "ord out o him and upstairs "ith him. 1e ga!e ye a "arning to stop the blathering but ye "ouldn't.Take the by, 'eamus, take him. Ah, no", nurse, sure isn't he harmless. 'Tis only a bit o' poetry. Take that by, 'eamus, take him at once. 4e bends o!er me and "hispers,Ah, *od, I'm sorry, Frankie. 4ere's your +nglish history book. 4e slips the book under my shirt and li ts me rom the bed. 4e "hispers that I'm a eather. I try to see 2atricia "hen "e pass through her room but all I can make out is a blur o dark head on a pillo". 'ister $ita stops us in the hall to tell me I'm a great disappointment to her, that she e#pected me to be a good boy a ter "hat *od had done or me, a ter all the prayers said by hundreds o boys at the Con raternity, a ter all the care rom the nuns and nurses o the Fe!er 4ospital, a ter the "ay they let my mother and ather in to see me, a thing rarely allo"ed, and this is ho" I repaid them lying in the bed reciting silly poetry back and orth "ith 2atricia Madigan kno"ing !ery "ell there "as a ban on all talk bet"een typhoid and diphtheria. 'he says I'll ha!e plenty o time to re lect on my sins in the big "ard upstairs and I should beg *od's orgi!eness or my disobedience reciting a pagan +nglish poem about a thie on a horse and a maiden "ith red lips "ho commits a terrible sin "hen I could ha!e been praying or reading the li e o a saint. 'he made it her business to read that poem so she did and I'd be "ell ad!ised to tell the priest in con ession. The ;erry nurse ollo"s us upstairs gasping and holding on to the banister. 'he tells me I better not get the notion she'll be running up to this part o the "orld e!ery time I ha!e a little pain or a t"inge. There are t"enty beds in the "ard, all "hite, all empty.The nurse tells 'eamus put me at the ar end o the "ard against the "all to make sure I don't talk to anyone "ho might be passing the door,"hich is !ery unlikely since there isn't another soul on this "hole loor. 'he tells 'eamus this "as the e!er "ard during the *reat Famine long ago and only *od kno"s ho" many died here brought in too late or anything but a "ash be ore they "ere buried and there are stories o cries and moans in the ar reaches o the night. 'he says 't"ould break your heart to think o "hat the +nglish did to us, that i they didn't put the blight on the potato they didn't do much to take it o . )o pity. )o eeling at all or the people that died in this !ery "ard, children su ering and dying here "hile the +nglish easted on roast bee and gu((led the best o "ine in their big houses, little children "ith their mouths all green rom trying to eat the grass in the ields beyond, *od bless us and sa!e us and guard us rom uture amines. 'eamus says 't"as a terrible thing indeed and he "ouldn't "ant to be "alking these halls in the dark "ith all the little green mouths gaping at him.The nurse takes my temperature, 'Tis up a bit, ha!e a good sleep or yoursel no" that you're a"ay rom the chatter "ith 2atricia Madigan belo" "ho "ill ne!er kno" a gray hair. 'he shakes her head at 'eamus and he gi!es her a sad shake back. )urses and nuns ne!er think you kno" "hat they're talking about. I you're ten going on ele!en you're supposed to be simple like my uncle 2at 'heehan "ho "as dropped on his head./ou can't ask .uestions./ou can't sho" you understand "hat the nurse said about 2atricia Madigan, that she's going to die, and you can't sho" you "ant to cry o!er this girl "ho taught you a lo!ely poem "hich the nun says is bad. The nurse tells 'eamus she has to go and he's to s"eep the lint rom under my bed and mop up a bit around the "ard. 'eamus tells me she's a right oul' bitch or running to 'ister $ita and complaining about the poem going bet"een the t"o rooms, that you can't catch a disease rom a poem unless it's lo!e ha ha and that's not bloody likely "hen you're "hat5 ten going on ele!en5 4e ne!er heard the likes o it, a little ella shi ted upstairs or saying a poem and he has a good mind to go to the &imerick &eader and tell them print the "hole thing e#cept he has this -ob and he'd lose it i e!er 'ister $ita ound out.Any"ay, Frankie, you'll be outa here one o these ine days and you can read all the poetry you "ant though I don't kno" about 2atricia belo", I don't kno" about

2atricia, *od help us. 4e kno"s about 2atricia in t"o days because she got out o the bed to go to the la!atory "hen she "as supposed to use a bedpan and collapsed and died in the la!atory. 'eamus is mopping the loor and there are tears on his cheeks and he's saying, 'Tis a dirty rotten thing to die in a la!atory "hen you're lo!ely in yoursel . 'he told me she "as sorry she had you reciting that poem and getting you shi ted rom the room, Frankie. 'he said 't"as all her ault. It "asn't, 'eamus. I kno" and didn't I tell her that. 2atricia is gone and I'll ne!er kno" "hat happened to the high"ayman and Bess, the landlord's daughter. I ask 'eamus but he doesn't kno" any poetry at all especially +nglish poetry. 4e kne" an Irish poem once but it "as about airies and had no sign o a high"ayman in it. 'till he'll ask the men in his local pub "here there's al"ays someone reciting something and he'll bring it back to me.1on't I be busy mean"hile reading my short history o +ngland and inding out all about their per idy.That's "hat 'eamus says, per idy, and I don't kno" "hat it means and he doesn't kno" "hat it means but i it's something the +nglish do it must be terrible. 4e comes three times a "eek to mop the loor and the nurse is there e!ery morning to take my temperature and pulse. The doctor listens to my chest "ith the thing hanging rom his neck.They all say, And ho"'s our little soldier today5 A girl "ith a blue dress brings meals three times a day and ne!er talks to me. 'eamus says she's not right in the head so don't say a "ord to her. The 8uly days are long and I ear the dark.There are only t"o ceiling lights in the "ard and they're s"itched o "hen the tea tray is taken a"ay and the nurse gi!es me pills.The nurse tells me go to sleep but I can't because I see people in the nineteen beds in the "ard all dying and green around their mouths "here they tried to eat grass and moaning or soup 2rotestant soup any soup and I co!er my ace "ith the pillo" hoping they "on't come and stand around the bed cla"ing at me and ho"ling or bits o the chocolate bar my mother brought last "eek. )o,she didn't bring it.'he had to send it in because I can't ha!e any more !isitors. 'ister $ita tells me a !isit to the Fe!er 4ospital is a pri!ilege and a ter my bad beha!ior "ith 2atricia Madigan and that poem I can't ha!e the pri!ilege anymore. 'he says I'll be going home in a e" "eeks and my -ob is to concentrate on getting better and learn to "alk again a ter being in bed or si# "eeks and I can get out o bed tomorro" a ter break ast. I don't kno" "hy she says I ha!e to learn ho" to "alk "hen I'!e been "alking since I "as a baby but "hen the nurse stands me by the side o the bed I all to the loor and the nurse laughs, 'ee, you're a baby again. I practice "alking rom bed to bed back and orth back and orth. I don't "ant to be a baby. I don't "ant to be in this empty "ard "ith no 2atricia and no high"ayman and no red lipped landlord's daughter. I don't "ant the ghosts o children "ith green mouths pointing bony ingers at me and clamoring or bits o my chocolate bar. 'eamus says a man in his pub kne" all the !erses o the high"ayman poem and it has a !ery sad end.1ould I like him to say it because he ne!er learned ho" to read and he had to carry the poem in his head5 4e stands in the middle o the "ard leaning on his mop and recites, Tlot,tlot, in the rosty silence9 Tlot,tlot in the echoing night9 )earer he came and nearer9 4er ace "as like a light9 4er eyes gre" "ide or a moment, she dre" one last deep breath, Then her inger mo!ed in the moonlight, 4er musket shattered the moonlight, 'hattered her breast in the moonlight and "arned him,"ith her death. 4e hears the shot and escapes but "hen he learns at da"n ho" Bess died he goes into a rage and returns or re!enge only to be shot do"n by the redcoats. Blood red "ere his spurs in the golden noon3 "ine red "as his !el!et coat, 1hen they shot him do"n on the high"ay, %o"n like a dog on the high"ay, And he lay in his blood on the high"ay, "ith a bunch o lace at his throat. 'eamus "ipes his slee!e across his ace and sni les. 4e says,There "as no call at all to shi t you up here a"ay rom 2atricia "hen you didn't e!en kno" "hat happened to the high"ayman and Bess. 'Tis a !ery sad story and "hen I said it to my "i e she "ouldn't stop crying the "hole night till "e "ent to bed. 'he said there "as no call or them redcoats to shoot that

high"ayman, they are responsible or hal the troubles o the "orld and they ne!er had any pity on the Irish, either. )o" i you "ant to kno" any more poems, Frankie, tell me and I'll get them rom the pub and bring 'em back in my head. The girl "ith the blue dress "ho's not right in the head suddenly says one day,1ould you like a book or to read5 and she brings me The Ama(ing :uest o Mr. +rnest Bliss by +. 2hillips 0ppenheim, "hich is all about an +nglishman "ho is ed up and doesn't kno" "hat to do "ith himsel e!ery day e!en though he's so rich he can't count his money. 4is manser!ant brings him the morning paper the tea the egg the toast and marmalade and he says,Take it a"ay, li e is empty. 4e can't read his paper, he can't eat his egg, and he pines a"ay. 4is doctor tells him go and li!e among the poor in the +ast +nd o &ondon and he'll learn to lo!e li e,"hich he does and alls in lo!e "ith a girl "ho is poor but honest and !ery intelligent and they get married and mo!e into his house in the 1est +nd "hich is the rich part because it's easier to help the poor and not be ed up "hen you're nice and com ortable. 'eamus likes me to tell him "hat I'm reading. 4e says that story about Mr. +rnest Bliss is a made,up story because no one in his right mind "ould ha!e to go to a doctor o!er ha!ing too much money and not eating his egg though you ne!er kno". It might be like that in +ngland./ou'd ne!er ind the likes o that in Ireland. I you didn't eat your egg here you'd be carted o to the lunatic asylum or reported to the bishop. I can't "ait to go home and tell Malachy about this man "ho "on't eat his egg. Malachy "ill all do"n on the loor laughing because such a thing could ne!er happen. 4e'll say I'm making it up but "hen I tell him this story is about an +nglishman he'll understand. I can't tell the girl in the blue dress that this story "as silly because she might ha!e a it. 'he says i you're inished "ith that book I'll bring you another one because there's a "hole bo# o books le t behind by patients rom the old days. 'he brings me a book called Tom Bro"n's 'chool,%ays, "hich is hard to read, and no end o books by 2. *.1odehouse, "ho makes me laugh o!er 7kridge and Bertie 1ooster and 8ee!es and all the Mulliners. Bertie 1ooster is rich but he eats his egg e!ery morning or ear o "hat 8ee!es might say. I "ish I could talk to the girl in the blue dress or anyone about the books but I'm a raid the ;erry nurse or 'ister $ita might ind out and they'd mo!e me to a bigger "ard upstairs "ith i ty empty beds and Famine ghosts galore "ith green mouths and bony ingers pointing.At night I lie in bed thinking about Tom Bro"n and his ad!entures at $ugby 'chool and all the characters in 2. *.1odehouse. I can dream about the red lipped landlord's daughter and the high"ayman, and the nurses and nuns can do nothing about it. It's lo!ely to kno" the "orld can't inter ere "ith the inside o your head. It's August and I'm ele!en. I'!e been in this hospital or t"o months and I "onder i they'll let me out or Christmas.The ;erry nurse tells me I should get do"n on my t"o knees and thank *od I'm ali!e at all at all and not be complaining. I'm not complaining, nurse, I'm only "ondering i I'll be home or Christmas. 'he "on't ans"er me. 'he tells me beha!e mysel or she'll send 'ister $ita up to me and then I'll beha!e mysel . Mam comes to the hospital on my birthday and sends up a package "ith t"o chocolate bars and a note "ith names o people in the lane telling me get better and come home and you're a great soldier,Frankie. The nurse lets me talk to her through the "indo" and it's hard because the "indo"s are high and I ha!e to stand on 'eamus's shoulders. I tell Mam I "ant to go home but she says I'm a bit too "eak and surely I'll be out in no time. 'eamus says, 'Tis a grand thing to be ele!en because any day no" you'll be a man sha!ing and all and ready to get out and get a -ob and drink your pint good as any man. A ter ourteen "eeks 'ister $ita tells me I can go home and aren't I a lucky boy that the day "ill be the east o 't. Francis o Assisi. 'he tells me I "as a !ery good patient, e#cept or that little problem "ith the poem and 2atricia Madigan, *od rest her, and I'm in!ited to come back and ha!e a big Christmas dinner in the hospital. Mam comes or me and "ith my "eak legs it takes us a long time to "alk to the bus at 7nion Cross. 'he says,Take your time.A ter three and a hal months "e can

spare an hour. 2eople are at their doors on Barrack $oad and $oden &ane telling me it's grand to see me back, that I'm a great soldier, a credit to my ather and mother. Malachy and Michael run up to me in the lane and say, *od, you're "alking !ery slo". Can't you run anymore5 It's a bright day and I'm happy till I see %ad sitting in the kitchen "ith Alphie on his lap and there's an empty eeling in my heart because I kno" he's out o "ork again.All along I "as sure he had a -ob, Mam told me he did, and I thought there "ould be no shortage o ood and shoes. 4e smiles at me and tells Alphie, 0ch, there's your big brother home rom the hospital. Mam tells him "hat the doctor said, that I'm to ha!e plenty o nourishing ood and rest.The doctor said bee "ould be the right thing or building me up again. %ad nods. Mam makes bee tea rom a cube and Malachy and Mike "atch me drink it.They say they'd like some too but Mam says go a"ay, ye didn't ha!e the typhoid. 'he says the doctor "ants me to go to bed early. 'he tried to get rid o the leas but they're "orse than e!er "ith the "arm "eather "e're ha!ing. Besides, she says, they "on't get much out o you all bones and little skin. I lie in bed and think o the hospital "here the "hite sheets "ere changed e!ery day and there "asn't a sign o a lea.There "as a la!atory "here you could sit and read your book till someone asked i you "ere dead.There "as a bath "here you could sit in hot "ater as long as you liked and say, I do belie!e, Induced by potent circumstances That thou art mine enemy, And saying that helps me all asleep. 1hen Malachy and Michael get up or school in the morning Mam tells me I can stay in bed. Malachy is in i th class no" "ith Mr. 0'%ea and he likes to tell e!eryone he's learning the big red catechism or Con irmation and Mr. 0'%ea is telling them all about state o grace and +uclid and ho" the +nglish tormented the Irish or eight hundred long years. I don't "ant to stay in bed anymore.The 0ctober days are lo!ely and I "ant to sit outside looking up the lane at the "ay the sun slants along the "all opposite our house. Mikey Moloney brings me 2. *. 1odehouse books his ather gets rom the library and I ha!e great days "ith 7kridge and Bertie 1ooster and all the Mulliners. %ad lets me read his a!orite book, 8ohn Mitchel's 8ail 8ournal, "hich is all about a great Irish rebel the +nglish condemned to e#ile in 6an %iemen's land in Australia.The +nglish tell 8ohn Mitchel he's ree to come and go as he pleases all o!er 6an %iemen's land i he gi!es his "ord o honor as a gentleman he "on't try to escape. 4e gi!es his "ord till a ship comes to help him escape and he goes to the o ice o the +nglish magistrate and says, I'm escaping, -umps on his horse and "inds up in )e" /ork. %ad says he doesn't mind i I read silly +nglish books by 2. *.1odehouse as long as I don't orget the men "ho did their bit and ga!e their li!es or Ireland. I can't stay at home ore!er and Mam takes me back to &eamy's 'chool in )o!ember. The ne" headmaster, Mr. 0'4alloran, says he's sorry, I'!e missed o!er t"o months o school and I ha!e to be put back in i th class. Mam says surely I'm ready or si#th class.A ter all, she says, he's missed only a e" "eeks. Mr. 0'4alloran says he's sorry, take the boy ne#t door to Mr. 0'%ea. 1e "alk along the hall"ay and I tell Mam I don't "ant to be in i th class. Malachy is in that class and I don't "ant to be in a class "ith my brother "ho is a year younger. I made my Con irmation last year. 4e didn't. I'm older. I'm not bigger anymore because o the typhoid but I'm older. Mam says, It "on't kill you. 'he doesn't care and I'm put into that class "ith Malachy and I kno" all his riends are there sneering at me because I "as put back. Mr. 0'%ea makes me sit in the ront and tells me get that sour look o my puss or I'll eel the end o his ash plant. Then a miracle happens and it's all because o 't. Francis o Assisi, my a!orite saint,and 0ur &ord 4imsel .I ind a penny in the street that irst day back at school and I "ant to run to ;athleen 0'Connell's or a big s.uare o Clee!es' to ee but I can't run because my legs are still "eak rom the typhoid and sometimes I ha!e to hold on to a "all. I'm desperate or the Clee!es'to ee but I'm also desperate to get out o i th class. I kno" I ha!e to go to the statue o 't. Francis o Assisi. 4e's the only

one "ho "ill listen but he's at the other end o &imerick and it takes me an hour to "alk there, sitting on steps, holding on to "alls. It's a penny to light a candle and I "onder i I should -ust light the candle and keep the penny. )o, 't. Francis "ould kno". 4e lo!es the bird in the air and the ish in the stream but he's not a ool. I light the candle, I kneel at his statue and beg him to get me out o i th class "here I'm stuck "ith my brother, "ho is probably going around the lane no" bragging that his big brother "as kept back. 't. Francis doesn't say a "ord but I kno" he's listening and I kno" he'll get me out o that class. It's the least he could do a ter all my trouble coming to his statue, sitting on steps,holding on to "alls,"hen I could ha!e gone to 't.8oseph's Church and lit a candle to the &ittle Flo"er or the 'acred 4eart o 8esus 4imsel .1hat's the use o being named a ter him i he's going to desert me in my hour o need5 I ha!e to sit in Mr. 0'%ea's class listening to the catechism and all the other stu he taught last year. I'd like to raise my hand and gi!e the ans"ers but he says, Be .uiet, let your brother ans"er. 4e gi!es them tests in arithmetic and makes me sit there and correct them. 4e dictates to them in Irish and makes me correct "hat they'!e "ritten.Then he gi!es me special compositions to "rite and makes me read them to the class because o all I learned rom him last year. 4e tells the class, Frank McCourt is going to sho" you ho" "ell he learned to "rite in this class last year. 4e's going to "rite a composition on 0ur &ord, aren't you, McCourt5 4e's going to tell us "hat it "ould be like i 0ur &ord had gro"n up in &imerick "hich has the Arch Con raternity o the 4oly Family and is the holiest city in Ireland.1e kno" that i 0ur &ord had gro"n up in &imerick 4e "ould ne!er ha!e been cruci ied because the people o &imerick "ere al"ays good Catholics and not gi!en to cruci i#ion. 'o, McCourt, you are to go home and "rite that composition and bring it in tomorro". %ad says Mr. 0'%ea has a great imagination but didn't 0ur &ord su er enough on the cross "ithout sticking 4im in &imerick on top o it "ith the damp rom the $i!er 'hannon. 4e puts on his cap and goes or a long "alk and I ha!e to think about 0ur &ord by mysel and "onder "hat I'm going to "rite tomorro". The ne#t day Mr. 0'%ea says,All right, McCourt, read your composition to the class. The name o my composition is, The title, McCourt, the title. The title o my composition is,B8esus and the 1eather.B 1hat5 B8esus and the 1eather.B All right, read it. This is my composition. I don't think 8esus 1ho is 0ur &ord "ould ha!e liked the "eather in &imerick because it's al"ays raining and the 'hannon keeps the "hole city damp. My ather says the 'hannon is a killer ri!er because it killed my t"o brothers.1hen you look at pictures o 8esus 4e's al"ays "andering around ancient Israel in a sheet. It ne!er rains there and you ne!er hear o anyone coughing or getting consumption or anything like that and no one has a -ob there because all they do is stand around and eat manna and shake their ists and go to cruci i#ions. Anytime 8esus got hungry all 4e had to do "as "alk up the road to a ig tree or an orange tree and ha!e 4is ill. I 4e "anted a pint 4e could "a!e 4is hand o!er a big glass and there "as the pint. 0r 4e could !isit Mary Magdalene and her sister, Martha, and they'd gi!e 4im 4is dinner no .uestions asked and 4e'd get his eet "ashed and dried "ith Mary Magdalene's hair "hile Martha "ashed the dishes, "hich I don't think is air.1hy should she ha!e to "ash the dishes "hile her sister sits out there chatting a"ay "ith 0ur &ord5 It's a good thing 8esus decided to be born 8e"ish in that "arm place because i he "as born in &imerick he'd catch the consumption and be dead in a month and there "ouldn't be any Catholic Church and there "ouldn't be any Communion or Con irmation and "e "ouldn't ha!e to learn the catechism and "rite compositions about 4im.The +nd. Mr. 0'%ea is .uiet and gi!es me a strange look and I'm "orried because "hen he's .uiet like that it means someone is going to su er. 4e says, McCourt, "ho "rote that composition5 I did, sir. %id your ather "rite that composition5 4e didn't, sir. Come here, McCourt. I ollo" him out the door, along the hall to the headmaster's room. Mr. 0'%ea sho"s him my composition and Mr. 0'4alloran gi!es me the strange look, too. %id you "rite this composition5 I

did, sir. I'm taken out o the i th class and put into Mr. 0'4alloran's si#th class "ith all the boys I kno", 2addy Clohessy, Fintan 'lattery, The :uestion :uigley, and "hen school is o!er that day I ha!e to go back do"n to the statue o 't. Francis o Assisi to thank him e!en i my legs are still "eak rom the typhoid and I ha!e to sit on steps and hold on to "alls and I "onder "as it something good I said in that composition or something bad. Mr.Thomas &. 0'4alloran teaches three classes in one room, si#th, se!enth, eighth. 4e has a head like 2resident $oose!elt and he "ears gold glasses. 4e "ears suits, na!y blue or gray, and there's a gold "atch chain that hangs across his belly rom pocket to pocket in his "aistcoat. 1e call him 4oppy because he has a short leg and hops "hen he "alks. 4e kno"s "hat "e call him and he says,/es, I'm 4oppy and I'll hop on you. 4e carries a long stick, a pointer, and i you don't pay attention or gi!e a stupid ans"er he gi!es you three slaps on each hand or "hacks you across the backs o your legs. 4e makes you learn e!erything by heart, e!erything, and that makes him the hardest master in the school. 4e lo!es America and makes us kno" all the American states in alphabetical order. 4e makes charts o Irish grammar, Irish history and algebra at home, hangs them on an easel and "e ha!e to chant our "ay through the cases, con-ugations and declensions o Irish, amous names and battles, proportions, ratios, e.uations. 1e ha!e to kno" all the important dates in Irish history. 4e tells us "hat is important and "hy. )o master e!er told us "hy be ore. I you asked "hy you'd be hit on the head. 4oppy doesn't call us idiots and i you ask a .uestion he doesn't go into a rage. 4e's the only master "ho stops and says, %o ye understand "hat I'm talking about5 %o ye "ant to ask a .uestion5 It's a shock to e!eryone "hen he says, the Battle o ;insale in si#teen nought one "as the saddest moment in Irish history, a close battle "ith cruelty and atrocities on both sides. Cruelty on both sides5 The Irish side5 4o" could that be5 All the other masters told us the Irish al"ays ought nobly, they al"ays ought the air ight. 4e recites and makes us remember, They "ent orth to battle, but they al"ays ell, Their eyes "ere i#ed abo!e the sullen shields. )obly they ought and bra!ely, but not "ell, And sank heart "ounded by a subtle spell. I they lost it "as because o traitors and in ormers. But I "ant to kno" about these Irish atrocities. 'ir, did the Irish commit atrocities at the Battle o ;insale5 They did, indeed. It is recorded that they killed prisoners but they "ere no better nor "orse than the +nglish. Mr. 0'4alloran can't lie. 4e's the headmaster. All these years "e "ere told the Irish "ere al"ays noble and they made bra!e speeches be ore the +nglish hanged them. )o" 4oppy 0'4alloran is saying the Irish did bad things. )e#t thing he'll be saying the +nglish did good things. 4e says,/ou ha!e to study and learn so that you can make up your o"n mind about history and e!erything else but you can't make up an empty mind. 'tock your mind, stock your mind. It is your house o treasure and no one in the "orld can inter ere "ith it. I you "on the Irish '"eepstakes and bought a house that needed urniture "ould you ill it "ith bits and pieces o rubbish5 /our mind is your house and i you ill it "ith rubbish rom the cinemas it "ill rot in your head./ou might be poor, your shoes might be broken, but your mind is a palace. 4e calls us one by one to the ront o the room and looks at our shoes. 4e "ants to kno" "hy they're broken or "hy "e ha!e no shoes at all. 4e tells us this is a disgrace and he's going to ha!e a ra le to raise money so that "e can ha!e strong "arm boots or the "inter. 4e gi!es us books o tickets and "e s"arm all o!er &imerick or &eamy's 'chool boot und, irst pri(e i!e pounds, i!e pri(es o a pound each. +le!en boys "ith no boots get ne" boots. Malachy and I don't get any because "e ha!e shoes on our eet e!en i the soles are "orn a"ay and "e "onder "hy "e ran all o!er &imerick selling tickets so that other boys could get boots. Fintan 'lattery says "e gain plenary Indulgences or "orks o charity and 2addy Clohessy says, Fintan, "ould you e!er go and ha!e a good shit or yoursel . I kno" "hen %ad does the bad thing. I kno" "hen he drinks the dole money and Mam is desperate and has to beg at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety and

ask or credit at ;athleen 0'Connell's shop but I don't "ant to back a"ay rom him and run to Mam. 4o" can I do that "hen I'm up "ith him early e!ery morning "ith the "hole "orld asleep5 4e lights the ire and makes the tea and sings to himsel or reads the paper to me in a "hisper that "on't "ake up the rest o the amily. Mikey Molloy stole Cuchulain, the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep is gone someplace else, but my ather in the morning is still mine. 4e gets the Irish 2ress early and tells me about the "orld, 4itler, Mussolini, Franco. 4e says this "ar is none o our business because the +nglish are up to their tricks again. 4e tells me about the great $oose!elt in 1ashington and the great %e 6alera in %ublin. In the morning "e ha!e the "orld to oursel!es and he ne!er tells me I should die or Ireland. 4e tells me about the old days in Ireland "hen the +nglish "ouldn't let the Catholics ha!e schools because they "anted to keep the people ignorant, that the Catholic children met in hedge schools in the depths o the country and learned +nglish, Irish, &atin and *reek. The people lo!ed learning.They lo!ed stories and poetry e!en i none o this "as any good or getting a -ob. Men, "omen and children "ould gather in ditches to hear those great masters and e!eryone "ondered at ho" much a man could carry in his head.The masters risked their li!es going rom ditch to ditch and hedge to hedge because i the +nglish caught them teaching they might be transported to oreign parts or "orse. 4e tells me school is easy no", you don't ha!e to sit in a ditch learning your sums or the glorious history o Ireland. I should be good in school and some day I'll go back to America and get an inside -ob "here I'll be sitting at a desk "ith t"o ountain pens in my pocket, one red and one blue, making decisions. I'll be in out o the rain and I'll ha!e a suit and shoes and a "arm place to li!e and "hat more could a man "ant5 4e says you can do anything in America, it's the land o opportunity./ou can be a isherman in Maine or a armer in Cali ornia.America is not like &imerick, a gray place "ith a ri!er that kills. 1hen you ha!e your ather to yoursel by the ire in the morning you don't need Cuchulain or the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep or anything. At night he helps us "ith our e#ercises. Mam says they call it home"ork in America but here it's e#ercises, the sums, the +nglish, the Irish, the history. 4e can't help us "ith Irish because he's rom the )orth and lacking in the nati!e tongue. Malachy o ers to teach him all the Irish "ords he kno"s but %ad says it's too late, you can't teach an old dog a ne" bark. Be ore bed "e sit around the ire and i "e say, %ad, tell us a story, he makes up one about someone in the lane and the story "ill take us all o!er the "orld, up in the air, under the sea and back to the lane. +!eryone in the story is a di erent color and e!erything is upside do"n and back"ard. Motor cars and planes go under "ater and submarines ly through the air. 'harks sit in trees and giant salmon sport "ith kangaroos on the moon.2olar bears "restle "ith elephants in Australia and penguins teach <ulus ho" to play bagpipes.A ter the story he takes us upstairs and kneels "ith us "hile "e say our prayers.1e say the 0ur Father, three 4ail Marys, *od bless the 2ope. *od bless Mam, *od bless our dead sister and brothers, *od bless Ireland, *od bless %e 6alera, and *od bless anyone "ho gi!es %ad a -ob. 4e says, *o to sleep, boys, because holy *od is "atching you and 4e al"ays kno"s i you're not good. I think my ather is like the 4oly Trinity "ith three people in him, the one in the morning "ith the paper, the one at night "ith the stories and the prayers, and then the one "ho does the bad thing and comes home "ith the smell o "hiskey and "ants us to die or Ireland. I eel sad o!er the bad thing but I can't back a"ay rom him because the one in the morning is my real ather and i I "ere in America I could say, I lo!e you, %ad, the "ay they do in the ilms, but you can't say that in &imerick or ear you might be laughed at./ou're allo"ed to say you lo!e *od and babies and horses that "in but anything else is a so tness in the head. %ay and night "e're tormented in that kitchen "ith people emptying their buckets. Mam says it's not the $i!er 'hannon that "ill kill us but the stink rom that la!atory outside our door. It's bad enough in the "inter "hen e!erything lo"s o!er and seeps under our door but

"orse in the "arm "eather "hen there are lies and bluebottles and rats. There is a stable ne#t to the la!atory "here they keep the big horse rom *abbett's coal yard. 4is name is Finn the 4orse and "e all lo!e him but the stable man rom the coal yard doesn't take proper care o the stable and the stink tra!els to our house.The stink rom the la!atory and the stable attracts rats and "e ha!e to chase them "ith our ne" dog, &ucky. 4e lo!es to corner the rats and then "e smash them to bits "ith rocks or sticks or stab them "ith the hay ork in the stable.The horse himsel is rightened by the rats and "e ha!e to be care ul "hen he rears up. 4e kno"s "e're not rats because "e bring him apples "hen "e rob an orchard out the country. 'ometimes the rats escape and run into our house and into the coal hole under the stairs "here it's pitch dark and you can't see them. +!en "hen "e bring in a candle "e can't ind them because they dig holes e!ery"here and "e don't kno" "here to look. I "e ha!e a ire "e can boil "ater and pour it slo"ly in rom the kettle spot and that "ill dri!e them out o the hole bet"een our legs and out the door again unless &ucky is there to catch them in his teeth and shake the li e out o them. 1e e#pect him to eat the rats but he'll lea!e them in the lane "ith their guts hanging out and run to my ather or a piece o bread dipped in tea. 2eople in the lane say that's a peculiar "ay or a dog to beha!e but then "hat "ould you e#pect rom a dog o the McCourts. The minute there's a sign o a rat or a mention o one Mam is out the door and up the lane. 'he'd rather "alk the streets o &imerick ore!er than stay one minute in a house that has a rat in it and she can ne!er rest because she kno"s that "ith the stable and the la!atory there's al"ays a rat nearby "ith his amily "aiting or their dinner. 1e ight the rats and "e ight the stink rom that la!atory.1e'd like to keep our door open in the "arm "eather but you can't "hen people are trotting do"n the lane to empty their brimming buckets. 'ome amilies are "orse than others and %ad hates all o them e!en though Mam tells him it's not their ault i the builders a hundred years ago put up houses "ith no la!atories but this one outside our door. %ad says the people should empty their buckets in the middle o the night "hen "e are asleep so that "e "on't be disturbed by the stink. The lies are nearly as bad as the rats. 0n "arm days they s"arm to the stable and "hen a bucket is emptied they s"arm to the la!atory. I Mam cooks anything they s"arm into the kitchen and %ad says it's disgusting to think the ly sitting there on the sugar bo"l "as on the toilet bo"l, or "hat's le t o it, a minute ago. I you ha!e an open sore they ind it and torment you. By day you ha!e the lies, by night you ha!e the leas. Mam says there's one good thing about leas, they're clean, but lies are ilthy, you ne!er kno" "here they came rom and they carry diseases galore. 1e can chase the rats and kill them.1e can slap at the lies and the leas and kill them but there's nothing "e can do about the neighbors and their buckets. I "e're out in the lane playing and "e see someone "ith a bucket "e call to our o"n house, Bucket coming, close the door, close the door, and "hoe!er is inside runs to the door. In "arm "eather "e run to close the door all day because "e kno" "hich amilies ha!e the "orst buckets.There are amilies "hose athers ha!e -obs and i they get into the habit o cooking "ith curry "e kno" their buckets "ill stink to the hea!ens and make us sick. )o" "ith the "ar on and men sending money rom +ngland more and more amilies are cooking "ith curry and our house is illed "ith the stink day and night.1e kno" the amilies "ith the curry, "e kno" the ones "ith the cabbage. Mam is sick all the time, %ad takes longer and longer "alks into the country, and "e play outside as much as "e can and ar rom the la!atory. %ad doesn't complain about the $i!er 'hannon anymore. 4e kno"s no" the la!atory is "orse and he takes me "ith him to the To"n 4all to complain.The man there says, Mister, all I can tell you is you can mo!e. %ad says "e can't a ord to mo!e and the man says there's nothing he can do. %ad says,This is not India.This is a Christian country.The lane needs more la!atories.The man says, %o you e#pect &imerick to start building la!atories in houses that are alling do"n any"ay, that "ill be demolished a ter the "ar5 %ad says that la!atory could

kill us all.The man says "e li!e in dangerous times. Mam says it's hard enough keeping a ire going to cook the Christmas dinner but i I'm going to Christmas dinner at the hospital I'll ha!e to "ash mysel rom top to bottom. 'he "ouldn't gi!e it to 'ister $ita to say I "as neglected or ripe or another disease. 'he boils a pot o "ater early in the morning be ore Mass and nearly scalds the scalp o me. 'he scours my ears and scrubs my skin so hard it tingles. 'he can a ord tuppence or the bus out to the hospital but I'll ha!e to "alk back and that "ill be good or me because I'll be stu ed "ith ood and no" she has to get the ire going again or the pig's head and cabbage and loury "hite potatoes "hich she got once again through the kindness o the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety and she's determined this "ill be the last time "e celebrate the birth o 0ur &ord "ith pig's head.)e#t year "e'll ha!e a goose or a nice ham and "hy "ouldn't "e,isn't &imerick amous the "orld o!er or the ham5 'ister $ita says, )o" "ould you look at this, our little soldier looking so healthy. )o meat on the bones but still. )o" tell me, did you go to Mass this morning5 I did, 'ister. And did you recei!e5 I did, 'ister. 'he takes me into an empty "ard and tells me sit there on that chair it "on't be long no" till I get my dinner. 'he lea!es and I "onder i I'll be eating "ith nuns and nurses or "ill I be in a "ard "ith children ha!ing their Christmas dinner. In a"hile my dinner is brought in by the girl in the blue dress "ho brought me the books. 'he places the tray on the side o a bed and I pull up a chair. 'he ro"ns at me and scre"s up her ace./ou, she says, that's your dinner an' I'm not bringin' you any books. The dinner is delicious, turkey, mashed potatoes, peas, -elly and custard, and a pot o tea.The -elly and custard dish looks delicious and I can't resist it so I'll ha!e it irst there's no one there to notice but "hen I'm eating it the girl in the blue dress comes in "ith bread and says, 1hat are you doin'5 )othing. /es, you are. /ou're atin' the s"eet be ore the dinner, and she runs out calling, 'ister $ita, 'ister $ita, come in .uick, and the nun rushes in, Francis, are you all right5 I am, 'ister. 4e's not all right, 'ister. 4e do be atin' his -elly an custard be ore his dinner.That's a sin, 'ister. Ah, no", dear, you run along and I'll talk to Francis about that. %o, 'ister, talk to him or all the childer in the hospital "ill be atin' their s"eet be ore their dinner an' then "here "ill "e be5 Indeed, indeed, "here "ill "e be5 $un along no". The girl lea!es and 'ister $ita smiles at me. *od lo!e her, she doesn't miss a thing e!en in her con usion.1e ha!e to be patient "ith her, Francis, the "ay she's touched. 'he lea!es and it's .uiet in that empty "ard and "hen I'm inished I don't kno" "hat to do because you're not supposed to do anything till they tell you. 4ospitals and schools al"ays tell you "hat to do. I "ait a long time till the girl in the blue dress comes in or the tray.Are you inished5 she says. I am. 1ell, that's all you're gettin' an' no" you can go home. 'urely girls "ho are not right in the head can't tell you go home and I "onder i I should "ait or 'ister $ita.A nurse in the hall"ay tells me 'ister $ita is ha!ing her dinner and is not to be bothered. It's a long "alk rom 7nion Cross to Barrack 4ill and "hen I get home my amily are up in Italy and "ell into their pig's head and cabbage and loury "hite potatoes. I tell them about my Christmas dinner. Mam "ants to kno" i I had it "ith the nurses and nuns and she gets a bit angry "hen I tell her I ate alone in a "ard and that's no "ay to treat a child. 'he tells me sit do"n and ha!e some pig's head and I orce it into my mouth and I'm so stu ed I ha!e to lie on the bed "ith my belly sticking out a mile. It's early in the morning and there's a motor car outside our door, the irst one "e'!e e!er seen in the lane.There are men in suits looking in the door o the stable o Finn the 4orse and there must be something "rong because you ne!er see men "ith suits in the lane. It's Finn the 4orse. 4e's lying on the loor o the stable looking up the lane and there's "hite stu like milk around his mouth.The stable man "ho takes care o Finn the 4orse says he ound him like that this morning and it's strange because he's al"ays up and ready or his eed. The men are shaking their heads.My brother Michael says to one o the men, Mister, "hat's up "ith Finn5

'ick horse, son. *o home. The stable man "ho takes care o Finn has the "hiskey smell on him. 4e says to Michael,That horse is a goner.1e ha!e to shoot him. Michael pulls at my hand. Frank, they're not to shoot him. Tell them./ou're big. The stable man says, *o home, boy. *o home. Michael attacks him, kicks him, scra"bs the back o his hand, and the man sends Michael lying. 4ould that brother o yours, he tells me, hould him. 0ne o the other men takes something yello" and bro"n rom a bag, goes to Finn, puts it to his head and there's a sharp crack. Finn shi!ers. Michael screams at the man and attacks him too but the man says, The horse "as sick, son. 4e's better o . The men in suits dri!e a"ay and the stable man says he has to "ait or the lorry to take Finn a"ay, he can't lea!e him alone or the rats "ill be at him. 4e "ants to kno" i "e'd keep an eye on the horse "ith our dog &ucky "hile he goes to the pub, he's blue mouldy or a pint. )o rat has a chance to get near Finn the 4orse the "ay Michael is there "ith a stick small as he is.The man comes back smelling o porter and then there's the big lorry to take the horse a"ay, a big lorry "ith three men and t"o great planks that slope rom the back o the lorry to Finn's head.The three men and the stable man tie ropes around Finn and pull him up the planks and the people in the lane yell at the men because o the nails and broken "ood in the planks that catch at Finn and tear out bits o his hide and streak the planks "ith bright pink horse blood. /e are destroyin' that horse. Can't ye ha!e respect or the dead5 *o easy "ith that poor horse. The stable man says, For the lo!e o' 8aysus "hat are ye s.ua"kin' about5 'Tis only a dead horse, and Michael runs at him again "ith his head do"n and his small ists lying till the stable man gi!es him a sho!e that sends him on his back and Mam goes at the stable man in such a rage he runs up the planks and o!er Finn's body to escape. 4e comes back drunk in the e!ening to sleep it o and a ter he lea!es there's a smoldering in the hay and the stable burns do"n the rats running up the lane "ith e!ery boy and dog chasing them till they escape into the streets o respectable people. IX Mam says, Alphie is enough. I'm "orn out.That's the end o it. )o more children. %ad says, The good Catholic "oman must per orm her "i ely duties and submit to her husband or ace eternal damnation. Mam says, As long as there are no more children eternal damnation sounds attracti!e enough to me. 1hat is %ad to do5 There's a "ar on. +nglish agents are recruiting Irishmen to "ork in their munitions actories,the pay is good,there are no -obs in Ireland,and i the "i e turns her back to you there's no shortage o "omen in +ngland "here the able men are o ighting 4itler and Mussolini and you can do anything you like as long as you remember you're Irish and lo"er class and don't try to rise abo!e your station. Families up and do"n the lane are getting telegram money orders rom their athers in +ngland.They rush to the post o ice to cash the money orders so they can shop and sho" the "orld their good ortune on 'aturday night and 'unday morning.The boys get their hair cut on 'aturdays, the "omen curl their hair "ith iron tongs hot rom the ire. They're !ery grand no" the "ay they pay si#pence or e!en a shilling or seats at the 'a!oy Cinema "here you'll meet a better class o people than the lo"er classes "ho ill the tuppenny seats in the gods at the &yric Cinema and are ne!er done shouting at the screen,the kind o people i you don't mind "ho are liable to cheer on the A ricans "hen they thro" spears at Tar(an or the Indians "hen they're scalping the 7nited 'tates Ca!alry.The ne" rich people go home a ter Mass on 'undays all airs and stu themsel!es "ith meat and potatoes, s"eets and cakes galore, and they think nothing o drinking their tea rom delicate little cups "hich stand in saucers to catch the tea that o!er lo"s and "hen they li t the cups they stick out their little ingers to sho" ho" re ined they are. 'ome stop going to ish and chip shops altogether because you see nothing in those places but drunken soldiers and night girls and men that drank their dole and their "i!es screeching at them to come home.The bra!e ne" rich "ill be seen at the 'a!oy $estaurant or the

'tella drinking tea, eating little buns, patting their lips "ith ser!iettes i you don't mind,coming home on the bus and complaining the ser!ice is not "hat it used to be.They ha!e electricity no" so they can see things they ne!er sa" be ore and "hen darkness alls they turn on the ne" "ireless to hear ho" the "ar is going.They thank *od or 4itler because i he hadn't marched all o!er +urope the men o Ireland "ould still be at home scratching their arses on the .ueue at the &abour +#change. 'ome amilies sing, /ip aye aidy aye ay aye oh /ip aye aidy aye ay, 1e don't care about +ngland or France, All "e "ant is the *erman ad!ance. I there's a chill in the air they'll turn on the electric ire or the com ort that's in it and sit in their kitchens listening to the ne"s declaring ho" sorry they are or the +nglish "omen and children dying under the *erman bombs but look "hat +ngland did to us or eight hundred years. The amilies "ith athers in +ngland are able to lord it o!er the amilies that don't. At dinnertime and teatime the ne" rich mothers stand at their doors and call to their children, Mikey, ;athleen, 2addy, come in or yeer dinner.Come in or the lo!ely leg o'lamb and the gorgeous green peas and the loury "hite potatoes. 'ean, 8osie, 2eggy, come in or yeer tea, come in at "anst or the resh bread and butter and the gorgeous blue duck egg "hat no one else in the lane ha!e. Brendan,Annie, 2atsy, come in or the ried black puddin', the si((lin' sausages and the lo!ely tri le soaked in the best o 'panish sherry. At times like this Mam tells us to stay inside.1e ha!e nothing but bread and tea and she doesn't "ant the tormenting neighbors to see us "ith our tongues hanging out, su ering o!er the lo!ely smells loating up and do"n the lane. 'he says 'tis easy to see they're not used to ha!ing anything the "ay they brag about e!erything. 'Tis a real lo",class mind that "ill call out the door and tell the "orld "hat they're ha!ing or the supper. 'he says 'tis their "ay o getting a rise out o us because %ad is a oreigner rom the )orth and he "on't ha!e anything to do "ith any o them. %ad says all that ood comes rom +nglish money and no luck "ill come to those "ho took it but "hat could you e#pect rom &imerick any"ay, people "ho pro it rom 4itler's "ar, people "ho "ill "ork and ight or the +nglish. 4e says he'll ne!er go o!er there and help +ngland "in a "ar. Mam says, )o, you'll stay here "here there's no "ork and hardly a lump o coal to boil "ater or the tea. )o, you'll stay here and drink the dole "hen the humor is on you./ou'll "atch your sons going around "ith broken shoes and their arses hanging out o their trousers. +!ery house in the lane has electricity and "e're lucky i "e ha!e a candle. *od abo!e, i I had the are I'd be o to +ngland mysel or I'm sure they need "omen in the actories. %ad says a actory is no place or a "oman. Mam says, 'itting on your arse by the ire is no place or a man. I say to him, 1hy can't you go to +ngland, %ad, so "e can ha!e electricity and a "ireless and Mam can stand at the door and tell the "orld "hat "e're ha!ing at dinnertime5 4e says, %on't you "ant to ha!e your ather here at home "ith you5 I do but you can come back at the end o the "ar and "e can all go to America. 4e sighs, 0ch, aye, och, aye. All right he'll go to +ngland a ter Christmas because America is in the "ar no" and the cause must be -ust. 4e'd ne!er go i the Americans hadn't gone in. 4e tells me I'll ha!e to be the man o the house, and he signs up "ith an agent to "ork in a actory in Co!entry "hich, e!eryone says, is the most bombed city in +ngland.The agent says,There's plenty o "ork or "illing men./ou can "ork o!ertime till you drop and i you sa!e it up, mate, you'll be $ocke eller at the end o the "ar. 1e're up early to see %ad o at the rail"ay station. ;athleen 0'Connell at the shop kno"s %ad is o to +ngland and money "ill be lo"ing back so she's happy to let Mam ha!e credit or tea, milk, sugar, bread, butter and an egg. An egg. Mam says,This egg is or your ather. 4e needs the nourishment or the long -ourney be ore him. It's a hard, boiled egg and %ad peels o the shell. 4e slices the egg i!e "ays and gi!es each o us a bit to put on our bread.Mam says,%on't be such a ool. %ad says,1hat "ould a man be doing "ith a "hole egg to himsel 5 Mam has tears on her eyelashes. 'he pulls her chair o!er to the ireplace.1e all eat our bread and

egg and "atch her cry till she says, 1hat are ye ga"kin' at5 and turns a"ay to look into the ashes. 4er bread and egg are still on the table and I "onder i she has any plans or them. They look delicious and I'm still hungry but %ad gets up and brings them to her "ith the tea.'he shakes her head but he presses them on her and she eats and drinks,snu ling and crying.4e sits opposite her a "hile, silent, till she looks up at the clock and says, 'Tis time to go. 4e puts on his cap and picks up his bag. Mam "raps Alphie in an old blanket and "e set o through the streets o &imerick. There are other amilies in the streets.The going a"ay athers "alk ahead, the mothers carry babies or push prams.A mother "ith a pram "ill say to other mothers, *od abo!e, missus, you must be agged out carrying that child. 'ure, "hy don't you stick him into the pram here and rest your poor arms. 2rams might be packed "ith our or i!e babies s.ualling a"ay because the prams are old and the "heels bockety and the babies are rocked till they get sick and thro" up their goody. The men call to each other. *rand day, Mick. &o!ely day or the -ourney, 8oe. 'Tis, indeed, Mick. Arrah, "e might as "ell ha!e a pint be ore "e go, 8oe.1e might as "ell, Mick. Might as "ell be drunk as the "ay "e are, 8oe. They laugh and the "omen behind them are teary eyed and red nosed. In the pubs around the rail"ay station the men are packed in drinking the money the agents ga!e them or tra!el ood.They're ha!ing the last pint, the last drop o "hiskey on Irish soil, For *od kno"s it might be the last "e'll e!er ha!e, Mick, the "ay the 8erries are bombing the be-esus outa +ngland and not a minute too soon a ter "hat they did to us and isn't it a tragic thing entirely the "ay "e ha!e to go o!er there and sa!e the arse o the ancient oe. The "omen stay outside the pubs talking. Mam tells Mrs. Meehan, The irst telegram money order I get I'll be in the shop buying a big break ast so that "e can all ha!e our o"n egg o a 'unday morning. I look at my brother Malachy. %id you hear that5 0ur o"n egg o a 'unday morning. 0h, *od, I already had plans or my egg. Tap it around the top, gently crack the shell, li t "ith a spoon, a dab o butter do"n into the yolk, salt, take my time, a dip o the spoon, scoop, more salt, more butter, into the mouth, oh, *od abo!e, i hea!en has a taste it must be an egg "ith butter and salt, and a ter the egg is there anything in the "orld lo!elier than resh "arm bread and a mug o s"eet golden tea5 'ome men are already too drunk to "alk and the +nglish agents are paying sober men to drag them out o the pubs and thro" them on a great horse dra"n loat to be hauled to the station and dumped into the train.The agents are desperate to get e!eryone out o the pubs. Come on, men. Miss this train and you'll miss a good -ob. Come on, men, "e ha!e the *uinness in +ngland.1e ha!e the 8ameson. )o", men, please, men./ou're drinking your ood money and you'll get no more. The men tell the agents to kiss their Irish arses, that the agents are lucky they're ali!e, lucky they're not hanging rom the nearest lamppost a ter "hat they did to Ireland. And the men sing, 0n Mount-oy one Monday morning 4igh upon the gallo"s tree, ;e!in Barry ga!e his young li e For the cause o liberty. The train "ails in the station and the agents beg the "omen to get their men out o the pubs and the men stumble out singing and crying and hugging their "i!es and children and promising to send so much money &imerick "ill be turned into another )e" /ork.The men climb the station steps and the "omen and children call a ter them, ;e!in, lo!e, mind yoursel and don't be "earing damp shirts. %ry your socks, Michael, or the bunions "ill destroy you entirely. 2addy, go easy on the drink, are you listenin', 2addy5 %ad, %ad, don't go, %ad. Tommy, don't orget to send the money.The children are skin and bones. 2eter, don't orget to be takin' the medicine or your "eak chest, *od help us. &arry, mind them bloody bombs. Christy, don't be talkin' to them +nglish"omen.They're ull o diseases. 8ackie, come back. 'ure "e'll manage someho". %on't go, 8ack,e,e, 8ack,e,e, oh, 8esus, don't go. %ad pats our heads. 4e tells us remember our religious duties but, abo!e all, obey our mother. 4e stands be ore her. 'he has the baby Alphie in her arms. 'he says, Mind yoursel . 4e drops the bag and puts his arms around her.They stay that "ay a moment till the baby yelps bet"een them.4e nods,picks

up his bag,climbs the steps to the station, turns to "a!e and he's gone. Back at home Mam says, I don't care. I kno" it sounds e#tra!agant but I'm going to light the ire and make more tea or it isn't e!ery day your ather goes to +ngland. 1e sit around the ire and drink our tea and cry because "e ha!e no ather, till Mam says, %on't cry, don't cry. )o" that your ather is gone to +ngland surely our troubles "ill be o!er. 'urely. Mam and Bridey 4annon sit by the ire upstairs in Italy smoking 1oodbines, drinking tea, and I sit on the stairs listening. 1e ha!e a ather in +ngland so that "e can get all "e "ant rom ;athleen 0'Connell's shop and pay "hen he starts sending the money in a ortnight. Mam tells Bridey she can't "ait to get out o this bloody lane to a place "ith a decent la!atory that "e don't ha!e to share "ith hal the "orld. 1e'll all ha!e ne" boots and coats to keep o the rain so "e "on't be coming home rom school amished. 1e'll ha!e eggs and rashers on 'unday or break ast and ham and cabbage and potatoes or dinner. 1e'll ha!e electric light and "hy shouldn't "e5 1eren't Frank and Malachy born to it in America "here e!eryone has it5 All "e ha!e to do no" is "ait or t"o "eeks till the telegram boy knocks at the door. %ad "ill ha!e to settle into his -ob in +ngland, buy "ork clothes and get a place to stay, so the irst money order "on't be big, three pounds or three pounds ten, but soon "e'll be like other amilies in the lane, i!e pounds a "eek, paying o debts, buying ne" clothes, putting something in the sa!ings against the time "e'll pack up and mo!e to +ngland entirely and sa!e there to go to America. Mam hersel could get a -ob in an +nglish actory making bombs or something and *od kno"s "e "ouldn't kno" oursel!es "ith the money pouring in. 'he "ouldn't be happy i "e gre" up "ith +nglish accents but better an +nglish accent than an empty belly. Bridey says it doesn't matter "hat class o an accent an Irishman has or he'll ne!er orget "hat the +nglish did to us or eight hundred long years. 1e kno" "hat 'aturdays are in the lane.1e kno" some amilies like the %o"neses across rom us get their telegram early because Mr. %o"nes is a steady man "ho kno"s ho" to ha!e a pint or t"o on a Friday and go home to his bed.1e kno" men like him run to the post o ice the minute they're paid so their amilies "on't kno" a minute o "aiting or "orry. Men like Mr. %o"nes send their sons $AF "ings to "ear on their coats.That's "hat "e "ant and that's "hat "e told %ad be ore he le t, %on't orget the $AF badges, %ad. 1e see the telegram boys on their bicycles s"ing into the lane. They're happy telegram boys because the tips they get in the lanes are bigger than anything they get in the grand streets and a!enues "here rich people "ill begrudge you the steam o their piss. The amilies that get the early telegrams ha!e that contented look. They'll ha!e all day 'aturday to en-oy the money.They'll shop, they'll eat, they'll ha!e all day to think about "hat they'll do that night and that's almost as good as the thing itsel because 'aturday night "hen you ha!e a e" shillings in your pocket is the most delicious night o the "eek. There are amilies don't get the telegram e!ery "eek and you kno" them by the an#ious look. Mrs. Meagher has "aited at her door e!ery 'aturday or t"o months. My mother says she'd be ashamed o her li e to "ait at the door like that.All the children play in the lane and keep an eye out or the telegram boy. 4oi, telegram boy, do you ha!e anything or Meagher5 and "hen he says no they say, Are you sure5 and he'll say, Course I'm sure. I kno" "hat I ha!e in my eckin' pouch. +!eryone kno"s the telegram boys stop coming "hen the Angelus rings at si# and darkness brings desperation to the "omen and children. Telegram boy, "ill you look in your pouch again5 2lease.A", *od. I did. I ha!e nothing or ye. A", *od, please look. 0ur name is Meagher.1ill you look5 I kno" bloody "ell yeer name is Meagher and I looked. The children cla" at him up on his bicycle and he kicks at them, 8esus, "ill ye get a"ay rom me. 0nce the Angelus rings at si# in the e!ening the day is o!er.The ones "ith the telegrams are ha!ing their supper "ith the electric light bla(ing a"ay and the ones that didn't get the telegrams ha!e to light candles and see i ;athleen 0'Connell might let them ha!e tea and bread till this time ne#t "eek "hen surely "ith the help o *od and 4is Blessed Mother the

telegram "ill come. Mr. Meehan at the top o the lane "ent to +ngland "ith %ad and "hen the telegram boy stops at Meehan's "e kno" "e'll be ne#t. Mam has her coat ready to go to the post o ice but she "on't lea!e the chair by the ire in Italy till she has the telegram in her hand.The telegram boy rides do"n the lane and s"ings o!er to %o"neses'. 4e hands them their telegram, takes the tip and turns his bicycle around to head back up the lane. Malachy calls, Telegram boy, do you ha!e something or McCourt5 0urs is coming today.The telegram boy shakes his head and rides a"ay. Mam pu s on her 1oodbine.1ell, "e ha!e all day though I'd like to do a bit o shopping early be ore the best hams are gone at Barry the butcher. 'he can't lea!e the ire and "e can't lea!e the lane or ear the telegram boy might come and ind no one at home.Then "e'd ha!e to "ait till Monday to cash the money order and that "ould destroy the "eekend entirely.1e'd ha!e to "atch the Meehans and e!eryone else parading around in their ne" clothes and staggering home "ith eggs and potatoes and sausages or 'unday and sailing o to the ilms on 'aturday night. )o, "e can't mo!e an inch till that telegram boy comes. Mam says don't be too "orried bet"een noon and t"o because so many telegram boys go or their dinner and there "ill surely be a big rush bet"een t"o and the Angelus. 1e don't ha!e a thing to "orry about till si#. 1e stop e!ery telegram boy. 1e tell them our name is McCourt, that this is our irst telegram, it should be three pounds or more, they might ha!e orgotten to put our name on it or our address, is he sure5 is he sure5 0ne boy tells us he'll in.uire at the post o ice. 4e says he kno"s "hat 'tis like to "ait or the telegram because his o"n ather is a drunken oul' shit o!er in +ngland that ne!er sent a penny. Mam hears him inside and tells us you should ne!er talk about your ather like that. The same telegram boy comes back -ust be ore the Angelus at si# and tells us he asked Mrs. 0'Connell at the post o ice i they had anything or McCourt all day and they didn't. Mam turns to"ard the dead ashes in the ire and sucks at the last bit o goodness in the 1oodbine butt caught bet"een the bro"n thumb and the burnt middle inger. Michael "ho is only i!e and "on't understand anything till he's ele!en like me "ants to kno" i "e're ha!ing ish and chips tonight because he's hungry. Mam says, )e#t "eek, lo!e, and he goes back out to play in the lane. /ou don't kno" "hat to do "ith yoursel "hen the irst telegram doesn't come./ou can't stay out in the lane playing "ith your brothers all night because e!eryone else is gone in and you'd be ashamed to stay out in the lane to be tormented "ith smells o sausages and rashers and ried bread./ou don't "ant to look at electric light coming through the "indo"s a ter dark and you don't "ant to hear the ne"s rom the BBC or $adio +ireann rom other people's "irelesses. Mrs. Meagher and her children are gone in and there's only the dim light o a candle rom their kitchen.They're ashamed too.They stay inside on 'aturday nights and they don't e!en go to Mass on 'unday mornings. Bridey 4annon told Mam that Mrs. Meagher is in a constant state o shame o!er the rags they "ear and so desperate she goes do"n to the %ispensary or the public assistance. Mam says that's the "orst thing that could happen to any amily. It's "orse than going on the dole, it's "orse than going to the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety, it's "orse than begging on the streets "ith the tinkers and the knackers. It's the last thing you'd do to keep yoursel out o the poor house and the children rom the orphanage. There's a sore at the top o my nose bet"een my eyebro"s, gray and red and itching. *randma says, %on't touch that sore and don't put "ater near it or it'll spread. I you broke your arm she'd say don't touch that "ith "ater it'll spread.The sore spreads into my eyes any"ay and no" they're red and yello" rom the stu that oo(es and makes them stick in the morning.They stick so hard I ha!e to orce my eyelids open "ith my ingers and Mam has to scrub o that yello" stu "ith a damp rag and boric po"der.The eyelashes all o and e!ery bit o dust in &imerick blo"s into my eyes on "indy days. *randma tells me I ha!e naked eyes and she says it's my o"n ault, all that eye trouble comes rom sitting up there at the top o the lane under the light pole in all kinds o "eather "ith my nose stuck in books and the

same thing "ill happen to Malachy i he doesn't gi!e o!er "ith the reading./ou can see little Michael is getting -ust as bad sticking his nose in books "hen he should be out playing like a healthy child. Books, books, books, says *randma, ye "ill ruin yeer eyes entirely. 'he's ha!ing tea "ith Mam and I hear her "hisper,The thing to do is gi!e him 't.Anthony's spit. 1hat's that5 says Mam. /our asting spit in the morning. *o to him be ore he "akes and spit on his eyes or the spit o a asting mother has po"er ul cures in it. But I'm al"ays a"ake be ore Mam. I orce my eyes open long be ore she stirs.I can hear her coming across the loor and "hen she stands o!er me or the spit I open my eyes. *od, she says, your eyes are open. I think they're getting better. That's good, and she goes back to bed. The eyes don't heal and she takes me to the %ispensary "here the poor people see doctors and get their medicines. It's the place to apply or public assistance "hen a ather is dead or disappeared and there's no dole money, no "ages. There are benches along the "alls by the doctors' o ices. The benches are al"ays packed "ith people talking about their ailments. 0ld men and "omen sit and groan and babies scream and mothers say hush, lo!e, hush.There's a high plat orm in the middle o the %ispensary "ith a counter circling it chest high. 1hen you "ant anything you stand in a .ueue be ore that plat orm to see Mr. Co ey or Mr. ;ane.The "omen in the .ueue are like the "omen at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety. They "ear sha"ls and they're respect ul to Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane because i they're not they might be told go a"ay and come back ne#t "eek "hen it's this minute you need the public assistance or a docket to see the doctor. Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane lo!e to ha!e a good laugh "ith the "omen.They'll decide i you're desperate enough or the public assistance or i you're sick enough to see a doctor./ou ha!e to tell them in ront o e!eryone "hat's "rong "ith you and they o ten ha!e a good laugh "ith that.They'll say, And "hat is it you "ant, Mrs. 0''hea5 A docket or the doctor, is it5 And "hat is your trouble, Mrs. 0''hea5 A pain, is it5 A touch o the "ind, maybe. 0r maybe too much cabbage. 0h, the cabbage "ill do it right enough. They laugh and Mrs. 0''hea laughs and all the "omen laugh and say Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane are unny men, they'd gi!e &aurel and 4ardy a run or their money. Mr. Co ey says, )o", "oman, "hat's your name5 Angela McCourt, sir. And "hat's up "ith you5 'Tis my son, sir. 4e has t"o bad eyes. 0h, by *od, he does, "oman.They're desperate looking eyes altogether.They look like t"o rising suns.The 8aps could use him on their lag, ha ha ha. %id he pour acid on his ace or "hat5 'Tis some class o in ection, sir. 4e had the typhoid last year and then this came. All right, all right, "e don't need the li e story. 4ere's your docket to %r.Troy. T"o long benches are illed "ith patients or %r.Troy.Mam sits ne#t to a "oman "ho has a big sore on her nose that "on't go a"ay. I tried e!erything, missus, e!ery kno"n cure on *od's lo!ely earth. I'm eighty,three years o age and I'd like to go to my gra!e healthy. Is it too much to ask that I meet my $edeemer "ith a healthy nose5 And "hat's up "ith yoursel , missus5 My son.The eyes. Ah, *od bless us and sa!e us, look at them eyes.They're the sorest t"o eyes I e!er seen in me li e. I ne!er seen that color red be ore. 'Tis an in ection, missus. 'ure there's a cure or that./ou need the caul. 1hat's that no"5 Babies are born "ith this thing on their heads, a class o a hood, rare and magical. *et a caul and put that on his head any day that has a three in it, make him hold his breath or three minutes e!en i you ha!e to clap your hand o!er his ace, sprinkle him "ith holy "ater three times head to toenail and his t"o eyes "ill shine in the da"n. And "here "ould I get a caul5 %on't all the mid"i!es ha!e cauls, missus.1hat's a mid"i e "ithout a caul5 It cures all classes o disease and keeps o more. Mam says she'll talk to )urse 0'4alloran and see i she has a spare caul. %r.Troy looks at my eyes. Into the hospital "ith this boy at once. Take him to the eye "ard at the City 4ome. 4ere's the docket to get him in. 1hat does he ha!e, %octor5 The "orst case o con-uncti!itis I'!e e!er seen in my li e and something else in there I can't make out. 4e needs the eye man. 4o" long "ill he be in, %octor5 0nly *od kno"s that. I should ha!e seen this child "eeks ago. There are t"enty

beds in the "ard and there are men and boys "ith bandages around their heads, black patches on their eyes, thick glasses. 'ome "alk around tapping at beds "ith sticks.A man cries all the time that he'll ne!er see again, he's too young, his children are babies, he'll ne!er see them again. 8esus Christ, oh, 8esus Christ, and the nuns are shocked at the "ay he takes the name o the &ord in !ain. 'top that, Maurice, stop the blasphemy./ou ha!e your health./ou're ali!e.1e all ha!e our problems. 0 er it up and think o the su erings o 0ur &ord on the cross, the cro"n o thorns, the nails in 4is poor hands and eet, the "ound in 4is side.Maurice says,0h,8esus,look do"n and ha!e pity on me. 'ister Bernadette "arns him i he doesn't mind his language they'll put him in a "ard alone and he says, 4ea!enly *od, and that isn't as bad as 8esus Christ so she's satis ied. In the morning I ha!e to go do"nstairs or drops.The nurse says, 'it in this high chair and here's a nice s"eet. The doctor has a bottle "ith bro"n stu in it. 4e tells me put my head back, that's right, no" open up, open your eyes and he pours the stu into my right eye and it's a lame going through my skull.The nurse says, 0pen the other eye, come on be a good boy, and she has to orce the eyelids open so the doctor can set ire to the other side o my skull. 'he "ipes my cheeks and tells me run along upstairs but I can barely see and I "ant to stick my ace into an icy stream.The doctor says, $un along, be a man, be a good trooper. The "hole "orld is bro"n and blurry on the stairs. The other patients are sitting by their beds "ith dinner trays and mine is there too but I don't "ant it "ith the "ay my skull is raging. I sit by my bed and a boy across the "ay says, 4oi, don't you "ant your dinner5 I'll take it, and he comes or it. I try to lie on the bed but a nurse says, )o", no", no lying on the bed in the middle o the day./our case isn't that serious. I ha!e to sit "ith my eyes closed and e!erything going bro"n and black, black and bro"n and I'm sure I must be ha!ing a dream because &ord *od abo!e, is that the little ella "ith the typhoid, little Frankie, the moon "as a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas, is that yoursel , Frankie, or "asn't I promoted out o the Fe!er 4ospital, thank *od, "here there's e!ery class o disease and you ne!er kno" "hat germs you might be bringing home to the "i e in your clothes and "hat's up "ith you, Frankie, and the t"o eyes in your head all gone bro"n5 I ha!e an in ection, 'eamus. /erra, you'll be o!er that be ore you're married, Frankie.The eyes need e#ercise.The blink is great !alue or the eyes. I had an uncle "ith bad eyes and the blink sa!ed him. 4e sat an hour e!er day and blinked and it stood to him in the end. 1ound up "ith po"er ul eyes, so he did. I "ant to ask him more about the blink and the po"er ul eyes but he says, )o" do you remember the poem, Frankie, the lo!ely poem o 2atricia5 4e stands in the aisle bet"een the beds "ith his mop and his bucket and says the high"ayman poem and all the patients stop their moaning and the nuns and nurses stand and listen and on and on goes 'eamus till he comes to the end and e!eryone goes mad clapping and cheering him and he tells the "orld he lo!es that poem he'll ha!e it in his head ore!er no matter "here he goes and i it "asn't or Frankie McCourt and his typhoid there and poor 2atricia Madigan "ith the dipteria that's gone *od rest her he'd ne!er kno" the poem and there I am amous in the eye "ard o the City 4ome 4ospital and all because o 'eamus. Mam can't come to !isit e!ery day, it's a long "ay out, she doesn't al"ays ha!e the money or the bus and the "alk is hard on her corns. 'he thinks my eyes look better though you can't tell "ith all that bro"n stu , "hich looks and smells like iodine and i it's anything like iodine it must burn. 'till, they say the bitterer the medicine the .uicker the cure. 'he gets permission to take me or a "alk around the grounds "hen the "eather clears and there's a strange sight, Mr.Timoney standing against the "all "here the old people are "ith his eyes raised to the sky. I "ant to talk to him and I ha!e to ask Mam because you ne!er kno" "hat's right or "rong in a hospital. Mr.Timoney. 1ho is it5 1ho do "e ha!e5 Frank McCourt, sir. Francis, ah, Francis. Mam says, I'm his mother, Mr.Timoney. 1ell, then, the t"o o ye are blessed. I ha!e neither kith nor kin nor Macushla my dog.And "hat are you doing

in this place, Francis5 I ha!e an in ection in my eyes. Ah, 8esus, Francis, not the eyes, not the eyes. Mother o Christ, you're too young or that. Mr.Timoney, "ould you like me to read to you5 1ith them eyes, Francis5 Ah, no, son, 'a!e the eyes. I'm beyond reading.In my head I ha!e e!erything I need.I "as smart enough to put things in my head in my youth and no" I ha!e a library in my head. The +nglish shot my "i e. The Irish put do"n my poor innocent Macushla. Isn't it a -oke o a "orld5 Mam says,Terrible "orld but *od is good. Indeed, missus. *od made the "orld, it's a terrible "orld, but *od is good. *ood,bye, Francis. $est your eyes and then read till they all out o your head.1e had good times "ith old 8onathan '"i t,didn't "e, Francis5 1e did, Mr.Timoney. Mam takes me back to the eye "ard. 'he tells me, %on't be crying o!er Mr.Timoney, he's not e!en your ather. Besides you'll be ruining your eyes. 'eamus comes to the "ard three times a "eek and brings ne" poems in his head. 4e says,/ou made 2atricia sad, Frankie, "hen you didn't like the one about the o"l and the pussycat. I'm sorry, 'eamus. I ha!e it in my head, Frankie, and I'll say it or you i you don't say 'tis oolish. I "on't, 'eamus. 4e says the poem and e!eryone in the "ard lo!es it.They "ant the "ords and he says it three more times till the "hole "ard is saying, The 0"l and the 2ussy cat "ent to sea In a beauti ul pea,green boat. They took some honey, and plenty o money 1rapped up in a i!e,pound note. The 0"l looked up to the stars abo!e, And sang to a small guitar, 0 lo!ely 2ussy, 0 2ussy, my lo!e, 1hat a beauti ul 2ussy you are, /ou are, /ou are. 1hat a beauti ul 2ussy you are. They say it along "ith 'eamus no" and "hen it's inished they cheer and clap and 'eamus laughs, delighted "ith himsel .1hen he's gone "ith his mop and bucket you can hear them at all hours o the day and night 0 lo!ely 2ussy, 0 2ussy, my lo!e, 1hat a beauti ul 2ussy you are, /ou are, /ou are. 1hat a beauti ul 2ussy you are. Then 'eamus comes "ith no mop and no bucket and I'm a raid he's sacked o!er the poetry but he's smiling and telling me he's o to +ngland to "ork in a actory and earn decent "ages or a change. 4e'll "ork or t"o months and bring the "i e o!er and *od might be pleased to send them children or he has to do something "ith all the poems in his head and "hat better than saying them to small ones in memory o that s"eet 2atricia Madigan dead o the dipteria. *ood,bye, Francis. I I had the right ist I'd "rite to you but I'll get the "i e to "rite "hen she comes o!er. I might e!en learn to read and "rite mysel so that the child that comes "on't ha!e a ool or a ather. I "ant to cry but you can't cry in the eye "ard "ith bro"n stu in your eyes and nurses saying,1hat's this "hat's this be a man, and nuns going on, 0 er it up, think o the su erings o 0ur &ord on the cross, the cro"n o thorns, the lance in the side, the hands and eet torn to bits "ith nails. I'm a month in the hospital and the doctor says I can go home e!en i there's still a bit o in ection but i I keep the eyes clean "ith soap and clean to"els and build up my health "ith nourishing ood plenty o bee and eggs I'll ha!e a pair o sparkling eyes in no time ha ha. Mr. %o"nes across the "ay comes back rom +ngland or his mother's uneral.4e tells Mrs.%o"nes about my ather.'he tells Bridey 4annon and Bridey tells my mother. Mr. %o"nes says that Malachy McCourt is gone pure mad "ith the drink, that he s.uanders his "ages in pubs all o!er Co!entry, that he sings Irish rebel songs "hich the +nglish don't mind because they're used to the "ay the Irish carry on about the hundreds o years o su ering, but they "on't put up "ith any man that stands up in a pub and insults the ;ing and :ueen o +ngland,their t"o lo!ely daughters and the :ueen Mother hersel . Insulting the :ueen Mother is going beyond the beyonds.1hat did she e!er do to anyone,that poor old lady5 Time a ter time Malachy drinks a"ay his rent money and "inds up sleeping in parks "hen the landlord thro"s him out. 4e's a regular disgrace, so he is, and Mr. %o"nes is glad McCourt is not a &imerickman bringing shame to this ancient city.The magistrates in Co!entry are losing their patience and i Malachy McCourt doesn't stop the bloody nonsense he'll be kicked out o the country entirely. Mam tells Bridey she doesn't kno" "hat she's going to do "ith these

stories rom +ngland, she ne!er elt so desperate in her li e. 'he can see ;athleen 0'Connell doesn't "ant to gi!e any more credit at the shop and her o"n mother barks at her i she asks or the loan o a shilling and the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety "ant to kno" "hen she'll stop asking or charity especially "ith a husband in +ngland. 'he's ashamed o the "ay "e look "ith the dirty old torn shirts, raggedy ganseys, broken shoes, holes in our stockings. 'he lies a"ake at night thinking the most merci ul thing o all "ould be to put the our boys in an orphanage so that she could go to +ngland hersel and ind some type o "ork "here she could bring us all o!er in a year or the better li e. There might be bombs but she'd pre er bombs anytime to the shame o begging rom this one and that one. )o, no matter "hat she can't bear the thought o putting us in the orphanage.That might be all right i you had the likes o Boys' To"n in America "ith a nice priest like 'pencer Tracy but you could ne!er trust the Christian Brothers out in *lin "ho get their e#ercise beating boys and star!ing the li e out o them. Mam says there's nothing le t but the %ispensary and the public assistance, the relie , and she's ashamed o her li e to go and ask or it. It means you're at the end o your rope and maybe one le!el abo!e tinkers, knackers and street beggars in general. It means you ha!e to cra"l be ore Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane and thank *od the %ispensary is at the other end o &imerick so that people in our lane "on't kno" "e're getting the relie . 'he kno"s rom other "omen it's "ise to be there early in the morning "hen Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane might be in a good mood. I you go late in the morning they're liable to be cranky a ter seeing hundreds o men "omen and children sick and asking or help.'he "ill take us "ith her to pro!e she has our children to eed. 'he gets us up early and tells us or once in our li!es don't "ash our aces, don't comb our hair, dress in any old rag. 'he tells me gi!e my sore eyes a good rub and make them as red as I can or the "orse you look at the %ispensary the more pity you get and the better your chances o getting the public assistance. 'he complains that Malachy Michael and Alphie look too healthy and you'd "onder "hy on this day o days they couldn't ha!e their usual scabby knees or the odd cut bruise or black eye. I "e meet anyone in the lane or the streets o &imerick "e are not to tell them "here "e're going. 'he eels ashamed enough "ithout telling the "hole "orld and "ait till her o"n mother hears. There is a .ueue already outside the %ispensary.There are "omen like Mam "ith children in their arms, babies like Alphie, and children playing on the pa!ement. The "omen com ort the babies against the cold and scream at the ones playing in case they run into the street and get hit by a motor car or a bicycle.There are old men and "omen huddled against the "all talking to themsel!es or not talking at all. Mam "arns us not to "ander rom her and "e "ait hal an hour or the big door to open.A man tells us mo!e inside in proper order and .ueue up be ore the plat orm, that Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane "ill be there in a minute "hen they inish their tea in the room beyond.A "oman complains her children are ree(ing "ith the cold and couldn't Co ey and ;ane bloody "ell hurry up "ith their tea.The man says she's a troublemaker but he "on't take her name this time "ith the cold that's in the morning but i there's another "ord she'll be a sorry "oman. Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane get up on the plat orm and pay no attention to the people. Mr. ;ane puts on his glasses, takes them o , polishes them, puts them on, looks at the ceiling. Mr. Co ey reads papers, "rites something, passes papers to Mr. ;ane.They "hisper to each other.They take their time.They don't look at us. Then Mr. ;ane calls the irst old man to the plat orm.1hat's your name5 Timothy Creagh, sir. Creagh, hah5 A ine old &imerick name you ha!e there. I do, sir. Indeed I do. And "hat do you "ant, Creagh5 Ah, sure, I do be ha!in' them pains in me stomach again an' I'd like to see %r. Feeley. 1ell, no", Creagh, are you sure it's not the pints o porter that are going against your stomach. Ah, no, indeed, sir. 'ure I hardly touch the pint at all "ith the pains. My "i e is home in the bed and I ha!e to take care o her too. There's great la(iness in the "orld, Creagh. And Mr. ;ane says to the people on the .ueue, %id ye hear that, ladies5 *reat

la(iness, isn't there5 And the "omen say, 0h, there is, indeed, Mr. ;ane, great la(iness. Mr. Creagh gets his docket to see the doctor, the .ueue mo!es ahead and Mr. ;ane is ready or Mam. The public assistance, is that "hat you "ant, "oman, the relie 5 'Tis, Mr. ;ane. And "here's your husband5 0h, he's in +ngland, but, +ngland, is it5 And "here is the "eekly telegram, the big i!e pounds5 4e didn't send us a penny in months, Mr. ;ane. Is that a act5 1ell,"e kno" "hy,don't "e5 1e kno" "hat the men o Ireland are up to in +ngland.1e kno" there's the occasional &imerickman seen trotting around "ith a 2iccadilly tart, don't "e5 4e looks out at the people on the .ueue and they kno" they're supposed to say,1e do, Mr. ;ane, and they kno" they're supposed to smile and laugh or things "ill go hard "ith them "hen they reach the plat orm.They kno" he might turn them o!er to Mr. Co ey and he's notorious or saying no to e!erything. Mam tells Mr. ;ane that %ad is in Co!entry and no"here near 2iccadilly and Mr. ;ane takes o his glasses and stares at her.1hat's this5 Are "e ha!ing a little contradiction here5 0h, no, Mr. ;ane, *od no. I "ant you to kno", "oman, that it is the policy here to gi!e no relie to "omen "ith husbands in +ngland. I "ant you to kno" you're taking the bread rom the mouths o more deser!ing people "ho stayed in this country to do their bit. 0h, yes, Mr. ;ane. And "hat's your name5 McCourt, sir. That's not a &imerick name.1here did you get a name like that5 My husband, sir. 4e's rom the )orth. 4e's rom the )orth and he lea!es you here to get the relie rom the Irish Free 'tate. Is this "hat "e ought or, is it5 I don't kno", sir. 1hy don't you go up to Bel ast and see "hat the 0rangemen "ill do or you, ah5 I don't kno", sir. /ou don't kno". 0 course you don't kno".There's great ignorance in the "orld. 4e looks out at the people, I said there's great ignorance in the "orld, and the people nod their heads and agree there's great ignorance in the "orld. 4e "hispers to Mr. Co ey and they look at Mam, they look at us. 4e tells Mam at last that she can ha!e the public assistance but i she gets a single penny rom her husband she's to drop all claims and gi!e the money back to the %ispensary. 'he promises she "ill and "e lea!e. 1e ollo" her to ;athleen 0'Connell's shop to get tea and bread and a e" sods o tur or the ire.1e climb the stairs to Italy and get the ire going and it's co(y "hen "e ha!e our tea.1e're all !ery .uiet, e!en the baby Alphie, because "e kno" "hat Mr. ;ane did to our mother. X It's cold and "et do"n in Ireland but "e're up in Italy. Mam says "e should bring the poor 2ope up to hang on the "all opposite the "indo".A ter all he's a riend o the "orkingman, he's Italian, and they're a "arm "eather people. Mam sits by the ire, shi!ering, and "e kno" something is "rong "hen she makes no mo!e or a cigarette. 'he says she eels a cold coming and she'd lo!e to ha!e a tarty drink, a lemonade.But there's no money in the house,not e!en or bread in the morning. 'he drinks tea and goes to bed. The bed creaks all night "ith her t"istings and turnings and she keeps us a"ake "ith her moaning or "ater. In the morning, she stays in bed, still shi!ering, and "e keep .uiet. I she sleeps long enough Malachy and I "ill be too late or school. 4ours pass and still she makes no mo!e and "hen I kno" it's "ell past school time I start the ire or the kettle. 'he stirs and calls or lemonade but I gi!e her a -am -ar o "ater. I ask her i she'd like some tea and she acts like a "oman gone dea . 'he looks lushed and it's odd she doesn't e!en mention cigarettes. 1e sit .uietly by the ire, Malachy, Michael, Alphie, mysel . 1e drink our tea "hile Alphie che"s the last bit o bread co!ered "ith sugar. 4e makes us laugh the "ay he smears the sugar all o!er his ace and grins at us "ith his at sticky cheeks. But "e can't laugh too much or Mam "ill -ump out o the bed and order Malachy and me o to school "here "e'll be killed or being late.1e don't laugh long, there is no more bread and "e're hungry, the our o us.1e can get no more credit at 0'Connell's shop.1e can't go near *randma, either. 'he yells at us all the time because %ad is rom the )orth and he ne!er sends money home rom +ngland "here he is "orking in a munitions actory. *randma says "e could star!e to death or

all he cares.That "ould teach Mam a lesson or marrying a man rom the )orth "ith sallo" skin, an odd manner and a look o the 2resbyterian about him. 'till, I'll ha!e to try ;athleen 0'Connell once more. I'll tell her my mother is sick abo!e in the bed, my brothers are star!ing and "e'll all be dead or the "ant o bread. I put on my shoes and run .uickly through the streets o &imerick to keep mysel "arm against the February rost./ou can look in people's "indo"s and see ho" co(y it is in their kitchens "ith ires glo"ing or ranges black and hot e!erything bright in the electric light cups and saucers on the tables "ith plates o sliced bread pounds o butter -ars o -am smells o ried eggs and rashers coming through the "indo"s enough to make the "ater run in your mouth and amilies sitting there digging in all smiling the mother crisp and clean in her apron e!eryone "ashed and the 'acred 4eart o 8esus looking do"n on them rom the "all su ering and sad but still happy "ith all that ood and light and good Catholics at their break ast. I try to ind music in my o"n head but all I can ind is my mother moaning or lemonade. &emonade. There's a !an pulling a"ay rom 'outh's pub lea!ing crates o beer and lemonade outside and there isn't a soul on the street. In a second I ha!e t"o bottles o lemonade up under my -ersey and I saunter a"ay trying to look innocent. There's a bread !an outside ;athleen 0'Connell's shop.The back door is open on shel!es o steaming ne"ly baked bread.The !an dri!er is inside the shop ha!ing tea and a bun "ith ;athleen and it's no trouble or me to help mysel to a loa o bread. It's "rong to steal rom ;athleen "ith the "ay she's al"ays good to us but i I go in and ask her or bread she'll be annoyed and tell me I'm ruining her morning cup o tea, "hich she'd like to ha!e in peace ease and com ort thank you. It's easier to stick the bread up under my -ersey "ith the lemonade and promise to tell e!erything in con ession. My brothers are back in bed playing games under the o!ercoats but they -ump "hen they see the bread.1e tear at the loa because "e're too hungry to slice it and "e make tea rom this morning's lea!es.1hen my mother stirs Malachy holds the lemonade bottle to her lips and she gasps till she inishes it. I she likes it that much I'll ha!e to ind more lemonade. 1e put the last o the coal on the ire and sit around telling stories "hich "e make up the "ay %ad did.I tell my brothers about my ad!entures "ith the lemonade and bread and I make up stories about ho" I "as chased by pub o"ners and shopkeepers and ho" I ran into 't. 8oseph's Church "here no one can ollo" you i you're a criminal, not e!en i you killed your o"n mother.Malachy and Michael look shocked o!er the "ay I got the bread and lemonade but then Malachy says it "as only "hat $obin 4ood "ould ha!e done, rob the rich and gi!e to the poor. Michael says I'm an outla" and i they catch me they'll hang me rom the highest tree in the 2eople's 2ark the "ay outla"s are hanged in ilms at the &yric Cinema. Malachy says I should make sure I'm in a state o grace because it might be hard to ind a priest to come to my hanging. I tell him a priest "ould ha!e to come to the hanging.That's "hat priests are or. $oddy McCorley had a priest and so did ;e!in Barry. Malachy says there "ere no priests at the hanging o $oddy McCorley and ;e!in Barry because they're not mentioned in the songs and he starts singing the songs to pro!e it till my mother groans in the bed and says shut up. Alphie the baby is asleep on the loor by the ire.1e put him into the bed "ith Mam so that he'll be "arm though "e don't "ant him to catch her disease and die. I she "akes up and inds him dead in the bed beside her there "ill be no end to the lamentations and she'll blame me on top o it. The three o us get back into our o"n bed, huddling under the o!ercoats and trying not to roll into the hole in the mattress. It's pleasant there till Michael starts to "orry o!er Alphie getting Mam's disease and me getting hanged or an outla". 4e says it isn't air because that "ould lea!e him "ith only one brother and e!eryone in the "orld has brothers galore. 4e alls asleep rom the "orry and soon Malachy dri ts o and I lie there thinking o -am.1ouldn't it be lo!ely to ha!e another loa o bread and a -ar o stra"berry -am or any kind o -am. I can't remember e!er seeing a -am !an making a deli!ery and I "ouldn't "ant to be like 8esse

8ames blasting my "ay into a shop demanding -am.That "ould surely lead to a hanging. There's a cold sun coming through the "indo" and I'm sure it must be "armer outside and "ouldn't my brothers be surprised i they "oke and ound me there "ith more bread and -am. They'd gobble e!erything and then go on about my sins and the hanging. Mam is still asleep though her ace is red and there's a strangling sound "hen she snores. I ha!e to be care ul going through the street because it's a school day and i *uard %ennehy sees me he'll drag me o to school and Mr. 0'4alloran "ill knock me all o!er the classroom.The guard is in charge o school attendance and he lo!es chasing you on his bicycle and dragging you o to school by the ear. There's a bo# sitting outside the door o one o the big houses on Barrington 'treet. I pretend to knock on the door so that I can see "hat's in the bo#, a bottle o milk, a loa o bread, cheese, tomatoes and, oh, *od, a -ar o marmalade. I can't sho!e all that under my -ersey. 0h, *od. 'hould I take the "hole bo#5 The people passing by pay me no attention.I might as "ell take the "hole bo#.My mother "ould say you might as "ell be hung or a sheep as a lamb. I li t the bo# and try to look like a messenger boy making a deli!ery and no one says a "ord. Malachy and Michael are beside themsel!es "hen they see "hat's in the bo# and they're soon gobbling thick cuts o bread slathered "ith golden marmalade.Alphie has the marmalade all o!er his ace and hair and a good bit on his legs and belly.1e "ash do"n the ood "ith cold tea because "e ha!e no ire to heat it. Mam mumbles again or lemonade and I gi!e her hal the second bottle to keep her .uiet. 'he calls or more and I mi# it "ith "ater to stretch it because I can't be spending my li e running around li ting lemonade rom pubs.1e're ha!ing a ine time o it till Mam begins to ra!e in the bed about her lo!ely little daughter taken rom her and her t"in boys gone be ore they "ere three and "hy couldn't *od take the rich or a change and is there any lemonade in the house5 Michael "ants to kno" i Mam "ill die and Malachy tells him you can't die till a priest comes.Then Michael "onders i "e'll e!er ha!e a ire and hot tea again because he's ree(ing in the bed e!en "ith the o!ercoats le t o!er rom olden times. Malachy says "e should go rom house to house asking or tur and coal and "ood and "e could use Alphie's pram to carry the load.1e should take Alphie "ith us because he's small and he smiles and people "ill see him and eel sorry or him and us.1e try to "ash all the dirt and lint and eathers and sticky marmalade but "hen "e touch him "ith "ater he ho"ls. Michael says he'll only get dirty again in the pram so "hat's the use o "ashing him. Michael is small but he's al"ays saying remarkable things like that. 1e push the pram out to the rich a!enues and roads but "hen "e knock on the doors the maids tell us go a"ay or they'll call the proper authorities and it's a disgrace to be dragging a baby around in a "reck o a pram that smells to the hea!ens a ilthy contraption that you "ouldn't use to haul a pig to the slaughterhouse and this is a Catholic country "here babies should be cherished and kept ali!e to hand do"n the aith rom generation to generation. Malachy tells one maid to kiss his arse and she gi!es him such a clout the tears leap to his eyes and he says he'll ne!er in his li e ask the rich or anything again. 4e says there's no use asking anymore, that "e should go around the backs o the houses and climb o!er the "alls and take "hat "e "ant. Michael can ring the ront doorbells to keep the maids busy and Malachy and I can thro" coal and tur o!er the "alls and ill the pram all around Alphie. 1e collect that "ay rom three houses but then Malachy thro"s a piece o coal o!er a "all and hits Alphie and he starts screaming and "e ha!e to run orgetting Michael, still ringing doorbells and getting abuse rom maids. Malachy says "e should take the pram home irst and then go back or Michael.1e can't stop no" "ith Alphie ba"ling and people gi!ing us dirty looks and telling us "e're a disgrace to our mother and Ireland in general. 1hen "e're back home it takes a "hile to dig Alphie out rom under the load o coal and tur and he "on't stop screaming till I gi!e him bread and marmalade. I'm a raid Mam "ill leap rom her bed but she only mumbles on about %ad and drink and babies dead. Malachy is back "ith Michael, "ith

stories o his ad!entures ringing doorbells. 0ne rich "oman ans"ered the door hersel and in!ited him into the kitchen or cake and milk and bread and -am. 'he asked him all about his amily and he told her his ather had a big -ob in +ngland but his mother is in the bed "ith a desperate disease and calling or lemonade morning noon and night. The rich "oman "anted to kno" "ho "as taking care o us and Michael bragged "e "ere taking care o oursel!es, that there "as no shortage o bread and marmalade. The rich "oman "rote do"n Michael's name and address and told him be a good boy and go home to his brothers and his mother in the bed. Malachy barks at Michael or being such a ool as to tell a rich "oman anything. 'he'll go no" and tell on us and be ore "e kno" it "e'll ha!e the priests o the "orld banging on the door and disturbing us. There's the banging on the door already. But it isn't a priest, it's *uard %ennehy. 4e calls up, 4ello, hello, is anybody home5 Are you there, Mrs. McCourt5 Michael knocks on the "indo" and "a!es at the guard. I gi!e him a good kick or himsel and Malachy thumps him on the head and he yells, I'll tell the guard. I'll tell the guard. They're killing me, guard. They're thumping and kicking. 4e "on't shut up and *uard %ennehy shouts at us to open the door. I call out the "indo" and tell him I can't open the door because my mother is in bed "ith a terrible disease. 1here's your ather5 4e's in +ngland. 1ell, I'm coming in to talk to your mother. /ou can't./ou can't. 'he has the disease.1e all ha!e the disease. It might be the typhoid. It might be the galloping consumption. 1e're getting spots already.The baby has a lump. It could kill. 4e pushes in the door and climbs the stairs to Italy -ust as Alphie cra"ls out rom under the bed co!ered "ith marmalade and dirt. 4e looks at him and my mother and us, takes o his cap and scratches his head. 4e says, 8esus, Mary and 8oseph, this is a desperate situation. 4o" did your mother get sick like that5 I tell him he shouldn't go near her and "hen Malachy says "e might not be able to go to school or ages the guard says "e'll go to school no matter "hat, that "e're on the earth to go to school the "ay he's on the earth to make sure "e go to school. 4e "ants to kno" i "e ha!e any relations and he sends me o to tell *randma and Aunt Aggie to come to our house. They scream at me and tell me I'm ilthy. I try to e#plain that Mam has the disease and I'm "orn out trying to make ends meet, keeping the home ires burning, getting lemonade or Mam and bread or my brothers. There's no use telling them about the marmalade or they'll only scream again. There's no use telling them about the nastiness o rich people and their maids. They push me all the "ay back to the lane, barking at me and disgracing me on the streets o &imerick. *uard %ennehy is still scratching his poll. 4e says, &ook at this, a disgrace./ou "ouldn't see the likes o this in Bombay or the Bo"ery o )e" /ork itsel . *randma is "ailing at my mother, Mother o' *od, Angela, "hat's up "ith you in the bed5 1hat did they do to you5 My mother runs her tongue o!er her dry lips and gasps or more lemonade. 'he "ants lemonade, says Michael, and "e got it or her and bread and marmalade and "e're all outla"s no". Frankie "as the irst outla" till "e "ent raiding or coal all o!er &imerick. *uard %ennehy looks interested and takes Michael do"nstairs by the hand and in a e" minutes "e hear him laughing.Aunt Aggie says that's a disgrace ul "ay to beha!e "ith my mother sick in the bed.The guard comes back and tells her go or a doctor. 4e keeps co!ering his ace "ith his cap "hene!er he looks at me or my brothers.%esperadoes, he says, desperadoes. The doctor comes "ith Aunt Aggie in his motor car and he has to rush my mother to the hospital "ith her pneumonia.1e'd all like to go riding in the doctor's car but Aunt Aggie says, )o, ye are all coming to my house till yeer mother comes home rom the hospital. I tell her not to bother. I'm ele!en and I can easily look a ter my brothers. I'd be glad to stay at home rom school and make sure e!eryone is ed and "ashed. But *randma screams I "ill do no such a thing and Aunt Aggie gi!es me a thump or mysel . *uard %ennehy says I'm too young yet to be an outla" and a ather but I ha!e a promising uture in both departments. *et your clothes, says Aunt Aggie, ye are coming to my house till yeer mother is out

o the hospital. 8esus abo!e, that baby is a disgrace. 'he inds a rag and ties it around Alphie's bottom or ear he might shit all o!er the pram.Then she looks at us and "ants to kno" "hy "e're standing there "ith our aces hanging out a ter she told us get our clothes. I'm a raid she'll hit me or yell at me "hen I tell her it's all right, "e ha!e our clothes, they're on us. 'he stares at me and shakes her head. 4ere, she says, put some sugar and "ater in the child's bottle. 'he tells me I ha!e to push Alphie through the streets, she can't manage the pram "ith that bockety "heel that makes it rock back and orth and besides 'tis a disgrace ul looking ob-ect she'd be ashamed to put a mangy dog in. 'he takes the three old coats rom our bed and piles them on the pram till you can hardly see Alphie at all. *randma comes "ith us and barks at me all the "ay rom $oden &ane to Aunt Aggie's lat in 1indmill 'treet. Can't you push that pram properly5 8esus, you're going to kill that child. 'top goin' rom side to side or I'll gi!e you a good clitther on the gob. 'he "on't come into Aunt Aggie's lat. 'he can't stand the sight o us one more minute. 'he's ed up "ith the "hole McCourt clan rom the days "hen she had to send si# ares to bring us all back rom America, dishing out more money or unerals or dead children, gi!ing us ood e!ery time our ather drank the dole or the "ages, helping Angela carry on "hile that blaguard rom the )orth drinks his "ages all o!er +ngland. 0h, she's ed up, so she is, and o she goes across 4enry 'treet "ith her black sha"l pulled up around her "hite head, limping along in her black high laced boots. 1hen you're ele!en and your brothers are ten, i!e and one, you don't kno" "hat to do "hen you go to someone's house e!en i she's your mother's sister./ou're told to lea!e the pram in the hall and bring the baby into the kitchen but i it's not your house you don't kno" "hat to do once you get into the kitchen or ear the aunt "ill yell at you or hit you on the skull. 'he takes o her coat and takes it to the bedroom and you stand "ith the baby in your arms "aiting to be told. I you take one step or"ard or one step to the side she might come out and say "here are you going and you don't kno" "hat to ans"er because you don't kno" yoursel . I you say anything to your brothers she might say "ho do you think you're talking to in my kitchen5 1e ha!e to stand and be .uiet and that's hard "hen there's a tinkling sound rom the bedroom and "e kno" she's on the chamber pot peeing a"ay. I don't "ant to look at Malachy. I I do I'll smile and he'll smile and Michael "ill smile and there's danger "e'll start laughing and i "e do "e "on't be able to stop or days at the picture in our heads o Aunt Aggie's big "hite bum perched on a lo"ery little chamber pot. I'm able to control mysel . I "on't laugh. Malachy and Michael "on't laugh and it's easy to see "e're all proud o oursel!es or not laughing and getting into trouble "ith Aunt Aggie till Alphie in my arms smiles and says *oo goo and that sets us o .The three o us burst out laughing and Alphie grins "ith his dirty ace and says *oo goo again till "e're helpless and Aunt Aggie roars out o the room pulling her dress do"n and gi!es me a thump on the head that sends me against the "all baby and all. 'he hits Malachy too and she tries to hit Michael but he runs to the other side o her round table and she can't get at him. Come o!er here, she says, and I'll "ipe that grin o your puss, but Michael keeps running around the table and she's too at to catch him. I'll get you later, she says, I'll "arm your arse, and you, &ord Muck, she says to me, put that child do"n on the loor o!er there by the range. 'he puts the old coats rom the pram on the loor and Alphie lies there "ith his sugary "ater and says *oo goo and smiles. 'he tells us take o e!ery scrap o our clothes, get out to the tap in the backyard and scrub e!ery inch o our bodies.1e are not to come back into this house till "e're spotless. I "ant to tell her it's the middle o February,it's ree(ing outside,"e could all die,but I kno" i I open my mouth I might die right here on the kitchen loor. 1e're out in the yard naked dousing oursel!es "ith icy "ater rom the tap. 'he opens the kitchen "indo" and thro"s out a scrub brush and a big bar o bro"n soap like the one they used on Finn the 4orse. 'he orders us to scrub each other's backs and don't stop till she tells

us. Michael says his hands and eet are alling o "ith the cold but she doesn't care. 'he keeps telling us "e're still dirty and i she has to come out to scrub us "e'll rue the day.Another rue. I scrub mysel harder.1e all scrub till "e're pink and our -a"s chatter. It's not enough or Aunt Aggie. 'he comes out "ith a bucket and sloshes cold "ater all o!er us. )o", she says, get inside and dry yeersel!es.1e stand in the little shed ne#t to her kitchen drying oursel!es "ith one to"el. 1e stand and shi!er and "ait because you can't go marching into her kitchen till she tells you.1e hear her inside starting the ire, rattling the poker in the range, then yelling at us,Are ye goin' to stand in there all day5 Come in here and put on yeer clothes. 'he gi!es us mugs o tea and cuts o ried bread and "e sit at the table eating .uietly because you're not supposed to say a "ord unless she tells you. Michael asks her or a second cut o ried bread and "e e#pect her to knock him o the chair or his cheek but she -ust grumbles, 'Tis ar rom t"o cuts o ried bread ye "ere brought up, and gi!es each o us another cut. 'he tries to eed Alphie bread soaked in tea but he "on't eat it till she sprinkles it "ith sugar and "hen he's inished he smiles and pees all o!er her lap and "e're delighted. 'he runs out to the shed to dab at hersel "ith a to"el and "e're able to grin at each other at the table and tell Alphie he's the champion baby in the "orld. 7ncle 2a ;eating comes in the door all black rom his -ob at the gas "orks. 0h, be-ay, he says, "hat's this5 Michael says, My mother is in the hospital, 7ncle 2a. Is that so5 1hat's up "ith her5 2neumonia, says Malachy. 1ell, no", that's better than oldmonia. 1e don't kno" "hat he's laughing at and Aunt Aggie comes in rom the shed and tells him ho" Mam is in the hospital and "e're to stay "ith them till she gets out. 4e says, *rand, grand, and goes to the shed to "ash himsel though "hen he comes back you'd ne!er kno" he touched himsel "ith "ater at all he's that black. 4e sits at the table and Aunt Aggie gi!es him his supper, "hich is ried bread and ham and sliced tomatoes. 'he tells us get a"ay rom the table and stop ga"king at him ha!ing his tea and tells him to stop gi!ing us bits o ham and tomato. 4e says,Arrah, or 8aysus sake,Aggie, the children are hungry,and she says,'Tis none o your business.They're not yours. 'he tells us go out and play and be home or bed by hal ,past eight. 1e kno" it's ree(ing outside and "e'd like to stay in by that "arm range but it's easier to be in the streets playing than inside "ith Aunt Aggie and her nagging. 'he calls me in later and sends me upstairs to borro" a rubber sheet rom a "oman "ho had a child that died. The "oman says tell your aunt I'd like that rubber sheet back or the ne#t child.Aunt Aggie says, T"el!e years ago that child died and she still keeps the rubber sheet. Forty, i!e she is no" and i there's another child "e'll ha!e to look or a star in the +ast. Malachy says,1hat's that5 and she tells him mind his o"n business, he's too young. Aunt Aggie places the rubber sheet on her bed and puts Alphie on it bet"een hersel and 7ncle 2a. 'he sleeps inside against the "all and 7ncle 2a outside because he has to get up in the morning or "ork.1e are to sleep on the loor against the opposite "all "ith one coat under us and t"o o!er. 'he says i she hears a "ord out o us during the night she'll "arm our arses and "e're to be up early in the morning because it's Ash 1ednesday and it "ouldn't do us any harm to go to Mass and pray or our poor mother and her pneumonia. The alarm clock shocks us out o our sleep. Aunt Aggie calls rom her bed,The three o ye are to get up and go to Mass. %o ye hear me5 7p.1ash yeer aces and go to the 8esuits. 4er backyard is all rost and ice and our hands sting rom the tap "ater.1e thro" a little on our aces and dry "ith the to"el that's still damp rom yesterday. Malachy "hispers our "ash "as a lick and a promise, that's "hat Mam "ould say. The streets are rosty and icy, too, but the 8esuit church is "arm. It must be grand to be a 8esuit, sleeping in a bed "ith sheets blankets pillo"s and getting up to a nice "arm house and a "arm church "ith nothing to do but say Mass hear con essions and yell at people or their sins ha!e your meals ser!ed up to you and read your &atin o ice be ore you go to sleep. I'd like to be a 8esuit some day but there's no hope o that

"hen you gro" up in a lane. 8esuits are !ery particular.They don't like poor people.They like people "ith motor cars "ho stick out their little ingers "hen they pick up their teacups. The church is cro"ded "ith people at se!en o'clock Mass getting the ashes on their oreheads. Malachy "hispers that Michael shouldn't get the ashes because he "on't be making his First Communion till May and it "ould be a sin. Michael starts to cry, I "ant the ashes, I "ant the ashes. An old "oman behind us says,1hat are ye doin' to that lo!ely child5 Malachy e#plains the lo!ely child ne!er made his First Communion and he's not in a state o grace. Malachy is getting ready or Con irmation himsel , al"ays sho"ing o his kno"ledge o the catechism, al"ays going on about state o grace. 4e "on't admit I kne" all about the state o grace a year ago, so long ago I'm starting to orget it.The old "oman says you don't ha!e to be in a state o grace to get a e" ashes on your orehead and tells Malachy stop tormenting his poor little brother.'he pats Michael on the head and tells him he's a lo!ely child and go up there and get your ashes. 4e runs to the altar and "hen he comes back the "oman gi!es him a penny to go "ith his ashes. Aunt Aggie is still in the bed "ith Alphie. 'he tells Malachy to ill Alphie's bottle "ith milk and bring it to him. 'he tells me to start the ire in the range, that there's paper and "ood in a bo# and coal in the coal scuttle. I the ire "on't start sprinkle it "ith a little para in oil. The ire is slo" and smoky and I sprinkle it "ith the para in oil,it lares up, "hoosh, and nearly takes my eyebro"s o .There is smoke e!ery"here and Aunt Aggie rushes into the kitchen. 'he sho!es me a"ay rom the range. 8esus abo!e, can't you do anything right5 /ou're supposed to open the damper, you ee-it. I don't kno" anything about dampers. In our house "e ha!e a ireplace in Ireland do"nstairs and a ireplace in Italy upstairs and no sign o a damper.Then you go to your aunt's house and you're supposed to kno" all about dampers.There's no use telling her this is the irst time you e!er lit a ire in a range. 'he'll -ust gi!e you another thump on the skull and send you lying. It's hard to kno" "hy gro"n people get so angry o!er little things like dampers.1hen I'm a man I "on't go around thumping small children o!er dampers or anything else. )o" she yells at me, &ook at &ord Muck standing there. 1ould you e!er think o opening the "indo" and letting out the smoke5 0 course you "ouldn't. /ou ha!e a puss on you like your ather rom the )orth. %o you think no" you can boil the "ater or the tea "ithout burning the house do"n5 'he cuts three slices rom a loa , smears them "ith margarine or us and goes back to bed.1e ha!e the tea and bread and it's one morning "e're glad to go to school "here it's "arm and there are no yelling aunts. A ter school she tells me sit at the table and "rite my ather a letter about Mam in the hospital and ho" "e're all at Aunt Aggie's till Mam comes home. I'm to tell him "e're all happy and in the best o health, send money, ood is !ery dear, gro"ing boys eat a lot, ha ha,Alphie the baby needs clothes and nappies. I don't kno" "hy she's al"ays angry. 4er lat is "arm and dry. 'he has electric light in the house and her o"n la!atory in the backyard. 7ncle 2a has a steady -ob and he brings home his "ages e!ery Friday. 4e drinks his pints at 'outh's pub but ne!er comes home singing songs o Ireland's long "oe ul history. 4e says,A po# on all their houses, and he says the unniest thing in the "orld is that "e all ha!e arses that ha!e to be "iped and no man escapes that.The minute a politician or a 2ope starts his blather 7ncle 2a thinks o him "iping his arse. 4itler and $oose!elt and Churchill all "ipe their arses. %e 6alera, too. 4e says the only people you can trust in that department are the Mahommedans or they eat "ith one hand and "ipe "ith the other.The human hand itsel is a sneaky bugger and you ne!er kno" "hat it's been up to. There are good times "ith 7ncle 2a "hen Aunt Aggie goes to the Mechanics' Institute to play cards, orty, i!e. 4e says,To hell "ith the begrudgers. 4e gets himsel t"o bottles o stout rom 'outh's, si# buns and a hal pound o ham rom the shop on the corner.4e makes tea and "e sit by the range drinking it,eating our ham sand"iches and buns and laughing o!er 7ncle 2a and the "ay he goes on about the "orld. 4e says, I s"allo"ed the gas, I drink

the pint, I don't gi!e a iddler's art about the "orld and its cousin. I little Alphie gets tired and cranky and cries 7ncle 2a pulls his shirt back rom his chest and tells him, 4ere, ha!e a suck o diddy momma.The sight o that lat chest and the nipple shocks Alphie and makes him good again. Be ore Aunt Aggie comes home "e ha!e to "ash the mugs and clean up so she "on't kno" "e "ere stu ing oursel!es "ith buns and ham sand"iches. 'he'd nag 7ncle 2a or a month i she e!er ound out and that's "hat I don't understand.1hy does he let her nag him like that5 4e "ent to the *reat 1ar, he "as gassed, he's big, he has a -ob, he makes the "orld laugh. It's a mystery. That's "hat the priests and the masters tell you, e!erything is a mystery and you ha!e to belie!e "hat you're told. I could easily ha!e 7ncle 2a or a ather.1e'd ha!e great times sitting by the ire in the range drinking tea and laughing o!er the "ay he arts and says, &ight a match.That's a present rom the *ermans. Aunt Aggie torments me all the time. 'he calls me scabby eyes. 'he says I'm the spitting image o my ather, I ha!e the odd manner, I ha!e the sneaky air o a northern 2resbyterian,I'll probably gro" up and build an altar to 0li!er Crom"ell himsel , I'll run o and marry an +nglish tart and co!er my house "ith pictures o the royal amily. I "ant to get a"ay rom her and I can think o only one "ay, to make mysel sick and go to the hospital. I get up in the middle o the night and go to her backyard. I can pretend I'm going to the la!atory. I stand out in the open in the ree(ing "eather and hope I'll catch pneumonia or the galloping consumption so that I'll go to the hospital "ith the nice clean sheets and the meals in the bed and books brought by the girl in the blue dress. I might meet another 2atricia Madigan and learn a long poem. I stand in the backyard or ages in my shirt and bare eet looking up at the moon "hich is a ghostly galleon riding upon cloudy seas and go back to bed shi!ering hoping I'll "ake up in the morning "ith a terrible cough and lushed cheeks. But I don't. I eel resh and li!ely and I'd be in great orm i I could be at home "ith my mother and brothers. There are days "hen Aunt Aggie tells us she can't stand the sight o us another minute, *et a"ay rom me. 4ere, scabby eyes, take Alphie out in his pram, take your brothers, go to the park and play, do anything ye like and don't come back till teatime "hen the Angelus is ringing, not a minute later, do ye hear me, not a minute later. It's cold but "e don't care.1e push the pram up 0'Connell A!enue out to Ballinacurra or the $osbrien $oad.1e let Alphie cra"l around in ields to look at co"s and sheep and "e laugh "hen the co"s nu((le him. I get under the co"s and s.uirt the milk into Alphie's mouth till he's ull and thro"s it up. Farmers chase us till they see ho" small Michael and Alphie are. Malachy laughs at the armers. 4e says, 4it me no" "ith the child in me arms.Then he has a great notion,1hy can't "e go to our o"n house and play a "hile5 1e ind t"igs and bits o "ood in the ields and rush to $oden &ane.There are matches by the ireplace in Italy and "e ha!e a good ire going in no time.Alphie alls asleep and soon the rest o us dri t o till the Angelus booms out o the $edemptorist church and "e kno" "e're in trouble "ith Aunt Aggie or being late. 1e don't care. 'he can yell at us all she "ants but "e had a grand time out the country "ith the co"s and the sheep and then the lo!ely ire abo!e in Italy. /ou can tell she ne!er has grand times like that. +lectric light and a la!atory but no grand times. *randma comes or her on Thursdays and 'undays and they take the bus to the hospital to see Mam. 1e can't go because children are not allo"ed and i "e say, 4o"'s Mam5 they look cranky and tell us she's all right, she'll li!e.1e'd like to kno" "hen she's getting out o hospital so that "e can all go back home but "e're a raid to open our mouths. Malachy tells Aunt Aggie one day he's hungry and could he ha!e a piece o bread.'he hits him "ith a rolled up &ittle Messenger o the 'acred 4eart and there are tears on his eyelashes. 4e doesn't come home rom school the ne#t day and he's still gone at bedtime.Aunt Aggie says,1ell, I suppose he ran a"ay. *ood riddance. I he "as hungry he'd be here. &et him ind com ort in a ditch. )e#t day Michael runs in rom the street, %ad's here, %ad's here, and runs back out and there's %ad sitting on the hall

loor hugging Michael, crying, /our poor mother, your poor mother, and there's a smell o drink on him.Aunt Aggie is smiling, 0h, you're here, and she makes tea and eggs and sausages. 'he sends me out or a bottle o stout or %ad and I "onder "hy she's so pleasant and generous all o a sudden. Michael says, Are "e going to our o"n house, %ad5 1e are, son. Alphie is back in the pram "ith the three old coats and coal and "ood or the ire. Aunt Aggie stands at her door and tells us be good boys, come back or tea anytime, and there's a bad "ord or her in my head, 0ul' bitch. It's in my head and I can't help it and I'll ha!e to tell the priest in con ession. Malachy isn't in a ditch, he's there in our o"n house eating ish and chips a drunken soldier dropped at the gate o the 'ars ield Barracks. Mam comes home in t"o days. 'he's "eak and "hite and "alks slo"ly. 'he says,The doctor told me keep "arm, ha!e plenty o rest and nourishing ood, meat and eggs three times a "eek. *od help us, those poor doctors don't ha!e a notion o not ha!ing.%ad makes tea and toasts bread or her on the ire. 4e ries bread or the rest o us and "e ha!e a lo!ely night up in Italy "here it's "arm. 4e says he can't stay ore!er, he has to go back to "ork in Co!entry. Mam "onders ho" he'll get to Co!entry "ithout a penny in his pocket. 4e's up early on 4oly 'aturday and I ha!e tea "ith him by the ire. 4e ries our cuts o bread and "raps them in pages o the &imerick Chronicle, t"o cuts in each coat pocket. Mam is still in bed and he calls to her rom the bottom o the stairs, I'm going no". 'he says,All right.1rite "hen you land. My ather is going to +ngland and she "on't e!en get out o the bed. I ask i I can go "ith him to the rail"ay station. )o, he's not going there. 4e's going to the %ublin road to see i he can get a li t. 4e pats my head, tells me take care o my mother and brothers and goes out the door. I "atch him go up the lane till he turns the corner. I run up the lane to see him go do"n Barrack 4ill and do"n 't. 8oseph's 'treet. I run do"n the hill and ollo" him as ar as I can. 4e must kno" I'm ollo"ing him because he turns and calls to me, *o home, Francis. *o home to your mother. In a "eek there's a letter to say he arri!ed sa ely, that "e are to be good boys,attend to our religious duties and abo!e all obey our mother. In another "eek there's a telegram money order or three pounds and "e're in hea!en.1e'll be rich, there "ill be ish and chips, -elly and custard, ilms e!ery 'aturday at the &yric, the Coliseum, the Carlton, the Atheneum, the Central and the anciest o all, the 'a!oy.1e might e!en "ind up ha!ing tea and cakes at the 'a!oy Ca D "ith the nobs and to s o &imerick. 1e'll be sure to hold our teacups "ith our little ingers sticking out. The ne#t 'aturday there's no telegram nor the 'aturday a ter nor any 'aturday ore!er. Mam begs again at the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety and smiles at the %ispensary "hen Mr. Co ey and Mr. ;ane ha!e their bit o a -oke about %ad ha!ing a tart in 2iccadilly. Michael "ants to kno" "hat a tart is and she tells him it's something you ha!e "ith tea. 'he spends most o the day by the ire "ith Bridey 4annon pu ing on her 1oodlbines, drinking "eak tea.The bread crumbs rom the morning are al"ays on the table "hen "e come home rom school.'he ne!er "ashes the -am -ars or mugs and there are lies in the sugar and "here!er there is s"eetness. 'he says Malachy and I ha!e to take turns looking a ter Alphie, taking him out in the pram or a bit o resh air.The child can't be kept in Italy rom 0ctober to April. I "e tell her "e "ant to play "ith our pals she might let ly "ith a right cross to the head that stings the ears. 1e play games "ith Alphie and the pram. I stand at the top o Barrack 4ill and Malachy is at the bottom.1hen I gi!e the pram a push do"n the hill Malachy is supposed to stop it but he's looking at a pal on roller skates and it speeds by him across the street and through the doors o &eniston's pub "here men are ha!ing a peace ul pint and not e#pecting a pram "ith a dirty aced child saying *oo goo goo goo.The barman shouts this is a disgrace, there must be a la" against this class o beha!ior, babies roaring through the door in bockety prams, he'll call the guards on us, and Alphie "a!es at him and smiles and he says, all right, all right, the child can ha!e a s"eet and a lemonade, the brothers can ha!e lemonade too, that

raggedy pair, and *od abo!e, 'tis a hard "orld, the minute you think you're getting ahead a pram comes crashing through the door and you're dishing out s"eets and lemonade right and le t, the t"o o ye take that child and go home to yeer mother. Malachy has another po"er ul idea, that "e could go around &imerick like tinkers pushing Alphie in his pram into pubs or the s"eets and lemonade, but I don't "ant Mam inding out and hitting me "ith her right cross. Malachy says I'm not a sport and runs o . I push the pram o!er to 4enry 'treet and up by the $edemptorist church. It's a gray day, the church is gray and the small cro"d o people outside the door o the priests' house is gray.They're "aiting to beg or any ood le t o!er rom the priests' dinner. There in the middle o the cro"d in her dirty gray coat is my mother. This is my o"n mother, begging.This is "orse than the dole, the 't. 6incent de 2aul 'ociety, the %ispensary. It's the "orst kind o shame, almost as bad as begging on the streets "here the tinkers hold up their scabby children, *i!e us a penny or the poor child, mister, the poor child is hungry, missus. My mother is a beggar no" and i anyone rom the lane or my school sees her the amily "ill be disgraced entirely. My pals "ill make up ne" names and torment me in the schoolyard and I kno" "hat they'll say, Frankie McCourt beggar "oman's boy scabby,eyed dancing blubber,gob 8ap. The door o the priests' house s"ings open and the people rush "ith their hands out. I can hear them, Brother, brother, here, brother, ah, or the lo!e o' *od, brother. Fi!e children at home, brother. I can see my o"n mother pushed along. I can see the tightness o her mouth "hen she snatches at a bag and turns rom the door and I push the pram up the street be ore she can see me. I don't "ant to go home anymore. I push the pram do"n to the %ock $oad, out to Corkanree "here all the dust and garbage o &imerick is dumped and burned. I stand a "hile and look at boys chase rats. I don't kno" "hy they ha!e to torture rats that are not in their houses. I'd keep going on into the country ore!er i I didn't ha!e Alphie ba"ling "ith the hunger, kicking his chubby legs, "a!ing his empty bottle. Mam has the ire going and something boiling in a pot. Malachy smiles and says she brought home corned bee and a e" spuds rom ;athleen 0'Connell's shop.4e "ouldn't be so happy i he kne" he "as the son o a beggar. 'he calls us in rom the lane and "hen "e sit at the table it's hard or me to look at my mother the beggar. 'he li ts the pot to the table, spoons out the potatoes one each and uses a ork to li t out the corned bee . It isn't corned bee at all. It's a great lump o .ui!ering gray at and the only sign o corned bee is a little nipple o red meat on top.1e stare at that bit o meat and "onder "ho "ill get it. Mam says, That's or Alphie. 4e's a baby, he's gro"ing ast, he needs it. 'he puts it on a saucer in ront o him. 4e pushes it a"ay "ith his inger, then pulls it back. 4e li ts it to his mouth, looks around the kitchen, sees &ucky the dog and thro"s it to him. There's no use saying anything.The meat is gone.1e eat our potatoes "ith plenty o salt and I eat my at and pretend it's that nipple o red meat. XI Mam "arns us,/e are to keep yeer pa"s out o that trunk or there's nothing in there that's o the slightest interest or any o yeer business. All she has in that trunk is a lot o papers, certi icates o birth and baptism, her Irish passport, %ad's +nglish passport rom Bel ast, our American passports and her bright red lapper dress "ith spangles and black rills she brought all the "ay rom America. 'he "ants to keep that dress ore!er to remind hersel she "as young and dancing. I don't care "hat she has in the trunk till I start a ootball team "ith Billy Campbell and Malachy. 1e can't a ord uni orms or boots and Billy says, 4o" "ill the "orld kno" "ho "e are5 1e don't e!en ha!e a name. I remember the red dress and a name comes to me,The $ed 4earts o &imerick. Mam ne!er opens the trunk so "hat does it matter i I cut o a piece o the dress to make se!en red hearts "e can stick on our chests5 1hat you don't kno" "on't bother you, she al"ays says hersel . The dress is buried under the papers. I look at my passport picture "hen I "as small and I can see "hy they call me

8ap.There's a paper that says Marriage Certi icate, that Malachy McCourt and Angela 'heehan "ere -oined in 4oly Matrimony on the t"enty,eighth o March, ?@FG. 4o" could that be5 I "as born on the nineteenth o August and Billy Campbell told me the ather and mother ha!e to be married nine months be ore there's a sign o a child. 4ere I am born into the "orld in hal the time.That means I must be a miracle and I might gro" up to be a saint "ith people celebrating the east o 't. Francis o &imerick. I'll ha!e to ask Mikey Molloy, still the e#pert on *irls' Bodies and %irty Things in *eneral. Billy says i "e're to be great soccer players "e ha!e to practice and "e're to meet o!er in the park.The boys complain "hen I hand out the hearts and I tell them i they don't like it they can go home and cut up their o"n mother's dresses and blouses. 1e ha!e no money or a proper ball so one o the boys brings a sheep's bladder stu ed "ith rags.1e kick the bladder up and do"n the meado" till there are holes and rags start alling out and "e get ed up kicking a bladder that's hardly there anymore. Billy says "e're to meet tomorro" morning "hich is 'aturday and go out Ballinacurra to see i "e can challenge rich Crescent College boys to a proper game, se!en a side. 4e says "e're to pin our red hearts to our shirts e!en i they're red rags. Malachy is going home or tea but I can't go because I ha!e to see Mikey Molloy and ind out "hy I "as born in hal the time. Mikey is coming out o his house "ith his ather, 2eter. It's Mikey's si#teenth birthday and his ather is taking him to Bo"les's pub or his irst pint. )ora Molloy is inside screeching a ter 2eter that i they go they can stay gone, she's done baking bread, she's ne!er going to the lunatic asylum again, i he brings that child home drunk she'll go to 'cotland and disappear rom the ace o the earth. 2eter tells Mikey, 2ay no attention to her, Cyclops.The mothers o Ireland are al"ays enemies o the irst pint. My o"n mother tried to kill my ather "ith a rying pan "hen he took me or the irst pint. Mikey asks 2eter i I can come "ith them and ha!e a lemonade. 2eter tells e!eryone in the pub that Mikey is there or his irst pint and "hen all the men "ant to stand Mikey a pint 2eter says, Ah, no, 't"ould be a terrible thing i he had too much and turned against it entirely. The pints are dra"n and "e sit against the "all, the Molloys "ith their pints and I "ith my lemonade.The men "ish Mikey all the best in the li e to come and "asn't it a gi t rom *od that he ell o that spout years ago and ne!er had the it since and "asn't it a great pity about that poor little bugger, :uasimodo %ooley, carried o "ith the consumption a ter all his trouble talking or years like an +nglishman so he could be on the BBC "hich is no it place or an Irishman any"ay. 2eter is talking to the men and Mikey, sipping his irst pint, "hispers to me, I don't think I like it, but don't tell my ather.Then he tells me ho" he practices the +nglish accent in secret so that he can be a BBC announcer, :uasimodo's dream. 4e tells me I can ha!e Cuchulain back, that he's no use to you "hen you're reading the ne"s on the BBC. )o" that he's si#teen he "ants to go to +ngland and i e!er I get a "ireless that "ill be him on the BBC 4ome 'er!ice. I tell him about the marriage certi icate, ho" Billy Campbell said it has to be nine months but I "as born in hal the time and "ould he kno" i I "as some class o a miracle. )a", he says, na"./ou're a bastard./ou're doomed. /ou don't ha!e to be cursing me, Mikey. I'm not. That's "hat they call people "ho aren't born inside the nine months o the marriage, people concei!ed beyond the blanket. 1hat's that5 1hat's "hat5 Concei!ed. That's "hen the sperm hits the egg and it gro"s and there you are nine months later. I don't kno" "hat you're talking about. 4e "hispers,The thing bet"een your legs is the e#citement. I don't like the other names, the dong, the prick, the dick, the langer. 'o your ather sho!es his e#citement into your mother and there's a spurt and these little germs go up into your mother "here there's an egg and that gro"s into you. I'm not an egg. /ou are an egg. +!eryone "as an egg once. 1hy am I doomed5 'Tisn't my ault I'm a bastard. All bastards are doomed.They're like babies that "eren't bapti(ed. They're sent to &imbo or eternity and there's no "ay out and it's not their ault. It makes you "onder

about *od up there on 4is throne "ith no mercy or the little unbapti(ed babies. That's "hy I don't go near the chapel anymore. Any"ay, you're doomed. /our ather and mother had the e#citement and they "eren't married so you're not in a state o grace. 1hat am I going to do5 )othing./ou're doomed. Can't I light a candle or something. /ou could try the Blessed 6irgin. 'he's in charge o the doom. But I don't ha!e a penny or the candle. All right, all right, here's a penny./ou can gi!e it back "hen you get a -ob a million years rom no". 'Tis costing me a ortune to be the e#pert on *irls' Bodies and %irty Things in *eneral. The barman is doing a cross"ord pu((le and he says to 2eter,1hat's the opposite o ad!ance5 $etreat, says 2eter. That's it, says the barman. +!erything has an opposite. Mother o' *od, says 2eter. 1hat's up "ith you, 2eter5 says the barman. 1hat "as that you said be ore,Tommy5 +!erything has an opposite. Mother o' *od. Are you all right, 2eter5 Is the pint all right5 The pint is grand, Tommy, and I'm the champion o all pint drinkers, amn't I5 Begod an' you are, 2eter. )o denyin' that to you. That means I could be the champion in the opposite department. 1hat are you talking about, 2eter5 I could be the champion o no pints at all. Ah, no", 2eter, I think you're going a bit ar. Is the "i e all right at home5 Tommy, take this pint a"ay rom me. I'm the champion o no pints at all. 2eter turns and takes the glass rom Mikey. 1e're going home to your mother, Mikey. /ou didn't call me Cyclops, %ad. /ou're Mikey./ou're Michael. 1e're going to +ngland. )o more pints or me, no pints or you, no more bread baking or your mother. Come on. 1e're lea!ing the pub and Tommy the barman calls a ter us,/ou kno" "hat 'tis, 2eter. 'Tis all them bloody books you're reading.They ha!e your head destroyed. 2eter and Mikey turn to go home. I ha!e to go to 't. 8oseph's to light the candle that "ill sa!e me rom the doom but I look in the "indo" o Counihan's shop and there in the middle is a great slab o Clee!es' to ee and a sign, T10 2I+C+' F0$ A 2+))/. I kno" I'm doomed but the "ater is running along the sides o my tongue and "hen I put my penny on the counter or Miss Counihan I promise the 6irgin Mary the ne#t penny I get I'll be lighting a candle and "ould she please talk to her 'on and delay the doom or a"hile. A penn'orth o Clee!es' to ee doesn't last ore!er and "hen it's gone I ha!e to think o going home to a mother "ho let my ather push his e#citement into her so that I could be born in hal the time and gro" up to be a bastard. I she e!er says a "ord about the red dress or anything I'll tell her I kno" all about the e#citement and she'll be shocked. 'aturday morning I meet The $ed 4earts o &imerick and "e "ander out the road looking or a ootball challenge. The boys are still grousing that the bits o red dress don't look like hearts till Billy tells them i they don't "ant to play ootball go home and play "ith their sisters' dolls. There are boys playing ootball in a ield in Ballinacurra and Billy challenges them.They ha!e eight players and "e ha!e only se!en but "e don't mind because one o them has one eye and Billy tells us stay on his blind side. Besides, he says, Frankie McCourt is nearly blind "ith his t"o bad eyes and that's "orse.They're all togged out in blue and "hite -erseys and "hite shorts and proper ootball boots. 0ne o them says "e look like something the cat brought in and Malachy has to be held back rom ighting them. 1e agree to play hal an hour because the Ballinacurra boys say they ha!e to go to lunch. &unch.The "hole "orld has dinner in the middle o the day but they ha!e lunch. I no one scores in hal an hour it's a dra".1e play back and orth till Billy gets the ball and goes speeding and dancing up the sideline so ast no one can catch him and in goes the ball or a goal.The hal hour is nearly up but the Ballinacurra boys "ant another hal hour and they manage to score "ell into the second hal hour.Then the ball goes o!er the line or touch. It's our ball. Billy stands on the touch line "ith the ball o!er his head. 4e pretends to look at Malachy but thro"s the ball to me. It comes to me as i it's the only thing that e#ists in the "hole "orld. It comes straight to my oot and all I ha!e to do is s"i!el to the le t and s"ing that ball straight into the goal.There's a "hiteness in my head and I eel like a boy in hea!en. I'm

loating o!er the "hole ield till The $ed 4earts o &imerick clap me on the back and tell me that "as a great goal, Frankie, you too, Billy. 1e "alk back along 0'Connell A!enue and I keep thinking o the "ay the ball came to my oot and surely it "as sent by *od or the Blessed 6irgin Mary "ho "ould ne!er send such a blessing to one doomed or being born in hal the time and I kno" as long as I li!e I'll ne!er orget that ball coming rom Billy Campbell, that goal. Mam meets Bridey 4annon and her mother going up the lane and they tell her about Mr. 4annon's poor legs. 2oor 8ohn, it's a trial or him to cycle home e!ery night a ter deli!ering coal and tur all day on the great loat or the coal merchants on the %ock $oad. 4e's paid rom eight in the morning till hal i!e in the e!ening though he has to get the horse ready "ell be ore eight and settle him or the night "ell a ter hal i!e. 4e's up and do"n on that loat all day hoisting bags o coal and tur , desperate to keep the bandages in place on his legs so the dirt "on't get into the open sores.The bandages are ore!er sticking and ha!e to be ripped a"ay and "hen he comes home she "ashes the sores "ith "arm "ater and soap, co!ers them "ith ointment and "raps them in clean bandages.They can't a ord ne" bandages e!ery day so she keeps "ashing the old ones o!er and o!er till they're gray. Mam says Mr. 4annon should see the doctor and Mrs. 4annon says, 'ure, he seen the doctor a do(en times and the doctor says he has to stay o them legs.That's all. 'tay o them legs. 'ure ho" can he stay o them legs5 4e has to "ork. 1hat "ould "e li!e on i he didn't "ork5 Mam says maybe Bridey could get some kind o a -ob hersel and Bridey is o ended. %on't you kno" I ha!e a "eak chest, Angela5 %on't you kno" I had rheumatic e!er an' I could go at any time5 I ha!e to be care ul. Mam o ten talks about Bridey and her rheumatic e!er and "eak chest. 'he says,That one is able to sit here by the hour and complain about her ailments but it doesn't stop her rom pu ing a"ay on the 1oodbines. Mam tells Bridey she's !ery sorry o!er the "eak chest and it's terrible the "ay her ather su ers. Mrs. 4annon tells my mother that 8ohn is getting "orse e!ery day,And "hat "ould you think, Mrs. McCourt, i your boy Frankie "ent on the loat "ith him a e" hours a "eek and helped him "ith the bags5 1e can barely a ord it but Frankie could earn a shilling or t"o and 8ohn could rest his poor legs. Mam says, I don't kno", he's only ele!en and he had that typhoid and the coal dust "ouldn't be good or his eyes. Bridey says, 4e'd be out in the air and there's nothing like resh air or someone "ith bad eyes or getting o!er the typhoid, isn't that right, Frankie5 'Tis, Bridey. I'm dying to go around "ith Mr. 4annon on the great loat like a real "orkingman. I I'm good at it they might let me stay at home rom school ore!er but Mam says, 4e can do it as long as it doesn't inter ere "ith school and he can start on a 'aturday morning. I'm a man no" so I light the ire early on 'aturday morning and make my o"n tea and ried bread. I "ait ne#t door or Mr. 4annon to come out "ith his bicycle and there's a lo!ely smell o rashers and eggs coming through the "indo". Mam says Mr. 4annon gets the best o ood because Mrs. 4annon is as mad about him as she "as the day she married him.They're like t"o lo!ers out o an American ilm the "ay they go on. 4ere he is pushing the bicycle and pu ing a"ay on the pipe in his mouth. 4e tells me climb up on the bar o his bike and o "e go to my irst -ob as a man. 4is head is o!er mine on the bike and the smell o the pipe is lo!ely.There's a coal smell on his clothes and that makes me snee(e. Men are "alking or cycling to"ard the coal yards and $ank's Flour Mills and the &imerick 'teamship Company on the %ock $oad. Mr. 4annon takes his pipe rom his mouth and tells me this is the best morning o all, 'aturday, hal day.1e'll start at eight and be inished by the time the Angelus rings at t"el!e. First "e get the horse ready, gi!e him a bit o a rub, ill the "ooden tub "ith oats and the bucket "ith "ater. Mr. 4annon sho"s me ho" to put on the harness and lets me back the horse into the sha ts o the loat. 4e says, 8aysus, Frankie, you ha!e the knack o it. That makes me so happy I "ant to -ump up and do"n and dri!e a loat the rest o my li e. There are t"o men illing bags "ith coal and tur and "eighing them on the great iron scale, a

hundred"eight in each bag. It's their -ob to stack the bags on the loat "hile Mr. 4annon goes to the o ice or the deli!ery dockets. The bag men are ast and "e're ready or our rounds. Mr. 4annon sits up on the le t side o the loat and licks the "hip to sho" "here I'm to sit on the right side. It's hard to climb up the "ay the loat is so high and packed "ith bags and I try to get up by climbing the "heel. Mr. 4annon says I should ne!er do the likes o that again. )e!er put your leg or hand near a "heel "hen the horse is harnessed in the sha ts. A horse might take a notion to go or a "alk or himsel and there you are "ith the leg or the arm caught in the "heel and t"isted o your body and you looking at it. 4e says to the horse, *'up o"er that,and the horse shakes his head and rattles the harness and Mr.4annon laughs.That ool o a horse lo!es to "ork,he says.4e "on't be rattling his harness in a e" hours. 1hen the rain starts "e co!er oursel!es "ith old coal bags and Mr. 4annon turns his pipe upside do"n in his mouth to keep the tobacco dry. 4e says the rain makes e!erything hea!ier but "hat's the use o complaining./ou might as "ell complain about the sun in A rica. 1e cross the 'ars ield Bridge or deli!eries to the +nnis $oad and the )orth Circular $oad. $ich people, says Mr. 4annon, and !ery slo" to put their hands in their pockets or a tip. 1e ha!e si#teen bags to deli!er. Mr. 4annon says "e're lucky today because some houses get more than one and he doesn't ha!e to be climbing on and o that loat destroying his legs.1hen "e stop he gets do"n and I pull the bag to the edge and lay it on his shoulders. 'ome houses ha!e areas outside "here you pull up a trap door and tip the bag till it empties and that's easy.There are other houses "ith long backyards and you can see Mr. 4annon su ering "ith his legs "hen he has to carry the bags rom the loat to the sheds near the back doors.Ah, 8aysus, Frankie, ah, 8aysus, is the only complaint out o him and he asks me to gi!e him a hand to climb back on the loat. 4e says i he had a handcart he could "heel the bags rom loat to house and that "ould be a blessing but a handcart "ould cost t"o "eeks' "ages and "ho could a ord that5 The bags are deli!ered and the sun is out, the loat is empty, and the horse kno"s his "orkday is o!er. It's lo!ely to sit on the loat looking along the length o the horse rom his tail to his head rocking along the +nnis $oad o!er the 'hannon and up the %ock $oad.Mr.4annon says the man "ho deli!ered si#teen hundred"eights o coal and tur deser!es a pint and the boy "ho helped him deser!es a lemonade. 4e tells me I should go to school and not be like him "orking a"ay "ith the t"o legs rotting under him. *o to school, Frankie, and get out o &imerick and Ireland itsel .This "ar "ill be o!er some day and you can go to America or Australia or any big open country "here you can look up and see no end to the land.The "orld is "ide and you can ha!e great ad!entures. I I didn't ha!e these t"o legs I'd be o!er in +ngland making a ortune in the actories like the rest o the Irishmen, like your ather. )o, not like your ather. I hear he le t you high and dry, eh5 I don't kno" ho" a man in his right mind can go o and lea!e a "i e and amily to star!e and shi!er in a &imerick "inter. 'chool, Frankie, school. The books, the books, the books. *et out o &imerick be ore your legs rot and your mind collapses entirely. The horse clops along and "hen "e get to the coal yard "e eed and "ater him and gi!e him a rubdo"n. Mr. 4annon talks to him all the time and calls him Me oul' segosha, and the horse snu les and pushes his nose against Mr. 4annon's chest. I'd lo!e to bring this horse home and let him stay do"nstairs "hen "e're up in Italy but e!en i I could get him in the door my mother "ould yell at me that the last thing "e need in this house is a horse. The streets going up rom the %ock $oad are too hilly or Mr. 4annon to ride the bicycle and carry me, so "e "alk. 4is legs are sore rom the day and it takes a long time to get up to 4enry 'treet.4e leans on the bicycle or sits on the steps outside houses, grinding do"n on the pipe in his mouth. I'm "ondering "hen I'll get the money or the day's "ork because Mam might let me go to the &yric Cinema i I get home in time "ith my shilling or "hate!er Mr. 4annon gi!es me. )o" "e're at the door o 'outh's pub and he tells me come in,

didn't he promise me a lemonade5 7ncle 2a ;eating is sitting in the pub.4e's all black as usual and he's sitting ne#t to Bill *al!in, all "hite as usual, snu ling and taking great slugs out o his black pint. Mr. 4annon says, 4o"'re you5 and sits on the other side o Bill *al!in and e!eryone in the pub laughs. 8aysus, says the barman, look at that, t"o lumps o coal and a sno"ball. Men come in rom other parts o the pub to see the t"o coal black men "ith the lime "hite man in the middle and they "ant to send do"n to the &imerick &eader or a man "ith a camera. 7ncle 2a says,1hat are you doing all black yoursel , Frankie5 %id you all do"n a coal mine5 I "as helping Mr. 4annon on the loat. /our eyes look atrocious, Frankie. 2iss holes in the sno". 'Tis the coal dust, 7ncle 2a. 1ash them "hen you go home. I "ill, 7ncle 2a. Mr. 4annon buys me a lemonade, gi!es me the shilling or my morning's "ork and tells me I can go home no", I'm a great "orker and I can help him again ne#t "eek a ter school. 0n the "ay home I see mysel in the glass o a shop "indo" all black rom the coal, and I eel like a man, a man "ith a shilling in his pocket, a man "ho had a lemonade in a pub "ith t"o coal men and a lime man. I'm not a child anymore and I could easily lea!e &eamy's 'chool ore!er. I could "ork "ith Mr. 4annon e!ery day and "hen his legs got too bad I could take o!er the loat and deli!er coal to the rich people the rest o my li e and my mother "ouldn't ha!e to be a beggar at the $edemptorist priests' house. 2eople on the streets and lanes gi!e me curious looks.Boys and girls laugh and call out, 4ere's the chimney s"eep. 4o" much do you "ant or cleaning our chimney5 %id you all into a coal hole5 1ere you burned by the darkness5 They're ignorant.They don't kno" I spent the day deli!ering hundred"eights o coal and tur .They don't kno" I'm a man. Mam is sleeping up in Italy "ith Alphie and there's a coat o!er the "indo" to keep the room dark. I tell her I earned a shilling and she says I can go to the &yric, I deser!e it.Take tuppence and lea!e the rest o the shilling on the mantelpiece do"nstairs so that she can send out or a loa o bread or the tea.The coat suddenly drops rom the "indo" and the room is bright. Mam looks at me, *od abo!e, look at your eyes. *o do"nstairs and I'll be do"n in a minute to "ash them. 'he heats "ater in the kettle and dabs at my eyes "ith boric acid po"der and tells me I can't go to the &yric Cinema today or any day till my eyes clear up though *od kno"s "hen that "ill be. 'he says,/ou can't be deli!ering coal "ith the state o your eyes.The dust "ill surely destroy them. I "ant the -ob. I "ant to bring home the shilling. I "ant to be a man. /ou can be a man "ithout bringing home a shilling. *o upstairs and lie do"n and rest your t"o eyes or it's a blind man you'll be. I "ant that -ob. I "ash my eyes three times a day "ith the boric acid po"der. I remember 'eamus in the hospital and ho" his uncle's eyes "ere cured "ith the blink e#ercise and I make sure to sit and blink or an hour e!ery day./ou can't beat the blink or the strong eye, he said. And no" I blink and blink till Malachy runs to my mother, talking out in the lane "ith Mrs. 4annon, Mam, something is up "ith Frankie, he's upstairs blinking and blinking. 'he comes running up.1hat's "rong "ith you5 I'm making my eyes strong "ith the e#ercise. 1hat e#ercise5 The blinking. Blinking is not e#ercise. 'eamus in the hospital says you can't beat the blink or the strong eye. 4is uncle had po"er ul eyes rom the blinking. 'he says I'm getting odd and goes back to the lane and her chat "ith Mrs. 4annon and I blink and bathe my eyes "ith the boric acid po"der in "arm "ater. I can hear Mrs. 4annon through the "indo", /our little Frankie is a godsend to 8ohn or 'tis the climbing up and do"n on that loat that "as ruining his legs entirely. Mam doesn't say anything and that means she eels so sorry or Mr. 4annon she'll let me help him again on his hea!y deli!ery day,Thursday. I "ash my eyes three times a day and I blink till I get a pain in my eyebro"s. I blink in school "hen the master isn't looking and all the boys in my class are calling me Blinky and adding that to the list o names. Blinky McCourt beggar "oman's son scabby,eyed blubber gob dancing 8ap. I don't care "hat they call me anymore as long as my eyes are clearing up and I ha!e a regular -ob li ting hundred"eights o coal on a loat. I "ish they could

see me on Thursday a ter school "hen I'm on the loat and Mr. 4annon hands me the reins so that he can smoke his pipe in com ort. 4ere you are, Frankie, nice and gentle or this is a good horse and he doesn't need to be pulled at. 4e hands me the "hip too but you ne!er need the "hip "ith this horse. It's all or sho" and I -ust lick it at the air like Mr. 4annon or I might knock a ly o the horse's great golden rump s"inging bet"een the sha ts. 'urely the "orld is looking at me and admiring the "ay I rock "ith the loat, the cool "ay I ha!e "ith the reins and the "hip. I "ish I had a pipe like Mr. 4annon and a t"eed cap. I "ish I could be a real coal man "ith black skin like Mr. 4annon and 7ncle 2a ;eating so that people "ould say, There goes Frankie McCourt that deli!ers all the coal in &imerick and drinks his pint in 'outh's pub. I'd ne!er "ash my ace.I'd be black e!ery day o the year e!en Christmas "hen you're supposed to gi!e yoursel a good "ash or the coming o the In ant 8esus. I kno" 4e "ouldn't mind because I sa" the Three 1ise Men in the Christmas crib at the $edemptorist church and one o them "as blacker than 7ncle 2a ;eating, the blackest man in &imerick, and i a 1ise Man is black it means that e!ery"here you go in the "orld someone is deli!ering coal. The horse li ts his tail and great lumps o steaming yello" shit drop rom his behind. I start to pull on the reins so that he can stop and ha!e a bit o com ort or himsel but Mr. 4annon says, )o, Frankie, let him trot.They al"ays shit on the trot.That's one o the blessings horses ha!e, they shit on the trot, and they're not dirty and stinking like the human race, not at all, Frankie.The "orst thing in the "orld is to go into a la!atory a ter a man that had a eed o pig's eet and a night o pints. The stink rom that could t"ist the nostrils o a strong man. 4orses are di erent.All they ha!e is oats and hay and "hat they drop is clean and natural. I "ork "ith Mr. 4annon a ter school on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the hal day on 'aturday morning and that means three shillings or my mother though she "orries all the time o!er my eyes.The minute I get home she "ashes them and makes me rest them or hal an hour. Mr. 4annon says he'll "ait near &eamy's 'chool or me on Thursdays a ter his deli!eries on Barrington 'treet.)o" the boys "ill see me. )o" they'll kno" I'm a "orkingman and more than a scabby,eyed blubber gob dancing 8ap. Mr. 4annon says, 7p you get, and I climb up on the loat like any "orkingman. I look at the boys ga"king at me. *a"king. I tell Mr. 4annon i he "ants to smoke his pipe in com ort I'll take the reins and "hen he hands them o!er I'm sure I hear the boys gasping. I tell the horse, *'up o"er that, like Mr. 4annon.1e trot a"ay and I kno" do(ens o &eamy's boys are committing the deadly sin o en!y. I tell the horse again, *'up o"er that, to make sure e!eryone heard, to make sure they kno" I'm dri!ing that loat and no one else, to make sure they'll ne!er orget it "as me they sa" on that loat "ith the reins and the "hip. It's the best day o my li e, better than my First Communion day, "hich *randma ruined, better than my Con irmation day "hen I had the typhoid. They don't call me names anymore.They don't laugh at my scabby eyes.They "ant to kno" ho" I got such a good -ob at ele!en years o age and "hat I'm paid and i I'll ha!e that -ob ore!er. They "ant to kno" i there are any other good -obs going in the coal yards and "ould I put in a good "ord or them. Then there are big boys o thirteen "ho stick their aces in mine and say they should ha!e that -ob because they're bigger and I'm nothing but a scra"ny little runt "ith no shoulders.They can talk as much as they like. I ha!e the -ob and Mr. 4annon tells me I'm po"er ul. There are days his legs are so bad he can hardly "alk at all and you can see Mrs. 4annon "orries. 'he gi!es me a mug o tea and I "atch her roll up his trouser legs and peel a"ay the dirty bandages.The sores are red and yello" and clogged "ith coal dust. 'he "ashes them "ith soapy "ater and smears them "ith a yello" ointment.'he props the legs up on a chair and that's "here he stays the rest o the night reading the paper or a book rom the shel abo!e his head. The legs are getting so bad he has to get up an hour earlier in the morning to get the sti ness out, to put on another dressing. It's still dark one 'aturday morning "hen Mrs. 4annon knocks

at our door and asks me i I'd go to a neighbor and borro" their handcart to take on the loat or Mr. 4annon "ill ne!er be able to carry the bags today and maybe I'd -ust roll them on the handcart or him. 4e "on't be able to carry me on his bicycle so I can meet him at the yard "ith the handcart. The neighbor says,Anything or Mr. 4annon, *od bless him. I "ait at the gate o the coal yard and "atch him cycle to"ard me, slo"er than e!er. 4e's so sti he can hardly get o the bike and he says, /ou're a great man, Frankie. 4e lets me get the horse ready though I still ha!e trouble getting on the harness. 4e lets me handle the loat out o the yard and into the rosty streets and I "ish I could dri!e ore!er and ne!er go home. Mr. 4annon sho"s me ho" to pull the bags to the edge o the loat and drop them on the ground so that I can pull them on to the handcart and push them to the houses. 4e tells me ho" to li t and push the bags "ithout straining mysel and "e ha!e the si#teen bags deli!ered by noon. I "ish the boys at &eamy's could see me no", the "ay I dri!e the horse and handle the bags, the "ay I do e!erything "hile Mr. 4annon rests his legs. I "ish they could see me pushing the handcart to 'outh's pub and ha!ing my lemonade "ith Mr. 4annon and 7ncle 2a and me all black and Bill *al!in all "hite.I'd like to sho" the "orld the tips Mr. 4annon lets me keep, our shillings, and the shilling he gi!es me or the morning's "ork, i!e shillings altogether. Mam is sitting by the ire and "hen I hand her the money she looks at me, drops it in her lap and cries. I'm pu((led because money is supposed to make you happy. &ook at your eyes, she says. *o to that glass and look at your eyes. My ace is black and the eyes are "orse than e!er.The "hites and the eyelids are red, and the yello" stu oo(es to the corners and out o!er the lo"er lids. I the oo(e sits a "hile it orms a crust that has to be picked o or "ashed a"ay. Mam says that's the end o it. )o more Mr. 4annon. I try to e#plain that Mr. 4annon needs me. 4e can barely "alk anymore. I had to do e!erything this morning, dri!e the loat, "heel the handcart "ith the bags, sit in the pub, drink lemonade, listen to the men discussing "ho is the best, $ommel or Montgomery. 'he says she's sorry or Mr. 4annon's troubles but "e ha!e troubles o our o"n and the last thing she needs no" is a blind son stumbling through the streets o &imerick.Bad enough you nearly died o typhoid, no" you "ant to go blind on top o it. And I can't stop crying no" because this "as my one chance to be a man and bring home the money the telegram boy ne!er brought rom my ather. I can't stop crying because I don't kno" "hat Mr. 4annon is going to do on Monday morning "hen he has no one to help him pull the bags to the edge o the loat, to push the bags into the houses. I can't stop crying because o the "ay he is "ith that horse he calls s"eet because he's so gentle himsel and "hat "ill the horse do i Mr. 4annon isn't there to take him out, i I'm not there to take him out5 1ill that horse all do"n hungry or the "ant o oats and hay and the odd apple5 Mam says I shouldn't be crying, it's bad or the eyes. 'he says,1e'll see. That's all I can tell you no".1e'll see. 'he "ashes my eyes and gi!es me si#pence to take Malachy to the &yric to see Boris ;arlo in The Man They Could )ot 4ang and ha!e t"o pieces o Clee!es' to ee. It's hard to see the screen "ith the yello" stu oo(ing rom my eyes and Malachy has to tell me "hat's happening. 2eople around us tell him shut up, they'd like to hear "hat Boris ;arlo is saying, and "hen Malachy talks back to them and tells them he's only helping his blind brother they call the man in charge, Frank *oggin,and he says i he hears another "ord out o Malachy he'll thro" the t"o o us out. I don't mind. I ha!e a "ay o s.uee(ing the stu out o one eye and clearing it so that I can see the screen "hile the other eye ills up and I go back and orth, s.uee(e, look, s.uee(e, look, and e!erything I see is yello". Monday morning Mrs. 4annon is knocking on our door again. 'he asks Mam i Frank "ould e!er go do"n to the coal yard and tell the man in the o ice that Mr. 4annon can't come in today, that he has to see a doctor about his legs, that he'll surely be in tomorro" and "hat he can't deli!er today he "ill tomorro". Mrs. 4annon al"ays calls me Frank no". Anyone that deli!ers hundred"eights o coal is not a Frankie. The man in the o ice

says, 4umph. I think "e're !ery tolerant "ith 4annon./ou, "hat's your name5 McCourt, sir. Tell 4annon "e'll need a note rom the doctor. %o you understand that5 I do, sir. The doctor tells Mr. 4annon he has to go to the hospital or it's a case o gangrene he'll ha!e and the doctor "on't be responsible. The ambulance takes Mr. 4annon a"ay and my big -ob is gone. )o" I'll be "hite like e!eryone else in &eamy's, no loat, no horse, no shillings to bring home to my mother. In a e" days Bridey 4annon comes to our door. 'he says her mother "ould like me to come and see her, ha!e a cup o tea "ith her. Mrs.4annon is sitting by the ire "ith her hand on the seat o Mr.4annon's chair. 'it do"n, Frank, she says, and "hen I go to sit on one o the ordinary kitchen chairs she says, )o, sit here. 'it here on the chair o himsel . %o you kno" ho" old he is, Frank5 0h, he must be !ery old, Mrs. 4annon. 4e must be thirty, i!e. 'he smiles. 'he has lo!ely teeth. 4e's orty,nine, Frank, and a man that age shouldn't ha!e legs like that. 4e shouldn't, Mrs. 4annon. %id you kno" you "ere a -oy to him going around on that loat5 I didn't, Mrs. 4annon. /ou "ere.1e had t"o daughters, Bridey that you kno", and ;athleen, the nurse abo!e in %ublin. But no son and he said you ga!e him the eeling o a son. I eel my eyes burning and I don't "ant her to see me crying especially "hen I don't kno" "hy I'm crying.That's all I do lately. Is it the -ob5 Is it Mr. 4annon5 My mother says, 0h, your bladder is near your eye. I think I'm crying because o the .uiet "ay Mrs. 4annon is talking and she's talking like that because o Mr. 4annon. &ike a son, she says, and I'm glad he had that eeling. 4is "orking days are o!er, you kno". 4e has to stay at home rom this out.There might be a cure and i there is sure he might be able to get a -ob as a "atchman "here he doesn't ha!e to be li ting and hauling. I "on't ha!e a -ob anymore, Mrs. 4annon. /ou ha!e a -ob, Frank. 'chool.That's your -ob. That's not a -ob, Mrs. 4annon. /ou'll ne!er ha!e another -ob like it, Frank. It breaks Mr. 4annon's heart to think o you dragging bags o coal o a loat and it breaks your mother's heart and 't"ill destroy your eyes. *od kno"s I'm sorry I e!er got you into this or it had your poor mother caught bet"een your eyes and Mr. 4annon's legs. Can I go to the hospital to see Mr. 4annon5 They might not let you in but surely you can come here to see him. *od kno"s he "on't be doing much but reading and looking out the "indo". Mam tells me at home,/ou shouldn't cry but then again tears are salty and they'll "ash the bad stu rom your eyes. XII There's a letter rom %ad. 4e's coming home t"o days be ore Christmas. 4e says e!erything "ill be di erent, he's a ne" man, he hopes "e're good boys, obeying our mother, attending to our religious duties, and he's bringing us all something or Christmas. Mam takes me to the rail"ay station to meet him. The station is al"ays e#citing "ith all the coming and going,people leaning rom carriages, crying, smiling, "a!ing good,bye, the train hooting and calling, chugging a"ay in clouds o steam, people sni ling on the plat orm, the rail"ay tracks sil!ering into the distance, on to %ublin and the "orld beyond. )o" it's near midnight and cold on the empty plat orm.A man in a rail"ay cap asks us i "e'd like to "ait in a "arm place. Mam says, Thank you !ery much, and laughs "hen he leads us to the end o the plat orm "here "e ha!e to climb a ladder to the signal to"er. It takes her a "hile because she's hea!y and she keeps saying, 0h, *od, oh, *od. 1e're abo!e the "orld and it's dark in the signal to"er e#cept or the lights that blink red and green and yello" "hen the man bends o!er the board. 4e says, I'm -ust ha!ing a bit o supper and you're "elcome. Mam says,Ah, no, thanks, "e couldn't take your supper rom you. 4e says,The "i e al"ays makes too much or me and i I "as up in this to"er or a "eek I "ouldn't be able to eat it. 'ure it's not hard "ork looking at lights and pulling on the odd le!er. 4e takes the top o a lask and pours cocoa into a mug. 4ere, he says to me, put yoursel outside that cocoa. 4e hands Mam hal a sand"ich. Ah, no, she says, surely you could take that home to your children. I ha!e t"o sons, missus, and they're o there ighting in the orces o 4is Ma-esty, the ;ing o +ngland.

0ne did his bit "ith Montgomery in A rica and the other is o!er in Burma or some other bloody place, e#cuse the language. 1e get our reedom rom +ngland and then "e ight her "ars. 'o here, missus, take the bit o sand"ich. &ights on the board are clicking and the man says,/our train is coming, missus. Thank you !ery much and 4appy Christmas. 4appy Christmas to yoursel , missus, and a 4appy )e" /ear, too. Mind yoursel on that ladder, young ella. 4elp your mother. Thank you !ery much, sir. 1e "ait again on the plat orm "hile the train rumbles into the station. Carriage doors open and a e" men "ith suitcases step to the plat orm and hurry to"ard the gate. There is a clanking o milk cans dropped to the plat orm. A man and t"o boys are unloading ne"spapers and maga(ines. There is no sign o my ather. Mam says he might be asleep in one o the carriages but "e kno" he hardly sleeps e!en in his o"n bed. 'he says the boat rom 4olyhead might ha!e been late and that "ould make him miss the train.The Irish 'ea is desperate at this time o the year. 4e's not coming, Mam. 4e doesn't care about us. 4e's -ust drunk o!er there in +ngland. %on't talk about your ather like that. I say no more to her. I don't tell her I "ish I had a ather like the man in the signal to"er "ho gi!es you sand"iches and cocoa. )e#t day %ad "alks in the door. 4is top teeth are missing and there's a bruise under his le t eye. 4e says the Irish 'ea "as rough and "hen he leaned o!er the side his teeth dropped out. Mam says, It "ouldn't be the drink, "ould it5 It "ouldn't be a ight5 0ch, no, Angela. Michael says,/ou said you'd ha!e something or us, %ad. 0h, I do. 4e takes a bo# o chocolates rom his suitcase and hands it to Mam. 'he opens the bo# and sho"s us the inside "here hal the chocolates are gone. Could you spare it5 she says. 'he shuts the bo# and puts it on the mantelpiece.1e'll ha!e chocolates a ter our Christmas dinner tomorro". Mam asks him i he brought any money. 4e tells her times are hard, -obs are scarce, and she says, Is it coddin' me you are5 There's a "ar on and there's nothing but -obs in +ngland. /ou drank the money, didn't you5 /ou drank the money, %ad. /ou drank the money, %ad. /ou drank the money, %ad. 1e're shouting so loud Alphie begins to cry. %ad says, 0ch, boys, no" boys. $espect or your ather. 4e puts on his cap.4e has to see a man.Mam says,*o see your man but don't come drunk to this house tonight singing $oddy McCorley or anything else. 4e comes home drunk but he's .uiet and passes out on the loor ne#t to Mam's bed. 1e ha!e a Christmas dinner ne#t day because o the ood !oucher Mam got rom the 't.6incent de 2aul 'ociety.1e ha!e sheep's head, cabbage, loury "hite potatoes, and a bottle o cider because it's Christmas. %ad says he's not hungry, he'll ha!e tea, borro"s a cigarette rom Mam. 'he says, +at something. It's Christmas. 4e tells her again he's not hungry but i no one else "ants them he'll eat the sheep's eyes. 4e says there's great nourishment in the eye and "e all make sounds o disgust. 4e "ashes them do"n "ith his tea and smokes the rest o his 1oodbine. 4e puts on his cap and goes upstairs or his suitcase. Mam says,1here are you going5 &ondon. 0n this day o 0ur &ord5 Christmas %ay5 It's the best day or tra!el. 2eople in motor cars "ill al"ays gi!e the "orkingman a li t to %ublin.They think o the hard times o the 4oly Family. And ho" "ill you get on the boat to 4olyhead "ithout a penny in your pocket5 The "ay I came.There's al"ays a time "hen they're not looking. 4e kisses each o us on the orehead, tells us be good boys, obey Mam, say our prayers. 4e tells Mam he'll "rite and she says, 0h, yes, the "ay you al"ays did. 4e stands be ore her "ith his suitcase. 'he gets up, takes do"n the bo# o chocolates and hands them around. 'he puts a chocolate in her mouth and takes it out again because it's too hard and she can't che" it. I ha!e a so t one and I o er it or the hard one, "hich "ill last longer. It's creamy and rich and there's a nut in the middle. Malachy and Michael complain they didn't get a nut and "hy is it Frank al"ays gets the nut5 Mam says,1hat do you mean, al"ays5 This is the irst time "e e!er had a bo# o chocolates. Malachy says, 4e got the raisin in the bun at school and all the boys said he ga!e it to 2addy Clohessy, so "hy couldn't he gi!e us the nut5 Mam says, Because 'tis Christmas and he has sore eyes and the nut is good or the sore eyes. Michael says,1ill the nut make

his eyes better5 'T"ill. 1ill it make one eye better or "ill it make t"o eyes better5 The t"o eyes, I think. Malachy says, I I had another nut I'd gi!e it to him or his eyes. Mam says, I kno" you "ould. %ad "atches us a moment eating our chocolates. 4e li ts the latch, goes out the door and pulls it shut. Mam tells Bridey 4annon, %ays are bad but nights are "orse and "ill this rain e!er stop5 'he tries to ease the bad days by staying in bed and letting Malachy and me light the ire in the morning "hile she sits up in the bed passing Alphie bits o bread and holding the mug to his mouth or the tea that's in it. 1e ha!e to go do"nstairs to Ireland to "ash our aces in the basin under the tap and try to dry oursel!es in the old damp shirt that hangs o!er the back o a chair. 'he makes us stand by the bed to see i "e le t rings o dirt around our necks and i "e did it's back do"n to the tap and the damp shirt.1hen there's a hole in a pair o pants she sits up and patches it "ith any rag she can ind.1e "ear short pants till "e're thirteen or ourteen and our long stockings al"ays ha!e holes to be darned. I she has no "ool or the darning and the stockings are dark "e can blacken our ankles "ith shoe polish or the respectability that's in it. It's a terrible thing to "alk the "orld "ith skin sho"ing through the holes o our stockings.1hen "e "ear them "eek a ter "eek the holes gro" so big "e ha!e to pull the stocking or"ard under the toes so that the hole in the back is hidden in the shoe. 0n rainy days the stockings are soggy and "e ha!e to hang them be ore the ire at night and hope they'll dry by morning.Then they're hard "ith dirt cake and "e're a raid to pull them on our eet or ear they'll all on the loor in bits be ore our eyes.1e might be lucky enough to get our stockings on but then "e ha!e to block the holes in our shoes and I ight "ith my brother, Malachy, o!er any scrap o cardboard or paper in the house. Michael is only si# and he has to "ait or anything le t o!er unless Mam threatens us rom the bed that "e're to help our small brother. 'he says, I ye don't i# yeer brother's shoes an' I ha!e to get out o this bed there "ill be "igs on the green./ou'd ha!e to eel sorry or Michael because he's too old to play "ith Alphie and too young to play "ith us and he can't ight "ith anyone or the same reasons. The rest o the dressing is easy, the shirt I "ore to bed is the shirt I "ear to school. I "ear it day in day out. It's the shirt or ootball, or climbing "alls, or robbings orchards.I go to Mass and the Con raternity in that shirt and people sni the air and mo!e a"ay.I Mam gets a docket or a ne" one at the 't.6incent de 2aul the old shirt is promoted to to"el and hangs damp on the chair or months or Mam might use bits o it to patch other shirts.'he might e!en cut it up and let Alphie "ear it a "hile be ore it "inds up on the loor pushed against the bottom o the door to block the rain rom the lane. 1e go to school through lanes and back streets so that "e "on't meet the respectable boys "ho go to the Christian Brothers''chool or the rich ones "ho go to the 8esuit school,Crescent College.The Christian Brothers' boys "ear t"eed -ackets, "arm "oolen s"eaters, shirts, ties and shiny ne" boots.1e kno" they're the ones "ho "ill get -obs in the ci!il ser!ice and help the people "ho run the "orld.The Crescent College boys "ear bla(ers and school scar!es tossed around their necks and o!er their shoulders to sho" they're cock o' the "alk.They ha!e long hair "hich alls across their oreheads and o!er their eyes so that they can toss their .ui s like +nglishmen.1e kno" they're the ones "ho "ill go to uni!ersity, take o!er the amily business, run the go!ernment, run the "orld. 1e'll be the messenger boys on bicycles "ho deli!er their groceries or "e'll go to +ngland to "ork on the building sites. 0ur sisters "ill mind their children and scrub their loors unless they go o to +ngland,too.1e kno" that.1e're ashamed o the "ay "e look and i boys rom the rich schools pass remarks "e'll get into a ight and "ind up "ith bloody noses or torn clothes. 0ur masters "ill ha!e no patience "ith us and our ights because their sons go to the rich schools and,/e ha!e no right to raise your hands to a better class o people so ye don't. /ou ne!er kno" "hen you might come home and ind Mam sitting by the ire chatting "ith a "oman and a child, strangers. Al"ays a "oman and child. Mam inds them "andering

the streets and i they ask, Could you spare a e" pennies, miss5 her heart breaks. 'he ne!er has money so she in!ites them home or tea and a bit o ried bread and i it's a bad night she'll let them sleep by the ire on a pile o rags in the corner.The bread she gi!es them al"ays means less or us and i "e complain she says there are al"ays people "orse o and "e can surely spare a little rom "hat "e ha!e. Michael is -ust as bad. 4e brings home stray dogs and old men./ou ne!er kno" "hen you'll ind a dog in the bed "ith him.There are dogs "ith sores, dogs "ith no ears, no tails. There's a blind greyhound he ound in the park tormented by children. Michael ought o the children, picked up the greyhound that "as bigger than himsel and told Mam the dog could ha!e his supper. Mam says, 1hat supper5 1e're lucky i there's a cut o bread in the house. Michael tells her the dog can ha!e his bread. Mam says that dog has to go tomorro" and Michael cries all night and cries "orse in the morning "hen he inds the dog dead in the bed beside him. 4e "on't go to school because he has to dig a gra!e outside "here the stable "as and he "ants all o us to dig "ith him and say the rosary. Malachy says it's useless saying prayers or a dog, ho" do you kno" he "as e!en a Catholic5 Michael says, 0 course he "as a Catholic dog. %idn't I ha!e him in my arms5 4e cries so hard o!er the dog Mam lets us all stay at home rom school.1e're so delighted "e don't mind helping Michael "ith the gra!e and "e say three 4ail Marys.1e're not going to stand there "asting a good day o rom school saying the rosary or a dead greyhound. Michael is only si# but "hen he brings old men home he manages to get the ire going and gi!e them tea. Mam says it's dri!ing her cra(y to come home and ind these old men drinking out o her a!orite mug and mumbling and scratching by the ire. 'he tells Bridey 4annon that Michael has a habit o bringing home old men all a bit gone in the head and i he doesn't ha!e a bit o bread or them he knocks on neighbors' doors and has no shame begging or it. In the end she tells Michael, )o more old men. 0ne o them le t us "ith lice and "e're plagued. The lice are disgusting, "orse than rats. They're in our heads and ears and they sit in the hollo"s o our collarbones.They dig into our skin.They get into the seams o our clothes and they're e!ery"here in the coats "e use as blankets.1e ha!e to search e!ery inch o Alphie's body because he's a baby and helpless. The lice are "orse than the leas. &ice s.uat and suck and "e can see our blood through their skins. Fleas -ump and bite and they're clean and "e pre er them.Things that -ump are cleaner than things that s.uat. 1e all agree there "ill be no more stray "omen and children, dogs and old men.1e don't "ant any more diseases and in ections. Michael cries. *randma's ne#t,door neighbor, Mrs. 2urcell, has the only "ireless in her lane.The go!ernment ga!e it to her because she's old and blind. I "ant a radio. My grandmother is old but she's not blind and "hat's the use o ha!ing a grandmother "ho "on't go blind and get a go!ernment radio5 'unday nights I sit outside on the pa!ement under Mrs. 2urcell's "indo" listening to plays on the BBC and $adio +ireann, the Irish station./ou can hear plays by 0'Casey, 'ha", Ibsen and 'hakespeare himsel , the best o all, e!en i he is +nglish. 'hakespeare is like mashed potatoes, you can ne!er get enough o him. And you can hear strange plays about *reeks plucking out their eyes because they married their mothers by mistake. 0ne night I'm sitting under Mrs.2urcell's "indo" listening to Macbeth. 4er daughter, ;athleen, sticks her head out the door. Come in, Frankie. My mother says you'll catch the consumption sitting on the ground in this "eather. Ah, no, ;athleen. It's all right. )o. Come in. They gi!e me tea and a grand cut o bread slathered "ith blackberry -am. Mrs. 2urcell says, %o you like the 'hakespeare, Frankie5 I lo!e the 'hakespeare, Mrs. 2urcell. 0h, he's music, Frankie, and he has the best stories in the "orld. I don't kno" "hat I'd do "ith mesel o a 'unday night i I didn't ha!e the 'hakespeare. 1hen the play inishes she lets me iddle "ith the knob on the radio and I roam the dial or distant sounds on the short"a!e band, strange "hispering and hissing, the "hoosh o the ocean coming and going and the Morse Code dit dit dit dot. I hear mandolins, guitars, 'panish bagpipes, the drums o

A rica, boatmen "ailing on the )ile. I see sailors on "atch sipping mugs o hot cocoa. I see cathedrals, skyscrapers, cottages. I see Bedouins in the 'ahara and the French Foreign &egion,co"boys on the American prairie.I see goats skipping along the rocky coast o *reece "here the shepherds are blind because they married their mothers by mistake. I see people chatting in ca Ds, sipping "ine, strolling on boule!ards and a!enues. I see night "omen in door"ays, monks chanting !espers, and here is the great boom o Big Ben, This is the BBC 0!erseas 'er!ice and here is the ne"s. Mrs. 2urcell says, &ea!e that on, Frankie, so "e'll kno" the state o the "orld. A ter the ne"s there is the American Armed Forces )et"ork and it's lo!ely to hear the American !oices easy and cool and here is the music, oh, man, the music o %uke +llington himsel telling me take the A train to "here Billie 4oliday sings only to me, I can't gi!e you anything but lo!e, baby. That's the only thing I'!e plenty o , baby. 0h, Billie, Billie, I "ant to be in America "ith you and all that music, "here no one has bad teeth, people lea!e ood on their plates, e!ery amily has a la!atory, and e!eryone li!es happily e!er a ter. And Mrs. 2urcell says, %o you kno" "hat, Frankie5 1hat, Mrs. 2urcell5 That 'hakespeare is that good he must ha!e been an Irishman. The rent man is losing his patience. 4e tells Mam, Four "eeks behind you are, missus. That's one pound t"o shillings. This has to stop or I ha!e to go back to the o ice and report to 'ir 6incent )ash that the McCourts are a month behind.1here am I then, missus5 0ut on my arse -obless and a mother to support that's ninety,t"o and a daily communicant in the Franciscan church.The rent man collects the rents,missus, or he loses the -ob. I'll be back ne#t "eek and i you don't ha!e the money, one pound eight shillings and si#pence total, 'tis out on the pa!ement you'll be "ith the skies dripping on your urniture. Mam comes back up to Italy and sits by the ire "ondering "here in *od's name she'll get the money or a "eek's rent ne!er mind the arrears. 'he'd lo!e a cup o tea but there's no "ay o boiling the "ater till Malachy pulls a loose board o the "all bet"een the t"o upstairs rooms.Mam says, 1ell, 'tis o no" and "e might as "ell chop it up or the ire.1e boil the "ater and use the rest o the "ood or the morning tea but "hat about tonight and tomorro" and e!er a ter5 Mam says, 0ne more board rom that "all, one more and not another one. 'he says that or t"o "eeks till there's nothing le t but the beam rame.'he "arns us "e are not to touch the beams or they hold up the ceiling and the house itsel . 0h, "e'd ne!er touch the beams. 'he goes to see *randma and it's so cold in the house I take the hatchet to one o the beams. Malachy cheers me on and Michael claps his hands "ith e#citement. I pull on the beam, the ceiling groans and do"n on Mam's bed there's a sho"er o plaster,slates,rain.Malachy says, 0h,*od,"e'll all be killed,and Michael dances around singing,Frankie broke the house, Frankie broke the house. 1e run through the rain to tell Mam the ne"s. 'he looks pu((led "ith Michael chanting, Frankie broke the house, till I e#plain there's a hole in the house and it's alling do"n. 'he says, 8esus, and runs through the streets "ith *randma trying to keep up. Mam sees her bed buried under plaster and slates and pulls at her hair,1hat'll "e do at all, at all5 and screams at me or inter ering "ith the beams. *randma says, I'll go to the landlord's o ice and tell them i# this be ore ye are all dro"ned entirely. 'he's back in no time "ith the rent man. 4e says, *reat *od in hea!en, "here's the other room5 *randma says,1hat room5 I rented ye t"o rooms up here and one is gone.1here is that room5 Mam says,1hat room5 There "ere t"o rooms up here and no" there's one.And "hat happened to the "all5 There "as a "all. )o" there's no "all. I distinctly remember a "all because I distinctly remember a room. )o" "here is that "all5 1here is that room5 *randma says, I don't remember a "all and i I don't remember a "all ho" can I remember a room5 /e don't remember5 1ell,I remember.Forty years a landlord's agent and I ne!er seen the likes o this. By *od, 'tis a desperate situation altogether "hen you can't turn your back but tenants are not paying their rent and making "alls and rooms disappear on top o it. I "ant to kno"

"here that "all is and "hat ye did "ith the room, so I do. Mam turns to us. %o any o ye remember a "all5 Michael pulls at her hand. Is that the "all "e burned in the ire5 The rent man says,%ear *od in hea!en,this beats Banagher,this takes the bloody biscuit, this is goin' beyond the beyonds. )o rent and "hat am I to tell 'ir 6incent belo" in the o ice5 0ut, missus, I'm puttin' ye out.0ne "eek rom today I'll knock on this door and I "ant to ind nobody at home, e!erybody out ne!er to return. %o you ha!e me, missus5 Mam's ace is tight. 'Tis a pity you "eren't ali!e in the times "hen the +nglish "ere e!icting us and lea!ing us on the side o the road. )o lip, missus, or I'll send the men to put ye out tomorro". 4e goes out the door and lea!es it open to sho" "hat he thinks o us. Mam says, I don't kno" in *od's name "hat I'm going to do. *randma says,1ell, I don't ha!e room or ye but your cousin, *erard *ri in, is li!ing out the $osbrien $oad in that little house o his mother's and he'd surely be able to take ye in till better times come. 'Tis all hours o the night but I'll go up and see "hat he says and Frank can come "ith me. 'he tells me put on a coat but I don't ha!e one and she says, I suppose there's no use in asking i ye ha!e an umbrella either. Come on. 'he pulls the sha"l o!er her head and I ollo" her out the door, up the lane, through the rain to $osbrien $oad nearly t"o miles a"ay. 'he knocks on the door o a little cottage in a long ro" o little cottages.Are you there, &aman5 I kno" you're in there. 0pen the door. *randma, "hy are you calling him &aman5 Isn't his name *erard5 4o" "ould I kno"5 %o I kno" "hy the "orld calls your uncle 2at Ab5 +!eryone calls this ella &aman. 0pen the door. 1e'll go in. 4e might be "orking o!ertime. 'he pushes the door. It's dark and there's a damp s"eet smell in the room.This room looks like the kitchen and there's a smaller room ne#t to it.There's a little lo t abo!e the bedroom "ith a skylight "here the rain is beating.There are bo#es e!ery"here, ne"spapers, maga(ines, bits o ood, mugs, empty tins.1e can see t"o beds taking up all the space in the bedroom, a great acre o a bed and a smaller one near the "indo". *randma pokes at a lump in the big bed. &aman, is that you5 *et up, "ill you, get up. 1hat5 1hat5 1hat5 1hat5 There's trouble. Angela is gettin' e!icted "ith the children an' 'tis del!in'out o the hea!ens.They need a bit o shelter till they get on their eet an' I ha!e no room or them./ou can put them up in the lo t i you like but that "ouldn't do because the small ones "ouldn't be able to climb and they'd all do"n an' get killed so you go up there an' they can mo!e in here. All right, all right, all right, all right. 4e hoists himsel rom the bed and there's a "hiskey smell. 4e goes to the kitchen and pulls the table to the "all or his climb to the lo t. *randma says, That's ine no". /e can mo!e up here tonight an' ye "on't ha!e the e!iction men coming a ter ye. *randma tells Mam she's going home. 'he's tired and drenched and she's not t"enty, i!e anymore. 'he says there's no need to be taking beds or urniture "ith all the stu that's up in &aman *ri in's.1e put Alphie in the pram and pile around him the pot, the pan, the kettle, the -am -ars and mugs, the 2ope, t"o bolsters and the coats rom the beds. 1e drape the coats o!er our heads and push the pram through the streets. Mam tells us be .uiet going up the lane or the neighbors "ill kno" "e got the e!iction and there "ill be shame. The pram has a bockety "heel "hich tilts it and makes it go in di erent directions.1e try to keep it straight and "e're ha!ing a great time because it must be a ter midnight and surely Mam "on't make us go to school tomorro". 1e're mo!ing so ar rom &eamy's 'chool no" maybe "e'll ne!er ha!e to go again. 0nce "e get a"ay rom the lane Alphie bangs on the pot "ith the spoon and Michael sings a song he heard in a ilm "ith Al 8olson,'"anee,ho" I lo!e ya,ho" I lo!e ya,my dear ol''"anee.4e makes us laugh the "ay he tries to sing in a deep !oice like Al 8olson. Mam says she's glad it's late and there's no one on the streets to see our shame. 0nce "e get to the house "e take Alphie and e!erything else rom the pram so that Malachy and I can run back do"n to $oden &ane or the trunk. Mam says she'd die i she lost that trunk and e!erything in it. Malachy and I sleep at opposite ends o the small bed.Mam takes the big bed "ith Alphie beside her and Michael

at the bottom. +!erything is damp and musty and &aman *ri in snores o!er our heads.There are no stairs in this house and that means no angel e!er on the se!enth step. But I'm t"el!e going on thirteen and I might be too old or angels. It's still dark "hen the alarm goes o in the morning and &aman *ri in snorts and blo"s his nose and ha"ks the stu rom his chest. The loor creaks under him and "hen he pisses or ages into the chamber pot "e ha!e to stu our mouths "ith coats to stop the laughing and Mam hisses at us to be .uiet. 4e grumbles a"ay abo!e us be ore he climbs do"n to get his bicycle and bang his "ay out the door.Mam "hispers,The coast is clear, go back to sleep./e can stay at home today. 1e can't sleep.1e're in a ne" house, "e ha!e to pee and "e "ant to e#plore.The la!atory is outside, about ten steps rom the back door, our o"n la!atory, "ith a door you can close and a proper seat "here you can sit and read s.uares o the &imerick &eader &aman *ri in le t behind or "iping himsel .There is a long backyard, a garden "ith tall grass and "eeds, an old bicycle that must ha!e belonged to a giant, tin cans galore, old papers and maga(ines rotting into the earth, a rusted se"ing machine, a dead cat "ith a rope around his neck that somebody must ha!e thro"n o!er the ence. Michael gets a notion in his head that this is A rica and keeps asking,1here's Tar(an5 1here's Tar(an5 4e runs up and do"n the backyard "ith no pants on trying to imitate Tar(an yodeling rom tree to tree. Malachy looks o!er the ences into the other yards and tells us, They ha!e gardens.They're gro"ing things.1e can gro" things.1e can ha!e our o"n spuds and e!erything. Mam calls rom the back door, 'ee i ye can ind anything to start the ire in here. There's a "ooden shed built against the back o the house. It's collapsing and surely "e could use some o the "ood or the ire. Mam is disgusted "ith the "ood "e bring in. 'he says it's rotten and ull o "hite maggots but beggars can't be choosers.The "ood si((les abo!e the burning paper and "e "atch the "hite maggots try to escape. Michael says he eels sorry or the "hite maggots but "e kno" he's sorry or e!erything in the "orld. Mam tells us this house used to be a shop, that &aman *ri in's mother sold groceries through the little "indo" and that's ho" she "as able to send &aman a"ay to $ock"ell College so that he could "ind up as an o icer in the $oyal )a!y. 0h, he "as, indeed.An o icer in the $oyal )a!y, and here's a picture o him "ith other o icers all ha!ing dinner "ith a amous American ilm star 8ean 4arlo". 4e "as ne!er the same a ter he met 8ean 4arlo". 4e ell madly in lo!e "ith her but "hat "as the use5 'he "as 8ean 4arlo" and he "as nothing but an o icer in the $oyal )a!y and it dro!e him to drink and they thre" him out o the )a!y. )o" look at him, a common laborer or the +lectricity 'upply Board and a house that's a disgrace./ou'd look at this house and ne!er kno" there "as a human being li!ing in it./ou can see &aman ne!er mo!ed a thing since his mother died and no" "e ha!e to clean up so that "e can li!e in this place. There are bo#es packed "ith bottles o purple hair oil.1hile Mam is out in the la!atory "e open a bottle and smear it on our heads. Malachy says the smell is gorgeous but "hen Mam comes back she says,1hat's that horrible stink5 and "ants to kno" "hy our heads are suddenly greasy.'he makes us stick our heads under the tap outside and dry oursel!es "ith an old to"el pulled out rom under a pile o maga(ines called The Illustrated &ondon )e"s so old they ha!e pictures o :ueen 6ictoria and 2rince +d"ard "a!ing.There are bars o 2ear's soap and a thick book called 2ear's +ncyclopedia, "hich keeps me up day and night because it tells you e!erything about e!erything and that's all I "ant to kno". There are bottles o 'loan's &iniment, "hich Mam says "ill come in handy "hen "e get cramps and pains rom the damp. The bottles say, 4ere's the pain, 1here's the 'loan's5 There are bo#es o sa ety pins and bags packed "ith "omen's hats that crumble "hen you touch them. There are bags "ith corsets, garters, "omen's high button shoes and di erent la#ati!es that promise glo"ing cheeks, bright eyes and a curl in your hair. There are letters rom *eneral +oin 0'%u y to *erard *ri in, +s.., saying "elcome to the ranks o the )ational Front, the Irish Blueshirts, that it is a pri!ilege to kno" a man like *erard *ri in is

interested in the mo!ement "ith his e#cellent education, his $oyal )a!y training, his reputation as a great rugby player on the /oung Munster team that "on the national championship, the Bateman Cup. *eneral 0'%u y is orming an Irish Brigade that "ill soon sail o to 'pain to ight "ith that great Catholic *eneralissimo Franco himsel , and Mr. *ri in "ould be a po"er ul addition to the Brigade. Mam says &aman's mother "ouldn't let him go. 'he didn't spend all those years sla!ing a"ay in a little shop to send him to college so that he could go galli!anting o to 'pain or Franco so he stayed at home and got that -ob digging holes or the poles o the +lectricity 'upply Board along country roads and his mother "as happy to ha!e him home to hersel e!ery night but Friday "hen he drank his pint and moaned o!er 8ean 4arlo". Mam is happy "e'll ha!e loads o paper or lighting the ire though the "ood "e burn rom that collapsing shed lea!es a sickening smell and she "orries the "hite maggots "ill escape and breed. 1e "ork all day mo!ing bo#es and bags to the shed outside. Mam opens all the "indo"s to air the house and let out the smell o the hair oil and the years o no air. 'he says it's a relie to be able to see the loor again and no" "e can sit do"n and ha!e a nice cup o tea in peace, ease and com ort, and "on't it be lo!ely "hen the "arm "eather comes and "e might be able to ha!e a garden and sit outside "ith our tea the "ay the +nglish do. &aman *ri in comes home at si# e!ery night but Friday, has his tea and goes to bed till ne#t morning. 'aturdays he goes to bed at one in the a ternoon and stays there till Monday morning. 4e pulls the kitchen table o!er to the "all under the lo t, climbs up on a chair, pulls the chair up to the table, climbs up on the chair again, catches a leg o the bed,pulls himsel up.I he's too drunk on Fridays he makes me climb up or his pillo" and blankets and sleeps on the kitchen loor by the ire or alls into bed "ith me and my brothers and snores and arts all night. 1hen "e irst mo!ed in he complained o!er ho" he ga!e up his room do"nstairs or the lo t and he's "orn out climbing up and do"n to go to the la!atory in the backyard.4e calls do"n,Bring the table,the chair,I'm coming do"n, and "e ha!e to clear o the table and pull it to the "all. 4e's ed up,he's inished "ith the climbing,he's going to use his mother's lo!ely chamber pot.4e lies in bed all day reading books rom the library, smoking *old Flake cigarettes and thro"ing Mam a e" shillings to send one o us to the shop so that he can ha!e scones "ith his tea or a nice bit o ham and sliced tomato.Then he calls to Mam, Angela, this chamber pot is ull,and she drags chair and table to climb or the chamber pot,empty it in the la!atory outside,rinse it and climb back to the lo t.4er ace gets tight and she says,Is there anything else your lordship "ould like this day5 and he laughs,1oman's "ork,Angela, "oman's "ork and ree rent. &aman thro"s do"n his library card rom the lo t and tells me get him t"o books, one on angling, one on gardening. 4e "rites a note to the librarian to say his legs are killing him rom digging holes or the +lectricity 'upply Board and rom no" on Frank McCourt "ill be getting his books. 4e kno"s the boy is only thirteen going on ourteen and he kno"s the rules are strict about allo"ing children into the adult part o the library but the boy "ill "ash his hands and beha!e himsel and do "hat he's told, thank you. The librarian reads the note and says 'tis an a" ul pity about Mr. *ri in, he's a true gentleman and a man o great learning, you "ouldn't belie!e the books he reads, sometimes our a "eek, that one day he took home a book in French, French, i you don't mind, on the history o the rudder, the rudder, i you don't mind, she'd gi!e anything or a look inside his head or it must be packed "ith all sorts o learning, packed, i you don't mind. 'he picks out a gorgeous book "ith colored pictures about +nglish gardens. 'he says, I kno" "hat he likes in the ishing department, and chooses a book called In 'earch o the Irish 'almon by Brigadier *eneral 4ugh Colton. 0h, says the librarian, he reads hundreds o books about +nglish o icers ishing in Ireland. I'!e read some mysel out o pure curiosity and you can see "hy those o icers are glad to be in Ireland a ter all they put up "ith in India and A rica and other desperate places. At

least the people here are polite.1e're kno"n or that, the politeness, not running around thro"ing spears at people. &aman lies in the bed, reads his books, talks do"n rom the lo t about the day his legs "ill heal and he'll be out there in the back planting a garden "hich "ill be amous ar and "ide or color and beauty and "hen he's not gardening he'll be roaming the ri!ers around &imerick and bringing home salmon that "ill make your mouth "ater. 4is mother le t a recipe or salmon that's a amily secret and i he had the time and his legs "eren't killing him he'd ind it someplace in this house. 4e says no" that I'm reliable I can get a book or mysel e!ery "eek but don't be bringing home ilth. I "ant to kno" "hat the ilth is but he "on't tell me so I'll ha!e to ind out or mysel . Mam says she "ants to -oin the library too but it's a long "alk rom &aman's house, t"o miles, and "ould I mind getting her a book e!ery "eek, a romance by Charlotte M. Brame or any other nice "riter. 'he doesn't "ant any books about +nglish o icers looking or salmon or books about people shooting each other.There's enough trouble in the "orld "ithout reading about people bothering ish and each other. *randma caught a chill the night "e had the trouble in the house in $oden &ane and the chill turned into pneumonia.They shi ted her to the City 4ome 4ospital and no" she's dead. 4er oldest son, my uncle Tom, thought he'd go to +ngland to "ork like other men in the lanes o &imerick but his consumption got "orse and he came back to &imerick and no" he's dead. 4is "i e, *al"ay 8ane, ollo"ed him, and our o their si# children had to be put into orphanages. The oldest boy, *erry, ran a"ay and -oined the Irish army,deserted and crossed to the +nglish army.The oldest girl, 2eggy, "ent to Aunt Aggie and li!es in misery. The Irish army is looking or boys "ho are musical and "ould like to train in the Army 'chool o Music.They accept my brother, Malachy, and he goes o to %ublin to be a soldier and play the trumpet. )o" I ha!e only t"o brothers at home and Mam says her amily is disappearing be ore her !ery eyes. XIII Boys rom my class at &eamy's 'chool are going on a "eekend cycling trip to ;illaloe. They tell me I should borro" a bicycle and come. All I need is a blanket, a e" spoons o tea and sugar and a e" cuts o bread to keep me going. I'll learn to cycle on &aman *ri in's bicycle e!ery night a ter he goes to bed and he'll surely let me borro" it or the t"o days in ;illaloe. The best time to ask him or anything is Friday night "hen he's in a good mood a ter his night o drinking and his dinner. 4e brings home the same dinner in his o!ercoat pockets, a big steak dripping blood, our potatoes, an onion, a bottle o stout. Mam boils the potatoes and ries the steak "ith sliced onion. 4e keeps his o!ercoat on, sits at the table and eats the steak out o his hands.The grease and blood roll do"n his chin and on to the o!ercoat "here he "ipes his hands. 4e drinks his stout and laughs that there's nothing like a great bloody steak o a Friday night and i that's the "orst sin he e!er commits he'll loat to hea!en body and soul, ha ha ha. 0 course you can ha!e my bike, he says. Boy should be able to get out and see the countryside. 0 course. But you ha!e to earn it./ou can't be getting something or nothing, isn't that right5 'Tis. And I ha!e a -ob or you./ou don't mind doing a bit o a -ob, do you5 I don't. And you'd like to help your mother5 I "ould. 1ell, no", that !ery chamber pot is ull since this morning. I "ant you to climb up and get it and take it to the la!atory and rinse it under the tap abroad and climb back up "ith it. I don't "ant to empty his chamber pot but I dream o cycling miles on the road to ;illaloe, ields and sky ar rom this house, a s"im in the 'hannon,a night sleeping in a barn.I pull the table and chair to the "all. I climb up and under the bed there's the plain "hite chamber pot streaked bro"n and yello", brimming "ith piss and shit. I lay it gently at the edge o the lo t so that it "on't spill, climb do"n to the chair, reach or the chamber pot, bring it do"n, turn my ace a"ay, hold it "hile I step do"n to the table, place it on the chair, step to the loor, take the chamber pot to the la!atory, empty it, and get sick behind the la!atory till

I get used to this -ob. &aman says I'm a good boy and the bike is mine anytime I "ant it as long as the chamber pot is empty and I'm there to run to the shop or his cigarettes, go to the library or books and do "hate!er else he "ants. 4e says,/ou ha!e a great "ay "ith a chamber pot. 4e laughs and Mam stares into the dead ashes in the ireplace. It's raining so hard one day, Miss 0'$iordan the librarian says, %on't go out in that or you'll ruin the books you're carrying. 'it do"n o!er there and beha!e yoursel . /ou can read all about the saints "hile you're "aiting. There are our big books, Butler's &i!es o the 'aints. I don't "ant to spend my li e reading about saints but "hen I start I "ish the rain "ould last ore!er.1hene!er you see pictures o saints, men or "omen, they're al"ays looking up to hea!en "here there are clouds illed "ith little at angels carrying lo"ers or harps gi!ing praise. 7ncle 2a ;eating says he can't think o a single saint in hea!en he'd "ant to sit do"n and ha!e a pint "ith.The saints in these books are di erent.There are stories about !irgins, martyrs, !irgin martyrs and they're "orse than any horror ilm at the &yric Cinema. I ha!e to look in the dictionary to ind out "hat a !irgin is. I kno" the Mother o *od is the 6irgin Mary and they call her that because she didn't ha!e a proper husband, only poor old 't. 8oseph. In the &i!es o the 'aints the !irgins are al"ays getting into trouble and I don't kno" "hy.The dictionary says,6irgin, "oman =usually a young "oman> "ho is and remains in a state o in!iolate chastity. )o" I ha!e to look up in!iolate and chastity and all I can ind here is that in!iolate means not !iolated and chastity means chaste and that means pure rom unla" ul se#ual intercourse. )o" I ha!e to look up intercourse and that leads to intromission, "hich leads to intromittent, the copulatory organ o any male animal. Copulatory leads to copulation, the union o the se#es in the art o generation and I don't kno" "hat that means and I'm too "eary going rom one "ord to another in this hea!y dictionary "hich leads me on a "ild goose chase rom this "ord to that "ord and all because the people "ho "rote the dictionary don't "ant the likes o me to kno" anything. All I "ant to kno" is "here I came rom but i you ask anyone they tell you ask someone else or send you rom "ord to "ord. All these !irgin martyrs are told by $oman -udges they ha!e to gi!e up their aith and accept the $oman gods but they say, )ay, and the -udges ha!e them tortured and killed. My a!orite is 't. Christina the Astonishing "ho takes ages to die.The -udge says, Cut o her breast, and "hen they do she thro"s it at him and he goes dea dumb and blind. Another -udge is brought on the case and he says, Cut o the other breast, and the same thing happens. They try to kill her "ith arro"s but they -ust bounce o her and kill the soldiers "ho shot them. They try to boil her in oil but she rocks in the !at and takes a nap or hersel .Then the -udges get ed up and ha!e her head cut o and that does the -ob.The east o 't. Christina the Astonishing is the t"enty, ourth o 8uly and I think I'll keep that or mysel along "ith the east o 't. Francis o Assisi on the ourth o 0ctober. The librarian says,/ou ha!e to go home no", the rain is stopped, and "hen I'm going out the door she calls me back.'he "ants to "rite a note to my mother and she doesn't mind one bit i I read it.The note says,%ear Mrs.McCourt,8ust "hen you think Ireland is gone to the dogs altogether you ind a boy sitting in the library so absorbed in the &i!es o the 'aints he doesn't reali(e the rain has stopped and you ha!e to drag him a"ay rom the a oresaid &i!es. I think, Mrs. McCourt, you might ha!e a uture priest on your hands and I "ill light a candle in hopes it comes true. I remain,/ours truly, Catherine 0'$iordan,Asst. &ibrarian. 4oppy 0'4alloran is the only master in &eamy's )ational 'chool "ho e!er sits. That's because he's the headmaster or because he has to rest himsel rom the t"isting "alk that comes rom the short leg.The other masters "alk back and orth in the ront o the room or up and do"n the aisles and you ne!er kno" "hen you'll get a "hack o a cane or a slap o a strap or gi!ing the "rong ans"er or "riting something sloppy. I 4oppy "ants to do anything to you he calls you to the ront o the room to punish you be ore three classes. There are good days

"hen he sits at the desk and talks about America. 4e says, My boys, rom the ro(en "astes o )orth %akota to the ragrant orange gro!es o Florida,Americans en-oy all climates. 4e talks about American history, I the American armer, "ith lintlock and musket, could "rest rom the +nglish a continent, surely "e, "arriors e!er, can reco!er our island. I "e don't "ant him tormenting us "ith algebra or Irish grammar all "e ha!e to do is ask him a .uestion about America and that gets him so e#cited he might go on or the "hole day. 4e sits at his desk and recites the tribes and chie s he lo!es.Arapaho, Cheyenne, Chippe"a, 'iou#,Apache, Iro.uois. 2oetry, my boys, poetry. And listen to the chie s, ;icking Bear, $ain,in,the,Face, 'itting Bull, Cra(y 4orse, and the genius, *eronimo. In se!enth class he hands out a small book, a poem that goes on or pages and pages, The %eserted 6illage, by 0li!er *oldsmith. 4e says that this seems to be a poem about +ngland but it is a lament or the poet's nati!e land, our o"n nati!e land, Ireland. 1e are to get this poem by heart, t"enty lines a night to be recited e!ery morning. 'i# boys are called to the ront o the room or reciting and i you miss a line you are slapped t"ice on each hand. 4e tells us put the books under the desks and the "hole class chants the passage on the schoolmaster in the !illage. Beside yon straggling ence that skirts the "ay, 1ith blossomed ur(e unpro itably gay, There, in his noisy mansion, skilled to rule The !illage master taught his little school. A man se!ere he "as and stern to !ie", I kne" him "ell, and e!ery truant kne". Full "ell the boding tremblers learned to trace the day's disaster in his morning ace. Full "ell they laughed "ith counter eited glee At all his -okes or many a -oke had he. Full "ell the busy "hisper circling round Con!eyed the dismal tidings "hen he ro"ned. 4e al"ays closes his eyes and smiles "hen "e reach the last lines o the passage, /et he "as kind, or, i se!ere in aught, The lo!e he bore to learning "as in ault. The !illage all declared ho" much he kne". 'T"as certain he could "rite, and cipher too. &ands he could measure, terms and tides presage, And e!en the story ran that he could gauge. In arguing, too, the parson o"ned his skill, For, e!en though !an.uished, he could argue still, 1hile "ords o learned length and thundering sound Ama(ed the ga(ing rustics ranged around. And still they ga(ed, and still the "onder gre", That one small head could carry all he kne". 1e kno" he lo!es these lines because they're about a schoolmaster, about him,and he's right because "e "onder ho" one small head could carry all he kno"s and "e "ill remember him in these lines. 4e says, Ah, boys, boys,/ou can make up your o"n minds but irst stock them. Are you listening to me5 'tock your minds and you can mo!e through the "orld resplendent. Clarke, de ine resplendent. I think it's shining, sir. 2ithy, Clarke, but ade.uate. McCourt, gi!e us a sentence "ith pithy. Clarke is pithy but ade.uate, sir. Adroit, McCourt./ou ha!e a mind or the priesthood, my boy, or politics.Think o that. I "ill, sir. Tell your mother come and see me. I "ill, sir. Mam says, )o, I could ne!er go near Mr. 0'4alloran. I don't ha!e a decent dress or a proper coat.1hat does he "ant to see me or5 I don't kno". 1ell, ask him. I can't. 4e'll kill me. I he says bring your mother you ha!e to bring your mother or out comes the stick. 'he comes to see him and he talks to her in the hall"ay. 4e tells her that her son Frank must continue school.4e must not all into the messenger boy trap. That leads no"here. Take him up to the Christian Brothers, tell them I sent you, tell them he is a bright boy and ought to be going to secondary school and beyond that, uni!ersity. 4e tells her he did not become headmaster o &eamy's )ational 'chool to preside o!er an academy o messenger boys. Mam says,Thank you, Mr. 0'4alloran. I "ish Mr. 0'4alloran "ould mind his o"n business. I don't "ant to go to the Christian Brothers. I "ant to .uit school ore!er and get a -ob, get my "ages e!ery Friday, go to the pictures on 'aturday nights like e!eryone. A e" days later Mam tells me gi!e my ace and hands a good "ash, "e're going to the Christian Brothers. I tell her I don't "ant to go, I "ant to "ork, I "ant to be a man. 'he tells me stop the "hining, I'm going to secondary school and "e'll all manage someho". I'm going to school i she has to scrub loors and she'll

practice on my ace. 'he knocks on the door at the Christian Brothers and says she "ants to see the superior, Brother Murray. 4e comes to the door, looks at my mother and me and says,1hat5 Mam says,This is my son,Frank.Mr.0'4alloran at &eamy's says he's bright and "ould there be any chance o getting him in here or secondary school5 1e don't ha!e room or him, says Brother Murray and closes the door in our aces. Mam turns a"ay rom the door and it's a long silent "alk home.'he takes o her coat, makes tea, sits by the ire. &isten to me, she says.Are you listening5 I am. That's the second time a door "as slammed in your ace by the Church. Is it5 I don't remember. 'tephen Carey told you and your ather you couldn't be an altar boy and closed the door in your ace. %o you remember that5 I do. And no" Brother Murray slams the door in your ace. I don't mind. I "ant to get a -ob. 4er ace tightens and she's angry./ou are ne!er to let anybody slam the door in your ace again. %o you hear me5 'he starts to cry by the ire, 0h, *od, I didn't bring ye into the "orld to be a amily o messenger boys. I don't kno" "hat to do or say, I'm so relie!ed I don't ha!e to stay in school or i!e or si# more years. I'm ree. I'm thirteen going on ourteen and it's 8une, the last month o school ore!er. Mam takes me to see the priest, %r. Co"par, about getting a -ob as telegram boy.The super!isor in the post o ice, Mrs. 0'Connell, says, %o you kno" ho" to cycle, and I lie that I do. 'he says I can't start till I'm ourteen so come back in August. Mr. 0'4alloran tells the class it's a disgrace that boys like McCourt, Clarke, ;ennedy, ha!e to he" "ood and dra" "ater. 4e is disgusted by this ree and independent Ireland that keeps a class system oisted on us by the +nglish, that "e are thro"ing our talented children on the dungheap. /ou must get out o this country, boys. *o to America, McCourt. %o you hear me5 I do, sir. 2riests come to the school to recruit us or the oreign missions, $edemptorists, Franciscans, 4oly *host Fathers, all con!erting the distant heathen. I ignore them. I'm going to America till one priest catches my attention. 4e says he comes rom the order o the 1hite Fathers, missionaries to the nomadic Bedouin tribes and chaplains to the French Foreign &egion. I ask or the application. I "ill need a letter rom the parish priest and a physical e#amination by my amily doctor.The parish priest "rites the letter on the spot. 4e "ould ha!e been glad to see me go last year.The doctor says,1hat's this5 That's an application to -oin the 1hite Fathers, missionaries to the nomadic tribes o the 'ahara and chaplains to the French Foreign &egion. 0h, yeh5 French Foreign &egion, is it5 %o you kno" the pre erred orm o transportation in the 'ahara %esert5 Trains5 )o. It's the camel. %o you kno" "hat a camel is5 It has a hump. It has more than a hump. It has a nasty, mean disposition and its teeth are green "ith gangrene and it bites. %o you kno" "here it bites5 In the 'ahara5 )o, you omadhaun. It bites your shoulder, rips it right o . &ea!es you standing there tilted in the 'ahara. 4o" "ould you like that, eh5 And "hat class o a spectacle you'd be strolling do"n the street,lopsided in &imerick. 1hat girl in her right mind "ill look at an e#,1hite Father "ith one miserable scra"ny shoulder5 And look at your eyes. They're bad enough here in &imerick. In the 'ahara they'll ester and rot and all out o your head. 4o" old are you5 Thirteen. *o home to your mother. It's not our house and "e don't eel ree in it the "ay "e did in $oden &ane, up in Italy or do"n in Ireland. 1hen &aman comes home he "ants to read in his bed or sleep and "e ha!e to be .uiet.1e stay in the streets till a ter dark and "hen "e come inside there's nothing to do but go to bed and read a book i "e ha!e a candle or para in oil or the lamp. Mam tells us go to bed, she'll be a ter us in a minute as soon as she climbs to the lo t "ith &aman's last mug o tea. 1e o ten all asleep be ore she goes up but there are nights "e hear them talking, grunting, moaning.There are nights "hen she ne!er comes do"n and Michael and Alphie ha!e the big bed to themsel!es. Malachy says she stays up there because it's too hard or her to climb do"n in the dark. 4e's only t"el!e and he doesn't understand. I'm thirteen and I think they're at the e#citement up there. I kno" about the e#citement and I kno" it's

a sin but ho" can it be a sin i it comes to me in a dream "here American girls pose in s"imming suits on the screen at the &yric Cinema and I "ake up pushing and pumping5 It's a sin "hen you're "ide a"ake and going at yoursel the "ay the boys talked about it in &eamy's schoolyard a ter Mr. 0'%ea roared the 'i#th Commandment at us,Thou 'halt )ot Commit Adultery, "hich means impure thoughts, impure "ords, impure deeds, and that's "hat adultery is, %irty Things in *eneral. 0ne $edemptorist priest barks at us all the time about the 'i#th Commandment. 4e says impurity is so gra!e a sin the 6irgin Mary turns her ace a"ay and "eeps. And "hy does she "eep, boys5 'he "eeps because o you and "hat you are doing to her Belo!ed 'on. 'he "eeps "hen she looks do"n the long dreary !ista o time and beholds in horror the spectacle o &imerick boys de iling themsel!es, polluting themsel!es, inter ering "ith themsel!es, abusing themsel!es, soiling their young bodies, "hich are the temples o the 4oly *host. 0ur &ady "eeps o!er these abominations kno"ing that e!ery time you inter ere "ith yoursel you nail to the cross her Belo!ed 'on, that once more you hammer into 4is dear head the cro"n o thorns, that you reopen those ghastly "ounds. In an agony o thirst 4e hangs on the cross and "hat is 4e o ered by those per idious $omans5 A la!atory sponge plunged into !inegar and gall and thrust into 4is poor mouth, a mouth that mo!es rarely e#cept to pray, to pray e!en or you, boys, e!en or you "ho nailed 4im to that cross. Consider 0ur &ord's su ering. Consider the cro"n o thorns. Consider a small pin dri!en into your skull, the agony o the piercing. Consider then t"enty thorns dri!en into your head. $e lect, meditate on the nails tearing 4is hands, 4is eet. Could you endure a raction o that agony5 Take that pin again, that mere pin. Force it into your side. +nlarge that sensation a hundred old and you are penetrated by that a" ul lance. 0h, boys, the de!il "ants your souls. 4e "ants you "ith him in hell and kno" this,that e!ery time you inter ere "ith yoursel , e!ery time you succumb to the !ile sin o sel ,abuse you not only nail Christ to the cross you take another step closer to hell itsel .$etreat rom the abyss, boys. $esist the de!il and keep your hands to yoursel . I can't stop inter ering "ith mysel . I pray to the 6irgin Mary and tell her I'm sorry I put her 'on back on the cross and I'll ne!er do it again but I can't help mysel and s"ear I'll go to con ession and a ter that, surely a ter that, I'll ne!er ne!er do it again. I don't "ant to go to hell "ith de!ils chasing me or eternity -abbing me "ith hot pitch orks. The priests o &imerick ha!e no patience "ith the likes o me. I go to con ession and they hiss that I'm not in a proper spirit o repentance, that i I "ere I'd gi!e up this hideous sin. I go rom church to church looking or an easy priest till 2addy Clohessy tells me there's one in the %ominican church "ho's ninety years old and dea as a turnip. +!ery e" "eeks the old priest hears my con ession and mumbles that I should pray or him. 'ometimes he alls asleep and I don't ha!e the heart to "ake him up so I go to Communion the ne#t day "ithout penance or absolution. It's not my ault i priests all asleep on me and surely I'm in a state o grace -ust or going to con ession.Then one day the little panel in the con ession bo# slides back and it's not my man at all, it's a young priest "ith a big ear like a seashell. 4e'll surely hear e!erything. Bless me, Father, or I ha!e sinned, it's a ortnight since my last con ession. And "hat ha!e you done since then, my child5 I hit my brother, I "ent on the mooch rom school, I lied to my mother. /es, my child, and "hat else5 I, I, I did dirty things, Father. Ah, my child, "as that "ith yoursel or "ith another or "ith some class o beast5 'ome class o beast. I ne!er heard o a sin like that be ore.This priest must be rom the country and i he is he's opening up ne" "orlds to me. The night be ore I'm to go to ;illaloe &aman *ri in comes home drunk and eats a great bag o ish and chips at the table. 4e tells Mam boil "ater or tea and "hen she says she has no coal or tur he yells at her and calls her a great lump li!ing ree under his roo "ith her pack o brats. 4e thro"s money at me to go to the shop or a e" sods o tur and "ood or kindling. I don't "ant to go. I "ant to hit him or the "ay he treats my

mother but i I say anything he "on't let me ha!e the bicycle tomorro" a ter I'!e "aited three "eeks. 1hen Mam gets the ire going and boils the "ater I remind him o his promise to loan me the bike. %id you empty the chamber pot today5 0h, I orgot. I'll do it this minute. 4e shouts,/ou didn't empty my damn chamber pot. I promise you the bike. I gi!e you tuppence a "eek to run messages or me and empty the chamber pot and you stand there "ith your thick gob hanging out and tell me you didn't do it. I'm sorry. I orgot. I'll do it no". /ou "ill, "ill you5 And ho" do you think you'll get up to the lo t5 Are you going to pull the table out rom under my ish and chips5 Mam says, 'ure, he "as at school all day and he had to go to the doctor or his eyes. 1ell, you can bloody "ell orget about the bicycle./ou didn't li!e up to the bargain. But he couldn't do it, says Mam. 4e tells her shut up and mind her o"n business and she goes .uiet by the ire. 4e goes back to his ish and chips but I tell him again,/ou promised me. I emptied that chamber pot and did your messages or three "eeks. 'hut up and go to bed. /ou can't tell me go to bed./ou're not my ather, and you promised me. I'm telling you, as sure as *od made little apples, that i I get up rom this table you'll be calling or your patron saint. /ou promised me. 4e pushes the chair back rom the table. 4e stumbles to"ard me and sticks his inger bet"een my eyes. I'm telling you shut your gob, scabby eyes. I "on't./ou promised me. 4e punches my shoulders and "hen I "on't stop mo!es to my head. My mother -umps up, crying, and tries to pull him a"ay. 4e punches and kicks me into the bedroom but I keep saying, /ou promised me. 4e knocks me to my mother's bed and punches till I co!er my ace and head "ith my arms. I'll kill you, you little shit. Mam is screaming and pulling at him till he alls back"ard into the kitchen. 'he says, Come on, oh, come on. +at your ish and chips. 4e's only a child. 4e'll get o!er it. I hear him go back to his chair and pull it to the table. I hear him snu le and slurp "hen he eats and drinks. 4and me the matches, he says. By 8esus, I need a ag a ter that.There's a put,put sound "hen he pu s on the cigarette and a "himper rom my mother. 4e says, I'm going to bed, and "ith the drink in him it takes him a "hile to climb the chair to the table, pull up the chair, climb to the lo t. The bed s.ueaks under him and he grunts "hen he pulls o his boots and drops them to the loor. I can hear Mam crying "hen she blo"s into the globe o the para in oil lamp and e!erything goes dark.A ter "hat happened she'll surely "ant to get into her o"n bed and I'm ready to go to the small one against the "all. Instead, there's the sound o her climbing the chair, the table, the chair, crying up into the lo t and telling &aman *ri in, 4e's only a boy, tormented "ith his eyes, and "hen &aman says, 4e's a little shit and I "ant him out o the house, she cries and begs till there's "hispering and grunting and moaning and nothing. In a"hile they're snoring in the lo t and my brothers are asleep around me. I can't stay in this house or i &aman *ri in comes at me again I'll take a kni e to his neck. I don't kno" "hat to do or "here to go. I lea!e the house and ollo" the streets rom the 'ars ield Barracks to the Monument Ca D. I dream o ho" I'll get back at &aman some day. I'll go to America and see 8oe &ouis. I'll tell him my troubles and he'll understand because he comes rom a poor amily. 4e'll sho" me ho" to build up my muscles, ho" to hold my hands and use my eet. 4e'll sho" me ho" to dig my chin into my shoulder the "ay he does and ho" to let go "ith a right uppercut that "ill send &aman lying. I'll drag &aman to the gra!eyard at Mungret "here his amily and Mam's amily are buried and I'll co!er him "ith earth all the "ay to his chin so that he "on't be able to mo!e and he'll beg or his li e and I'll say, +nd o the road, &aman, you're going to meet your Maker, and he'll beg and beg "hile I trickle dirt on his ace till it's co!ered completely and he's gasping and asking *od or orgi!eness or not gi!ing me the bike and punching me all o!er the house and doing the e#citement "ith my mother and I'll be laughing a"ay because he's not in a state o grace a ter the e#citement and he's going to hell as sure as *od made little apples as he used to say himsel . The streets are dark and I ha!e to keep an eye out in case I

might be lucky like Malachy long ago and ind ish and chips dropped by drunken soldiers.There's nothing on the ground. I I ind my uncle, Ab 'heehan, he might gi!e me some o his Friday night ish and chips, but they tell me in the ca D he came and "ent already. I'm thirteen no" so I don't call him 7ncle 2at anymore. I call him Ab or The Abbot like e!erybody else. 'urely i I go to *randma's house he'll gi!e me a piece o bread or something and maybe he'll let me stay the night. I can tell him I'll be "orking in a e" "eeks deli!ering telegrams and getting big tips at the post o ice and ready to pay my o"n "ay. 4e's sitting up in bed inishing his ish and chips, dropping to the loor the &imerick &eader they "ere "rapped in, "iping his mouth and hands "ith the blanket. 4e looks at me,That ace is all s"ole. %id you all on that ace5 I tell him I did because there's no use telling him anything else. 4e "ouldn't understand. 4e says,/ou can stay in me mother's bed tonight. /ou can't "alk the streets "ith that ace and them t"o red eyes in your head. 4e says there's no ood in the house, not a scrap o bread, and "hen he alls asleep I take the greasy ne"spaper rom the loor. I lick the ront page, "hich is all ad!ertisements or ilms and dances in the city. I lick the headlines. I lick the great attacks o 2atton and Montgomery in France and *ermany. I lick the "ar in the 2aci ic. I lick the obituaries and the sad memorial poems, the sports pages, the market prices o eggs butter and bacon. I suck the paper till there isn't a smidgen o grease. I "onder "hat I'll do tomorro". XIV In the morning The Abbot gi!es me the money to go to ;athleen 0'Connell's or bread,margarine,tea,milk.4e boils "ater on the gas ring and tells me I can ha!e a mug o tea and, *o aisy "ith the sugar, I'm not a millionaire./ou can ha!e a cut o' bread but don't make it too thick. It's 8uly and school is o!er ore!er. In a e" "eeks I'll be deli!ering telegrams at the post o ice, "orking like a man. In the "eeks I'm idle I can do anything I like, get up in the morning, stay in bed, take long "alks out the country like my ather, "ander around &imerick. I I had the money I'd go o!er to the &yric Cinema, eat s"eets, see +rrol Flynn con.uering e!eryone in sight. I can read the +nglish and Irish papers The Abbot brings home or I can use the library cards o &aman *ri in and my mother till I'm ound out. Mam sends Michael "ith a milk bottle o "arm tea, a e" cuts o bread smeared "ith dripping, a note to say &aman *ri in isn't angry anymore and I can come back. Michael says, Are you coming home, Frankie5 )o. Ah, do, Frankie. Come on. I li!e here no". I'm ne!er going back. But Malachy is gone to the army and you're here and I ha!e no big brother.All the boys ha!e big brothers and I only ha!e Alphie. 4e's not e!en our and can't talk right. I can't go back. I'm ne!er going back./ou can come here any time you like. 4is eyes glint "ith tears and that gi!es me such a pain in my heart I "ant to say,All right, I'll come "ith you. I'm only saying that. I kno" I'll ne!er be able to ace &aman *ri in again and I don't kno" i I can look at my mother. I "atch Michael go up the lane "ith the sole o his shoe broken and clacking along the pa!ement.1hen I start that -ob at the post o ice I'll buy him shoes so I "ill. I'll gi!e him an egg and take him to the &yric Cinema or the ilm and the s"eets and then "e'll go to )aughton's and eat ish and chips till our bellies are sticking out a mile.I'll get money some day or a house or a lat "ith electric light and a la!atory and beds "ith sheets blankets pillo"s like the rest o the "orld.1e'll ha!e break ast in a bright kitchen "ith lo"ers dancing in a garden beyond,delicate cups and saucers,eggcups,eggs so t in the yolk and ready to melt the rich creamery butter, a teapot "ith a co(y on it, toast "ith butter and marmalade galore.1e'll take our time and listen to music rom the BBC or the American Armed Forces )et"ork. I'll buy proper clothes or the "hole amily so our arses "on't be hanging out o our pants and "e "on't ha!e the shame. The thought o the shame brings a pain in my heart and starts me sni ling.The Abbot says, 1hat's up "ith you5 %idn't you ha!e your bread5 %idn't you ha!e your tay5 1hat more do you "ant5 'Tis an egg you'll be lookin' or

ne#t. There's no use talking to someone "ho "as dropped on his head and sells papers or a li!ing. 4e complains he can't be eeding me ore!er and I'll ha!e to get my o"n bread and tea. 4e doesn't "ant to come home and ind me reading in the kitchen "ith the electric lightbulb bla(ing a"ay. 4e can read numbers so he can and "hen he goes out to sell papers he reads the electric meter so he'll kno" ho" much I used and i I don't stop turning on that light he'll take the use out and carry it in his pocket and i I put another use in he'll ha!e the electricity pulled out altogether and go back to gas, "hich "as good enough or his poor dead mother and "ill surely suit him or all he does is sit up in the bed to eat his ish and chips and count his money be ore he goes to sleep. I get up early like %ad and go on long "alks into the country.I "alk around the gra!eyard in the old abbey at Mungret "here my mother's relations are buried and I go up the boreen to the )orman castle at Carrigogunnell "here %ad brought me t"ice. I climb to the top and Ireland is spread out be ore me, the 'hannon shining its "ay to the Atlantic. %ad told me this castle "as built hundreds o years ago and i you "ait or the larks to stop their singing o!er there you can hear the )ormans belo" hammering and talking and getting ready or battle. 0nce he brought me here in the dark so that "e could hear )orman and Irish !oices do"n through the centuries and I heard them. I did. 'ometimes I'm up there alone on the heights o Carrigogunnell and there are !oices o )orman girls rom olden times laughing and singing in French and "hen I see them in my mind I'm tempted and I climb to the !ery top o the castle "here once there "as a to"er and there in ull !ie" o Ireland I inter ere "ith mysel and spurt all o!er Carrigogunnell and ields beyond. That's a sin I could ne!er tell a priest. Climbing to great heights and going at yoursel be ore all o Ireland is surely "orse than doing it in a pri!ate place "ith yoursel or "ith another or "ith some class o a beast. 'ome"here do"n there in the ields or along the banks o the 'hannon a boy or a milkmaid might ha!e looked up and seen me in my sin and i they did I'm doomed because the priests are al"ays saying that anyone "ho e#poses a child to sin "ill ha!e a millstone tied around his neck and be cast into the sea. 'till, the thought o someone "atching me brings on the e#citement again. I "ouldn't "ant a small boy to be "atching me. )o, no, that "ould surely lead to the millstone, but i there "as a milkmaid ga"king up she'd surely get e#cited and go at hersel though I don't kno" i girls can go at themsel!es "hen they don't ha!e anything to go at.)o e.uipment, as Mikey Molloy used to say. I "ish that old dea %ominican priest "ould come back so that I could tell him my troubles "ith the e#citement but he's dead no" and I'll ha!e to ace a priest "ho'll go on about the millstone and the doom. %oom.That's the a!orite "ord o e!ery priest in &imerick. I "alk back along 0'Connell A!enue and Ballinacurra "here people ha!e their bread and milk deli!ered early to their doorsteps and surely there's no harm i I borro" a loa or a bottle "ith e!ery intention o gi!ing it back "hen I get my -ob at the post o ice. I'm not stealing, I'm borro"ing, and that's not a mortal sin. Besides, I stood on top o a castle this morning and committed a sin ar "orse than stealing bread and milk and i you commit one sin you might as "ell commit a e" more because you get the same sentence in hell. 0ne sin, eternity. A do(en sins, eternity. Might as "ell be hung or a sheep as a lamb, as my mother "ould say. I drink the odd pint o milk and lea!e the bottle so that the milkman "on't be blamed or not deli!ering. I like milkmen because one o them ga!e me t"o broken eggs "hich I s"allo"ed ra" "ith bits o shells and all. 4e said I'd gro" up po"er ul i I had nothing else but t"o eggs in a pint o porter e!ery day. +!erything you need is in the egg and e!erything you "ant is in the pint. 'ome houses get better bread than others. It costs more and that's "hat I take.I eel sorry or the rich people "ho "ill get up in the morning and go to the door and ind their bread missing but I can't let mysel star!e to death.I I star!e I'll ne!er ha!e the strength or my telegram boy -ob at the post o ice, "hich means I'll ha!e no money to put back all that bread and milk and no "ay o sa!ing to go to America and i I

can't go to America I might as "ell -ump into the $i!er 'hannon. It's only a e" "eeks till I get my irst "ages in the post o ice and surely these rich people "on't collapse "ith the hunger till then.They can al"ays send the maid out or more.That's the di erence bet"een the poor and the rich. The poor can't send out or more because there's no money to send out or more and i there "as they "ouldn't ha!e a maid to send. It's the maids I ha!e to "orry about.I ha!e to be care ul "hen I borro" the milk and the bread and they're at the ront doors polishing knobs, knockers and letter bo#es. I they see me they'll be running to the "oman o the house, 0h, madam, madam, there's an urchin beyant that's makin' o "ith all the milk and bread. Beyant. Maids talk like that because they're all rom the country, Mullingar hei ers, says 2addy Clohessy's uncle, bee to the heels, and they "ouldn't gi!e you the steam o their piss. I bring home the bread and e!en i The Abbot is surprised he doesn't say,1here did you get it5 because he "as dropped on his head and that knocks the curiosity out o you. 4e -ust looks at me "ith his big eyes that are blue in the middle and yello" all around and slurps his tea rom the great cracked mug his mother le t behind.4e tells me,That's me mug and don't be drinkin' your tay oush o ish. 0ush o ish.That's the &imerick slum talk that al"ays "orried %ad. 4e said, I don't "ant my sons gro"ing up in a &imerick lane saying, 0ush o ish. It's common and lo", class. 'ay out o it properly. And Mam said, I hope it keeps ine or you but you're not doing much to get us oush o ish. 0ut beyond Ballinacurra I climb orchard "alls or apples. I there's a dog I mo!e on because I don't ha!e 2addy Clohessy's "ay o talking to them. Farmers come at me but they're al"ays slo" in their rubber boots and e!en i they -ump on a bicycle to chase me I -ump o!er "alls "here they can't take a bike. The Abbot kno"s "here I got the apples. I you gro" up in the lanes o &imerick you're bound to rob the odd orchard sooner or later. +!en i you hate apples you ha!e to rob orchards or your pals "ill say you're a sissy. I al"ays o er The Abbot an apple but he "on't eat it because o the scarcity o teeth in his head. 4e has i!e le t and he "on't risk lea!ing them in an apple.I I cut the apple into slices he still "on't eat it because that's not the proper "ay to eat an apple.That's "hat he says and i I say, /ou slice bread be ore you eat it, don't you5 he says, Apples is apples and bread is bread. That's ho" you talk "hen you're dropped on your head. Michael comes again "ith "arm tea in a milk bottle and t"o cuts o ried bread. I tell him I don't need it anymore.Tell Mam I'm taking care o mysel and I don't need her tea and ried bread, thank you !ery much. Michael is delighted "hen I gi!e him an apple and I tell him come e!ery second day and he can ha!e more.That stops him rom asking me to go back to &aman *ri in's and I'm glad it stops his tears. There's a market do"n in Irishto"n "here the armers come on 'aturdays "ith their !egetables, hens, eggs, butter. I I'm there early they'll gi!e me a e" pennies or helping unload their carts or motor cars.At the end o the day they'll gi!e me !egetables they can't sell, anything crushed, bruised or rotten in parts. 0ne armer's "i e al"ays gi!es me cracked eggs and tells me, Fry them eggs tomorro" "hen you come back rom Mass in a state o grace or i you ate them eggs "ith a sin on your so"l they'll stick in your gullet, so they "ill. 'he's a armer's "i e and that's ho" they talk. I'm not much better than a beggar no" mysel the "ay I stand at the doors o ish and chip shops "hen they're closing in hopes they might ha!e burnt chips le t o!er or bits o ish loating around in the grease. I they're in a hurry the shop o"ners "ill gi!e me the chips and a sheet o paper or "rapping. The paper I like is the )e"s o the 1orld. It's banned in Ireland but people sneak it in rom +ngland or the shocking pictures o girls in s"imming suits that are almost not there.Then there are stories o people committing all kinds o sins you "ouldn't ind in &imerick, getting di!orces, committing adultery. Adultery. I still ha!e to ind out "hat that "ord means, look it up in the library. I'm sure it's "orse than "hat the masters taught us, bad thoughts, bad "ords, bad deeds. I take my chips home and get into bed like The Abbot. I he has a e" pints taken he sits up eating his chips rom the

&imerick &eader and singing BThe $oad to $asheen.B I eat my chips. I lick the )e"s o the 1orld. I lick the stories about people doing shocking things. I lick the girls in their bathing suits and "hen there's nothing le t to lick I look at the girls till The Abbot blo"s out the light and I'm committing a mortal sin under the blanket. I can go to the library any time "ith Mam's card or &aman *ri in's. I'll ne!er be caught because &aman is too la(y to get out o bed on a 'aturday and Mam "ill ne!er go near a library "ith the shame o her clothes. Miss 0'$iordan smiles.The &i!es o the 'aints are "aiting or you, Frank.6olumes and !olumes. Butler,0'4anlon,Baring *ould. I'!e told the head librarian all about you and she's so pleased she's ready to gi!e you your o"n gro"n,up card. Isn't that "onder ul5 Thanks, Miss 0'$iordan. I'm reading all about 't. Brigid, !irgin, February irst. 'he "as so beauti ul that men rom all o!er Ireland panted to marry her and her ather "anted her to marry someone important. 'he didn't "ant to marry anyone so she prayed to *od or help and 4e caused her eye to melt in her head so that it dribbled do"n her cheek and le t such a great "elt the men o Ireland lost interest. Then there's 't. 1ilge ortis, !irgin martyr, 8uly t"entieth. 4er mother had nine children, all at the same time, our sets o t"ins and 1ilge ortis the odd one, all "inding up martyrs or the aith.1ilge ortis "as beauti ul and her ather "anted to marry her o to the ;ing o 'icily.1ilge ortis "as desperate and *od helped her by allo"ing a beard and a mustache to gro" on her ace, "hich made the ;ing o 'icily think t"ice but sent her ather into such a rage he had her cruci ied beard and all. 't. 1ilge ortis is the one you pray to i you're an +nglish"oman "ith a troublesome husband. The priests ne!er tell us about !irgin martyrs like 't. Agatha, February i th. February is a po"er ul month or !irgin martyrs. 'icilian pagans ordered Agatha to gi!e up her aith in 8esus and like all the !irgin martyrs she said, )ay.They tortured her, stretched her on the rack, tore her sides "ith iron hooks, burned her "ith bla(ing torches, and she said, )ay, I "ill not deny 0ur &ord.They crushed her breasts and cut them o but "hen they rolled her o!er hot coals it "as more than she could bear so she e#pired, gi!ing praise. 6irgin martyrs al"ays died singing hymns and gi!ing praise not minding one bit i lions tore big chunks rom their sides and gobbled them on the spot. 4o" is it the priests ne!er told us about 't. 7rsula and her ele!en thousand maiden martyrs, 0ctober t"enty, irst5 4er ather "anted her to marry a pagan king but she said, I'll go a"ay or a"hile, three years, and think about it. 'o o she goes "ith her thousand noble ladies,in,"aiting and their companions, ten thousand.They sailed around or a"hile and traipsed through !arious countries till they stopped in Cologne "here the chie o the 4uns asked 7rsula to marry him. )ay, she said, and the 4uns killed her and the maidens "ith her. 1hy couldn't she say yes and sa!e the li!es o ele!en thousand !irgins5 1hy did !irgin martyrs ha!e to be so stubborn5 I like 't. Moling, an Irish bishop. 4e didn't li!e in a palace like the bishop o &imerick. 4e li!ed in a tree and "hen other saints !isited him or dinner they "ould sit around on branches like birds ha!ing a grand time "ith their "ater and dry bread. 4e "as "alking along one day and a leper said, 4oy, 't. Moling, "here are you going5 I'm going to Mass, says 't. Moling.1ell, I'd like to go to Mass too, so "hy don't you hoist me up on your back and carry me5 't. Moling did but he no sooner had the leper up on his back than the leper started to complain./our hair shirt,he said,is hard on my sores,take it o .'t.Moling took o the shirt and o they "ent again.Then the leper says, I need to blo" my nose. 't. Moling says, I don't ha!e any class o a handkerchie , use your hand. The leper says, I can't hold on to you and blo" my nose at the same time.All right, says 't. Moling, you can blo" into my hand.That "on't do, says the leper, I barely ha!e a hand le t "ith the leprosy and I can't hold on and blo" into your hand. I you "ere a proper saint you'd t"ist around here and suck the stu out o my head. 't. Moling didn't "ant to suck the leper's snot but he did and o ered it up and praised *od or the pri!ilege. I could understand my ather sucking the bad stu out o Michael's head "hen he

"as a baby and desperate but I don't understand "hy *od "anted 't. Moling to go around sucking the snot out o lepers' heads. I don't understand *od at all and e!en i I'd like to be a saint and ha!e e!eryone adore me I'd ne!er suck the snot o a leper. I'd like to be a saint but i that's "hat you ha!e to do I think I'll stay the "ay I am. 'till, I'm ready to spend my li e in this library reading about !irgins and !irgin martyrs till I get into trouble "ith Miss 0'$iordan o!er a book someone le t on the table.The author is &in /Htang.Anyone can tell this is a Chinese name and I'm curious to kno" "hat the Chinese talk about. It's a book o essays about lo!e and the body and one o his "ords sends me to the dictionary.Turgid. 4e says,The male organ o copulation becomes turgid and is inserted into the recepti!e emale ori ice. Turgid.The dictionary says s"ollen and that's "hat I am, standing there looking at the dictionary because I kno" no" "hat Mikey Molloy "as talking about all along,that "e're no di erent rom the dogs that get stuck in each other in the streets and it's shocking to think o all the mothers and athers doing the likes o this. My ather lied to me or years about the Angel on the 'e!enth 'tep. Miss 0'$iordan "ants to kno" "hat "ord I'm looking or. 'he al"ays looks "orried "hen I'm at the dictionary so I tell her I'm looking or canoni(e or beati ic or any class o a religious "ord. And "hat's this5 she says.This is not the &i!es o the 'aints. 'he picks up &in /Htang and starts reading the page "here I le t the book ace do"n on the table. Mother o' *od. Is this "hat you "ere reading5 I sa" this in your hand. 1ell, I,I,only "anted to see i the Chinese, i the Chinese, ah, had any saints. 0h, indeed, you did.This is disgrace ul. Filth. )o "onder the Chinese are the "ay they are. But "hat could you e#pect o slanty eyes and yello" skin and you, no" that I look at you, ha!e a bit o the slanty eye yoursel ./ou are to lea!e this library at once. But I'm reading the &i!es o the 'aints. 0ut or I'll call the head librarian and she'll ha!e the guards on you. 0ut./ou should be running to the priest and con essing your sins. 0ut, and be ore you go hand me the library cards o your poor mother and Mr. *ri in. I ha!e a good mind to "rite to your poor mother and I "ould i I thought it "ouldn't destroy her entirely. &in /Htang, indeed. 0ut. There's no use trying to talk to librarians "hen they're in that state. /ou could stand there or an hour telling them all you'!e read about Brigid and 1ilge ortis and Agatha and 7rsula and the maiden martyrs but all they think about is one "ord on one page o &in /Htang. The 2eople's 2ark is behind the library. It's a sunny day, the grass is dry, and I'm "orn out begging or chips and putting up "ith librarians "ho get into a state o!er turgid and I'm looking at the clouds dri ting abo!e the monument and dri ting o mysel all turgid till I'm ha!ing a dream about !irgin martyrs in bathing suits in the )e"s o the 1orld pelting Chinese "riters "ith sheeps' bladders and I "ake up in a state o e#citement "ith something hot and sticky pumping out o me oh *od my male organ o copulation sticking out a mile people in the park gi!ing me curious looks and mothers telling their children come o!er here lo!e come a"ay rom that ella someone should call the guards on him. The day be ore my ourteenth birthday I see mysel in the glass in *randma's sideboard.The "ay I look ho" can I e!er start my -ob at the post o ice. +!erything is torn, shirt, gansey, short pants, stockings, and my shoes are ready to all o my eet entirely. $elics o oul' decency, my mother "ould call them. I my clothes are bad I'm "orse. )o matter ho" I drench my hair under the tap it sticks out in all directions.The best cure or standing up hair is spit, only it's hard to spit on your o"n head./ou ha!e to let go "ith a good one up in the air and duck to catch it on your poll. My eyes are red and oo(ing yello", there are matching red and yello" pimples all o!er my ace and my ront teeth are so black "ith rot I'll ne!er be able to smile in my li e. I ha!e no shoulders and I kno" the "hole "orld admires shoulders. 1hen a man dies in &imerick the "omen al"ays say, *rand man he "as, shoulders that big and "ide he "ouldn't come in the door or you, had to come in side"ays.1hen I die they'll say, 2oor little di!il, died "ithout a sign o a shoulder. I "ish I had some sign o a shoulder so that people "ould

kno" I "as at least ourteen years o age.All the boys in &eamy's had shoulders e#cept or Fintan 'lattery and I don't "ant to be like him "ith no shoulders and knees "orn a"ay rom prayer. I I had any money le t I'd light a candle to 't. Francis and ask him i there's any chance *od could be persuaded to per orm a miracle on my shoulders. 0r i I had a stamp I could "rite to 8oe &ouis and say, %ear 8oe, Is there any chance you could tell me "here you got your po"er ul shoulders e!en though you "ere poor5 I ha!e to look decent or my -ob so I take o all my clothes and stand naked in the backyard "ashing them under the tap "ith a bar o carbolic soap. I hang them on *randma's clothesline, shirt, gansey, pants, stockings, and pray to *od it "on't rain, pray they'll be dry or tomorro", "hich is the start o my li e. I can't go any"here in my pelt so I stay in bed all day reading old ne"spapers, getting e#cited "ith the girls in the )e"s o the 1orld and thanking *od or the drying sun.The Abbot comes home at i!e and makes tea do"nstairs and e!en though I'm hungry I kno" he'll grumble i I ask him or anything. 4e kno"s the one thing that "orries me is he might go to Aunt Aggie and complain I'm staying in *randma's house and sleeping in her bed and i Aunt Aggie hears that she'll come o!er and thro" me into the street. 4e hides the bread "hen he's inished and I can ne!er ind it./ou "ould think that one "ho "as ne!er dropped on his head "ould be able to ind the hidden bread o one "ho "as dropped on his head. Then I reali(e i the bread is not in the house he must take it "ith him in the pocket o the o!ercoat he "ears "inter and summer.The minute I hear him clumping rom the kitchen to the backyard la!atory I run do"nstairs, pull the loa rom the pocket, cut o a thick slice, back into the pocket, up the stairs and into bed. 4e can ne!er say a "ord, ne!er accuse me./ou'd ha!e to be a thie o the "orst class to steal one slice o bread and no one "ould e!er belie!e him, not e!en Aunt Aggie. Besides, she'd bark at him and say,1hat are you doing any"ay going around "ith a loa o bread in your pocket5 That's no place or a loa o bread. I che" the bread slo"ly. 0ne mouth ul e!ery i teen minutes "ill make it last and i I "ash it do"n "ith "ater the bread "ill s"ell in my belly and gi!e me the ull eeling. I look out the back "indo" to make sure the e!ening sun is drying my clothes. 0ther backyards ha!e lines "ith clothes that are bright and color ul and dance in the "ind. Mine hang rom the line like dead dogs. The sun is bright but it's cold and damp in the house and I "ish I had something to "ear in the bed. I ha!e no other clothes and i I touch anything o The Abbot's he'll surely run to Aunt Aggie. All I can ind in the "ardrobe is *randma's old black "oolen dress./ou're not supposed to "ear your *randmother's old dress "hen she's dead and you're a boy but "hat does it matter i it keeps you "arm and you're in bed under the blankets "here no one "ill e!er kno". The dress has the smell o old dead grandmother and I "orry she might rise rom the gra!e and curse me be ore the "hole amily and all assembled. I pray to 't. Francis, ask him to keep her in the gra!e "here she belongs, promise him a candle "hen I start my -ob, remind him the robe he "ore himsel "asn't too ar rom a dress and no one e!er tormented him o!er it and all asleep "ith the image o his ace in my dream. The "orst thing in the "orld is to be sleeping in your dead grandmother's bed "earing her black dress "hen your uncle The Abbot alls on his arse outside 'outh's pub a ter a night o drinking pints and people "ho can't mind their o"n business rush to Aunt Aggie's house to tell her so that she gets 7ncle 2a ;eating to help her carry The Abbot home and upstairs to "here you're sleeping and she barks at you,1hat are you doin' in this house, in that bed5 *et up and put on the kettle or tea or your poor uncle 2at that ell do"n, and "hen you don't mo!e she pulls the blankets and alls back"ard like one seeing a ghost and yelling Mother o' *od "hat are you doin' in me dead mother's dress5 That's the "orst thing o all because it's hard to e#plain that you're getting ready or the big -ob in your li e, that you "ashed your clothes, they're drying abroad on the line, and it "as so cold you had to "ear the only thing you could ind in the house, and it's e!en harder to talk to Aunt Aggie "hen The Abbot is groaning

in the bed, Me eet is like a ire,put "ater on me eet,and 7ncle 2a ;eating is co!ering his mouth "ith his hand and collapsing against the "all laughing and telling you that you look gorgeous and black suits you and "ould you e!er straighten your hem./ou don't kno" "hat to do "hen Aunt Aggie tells you, *et out o that bed and put the kettle on do"nstairs or tea or your poor uncle. 'hould you take o the dress and put on a blanket or should you go as you are5 0ne minute she's screaming,1hat are you doin' in me poor mother's dress5 the ne#t she's telling you put on that bloody kettle. I tell her I "ashed my clothes or the big -ob. 1hat big -ob5 Telegram boy at the post o ice. 'he says i the post o ice is hiring the likes o you they must be in a desperate "ay altogether, go do"n and put on that kettle. The ne#t "orse thing is to be out in the backyard illing the kettle rom the tap "ith the moon beaming a"ay and ;athleen 2urcell rom ne#t door perched up on the "all looking or her cat. *od, Frankie McCourt, "hat are you doin' in your grandmother's dress5 and you ha!e to stand there in the dress "ith the kettle in your hand and e#plain ho" you "ashed your clothes "hich are hanging there on the line or all to see and you "ere so cold in the bed you put on your grandmother's dress and your uncle 2at, The Abbot, ell do"n and "as brought home by Aunt Aggie and her husband, 2a ;eating, and she dro!e you into the backyard to ill this kettle and you'll take o this dress as soon as e!er your clothes are dry because you ne!er had any desire to go through li e in your dead grandmother's dress. )o" ;athleen 2urcell lets out a scream, alls o the "all, orgets the cat, and you can hear her giggling into her blind mother, Mammy, Mammy, "ait till I tell you about Frankie McCourt abroad in the backyard in his dead grandmother's dress./ou kno" that once ;athleen 2urcell gets a bit o scandal the "hole lane "ill kno" it be ore morning and you might as "ell stick your head out the "indo" and make a general announcement about yoursel and the dress problem. By the time the kettle boils The Abbot is asleep rom the drink and Aunt Aggie says she and 7ncle 2a "ill ha!e a drop o tea themsel!es and she doesn't mind i I ha!e a drop mysel . 7ncle 2a says on second thought the black dress could be the cassock o a %ominican priest and he goes do"n on his knees and says, Bless me, Father, or I ha!e sinned.Aunt Aggie says, *et up, you oul' ee-it, and stop makin' a eck o religion.Then she says,And you "hat are you doin' in this house5 I can't tell her about Mam and &aman *ri in and the e#citement in the lo t. I tell her I "as thinking o staying here a "hile because o the great distance rom &aman *ri in's house to the post o ice and as soon as I get on my eet "e'll surely ind a decent place and "e'll all mo!e on, my mother and brothers and all. 1ell, she says, that's more than your ather "ould do. XV It's hard to sleep "hen you kno" the ne#t day you're ourteen and starting your irst -ob as a man. The Abbot "akes at da"n moaning. 1ould I e!er make him some tay and i I do I can ha!e a big cut o bread rom the hal loa in his pocket "hich he "as keeping there out o the "ay o the odd rat and i I look in *randma's gramophone "here she used to keep the records I'll ind a -ar o -am. 4e can't read, he can't "rite, but he kno"s "here to hide the -am. I bring The Abbot his tea and bread and make some or mysel . I put on my damp clothes and get into the bed hoping that i I stay there the clothes "ill dry rom my o"n heat be ore I go to "ork. Mam al"ays says it's the damp clothes that gi!e you the consumption and an early gra!e.The Abbot is sitting up telling me he has a terrible pain in his head rom a dream "here I "as "earing his poor mother's black dress and she lying around screaming, 'in, sin, 'tis a sin. 4e inishes his tea and alls into a snore sleep and I "ait or his clock to say hal ,past eight, time to get up and be at the post o ice at nine e!en i the clothes are still damp on my skin. 0n my "ay out I "onder "hy Aunt Aggie is coming do"n the lane. 'he must be coming to see i The Abbot is dead or needing a doctor. 'he says,1hat time do you ha!e to be at that -ob5 )ine. All right. 'he turns and "alks "ith me to the post o ice on 4enry 'treet. 'he doesn't say a "ord and I

"onder i she's going to the post o ice to denounce me or sleeping in my grandmother's bed and "earing her black dress. 'he says, *o up and tell them your aunt is do"n here "aiting or you and you'll be an hour late. I they "ant to argue I'll go up and argue. 1hy do I ha!e to be an hour late5 %o "hat you're bloody "ell told. There are telegram boys sitting on a bench along a "all.There are t"o "omen at a desk, one at, one thin.The thin one says,/es5 My name is Frank McCourt, miss, and I'm here to start "ork. 1hat kind o "ork "ould that be no"5 Telegram boy, miss. The thin one cackles, 0h, *od, I thought you "ere here to clean the la!atories. )o, miss. My mother brought a note rom the priest, %r. Co"par, and there's supposed to be a -ob. 0h, there is, is there5 And do you kno" "hat day this is5 I do, miss. 'Tis my birthday. I'm ourteen. Isn't that grand, says the at "oman. Today is Thursday, says the thin "oman./our -ob starts on Monday. *o a"ay and "ash yoursel and come back then. The telegram boys along the "all are laughing. I don't kno" "hy but I eel my ace turning hot. I tell the "omen,Thank you, and on the "ay out I hear the thin one, 8esus abo!e, Maureen, "ho dragged in that specimen5 and they laugh along "ith the telegram boys. Aunt Aggie says,1ell5 and I tell her I don't start till Monday. 'he says my clothes are a disgrace and "hat did I "ash them in. Carbolic soap. They smell like dead pigeons and you're making a laughingstock o the "hole amily. 'he takes me to $oche's 'tores and buys me a shirt, a gansey, a pair o short pants, t"o pairs o stockings and a pair o summer shoes on sale. 'he gi!es me t"o shillings to ha!e tea and a bun or my birthday. 'he gets on the bus to go back up 0'Connell 'treet too at and la(y to "alk. Fat and la(y, no son o her o"n, and still she buys me the clothes or my ne" -ob. I turn to"ard Arthur's :uay "ith the package o ne" clothes under my arm and I ha!e to stand at the edge o the $i!er 'hannon so that the "hole "orld "on't see the tears o a man the day he's ourteen. Monday morning I'm up early to "ash my ace and latten my hair "ith "ater and spit.The Abbot sees me in my ne" clothes. 8aysus, he says, is it gettin' married you are5 and goes back to sleep. Mrs. 0'Connell, the at "oman, says,1ell, "ell, aren't "e the height o ashion, and the thin one, Miss Barry, says, %id you rob a bank on the "eekend5 and there's a great laugh rom the telegram boys sitting on the bench along the "all. I'm told to sit at the end o the bench and "ait or my turn to go out "ith telegrams. 'ome telegram boys in uni orms are the permanent ones "ho took the e#am.They can stay in the post o ice ore!er i they like, take the ne#t e#am or postman and then the one or clerk that lets them "ork inside selling stamps and money orders behind the counter do"nstairs.The post o ice gi!es permanent boys big "aterproo capes or the bad "eather and they get t"o "eeks holiday e!ery year. +!eryone says these are good -obs,steady and pensionable and respectable,and i you get a -ob like this you ne!er ha!e to "orry again in your "hole li e, so you don't. Temporary telegram boys are not allo"ed to stay in the -ob beyond the age o si#teen.There are no uni orms, no holidays, the pay is less, and i you stay out sick a day you can be ired. )o e#cuses.There are no "aterproo capes. Bring your o"n raincoat or dodge the raindrops. Mrs. 0'Connell calls me to her desk to gi!e me a black leather belt and pouch. 'he says there's a great shortage o bicycles so I'll ha!e to "alk my irst batch o telegrams. I'm to go to the arthest address irst, "ork my "ay back, and don't take all day. 'he's long enough in the post o ice to kno" ho" long it takes to deli!er si# telegrams e!en by oot. I'm not to be stopping in pubs or bookies or e!en home or a cup o tea and i I do I'll be ound out. I'm not to be stopping in chapels to say a prayer. I I ha!e to pray do it on the hoo or on the bicycle. I it rains pay no attention. %eli!er the telegrams and don't be a sissy. 0ne telegram is addressed to Mrs. Clohessy o Arthur's :uay and that couldn't be anyone but 2addy's mother. Is that you, Frankie McCourt5 she says. *od, I "ouldn't kno" you you're that big. Come in, "ill you. 'he's "earing a bright rock "ith lo"ers all o!er and shiny ne" shoes.There are t"o children on the loor playing "ith a toy train. 0n the table there is a teapot, cups "ith saucers, a bottle o milk,

a loa o bread, butter, -am.There are t"o beds o!er by the "indo" "here there "ere none be ore. The big bed in the corner is empty and she must kno" "hat I'm "ondering. 4e's gone, she says, but he's not dead. *one t' +ngland "ith 2addy. 4a!e a cup o' tay an' a bit o' bread./ou need it, *od help us./ou look like one le t o!er rom the Famine itsel .Ate that bread an' -am an' build yoursel up. 2addy al"ays talked about you and %ennis, my poor husband that "as in the bed, ne!er got o!er the day your mother came an' sang the song about the ;erry dancing. 4e's o!er in +ngland no" making sand"iches in a canteen and sending me a e" bob e!ery "eek. /ou'd "onder "hat the +nglish are thinking about "hen they take a man that has the consumption and gi!e him a -ob making sand"iches. 2addy has a grand -ob in a pub in Crickle"ood, "hich is in +ngland. %ennis "ould still be here i it "asn't or 2addy climbin' the "all or the tongue. Tongue5 %ennis had the cra!ing, so he did, or a nice sheep's head "ith a bit o cabbage and a spud so up "ith me to Barry the butcher "ith the last e" shillings I had. I boiled that head an' sick an' all as he "as %ennis couldn't "ait or it to be done. 4e "as a demon there in the bed callin' or the head an' "hen I ga!e it to him on the plate he "as delighted "ith himsel suckin' the marro" outa e!ery inch o that head.Then he inishes an' he says, Mary, "here is the tongue5 1hat tongue5 says I. The tongue o this sheep. +!ery sheep is born "ith a tongue that lets him go ba ba ba and there's a great lack o tongue in this head. *o up to Barry the butcher and demand it. 'o up "ith me to Barry the butcher and he said,That bloody sheep came in here bleatin'an'cryin'so much "e cut the tongue rom her and thrun it to the dog "ho gobbled it up and e!er since ba bas like a sheep and i he doesn't .uit I'll cut his tongue and thro" it to the cat. Back I go to %ennis and he gets rantic in the bed. I "ant that tongue, he says.All the nourishment is in the tongue.And "hat do you think happens ne#t but my 2addy,that "as your riend,goes up to Barry the butcher a ter dark, climbs the "all, cuts the tongue o a sheep's head that's on a hook on the "all and brings it back to his poor ather in the bed. 0 course I ha!e to boil that tongue "ith salt galore and %ennis, *od lo!e him, ates it, lies back in the bed a minute, thro"s back the blanket and stands out on his t"o eet announcing to the "orld that consumption or no consumption, he's not going to die in that bed, i he's going to die at all it might as "ell be under a *erman bomb "ith him making a e" pounds or his amily instead o "hining in the bed there beyond. 'he sho"s me a letter rom 2addy. 4e's "orking in his uncle Anthony's pub t"el!e hours a day, t"enty, i!e shillings a "eek and e!ery day soup and a sand"ich. 4e's delighted "hen the *ermans come o!er "ith the bombs so that he can sleep "hile the pub is closed. At night he sleeps on the loor o the hall"ay upstairs. 4e "ill send his mother t"o pounds e!ery month and he's sa!ing the rest to bring her and the amily to +ngland "here they'll be much better o in one room in Crickle"ood than ten rooms in Arthur's :uay. 'he'll be able to get a -ob no bother./ou'd ha!e to be a sad case not to be able to get a -ob in a country that's at "ar especially "ith /anks pouring in and spending money right and le t. 2addy himsel is planning to get a -ob in the middle o &ondon "here /anks lea!e tips big enough to eed an Irish amily o si# or a "eek. Mrs. Clohessy says,1e ha!e enough money or ood and shoes at last, thanks be to *od and 4is Blessed Mother./ou'll ne!er guess "ho 2addy met o!er there in +ngland ourteen years o age an' "orkin' like a man. Brendan ;iely, the one ye used to call :uestion.1orkin' he is an' sa!in' so he can go an' -oin the Mounties an' ride all o!er Canada like )elson +ddy singin' I'll be callin' you ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh. I it "asn't or 4itler "e'd all be dead an' isn't that a terrible thing to say. And ho"'s your poor mother, Frankie5 'he's grand, Mrs. Clohessy. )o, she's not. I seen her in the %ispensary and she looks "orse than my %ennis did in the bed. /ou ha!e to mind your poor mother./ou look desperate too, Frankie, "ith them t"o red eyes starin' outa your head. 4ere's a little tip or you.Thruppence. Buy yoursel a s"eet.

I "ill, Mrs. Clohessy. %o. At the end o the "eek Mrs. 0'Connell hands me the irst "ages o my li e, a pound, my irst pound. I run do"n the stairs and up to 0'Connell 'treet, the main street, "here the lights are on and people are going home rom "ork, people like me "ith "ages in their pockets. I "ant them to kno" I'm like them, I'm a man, I ha!e a pound. I "alk up one side o 0'Connell 'treet and do"n the other and hope they'll notice me.They don't. I "ant to "a!e my pound note at the "orld so they'll say,There he goes, Frankie McCourt the "orkingman, "ith a pound in his pocket. It's Friday night and I can do anything I like. I can ha!e ish and chips and go to the &yric Cinema. )o, no more &yric. I don't ha!e to sit up in the gods anymore "ith people all around me cheering on the Indians killing *eneral Custer and the A ricans chasing Tar(an all o!er the -ungle. I can go to the 'a!oy Cinema no", pay si#pence or a seat do"n ront "here there's a better class o people eating bo#es o chocolates and co!ering their mouths "hen they laugh. A ter the ilm I can ha!e tea and buns in the restaurant upstairs. Michael is across the street calling me. 4e's hungry and "onders i there's any chance he could go to The Abbot's or a bit o bread and stay there or the night instead o going all the "ay to &aman *ri in's. I tell him he doesn't ha!e to "orry about a bit o bread.1e'll go to the Coliseum Ca D and ha!e ish and chips, all he "ants, lemonade galore, and then "e'll go to see /ankee %oodle %andy "ith 8ames Cagney and eat t"o big bars o chocolate.A ter the ilm "e ha!e tea and buns and "e sing and dance like Cagney all the "ay to The Abbot's. Michael says it must be great to be in America "here people ha!e nothing else to do but sing and dance. 4e's hal asleep but he says he's going there some day to sing and dance and "ould I help him go and "hen he's asleep I start thinking about America and ho" I ha!e to sa!e money or my are instead o s.uandering it on ish and chips and tea and buns. I'll ha!e to sa!e a e" shillings rom my pound because i I don't I'll be in &imerick ore!er. I'm ourteen no" and i I sa!e something e!ery "eek surely I should be able to go to America by the time I'm t"enty. There are telegrams or o ices, shops, actories "here there's no hope o a tip. Clerks take the telegrams "ithout a look at you or a thank you. There are telegrams or the respectable people "ith maids along the +nnis $oad and the )orth Circular $oad "here there's no hope o a tip. Maids are like clerks, they don't look at you or say thank you. There are telegrams or the houses o priests and nuns and they ha!e maids, too, e!en i they say po!erty is noble. I you "aited or tips rom priests or nuns you'd die on their doorstep.There are telegrams or people miles outside the city, armers "ith muddy yards and dogs "ho "ant to eat your legs.There are telegrams or rich people in big houses "ith gate lodges and miles o land surrounded by "alls.The gatekeeper "a!es you in and you ha!e to cycle or miles up long dri!es past la"ns, lo"er beds, ountains to reach the big house. I the "eather is ine people are playing cro.uet, the 2rotestant game, or strolling around, talking and laughing, all decked out in lo"ery dresses and bla(ers "ith crests and golden buttons and you'd ne!er kno" there "as a "ar on.There are Bentleys and $olls,$oyces parked outside the great ront door "here a maid tells you go around to the ser!ants' entrance don't you kno" any better. 2eople in the big houses ha!e +nglish accents and they don't tip telegram boys. The best people or tips are "ido"s, 2rotestant ministers' "i!es and the poor in general.1ido"s kno" "hen the telegram money order is due rom the +nglish go!ernment and they "ait by the "indo"./ou ha!e to be care ul i they ask you in or a cup o tea because one o the temporary boys, 'cra"by &uby, said an old "ido" o thirty, i!e had him in or tea and tried to take do"n his pants and he had to run out o the house though he "as really tempted and had to go to con ession the ne#t 'aturday. 4e said it "as !ery a"k"ard hopping up on the bike "ith his thing sticking out but i you cycle !ery ast and think o the su erings o the 6irgin Mary you'll go so t in no time. 2rotestant ministers' "i!es "ould ne!er carry on like 'cra"by &uby's old "ido" unless they're "ido"s themsel!es. Christy 1allace, "ho is a permanent telegram boy and ready to be a postman any day, says

2rotestants don't care "hat they do e!en i they're ministers' "i!es. They're doomed any"ay, so "hat does it matter i they ha!e a bit o a romp "ith a telegram boy.All the telegram boys like 2rotestant ministers' "i!es. They might ha!e maids but they ans"er doors themsel!es and say, 0ne moment, please, and gi!e you si#pence. I'd like to talk to them and ask them ho" it eels to be doomed but they might get o ended and take back the si#pence. The Irishmen "orking in +ngland send their telegram money orders on Friday nights and all day 'aturday and that's "hen "e get the good tips.The minute "e deli!er one batch "e're out "ith another. The "orst lanes are in the Irishto"n, o 4igh 'treet or Mungret 'treet, "orse than $oden &ane or 0';ee e's &ane or any lane I li!ed in. There are lanes "ith channels running do"n the middle. Mothers stand at doors and yell gardyloo "hen they empty their slop buckets. Children make paper boats or loat matchbo#es "ith little sails on the greasy "ater. 1hen you ride into a lane the children call out, 4ere's the telegram boy, here's the telegram boy.They run to you and the "omen "ait at the door.I you gi!e a small child a telegram or his mother he's the hero o the amily. &ittle girls kno" they're supposed to "ait till the boys get their chance though they can get the telegram i they ha!e no brothers. 1omen at the door "ill call to you that they ha!e no money no" but i you're in this lane tomorro" knock on the door or your tip, *od bless you an' all belongin' to you. Mrs. 0'Connell and Miss Barry at the post o ice tell us e!ery day our -ob is to deli!er telegrams and nothing else.1e are not to be doing things or people, going to the shop or groceries or any other kind o message.They don't care i people are dying in the bed.They don't care i people are legless, lunatic or cra"ling on the loor.1e are to deli!er the telegram and that's all. Mrs. 0'Connell says, I kno" e!erything ye do, e!erything, or the people o &imerick ha!e their eye on ye and there are reports "hich I ha!e here in my dra"ers. A ine place to keep reports, says Toby Mackey under his breath. But Mrs. 0'Connell and Miss Barry don't kno" "hat it's like in the lane "hen you knock on a door and someone says come in and you go in and there's no light and there's a pile o rags on a bed in a corner the pile saying "ho is it and you say telegram and the pile o rags tells you "ould you e!er go to the shop or me I'm star!ing "ith the hunger and I'd gi!e me t"o eyes or a cup o tea and "hat are you going to do say I'm busy and ride o on your bike and lea!e the pile o rags there "ith a telegram money order that's pure useless because the pile o rags is helpless to get out o the bed to go to the post o ice to cash the bloody money order. 1hat are you supposed to do5 /ou're told ne!er ne!er go to the post o ice to cash one o those money orders or anyone or you'll lose your -ob ore!er. But "hat are you supposed to do "hen an old man that "as in the Boer 1ar hundreds o years ago says his legs are gone and he'd be ore!er grate ul i you'd go to 2addy Considine in the post o ice and tell him the situation and 2addy "ill surely cash the money order and keep t"o shillings or yoursel grand boy that you are. 2addy Considine says no bother but don't tell anyone or I'd be out on my arse and so "ould you, son.The old man rom the Boer 1ar says he kno"s you ha!e telegrams to deli!er no" but "ould you e!er come back tonight and maybe go to the shop or him or he doesn't ha!e a thing in the house and he's ree(ing on top o it. 4e sits in an old armchair in the corner co!ered "ith bits o blankets and a bucket behind the chair that stinks enough to make you sick and "hen you look at that old man in the dark corner you "ant to get a hose "ith hot "ater and strip him and "ash him do"n and gi!e him a big eed o rashers and eggs and mashed potatoes "ith loads o butter salt and onions. I "ant to take the man rom the Boer 1ar and the pile o rags in the bed and put them in a big sunny house in the country "ith birds chirping a"ay outside the "indo" and a stream gurgling. Mrs. 'pillane in 2ump &ane o Carey's $oad has t"o crippled t"in children "ith big blond heads, small bodies, and bits o legs that dangle o!er the edges o the chairs. They look into the ire all day and say, 1here's %addy5 They speak +nglish like e!erybody else but they babble a"ay to one another in a language they made up, 4ung sup

tea tea sup hung. Mrs. 'pillane says that means,1hen are "e getting our supper5 'he tells me she's lucky i her husband sends our pounds a month and she's beside hersel "ith the abuse she gets rom the %ispensary o!er him being in +ngland.The children are only our and they're !ery bright e!en i they can't "alk or take care o themsel!es. I they could "alk, i they "ere any "ay normal, she'd pack up and mo!e to +ngland out o this god orsaken country that ought so long or reedom and look at the state o us, %e 6alera in his mansion abo!e in %ublin the dirty oul' bastard and the rest o the politicians that can all go to hell, *od orgi!e me.The priests can go to hell too and I "on't ask *od to orgi!e me or saying the likes o that.There they are, the priests and the nuns telling us 8esus "as poor and 'tis no shame, lorries dri!ing up to their houses "ith crates and barrels o "hiskey and "ine, eggs galore and legs o ham and they telling us "hat "e should gi!e up or &ent. &ent, my arse.1hat are "e to gi!e up "hen "e ha!e &ent all year long5 I "ant to take Mrs. 'pillane and her t"o blond crippled children and put them in that house in the country "ith the pile o rags and the man rom the Boer 1ar and "ash e!eryone and let them all sit in the sun "ith the birds singing and the streams gurgling. I can't lea!e the pile o rags alone "ith a useless money order because the pile is an old "oman, Mrs. *ertrude %aly, all t"isted "ith e!ery class o disease you can get in a &imerick lane, arthritis, rheumatism, alling hair, a nostril hal gone rom her -abbing at it "ith her inger, and you "onder "hat kind o a "orld is it "hen this old "oman sits up rom the rags and smiles at you "ith teeth that gleam "hite in the dark, her o"n teeth and per ect. That's right, she says, me o"n teeth, and "hen I rot in the gra!e they'll ind me teeth a hundred years rom no" all "hite an' shiny an' I'll be declared a saint. The telegram money order, three pounds, is rom her son. It has a message, 4appy Birthday, Mammy, /our ond son, Teddy. 'he says, A "onder he can spare it, the little shit, trottin' around "ith e!ery tart in 2iccadilly. 'he asks i I'd e!er do her a a!or and cash the money order and get her a little Baby 2o"ers "hiskey at the pub, a loa o bread, a pound o lard, se!en potatoes, one or each day o the "eek.1ould I boil a potato or her, mash it up "ith a lump o lard, gi!e her a cut o bread, bring her a drop o "ater to go "ith the "hiskey5 1ould I go to 0'Connor the chemist or ointment or her sores and "hile I'm at it bring some soap so she can gi!e her body a good scrub and she'll be ore!er grate ul and say a prayer or me and here's a couple o shillings or all my troubles. Ah, no thanks, ma'am. Take the money. &ittle tip./ou did me great a!ors. I couldn't, ma'am, the "ay you are. Take the money or I'll tell the post o ice you're not to deli!er my telegram anymore. 0h, all right, ma'am.Thanks !ery much. *ood night, son. Be good to your mother. *ood night, Mrs. %aly. 'chool starts in 'eptember and some days Michael stops at The Abbot's be ore the "alk home to &aman *ri in's.0n rainy days he says,Can I stay here tonight5 and soon he doesn't "ant to go back to &aman *ri in's at all. 4e's "orn out and hungry "ith t"o miles out and t"o miles back. 1hen Mam comes looking or him I don't kno" "hat to say to her. I don't kno" ho" to look at her and I keep my eyes o to one side. 'he says, 4o"'s the -ob5 as i nothing e!er happened in &aman *ri in's and I say, *rand, as i nothing e!er happened in &aman *ri in's. I the rain is too hea!y or her to go home she stays in the small room upstairs "ith Alphie. 'he goes back to &aman's the ne#t day but Michael stays and soon she's mo!ing in hersel bit by bit till she stops going to &aman's altogether. The Abbot pays the rent e!ery "eek. Mam gets the relie and the ood dockets till someone in orms on her and she's cut o rom the %ispensary. 'he's told that i her son is bringing in a pound a "eek that's more than some amilies get on the dole and she should be grate ul he has a -ob. )o" I ha!e to hand o!er my "ages. Mam says,A pound5 Is that all you get or riding around in all kinds o "eather5 This "ould be our dollars in America. Four dollars.And you couldn't eed a cat or our dollars in )e" /ork. I you "ere deli!ering telegrams or 1estern 7nion in )e" /ork you'd be earning t"enty, i!e dollars a "eek and li!ing

in lu#ury. 'he al"ays translates Irish money into American so that she "on't orget and tries to con!ince e!eryone times "ere better o!er there. 'ome "eeks she lets me keep t"o shillings but i I go to a ilm or buy a secondhand book there's nothing le t, I "on't be able to sa!e or my are, and I'll be stuck in &imerick till I'm an old man o t"enty, i!e. Malachy "rites rom %ublin to say he's ed up and doesn't "ant to spend the rest o his li e blo"ing a trumpet in the army band. 4e's home in a "eek and complains "hen he has to share the big bed "ith Michael,Alphie and me. 4e had his o"n army cot up there in %ublin "ith sheets and blankets and a pillo". )o" he's back to o!ercoats and a bolster that sends up a cloud o eathers "hen you touch it. Mam says, 2ity about you. I'm sorry or your troubles. The Abbot has his o"n bed, and my mother has the small room. 1e're all together again, no &aman tormenting us. 1e make tea and ried bread and sit on the kitchen loor. The Abbot says you're not supposed to be sitting on kitchen loors, "hat are tables and chairs or5 4e tells Mam that Frankie is not right in the head and Mam says "e'll all catch our death rom the damp o the loor.1e sit on the loor and sing and Mam and The Abbot sit on chairs. 'he sings BAre /ou &onesome Tonight5B and the Abbot sings BThe $oad to $asheenB and "e still don't kno" "hat his song is about. 1e sit on the loor and tell stories about things that happened, things that ne!er happened and things that "ill happen "hen "e all go to America. There are slo" days at the post o ice and "e sit on the bench and talk. 1e can talk but "e are not to laugh.Miss Barry says "e should be grate ul "e're getting paid to sit there, bunch o idlers and streetboys that "e are,and that there is to be no laughing.*etting paid or sitting and chatting is no laughing matter and the irst titter out o any o us and out "e go till "e come to our senses and i the tittering continues "e'll be reported to the proper authorities. The boys talk about her under their breath.Toby Mackey says,1hat that oul' bitch needs is a good rub o' the relic, a good rub o' the brush. 4er mother "as a street"alking laghopper and her ather escaped rom a lunatic asylum "ith bunions on his balls and "arts on his "ank. There is laughing along the bench and Miss Barry calls to us, I "arned ye against the laughing.Mackey,"hat is it you're prattling about o!er there5 I said "e'd all be better o out in the resh air on this ine day deli!ering telegrams, Miss Barry. I'm sure you did,Mackey./our mouth is a la!atory.%id you hear me5 I did, Miss Barry. /ou ha!e been heard on the stairs, Mackey. /es, Miss Barry. 'hut up, Mackey. I "ill, Miss Barry. )ot another "ord, Mackey. )o, Miss Barry. I said shut up, Mackey. All right, Miss Barry. That's the end o it, Mackey. %on't try me. I "on't, Miss Barry. Mother o' *od gi!e me patience. /es, Miss Barry. Take the last "ord, Mackey.Take it, take it, take it. I "ill, Miss Barry. Toby Mackey is a temporary telegram boy like me. 4e sa" a ilm called The Front 2age and no" he "ants to go to America some day and be a tough ne"spaper reporter "ith a hat and a cigarette. 4e keeps a notebook in his pocket because a good reporter has to "rite do"n "hat happens. Facts. 4e has to "rite do"n acts not a lot o bloody poetry, "hich is all you hear in &imerick "ith men in pubs going on about our great su erings under the +nglish. Facts, Frankie. 4e "rites do"n the number o telegrams he deli!ers and ho" ar he tra!els.1e sit on the bench making sure "e don't laugh and he tells me that i "e deli!er orty telegrams a day that's t"o hundred a "eek and that's ten thousand a year and t"enty thousand in our t"o years at the -ob. I "e cycle one hundred and t"enty, i!e miles in a "eek that's thirteen thousand miles in t"o years and that's hal "ay around the "orld, Frankie, and no "onder there isn't a scrap o lesh on our arses. Toby says nobody kno"s &imerick like the telegram boy.1e kno" e!ery a!enue, road, street, terrace, me"s, place, close, lane. 8asus, says Toby, there isn't a door in &imerick "e don't kno".1e knock on all kinds o doors, iron, oak, ply"ood.T"enty thousand doors, Frankie.1e rap, kick, push.1e ring and bu(( bells.1e shout and "histle,Telegram boy, telegram boy.1e drop telegrams in letter bo#es, sho!e them under doors, thro" them o!er the transom.1e climb in "indo"s "here people are bedridden.1e ight o e!ery

dog "ho "ants to turn us into dinner./ou ne!er kno" "hat's going to happen "hen you hand people their telegrams.They laugh and sing and dance and cry and scream and all do"n in a "eakness and you "onder i they'll "ake up at all and gi!e you the tip.It's not a bit like deli!ering telegrams in America "here Mickey $ooney rides around in a ilm called The 4uman Comedy and people are pleasant and alling o!er themsel!es to gi!e you a tip, in!iting you in, gi!ing you a cup o tea and a bun. Toby Mackey says he has acts galore in his notebook and he doesn't gi!e a iddler's art about anything and that's the "ay I'd like to be mysel . Mrs. 0'Connell kno"s I like the country telegrams and i a day is sunny she gi!es me a batch o ten that "ill keep me a"ay all morning and I don't ha!e to return till a ter the dinner hour at noon.There are ine autumn days "hen the 'hannon sparkles and the ields are green and glinting "ith sil!er morning de". 'moke blo"s across ields and there's the s"eet smell o tur ires. Co"s and sheep gra(e in the ields and I "onder i these are the beasts the priest "as talking about. I "ouldn't be surprised because there's no end to the bulls climbing on co"s, rams on sheep, stallions on mares, and they all ha!e such big things it makes me break out in a s"eat to look at them and I eel sorry or all the emale creatures in the "orld "ho ha!e to su er like that though I "ouldn't mind being a bull mysel because they can do "hat they like and it's ne!er a sin or an animal. I "ouldn't mind going at mysel here but you ne!er kno" "hen a armer might come along the road dri!ing co"s and sheep to a air or to another ield raising his stick and bidding you, *ood day, young ella, grand morning, thank *od and 4is Blessed Mother. A armer that religious might be o ended i he sa" you breaking the 'i#th Commandment orninst his ield. 4orses like to stick their heads o!er ences and hedges to see "hat's passing by and I stop and talk to them because they ha!e big eyes and long noses that sho" ho" intelligent they are. 'ometimes t"o birds "ill be singing to each other across a ield and I ha!e to stop and listen to them and i I stay long enough more birds "ill -oin till e!ery tree and bush is ali!e "ith birdsong. I there's a stream gurgling under a bridge on the road, birds singing and co"s mooing and lambs baaing, that's better than any band in a ilm. The smell o dinner bacon and cabbage "a ting rom a armhouse makes me so "eak "ith the hunger I climb into a ield and stu mysel "ith blackberries or hal an hour. I stick my ace into the stream and drink icy "ater that's better than the lemonade in any ish and chip shop. 1hen I'm inished deli!ering the telegrams there's enough time to go to the ancient monastery gra!eyard "here my mother's relations are buried, the *uil oyles and the 'heehans, "here my mother "ants to be buried. I can see rom here the high ruins o Carrigogunnell Castle and there's plenty o time to cycle there, sit up on the highest "all, look at the 'hannon lo"ing out to the Atlantic on its "ay to America and dream o the day I'll be sailing o mysel . The boys at the post o ice tell me I'm lucky to get the Carmody amily telegram, a shilling tip, one o the biggest tips you'll e!er get in &imerick. 'o "hy am I getting it5 I'm the -unior boy. They say, 1ell, sometimes Theresa Carmody ans"ers the door.'he has the consumption and they're a raid o catching it rom her. 'he's se!enteen, in and out o the sanatorium, and she'll ne!er see eighteen.The boys at the post o ice say sick people like Theresa kno" there's little time le t and that makes them mad or lo!e and romance and e!erything. +!erything.That's "hat the consumption does to you, say the boys at the post o ice. I cycle through "et )o!ember streets thinking o that shilling tip, and as I turn into the Carmody street the bicycle slides out rom under me and I skid along the ground scraping my ace and tearing open the back o my hand.Theresa Carmody opens the door. 'he has red hair. 'he had green eyes like the ields beyond &imerick. 4er cheeks are bright pink and her skin is a ierce "hite. 'he says, 0h, you're all "et and bleeding. I skidded on my bike. Come in and I'll put something on your cuts. I "onder,'hould I go in5 I might get the consumption and that "ill be the end o me. I "ant to be ali!e "hen I'm i teen and I "ant the shilling tip. Come in./ou'll perish standing there. 'he puts on

the kettle or the tea.Then she dabs iodine on my cuts and I try to be a man and not "himper. 'he says, 0h, you're a great bit o a man. *o into the parlor and dry yoursel be ore the ire. &ook, "hy don't you take o your pants and dry them on the screen o the ire5 Ah, no. Ah, do. I "ill. I drape my pants o!er the screen. I sit there "atching the steam rise and I "atch mysel rise and I "orry she might come in and see me in my e#citement. There she is "ith a plate o bread and -am and t"o cups o tea.&ord, she says, you might be a scra"ny bit o a ello" but that's a ine boyo you ha!e there. 'he puts the plate and the cups on a table by the ire and there they stay.1ith her thumb and ore inger she takes the tip o my e#citement and leads me across the room to a green so a against the "all and all the time my head is illed "ith sin and iodine and ear o consumption and the shilling tip and her green eyes and she's on the so a don't stop or I'll die and she's crying and I'm crying or I don't kno" "hat's happening to me i I'm killing mysel catching consumption rom her mouth I'm riding to hea!en I'm alling o a cli and i this is a sin I don't gi!e a iddler's art. 1e take our ease on the so a a "hile till she says, %on't you ha!e more telegrams to deli!er5 and "hen "e sit up she gi!es a little cry, 0h, I'm bleeding. 1hat's up "ith you5 I think it's because it's the irst time. I tell her, 1ait a minute. I bring the bottle rom the kitchen and splash the iodine on her in-ury. 'he leaps rom the so a, dances around the parlor like a "ild one and runs into the kitchen to douse hersel "ith "ater.A ter she dries hersel she says, &ord, you're !ery innocent. /ou're not supposed to be pouring iodine on girls like that. I thought you "ere cut. For "eeks a ter that I deli!er the telegram. 'ometimes "e ha!e the e#citement on the so a but there are other days she has the cough and you can see the "eakness on her. 'he ne!er tells me she has the "eakness. 'he ne!er tells me she has the consumption.The boys at the post o ice say I must ha!e been ha!ing a great time "ith the shilling tip and Theresa Carmody. I ne!er tell them I stopped taking the shilling tip. I ne!er tell them about the green so a and the e#citement. I ne!er tell them o the pain that comes "hen she opens the door and I can see the "eakness on her and all I "ant to do then is make tea or her and sit "ith my arms around her on the green so a. 0ne 'aturday I'm told to deli!er the telegram to Theresa's mother at her -ob in 1ool"orth's. I try to be casual. Mrs. Carmody, I al"ays deli!er the telegram to your, I think your daughter,Theresa5 /es, she's in the hospital. Is she in the sanatorium5 I said she's in the hospital. 'he's like e!eryone else in &imerick, ashamed o the TB, and she doesn't gi!e me a shilling or any kind o tip. I cycle out to the sanatorium to see Theresa.They say you ha!e to be a relation and you ha!e to be adult. I tell them I'm her cousin and I'll be i teen in August.They tell me go a"ay. I cycle to the Franciscan church to pray or Theresa. 't. Francis, "ould you please talk to *od.Tell 4im it "asn't Theresa's ault. I could ha!e re used that telegram 'aturday a ter 'aturday.Tell *od Theresa "as not responsible or the e#citement on the so a because that's "hat the consumption does to you. It doesn't matter any"ay, 't. Francis, because I lo!e Theresa. I lo!e her as much as you lo!e any bird or beast or ish and "ill you tell *od take the consumption a"ay and I promise I'll ne!er go near her again. The ne#t 'aturday they gi!e me the Carmody telegram. From hal "ay up the street I can see the blinds are dra"n. I can see the black crepe "reath on the door. I can see the "hite purple,lined mourning card. I can see beyond the door and "alls "here Theresa and I tumbled naked and "ild on the green so a and I kno" no" she is in hell and all because o me. I slip the telegram under the door and cycle back do"n to the Franciscan church to beg or the repose o Theresa's soul. I pray to e!ery statue,to the stained glass "indo"s,the 'tations o the Cross.I s"ear I'll lead a li e o aith, hope and charity, po!erty, chastity and obedience. )e#t day, 'unday, I go to our Masses. I do the 'tations o the Cross three times. I say rosaries all day. I go "ithout ood and drink and "here!er I ind a .uiet place I cry and beg *od and the 6irgin Mary to ha!e mercy on the soul o Theresa Carmody. 0n Monday I ollo"

the uneral to the gra!eyard on my post o ice bicycle. I stand behind a tree a distance rom the gra!e. Mrs. Carmody "eeps and moans. Mr. Carmody snu les and looks pu((led.The priest recites the &atin prayers and sprinkles the co in "ith holy "ater. I "ant to go to the priest, to Mr. and Mrs. Carmody. I "ant to tell them ho" I'm the one "ho sent Theresa to hell.They can do "hate!er they like "ith me.Abuse me. $e!ile me.Thro" gra!e dirt at me. But I stay behind the tree till the mourners lea!e and the gra!e diggers ill in the gra!e. Frost is already "hitening the resh earth on the gra!e and I think o Theresa cold in the co in, the red hair, the green eyes. I can't understand the eelings going through me but I kno" that "ith all the people "ho died in my amily and all the people "ho died in the lanes around me and all the people "ho le t I ne!er had a pain like this in my heart and I hope I ne!er "ill again. It's getting dark. I "alk my bicycle out o the gra!eyard. I ha!e telegrams to deli!er. XVI Mrs. 0'Connell gi!es me telegrams to deli!er to Mr. 4arrington, the +nglishman "ith the dead "i e that "as born and bred in &imerick.The boys at the post o ice say sympathy telegrams are a "aste o time. 2eople -ust cry and moan "ith the grie and they think they're e#cused rom the tip.They'll ask you i you'd like to come in or a look at the departed and a prayer by the bed.That "ouldn't be so bad i they o ered you a drop o sherry and a ham sand"ich. 0h, no, they're happy to get your prayer but you're only a telegram boy and you're lucky i you get a dry biscuit. 0lder boys at the post o ice say you ha!e to play your cards right to get the grie tip. I you're asked in to say a prayer you ha!e to kneel by the corpse, gi!e a po"er ul sigh, bless yoursel , drop your orehead to the bedclothes so they "on't see your ace, let your shoulders shake like one collapsing "ith sorro", hold on to the bed "ith your t"o hands as i they're going to ha!e to tear you a"ay to deli!er the rest o your telegrams, make sure your cheeks are glinting "ith tears or the spit you dabbed on, and i you don't get a tip a ter all that push the ne#t batch o telegrams under the door or ire them o!er the transom and lea!e them to their grie . This isn't my irst time deli!ering telegrams to the 4arrington house. Mr. 4arrington is al"ays a"ay on business or the insurance company and Mrs. 4arrington is generous "ith the tip. But she's gone and Mr. 4arrington ans"ers the doorbell. 4is eyes are red and he sni les. 4e says, Are you Irish5 Irish5 1hat else "ould I be standing there on his doorstep in &imerick "ith a batch o telegrams in my hand5 I am, sir. 4e says, Come in. 2ut the telegrams on the hall stand. 4e shuts the hall door, locks it, puts the key in his pocket and I think,Aren't +nglishmen !ery peculiar. /ou'll "ant to see her, o course./ou'll "ant to see "hat you people ha!e done to her "ith your damn tuberculosis. $ace o ghouls. Follo" me. 4e leads me irst to the kitchen "here he picks up a plate o ham sand"iches and t"o bottles, and then upstairs. Mrs. 4arrington looks lo!ely in the bed, blond, pink, peace ul. This is my "i e.'he may be Irish but she doesn't look it,thank *od. &ike you. Irish./ou'll need a drink, o course./ou Irish .ua at e!ery turn. Barely "eaned be ore you clamor or the "hiskey bottle, the pint o stout./ou'll ha!e "hat, "hiskey, sherry5 Ah, a lemonade "ill be lo!ely. I am mourning my "i e not celebrating the bloody citrus./ou'll ha!e a sherry. '"ill rom bloody Catholic ascist 'pain. I gulp the sherry. 4e re ills my glass and goes to re ill his o"n "ith "hiskey.%amn.1hiskey all gone.'tay here.%o you hear me5 I'm going to the pub or another bottle o "hiskey. 'tay till I come back. %on't mo!e. I'm con used, di((y rom the sherry. I don't kno" "hat you're supposed to do "ith grie!ing +nglishmen. Mrs. 4arrington, you look lo!ely in the bed. But you're a 2rotestant, already doomed, in hell, like Theresa. 2riest said, 0utside the Church there is no sal!ation. 1ait, I might be able to sa!e your soul.Bapti(e you Catholic.Make up or "hat I did to Theresa. I'll get some "ater. 0h, *od, the door is locked.1hy5 Maybe you're not dead at all5 1atching me. Are you dead, Mrs. 4arrington5 I'm not a raid./our ace is icy. 0h, you're dead all right. I'll bapti(e you "ith sherry rom bloody Catholic ascist 'pain.

I bapti(e thee in the name o the Father, the 'on, the, 1hat the bloody hell are you doing5 *et o my "i e,you "retched 2apist t"it.1hat primiti!e 2addy ritual is this5 %id you touch her5 %id you5 I'll "ring your scra"ny neck. I, I,, 0i, 0i, speak +nglish, you scrap. I "as -ust, a little sherry to get her into hea!en. 4ea!en5 1e had hea!en, Ann, I, our daughter, +mily./ou'll ne!er lay your pink piggy eyes on her. 0h, Christ, I can't stand it. 4ere, more sherry. Ah, no, thanks. Ah, no thanks.That puny Celtic "hine./ou people lo!e your alcohol. 4elps you cra"l and "hine better. 0 course you "ant ood./ou ha!e the collapsed look o a star!ing 2addy. 4ere. 4am. +at. Ah, no thanks. Ah, no thanks. 'ay that again and I'll ram the ham up your arse. 4e "a!es a ham sand"ich at me, "ith the heel o his hand pushes it into my mouth. 4e collapses into a chair. 0h, *od, *od, "hat am I to do5 Must rest a moment. My stomach hea!es. I rush to the "indo", stick my head out and thro" up. 4e leaps rom the chair and charges me. /ou,you,*od blast you to hell,you !omited on my "i e's rosebush. 4e lunges at me, misses, alls to the loor. I climb out the "indo", hang on to the ledge. 4e's at the "indo", grabbing at my hands. I let go, drop to the rosebush, into the ham sand"ich and sherry I'!e -ust thro"n up. I'm pricked by rose thorns, stung, my ankle is t"isted. 4e's at the "indo",barking,Come back here,you Irish runt.4e'll report me to the post o ice. 4e hits me in the back "ith the "hiskey bottle, pleads,1ill you not "atch one hour "ith me5 4e pelts me "ith sherry glasses, "hiskey glasses, assorted ham sand"iches, items rom his "i e's dressing table, po"ders, creams, brushes. I climb on my bike and "obble through the streets o &imerick,di((y "ith sherry and pain. Mrs. 0'Connell attacks me, 'e!en telegrams, one address, and you're gone all day. I "as, I "as, /ou "as./ou "as. %runk is "hat you "as. %runk is "hat you are. $eeking. 0h, "e heard. That nice man rang, Mr. 4arrington, lo!ely +nglishman that sounds like 8ames Mason. &ets you in to say a prayer or his poor "i e and ne#t thing you're out the "indo" "ith the sherry and the ham./our poor mother.1hat she brought into the "orld. 4e made me eat the ham, drink the sherry. Made you5 8esus, that's a good one. Made you. Mr. 4arrington is a re ined +nglishman and there is no reason or him to lie and "e don't "ant your kind in this post o ice, people that can't keep their hands o the ham and sherry, so hand in your telegram pouch and bicycle or your days are done in this post o ice. But I need the -ob. I ha!e to sa!e and go to America. America. 'ad day "hen America lets in the likes o you. I hobble through the streets o &imerick. I'd like to go back and thro" a brick through Mr. 4arrington's "indo". )o. $espect or the dead. I'll go across the 'ars ield Bridge and out the ri!erbank "here I can lie do"n some"here in the bushes. I don't kno" ho" I can go home and tell my mother I lost my -ob. 4a!e to go home. 4a!e to tell her. Can't stay out the ri!erbank all night. 'he'd be rantic. Mam begs the post o ice to take me back.They say no.They ne!er heard the likes. Telegram boy mauling corpse. Telegram boy leeing scene "ith ham and sherry. 4e "ill ne!er set oot in the post o ice again. )o. 'he gets a letter rom the parish priest.Take the boy back, says the parish priest. 0h, yes, Father, indeed, says the post o ice. They'll let me stay till my si#teenth birthday, not a minute longer. Besides, says Mrs. 0'Connell, "hen you think o "hat the +nglish did to us or eight hundred years that man had no right to complain o!er a little ham and sherry. Compare a little ham and sherry to the *reat Famine and "here are you5 I my poor husband "as ali!e and I told him "hat you did he'd say you struck a blo", Frank McCourt, struck a blo". +!ery 'aturday morning I s"ear I'll go to con ession and tell the priest o my impure acts at home, on lonely boreens around &imerick "ith co"s and sheep ga"king, on the heights o Carrigogunnell "ith the "orld looking up. I'll tell him about Theresa Carmody and ho" I sent her to hell, and that "ill be the end o me, dri!en rom the Church. Theresa is a torment to me. +!ery time I deli!er a telegram to her street, e!ery time I pass the gra!eyard I eel the sin gro"ing in me like an abscess and i I don't go to con ession soon I'll be nothing but an abscess riding around on a bicycle "ith people pointing and telling each other, There he

is, there's Frankie McCourt, the dirty thing that sent Theresa Carmody to hell. I look at people going to Communion on 'undays, e!eryone in a state o grace, returning to their seats "ith *od in their mouths, peace ul, easy, ready to die at any moment and go straight to hea!en or go home to their rashers and eggs "ithout a "orry in the "orld. I'm "orn out rom being the "orst sinner in &imerick. I "ant to get rid o this sin and ha!e rashers and eggs and no guilt, no torment. I "ant to be ordinary. The priests tell us all the time that *od's mercy is in inite but ho" can any priest gi!e absolution to someone like me "ho deli!ers telegrams and "inds up in a state o e#citement on a green so a "ith a girl dying o the galloping consumption. I cycle all around &imerick "ith telegrams and stop at e!ery church. I ride rom $edemptorists to 8esuits to Augustinians to %ominicans to Franciscans. I kneel be ore the statue o 't. Francis o Assisi and beg him to help me but I think he's too disgusted "ith me. I kneel "ith people in the pe"s ne#t to con essionals but "hen my turn comes I can't breathe,my heart pounds,my orehead turns cold and clammy and I run rom the church. I s"ear I'll go to con ession at Christmas. I can't. +aster. I can't. 1eeks and months pass and it's a year since Theresa died. I'll go on her anni!ersary but I can't. I'm i teen no" and I pass churches "ithout stopping. I'll ha!e to "ait till I go to America "here there are priests like Bing Crosby in *oing My 1ay "ho "on't kick me out o the con essional like &imerick priests. I still ha!e the sin in me, the abscess, and I hope it doesn't kill me entirely be ore I see the American priest. There's a telegram or an old "oman, Mrs. Brigid Finucane. 'he says, 4o" old are you, by5 Fi teen and a hal , Mrs. Finucane. /oung enough to make a ool o yoursel and ould enough to kno" better.Are you shmart, by5 Are you any"ay intelligent5 I can read and "rite, Mrs. Finucane. Arrah, there are people abo!e in the lunatic asylum can read and "rite. Can you "rite a letter5 I can. 'he "ants me to "rite letters to her customers. I you need a suit or dress or your child you can go to her. 'he gi!es you a ticket to a shop and they gi!e you the clothes. 'he gets a discount and charges you the ull price and interest on top./ou pay her back "eekly. 'ome o her customers all behind in their payments and they need threatening letters. 'he says, I'll gi!e you threepence or e!ery letter you "rite and another threepence i it brings a payment. I you "ant the -ob come here on Thursday and Friday nights, and bring your o"n paper and en!elopes. I'm desperate or that -ob. I "ant to go to America. But I ha!e no money or paper and en!elopes. )e#t day I'm deli!ering a telegram to 1ool"orth's and there is the ans"er,a "hole section packed "ith paper and en!elopes. I ha!e no money so I ha!e to help mysel . But ho"5 T"o dogs sa!e the day or me, t"o dogs at the door o 1ool"orth's stuck together a ter the e#citement.They yelp and run in circles. Customers and sales clerks giggle and pretend to be looking someplace else and "hile they're busy pretending I slip paper and en!elopes under my s"eater, out the door and o on my bike ar rom stuck dogs. Mrs. Finucane looks suspicious. That's !ery ancy stationery you ha!e there, by. Is that your mother's5 /ou'll gi!e that back "hen you get the money, "on't you, by5 0h, I "ill. From no" on I'm ne!er to come to her ront door.There's a lane behind her house and I'm to come in the back door or ear someone might see me. In a large ledger she gi!es me the names and addresses o si# customers behind in their payments.Threaten 'em, by. Frighten the li e out o 'em. My irst letter, %ear Mrs. 0'Brien, Inasmuch as you ha!e not seen it to pay me "hat you o"e me I may be orced to resort to legal action.There's your son, Michael, parading around the "orld in his ne" suit "hich I paid or "hile I mysel ha!e barely a crust to keep body and soul together. I am sure you don't "ant to languish in the dungeons o &imerick -ail ar rom riends and amily. I remain, yours in litigious anticipation, Mrs. Brigid Finucane 'he tells me,That's a po"er ul letter, by, better than anything you'd read in the &imerick &eader. That "ord, inasmuch, that's a holy terror o a "ord.1hat does it mean5 I think it means this is your last chance. I "rite i!e more letters and she gi!es

me money or stamps. 0n my "ay to the post o ice I think,1hy should I s.uander money on stamps "hen I ha!e t"o legs to deli!er the letters mysel in the dead o night5 1hen you're poor a threatening letter is a threatening letter no matter ho" it comes in the door. I run through the lanes o &imerick sho!ing letters under doors, praying no one "ill see me. The ne#t "eek Mrs. Finucane is s.uealing "ith -oy. Four o 'em paid. 0h, sit do"n no" and "rite more, by. 2ut the ear o *od in 'em. 1eek a ter "eek my threatening letters gro" sharper and sharper. I begin to thro" in "ords I hardly understand mysel . %ear Mrs. 0'Brien, Inasmuch as you ha!e not succumbed to the imminence o litigation in our pre!ious epistle be ad!ised that "e are in consultation "ith our barrister abo!e in %ublin. )e#t "eek Mrs. 0'Brien pays. 'he came in tremblin' "ith tears in her eyes, by, and she promised she'd ne!er miss another payment. 0n Friday nights Mrs. Finucane sends me to a pub or a bottle o sherry./ou're too young or sherry, by./ou can make yoursel a nice cup o tea but you ha!e to use the tea lea!es le t o!er rom this morning.)o, you can't ha!e a piece o bread "ith the prices they're charging. Bread is it5 )e#t thing you'll be asking or an egg. 'he rocks by the ire, sipping her sherry, counting the money in the purse on her lap, entering payments in her ledger be ore she locks e!erything in the trunk under her bed upstairs.A ter a e" sherries she tells me "hat a lo!ely thing it is to ha!e a little money so you can lea!e it to the Church or Masses to be said or the repose o your soul. It makes her so happy to think o priests saying Masses or her years and years a ter she's dead and buried. 'ometimes she alls asleep and i the purse drops to the loor I help mysel to an e#tra e" shillings or the o!ertime and the use o all the big ne" "ords.There "ill be less money or the priests and their Masses but ho" many Masses does a soul need and surely I'm entitled to a e" pounds a ter the "ay the Church slammed doors in my ace5 They "ouldn't let me be an altar boy, a secondary school pupil, a missionary "ith the 1hite Fathers. I don't care. I ha!e a post o ice sa!ings account and i I keep "riting success ul threatening letters, helping mysel to the odd e" shillings rom her purse and keeping the stamp money, I'll ha!e my escape money to America. I my "hole amily dropped rom the hunger I "ouldn't touch this money in the post o ice. 0 ten I ha!e to "rite threatening letters to neighbors and riends o my mother and I "orry they might disco!er me.They complain to Mam,That oul' bitch, Finucane, belo" in Irishto"n, sent me a threatening letter.1hat kind o a demon outa hell "ould torment her o"n kind "ith a class o a letter that I can't make head nor tail o any"ay "ith "ords ne!er heard on land or sea.The person that "ould "rite that letter is "orse than 8udas or any in ormer or the +nglish. My mother says anyone that "rites such letters should be boiled in oil and ha!e his ingernails pulled out by blind people. I'm sorry or their troubles but there's no other "ay or me to sa!e the money or America. I kno" that someday I'll be a rich /ank and send home hundreds o dollars and my amily "ill ne!er ha!e to "orry about threatening letters again. 'ome o the temporary telegram boys are taking the permanent e#am in August.Mrs.0'Connell says,/ou should take that e#am,Frank McCourt. /ou ha!e a bit o a brain in your head and you'd pass it no bother./ou'd be a postman in no time and a great help to your poor mother. Mam says I should take it, too, become a postman, sa!e up, go to America and be a postman o!er there and "ouldn't that be a lo!ely li e. I'm deli!ering a telegram to 'outh's pub on a 'aturday and 7ncle 2a ;eating is sitting there, all black as usual. 4e says, 4a!e a lemonade there, Frankie, or is it a pint you "ant no" that you're near si#teen5 &emonade, 7ncle 2a, thanks. /ou'll "ant your irst pint the day you're si#teen, "on't you5 I "ill but my ather "on't be here to get it or me. %on't "orry about that. I kno" 'tis not the same "ithout your ather but I'll get you the irst pint. 'Tis "hat I'd do i I had a son. Come here the night be ore you're si#teen. I "ill, 7ncle 2a. I hear you're taking that e#am or the post o ice5 I am. 1hy "ould you do a thing like that5 'Tis a good -ob and I'd be a postman in no time and it has the pension. Ah, pension my

arse. 'i#teen years o age an' talking about the pension. Is it coddin' me you are5 %o you hear "hat I said, Frankie5 2ension my arse. I you pass the e#am you'll stay in the post o ice nice and secure the rest o your li e./ou'll marry a Brigid and ha!e i!e little Catholics and gro" little roses in your garden./ou'll be dead in your head be ore you're thirty and dried in your ballocks the year be ore. Make up your o"n bloody mind and to hell "ith the sa eshots and the begrudgers. %o you hear me, Frankie McCourt5 I do, 7ncle 2a.That's "hat Mr. 0'4alloran said. 1hat did he say5 Make up your o"n mind. True or Mr. 0'4alloran. 'Tis your li e, make your o"n decisions and to hell "ith the begrudgers, Frankie. In the heel o' the hunt you'll be going to America any"ay, "on't you5 I "ill, 7ncle 2a. The day o the e#am I'm e#cused rom "ork.There's a sign in an o ice "indo" on 0'Connell 'treet, 'MA$T B0/ 1A)T+%, )+AT 4A)%1$ITI)*, *00% AT '7M', A22&/ 4+$+ T0 MA)A*+$, M$. MCCAFF$+/, +A'0)' &T%. I stand outside the place o the e#am, the house o the &imerick 2rotestant /oung Men's Association.There are boys rom all o!er &imerick climbing the steps to take the e#am and a man at the door is handing them sheets o paper and pencils and barking at them to hurry up, hurry up. I look at the man at the door, I think o 7ncle 2a ;eating and "hat he said, I think o the sign in +asons' o ice, 'MA$T B0/ 1A)T+%. I don't "ant to go in that door and pass that e#am or i I do I'll be a permanent telegram boy "ith a uni orm, then a postman, then a clerk selling stamps or the rest o my li e. I'll be in &imerick ore!er, gro"ing roses "ith my head dead and my ballocks all dried up. The man at the door says,/ou, are you coming in here or are you goin' to stand there "ith your ace hanging out5 I "ant to say to the man, ;iss my arse, but I still ha!e a e" "eeks le t in the post o ice and he might report me. I shake my head and "alk up the street "here a smart boy is "anted. The manager,Mr.McCa rey,says,I "ould like to see a specimen o your hand"riting, to see, in short, i you ha!e a decent ist. 'it do"n there at that table. 1rite your name and address and "rite me a paragraph e#plaining "hy you came here or this -ob and ho" you propose to rise in the ranks o +ason and 'on, &td., by dint o perse!erance and assiduity "here there is great opportunity in this company or a boy that "ill keep his eye on the guidon ahead and guard his lanks rom the siren call o sin. I "rite, Frank McCourt, I &ittle Barrington 'treet, &imerick City, County &imerick, Ireland I am applying or this -ob so that I can rise to the highest ranks o +asons &td., by dint o perse!erance and assadooty kno"ing that i I keep my eyes ahead and protect my lanks I'll be sa e rom all temptation and a credit to +asons and Ireland in general. 1hat's this5 says Mr. McCa rey. %o "e ha!e here a t"isting o the truth5 I don't kno", Mr. McCa rey. &ittle Barrington 'treet.That's a lane.1hy are you calling it a street5 /ou li!e in a lane, not a street. They call it a street, Mr. McCa rey. %on't be getting abo!e yoursel , boy. 0h, I "ouldn't, Mr. McCa rey. /ou li!e in a lane and that means you ha!e no"here to go but up. %o you understand that, McCourt5 I do, sir. /ou ha!e to "ork your "ay out o the lane, McCourt. I do, Mr. McCa rey. /ou ha!e the cut and -ib o a lane boy, McCourt. /es, Mr. McCa rey. /ou ha!e the look o the lane all o!er you. All o!er you rom poll to toe cap. %on't try to ool the populace, McCourt./ou'd ha!e to rise early in the morning to ool the likes o me. 0h, I "ouldn't, Mr. McCa rey. Then there's the eyes.6ery sore eyes you ha!e there. Can you see5 I can, Mr. McCa rey. /ou can read and "rite but can you do addition and subtraction5 I can, Mr. McCa rey. 1ell, I don't kno" "hat the policy is on sore eyes. I "ould ha!e to ring %ublin and see "here they stand on sore eyes. But your "riting is clear, McCourt.A good ist.1e'll take you on pending the decision on the sore eyes. Monday morning. 4al si# at the rail"ay station. In the morning5 In the morning.1e don't gi!e out the bloody morning papers at night, do "e5 )o, Mr. McCa rey. Another thing.1e distribute The Irish Times, a 2rotestant paper, run by the reemasons in %ublin.1e pick it up at the rail"ay station.1e count it.1e take it to the ne"sagents. But "e don't read it. I don't "ant to see you reading it./ou could lose the Faith and by the look o

those eyes you could lose your sight. %o you hear me, McCourt5 I do, Mr. McCa rey. )o IrishTimes, and "hen you come in ne#t "eek I'll tell you about all the +nglish ilth you're not to read in this o ice. %o you hear me5 I do, Mr. McCa rey. Mrs. 0'Connell has the tight mouth and she "on't look at me. 'he says to Miss Barry, I hear a certain upstart rom the lanes "alked a"ay rom the post o ice e#am.Too good or it, I suppose. True or you, says Miss Barry. Too good or us, I suppose. True or you. %o you think he'd e!er tell us "hy he didn't take the e#am5 0h, he might, says Miss Barry, i "e "ent do"n on our t"o knees. I tell her, I "ant to go to America, Mrs. 0'Connell. %id you hear that, Miss Barry5 I did, indeed, Mrs. 0'Connell. 4e spoke. 4e did, indeed. 4e "ill rue the day, Miss Barry. $ue he "ill, Mrs. 0'Connell. Mrs. 0'Connell talks past me to the boys "aiting on the bench or their telegrams,This is Frankie McCourt "ho thinks he's too good or the post o ice. I don't think that, Mrs. 0'Connell. And "ho asked you to open your gob, Mr. 4igh and Mighty5 Too grand or us, isn't he, boys5 4e is, Mrs. 0'Connell. And a ter all "e did or him, gi!ing him the telegrams "ith the good tips, sending him to the country on ine days, taking him back a ter his disgrace ul beha!ior "ith Mr. 4arrington, the +nglishman, disrespecting the body o poor Mrs.4arrington,stu ing himsel "ith ham sand"iches, getting luthered drunk on sherry, -umping out the "indo" and destroying e!ery rosebush in sight, coming in here three sheets to the "ind, and "ho kno"s "hat else he did deli!ering telegrams or t"o years, "ho kno"s indeed, though "e ha!e a good idea, don't "e, Miss Barry5 1e do, Mrs. 0'Connell, though 't"ouldn't be a it sub-ect to be talking about. 'he "hispers to Miss Barry and they look at me and shake their heads. A disgrace he is to Ireland and his poor mother. I hope she ne!er inds out. But "hat "ould you e#pect o one born in America and his ather rom the )orth.1e put up "ith all that and still took him back. 'he keeps talking past me again to the boys on the bench. *oing to "ork or +asons he is, "orking or that pack o reemasons and 2rotestants abo!e in %ublin.Too good or the post o ice but ready and "illing to deli!er all kinds o ilthy +nglish maga(ines all o!er &imerick.+!ery maga(ine he touches "ill be a mortal sin.But he's lea!ing no", so he is, and a sorry day it is or his poor mother that prayed or a son "ith a pension to take care o her in her latter days. 'o here, take your "ages and go rom the sight o us. Miss Barry says, 4e's a bad boy, isn't he, boys5 4e is, Miss Barry. I don't kno" "hat to say. I don't kno" "hat I did "rong. 'hould I say I'm sorry5 *ood,bye5 I lay my belt and pouch on Mrs. 0'Connell's desk. 'he glares at me, *o on. *o to your -ob at +asons. *o rom us. )e#t boy, come up or your telegrams. They're back at "ork and I'm do"n the stairs to the ne#t part o my li e. XVII I don't kno" "hy Mrs.0'Connell had to shame me be ore the "hole "orld,and I don't think I'm too good or the post o ice or anything else. 4o" could I "ith my hair sticking up,pimples dotting my ace,my eyes red and oo(ing yello", my teeth crumbling "ith the rot, no shoulders, no lesh on my arse a ter cycling thirteen thousand miles to deli!er t"enty thousand telegrams to e!ery door in &imerick and regions beyond5 Mrs. 0'Connell said a long time ago she kne" e!erything about e!ery telegram boy. 'he must kno" about the times I "ent at mysel on top o Carrigogunnell, milkmaids ga"king, little boys looking up. 'he must kno" about Theresa Carmody and the green so a, ho" I got her into a state o sin and sent her to hell, the "orst sin o all, "orse than Carrigogunnell a thousand times. 'he must kno" I ne!er "ent to con ession a ter Theresa, that I'm doomed to hell mysel . A person that commits a sin like that is ne!er too good or the post o ice or anything else. The barman at 'outh's remembers me rom the time I sat "ith Mr. 4annon, Bill *al!in, 7ncle 2a ;eating, black "hite black. 4e remembers my ather, ho" he spent his "ages and his dole "hile singing patriotic songs and making speeches rom the dock like a condemned rebel. And "hat is it you'd like5 says the barman. I'm here to meet 7ncle 2a ;eating and ha!e my irst pint. 0h, begod, is that a act5 4e'll be here in a minute and

sure there's no reason "hy I shouldn't dra" his pint and maybe dra" your irst pint, is there no"5 There isn't, sir. 7ncle 2a comes in and tells me sit ne#t to him against the "all.The barman brings the pints, 7ncle 2a pays, li ts his glass, tells the men in the pub,This is my nephe", Frankie McCourt, son o Angela 'heehan, the sister o my "i e, ha!ing his irst pint, here's to your health and long li e, Frankie, may you li!e to en-oy the pint but not too much. The men li t their pints, nod, drink, and there are creamy lines on their lips and mustaches. I take a great gulp o my pint and 7ncle 2a tells me, 'lo" do"n or the lo!e o' 8asus, don't drink it all, there's more "here that came rom as long as the *uinness amily stays strong and healthy. I tell him I "ant to stand him a pint "ith my last "ages rom the post o ice but he says, )o, take the money home to your mother and you can stand me a pint "hen you come home rom America lushed "ith success and the heat rom a blonde hanging on your arm. The men in the pub are talking about the terrible state o the "orld and ho" in *od's name 4ermann *oering escaped the hangman an hour be ore the hanging. The /anks are o!er there in )uremberg declaring they don't kno" ho" the )a(i bastard hid that pill.1as it in his ear5 7p his nostril5 7p his arse5 'urely the /anks looked in e!ery hole and cranny o e!ery )a(i they captured and still 4ermann "iped their eye.There you are. It sho"s you can sail across the Atlantic, land in )ormandy, bomb *ermany o the ace o the earth, but "hen all's said and done they can't ind a little pill planted in the ar reaches o *oering's at arse. 7ncle 2a buys me another pint. It's harder to drink because it ills me and makes my belly bulge.The men are talking about concentration camps and the poor 8e"s that ne!er harmed a soul, men, "omen, children crammed into o!ens, children, mind you, "hat harm could they do, little shoes scattered e!ery"here, crammed in, and the pub is misty and the !oices ading in and out. 7ncle 2a says, Are you all right5 /ou're as "hite as a sheet. 4e takes me to the la!atory and the t"o o us ha!e a good long piss against the "all "hich keeps mo!ing back and orth. I can't go into the pub again, cigarette smoke, stale *uinness, *oering's at arse, small shoes scattered, can't go in again, good night, 7ncle 2a, thanks, and he tells me go straight home to my mother, straight home, oh, he doesn't kno" about the e#citement in the lo t or the e#citement on the green so a or me in such a state o doom that i I died no" I'd be in hell in a "ink. 7ncle 2a goes back to his pint. I'm out on 0'Connell 'treet and "hy shouldn't I take the e" steps to the 8esuits and tell all my sins this last night I'll be i teen.I ring the bell at the priests'house and a big man ans"ers,/es5 I tell him, I "ant to go to con ession, Father. 4e says, I'm not a priest. %on't call me ather. I'm a brother. All right, Brother. I "ant to go to con ession be ore I'm si#teen tomorro". 'tate o' grace on my birthday. 4e says, *o a"ay./ou're drunk. Child like you drunk as a lord ringing or a priest at this hour. *o a"ay or I'll call the guards. Ah, don't.Ah, don't. I only "ant to go to con ession. I'm doomed. /ou're drunk and you're not in a proper spirit o repentance. 4e closes the door in my ace.Another door closed in the ace, but I'm si#teen tomorro" and I ring again. The brother opens the door, s"ings me around, kicks my arse and sends me tripping do"n the steps. 4e says, $ing this bell again and I'll break your hand. 8esuit brothers are not supposed to talk like that.They're supposed to be like 0ur &ord, not "alking the "orld threatening people's hands. I'm di((y. I'll go home to bed. I hold on to railings along Barrington 'treet and keep to the "all going do"n the lane. Mam is by the ire smoking a 1oodbine, my brothers upstairs in the bed. 'he says,That's a nice state to come home in. It's hard to talk but I tell her I had my irst pint "ith 7ncle 2a. )o ather to get me the irst pint. /our 7ncle 2a should kno" better. I stagger to a chair and she says, 8ust like your ather. I try to control the "ay my tongue mo!es in my mouth. I'd rather be, I'd rather, rather be like my ather than &aman *ri in. 'he turns a"ay rom me and looks into the ashes in the range but I "on't lea!e her alone because I had my pint, t"o pints, and I'm si#teen tomorro", a man. %id you hear me5 I'd rather be like my ather than &aman

*ri in. 'he stands up and aces me. Mind your tongue, she says. Mind your o"n bloody tongue. %on't talk to me like that. I'm your mother. I'll talk to you any bloody "ay I like. /ou ha!e a mouth like a messenger boy. %o I5 %o I5 1ell, I'd rather be a messenger boy than the likes o &aman *ri in oul' drunkard "ith the snotty nose and his lo t and people climbing up there "ith him. 'he "alks a"ay rom me and I ollo" her upstairs to the small room. 'he turns, &ea!e me alone, lea!e me alone, and I keep barking at her, &aman *ri in, &aman *ri in, till she pushes me, *et out o this room, and I slap her on the cheek so that tears -ump in her eyes and there's a small "himpering sound rom her,/ou'll ne!er ha!e the chance to do that again, and I back a"ay rom her because there's another sin on my long list and I'm ashamed o mysel . I all into my bed, clothes and all, and "ake up in the middle o the night puking on my pillo", my brothers complaining o the stink, telling me clean up, I'm a disgrace. I hear my mother crying and I "ant to tell her I'm sorry but "hy should I a ter "hat she did "ith &aman *ri in. In the morning my small brothers are gone to school, Malachy is out looking or a -ob, Mam is at the ire drinking tea. I place my "ages on the table by her elbo" and turn to go. 'he says, %o you "ant a cup o tea5 )o. 'Tis your birthday. I don't care. 'he calls up the lane a ter me,/ou should ha!e something in your stomach, but I gi!e her my back and turn the corner "ithout ans"ering. I still "ant to tell her I'm sorry but i I do I'll "ant to tell her she's the cause o it all, that she should not ha!e climbed to the lo t that night and I don't gi!e a iddler's art any"ay because I'm still "riting threatening letters or Mrs. Finucane and sa!ing to go to America. I ha!e the "hole day be ore I go to Mrs. Finucane to "rite the threatening letters and I "ander do"n 4enry 'treet till the rain dri!es me into the Franciscan church "here 't. Francis stands "ith his birds and lambs. I look at him and "onder "hy I e!er prayed to him. )o, I didn't pray, I begged. I begged him to intercede or Theresa Carmody but he ne!er did a thing, stood up there on his pedestal "ith the little smile, the birds, the lambs, and didn't gi!e a iddler's art about Theresa or me. I'm inished "ith you, 't. Francis. Mo!ing on. Francis. I don't kno" "hy they e!er ga!e me that name. I'd be better o i they called me Malachy, one a king, the other a great saint. 1hy didn't you heal Theresa5 1hy did you let her go to hell5 /ou let my mother climb to the lo t./ou let me get into a state o doom. &ittle children's shoes scattered in concentration camps. I ha!e the abscess again. It's in my chest and I'm hungry. 't. Francis is no help, he "on't stop the tears bursting out o my t"o eyes, the sni ling and choking and the *od oh *ods that ha!e me on my knees "ith my head on the back o the pe" be ore me and I'm so "eak "ith the hunger and the crying I could all on the loor and "ould you please help me *od or 't. Francis because I'm si#teen today and I hit my mother and sent Theresa to hell and "anked all o!er &imerick and the county beyond and I dread the millstone around my neck. There is an arm around my shoulders, a bro"n robe, click o black rosary beads, a Franciscan priest. My child, my child, my child. I'm a child and I lean against him, little Frankie on his ather's lap, tell me all about Cuchulain, %ad, my story that Malachy can't ha!e or Freddie &eibo"it( on the s"ings. My child, sit here "ith me.Tell me "hat troubles you. 0nly i you "ant to. I am Father *regory. I'm si#teen today, Father. 0h, lo!ely, lo!ely, and "hy should that be a trouble to you5 I drank my irst pint last night. /es5 I hit my mother. *od help us, my child. But 4e "ill orgi!e you. Is there anything else5 I can't tell you, Father. 1ould you like to go to con ession5 I can't, Father. I did terrible things. *od orgi!es all "ho repent. 4e sent 4is only Belo!ed 'on to die or us. I can't tell, Father. I can't. But you could tell 't. Francis, couldn't you5 4e doesn't help me anymore. But you lo!e him, don't you5 I do. My name is Francis. Then tell him.1e'll sit here and you'll tell him the things that trouble you. I I sit and listen it "ill only be a pair o ears or 't. Francis and 0ur &ord.1on't that help5 I talk to 't. Francis and tell him about Margaret, 0li!er, +ugene, my ather singing $oddy McCorley and bringing

home no money, my ather sending no money rom +ngland, Theresa and the green so a, my terrible sins on Carrigogunnell, "hy couldn't they hang 4ermann *oering or "hat he did to the little children "ith shoes scattered around concentration camps, the Christian Brother "ho closed the door in my ace, the time they "ouldn't let me be an altar boy, my small brother Michael "alking up the lane "ith the broken shoe clacking, my bad eyes that I'm ashamed o , the 8esuit brother "ho closed the door in my ace, the tears in Mam's eyes "hen I slapped her. Father *regory says, 1ould you like to sit and be silent, perhaps pray a e" minutes5 4is bro"n robe is rough against my cheek and there's a smell o soap. 4e looks at 't. Francis and the tabernacle and nods and I suppose he's talking to *od.Then he tells me kneel, gi!es me absolution, tells me say three 4ail Marys, three 0ur Fathers, three *lory Bes. 4e tells me *od orgi!es me and I must orgi!e mysel , that *od lo!es me and I must lo!e mysel or only "hen you lo!e *od in yoursel can you lo!e all *od's creatures. But I "ant to kno" about Theresa Carmody in hell, Father. )o, my child. 'he is surely in hea!en. 'he su ered like the martyrs in olden times and *od kno"s that's penance enough./ou can be sure the sisters in the hospital didn't let her die "ithout a priest. Are you sure, Father5 I am, my child. 4e blesses me again, asks me to pray or him, and I'm happy trotting through the rainy streets o &imerick kno"ing Theresa is in hea!en "ith the cough gone. Monday morning and it's da"n in the rail"ay station. )e"spapers and maga(ines are piled in bundles along the plat orm "all. Mr. McCa rey is there "ith another boy,1illie 4arold, cutting the t"ine on the bundles, counting, entering the count in a ledger. +nglish ne"spapers and The Irish Times ha!e to be deli!ered early, maga(ines later in the morning. 1e count out the papers and label them or deli!ery to shops around the city. Mr. McCa rey dri!es the !an and stays at the "heel "hile 1illie and I run into shops "ith bundles and take orders or the ne#t day,add or drop in the ledger.A ter the papers are deli!ered "e unload the maga(ines at the o ice and go home to break ast or i ty minutes. 1hen I return to the o ice there are t"o other boys, +amon and 2eter, already sorting maga(ines, counting and stu ing them into ne"s agents' bo#es along the "all. 'mall orders are deli!ered by *erry 4al!ey on his messenger bicycle, big orders in the !an. Mr. McCa rey tells me stay in the o ice so that I can learn to count maga(ines and enter them in the ledger.The minute Mr. McCa rey lea!es +amon and 2eter pull out a dra"er "here they hide cigarette butts and light up. They can't belie!e I don't smoke. They "ant to kno" i there's something "rong "ith me, the bad eyes or the consumption maybe. 4o" can you go out "ith a girl i you don't smoke5 2eter says, 1ouldn't you be a right ee-it i you "ere going out the road "ith the girl and she asked you or a ag and you said you didn't smoke, "ouldn't you be a right ee-it then5 4o" "ould you e!er get her into a ield or a bit o a eel5 +amon says, 'Tis "hat my ather says about men "ho don't drink, they're not to be trusted. 2eter says i you ind a man that "on't drink or smoke that's a man that's not e!en interested in girls and you'd "ant to keep your hand o!er the hole o your arse, that's "hat you'd "ant to be doing. They laugh and that brings on the cough and the more they laugh the more they cough till they're holding on to one another banging one another bet"een the shoulder blades and "iping tears rom their cheeks.1hen the it passes "e pick out +nglish and American maga(ines and look at the ad!ertisements or "omen's under"ear, brassieres and panties and long nylon stockings. +amon is looking at an American maga(ine called 'ee "ith pictures o 8apanese girls "ho keep the soldiers happy so ar a"ay rom home and +amon says he has to go to the la!atory and "hen he does 2eter gi!es me a "ink,/ou kno" "hat he's up to in there,don't you5 and sometimes Mr.McCa rey gets into a state "hen boys linger in the la!atory inter ering "ith themsel!es and "asting the !aluable time or "hich +asons is paying them and on top o it putting their immortal souls in danger.Mr.McCa rey "on't come right out and say, 'top that "anking, because you can't accuse someone o a mortal sin unless you ha!e proo . 'ometimes he goes snooping in the

la!atory "hen a boy comes out.4e comes back himsel "ith the threatening look and tells the boys,/e are not to be looking at those dirty maga(ines rom oreign parts./e are to count them and put them in the bo#es and that's all. +amon comes back rom the la!atory and 2eter goes in "ith an American maga(ine, Collier's, that has pictures o girls in a beauty contest.+amon says,%o you kno" "hat he's doing in there5 At himsel .Fi!e times a day he goes in. +!ery time a ne" American maga(ine comes in "ith the "omen's under"ear he goes in. )e!er done going at himsel . Borro"s maga(ines to take home unbekno"nst to Mr. McCa rey and *od kno"s "hat he does "ith himsel and the maga(ines all night.I he ell dead in there the -a"s o hell "ould open "ide. I'd like to get into the la!atory mysel "hen 2eter comes out but I don't "ant them saying,There he goes, ne" boy, irst day on the -ob, already at himsel .1on't light up a ag oh no but "anks a"ay like an oul' billygoat. Mr. McCa rey returns rom !an deli!ery and "ants to kno" "hy all the maga(ines aren't counted out,bundled and ready to go.2eter tells him,1e "ere busy teaching the ne" boy, McCourt. *od help us, he "as a bit slo" "ith the bad eyes you kno" but "e kept at him and no" he's getting aster. *erry 4al!ey, the messenger boy, "on't be in or a "eek because he's entitled to his holidays and he "ants to spend the time "ith his girl riend, $ose, "ho's coming back rom +ngland. I'm the ne" boy and I ha!e to be messenger boy "hile he's gone, cycling around &imerick on the bicycle "ith the big metal basket in ront. 4e sho"s me ho" to balance papers and maga(ines so that the bicycle "on't tip o!er "ith me in the saddle and a lorry passing by that "ill run o!er me and lea!e me like a piece o salmon in the road. 4e sa" a soldier once that "as run o!er by an army lorry and that's "hat he looked like, salmon. *erry is making a last deli!ery at +asons kiosk at the rail"ay station at noon on 'aturday and that's handy because I can meet him there to get the bicycle and he can meet $ose o the train.1e stand at the gate "aiting and he tells me he hasn't seen $ose in a year. 'he's o!er there "orking in a pub in Bristol and he doesn't like that one bit because the +nglish are ore!er pa"ing the Irish girls, hands up under the skirts and "orse,and the Irish girls are a raid to say anything or ear o losing their -obs. +!eryone kno"s Irish girls keep themsel!es pure especially &imerick girls kno"n the "orld o!er or their purity "ho ha!e a man to come back to like *erry 4al!ey himsel . 4e'll be able to tell i she "as true to him by her "alk. I a girl comes back a ter a year "ith a certain class o a "alk that's di erent rom the one she "ent a"ay "ith then you kno" she "as up to no good "ith the +nglishmen dirty horny bastards that they are. The train hoots into the station and *erry "a!es and points to $ose coming to"ard us rom the ar end o the train,$ose smiling a"ay "ith her "hite teeth and lo!ely in a green dress.*erry stops "a!ing and mutters under his breath, &ook at the "alk on her, bitch, hoor, street "alker, laghopper, trollop, and runs rom the station. $ose "alks up to me,1as that *erry 4al!ey you "ere standing "ith5 'T"as. 1here is he5 0h, he "ent out. I kno" he "ent out.1here did he go5 I don't kno". 4e didn't tell me. 4e -ust ran out. %idn't say anything5 I didn't hear him say anything. %o you "ork "ith him5 I do. I'm taking o!er the bike. 1hat bike5 The messenger bike. Is he on a messenger bike5 4e is. 4e told me he "orked in +asons o ice, clerk, inside -ob5 I eel desperate. I don't "ant to make a liar o *erry 4al!ey, to get him into trouble "ith the lo!ely $ose. 0h, "e all take turns on the messenger bike. An hour in the o ice, an hour on the bike.The manager says 'tis good to get out in the resh air. 1ell, I'll -ust go home and put my suitcase do"n and go to his house. I thought he'd carry this or me. I ha!e the bike here and you can stick the case in the basket and I'll "alk you home. 1e "alk up to her house in Carey's $oad and she tells me she's so e#cited about *erry. 'he sa!ed her money in +ngland and no" she "ants to go back "ith him and get married e!en i he's only nineteen and she's only se!enteen.1hat matter "hen you're in lo!e. I li!ed like a nun in +ngland and dreamt o him e!ery night and thank you !ery much or carrying my case. I turn a"ay to -ump on the bike and cycle back to +asons "hen

*erry comes at me rom behind. 4is ace is red and he's snorting like a bull. 1hat "ere you doing "ith my girl, you little shite5 +h5 1hat5 I 'tis a thing I e!er ind out you did anything "ith my girl I'll kill you. I didn't do anything. Carried her case because 't"as hea!y. %on't look at her again or you're dead. I "on't, *erry. I don't "ant to look at her. 0h, is that a act5 Is she ugly or "hat5 )o, no, *erry, she's yours and she lo!es you. 4o" do you kno"5 'he told me. 'he did5 'he did, honest to *od. 8asus. 4e bangs on her door, $ose, $ose, are you there5 and she comes out, 0 course, I'm here, and I ride a"ay on the messenger bicycle "ith the sign on the basket that says +asons "ondering about the "ay he's kissing her no" and the terrible things he said about her in the station and "ondering ho" 2eter in the o ice could tell Mr. McCa rey a bare aced lie about me and my eyes "hen all the time he and +amon "ere looking at girls in their under"ear and then going at themsel!es in the la!atory. Mr. McCa rey is in a terrible state in the o ice.1here "ere you5 *reat *od abo!e in hea!en, does it take you all day to cycle rom the rail"ay station5 1e ha!e an emergency here and "e should ha!e 4al!ey but he's gone o on his riggin' holidays, *od orgi!e the language, and you'll ha!e to cycle around as ast as you can, good thing you "ere a telegram boy that kno"s e!ery inch o &imerick,and go to e!ery bloody shop that's a customer and "alk right in grab "hate!er copies you see o 8ohn 0'&ondon's 1eekly tear out page si#teen and i anyone bothers you tell them 'tis go!ernment orders and they're not to inter ere in go!ernment business and i they lay a inger on you they're liable to arrest, imprisonment and a large ine no" go or *od's sake and bring back e!ery page si#teen you tear out so that "e can burn them here in the ire. +!ery shop, Mr. McCa rey5 I'll do the big ones,you do the small ones all the "ay to Ballinacurra and out the +nnis $oad and beyond, *od help us. *o on, go. I'm -umping on the bike and +amon runs do"n the steps. 4ey, McCourt, "ait. &isten. %on't gi!e him all the page si#teens "hen you come back. 1hy5 1e can sell 'em, me an' 2eter. 1hy5 'Tis all about birth control and that's banned in Ireland. 1hat's birth control5 A", Christ abo!e, don't you kno" anything5 'Tis condoms, you kno", rubbers, French letters, things like that to stop the girls rom getting up the pole. 7p the pole5 2regnant. 'i#teen years o age an' you're pure ignorant. 4urry up an' get the pages be ore e!erybody starts runnin' to the shop or 8ohn 0'&ondon's 1eekly. I'm about to push a"ay on the bike "hen Mr. McCa rey runs do"n the steps. 4old on, McCourt, "e'll go in the !an. +amon, you come "ith us. 1hat about 2eter5 &ea!e him. 4e'll "ind up "ith a maga(ine in the la!atory any"ay. Mr. McCa rey talks to himsel in the !an. )ice bloody ho" do you do ringing do"n here rom %ublin on a ine 'aturday to send us tearing around &imerick ripping pages out o an +nglish maga(ine "hen I could be at home "ith a cup o tea and a nice bun and a read o The Irish 2ress "ith my eet up on a bo# under the picture o the 'acred 4eart nice bloody ho" do you do entirely. Mr. McCa rey runs into e!ery shop "ith us behind him. 4e grabs the maga(ines, hands each o us a pile and tells us start tearing. 'hop o"ners scream at him, 1hat are ye doing5 8esus, Mary and 4oly 't. 8oseph, is it pure mad ye are5 2ut back them maga(ines or I'll call the guards. Mr. McCa rey tells them, *o!ernment orders, ma'am.There is ilth in 8ohn 0'&ondon this "eek that's not it or any Irish eyes and "e are here to do *od's "ork. 1hat ilth5 1hat ilth5 'ho" me the ilth be ore ye go mutilatin' the maga(ines. I "on't pay +asons or these maga(ines, so I "on't. Ma'am, "e don't care at +asons.1e'd rather lose large amounts than ha!e the people o &imerick and Ireland corrupted by this ilth. 1hat ilth5 Can't tell you. Come on, boys. 1e thro" the pages on the loor o the !an and "hen Mr. McCa rey is in a shop arguing "e stu some into our shirts. There are old maga(ines in the !an and "e tear and scatter them so that Mr. McCa rey "ill think they're all page si#teen rom 8ohn 0'&ondon. The biggest customer or the maga(ine, Mr. 4utchinson, tells Mr. McCa rey get to hell out o his shop or he'll brain him, get a"ay rom them maga(ines, and "hen Mr. McCa rey keeps on tearing out pages Mr. 4utchinson thro"s him into the

street, Mr. McCa rey yelling that this is a Catholic country and -ust because 4utchinson is a 2rotestant that doesn't gi!e him the right to sell ilth in the holiest city in Ireland. Mr. 4utchinson says, Ah, kiss my arse, and Mr. McCa rey says, 'ee, boys5 'ee "hat happens "hen you're not a member o the True Church5 'ome shops says they'!e already sold all their copies o 8ohn 0'&ondon and Mr.McCa rey says,0h,Mother o'*od,"hat's going to become o us all5 1ho did ye sell them to5 4e demands the names and address o the customers "ho are in danger o losing their immortal souls rom reading articles on birth control.4e "ill go to their houses and rip out that ilthy page but the shopkeepers say, 'Tis 'aturday night, McCa rey, and getting dark and "ould you e!er take a good running -ump or yoursel . 0n the "ay back to the o ice +amon "hispers to me in the back o the !an, I ha!e t"enty,one pages. 4o" many do you ha!e5 I tell him ourteen but I ha!e o!er orty and I'm not telling him because you ne!er ha!e to tell the truth to people "ho lie about your bad eyes. Mr. McCa rey tells us bring in the pages rom the !an.1e scoop up e!erything on the loor and he's happy sitting at his desk at the other end o the o ice ringing %ublin to tell them ho" he stormed through shops like *od's a!enger and sa!ed &imerick rom the horrors o birth control "hile he "atches a dancing ire o pages that ha!e nothing to do "ith 8ohn 0'&ondon's 1eekly. Monday morning I cycle through the streets deli!ering maga(ines and people see the +asons sign on the bike and stop me to see i there's any chance they could get their hands on a copy o 8ohn 0'&ondon's 1eekly.They're all rich looking people, some in motor cars, men "ith hats, collars and ties, and t"o ountain pens in their pockets, "omen "ith hats and little bits o ur dangling rom their shoulders,people "ho ha!e tea at the 'a!oy or the 'tella and stick out their little ingers to sho" ho" "ell bred they are and no" "ant to read this page about birth control. +amon told me early in the day, %on't sell the bloody page or less than i!e shillings. I asked him i he "as -oking. )o, he "asn't. +!eryone in &imerick is talking about this page and they're dying to get their hands on it. Fi!e shillings or nothing, Frankie. I they're rich charge more but that's "hat I'm charging so don't be going around on your bicycle and puttin' me out o business "ith lo" prices.1e ha!e to gi!e 2eter something or he'll be running to McCa rey and spilling the beans. 'ome people are "illing to pay se!en shillings and si#pence and I'm rich in t"o days "ith o!er ten pounds in my pocket minus one or 2eter the snake, "ho "ould betray us to McCa rey. I put eight pounds in the post o ice or my are to America and that night "e ha!e a big supper o ham, tomatoes, bread, butter, -am. Mam "ants to kno" i I "on the s"eepstakes and I tell her people gi!e me tips. 'he's not happy I'm a messenger boy because that's the lo"est you can drop in &imerick but i it brings in ham like this "e should light a candle in gratitude. 'he doesn't kno" the money or my are is gro"ing in the post o ice and she'd die i she kne" "hat I "as earning rom "riting threatening letters. Malachy has a ne" -ob in the stockroom o a garage handing out parts to mechanics and Mam hersel is taking care o an old man, Mr. 'liney, out in the 'outh Circular $oad "hile his t"o daughters go o to "ork e!ery day. 'he tells me i I'm deli!ering papers out there to come to the house or tea and a sand"ich. The daughters "ill ne!er kno" and the old man "on't mind because he's only hal conscious most o the time "orn out rom all his years in the +nglish army in India. 'he looks peace ul in the kitchen o this house in her spotless apron, e!erything clean and polished around her, lo"ers bobbing in the garden beyond, birds chirping a"ay, music rom $adio +ireann on the "ireless. 'he sits at the table "ith a pot o tea, cups and saucers, plenty o bread, butter, cold meats o all kinds. I can ha!e any class o a sand"ich but all I kno" is ham and bra"n. 'he doesn't ha!e any bra"n because that's the kind o thing you'd ind people eating in lanes not in a house on the 'outh Circular $oad. 'he says the rich "on't eat bra"n because it's "hat they scoop o loors and counters in bacon actories and you ne!er kno" "hat you're getting.The rich are !ery particular about "hat they stick bet"een t"o slices o bread. 0!er in America

bra"n is called head cheese and she doesn't kno" "hy. 'he gi!es me a ham sand"ich "ith -uicy slices o tomato and tea in a cup "ith little pink angels lying around shooting arro"s at other little lying angels "ho are blue and I "onder "hy they can't make teacups and chamber pots "ithout all kinds o angels and maidens ca!orting in the glen. Mam says that's the "ay the rich are, they lo!e the bit o decoration and "ouldn't "e i "e had the money. 'he'd gi!e her t"o eyes to ha!e a house like this "ith lo"ers and birds abroad in the garden and the "ireless playing that lo!ely 1arsa" Concerto or the %ream o 0l"yn and no end o cups and saucers "ith angels shooting arro"s. 'he says she has to look in on Mr. 'liney he's so old and eeble he orgets to call or the chamber pot. Chamber pot5 /ou ha!e to empty his chamber pot5 0 course I do. There's a silence here because I think "e're remembering the cause o all our troubles, &aman *ri in's chamber pot. But that "as a long time ago and no" it's Mr. 'liney's chamber pot, "hich is no harm because she's paid or this and he's harmless. 1hen she comes back she tells me Mr. 'liney "ould like to see me, so come in "hile he's a"ake. 4e's lying in a bed in the ront parlor, the "indo" blocked "ith a black sheet, no sign o light. 4e tells my mother, &i t me up a bit, missus, and pull back that bloody thing o the "indo" so I can see the boy. 4e has long "hite hair do"n to his shoulders. Mam "hispers he "on't let anyone cut it. 4e says, I ha!e me o"n teeth, son.1ould you credit that5 %o you ha!e your o"n teeth, son5 I do, Mr. 'liney. Ah. I "as in India you kno". Me and Timoney up the road. Bunch o &imerick men in India. %o you kno" Timoney, son5 I did, Mr. 'liney. 4e's dead, you kno". 2oor bugger "ent blind. I ha!e me sight. I ha!e me teeth. ;eep your teeth, son. I "ill, Mr. 'liney. I'm getting tired, son, but there's one thing I "ant to tell you. Are you listening to me5 I am, Mr. 'liney. Is he listening to me, missus5 0h, he is, Mr. 'liney. *ood. )o" here's "hat I "ant to tell you. &ean o!er here so I can "hisper in your ear.1hat I "ant to tell you is, )e!er smoke another man's pipe. 4al!ey goes o to +ngland "ith $ose and I ha!e to stay on the messenger bike all through the "inter. It's a bitter "inter, ice e!ery"here, and I ne!er kno" "hen the bike "ill go out rom under me and send me lying into the street or onto the pa!ement, maga(ines and papers scattered. 'hops complain to Mr. McCa rey that The Irish Times is coming in decorated "ith bits o ice and dog shit and he mutters to us that's the "ay that paper should be deli!ered, 2rotestant rag that it is. +!ery day a ter my deli!eries I take The Irish Times home and read it to see "here the danger is. Mam says it's a good thing %ad isn't here. 4e'd say, Is this "hat the men o Ireland ought and died or that my o"n son is sitting there at the kitchen table reading the reemason paper5 There are letters to the editor rom people all o!er Ireland claiming they heard the irst cuckoo o the year and you can read bet"een the lines that people are calling each other liars. There are reports about 2rotestant "eddings and pictures and the "omen al"ays look lo!elier than the ones "e kno" in the lanes./ou can see 2rotestant "omen ha!e per ect teeth although 4al!ey's $ose had lo!ely teeth. I keep reading The Irish Times and "ondering i it's an occasion o sin though I don't care. As long as Theresa Carmody is in hea!en not coughing I don't go to con ession anymore. I read The Irish Times and TheTimes o &ondon because that tells me "hat the ;ing is up to e!ery day and "hat +li(abeth and Margaret are doing. I read +nglish "omen's maga(ines or all the ood articles and the ans"ers to "omen's .uestions. 2eter and +amon put on +nglish accents and pretend they're reading rom +nglish "omen's maga(ines. 2eter says, %ear Miss 4ope, I'm going out "ith a ello" rom Ireland named McCa rey and he has his hands all o!er me and his thing pushing against my belly button and I'm demented not kno"ing "hat to do. I remain, yours an#iously, Miss &ulu 'mith,/orkshire. +amon says, %ear &ulu, I this McCa rey is that tall that he's pushing his yoke against your belly button I suggest you ind a smaller man "ho "ill slip it bet"een your thighs. 'urely you can ind a decent short man in /orkshire. %ear Miss 4ope, I am thirteen years old "ith black hair and something terrible is happening and I can't tell

anyone not e!en my mother. I'm bleeding e!ery e" "eeks you kno" "here and I'm a raid I'll be ound out. Miss Agnes Tripple, &ittle Biddle,on,the,T"iddle, %e!on. %ear Agnes,/ou are to be congratulated./ou are no" a "oman and you can get your hair permed because you are ha!ing your monthlies. %o not ear your monthlies or all +nglish"omen ha!e them.They are a gi t o *od to puri y us so that "e can ha!e stronger children or the empire, soldiers to keep the Irish in their place. In some parts o the "orld a "oman "ith a monthly is unclean but "e British cherish our "omen "ith the monthlies, oh "e do indeed. In the springtime there's a ne" messenger boy and I'm back in the o ice. 2eter and +amon dri t o to +ngland. 2eter is ed up "ith &imerick, no girls, and you're dri!en to yoursel , "ank "ank "ank, that's all "e e!er do in &imerick.There are ne" boys. I'm senior boy and the -ob is easier because I'm ast and "hen Mr. McCa rey is out in the !an and my "ork is done I read the +nglish, Irish, American maga(ines and papers. %ay and night I dream o America. Malachy goes to +ngland to "ork in a rich Catholic boys' boarding school and he "alks around cheer ul and smiling as i he's the e.ual o any boy in the school and e!eryone kno"s "hen you "ork in an +nglish boarding school you're supposed to hang your head and shu le like a proper Irish ser!ant.They ire him or his "ays and Malachy tells them they can kiss his royal Irish arse and they say that's the kind o oul language and beha!ior you'd e#pect. 4e gets a -ob in the gas "orks in Co!entry sho!eling coal into the urnaces like 7ncle 2a ;eating, sho!eling coal and "aiting or the day he can go to America a ter me. XVIII I'm se!enteen, eighteen, going on nineteen, "orking a"ay at +asons, "riting threatening letters or Mrs. Finucane, "ho says she's not long or this "orld and the more Masses said or her soul the better she'll eel. 'he puts money in en!elopes and sends me to churches around the city to knock on priests' doors, hand in the en!elopes "ith the re.uest or Masses. 'he "ants prayers rom all the priests but the 8esuits. 'he says,They're useless, all head and no heart.That's "hat they should ha!e o!er their door in &atin and I "on't gi!e them a penny because e!ery penny you gi!e a 8esuit goes to a ancy book or a bottle o "ine. 'he sends the money, she hopes the Masses are said, but she's ne!er sure and i she's not sure "hy should I be handing out all that money to priests "hen I need the money to go to America and i I keep back a e" pounds or mysel and put it in the post o ice "ho "ill e!er kno" the di erence and i I say a prayer or Mrs. Finucane and light candles or her soul "hen she dies "on't *od listen e!en i I'm a sinner long past my last con ession. I'll be nineteen in a month.All I need is a e" pounds to make up the are and a e" pounds in my pocket "hen I land in America. The Friday night be ore my nineteenth birthday Mrs. Finucane sends me or the sherry.1hen I return she is dead in the chair, her eyes "ide open, and her purse on the loor "ide open. I can't look at her but I help mysel to a roll o money. 'e!enteen pounds. I take the key to the trunk upstairs. I take orty o the hundred pounds in the trunk and the ledger. I'll add this to "hat I ha!e in the post o ice and I ha!e enough to go to America. 0n my "ay out I take the sherry bottle to sa!e it rom being "asted. I sit by the $i!er 'hannon near the dry docks sipping Mrs. Finucane's sherry.Aunt Aggie's name is in the ledger. 'he o"es nine pounds. It might ha!e been the money she spent on my clothes a long time ago but no" she'll ne!er ha!e to pay it because I hea!e the ledger into the ri!er. I'm sorry I'll ne!er be able to tell Aunt Aggie I sa!ed her nine pounds. I'm sorry I "rote threatening letters to the poor people in the lanes o &imerick, my o"n people, but the ledger is gone, no one "ill e!er kno" "hat they o"e and they "on't ha!e to pay their balances. I "ish I could tell them, I'm your $obin 4ood. Another sip o the sherry. I'll spare a pound or t"o or a Mass or Mrs. Finucane's soul. 4er ledger is "ell on its "ay do"n the 'hannon and out to the Atlantic and I kno" I'll ollo" it someday soon. The man at 0'$iordan's Tra!el Agency says he can't get me to America by air unless I tra!el to &ondon irst, "hich "ould cost

a ortune. 4e can put me on a ship called the Irish 0ak, "hich "ill be lea!ing Cork in a e" "eeks. 4e says, )ine days at sea, 'eptember 0ctober, best time o the year, your o"n cabin, thirteen passengers, best o ood, bit o a holiday or yoursel and that "ill cost i ty, i!e pounds, do you ha!e it5 I do. I tell Mam I'm going in a e" "eeks and she cries. Michael says,1ill "e all go some day5 1e "ill. Alphie says,1ill you send me a co"boy hat and a thing you thro" that comes back to you5 Michael tells him that's a boomerang and you'd ha!e to go all the "ay to Australia to get the likes o that, you can't get it in America. Alphie says you can get it in America yes you can and they argue about America and Australia and boomerangs till Mam says,For the lo!e o' 8esus, yeer brother is lea!ing us and the t"o o ye are there s.uabbling o!er boomerangs.1ill ye gi!e o!er5 Mam says "e'll ha!e to ha!e a bit o party the night be ore I go. They used to ha!e parties in the old days "hen anyone "ould go to America, "hich "as so ar a"ay the parties "ere called American "akes because the amily ne!er e#pected to see the departing one again in this li e. 'he says 'tis a great pity Malachy can't come back rom +ngland but "e'll be together in America someday "ith the help o *od and 4is Blessed Mother. 0n my days o rom "ork I "alk around &imerick and look at all the places "e li!ed, the 1indmill 'treet, 4artstonge 'treet, $oden &ane, $osbrien $oad, &ittle Barrington 'treet, "hich is really a lane. I stand looking at Theresa Carmody's house till her mother comes out and says,1hat do you "ant5 I sit at the gra!es o 0li!er and +ugene in the old 't. 2atrick's Burying *round and cross the road to 't. &a"rence's Cemetery "here Theresa is buried.1here!er I go I hear !oices o the dead and I "onder i they can ollo" you across the Atlantic 0cean. I "ant to get pictures o &imerick stuck in my head in case I ne!er come back. I sit in 't. 8oseph's Church and the $edemptorist church and tell mysel take a good look because I might ne!er see this again. I "alk do"n 4enry 'treet to say good,bye to 't. Francis though I'm sure I'll be able to talk to him in America. )o" there are days I don't "ant to go to America. I'd like to go to 0'$iordan's Tra!el Agency and get back my i ty, i!e pounds. I could "ait till I'm t"enty, one and Malachy can go "ith me so that I'll kno" at least one person in )e" /ork. I ha!e strange eelings and sometimes "hen I'm sitting by the ire "ith Mam and my brothers I eel tears coming and I'm ashamed o mysel or being "eak.At irst Mam laughs and tells me,/our bladder must be near your eye, but then Michael says, 1e'll all go to America, %ad "ill be there, Malachy "ill be there and "e'll all be together, and she gets the tears hersel and "e sit there, the our o us, like "eeping ee-its. Mam says this is the irst time "e e!er had a party and isn't it a sad thing altogether that you ha!e it "hen your children are slipping a"ay one by one, Malachy to +ngland, Frank to America. 'he sa!es a e" shillings rom her "ages taking care o Mr. 'liney to buy bread, ham, bra"n, cheese, lemonade and a e" bottles o stout. 7ncle 2a ;eating brings stout, "hiskey and a little sherry or Aunt Aggie's delicate stomach and she brings a cake loaded "ith currants and raisins she baked hersel .The Abbot brings si# bottles o stout and says,That's all right, Frankie, ye can all drink it as long as I ha!e a bottle or t"o or mesel to help me sing me song. 4e sings BThe $oad to $asheen.B 4e holds his stout, closes his eyes, and song comes out in a high "hine.The "ords make no sense and e!eryone "onders "hy tears are seeping rom his shut eyes.Alphie "hispers to me,1hy is he crying o!er a song that makes no sense5 I don't kno". The Abbot ends his song, opens his eyes, "ipes his cheeks and tells us that "as a sad song about an Irish boy that "ent to America and got shot by gangsters and died be ore a priest could reach his side and he tells me don't be gettin' shot i you're not near a priest. 7ncle 2a says that's the saddest song he e!er heard and is there any chance "e could ha!e something li!ely. 4e calls on Mam and she says, Ah, no, 2a, sure I don't ha!e the "ind. Come on, Angela, come on. 0ne !oice no", one !oice and one !oice only. All right. I'll try. 1e all -oin in the chorus o her sad song, A mother's lo!e is a blessing )o matter "here you roam. ;eep her "hile you ha!e her, /ou'll miss

her "hen she's gone. 7ncle 2a says one song is "orse than the one be ore and are "e turning this night into a "ake altogether, is there any chance someone "ould sing a song to li!en up the proceedings or "ill he be dri!en to drink "ith the sadness. 0h, *od, says Aunt Aggie, I orgot.The moon is ha!ing an eclipse abroad this minute. 1e stand out in the lane "atching the moon disappear behind a round black shado".7ncle 2a says,That's a !ery good sign or you going to America, Frankie. )o,says Aunt Aggie,'tis a bad sign.I read in the paper that the moon is practicing or the end o the "orld. 0h, end o the "orld my arse, says 7ncle 2a. 'Tis the beginning or Frankie McCourt. 4e'll come back in a e" years "ith a ne" suit and at on his bones like any /ank and a lo!ely girl "ith "hite teeth hangin' rom his arm. Mam says,Ah, no, 2a, ah, no, and they take her inside and com ort her "ith a drop o sherry rom 'pain. It's late in the day "hen the Irish 0ak sails rom Cork, past ;insale and Cape Clear, and dark "hen lights t"inkle on Mi(en 4ead, the last o Ireland I'll see or *od kno"s ho" long. 'urely I should ha!e stayed, taken the post o ice e#amination, climbed in the "orld. I could ha!e brought in enough money or Michael and Alphie to go to school "ith proper shoes and bellies "ell illed.1e could ha!e mo!ed rom the lane to a street or e!en an a!enue "here houses ha!e gardens. I should ha!e taken that e#amination and Mam "ould ne!er again ha!e to empty the chamber pots o Mr. 'liney or anyone else. It's too late no". I'm on the ship and there goes Ireland into the night and it's oolish to be standing on this deck looking back and thinking o my amily and &imerick and Malachy and my ather in +ngland and e!en more oolish that songs are going through my head $oddy McCorley goes to die and Mam gasping 0h the days o the ;erry dancing "ith poor Mr. Clohessy hacking a"ay in the bed and no" I "ant Ireland back at least I had Mam and my brothers and Aunt Aggie bad as she "as and 7ncle 2a, standing me my irst pint, and my bladder is near my eye and here's a priest standing by me on the deck and you can see he's curious. 4e's a &imerickman but he has an American accent rom his years in &os Angeles. 4e kno"s ho" it is to lea!e Ireland, did it himsel and ne!er got o!er it./ou li!e in &os Angeles "ith sun and palm trees day in day out and you ask *od i there's any chance 4e could gi!e you one so t rainy &imerick day. The priest sits beside me at the table o the First 0 icer, "ho tells us ship's orders ha!e been changed and instead o sailing to )e" /ork "e're bound or Montreal. Three days out and orders are changed again.1e are going to )e" /ork a ter all. Three American passengers complain,*oddam Irish.Can't they get it straight5 The day be ore "e sail into )e" /ork orders are changed again.1e are going to a place up the 4udson $i!er called Albany. The Americans say,Albany5 *oddam Albany5 1hy the hell did "e ha!e to sail on a goddam Irish tub5 *oddam. The priest tells me pay no attention.All Americans are not like that. I'm on deck the da"n "e sail into )e" /ork. I'm sure I'm in a ilm, that it "ill end and lights "ill come up in the &yric Cinema.The priest "ants to point out things but he doesn't ha!e to. I can pick out the 'tatue o &iberty, +llis Island, the +mpire 'tate Building, the Chrysler Building, the Brooklyn Bridge. There are thousands o cars speeding along the roads and the sun turns e!erything to gold. $ich Americans in top hats "hite ties and tails must be going home to bed "ith the gorgeous "omen "ith "hite teeth. The rest are going to "ork in "arm com ortable o ices and no one has a care in the "orld. The Americans are arguing "ith the captain and a man "ho climbed aboard rom a tugboat.1hy can't "e get o here5 1hy do "e ha!e to sail all the goddam "ay to goddam Albany5 The man says, Because you're passengers on the !essel and the captain is the captain and "e ha!e no procedures or taking you ashore. 0h, yeah.1ell, this is a ree country and "e're American citi(ens. Is that a act5 1ell, you're on an Irish ship "ith an Irish captain and you'll do "hat he goddam tells you or s"im ashore. 4e climbs do"n the ladder, tugboat chugs a"ay, and "e sail up the 4udson past Manhattan, under the *eorge 1ashington Bridge, past hundreds o &iberty ships that did their bit in the "ar, moored no" and ready to rot. The captain announces the tide "ill orce us to drop anchor o!ernight

opposite a place called, the priest spells it or me, 2oughkeepsie. The priest says that's an Indian name and the Americans say goddam 2oughkeepsie. A ter dark a small boat put,puts to the ship and an Irish !oice calls up, 4ello, there. Be-asus, I sa" the Irish lag, so I did. Couldn't belie!e me t"o eyes. 4ello, there. 4e in!ites the First 0 icer to go ashore or a drink and bring a riend and,/ou, too, Father. Bring a riend. The priest in!ites me and "e climb do"n a ladder to the small boat "ith the First 0 icer and the 1ireless 0 icer.The man in the boat says his name is Tim Boyle rom Mayo *od help us and "e docked there at the right time because there's a bit o a party and "e're all in!ited. 4e takes us to a house "ith a la"n, a ountain and three pink birds standing on one leg.There are i!e "omen in a room called a li!ing room. The "omen ha!e sti hair, spotless rocks. They ha!e glasses in their hands and they're riendly and smile "ith per ect teeth. 0ne says,Come right in. 8ust in time or the pa"ty. 2a"ty.That's the "ay they talk and I suppose I'll be talking like that in a e" years. Tim Boyle tells us the girls are ha!ing a bit o a time "hile their husbands are a"ay o!ernight hunting deer, and one "oman, Betty, says, /eah. Buddies rom the "ar.That "ar is o!er nearly i!e years and they can't get o!er it so they shoot animals e!ery "eekend and drink $heingold till they can't see. *oddam "ar, e#cuse the language, Fa"der. The priest "hispers to me, These are bad "omen. 1e "on't stay here long. The bad "omen say, 1hatcha like to drink5 1e got e!erything. 1hat's your name, honey5 Frank McCourt. )ice name. 'o you take a little drink.All the Irish take a little drink. /ou like a beer5 /es, please. *ee,so polite.I like the Irish.My grandmother "as hal Irish so that makes me hal , .uarter5 I dunno. My name is Frieda. 'o here's your beer, honey. The priest sits at the end o a so a "hich they call a couch and t"o "omen talk to him. Betty asks the First 0 icer i he'd like to see the house and he says, 0h, I "ould, because "e don't ha!e houses like this in Ireland.Another "oman tells the 1ireless 0 icer he should see "hat they ha!e gro"ing in the garden, you "ouldn't belie!e the lo"ers. Frieda asks me i I'm okay and I tell her yes but "ould she mind telling me "here the la!atory is. The "hat5 &a!atory. 0h, you mean the bathroom. $ight this "ay, honey, do"n the hall. Thanks. 'he pushes in the door, turns on the light, kisses my cheek and "hispers she'll be right outside i I need anything. I stand at the toilet bo"l iring a"ay and "onder "hat I'd need at a time like this and i this is a common thing in America, "omen "aiting outside "hile you take a splash. I inish, lush and go outside. 'he takes my hand and leads me into a bedroom, puts do"n her glass, locks the door, pushes me do"n on the bed. 'he's umbling at my ly. %amn buttons. %on't you ha!e (ippers in Ireland5 'he pulls out my e#citement climbs up on me slides up and do"n up and do"n 8esus I'm in hea!en and there's a knock on the door the priest Frank are you in there Frieda putting her inger to her lips and her eyes rolling to hea!en Frank are you in there Father "ould you e!er take a good running -ump or yoursel and oh *od oh Theresa do you see "hat's happening to me at long last I don't gi!e a iddler's art i the 2ope himsel knocked on this door and the College o Cardinals gathered ga"king at the "indo"s oh *od the "hole inside o me is gone into her and she collapses on me and tells me I'm "onder ul and "ould I e!er consider settling in 2oughkeepsie. Frieda tells the priest I had a bit o a di((iness a ter going to the bathroom, that's "hat happens "hen you tra!el and you're drinking a strange beer like $heingold, "hich she belie!es they don't ha!e in Ireland. I can see the priest doesn't belie!e her and I can't stop the "ay the heat is coming and going in my ace. 4e already "rote do"n my mother's name and address and no" I'm a raid he'll "rite and say your ine son spent his irst night in America in a bedroom in 2oughkeepsie romping "ith a "oman "hose husband "as a"ay shooting deer or a bit o rela#ation a ter doing his bit or America in the "ar and isn't this a ine "ay to treat the men "ho ought or their country. The First 0 icer and the 1ireless 0 icer return rom their tours o the house and the garden and they don't look at the priest. The "omen tell us "e must be star!ing and they go into

the kitchen.1e sit in the li!ing room saying nothing to each other and listening to the "omen "hispering and laughing in the kitchen.The priest "hispers to me again, Bad "omen, bad "omen, occasion o sin, and I don't kno" "hat to say to him. The bad "omen bring out sand"iches and pour more beer and "hen "e inish eating they put on Frank 'inatra records and ask i anyone "ould like to dance. )o one says yes because you'd ne!er get up and dance "ith bad "omen in the presence o a priest, so the "omen dance "ith each other and laugh as i they all had little secrets. Tim Boyle drinks "hiskey and alls asleep in a corner till Frieda "akes him and tells him take us back to the ship.1hen "e're lea!ing Frieda leans to"ard me as i she might kiss my cheek but the priest says good night in a !ery sharp "ay and no one shakes hands. As "e "alk do"n the street to the ri!er "e hear the "omen laughing, tinkling and bright in the night air. 1e climb the ladder and Tim calls to us rom his little boat, Mind yoursel!es going up that ladder. 0h, boys, oh, boys, "asn't that a grand night5 *ood night, boys, and good night, Father. 1e "atch his little boat till it disappears into the dark o the 2ough, keepsie ri!erbank.The priest says good night and goes belo" and the First 0 icer ollo"s him. I stand on the deck "ith the 1ireless 0 icer looking at the lights o America t"inkling. 4e says, My *od, that "as a lo!ely night, Frank. Isn't this a great country altogether5 XIX 'Tis.