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THINNER
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AUGUST 2014

SUPERS ZED
A N

NEW
17PAGE
G G
SPECIAL
P.71

20 SIDE
HUSTLES
FOR EXTRA
CASH

NEW WAYS TO
BEAUTIFY YOUR

!
U
O
Y
D
N
A
BR

TATTOO

VE GOT
U
O
Y
T
A
H
W
F
O
E MOST
H
T
G
IN
K
A
M
F
THE SECRETS O

SA REPORT

R31,90 (incl VAT) N$31,90 (Namibia)


R27,98 (other countries)
08282

9 770256 028004

www.cosmopolitan.co.za

ABORTION
The new
birth control?

Not true!

Heres why

021-418 0045

REGULARS
4 From the editor
6 COSMO contributors
38 Fun, fearless
confessions
40 Three minutes with

COVER STORIES

Grey Damon

140 Horoscopes
141 Stockists
142 COSMO inbox

32 Inkspiration
Make the most of your body art

44 Big it up

Your thoughts, your tweets

Why you should expect


more of yourself

144 Does stress make


you bitchy?

50 20 side hustles
for extra money

Take our quiz to find out

Ways to up your income


in your spare time

54 Abortion as birth control:


NOT happening!
Debunking a horrible myth

66 The sex stuff nobody


talks about but were
going there

BTW, bscribe

ow su
you can n
blet.
on your ta A
to COSMO
O.Z
OPOLITAN.C
Visit COSM
e.
h subscrib
and searc

The honest truth about


embarrassing things

71 COSMO Fiance Files


He asked, you said yes.
Now read this!

116 Finding (th)inner peace


Stop obsessing about your weight!

LILY WAS HERE

The UK pop provocateur is back


and shes as unapologetic as ever

FUN FEARLESS
BEAUTY
9 Break out the
brights, girl!
Fluorescent eye shadows
perfect for party night

10 I want a crazyfun mani (for


the first time!)
Nail art of the month

12 Stay sexy all


month long
For under R100

14 The trend:
metallic lips
Wear it and snap it!

15 #AskJuana

26 Black and white


Monochrome fashion
for under R500

28 Box clever
A reader models
square silhouettes

30 Fashion forever
or fashion fling?
An investment piece
vs a wardrobe full
of must-haves

90 It takes all sorts


Pick and mix this
seasons trends

98 The shape of
things to come
Volume is big in
fashion right now

Your beauty Q&A

16 Crap, Im
late for work!
From PJs to polished
in 10 minutes flat

18 Right hair, right now


Switch up your look
the celeb way

106 Help! I need


beauty rehab!
Small things you
do could lead to
big problems

110 Look hot with


a hangover
Quick beauty solutions
for the morning after

FUN FEARLESS
FASHION
21 Pop culture
Hip accessories
in primary colours

22 Art school
How to wear
brush-stroke prints

24 Camo appearance
Khaki made sexy

25 Fun times
An armful of watches?
Yes, please!

YOUNIVERSE
43 Own your quirks
46 How to help a
friend in trouble
Your BFF is going
through a tough time.
Heres what to do

58 I left my boyfriend
when he was
paralysed
A woman tells her story

LOVE LUST
& OTHER STUFF
61 11 signs its
#forrealsies
62 Youre not needy
(youre just with
the wrong guy)
Feeling insecure?
This could be why!

68 Manthropology
Your guide to the
male brain

BODY LOVE
115 Nail your
workout with these
gymming undies

ON OUR COVER LILY ALLEN


PHOTOGRAPHED BY BEN WATTS FASHION BY JAMES
WORTHINGTON DEMOLET HAIR BY DANILO/THE WALL GROUP
MAKEUP BY BEAU NELSON/THE WALL GROUP MANICURE
BY NAOMI YASUDA/STREETERS
RECREATE HER LOOK WITH REVLON COSMETICS
HER FACE AGE DEFYING FIRMING + LIFTING MAKEUP R279
FRESH IVORY WITH POWDER BLUSH R185 NAUGHTY NUDE
HER EYES COLORSTAY EYE LINER R175 EACH AMETHYST AND BLACK WITH
COLORSTAY SHADOW LINKS EYE SHADOW R49 EACH EGGPLANT AND SAND,
AND BOLD LACQUER MASCARA BY GROW LUSCIOUS R170 BLACKEST BLACK
HER LIPS COLORBURST LIP BUTTER R145 SUGAR PLUM HER DRESS DIOR HER
NECKLACE CHANEL HER BRACELETS KAREN EGREN, CZ BY KENNETH JAY LANE,
NEIL LANE AND LARUICCI HER RINGS KAREN EGREN, AS29 AND DEBORAH PAGANI

120 8 reasons to put


your eggs on ice
What you need
to know if youre
planning to have
kids one day

122 When its always


caffeine oclock
Could coffee culture
be bad for you?

124 Body news


Ways to keep
your body healthy

125 Food buzz


The skinny on
food and drink

126 Fitness buzz


Exercise tips for
quicker results

LIFE HACKS
131 Winter homefrom-homes
for you and
your homies
132 Cosmotise
your month
Awesome stuff
for you to do,
see and buy

134 Skills to roll solo


Cool things you
really need to
know how to do

61

136 Confessions of
a series-oholic

Are you suffering from


series syndrome?

FIANCE FILES
73 Heavy metal
74 Bling on it!
76 How far would
you go for your
engagement selfie?
78 The best way to
show off your bling
80 How to stop this
from splitting you up
82 How to throw
an awesome
engagement party
84 Which is better: the
very short or very
long engagement?
86 Will an ultimatum
send him packing?

READER OFFERS
77 Win a diamond
tennis bracelet from
American Swiss
79 Win a diamond ring
and stud earrings
from Sterns
127 Subscription special

COSMO | IMHO

THINGS IM
CRUSHING ON
THIS MONTH
These Zara
stunners
on page 30

ost- orld Cup football


comedown is rough,
right? After getting
it three times a night, not
getting any at all is not #FTW.
Even as a neutral, I screamed,
cursed and punched the
air and my housemates
arm for the countries that
I was supporting during any
given match. (Nigeria, obvs;
Germany/Chile/Brazil, for
hot player-related reasons;
Colombia, the champions
of synchronised dancing)
Its awesome to feel part of
a team, a tribe. Thankfully,
theres never a nal whistle
for the tribe that matters
most to me: you and the
COSMO clan. Every day
I get to be part of your life,
your quirks, your fears and
your fearlessness, and I get
to create a product that speaks
back to you in your language.

Which is why weve revamped the


vamp that is COSMO to reect all
that you stand for now: originality,
individuality, positivity. We did it
quite quickly because, as you know,
no-ones got time to be waiting
on change. But once all was done
and we poured ourselves a Bells,
we were we are super-happy.
Whats changed? Not everything;
just the bits that needed freshening.
Our cover stars are more authentically
themselves (like you: cool but still
cr*p-hot). Weve introduced a regular
tattoo page (shock, horror not!)
to show you the best way to beautify
and show off your marking, or inspire
you if youre thinking of getting one.
Our new Backstage Pass page not
only gives you insights into the latest
beauty trends but also which Instagram
lters work best with which looks
because life is waiting but rst,
a sele. Our (award-winning, no
less) art director Juan has injected
incredible energy and fun into the
pages. But Im not going to give
it all away here. Look for yourself,
and let me know what you think!

Solid friendship
advice with
bonus kittens!

All of these.
Want! Now!

Emma
Watsons
bestie
Douglas
Booth

BECOME PART
OF THE TRIBE
Twitter.com/
CosmopolitanSA
Instagram.com/
cosmopolitansa
Pinterest.com/
cosmopolitansa

cathy@assocmedia.co.za
@CathyLundMedia

4 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Facebook.com/CosmopolitanSA

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

PHOTOGRAPHY FRANK ELLIS

Kickin It

Sexy back
body art

THE TEAM

Editor
Deputy editor
Managing editor
Art director
Art editor
Senior designer
Picture editor
Content producer
Junior features writer
Chief copy editor
Copy editor
Beauty editor
Beauty assistant
Fashion director
Contributing fashion editor
Fashion assistants

Digital content producer


Business development manager
Events manager
Production controller
Senior sales executives
Sales executive
COSMOPOLITAN website
COSMOPOLITAN mobile

Cathy Lund
Ann Ellis Brown
Melissa Attridge
Juan Geel
Shirley Padi
Pia Hammond
Danielle Karallis
Zama Nkosi
Lerato Bokako
Ania Rokita
Candice Quinton
Juana Parathyras
Megan Muscutt
Poppy Evans
Bev Nates
Brodi Deere
Taryn Aziz (Johannesburg)
Mimi Thurgood
Samantha Africa
Chantelle Hayes
Theo Ernest
Lebogang Thokoane (Johannesburg)
Sivan Gurland
Mbali Boleu (Johannesburg)
Cosmopolitan.co.za
m.cosmopolitan.co.za

Hearst Magazines International President/CEO: Duncan Edwards. Senior vice president/


CFO/General manager: Simon Horne. Senior vice president/Director of licencing and business
development: Gautam Ranji. Senior vice president/International publishing director: Jeannette
Chang. Senior vice president/Editorial director: Kim St Clair Bodden. Executive director/Editorial:
Astrid O Bertoncini. Creative director: Peter Yates. Fashion/Entertainment director: Kristen Ingersoll.
Senior international editions editor: Marion Collins. International editions editors: Jacquelyn
Galgey and Shahrzad Golchin. Editor-in-chief, Cosmopolitan (1965-1997): Helen Gurley Brown.

PIA HAMMOND

COSMOs senior designer. Animal lover.


Whisky drinker. Film bu. Funny gal. Find
her design layouts throughout the magazine.
WHAT ARE THE MOST FABULOUS ITEMS
IN YOUR WARDROBE?

A vintage CK dress passed down


to me by my mother, and Ferragamo
boots I found in a second-hand store.
WHATS THE MOST EMBARRASSING ITEM?

My slipper collection. Not hawt.


WHAT PAGE WILL YOU READ FIRST IN THIS ISSUE?

Black and white on page 26, then


Abortion as birth control: not happening!
on page 54 straight aerwards.

LYNN CUPIDO

COSMOs digital intern.


Aspiring writer trying to
take over the World Wide
Web. Find her stories at
Cosmopolitan.co.za.
WHAT SURPRISED
YOU MOST ABOUT
THE COSMO OFFICE?

How it can go from


quiet to busy (and
loud!) in a second.
WHAT FOOD COULD YOU NEVER LIVE WITHOUT?

Avo it needs to go on everything.


WORDS TO LIVE BY: Do not do to others what
you do not want done to yourself (Confucius)

6 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

JUSTIN
POLKEY
Picture taker. Lover
of all things beautiful.
Find his fashion shoot
on page 90.
HOW DID YOU MANAGE
TO TURN PHOTOGRAPHY
INTO A CAREER?

With great
timing and
total belief.
There was no
other reality
for me.
WHO WOULD YOU
LOVE TO PHOTOGRAPH
THAT YOU HAVENT YET?

There are
so many
people still
on that list.
Christopher
Walken
springs
to mind.
IF YOU HAD
A SUPERPOWER,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?

To y!

Editors of international editions Argentina: Mara Jos Grillo. Armenia: Hrachuhi


Utmazyan. Australia: Bronwyn McCahon. Azerbaijan: Aygun Mustafayeva. Brazil: Monica
Gailewitch. Bulgaria: Detelina Stamenova. Chile: Ignacia Uribe. China: Vera Xu. Croatia:
Marjana Filipovic-Grcic. Cyprus: Stalo Papanastasiou. Czech Republic: Sabrina Karasova.
Estonia: Mari-Liis Helvik. Finland: Miina Lange. France: Sylvie Overnoy. Germany: Kerstin
Weng. Greece: Lydia Papaioannou. Hong Kong: Ruqiyah Law Kam Ying. Hungary: Johanna
Sabjn. India: Nandini Bhalla. Indonesia: Fira Basuki. Italy: Francesca Delogu. Kazakhstan:
Maya Akisheva. Korea: Hyun Joo Kim. Latin America: Ana Victoria Tach. Latvia: Santa
Kristiana Zamuele. Lithuania: Violeta Kalikauskiene. Malaysia: Eena Houzyama. Middle
East: Sonja Stephen. Mongolia: Khaliuna Bold. Netherlands: Anne Marije de Vries Lentsch.
Philippines: Myrza Sison. Poland: Hanna Wolska. Portugal: Sandra Mauricio. Romania:
Gabriela Zavaleanu. Russia: Alexandra Badanina, Polina Sokhranova. Serbia: Nasja Veljkovic.
Singapore: Jo Upcra. Slovenia: Manca Campa. Spain: Lala Herrero. Taiwan: Min Chun Chang.
Thailand: Pimsiri Jaiya. Turkey: Ozlem Kotan. UK: Louise Court. Ukraine: Anna Zemskova.
US: Joanna Coles. US/Hispanic: Ana Victoria Tach. Vietnam: Nguyen Mai Phuong.
Head oce: 21 St Johns Street, Cape Town 8001. PO Box 5355, Cape Town 8000;
021 464 6200 (Editorial/Promotions), e-mail cosmopolitan@assocmedia.co.za.
On The Dot helpline 0861 000 423, e-mail magazinedeliveries@onthedot.co.za;
subscriptions 0861 000 423 (SA), +27 11 401 5956 (international), fax 086 534 4704.
If you cannot nd COSMOPOLITAN at your local store,
e-mail Melt.VanDerWalt@onthedot.co.za.
THE PROPRIETOR AND PUBLISHER OF COSMOPOLITAN IS
JVR & ASSOCIATES PTY LTD, 21 ST JOHNS STREET, CAPE TOWN 8001.
REPRODUCTION: HIRT & CARTER

Chairman
Managing director
Content director
Group publisher: sales
Head of digital
Digital content strategist
Group marketing manager
Digital marketing manager
Subscriptions data manager
Customer loyalty & relationship manager
Marketing designer
Marketing design assistant
Customer relations consultant
Group digital sales manager
Online trac controller
Senior developer
Digital design developer
Events manager
Events sales assistant
Media strategist
Production manager
Human resources manager
Human resources and payroll ocer
Senior designer: group special projects
Syndication manager
Syndication coordinator
IT manager
Financial accountant
Group advertising controller
Advertising controller
Credit controllers

Jane Raphaely
Julia Raphaely
Vanessa Raphaely
Rebecca Whisson-Smeda
Matt Loy
Zani Botes
Lisa Strachan
Karla Levick
Jan Beyleveldt
Jaco-Louis Groenewald
Michelle Joubert
Lauren Beukes
Thando Mxutu
Julia Pretorius
Sharlee Wurdeman
Melvin Ollewagen
Jessica Cohen
Jolize Aschmann
Kylie Janssen
Karen Phelan
Lorraine Lines
Marcelle Maggott
Chanelle Cogill
Ashleigh Eales
Teresa van der Bank
Sharon Rajee
James Wight
Kathy Graham
Lynford Baker
Shantel Peskin
Zaibu Isaacs
Merle Pitts
Debtors controller Meagan Dowman
Managing directors PA/
Production assistant Janine Duncan
Oce manager/Editorial directors PA Azraa Garnie
Oce manager/Media assistant Irene Bosch (Johannesburg)
Reception Janine Brown
Clerical ocer Carol Bergandal
Clerical assistant/Driver Trevor Goodall
Housekeeping Felicia Burt
Zahieda Grobbelaar
Samson Mtonga
Head oce (Cape Town) Fih Floor, Associated Media Publishing,
21 St Johns Street, Gardens,
Cape Town 8001, 021 464 6200
Johannesburg bureau First Floor, South Wing,
No 3 Sandown Valley Crescent,
Sandton 2196, 011 783 5500
Subscriptions and back copies On The Dot 0861 000 423;
foreign subscribers: +27 11 401 5956;
subscribe@assocmedia.co.za
Cosmopolitan.co.za/subscriptions (tablet)
Company website www.assocmedia.co.za

HAS YOUR SKIN


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LO O K C LO S E R . TA KE T H E POND S AGE T E ST .
Infused with Intelligent Pro-Cell Complex.
Reduces ne lines and wrinkles.
Reduces dark marks and age spots.
Brightens dull skin.

Dark marks, ne lines and wrinkles are all signs of ageing.


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START USING PONDS AGE MIRACLE TODAY

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F O R M U L A T E D

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Visit your nearest PONDS Beauty Advisor today and put us to the test.

Fun, Fearless

EDITED BY JUANA PARATHYRAS

One of three CK One


beauty hampers worth
R2 145 each. Go to
COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA
/WIN to enter.

PHOTOGRAPHY RIANA VOGEL COMPILED BY JUANA PARATHYRAS


PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS PRICES ARE
R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S

7
1 Dior Diorshow
Mono Eye Shadow
(R410) IT-Purple
2 Chanel Ombre
Essentielle So
Touch Eyeshadow
(R435) Exaltation
3 MAC Eye Shadow
Matte (R180) Orange
4 CK One Color
Powder Eyeshadow
Quad (R420) Amazon
5 MAC Eye Shadow
Matte (R180) Chrome
Yellow 6 MAC Eye
Shadow Satin (R180)
Kelly 7 MAC Eye
Shadow Satin (R180)
Electric Eel

BREAK
OUT THE
BRIGHTS,
GIRL!
5

We cant
stop raving
about these
uorescent,
party-perfect
eye shadows

Beauty | Nail Art

I Want

When we heard there were still nail-art virgins in the world,


we called on nail artist Simcha Whitehill to handle the situation

PICKUP
STICKS

THE EMOJI
MANI
Stephanie*, 27,
restaurant service
director
NAIL IT Make happy-face
yellow even more fun with
a white base, which makes
any colour more vibrant.
Draw the face shapes
with nail-art pens.

Hanna*, 22,
fashion assistant
NAIL IT Apply white
polish, leaving a semicircle of exposed nail
at the base. With a
striping brush, paint
random intersecting
lines with blue, yellow
and coral polish. Apply
a top coat and press a
star at the base of each
nail while still wet.

THE REVEAL Customers


loved my mani so much, my
boss suggested making it
part of our hosts uniforms!

CHIC
SHAPES
Pia*, 26,
copywriter

THE REVEAL Theyre


a great conversation
starter perfect for
the fashion biz.

NAIL IT Paint nails nude


(and pinkies coral). Add on
the moons, tips and bubbles.
A striping brush or thin
paintbrush will keep
your designs precise.

FROM TOP: Nails Inc Nail


Polish (R110 at Edgars) St
Johns Wood; Essence Colour
& Go (R19,95) Flashy Pumpkin;
Revlon Nail Enamel (R120)
White On White; Essence Tip
Painter (R22,95) Natural White

THE REVEAL Simcha


promised sophisticated,
work-friendly nail art
and totally delivered.

Make your own striping brush


DIY
IT!
by cutting an old nail-polish brush.
Divide the bristles into two sections. One should be
thin that will become the striping brush. Cut the
rest of the bristles (the second section) o as close
to the base of the brush as possible. Dip and paint!

PHOTOGRAPHY PERRY HAGOPIAN, JON PATERSON/STUDIO D, RIANA VOGEL TEXT LAUREN BALSAMO
AND JUANA PARATHYRAS PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS PRICES ARE RECOMMENDED
R E TA I L P R I C E S S TO C K I S T S O N PA G E 141 * S U R N A M E H A S B E E N W I T H H E L D


A CRAZY
FUN
(FOR THE
MANI FIRST TIME!)

Wet & Wild Fast Dry


Nail Color (R39,95)
The Wonder Years;
Essence Nail Art
Tattoo Pen (R34,95)

Zoya Nail Polish


(R140) Cho;
Essie Nail Polish
(R119) Capri

Now Add These Stacking Rings


R349,
Accessorize

10 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

R169,
Accessorize

R199,
Topshop

R249,
Accessorize

FOR AN EASY, STEPBYSTEP VIDEO GUIDE TO CREATING THE PICKUP


STICKS MANI, SEARCH PICKUP STICKS AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

2014 COTY US LLC


*Based on a clinical test. **75% of women agree. Based on study of 108 participants.

MIRACLE
TREATMENT
Its a miracle right before your eyes!
Up your strength 40% in 3 days with Miracle Cure.*
Lengthen in 5 days with Nailgrowth Miracle.**
Get instantly harder, thicker nails
with Miracle Nail Thickener.
Sometimes a girl has to make her own miracles.

sallyhansen.com

Beauty | On a Budget

NAILED IT!

Thank goodness we have Henry Holland to keep


our nails as mention-worthy as our clothes. His collab
with Elegant Touch is going strong and we love the
latest designs, all user-friendly and long-wearing.

Essence
Colour Flash
Volume
Mascara
(R47,95) 02

House Of Holland Nailed by Elegant Touch (R89,95) Block Heads

Prime Time

This lightly tinted primer


uses a green pigment to
help disguise blemishes
and redness by neutralising
the red hues in your skin.
Sweep it on before
foundation and concealer.

Y
Y

Blue Crush

Were totally obsessed with blue


mascara it brings out eye colour
and makes the whites appear
whiter. No more blah eyes!

Catrice Prime And Fine Anti-Red Base (R77,95)

#BEAUTYBARGAIN

TO THE
POINT

Stuck with blunt


eyeliner and no
sharpener? Thats
why we love this
eyeliner by Avon.
The lid has a built-in
sharpener every
time you twist the
cap closed, it
sharpens the
pencil. Genius!
Avon Always On Point Eyeliner
(R99,95) Molten Emerald

INSTA-GLAM

If youve been dealt a skimpy


set of lashes, youll agree that
throwing on a set of falsies on
special occasions (or every
day no judgment here!)
makes all the difference.

Pucker Up
Whats better
than a lip balm
that doubles as
a lipstick? This
chubby pen coats
lips in colour while
keeping them
moisturised. Its a
handbag staple!

Rimmel
Lasting
Finish Colour
Rush Intense
Colour Balm
(R99,95 each)
All You Need
Is Pink and
Give Me
A Cuddle

P H O TO G R A P H Y A N A S TA S I YA D O M N I TC H/S H U T T E R S TO C K , J O N PAT E R S O N/S T U D I O D ,


RIANA VOGEL TEXT MEGAN MUSCUTT PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS
P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S

For under R100

Eylure Katy
Perry Lashes
(R89,95 each)
Oh, My! and
Oh, Honey!

IGNITE
THE SPARK...

with fragrance that whispers hold me


and skin that says caress me.

LUX112510601

Alluring, captivating, irresistible.


Get ready for sparks to y with

Beauty | Backstage Pass

Selfie-Centred

These top models have great


sele rep. Steal their secrets
for the double-tap you desire
CHANEL IMAN

@chaneliman

THE TREND

Inglot Lipstick
(R169) 161

Inglot AMC
Pure Pigment
Eye Shadow
(R209) 23
Maybelline Color
Sensational Pearls
Lipstick (R110)
Golden Pearl

Revlon
Super Lustrous
Lip Gloss (R120)
Berry Allure

JOURDAN
DUNN

Metallic
Lips

@ocialjdunn

We spied this edgy trend backstage


at a 2014 Rodarte show. Heres
how to wear and snap! it best

GEORGIA
MAY JAGGER

IF YOURE OPTING FOR FULLMETAL LIPS


Fair skin suits champagnes and soft golds,
while darker skin tones are better in wine
and mocha, says CK One Color expert
Amanda Mirarchi.
TOO MUCH? Try a shimmery gloss for a
subtle take, says Mirarchi or apply gloss
just to the centre of the bottom lip. This
reects light, making lips appear bigger.
If youre game for colour, get a stained
effect by pressing lipstick on with a nger.
TOO LITTLE? After lipstick, apply a metallic
eye shadow or pigment from the centre of
your lips, blending outwards, says Mirarchi.
Choose a soft shimmer rather than chunky
glitter, which can look too costume party.

THE FILTER

Natural,
messy curls
are making
waves. Spritz
with sea-salt
spray for texture,
then add serum
for gloss.

@GeorgiaMayJagger

Colour draws
the eye and
is a great way
to distract from
aws so make
your best feature
the focal point
(red lips, deeply
smoky eyes).

Full-silver lips arent


attering on most. If you
want to try this look, limit
it to a shimmery gloss
over a pink lipstick.

Lo-Fi

Dramatic metallic lips are ideal #sele material


the darker the better! The only shine should be
on your lips, so make sure you apply sheer setting
powder to your nose and forehead. Add a bit of
gloss before you snap for a fuller-looking pout.

ER
OUR FAVE FILT
: Lo-Fi
OK
LO
FOR THIS

FOR A VIDEO GUIDE ON HOW TO WEAR METALLIC LIPS,


SEARCH METAL LIPS AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O T O G R A P H Y L E S T R O P, R I A N A V O G E L , I N S T A G R A M / O F F I C I A L J D U N N , I N S T A G R A M / C H A N E L I M A N ,
I N S TA G R A M/G E O R G I A M AY J A G G E R T E X T A L E X A N D E R W H I T I N G A N D J U A N A PA R AT H Y R A S P R I C E S
C O R R E C T AT T I M E O F G O I N G TO P R E S S P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S

MAC Frost
Lipstick
(R190)
Bronze
Shimmer

Dust highlighter
on high planes
of your face
(cheekbones,
browbones
and the bridge
of the nose)
to catch the
light and make
you glow.

Beauty | Q&A

#ASK
JUANA

COSMOs beauty editor answers your most


burning questions in 25 words or less!

Maybelline
The Colossal Go
Extreme! Volum
Mascara (R125)
Very Black

How do I make
my lashes longer
with mascara?
Im doing it
wrong. Help!
 FEDI KATZIA

Gosh
Growth
Mascara
(R149)
Black

^Use more than one


mascara. Apply two coats
of thickening mascara, then
layer lengthening mascara
over that youll build length
into lashes. _
The products we just had
to try this month

Garnier Fresh
Rening Toner
Shine Be
Gone! (R59,95)

Garnier
Refreshing
Toner Start
Afresh
(R59,95)

Garnier
Soening
Toner Goodbye
Dry (R59,95)

Clarins Extra-Comfort
Anti-Pollution
Cleansing
Cream (R365)
Thick, creamy
and very luxurious, it still
rinses o easily and nixes
all my makeup even the
mascara! Its great if you live
in the city because it actively
ghts o the damaging
eects of pollution.
Juana Parathyras,
COSMO beauty editor

Are toners necessary?


 KESHIA JUNGBAHADUR

PHOTOGRAPHY GREATSTOCK/CORBIS, RIANA VOGEL PRICES CORRECT


AT T I M E O F G O I N G TO P R E S S P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S

^Toners used to have a bum rap, but


today they are hydrating and packed
with active ingredients. Find one that
suits your skin type. _
Maybelline
Clear Smooth
All In One
Shine Free
Cake Powder
(R79,95) Cacao

Ive tried everything to


get rid of my pimples
and blackheads but
they wont go away.
What should I do?
 LINEO PHAFOLI

^Choose a cleanser with salicylic acid


to keep pores clear. Only use makeup
that states its noncomedogenic (wont
clog pores), and exfoliate regularly. _

When should
I start using antiageing products?
 EMMA DEETLEFS

^Prevention is better
than cure! Choose
products that address
your skins needs
and invest in solid
sun protection
SPF30+ every day! _

GOT A BEAUTY Q? TWEET US WITH THE


HASHTAG #ASKJUANA @COSMOPOLITANSA

Eucerin
Sun
Creme
Tinted
(R170)

Vaseline Dry Skin


Repair (R22,99)
My skin is very
so thanks to
the tiny droplets
of Vaseline jelly that are now
infused into this cream. Plus
it smells amazing and its
so aordable.
Megan Muscutt,
COSMO beauty assistant

Dove Nourishing
Oil Care Deep
Repair Treatment
Mask (R58,99)
This treatment mask
puts life back into the bleached parts
of my hair its silky and so, and
it has a great, polished shine.
Kelly Paitaki,
COSMO reader and
makeup artist

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

15

PHOTOGRAPHY JON PATERSON/STUDIO D, RIANA VOGEL TEXT JESSICA MATLIN PRICES


C O R R E C T AT T I M E O F G O I N G TO P R E S S P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S

Beauty | Hacks

Crap,
Im Late
for
ork!
Overslept? Go from PJs
to polished in 10 minutes at
by doing the bare minimum
at home and adding a few
discreet touches at work

At Home: Prep

These products go on fast, require zero precision


and work their magic during your commute.
Clinique
Superdefense
Daily Defense
Moisturiser
SPF 20 (R535)

Optive Plus
Triple-Action
Solution (R81,16)

Quench skin. You know how you


crave water in the morning? Your
skins desperate for a drink too
especially if you skimped on sleep.
Look alive. Rehydrate bloodshot
eyes with drops before bringing
potentially irritating makeup
anywhere near them.
Wake up your face. Liquid
foundation reverses the look
of tired skin almost instantly,
says makeup artist Troy Jensen.
Dot it in the centre of your face,
and blend outwards.

LOral Lumi
Magique
Light Infusing
Foundation
(R210) Beige

LOral
Professionel
Wild Stylers
by Tecni.Art
Crpage de
Chignon
(R279)

Le Blush
Crme
de Chanel
(R485)
Prsage

Perk up with peach. Coral blush


will help mask dullness, says
Jensen. Cream formulas melt into
foundation and can be dabbed on
while you brush your teeth.
Work with the bed-head.
Mist hair with texturising spray
and plait it into a side braid, says
hairstylist Greg Cassese. It looks
good and sets the scene for a
more stylish, work-appropriate
look later.

16 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Relax!
It take
s
only a
produc few
ts to lo
ok
profes
sional

At Work: Polish

A little detailing and youre ready to shine


at your 10am sta meeting.
Add dimension. Pat creamy
highlighter on cheekbones
and lids. It attracts light, hiding
dullness and shadows. Bonus:
cheekbones look higher without
much eort.
Keep it simple and smudgy.
Double-ended shadow liners
let you create subtle (read:
easy) denition with a pencil
or shadow-lled sponge tip.
Finish with mascara.
Bring out the balm. Busy
mornings are all about tinted
lip balms theyre quick and
comforting, and require less
precision than lipstick.
Finish your style. Undo the
braid, tousle hair with ngers
for texture and blast roots with
dry shampoo for extra volume.
Scent yourself. Keep a fresh,
work-friendly fragrance at your
desk for days (like this!) when
perfuming yourself at home is
the last thing on your mind.

Batiste Dry
Shampoo
(R64,99)
Fruity &
Cheeky
Cherry

MAC
Strobe
Liquid
Lotion
(R335)

Lancme
Hypnse Star
Waterproof
Mascara
(R355)

Catrice
Smokey
Eyes Pencil
(R34,95) The
Black Earl

Fendi
LAcquarossa
(R1 180 for
50ml EDP)

Badger
Lip Tint &
Shimmer
(R89, 25)
Copper
& Opal
Shimmer

Beauty | Great Hair

Stuck in a hair rut? These ve celebs


switched up their looks why dont you?

Lea Michele
The Glee actress awlessly demonstrates a great styling trick
to hide a fringe straighten hair, slick back the top section with
pomade, and pin in place. Spritz with hairspray to nish.

Margot Robbie
She received mixed reports
for heading over to the dark
side. We like it! Blonde girls
considering this change: tint
your brows in a complementary
hue so they dont get lost in the
overall look.

18 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Chrissy Teigen
The model usually rocks a collarbone-grazing crop, though
she added fullness with extensions for a recent red-carpet
event. Adding length is easy: try clip-in extensions that are
the same colour as your hair.

Rihanna
She loves switching up her style and colour most recently
to striking pink. If youre going for this, make sure you keep
it edgy with choppy strands that frame your face.

Shailene Woodley
She bravely went from long,
to short, to even shorter (and
blonder) with this pixie crop.
Avoid it if you have a round
or oval face and if you get
bored easily, because it takes
a good year to grow out!

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , W I R E I M A G E/G A L LO I M A G E S
TEXT LEIGH CAMPBELL AND JUANA PARATHYRAS

RIGHT NOW

Fun, Fearless

EDITED BY POPPY EVANS

2
1
3

POP
CULTURE

PHOTOGRAPHY SBASTIEN ROHNER COMPILED BY


POPPY EVANS AND BRODI DEERE PRICES CORRECT
AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

Accessorise in paint palette primaries


for the ultimate colour shock

1 Clutch R799,
Mimco at
Woolworths
2 Sunglasses
R269, Topshop
3 Shoes
R559, Zara
4 Belt R1 199,
Tommy Hilger
5 Watch R900,
Swatch
6 Bag R479,
Topshop
7 Shoes
R999, Aldo

Fashion | How to Wear


R169 each,
Topshop

The Big Clash


Dont be afraid
to mix prints.

MOSCHINO

R759, Zara

R999, Tommy
Hilger

R585,
Ohoneone

Art
School
3D Works
Minimalist, bold
heels are the
go-to shoes.

R1 700, Ted Baker


at Stuttafords
1 Dior Professional
Finish Eyeliner
Brush (R340)
2 Smashbox
Foundation Brush
(R380) 3 UBU
Powder Brush No
10 (R79,95) 4 Avon
Concealer Brush
(R59,95) 5 Este
Lauder Concealer
Brush (R295)

R3 800,
Black Coee
R759, Zara

Remember to wash
your foundation and
concealer brushes at
least once a week.

R219, Zara

CLINE

R69,95,
Edgars

CHECK OUT OUR RUNWAY REPORT ON THE TREND:


SEARCH ART SCHOOL AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O T O G R A P H Y L E S T R O P, S B A S T I E N R O H N E R C O M P I L E D B Y P O P P Y E V A N S , B R O D I D E E R E
A N D TA R Y N A Z I Z P R I C E S C O R R E C T AT T I M E O F G O I N G TO P R E S S S TO C K I S T S O N PA G E 141

Get creative with brushstroke prints without


looking like youve been
playing with nger paint!

R3 100, Kat
Maconie
at E-bag

VAS112960703

*Than the leading competitor. Based on 4 week treatment clinical study Unilever 2013.

DRY SKIN

RESTORED

Vaseline re
restt ores
res dry ski
skinn for
fo r 3 X longer.
linicalll y Pro ven
Infused with micro-droplets off Vaseline BlueSeal.

Fashion | Trend Report

R1 599,
Zara

R1 950,
Henriette
Botha

R3 099,
Diesel

Keep utility pieces


feminine with
statement
red lips.

Celeb

RIHANNA

Ap

You can wear camouage and khaki without


looking like GI Jane just make sure you
add that all-important little bit of bling

R1 399,
Guess

R400,
Mango

R3 800,
Albertus
Swanepoel

SHAILENE WOODLEY

R1 200,
Mango

R350, Edgars

DELEVINGNE ON
FOLLOW CARA
GNE
CARADELEVIN
INSTAGRAM @

Watch This
R1 350,
Swatch

R3 299,
Marc
Jacobs at
American
Swiss

R1 499,
Fossil at
S Keren
Watch
Group

R700,
Swatch
at S Keren
Watch
Group

SEARCH MILITARY AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA


FOR CAMO LOOKS STRAIGHT OFF THE CATWALK

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , F I L M M A G I C/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , G C I M A G E S/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , SB A S T I E N R O H N E R C O M P I L E D


B Y P O P P Y E VA N S , B R O D I D E E R E A N D TA R Y N A Z I Z P R I C E S C O R R E C T AT T I M E O F G O I N G TO P R E S S P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S S TO C K I S T S O N PA G E 141

Sensai Rouge
Vibrant Cream
Colour Lipstick
(R515) Kurenai

Fashion | Top 10
Fashion Eds Tip
Stack a sporty
watch with
friendship bracelets
and beads for an
on-trend approach
to tribal luxe.

R999, Nixon

R4 250, TW Steel at Luxco

R10 895,
Victorinox at
Picot & Moss

Fun
Times

R900, Swatch

PHOTOGRAPHY SBASTIEN ROHNER COMPILED BY POPPY EVANS,


B R O D I D E E R E A N D TA R Y N A Z I Z P R I C E S C O R R E C T AT T I M E O F
GOING TO PRESS STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

How to rock an arm


party when theres
only one guest

R1 250, Swatch

R449, Ne
at Boogaloos
R899, Adidas at
S Keren Watch Group

R1 450, Lacoste at
S Bacher & Company

R299, Ne
at Boogaloos

R1 199, Adidas at
S Keren Watch Group

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Fashion | Luxe for Less

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , SB A S T I E N R O H N E R
C O M P I L E D B Y P O P P Y E VA N S , B R O D I D E E R E A N D TA R Y N A Z I Z P R I C E S
CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

R69,99, Mr Price

R359, Zara

R39,99,
Mr Price

R299,
Cotton On

er
Und00
R5

Black
and
White
These colours are
totally hot for each other
and at less than R500,
things just got sexier

R500, Edgars

Game Time
Give your look
a sexy, sporty
edge for a
fresh approach.

R349,
Sissy Boy

Tuxedyooupfranotms
take to night
d ay tlessly
effor

R499,
Woolworths

R399,
Foschini

R399,
Cotton On
R369,
Topshop

Can You
Feel It?

Play with
texture for
added luxury.

26 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

R339,
Topshop

SEARCH MONOCHROME AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA FOR


MORE OF OUR FAVOURITE BLACK AND WHITE PIECES

Go beyond
Black and White
WEAR YOUR FAVOURITE
COLOUR WITH CONFIDENCE

%$!# !" !#


 !##
%"#$!"!
%!

Go on
Live Life In Full Colour!

VERVE DR113181405

Source: Dove Colour Poll. A research survey of


2000 women from the UK, Australia and Brazil 2013.
*Consumer testing completed on aerosol.

New Dove invisible dry is proven to leave no marks


on 100 colours*, from black to white or any other
colour in-between. Whilst it doesnt leave any marks
on clothes, it contains all the goodness of Dove
including its unique moisturising cream, to give
you dry and beautiful underarms that you can wear
with any colour.

Fashion | Runway to Reader

Box
Clever
AGE 25
OCCUPATION DISTRIBUTOR
OF WEWOOD IN SOUTH AFRICA
What was your last fashion purchase?
A wallet from Call It Spring.
Who is your fashion crush?
I have so many but I would have to say Rihanna
she is so eortlessly gorgeous and everything
looks incredible on her.
What are your favourite blogs to follow?
Travelwithlamb.com for all my travelling thrills
and Daretoblair.co.za for everything fashion.
Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or Twitter
and why?
Has to be Facebook and Instagram Im
addicted. Twitter and Snapchat just arent
my cup of tea.
What is your favourite
foreign destination?
I recently went to Italy, Croatia, Greece and
Montenegro with my boyfriend, and I dont
think I could choose which ranked highest!

Now add these...

Top R680, Sel. Pants R825,


Akedo. Cu R13 900 and shoes
R14 300, both Louis Vuitton

RETAIL CHIC
Dress R999, Zara. Coat R2 000, Mango.
Necklace R599, Accessorize. Ring
R149 (per pack) and shoes R1 599,
all Aldo. Bag R649, Topshop

R350,
4Flavour
at YDE

28 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

PORTS 1961

R3 000, Ted
Baker at
Stuttafords

CHLO

R4 150,
Prada at
Luxottica

TOM FORD

R1 200,
A.Y.K

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O T O G R A P H Y J U D D V A N R E N S B U R G , L E S T R O P, S B A S T I E N R O H N E R C O M P I L E D B Y P O P P Y
E VA N S A N D TA R Y N A Z I Z H A I R A N D M A K E U P A L E X A N D R A B O T H A U S I N G D E R M A LO G I C A
PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

Simone loved playing model


for a day see her seles
at Cosmopolitan.co.za.
Want to star in our next shoot?
E-mail your details to
cosmopolitan@assocmedia.co.za

DESIGNER DIVA

CHANEL

CHANEL

Fashion | Quality vs Quantity

Fashion
Forever
OR

Fashion
Fling?
Will you splash your
cash on one lust-worthy
investment piece or
spend your hard-earned
money on a wardrobes
worth of on-trend musthaves? Its up to you!

R4 699

Tommy Hilger

Fashion
Forever
Channel your inner Coco
Chanel in this classic,
supercute tweed jacket.

Fashion
Fling

R400

Cotton On

Want more
for your buck?
Youre in luck!

R175

Lovisa

R100

Cotton On

R450

Truworths

R450

Truworths

R580

Topshop

P H O T O G R A P H Y L E S T R O P, S B A S T I E N R O H N E R C O M P I L E D B Y P O P P Y E V A N S ,
B R O D I D E E R E A N D TA R Y N A Z I Z P R I C E S C O R R E C T AT T I M E O F G O I N G TO P R E S S
P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S S TO C K I S T S O N PA G E 141

R560
Zara

R120

Mr Price

R1 700

Ted Baker

R80

Mr Price
Mavala Nail
Color Cream
(R68) Cuzco

SEARCH BOXY JACKET AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA


FOR STREETSTYLE PICS OF THIS ICONIC CHANEL PIECE

Total price:

R4 683

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

31

Fashion | Inkspiration
R239,
Topshop

Wedding-Band
Tattoos
Show your love
with ink!
R149,
Accessorize

3 WAYS
TO DRESS
YOUR
UPPER
BACK
TATTOO
Showcase your
strategically placed ink
so its your best accessory

A long pendant necklace worn


back to front is the best way to
frame your neck tat.

THE WEDDING DATE


Sentimental but not overly
so, this also looks great
inked on the side of
the nger.

THE TWO HEARTS


We love that the red heart
is on his nger and the
blue is on hers. Cute!

A dress thats draped low at the


back will show o body art in a
way thats feminine and supersexy.

Halter-necks will draw attention


exactly where you want it just
make sure the fastening is neatly tied!

3
CARA DELEVINGNE

YES

The Big Debate

Should you show your tattoo at work?

LESLEY MARCHANT
I dont have tattoos but I admire women
who aunt their ink. Tats are not as taboo
as they used to be like the clothes we
wear, theyre a form of self-expression
and should be welcome in the workplace.

32 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

THE INFINITY SYMBOL


Its such an elegant way
to symbolise the bond
between two people.

NO

XOLISWA XOLIE SHANGASE


Some tattoos may be oensive to other
cultures, and upset colleagues or clients.
I have two tattoos; no-one at work even
knows about them. They have sentimental
value for me, not for the whole world.
TWEET US A PIC OF YOUR TATTOO
@COSMOPOLITANSA #COSMOINK

P H O TO G R A P H Y R E X F E AT U R E S , R I A N A V O G E L , I N S TA G R A M/W E D D I N G S_B R I D E , I N S TA G R A M/
TA2D_H E A R T S , I N S TA G R A M / J S P R E L S T E X T J U A N A PA R AT H Y R A S , P O P P Y E VA N S A N D B R O D I
DEERE PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

R169,
Topshop

JWT00000

SMART CONNECTIVITY

SYNC - SMART voice


command technology.
SYNC keeps you connected to them all.
Its SMART hands-free connectivity that lets you play music,
make calls and even have text messages read to you.
Get SMART. Get connected, 24 hours a day.

www.ford.co.za
Visit FordSouthAfrica

COSMO | Cover Star

Its been eight years


since Lily Allen won
the world over with
her infectious hit Smile.
With her new album,
Sheezus, the UKs top pop
provocateur is back, and
as unapologetic as ever.
By Maria Elena Barnabi
34 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

secret
toThe
making a

relationship
last is being
in love..

COSMO | Cover Star

36 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

When you do this job, there are


a lot of people who tell you what
you have to do there is the album
production, the promotion, the
commitments I always wanted
to have children. And when I met
my husband, I understood he was
the guy I wanted to have them
with. So I dropped everything
and created a more relaxed
environment for myself.

areFriendships
based

on emotions.
Theyre private

atching up with
Lily Allen is mission
impossible. Because
when a singer makes
her breakthrough
with Myspace
when she is only
20, then at the age of 23 tells former
US president George W Bush to
go to hell by dedicating the song
Fuck You to him, and at 25 at the
height of her success retires from
show biz, but then four years later
is back with Sheezus (a completely
feminist and sassy album), and
sets off for a 60-date tour that
is going to take her to Australia,
Russia, Europe and the US in less
than six months Well, you can
just imagine what its like to try
to reach her on the phone.
The 29-year-old hasnt been
twiddling her thumbs over the past
few years. She opened a clothing store
with her sister Sarah Owen, and she
has been the face of Chanel. But its
her private life that has kept her the
busiest, for better or worse: rst she
had a miscarriage while she was
dating The Chemical Brothers Ed
Simons. Then she met her husband
(builder and decorator Sam Cooper),
and suffered a stillbirth at six months
during her next pregnancy. She
married Sam, moved to the English
countryside and eventually had
two daughters, Ethel and Marnie
(the second born a little more than
a year after the rst).
When she nally answers
the phone and we start chatting,
I can hear planes in the background:
shes off to Scotland for one of her
tour dates. Lily, you are always
on the move!
HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE BACK?
Im so glad to be back at work!
I really enjoyed myself over the
past few years I could spend
a lot of time with my daughters
but its good to be back in the game.
WHY DID YOU SAY FAREWELL
TO MUSIC? WERE YOU FED UP
WITH SHOW BIZ?
I just wanted to relax for a while,
understand where I was going,
take some time for myself.

HOW DO YOU REALISE MR RIGHT


IS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU?
You just know that thats it. Just
like when you have to buy a house
and you come across the right one
the one you instantly fall in love
with. With men its the same thing.
When I met Sam, it didnt take me
a lot of time to realise he was the
right person for me. And then he
asked me to marry him!
NOW THAT YOUVE BEEN TOGETHER
FOR A FEW YEARS, YOU HAVE TWO
DAUGHTERS AND YOURE VERY
BUSY WITH WORK, HOW DO YOU
KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE?
I think were just at the beginning.
Four years is nothing Ill start
worrying when we get to 50!
Anyway, I think the secret to
being together and making a
relationship last is being in love.
Every other week my husband
takes me out for dinner. He takes
me to places Ive never been to
and organises little surprises for
me. Thats the best thing to do.
WHAT WAS HIS REACTION WHEN
HE HEARD L8 CMMR, WHERE
YOU SAY THAT IN BED YOUR
MAN SHOOTS AND SCORES
LIKE HES MARADONA?
He wasnt surprised because
he knows how I do my job;
he knows Ive always written
songs about my private life.
And, you know, when he asked
me to marry him, he knew who
he was dealing with! There are
many autobiographical songs on
this album. The saddest is Take
My Place [where Lily sings about
the sorrow she felt after she
lost her child when she was
six months pregnant].
HOW DO YOU GET OVER
SUCH DEEP SORROW?
Going through pain is not a choice.
You would never want anything
like that to happen to you. The
only thing you can do is pick up
the pieces and try to make your
life better. I mean, life is an amazing
thing. In a situation like that, you
only have two options: either you
let things bring you down and
down, or you try to feel better
and to get yourself back.

PHOTOGRAPHY BEN WATTS

YOURE A REAL FIGHTER. AND


HARD OUT THERE, WHERE YOU
SING DONT NEED TO SHAKE
MY ASS FOR YOU CAUSE IVE
GOT A BRAIN, HAS BECOME
A FEMINIST ANTHEM.
This song is my perspective.
I think that women still experience
too many injustices at work,
in personal relationships and
in the media. Men and women
are treated in a much different
way. Too many double standards!
Things should change.
WHICH WOMEN INSPIRE YOU?
There are so many: politicians,
musicians, artists. And then my
mother, my sister, my friends
Im really proud of them.
WHO ARE YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS?
Those Ive known since I was
a child, like Miquita [Oliver,
a UK television presenter]
and Jessica she is my
daughters godmother.
AND WITHIN SHOW BIZ?
I often hear from Adele. And
then I have friendly relationships
with many other people but I prefer
to keep that part of my life private.
Friendships are based on emotions.
They are private
IS THERE ANY ARTIST YOU
WOULD LIKE TO WORK WITH?
Ive never made a list. If someone
I admire asked me to work with
them, Id denitely think about it.
But Im trying to do what Im doing
on my own, without counting on
anyone else. I like it that way.
YOURE QUITE A FASHION
TRENDSETTER. BACK IN 2006
YOUR DISTINGUISHING FEATURES
WERE A HIGH BUN, EYELINER
AND PROM DRESSES WITH
SNEAKERS  THREE TRENDS
THAT ARE HUGE THIS YEAR.
WHAT ABOUT TODAY? WHAT
ARE THE TRENDS TO FOLLOW?
I have no idea! Back then
I used to wear what I liked,
which is exactly what Im doing
now. I change my style every day
I dont really have a specic style.
I think this is what you should do
with fashion you only have to
wear what you feel comfortable
with. Its just clothes, isnt it?

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

37

Fun, Fearless

Car
Trouble

Think twice before


getting it on in your car
you never know who
could be watching!

Next time you go out,


you might be better o
taking the bus

My male friends still think


jokes about female drivers
are hilarious. One day, I agreed
to give them a li to the bar
cue hilarious banter. As
I set o, I could tell something
wasnt right. It felt like the car
was ghting against me, and
the sniggering in the back didnt
help. Aer about ve minutes
at a snails pace and insisting
my driving wasnt the problem,
the truth dawned Id le the
handbrake on. They never,
ever let me forget it.
EMMA*, 26

THE BURNING BUSH


On my way back from a festival,
I drove over a giant pothole. The
car began rattling and smelling
of smoke so, panicked, I made an
emergency stop at a petrol station.
I told them the whole story with
all the drama I could muster so
it was really embarrassing when
the rattling turned out to be a halfempty tin of sweets Id left on the
oor, and the smell a plastic bag
melting on the exhaust pipe. I guess
I should clean my car more often
LIZ*, 27

38 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

LAW AND
DISORDER
My boyfriend and
I both live with
our parents, so
we decided to use
the car for personal
time. We parked
in what looked like
a dark, secluded
spot so we wouldnt
be interrupted
but, after a while,
there was a tap
on the window
and the voice of a
policeman asking
me to wind down
the (steamed-up)
window. I opened
it a tiny bit (I was
naked), only to be
advised to nish
up somewhere
more private. Turns
out we were outside
the local community
centre and had
been spotted by
members of an
amateur drama
society rehearsing
there. Oh dear
SUZIE*, 29

Epic Fail

Aer many driving lessons, I was barely


competent but still went for a test. On the
day, I was so nervous that I crashed into a
parked car outside the test centre. I nished
the test (which, of course, I failed), then my
instructor made us look for the car Id hit to
leave our details. We couldnt nd it. I cant
remember where it was, I was concentrating
on driving! I said. His face was a picture.
CARLA*, 30

GONE WITH A BANG


My old cars engine exploded. On the highway.
On Christmas Day. The roads were deserted,
so we got chairs, booze and chocolates (other
peoples gifts) from the boot and sat wearing
Santa hats. Thankfully, a guy driving a tow
truck came along and gave us a lift, plus a
bottle of red wine in the spirit of Christmas.
We were pretty tipsy by dinner time!
LUCY*, 32

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O TO G R A P H Y N I C K D O L D I N G/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S
COMPILED BY LERATO BOKAKO * NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

Unlucky Brake

COSMO | Three Minutes with

Y
A O

ckon t
e has
sent straight from heaven!

I love sci-. I grew up watching Ridley


Scotts Alien with my father; its always
sort of been a tradition to watch the Alien
icks. My family is made up of painters
and photographers so Id say Im at least
a little creative.

I believe that romance keeps a relationship


spiced up. To me, it means showing that
special someone that theyre special
learning about them, getting as close
as possible, doing everything you can
to make them happy and ... well, make
them feel special!

Grayson (your character in


Star-Crossed) is a complex guy.
Would you describe yourself as
complex, or are you a what you
see is what you get kind of guy?

that
I believe
romance

keeps a
relationship
spiced up

What does romance mean to you?

I think I could denitely be less complex


at times but I also think its okay to be
a little complex to not always be sure
and not always jump right in.

In an interview, you said that


playing Grayson helped you to
be a better guy. What does being
a good guy mean to you?
I think a good guy is really just someone
whos always trying to be better than he
was the day before and wants good things
for everyone, not just himself. Id say I try
to do that.

40 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

WHO ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH? TWEET @COSMOPOLITANSA


#COSMOGUY AND YOU COULD SEE HIM ON THIS PAGE!

P H O T O G R A P H Y G R E A T S T O C K / C O R B I S O U T L I N E / E R I C S I LV E R B E R G T E X T L I S A W I T E P S K I

Two of the series youve acted in


Star-Crossed and True Blood
have had a sci-/fantasy element.
Do you like fantasy? Do you think
you have a good imagination?

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THE ULTIMATE URBAN EXPERIENCE.

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Look even closer and youll nd that the all-new Nissan Qashqai
offers more than just head-turning looks. Its brimming with exciting
technology too. Such as Around View Monitor, Nissan Chassis Control
and Nissan Connect, all seamlessly working together to ensure the
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Fun, Fearless

Own Your

Quir s

Those things about you that


are a bit on the weird side
shouldnt be hidden. Show
o your quirks and see
just how freeing it can be

You-nique

You know what nobody likes? Cookie-cutter


personalities. Your quirks make you unique,
even when theyre slightly embarrassing.
Embracing them shows that youre comfortable
with who you are, and thats always a win.

P H O TO G R A P H Y M I C H A E L H E F F E R N A N/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S T E X T Z A M A N K O S I

Centre stage

The parts of you that are dierent will always


make you stand out. Think Lady Gaga or
Erykah Badu both wonderfully quirky,
they never drown in the sea of clones.
Use your quirks to shine in your career,
love life and social situations.

Oh-so-effortless
You know how some people are not likeable
because they try too hard? That cant happen
when youre being yourself. When youre being
you, you dont have to remember to act a
certain way, which leaves a lot of room
for fun and living in the moment.

A world of quirks

When you stop hiding from your quirks,


youll discover a whole new world. It will lead
to meeting like-minded people and doing the
kind of stu youre into. Isnt that much cooler
than fake fun with people who dont know the
real you? Try it. Your quirky friends-to-be are
waiting for you to come out and play!

BIG
It
UP

Expect more of yourself


and youll get more.
By Glynis Horning

YOUniverse | Life Coach

P H O TO G R A P H Y G R E AT S TO C K/T R U N K A R C H I V E . C O M/C H R I S C R AY M E R

ts important to embrace
yourself, aws and all
but when it comes to
your life goals, dont risk
complacency by sinking
into a comfort zone. Time
to kick ass with some healthy
self-expectations!
True happiness rests on taking the
talent you were born with and the
knowledge and skills youve acquired,
and using them fully for a purpose that
makes you feel worthwhile by your own
internal standards, says behavioural
scientist Denis Waitley, author of The
Winners Edge. And the key to this
is self-expectation. There never was
a winner who didnt expect to win in
advance, he says. Winners understand
that life is a self-fullling prophecy.
They expect a good day, a raise, to nd
a parking space, a good relationship
and they usually get them.
Theres science behind this. Our
bodies produce endorphins, chemicals
that reduce unpleasant stimuli and
give us feelings of wellbeing and
research suggests our expectations
shape this. Waitley quotes a study
where actors were wired to electrodes
and asked to perform scenes. When
they played angry characters, their
endorphin levels dropped but when
the scenes called for them to show
joy or love, the levels shot up.
Bottom line? What you ask for is
what you get, says Joburg life coach
Nia Maritz, MD of Corporate Mentor.
If you dont ask, you wont get even
from yourself. Stop saying I cant do X
or I suck at Y. Expect more of yourself
and life and you will make it happen.
To reach new heights you need to
push yourself often. If you dont, how
will you know how far you can go? asks
Craig Jarrow, author of You Are Stronger
Than You Think. These steps can help:

Recognise that you are


disappointing yourself.

Do you have a sense of dissatisfaction


with your efforts in life? Its a sign you
have expectations of yourself that you
are not meeting, says business coach
Annie Sisk of Pajamaproductivity.com.

Be clear about what you


expect of yourself in each

area of your life work, relationships,


creativity, health, tness. Write it down.
Were quick to say, If it goes wrong,
Ill do X, says Maritz. What if it goes
right? How successful can you be?

Decide on your most


important expectation

in each area, and tackle one aspect


of it every day. Dare yourself to do
something new or extra, Maritz says.
This could be signing up for a course
in preparation for that promotion or
transfer youre after; running an extra
two kilometres tonight in preparation
for entering your rst Comrades or
climbing Kilimanjaro; or baking a
cake for your colleagues in anticipation
of entering MasterChef South Africa.

Use the satisfaction


and endorphin rush you

get from accomplishing each step to


power the next one, building condence
and having a blast along the way.
Finding excitement and what you love
is in the discovery of accomplishing a
task, says Maritz. You may not enjoy
all of it but focusing on the parts
you do enjoy will bring insight.

When you trip up, which

you will, remember that tripping


is just a lesson in disguise, she says.

Use it to make you stronger, and push


on with a smile. Smiles will help you
feel better and draw others to you,
helping your progress.

Use positive self-talk

I can do this, I will succeed


and visualisation. See yourself fullling
your expectations, says Maritz: As
Henry Ford said, whether you think you
can or you think you cant, youre right.
With belief in yourself you can achieve
things that astonish you, as you
continue to stretch your boundaries.
When Ola Orekunrin graduated
from medical school, she had already
achieved more than she expected.
But she went on to publish a medical
textbook to help other students. This
convinced her she could do anything,
so she signed up for ying classes and
got her helicopter pilots licence. Then
she ditched the comfort zone of a solid
medical career in the UK where she was
working, sold her possessions, and
ew to Nigeria to start West Africas
rst air-ambulance service. (Before
that, South Africa was the closest
source of help.) She now heads a eet
of light aircraft and medics and last
year, at 26, made the World Economic
Forum list of Young Global Leaders.
True success is about a passion to
create a better world, and living a life
that you can look back on and be truly
proud of, she said in an interview.

BUT KEEP IT REAL!


THERES A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIVING YOURSELF A HEALTHY NUDGE
AND PUSHING YOURSELF TO THE POINT OF BREAKDOWN
DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOUR
EXPECTATIONS ARE REALISTIC?
Ask them, remembering they may have
agendas or biases of their own or ask
a coach, says life coach Nia Maritz.
DO YOU WAKE EACH DAY WORRYING
THAT YOU WONT ACHIEVE ALL YOU
HAVE SET YOURSELF?
If shiing deadlines or sharing the load
wont do it, you may need to reconsider.
DO YOU BALK AT ASKING FOR
OUTSIDE HELP OR ADVICE?

FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE IN YOUR ABILITIES? FOR POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS,


SEARCH GET MORE FROM YOURSELF AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Youre putting unnecessary pressure on


yourself probably because you sense
that youre out of your depth.
DO YOU FEEL UNHAPPY
AND UNFULFILLED?
You may be expecting too much from
your job, relationship or whatever youre
working on. Re-evaluate what your true
interests and passions are, says Rhonda
Britten, author of Fearless Living. People
who are pursuing their dreams, interests
and passions are happier than those
who are not.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

45

YOUniverse | Friendships

HOW TO
HELP
When a pal is going through something really tough,
you want to be there for her but you might not feel
sure about how to approach her or what support
she needs. We spoke to some real BFFs whove
been there to pinpoint exactly how you can be
Friend of the Year when your bud really needs you.

IN
TROUBLE
BY ANDREA BARTZ

46 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

I'm really
struggling

I 've got
your back!

YOUniverse | Friendships

What would I do
without you?

SHE HAS A SELF


DESTRUCTIVE HABIT

Lucy*, 24 and Gcina**, 24

LUCY I was 16 when my dad died. It hit the whole family very hard. My mom
was inconsolable and unable to be there for me or my sisters. I started avoiding
home because I couldnt bear to see her like that. I met an older guy who started
taking me out on the town, and before long my life became an endless round
of partying, drinking and drugs. I dont know how I managed to pass matric
and get into varsity, but for seven years I was almost permanently out of it.
Eventually, no-one wanted to be around me. That woke me up.
GCINA When I arrived in Cape Town to go to UCT, I shared a room with Lucy.
She was my rst and just about only friend. We got on very well and had a lot
of fun but I always knew she drank far too much and liked living on the edge.
By winter, I was very worried about her no-one was partying except for her,
and Id seen her out of control and passed out way too many times.
LUCY I knew I was in trouble but didnt know how to help myself. My old friends
had cut me off. The only people I saw, apart from Gcina, were those I partied
with and they were worse than me, so I kept telling myself I wasnt that bad.
GCINA I didnt want to make her defensive so I didnt lecture her about being
an addict and an alcoholic. I tried to get her to focus on how much she was good
at; her hopes, dreams and goals. I thought if she got red up about wanting
to accomplish stuff, shed be more ready to make the big changes.
LUCY On my 23rd birthday, I decided to clean up. I phoned my mom and told her
everything. She checked me into rehab and was really there for me. But no-one
else was, except for Gcina. When I came out, she was there to listen. Plus, she
barely drinks and doesnt touch drugs, so I feel totally comfortable hanging out
with her. I know shes always seen the real me and that she cares about me.

How You Can Help

First, the bad news: you cant force


a friend to get help, says psychiatrist
J Wesley Boyd. Your role is to help
her realise she needs help.
DO CONFRONT HER CALMLY. Stick
to facts and refrain from judgment, Boyd
says. I think you have a problem will stoke
her denial; You were blackout drunk the
last three nights in a row is harder to refute.
Emphasise her wellbeing: I want to make
sure that youre going to be okay six months
from now, and I wouldnt be able to live
with myself if I didnt bring this up. And
broach the topic when shes sober. You
want to do everything you can to keep
emotions down so your friend is more
likely to hear what youre saying, he says.

48 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

DONT BE INVOLVED IN THE


COVERUP. If your friend has a problem
with alcohol, you might be tempted to
volunteer to be her designated driver
or you may want to be nice when she asks,
Did I embarrass myself last night? Dont.
By doing anything that makes it easier,
youre enabling the behaviour, Boyd says.
DO BE READY TO SUGGEST NEW
STEPS. If youre lucky enough to break
through to her and she tells you she needs
help, she has a lot of options, depending
on her personality, says Boyd. Narcotics
Anonymous or an AA support group could
be a good t. Their only requirement is
a desire to stop and youd be welcome
to attend with her. She could also contact
her doctor or a local treatment centre.

SOMEONE
CLOSE TO
HER DIES
Katie Skocir, 26
and Nicole Stahl, 27

NICOLE A few days before Christmas


2010, my family and boyfriend and
I were waiting for my sister, Holly,
who was driving home from college.
When we got a call telling us shed
been in an accident and later learnt
she hadnt made it, I fell to the oor.
I kept saying What do I do? I dont
know what to do!
KATIE Nicoles boyfriend called me to
break the news. My mind went blank
her family is like my family. I asked
how Nicole was doing but I knew
there was no good answer to that.
NICOLE The next day, people found
out via the news, so the e-mails, texts
and Facebook messages poured in.
I appreciated them all. We went
through old photos for the memorial
service. Katie helped. Some of the
pictures were very funny, and we
spent time telling stories about Holly.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

It' ll be okay,
you' ll see.
KATIE Over the next few
weeks, I sent Nicole funny
texts about things I knew
shed get a kick out of.
I wasnt afraid to joke with
her because I gured we
should both be ourselves.
I tried my best to keep our
normal friendship going.
NICOLE Some people
avoided me I guess they
didnt know what to say.
I wish they had just acted
normally. I had this weird
compulsion to tell everyone
I bumped into what had
happened so theyd know
I wasnt totally myself, but
it created awkwardness
I told a former colleague at
a bar, and she just didnt know what to say
KATIE I pulled Nicole into a corner, and we both
shed a tear and then shared a laugh and went
on with the evening. If we had to cry at bars,
then wed do it! That was okay with us.
NICOLE After the funeral, my family started a
scholarship foundation in Hollys name, and
friends pitched in to buy bracelets and even
plan fundraisers. It meant a lot to my family
and gave people something to do to help.

P H O T O G R A P H Y E M I LY K A T E R O E M E R / S T U D I O D
* SURNAME HAS BEEN WITHHELD ** NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

How You Can Help

Grief is like u. At rst, it can feel like itll never go


away, says psychologist George Bonanno, author
of The Other Side Of Sadness. But acute pain usually
begins to fade aer a few weeks. Heres how to help
during those rst tear-soaked months.
DONT FORCE HER TO TALK ABOUT IT. People
want to grieve with family but be normal around friends.
They want to feel like the world hasnt totally collapsed,
Bonanno says. Aer giving condolences, chatting about
unrelated things isnt disrespectful. Its actually kind.
DO EXPECT HER TO BE KIND OF ABSENT.
Sadness makes people turn inwards, Bonanno says.
While youre with her, you may notice her go quiet for a
few minutes, then come out of it and laugh. Dont probe
her about it just carry on as though you didnt notice.
DONT FEEL YOU NEED TO BE SOMBRE.
People are able to laugh and feel genuine joy while
mourning, Bonanno says. Your friend doesnt want to
feel like shes sucked the joy out of everyone elses life.

SHE LOSES
HER JOB

Ashley King, 34
and Melissa Tirey, 30

ASHLEY I worked in advertising


at a start-up, and I was let go
in a round of lay-offs. As you get
older, you realise companies can
hire people right out of varsity
on the cheap to do what you do.
Its scary to have your income
shut off when you nally have
a plan and a savings account,
and are taking care of yourself.
And when you work crazy hours,
your colleagues become family,
and its tough to see them go too.
MELISSA People hear, Oh, I lost
my job, and they give you that
face and go, Im sooo sorry! Its
obnoxious. So I told her, Im super
sorry, and Ive got your back
and I let her decide whether
she wanted to talk about it.
ASHLEY I dont want the pity face.
I want someone to tell me, Youll
have a new job in no time. Enjoy
the break while it lasts. You said
you wanted to travel! Losing
your job is like getting dumped
you remember all the great
things about the relationship
and you forget he was lazy or
had the grossest eating habits.
Melissa knows how consuming
my job was and all the ridiculous
things I had to deal with, so
when I get moody, shell say,
Remember all those things
you hated? You were on your
way out the door anyway!
MELISSA Its so important
to stay positive. When I was
unemployed, people panicked
on my behalf. What about this,
what about that, what are you
going to do? That just makes
the situation worse. Moving
forward is the best thing
you can help a friend do.

FOR MORE SITUATIONSPECIFIC INFO ON HOW TO HELP YOUR FRIENDS,


GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AND SEARCH HELP A FRIEND

How You
Can Help

With a lay-o comes the loss of


two major things: a daily routine
and a big part of ones identity,
says Robert Chope, the founder
of the Career and Personal
Development Institute in the
US. The right support will help
your bud get back on her feet.
DONT START WITH A FLOOD
OF ADVICE. The person whos
been laid o is going through a ton
of emotions frustration, anxiety,
even grief, Chope says. She needs
to vent about it before she can think
about the next steps, and it might
take a while. For the rst week or
two, just lend a sympathetic ear.
DO PUT HER IN A POSITIVE
FRAME OF MIND. Once your
friend is ready to talk about the
future, ask her what skills she
gained in her last gig and what
connections she can tap into
(from friends, family and even
former co-workers) to kickstart her job search. Once
she articulates her strengths
and sees the team behind her,
shell feel hopeful, Chope says.
DONT ASK HER TO SPEND
MONEY. Funemployment
means plenty of free time but
fewer resources. Your friend
will appreciate invitations to
fun, cost-free activities, such
as concerts in a park or cheapie
museum or gallery days.
DO CHALLENGE HER TO
THINK BIG. Get your friend
to talk about her fantasies
around travel, jobs, relationships,
whatever, Chope says. Thinking
about what else matters helps
remind her that theres more
to her than having a job.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

49

YOUniverse | Money Talk

20

Side Hustles
FOR EXTRA MONEY

We know it sucks when your salary cant cover much more than the boring
basics. Heres how to up your income in your spare time so you can
pick out new shoes along with the instant noodles! By Laura Twiggs

Pop-upping

Earn R0
to R5 000
p/m

The popularity of popup outlets shows no sign of


dipping off any time soon. Theyre
perfect as a once-off income booster,
a way for small-scale entrepreneurs
to test the market without huge
overheads, and as a regular stream
of additional income that demands
only as much time and effort as you
can manage.
To make the event really successful,
team up with friends. Your collective
database and network will ensure
its well attended, youll spread the
workload, youll all have more fun
and most importantly youll be
able to create a diverse range of
hand-picked offerings without
having to invest time and money
amassing enough stock. You dont
have to become a consignment-based
distributor, either although its not
a bad idea, and many beauty, decor,
clothing and other brands business
models rely on it.
You could make money out of
your hobby (jewellery, photography
and artworks, for example), read tarot
cards, og your second-hand clothing,
or just make a lot more of your famous
Thai curry and a few extra batches of
your to-die-for cupcakes. You could even
have a pop-up restaurant in your home!
And if that seems like too much hard
work, you can keep it as simple as you
like think along the lines of selling
your killer mojitos at a music festival.

Earn -R3 000

(or more: dont shell


out more start-up
capital than you can
aord to part with!)

to R20 000
p/m

Theres high demand for


part-time, independent
sales reps, especially in
the cosmetics industry
(Avon, Justine) and in
jewellery (think Honey).
The bonus is you can do
as much or as little as
suits you from selling
to a few friends and
acquaintances on the
y to oering dedicated
party and event services
to your broader network.
Note, though, that this is
only for you if you have
some cash to spend:
in general, you have to
buy what youre hoping
to sell upfront and you
then earn between 10%
and 20% commission
on the sales that you
make. To make it really
work, you should also
be outgoing and have
excellent social and
presentation skills.

Online
surveying

House-hosting

Freebies/
earn up
to R1 500

Major companies
want to understand what
their consumers think about their
products and services, so they hire
survey companies to ask people like
you to submit your thoughts and opinions
online. Many are happy to give you up
to R500, gift vouchers, free products or
massive discounts just for completing
a simple Q&A. But dont be a sucker:
sites that request payment for registration
are usually scams. Sign up free of
charge at Surveycompare.co.za and
youll get regular mails about surveys
from all the best survey companies at
once. Just remember: you cant do as
many surveys as you like. You have
to t the specic criteria, and often,
you might not.

(Selectively, of course!)

Got a spare room going?


Garage space you can rent out?
A bedroom you can vacate every
now and then? If youre close to
tourist attractions or the CBD, you
can let it out as a short-term rental.
Create an ad outlining your ideal guest
(for example, a foreign model in town
for a three-day shoot or single
women attending conferences
Earn
in your city) and put it up
n
e
e
betw
on www.holiday.co.za or
R200 and
0
0
Freepropertyads.co.za.
0
R2

p/m

50 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Earn
R80 to
R120 p/h

South Africa is teeming with language schools oering English, and most are oversubscribed by (mainly)
foreign students. Were not suggesting you take a course you dont have to be qualied to oer conversational
English tuition, and the demand suggests language schools fall short when it comes to this. It amounts to no more
than a chat over dinner or a convo during a jog, but to pull it o and create a steady secondary-income stream,
you need to be fully comfortable, personally likeable, patient and totally uent. Post your oering in the many
English learner forums. Who knows? You might make a new friend while making some extra money.

YOUniverse | Money Talk

HAVE
THEIR OWN THINGS
GOING FOR THEM
We dont mean
the whole surrogatemommy deal (duh!)
but if you have a car,
you could get an au pair
driver gig, driving kids
to extramural activities
a few times a week.
EARN R50 to 120 p/h

7 Waiting tables
Its an oldie but
dont knock it! Find the
right place with the right
vibe and clientele, and your
shis can be a lot of fun.
Choose how oen and when
you work, swap shis and
bag extras as you like.
EARN R0 to R1 000+ p/w

online
8 Niche
trading

If youre clued up on, say,


vintage jewellery, video
games or retro postcards,
look out for bargains
online, snap them up
and resell again online
at a prot. Just dont
over-invest: you have
to actually sell the stuff.
(Potential hoarders: this
is not for you!)

10 Selling
stu online

Turn an old phone,


used atiron, unworn
coat, unwanted jewellery
and anything else thats
lying around into cash by
registering on a classieds
site (such as Gumtree.co.za
or Bidorbuy.co.za). Post
your pics and watch
the messages pour in.
EARN R0 to 3 000

(once o, or more)

11

Basic teching

Knowledge you take


for granted may get you an
income from people who might
not know how to set up an
e-mail account or work with
Excel. Word of mouth can lead
to more work just refer them
to pros for anything beyond you.
EARN R100 p/h

12 Data
capturing

Its dull as dishwater,


for sure but you can be
earning every time youve
an hour or so on the hop.
EARN R10 to R86 p/h

13

Cooking

Yes, there are horror


stories galore but if you
screen potential sittees half
as well as their parents screen
sitters, its a cinch. How old is
the child? Are they ADHD? In
therapy for anything? Circulate
it at work and get friends to do
the same. In time, youre sure
to nd kids and a home set-up
you really dig, on top of being
paid while enjoying their pad.

Got a culinary
knack? Oer a few fresh,
home-made, healthy and
freezer-friendly pre-prepared
family staples (such as
lasagne on Fridays, cottage
pie on Sundays, and so on).
Cost each, prepare in bulk,
and you can turn a tidy prot.
Add a doable, customisable
options list (vegetarian/
gluten free/lactose free,
etc) and charge a bit more.
Send menus out through
your networks.

EARN R50 to R75 p/h

EARN R0 to R2 000 p/w

EARN -R1 000+ to R10 000 p/m

Baby-sitting

52 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

14 Dog walking 17Promo punting


Dont even
think about it unless
youre physically strong,
absolutely love dogs and
are totally the mad dog
lady who makes the
many more mad cat
ladies look sane. Post
your services to local
vet boards; double your
dough with pet-sitting.
EARN R30 p/h to R100 p/d

Modelling
15
and lmextra work
You dont have to be gorgeous
some of the highest-paid
and in-demand faces in the
business are dierent, to put
it mildly. Be careful: dont trust
anyone who says you need to
pay for special pics. If youre
serious, get an agent go to
the Directory of South African
Casting & Modelling Agencies
at Rainbownation.com.
EARN R0 to R5 000+ p/m

16 Social
networking

Earn money by being on


Facebook, Twitter and
other social media sites
for certain companies.
The basic principle is
that you drive trafc to
their site and get paid
according to the number
you get there. Youll get
about R250 for every 25
people who land up on
the site because of you.
EARN R0 to R1 000+ p/m

These gigs are regularly


advertised on Gumtree.co.za
and can make you between
R1 000 and R2 000 a weekend,
selling shots at an up-market
venue, oering wine samples
at bottle stores, and so on.
EARN R80 to R150 p/h

18 Photograph
selling

Turn your digital pics


into cash (anything from
R1 to R200 each) on sites
that resell to publishers.
Payment varies according
to quality and subject
matter, so do your research
and snap with intent! See
123rf.com, Shutterstock.
com, Dreamstime.com,
Crestock.com or Fotolia.com.
EARN R0 to R5 000+ p/m

19 Pimping
your mates

Hiringbounty.com pays you


if you suggest a friend who
ts the job description and
they bag the placement.
You could earn good
money if you get it right.
EARN R0 to R9 000+ p/m

20 Affiliate
selling

Have a blog or niche


website? If you become
a Kalahari.com afliate,
matching their products
to your audience and
selling them can rake in
six percent in commission.
EARN R0 to R5 000+ p/m

DONT JEOPARDISE YOUR SAFETY WHILE MAKING EXTRA CASH:


SEARCH EXTRA INCOME SAFETY TIPS AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O TO G R A P H Y G R E AT S TO C K/T R U N K A R C H I V E . C O M/C H R I S C R AY M E R ,
CHRIS ECKERT/STUDIO D

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Nobody knows your Volkswagen better than we do.

Its time to
debunk this
accepted
truth and put
it rmly where
it belongs: in the
box of dangerous
gender fallacies,
right alongside
girls suck at maths
and no means yes

BY LAURA TWIGGS

Hands up if this has ever


happened to you: you get an
outrageous claim such as Ryan
Gosling adopting a child in
one of your news feeds and
instantly dismiss it as complete
nonsense. But the posts keep
popping up along with pictures
of Ryan holding a baby and
before you know it, its not
outrageous at all. Youve heard
it so much that you believe it.

Its the same if you think


that abortion is being used
as a form of birth control. Its
been repeated so often that its
become a widely accepted truth.
Psychologists call the way repetition
creates familiarity (and how our
brain reads the familiar as being
true) the illusory truth effect.
And its extremely powerful: even
if weve heard something just once
before, were much more likely to
believe it than something that
were hearing for the rst time.

YOUniverse | Local Report


The more we hear the thing, the
less inclined we are even to question
whether its true; and when we think
that others believe something, were
more inclined to be persuaded its true.
And this abortion myth has not only
been repeated, its been given currency
by credible and trusted civic leaders.
Department of Health spokesman Fidel
Hadebe has reported the governments
alarm about abortion legislation being
abused, saying, It was intended as
an avenue for women to use when
there is a need. What we see today,
where women seem to be using it
as a form of contraception, is totally
wrong. And Health Minister Aaron
Motsoaledi has repeatedly said
that abortions are being used as a
contraceptive method. Addressing
the second national council of the
Young Communist League of South
Africa in Kimberley in 2013, Motsoaledi
said effective family planning had
died in clinics, and young girls were
not trying to prevent falling pregnant
but were, instead, having abortions.

KICK OUT THE MYTH


There are countless more examples,
and yet theres absolutely no evidence
to back them up. If anything, the
available data suggests that the
Choice on Termination of Pregnancy
Act, which gives women of any age
access to abortion services upon
request during the rst 12 weeks
of pregnancy (and in certain cases,
up to 20 weeks of pregnancy), does
exactly the opposite.
And while fallacies such as Ryan
Gosling being an adoptive dad are
utterly harmless, this one isnt. In
a June speech, Social Development
Minister Bathabile Dlamini said
that the right to termination of
pregnancy could not be separated
from the overall goals to empower
women socially, economically and
politically and called it key to the
full emancipation of women. She
also reminded her audience of the
links between illegal abortion
and infertility, loss of dignity
and privacy, and even death,
and drew parallels between
it and violence against women,
and the threat of HIV to women.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Most importantly, she challenged the


belief that abortion is electively used
as a form of contraception. She called
the entire notion a myth.
Dlamini is right: question the
evidence and it is indeed a myth.
Ms Magazine succinctly sets the
record straight with these facts
(theyre US stats, but theres no
reason to suggest ours would
differ very signicantly): Most
women who have abortions (52%)
have had no previous abortions,
and 26% have had only one previous
abortion. Considering that most
women are fertile for more than
30 years and that birth control is
not perfect, the likelihood of having
one or two unintended pregnancies
is very high. Prochoice.org has also
exposed this accepted truth as a
myth, pointing out that half of all
women getting abortions report
that contraception was used during
the month they became pregnant.

The

HEALTHWORKER
Problem

According to Doctorsforlife.co.za, healthservice providers are within their rights to


refuse to participate in abortion procedures.
This would include anything from directly
taking part in the abortion procedure to
making beds and caring for the patient, or
even looking at histological specimens in
the laboratory You may refuse taking
part in any of the administrative process
of arranging abortions at all levels of the
health system. Not only that: they can also
refuse to refer a patient to someone willing
to perform one. However, they are legally
obliged to refer patients to another provider
and assist in emergency situations resulting
from termination procedures, says Ruth
Atkinson of Groundup.org.za. But problems
arise when widespread conscientious
objection means that there are no available
care providers at a facility. Healthcare
professionals are supposed to formally
register as conscientious objectors
when they dont, gaps in the service arent
identied and are therefore not lled. While
the guidelines call for written conrmation
of conscientious objection, this has not
been implemented, says Atkinson.

Fact:
If ABORTION
were used as a
primary method
of BIRTH CONTROL,
a typical woman
would have at least
two or three
pregnancies
per year 30 or more
during her LIFETIME
Some of these couples had used
the method improperly; some had
forgotten or neglected to use it on
the particular occasion; and some
had used a contraceptive that failed.
No contraceptive method prevents
pregnancy 100% of the time. If
abortion were used as a primary
method of birth control, a typical
woman would have at least two
or three pregnancies per year
30 or more during her lifetime.

BANISH NEGATIVE
ATTITUDES
In her speech, Dlamini drew attention
to the concept of reproductive justice,
explaining that the legalisation of
abortion has caused a massive 91%
drop in abortion-related deaths. The
fact is that the recourse to abortion
is lower in countries where abortion
laws are less restrictive. But, she said,
we have some serious issues that we
need to address in relation to abortion.
The most dire issue is that
less than half of the designated
health facilities intended to provide
terminations are operational and
the still-prevailing negative attitudes
of health workers tend to stigmatise
women seeking legal abortions.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

55

YOUniverse | Local Report


Try this

Several studies have shown that


contraceptive measures, and not ABORTION,
are the most preferred method of birth control

EMBRACE  AND REPEAT


 THE TRUTH
Several studies have shown that
contraceptive measures, and not
abortion, are the most preferred
method of birth control. One 2013
study at the Washington University
School of Medicine in St Louis
proved that providing birth control
to women at no cost substantially
reduces unplanned pregnancies,
and cuts abortion rates by a range
of between 62% and 78%. And while
the Department of Health says the
number of abortions in state facilities
has dramatically declined, experts say
this is more because of an increasing
number of state nurses who are
refusing to perform the procedure,
and because of the way they treat
those who are requesting it.
Given our progressive legislation,
its a tragic irony that an estimated
50% of all abortions are performed
illegally, and that thousands of
women die every year from unsafe
terminations. We want to see an
end to the lamppost yers, Karen

56 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Trueman of the NGO Ipas, which


works to end preventable deaths
from unsafe abortions, told the
Daily Mavericks Rebecca Davis.
The services that should be providing
abortions, but are not, should be doing
so using trained healthcare providers.
This unfortunate reality is backed up
by abortion provider Marie Stopes
reports from their clients, which
suggest that public-sector nurses
frequently chastise clients for
being sexually active, for being

irresponsible, and for choosing


to terminate the pregnancy rather
than give birth, reported Davis.
Myths such as this one only
perpetuate, entrench and increase
stigmatisation and anti-abortion
prejudice. So think again and
encourage others to do so too.
Repeating this fallacy can colour
attitudes towards legal abortion,
placing the exercise of our
constitutional right to terminate
unwanted pregnancy under threat.

Other

ABORTION MYTHS
Women who have abortions are selsh
and self-centred. (They may actually be
more responsible and know that they arent
able to provide adequate maternal care.)
Abortions cause pain for the fetus.
(Fetuses dont begin to feel pain until
some time during the third trimester
aer 99% of all abortions have
been performed.)
Abortion is a very dangerous
procedure. (Giving birth is more
dangerous than an abortion.)
If a woman doesnt want to have
a child, she should use contraception
or abstain. (More than half of women
seeking abortions have tried to prevent
pregnancy in the month of conception.)
Women are oen forced into having
abortions they do not really want.

(Globally, less than one percent of women


say theyve been pressured to terminate
a pregnancy. The percentile of women
reporting pressure to continue an
unwanted pregnancy is far higher.)
Many women who have had abortions
are traumatised and suer from postabortion stress syndrome. (There is no
scientic evidence that abortion endangers
long-term mental health any more than
delivering and parenting an unwanted
child or placing a baby up for adoption.)
Many women come to regret their
abortions later. (Psychological distress
is higher before the termination, and those
who experience problems with post-abortion
adjustment have not received support,
or their decision has been opposed by
people who are important to them.)

SOURCES MS MAGAZINE AND PROCHOICE.ORG

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S

These are directly responsible for


the mushrooming of yers punting
dodgy abortion services, the high
numbers who resort to backstreet
providers, and the countless
preventable deaths. Behind the
stigmatisation and unnecessary
suffering and death are pervasive
myths such as this one.

YOUniverse | Real Life

An accident le 24-year-old Peta*s


boyfriend of nearly three years paralysed.
And although it broke her heart, she chose
to walk away. As told to Laura Twiggs
used to say that Nick* was
my best birthday present
ever because a mutual friend
brought him to my 21st and
by the end of the night Id
totally fallen for this broadshouldered, athletic hunk.
he naughtiest green eyes,
a truly wicked sense of humour and
so much charisma it was like he had
his own personal spotlight following
him wherever he went. It wasnt just
me being around him made everyone
feel like they were having more fun.

I KNEW HE WAS THE LOVE


OF MY LIFE ALMOST FROM
DAY ONE. Within 10 days we were
ofcially exclusive; four months later,

58 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

we moved in together. Within


six months we had a running joke
about exactly how wed each throw
our names away at our wedding. Id
never have believed you if youd said
Id leave him the way I did.

ITS NOT LIKE IT ENDED


THE MINUTE I FOUND OUT
HED NEVER WALK AGAIN.
When I got the news that hed
come off his motorbike, I was told to
prepare myself for the worst. Hearing
he was nally out of danger and there
was no brain damage was such a relief
that the implications of him being
paralysed from the diaphragm down
didnt sink in at all. I was so grateful
I hadnt lost him.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

WHEN HE WAS
DISCHARGED
FROM HOSPITAL,
HIS PARENTS
INSISTED HE GO
TO THEM INSTEAD
OF COMING HOME.

I watched
Nick grow
darker by
the day, until
he was a
stranger

I was beyond angry


I was sure I could
take care of him and
convinced hed be
far happier with
me. I put up a ght
but eventually had to accept that
it wasnt on the cards just yet. It was
just a matter of time, though; I knew
I could make them come around.

I ENROLLED IN A FOURMONTH
HOMECARE COURSE TO LEARN
ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH NICKS
SPECIFIC NEEDS, and during that
time I visited him as often as I could.
I had no social life and received
a written warning at work but it
didnt put me off because everyone
was treating me like a hero. And I felt
like one for a good ve months, which
was when reality hit me.

ILLUSTRATIONS ANDRE JABALI/SHUTTERSTOCK * NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

BY NOW, NICK WAS INDEPENDENT


ENOUGH IN TERMS OF DAILY TASKS
THAT I KNEW ID BE ABLE TO
TAKE CARE OF HIM. I achieved
my goal: his parents and doctors
decided I could cope and Nick came
home. But with nothing more to
prove, I began asking myself the
basic questions Id been ignoring
since the accident. How would this
change my life? My dreams of having
a family? If some sort of sex life was
possible and we did manage to have
a baby, how would I juggle taking
care of a child with work and with
looking after Nick? Up until then,
Id focused on Nicks physical
changes and challenges, and
hadnt paid much attention
to other shifts in him that were
becoming more obvious by the day.

FOR ANOTHER FIVE MONTHS


I WATCHED NICK GROW DARKER,
until he was a stranger mean,
possessive, cruel and unreachable.
There were countless days in which
he refused to say one word to me.

He got angry if
I suggested we
leave the at, and
wouldnt see visitors.
Hed interrogate me
whenever I received a
text or call. I dreaded
coming home. Worst
of all, he refused
to discuss therapy.
At the end, he was
telling me to f*ck off, to go to my
lovers and leave him alone; running
me down pretty much constantly.

THEN ONE DAY I CRACKED.


I called his mom and told her how
miserable life with Nick had become.
She thanked me for everything Id
done and when I said I just needed
a break, she said I needed to live
my own, beautiful life.

I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID ALL


I WANTED WAS A BREAK, AND IT
TOOK ANOTHER THREE MONTHS
FOR ME TO PROPERLY CLOSE
THE DOOR. I went to see him every
day and each time was worse. When
I packed up his things and had them
delivered to his parents place, I wasnt
really leaving Nick. I didnt know that
man at all.

NICK BECOMING PARALYSED


AND ME LEAVING HIM IS NOT
SOMETHING I TALK ABOUT. Most
of the people in my life now have no
idea it happened. (Ive changed jobs
and moved cities.) Id like to keep
it that way because Ive learnt that
people are very quick to judge. I felt
disappointment from almost everyone
around me and even received direct
criticism from mutual friends who
remember him the way he was when
I met him. I think they would have
been more understanding if Id broken
up with him long before he moved back
home, and I understand that. Im in
counselling to deal with my massive
guilt about destroying his life a second
time. They dont know Im still so
heartbroken I cant bring myself
to go past a third date with anyone
new. Theyve no idea I keep in touch.
Or that given any clear sign of my old
Nick, Id be back in a heartbeat.

IF IT HAPPENED TO YOU, WOULD YOU STAY OR WOULD YOU GO?


TWEET #COSMOSTAY OR #COSMOGO @COSMOPOLITANSA

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Fun, Fearless

11 Signs

ITS
#FORREALSIES

P H O TO G R A P H Y Z O E Y G R O S S M A N T E X T L A U R A T W I G G S A N D A N I A R O K I TA

Not sure whether


your connection is
genuine? Heres
how to tell
He makes plans to see you. No lastminute WhatsApp message on a Friday
night to meet up hes already made a
date with you and booked the restaurant.
He calls just to chat.
He makes an eort with your friends.
He wants to know about
you your past, your family,
your dreams.
He remembers small details
(music, movies, restaurants you like).
He takes you home
to meet his parents.
He knows everything there is to
know about your dysfunctional
family and he doesnt care.
He encourages you to follow
your dreams, even if they may
conict with the relationship.
When he tells you he loves you,
it still feels like the rst time.
He understands exactly
how funny youll nd Jimmy
Kimmels Celebrities read
mean tweets videos.
He calmly goes to the shop to buy
tampons when youre too crippled by
cramps to let go of the hot-water bottle
and comes back with that iced hazelnut
latte youve been craving all day.

Relax

youre
not
a stag
e-five
clinge
r!

YOU RE

NOT
NEEDY
Adelle Waldmans bestselling
novel, The Love Affairs
Of Nathaniel P about
an independent heroine
who becomes insecure
because of a guys mixed
signals set book clubs
buzzing. Here, she shares the
experience that inspired it all

62 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

I ONCE DATED A GUY ILL CALL LEWIS, WHO WAS,


INITIALLY, very excited about us disconcertingly so.
I liked him a lot but his over-the-top enthusiasm (he insisted
I was perfect) gave me pause. Given how little we knew
about each other, it felt like too much. I worried Lewis
might be the kind of person whose feelings run hot and
cold. But after a few weeks, I let go and let myself fall
for him. Unfortunately, the more attached I got, the
less perfect he thought I was.
After two months, Lewis morphed from perfect boyfriend
to one whod abruptly disappear from e-mail and text for
days, cancel plans and behave coldly except when he
was warm and affectionate the way he had been in the
beginning. Then Id think all was ne, that my worries
were unfounded. After all, hed explained his text absences
afterwards (a death in the family that hed been too upset to
let me know about). And everyone needs space sometimes,
right? Besides, wed only been dating for a few months.
I didnt want to seem needy, not to myself or to Lewis.
I certainly didnt think of myself as needy I was an
independent, career-minded young woman. But the truth
was, I was afraid to call Lewis out on his behaviour and
how it was making me feel because the one time that I had
tried to get him to talk about our relationship, he got angry.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Love | Relationships
He said he hated to talk about
his feelings; I insisted one had to
sometimes. We went to bed angry.
I left early the next day to catch
a plane, and he didnt speak to
me the whole week I was away.

THE DOWNWARD
SPIRAL OF SHAME
My friend Missy told me this was a
douche move on Lewiss part. Missys
boyfriend echoed the words. The guy
sounds like bad news,
he said. I agreed, ready
to write Lewis off. But
as soon as I headed
home, Lewis called.
He apologised. I caved.
I decided the situation
was less black-and-white
than I thought. Maybe I had
been too pushy, too girlie in
my insistence on discussing
things. After all, most men
dont like relationship talks.
As Lewiss behaviour
grew more manipulative
and cruel, I made excuses
for putting up with him. I thought if
I just rode out this rocky period, hed
forgive me and things would go back
to how theyd been. Id tiptoe around,
timid where Id once felt condent.
I began to feel grateful for any time
we spent together because only when
he was next to me did I feel secure
(and even then only sometimes).
I could see that I was acting like
a different person from the one hed
fallen for and, more importantly, from
the person I thought I was. Id become
needy, insecure, downright pathetic.
This phenomenon, in which an
otherwise-together woman turns into
a sad, excuse-making doormat, is one
my friend Vanessa calls the downward
spiral of shame. The worse you feel
about it, the more dependent you
become on the relationship thats
the source of your unhappiness.
You become increasingly desperate
to save it no matter what the cost
to your self-respect. It doesnt matter
how smart you are. We can all do it.
Vanessa went into that spiral with a
guy who wasnt even a real boyfriend.
Now she wishes shed walked away
as soon as things began to deteriorate.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Instead, she kept seeing him even though she knew he


was dating other people. To this day, she regrets an e-mail
she sent him. It was way too long and so earnest, she says.
Im embarrassed because he didnt deserve such an honest
letter. His response, which wasnt nearly as long or as
heartfelt made her feel exposed and powerless.

INSECURITY TAKES OVER


For my friend Christine, it was Tom, a guy she met online
after a long period of being single. Their rst three dates
were perfect. Then Tom went out of town for work. He
called her every night, and they talked for hours. When
he returned, on a Friday, he bought her a gift, and
they spent the weekend together. It was magical,
Christine thought. But on Sunday night, while she
was still in a love-struck haze, Tom called. He told
her he wasnt over his ex but insisted he didnt
want to stop seeing Christine he really liked
her. He just wanted to let her know the situation.
Christine had no idea how to respond. Shed
had such a great time with him, and because it
had been a while since shed liked someone so
much, she didnt want to lose him and go back
to square one. And at least Tom was upfront,
right? She thought his honesty should count
for something. On the other hand, nothing
could have been better calculated to make
Christine insecure than this strange confession.
Tom and Christine continued to see each other for more
than a month after that but from that point on, it wasnt the
same. Theyd spend an evening together, then Tom would
insist he needed space and disappear for a week. But what
could Christine do? When she complained, he responded
that he had warned her he had issues to work out. In
retrospect, she should have bailed as soon as she got
that unnerving phone call. Instead, she began making
excuses classic downward spiral of shame.
After my relationship with Lewis ended, I was more
upset at the person Id become than I was about losing
him. Every time I thought of my behaviour how weak
Id been, how many excuses Id made I cringed. It didnt
feel like me, and yet it was. At least, it had been.

I WAS
MORE
UPSET
AT THE
PERSON
ID
BECOME
THAN
I WAS
ABOUT
LOSING STRONG WOMEN MADE WEAK
years later, when I sat down to write The
HIM Several
Love Affairs Of Nathaniel P, I wanted to write about

the downward spiral of shame that my friends and I had


experienced. We were all smart career women with plenty of
interests besides dating. None of us was the kind of woman
who needed a guy in life at all times. Yet we had all found
ourselves tolerating behaviour we shouldnt have, in spite
of the toll it took on our self-respect.
The not-especially-likable protagonist of my novel is
30-year-old Nate. He isnt totally a bad guy hes smart,
funny and a good friend but he has serious commitment
issues and he can be toxic for the women he dates. In
the book, Nate begins to date a woman named Hannah,
who is cool and fun, and challenges him in arguments.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

63

Love | Relationships

MIXED MESSAGES
Since the book was published
Ive heard from many women who
say theyve dated a guy like Nate,
whose mixed signals drove them crazy.
These guys behaved in ways that were
hurtful but they never quite crossed
the line so youd break up with them.
Like Lewis, they tended to apologise
after theyd ruined your holiday but
before you could say they were totally
irredeemable. Or they were like Tom,
whose behaviour could be seen as
either selsh or honest. Or as the
ctional Nate does when Hannah tells
him how she feels, they beg for another
chance and promise to do better. These
guys were just jerkish enough to make
us unhappy but nice enough to give
us qualms about breaking things off.
But many of the women I heard
from had a hard time sympathising
with Hannah. She becomes so weak,
one journalist said. She reminds me
of the part of myself that I hate. An
outspoken 23-year-old named Rachel
came to a reading to ask me why
Hannah didnt kick Nate to the curb.
I found her very hard to like, she said.
I never want to be like her.

64 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

I get that. When I acted most like Hannah, I found it hard


to like myself. Its painful to watch Hannah, who starts off so
feisty and strong, become so willing to take Nates shit. Its
natural to want her to stick it to him. But I didnt want to make
her the woman I wish
Id been. I wanted to
Never be that
examine the effect Nates
girl again
behaviour had on her.
If it were easy for her to
walk away, his behaviour
would not seem nearly as
hurtful as it actually is.
If Hannah never lost her
cool, Nate would have
been let off the hook.
And then theres this:
perhaps it isnt terrible
to have been a Hannah
at one point. If Id done
it and all these other
women I heard from
had done it, perhaps
we should stop feeling
so ashamed of the fact
that, at some point, wed
liked a guy so much that
we gave him the benet
of the doubt for too long.
Ultimately, we all picked
ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and learnt from our
mistakes. I thought if we could forgive the ctional Hannah
her mistakes, perhaps we could also forgive ourselves.

ITS HIM, NOT YOU


I WAS Interestingly,
its men who are most sympathetic towards
WITH Hannah. Ive received hundreds of messages from guys,
all of whom sheepishly tell me they recognise their
SOMEONE almost
behaviour in Nate. And yet, they invariably feel for Hannah.
WHO She was clearly responding to Nates passive aggression,
20-something Matt. These men take for granted that
MADE ME said
Hannah is just ne her only problem is dating Nate. Its
FEEL Nate they see as having the emotional problems that make
for him to be in a happy relationship.
SECURE it hard
That squares with my own experience. Not long after
RATHER Lewis and I split up, I met my husband. From the start,
THAN I could feel the difference. I didnt have to worry about
the person Id been with Lewis because I was
CRAZY, becoming
with a guy who made me feel secure rather than crazy,
NEEDY needy or on edge. My husband may not love having
talks who does? but he wouldnt get
OR ON relationship
angry at me for bringing something up. He wants
EDGE us to work and is wiling to make the effort.
Even now, a part of me will always wish that I could
excise the Lewis experience from my memory. But then
I remember that when I or any of us am tempted to
beat myself up, its worth keeping in mind that the only
thing worse than being too vulnerable is never being
vulnerable at all.

TRULY NEEDY? GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA


AND SEARCH DEVELCRO NOW

P H O T O G R A P H Y C U LT U R A / I M A G E S O U R C E / G A L L E R Y S T O C K

But as Hannah starts to let down her


guard and become more comfortable
in the relationship, Nate grows restless
and begins to pull away. Because he
wants to avoid uncomfortable
conversations, he refuses
to acknowledge what is
happening. But he doesnt
break up with her either.
He still likes her, even if he
has grown more conicted
than he used to be.
Nates inconsistency
triggers in Hannah the same
agonised response Lewiss
behaviour brought out in
me. She shrinks into herself,
afraid to complain. One night,
eased by whisky, she says to
Nate, If someone told me
a month ago what things
would be like between us,
I would have said, No, Id
never stand for that. But
I keep negotiating down what
I think is okay. I like you my
problem is that I do like you.

JHB 46143

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Warm freshly cooked oats, served with
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The

Nobody Talks about

BUT WERE
GOING THERE
S GOT A

UGE

PENIS

Emily*, 35, was about to get busy


with a new guy when he asked for
a huge condom. She laughed it o
as bravado until he unleashed
the dragon. Maybe 25cm, she
says. By far the biggest Ive ever
seen. His penis could hardly t
inside her, making sex painful for
her and uncomfortable for him.

THE TREATMENT
If hes too thick (think bratwurst),
get on top to control the speed and
lean forwards to limit depth. Also:
lube. If hes too long (translation:
anaconda), have him wrap his hand
around the base of his penis before
entering you, which allows only part
of him in. Avoid doggy style (which
leads to deep penetration).

66 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

BY TRACY CLARKFLORY

Actual size

THE ISSUE

In your dreams, sex is with one of the Hemsworths and


its magic every time. But #SexTalkReality: sometimes
it hurts, or hes so boring you forget hes in the room,
let alone inside you. These ills call for a little SexRx
and the doctor is in! Now go have two orgasms
and call us in the morning
THE ISSUE

HES GOT A
tiny PENIS

There are footlongs and there are


cocktail sausages. Each comes with
challenges. Sara*, 28, is hooking up
with a guy who has the smallest
penis Ive ever encountered. Theres
just no feeling him, she says.

THE TREATMENT
A baby gherkin in his pants is no
small problem but engine size
doesnt matter if you know how
to drive. Have him try thrusting
in a circular motion with his hips
the circling creates a fuller feeling
than classic in-and-out thrusting.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Lust | SexRx

THE ISSUE

HES A JACK
HAMMERER

Karen*, 23, has a high-speed,


high-intensity humper who treats
her vagina the way hed approach
breaking ground on a construction
site. Sometimes I grit my teeth and
let him because I know he likes it,
she says. But rapid-re woodpecker
style gets old fast.

THE TREATMENT
Slow down power-tool pumping
by getting on top, slowly circling
your hips and showing him how
its done. Oer Mr Hammer a few
pointers I love it when you give
it to me slowly. If the pounding
happens only towards the end
of sex, he might need additional
stimulation. In order to orgasm,
men require a combo of friction
and pressure on the penis. Try
quickly stroking or sucking
the tip for the grand nale.

THE ISSUE

SEX IS A

snooze

Hes thrusting away while you lie


there trying to remember whether
you set the PVR. It feels like hes
just going through the motions,
Kylie*, 27, says of the lack of spark
with her guy. But TV being better
than sex? Dont go to that sad place!

z
z
z
Ouch!

THE TREATMENT
Routines can be a sex buzzkill, so
think outside the bed. You cant rely
on missionary (again) when youre
doing it in the car or in the bathroom
at your birthday party. Send him
a text and meet for a quickie at
a prearranged spot. If you usually
do it at night, a pre-date romp will
make for a very happy meal. And
dont forget some You kiss your
mother with that mouth? dirty talk.
Its hard to feel meh when youre
telling him how turned on you are.

THE ISSUE

HE FINISHES
TOO FAST

Kelsie*, 28, digs her new guy hard.


I want him to put babies in me!
she jokes. Shes not the only one
with premature, er, feelings
he ejaculates so quickly that
their sex session barely lasts
the length of a cellphone ad.

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S ,
JON PATERSON/STUDIO D * NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

THE TREATMENT
When you fall in lust fast, things
can happen fast think Leonardo
DiCaprios one-pump hump in
The Wolf Of Wall Street. To take
the pressure o, engage in a heavy
dose of foreplay. It slows things
down for him but fast-tracks you
to orgasm before sex. Break out
a bullet vibe on your clitoris
when youre fooling around,
or have the quick hitter go
down on you prior to doing
the deed. Being able to
pleasure you through
oral will calm his nerves
about the main event.

Oops!

FOR THINGS THAT COSMO READERS HAVE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT,


SEARCH SEX: WERE TALKING ABOUT IT AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

THE ISSUE

Sex HURTS

Good sex should make you feel


like youre on re but not literally.
Clare*, 28, experiences burning
pain during sex most of the time.
When a guy enters her, it feels
like Im tearing, she says. Ouch.

THE TREATMENT
Anxiety, hormone imbalances
and infections such as UTIs can
cause painful sex. Oen, though,
a lack of lubrication is to blame
because youre either not aroused
enough or youre taking prescription
medication that carries that side
eect. (Some antidepressants
and hormonal birth-control pills
can do this.) A water-based lube
may reduce friction and tearing,
and ease the ouch. If not and
especially if you have bleeding
(which could signal a cervical
polyp), or a discharge or sores
(either of which might signal
an infection) its time to get
to a gynaecologist.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

67

MANhTHROhPOLhOhGY
Y

BR & S
CO S
THE
STARTUP
TECHIE
PROS
HES TOTALLY TRENDING

Cute nerds are the new stylish


accessory. Scan Pinterest and youll
see: Urkel glasses are the new Wayfarers
and sweater-vests are practically leather
jackets. (Have you seen Drake lately?)
HE DOESNT KNOW HES
A HOT COMMODITY YET

He scores points in World Of Warcra


but scoring girls is new for him.
Hell be so psyched about what you
bring to the bedroom from toys
to a whipped-cream one-piece
youll swear Mindy Kaling created
him in a writers room.
HE HAS BRAINS

His version of a suit is a Batman


T-shirt and Converse sneakers,
and his corner oce is a desk
in a lo space. But his business
card screams C-something-O. He
is motivated and curious, and
has more smarty credentials
than Ronan Farrow, so the
convo at dinner is as
sparkling as the Prosecco.
HELL GIVE HIS ALL IN BED

The bedroom benet of dating


someone with ve dierent
degrees? Hell take notes about
how to double-click your
mouse and ace all the exams.

68 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Hollywood It girls are snatching up Web entrepreneurs like theyre the latest
iPhone upgrade. Is he the right update or will you force-quit this e-bag?

CONS

Youre Number Two


His devotion to his startup rivals Adam Levines
love for Victorias Secret
models. Its a problem
when your boyfriend refers
to his baby and hes talking
about his beta-stage investorbacked app that hooks up
singles based on their favourite
cheese. The way he obsesses
over his revolutionary idea,
youd swear the app was
the one with the vagina.

Hes a Mathlete
Sure, this dude can gure
out a 15% dinner tip sans
calculator but its not charming
when he gets into a comicbook debate with your waiter.
Peter Parker: totally bangable.
Sheldon Cooper: not so much.

Hes a Secret D-Bag


Aer years of gym-class
wedgies, this sci-guy is
suddenly a walking ad
for #ItGetsBetter. Ladies
are nally interested in
him but he has no idea
nine-timing girls cancels
out his nice-guy status.
Make sure he has only
one window open at a time,
if you know what we mean.

Hes Always Working


He puts in serious time at
a tech venture that breaks
down more oen than Apple
Maps. If he wants a girlfriend,
he can pull a Weird Science
and download her.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Men | Dude Decoder

NICE GUYS
CLASSIC LINES

DECODED

A jerk will at-out lie to your face. But a nice guy?


Hell spew a web of white lies so astonishing youll
forget where the conversation even began. He does
it to spare your feelings, avoid a ght or relieve his
conscience. Every nice guy has done it. Logan Hill
translates some classic male BS.

LETS NOT
USE LABELS.

GUY TO WATCH

DOUGLAS
BOOTH

P H O TO G R A P H Y D O N P E N N Y/S T U D I O D , G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S
T E X T J A C Q U I M E D D I N G S , L A U R E N PA N A R I E L LO A N D L E R ATO B O K A K O

Hes starring in three big


movies this year: Noah with
Russell Crowe, Jupiter Ascending
with Channing Tatum and Posh
with Max Irons.
His friend Emma Watson
is not immune to his charms.
We met when he was 15, and
I remember looking at him
and thinking he was oensively
attractive. And its just got worse
from there, she says.
Theres more to him than that
perfect pout. Its not attering
to be known only for the way
you look, he says. I dont
necessarily want to hear
about my talent you can
say Im shit if you think so but
make it about something I do.
COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

IF I CHEAT ON
YOU AND YOURE
MY GIRLFRIEND,
IM A JERK. BUT
IF YOURE JUST
SOMEONE IM
SEEING, AM
I REALLY SUCH
A BAD GUY? HARD
TO SAY. I PREFER TO
GIVE MYSELF THE
BENEFIT OF THE
DOUBT OH, SORRY,
I MUST TAKE THIS
CALL FROM MY 
I MEAN, THIS GIRL
I SEE SOMETIMES.

I feel like theres


something youre
not saying. Go ahead,
say it. Let me have it.
Please tell me you
want to break up with
me. If I dump you, Ill feel
like a jerk. Id much rather
make you miserable and
manipulate you into
breaking up with me.

IVE GOT A LOT


OF ISSUES TO
DEAL WITH.
MAYBE ILL DEAL
WITH A FEW OF
THEM BEFORE
I DIE BUT MOSTLY
IM JUST GOING
TO REPRESS
THEM. AFTER
ALL, THEYRE
CONVENIENT.
WHEN IM FEELING
LIKE A BAD GUY,
MY ISSUES ARE
THE ULTIMATE
EXCUSE. ITS NOT
ME; ITS THEM.

I JUST
CANT BE A
BOYFRIEND
RIGHT
NOW.
WHAT CAN
I BE RIGHT
NOW? THE
GUY WHOS
BLOWING
YOU OFF.

WERE JUST GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.


SURE, THE ROUGH PATCH IS PROBABLY MY FAULT BUT
ID REALLY RATHER NOT BE SINGLE RIGHT NOW. DONT
DUMP ME. PLEASE!

LETS NOT GET EMOTIONAL.


WHOA. WHY ARE YOU SO FURIOUS?
LETS DISCUSS THIS IN A CALM,
RATIONAL MANNER, LIKE I NEVER
DID ANYTHING WRONG. IN FACT,
THATS EXACTLY HOW IM GOING TO
ACT RIGHT NOW. IN FACT, WHY DONT
WE BOTH ACT THAT WAY? THEN IT WILL
BE JUST LIKE I NEVER MESSED UP.

I dont deserve you.

Youre so much better than me that I have


to break up with you. See what I did there?
Im such a sensitive guy that I dumped
myself because I didnt think youd do it.

IS THIS ABOUT
YOUR EX?
THIS COULDNT
POSSIBLY BE ABOUT
ME BECAUSE IM A
NICE GUY. SO, YEAH,
ITS PROBABLY
YOUR FAULT.

I dont want to
hold you back.
I dont want to hold you at all.
In fact, youre holding me
back. From being happy. But
Id sound like such a jerk if I said
that. Which is why I didnt.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

69

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Marquise diamond
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diamonds 0,41ct in
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Claw-set blue tourmaline


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Brilliant-cut diamond
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Black diamond 0,5ct


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Round cognac diamonds


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Diamonds 0,76ct
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R19 999, Sterns

Get the
Ring You
Want
Tell your BF about
a friend whose other
half bought her a cheap
promise ring for the
proposal they went
shopping together for
the real deal the next day.
Cut out your favourite
from the styles
pictured here and leave
it somewhere hell see it.
If he asks, tell him youre
saving up for it.
Show him friends
engagement seles
and dont hang back on
the criticism or praise.
Tell him youre having
your grans ring
redesigned chat about
settings and styles you like.
If you and your BFF
have the same taste,
let her tell him that when
hes ready to pop the Q,
shell help him pick out
something youll love.

HEAVY
METAL
HE ROCKS YOUR WORLD.
NOW HELP HIM CHOOSE A ROCK!

Pink
tourmaline
in silver
R2 500 each,
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Diamonds
0,70ct in 9ct
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4
5

Yellow cushion-cut
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AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

73

COSMOFiance Files

Round brilliant-cut
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Morganite with
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Claw-set round citrine


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Round brilliant-cut
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Champagne diamond
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diamonds in 9ct
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Who Could
Say No?
COSMO READERS
PROPOSAL STORIES
SEARCH PROPOSALS
AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA
Id dozed o lying on the
sand while Rob swam.
When I heard him calling
me, I sat up he was
behind me on his knees,
confessing his love and
asking me to marry him.
I said yes and he showed
me the ring three blades
of grass he had plaited
together. The moment felt
right so he used it the
real ring was at home!
Natalie Whitehead, 31,
Cape Town
I was on a small propeller
plane with Tzvi, blindfolded.
We landed on snowcovered ground and
I found myself in the
Arctic. We rode reindeer,
saw the northern lights
and took a Husky sled
to an ice hotel. When he
proposed I cried, and my
tears froze on my face!
Amy Shishler, 29, Jo'burg

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COSMOFiance Files

HOW FAR WOULD


YOU GO FOR YOUR

Engagement

Selfie?

Would you snap it the moment


the ring slips onto your nger or
wait till aer your hand-li? (Yup,
thats what we said: hand-li!)

76 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

What it is
Rollers with ne
surgical needles are
rolled over the skin in
a crisscross motion.

What it does

The worst that can happen is bruising,


which resolves quickly after treatment.
Other treatments recommended by
Allem to give you, er, a hand-up include
chemical or laser resurfacing, medical
needling and carboxytherapy.
And side effects? Allem highlights the
importance of seeing a qualied, trained
medical professional. With lasers and
chemical peels, there is always a risk
of burning or blistering if you have not
been correctly prepped or treated, she
says. Make sure you choose a recognised,
established clinic for your treatments. She
also suggests you follow a post-treatment
maintenance plan.
Doctors at Skin Renewals branches in
the Western Cape, Gauteng and KwaZuluNatal are also often consulted in the last
months before the I-do date, says Allem.
Crash diets and nerves play havoc with
bridal complexions and skin tone worth
remembering if you plan to shed kilos!

The skin is injured


slightly to kick-start
its natural healing
mode, stimulating
collagen and elastin
production. Needling
creates microscopic
punctures so its
minimally invasive.

Does it hurt?
A numbing cream is
applied to sensitive
areas (such as your
face) before needling
but the procedure
should be painless.
Your skin will feel and
look mildly sunburnt
for about 24 hours
and you should see
results (smoother,
tighter skin) within a
week. A course of two
to four sessions (with
eight weeks between
treatments) is best
for long-term results.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O TO G R A P H Y J A U N T Y J U N TO/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , H U N T S TO C K/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S ,


G A B R I E L A J A R K O V S K A/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , L U L U/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , G E T T Y I M A G E S/
G A L LO I M A G E S T E X T M E G A N C A H N T H I S S TO R Y F I R S T A P P E A R E D O N E L L E . C O M

o engagement announcement
comes without a photo of the
ring sometimes up to ve
pics. A day. And as anyone
whos ever snapped a mani knows, our hands
dont always hold up under ash, no matter
the lter. So its not surprising that the close
scrutiny of those Instagrams has led to an
explosion of hand-lifts among the newly
yessed. And South Africans arent immune.
Soon-to-be brides have specic concerns
about their face and hands as those areas will
be the focus of photos, says Dr Maureen Allem,
founder and medical director of Skin, Body &
Health Renewal and Oasis Spas. They dont
want their hands to look bony in the close-ups,
she says. Where there has been volume loss,
we use dermal llers to put the volume back.
The result is instant and lasts six to eight
months. The llers are made of hyaluronic acid,
which is 100% naturally occurring in the body,
so were not introducing foreign substances
that are in any way harmful to the skin.

IF YOU SAID NO
TO HANDLIFTS
BUT WOULD LIKE
TO REJUVENATE
YOUR HANDS, TRY
SKIN NEEDLING

COSMO COMPETITION

IN

A FIVE-CARAT DIAMOND
BRACELET SET IN 18-CARAT
WHITE GOLD WORTH R66 500,
COURTESY OF COSMO AND
AMERICAN SWISS

Whether your ring has the vintage feel


of a bygone era of feminine glamour or
a modern twist of impeccable style, the
perfect jewellery to pair it with is this
exquisite bracelet, enhanced by up to 100
hand-set diamonds and finished with classic
milgrain detail. One reader has the chance
of winning this piece of heirloom jewellery.
Find exclusive designs such as
this diamond bracelet at selected
American Swiss stores.

Question: What is the value of


the bracelet that you can win?
Visit Cosmopolitan.co.za to enter
OR SMS* your answer to 35441 before
31 August 2014. Dont use any punctuation
and begin your SMS with COSMO American
Swiss, followed by your answer, name, surname,
postal address and e-mail address, for
example: COSMO American Swiss answer
name surname address e-mail.
*FREE SMSs DO NOT APPLY.

COMPETITION RULES 1. SMSs will be charged at R1,50 each across all networks. Free SMSs do not apply. 2. The prize will go to the first correct entry drawn by means
of a random-number generator, making the selection completely fair and free of bias. 3. Readers may send as many SMSs as they wish before 31 August 2014. 4. The
outcome is final; no correspondence will be entered into. 5. The winner will be notified by e-mail. 6.Prize must be claimed within three months of notification, or another
winner will be chosen. 7. Staff members of JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd and its affiliates, American Swiss, their advertising and promotion agencies and their immediate
families may not enter. 8. The prize is not transferable and cannot be converted into cash. 9. By providing your contact details youre giving COSMOPOLITAN permission
to communicate with you via these channels. 10. No person may enter a competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN within six months of winning any
competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN. 11.For more terms and conditions, go to page 141.

COSMOFiance Files

The Best Way to

Show
Off
Your Bling
Because hands and nails that
havent been cared for will take
the shine o your sparkler

eing newly engaged means focus


on you and your new ring. Everyone
will be grabbing your hand to take a
look so we called on nail-art expert
Chi Chi to help get your tips in shape.

Party
Polish

Art Class

Chi Chi designed these two cute manis for our COSMO
brides-to-be. You want your ring to be the focus, so you
dont want nails that are too busy, she says.

Consider these three


things when choosing
a polish shade for your
engagement party:

2 COLOUR SCHEME
Shades that match or are
slightly darker or lighter will
be the most attering. Think
lilac nails with your violet
engagement-party dress.
3 CLASSIC NUDES Neutrals
are always a safe, classy choice
nudes and light pinks look
gorgeous on long, oval nails.

Morgan Taylor Nail


Lacquer (R110 each)
Nautically Inclined
(cool undertones),
Prettier In Pink
(warm undertones)
and Scene Queen
(atters both)

But rst, lets take


a perfect #ringsele
 Moisturise before you
snap. Dry skin is never sexy!
 Know thy ring. Capture the
qualities you like best. Love
the setting? Snap the pic at an
angle so everyone can see it.

78 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Want to emphasise the shape


of the stone? Snap from above.
 Light it right. Shoot close
to a window natural light will
give the jewels a pretty sparkle.
 Remember: no ash!

The Romantic French

The Ring Bearer

Paint all nails with nude polish.


Once dry, apply white polish to
tips, using a sponge to create
the ombre eect.

Apply a light-pink shade to


all nails. Accent the ring nger
with pink glitter polish to show
o your diamond.

Gosh Nail
Lacquer (R79)
Silk with CK
One Long Wear
+ Shine Nail
Colour (R145)
Point Blanc

Rimmel 60 Seconds Rita


Ora Nail Polish (R69,95)
Lose Your Lingerie with
Nails Inc Special Eects
3D Nail Polish (R120 at
Edgars) Marylebone

SEARCH ENGAGEMENT MANI AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA


FOR AN EASY, STEPBYSTEP RING BEARER MANI GUIDE

PHOTOGRAPHY MARC BAPTISTE, JON PATERSON/STUDIO D, JEFFREY WESTBROOK/


STUDIO D TEXT JUANA PARATHYRAS PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO
P R E S S P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S S TO C K I S T S O N PA G E 141

1 SKIN TONE Find colours


that suit your skin tone, which
will be either cool or warm.

COSMO COMPETITION

A DIAMOND RING AND


DIAMOND EARRINGS
WORTH R62 000, COURTESY
OF COSMO AND STERNS
With more than 100 years of experience,
Sterns knows a thing or two about
diamonds. Every exquisite design is
crafted with expertise and experience
that a century of magical moments
brings. The pieces are as breathtaking
as when he gets down on one knee,
takes out that little white box and says
those four words And you said yes.
Now start your future with beautiful
jewellery from Sterns. One COSMO
reader stands the chance of winning
an 18ct yellow-and-white-gold diamond
ring and a pair of 9ct white-gold diamond
studs, with a total diamond weight of 1ct,
all worth R62 000. Its the perfect start
to your happily ever after!

Question: How many years


of experience does Sterns have?
Visit Cosmopolitan.co.za to enter
OR SMS* your answer to 35441
before 31 August 2014. Dont use
any punctuation and begin your
SMS with COSMO Sterns, followed
by your answer, name, surname,
postal address and e-mail address,
for example: COSMO Sterns answer
name surname address e-mail.
*FREE SMSs DO NOT APPLY.

COMPETITION RULES 1. SMSs will be charged at R1,50 each across all networks. Free SMSs do not apply. 2. The prize will go to the first correct entry drawn by means
of a random-number generator, making the selection completely fair and free of bias. 3. Readers may send as many SMSs as they wish before 31 August 2014. 4. The
outcome is final; no correspondence will be entered into. 5. The winner will be notified by e-mail. 6.Prize must be claimed within three months of notification, or another
winner will be chosen. 7. Staff members of JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd and its affiliates, Sterns, their advertising and promotion agencies and their immediate families
may not enter. 8. The prize is not transferable and cannot be converted into cash. 9. By providing your contact details youre giving COSMOPOLITAN permission to
communicate with you via these channels. 10. No person may enter a competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN within six months of winning any
competition hosted partly or in whole by COSMOPOLITAN. 11.For more terms and conditions, go to page 141.

COSMOFiance Files

How
TO STOP
This
FROM
Splitting
YOU UP
One ring and four words can
either take your relationship to
the next stage or end it forever.
By Natalie Blenford

eve all met them:


couples who break
up soon after getting
engaged. But why
does it happen so often? Many couples
live together before getting married,
so youd think wed feel condent
about that next step but this doesnt
seem to be the case. Its exciting to
be proposed to, and initially many
women revel in their new status,
says Lucy Beresford, psychotherapist
and author of Happy Relationships.
But getting engaged brings things
into focus. Anxiety and a sense of
being trapped can intensify. Some
women realise they didnt actually
want to commit. Its hard to go back
on such a big decision, so they panic.

80 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Psychotherapist and relationship


counsellor Leila Collins says its
generally still men who propose, and
its key to work out their motivation
getting engaged shouldnt be
prompted by an urge just to do the
next bit or follow friends example.

WARNING

SIGN #1

You werent as excited as


you thought you would be
Pay attention if you dont experience
the good kind of butteries when he
proposes. Engagement is the ideal
test of whether your feelings for each
other are as strong as you think they
are. A proposal brings the relationship

to a head and makes the prospect


of a commitment real, says Collins.
If the question leaves you shocked
or numb instead of excited, thats
a signal you have to listen to.
This happened to Chantelle Rees,
25, when her boyfriend of eight years
proposed in 2010. Wed had a perfect
night out, she recalls. I was very
happy, thinking, This cant get
any better, when suddenly he was
on one knee, holding an engagement
ring. I was shocked. At rst I said
thank you instead of yes. After
a few awkward minutes I did say
yes, then suddenly I felt drowsy,
and all I wanted to do was go to
sleep. The next day I wondered
why I wasnt more excited.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

COSMOFiance Files
Six months later, she nally admitted
her anc wasnt the one she wanted
to spend her life with. My decision to
say yes had been based on logic wed
been dating for ages and my parents
loved him, so I felt like I should. She
soon split from him for good. Looking
back, I knew when he proposed that
he wasnt the one, but I was attered
and I found myself agreeing to it.

WARNING

SIGN #2

Im so over you
But I do like this
picture of myself!

He wont talk about


the wedding at all

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S * N A M E H A S B E E N C H A N G E D

To generalise, weddings do tend to


excite women more than men, says
Beresford. But if your anc never
wants to talk about it, there could
be a problem.
Id been with my boyfriend for
two years when we got engaged, says
Lou*, 27. At rst he constantly talked
about getting married and having a
family but as time went by and the
possibility of actually walking down
the aisle became real, he seemed to
freak out. Whenever I tried to set a
date hed be vague and say things
such as, I need to save money rst
or (his favourite) Well, well never
be able to do it if you keep going on
at me. In the end, after a four-year
engagement, they split up. He lost all
interest in me and stopped supporting
me in my career. I realised hed never
be the right husband for me.

WARNING

SIGN #3

Youve had a fast romance


If you met your man and got engaged
at (almost) rst sight, your brain could
be getting confused by a judgmentimpairing cocktail of oxytocin and
adrenaline, the effects of which could
mean you end up engaged to a man
you hardly know. The rst six months
of a relationship are overwhelming
thats why its called the honeymoon
period, says Beresford. If you get
engaged during this time, you have
to be 100% sure the other person has
the same approach to money, work,
family, delity and loyalty as you.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

How
to Keep a
on It

RELATIONSHIP EXPERT LUCY BERESFORD


SHARES HER TOP TIPS FOR MAKING SURE
YOUR ENGAGEMENT DOESNT SIGNAL
THE END OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

COMMUNICATE
Make sure youre on the same page about why
youre getting married. If he wont talk about
the wedding and youre worried, say something
casual but to the point, such as, Its really funny
every time I talk about cupcakes, you switch
o. Are you bored of cupcakes or the idea of
marrying me? Perhaps the problem is the
wedding, not you he might want to elope
instead of tying the knot in front of 200 people.
Keep the communication going and hopefully
you can work those niggling doubts out.

DONT BECOME A BRIDEZILLA


Your wedding day is important but dont make it
the be-all and end-all. Keep a weekly date night
in your diary so you can take the relationship
back to its roots. You, him and a night out talking
about everything but the wedding = good.

DO A VALUE CHECK
Sometimes people have sex, fall in love, start a
relationship and, before you know it, its been six
years. But you havent stopped to admit, I hate
the way he fritters money away. These issues
will come into sharp focus once youre planning
a future. Keep an eye on your anger levels and
talk to him if your views dont seem aligned.

When Jessica*, 33, met Nick*


online, she fell hard and found herself
engaged three months later. It was
a fairy-tale romance, she says. He
lived in another town so we only saw
each other on weekends, and the time
we spent together was so intense,
it felt like we knew each other more
than we did. But as time went by,
I realised he wasnt who hed seemed
to be at rst. He was sending sexy
e-mails to another girl, for one thing.
We split up soon afterwards; it took
me a year to get over it.

WARNING

SIGN #4

Youve started fighting


all the time
If youre disagreeing about everything,
your relationship could be at risk of
turning toxic. People often argue
in the run-up to big events such as
weddings, says Rachel Andrew, a
clinical psychologist specialising in
family and relationships. These are
important life milestones, so we load
them with emotional signicance,
which can make us prone to ghting.
But constant arguing might suggest
the two of you are always going to
clash at stressful times and therell
be a lot more of those to come. If
youre in a healthy relationship,
youll feel happy discussing your
worries and working out a plan of
action, says Andrew. But if you
keep ghting, at least one of you
could have deeper issues.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

81

COSMOFiance Files

HOW TO

Throw an

Party

ent

Make yours epic!


BY ANN ELLIS BROWN

He asked, you answered, your Facebook


timeline is buzzing. Time to paaar-tay!
Friends, food, drinks stress? No way
just use COSMOs guide and youve
got this!

STEP 1 What will it be?


Decide what kind of celebration you
want: intimate family gathering (wed
leave that to your mom but, you know,
your call), cocktail party at a nightclub,
or back-yard throwdown.
STEP 2 Lock it down
Choose a date, a theme and a venue.
STEP 3 Whos coming?
There are two ways of approaching
a guest list. Conventional wisdom
says that whoever you invite to the
engagement party has to be invited
to the wedding. But say you plan to
get married with just a priest, your
parents and the penguins in Antarctica,
and perhaps you want to invite everyone
else to your EP. We say thats ne just
let everyone know the form.
Now send the invites. Almost
anything works: e-mail, SMS, phone
call, snail mail, schmaltzy, funny but
the invite will set the tone for the party,
so if you have a theme, tie it in.
STEP 4 Refreshers
Sort the food, drinks and music.
STEP 5 Wardrobe
You need a frock. Go shopping. Yay!
STEP 6 Party
You know what to do.

82 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Any and every


track that means
something to you
guys. Struggling?
Start here:
#Beautiful Mariah
Carey feat. Miguel;
Feel This Moment
Pitbull feat. Christina
Aguilera; Happy
Pharrell Williams;
Heart Attack Demi
Lovato; Heartbeat
The Fray; Hearts On
Fire Cut Copy; Ho Hey
The Lumineers; I Gotta
Feeling The Black Eyed
Peas; Just The Way
You Are Bruno Mars;
Kiss Me Ed Sheeran;
Love Song Adele;
Makes Me Wonder
Maroon 5; Marry You
Bruno Mars; No One
Alicia Keys; Overjoyed
Matchbox Twenty;
Paper Planes M.I.A;
Rather Be Clean Bandit
feat. Jess Glynne; Smile
Lily Allen; Talk Coldplay;
We Found Love Rihanna
feat. Calvin Harris;
Without You David
Guetta feat. Usher

Personalise It!

While weddings tend towards the formal, an engagement

Theme it

Pin it

A theme is not necessary


for an engagement party,
says Karen Short of By
Word Of Mouth in Joburg
but whatever you decide,
keep it real and all about
you. You met on holiday in
Mexico? Fiesta time! Your
rst date was a movie? Tell
guests to come dressed
as Hollywood characters/
stars. See? Easy and real.

Philippa Stewart of
The Perfect Proposal in
Cape Town advises hiring
a photographer but if the
budget is tight, create a
hashtag and ask guests to
share their pics on social
media. Theres also the
Wedding Party app your
mates can upload pics and
leave messages, which you
can download aerwards.

The only theme


is love

Deliriously
appy

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

COSMOFiance Files

So Were Clear
to have a registry
Q Islistitfortackyan engagement
party?

A registry is as useful for guests as it is for you.


Have one that you keep going till the wedding:
a mix of presents as well as a means for guests
to chip in towards the expenses you have ahead
of you. Wishforit.co.za is a new South African site
that lets you make a list of what you want (new
dining-room table, silk sheets, honeymoon, cuckoo
clock (really?), glasses, cutlery, whatever); guests
contribute what they would have spent had they
bought you another salad bowl you dont need.

Q Who makes the speeches?

According to Stewart, traditionally, the


father of the bride is the rst to raise his glass
for the toast; the groom says a few words to his
bride-to-be, thanks guests and welcomes the
families. But who says the bride cant say a few
words too? Just keep it short and genuine.

Q Is it okay to skip the whole thing?

Short answer: yes. Nothing wrong with


that. Youve got a wedding to plan, after all.

P H O TO G R A P H Y C A I A I M A G E/PA U L B R A D B U R Y/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO


I M A G E S , B LO O M B E R G/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , T H I N K S TO C K ,
R E X F E AT U R E S , G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S

party gives more opportunity to celebrate who you and your guy are. Try these:

Keep it

Give it

Eat it

Leave a pile of Jenga


blocks on the bar with
coloured permanent pens.
Ask mates to write down
messages of advice. Every
time it rains and you get
the Jenga out, youll be
transported back to the
night. (If youll only get the
Jenga out when your rstborn turns ve, use pretty
advice cards instead.)

Party favours are great


conversation pieces for
guests who might not know
each other, and can double
as table decorations think
novelty rings, save the date
fridge magnets, fortune
cookies or bags of caramel
popcorn. (He popped the
question.) (So corny!) (But
theres a kernel of truth in
there.) (Well stop now)

Whether your folks are


splurging on a catered do
or youre toasting endless
love with BYOB and 250
friends on a beach, think
about you two. Short
recommends portable
dining cocktails and
canaps, then assorted
bowl food and a dessert
display. This way people
can mingle and talk.

Getting married
is expensive, so
dont blow the
entire budget on
the engagement
party, says
Stewart. Work
out a realistic
budget before
you decide what
kind of party
you want. The
size and style of
the celebration
will be dictated
by the budget.
Need help? Let
a party planner
take care of the
details while you
focus on popping
the bubbly they
can make sure
that you get the
most zz for
your nance.

WIN!

Search engagement cake


and engagement planning
at Cosmopolitan.co.za, and
score: By Word Of Mouth is
giving away an engagement
party cake worth R3000 to a
Joburg reader, while a Cape
Town reader will win partyplanning services worth R3000
from The Perfect Proposal.
FOR MORE IDEAS, CHECK OUT

Bywordofmouth.co.za and
Theperfectproposal.co.za.

Say it
on wood

Small gifts,
big impact

FOR MORE PARTY TIPS, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA


AND SEARCH ENGAGEMENT PARTY

Pretty, nibbly and


damn delicious

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

83

ER:
T
T
E
B
IS
WHICH

t
r
o
h
S
r
e
V
The

G
O
L
Y
OR V E R

?
t
n
e
e
ngag

W
BY ANNA BRESLA

n
d Jaso
lunt an more
B
y
il
Em
be
ouldnt
eSegel c
he Fiv
T
h
d wit

t
n
e
thrille
m
ngage
Year E

84 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

COSMOFiance Files

illy Crystal tells Meg Ryan at the end


of When Harry Met Sally, When you
want to spend the rest of your life with
someone, you want the rest of your life to start
as quickly as possible. But remake the movie
with urban 20-somethings circa 2014, and its
as soon as I can nish my masters or get that
promotion or afford a bigger apartment. Many
couples are stretching out their engagements
for as long as their friends and family will let
them. Which one ultimately bodes better a
very long engagement or a shotgun wedding?

P H O TO G R A P H Y R E X F E AT U R E S , G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S

THE LONG

Dan* and Emma* were


both anti-marriage when
they met, but after dating
for more than four years
and getting a legal domestic
partnership, they decided
it was a good way to go.
They havent set a date
yet but itll be at least two
years from now. Education
was a higher priority than
wedding planning for both
of them. Both Emma and
I wanted me to be much
closer to nishing my thesis
by the wedding, says
Dan. Theyre also set on
a particular venue, which
rarely rents out for events.
While traditional family
members are perplexed by
the wait time, therapist and
relationship expert Rachel
Sussman is on the couples
side. Its good for couples
to know each other for at
least a year or two before
they get married, she says.
It gives them time to get
to know each other, and
to secure the foundation
and the friendship.
There are social benets
to a long engagement as
well, says Emma. It feels a
bit like having it both ways
avoiding the stereotypes
that come with being
single and the ones that
come with being married.

This brings us to the


elephant in the room
among couples putting
off marriage: FOMO.
Are one or both partners
dallying because theyre
still checking out other
options? If a couple puts
off marriage, they have
to look at the motivation
behind a long engagement,
says Marni Battista, founder
and CEO of Dating with
Dignity. This phenomenon
commonly occurs with
celebrity couples: Sofa
Vergara and Nick Loeb
announced in May that
their two-year engagement
was done her continued
relationship with an ex
was cited. There are also
rumours Miley Cyrus is
not over Liam Hemsworth
but two years ago she
called off their 18-month
engagement because she
felt she was too young.

THE MEDIUM

So what is the average


length of an engagement?
By celebrity event planner
Shawn Rabideaus
denition, 10 months
is the ideal length to
plan a dream ceremony
without over-planning.
Michelle* and Daniel*
dated on and off for 10
years before getting
engaged. They are now
married, and she says that
their wait time 11 months
was the perfect length.
They were able to plan
their ideal wedding, and
had enough time to seek
out the most cost-efcient
options. Any longer and
I would have got impatient,
says Michelle. Any shorter
and I might have felt
rushed and stressed.
She also recalls several
friends who waited longer,
then suffered post-nuptial
wedding withdrawal
after the big day. They
had had so much time
to obsess over it and
plan every detail, it was
completely consuming
and then it was just over.
They had no idea what
to do with themselves.

THE SHORT

Jessica* and Kale*, both


in their late 20s, dated for
four months before getting
engaged. Their wedding
date is set for next month.

Its good for couples


to know each other for at
least a year or two before
they get married

SEARCH PROPOSAL AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA FOR READERS


HILARIOUS AND ROMANTIC PROPOSAL CONFESSIONS

Most of her family is


supportive, says Jessica.
Theyve known me long
enough to know that my
feelings are real and true
and enduring.
But there are naysayers
among them, one of her
sisters. Ive sensed that a
few people think Kale and
I are moving too fast. Some
have said to me that we
can always get a divorce
if it doesnt work out. Um,
newsash! Thats a rude
thing to say to someone
who just got engaged!
Battista says short-term
compatibility is easy to
nd but that the test of
a successful relationship
is how you, as a couple,
get back to compatibility
as both of you mature as
people after the marriage.
Its tough for Jessica and
Kale to predict whether
theyll make it through
the growing pains, says
Battista, but if [a couple
is] over 40 and has a clear
idea of what they want, a
short engagement might
work. Sussman is more
blunt: A couple who meets
and gets engaged within
90 days, then gets married
after another 90 days?
Im not so sure about that.
Rabideau is less
judgmental about the
timeline. In fact, hes
excited by the handson approach that grooms
with brief engagements
take to the planning.
The biggest trend I see
is that, during shorter
engagements, grooms
are getting involved in
the planning. For me
this is quite refreshing
because it shows a vested
interest by both the bride
and the groom.
* SURNAME HAS BEEN WITHHELD

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

85

COSMOFiance Files

Will an

Ultimatum

It might. But you should


do it anyway. Heres why.
BY BETHANY HEITMAN

Send Him Packing?

86 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

t feels like all your


friends got engaged
in the last six months
and your guys taking
forever to pop the question.
Youre too scared to broach
the ring subject; after all,
men are notoriously skittish
about till death do us part.
But as relationship therapist
Krista Bloom says, if youve
been together for a while
and hes not moving things
forward with a proposal, you
should have a conversation
to get what you need.

When to bring it up

P H O TO G R A P H Y E R I C M C N AT T, C O U R T E S Y O F T H E V I N E YA R D H O T E L

Every couple sets a different


relationship pace, so theres
no rule that says you should
be discussing a proposal after
X amount of time. That said,
there are some guidelines you
can follow. If youve been together
for only four or ve months, its too
soon to detail the kind of ring youre
lusting after. At this point youre
still getting to know each other,
so it may weird him out. But its
also not realistic to wait for years
before bringing it up. After youve
been in a serious, monogamous
relationship for more than a year,
its reasonable to want to talk to
him about the future, says Bloom.

How to do it

If youre not careful, issuing an


ultimatum can sound like a threat,
making your guy feel like a caged
animal. To avoid freaking him out,
its important to be rm but calm.
The best way to make sure
you stay relaxed is to talk to him
as soon as you realise marriage
has been on your mind frequently.
If you wait until your feelings
are boiling over, youre bound to
sound impatient, which may cause
him to stop listening to you, says
Anthony Riche, author of Finally!
How To Stop Dating Losers Forever.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

When you start getting those


persistent wedding-bell urges,
nd a non-stressful time to chat,
for example during a quiet dinner.
Be direct. Men dont do well with
hints, so telling him at out what
you want will have the best results,
says Bloom. Tell him you picture him
as your husband and that you want
to know if hes on the same page. Or
try I love being with you and want
to move our relationship forward
I need to know if you feel the same.

When to back off

You cant expect him to propose


immediately. Remember, youve
had some time to let everything
percolate, but this is new to him.
Give him a few weeks to think
about his feelings on marriage,
says Riche. Make a date to have
a follow-up conversation and
dont bring it up again before then.
Once he makes a decision, its
up to you where you go from there.
You can invite a man to propose
but you cant force him to do it,
says Bloom. If hes really not ready,
you have to decide whether you
want to wait for him or move on.

Remember: bringing something


up and chatting about it for the
rst time is not an ultimatum.
An ultimatum is a last resort,
and experts agree that you
should only deliver one when
youre prepared to lose your
guy completely, and have the
courage to leave him and start
a new life without him.
The reason for this is that if
he refuses to marry you and you
dont walk out on the relationship,
you will have lost all credibility
in his eyes and in your own.
Whats more, he will probably
see it as a sign that he can do
whatever he likes, without
any repercussions.

O
Book a weekend away, a
romantic dinner, a pampering
treat and when youre both
feeling relaxed and loved-up,
ask the man! The Vineyard Hotel
in Newlands, Cape Town oozes
history and luxury its the
perfect place for a proposal.

One lucky
COSMO reader will
a special-occasion
package

The prize includes two nights


(on a Friday, Saturday or Sunday
night) in a suite, breakfast daily,
a ve-course tasting-menu
dinner with wine pairing, and a
massage for two at Angsana Spa.
(All transport is for the winners own account.)

Search win Vineyard at


Cosmopolitan.co.za to enter
before 31 August 2014!

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PHOTOGRAPHERS ASSISTANT
ALEX VAN DER MERWE
FASHION ASSISTANTS
BRODI DEERE AND TARYN AZIZ
FASHION INTERN SARIN DREW
MODEL SYDNEY/BOSS MODELS
HAIR KEVIN EPSTEIN
MAKEUP AND NAILS ALGRIA FERREIRA
PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS
STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

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R8 90
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THE CAPE
Want legs for days?
Pair an oversized
cape with leggings
to elongate and show
o those sexy limbs.
Jersey R299, Truworths.
Cape R1 000, Oaktree at
Stuttafords. Leggings R275,
Blue Bay. Earrings R60, Mr
Price. Shoes R1 650, Castelo

THE
CROPPED
TOP
Showing a little
bit of skin can
be irty but still
sophisticated.
Plus, pairing
a neo-sculpted
cropped top
with a highwaisted skirt
will magically
cinch your waist.
Top R599, Zara.
Skirt R829, Topshop.
Earrings R60, Mr Price.
Watch R3 299, Marc
Jacobs at American
Swiss. Gloves R189,
Aldo. Socks R49,99,
Woolworths. Shoes
R499, Truworths

GS

O CO

PLAY WITH VOLUME AND


PROPORTION TO CREATE THE
NEW SHAPES OF THE SEASON
PHOTOGRAPHY MARK CAMERON
FASHION BEV NATES

THE
MID
LENGTH
COAT
Wear it boxy or
belted, day or night,
patterned or solid.
This piece will add
a luxe factor.
Dress R1 000, Mink
Pink at Stuttafords.
Coat R1 500, Sel.
Earrings R60, Mr Price.
Belt R499, Blue Bay

THE WIDE
LEGGED
TROUSERS
The shape may be wide
but it will denitely
make your legs look
longer and leaner.
Top R439, Zara. Trousers
R2 500, Klk/CGDT.
Earrings R60, Mr Price.
Boots R799, Zoom

THE
COCOON
DRESS
With its sculpted
shoulder shape,
the cocoon dress
is a chic way to
rock a erce
runway look.
Dress R680, Sel.
Earrings R60, Mr
Price. Bangles R85
each and cu R1 750,
all Lulu Belle. Shoes
R1 650, Castelo

THE
DOUBLE
BREASTED
BLAZER
The double-breasted
blazer is a great addition
to any modern capsule
wardrobe. Worn with
an abstract-print mini
or tailored trousers,
it will take your look
to the next level.
Dress R759, Zara. Blazer
R850, Mango. Earrings
R60, Mr Price. Watch
R2 899, Marc Jacobs
at American Swiss

THE
PLEATED
SKIRT
Power to the pleat!
Whether youre going
mini, midi or maxi, this
retro style will add a
modern twist to your
working-girl wardrobe.
Top R620, Sel. Skirt R1 300,
Pringle at Stuttafords. Earrings
R60, Mr Price. Bag R1 700,
Pauls Boutique at Stuttafords.
Shoes R1 650, Castelo

PHOTOGRAPHERS ASSISTANT
GAVIN VAN DEN BERG
FASHION ASSISTANTS BRODI
DEERE AND TARYN AZIZ
FASHION INTERN SARIN DREW
MODEL MICHELLE /FANJAM
HAIR MARY GOUVEIA/SUPERNOVA
CREATIVE MANAGEMENT
MAKEUP ALGRIA FERREIRA
PRICES CORRECT AT TIME
OF GOING TO PRESS
STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

THE
CULOTTES
Culottes are ocially
the new must-have
pants. Wear with
heels for a look
that is sophisticated
and fashion-forward.
White shirt R79, Jet.
Striped top R350, Sissy
Boy. Earrings R60, Mr
Price. Necklaces R500
each, Pichulik. Belt R400,
Mari And Me. Socks R59,
Topshop. Shoes R1 499,
Nine West

Help!

Rehab!
Some everyday things you do
could be doing you a lot of damage.
This is your fix-and-recharge plan!
BY MARTA TOPRAN

Beauty | Fixes
So you havent had eight

hours sleep in ages

Beauty sleep is a real thing. A study


in the British Medical Journal showed
that participants were considered
more attractive after sleeping for
a full eight hours than when they
had been sleep-deprived.

oo t fo

g t

REHAB PLAN The easiest way to get


proper ZZZs is through aromatherapy.
Dont roll your eyes science backs it up!
When you inhale a calming scent such
as vanilla, or lavender (a proven stress
reducer), youll feel the tension
dissolve. Set the mood for
a great snooze by dimming
the lights and turning off
the TV, laptop and phone
at least 20 minutes before
bed electronic
devices produce
blue-light waves,
which have been
found to interfere
with sleep.
Jo Malone Vanilla &
Anise Scented Candle
(R720); Kiehls Gently
Exfoliating Body Scrub
Lavender (R340)

So you tortured your nails

with a zillion manis

Constantly changing nail polish


is harsh especially if its spiked
with shimmer or glitter, which scrapes
nails as its removed, says Tracylee, a
celebrity nail pro at Sally Hansen. And
if youre into gel manicures but cant
help picking off the colour as it starts
to lift, youre actually stripping
away complete layers of nail,
causing tips to grow back
weak and aky. Stop it, now!
REHAB PLAN Massage
nails with oil twice a
day. This will promote
blood ow so nails grow
faster and stronger,
says Tracylee.
Strengthening
treatments also help.
CND SolarOil Nail & Cuticle
Conditioner (R189); Sally Hansen
Nail Rehab Strengthener (R79,95)

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

107

So you

crawl into bed


without washing
your face a lot

heat-styled the
hell out of your hair
Every time you hit hair with heat
(from a blow-dryer, curling iron,
straightener or set of hot rollers)
and especially if you do it more
than once a day you suck
moisture out of the strands and
deplete their protein structure
and supply. Todays tools can
get very hot, so dryness and
damage are common, says
celebrity stylist Theodore Leaf.
REHAB PLAN Every Sunday for ve

weeks, commit to treating your hair


for a full episode of your favourite
TV show preferably one thats an
hour long. Mix a generous scoop of
a protein-rich mask with some hair
oil, then apply the mixture to damp
hair, pin into a bun and put
on a shower cap. Not glam
but it locks in heat, allowing
the cuticles to expand so
the product can penetrate
more deeply, says Leaf.
LOral Professionel Pro-Keratin
Rell Correcting Care Masque (R250);
Moroccanoil Treatment (R450)

REHAB PLAN Try three straight


nights of double exfoliation for
a facial-grade clean-up: use face
wash with salicylic or alpha
hydroxyl acid to get rid of dead
skin cells and makeup, then use
an exfoliating scrub. If your skin
is dry or irritable, nish with an
oil-free lotion, says Jaliman.
Garnier Soening Cleansing Lotion Goodbye Dry
(R59,95); Dermalogica Daily Resurfacer (R850)

tools
canHairstyling
get very hot, so

So you

This is the biggest skin


mistake, says dermatologist
Debra Jaliman. When you
pass out without soaping
up, makeup, oil and dead
skin cells get trapped inside
pores, causing breakouts and
small bumps and stretching
pores over time. Eeek!

dryness and damage


are common
So you

live in heels
The two main gripes from
killer kicks: soreness on the
balls of the feet (where weight
tends to concentrate), and
calluses caused by too-tight
straps and ill-tting shoes.
REHAB PLAN Relieve soreness
by soaking feet in an Epsomsalts bath for 10 minutes, then
massaging them, says Tracylee.
Soften rough spots by moisturising
before bed.
Eucerin Intensive Foot Cream (R115)

108 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

WHATS THE ONE BEAUTY RULE YOU SWEAR BY? LET US


KNOW ON TWITTER @COSMOPOLITANSA #BEAUTYRULES

Beauty | Fixes
So you got sunburnt on

your mid-year break


When you take a sunny trip, youre
likely to let your regular sunscreen
regimen slide. If youve been conned
to an ofce, your body is slower to
repair itself because its out of practice
so skin-cancer risk is higher, says
dermatologist Marta Rendon.
REHAB PLAN Prevent peeling by hydrating
skin three to four times a day with an
antioxidant-packed moisturiser. Got
sunspots? Use a pigmentfading serum.
Lancme Absolue Precious
Cells Cream (R2 400);
Ponds Flawless White
Ultra Luminous
Serum (R99,99)

So you ate all the sweets

PHOTOGRAPHY GREATSTOCK/TRUNKARCHIVE.COM/RICCARDO
T I N E L L I , G R E A T S T O C K / T R U N K A R C H I V E . C O M / W A LT E R C H I N ,
SBASTIEN ROHNER, CHRIS JANSEN PRICES CORRECT AT TIME
O F G O I N G TO P R E S S P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S

So you

binged on salty snacks


Sodium (salt) dehydrates the body, stopping
it from ushing out uids, which then pool
under skin. The most obvious effect is puffy
eyes. Fluid retention cant hide under the
paper-thin skin there, says Jaliman. Youll feel
larger even cellulite becomes exaggerated!
REHAB PLAN Drink two glasses of water to ush
your system. To deate undereye bags, apply a
cool compress for 10 minutes. To combat cellulite,
spend ve minutes dry-brushing your body, then
use a caffeinated bloat-busting cream.
Elemis Body Detox Skin Brush (R465); Palmers Cocoa Butter Formula
Firming Butter (R55)

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Sugar aects the brain in the same way


some drugs do, bringing on cravings and
even mild withdrawal symptoms, says
nutritionist Etti Ben-Zion. It also stresses
skin out with a chemical process called
glycation. As blood-sugar levels spike,
so does your natural level of advanced
glycation end-products. These stien
collagen and elastin the reason ne
lines and wrinkles are more noticeable
aer a few weeks of unhealthy eating,
says Jaliman.
REHAB PLAN Eat cleanly for seven days:
cut out dessert, sweeteners, rened carbs
(white rice and bread), junk food, alcohol
and soft drinks. Fill up on veg, fruit, lean
proteins (chicken or sh), healthy grains
(brown rice
and quinoa)
and water, says
Ben-Zion. And
treat yourself
to a face mask!
Dior DiorSnow White
Reveal Extreme Cooling
Gel Mask (R1 285)

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

109

Beauty | Morning-Aer Help

Look Hot
with a Hangover
These tricks from Tim Quinn, makeup artist at Giorgio Armani Beauty, are
even better the morning aer than a bacon-egg-and-cheese toastie. For real!
BY LONI ALBERT

1
2

3
4

To start

You probably didnt do a great


clean-up job last night. Fix it now
with a gentle scrub (to li surface
dirt and makeup) and a foaming
face wash to cleanse pores. A cool
rinse will help calm ruddy skin.
1 Neutrogena Visibly Clear Pink Grapefruit Facial
Wash (R79,95) 2 Johnsons Daily Essentials Gentle
Exfoliating Wash (R47,95)

Next up

Almost done!

Your four big challenges: bar rash


(booze causes facial blood vessels to
dilate), undereye circles (from crappy
sleep), and dry skin and bloodshot
eyes (alcohol dehydrates). Nix them
with the Post-rager erasers then
apply an extra-moisturising BB cream.

Upper-eyelid skin is thin, so


redness here is very noticeable.
Use a neutral shadow with a hint
of shimmer to conceal and reect
light. Line the top lash line in navy,
and apply blue-black mascara.
(Blue tones help brighten eyes.)

1 Smashbox Always Sharp Waterproof Khl


Liner (R325) Bare 2 Clarins Instant Light Radiance
Boosting Complexion Base (R310) Rose 3 Almay
Wake Up Undereye Concealer (R169) 4 Vichy
Idalia BB Cream SPF 25 (R309) Light Shade

1 Gosh Smokey Eye Liner (R110) Smokey Blue


2 Este Lauder MagnaScopic Maximum Volume
Mascara (R295) Black 3 Essence Eye Sorbet (R44,95)
Illuminating Plum

POST-RAGER ERASERS
1 Refresh Apply a chilled, hydrating paper
mask theyre more concentrated than
regular masks. Try Skin Republic CoQ10
+ Caviar Face Mask (R36,99).
2 Reduce red Use eye drops; close eyes
for 30 seconds to let the formula absorb.
Our fave: Similasan Dry Eye Relief Eye
Drops (R91,90 at Healthcart.co.za).
3 Conceal Neutralise undereye shadows
with a pink-based concealer along
undereye bones, and blend upwards
towards the lash line.
4 Brighten Trace the lower inner rims
of the eyes with nude eyeliner.

REFRESH

REDUCE RED

110 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

CONCEAL

BRIGHTEN

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

BRIGHT IDEA

If you do nothing else, remember


a statement lipstick itll distract
from party-induced imperfections
and instantly make you look more
pulled together.

Orange crush

Chanel Rouge Coco Shine Lipstick (R435) Flirt;


Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butter (R145) Tutti Frutti

PHOTOGRAPHY PERRY HAGOPIAN, RIANA VOGEL,


JON PATERSON/STUDIO D PRICES CORRECT AT TIME
O F G O I N G TO P R E S S P R I C E S A R E R E C O M M E N D E D R E TA I L P R I C E S

Flirty fuchsia

Maybelline Color Sensational Vivids Lipcolor


(R110) Brazen Berry; The Body Shop Colour
Crush Lipstick (R120) 15; MAC Lipstick (R190)
Candy Yum-Yum

Red hot

B
2

Apply lipstick,
blot and repeat for
colour that lasts
all day.

Finishing touches

To fake a well-rested glow, sweep a so-pink blush along cheekbones


(but not on the apples). Apply bold lipstick (such as the ones pictured
above and right) to focus attention on your gorgeous pout.
1 Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush (R89,95) Pink Frosting
2 Bobbi Brown Rich Lip Color (R295) Blazing Red

FOR MORE FOOLPROOF MAKEUP LOOKS, CHECK OUT OUR STEPBY


STEP VIDEOS: SEARCH BEAUTY VIDEOS AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Elizabeth Arden Beautiful Color Moisturizing


Lipstick (R120) Valentine; Lancme LAbsolu
Rouge (R365) Caprice

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

111

COSMO | Report Back

MANI
FIQUE!

Nail art was the


centre of attention
at the COSMO
Polished workshops
in Johannesburg
and Cape Town

Keen to nd out
everything about the
latest manis and pedis,
excited readers joined
COSMOs Polished
workshops, sponsored
by Revlon, at the Protea
Hotel Fire & Ice Melrose
Arch and African Pride
15 on Orange hotel in
Cape Town. Aer a fab
champagne breakfast,
leading nail artist Chi
Chi introduced the girls
to three of this seasons

biggest trends: ombre


manis, one-stroke
application and the
awesomeness of the
striping brush. A team
of Revlon technicians
then helped participants
create their own unique
nail art, which was
captured by the Mani
Cam and at the end
of a fun-lled morning,
everyone le with goodie
bags to try what theyd
learnt at home.

SPECIAL THANKS TO

VISIT

TO SEE ALL
THE PICS!

CLOCKWISE
FROM TOP LEFT
Gina Bolani and Akhona Tsube;
delicious treats at the Chic
Sugar candy station; the COSMO
mani cam; nail art in progress;
nail guru Chi Chi demonstrates
the techniques on a reader;
amazing Revlon goodie bags;
Diana Kekana and Pamela Nyoni

PHOTOGRAPHY CINDY ELLIS, JURIE SENEKAL

1st Impressions for the venue decor,


and Chic Sugar for the candy station,
which was a huge hit.

COSMOPOLITAN.
CO.ZA

Fun, Fearless

Nail Your
Workout
with These
Gymming Undies
Because the wrong ones
can be pure torture
WE HEART HIPSTERS
Superso, stretch-cotton Brazilians sit low
on the legs, oering mid-cheek coverage.
Their best feature is the at, elastic edging
that prevents them riding up and digging
into your skin. (R160, Triumph)

P H O TO G R A P H Y M I C H A E L S V O B O D A/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S
TEXT BRODI DEERE PRICES CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS
STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

BIKINI HEROES
These mid-rise bikini briefs are made
of 95% cotton and ve percent elastine,
and sit low on the hips. No-one will know
youre wearing them! (R89, Cotton On)

SHORTS ROCK
These short briefs are made from an ultracomfortable, seam-free fabric, and have a
100%-cotton gusset lining. The light fabric
ensures you stay cool and dry during your
workout. (R160, Triumph)

Yeah, no,
dont put me down
for cardio

Finding
Peace
Obsessing about weight is so
common, it feels normal. But
how much better would your
life be if you werent beating
yourself up about not being
a size 34? By Susan Hayden

116 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Body Love | Happy Weight

hen Zola
Mlalazi, a
24-year-old
Cape Town
ne-arts
student, wakes up, her rst
thought is not what time her
lecture starts or whether or not
shell be seeing her boyfriend
later. Its what she ate the day
before. If it was a good day
and she stuck to lean protein
and salad, shes happy, and
looks forward to getting on the
scale and being reassured that
her weight is under control. But
if it was a bad day she went
home for supper and couldnt
resist a second helping of
her moms lamb stew with
pot bread, and accepted the
chocolate that was doing
the rounds her hand goes
directly to her thighs, where
shes convinced the extra
kilojoules are already showing.
To the outside world, this talented,
introspective and extremely pretty
young woman has a beautiful body
with curves in all the right places.
For Mlalazi, that body is the focus of
an intense, emotionally exhausting
battle she wages daily, as she ghts
the genes that dictate that, while she
can be strong and well-proportioned,
shell never be skinny.
Sometimes I think if I took all the
energy I use on trying to be thin and
focused it on my art or a good cause,
I could achieve so much more, she
says. But I cant. I cant let go of the
notion that I have to be thinner than
I am. Sometimes I get there and Im
happy, even though Im hungry. Then
I put the weight back on and I hate
myself. Like now.

Body-loathing is rife

Mlalazi is not alone. According to the


SA Body Image Report of 2013, 75% of
women have dieted at some point in life.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Ninety-one percent of women surveyed


at a US college campus had attempted,
at some point, to control their weight
through dieting, while 22% admitted
to dieting often or always. According
to another survey, 81% of girls aged
just 10 are already afraid of being
fat, and more than 50% of teenage
girls skip meals, fast, vomit and/or
take laxatives in order to control
their weight.
If you and/or some of your friends
have been doing just that since high
school, your weight xation isnt
just consuming your energy its
also endangering your life. Eating
disorders have the highest mortality
rate of any mental illness: a sobering
reality that says young women are
in trouble. We have to make friends
with our bodies and give up on ever
reaching the model-perfect ideal. We
need to accept the truth: that very,
very few healthy people look like
that or can ever look like that. Its
an unattainable goal that locks
us into feeling less than and
saps the joy from our lives.
And the irony is as all of us
who have dieted and lost weight
temporarily will know that the
happiness were chasing doesnt
exist in measurements, numbers
or tting into the tiniest jeans,
because the goalposts keep
shifting. We might reach our
ideal weight through starving
ourselves and exercising but
getting there is often a bit of a
letdown. Everything in our life
doesnt miraculously improve once
weve melted our mufn tops away.
As Cape Town clinical psychologist
Jo-Lynne du Randt explains, We
hang on to the erroneous belief
that thin equals happy but thin
equals nothing. Its just thin.
Yet a lot of women have managed
not to get caught up in this madness,
and have learnt to love their bodies
dimples, imperfections, curves and all.

We hang on to the
erroneous belief
that thin equals
happy but thin
equals nothing.
Its just thin
Imagine how much more fun life
would be if, instead of living in
constant dissatisfaction, we could
celebrate the sexiness of a rounded
tummy and the beautifully feminine
curves of womanly hips and a goodsized bum. And how liberating it
would be if, when invited to a special
event, we didnt immediately start
plotting how to drop three kilos,
and feel hungry and deprived so
wed look perfect on the night

Tame your inner troll

It might seem easier said than done


but actually changing the way you
see yourself is less complicated than
you think and it has a lot to do with
what we tell ourselves about who we
are, and that horrible, critical voice
in our head. Next time you step out
of the shower and your mean inner
troll says, Oh man, those are some
big-ass thighs youre carrying
around, actually say this out
loud: No, troll. My thighs are
great. Theyre strong and curvy
and perfect. My thighs are beautiful
because theyre a part of me so
why dont you shut the hell up?
It might feel silly but confronting
the negative voice will actually
start to erode the nasty messages
that feed our dissatisfaction. Its
a simple mental exercise that is
surprisingly effective: say it enough
times and youll start to believe it.
Quite frankly, spending energy
on lamenting a body that doesnt
subscribe to what media images
tell us is perfect is a monumental
waste of time and energy that could
be spent pursuing goals, achieving
amazing things and having fun.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

117

Body Love | Happy Weight

Voluptuous is sexy

Helen Goldberg, a personal trainer


at Virgin Active in Cape Town, has
some insight into what guys go for
in a woman. Women are trying to
get their body fat as low as possible
but its the voluptuous girls that male
clients nd sexy, she reports. They
look at the women with curves.
Just because models wear couture
well doesnt mean that aesthetic
is the most appealing or that they
look the best naked. Everyone is built
differently. Imagine a world where all
women were the same shape and
size how boring that would be!
We need to forget about what
the scale says and focus
on being t, healthy and
happy in our own skin.

Another trick is to stop buying


clothes in a smaller size for when
you lose the ve kilos, or keeping
the clothes you bought for that holiday
in Ibiza when you starved yourself to
skinniness and which you havent
been able to wear since. Every time
you see them youre internalising
a negative message about yourself
that youre fat, lazy and have no
self-control, which is not the truth
about who you are.
You need to remember that
what you see in the mirror is largely
determined by your mood, attitude,
beliefs and state of happiness or
unhappiness on any given day, says
Du Randt. In other words, its not a
reection of the truth but an image
distorted by our mind and thoughts.
If you want to achieve thinner
peace, a very good exercise is to
make a list of things other people
say or have said about you and put
it somewhere you can see it every
day: nice things, acknowledgements
of your strengths and
competencies, and
compliments on your
looks because that
is who you really are.

Youre not a number or a measurement


or a stomach that refuses to be concave,
but a multidimensional, unique human
being with a lot of good stuff to offer.
Be realistic about the body you
have, says Goldberg. Stay healthy,
active and t but dont chase an
aesthetic that is impossible or very
difcult to achieve. Youre just setting
yourself up for failure, and for what?
Give the too-small clothes away;
tell yourself you dont need to be
the thinnest youve ever been, and
that youre not interested in all the
hard work that goes into getting
there or the inevitable self-loathing
you feel when you regain the weight.
Make a decision today, and stick to it.
It really is as simple as that.

Stay healthy, active


and t but dont
chase an aesthetic
that is impossible
or very difcult
to achieve

PHOTOGRAPHY INPRA

We know that only about ve percent


of women have the body type that
some of the media posits as normal
the Barbie ideal of 1,76m in height
and 58kg in weight. The average height
for a woman is 1,67m and she weighs
closer to 70kg. That means 95% of
women are not particularly tall, and
theyre certainly curvy. And thats
exactly how most men like them!

You cant stop


my happiness, cause
I like the way I am!

118 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

THESE CELEBS HAVE MADE PEACE WITH THEIR BODIES  SHOULDNT


YOU? SEARCH CELEBS BODY ZEN AT COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

Body Love | Fertility

8 REASONS
TO PUT YOUR
EGGS ON ICE
A baby may be the last thing on your
mind right now but heres why you
should freeze your eggs soon
Even though youre more in career-girl or
party mode, heres what you need to know
if you ever want to be a yummy mummy.

1 Age matters

It doesnt seem realistic but fertility specialists say


25 is the ideal age to have children. Since most of us are
busy doing other things then, keeping your eggs on ice
means they stay 25 while you dont. This means the best
chance of having a healthy baby when youre nally ready.

Eggs in a basket

When you get your


eggs frozen, between 13
and 20 will be harvested.
Not every egg is a
guaranteed baby but
your frozen eggs stand
more of a chance than
you hoping you will fall
pregnant later. Thirty
years ago the rst testtube baby was born
under my leadership,
says Kruger. The
potential is there
but we now know
that its only one or
two in the batch that
can become a baby.

120 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Perfect doesnt
just fall into place

Fertility specialists say that


most women spend a large
part of their child-bearing
years either waiting for
Mr Right or climbing the
career ladder. There may
never come a time when
everything is perfect, so
if you can start a family
now, do it! If not, consider
freezing your eggs.

6 But not so fast

5 Mathematics

Its not always that


you cant get pregnant
when youre older
but you will have more
chromosome-decient
eggs. Twenty-ve-year-olds
can also have chromosomedecient eggs but they dont
have to wait as long for the
ones that are baby-ready.
If theres something wrong
with your eggs, nows the
time to know.

It costs about R25000 to freeze your eggs, so you may


need to do some saving rst. Isnt this a good time to cut
down on the weaves and the three-times-a-day coffee?

7 Reality check

You shouldnt feel


bad that you have other
plans for your life right
now. No-one is judging
you. But know that youre
not invincible and neither
are your eggs.

the
8 Beat
biological clock

If you know you want


children, even if you
think its in the distant
future, it helps to prepare
yourself for possible
hurdles along the way.
As time goes on, it gets
harder, not easier. There
is no expiry date on how
long you can freeze your
eggs, so your option of
having a healthy baby
that is biologically yours
becomes open-ended.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

PHOTOGRAPHY DONNA TROPE TEXT ZAMA NKOSI

By the time youre ready to have a baby, it may be too late.


Some young women dont have a Mr Right, and we suggest
they freeze their eggs at 25. When you get to about 35, you
have to seriously consider it, says Thinus Kruger, a fertility
specialist at Life Vincent Pallotti Hospital. I worked with
someone who is 43 and has met a nice guy but her eggs
are old. Were now falling back on the eggs that were frozen.

2 What are the odds?

s
y
a
w
l
A
s

t
I
When

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s
a
h
re
u
lt
u
c
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Coe
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c
c
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t
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b

r
le
coo
s of Joe are tuorn
p
u
c
e
s
o
th
,
k
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n
ju
n
w
lo
b
ll
fu
us into
y Glynis Hornin
B
?
d
re
e
th
o
b
e
b
you

Body Love | Health Report

PHOTOGRAPHY NICK ONKEN, JEFFREY WESTBROOK/STUDIO D, GETTY IMAGES

So are we
heroin-hooked?

Making a mountain
out of a macchiato

Maryke Page, a counselling


psychologist at Riverview
Manor clinic in KwaZuluNatal, explains that true
addiction is characterised
by habitual use, a craving
for constantly increasing
doses to receive the same
kick, and well-dened
physiological symptoms
of withdrawal. And, says
Carpenter, most coffee
users do have set habits
of consumption: a coffee
rst thing in the morning
or a caffeine x to get them
over the 3pm slump. They
also experience withdrawal
symptoms (sometimes after
just a nights sleep).
But not all researchers
agree that this adds up
to hard-drug addiction.
Neurochemist Astrid
Nehlig, author of Coffee,
Tea, Chocolate And The
Brain, says regular caffeine
consumers dont need to
drink more for the same
buzz, and that moderate
caffeine consumption (three
to four cups a day) has low
addictive potential. The
structures of addiction and
reward are not sensitive to
low and moderate amounts
of coffee and caffeine, and
are only activated after high
doses of caffeine, she says.

Should you be wary of


caffeine? It depends, says
Carpenter. Pregnant women
should have no more than
two cups a day heavy
consumption may increase
risks of miscarriage or lowweight babies. People with
anxiety disorders should
also limit consumption,
says Page. But most coffee
drinkers are moderate
users, and while drinking
more may be ne for one
person, it can send another
into overdrive, causing
nervousness, irritability,
muscle twitches, tremors
or insomnia. This rests on
a number of factors, from
your genetic disposition
to metabolise caffeine, to
your size and whether you
smoke or take medication.

FOR INFO ON DECAF AND HOW TO CUT BACK, GO TO


COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA AND SEARCH COFFEEADDICT HELP

Women on birth control


metabolise caffeine twice
as slowly as those who are
not, getting double the jolt
from the same cup of coffee,
says Carpenter.
Some fears around coffee
appear groundless. In a
Danish review of research
about coffee and disease,
Kjeld Hermansen of the
Department of Clinical
Medicine at Aarhus
University said that we
needed to debunk some
of the myths around coffee.

Beans with benets


If youre a moderate coffee
consumer, those four cups
a day are actually good for
you, says the Aarhus report.
Carpenter conrms this.
By triggering the release
of dopamine, caffeine can
up alertness and make you
more productive, physically
and mentally. Its been
shown to increase athletic
performance during both
prolonged endurance
exercise and short-term
intense exercise, according
to the American College
of Sports Medicine, as
well as produce improved
cognitive performance.

eine
canCaimprove

he most widely-used drug


today is a white powder
but its not heroin and its
not sugar. Its methylated
xanthine, or caffeine, and
it carries no social stigma
its actually encouraged,
caf culture celebrated in trendy
coffee bars, barista competitions and tastings.
But US journalist Murray Carpenter, author of
Caffeinated: How Our Daily Habit Helps, Hurts
And Hooks Us, says this freely available and
largely unregulated drug is genuinely addictive.

mood, at least
temporarily

CUT
BACK TO

THREE
CUPS

BECAUSE

more than this can


cause heartburn,
irritate stomach ulcers
and have long-term
negative health eects.
Most common is a rise
in blood pressure,
associated with a
raised risk of stroke
and cerebrovascular
disease. Studies
suggest that drinking
more than three cups
a day may increase
calcium excretion in
urine, speeding up bone
loss as you get older
and putting you at risk
of osteoporosis.

It can also improve mood,


at least temporarily, says
Carpenter. And evidence
is mounting that coffee can
help combat a number of
diseases. One recent study
found women who drank
coffee had a slightly lower
risk of stroke; another that
a cup a day may promote
eye health by keeping
retinal damage at bay.
But moderation is key.
The most positive effect is
achieved by drinking three
to four cups a day, says
Carpenter. We dont know
about the effects of very
large quantities of coffee.
Too much can be lethal
but youd have to down
about 16 large cups.
People vary in sensitivity,
so those prone to addiction
will feel the effects of
caffeine more, says Page.
You need to get a sense
of whats right for you.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

123

Body Love | Body News

Do you think your weekly cocktails


arent doing you any harm? The Drink
Smarter Foundation has released an
app showing you exactly what alcohol
is doing to your body, and how you
might look in 10 years time if you
drink too much and dont slow down.
Download it at Drinksmarter.org.

Do You Really Need an Antibiotic?


If you ask your doctor for a prescription every time you
start sneezing, its time to change your ways. Recent studies
have shown that antibiotic-resistant superbugs pose a greater
threat to the world than global warming and yes, every
time you pop a pill, youre contributing to the problem.
The answer? Try not to use an antibiotic
unless you really need one. If you
have a cold or u, try to work
it out of your system with
plenty of uids, rest and
over-the-counter
medication
to relieve
symptoms.

Will AntiBacterial
Body Wash
Help
Prevent
STIs?

Denitely not.
These soaps
work no better
than plain soap
and water when it
comes to removing
bacteria or
preventing disease
transmission 
and they might
teach germs to be
antibiotic-resistant,
making crucial
drugs less
eective. Plus,
the most common
way STIs enter the
body is when we
exchange uids
through the mouth,
vagina and anus
during intercourse
places we lather
only supercially,
not inside.
SOURCE JENNIFER ASHTON,
OBSTETRICIAN AND SENIOR
MEDICAL CONTRIBUTOR
AT ABC NEWS

You know that feeling when you have rocks in


your chest and youre not sure how youre going to
make it through the day? Youre not just being dramatic.
According to doctors at Lenox Hill Hospital in the US, a
condition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy can
cause the heart to stop functioning properly
when exposed to too much emotional stress.

124 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O TO G R A P H Y C A I O M E L LO , G E T T Y I M A G E S , C H R I S S T E I N/
G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S T E X T L I S A W I T E P S K I

Appy

Body Love | Food Buzz

Souped-Up
Winter

KNOW
YOUR
PEPPERS

Capsaicin, the compound


that puts the hot in hot peppers,
speeds up metabolism, prevents
headaches and regulates insulin
for appetite control. The hotter
the pepper, the more benets!

PHOTOGRAPHY JON PATERSON/STUDIO D TEXT LISA WITEPSKI

SOURCE MICHELLE DUDASH, AUTHOR OF


CLEAN EATING FOR BUSY FAMILIES

OUT
WITH
THE
OLD
ITS TIME
TO RETHINK
THESE HEALTH
BELIEFS

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

1 POBLANO
Mild and
sweet, this
biggie is
perfect for
stung with
beef and rice,
then roasting.
Its also full of
vitamin A and
potassium.

2 CHIPOTLE
Naturally
smoky, diced
chipotles (fresh
or canned)
make llings
taste magical.
One idea: stir
with black
beans; spoon
onto a tortilla.

JALAPEO
These have
a bright,
fresh taste
and a vitamin
C-packed
kick. Chop
nely and
sprinkle on
sh or stir
into salsa.







OLD THINKING
Its whole grain
all the way.
NEW THINKING
Whole-grain cereal
has many health
benets but it also
contains a lot of
sugar  up to ve
teaspoons, even
more if you add milk.
The best breakfast?

Scrambled eggs,
which are much
lower in sugar
and are high in
protein, so you
stay full for longer.
OLD THINKING
Fresh is best.
NEW THINKING
Yes, fresh is denitely
rst choice if you

HABANERO
Slice these
ery-hot
peppers
very thinly.
Throw a
few pieces
into a stir-fry
with chicken/
beef and
vegetables.

have the time


to prepare it. But
theres certainly
nothing wrong
with choosing
canned options,
such as corn, tuna
and beans, which
not only save you
time but will boost
the bre content
of your meals.

LOOKING FOR A MEAL


THATS HEARTY AND
HEALTHY? SOUPS YOUR
ANSWER. PLUS, YOU
CAN MAKE IT AS SIMPLE
OR SOPHISTICATED AS
YOU LIKE!

Basic recipe
Take six large, ripe tomatoes
and prick them all over before
you add to a pot with a tablespoon
of melted butter. Heat them until
so, then add 350ml of water
and bring to the boil. Throw
in some chopped basil.
To nish o, pass all the
liquid through a sieve.

Give it some
Italian air
Swirl in a spoonful of
mascarpone or crme frache
and a spoon of fresh pesto.
Top with Parmesan shavings.

Make it wholesome
Add chicken breasts, cooked
barley and spinach, and top
with crumbled feta cheese.

Make it savoury
Throw in some bacon bits
and a dash of cream.

Top fresh
ricotta with
cherries, mint,
toasted
pecans,
orange zest
and honey.
SOURCE MARISSA LIPPERT, OWNER OF
NOURISH KITCHEN + TABLE IN NEW YORK

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

125

Body Love | Fitness Buzz

BURN UP T

1 70
Sweat,
swimming,
water bottles
They may be part
of your workout
but they spell
trouble for tness
gadgets. Revive
your tech with
the Bheestie
(about R176 from
Amazon.com),
a porous
pouch lled
with pellets
that suck out
moisture in less
than 24 hours.

The cannonball-like lower half looks wonky but thats


the key to its awesomeness: you use extra muscles
(and burn extra kilojoules) as you li and lower it.
Start with 8kg, then try this basic head-to-toe move:
stand over the kettlebell with feet hip-width apart.
Bend from your waist, back at, and grab handle.
Straighten and li it until elbows are at shoulder height.
Now tap the kettlebell on the oor. Repeat 10 times.

GET
APPTIVE
WHO NEEDS
A PERSONAL
TRAINER WHEN
YOU HAVE TECH
ON YOUR SIDE?
DOWNLOAD
THESE APPS:

Pocket WOD
Perfect
for CrossFit
enthusiasts  keep
inspired with
new workouts
every day.

SOURCE JAMES EICHAS, TRAINER AT EXCEED PHYSICAL CULTURE IN NEW YORK

IF YOU LOVE
PILATES

IF YOU LOVE
WEIGHTS

IF YOU LOVE
YOGA

TRY Ballet

TRY TRX
suspension
training
WHY It combines
the force of
gravity with
your own body
weight to give
you lean muscles.
WHERE Active
Life, Cape Town;
Activeplus.co.za

TRY Aerial yoga

Endomondo
Sports Tracker
Think of this
as the Facebook
of tness apps,
recording your
workout stats
and sharing them
with your chosen
community.

WHY Youll enjoy


trying poses while
suspended in the
air by a swing. Its
great for upperbody strength.
WHERE Nouveau
Dance Studio,
Durban;
Nouveaudance.
co.za

Fitness Pro
Contains more
than 1 500 moves,
allowing you to
create your own
personalised
workout.

Take It to the Next Level


BORED WITH YOUR USUAL ROUTINE? GIVE IT A TWIST WITH
THESE FRESH TAKES ON OLD FAVOURITES

WHY It promises

the toning of the


ballet barre
with Pilates
strengthening
moves, and
some cardio
thrown in too.
WHERE En-Core
in Joburg;
En-core.co.za

126 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O TO G R A P H Y B E N G O L D S T E I N/S T U D I O D , T I M PA N N E L L/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S T E X T L I Z P LO S S E R ,


GABRIELLE HURWITZ AND LISA WITEPSKI PRICE CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS

Quick
Tip

THE
CASE
FOR
KETTLEBELLS

KILOJOULES
IN 20 MINUTES

Welcome to Our

STEP INTO OUR WORLD


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LOVE AND LIFE FIX.

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Mangwanani is an African
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with the spas own range of ecofriendly
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Its Womens Month, so


round up your besties
and indulge in a weekend
away. Especially one that
has a freebie in it for you!

he year is not young


any more and you deserve
a weekend away. Whether
you make it a girls weekend or
a romantic one, Protea Hotels
and COSMO are helping you
get a well-deserved break. If you
book one nights accommodation
at any one of the six participating
Protea Hotels and African Pride
Hotels across South Africa, the
second night is on them! Thats
enough to make Womens
Month a win.
Protea Hotels has been in
the hotel game for a long time.
With 116 hotels in seven countries,

theres one to suit whatever


your tastes are. Whether youre
looking for a small country hotel
in the Eastern or Northern Cape,
a seaside resort on the coast,
a mountain retreat in the
Free State, a safari lodge
in Mpumalanga or a luxury
getaway, youll find a hotel
thats perfect for you. As of
April 2014, Protea Hotels forms
part of Marriotts global brand
portfolio, which is made up of
18 brands that operate more than
4000 hotels in 79 countries.
For more information on Protea
Hotels, visit Proteahotels.com.

HOW TO GET IN ON THIS OFFER

Visit Proteahotels.com/cosmo and follow


the booking links, or call 0861119000 and
request the COSMO get one night on us offer.
 TERMS AND CONDITIONS 

!(+*(52(% 0,.0%%,0%*#$+0!(/
0!/2.5,!.$+0!(* .!/! +*0$!/05*
pay one night, and get the next night on us offer.
(% ".+)1#1/00+!,0!)!.
(% "+..% 501. 5* 1* 5*%#$0/+*(5
except at African Pride Mount Grace Country
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to Thursday only.
+-1(%"5"+.0$%//,!%(+""!.03+*%#$0/05
is required.
1((,.!,5)!*0.!-1%.! * *+*!((0%+*/
or refunds allowed.
1&!00+2%(%(%05+".++)/%*0$%/,.%!.*#!

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Using a foundation brush, apply
a matte-finish liquid foundation
for a flawless finish. Blend away
brush marks with light strokes.
NYX Stay Matte But Not Flat
Liquid Foundation (R150)

2
Apply loose powder
to set the foundation
and eliminate shine.
NYX Loose Powder (R200)

4
Apply a soft brown eyeliner to
the top lash line and the outer
corner of the bottom lash line.
NYX Collection Noir Liner
(R110) Powder Brown

Start with a champagne


eye shadow, applying
it in the inner corner
of each eye. Next, use
a warm brown shade
in the outer half of the
crease, blending outwards.
Use a cream shade as
a highlighter under
the browbones and
along cheekbones.
NYX Love In Paris Eye
Shadow Palette (R180)
Madeleines And Macaroons

NYX Slide On Pencil


(R110) Pure White; NYX
Boudoir Collection Mascara
(R135) Pin-Up Tease

6
Line lips with a lipliner and fill
in with a matte-finish lipstick
to complete the look.
NYX Slim Lip Pencil (R62,95)
Pinky; NYX Soft Matte Lip
Cream (R110) Addis Ababa

5
P H OTO G R A P H Y C O F F E E & M I L K / G E T T Y I M AG E S / G A L L O I M AG E S

To open up the eyes, line


the waterline with a white
eye pencil, then add a coat
of black mascara.

Fun, Fearless

WINTER
HOMEFROM
HOMES
FOR YOU AND
YOUR HOMIES

Make the most of these


awesome restaurants
BFFs and long sessions
mandatory, replaces
included, red wine optional
JOHANNESBURG
Casalinga Ristorante Italiano: Youll
fall in love with this country-style bistros
warm atmosphere and Mediterraneaninspired cuisine. Casalinga.co.za
Burnside Cafe: We love the weekend
brunch options at this eatery situated
inside an old-fashioned house (anyone
for cinnamon French toast with
mascarpone gs?). Check out the
on-site art gallery, too. Burnsides.co.za

P H O TO G R A P H Y U W E K R E J C I/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S

CAPE TOWN
Harbour House (Kalk Bay):
Watching the waves crash against
the rocks, indulging in a seafood platter
and a glass of bubbly bet your duvet
doesnt still seem like a good option!
Harbourhouse.co.za
96 Winery Road: Ever dreamt of
living on a wine farm? Mountain views,
seasonal local cuisine, delicious wine
count us in! 96wineryroad.co.za

DURBAN
Giorgios at The View: Apart from
a gorgeous view of the sea, its the
glamorous decor that gets us. Go on
Saturday nights for gourmet pizza
evenings. Hoteltheview.com
Sapore: This cosy spot in the
Midlands is known for its delicious
Italian comfort food. Sapore.co.za

Life Hacks | Live It Up!

OSMOTISE
UR MONTH
WE FIND THE LATEST AWESOMENESS FOR YOU
GET OVER
THE EX

Molalacompany.com
prides itself on
creating exclusive,
he-tox content for
intelligent and happy
girls, and describes
itself as the go-to
source for insightful
and unique tips to help
you or your loved one.
Our fave is the 21-item
Redemption hamper,
which comes with a
wicked ex-boyfriend
voodoo doll!

#CUTHERE
UNDERGROUND
DINNERS
R380 sounds like a lot
to fork out upfront but
The Forums infamous
Turbine Hall dinners
are worth every cent.
That gets you a threecourse dinner, a welcome
cocktail and live music
at one of Jozis oldest
and coolest buildings.
Theforum.co.za

POP
EYES

sING THE
LADIES

WHAT WILL
YOU BE DOING
ON THE 9TH
FOR NATIONAL
WOMENS
DAY?

132 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Eylures new
lash range
can give your
lashes extra
spike, volume or
length, depending
on your mood.
Available from
R58,95 at DisChem and Clicks
stores nationwide.

BFFs FOREVER

Spend the day with your


bestie. The rst Sunday of
August is Friendship Day!

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

PHOTOGRAPHY BEN GOLDSTEIN/STUDIO D, J MUCKLE/STUDIO D, SBASTIEN ROHNER, REX FEATURES,


J A M E S A G U I L L I A M/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , C A I A I M A G E/PA U L B R A D B U R Y/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO
I M A G E S , G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S T E X T L A U R A T W I G G S A N D Z A M A N K O S I P R I C E S C O R R E C T
AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS STOCKISTS ON PAGE 141

%'0*!031&
ALERT!
Amanda Seyfried
plays 70s porn star
and icon Linda Lovelace
in Lovelace. Grab your
besties, some tissues
and your imaginary
superhero suit
this ones not for
the faint-hearted!

FASHION FIX

Nowfashion.com is a
live-streaming fashionphotography site.
It showcases the
worlds most
important runway
shows, and theres
also a range of
photo galleries.
But the real win
is creating your
own fashion board.

CUTENESS
OVERDRIVE

Get even more


obsessed with little
u y bundles of
Aww! Add yummy,
gorgeous-looking
chocolates and,
well, were totally
FIN-ISHED!

Canon is giving away a PowerShot N camera


worth R3 595 for the most-liked festival sele
every month until 12 October 2014, and an EOS
100D for the best image of the year. Go to our
Facebook page and nd the COSMO Festivals
app, upload your pictures and get your friends
to like them. Your next sele could be taken
with a brand-new Canon!

EPIC
HANDSET

The new LG
G Flex is curved
to suit the shape
of your face
no more What
did you say?
Plus, its got a
self-healing
cover, so no
matter how
many times you
drop it, there
FEST
are far fewer
QUEST
scratches and
Oppikoppi, 7 to 9
nicks.
Can you
August. Need we say
say, I want?
more? Facebook.com/
oppikoppifestival

GET YOUR
WHITESOLED
SHOE GROOVE ON!
COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

30*#1/3#
#1/3#

TITBIT FRIDAYS AT
CAPE TOWNS
ORPHANAGE
COCKTAIL
EMPORIUM GET
THE WEEKEND
OFF TO A
DELICIOUSLY
DECADENT START.
227 BREE STREET,
CAPE TOWN

YO NEW
JAM
Weight Of Love
o The Black Keys
latest album Turn
Blue demands
a download.
Seriously, break out
that iTunes voucher
now. R89,99 (for
album) at iTunes.

IAN PERES OF
WOLFMOTHER

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

133

Life Hacks | Kick Butt!

Sk ls
to Roll
Solo

a
It seems Rihann
d
re
te
hasnt mas
g
the art of openin
t
ye
es
ttl
bo

1Wire a plug

If youre still waiting for someone


to hook up your electric blanket, heres
what you need to know: the green-andyellow wire is the earth wire and must
always be inserted into the top pin;
the blue wire (the neutral one) goes
into the left pin (marked N); and
the brown wire (the live one) goes
into the pin on the right (marked L).

2Change a tyre

Prepare to get your hands dirty.


First, place the jack underneath
the cars body and raise it until it
is just supporting the car. Remove
the hubcap and loosen the nuts.
Now turn the jack so the car lifts
off the ground when youre done.
Remove the damaged tyre and
replace it with the spare, tightening
all the nuts with your hands. Finally,
lower the car and remove the jack,
tighten nuts with a wheel spanner
and replace the hubcap.

3Hang a picture

For this, you need to know


your hardware. A Hilti tool is best

134 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

Its good to
know
at least

one key selfdefence move

just decide how high you want


the picture, turn the picture over
and pull the centre of the string
up. Measure the distance between
the top of the pic and the highest
point of the string. Mark where
you want the top of the picture
to be then measure the distance
down from that. Take aim and
hammer. (The harder the wall/
surface, the shorter the Hilti
nail and dont forget its cap.)

a basic
4 Know
self-defence move

Self-defence expert Sanette Smit


says that when youre in danger,
anything from your deodorant
spray to your credit card can be
used to protect yourself. All the
same, its good to know one key
move, such as how to throw a punch.

Keep your thumb on the outside


of your st. Keep your wrist straight
and, standing with your dominant foot
behind you, swing your entire weight
into the punch.

5 Catch a spider

Instead of automatically
reaching for the insect spray,
try this: clamp a glass over it,
slide a piece of paper underneath,
then move to the nearest window
and throw the paper away. Far,
far away.

a bottle
6Open
of champagne

You never know when youll


have something to celebrate,
so be ready to bring on the
bubbles. Remove the foil wrap
from the cork, grasp the bottle
in your dominant hand and,
resting it against your hip, start
to work the cork out by moving it
from side to side. When the corks
almost out, slow down and aim
the bottle away from you, then
slide it out.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S T E X T L I S A W I T E P S K I

Empower yourself with


these mean moves

Life Hacks | Screen Scene

New Girl

Girls

Downton Abbey

Did you get heart palpitations aer the Game


Of Thrones season-four nale? Do you think
trolls who spread House Of Cards spoilers
deserve a bullet? If so, youre suering from
the same thing as I am By Laura Twiggs

Game Of Thrones

Breaking Bad

Orange Is The
New Black

come
toCharacters
feel like friends
because theyre
in our homes for
long stretches

So while we might indeed feel


bereft about Game Of Thrones
only coming next year, or out
on a limb after The Blacklists
cliffhanger, thats the new normal.
The appeal of series marathons
is obvious: there are no ads; we get
far more immersed in the narrative
when we can continue the story;
nuances and complexities are more
pronounced because context isnt
broken; theres a sense of deepening
connection with characters who come
to feel like friends because theyre in
our homes for long stretches; and
being able to watch on demand
puts us in control.
And I think I have bigger, more
immediate things to worry about.
Like, for example, is the recent
murmur about Vodacom-Netix
talks to bring 24/7, on-demand
series streaming to South Africa
a hoax? And, more importantly:
will True Detective and Black Sails
live up to their hype? Because the
best way to get over a bout of series
withdrawal is to get into a new one
and Im getting both tomorrow.

If you can
to
their TV shows, you may have Series Syndrome
1 Its gonna be legen
wait for it dary!
2 Winter is coming
3 Its already in the glass, not in the jar
4 Youre still in the game, Saul
5 Cocksucker
6 What is a weekend?
7 The crackcident
8 Skadoosh
9 Its happening
10 Cursed by Odin
11 Thats the last time well
have to kill anyone
12 And so the penguin says
13 Innity [as a password]
14 Damn it! Were running out of time!
15 McAnything you can McThinkof

A Vikings
B Greys Anatomy
C 24
D Downton Abbey
E Homeland
F Deadwood
G Justied
H Girls
I Orange Is The New Black
J New Girl
K Breaking Bad
L Glee
M Revenge
N How I Met Your Mother
O Game Of Thrones

1-N 2-0 3-G 4-E 5-F 6-D 7-H 8-L 9-J 10-A 11-K 12-I 13-M 14-C 15-B

PHOTOGRAPHY INPRA, REX FEATURES

list of services, series marathons


are so reassuringly common that
no-ones setting up a dedicated
rehab facility just yet. Leaders in
the new eld of neurocinematics
(the study of how TV and lm
interact with the brain) say were
actually hard-wired to binge-watch
because we become glued to
complex, emotionally charged
stories because of our ability to
recognise the feelings of others.
Plus, a recent Netix study reports
that 61% of respondents claim to
binge-watch regularly, 76% say
bingeing is a welcome refuge
from their busy lives, and nearly
eight in 10 far prefer binge-watching
series to tuning in for single episodes.

y life feels empty.


There are plenty of
ways I could spend
my time, and just
last week Id have
loved them. But
all that changed
at 3.25am on Sunday morning. Since
then, I have not known what to do
with myself. At home after work, Im
at a loss. For almost a week, nothing
not the book I nally got my hands
on, not a date with my long-standing
crush, not even my funniest friend on
top form over drinks has been able
to hold my attention, let alone engage
me. Because at 3.25am on Sunday
morning, after 10 solid hours of being
glued to the screen, I reached the end
of Vikings season two. A minute later
I learnt via Google that Ill have to
wait a full efng year for season three.
I also learnt about something called
Series Syndrome, which I thought
was hilarious. But I stopped LOL-ing
the minute I realised its no joke: there
are even some earnest and learned
extremists who talk about seriesbingeing in the same breath
as addiction and junkies.
It was a turning point. Id joked
about hanging for my next Homeland
hit or Downton Abbey x but it had
never occurred to me that I might have
a problem, let alone a syndrome. Now
I was discovering that experts such
as Carrie Steckl (Mentalhelp.net)
say serial series binges might be
detrimental and could come with
questionable consequences. That
other psychologists want Seasonal
Finale Disorder to be ofcially
recognised. And that a recent study
found binge-watchers to be far more
anxious and stressed in unstructured/
unplanned situations (waiting in line,
for example), have shorter attention
spans, suffer a loss of self-restraint,
and exhibit documented withdrawal
symptoms (like increased irritability)
after missing a viewing session
(none of which I nd myself able
to argue with).
But while theres a crop of
counsellors (in the US) more than
happy to add binge-watching
and series comedown to their

DO YOU THINK SERIES SYNDROME IS FOR REAL? TELL US


YOUR SYMPTOMS ON TWITTER @COSMOPOLITANSA #SSS

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

137

FIND YOUR

DREAM WHEELS
WITH SAS NEW CAR SEARCH TOOL FOR WOMEN
Are you a city slicker looking
for a stylish run-around? Part of an
active couple looking for a funky SUV?
A lift-club mom looking for a practical
MPV thats big enough for teenagers,
school bags and sports equipment?
ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR YOUR
NEXT PERFECT RIDE, BUT NOT SURE
WHERE TO START?
PHOTOGRAPHY THINKSTOCK

Car Cupid is South Africas unique


new car search tool that answers
the questions
want answered.
After you ll in a quick, simple questionnaire
on you, your motoring needs and your lifestyle,
Car Cupid will plug your answers into its
database of thousands of new cars and
nd you cars that match your criteria.
And our Finance Calculator will tell you
how much your monthly repayments
and expenses will be.

HOW TO FIND YOUR DREAM MACHINE:


ITS AS EASY AS 1, 2, 3, 4!

1 Go to Womenonwheels.co.za,
where youll nd Car Cupid.
2 Fill in the simple questionnaire
this will help us get to know you.
3 Register on Car Cupid. (This will
automatically make you eligible to
win prizes to the value of R10000.)
4 Receive your top matches, and
plug your favourite models into
the Finance Calculator.
= LOVE at rst sight!
Its easier than nding a man!

YOUR
IS OUT THERE.

GO TO WOMENONWHEELS.CO.ZA
AND FALL IN LOVE!

A YEAR OF

CHAUFFEUR RIDES
WORTH A TOTAL OF

To celebrate the launch of Car Cupid, WOWs


brand-new car search tool, Uber is giving 15 lucky
WOW readers the chance to WIN free Uber rides
IRURQH\HDUYDOXHGDW5HDFKSHUPRQWK
Sign up at Uber.com/appXVLQJWKHSURPRWLRQDO
FRGH:2:DQG\RXZLOOJHW5WRZDUGV
\RXUUVWULGHHYHQLI\RXGRQWZLQ

OGILVY CAPE TOWN 67677/E

Smart to casual
in 18 seconds.
The new Audi A3 Cabriolet. Starting from R 419 500.
The new Audi A3 Cabriolet has been elegantly engineered from the top down, combining the exhilaration of open top driving
with the sportiness of a coupe. Its graceful curves and bold Tornado line command attention at any speed, while the choice
of engines provide uncompromising power and eciency. And with an automatic hood that retracts in 18 seconds while
travelling up to 50 km/h, you can enjoy a more rewarding drive, whatever the weather.
Visit www.audi.co.za for more information or to book a test drive.
*Vehicle shown may be tted with optional equipment not available in South Africa.

COSMO | Astrology

LEO

24 JULY 23 AUGUST
Find out what the stars have in store
for you this month
BY DENISE CAPEL
Megan Good 8 August

Jennifer Lawrence 15 August

BIRTHDAY
GIRLS

This will be
one of your
best months
of the year but
be careful and
watch your diet
a busy social
life equals too
much good food
and drink. New
love opportunities
abound for the
singles. Youre
nally reaching
your career
ambitions and
your nances are
at a yearly high.
Dont over-spend!

VIRGO
24 August 23 September
Anna Kendrick 9 August
Mila Kunis 14 August

Focus on what you want


now. From the 23rd, your
independent spirit comes
into play. Finances look
good then, too. The more
loving support you give
your boyfriend, the better
your sex life will be.

LIBRA
23 September 22 October

The contacts you make


now will help you make
that perfect career move
and achieve your nancial
goals. Your boyfriend should
also be your best friend. An
exciting adventure together
will boost his libido.

140 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

SCORPIO
24 October 22 November

Your friends and colleagues


are supportive of your career
success but dont forget to
rest and relax too, as your
health is still giving a few
problems. Getting angry
when driving is not an
option keep your cool.

SAGITTARIUS
23 November 22 December

This month is Sagittarian


heaven: travelling, partying,
learning... Its expensive,
though, so keep an eye on
your savings. Your nancial
prospects improve after the
23rd but your love life gets
more stressful. Enjoy it now!

CAPRICORN
N
23 December 20 January
Joint ventures, partnerships
and mixing with successful
people can really transform
your life. Detox not just your
body but your whole life to
keep your health on track
throw out everything that
is no longer working for you.

AQUARIUS
21 January 19 February

Flirting will spice up your


social life but dont upset
your BF! Your cooperative
spirit will help you achieve
your career goals but your
money planet is still
retrograde so dont expect
instant nancial success.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

COSMO | Stockists
PISCES
20 February 20 March

A detox will boost your


immune system your
health will be delicate later
this month and youll need
more rest. Make your work
space more efcient, relaxing
and welcoming. A new love
interest is possible.

ARIES
21 March 20 April

This is an inspired and


fun-lled month. Sharpen
your social skills tact and
diplomacy will help you get
everything you want. Just
watch what you eat and drink
you dont want to spend
the next month on a diet!

TAURUS
21 April 21 May

P H O TO G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S , W I R E I M A G E/G E T T Y I M A G E S/G A L LO I M A G E S

Balance is needed if youre


to keep your boyfriend and
family happy and youre
spending too much time
at work. Have a talk with
everyone to calm things
down. A few sexy moves
will sort out your love life!

GEMINI
22 May 21 June

Be ready to share your


innovative ideas with
everyone. Investigate
the latest technology,
from cars to computers
and iPads. Dont let your
anger levels get out of
hand, and keep love playful.

CANCER
22 June 23 July

STOCKISTS

Youre in nancial heaven,


so why not spend more on
having fun especially since
youve had some tough times?
Take time out for yourself
be creative and socialise
with friends, and your
health will improve too.

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA

The LEO Man


Andrew Gareld 20 August

Mr Leo is very moralistic


and judgmental, enjoying
being King of the Jungle.
Encourage it if you want
to keep him sweet. Itll
guarantee you get all
his love and attention.

WHAT HE'S IN THE


MOOD FOR THIS MONTH
VIRGO Hell want to spend time
alone not to avoid you but to
think about his achievements
and what still needs to be done.
LIBRA He wants to network to
take his career up a few notches
and needs an intelligent,
beautiful, charming partner
SCORPIO He probably wont
realise hes bringing his obsession
with success to bed too. How
do you measure up?
SAGITTARIUS He wants to
make you happy and sexually
fullled. Treat him like a Greek
god and youll have it all
CAPRICORN Your Capricorn
man is overloading himself.
Support him as he dashes
between work and friends.
AQUARIUS Hes enjoying a
social whirl but feels guilty if he
doesnt achieve results at work
too. Help him keep the balance.
PISCES He works too hard
and stresses a lot, so nurture
him: encourage him to use his
creative talents and have fun.
ARIES Your Aries is in the
mood for socialising, romance
and physical lovemaking. Be
ready and t, and dress the part!
TAURUS He wants time at
home with you long nights
and days spent in bed, making
slow, sensual love
GEMINI Hell be arranging
meetings, seeing friends,
trying new things, going o on
adventures Can you keep up?
CANCER Tell him how much
you appreciate his nurturing
then take the lead and encourage
his imaginative advances.

A.Y.K 011 325 4110


Accessorize 011 884 4644; 021 425 7701
Akedo 082 491 8244
Albertus Swanepoel 011 268 0989
Aldo 011 884 4141; 021 421 5674
American Swiss H/O 021 938 1911
Black Coee 011 482 9148
Black Key Diamonds 076 562 5057
Blue Bay 021 434 6289
Boogaloos 021 555 2895
Browns The Diamond Store 011 438 7920
Cartier 011 666 2800
Castelo 011 883 8767
Clicks H/O 0860 254 257
Cotton On 011 784 0218; 021 552 0726
Diesel H/O 011 630 4000
Dis-Chem 011 589 2200
E-bag 011 881 5569; www.e-bag.co.za
Edgars H/O 0800 203 925
Fashion Express H/O 021 938 1911
Foschini H/O 021 938 1911
Guess 011 883 8391; 021 421 0110
Henriette Botha www.henriettebotha.co.za
Ida Elsj 021 424 1101
Jet H/O 0860 113 639
Joel Janse van Vuuren 073 772 3059
Klk/CGDT 083 377 7780
Louis Vuitton 011 784 9854; 021 405 9700
Lovisa 011 431 3610; 021 551 1051
Lulu Belle 012 346 6424; 021 418 6263
Luxco 011 448 2210
Luxottica 021 486 6100
Mango 011 783 7907; 021 418 0916
Mari And Me 021 434 5446
Marianne Fassler 011 646 8387

Mr Price H/O 0800 212 535


Nina Jarebrink 011 440 3235
Nine West 011 783 2356; 021 418 7164
Nixon 076 430 6162
Ohoneone www.ohoneone.co.za
Olga 021 419 8016
Pichulik www.pichulik.com
Picot & Moss H/O 011 669 0500
S Bacher & Company 011 372 6020
S Keren Watch Group H/O 021 418 0045
Scotch & Soda 011 784 3233
Sel 072 576 1539
Shana Morland 082 555 1002
Shimansky 021 421 2788
Sissy Boy H/O 021 506 4600
Sterns 021 938 1943
Stuttafords H/O 011 879 1000
Stylemology 087 285 2895;
www.stylemology.com
Suzaan Heyns 011 482 9301
Swatch H/O 011 911 1200
Ted Baker 011 450 1156
Tiger Of Sweden 011 440 3235
Tinsel 011 447 2761
Tommy Hilger 011 630 4000;
021 425 7088
Topshop 011 685 7070;
021 419 5900; 031 583 1333
Triumph 021 521 6700
Truworths H/O 021 460 2300
Woolworths 0860 022 002
YDE H/O 021 460 2500
Zara 011 302 1500;
021 446 8700; 031 536 6440
Zoom H/O 021 510 4707

COMPETITION TERMS & CONDITIONS


COMPETITION TERMS AND CONDITIONS 1. The judges decision is nal and no
correspondence will be entered into. 2. Sta of Associated Media Publishing, JVR
& Associates (Pty) Ltd or Hearst Magazines International, or their subsidiaries and
aliated companies, prize sponsors, advertising agencies and immediate families
may not enter the competition. 3. Winners must reside (live) in South Africa. 4. The
prize is not transferable and may not be converted into cash. 5. All entries must be
submitted in English only. 6. Prize allocation is to be provided in accordance with
the allocated project budget. If any advertiser/aliate with whom JVR & Associates
(Pty) Ltd works in relation to a prize fails or neglects to provide the prize, then it shall
not be exchanged for cash but for a suitable replacement prize, to be determined
and provided at the sole discretion of JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd. 7. If the winner is
under 18 years of age, the legal guardians written consent is required. 8. The winner
consents to his/her name, biographical details and involvement in the competition
being made available to sponsors for publicity and prize-delivery purposes. 9. JVR
& Associates (Pty) Ltd accepts no responsibility for any problems resulting in lost
entries. 10. Winners use the prizes at their own risk. JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd
shall not be liable for any loss, damage, personal injury or death suered or sustained
(including, but not limited to, that arising from any persons negligence, including
gross negligence) in connection with this competition or accepting or using the prize.
11. Entrants will be deemed to have accepted these rules and agreed to be bound
by them when entering. These rules are legal and binding upon entrants. 12. JVR &
Associates (Pty) Ltd reserves the right to cancel, modify or amend the competition
at any time, if deemed necessary in its opinion and if circumstances arise outside
of its control. 13. The winner agrees to be photographed for, and to appear in, JVR
& Associates (Pty) Ltds marketing material or in COSMOPOLITAN magazine if required
by JVR & Associates (Pty) Ltd and Associated Media Publishing in relation to the
competition. 14. The entrant is notied that he/she has a right to decline consenting
to his/her name, biographical details and involvement in the competition being made
available to sponsors in terms of clause 8 above. The entrant further has the right
to decline being photographed for and appearing in a feature in COSMOPOLITAN
or Associated Media Publishings other magazines in terms of clause 13 above.
Should the entrant wish to exercise either or both of these rights, he/she shall
do so by informing us within three days of accepting the terms and conditions, via
e-mail to cosmopolitan@assocmedia.co.za, in which e-mail he/she shall provide
us with particularity of the rights that he/she wishes to exercise. Should he/she
not inform us that he/she intends exercising these rights within the above threeday period, he/she shall be deemed to have consented to clauses 8 and 13 above.

AUGUST 2014 | COSMOPOLITAN

141

COSMO | Inbox

ITS A COSMO WORLD


TWEETS
WE LOVE
@LivibytheSea
I cant believe May
is a thing of the past.
Going to stick @RyanBothas
pic on every page of my COSMO
calendar for the rest of 2014!
@CosmopolitanSA

@LynneRudman
This is how we
roll @valhen10
@CosmopolitanSA @RevlonSA
@NailCandiSA #COSMOPolished

@Jessica_Perrins
@CosmopolitanSA
another great edition.
Sipping cappuccino and paging
through COSMO, willing it not
to end ;) #beauty #fashion

SILLY THINGS
AMERICANS
SAY TO SOUTH
AFRICANS

was a hit on
Cosmopolitan.co.za.
Were guessing
its because most
of us can relate to
being asked questions
such as Is South
Africa the capital
of Africa? and
Do you have a pet
lion? Hopefully our
PSA will mean less
stereotypes being
thrown our way.
Havent seen it yet?
Search Ridiculous
Questions Americans
Ask South Africans at
Cosmopolitan.co.za.

LETTER OF
THE MONTH

My COSMO is
my best friend
from fashion
advice, sex talk,
beauty tricks,
hot guys and
a little humour
to health tips
and serious talks
about life. I want
to say thank you,
COSMO, for
being in my life.
Whenever I need
advice I just pull
out a COSMO
and know what
to do. You focus
on everything that
a woman needs!
Rochelle Lamprecht,
Pretoria

SHOW US YOUR COSMO

The writer of
next months
winning letter will get a
fabulous makeup hamper
from Wet n Wild worth
R2 000. The hamper is
full of all sorts of beauty
goodies, from blush to
cool green eyeliner.

CONGRATS!
Rochelle Lamprecht has won
two Beaucience hampers
worth R1 500 each!

142 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

@mogulreese
2009 to 2014... I'm
a proud COSMO freak.
I cant get through
a month without it!

@PopcornAndPearl
Two-page spread of football
hotties in the June issue of
@CosmopolitanSA. Love it!

@Sexilwe
No night out for me so Im just
gonna chill on my bed, #coee
in hand, with the June issue
of @CosmopolitanSA

@_wa_city
#Mmmhh #COFFEE
#COSMO Have a lovely
evening, my chomas.

SEND YOUR THOUGHTS TO


COSMOPOLITAN@ASSOCMEDIA.CO.ZA

PHOTOGRAPHY INPRA COSMOPOLITAN RESERVES THE RIGHT


TO EDIT LETTERS AND TWEETS FOR CLARITY AND LENGTH

WIN!

COSMO
NEXT MONTH IN

es so
o
h
s
f
o
s
e
g
pa
Pages and have to seal the
sexy we ont miss our
section! D next month.
roundup

PHOTOGRAPHY EDUARDO SVEZIA

Pl u s
for better
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porn
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Quit the
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UPmOEBO

COSMO | Quiz

Does Stress
Make You Bitchy?
Under-pressure personality changes
can be forgiven so long as you dont
morph into Sue Sylvester on steroids

1 Your guy texts you that his sister is coming to town


and asks if she can crash at your place. You text back:
A Great! Whats her favourite nightcap? Ill pick it up!
B Sure. Cleaning date at my place tonight?
C Since clearly Im a hotel, I guess Ill do her laundry too?
2 Your BFFs bachelorette kicks o at a spa. When you
change to go to dinner, you cant nd your necklace. You:
A Leave your number with the spa so they can call if they nd it.
B Skip dinner theres no way you can have fun until you nd it.
C Let it go. Next time, youll leave your jewellery at home.
3 At the end of a beyond-stressful week, youre
ready to treat yourself to a little TLC. So you:
A Hit the town for a wild night.
B Treat yourself to a luxe mani.
C Head straight to the shop for your favourite chocolates.

5 Youve been waiting at your gynaes oce for an hour


when a girl who arrived aer you gets called rst. You:
A Mutter What the e? so the receptionist knows youre angry.
B Cancel your plans for the next couple of hours.
C Ask for another appointment.
SCORING 1 A-0, B-1, C-2 2 A-1, B-2, C-0 3 A-2, B-1, C-0 4 A-0, B-2, C-1 5 A-2, B-0, C-1

The Breakdown
0-3 Points

4-6 Points

7-10 Points

When you keep your stress inside,


youre not nding ways to declutter
your mind, says Amy Przeworski,
assistant professor of psychology at
Cape Western University in the US. So
eventually youll allow your emotions to
explode. The lesson: learn to speak up
when you need something, and reward
yourself when you deserve it.

Youre able to recognise stress as


its building, which means you seek
out solutions before it gets really bad,
says Przeworski. For example, by
asking your boss to help you prioritise
when you take on another task, you
are showing you can handle anything
but know how to ask for help before
you get overwhelmed. Respect to you!

Youre about one meltdown away


from being cast in the next Real
Housewives of wherever. When you
focus on whats causing you stress,
it makes it worse, says Holly Rogers,
coauthor of Mindfulness For The Next
Generation. Instead, come up with
a quick way to make the situation
a little better, and then move on.

DANGEROUSLY CALM

144 COSMOPOLITAN | AUGUST 2014

COOL UNDER PRESSURE

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FOR COSMOS TOP CHILLOUT HACK, GO TO


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4 Your boss asks if you can take over a new project.


Your to-do list is already a mile long. Your response:
A No problem! Anything else I can do?
B Fine. I guess Ill just cancel my evening plans for the week.
C Okay, but can we talk priorities?

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