Math Quizzes throughout the Modern Era

In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four fifths the
price. What is his profit?
In 1970 (traditional math): A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production
is 4/5 of the price; in other words $80. What is his profit?
In 1970 (new math): A logger exchanges set L of lumber for set M of money. The cardinality of
set M is 100 and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M.
The set C of costs contains 20 fewer points than set M. Represent set C as a subset of set M, and
answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set P of profits?
In 1980. A logger sells a truckload of wood for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit
is $20. Underline the number 20.
In 1990 (Outcome-Based Education): By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a logger makes $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class discussion: How did the forest
birds and squirrels feel?
The Psychology Professor

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please
stand up?"
No one moved.
Finally, the silence was broken when a young man stood up. Everyone turned around to look at
who had taken the bold initiative.
"Well, hello there!" the professor said. "You're the first one to ever stand up when I've made that
challenge. So do you actually think you're stupid?"
"No sir!" he replied.
"Then why did you stand?" the professor asked, perplexed.
"Well, sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by

Human Physiology

This came through my mailbox in early 1994. The intro that came with it says it was from the
mid-1930s, and happened at the University of Edinburgh (Scotland) medical school, second-term
human physiology course, taught by Prof. Kenneth Ivors. True? No idea. Funny? Definitely!
Instructor: "Good morning, class. Before we begin today's lecture, I should like to discover how
well ye have been tracking the previous material. Miss Warlin, will ye stand?"
She stands. "Can ye tell me, which organ of the body achieves 10 times its normal size when it is
excited?"
(She stammers, reddens, says nothing.)
"Ye may sit down. Mr. VanBuskirk, can ye answer that question?"
"It is the pupil of the eye, sir," he says, then sits down.
"Vurra good. Now, Ms Warlin, I have three things to say to you: One, you have not done your
homework; two, you have a dirty mind, and; three, you're in for a big disappointment."

Tools for Your Workbench

Setting up a new workshop? There is a lengthy list of tools you'll need. This list will help you get
started:
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of
your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it
against that freshly stained heirloom piece you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at
the speed of light.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of
old age.
SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into
major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms
human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its
course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in
your shop on fire.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they
are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16- or 1/2-inch socket you've lost.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for
testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have
installed your new brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2x4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a
trapped hydraulic jack handle.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit
that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare
neophytes into choosing another line of work.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you
forgot to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an
accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it
is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at
night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same
rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the
Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is strangely appropriate.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening
old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert
common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200
miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic
impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over-tightened 30 years ago by someone at
Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to
remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of
divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit -- or
thumbs, whichever are closer.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records,
liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes and fingers, but only while in use.