Time is a Shrinking Prison 7/22/2013

The greatest advice I ever received might have been from my uncle Ron. He told
me that the key to being happy was putting time on your side. Always have something to
look forward to! But Time is against us all in the end all of us that fear death. There is
some relief in death in that it offers us the ultimate permanence. That permanence which
doesn!t e"ist while living that which Heraclitus spoke of. Time is a prison for our
e"istence a shrinking prison.
#ven now I feel rushed. I feel rushed to complete this paper my head aches and
pains hoping I won!t have to think about it too long. Thinking kills time but what
happens when you try to kill time$ %ou reali&e it works out vice versa. I have other
things to accomplish today. I have to read so many pages of my Meditations on
Philosophy by Rene 'escartes and then I have to learn some American (ign )anguage
and possibly practice my piano* ohh and maybe I can get another chapter in of my
audiobook while lying down. Am I taking on too many pro+ects$ How many hours will I
commit to each one$ If I don!t give them enough time what if I don!t make the proper
advancements$ ,orse yet what if I forget what I have learned and thus it becomes a
waste of time$ I don!t have time for friends friends break into my perfectly crafted time
schedule of what I need to do to learn today. )earning is my means of being productive I
truly must learn something new every day and as much as possible as I can. -hh why
can!t the day have ./ hours in it$
0nowledge is the closest we can get to permanence until death. I read in a
psychology book that you retain 1/2 of what you can remember for 3 hours or more.
,hat is the point in e"ercising$ If I stop e"ercising I don!t retain my results so there is
no point! All that hard work goes down the drain. I have a horrible short term memory
but great long4term memory. ,hen I have time to think such as on a drive somewhere
5but I also listen to new music the whole time I don!t have time for old music which I
already know I need new e"periences!6 I use that time to memori&e information I have
taken in. ,hat good is reading if you can!t recall what you have read$ ,hat good is
learning a skill if you forget it. The stories that scare me the most are from people that
say they used to know something well an e"pert at piano for e"ample and nearly lost all
of that ability. That truly frightens me because it means the permanence I hoped to
ac7uire isn!t so permanent. I understand that when I die I will lose all that I know but
death offers me a new permanence that will replace my knowledge. ,hile living I need
my permanence!
There truly isn!t enough time while living! )ook at all those beautiful books at
the library! They are filled with beautiful facts! I struggle to get through one book for
days but how much time do I have left$ How will I ever get to e"perience all this
beautiful truth that e"ists$ Isn!t it depressing to see these libraries full of wonderful
stories and know that you will die before getting to read them all$ How depressing.
I can!t stand to wake up late! If I wake up late that!s an hour or two out of my
learning time. 8o time to listen to music that!s wasteful 5I can listen to music in the car
while driving so that driving doesn!t become a total waste of time a waste of a new
learning e"perience6. Time you en+oy wasting isn!t a waste is it$ But I!m not en+oying
it counting the hours down as my prison closes in on me what fun is that$ (ometimes I
am pulled away by a friend and I +ustify it by saying that maybe I needed a break for my
mind to retain information or* maybe this is a new e"perience which I need to learn.
(ometimes while watching a movie I will space out and start thinking about other things
I have learned or some other form of multi4tasking but then am I really getting the most
from my movie watching e"perience$ I have a tendency to miss important plot
developments.
A video game can be confusing for me as well and I will need to decide how far I
will take the game. ,ill I +ust complete the game or will I do some of the side47uests$ I
rarely have time for a 9//2 run of a game because that takes a lot of time for trivial little
e"cesses that I am not learning anything from. (ometimes I also watch a )et!s :lay
instead because playing the game myself would cause too much stumbling around and I
rather +ust see someone else play it and commentate on it. ,hen I do decide to play a
game I have no time for being stuck. I have to look up a walkthrough for the game to fi"
this problem. However what if I were to gain some valuable problem solving skills from
this e"perience$ I don!t have time to think about it.
I wasn!t always like this and maybe I will change somewhat* maybe I can
escape this e"tra4restricting prison of hoarding permanence. I don!t have time to not be
lonely. I can!t have a child because that would eat up chunks of my time. I haven!t been
looking for a +ob because I can be sustained via my father!s help 5and school ;A;(A
payments6 and working means that 3 or so hours of my day is '#A'! 0I))#'! Time
is being killed! And for what$ ,hat does working a menial +ob offer me$ <aybe once I
get my accounting certification I can look for a +ob that offers more. ,orking does
provide money and money leads to new e"periences. The problem seems to be that
when you have the money for new e"periences you don!t have the time and when you
have the time you don!t have the money. I would like to pay to learn bo"ing or go back
to +iu +itsu or maybe even have help learning my piano. I also en+oy going out to eat and
trying new foods. I struggle to decide how to end this writing and as I struggle the time
ticks away* time I could be spending to learn to fill in the gaps of knowledge I don!t
have. I don!t have time to worry about if I missed anything I wanted to say I can add
notes later if necessary. I* I have to stop writing now there isn!t time to write more
now.
4Greg dratsab Huffman
(7/22/2013) Note: I sometime hear it is a good idea to re4read books to get more
information but is this ma"imi&ing the knowledge I could take in$ (ince I read mostly
non4fiction I prefer to +ust read another similar book on the same sub+ect. That way I am
taking in new information while overlaying old information. -f course this won!t work
for specific works of fiction etc.
(7/22/2013) Reply on socialanietys!pport"com:
-riginally :osted by #ire mage$%=
s long as you are en!oying yourself in the present moment" the details of the future
don#t matter$ %eah" you might not remember some things in the future but !oy &omes from
the here and no'$ (hat about permanen&e do you )alue* (hy ma+e so many sa&rifi&es
for permanen&e 'hen it is &ausing you to suffer*
<y response=
I believe the reason I value permanence so much is because I want something to collect
for ->' reasons. I want to hoard up something and collecting memories 5I keep every
photo and video I take on a back4up ?(B6 and knowledge is my obsessive hobby. I feel
that if I don@t collect things or perform self4improvement from day to day that every day
will be e"actly the same like Aroundhog@s 'ay. I feel that I need to keep on improving
always getting smarter always learning! If life isn@t a mountain of improvement then it is
a roller coaster of random banal events that have no meaning. I give my life e"istential
meaning 5ironic since e"istentialism focuses on the lack of permanence in the world6 by
improving my mind every day though I also drive myself cra&y this way so one has to
wonder if I@m not doing more damage than good$ I fantasi&e that one day this will all pay
off somehow.