ESSAYS FOR CLASS COMMENTS

BENEFITS OF WORKING PART-TIME AMONG

UNIVERSITY STUDENTS -Outline
Working part-time while going to university is an option that many students wave aside right
away; many do not want to give up their free time for both studying and social activities, so they
view a job as a last resort. Nevertheless, part-time work during school has its valuable rewards.
Indeed, part-time employment provides ways to offset educational expenses, enhances
opportunities to find a job after graduation, and enables students to learn precious skills and
experiences.
1. The foremost benefit that student employment can offer is frequently based upon
real economic need.
a. Help pay off living expenses and tuition, relieve the economic burdens of
parents
b. Teach students how hard it is to earn money and helps develop a sense of
thriftiness
c. Help cultivate independence, make students feel more mature, more confident
in themselves (self-confident).
2. Another benefit of part-time work is the opportunity to increase students' chances of
success in the job market after graduation by expanding their resumes and developing
their real-world skills.
a. Working part-time can add to a student's resume the practical work experience
b. Any employers would automatically hire the job candidate (appliant) with parttime work experience over another (others)

c. Part-time jobs experience gives students an insight into what work is about and
prepares them psychologically for their future jobs
3. It is difficultv but finding work opportunities directly related to students' major is not
completely impossible, and even if they cannot, gaining general work experience will still
help them down the road.
a. A common objection is that most part-time jobs available to students are menial
manual ?labor and not related to their career interests
b. Even the most basic part-time jobs can enhance transferable skills like working
with the public, working as part of a team, etc.
c. These skills carry over into many other occupations, and are useful for alil kinds
of future employment.
To summary-ize, working part-time while attending university brings a multitude of obvious
benefits. Considerably more than just earning money to help defray educational expenses,
students can derive a great deal from employment like chances to find a job after graduation and
a whole new set of skills and experiences. Seeing that working can be a valuable part of a
student's life, there is a need for considerable emphasis of the society on the value of a part-time
job among working-age students.
Comments: Very good outlining
Scores: 2/2

*******

BENEFITS OF WORKING PART-TIME

AMONG UNIVERSITY STUDENTS
Working part-time while going to university is an option that many students wave aside right
away; many do not want to give up their free time for both studying and social activities, so they
view a job as a last resort. Nevertheless, part-time work during school has its valuable rewards.
Indeed, part-time employment provides ways to offset educational expenses, enhances
opportunities to find a job after graduation, and enables students to learn precious skills and
experiences.
The foremost benefit that student employment can offer is frequently based upon real economic
need. First, part-time jobs can help pay off board and lodging expenses and the cost of university
tuition, consequently, students who have part-time jobs can relieve, to some extent, the economic
burdens of their parents. Furthermore, after-school work teaches students how hard it is to earn
money and helps develop a sense of thriftiness among young people. Lastly, being able to earn
their own money gives students a feeling that they have become adults and, thus, helps cultivate
independence and makes them feel more mature, and more confident in themselves.
Another benefit of part-time jobs is the opportunity to increase students' chances of success in
the job market after graduation by expanding their resumes and developing their real-world
skills. First, working part-time can add to a student's resume the practical work experience. This
is especially important because when given two applications with equal academic qualifications,
any employers would automatically hire the job candidate with part-time work experience over

another without work experience. Second, by helping students apply their knowledge into
practice, part-time work experience gives them an insight into what work is about and prepares
them psychologically for their future jobs.
In a common objection, one may argue that most part-time jobs available to students are
boring menial labor and require nothing of the knowledge that is related to their career interests
and goals. However, finding work opportunities directly related to students' major is not
completely impossible, and even if they cannot, gaining general work experience will still help
them down the road. Indeed, even the most basic part-time jobs can enhance transferable skills
like working with the public, working as part of a team, managing a budget, or dealing with
difficult or distressed customers. These skills carry over into many other occupations, can be
adapted to different working situations, and, accordingly, are useful for all kinds of future
employment.
To summary, working part-time while attending university brings a multitude of obvious
benefits. Considerably more than just earning money to help defray educational expenses,
students can derive a great deal from employment like chances to find a job after graduation and
a whole new set of skills and experiences. Seeing that working can be a valuable part of a
student's life, there is a need for considerable emphasis of the society on the value of a part-time
job among working-age students.

Comments: Very good essay (organization, grammar, style)

Scores: 5.5/6

A. Outline:
I. Introduction:
It's one more hour; my eight-year-old pupil comes to my room to study English. I'm a third year
student and I'm interested in working part time.V I used to be a waitress at a coffee bar in three
months in the first year. Now I'm a tutor, teaching English for two little girls. Being an university
student, I have lots of chances to work part time. These days, it seems advisable that university
students should work part time.
*The content is OK, but the background information is too poor..
II. Development:
1. Reasons:
1.1. When working part time, university students have chances to communicate
with many kinds of people.
-To understand about real life (more details explanation)

- To get well-behaviors-ed experiences. (more details

explanation)
1.2. When working part time, university students can earn some money by
themselves.
-To buy materials for learning. (more details explanation)
- To pay for the daily needs. (more details explanation)
2. Refutation:
v If university students do not work part tlime, they do not have chances;
- To enter the life while they're university students.
- To apply what they learn.
Ill. Conclusion:
University students should work part tlime because of its advantages, such as: having chances to
communicate with many kinds of people, having chances to earn some money by themselves,
etc.
Score: 0,5/2
B. Essay:
It's one more hour; my eight-year-old pupil comes to my room to study English. I' m a third year
student and I'm interested in working part time. I used to be a waitress at a coffee bar in three
months in the first year. Now I'm a tutor, teaching English for two small girls. Being an
university student, I have lots of chances to work part time. These days, it seems advisable that
university students should work part time.
First, when working part time, university students have chances to communicate with many
kinds of people. It's time for them to understand about real life which includes many difficulties
they haven't been known. Then they can get well-behaviors experiences to solve those problems.
(POOR)

Second, when working part time, university students can earn some money by themselves.
Even vit's low or high, its the first income they get. The feeling of having and using that money
is so wonderful????. Students can use it to buy materials for learning, to pay for the daily needs,
etc. (POOR)
If university students do not work part time, they do not have chances to enter the life
while they're university students. The university only teach students the skills for future jobs, not
the skills for real life?. Enter the socialsociety is the simplest way for students to see and to
understand about life. Furthermore, working part time is also the chances for students apply what
they learn in university and get some good experiences for the future jobs. A particular example
is me. I'm learning to become an English teacher as a tutor now,v I can review what I learn. I
think it helps me have more confident in my future.
(REFUTATION??? Which point?)
Conclusion, university students should work part time because of its advantages, such as:
having chances to communicate with many kinds of people, having chances to earn some money
by themselves, etc. In my opinion, each student should not miss the chance to have a part time
job,v it's a very good preparation for the future.
Comments: Poor ideas, poor organization, wrong use of words and punctuation
Scores: 2/6

THE ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAY

DETAILED OUTLINE:
Topic sentence???: I think that English should be compulsory to university students in Viet
Nam..?

I. The way ?students in Viet Nam study the international language. (TS?)
English is the first language of many countries, and manyv also use it as vsecond
language, so English is considered as international language.

 Students in Viet Nam is taught English only in about 4 semesters and the knowledge v
is just enough for simple conservations, but not for their subject.?
Some examples: hardly access to the Internet for information because almost
information is in English, can not write a simple letter for a pen friend.
II. After 4 semesters of English at university, how can they use it in their job?What point?
They have problems for the first step: writing an application, an excuse, etc.
They can not deal with up date documents, especially, if they work with foreign
company. They can not solve English contracts,v international law when Viet Nam join
the WTO.
Almost all graduated students have many troubles?, so they have to take extra classes
after office hours.
III. My opponent might argue that English should be compulsory to student in Viet Nam as soon
as possible; (Refutation???--> the same idea)
1. Our student can not keep pace with international students. Students can not deal
with work as effectively as others in another country.
2. if they do not teach English when students at university, students will have difficulty in
learn it again
3. Without English language skills, Vietnamese students can not satisfy with new job
conditions when Viet Nam joins v(WTO).
Concluding sentence. Ministry of Education and Training should have English as a main
subject to students in Viet Nam. (POOR)
Comments: Confused ideas, poor style
Scores: 0,75/2

ENGLISH SHOULD BE COMPULSORY TO STUDENTS IN VIET NAM

"You're Vietnamese, what do you learn English for? Even vmother language hasn't been
master..." that is what many students say to show their laziness of learning English at university.
In contrast to them, others realize how important English is for their future job, and they find that
the English they learn at school is not enough. Because they even can not use that English
knowledge to access the Internet or make a short tour to a foreign country. If even they
themselves feel lack of English skills, how can the employee evaluate them? Therefore, I think
that English should be compulsory to university students in Viet Nam. (Thesis Statement is a
conclusion?)
If you think that little English is just enough for a job, you will find it a mistake later. Why?
(TS?) English is the first language of many countries and is also the second language of many
other countries, so it is considered as international language. A large number of students learn
English so why you still ignore it. Let take a short overview: students in our country are taught
English for only 4 semesters; the result is very terrible because you just can make very simple
conservations and you almost know nothing about your subject. ???We can not deny the truth
that rarely do students in Viet Nam use vInternet effectively because they have trouble with the
vamount of English information. Another example of my friend who got a B degree can not
write a complete letter for a pen friend although she has used a dictionary. So mastering an
international language is really important to student daily activities.
Have you ever asked question how could you use your English after 4 semesters? If you ask a
graduate student in Vietnam, they will give you some very clear answers. They get
trouble for the first step of writing an vapplication or an excuse,? etc. furthermore, when they
work for a foreign company they can not deal with up date document without a dictionary.

Almost all graduated students have to take extra classes after office hours, but how can they
solve with English contracts or update new international law when Viet Nam joined WTO. From
now on, English is not only needed for students 'job but also a need for the development of our
country.????
From two reasons above, my opponent might argue that English should be compulsory to student
in Viet Nam as soon as possible.(Refutation?) Other while otherwise students can not keep pace
with international students in many parts of life?, they do their job not as effectively as others
who have mastered English. In addition, Vietnamese students can not satisfy new working
conditions without English skills vViet Nam joined WTO. Working in new condition is not as
easy and simple as people used to do in the past.??? You still think that no one could harm you
because you are good at doing paper job, so will you bring a dictionary when you meet a foreign
customer? Will you bring a dictionary to check if the contract is ok? If you do that silly thing,
I'm sure that you will be cheated.
If students in Viet Nam do not have to learn English as a main major, their course may be
simpler and easier but they surely get many troubles in their future Job.?? In addition, not
improving new words, structure and speaking for long time, students have to study from the
beginning. Now what is the problem? They have family and many other things to deal with, for
these reasons your English hardy to improve. Why don't you- a student yourself decided to learn
English. You will have to learn harder but you will easier in your future job? What is more
convenience? Not only the effort of students, but the decision of the authority is also important.?
That is why Ministry of Education and Training should have English as a main subject to student
in Viet Nam. (Nonsensical!)
Comments: vague points and support, poor organization, poor ideas.

Scores: 0.5/6

The topic: "Should English be compulsory to university students in Vietnam?"

The outline:
The thesis statement: English should be compulsory to university students in Vietnam
l. 0ne reason: English is a necessary tool for graduated students.
a. First, a lot of companies require English B level as an obligatory
b. Second, non graduated English students who specialized in another subject can be
use English as a skill for his job.
2. 0ther reason: English has been becoming an official and common language in many
countries.
a. The first reason is English is used as the second language in a lot of countries.
b. The second reason is English is used at the international airport and most of
public places.???
3. 0ne of my opponents' opinion is students should choose one foreign language they prefer most
to study. However, this is notv advantage because:
a. Firstly, students must search vthe English information on
vInternet.
b. Secondly, studying English at university is not wasteful time
of students (Weak point!)

Comments: Poor and confused ideas, not very detailed

Scores: 0,5/2

The essay:
One of my friends asked me that "Do you know how many languages are spoken in the world?"
Surprisingly, I looked at her and then many different numbers turned up in my mind. However, I
did not know which number was exactly and I hesitantly told her that "there are so many
languages spoken". In fact, there are more than 120 languages spoken in the world, but English is
the language spoken by the most powerful country: vUSA which effects on both industry and
economic of Viet Nam.? Even, Japan, a potential country?, considers English as the second
language ?which is used in user's guide of any electrical products. It is clear that studying
English is not an abundant outlook. Furthermore, English should be compulsory to university
students in Viet Nam.(Introduction?)
One reason that university students should be compulsory to studying English is that English is a
necessary tool for graduated students. First, English B level is an obligatory qualificationv
enclosed with student's CV when applying vpost. At the present, all of companies or branches
only recruit a new employer who has capacity of spoken English and got, at least, English B
level. If an applicant lacks of this degree, he or she is certain to hold the exit of the company
without coming back again. Second, a non graduated English student who specialized in another
subject can be use English as the skill for his job. For example, one architecture who is
specialized in maths and drawing works for a Poland company, without English?, how could he
manage to deal to his boss and to understand English written on schema master plan? It must be
a great problem, so studying English at university will create basic knowledge of students ?in
vfurther future.

Other reason for obligation to study English at university is English has been becoming an
official and common language in many countries. The first notice is English is used as the
second language of a lot of countries. Here, I intend to mention to some Asian countries which
have relationships in trade with Viet Nam such as Korea, Malaysia, Philippine, vChina.
vStudents of these countries must study English and use it to communicate to students of other
countries??. This can be defined as a general tendency. So English should be also compulsory to
Viet Nam students. The second notice is English is widely used at the international airports and
most of public places. There are many signs written in English stuck on the walls such as "no
smoking", " please quiet" , or above the doors like: " exit" ," entry". English valso written on
passports, plane tickets, listened from guiders of the airport, spoken in the plane. If you left
university for a long time, worked without using English, but in a business traveling by plane, a
flight attendant who mistook you as a Chinese politely asked "orange juice or tomato juice?"
Could you choose one of two kinds of Juice quickly? I think so. You can remember these words
when you had ever studied English at university. It can be said that English is useful in the daily
life.
One of my opponents disagreed on studying English at university like an obligatory subject. For
her, students should have freedom to choose one foreign language they prefer most to study.
However, this opinion does not disadvantage for students who not study English. Because,
firstly, teachers of any subjects always require their students to searchv on vInternet. Virtually,
the necessary information written in English which students must translate into Vietnamese.
Secondly, studying English at university is not wasteful time. Because of being four or five years
in university is not a short period of time. Many students have part time jobs and desire to get
full jobs when they just finishing the last semester?. If students are not compulsory to studying

English, they won't register this subject then they will have to spend a certain time to get English
B or C level while the vacancy can be occupied by over graduated student??. In fact, preparing
English at university is the good way for students to satisfy the requirements of the company.
In brief, English is not a new issue to discussv any more. The usefulness of using English in the
daily life or in the school is a part of our life. English is both a necessary tool for graduated
students and an official and common language in many countries. From that, English should be
compulsory to university students in Viet Nam following the global tendency.
Comments: Confused ideas, lack of unity
Scores: 1/6

Topic: Should university students work part- time

I. Introduction
All students may be aware that in order to achieve a great success in the future, they need to
invest time and energy on their study. Nowadays, many students choose working part-time as a
popular trend. They get part-time jobs to earn a living for themselves or to support their family as
well. Therefore, some people say that the main duty of students is studying, they should not get
part-time jobs. Should students work part-time or should they focus on their study? In my own
opinion, students should work part-lime for three remarkable reasons.
II. Development
A. Students can solve their financial problems.
1. Meet their needs
a. Pay for rent
b. Pay for meals

c. Other little expenses: gift for friend's birthday, online fee, etc.
2. Support their study
a. Pay for tuition
b. Buy material for study
c. Research books, other devices
3. Help their family
a. Do not get or reduce allowance from parents every
month
b. Send to family a little money if they get more
c. Reduce their family's worry about them

B. Students get more realistic experience

1. Accumulate experience for future job
a. Apply immediately theory into work
b. Be a tour guide
c. Be a tutor
2. Improve skills in social communication
a. Meet different kinds of people
b. Know how to behave well to other people
c. Become more mature with worthy life
3. Create in students an appreciation of money
a. Know that earning money is not easy

b. Urge them to work harder

c. Love their parents more
C- My opponents urge some negative effects of working part-time
1. Interfere with their study
a. Study complex and difficult subjects
b. Will be hard to concentrate on study
c. However still have students who work part-time get scholarship
2. Make them come to a different type of consideration
a. Do not to study more
b. Be more profitable to earn and enjoy money
c. If take this effect, thousands of students will lose interest in studying
3. Take away part of their youth that they never have again
a. Do not have time to hang out with friends
b. Can not take part in students' activities
c- But if not work part- time, they will worry about paying their expenses
III. Conclusion
My conclusion is that working part-time is likely to do more good than harm for students, so
they should work part-time. Benefits from working part-time help students when they study as
well as when they go for full-time job. They get a low salary, but they can cover every day's
needs and their study. Moreover, it can be undeniable that students work part-time not only to
get extra money but also to be a best way to enhance their practical application and improve
communication skills.

ESSAY
All students may be aware that in order to achieve great success in the future, they need to
invest time and energy on their study. Nowadays, many students choose working part-time as a
popular trend. They get part-time jobs to earn a living for themselves or support their family as
well. Therefore, some people say that the main duty of students is studying, they should not get
part-time jobs. Should students work part-time or should they focus on their study? In my own
opinion, students should work part-time for three remarkable reasons.
First, working part-time help students solve their financial problems or be enough money for
their expenses. They can meet their needs such as pay for rent, pay for meals and other little
expenses. Renting an apartment today is really expensive. Students need to buy food everyday
and sometimes they buy gift for their friend's birthday. On the other hand, students who work
part-time can support their study. Although university tuition is high about one million per
semester, they can pay their tuition by themselves. Students often need to buy materials for
studying. They also need to buy research books, dictionary, or calculator, computer to study
better. Moreover, students can help their family by not getting or reducing allowance from their
parents every month. If they get more, they can send a little to their family. These things make
their family not worry about them. Therefore, working part-time is really useful for students.

Second, students can get more realistic experience from part-time jobs. They accumulate
experience and are ready for their future job. A person may be well educated but not able to
perform a job proficiently. So working part-time, students can apply immediately theory into
work. For example, a student who study tourism department go to work part-time as a tour guide,

or a student who is going to be a teacher go to work part-time as a tutor. Form working part-time,
students will be more professional and have more effective methods for their future job. Besides,
they also improve their skills in social communication. When they work part-time, meeting many
kinds of people, can help them be more active, confident, and flexible in communication
situations. They also know how to behave well to others and become more mature in life. They
will think more carefully, feel responsible for life and dealt with problems easily in- group work
in the future. After that, working part-time creates in students an appreciation of money. By
seeing how difficult it is to earn money, they could be able to appreciate and love their parent
more. Also, realizing difficulties in earning money and being paid low salary may urge those
students to work harder. They will then realize that it is only if they study they can earn decent
living without the need of working manually.
My opponents urge some negative effects of working part-time. First, some people do not think
it is a good idea for students to have part-time jobs while they are students because it can
.interfere their study. University subjects are really complex and difficult, so in order to learn and
get good grades, a student must invest all time and energy to study. This means attending classes
from early in the morning until late afternoon, then doing research for projects, then going home
and doing homework. It is a busy schedule for anyone. If they are working after class at night,
they will be tired next day. This will have a negative impact on their study and eventually on
their grades. However, many students who work part-time still are good and gel scholarship. The
second reason is that working part-time might make them come to a different type of
consideration. They would begin to think that they need not study anymore, and it would be
more profitable to earn and enjoy money rather than study at university and pass exams. Their
reasoning may be that there is no need to be educated to live a good life, so students should focus

on studying and could work to earn money in later life. If this could take effect, thousands of
students will lose interest in studying. Furthermore, my opponents may urge that working parttime could take away part of their youth that student time could not replaced again. Spending
time on working part-time, students are missing out the fun of youth because of not having time
to hang out with friends. They also can not take part in student's activities such as "green
summer". But if not work part-time, soon enough they must worry about their expenses and if go
out to play a lot, they are easy to come to social problems.
My conclusion is that working part-time is likely to do more good than harm for students, so they
should work part-time. Benefits from working part-time help students when they study as well as
when they go for full-time job. They get a low salary, but they can cover every day's needs and
their study. Moreover, it can be undeniable that students work part-time not only to get extra
money but also to be a best way to enhance their practical application and improve
communication skills.

thehungphanorg@yahoo.com