Guide ! "vo##e $eima## 1. You broke up and this time it's final.. 2. Where are you now in YOUR life 3. ow to !et throu!h the hard"ore sadness #. Re$settin!. %. Remember& you used to be so !ood at that' (. )ies that ma!a*ines tell +. ,he time in between relationships
-. .orwards ne/er ba"kwards'
0. )o/e will find you a!ain don't hide
11. 2t's a new day and somebody lo/es you .oreword3 Who knew 2 would e/er write a book. 2 didn't. ,his book is dedi"ated to all of those& who ha/e been badly affe"ted by a break$up. 2 want to help you and 2 hope this book will support you !ettin! ba"k up.. bein! happy a!ain e/entually. %ir&t of all' " would like to &a! that it(& )reat that !ou are here a#d it(& )ood to &ee !ou! *) " wrote thi& ook for all of tho&e who have ee# rece#tl! or ever heavil! affected ! a reak-up+ ,ow i& the time for &ome emotio#al care+ -ou feel &o low a#d !ou do#(t k#ow how to )et throu)h thi& time &o " would like to offer &ome &upport+ " would like to let !ou k#ow !ou are #ot alo#e with thi& prolem a#d that we all have ee# there+ " hope that o#ce !ou have fi#i&hed readi#) thi& e-ook' !ou will feel lifted' i#&pired a#d more e#er)i.ed aout the future a#d &ee wa!& to )et it &tarted+ Eve# thou)h " wrote thi& ook mai#l! with a female reader&hip i# mi#d' " have /u&t a& much &!mpath! for ever! )u! who i& )oi#) throu)h the &ame thi#)+ So' if !ou are a )u! - " welcome !ou too+ Thi& ook will do it& e&t' to take care of !our fra)ile little heart which ha& &uffered latel!+ 0he# a relatio#&hip e#d& it i& #ot /u&t that we &a! )ood!e to the per&o#' we al&o &a! )ood!e to the life that we thou)ht we would have+ The pla#& we made' dream& a#d hope& we had++ ur&ted like a ule+ * 1 0e reach poi#t .ero+ A& !ou ca# &ee " am talking about that heavy kind of break up. The break up that seems to you like the apocalypse, the world ended... so how are we still here? There is a reason for that. It might not be clear to you now, but with time you will realize why this had to end and that there is not just sadness but also a lot of opportunity in change. It is important to not lose hope in mankind all together. It is essential, that you take good care of yourself in this time until the point when the sun will shine for you again. et!s get started" 1. You broke up and this time it's final.. #fter a long time or maybe even just an intense short time it!s now over. It!s final. # few attempts of reconciliation have been made but at the end of the day the damage is done. $ou are tired of arguing over the same things over and over again, tired of trying to change someone who probably never will, you are tired of feeling this way. %&hausted. #nd you are sad. 'ery sad. $ou know for sure, there is no way back and it is in the best interest of everybody most of all yourself, that this relationship is now over. The difficult and sad moments that stressed you out and made you angry and upset, were outweighing the nice little moments and memories you ( have made together. )emories from way back when there was that certain e&citement about each other. *hen you started out, the good+bad ratio was ,,- to .- whereas when you ended, it was almost like the other way around. .- good ,,- bad. There were times when you did not even recognize yourself. $our behavior may have been outrages when feelings took over and got the best of you. It was not logical it was based on pure emotions. *e all make mistakes and learn. *e are only human. *hat you would have done or better what wouldn!t you have done to make this relationship work. To get the good times back again. To be loved. To not let this person go.. /ut people change, circumstances change. 0ow you are on your own again. $ou barely remember how that was like and if anything it couldn!t have been any good, right? *ell, hello" I wrote this book to help you. I wrote this book to be there like the reliable, optimistic friend you maybe never had" 12 # friend who cares and wants you to survive this emotional low. # friend who wants you to remember how amazing you are. In this e3book, I will list some things that will help you to get through this crappy time. I can not lie and I can surely not spare you the tears. It!s all part of the process. /ut in the end, once you arrive at chapter .4, you will feel better. %ventually. $ou don!t have to read this e3book all in one day but you sure can. Then get it back out after a month or two and read it again. It!s short and you will see, you have already made some progress. 2. Where are you now in YOUR life 5ince your life has just changed it!s time to take a look at where you are. *here do you live, what is your job, and what is your desired destination? #re things 6besides the break3up of course2 the way you want them to be? Is this what you had in mind when you were growing up? If not do something about it. 7ood things do not come to those who wait.. good things come to those who get up and get stuff done. They come to those who take action" ist here 8 things that bother you1 ..99999999999999999999999999999999999999 (.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 :.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 ;.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 8.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 0ow list 8 ideas on how to change these things1 6if you don!t have an idea ask a friend that you like and respect2 ..99999999999999999999999999999999999999 (.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 :.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 ;.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 8.99999999999999999999999999999999999999 $our list could look like that1 .. I spend to much time by myself at home..
(. I dislike my job so much I don!t even want t to get up and go there..
:. I have no hope for things to change..
;. )y clothes are so worn out, remind me of m my old self+past days..
8. )y mood is down constantly, what can I do? 0ow 8 ideas on how to change these things1 .. 7o outside. Take a walk with your dog. <oin a local group that shares the same hobby as you. 7o to the library, read books" )aybe even just in a big book store where they have a reading area. Time invested in yourself is never wasted. (. $our job sucks but you need the money. In that case you could still hold on to the job and get the paycheck while already looking for something new that will suit you better. If you then end things with your current job, end it on a nice note so you have all the options in case you change your mind later. :. That!s a tough one and even for the most optimistic enthusiast there are times that are draining, times that are sad but this is true for life and love1 to get something you never had you must do something you never did. #ll according to your own moral compass which is hopefully intact. 12 ;. Time to get rid of the old clothes that are worn out and remind you of your old life. They don!t serve you any longer. $ou can keep your . or ( favorites but if you can, you should let go of the rest. 7ive it to somebody who might need it. =ed >ross, 5alvation #rmy.. 6?5. If the clothes are in bad shape they can go to the garbage as well2 8. $our mood is down, so you need some impulses to change that. Impulses from the outside. >all a friend you didn!t talk to in a long time @acebook is no substitute for caring for others or keep an actual real life friendship alive. @acebook is observing what others do. ?ersonally I got rid of my @/ a long time ago. It!s also a good way of finding out who really cares for you. 7ive somebody a call show some real life interest" )eet your friend or favorite relative for a coffee in a reasonable priced coffee shop" 12 7o to the movies, go to the zoo basically just get out, see and e&perience something and someone I0 =%# I@%. !. "ow to get through the hard#ore s sadness 0ow here is my view on that, going through that phase is necessary even if it includes tears and some days on the couch with a cupcake or two. The sadness is there, the sadness needs to get out somehow. #fter a good cry you can feel like nature does after a long thunderstorm, the air is fresh and clear. 0ew things are coming. Aere is a list of the most saddest love songs that can make you feel understood Bwarning they are tearjerkers.. 1 + Blisten to them at your own riskB 6if you don!t want to cry fast forward to the uplifting playlist at the end of this book2 $at#hing %ad &laylist #my *inehouse /ack To /lack 5ugababes 5tronger 0o Coubt Con!t 5peak #my *inehouse ove Is # osing 7ame Tweet >omplain #my *inehouse Tears Cry Dn Their Dwn 6if you would like to talk to somebody1 >areline >risis Intervention EFF3(GG3;:8F (U.S.)) 0ight time is the toughest, it is good to have some sort of big fluffy pillow that you can hug while sleeping. If you have trouble finding sleep you can listen to an audio book, like somebody reading you a story or a thriller even. It is also helpful to drink a cup of warm milk or camomile tea before going to bed. =%)%)/%=1 *hatever gets you through this time safe and sound. Con!t lose yourself. It doesn!t help anybody especially not yourself, if you are trying to use rough methods to get through the pain. 5o too much alcohol or a pack of cigarettes a day are not helpful if you wanna get out on the other side of the sadness tunnel in a good shape. I would even recommend, that you e&ercise just to generate some energy. ike a bike ride or jumping on a trampoline but you can do that on daytime. It will be a rough patch where your faith is tested, but you will get through these days. =emember1 It is always darkest before dawn. There are happy days ahead if you just keep on walking now. '. Re(setting Dnce we get out of a relationship we always learn something. )ostly, if you look back at it a few years later it is so clear to you why this could have never worked out. $ou know as they say1 0ever a failure always a lesson. The good thing is, after this !!e&perience!! you now know what you )O*'+ want. This same thing will not happen to you twice because you won!t let it. $ou are valuable. There are times when people that we meet or spend phases of our lives with, have a different set of values than we have. 5ometimes they might even have no values at all cause they got rid of them when it seemed to be the latest trend. *e were not able to see that cause maybe they tricked us in the beginning, making it seem as if they knew right from wrong. ?robably, we have been in love so we 6not our brain but our heart really2 decided to ignore the warning signals. Dnce we were physically involved we could not see clear anymore. I have read, that there is a particle in our blood, responsible for that, but since I am not a doctor I won!t try to give you the medical definition for it here.. 12 #nd who knows? *ho knows what has happened to our former partners, so they became that way. *ho knows who they have met before us, who treated them this way and made them think this kind of behavior is normal and acceptable? *ho knows if they never met anybody like you before, they had to show some respect to. $ou could be the first person who said TAI5 is not ok. 0DT *ITA )%. That!s why it ended. /ecause you know you are worth more than that. This should not lay too heavy on your shoulders forever because often the other person does not even realize how hurtful their behaviour was so if you carry this grudge for too long, it will only make your life harder than it could be. B5pecial note in case there was a third person involved1 It is just too easy to say TAI5 ?%=5D0 is responsible for the break up. It is just a natural instinct to think that way. $ou may have so much CI5IH% for that person, that is trying sooo hard to replace you 3 even though we all know that is impossible.. The truth is1 # relationship that is intact with ( honest, loyal people is not an open playing field for others to enter. It is not possible to take someone away from somebody else unless this person was already looking for an e&it out of the relationship. If it helps you, to think that way 6blaming another person2 you might do so for a while.. but only for a while until you can see clearly about it. ,o#ation and ,o-e ./O*U% 0"1&+2R3 If I have learned . thing about !!romantic relationships!! during my time in 0$>, it is there, they want to teach you1 $DI #=% =%?#>%#/%. *hich of course you are not. $ou are uniJue. There is no second person like you walking on this earth. )en as well as women have soooo many different people to choose from in cities like that. #nd highly attractive people too, cause they are coming there from all over the world to start some kind of career or business. In the beginning one might be very idealistic about D'% and finding your great, loyal ?rince >harming there, but in reality there is only a small chance to find that good hearted person. )aybe, someone who moved there recently with values still intact. If you are serious about finding love I strongly suggest, you move elsewhere. $es you might be hot, but so are (G:F;E; other people there too. If you are looking for the real thing, and someone who takes the time to recognize everything you are 3 it!s time to consider a re3 location. 4. Remember5 you used to be so good at that6 !!=emember how you did it before? et!s do it again"!! *e all have favorite things to do. Things that we really enjoy doing, or even things that we are really good at. 0ow try to remember what that was. *hat!s that . activity you always feel lifted up by? #re you good at drawing? Craw" Co you enjoy swimming? 7o swimming" Is cooking your hobby? Time to get a new cook book and try out some recipes" $ou love %dward and <acob? Dk you can even do a Twilight marathon. It is important at this emotional critical time, that you keep yourself occupied. Heep it going. Ideally get a little notepad that you put in your handbag. Dn there, you can write a to do list for this upcoming week. )aybe the notepad has a calendar in it. That would be practical. There is also one thing I think makes the difference you have to have goals" #nd not just elusive kind of goals.. no precise and clearly formulated goals. $ou want to organize your aparment and throw out stuff you no longer need? Dk, do it by this @riday. Dr, you want to sign up for a gym membership to get out of the house more often? @ine, why not go tomorrow? There is this one book you have heard of, it is supposed to be good.. why not look it up on ebay and get it for cheap? $ou haven!t kept the contact to your family as much as you did before this relationship started? >all a family member right now. Co not isolate yourself. >ontact to other 6optimistic2 humans is recommended. 7. ,ies that magazines tell6 Con!t even get me started or you know what1 ?lease do" )agazines are writing a whole lot of /5 to convince you there is something wrong with you when there really isn!t" $ou need the latest hair style, the best nails and the most e&pensive designer bag or A% *I 0%'%= DDH #T $DI" $ou know what, that!s really AI5 problem. Co you have any idea, how many of these Aollywood actresses get screwed over and cheated on, on a daily basis? #nd why do you think that is when they are so perfect? >ause the guys they deal with, have no values. The guys we are talking about here can find another perfect girl on the ne&t corner. 6that also e&ists vice versa when a girl is doing that to a guy2 They do not even care who the person is, they do not care who you are or what you are all about. They don!t even take the time. *e are talking about the emotional fBcked up here. %motionally unavailable and so full of self3doubt and vanity that they need to get their ego stroked from who ever is ADT right now. /eware of those recognize the red flags early. et me clear this up, whatever the magazine says, there is no #ure for dealing with an a88hole. $ou can be miss Iniverse, it wouldn!t make a difference. 5adly, this is how a lot of magazines make their money1 by telling you what is wrong with you rather than what is wrong with the person who is treating you poorly" Co not buy into this. Co not listen to them. If you want a style update do it because you might feel better after. 5tay true to yourself. It could have been anything, I doubt it was the wrong color of your nail polish. #lso one more thing1 $ou can never out3slut a slut, if we are talking about competition here. ?lease remember that, when any magazine wants to tell you !!Aow To Heep $our 7uy *ith The Aottest 5e&ual ?osition Df The )onth!!. $ou can do the whole kamasutra up and down with a guy who is not sincerely interested in you and he could still kick you to the curb tomorrow cause somebody else will do the whole kamasutra : times a day. 12 Con!t think I have never been confronted with these kind of problems. I want to share what I have learned by going through it, in hopes to save you some time and additional heartache or headache. Heep it classy, cause a guy who only returns for se& will be out of the door once that!s done. Inless you are prepared for this 6unhappy2 ending, it might not be worth it. /ut that is really something for you to decide. #nd as another wise6?2 Juote says1 !!/ad decisions make good stories.!! /ut they are also able to e&tend the heartache. Cragging it on for too long when you could already be in the process of healing and recovery. The process of closing this chapter for good. 9. +he +ime :n /etween Relationships That time is reserved for you" It is a time of recovery. *hat I have noticed, is that after a break3up we are going through life looking back. *e are analyzing, we don!t know what the future will hold now that we have to face it alone. 5o in that time, it is important to slowely but surely get back on your own two feet. $ou and your happiness doesn!t have to depend on anyone, anybodys mood or mood swings or good+bad will towards you any longer. $ou don!t depend on that. $ou have to try to reach the point where you can say1 I am on my own for now, and I am okay with that. Cays, weeks or months will go by. Time to re3 define where this road is going for you. 5ure it is better to go through life with a partner, but it is also important for you to heal first after you got hurt so bad. #lso don!t underestimate the power of a strong family bond. Dne family member you can always reach, a co3worker or somebody you study with. )ake sure you have a good connection to at least . person that can always be reached and is interested in helping you getting through this time. ;. <orwards ne-er ba#kwards6
*hat has happened is now in the past. $ou will probably think it over again once in a while, but clinging on to a past that is now a closed chapter will delay the beginning of a brand new chapter. #s in all problems we encounter, or maybe mistakes that we make there is information to be gained from. %ee5 you didn't go through all of this for nothing. You ha-e gained knowledge along the way. $ou now know what you do not want again. /y coming to terms with the fact that the past is now over, it is time to carefully shift your view from looking back to the past to take a good look at the present and use all there is available for you, so you can create the future that you have in mind. It will not just come to you you have to go and get it. #ll that is worth attaining is worth the effort you put into it. %ven if you think1 !!I can not do anything about my situation..!! $ou were given ability, dreams and a brain. !!The grass is greener where you water it.!! so do it. =. ,o-e will find you again > don't hide It is important, that you do not isolate on your couch by yourself with C'Cs like !!The 0otebook!! forever" #s far as I remember, nobody ever found a new potential love interest on their couch.. Inless you consider online dating. I do think there is potential in that but you really have to be careful, with trusting some profile that could have made up by anyone really. If you are not ready yet, that!s fine. $ou will know when the right time comes. The right time to get back up, put on that nice new outfit and give the world another chance. $ou will know when the time of mourning is over, because it is a new day and a new, e&citing part of your life is just around the corner 3 waiting to get started. The best thing to get back out there is in pursuing your interests. 1?. :t's a new day and somebody lo-es you. <ust imagine while you are sitting here reading this book 3 which is a great thing to do really 12 there is somebody out there looking for you.. 5omebody with similar interests who might just had a bad break3up themselves. They think the same way about love after it!s over. They think all people are bad and they don!t ever want to be so vulnerable again. They don!t ever want to fall for somebody again, if that person has no intention to catch them. They are disappointed and sad too, just like you. /ut if they don!t lose hope and you don!t give up on love all you need to do now is find each other. To give an honest, true love that only you two can find together, a chance. It is true you will probably encounter a few unsuitable candidates along the way to your new love. /ut if you go on to meet someone new and the guy+girl is obviously not suitable from the beginning, who says you can not have a nice conversation and make a new friend. The higher the e&pectations, the bigger the disappointment. If you go to meet someone new, see it for what it will be. # meeting with a stranger at first, maybe a good afternoon. If you go there to be swept away immediately or to get married to this ?rince >harming ne&t week forget it. $ou can have a nice conversation, good dinner. If it is too bad you can even e&cuse yourself early because you have another place to go, an important appointment, a birthday you can 0DT miss. /ut if it turns out well, maybe there is a ( nd meeting for you ( coming up. @et to know ea#h other. I personally do not call it a date. The whole concept of dating is an #merican thing and very foreign to us %uropeans. Cating as I have seen it, means hanging out with someone until somebody better comes along. It is not a statement like saying1 ''We are a #ouple > and #hose ea#h other6'' would be. It!s a 84+84 half hearted thing. %ither somebody wants you or not. It is not good for your own feeling of self3worth to be just loosely C#TI07 somebody for a long time. If he+she wants you and you want them too, you will be a real couple. $ou will be in a relationship and know that you have found each other. @ull3hearted. $ou are @riendsKovers. If they don!t claim you, he+she is not that into you. It!s not a big problem if you recognize this early. *e meet many people in life. It happens and it!s time to move on from this e&perience their loss. )o not settle for someone who is not absolutely glad to ha-e you. There is also the idea that friends of your friends that are now single could be someone of interest to you. >ause if you have friends in common you most certainly will share some of the same interests and often have an instant sympathy for the people who like the same people you like. 0on#lusionA 5ince this book is based on personal e&perience I want to sprinkle some personal infos in. I have been through an earth shattering break3 up myself, which I thought I will never re3cover from. It took me a long, long time to heal. I felt so incomplete suddenly, even though I was always so independent before I was struck by IT. *hen I first felt this certain way, I went stumbling towards it like a clueless puppy thinking1 !!Dh what is that it feels so good..!! 1C I remember the time when I could have sworn and signed for the fact that ,OB2 e&ists because 8: ha-e felt it83 only to have had my heart ripped out and shattered to pieces after I was so high on that feeling. I crashed to the ground with no parachute or anything soft to land on. There was only the ground and a harsh reality I had to face alone, after I came back to my senses. #fter I gave my heart in trust to somebody else to carefully hold it. /roken promises, false imagination on how things would be. /utterflies in my stomach1 poisoned. #fter it was done, I came to the conclusion, that I didn!t recognize the red flags that have been there all along, because my feelings had taken over and my mind couldn!t have won, stopping it earlier by coming up with anything that would be critical about AI). Then I thought, obviously feelings weren!t that mutual and they didn!t reach the deep levels of his being, as they had reached mine. 1 + I was naive. # beginner+a dreamer. That was the only possible e&planation. @alling for him happened naturally. *ould I have gotten so involved emotionally if I would have known how hurtful it feels when it!s all coming to an end? 0o. #fter a long time of trying to find to myself again, I was going to give it another shot L get back out there. ooking around to see the good in people, often I just couldn!t find it. /ut I was also located in a city that is one of the most highly competitive cities in the world. I was at a point where I seriously lost almost all faith in mankind. I thought I was in this never ending isolation all by myself and people have forgotten what authenticity is. They have forgotten what values are, even their own upbringing and to differentiate between right and wrong. *hat true loyalty, friendship and trust in a relationship means. They have forgotten what ,OB2 is.. %ventually, I felt like all guys just wanna trick you, use you then kick you out. 6not literally2 /ut that was then. )eanwhile I have found a boyfriend who made me re3think all of this. *ho gave me that glimpse of hope in mankind back, and I am ever so grateful. #nd now it is up to you, my dear readers. It is up to you not to give up on love until you find that someone who is out there looking for you. That person which has their guard up so high, cause he too got hurt. It is work to build trust again, hard work. /ut step by step you can do it together. Dnce you will find that person you will know. ?lease don!t give up for these moments are far too treasurable to miss. $ou know somewhere on this earth somebody is walking around looking for that great, kind and amazing person that you are. 5omebody who knows what you are worth. 5omebody who would not trade you for all the money in the world. 5omebody who will look into your eyes and you just know a break3up had to happen just so that you two can finally find each other. This is no time to lose hope it!s a time to remind yourself of all the things you are able to do. $ou are here now with all the opportunities in the world, right at your fingertips. Con!t give up on love. @ill the time until it will find you with the most e&citing and wonderful e&periences you can. /e good to yourself you are wonderful" 12 Iplifting playlist1 >aro %merald # 0ight ike This 5ugababes =ound =ound @eist I @ell It #ll The Ting Tings That!s 0ot )y 0ame auryn Aill %verything Is %verything 0atasha /eddingfield 3 Inwritten "ow +o %ur-i-e 1 /reak(up > +he U,+:$1+2 .2ffi#ient C %hort63 %ur-i-al @uide written by :-onne Reimann www./est/reakIpMuotes.com N5urvive#/reakIp Ivonne =eimann is a multi3talented web content writer, author of the book D"ow +o %ur-i-e 1 /reak(Up ( +he Ultimate .2ffe#ti-e C %hort63 %ur-i-al @uideD as well as a singer and songwriter. /orn in %ast 7ermany, she gained her understanding of media and writing through placements at 0/> Iniversal /erlin, Interscope =ecords 0$> and studying <ournalism in ondon where she currently resides. @ind more infos at1 :-onneReimann.#om +witter.#omE:-onneReimann >opyright O (4.: Ivonne =eimann. #ll rights reserved. 0o part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, without written permission from the author, e&cept for the inclusion of brief Juotations in a review. #ll trademarks and service marks are property of their respective owners. The information, stories and articles contained in this ebook are the opinion of the individual author based on their personal observations and e&perience. 0either the author or publisher assume any liability whatsoever for the use of or inability to use any or all information contained in this publication. Ise this information at your own risk. #ll rights reserved.