Many Words Guided by

One Word

Devotion for Jill Blums (Phil Langs fiance)
Wedding Shower


Jill, I am honored to be asked to speak with you today as you prepare in just a few weeks to
become Phils wife. I havent had opportunity to sit in on any of your pre-marital meetings with
David, but I want you to know he has really enjoyed them. When I asked him to tell me a bit
about you, his first comment is that you love the Word of God and you take it in often. I
thought that was quite a commendation! That will serve you well throughout your whole life,
and I encourage you to stay in the Word of God! I also learned that you are a speech
pathologist. It must bring you great joy to enable people to be able to express their thoughts
with greater clarity, and in a way that can be understood - especially a young child. That is
the foundation of communication. And I believe you will find, like most of us here, that
communication will be one of the biggest areas of challenge in marriage. Sometimes
communication flows easily and cooperatively, and other times it can feel like you hardly
understand one another, perhaps you are even speaking a different language! So, tonight Id
like to focus in on communication, words guided by one Word.

My favorite game to play is Scrabble. Each time you play it is an entirely different game, and
its so exciting when you can play all 7 tiles. That bonus 50 points makes it almost impossible
to be beaten. This tells you a little about me, I love language, and I am competitive but not
athletic. So, I have to find an arena in which I can win. SCRABBLE I just played with
my Mother-in-law this week; she is an extremely good player. The game flowed easily for me
from start to finish. I got to play both the Q and the Z on high scoring spaces, and I got to play
a 7-letter word. My score was just shy of that coveted 400 mark - 388! She is very difficult to
beat, so I was happy to have a good round. We played again the next day, and I had terrible
tiles the whole game. I never picked up a high scoring tile, and had mostly vowels. Each time
I had to play it was like pulling teeth to make something happen. Needless to say my score
was no where near the night before.

Scrabble is all based on words. Many words are spoken in relationships. Im sure over the
past few months as youve been planning your wedding and anticipating life together, the
words I love you have been spoken by you and Phil many times. With words you have gotten
to know each over through these years that you have dated. On June 21st, vows of covenant
of marriage will be spoken by you and Phil, and my favorite pastor will pronounce you husband
and wife as long as you both shall live. Words. Powerful words. Life-changing words.




Words play a key role in our relationships - it is how they are built. But interestingly,
words also play a key role in conflict. When used properly, words promote
understanding and encourage agreement. When misused, they actually aggravate
conflicts and drive people apart.

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The Bible has a lot to say about words. Many of them are warnings about the use of our
tongues and our words. Here are just a few examples: Were instructed that our words reveal
what is in our hearts (Matt 12:34b). Were told to guard our tongues because they are so
powerful - that both blessings and curses can come from this little instrument (James 3:9-12)
Were guided to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15), to encourage one another and build each
other up (1 Thess. 5:11). I think if all of us were honest today, wed have to admit that our
words have not always been used to build up or encourage, nor have they always been
guarded.

Id like to encourage you today, Jill, (and all of us) to ask God to help us to have all of
our words be guided by one word. Can you guess what that one word might be?
GRACE. Only Gods grace, poured into us through the Lord Jesus Christ, can help us
to live and speak in a way that honors Him.

I know you may find this shocking, but Phil is not always going to do things the way you want
him to - in other words, the right way. At times he may be indifferent to or unaware of your
needs. You will promise to love, honor, and cherish one another for better or for worse, for
richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live. That is a strong
promise, and you make it while having no idea where the journey of your lives will take you.
We love imagining the richer, the health, the better But life in this world will also include
times of sickness, poorer times, hard times. Gods grace is the thing that will hold you together
as you cling to Him. And it can make your marriage stronger!

In all of these situations words will be spoken. What kind of words will they be? The
building up kind, or the tearing down kind?


Conflict always provides an opportunity to glorify God, that is, to bring Him praise and honor
by showing us who He is, what He is like, and what He is doing. The best way to glorify God in
the midst of conflict is to depend on and draw attention to his grace, that is, the undeserved
love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom he gives to us through Jesus Christ (Sande,
31).

Jill, is there any sin that Phil will commit against you that Jesus hasnt already fully and
completely paid for? So - fight the temptation to make him pay you when he sins. Im
not saying never to confront his actions or attitudes, but I am saying that when he asks
for your forgiveness, dont demand that he pay for his sins as well. This can look like
hounding him for something hes done, or as I am more tempted to do - an icy cold
refusal to communicate until hes figured out what the problem is and has done some
penance.


Grace brings to mind the many times you have been forgiven by God, and enables to
lovingly forgive Phil when he has wronged you. Grace humbly asks the question, How
have I wronged YOU? Grace doesnt dwell on what he should do or has failed to do, it
focuses primarily on what God has done and is doing through Christ. Grace allows you
to listen to him when he speaks without formulating your response. Grace helps you to
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be loving in the way you judge Phils actions - and not jump to conclusions. (Sande,
165-169) Grace allows you to presume positive intentions in Phil.

These responses will not come naturally. What comes naturally in the midst of a
conflict is to defend ourselves, blame others, and focus on points of disagreement
(Sande, 169).

I am indebted to the book, The Peacemaker, and it has been foundational in preparing this
talk. In this book the author instructs us to Breathe grace. He says, peacemakers are
people who breathe grace to others in the midst of a conflict. Since we cannot breathe out
what we have not breathed in, this process hinges on our moment-by-moment
relationship with God. We must continually breathe in Gods grace by studying and
meditating on his Word, praying to Him, thanking him for his mercy and rejoicing in our
salvation . As we are filled with his grace, we can then breathe it out to others by
confessing our wrongs, bringing them hope through the gospel, lovingly showing others their
faults, forgiving them as God has forgiven us, and manifesting in our words and actions the
fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23, Sande, 170).

I have been asking God to help me make this type of response as natural as breathing. I am
not even aware that I am breathing right now, however it continues without even a thought. I
desire that my responses to words or actions be seasoned with grace; to breathe grace to
others.

Jill, you stand along with Phil side-by-side at the Cross. Youre equally in need of Gods
sustaining grace and regular forgiveness. I hope that regularly the words spoken between you
will include words like these:

Because of Christ:
I forgive you
I trust you
I encourage you
I respect and honor you
I pray with you and for you
I am your biggest cheerleader
We will run to the cross together
We will stay in the Word of God together
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