Love Systems Insider

Date: April 2007

Q&A with Savoy

Q #1:
Dear Savoy,

I had a question about the line "No you don't; you’re attracted to me."

I don’t understand how it would be effective if the girl genuinely says "Nice necklace, where'd you get
it?" and I respond saying that.

Second question: What’s a good way to respond to an indicator of interest such as "You're cute." I’ve
heard of things to say like "Why are you special?"

- Anonymous

A:
Dear Anonymous,

This is essentially a question about responding to compliments early on in an interaction. The line, “no
you don’t; you’re attracted to me” is playfully confident and also creates an explicit frame that the
woman is interested in you. Unless a woman specifically contradicts you when you say this, she is
implicitly accepting that she is attracted to you, and that you know she is attracted to you. In addition, the
display of confidence, the playful challenge, and the “differentness” of the answer can contribute to her
being even more interested in you.

In the second example, asking someone why she is special is a qualification line. Interpreting “you’re
cute” as a statement that a woman is interested you allows you to see if she is ready to put in the effort to
make you interested in her. So, saying “what makes you special?” invites a woman to start talking about
her good qualities. The importance of qualification is discussed in Chapter 7 of Magic Bullets.

Essentially, the first response creates a frame and deepens attraction while the second response creates
the same frame and attempts to advance the interaction from attraction (where you are trying to get her
interested in you) to qualification (where you are trying to get her to work to “get you interested” in her).
I put quotation marks around “get you interested” since obviously you already are interested, but it
solidifies her attraction to you if she feels like she had to work for it. Or, if she doesn’t qualify herself,
you can just continue attracting her normally and try again with a similar line later.

Qualification is an area of dating science where there have been a lot of breakthroughs. One crucial
discovery is that qualification can begin in attraction and usually must continue into comfort. We covered
this in Magic Bullets. Another is the necessity of actually having a conversation about whatever subject
you are qualifying her on. For example, if you act impressed that a woman is a ballet dancer, you should
follow that up with a minute or so of conversation about ballet or dance or the arts, so she senses that she
has genuinely done something to interest you and that you’re not giving her random compliments so you
can have sex with her.

There’s also absolutely nothing wrong with just saying “thank you” in response to a compliment. That’s
what I usually do. Act as if you get a lot of compliments so it’s no big deal, but still make your “thank
you” genuine. I often find thanking someone and then pausing to be effective. She’ll have to fill the
space, and will often start explaining her compliment or giving you more compliments. This helps
solidify her attraction to you, and acts as passive qualification (which is too new and too advanced of a
concept to really get into here, but you’ll hear more about when we finished testing and systematizing it).

That’s a really long answer to a short question. Thanks for asking.

Savoy

Q #2:
Dear Savoy,

Thank you for writing Magic Bullets. I’ve only read it once, but I’m sure I will read it several more
times. It packs a huge punch into every page. Were you trying for any reason to keep the number of
pages down? Why, it’s an ebook? Anyway, I love it and your chapter on phone game is phenomenal. I
went on two dates last weekend with women I met Friday night and before that never would have
happened. I love your script idea. My question is does phone game change after you have sex? Or do the
same rules on flaking and pacing apply?

“Wasam”

A:
Dear Wasam,

Thanks for the compliments [This is where I take my own advice from the previous question]. I’m glad to
see that you’ve enjoyed success with the book! To get to your first question, my intention was to make a
book that would not be intimidating to someone getting started, but still focus on new and advanced
concepts. One of the ways I tried to keep it less intimating was in the number of pages. At about 200
pages, it’s not that daunting (and it’s more easily printable). I actually cut it down from almost 500. Who
wants to read a 500-page tome? I also wrote Chapter 2, “A simple system you can use tonight” for the
same reason. In about 4 pages, you can be up and running. And the “skills” section lets you dive in and
out of areas of improvements, like body language, touching, dates, kissing, working with a wingman,
fashion, phone game, and storytelling.

As for your second question, the answer really is “it depends.” Sleeping together usually shifts the power
in the relationship from the woman to the man. If she feels connected to you – as women often do after
sex for reasons I’ll get into in a moment – then the rules on flaking definitely change. If you address bad
behavior, she’ll feel it and will be less likely to do the same thing again. If she doesn’t feel connected to
you, all that will happen if you get frustrated with her is that she’ll feel bad for a moment, and then some
other guy will come along and make her feel better. If she is connected to you, it’s harder for another guy
to replace you in her mind.
Why is sex so important? Unfortunately, the person who wants the relationship to move forward the most
usually has less power. Before two people sleep together, it’s usually the man who has less power – all
things being equal, men are usually more eager to add a notch to their belt than women. After sex, it’s
often the woman who wants to move the relationship forward. There are a bunch of reasons for this; here
are a couple of big ones:

Women don’t like to feel cheap or easy. Many women after sleeping with a man will want to believe that
the man was worth her giving herself to him. Therefore, she can project qualities onto him that he may or
may not have. This is similar to the process of cognitive dissonance discussed in Magic Bullets.
Furthermore, because women are often choosier about their sexual partners than men, it’s likely that if a
woman does have sex with someone, she genuinely has at least some feelings for him.

Men are often after ‘conquests’ and lose interest in a woman after sex. I’m not saying this is good or
healthy, but it’s life.

Now, if you don’t notice her being more responsive (answering when you call or calling you right back,
making firm plans with you and keeping them, etc.) after you have sex, it might just need a bit more time.
In this case, yes, you need to follow the same Phone Game rules that you did before you slept together.
Otherwise, you do have more freedom to establish more of your preferences (avoiding long phone calls,
avoiding flakiness, etc.) as long as her needs are being met.

Hope that helps. Thanks for writing,

Savoy