By Flora McCraith, MSN, 16/02/2011

Emotional cheating: the silent killer to

any relationship
How an emotional affair will ruin any relationship

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Some think cheating is harmless while others think it is unacceptable behaviour.
However, is emotional cheating just as bad as a physical affair? An emotional affair can
threaten and shake the foundations of a relationship and are often a lot harder to
recover from, despite the lack of physical intimacy. With the internet sharply
increasing the number of emotional affairs, we look at how they can ruin any
relationship or marriage.

By becoming close and creating a strong emotional bond with another person who isnt
your other half, only compromises the integrity and commitment to your relationship and
your partner.

The third party is likely to welcome the attention they receive if they arent in a
relationship, which can fuel you to then start fantasizing what it would be like to be with
the third party, rather than their partner.

Excuses are invariably made to see the other person more, but in truth they are lies
which you are deceiving your partner with. A lack of honesty will ruin a relationship by
jeopardising trust and causing feelings of betrayal.

The third party may reciprocate and reveal their feelings too rather than brush aside the
attention. This is dangerous ground and likely to lead to a physical affair.

When you find someone more interesting to talk to and be in the company of, it can
leave your partner feeling neglected and as though they arent attention-grabbing
enough or have become boring to you.

Spending time building an emotional bond with another person, only causes a divide to
come between you and your other half. This rift will often become too wide to mend.

When you share intimate details of you in relationship or other half, you not only betray
them, but these details are sacred to the relationship. It is totally inappropri ate when
they are shared with a friend of the opposite sex that you have become close to.

Women invest heavily in the emotional aspect of relationship, so when you stop devoting
it to your relationship and start directing it to someone else, it can lead to devastating
consequences.

You are likely to withdraw from your relationship and other half becoming indifferent. A
relationship needs work, dedication and a lot of care to survive. When you pull yourself
away and stop caring things begin to go downhill and you spend less time without
partner.

A healthy relationship involves connection on different emotional levels with your
partner. If you are connecting emotionally with another person, it is surely only a matter
of time before an opportunity of physical intimacy rears its head.
SEE ALSO:
Relationship wreckers - the many ways you can ruin relationship bliss
Marriage myths- common and unhealthy marriage myths that just aren't so
Dating hardships- reasons dating can be hard
By Flora McCraith, MSN, Updated: 1/19/2011
Relationship wreckers
The many ways that you can ruin your relationship bliss

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Relationships are hard to maintain and there are many ways to ruin one, whether it is intentional
or not. It could be the way that you behave, a conversation or something you did that changes
your relationship from mind blowing to miserable in minutes. Rather than having to go through
and experiencing what works and what doesnt when it comes to relationship, we give you some
examples on what will kill your relationship.

Criticising
When you are critical of someone in a negative way you slowly wear them down, leaving them
with low self esteem and the greatest way to hurt someone is to criticise them. It is quietly
distressing and can have deep psychological results. The only form of criticism that should be
acceptable is constructive and positive.

Refuse to apologise
Most of us find it hard to say sorry, but not being able to apologise for something you have or
havent done shows that you are unable to see the error of your ways, and this is especially true
if you hurt or upset your partner. It shows an incapability to be civil, makes for bad interpersonal
relationships and can cause problems in all areas of your life. Experts also say that holding a
grudge will result in resentment, stress and the eventual breakdown of the relationship.

Break promises
When you break a promise, not only do you let a person down, but you also show that you are
unable to keep your word, unless there is a real and excusable reason. It is all about trust, and
when you make a promise to someone they believe and trust that you will fulfil that promise. If
it is important to the other person and you break it, then you are ultimately telling them that you
dont care. A breakdown in trust is a sure and damaging way to ruin a relationship.

Lack of compromise
Many couples have a problem compromising with one another, but relationships are a
partnership and therefore compromise is part of them. If you are unable or unwilling to
compromise and reach a middle ground due to selfishness then you relationship is unlikely to
survive. Make sure that your relationship is give and take.

Lack of communication
Communication is key to a happy relationship, and according to the Journal of Marriage and
Family, a breakdown in communication is one of the main reasons why marriages fail. If there is
something that is bothering you or that has upset you, then talk about it. Dont leave it all
bottled up inside as it will at one point explode.

Jealousy
There is nothing wrong with a tiny bit of jealousy as it usually keeps a couple on their toes.
However, being too possessive, insecure and jealous is, according to experts, a sure fire ways to
ruin a relationship.

Give low priority
Yes, we are all incredibly busy and have a million and one things to think about and do, but if
you give you other half very little of your time or make your relationship a low priority, then the
likely hood is that the relationship will fail. We all have hobbies, work, family and friends that
need our attention also, but a relationship needs nurture too and a lack of it will see its demise.

Pretend to listen
Its very important to listen to what your other half has to say and not just pretend that you are
listening. They may be telling you what is bothering them, or that they have a problem with
work or friends in the hope that you may be able to offer advice and comfort. Your inability of
listen ensures that you wont be able to comfort, help and solve.

Rely on the other for happiness
Your other half will make you happy, but you must not rely on them for total happiness. Its a
very needy way to be and you have to be able to make yourself happy without that other person
before you can bring anything to the relationship. Dont expect others to make you happy.
SEE ALSO:
Nip an argument in the bud - how to stop an argument before it gets out of hand
Signs of a healthy relationship - are you on the right track to 'happily ever after'?
Signs it's time to break up - find out if it is time to go seperate ways
Get the latest updates on relationships, dating and more by following us on twitter @
msnlifeandstyle!
By Flora McCraith, MSN, Updated: 8/19/2010
Marriage myths
Common and unhealthy marriage myths that just arent so

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When a couple get married they often have preconceptions of what it will be like and how they
will avoid divorce, which is increasing. They may be things that they have heard from family,
friends or even things they perceive to be right. However there are lots of misconceptions and
myths that just need to be shattered in order for a marriage to survive. We give you a list of the
most common and why they are unhealthy for a marriage.

Marriage means you wont be lonely
If a person marries because they think they wont be lonely in the future then they need to think
again because there are plenty of marriages with lonely people in them. People need to have
friendships and a life outside of the marriage to prevent feelings of loneliness as a marriage cant
solve this.

Children will make a deteriorating marriage stronger
Couples that have a child because they think it will fix their failing marriage, will find that this
doesnt solve anything. They are merely adding new stresses and challenges to a marriage that
is already under pressure and masking the real problems that need to be addressed. Many
studies have shown that the birth of a first child puts a lot of strain on a couple in a marriage
which can push them apart.

All you need is love
Absolutely not. Marriage is far more that love, and you certainly need a lot more than feelings to
keep you together. You need commitment and companionship as well as a love for one another.
In addition to that, you both need to have shared values, tolerance and have realistic
expectations. You need to work at a marriage every day as feelings come and go, and change
under different situations and pressures so a lot more is needed than just love.

It will fulfil all your needs, desires and wishes
No one person can fulfil the desires, needs and wishes of someone else and we definitely
shouldn't expect them to take on all that responsibility. While your other half is the main person
that you will always turn to, they cannot be the only person, so you need to have a larger
support circle of friends you go to for different things. While your partner will make you happy,
you essentially need to be happy with yourself, what you have and who you are before this can
happen. A couple complement each other but they don't complete.

You have less sex and less satisfying sex
According to many studies, married people have both more and better sex than their unmarried
counterparts. Not only do they have sex more often but they enjoy it more, both physically and
emotionally. In a long-term commitment, most individuals want to please their partners, as it
contributes to the satisfaction experienced. In marriage, there is a higher level of commitment
and a greater sense of trust and security. These factors contribute to the higher levels of sexual
satisfaction. However, every marriage is different so if you arent having a lot of sex it doesnt
mean your marriage is falling apart.

Never fight in front of children
Depending on how you fight and if you fight fair, you could be teaching you children how to
have a disagreement and then make up. It is important for children to see this as they arent
often taught how to 'fight', disagree and how to agree to disagree, because most people dont
fight fair. If they learn how to fight fair they will learn how to come to solutions rather than fight,
and children need to be taught how to interact in good times and difficult times. If, however,
you and your partner go at it like cat and dog then make sure the children aren't in ear shot, as
it can have psychological effects and teaches them that this is an ok way to behave.

Sort it out in the morning
You should never go to bed being angry with someone. The last thing you should do is lie in bed
next to someone with 'murderous' thoughts running through your mind. Make sure that you
clear the air, get whatever it is off your chest and dont drag an argument into the following
morning. It will only make matters worse. Plus the issue may be swept under the carpet in the
morning, but it will surface again, so it is best to deal with it in the now and then.
By Flora McCraith, MSN, Updated: 8/19/2010
Dating hardship
A few reasons why dating can be hard

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A lot of people can say that the disappointing experiences that they have when it comes to
dating can significantly outweigh the positives, and each negative experience, no matter how big
or small, leaves a wound and each letdown stabs at your emotional wellbeing and leaves you
with little faith. We take a look at some of the reasons why dating is hard for many.

Great expectations
Most people set their expectation way too high when it comes to dating and rather than having
fun they over evaluate every detail of the evening. If you the mindset that you have got your
foot in the door of marriage because you have landed a date, you have set your prospect way
too high. Relax and have fun.

Past relationships
There are times when you meet a great person, but their past relationship has left a gaping
wound on them leaving them emotionally unavailable. It doesnt matter how great you are or
how well you think you are suited, they need to go through the recovery period at their own
pace before they are available.

Insanity
Its almost impossible to get through to someone when they arent thinking clearly. Whether it is
some sort of baggage from a past relationship or provable madness, pursuing this type of person
is going to end up with an unhealthy relationship.

False hope
When the person you have your eye on gives you a small amount of hope by going through the
preliminary motions of dating and then backs out it can leave you with little trust when the next
person comes along, especially if this is a frequent occurrence.

History
A persons dating history can be that bad that when they get out there again they end up
reacting to the history and not the person in front of them essentially making it a lot harder to
succeed.

Bad advice
A lot of people will get dating advice from their parents, normally from their mother and they
drill their ideas into your mind as you reach adolescence. However, most of the advice is usually
wrong as their dating experience is outdated, barely relevant and doesnt meet the expectations
of todays singles. Equipped with this parental advice they storm the dating world, and then
wonder why they fail at every turn.

Picky
We cant blame everything else under the sun and not mention that people have got a lot pickier
when it comes to dating. After many dating disasters and broken hearts, you find that you skin
gets tougher and your tolerance for certain things becomes very low. This can make it much
harder to find someone who you find interesting. People know what they want and expect and
therefore wont settle until they get that from a relationship.
By Flora McCraith, MSN, Updated: 1/4/2011
Nip an argument in the bud
How to stop an argument before it gets out of hand and turns into a fight

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The saying goes that it never rains, but it pours and this can certainly be the case for some
people. When it comes to couples in relationships, there are of course going to be times when
you get on each others nerves and begin to argue. Here are some simple ways that you
can prevent that down pour from happening.

Change the conversation
You cant be on top of the world, smiles to both ears the whole of the time. If you think that you
or your partner are in an irritable or bad mood then avoid discussing issues that you know you
are both going to disagree with the others point of view. Act fast and divert the conversation as
it really isnt worth falling out over.

Schedule the conversation
If there is something that is important that you and your partner need to talk about, then make
sure that you schedule it, as it cant always be the right time, no matter how pressing the issue
is. You need to be in the right frame of mind so that you are reasonable and can discuss things
rather than squabble.

Take some time out
If the talk isnt going the way you both planned it and things start getting heated, take fifteen
minutes time out from each other so that things dont escalate into a fight. It will give you both
time to calm down, think, breathe, and a way to solve things in a mature pleasant way.

Put everything on the table
It can be hard to keep a top of your emotions. In this case lay your cards on the table and say
exactly what is bothering you without the other person interrupting. It can be good to get
everything off your chest. Then allow the other to reveal their feelings on the matter. Once you
have both aired what has been on your mind you can both calmly and rationally talk through the
problems.
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Get the latest updates on relationships, wellbeing and more by following us on
Twitter @ msnlifeandstyle!
By Flora McCraith, MSN, Updated: 12/13/2010
Signs of a healthy relationship
Are you on the right track to happily ever after?

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Most relationships, on the whole, are good. They have their up days and their down days, you
enjoy each others company, and you get along and share common interests. A lot of people
want more from a relationship. But how do you know whether you relationship is truly
healthy and will last the long haul? We have some tips and signs for you.

Respect
Love and respect come hand in hand. When you love someone you respect their views, the way
they are. You value their opinion, respect their privacy and their right to be happy and do what
you can to make them happy. Without respect in a relationship it is hard for trust to grow
between a couple and is ultimately a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Being together
Enjoying or loving spending time together and enjoying each others company is important.
When youre older and your children have moved out or are away at college or school, you need
to still enjoy that company. It is also necessary to be able to spend time with your friends and
doing hobbies that you enjoy.

Not holding anger
Being able to forgive, forget and let go when you have down days and argue is vital for a
healthy relationship. Many individuals in a relationship hold on to anger or remember past
arguments and then bring them back up, which only opens old wounds.

Listening
Being able to talk, listen and be heard is very important. A couple will need to talk about their
worries and their feelings with each other. It's important to be able to talk freely when you need
to get things off your chest, with an open heart and without being judged - this is the sign of a
healthy relationship.

Being yourself
Being able to be yourself is very important as it means that your other half loves you for you and
not trying to change you in any way. They accept all the great things about you and your flaws,
which many couples find hard to do.
If you liked this article, you may also like;
Is he husband material - signs the guy you are dating is husband material
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Get the latest updates on relationships, dating and more by following us on Twitter
@ msnlifeandstyle!
By Flora McCraith, MSN, Updated: 12/1/2010
Signs its time to breakup
Find out if it's time to go separate ways

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For most relationships there are good days and bad days, you both bicker or are the best of
friends - its normal. However, some couples just dont know when to call it quits, and drag a
relationship on when neither of them are happy. Sometimes it just doesnt work out and good
things come to an end and for others is it just a rough patch. Read on to find out if it's time
to say goodbye to your partner.

When you think about your relationship, how does it make you feel?
A - Youre very happy. He is the one
B - You have good days and bad days
C - You dont feel good

Being in a relationship with someone should make you happy and bring joy. They should make
you feel great and put a spring in your step. If youre miserable and the relationship isnt making
you happy, then ask yourself whether it has run its course. Its usually a gut feeling that tells you
it has.

When it comes to arguments and disagreements
A - You bicker sometimes
B -Row a lot but make up shortly after
C - Constant fighting

It never rains, but it pours and while its usual for couples to argue, if it is full on war for you two
or a general air of animosity, its better to cut your losses and part. If youre always at each
others throats and cant resolve differences then you should accept that this time opposites
dont attract.

Think about their habits they have. How do they make you feel? Are they good or
bad?
A - Habits? What habits?
B- Depending on my mood, depends whether they get on my nerves
C - Everything is annoying

If once endearing habits now get under your skin and annoy you continually, youre going to be
always critical of him. From the way he sings in the shower, eats and even breaths; if it grates
on you and you cant hold your tongue and see past the minor annoyances it will, in time, cause
a divide.

When it comes to your spare time what do the two of you do?
A - We do things together
B - Spend time with friends and each other
C - Youd rather spend time with friends

When you make excuses not to spend time with them, work late or stay until the late hours at
friends houses, its a sign that you need to end things. If youre wishing they werent around or
spending time with them is as bad as a trip to the dentist, alarm bells should be ringing; loudly.

When you see other good looking guys, what do you think?
A - Nothing. My guys is everything I could need
B - Enjoy the window shopping!
C - Making comparisons

While there is nothing wrong with a silly crush or fantasizing George Clooney will sweep you off
your feet, making comparisons of your man against others should tell you that you find others
more appealing. Dont drag it out any longer. Give him the respect he deserves and end it.

When you think of the future where do you see the both of you?
A - Married and growing old together
B - I havent thought that far ahead
C - Different paths

It can be easy to drift apart and end up wanting different things in life, even though you started
on the same path. People change over time, have different goals or head in a different
directions, but if you dont change together or agree to the same path, youll hit crossroads and
eventually drift apart.

What are your overall feelings of the relationship?
A - Its the most important thing to me
B - You pay equal attention to it, along with other important things in your life
C - You just dont care

When there is a lack of effort or you feel indifferent it will kill the relationship. In essence it
means that you dont care about the relationship or you partner. You dont care if you argue;
you dont care if you dont. When you dont feel anything towards the other person, its difficult
to come back from.

Has either of you cheated?
A - No, we are 100 per cent committed to each other
B - No, I dont think so
C - One of you has cheated

If you or your partner has cheated or is doing something that will hurt the other, then of course
you run the risk of ruining the relationship. It is a big red flag waving in front of your faces that
indicates the relationship should end. When trust is betrayed it ruins the security of the
relationship.

If you answered mostly As
It seems as though the two of you are on the right path and that this partnership is a perfect
match. You are both committed to the relationship, respect each other and communicate well.
If you answered mostly Bs
Your relationship isnt in any danger in falling apart, but the two of you could make more of a
concerted effort to make the bonds stronger between the two of you.
If you answered mostly Cs
Unfortunately it seems as though you arent really bothered whether your relationship sinks or
stays afloat. You have given up on each other and the relationship. It seems as though you
should quit while you are ahead and call it a day.
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@ msnlifeandstyle!