Francis' Dialogue With Engaged Couples

"Marriage is a celebration, a Christian celebration, not a worldly

celebration"

Vatican City, February 14, 2014 (Zenit.org) | 2098 hits
Here is a translation of Pope Francis remarks today when he met in St.
Peter's Square with some 20,000 youth engaged to be married. He
responded to questions posed by three couples.

* * *
Question 1: The fear of the forever
Holiness, so many today think that to promise faithfulness for the whole
of life is too difficult an enterprise; many feel that the challenge to live
together forever is beautiful, fascinating, but too demanding, almost
impossible. We ask you for your word to enlighten us on this.
I am grateful for the testimony and for the question. I shall explain: they
sent me the question ahead of time you understand. And so I was
able to reflect and think about a somewhat more solid answer.
Its important to ask yourselves if its possible to love one another
forever. This is a question that must be asked: is it possible to love
each other forever? Today so many people are afraid of making
definitive choices. A boy said to his Bishop: I want to become a priest,
but only for ten years. He was afraid of a definitive choice. But it is a
general fear, proper of our culture. To make choices for life seems
impossible. Today everything changes rapidly; nothing lasts long And
this mentality leads so many who are preparing for marriage to say: we
are together while love lasts, and then? Greetings and good-bye
And so marriage ends.
But what do we understand by love? Is it only a feeling, a psycho-
physical state? Of course if its this, one cannot build on something
solid. But if, instead, love is a relationship, then its a reality that grows,
and we can also say, by way of example, that it is built as a house. And
the house is built together, not by one alone! Here to build means to
foster and help growth. Dear fiancs, you are preparing yourselves to
grow together, to build this house, to live together forever. You dont
want to build it on the sand of sentiments that come and go, but on the
rock of true love, the love that comes from God. The family is born from
this project of love that wishes to grow, as a house is built that is a place
of affection, of help, of hope, of support. As the love of God is stable
and forever, so we also want the love that founds the family to be
stable and forever. Please, we must not let ourselves be conquered by
the culture of the provisional! This culture that invades everyone
today, this culture of the provisional, is not the way!
So, how is this fear of forever cured? Its cured day by day by
entrusting oneself to the Lord Jesus in a life that becomes a daily
spiritual journey, made up of steps small steps, steps of joint growth
made up of the commitment to become mature women and men in the
faith. Because, dear fiancs, forever is not solely a question of
duration! A marriage hasnt succeeded just because it has lasted its
quality is important. The challenge of Christian spouses is to be together
and to be able to love each other forever. There comes to mind the
miracle of the multiplication of the loaves: for you also, the Lord can
multiply love and give it to you fresh and good every day. He has an
infinite supply! He gives you the love that is the foundation of your
union and He renews it every day, He reinforces it. And He renders it
even greater when the family grows with children. On this journey,
prayer is important and necessary always. He for you and you for him
and all and the two together. Ask Jesus to multiply your love. In the
prayer of the Our Father we say: Give us this day our daily bread.
Spouses can also learn to pray thus: Lord, give us today our daily love,
because the daily love of spouses is the bread, the true bread of the
soul, that which sustains them to go forward. And the prayer: can we do
the test to know if we are able to say it? Lord, give us today our daily
love. All together! [Fiancs: Lord, give us today our daily love] Once
again! [Fiancs: Lord, give us today our daily love]. This is the prayer
of fiancs and spouses. Teach us to love one another, to will the good
for each other! The more you entrust yourselves to Him the more your
love will be forever, capable of being renewed and it will overcome
every difficulty. This is what I thought I wished to say to you, in response
to your question. Thank you!
Question 2: To live together: The style of married life
Holiness, to live together every day is beautiful, it gives joy and sustains.
However, its a challenge to be faced. We believe that we must learn to
love one another. Is there a style of the life of a couple, a spirituality of
the everyday that we could learn? Can you help us in this, Holy Father?
Its an art to live together, a patient, beautiful and fascinating journey. It
doesnt end when you have won each other. Instead, its really then
that it begins! This daily journey has rules that that can be summarized
in the three phrases you have said, phrases which I have repeated so
many times to families: permission that is, may I, [can you], as you
said thank you and excuse me.
May I Permission? It is the polite request to be able to enter in the
life of another with respect and care. It is necessary to learn to ask: may
I do this? Are you happy that we do it this way? That we take this
initiative, that we educate the children like this? Would you like us to go
out this evening? In sum, to ask permission means to be able to enter
with courtesy in the life of others. But hear this well: to be able to enter
with courtesy in the life of others. And its not easy, its not easy.
Sometimes, instead, rather heavy ways are used, like some mountain
boots! True love doesnt impose itself with harshness and
aggressiveness. In theLittle Flowers of Saint Francis, one finds this
expression: Know that courtesy is one of Gods properties and
courtesy is the sister of charity, which extinguishes hatred and
preserves love (Chapter 37). Yes, courtesy preserves love. And today in
our families, in our world, often violent and arrogant, there is need of
much more courtesy. And this can begin at home.
Thank you. It seems easy to say this word, but we know its not like
this However, its important! We teach it to children, but then we
forget it! Gratitude is an important sentiment! Once, in Buenos Aires an
elderly lady said to me: gratitude is a flower that grows in noble earth.
Nobility of soul is necessary for this flower to grow. Do you remember
Lukes Gospel? Jesus cures ten lepers and then only one returns to say
thank you to Jesus. And the Lord says: and where are the other nine?
This is true also for us: are we able to thank? In your relationship, and
tomorrow in your married life, its important to keep alive the
awareness that the other person is a gift of God, and one says thank you
for Gods gifts! And in this interior attitude to say thank you to each
other for everything. Its not a kind word to be used with foreigners, to
be well-mannered. Its necessary to be able to say thank you to one
another, to go forward well together in your married life.
Apology. We make so many errors, so many mistakes in life. We all
do. Is there, perhaps, someone here who has never made a mistake? If
there is one here, let him raise his hand: a person who has never made
a mistake? We all make them! All! Perhaps theres not a day in which
we dont make some mistake. The Bible says that the just man sins
seven times a day. And so we make mistakes See, then, the need to
use this simple word: sorry. In general each one of us is quick to
accuse the other and to justify ourselves. This began with our father
Adam, when God asks him: Adam, have you eaten of that fruit? I? No!
She is the one who gave it to me! We accuse the other so as not to say
sorry, pardon. Its an old story! Its an instinct that is at the origin of
so many disasters. Let us learn to acknowledge our errors and to ask for
pardon. Im sorry if I raised my voice today; Im sorry I passed by
without greeting you; Im sorry I was late, if this week Ive been so
silent, if Ive talked too much without ever listening; Im sorry I
forgot; Im sorry I was angry and took it out on you There are so
many sorrys we can say each day.
A Christian family also grows this way. We all know that the perfect
family doesnt exist, or the perfect husband, or the perfect wife. We
wont speak of the perfect mother-in-law We, sinners, exist. Jesus,
who knows us well, teaches us a secret: never end a day without asking
forgiveness from one another, without having peace return to your
home, to your family. Its usual to quarrel between spouses, but theres
always something, we quarreled Perhaps you were angry, perhaps a
dish flew, but please remember this: never end the day without making
peace! Never, never, never! This is a secret, a secret to preserve love
and make peace. Its not necessary to make a beautiful speech.
Sometimes a gesture like this and peace is made. Never end
because if you end the day without making peace, what you have inside
the next day is cold and hard and its more difficult to make peace.
Remember well: never end the day without making peace! If we learn to
ask pardon of each other and to forgive one another, the marriage will
last, it will go forward. When elderly spouses, celebrating their 50th,
come to audiences or to Mass here at Saint Marthas, I ask the question:
Who has endured whom? This is beautiful! They all look at one another,
they look at me, and they say to me: Both! And this is beautiful. This is
a beautiful testimony!
Question 3: The style of the celebration of Matrimony
Holiness, in these months we are engaged in so many preparations for
our wedding. Can you give us some advice to celebrate our marriage
well?
Make it be a real celebration because marriage is a celebration a
Christian celebration, not a worldly celebration. The most profound
motive for joy on that day is indicated in Johns Gospel: do you
remember the miracle at the wedding of Cana? At a certain point they
ran out of wine and the celebration seemed ruined. Imagine ending the
feast by drinking tea! No, its not on! Without wine, there is no
celebration! On Marys suggestion, in that moment Jesus reveals
himself for the first time and gives a sign: he transforms the water into
wine and, by so doing, saves the wedding celebration. What happened
at Cana two thousand years ago happens, in fact, in every nuptial
celebration: what will make your marriage full and profoundly true will
be the presence of the Lord, who reveals himself and gives his grace. Its
his presence that offers the good wine, he is the secret of full joy,
what truly warms the heart. Its Jesus presence in that celebration. May
it be a beautiful celebration, but with Jesus! Not with the spirit of the
world, no! This is felt, when the Lord is there.
At the same time, however, its good that your marriage [day] be
sensible and that it highlight what is truly important. Some are more
concerned with external signs, the banquet, photographs, clothes and
flowers. They are important things in a celebration, but only if they are
able to indicate the true motive of your joy: the Lords blessing on your
love. Make the external signs of your celebration, as the wine at Cana,
reveal the Lords presence and remind you and everyone of the origin
and reason for your joy.
But theres something you said that I would like to seize, because I dont
want to let it pass. Matrimony is also a work of every day; I could say a
craftwork, a goldsmiths work, because the husband has the task to
make his wife more woman and the wife has the task to make her
husband more man. To grow also in humanity, as man and as woman.
And this is done between you. It is called growing together. This doesnt
come from the air! The Lord blesses it, but it comes from your hands,
from your attitudes, from your way of living, from your way of loving
one another. Make yourselves grow! Always act so that the other
grows. Work for this. And so, I dont know, I think of you who one day
will go on a street of your country and the people will say: But look at
her, what a beautiful woman, how strong she is! With such a
husband, one can understand it! And also to you: Look how he is!
With the wife he has, one can understand it! Its this, to arrive at this:
to make each other grow together. And the children will have this
legacy of having had a father and a mother that grew together, each
one making the other more a man and more a woman!
[Original text: Italian]
[Translation by ZENIT]