Malignant Self Love, Sam Vaknin (Part I Post by: Kabita Sonowal
!" Many thanks for this interview, Sam" It has #een $uite a while sin%e we last intera%ted " &hat #ooks are you reading at the moment' Is there any #ook in (arti%ular that you would re%ommend to our readers' ). Thank you for having me again. I just finished reading Umberto Eo!s magisterial "Prague #emetery$. It %rovides a om%letely im%lausible aount of how the forgery widely known and disseminated as "The Protools of the Elders of &ion$ ame to be in '(th entury Euro%e. )et* it is its very narrative audaity that renders this novel %anorami* breathtaking* thrilling* and kaleidoso%i. If you want to understand the miasmi metastasis that was %re+,itler Euro%e* this is the book for you. I am now enjoying a well+earned res%ite with ,.-... Keating!s Ins%etor /hote: a magial mystery tour in the India of the mid+01th entury. *" &hat do we read from you next' )" I have just %ublished my latest tome "The 2eath of Se3 and the 2emise of 4onogamy$ available* among others* from 5ma6on. Se3 is dead as is monogamous marriage. 7hat will re%lae them8 -ead about alternative lifestyles 9suh as swinging:* se3ual %referenes 9suh as bi+ and homose3uality:* se3ual %ara%hilias 9suh as inest* fetishism* and %edo%hilia:* and the role of malignant narissism in the disintegration of all relationshi%s between men and women. +" )(art from ,ar%issus, who all would you list as #eing nar%issisti% in history and mythology' ). ;oth ,itler and Stalin have been remote+diagnosed as narissists by the %reeminent %syhoanalyst Erih .romm. In <uly 011=* I suggested that >bama may be a narissist. ;ut only a ?ualified mental health diagnostiian an determine whether someone suffers from @arissisti Personality 2isorder 9@P2: and this* following lengthy tests and %ersonal interviews. -" &hat is that one genre that you would like to da##le in future' )" I have %ublished %oetry* si+fi* short stories* essays* anthologies of artiles* and full+sale non+fition 9the newest reiteration of "4alignant Self+love: @arissism -evisited$ is A=1 %ages longB:. I tried my hand at writing novels* but I do not have the stamina suh as ,erulean undertaking seems to re?uire. ." /our main work revolves around malignant or (athologi%al nar%issism" &hy' )" I am an author* olumnist* editor* and finanial advisor. I had been diagnosed with @arissisti Personality 2isorder 9@P2: twie* when I have hit rok bottom* in the throes of binges of self+defeat and self+destrution. 4y %syhologial defenses rendered im%otent by self+wrought irumstanes* I began to study this %erniious mental afflition. There was very little to be found* so I was fored to invent my own voabulary 9now widely ae%ted and disseminated:. I s%ent the last 'A years orres%onding with thousands of narissists* tens of thousands of their vitims* and hundreds of mental health %ratitioners. I maintain several web sites regarding this and related disorders and a )ouTube hannel with my instrutional videos. I am also the author of "4alignant Self+love: @arissism -evisited$ and other books* e+books* and video letures about %ersonality disorders. 0" &hy ,PD' &hat moves you to ta%kle this to(i% on your we#sites and video %hannel' )" The om%ulsive need to garner attention and the onstraint of having to make a living out of my own freakishness. 1" Is it diffi%ult to diagnose ,PD' )" Self+interested %rotestations of numerous diagnostiians notwithstanding* it is nearly im%ossible to diagnose narissism and %syho%athy 9antisoial %ersonality disorder: if the %atient refuses to ollaborate. The %syhologial "tests$ are risible and rely on self+re%orting by %athologial liars and masters of oo%tion and mani%ulation 9narissists* %syho%aths: as well as their owed family members and "friends$. 2" ,ar%issists are 3good3 at destroying or damaging relationshi(s """ )" @arissists have no relationshi%s. They are %arasiti %redators who are addited to narissisti su%%ly 9attention* admiration* adulation* being feared:. They form liaisons only with soures of suh su%%ly and only for as long as the su%%ly lasts. They harm their %ros%etive %rey* mani%ulate and e3%loit their targets* e3trat the in%uts that they are om%elled to onsume* and then off+handedly devalue and disard what remains of their "lovers$* o+workers* "friends$* fans* and interloutors. They are relentless* meriless 9they lak em%athy:* and roboti in this single+minded %ursuit. @arissists are haughty* ho%eless team %layers* and delusional. Their grandiose fantasies often translate into self+defeating ondut. They fre?uently alienate their nearest and dearest and self+destrut s%etaularly.
Interview with the )uthor of The Death 4f Sex )nd The Demise 4f Monogamy )nd Malignant Self Love, Sam Vaknin (Part II" Post by: Kabita Sonowal Interview with the 5uthor of The Death 4f Sex )nd The Demise 4f Monogamy )nd Malignant Self Love* Sam Vaknin (Part II. )ou an read Part I of the interview here. In todayCs interview* he disusses narissism in detail and the nature Ds. nurture debate of the same.
5 !" In your #ook, Malignant Self Love you have mentioned the ty(es of nar%issism" &hat is the differen%e #etween %ere#ral and somati% nar%issism ' &hen it %omes to self6 destru%tiveness, are they the same' &hat a#out relationshi(s' )" There are no %syhodynami or behavioural differenes between these two subty%es. The distintion is merely o%%ortunisti: the erebral narissist derives narissisti su%%ly from his audiene!s reations to his %yrotehnial intellet and s%arkling intelligene* his brilliant elo?uene* and his enylo%edi knowledge. The somati narissist garners attention and aolades whih refer to his musulature* se3ual %rowess* and stamina. ;oth ty%es devour human soures of su%%ly e?ually voraiously and dis%ose of the ara%aes with blood+ urdling nonhalane. 5 *" Is nar%issism a s(e%trum of severity7 mild, moderate, extreme' 8ow do these gradations of nar%issism manifest in the nar%issist9s #ehavior, es(e%ially in his (resen%e online and on so%ial networks' )" @arissism is a s%etrum: from the healthy to the most severe form* known as @arissisti Personality 2isorder. >ur soiety and ulture are narissisti and reward narissisti traits and behaviors. #onse?uently* the inidene of narissism is skyroketing. Soial media and similar me+tehnologies are mere manifestations and by+%roduts of this underlying trend. >nline* mild narissists are likely to be hy%ervigilant 9%rone to being slighted: and arrogant* but not e3%loitative and ruthless. Suh narissists are the initiators of and the fodder for flame wars and trolling. The full+fledged variety involves antisoial 9%syho%athi: attem%ts to e3trat benefits from one!s "friends$ and "followers$: se3ual* finanial* or in the form of adulation in ult+like situations. 5 +" Is ,ar%issism ,ature or ,urture' )re you #orn with it or is it a%$uired' )" Pathologial narissism is a reation to %rolonged abuse and trauma in early hildhood or early adolesene. The soure of the abuse or trauma is immaterial + the %er%etrators ould be %arents* teahers* other adults* or %eers. Pam%ering* smothering* s%oiling* and EengulfingE the hild are also forms of abuse. There may be a geneti %redis%osition to narissism* however. 5 -" )%%ording to you, dangerous nar%issists, with money, (ower and (restige, like President >bama* have a tremendous influen%e over (eo(le" &hat ha((ens when they la%k nar%issisti% su((ly' 8ow destru%tive to themselves and to others %an they #e%ome' 5. @arissists naturally gravitate towards %ositions of authority : they love %ower* elebrity * and money beause these translate easily to abundant narissisti su%%ly. The danger lies in the narissist!s inability to em%athise with his hargesF his inevitable self+destrutive streak whih wreaks havo on the lives of his followers* %atients* %arishioners* or fans F and his %oor reality test: his delusional detahment from reality* his grandiose and fantasti .alse Self * and his emotional investment in maintaining a fallaious front at all osts to him and to others. The narissist regards everyone in terms of their funtionality as e3tensions of himself and as founts of adulation and attention. ,e rages when they "malfuntion.$ ,e is blind to their needs* emotions* and as%irations. ,e is unsto%%able in the %ursuit of his addition to su%%ly and what he %ereives to be his self+interest. ,e is envious* s%iteful* and bullying. @ot desirable traits in a olleague or a boss . 5 ." Is vanity the same as full+fledged %athologial narissism* somati or erebral8 ,ow an you tell if someone is merely very vain or a narissist* in terms of their behavior8 7hat is the ti%%ing %oint8 )" 7hat matters is that the following harateristis* often found in healthy %eo%le* a%%ear jointly and not se%arately or intermittently and that they are all+%ervasive 9invade* %enetrate* and mould every as%et* nook* and ranny of the %ersonality:: '. That grandiose fantasies are abundantly disernibleF 0. That grandiose 9often ridiulous: behaviors are %resentF G. That there is an over+riding need for admiration and adulation or attention 9Enarissisti su%%lyE:F H. That the %erson laks em%athy 9regards other %eo%le as two dimensional artoon figures and abstrations* unable to Estand in their shoesE:F I. That these traits and behaviors begin* at the latest* in early adoleseneF A. That the narissisti behaviors %ervade all the soial and emotional interations of the narissist. 5 0" Many suggest that the millennial generation is more nar%issisti% than other generations' )re these the out%omes of so%ial media or %ele#rity %ults' Should we #e worried a#out this' A. The incidence and prevalence of narcissism have always been the same. What has changed is that now a narcissistic personality style is widely embraced, considered legitimate and acceptable, fawned rather than frowned upon. Like so many skeletons, narcissists have come out of the closets. Ours is a culture of celebrity. It is no longer merely me-rst, it!s me-only. "uch anomic atomi#ation makes it very di$cult to maintain a functioning society% it renders communication and collaboration onerous and ine$cient.
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