NATURAL MANHOOD: From Prison Towards Inner Freedom

Natural

Manhood

From Prison

Towards inner Freedom

Natural

Manhood

From Prison

Towards inner Freedom

By

Martin H.

With Chiron Centre Anonymous

Chiron Centre Publishing / C.I.C.

This edition

Published in the U.K. by Chiron Centre Publishing/ C.I.C.,

C/o News from Nowhere Bookshop, Liverpool L1 4HY, U.K.

© Martin H. with Chiron Centre Anonymous 01.09.2014

Revised and updated June 2015

Martin H. and Chiron Centre Anonymous have asserted their right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the authors of this work.

All rights reserved.

By all means use this book, but please refrain from abusing this work in any way shape or form.

Book written & designed by Martin H.

Proofreading: Mandy Vere

Typeset: Bernard Jordan

Cover illustration: Colin Curbishley

Front & back cover design: Stuart McCarthy

Printed and bound in Great Britain

British Library Cataloguing in Publication data available

ISBN: 978-0-9574856-1-7 (paperback) ISBN: 978-0-9574856-2-4 (e-book) 300gsm cover card; U.S dimensions 5.83 x 8.27/ U.K. dimension 210 x 148 (A5) Perfect Bound (pb). (matt cover).100gsm (matt laminated cover), printed with black ink.

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Contents

Contents

Dedication

Foreword

Introduction

Part 1:Male Alienation

Part 2:Free Your Mind

What is Mind?

Purification of Mind & Body

Withdrawal

The Importance of Self-Nurturing

Meditation for Beginners

From the Problem towards a Solution

Part 3:Natural Manhood

Our Higher Mother

Our Higher Father

Afterword

Epilogue

Appendix A:Self-Tests for Compulsive Behaviours

Appendix B:Articles for Prisoners & Staff

Appendix C:Find your Brothers!

How to Start Your Own Men’s Group

Personal Stories:Men Share Their Experience, Strength & Hope

Voices

With Special Thanks to:

Index of Chapters

Dedication

For my teacher

Venerable Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche who taught me how to meditate

For Narcotics Anonymous who help to restore me to sanity on a daily basis

For all my parents who made my life and this book possible

For Mumia Abu-Jamal and all prisoners of conscience

For Choje Akong Tulku Rinpoche (1940-2013), my spiritual uncle, whose radiant example inspired me to travel the path of the Sacred Warrior

"Emancipate yourself

From mental slavery,

None but ourselves can

Free our minds."

Bob Marley

Redemption Song

Foreword

I feel both humbled to be asked to write this foreword and excited to be a small part of such a thoughtful and thought provoking book.

I’m excited by the challenges facing men at this time in history since man has literally had it his own way for millennia. Finding a new way for man in society involves a dance with ourselves and our challenges, as in every walk of life we are increasingly finding ourselves at a loss, out-competed, left behind at school, outshone at work; it seems the remorseless challenges facing man just keep on piling up with no sign of an end in sight.

We live in a time when the definition of what it means to be a man needs redefining as our position as bread winner, often measured by the strength of our arm or the power of our social status, is rightly coming apart.

It’s no surprise to me that more than ever in the history of humankind a crisis of identity and confidence has emerged to define manhood in a modern era where traditional roles have crumbled. The evolution of manhood has stalled yet we persist with old thinking that fails to contribute to the movement towards a transformation to a more conscious and spiritually connected male.

Martin H. starts this book with prisons and prisoners, but equally these insights can be applied to the internal prisons that prevent modern males escaping to the freedom of spiritual consciousness and the journey towards their higher selves. Too often we measure ourselves by what we do and what we own rather than who we really are. I express gratitude to Martin in asking me to write this foreword and to a remarkable front-line community organisation, Granby Toxteth Development Trust, for bringing us together.

Martin’s book is a compilation of personal experience, as a witness, of wisdom and insightful thinking that leads to both natural manhood and a more enlightened role for the male of the species in the twenty first century and beyond.

Natural manhood explores how men, particularly those locked in our prisons, need a complete overhaul with new thinking and a recognition that if we do not seek the divine in all our lives, we are unlikely to resolve the issues we face in a rapidly changing world. What is needed is new thinking and a dose of ancient wisdom. This book provides both.

Stefan Nicholls

Co-Active Coach and Social Enterprise Consultant

Introduction

"There are simple universal laws of human life which cannot be violated without paying a painful price. Every great spiritual, philosophical and religious tradition has emphasised compassion, reconciliation, forgiveness and responsibility. These are not questions, they are instructions. If we follow them we will thrive, if not we will suffer. The socially sanctioned hatred and rage we express towards criminals in modern times violates these timeless instructions.

We are breaking a fundamental spiritual law and the price we are paying for it is increased crime, depravity, hopelessness and, of course, more hatred and rage."

Bo Lozoff

We’re All Doing Time,

A Guide for Getting Free

(www.humankindness.org)

Why this book?

This book is inspired by my experience of having worked with adult males in prisons, mental health institutions, Young Offenders Institutions and police stations over a ten year period. I believe that how we engage with male prisoners is a useful guide to how we, as a community, engage with modern males in general.

I felt there were similar themes among the men I worked with: alienation, emotional infantilism, addiction, post-traumatic stress disorder and spiritual bankruptcy. Prisons tend to be spiritually bankrupt places. The reason why crime is on the increase, in my opinion, is because these places do not adequately address the fact that most of the men who turn to crime are also spiritually sick.

Listening to the prisoners I worked with was enlightening. Most of the men who had turned to crime had been abandoned by their fathers. Most – no matter how big and mean they looked on the outside – were still ‘mummy’s little boys’ emotionally. Most had low self-esteem issues. Most of the adult prisoners had mental health issues brought about by post-traumatic stress disorder and addiction. It is generally accepted that 80% of crime is due to problems with drink and drugs.

This book is an extension of my work as a Buddhist prison chaplain. I have never met a ‘stupid’ prisoner. However, there were many issues that the prisoners and staff seemed to be ignorant about. This book seeks to address those gaps. As a chaplain, my job was to teach Buddhism to prisoners. I quickly found out from my students that they weren’t interested in religion as such. Most were interested in spirituality and meditation. This book is for them.

Through the discussions with the prisoners, we debated spiritual practice as well as boyhood to manhood transformation. What does it mean to be spiritual? Why meditate? What is natural manhood? How do we overcome trauma? What is addiction? These were some of the questions we tackled.

There are three parts to Natural Manhood:

Part 1: Male Alienation

Part 1 is about the problems that most Western contemporary urban males face, which makes criminality more likely. Alienation. Alienation leads to isolation, emotional infantilism, guilt and shame around male sexuality, self-hatred and madness.

Part 2: Free Your Mind

Part 2 is an introduction to spirituality. Most prisoners have no idea how to pray and meditate. There is a solution to modern alienation and that is spiritual practice. The solution to alienation is finding a Power greater than ourselves that will restore us to sanity. Free Your Mind includes a chapter on meditation for beginners.

Part 3: Natural Manhood

Alienation within our communities makes criminality more likely. It is the No.1 cancer in the modern era. However, male alienation is different to female alienation. Part 3 is about a solution to male alienation. The six emotional stages towards natural manhood are the guidelines we recommend that modern males take on the journey from prison towards inner freedom. A man who is free on the inside is less likely to turn to criminality.

There are four parts to the Appendix:

Appendix A: Self-Tests for Compulsive Behaviours

The destructive consequence of addiction is a theme that runs throughout this book. Prison, religion, psychiatry and prescribed medication (such as methadone) have all failed to provide a cure for the disease of addiction. Appendix A contains simple questions for the reader to find out if they might suffer from obsessive compulsive behaviours and where to go to get help.

Appendix B: Articles Written for Prisoners and Staff (2008-2010)

Working as a Buddhist chaplain inspired me to write about what I had seen and experienced in prisons. These articles tackled some of the issues explored in more detail in this book. Appendix B contains five articles written for prisoners and staff between 2008 and 2010.

Appendix C: Find your Brothers!

Appendix C has three parts:

•Guidelines for Spiritual Fathers

Many of the men who read this book will be inspired to work with other males to alleviate alienation. This is for those who wish to do their own part in guiding adolescent males towards natural manhood.

•Men & Women

Women do not come from Venus and men do not come from Mars. Men and women come from planet earth and it is right here that we need to end the gender war. It is just as important for men to form bonds of affection, intimacy, friendship and love with other males as it is with other females.

•How to Start Your Own Men’s Group

Men that wish to start their own men’s group will find the suggested format from Chiron Centre Anonymous useful. And if some women are also inspired to start their own women’s group, so be it (as long as they come up with a different name to Chiron Centre Anonymous).

Personal Stories: Men share their Experience, Strength & Hope

We’ve saved the best till last! The personal stories of the men in this section are all written anonymously. Some are addicts in recovery. Some are ex-prisoners. Some are gay. Some are straight. Some are white. Some are black. Some are mixed race. Some are married with children. Some are single with no children. Some are celibate. All men have an interesting story to tell.

Anonymity

Anonymity is the basis for humility in recovery. Recovery means healing from alienation and spiritual bankruptcy through a spiritual transformation. Out of respect for the sacred tradition of anonymity within the global fellowship inspired by Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, I have chosen to remain anonymous and have used the pen-name Martin H.

What this book attempts to address is how inner pain can lead to criminality. When one looks at the world in general and the institution of prison in particular, madness is everywhere. The good news is that we can be restored to sanity as long as we are willing to follow some simple spiritual suggestions. Change is possible if we can become more honest, open-minded and willing to embrace a spiritual way of life. Spirituality involves daily meditation and prayer. The belief in a compassionate Power greater than the human race leads to faith. Our new found faith will bring about inner peace. With inner peace we create the conditions for world peace. When men and women work together towards world peace on a daily basis, we will usher in a new dawn that could heal our precious planet earth.

May this book be of benefit to those men who are still incarcerated worldwide, both inside and out of prison.

Blessed be!

Part 1: Male Alienation

Alienation (by Kevin Garnett)

Part 1: Male Alienation

We are taught to feel defeated. Look how they brought welfare and some of our people don’t even know how to work. They’re used to staying at home all day, watching T. V. and drinking and taking drugs. That’s the state the government wanted us to be in and we’re in it.

Theresa Two Bulls

President of the Oglala Sioux Pine Ridge, Indian Reservation

The Guardian (11.01.10)

Part 1 of this book is about the problem in Western contemporary urban culture, which is alienation. Male alienation leads to isolation, infantilism, self-hatred and madness. One of the consequences of male alienation is the growth in criminality. The growth in criminality has led to a soaring prison population.

Modern males have many problems, individually and collectively, but the problem is made worse by the fact that as a group, they are the least likely to talk about their problems. Men are less likely than women to seek help from doctors, psychiatrists, religious leaders, and self-help gurus. Many Western contemporary urban males are in pain, but many do not know why they are in pain, or what to do about male suffering. Hence the need for books such as this one.

Prison is overwhelmingly a male issue. The latest figures for prison records show that in 2007, the U.K. prison population was 90,248. Out of that figure, 4,510 prisoners were female (Bromley Briefings, the Prison Reform Trust, December 2007). Prison in Britain and worldwide is, and always has been, a male issue. But the gender issue with regards to criminality has never been taken seriously in mainstream culture. Until now.

Why are so many men being locked up?

Part 1 will look at the different issues that cause suffering for modern males. Where possible, I will try to offer a brief historical background to the issues that many men face nowadays. Part 1 is divided into five parts:

(1) Isolation

(2) Infantilism

(3) Male Sexuality & Shame

(4) Self-Hatred

(5) Madness!

(I) Isolation

Many prisoners have been abandoned by their fathers.

In Western contemporary urban society, most boys grow up without the mythology and heritage of what it means to be a man. This living heritage is passed down from father to son. It is communicated non-verbally through regular contact and activities with male elders, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, brothers, male friends and male lovers. Without this living heritage, modern boys grow up to become bigger boys. Bigger boys are more likely to become a danger to society.

Some boys are wounded by adult men and women through abuse. Abuse can be physical, mental, emotional, sexual and/ or spiritual abuse. Whether intentionally or unintentionally these wounds could eventually lead to violence should they remain untreated. Left to fester, many urban males carry wounds, consciously or unconsciously, sometimes over generations, that sooner or later could explode.

Many modern males carry wounds from their fathers and other males in positions of power. Many urban males are wounded by being abandoned by their fathers. Listening to the stories of male prisoners, I was struck by the recurring theme of fatherlessness. In the Men’s Movement, we call this lack – father hunger.

Battered & Bruised (by Martin H.)

Battered and bruised

Yes,

I am

Battered and bruised.

But

I still rise

To claim

A new today.

Although my bed provides primal comfort and warmth,

I still embrace

The cold

That reality brings.

I am strong

I will survive

That mountain over there

I will climb it

Despite its towering height.

Yes

I am

Afraid of heights

Afraid of the unknown,

Afraid of you.

Yet

Feeling the fear,

I do it anyway and

Plunge

Into the unknown,

Only to re-discover

That I am

A survivor.

Battered and bruised

I am

David

To your Goliath.

Yet still I fight on

Determined

That while breath breathes in my body

I won’t let you

Crush me.

Battered and bruised,

I face the world

And smile.

Abandonment: Father Hunger

Not seeing your father when you are small, never being with him, having a remote father, a workaholic father, is an injury.

Robert Bly

Iron John

A man’s role as the "main breadwinner" for his family is no longer the reality for many men nowadays. As a result, adult males in general and fathers in particular, are no longer given the respect they deserve.

The British welfare system has made the notion of man as provider and protector of his family redundant. U.K. social welfare seems to benefit single mothers but penalises single fathers. The welfare system is a contributory factor as to why so many families in inner-city ghettos are headed by (single) mothers. A pregnant single mother is given priority in getting housing; she is also given financial support from the government for each child that she has.

A single male, by contrast, struggles to get housing. The role of fathering has been taken over by the state. For this reason, the living heritage of the male lineage seems to have evaporated in Western contemporary urban cities like ice in the sun.

Nearly a third of modern children grow up without their biological father, according to research carried out by Steve Biddulph in his book Manhood. 30% of fathers have no further contact with their children after just one year of separation and/ or divorce (Manhood).

The consequences of children growing up without their dads are different for boys than for girls. In the history of Western contemporary urban culture, girls have never been separated from their biological mothers. By contrast, boys have a long history of being separated from their fathers. No-one questions or challenges the consequences of creating an environment in our cities where boys have few if any regular male role models.

Since World War II, men and women have developed different expectations and different dreams. We are no longer as compatible. Whilst modern women have had a feminist movement that has articulated their hopes and dreams, men have yet to develop their own equivalent. Although the Men’s Movement has been around since the 1970s, it has yet to become public. Men’s issues have yet to be taken seriously by the mainstream.

So far, we have touched upon some of the consequences of boys growing up without a father or any significant male role models. What about the girls?

Fatherless Girls

Daughters depend on fathers for a considerable amount of their self-esteem and their whole template for relating to the opposite sex.

Steve Biddulph

Manhood

Fatherless girls grow up to become women who are often ill-equipped to live with men intimately. They lack role models on how women should relate to men properly on a daily basis. A daily diet of Mills and Boon, Hollywood films and the pop industry does not equip girls with the necessary tools on how to be with men.

Fatherless girls are more likely to ‘get a man’ through unskilful means. This could be getting pregnant before they are ready, resorting to plastic surgery, or even starving themselves for ‘love’.

Fatherless girls are more likely to have children outside of wedlock. Girls that grow up without their fathers, or any other full-time responsible father-figure, are more likely to create a female-only zone for their own children. Deep down, fatherless girls don’t trust men. Deep down, they don’t trust men to be around (their) children.

When they grow up, fatherless girls are more likely to abandon their male partners and husbands – just like they were abandoned by their own fathers; no man can heal the wound that a girl feels after she has been abandoned by her own father. Fatherless girls, when adult, do not let go of their own sons. They don’t know how to.

One out of three contemporary urban marriages ends up in divorce. Many of the marriages collapse when children are still under 10 years old. Most modern children grow up fatherless when they need their fathers most – when they become teenagers.

Marriage on the Decline

"It was a ‘no-no’ to have a boyfriend when I was growing up; now it’s nothing to have no boyfriend, no husband and a baby."

Daily Mail (30.04.10)

The social stigma that used to be attached to divorce has evaporated in modern society. As a result, more and more fathers are becoming absent from the nuclear family.

Nearly 1 in 10 of all children born in England and Wales are registered at birth without a legal father (Daily Mail 04.06.08). Sole registered mothers tend to be found in areas of social deprivation, poverty, addiction and crime. Whilst the U.K. national average of children born out of wedlock is around 45%, the figure is nearly double that, at 70% in some areas of the North, such as Knowsley in Liverpool (Daily Mail, 30.04.10).

Only the production of a marriage certificate gives men the automatic legal right to be named on the birth certificate of their biological child. Without marriage, it is up to the discretion of the mother whether or not to place the name of the father on the birth certificate of their child. The birth certificate has become a social ticking time bomb nowadays, as anyone who watches the Jeremy Kyle Show will tell you!

Times have changed. Why do so many people still believe that stability for children is best provided by a marriage of a man and a woman? Most people agree that all children are better off growing up in a stable, loving, family home. However, the nuclear family and marriage no longer provide that stable environment.

Men and women have evolved. We are no longer as compatible as we used to be (see Appendix C: Friendship for Men and Women). For many thousands of urban families, home is not where the heart is; home is like a war zone:

•1 in 3 marriages end in divorce

•1 in 4 women suffer from domestic violence in their lifetime

•1 in 6 men suffer from domestic violence in their lifetime

•1 in 4 children – girls and boys – experience physical and sexual abuse whilst growing up, often by a family member, or someone whom they know well

•42,000 women and children seek refuge from violence in the home each week in Britain (according to the U.K. charity Shelter)

•2 women are killed each week in the U.K. at the hands of their husbands or partners

•1 in 3 murder victims of domestic violence is male

Most of the perpetrators of domestic violence – men and women – also have a history of drug addiction, alcohol abuse and mental illness. Domestic violence comes in physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and sexual forms. Women are more likely to resort to the first four than the last one.

While male perpetrators of domestic abuse tend to use their feet and fists, female perpetrators are more likely to use a weapon from around the house (according to research by The Times 08.08.11, article Battered and Bewildered: Why are more Women Using Violence Against Men?). Mark Brooks, chairman of the charity Mankind explains:

It’s about emotional control, psychological control, financial control – men cut off from their families. Some women will say, ‘if you leave me, I’ll tell the police you raped me’. Then men are afraid that they will lose their children.

The breakdown of families due to separation of the parents and divorce, the rise in single parent families, the collapse of spiritual support from religious institutions and the community in general, has caused many children to grow up without any male role models. As a consequence, there is a growing lack of gender balance in the community.

Lack of Gender Balance in the Community

Modern males usually learn about how to be a man from their school friends (who know only a little), the two dimensional characters they witness via the media and the entertainment industry (who never show their feelings), and their mothers (who know nothing about natural manhood because they have forgotten how to initiate their sons at puberty).

What we focus on grows. Everywhere one looks in modern society, sex and violence and greed are glamorized: on television, in Hollywood films, on DVDs, in popular newspapers, in music, through the internet and on computer games. With these themes on display 24/7, small wonder that more and more Western contemporary urban males seek to emulate their violently glamorous, cartoon character heroes. As Jonathon Lazear wrote in his book, Meditations for Men Who Do Too Much,

Most men define themselves not by who they are but by what they have. Money. Cars. Trophy wives and girlfriends. Position. Power.

Without the active support of spiritually conscious adult males, boys are more likely to stumble towards adulthood … like the blind leading the blind.

Lack of gender balance in the modern urban community can be observed in our schools. A quarter of primary schools do not have a male teacher (Daily Mail 09.07.11). A quarter of the male teachers in schools are aged 50 and over, and are leaving the profession. If you are a man, would you want to be a teacher?

It seems to me, that our society’s fear of violent men and paedophiles is making it difficult for men to feel comfortable taking on the role of teacher to children in primary and secondary schools. There are more male teachers in secondary schools, but even there, more and more male teachers are leaving the profession. As a result, tens of thousands of boys and girls in the U.K. finish their school years without ever having been taught by a man.

Bigger Boys

Women cannot turn boys into men. Therefore, single parent families headed by mothers tend to create bigger boys. What and who are bigger boys? Although physically adult, bigger boys are mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually still children. Bigger boys tend to suffer from isolation, infantilism and self-hatred. Bigger boys are also more likely to become a danger to society and end up in prison.

Boys that grow up in feminized households tend to grow up into four main character types, or a combination thereof:

The Gangster

The gangster personality is shaped in school. They reject female authority as well as male authority. They do not trust adult men – who seem like a foreign species in their universe. The gangster grows up feeling alienated from the mainstream, so he ‘drops out’.

The gangster spends his whole life creating his own alternative world to live in. With the help of his male friends, the gangster is the most likely to be involved in destructive and illegal activities. The boys with the gangster personality are the most likely to end up in prison. Their personality is volatile – they can start a riot in an empty room.

Deep down, the boy with the gangster personality is at war with the world. Surprise, surprise, he finds that the world is also at war with him. The gangster’s lifestyle choices make it more likely that he becomes addicted to mind and mood altering substances – for example, alcohol, cannabis, gambling, watching pornography and visiting prostitutes.

The gangster tends to treat his girlfriend as either a Goddess or a doormat.

The Baby

The man with the baby personality is more likely to spend his entire life looking for SOMEONE ELSE to take care of his primary needs. The baby refuses to leave his mother’s house and his mother’s side. He sees himself as his mother’s ‘best friend’. He is known, by his family and his community as ‘mummy’s little helper’.

The boy with the baby personality traits is most likely to suffer from isolation and loneliness. As a consequence, he is more likely to suffer from bullying at school (and later, at work). The baby has the tendency to become a chronic under achiever – in life as well as in his chosen career. Whether this fear is conscious or unconscious, fear of success is combined with losing his baby status in the community.

His body language screams LOOK AFTER ME. Playing the ‘hopeless and helpless card’ throughout his life keeps the man with the baby personality at the centre of attention with everyone else – especially the ladies! Playing helpless, the baby keeps everyone buzzing around, making a fuss. Even in middle age, the man with the baby personality will dress like a teenager. This attitude is reflected in his behaviour traits. He refuses to learn how to cook or clean for himself. He believes that this is the job for his mother (or mother substitute). The baby personality is emotionally ravenous; when one relationship ends, he is off running – quick as a flash – towards his next girlfriend, wife, or mistress. The baby has the tendency to call the mother of his children mummy, thereby blurring her role in the family, as well as her own personal boundaries. The man with the baby personality tends to follow the gangster unquestionably. In the process, he gets himself into all kinds of trouble. The man with this personality trait is also the most likely to be incarcerated for inappropriate behaviour towards children.

The baby tends to treat his girlfriend as his mother substitute.

The Nice Man

The man with the nice man personality spends his whole life wearing a mask with a smile on it. He is very much the actor. The nice man is a people-pleaser, mild-mannered and softly spoken. He never gets angry in public, because deep down, he is terrified of confrontation. The nice man is most likely to take off his mask when he has had a drink …

When the nice man comes home from work, his tendency is to use his wife and kids (the people who are more vulnerable than he is), to let off steam. The man with this personality has no real male friends. The nice man is fundamentally a lost and lonely soul. He tries to suppress his masculine traits in order to ‘fit in’; his best friends tend to be strong women.

The nice man will either grow up to be gay or to marry strong, smart, high-earning women; or do both! The man with this personality is most likely to become a househusband. He will spend his life playing the role of the New Age, soft, warm, fuzzy, cuddly and above all else, NON-THREATENING male.

The nice man is more likely to go to prison for domestic violence. His criminal speciality tends to be white-collar crime, such as tax evasion, fraud and using performance-enhancing drugs in athletic competitions. The man with the ‘nice’ personality is more likely to go to prison for ‘out of character’ acts of extreme violence. When the stress of living as a nice man 24/7 becomes too overwhelming, sooner or later he will go BANG! For example the teacher who hit a pupil with a dumbbell, after suffering months of bullying at school.

The nice man tends to put his girlfriend on a pedestal rather than relating to her as a normal human being.

The Perfect Son

The man with the perfect son personality spends his whole life trying to make his parents proud. Whatever field he specializes in, he is fanatically competitive in everything that he does. He does not know how to play and have fun. He can never relax. The man with this personality wears a mask, just like the nice man. However, unlike the nice man, the man with the perfect son personality trait is also a chameleon. He has the ability to change his mask to fit any situation.

The perfect son tends to lead a workaholic, spiritually bankrupt life. He has no idea who he really is. Deep down, his obsession with perfection hides the fact that he is shamed to the core.

The man with the perfect son personality grows up to believe that he is above the law. Maybe his fame, or his family name, or his wealth, or his ‘friends in high places’ give the man with this personality the mistaken belief that the laws of ordinary folk do not apply to him. Prison always comes as a shock to the perfect son – what will his parents say?

Humility is not part of his vocabulary. Therefore, prison often fails to reach the man with the perfect son personality; he is the most in denial about his personal conduct. Prison is usually the place where he