Dear Madam

I am a 2nd PU student and I am facing a severe crisis. I am not able to concentrate on what I am studying.

I just cannot focus for long. As a result I am taking a lot of time to complete simple lessons and moreover

I am not able to recollect or remember things properly.

As a result I have not been able to score well.

Moreover of late I am making a lot of silly mistakes in my examinations, contributing to my average scores. I get
frustrated and disappointed by this.

Even though I study for long, I am just not able to finish things to my satisfaction. My parents and teachers have
really high hopes on me considering my previous achievements (95% in SSLC and 92% in I PU) and this is not
making my situation easier.
I love to play sports, but I am not allowed, neither in college or at home.

Even while playing sports also during practice sessions I play quite well but during the actual match I just cannot
play properly as I suddenly feel disinterested and can give only an average performance.

I feel very bad about it especially after doing so much practice.
Another problem is I tend to postpone things.

Also sometimes I am able to study a lesson in an hour but when I try to revise later it takes close to 3 hours which
I can't understand why.

Also during the exam time I feel like doing everything else except studying but during my vacations I don't feel
like doing anything and end up wasting my time watching TV or just doing nothing.

Of late I can't even make simple decisions without pondering over it for a very long time. I keep forgetting things,
misplacing things and also losing things though I try to be careful, everyone says that I am just lazy and careless.
Also I have a feeling that I should not think of whatever I am doing in a negative way.

Even though I try to keep away from these negative feelings they still manage to creep in.

I am really feeling desperate and disappointed because of my poor performance and also that I wont be able to
reach mine, as well as others expectations.
A desperate student

Dear student
There are several things you talked about in this letter, and it would be hard to address all of them here.

However, there is one common theme that runs through, and I think it may help you to talk about that.

I think you are anxious about the results of your performance, whether in your exams or in sports, which is not
allowing you to perform at the level of your potential.

Remember, your goal should be to put in your best effort because that is the only thing you can control. You
cannot control the result.

And, sometimes, anxiety about the result overwhelms us to such an extent that we are not able to focus on
putting in our best effort.

There is an article I had written in this newspaper some time back on helping students to deal with exam anxiety,
and it may be helpful for you to read that at this point.

http://personalorbitchange.blogspot.in/2013/11/demystifying-exam-anxiety.html
Your anxiety may not be allowing you to focus and concentrate, may be causing you to make silly mistakes, and
be distracted, resulting you in getting more desperate, disappointed and frustrated (to use your own words).

You say you worry about what would happen if you got a sum wrong? I ask you to answer that question for
yourself. What would happen?

Please write down your worst fears and set them aside.

Once you articulate your worst fears you may realize that nothing of significance really may happen.

At the most you will get the sum wrong and may be lose a couple of marks. Now, if you think about that rationally,
that is not the end of the world. It is something you can deal with, and live beyond.
You also talk about not living up to others, and yours, expectations.

You need to worry only about your expectations.

Others expectations will manage themselves.
Your goal should not be to live up to others expectations, but to achieve your own potential, whatever that is.

If you tell yourself that you should not think any negative thoughts, your mind will only fill up with more negative
thoughts.

All of us get thousands of thoughts all the time.

They come and go. And that is what you must allow them to do.

Come and go. If you hang on to one thought and say you must not think it, you will be prone to think of it even
more.

Quite like if I tell you not to think of a pink elephant, you are bound to think of it even more.

And sometimes it may just help to write down the thoughts and anxieties on a piece of paper and set them aside,
so that they are not cluttering up your mind.
Since you have so many conflicting emotions affecting you right now I would urge you to see a counsellor who
may help you make sense of them. If you are not able to access acounsellor, it may be helpful to reach out to
some of the free helplines that offer assistance.

Once such is the Parivarthan Counselling Helpline on which you can reach a counsellor Monday to Friday from 4
pm to 10 pm. The number is 080 65333323.
Good luck, stay focused and all the best for your exams! Remember, the exams and your performance in them
do not define you. You define yourself!

Maullika Sharma is an MBA graduate with a specialistion in counselling.

Restructure your thoughts
Restructuring ones thoughts is the most important component of tackling exam-
related anxiety. It is critical to change your attitude and think positively.

Use strategies to personalise your success for yourself and visualise what success
looks like for you. Use self-talks to concretise it. Write about it in a journal. Do
whatever it takes to make it concrete in your mind.

* Engage in thought-stopping Every time you start going down the spiral of negative
thoughts, hold yourself. Snap a rubber-band on your wrist, pinch yourself, or do
something that will snap you out of it. As you anticipate the exam, think positively;
for example, "I can do well in this exam. I have studied and know my stuff."

* Do not overplay the importance of your marks. Theyre not a measure of your
worth, nor a guarantor of your future success.

Avoid thinking of yourself in an all or nothing way either as a total success, or as
a complete failure. Give yourself positive acknowledgement for what youve done,
and for doing your best.

* Name your fear, concretise it, and then do not think about it. Instead keep on the
task, step by step. Expect some anxiety. It gives you the energy to do your best.
Just keep it manageable.

Remember that anxiety can become a habit. Most people think anxiety is something
happening to them rather than something they are creating. Take responsibility for
investing in anxiety-provoking thoughts and reactions, and allowing negative
projections to control you. This is not easy but it is doable.

* Remember, failure is always an event, never a person. Your parents may be
disappointed with your performance, but they will still love you.

Your friends like you for who you are, not for your marks. And, if they like you only
for your marks, they are not friends worth having. Your teachers may think youre
dumb, but that doesnt make it the reality.

Your marks are your business. If anything, you let yourself down, not anyone else.
Making a mistake isnt a crime. You can make a mistake sometimes. That gives you
an opportunity to learn.

Behavioural strategies
* Focus on your study skills. Put in your best effort. Being well prepared helps
minimise your rational anxiety. Do not fall into the trap of last minute cramming.
Take a step-by-step approach and do not get overwhelmed.

Break-up each major task into smaller goals; acknowledge yourself on achieving
each goal. Manage your time dont procrastinate; minimise distractions; organise
your material so you have everything you need when you need it; make and stick to
a schedule; include self-testing; use mind maps and aids to memory; review
previous tests and learn from past mistakes.

* Do not neglect your basic biological, emotional, and social needs. Think of yourself
as a total person not just a test taker. Adopt a healthy lifestyle; eat nutritious food,
get enough sleep, do enough exercise, get personal downtime, have social
interaction, and practice relaxation regularly.

Follow a moderate study pace, and vary your work and take breaks. Once you feel
you are adequately prepared, relax. Avoid speaking with peers who express
negativity. Organise yourself the night before and get enough sleep otherwise you
wont be able to function optimally.

On exam day

* Eat a healthy meal; take a healthy snack.
* Get to the exam in good time, allowing time for things that need to be done.
* Dont talk to others before the exam if that increases your anxiety.
* When papers are distributed, calm yourself by taking slow deep breaths.
* Read instructions carefully; budget your time.
* If the exam is more difficult than you anticipated, focus on doing your best. It
might be enough to get you through with a reasonable grade. If you go blank, skip
the question.
* Focus only on that exam, not on what others are doing or on thinking about past
exams or future goals. Don't panic when students start handing in their papers
theres no reward for finishing first.
* If youre anxious during the exam, calm yourself. Use relaxation techniques -
stretch your arms and legs and relax them a few times. Take slow deep breaths. Do
some positive internal self-talk. Remember youre in control.

When the exam is over, treat yourself. If you don't have other commitments, take
the night off.

If you have other exams, postpone a larger break, but a brief break may be just the
"pick up" you need.

Also, review what worked, and build on those strategies, no matter how small they
may be. Theyre building blocks to your success. List what didnt work well, and
dont follow those methods again. Celebrate that youre on the road to overcoming
your exam-related anxiety.
This Guy Was Fired And Sued By His Employer,
So He Launched A Startup And Got Sweet
Revenge
Modus
Modus founder, CEO Abtin Buergari
Living well is the best revenge. No one personifies that better than Abtin Buergari, founder and
CEO of Washington, D.C., startup, Modus eDiscovery.
This is the fantastic rags-to-riches story of a man who grew up in poverty and was working
himself through law school until his ideas for doing his job better got him fired and sued by
his employer.
So he took those ideas and started his own company, dropping out of college and living on credit
cards.
Five years later, the company was generating $18 million in sales and landed $10 million in
venture investment. It is now six years later, and he's commanding a 200-employee workforce
with 12 offices.
Still, he describes the journey as "a very hard six years. Grueling. Going through moments of
growth and through things that have taken me as far down and as far up as I could go," he says.
Here's how it all happened, he tells us:
Buergari was working as a paralegal while attending law school when he was recruited by a
company that does what's known as "electronic discovery" or "eDiscovery." That's the process of
digging through emails, instant messages and other online documents to find information that
can be used in litigation.
He was working on a Hurricane Katrina lawsuit for a customer. (Katrina sparked an
unprecedented series of lawsuits aimed at insurance companies and the federal government.)
The customer, an attorney, requested Buergari uncover documents as quickly and as cost-
effectively as possible. Buergari had some ideas for using technology to sift through documents
faster and cheaper and asked his bosses if he could try those ideas.
They shushed him.
That's because eDiscovery is expensive for lawyers and lucrative for those supplying the
document review services. The average legal department spends about $3 million per case for the
discovery portion, law blog ABA Journal reports. They didn't want their eDiscovery process to
become faster and cheaper, Buergari says.
Buergari told them he could quit his job and become a consultant for his employer and tried to
get them to let him try his ideas that way.
Bad move.
"I was not only fired, I was also sued," he said. His employer accused him of trying to steal their
clients and their trade secrets.
Jobless, he quit law school. "Im a law-school dropout and a philosophy major. Im like the most
unemployable person in the world," he laughs.
So he did the only thing he could think of to do: launched his own eDiscovery company.
Good move.
When one of his customers paid him a $1,250 retainer for his eDiscovery work, he knew he made
the right choice.
"I still have the check. I never cashed it," he says. Then the checks grew from $1,000 to $10,000
and $100,000. "Weve got a couple of checks in the $1-million range, too" he says.
He created his own eDiscovery software and cloud-computing service where companies can store
documents that need to be reviewed, a service he calls "hosted review."
Today, Modus has processed terabytes of data for some of the world's largest corporations and
law firms.
Last year, Modus was named on the Inc. 5000 list of fastest-growing companies with $18 million
in sales, up from $1.5 million the year before. He raised $10 million in venture funds that year,
too.
All of this happened while being sued by his former employer, he says, which was confirmed by
court documents.
But the tough times were a blessing in disguise, he says.
"When everything is hard ... you just have to stay strong. That's when you know you can be a
leader that drives a company forward," he says.
The best part of his success is watching others succeed with him.
"I grew up in poverty. My mom worked two jobs so I was raised by my Grandma. I've now had
the opportunity to send my sister to college, to help my parents, and I'm not worried about
retirement," he laughs.

Motivation: What is one of your favorite quotes that always lifts you up when you fall?
Surbhi Makkar, Flibbertigibbet Pottermaniac Half-CA THIS TOO SHALL PASS...


There are times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.
And you might feel that you'll be stuck in this rut forever...but you won't...because this too
shall pass into oblivion with the passage of time...


Life has thrown so much at you, and despite how difficult things have been, you have
survived. Breathe and trust that you can survive this too. Trust that this struggle is part of the
process. And trust that as long as you dont give up and keep pushing forward, no matter
how hopeless things seem, you will make it...because sometimes you have to go through
your worst to arrive at your best...so just hang on and don't give up on your dreams yet, this
too shall pass.