A COUPLES GUIDE TO DEPRESSION AND INTIMACY

1. OVERVIEW
2. TREATMENT OPTIONS
2A. Medication
2B. Psychotherapy
2C. Supplements and diet
2D. Exercise
2E. Sleep
2F. Alternative Treatment
3. HOW THIS AFFECTS YOUR INTIMACY AND YOU AS A COUPLE
4. WAYS IN WHICH YOU CAN RECONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER
5. DEPRESSION, SEXUAL INTIMACY AND ANTIDEPRESSANTS
6. SUGGESTIONS FOR HEALING
7. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES
8. EXERCISES FOR HEALING
9. WORK CITED
Sofia Ajram 2013 - 2014
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OVERVIEW OF THE COMPONENTS OF THE ISSUE
When you or your partner is experiencing
depression, life itself may seem to take a
major change in a different direction. As
a couple, it is important to care for one-
another and to show compassion and respect.
This may become diffcult if your partner
is experiencing depression, as feelings of
frustration, guilt, and confusion may arise. It
may be diffcult to understand what you or
your partner is experiencing and you may
try to negotiate with them to change or seek
healing right away. Depression can arise out
of many circumstances, and it is important to understand that it is a mental disorder that is not your
fault and that depression can be healed with time and proper treatment. Depression is a condition
that unfortunately has many myths and negative stigmas that follow it, so it is important to remain
compassionate and understanding with one another (Golant and Golant, 1996, 6-7). Sometimes
symptoms of depression can be intensifed by poor communication between partners, lack of
compassion, or even small triggers (a cause that may set someone off for symptoms). The purpose
of this guide is to support you and your partner if you are experiencing any of these things. This
guide will help you to discover knowledge and healing methods so that you and your partner can
develop healthy attitudes towards depression and how it may affect intimacy and your relationship
as a couple.
Whether you or your partner is depressed, it may severely impact your life as a couple. You may
experience changes in sexual intimacy, and if your partner is depressed, they may experience
diffculty with feelings of empathy and guilt, which may make intimacy and communication more
diffcult. If you or your partner has ever experienced any of these infuences on your relationship, it
is understandable and quite common with depression. This guide will help you to heal as a couple,
showing you how to practice compassion and intimacy in a way that is caring and safe for both
partners. This guide should help you to sympathize with what your partner is experiencing, and
help you take positive steps towards managing challenges that may arise with your depression,
understanding your partners needs, and reconnecting with your partner.
TREATMENT OPTIONS
There are a multitude of healing options for those experiencing depression. This guide will help
open you and your partner to potential treatment options, but be aware that it takes time to fnd
the right treatment for you. Try to learn as much
as you can. If your partner has been diagnosed
with depression, perhaps try to do some research
but be compassionate and understanding when
approaching your partner on this topic. They
may not always be ready to approach any sort of
treatment with open arms. If your partner is not
ready to accept treatment, focus on what you can
do to help reconnect with your partner. You cant
force your partner to change, but you can do your
best to educate yourself on the topic and practice love and compassion towards your partner.
It is important to frst understand what actions suit you best to support your well-being. The frst
is to determine whether or not medication is an option to be explored. Please note that it is not
safe to discontinue medication without prior consultation with a medical professional (Bongiorno,
2012, 5). Correspondingly, if you are exploring the option of using natural healing methods and
naturopathy, its important to let your doctor know what you are looking to explore.
It is important to frst discuss your treatment options with your doctor and to frst and foremost
make sure that you take the time to get an accurate depression diagnosis by a medical professional.
Finding the perfect treatment to help you through the healing process can be a frustrating and
complicated process but there is hope! First ask your doctor to run certain tests, as the information
from particular tests can prove invaluable in your healing process and can help determine the best
dietary supports for your needs (Bongiorno, 2012, 7). Below is some information to help you learn
more about treatment options for depression in adult men and women. Keep in mind if you are
interested in pursuing the path of antidepressants or naturopathy as treatment option(s) that you
should tell your doctor if you have any serious medical problems, such as heart, liver, or kidney
disease. This will help your doctor determine whether or not the dose and the chosen medication
will be the one to treat you.
MEDICATION
What are antidepressants?
Antidepressants are thought to work by altering chemicals naturally present on our bodies that are
required for healthy brain function. Those with depression are believed to have an imbalance of
neurotransmitters in the brain, affecting their healthy brain function (Its Your Health, 2011, para
3). Antidepressants work by bringing these chemicals back into balance.
According to Consumer Reports, second-generation antidepressants have been proven to help
relieve the symptoms of depression in 55 to 70 percent of the people who take them (The
Antidepressants, 2011, 9).
The main types of antidepressants available as treatment options for depression are:
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) Launched in the late 1980s, this type of
antidepressant is the most commonly prescribed approved treatment for depression because they
caused fewer serious side effects (The Antidepressants, 2011, 5).
Side Effects: Generally mild but may include upset stomach, sexual trouble, dizziness, fatigue,
insomnia, weight fuctuation and headaches (Bongiorno, 2012, 6).
Serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) This recently released type of
antidepressant works by increasing the levels of both serotonin and norepinephrine in the brain
(Deecher, Beyer, et. Al, 2006).
Side Effects: Upset stomach, sexual troubles, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, irritability, anxiety,
dizziness and fatigue (Bongiorno, 2012, 6).
Tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) One of the frst types of medication created with the intention
of treating depression.
Side Effects: Upset stomach, dizziness, dry mouth, suicidal thoughts, nausea (Bongiorno, 2012, 6).
Monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) Also among the earliest treatment options for
depression. MAOIs are known for their risk of serious interactions with other medications and
certain foods (Grady and Stahl, 2012).
Side Effects: Hunger, irritability, fatigue, may interact with other drugs (Bongiorno, 2012, 6).
Generally, the majority of people who take antidepressants experience some type of side effect
(The Antidepressants, 2011, 9). Most side effects are tolerable and quite mild, but some
patients fnd the side effects to be
so undesirable that they choose to
stop taking their medication and
opt for alternative treatment options
(The Antidepressants, 2011, 9).
Rare side effects include anxiety,
suicide, increased risk of diabetes,
and gastrointestinal bleeding (The
Antidepressants, 2011, 9-10). If side
effects related to your sex life are of
primary concern, make sure to bring
this up with your doctor in your initial consultation and they should make sure to give you an
option that is less likely to alter your sexual life. Similarly, you should let your medical practitioner
know of any side effects that you fear or would prefer to avoid so that your doctor can be best-
equipped to help you in your recovery.
Knowing the proper type of antidepressant that will work for you is important, as is monitoring
your bodys changes while you are taking new medication. Try to keep a journal documenting your
emotional and physical well-being. Knowing this can help you understand if your medication is
working well for you because our brain chemistries are just as unique as our personalities, and its
important to work with a medication that will work for your body (The Antidepressants, 2011,
6).
Generic antidepressants obtained through chain pharmacies can be very inexpensive and purchased
monthly or quarterly, so check your local drugstore for details on a supply system that will work
best for you.
You should also be aware that being prescribed medication for your depression is a widely accepted
practice, and that it takes time for antidepressants to start working (Bongiorno, 2012, 7).
Generally, evidence indicates that antidepressants have been safely used by millions of people
for over twenty years (The Antidepressants, 2011, 19). It is always important to listen to your
body when you can and look out for possible side-effects and let your doctor know if you fnd any
fuctuations in your emotional or physical well-being. Please keep in mind that the information
presented in this manual should not be a substitute for a doctors advice, but that we hope you fnd
it helpful in arriving at a decision for treatment of your depression.
When Taking Antidepressants You Should...
PSYCHOTHERAPY
Just as there are many different types of people who experience many different forms of depression,
there are many different treatment methods. One popular alternative or accompanying treatment
used with antidepressants used to treat depression is psychotherapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
(CBT) is frequently used to help those with depression identify and change triggers and perceptions
about themselves (Bongiorno, 2012, 150). According to Golant and Golant in What To Do When
Someone You Love Is Depressed, some research indicate[s] that when someone is clinically
Monitor your bodys changes.
Avoid any postponement or annulment of
your prescribed medication, as you may
experience withdrawal symptoms that can
be both distressful and uncomfortable.
Look out for possible drug interactions
with medication and dietary supplements
you are either already taking or thinking
about taking.
Always take the precise prescribed
amount given to you by your medical
practitioner
depressed, he needs to feel that the therapist is
actively involved in helping him without being
overbearing. A deeply depressed individual might
misinterpret a more passive therapeutic stance
as a lack of caring, and that can exacerbate his
condition (Golant and Golant, 1996, 116). Keep
this in mind when trying to fnd a suitable therapist
they should be someone with whom you are
comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings
with, and whom you trust will listen with care
and give you helpful advice to treat you or your
partners depression.
According to Golant and Golant, the Cognitive
Behavioral Approach is based on the theory
that thoughts impact feelings and feelings impact
thoughts (Golant and Golant, 1996, 117). By criticizing and evaluating what kinds of thoughts
you may have about yourself, you will be better armed to disengage the thoughts before they
happen. For example, if you commonly think to yourself, Im a failure in my relationship, a
CBT therapist may approach your thought by asking you what kinds of things youd done for
your partner in the past that theyd appreciated. By doing this, your therapist would help you to
disarm distorted thoughts about yourself or your relationship (Golant and Golant, 1996, 118). CBT
frequently prioritizes discomforts or problems you may fnd relating to your depression or your
partnership to work on them together. If your partner has decided to take CBT as a route to treat
depression, try to be supportive and encourage them to attend sessions and complete homework
assignments (Golant and Golant, 1996, 119). CBT may take some time before you and your partner
see results, but support each other by practicing empathy and patience.
SUPPLEMENTS AND DIET
As we mentioned earlier in the manual, it is frst and foremost important to take a blood test if the
option is available to you to take one. Results from these tests can help you and your doctor in
understanding what your body needs in terms of vitamins, minerals, and oils that help stimulate
energy and healthy hormone production.
A good place to start is by taking multivitamins to get the full range of vitamins and minerals that
your body needs.
In particular B Vitamins, Fish Oil, Magnesium, and Vitamin D are helpful in the process of
regulating neurotransmitters (Bongiorno, 2012, 8). These supplements are readily available at
your local pharmacy or naturopathy store and they can have important effects on your mood if
taken consistently. Be sure to check with your doctor for any allergies or drug-interactions before
exploring any new supplement options as treatment methods.
On a similar level to supplements, certain foods contain the very mood-enhancing properties that
our bodies crave. If supplements arent something that interest you as a treatment option, perhaps
you can try adding these mood-altering foods to your daily diet:
EXERCISE
Although it is diffcult to motivate yourself to be in any way physical, Naturopathic Physician
Peter Bongiorno in his book on natural treatment of depression explains that it is imperative to
exercise for twenty-fve minutes every day (Bongiorno, 2012, 10). Exercise works to elevate your
mood by balancing blood sugar and improving your overall health. Start by going out for walks for
a duration that youre comfortable with. Perhaps bring your partner if you feel as though company
may be helpful in motivating you to move your body.
Fish: If seafood is something that you enjoy,
try eating fsh three times a week.
Green Vegetables: Folate in green vegetables
has been found to contribute in serotonin
production.
(Bongiorno, 2012, 10-12).
Water: It is necessary to drink 1.7L of water a day
to get the proper amino acids into the brain
Nuts and Seeds: Try eating an assortment of nuts
and seeds throughout the day, but frst ensure that
you dont have any allergies!
SLEEP
It is important to get a regular and healthy amount of sleep for your body because sleep can
profoundly affect your mood. You should try to sleep seven to eight hours per night (Bongiorno,
2012, 11). If you fnd that you have diffculty getting regular quality sleep, try to keep a sleep
journal consisting of what you do before bed, how many hours you sleep, when you wake up etc.
Sleeping too much or too little can be very challenging when you are depressed, however you can
try these steps to aid yourself in getting consistent quality sleep:
Try to be in bed before midnight. Researchers believe that melatonin rapidly decreases after
10:00pm. Going to bed earlier helps your body to take advantage of maximum melatonin release
that will help your body relax and get into a healthy rhythm (Bongiorno, 2012, 37).
Try dimming all of the lights at least 30 minutes before bed. This will help your body to release
melatonin at the appropriate time for you to become sleepy and avoid your bodys stress response.
This includes cell phones, televisions, and computers.
Keep your bedroom dark. On the same level as the previous step, melatonin is suppressed if your
bedroom or sleeping area is too bright. Try occlusive blinds or sleeping masks if you fnd your
sleeping area is too bright but remember to set a gentle alarm so that you wake up after a healthy
amount of sleep (Bongiorno, 2012, 38).

ALTERNATIVE TREATMENT
We strongly suggest seeing an expert or trained individual for treatment options of depression. You
can work with them to explore alternative options for healing yourself that you may even explore
with your partner. These may include:
Yoga
Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine
Hormone Replacement Therapy (for women)
Refexology
Massage Therapy
Light Therapy
Alcohol and drug avoidance
Aromatherapy
It is important to get support from those around you when you are seeking out treatment options. If
your partner has depression, make sure that they know you are supportive of their decision to seek
treatment and be compassionate towards their endeavors.
HOW THIS AFFECTS YOUR INTIMACY AND YOU AS A COUPLE
Relationships undergo many stages, which according to Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity,
involve the rewards and costs of maintaining the relationship compared with the rewards and
costs of dissolving it (Rathus, Nevid, Fischner-Rathus and Herold, 2011, 180). These stages may
affect intimacy and your ability to share your thoughts and feelings with one-another. Additionally,
if you or a partner is experiencing
depression, it may affect some
key aspects in communicating
needs to one-another.
A depressed individual may
experience diffculty expressing
and receiving sexual or physical
intimacy. It is a common concept
that our brain is our biggest sex
organ, and if you or your partners
mental health is impaired, your
sex drive may follow suit. The
reason for this is that the chemical
messenger called serotonin is low in people experiencing depression, and the lack of serotonin may
dull many feelings, including pleasure. Additionally, medications used to treat depression may also
contribute to problems with sexual functioning (Buehler, 2011, 19). Given the signifcance of sex
within most amorous relationships, the strain of depression coupled with lack of intimacy can be
very diffcult for couples to endure.
If you are experiencing problems with sexual functioning that you or your partner think are
due to antidepressants, it is important to discuss this with your medical practitioner, as research
suggests that problems with sexual function caused by antidepressants can be made permanent if
neglected (Buehler, 2011, 24). Although issues regarding sexual function may be uncomfortable,
it is important to try to remain intimate as a couple. Experts suggest that people who maintain
closeness through communication of their experiences, cuddling, and sexual activity may ease
their depression by boosting their serotonin (Buehler, 2011, 24).

WAYS IN WHICH YOU CAN RECONNECT WITH YOUR PARTNER
In her book Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couples Guide to Staying Connected, Stephanie
Buehler explains that low-key sensation-based activities, such as massages can be used to build
intimacy and trust between partners (Buehler, 2011, 25).
Practice Buehlers Technique: Begin by taking turns between partners to exchange hand or foot
massages. Be sure not to pressure the partner dealing with depression into going any further than
her or his comfort allows (Buehler, 2011, 25). Be patient with one-another and relearn the sexual
pleasure of care. After a few weeks, or whenever you and your partner feel comfortable, you can
move onto massaging each others limbs and backs. From this, you can move on to explore desire
and sensuality in many shapes and forms, including mutual masturbation or oral sex (Buehler,
2011, 25).
It is important to remain patient with each other. It is easy to become distressed or uncomfortable
with the lack of sexual intimacy in a depressed partnership. Try not to force intimacy on your
partner, but remind them with care that intimacy can be used as a means of creating trust and
elevating symptoms of depression. Remember that depression is a serous illness and it needs to be
given time to heal. That being said, it is important to communicate sexual or intimate needs to one-
another. There are several types of intimacy that may be affected if you or your partner experiences
depression, and it is important to understand them in order to overcome them as obstacles.
Some important components of intimacy:
Emotional Described as the need for communicating and sharing thoughts and feelings
both positive and negative with ones partner. To achieve emotional intimacy, you should
allow yourself and your partner to explore and share both positive and negative emotions without
restriction (Bagarozzi, 2001, 7).
Psychological The need to connect with your partner by sharing deeply personal
information about your life. The person sharing the information may fnd themselves uncomfortable
and vulnerable, so it is important as both the person sharing the information and the person listening
to create a safe space for sharing without the fear of judgment or shame. (Bagarozzi, 2001).
Intellectual The need to share important ideas, thoughts, and beliefs with your partner. In
order to achieve this, you and your partner should aim to respect and listen to one-another when
you are sharing or communicating information (Bagarozzi, 2001).
Sexual The need to communicate and express sexual or sensual desires, fantasies, and
feelings with your partner. Sexual intimacy may include behaviors such as kissing, hugging, genital
touching, bathing, and other acts intended to cause sexual arousal. In order to express sexual
intimacy in a healthy way, adhere to basic ingredients of respect, acceptance, trust and honesty of
your partner and their needs (Bagarozzi, 2001).
Physical (Nonsexual) The need you may feel for physical closeness with your partner, not
to be confused with sexual intimacy. This may be expressed through experiences such as cuddling,
holding hands, hugging, walking arm-in-arm, or massages, all in a non-sexual way (Bagarozzi,
2001).
Social and Recreational The need to explore playful experiences with your partner.
This includes, but is not limited to sharing meals, vacationing together, sharing hobbies, and
other activities that may or may not include interactions with mutual friends or family members
(Bagarozzi, 2001).
You can help each other progress by communicating your sexual needs and listening effectively
to one-another. If your partner is depressed, they may not feel sexual or sexy, so it is integral to
create body trust to build the depresseds self-esteem and confdence about their relationship with
a non-depressed person before attempting intimacy. You should make an effort to verbally and
physically see your partner as a full person, dignifed and sexy (Rainey, 2011, 151). A non-
threatening way to achieve physical intimacy is by spooning each other. You should try switching
positions periodically so that both partners have the chance to be held (Buehler, 2011, 26). If you
allow physical intimacy and care to blend in with sexuality, it will enhance sexual intimacy and in
turn help you and your partner to reconnect (Rainey, 2011, 151).
DEPRESSION, SEXUAL INTIMACY AND ANTIDEPRESSANTS
Pharmaceutical companies and studies claim, between 5 to 15 percent of the people who take
antidepressants can expect to experience a decline in interest in sex or diffculty reaching erection or
orgasm (The Antidepressants, 2011, 9). It is possible that antidepressant medication may affect
your libido or cause sexual dysfunction, anhedonia, or anorgasmia. Studies suggest that problems
affecting libido and sexuality are common in most people over the course of their lifetime, however
scientists have found that SSRIs have reported to affect libido in patients (Buehler, 2011, 26-27).
Some antidepressants are found to be lower in sexual side effects than others. Those may include
Wellbutrin, Serzone, and Cymbalta (Buehler, 2011, 27).
If you believe your antidepressants may be causing you or your partner to experience sexual
side effects, we suggest trying the following steps before switching medication (retrieved from
Stephanie Buehlers Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couples Guide to Staying Connected):
- Talk to your doctor about trying a lower dose of your medication.
- Wait to see if your body will build a tolerance to the sexual side effects.
- Talk to your doctor about antidepressants known to cause less sexual side effects (such as
Wellbutrin).
- Talk to your doctor about adding a medication to treat sexual dysfunction.
(Buehler, 2011 27).
Remember to be aware and monitor your bodys changes if you are taking antidepressants. Talk
with your doctor if you notice any changes in your sexual appetite or comfort regarding intimacy
with your partner.
SUGGESTIONS FOR HEALING
It is important to work together as a couple to promote healthy healing. If you are a non-ill partner
in the relationship, remember to take good care of your mind and body so that you can be better
prepared to care for your partners needs (Gotlant and Gotlant, 1996, 64). If you feel stressed
beyond your ability to cope with your partner who has been diagnosed with depression, try to
enhance care within yourself so that you will be better capable to help your partner.
Find a Support System for Yourself
It can be incredibly benefcial to create a network of people who will understand and care for
you when you are in need. Try fnding support groups or forums for those experiencing the same
relationship diffculties. Airing your emotions to those outside of your relationship who still
understand your experiences will prove comforting and may help to de-stigmatize any negative
preconceived notions about depression (Gotlant and Gotlant, 1996, 66-67).
Become Knowledgeable
Provide time for yourself to research information on depression and how it may affect couples.
Understanding the complexities of depression, its triggers, and (possibly) side effects of
antidepressants may help you to feel more caring when helping your partner (Buehler, 2011, 122).
While this is important, remember to be compassionate if they are not ready to be informed of the
knowledge youve discovered. After obtaining new information, which perhaps you have even
discovered in this guide, make sure you both understand elements of how depression may affect
your relationship, and keep an open mind with regards to how your partner chooses to heal their
depression.
Understand Cycles and Expectations
It is very important to know that even if you or your partner choose to seek treatment for depression
that symptoms may return. Understand that your partner is not a project to fx and that they
are whole, dignifed human beings that perhaps want or need your care to heal. Always seek
professional advice or someone with a background in treating depression rather than taking this on
as a task for yourself (Buehler, 2011, 123).
Couples Counseling
If you and your partner are comfortable with the idea, you may want to try to attend a couples
counseling session with someone who has a strong educational understanding of depression
(Buehler, 2011, 122). Understanding your relationship and how it may affect you or your partners
depression with a professional can help you understand pressures and triggers that may be involved.
This may also help you to open communication narratives that you feel uncomfortable discussing
with one-another alone.
Have Reasonable Expectations & Anticipate Major Changes
It is important to be understanding with your partner of new changes that may occur in a relationship
if one or both of you is experiencing depression. If you are non-depressed in a partnership, anticipate
helping your partner with emotional, physical, and fnancial aid. Understand that your partner may
not be comfortable undertaking adventures that you used to go on together, and that you may need
to fnd new hobbies for yourself. It is also important to understand that symptoms of depression
may return and that you should arm yourself with knowledge of how to better accept symptoms if
they do resurface (Buehler, 2011, 123).
Reflection, Discussion Questions & Exercises for Healing
Hopefully this guide has helped you as a couple to understand depression and how you can care
for yourselves and each other. At times, living with a mental illness may prove frustrating or
diffcult, but remember that you have someone that cares for you and is working hard to keep a
strong connection alive. We offer some questions and homework exercises for healing that you
can practice together in order to strengthen your relationship and gain a deeper understanding
of how you can still be wildly intimate in many ways while still healing from depression. These
exercises are meant to be creative ways to help push your relationship forward to a more caring,
compassionate place.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES
Are there any things from this guide that we are comfortable with trying or fnding more information
about?
Are there any things about our experiences that have scared us or made us feel uncomfortable? How
can we both become involved in positive refection so that we can make sure we are compassionate
during future experiences?
Has our intimacy affected depression in any way? How can we make positive changes so that
intimacy is something that helps rather than a trigger that may be uncomfortable?
How can I show you that I love you (physically, mentally, emotionally)?
How could we revise our responses to disarm triggers that may block positive communication?
What issue do you feel is the highest priority that we need to mend? How can we do that together?
What initiatives could you and I take to better our relationship while simultaneously easing the
pain of depression, without asking too much?
Are there any exercises or steps that we are comfortable enough to start with right away? How can
we both become involved in healing while still practicing respect and care?
EXERCISES FOR HEALING
Intimate Gaze
If you and your partner are comfortable with the idea, stand facing one-another about a foot away
from each other. Look into each others eyes. If you are uncomfortable with this type of gaze, you
may look at your partners third eye (at their forehead, between their brow). Breathe deeply and
maintain eye contact for twenty to thirty breaths. When you feel safe, lift your right hand up to
your shoulder and hold it up in front of your partner. If they feel comfortable with the idea, they
can take your hand in theirs and place it over their heart and hold it there. If they are uncomfortable
or not ready, they can lift their hand to meet yours. In either case, continue breathing deeply and
gaze into each others eyes. Think about all of the qualities you fnd wonderful and love most
about your partner. When you feel ready, close your eyes and, if comfortable, join each other in
a long embrace. This tantric exercise should help you share pleasure and care with your partner,
increasing a sense of connection and compassion with one-another.
Healing Steps
Find a long room for you and your partner to stand across from. Ideally, you should be 10-20 paces
from each other, facing one-another. Taking turns, one partner will stand still at the end of the room,
while the other will be the active one. The partner not moving will be the one to action the other
partners movements. They will tell them how many steps to take and in what direction forward
or back towards them, or away from them. For instance, if Partner A is standing/directing, they
will say, Take three steps forward, and Partner B will follow suit. Monitor how comfortable you
and your partner feel, as they gets physically closer to your body. If you are comfortable, you may
want to see how you feel if you are nose-to-nose for a few seconds to read how your bodies will
react. Remember to exchange places, so that both partners have the opportunity to guide and be
guided.
Intimate Massage
If you and your partner are comfortable with physical touch, try exploring each others bodies
with light massages. Ensure that your partner is comfortable with where they are being touched
and what amount of clothing they are wearing. Try to express care with each stroke, and perhaps
delicately trace messages of affection into each others skin. Remember to get feedback about what
kind of touch feels good, or what kind of touch is uncomfortable, and dont forget to switch so that
you both have the opportunity to give and receive a massage.
Talk Without Interruptions
We live in a time where technology and society is constantly clamoring for our attention, and this
can make an intimate relationship coping with depression very diffcult. As an exercise, try to
set aside a period of time where you can chat about worries, doubts, and unexplainable feelings
regarding your relationship. Setting aside this uninterrupted time may seem unromantic, but it will
help take away the stress of not knowing when to address conficts or worries with your partner.
Communicating openly with each other about your own feelings may help you come to calm and
open conclusions about experiences that seem irreparable in the present.
Build Appreciation
This assignment is something that you can try to practice every day. Try building appreciation for
your partner by sharing daily affrmations of thankfulness and light intimacy with them. This can
be as simple as a thank you, it shows me you care for reminding me to take my medication, to
something like I appreciate it when you let me touch your body. I love physically exploring you.
Keep in mind the type of language that you use when you communicate with your partner so that
they feel appreciated and cared for. Try to practice empathy and put yourself in your partners
shoes when wording feelings of concern. Sometimes when we feel resent, we can lash out with our
language (or lack thereof the well-known silent treatment), and this can lead to more harm than
good. Practice non-threatening communication with your partner and try to really listen when they
choose to express a thought or sentiment with you (Golant and Golant, 1996, 84-97).
Work Cited
Bagarozzi, D. (2001). Enhancing Intimacy in Marriage: A Clinicians Guide. Taylor & Francis.
Bongiorno, P. (2012). How Come Theyre Happy and Im Not?: The Complete Natural Program
for Healing Depression for Good. Conari Press.
Buehler, S. J. (2011). Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couples Guide to Staying Connected.
Praeger.
Burns, D. (2009). Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work.
Random House.
Deecher, D. C., Beyer, C. E., Johnston, G., Bray, J., Shah, S., Abou-Gharbia, M., & Andree, T.
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http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/hl-vs/iyh-vsv/med/antidepress-eng.php
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Diversity. Pearson.
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Scribner.
The Antidepressants: Treating Depression Comparing Effectiveness, Safetly, and Price. (2011).
Retrieved May 21, 2011, from http://www.consumerreports.org/health/resources/pdf/best-buy-
drugs/Antidepressants_update.pdf