Professional Documents
Culture Documents
31
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Joan lavender
oward the end of a session, the me~bers of the dance therapy group
reveal a secret. One says, "There is something terrifying about being
seen (dancing) in this way. It's even worse than .my regular (verbal)
therapy session. rve never felt so exposed, but I don't want to stop."
I inquire further, hoping to hear why the dancing is so scary, or why it is
wonderful. The group is puzzled, even though even the most resistant
member agrees that this mixture of terror and elation is what she feels too.
Someone says, "It's something about being seen. You are watching me
make dances and you delight in my attempts." Another member adds, "No,
you don't love us for this, you laugh at us." The group agrees that it has
something to do with being watched, and that it works best when they feel
my concern and not criticism. They have established one aspect of the
secret: it has something to do with being seen. '
They speculate further. It doesn't happen all the time, or in every dance.
It only happens when the dancing comes from a certain level. What level?
It comes when r notice my breathing and stay in touch with how my
muscles feel. Finally, a member says quietly, "I know why this scares me.
I think it's like being born. It feels like my mind is showing itself through
my dances, and that is what you are seeing .
The group develops this theme, corroborating unknowingly with Winnicott's concept of Mindpsyche.
One might ask what happens if the strain that is put on mental
functioning organized in defense against a tantalizing early environment is greater and greater? One would expect confusional states and
(in the extreme) mental defect of the kind that is not dependent on
brain-tissue deficiency. As a more common result of the lesser
degrees of tantalizing infant care in the earliest stages we fmd mental
functioning becoming a thing in itself ... This is a most uncomfortable
state of affairs, especially because the soma of the individual gets
seduced away into this mind (and away from its natural relation with
the soma. <Winnicott, 1958, p. 246).
A member of the group stated, '1 never felt like my body belonged to me
anyway . You can beat it up and it doesn't matter to me. The problem is
that it's palpable. Now, my mind is something else. That's where r live. n
The group members nod in unanimous agreement. People with severe
eating disorders, self-mutilators and prone to accidents of all kinds, they
frustrate staff with the tenaciousness of their se!fCbody-) destructiveness.
They play with death. In this session, they are uneasy letting me know
where they "live" because I will demand embodiment from them, and
leave them no escape.
r suggest that what these people are experiencing during their scariest
moments in dance are momentary episodes of integration of psyche and
soma, which Winnicott defined in the folloWing way:
Winnicott's Mindpsyche
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34
Joan Lavender
there are significant shifts of breathing and posture that signify shifts in the
inner process of the patient .. ~
G. is a 30 year old man, severely-disturbed, depressed and painedlooking. Once able to attend a fme graduate school in English literature, he
has spent the last few years unable to use his talents and requiring repeated
hospitalization. Whatever the details of Go's past, one look at him and it is
clear that he has undergone a loss of his sense of physicality and is in the
grip of a mind gone desperate. His voice is flat,his chest concaved and
inert-looking. He describes himself as a dead body, yet on the brink of
desperation. G. says flatly that he is in a state of anguish, but is unable to
relate this to inner or external events. This paradoxical presentation is
quite unusual.
The only liveliness in G.'s presentation is terse pulling action in his
fingers, which he applies to the tuft of hair he is preparing to yank out of
his scalp. G. does not appear to notice that he is tearing his hair out.
Perhaps he is in a heightened state of mindpsyche where feelings are
~ought" but not felt .. '
T: Can you go inside for a while, finding the place right underneath
your breathing, where you feel your feelings?
G: I don't feel anything ....
T: Ok. Is there a place where you don't feel the anything?
G: ... I think there is something .... it's in my heart ... yes, there is
something in, near my heart ... like rve been stabbed. An image goes
with this ... of a huge knife. (minutes pass, G. is breathing more easily
and visibly now.) This heart needs comfort ... (hesitating) I need
comfort ... the worst part of this is the feeling of not being able to
communicate ...
T: How is it now?
G: It's lighter in there now ... some energy ... but the stabbing is more
intense at the same time. (He looks as ifhe will cry, does but he does
not.) It feels like I should go on .... but that is just what I always do. I
always go on. Now I can feel this. My head is talking now, my mind is
telling me to go on. I am always pushing my body against this mind. I
didn't notice this before. My body wants to rest, then it will be able to
go on ... this is the piece I have missed ... this "pushing against"
feeling. rm tired now, but I feel eased up too.
G. has been working this way for about ten minutes. The group has been
watching him, and they seem to reflect the change in his manner throug4
their breathing and steady gaze. G. returns the following day cleanshaven,
without pulling his hair, and says that he has less pressure in his head. He
speaks about personal losses suffered during t'he last two years and
wonders if he had not paid sufficient attention to his feelings about them.
Maybe he never took the time to mourn.
G.'s momentary experience of psychosomatic integration left its effect.
It remained in an understated way over the next week, and was remem-
The dance becomes the search for and evidence of a certain level of
reciprocity between psyche and soma. By temporarily tuning out the
complex channel of spoken language, which::carries within the capacity for
double entendre and innuendo, the patient has" a Bimpler but still complex
task. An automatic checking back process between external movement and
sensation, cognition and affect forms itself into D;lovement patterns. The
patterns relate to other patterns which have a felt-meaning for the dancer. A
dancer without mindpsyche will not have',an internal bodily reference point
with which to improvise. She will either not be able to move at all, will get
stuck in stereotype and movement ruminations, or will complete a dance
without any sense of ownership or satisfaction. Someone watching such a
dance will have a similar sense of dissatisfaction or boredom. Kinaesthetic
empathy will be not evoked, although SYmpathy for the detached dancer
might be.
Incident 1
J. offers to do the fIrst solo dance in a group, by improvising to the theme
of "finding herself." Exhibiting none of the natural shyness often seen in
solo work, she leaves the group behind and strides out in the dance space.
She stands in the center of the floor. Her breath is held, her chest is puffed
out and looks immobile. J. stretches her arms out to their fullest, and acts
out the gesture of searching for an embrace. She fInds none, and
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wraps her arms around herself in a hug. This dance is mimed. The group
watches respectfully, but they are not moved~:They are learning to identify
authenticity through their own responses: and J. is ~n need of some. One
member asks her why she is looking "out there" to find herself "in here." J. is
puzzled, caught off guard, and appears vulnerable. She had used the only way
she knows to find approval-looking "out there."
I ask J. to try again, in a brief improvisation. This time she will sit among us.
There is no need to move away so soon or so far; her geographic separation
from us is not accompanied by psychic individuation. I suggest that J. spend a
full minute simply noticing her breathing and its movement. J. puffs herself up
and forces a hollowing exhalation. She is afraid that her own respiration is not
adequate, and that we, the audience, won't see anything happening. Even so, a
feeling begins to form arpund her as she sits in stillness. She moves without the
abrupt announcement offfnow I am going to start." Her transition into movement
flows from breath and she follows this subtle change in her torso. She seems to
fi,ll with substance. J. follows the line of gravity, and finds her head rolling
down to the floor. Her grin has dissolved, revealing the face of a frightened
child.
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Incident 2
J. has made a trial attempt to stop binging.. She is growing long hair, has
started to experiment with makeup, and has given uptomboyish overalls.
In dance sessions, she is often doubled over with emotion that registers as
physical pain. She is finding that her eating disorder hurts, and she can feel
it. J. insists on dancing in sessions despite the pain, and we discuss how
much her body can sustain. During this phase she must dance a bit and
then watch. She must take bite-size amounts, although her impulse is to
gulp down the dance improvisation. In one session she pulls herself free
from the group, and stands at the sidelines. She recalls having been a
wallflower. She asks us to let her lead a group improvisation. She wants
us to lift her. J. is pleased and embarrassed by this urg~.
Incident 3
J. has become less verbose, more expressive and her dances are eloquent.
Today is the last session offour months. Her dance is a mixture of sadness
and pride. She is able to move from floor to leaping in the air without
losing a sense of physical transition. She is subtle in gesture, and her
tension is modulated. The significant gesture occurs when J. begins to grab
for her sinking sweatpants. Is this a little girl losing her pants, or a woman
disrobing? J. is no longer cute. She is intrigued that her dance both
contains and communicates her sense of female sexuality. She finishes the
dance with a duet, dancing with another woman whom she has previously
avoided. The dance partner is a remote woman, known for her sexiness.
She starts to cry as J. displays her conflict of woman vs. child.
J.'s body continued to feel more responsive, and her movement became
truer to itself. One could say that she had developed a sense of integrity.
This change affected every area of her life. She recognized hunger in her
stomach, and began to modulate her need for real food. She differentiated
real hunger from her legitimate need for human contact. She could sense
when her movement was false, and felt more reliable. J.'s progress in the
treatment of her problem with mindpsyche included the following
achievements:
1. The establishment of an improved relationship between J. and her
breathing process. I asked J. to keep her awareness partly on her breathing
while she danced. Doing so produced associations. These related to her
fear of breathing, and her belief that she could stop her own breath.
Slowly, she had developed a psychological reliance on the continuity of
that physical process. As she solved movement problems in order to
improvise, she began to feel a sense of continuity throughout her life.
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References
Gendlin. E. (1971) A Theory of Personality Change. In A. Mahrer and L. Pearson (Eds.) Creative
Developments in Psychotherapy. Cleveland, London: Case Western Reserve.
Gendlin. E. (1973) Experiential Phenomenology. In Phenomenology and the Social Sciences,
M. Natanson. (Ed,) Evanston: Northwestern University Press.
Lavender. J. (1983) "Stepping Out and Acting Up," unpublished manuscript.
Weiner. H. (1983) personal communication .. Winnicott. D. (1958) Mind and its Relation to the
Psyche.Soma, in Collected Papers;
Through Pediatrics to Psychoanalysis. London: Tavistock: New York: Basic Books.