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DS ae PS ME atheoe ceedye Sub be Sip GR Ss Nya gota gla tl WS gy se aS Britis BE Cu Sd Jl! & Gal sel AAS 22 Sok Cob su j8 Je 4 Ob ne chet pte Bibb Shee Sul WE a8 lal yb hel Sai che guj es Loyd) ob HS hy ped shed eb al gl ees 8 jl obo ly he ped Ceyete Y oud 42S 6b ek ol pt agg gyae Shak Cot eal Dhege 3S dp DBI ay 2 cle! nll 9 Sone bond Khel clay & Sip BE pdt glia dase wleil gation ange gy BIS Ire YA 2 He chy eo geval claly Lake pgs) y 450 L o(lib!) jy Se eB BO GS yee IW 5 Gla Do ay le eon 9 tS, shy BSP oy yy cess Vad ob bie lied of 9145 Cb Jy) Koad cote ol SB Gl 2h GB Sle ab pet shyt Sal ba gl 0 pat 4 Sone SISK eS abe |, Sb aS agLATD o3le penn ese 3T HT gal Bes 22 8T calte test SeD 29dDinner and Dance Ley re SALA SAN MARCO SUNDAY MARCH 22-215 Preston St. Doors Open:at 7:00 PM PUTala ie Tea Cll 9 ZelKec la c1 el #Kids Under 12: $25 PE TiTe-O a aCe LOA) EePAC) 613-292-6181 \\ ct MW Bte aera tar meee Ares Ro iinor ia a at a Searas GT slagad y 0a cgaly dias lyn yS igile ging Line Chad 1 pad @ Las 32 Lana Ja sh 9 SY caked as at sal ¢y9 Ale egies g glad 33 Lana lee 5 6 elit LGU Age) gh Age ld cyl LE jIey hae 6b easy acu! 65d IS tulad 1 pl glo aalitylas sl, of CAE 9 gu po AGU hlpid ol 9 de 1D) ob MS cisiy Goll j) a, AOU lo, (5 opps Sl | (clu gle ade eign sob GBI BN Jon 9, Call os op9 ght ¥ ols 6 ont Llboyy cal eo Jp 4 9, IT pga ot a bans G9 9719, «ihe i Cd SM esl ayia Gigs pb £ dl op eatp i up cull > yp 59, a LS pet gna Uli alae (ti bi, aos Glas lag 60 cumpppin « aig « 49t TT Sala iHigit ob 1 el ily Cuda Clg} eta eds; Gal Jb yl vil a ee Jed ojlend glare Gilg 58 fos lg See al he 935 SRS ie eg ls pty te Seb ig take yada Sy ole Spe sapal cath bl on 9) « OT ps they ols ( cplal ) ugh ve slr le -1 (5) (apt Doe 5 if Mia (pemaue ) ough be (ssl, 9» Lu -P” ( 5,389) cag Or sath, Mia -€ Sil pay dan lee pay pla ih eed oyun yeas a bs Oblpp. oli Olall oF jis copy Gal Oly! gf Men gi Wy aaye SH 9 Gi Hdd aha aly 1, call ep 18 sip Ss 499 1 8 0} 9h cis cpa Gil, ably pia isi Ue I8 ( Ws Jail & La ih ots, |, Gla ote (9, WS) ih ods oh Olan Ss 6 ib gia eg yj Gp db py Old» Gli mas Kal A 9p he Chin OF cau 9, pitt cay pupa 9 Sins, casas Oly Ohm thy MWe, dy fay im eile epi se \wwnwsimorghmagazine.com~ ta So OE 6 fof Loy) 3! dared & 18 9 IOUS y2 Oe lge omy lid IS 5 pdu Ses Grin Hyzlye 789 (east slag® In6IS 43 Cele Cull OS ays (onals ies) ins 29” stom eetnallt StS 56d dans Jess? <8, English, French a ee IMMIGRATION a Bus: (613) 686-3390 €? aeie Celt (647) 391-2995 contactbiacanada@gmai.com = BJ Driving Trainina dab al gS LoS LAG St, 9, lacaly spol glS yo dale dbo VI jl teh a? Tel: 613-266-2620 AMIR (BJ) a PYV-YPP-VPY) : iG Ls Ip bb yas ote Sr pd. oh, Tutoring Services, Oe Math, Physics, Chemistry ts alals Jl 1 & Grade 9 to 12 (613) 807.1833 . rr —_— ==] ~ yo =~ wwwsimorghmagazinecom —s8. “Poisonous pedagogy’ teaches unconscious dys- functional messages. 9. family is like a mobile of interrelated parts and a microcosm of society, its culture and subcultures. To know a society is to know the family structure. 10. There are two reactions (Flight-Fight) and one response (Problem Solving) to the challenge of addiction, codependency and attachment. 11. A functional family has healthy ‘spaces’ between its members. 12. Dysfunctional families teach messages of power- and-control, humiliation, and a sense of hopelessness. PART III 13. Solitude is life-giving; isolation crushes the indi- vidual. 14. Dysfunctional families constellate the feeling of abandonment — albeit often unconsciously — in the child. 15. Unchecked family narcissism leads from one generation to the next. 16. There are unhealthy as well as healthy strategies to family dysfunctions. PARTIV 17. The metaphor of the mustard seed is an excellent example of how growth works. 18. The dynamic of ‘letting go ~ letting come’ is inte- gral to life. 19. Transformation and growth is a dying to old pat- terns and attitudes, 20. New life is a reality worth attaining. PART V 21. _Self-knowledge undergirds all of life in healthy living. 22. Life is a learning journey from ego-centricity (me) to exccentricity (others). 23. We must celebrate the goods of creation, but not inordinately grasp them 24, Work (both personal and business) is the back- bone to shaping meaning in life. 25. Alignment (thinking/IQ) and attunement (rela- tionship/EQ) are partners. ‘May your daily human journey be one filled with, hope and the eagerness for you to become all that you ‘were meant to become. May you continually have the Insight, Courage and Action to make that happen, Michael Mobile: 1 613 898 7733 ENDNOTES It is estimated that we spend 12-14 hours each day in ‘work-related thinking and tasks. If someone is experienc- ing a toxic workplace, such thinking (and feeling) will often take up a person's attention sometimes for up to 20 hours/day. If we take a minimum of 200 working days/ year x 14 hr./day x5 days/week, we end up with 14,000 hours! If we factor in a toxic workplace with 200 working days/year x 20 hr./day x5 days a week, the total is 20,000 hours! We're talking about minimums here! I realize the ‘home’ work is quite valid but my main em- phasis here is on the ‘actual office/workplace. Herbert Applebaum. The Concept of Work: Ancient, Me- dieval, and Modern. Albany, N.Y. State University of New York Press, 1992, p. ix. Dr. Margaret Wheatley. Leadership and the New Science: Learning About Organization from an Orderly Universe. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 1992, 144-45, Moses L. Pava. The Search for Meaning in Organizations: Seven Practical Questions for Ethical Managers. Westport, Conn.: Quorum Books, 1999, pp. 5 \ have taken great liberty with ideas and wish to thank ‘two very dear friends, Dr. Kelly Nemeck and Dr. Marie Coombs, for our discussions on the importance of trans- formation and growth on the human journey. These discussions have been ongoing now for almost 50 years. Their main text from which | have drawn inspiratio Francis Kelly Nemeck and Marie Theresa Coombs. Blessed Night: Recovering from Addiction, Codepend- ency and Attachment Based on the Insights of St. John of the Cross and Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. New York: Alba House, 1991, 184 pages \wwnwsimorghmagazine.comive Geuden Catering & Take-out Available Wednesday-Friday: From 5:00 pm Saturday-Sunday: From 12:00 pm f Follow us on Facebook @ Jasmine Garden Persian Cuisine ee eeto the human condition, to the creation of the human environment, and to the context of human relationships. Such an impact (as the quote above demonstrates) is all the more reason why we need to address the broad topic of dysfunctionality. If dysfunctional family systems occur in 85%-95% of families, and knowing that it’s these same family members who populate our workplaces, the issue of recovery needs to be paramount. | am not making the case that the workplace be a 12-step or therapy environ ment. Rather, 12-step problems are there already by the nature of having employees from dysfunctional families. ‘What is of utmost concern is that when an organization only holds a strict commodity-based and no meaning- based vision as part of its leadership, employees begin to be treated as ‘cogs in the machine,’ as ‘nobodies’ (which is central to dysfunctional family systems) and ‘thus perpetuates the ongoing pain and low self-esteem of its employees. No wonder today (2013) Gallup reports that globally 85% of employees are disengaged, by which they mean that they are not emotionally invested in what they are doing or even being physically destructive of their work environment in the worst case scenarios. In Canada only 24% of employees are engaged in what they work at; in the U.S,, itis 25%! Not even a passing grade for each country! Gallup also estimates that U.S. work: places lose between $350-450 billion each year because of employee disengagement! It’s obvious that we need a new paradigm today for work. Margaret Wheatley writes, “Leadership is always dependent on the context, but the context is estab- lished by the relationships we value.” The relational is, the healing for all recovery. A meaning-based organiza- tion facilitates and supports employees finding meaning in their work. Of course the fit between an employee's search for meaning and the organization’s need for com- modities (products and/or services) must be aligned. Research from emotional intelligence studies has shown that attunement is also needed in addition to alignment. Alignment is an IQ.reality where thinking needs to be present; attunement is an EQ reality where feeling and the relational need to be operative. If the leadership context and fabric is relational, then what I have written about in this 5-Part series needs to be taken into account very seriously in organizations. During the Vietnam War many Americans went to Asia to spend time with gurus. One monk was asked, “What do you tell these Americans when they come with their big expectations of nirvana?” The monk replied, “I tell them to make the teal” The les- son? That inside out is the beginning of enlightenment. Hopefully, with Aristotle's intuition, they will remember that ‘wisdom begins with curiosity’ or asking questions! Dysfunctional families and workplaces maintain the se- recy of the message: “No questions! Just do what you're told!” The noted scientist and paleontologist, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955), described this transformative journey as a dialectic and a discourse between inner and ‘outer, He used the expression “passivities of existence” which included what he called “passivities of diminish- ment” (sickness, suffering, death, etc.) as well as the “passivities of growth” (positive moments in our life even though they cannot last). His word “passivity” did not mean “passive” as we might understand it; rather, it conveyed the sense of “undergoing,” For example, no one bout life itself, i “in charge of” suffering or diminishment (eg. getting older); it happens; no one, but lif itself, is ‘in charge of’ growth (e.g., self-actualization). In both cases (diminishment and growth) it’s what happens to us that is, the energy of transformation. Our task is to recognize this, true sense of ‘passivity’ and to work with it. Otherwise, ‘we will be Jung’s “pigs to the slaughter” Life's "passivities” are major caveats reminding us that we are simply not in charge. We are becoming; we are in via. Reality is a both- and experience and includes both my personal efforts and my openness to undergoing life, that is, allowing life to bring us to wholeness. Taoism has the following: “if you do not perceive sincerity within yourself and yet try to move forth, each movement will miss the mark” (Chuang, ‘Tau 23). Francis of Assisi (c. 1181-1226) told his monks to preach the gospel and if they couldn't, then they should use words! Thus, to summarize key points in our 5-Part journey (August-December 2014): PART | 1. Individuation is our main task in life. 2. Becoming dysfunctionally attached to people, places and things is known as addiction and codepend- ency; recovery is its healing process. 3. This healing process is a “7-Step Wisdom-Leader- ship Path”™ 4, The first step in recovery is willingness to change. 5, After that we need to proceed with Insight, Cour- ‘age, and Action (ICA). 6. Trustlife as gracious and supportive in its core. PART Il 7. The human journey involves a Calling (what Life ‘asks of us), a Quest (what we ask of Life), and a Story (the interface and result of Calling and Quest). \wwnwsimorghmagazine.comTHE COVER-UP: Insight, Courage, Action (ICA) from Addiction, Codependency and Attachment Dr. Michael Rock Licensed Emotional Intelligence Facilitator Professor (ret.), Human Relations and Ethics Simorgh Magazine, December 2014 In this concluding Part V of our series on “Uncovering the Cover-up,” I want to summarize the key points we have examined in earlier sections and to conclude with some quotes by noted people over the centuries who, while us- ing words different than mine perhaps, still spoke to the same realities: namely, that inner and outer are the same (Carl Jung); that each of us needs self-knowledge (Soc rates); that if we give our lives over to the proverbial ‘rat race; we still end up being a rat! (Lily Tomlin); that “one taking a pointed stick to pinch a baby bird should try it on himself to feel how it hurts” (African Yoruba proverb, Nigeria); that reciprocity is the principle of conduct for life by not doing to others what you do not want them to do to you" (Confucius, Analects, 15.23); and that “there are two fundamental spirits ...the good and the bad the beneficent have correctly chosen” (Zoroastrianism, Avesta, Yasna 30.3-5). In all of these summary quotes we are reminded that the experience of our own interiority brings us awareness and integrity since the experience rests on answering affirmatively the most fundamental intuition and ques- tion that Einstein once posed: “Is the universe personal or not?” For thousands of years more seekers have an- Sa Sereda the afrmative than not, What we know now as the Golden Rule evolved, for example, out of these early deliberations. From our discussions in Parts I-IV, such a Golden Rule has ratified the importance and value of shifting from egocentrism to that of “ex-centricism,” that is, that the greatest happiness in life is the fruit of truly loving oneself in order to truly love another. An addiction is a sign that one has stopped along the way in includ- ing others in their ‘wish list so to speak. Codependency is fundamentally the fear of moving out of oneself, of risking becoming oneself and instead choosing to “live out of the psychological pocket of others.” | once heard an interesting description for being oneself: that one is standing on the top of a very high mountain trembling with excitement. We want the excitement but resist the experience of ‘trembling’ accompanying it. Blaise Pascal once remarked, that people’s unhappiness “arises from one single fact that they cannot stay quietly in their own room. True personhood begins within. In today’s world there is a conspiracy against silence and solitude. Noise is everywhere. And we're paying the price: addictions, codependencies and attachments, My basic premise in all that | have done, personally and professionally, has been threaded with this one insight: all change begins inside out. Transformation is a change process. Recovering from addiction, codependency and attachment is a transformative process. It is not by deny- ing the value of a person, place or thing that we free ourselves, That usually constellates more of our defense mechanisms. Instead, in appreciating them we must go through them to a higher vision of the good. The true ‘200d is liberating and frees us up to be ourselves. False ‘g00ds trap us in our selfishness and are life-denying often with deadly consequences (alcoholism, drug addiction, abusive relationships, etc.). I want to establish work as the context to provide our summary points for Parts I-IV. | intend to do this for two. reasons: (1) Work is critical to a person’s daily environ- ment and tasks; it takes up a huge part of every day and illustrates ‘where the action is.’ (2) Since we cannot not be who we are, it’s obvious that itis the ‘place’ where any struggles with addiction, codependency and attachment occur. The following quote should give us pause as to an anthropological reflection on work's impact on people and society, Work is like the spine which structures the way people live, how they make contact with material and social real- ity, and how they achieve status and self-esteem... [It] tells us about the rest of society, based on the viewpoint that basic institutions touch all institutions. 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Reza 1-616 ‘Mr Safiri 613-686-3390 i Fer eer Rey Eko Te Lad Al Mirzakhalil Hooman sizes, eo Gesrona ry Sere, www.simerghmagazinecom —_ > x eNO A OFC ee .‘ooo 8 Traditional Afghan Food aaub ms fa Catering 20 to 600 People Dine Iu * Take Out Hours: Tuesday to Sunday 11:30 am-10:00pm 2934 Carling Avenue 613¢820¢0007 www.SalangKabobHouse.ca2 SIMORGH ‘ek (613) 292-1432 Ext. 202 cere eke eli 1 Basmati Rice pe ey gees Cpe) Kp Pe ee) yap a Patel eae R RLS Shirin Mortazavi ie A Sane eer arer Se BS ee eee er ery AAA Meet Ah Me Ait att 150°" eee Bue) wwwexecutive trvcom An Led shirin@executivetrvl.cor swisscirdy OS RO cece BESS] SE erie gr er) CSTE U rN ee Ue es ee ese eee Ney nee Neth ak mn eee ercenrredWWWSIMORGHMAGAZINE.COM Vol.4 - Issue 69 - December 2014 SIMORGH LES) PBS re oe pens) ONO U ool] N