Grandparents.

com's
101
Jokes for Kids
v
Family-Friendly Riddles,
Puns & Knee-Slappers
for You to Share
HA
HA HA
H
A
!
H
a
!
H
a
!
H
a
!
Ba-ha-ha-
ha-ha!
How do you
make a re
with two sticks?
Make sure ones
a match!
Q:
A:
What do you give
a lemon in distress?
Lemonade.
Q:
A:
Why cant you
tell a joke while
standing on ice?
Because it might
crack up!
Q:
A:
How do hair
stylists speed
up their job?
They take
short cuts!
Q:
A:
Why did the
belt go to jail?
It held up a
pair of pants.

Q:
A:
What is
a boxers
favorite drink?
Punch!

Q:
A:
Where do you put
barking dogs?
In a barking lot.
Q:
A:
What stays in the
corner but goes
around the world?
A stamp.
Q:
A:
What does a clock
do when it's hungry?
Goes back 4 seconds!
Q:
A:
What kind of shoes
do frogs wear?

Open toad.
Q:
A:
Who can shave six
times a day, but still
have a beard?
A barber.
Q:
A:
What do you call a
bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Q:
A:
Why didn't Cinderella
make the basketball
team?
She ran away
from the ball.
Where do burgers like
to dance?
At a meatball!
Q:
A:
What day do chickens
hate most?
Fry-days!
What day do chickens
hate most?
Fry-days!
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What do you get
when you cross an
elephant and a sh?
Swimming trunks.
Q:
A: A:
Why didn't the
skeleton go to
the dance?
He had no body
to go with.
Q:
A:
2
Q:
A:
Why was the
math book sad?
It had too many
problems.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What is gray, has
four legs, a tail,
and a trunk?
A mouse on
vacation.
Why don't
ducks ever have
spare change?
They only carry
bills!
Why don't
ducks ever have
spare change?
They only carry
bills!
What goes up,
but never
comes down?
Your age.
Where do
horses live?
In neigh-
borhoods!
What do you
call a penguin
in the desert?
Lost!
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
3
How do you cut a
wave in half?
Use a sea saw.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What kind of music
do planets sing?
Neptunes!
Q:
A:
Why did the sun
go to school?
To get brighter!
Q:
A:
Why did the
football coach go
to the bank?
To get his
quarterback.
Q:
A:
Why couldn't the kid
see the pirate movie?
It was rated ARR!
Q:
A:
What would you call
a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What happens
when a vampire
attacks a snowman?
Frostbite.
Q:
A:
What do you do if
you're attacked by a
group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
4
What has four
wheels and ies?
A garbage truck.
What did
Tennessee?
The same
thing Arkansas.
Q:
A:
What kind of
underwear do
reporters wear?
News briefs.
Q:
A:
Why was the boy
sitting on his watch?
Because he wanted
to be on time.
Q:
A:
What do you call
a story about a
broken pencil?
Pointless.
Q:
A:
Why did the
melon jump into
the lake?
It wanted to be
a watermelon.
Q:
A:
Why was the
baseball game
so hot?
Because all the
fans left!
Q:
A:
Why are the oors
of basketball
courts always
so damp?
The players
dribble a lot.
Q:
A:
Why did the opera
singer go sailing?
Because she wanted
to hit the high Cs.
Q:
A:
Whats a trees
favorite drink?
Root beer.
Q:
A:
When is the moon
heaviest?
When it's full.
When is the moon
heaviest?
When it's full.
Q:
A:
How many tickles
does it take to make
a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Q:
A:
What do you get
when you cross a
cheetah and a burger?
Fast food.
Q:
A:
What has 18 legs
and catches ies?
A baseball team.
Q:
A:
Why do bees have
sticky hair?
Because they have
honeycombs.
What did the left eye
say to the right eye?

"Between you and me,
something smells!"
Q:
A:
Why do seagulls y
over the sea?
If they ew over the bay,
they would be bagels.
Q:
A:
Why do elephants
have trunks?
Because they'd look
funny with suitcases.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What do you call
an alligator
wearing a vest?
An investigator.
Q:
A:
6
How do you spot
a modern spider?
He doesn't have a
web, he has a
website!
Q:
A:
What did zero say
to eight?
Nice belt!
Q:
A:
What animal can jump
higher than a house?
Any animal a house
can't jump.
Q:
A:
How do you x a
broken tomato?
With tomato paste!
Q:
A:
Why are teddy
bears never hungry?
Because theyre
always stufed.
Q:
A:
Why was the
broom late?
It over-swept!
Q:
A:
What did the frog
order at the diner?
French ies and a
Diet Croak.
Q:
A:
Why can't skeletons
play church music?
Because they have
no organs.
Q:
A:
Why was the mother
rey unhappy?
Because her husband
was a little dim!
Q:
A:
7
What nails do
carpenters hate
hammering?
Fingernails.
Q:
A:
Why do cowboys ride
horses?
Because they
are too heavy to carry!
Q:
A:
What are the
strongest creatures
in the ocean?
Mussels.
Q:
A:
What kind of music
do mummies like?
Wrap.
Q:
A:
Why isn't your nose
12 inches long?
Because it would
be a foot.
Q:
A:
What did one
volcano say to the
other volcano?
I lava you.
Q:
A:
What do you call a
vampire who
makes pancakes?
Count Spatula!
Q:
A:
What did one plate
say to the other plate?
Dinner's on
me tonight!
Why are pianos hard
to open?
The keys are inside.
Q:
A:
When do astronauts
eat?
At launch time.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
Why do golfers carry
an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a
hole in one.
Q:
A:
8
What did the
one penny say to
the other penny?
We make perfect
cents.
Q:
A:
Why can't
Martian
kitties drink
their milk?
Because it's in
ying saucers!
Q:
A:
Why did the girl
give her pony
cough syrup?
It was a little
horse.
Q:
A:
Where are cars
most likely to
get at tires?
At forks in
the road.
Q:
A:
How does the
ocean say
hello?
It waves.

Q:
A:
What did the
lawyer name
his daughter?
Sue.

Q:
A:
How does the
ocean say
hello?
It waves.

What did the
lawyer name
his daughter?
Sue.

How do Eskimos
make their beds?
With sheets of ice
and blankets of snow.
Q:
A:
How can you tell the
calendar is popular?

It always has a lot
of dates!
Q:
A:
What did the hat say
to the scarf?

You hang around,
and I'll go on a head."
Q:
A:
Why did the boy
take a ruler to bed?
To see how long
he slept.
Q:
A:
What sound does a nut
make when it sneezes?
CASHEW!
Why did the man
put his money in
the freezer?
He wanted cold,
hard cash.
What do sea monsters
eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
Q:
A:
How do they serve
smart hamburgers?
On honor rolls.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
Why was the
woman red from
the car assembly line?
She was caught
taking a brake.
What did the mayo say
when the refrigerator
door opened?
"Close the door! I'm
dressing!"
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
10
Q:
A:
Which side of
a chicken has
more feathers?
The outside.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
How do you
mend a broken
pumpkin?
With a pumpkin
patch!
Why was the
little strawberry
crying?
His parents were
in a jam.
What do ghosts
use to wash
their hair?
Sham-BOO!
Why cant a
bicycle stand
up?
Because its
two-tired!
What kind of
bee cant make
up its mind?
A maybe.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
11
What did
the inventor of the
door knocker win?
The no-bell
prize.
Q:
A:
In what school do
you learn how to
greet people?
Hi school.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What do you call a
gorilla with a banana
in each ear?
Anything you like; he
can't hear you.
What happens when
a red ship crashes
into a blue ship?
The crew gets
marooned.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What's the only school
where you have to
drop out to graduate?
Skydiving school.
Q:
A:
Q:
A:
What do you call a king
who is 12 inches tall?
A ruler.
Q:
A:
What do you get when
you cross a karate
expert with a pig?
A porkchop.
What do a baker and
a millionaire have in
common?
They are both rolling
in the dough!
If April showers bring
May owers, what do
May owers bring?
Pilgrims!
Q:
A:
12