all

she
lost
a novel.

All She Lost.

#theMahatma
2015
No. 1

Cover: Distorted video still courtesy of Tumblr

Months spent: 13 freaking months
Authors intentions for writing: to give something new for readers, make them realize
that stupid romance literature by Marcelo Santos III and most Filipino writers in Wattpad is not all there is to read; and also because he enjoys writing so much
Inspirations: Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, Outlast, Fahrenheit 9/11, CNN,
John Green, Dan Drown, Mission: Impossible III, the found-footage format, Christopher
Nolan, Inception, The Prestige, and Elysium, to name a few
Major contributors to lengthy completion: writers block, thesis, term examinations,
checking out on Owl City updates and new songs, HBO Saturday night movie premieres, my fathers week-long seminars, blackouts in our area
Note on grammar: please forgive any grammatical errors you might see; the best thing
you can do is just laugh at them and keep them to yourselves
Copyright issue: the author does not give a shit; share this copy to all and every one of
your friends
Issue on comments: the author welcomes all violent remarks; in fact he needs them for
his next stupid novel; please send him a message to his Facebook account (/John Mahatma
Agripa)
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notes.

This novel is not intended to infer anything about any individual

or group of people, nor do its characters depict any actual person, living or dead. Places and certain entities portrayed are real
but treated fictitiously.
Actual historical accounts and events are used in this novel.
However, it should not be supposed that all information contained herein is correct, the reason why the words A NOVEL are
highlighted in the cover.
This novel features depictions of intense violence, gore, graphic
sexual content, and excessive use of coarse language. You have
been warned.

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Dedicated to
A. G.
M. L. (L. B.)
E. A.
J. N.
M. L. D.
J. P. B.
H. M.
A. U.
R. B.
S. B.
and other bookworms out there who
just want something to read
P. S.: I am so sorry it took an eternity. The classes and tests and the
occasional writers block are meddling with my writing. And you cant
just conjure a novel in a snap. But I hope I can make up with the story.

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The Clatterer? What is the Clatterer?

And what shall teach thee what is the Clatterer?
The day that men shall be like scattered moths,
And the mountains shall be like plucked wool-tufts.
Then he whose deeds weigh heavy in the Balance
Shall inherit a pleasing life,
But he whose deeds weigh light in the Balance
Shall plunge in the womb of the Pit.
And what shall teach thee what is the Pit?
A blazing Fire!
- Quran, Chapter 100

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introduction.

THERE ARE EIGHT countries today who openly declared their

possession of weapons of mass destruction the United States,
China, France, North Korea, Pakistan, India, Russia and the
United Kingdom. Israel, though not acknowledged, is also believed to possess nuclear weapons. They belong to the so-called
nuclear club.
Under the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of nuclear weapons
(NPT), signed in 1968, these countries, and the other non-nuclear
states, have pledged not to pursue the manufacture of nuclear
weapons. North Korea, Pakistan, India and Israel have withdrawn or never signed the agreement, thereby maintaining their
right to develop nuclear weapons.
In 2006, Iran, a party to the NPT, announced its success of
enriching uranium to reactor-grade, saying it has finally joined
the group of those countries with nuclear technology. But according to intelligence reports, Iran is also actively seeking the
development of its own arsenal in secrecy, though it has repeatedly denied such allegations, saying that their nuclear enrichment program is for providing the country with clean nuclear
power. President George W. Bush has said that Iran is the single country that could pose the biggest threat to the United
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States, and that its very important to prevent the country from
obtaining the knowledge necessary to develop nuclear weapons, warning that a nuclear-armed Iran could lead to World
War III.
Despite sanctions, Iran still continues its uranium enrichment
programs. A 2012 CIA report suggests that the country is still far
away from achieving weapons-grade uranium, the kind of
enriched uranium necessary for nuclear weapons. However, Iran
has not opened all of its nuclear facilities for inspection. It is also
suggested that Iran is assisted by its nuclear allies North Korea,
Pakistan and Russia in the development of these weapons. Today, efforts are still being made through treaties and imposition
of further sanctions to prevent Iran from getting further ahead in
its nuclear ambitions.
Worldwide, there are an estimated 19,000 nuclear warheads,
enough to destroy the world three times over. Russia has an estimated 8,500 warheads and the United States, 7,700. It is feared
that some of them, particularly those from the former Soviet Union, have been circulating in the black market, available for terrorist organizations to use. Al Qaeda has publicly expressed
their interest in the possession of weapons of mass destruction,
as surely would other terrorist circles, both known and unknown, too.
For more than 60 years of measures to counter nuclear weapons
proliferation, none has ever succeeded in eliminating the worlds
stock of nuclear bombs. The threat of a nuclear holocaust remains very real.
What follows is a possibility.

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all
she
lost

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All She Lost.

Chapter

01.
THE ECONOMY CLASS of the 300-seater or so airplane lived
up to its name, but its actually better than I thought it would be:
white fluffy pillows, soft bouncy seats with plastic hand rests,
minty air-conditioning, decent meal but not enough to fill a
quarter of my tummy, and a built-in music player filled of crappy alternative songs. I guessed its more than enough to keep me
alive for this eternal six hour trip to Iran, the last one I was yet to
endure. But I couldnt complain, with the current world crisis
and civilian ban restraining international travel. The sky above
was filled with silky clouds, its linings brightened of the magnificent radiance of the Moon so close and fine. I sat by the window, at the second row from the cockpit door well within a convenient distance from a small liquor bar. I needed to get off the
plane immediately for the job I so stupidly agreed to do, perhaps
the most ridiculous decision a sane human being would ever
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make in the annals of time. I hoped to see the shimmer from the
lights of the nighttime Earth, but the plane hovered above the
cloud canopy which looked like the outer surface of the brain.
Once in a while, lightning would make a chunk of cloud glow,
which reminded me of that dance game in arcades. I checked the
GPS on my Smartphone, only to see that were already somewhere in southern Yemen. I didnt worry about the radio signal
from the phone interfering with that of the plane which would
lead to a catastrophic crash and my premature death, as it
turned out on Mythbusters that its just a myth.
The steady hum of the aircraft prevented my body to
enjoy a steady good-night sleep. I raised my body up a bit and
turned my head to the cabin of the plane, which appealed to me
like a futuristic time travel capsule, and it seemed that I was the
only one bothered. The dim blue light above the two aisles was
just enough for me to see the passengers mostly Iranians going
home to their forsaken war-torn country, mercenaries of goodwill and crazy adventurers to seek their next thrill ride in the
middle of a battlefield cuddling their pillows like a young girl
would on her newly-won teddy bear on the almost egg-shaped
fiberglass seats, and wrapping themselves in thick bed sheets.
Chris, my partner, guard and cameraman, slept like a
princess beside me, assuming the position of a fetus still in its
mothers womb with the tiny space compressing his sheer
height, and wrapping his lean body with a thick bed sheet from
the flight attendant. The frosty air-conditioning blew right on his
head, swaying his black silky hair back and forth. His long, almost peach-shaped and muscular face turned all pale, his lips all
dry and cracked, which made me worried that he could get hypothermia or something. I tried to wake him up by poking and
pinching his cold cheeks, hoping to have a little chat, but he was
deep in cryogenic sleep.
My eyes wont close anymore. I never ran in a triathlon
event before the flight but for some reason, my hearts beating
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really fast that I could almost hear it in fact. My breathing was

intense, deep and fast, so much so that I might have released too
much carbon from within me that we could all suffocate in this
plane. It felt so deviant of me that everybody else around didnt
seem to mind the imminent danger waiting for all of us when
this thing lands, and that Im the only one feeling this intense
pressure about to blow my body to bits. I thought of shouting
out loud at these foolish motherfuckers that were going into a
trap and that we should turn this fucking plane back, which I
realized, if I did, would turn them into panicking little parrots
trying to break free of this cage, which would surely lead to our
premature doom.
I tried everything to get this tension out of me, among
which I have proven effective at times of extreme anxiety involved me watching short clips of Saturday Night Live, my alltime favorite show that made me realize the value of television
once again. Before I discovered the show, I thought the purpose
of television was to make people drool with jealousy from its
extravaganza of rich people, to make them believe in dragons
and wolf-morphing hunks and blood-sucking vampires, and to
be a hub for masturbation material for men everywhere, but it
turned out, with the show, to be a good source of fun too. To my
dismay, it didnt work at all. For some reason, I couldnt hear a
word from the clips, like my head kept on telling me that Ive
done the worst thing in my life and that Id regret it in the very
end.
This was all the side effects of the field I chose to sacrifice my life for, and I guess I did this to myself. I am a freelance
journalist, which is basically the title of us self-proclaimed journalists who didnt land a shot to work for CNN, BBC, the Times
or just about any news agency out there. I did try to apply several times, only to end up a miserable failure, all on the account of
my reporting style being not what they wanted, which even up
to now I still try to fathom what really meant. Apparently, I
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needed to make some sort of metaphysical connection with my

eyes and speech to pull audiences into listening to me up to the
end of my report, something that I failed to create. I really
thought that journalism was all about delivering the news and
nothing more, but with the proliferation of countless news outlets now, it has become a matter of also attracting people into
giving a shit about your news, so anchors now need to be an
eye-candy as much as how good their news-delivery skills are. I
didnt want to put the four years I spent to earn my Bachelors
on journalism to waste, so after enduring the cancerous feeling
of frustration and hopelessness and being-a-failure for quite a
while, I pulled my shit together and decided to put up my own
sort-of news agency. I contacted a few freelancers like me who
were also bathing in the despair of them being turned down. A
few days of drinking just decaffeinated coffee and many intense
brainstorming sessions later, The Valiant was born.
It may sound like it, but its not a magazine about jousting or a biography of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round
Table or the Templars. Its actually our YouTube channel that
featured, as our slogan boasts, news you cant get anywhere, and
we mean anywhere. We cover stories that are just too sensitive
or extreme for our mainstream media brothers to show. We
dont report the likes of Kim Kardashians butt, or Madonnas
underarm hair, or Taylor Swifts new bunch of exes, or Michael
Bays new crappy movie. Much, if not all, primetime news programs already got them covered, some presenting them as if
theyre big a deal as an asteroid about to hit planet Earth or the
Pope assassinated by some jihad warrior. We deal with more
serious stuff activism, war, missing airplane searches, conspiracies, drug cartels, the Black Market basically things that TV
doesnt show enough of, and things people actually give a shit
about. And we dont call it The Valiant for nothing. We go at
the scene, close to the action, giving our subscribers a first-hand
no-holds-barred experience on whats really going on, no matter
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how risky and dangerous, something that we like to consider

separates us from others. Our daring exploits over the past four
years of servitude to the profession, such as the Libyan revolution against Gaddafi, our probe into Area 51, investigative reports on the shits our politicians have been doing while on office
and other domestic issues, have been renowned by our fellow
media brothers, making use of our footages and for the first time
putting actual tangible bucks in our pockets. Five years of fidelity to this hobby, and our staff of just three castoffs grew into 15
full-time journalists, a couple of which actually came from the
big leagues.
Hence, this very situation I am right now. I was about to
cover the biggest story of this year, something that could potentially propel our ten million or so subscriber count to the Sun, a
glory that would probably make me the most popular reported
ever. Over the past month, no night has passed without this story airing on primetime TV.
Irans president, Hassan Rouhani, has been assassinated.
That wasnt so bad, I first thought; presidents and government officers being assassinated was as common as colds that
happen to bear that same adjective, especially in a region as volatile as the Middle East, until I remembered that the country
was a nuclear nation, which meant that they could have a hidden stash of nuclear weapons. Its something that, of course, was
not yet proven but long been suspected and assumed with the
9/11 attacks and Benghazi, everybody labels the entire Middle
Eastern region as such, a stereotype much like being the inferior
race as to Jews and the weaker sex as to women. And with the
president of Iran killed, the country was on the verge of collapse,
if not already beyond recovery. And if such was the case, terrorist groups could get a grip on those bombs, the worst case scenario for international diplomacy and world peace.
Recent tragedy on our part made us stick with domestic
coverage over much of our years, but the threat of an apocalypse
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was just too much and too dramatic to miss, and it was with this
that we chose Iran to be at the forefront of our coverage of what
might be the worst time in recent history. The world has literally
turned into shit, with armed conflicts on every single populated
continent on the planet. It all started during the mourning of the
slain French journalists over a caricature of Mohammed being on
the cover of a magazine, when jihadists captured the American
embassy in Paris. A few days after, the president of Libya got
assassinated, sparking another civil war worse than that during
the overthrow of the Gaddafi regime, adding to the already raging chaos in the rest of the Middle East. A week later, the Malaysian Prime Minister got burned alive in his very own home by
ISIS members, starting another civil war. Almost at the same
time, jihadists captured the American embassy in Brazil. In every
single state in the United States, people have been rallying on the
streets, effectively shutting down the government once again,
over the series of inhumane police treatment of black people and
the expose of a series of black ops and espionage and funding of
nuclear weaponry development against the Obama administration. The nightmare got worse every passing second, and up to
this moment, the sovereigns have done nothing but to hold
meetings and conferences to ease it even a little bit. Facing an
almost insurmountable hurdle, Obama already dispatched half
of his entire military to take care of the overseas chaos, a significant portion to Iran.
Rebels have overrun much of the country, and for a
month now war has been battering every single square kilometer
of that nation, everyday killing more and more and destroying
more and more. No name has been designated for the conflict
yet unfair, considering that the shortest war in history that
lasted not more than 250 minutes has a name of its own, and that
this shit might just end this goddamn world altogether. In that
regard, the government has also banned any American civilian
presence, including the press, in the country, the first time in any
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foreign conflict. This fueled our speculation that were onto

something big. This also meant if we ever get caught would avail
us of a free, possibly eternal, stay at Guantanamo Bay, basically
Alcatraz 2.0 without the San Francisco Bay but with security
tight as hell. That, with the insanely high probability of us getting killed and our corpses left in some corner in the middle of
some city in Iran, was the biggest risk we took by nodding our
heads for this job. I had no idea what the hell was I thinking.
As the clips ended, I was the same nervous and trembling piece of meat as before, and it just got a lot worse. My imagination was flooding my brain with possibilities of imminent
death, almost as if they were premonitions like those that those
guys from the Final Destination movies were having before he
and his friends got killed in all sorts of freakish ways. I was getting insanely paranoid once again, perhaps the four thousand
nine hundred seventy-fourth in the past five hours of this flight
alone. Ive been reporting for The Valiant for five years now, and
I have witnessed and endured mad rally demonstrations, drug
busts, hunts for sex dens and marathon explosions, and interviewing the likes of ill-tempered Senators, black market traders
and serial killers pretty much the portfolio of every other journalist out there, which is quite an achievement of mine considering the meek length of my servitude to this field. But never in
my life have I been this anxious. Come to think of it, were just
gonna walk around Iran and get the material we need and we
go. But no matter how I persuaded my brain otherwise, I just
couldn't help but think that somethings gonna go wrong.
I shook my head back and forth and slapped my face as
hard as I can until I felt all the crazy thoughts have left my brain,
though I was aware that thoughts or possible premonitions
of death are not fluids stuck in your head like pool water that
can be blown out of the ears. I cursed with every form of swear
thereis, as it is proven to alleviate extreme emotions. I flailed my
hands. It did the trick.
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The screen flashed links to footages of the civil war. Not

even a single link to a Maroon 5 or David Guetta music video
popped up, which I expected the computer would recommend.
Though I already knew what I would see, I needed to immerse
myself to the situation in Iran more, so the right words would
come out of my mouth when I start talking to the camera. Right
below coming back to the States in one piece, included in my
must-do list for this trip was to come back with a high-quality
report, for a perfectionist I really am. Of course, my lifes worth
no report but I thought it would infuriate me more if I did come
back home but with a shitty report, than to come back home in a
wooden box as a cold corpse. Besides, I wont feel a smidgen of
regret if Im dead. I clicked on CNNs link, and soon enough,
Anderson Cooper started warning of the footage being graphic
and violent in nature. At the start of the shaky amateur video, a
kid was approaching the camera, smiling. She soon spoke something in Farsi to the cameraman, who I believed was her father.
Far behind her were many kids running around in circles in
some sort of game. Seconds later, a deafening boom almost
busted my eardrums. My whole body blasted away from the
laptop, which I almost threw up the ceiling, and I crashed hard
against the chair. I pulled the earphones out of my ear.
Shit! I screamed, breathing deeply. I then looked at
Chris and at the other passengers; no one got disturbed. When I
looked at the video again, an arm was lying in front of the camera. It was pixilated on the biceps, until I realized it was a severed arm. I immediately closed the Mac and shoved it back to
the bag. This would probably my first of what might be progressively intense scenes of violence I would endure in the duration
of this trip. When Judd, our boss ever since I stupidly stepped
down, assigned me to this job about a couple of weeks ago, all he
told me was the mess in the country was just insane, which he
mustve meant too much killing, bombing and shit, until I saw
the footages of Iran on TV that I realized how grave an underspg. 16

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tatement it was. Kids had their heads blown by sniper shots,

broken limbs all over the place, and whole families hanged on
streetlights. It was horrible, to say the least.
I remembered telling him that he should just get someone else for the job, preferably him because hes got the higher
educational background and better journalistic skills than all of
us. I really hated myself for letting him take my boss-hood,
which would otherwise gave me the power to make him my
bitch, take my place and suffer all this paranoia. Id rather curse
at or defile Barack Obama or get naked in the middle of Times
Square than do this. Until he pressed his long rough hands on
my shoulders and brought his long and heavily-bearded head
near me, then spoke his mantra to my face: just do it. He didnt
have originality; it was the slogan of my favorite shoe brand.
And it actually seemed like he was telling me to stop whining
like a little girl and do my fucking job. For some reason, I found
his persuasion as more of a beg, as if something really important
for him was depending on me doing and completing this mission. Our funding was sustainable anyway, and the agency has
never been more recognized as a force in the industry. Taking
this assignment was more of an unnecessary risk, but such was a
part of the job.
This was my passion, to bring the truth to the people.
And besides, I realized back then, opportunities like this dont
come often. If nations just kept on waging wars with each other,
wed all be extinct long before we could invent the radar. So, I
nodded and here I was, on my way to the most dangerous place
on planet Earth. But I eventually felt extremely ambivalent of
this choice. I might have just made the worst decision of my life,
and I hoped to God I wont regret it in the end.

A HEAVY DOSE of deep breathing and head shake was all

thats needed for me to get over that scary shit. I leaned to the
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glass window in another attempt to savor the remaining hour of

this flight and for some more sleep, so when I wake up the view
of the heavens would be the first thing I see, which I hoped
would bring even a little spark of glee and hope in my body then
swimming in the despair of regret. But the air blowing out of the
air-conditioning above me has turned it really cold that my tongue might get stuck if I stick it out.
Adjusted to local time, my wristwatch showed 4:56. By
this time, I would already be up on the kitchen cooking the
lunch of my siblings for their school: chicken nuggets and peas. I
hoped that the Mexican nanny I hired got her cooking right, now
that those little brats are extremely, infuriatingly sensitive to any
deviations from how their nuggets and peas should be cooked.
My parents are both real estate brokers, and their job is basically
what their title says they break and ruin Americas pristine
fields to build new subdivisions and properties, after which they
fight each other for whos gonna get what buyer. Theyre gone
like 80 percent of the year, so I guess Im also the self-appointed
matriarch of our family.
That reminded me my parents actually have no freaking idea that I'm in this trip, which made things a lot worse than
it already was. If they did, there would have been no way they
would send their 23-year old single daughter into the most dangerous place on Earth. I mean, if they just found out right then,
they would probably send a gazillion F-22 fighter jets and push
this plane back to America, after which my parents would
ground me for all eternity, not allowed to see another human
soul again. I intended to keep this secret for as long as possibly;
they would kill me, figuratively I hoped, though the glory this
assignment might bring me could put me in the top stories of
primetime news, after which I would be a household figure all
over America. I thought that scenario of my parents discovering
my job would be better that is of course, if I come back alive.
The only person in my family who knew of my true job, and
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where I was going, was Carmen, 15 years old, the older of the
two brats. Jade was ten. For the purposes of masking the inherent dangers of my job, I told my parents I am the assistant news
editor of Fox News in Ohio, a job thats hands-down the most
boring in the profession though still decent enough for my parents to not despise me for having a shitty job. I guess our channel has become so popular that even a computer dunce like her
could find it. I made her a deal to take her to Katy Perrys tour
next month if she just kept her mouth shut.
Knowing the insane risk he has put me into, Judd let his
number two guy Chris with me to serve as my guard, though his
built didnt really made him fit for that duty, and cameraman.
He slept like a baby in his seat beside mine, hugging his pillow
as if it was a woman. I did imagine for a brief moment that I was
the pillow. Others would say that a girl only does that to a super-hot man, but Chris wasnt. Hes of moderate handsomeness
and robustness, but he was an acceptably smart guy, not to mention a goofball with his often misplaced sense of humor. But it
was being pulled down by his extreme timidity towards me. It
was obvious he liked me, or maybe he didnt and I just assumed,
I dont know. It just so happened that I kind-of like him too,
quite a lot. But our current situation called for no such slutty
thoughts. He was my only hope of surviving hell on Earth, and I
couldnt live without him pretty cheesy and a clich, but I
wasnt referring to that hyperbolical phrase. Really, I would die
without him.
I looked back to the window when my four thousand
nine hundred seventy-fifth anxiety attack kicked in. The classic
syndromes of paranoia once again manifested in my bony body
my vision got narrow, my breathing got intense, and my head
spun all over the place like I was trapped in a big box. My brain
flooded with thoughts of death again. I whispered any mantra I
could think of to myself and repeatedly shook my head until I
felt like my brain was bashed to the corners of my skull like I did
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before. I slapped my face hard for countless times, hoping that

the force of my hands would blow the inhibitions away. That
time, it didnt work. The image of that smiling kid and that severed arm and the sound of that roaring explosion, compounded
by the thought of this being my entire fault, flooded my head.
Then, I felt a cold hand on my arm. I turned my head at it in a
sudden jolt; it was Chris.
Hey, Holly, he said, flicking a switch above us that
turned on a little dim light. Is everything alright? What the
hells going on with you? I felt my cheeks swelled a bit, feeling
embarrassed that he saw a psychotic episode of mine.
I choked for a moment. I'm okay. Im fine, I said, rubbing my scalp so my brownish hair would all hang to the back.
I thought youre freaking out or something.
No, no, I said, smiling to hide my breakdown. Im
just really nervous. I jolted my hands wildly. They were all wet,
but the cold air of the air-conditioning froze them off.
Its all gonna be fine, he said. It was a horrible comforting statement. He could have said, Im here for you or Its
all gonna be okay or just some weird analogy joke. Its maybe
because he was just waking up from deep sleep.
I dont know, I said, and then took a quick peek at
him. His face looked remarkably calm, as though hes not even
shaken up with the situation were on. As he removed the bed
sheet which revealed his dark blue T-shirt with a small Paramount Pictures insignia, I felt really responsible for him being
into this mess. The truth was that he kind-of persuaded this
whole assignment to our boss with a map that he got from
someone who approached him in a caf, but seeing the chaos of
Iran and his recent tragic history of international correspondence, he insisted on sitting this one out. When Judd insisted me
to do this, he let me pick my number two. Basing from our interpersonal relations, there was no better choice than him. He was
the only one I could trust with my life.
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Im sorry, I said.
For what?
For bringing you here.
What? he said. Are you kidding me? I always wanted
to come in this trip.
I thought you didnt want to come, with all that happened in Libya and Dennis. Four years ago, when I still held
my boss-hood, I assigned him and his good friend and one of
our best men Dennis Smith to the first overseas war coverage
The Valiant ever did the takedown of the Gaddafi regime in
Libya. Dennis just vanished the day when the two was about to
leave the country, presumed deceased with four years already
passed. It was our last overseas operation for years until now.
With the possibility of having another casualty really high, it
took an awful amount of time planning and weighing between
our lives and the glory this job would bring us. In the end, the
latter prevailed, mostly due to Judds persuasion. At first, he was
adamantly against doing another oversees operation, but perhaps after eating something bad, he changed his mind and pursued this shit.
Yeah, but what the heck, he said, gesturing his expression. I love this job. I love going places. And besides, I love you.
I mean Im with you. He spoke that last sentence in a rush, like
he was correcting what he said. He was always like that, saying
something cheesy and later changing it. I knew he was trying to
make me smile. He failed.
Hey, I said, poking his right shoulder gently. How
did you convince your parents to let you come?
Oh, they kind-of persuaded me to do this actually. I
was stunned.
Really? They did?
You know theyre both journalists, right? Theyre actually very happy for what Im doing on The Valiant. So when I
told them about this assignment, they immediately screamed at
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me like are you nuts?! Go! Do your thing!

They didnt care what might happen to you? I said. I
mean, didnt they see whats going on in Iran?
How wont they? he said. They watch the news like
every single fucking day. Its what theyre talking about all the
time. You know, my dads like a Greek philosopher, and one day
he told me, the quest for the truth has always been mans greatest endeavor. It never was and never will be easy. And it comes
with a high price. I dont think thats not caring if you let someone do what they want to do.
I was actually amazed and kind-of envious of the kind of
parents he has. Letting their son go to the most dangerous place
on Earth was mind-boggling in all respects. And he was right; I
wont consider it irresponsible parenting, too. They knew it was
what he desired the most, and denying him of what he was passionate about would be as terrible as rejecting the woman he
chose to be with for the rest of his life for someone else of their
choosing. I just wish my parents were the same, but I think Im
not meant to have such kind of parents as his. There have been
too many instances when I was extremely grateful I listened to
them, which almost cost me everything I have. I just wished that
this would be not one of those times I would regret my exercise
of self-judgment of what-I-want-for-myself.
Besides, he added, they wanted to go on a vacation,
Honolulu, so theres nothing better for me to do.
After some silence, I finally confessed. My parents have
no idea that Im here.
What? he said, leaning away out of shock. They dont
know youre here?!
They wouldnt have agreed if I told them. I mean, I
dont have to, right? Im 23 years old, already came of age now.
I should be capable of deciding for myself.
You shouldve at least told someone.
Yeah, I said. My sister knows about this. But Im not
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All She Lost.

gonna let my parents know. Theyll kill me!

How they wont know that? he said. Are they away
right now?
Yeah. Theyre on their estate broker thing. Theyre gone
like most of the time. I even hardly know what they look like. I
chuckled. And Im pretty sure theyll come back long after all
this is done. Besides, they didnt really care about me. But what
I do remember was that all my friends, whenever they saw me
and my mother together, used to call us clones, as I resemble her
in every way with no trace of my father in me.
How about your sisters? His voice heightened, as if
those brats were his. You left them?
No, of course not! I hired a nanny.
Chris went silent for a moment. He must be thinking
that I was such a woman who only thinks for herself, who did
whatever the fuck she wanted whenever she wanted it, never
thinking of the risks she put herself into. Other men would think
thats really hot, like that would be the kind of woman they
could easily get laid with, but not him.
Thats really cool, you know, he then said.
What?
Doing whatever you want without anyone knowing
about it. Must be really exhilarating.
Yeah, kind-of electrifying actually, I said. Ive never
done any like this before. My parents, so far, have no idea where
the hell Ive been going for the past five years, which might be
attributable to them not caring at all, but at least its within the
States and theres less guilt on my part. But now it has gone up
to a whole new level; Ive never been out of the United States. I
couldnt help but think I just made the biggest sin of my life yet.
Am I a bad daughter? I said.
He looked at me, thinking of what words to say, and
opened and closed his mouth several times, apparently not sure
of his answer. He must be thinking that I am, and whatever he
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would say would be sugarcoated.

Yeah, he said, looking at his feet. But Im worse than
you. He then pulled a folded green polo shirt from his backpack, and showed me a small plastic bag with what appeared to
be a dark green grass inside. It was a bag of Mary Jane.
What the fuck! I screamed quietly, wrapping the plastic back to the shirt and shoving it to the bag. I also turned off
the light above us, fearing that an attendant might just pop up
out of nowhere. I pounded his chest. What the hell did you do?
I dont wanna go to prison!
Relax, he said. We could use this thing, you know.
For what? Getting high, you fucking idiot?
No, no, no. We can offer this to the Iranians to tell us
what we want. I mean, who would resist this thing? I didnt
think about it that way that but its actually not such a terrible
idea.
Okay, I said, but you better hide that thing.
And were not gonna go to prison with this. Its legal
now, remember? You have to try this sometime. I didn't really
understand why everybodys crazy about this stuff. People fight
over its legalization like its a matter of national security. It
smelled as how it looked, like normal grass, and it was terrible.
Speaking of which, Im gonna go freshen up.
You're not smoking that pot in the comfort room, are
you? I said.
Im not that crazy, he said, getting up. Just relax.
Moments of silence ensued after, that is if the annoying
hum of the cabin and the occasional creaks of the plane which
made me think the whole things gonna break apart would be
disregarded. I could also hear fast murmurings in the back seats,
almost as if theyre for conjuring some spirit from the other side
or something. That span of time has been the longest Ive had in
that flight without me having any psychotic episode, which I
thought resulted from sharing my deep-seeded fears with Chris,
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All She Lost.

or maybe that I wasnt thinking about the possibility of my

death. Then again, if I didnt think this through, I wont be prepared for whats coming.
Chris startled me when he came back from freshening
up, as he claimed it. Hey, you alright?
Goddamn it, Chris! I sniffed him.
I didnt, okay?
Crazy bastard.
He sat down. Hey, do you think theres any chance that
Dennis is still alive? he said, not looking at me. He was his best
friend, and I perfectly understood why he would ask that despite the insurmountable odds of Dennis still being alive. I felt
responsible for Dennis death too, but the possibility of death too
was part of our job description.
Its been four years, Chris, I said, trying to keep my
tone in that level as to not induce the feeling of hopelessness to
him. I mean, I dont know if he could still be alive. Im sorry.
I know. It wasnt your fault. His voice was rough and
low, signs of his sadness and longing for his best friend. It was
infectious. No matter how I fought it, the thought of the two of
us being in the same fate penetrated the barriers of my mind,
now that I realized were completely helpless from the time we
step off this plane. Our mere presence in Iran was worthy of an
eternity of admission to the worst prison in the world, so we
couldn't rely on the American army for help, ironic as it may
seem. Judd told us he did have a contact in Iran who agreed to
be our chauffeur for the two-week duration of our assignment,
but what the hell could a one man do? Hopeless, I was about to
burst in tears, but I just closed my eyes real tight.
Chris then pulled out from his pocket an inch-tall figurine of what I thought was the trophy given to the winning team
of the NBA Playoffs, which he considered a lucky charm of his. I
didnt really figured him to be a superstitious guy, as our job
requires us to be skeptics who raise eyebrows every time a phopg. 25

All She Lost.

tograph of Bigfoot goes viral or when some preacher says Jesus

Christs gonna return tomorrow.
Thought youll bring that thing again, I said.
You want this?
I want none of your bad luck, Chris.
Dennis gave this to me the day before he disappeared,
he said. He told me to keep this beside me all the time. Its really important for him, you know. It felt a little bit creepy for me;
it was like bringing the urn with the ashes of your father whos
been dead for a decade and have it carried everywhere you go. I
actually thought Chris and Dennis had some connection more
than just really great friends like a gay couple or something, but
it wasnt that. They just really loved each other, in a fraternal
way.
You never really told me what happened when you
two were about to leave.
Its kinda sketchy, he said. We were on an American
army base, slept there for the night. And the following day, he
was just gone. He left this trophy for me. I could tell he didnt
want to talk about it, as would I.
Tell me, I said, grasping his hands, tell me were
gonna be okay. I knew we wont be, but I thought if he just said
yes Id be led to believe that were gonna make it through this
thing, though the odds were totally not, and not even a bit, in
our favor. He smiled at me, and placed his other hand above
mine, the figurine still on it.
We will, he said. I promise.

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All She Lost.

Chapter

02.
IN ALL THAT time, my black Sony Handycam was staring the
two of us from atop my bulky backpack, perfectly still in front of
my legs. I didnt turn it on yet; I didnt want the team to see and
feast on the awkwardness between me and Chris that could potentially happen any moment now, though Judd specifically instructed us to keep recording and shooting no matter what so we
could get as much material as possible. Other than my personal
camera which was intended for additional B-shots, Chris has his
larger and much more sophisticated camera for the main shots.
Our reporting style in The Valiant was of The Blair Witch Projecttype, found-footage style, so our viewers could really get that
sense of being in our feet, not to mention that additional authenticity factor. That would require us to show every single thing
we would do in the two-week duration of this assignment, be it
me peeing, taking a shower, meditating and acting all crazy to
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All She Lost.

get rid of my anxiety attacks or making out with Chris, and endlessly talk to the camera like it was my best friend in the whole
world. The editing team would our footages into a 90-minute
documentary for the convenience of our YouTube viewers, but
we make available DVDs with the unrated version of everything.
Because of our baggage capacity, we couldnt have live feed for
the entire mission so we would just keep shooting everything we
see when we touch down and let the editing team do their magic
and make me my documentary, which hopefully, would be the
instrument of the further popularity of our channel, and of me.
I did manage to get a few minutes of sleep, the assurance of Chris of our safety being an important factor, until a brief
violent turbulence snapped me off. I looked around the cabin,
and it seemed I was the only one disturbed. Even Chris was still
in deep sleep. I was back to square one. My wristwatch showed
5:16, and though we wont land in Tehran until 45 minutes later,
time that I could use for more nap, my body was already awake
and could no longer fall into another slumber. My house routines and the report assignments for our channel have altered the
biological clock of my body, which seems unhealthy but no
chronic illness from this has threatened my life just yet. I do suffer from a severe form of asthma, which inflicted me out of nowhere, but I dont associate it with that. Instead, I grabbed the
camera, turned it on, aimed it at my face, and I did my first video diary.
Hey, good morning. Its Holly Grace Thompson, on my
way now to Tehran, I said, whispering. I kept my eyes just
slightly opened to make it seem I just woke up, though I could
already open them wide. I rotated the viewfinder to see how my
face looked. I didnt want to wake Chris up so I just turned on
the lights on the camera. I looked terrible. The stupid pimple in
the side of my nose was all red, making me a clown. I focused
the camera just to my left face, which kind-of reminded me of
that scene in The Blair Witch Project where the lady was crying
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All She Lost.

and apologizing to the camera. I continued to whisper, bringing

the camera closer to my face.
Its now 5:17 in the morning local time, Friday, and as
you can see behind me everybodys still sleeping, even my partner and cameraman right here, Chris Banner. I turned the camera accordingly to what I was talking about. So< in 45 minutes
we will be landing at Mehrabad International Airport to cover
the war thats going on in Iran. And as usual, The Valiant will
bring you right where the action is, beyond where other news
bureaus could take you. That was our catch phrase.
I turned the camera to the window and zoomed in on
the orange hue on the horizon that was slowly eating the darkness of the night. As you can see, the Sun is just about to rise.
And I believe we are just about uh< above the northern Arabian
Peninsula. The cloud canopy got thinner, but barely enough to
see down the ground. I pointed the camera back to my face, then
started explaining why our news coverage would matter to our
audiences.
So< this is easily one of the biggest and most significant events, if not biggest and most significant event, of this year
or decade in fact. For more than ten years, Iran has been one of
the most highly scrutinized nations in the world by international
organizations for its covert nuclear program. Though not really
proven, its long been assumed that the country has a hidden
stash of nuclear bombs, possibly of the more advanced type than
what other nations have. Such an assumption stemmed from the
fact that Iran has one of the most corrupt and radical regimes in
the world. They give weapons and funds to several militia
forces, especially the Hezbollah, who are responsible for recent
turmoil in Syria, Jordan and the Gaza Strip. And now that the
president is dead, everybodys on edge that the nukes are loose,
thats why the United States has dispatched its military to prevent that from happening. I felt my hands tire from keeping the
camera steady, so I placed it back on top of the backpack.
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All She Lost.

I then pulled out a piece of folded paper from my left

pocket. It was a map Chris said to be from an avid fan, David
Price, who claimed to be a former employee of a weapons manufacturing and military contracting corporation whose name I
totally forgot, the one that somehow convinced Judd to take the
job. Chris claimed the guy to be that kind who believed that
aliens built the Pyramids, Bush ordered the 9/11 attacks and a
black hole sucks ships and airplanes in the Bermuda Triangle.
He added that he talked uncontrollably to him, like someones
hunting him down, desperate for us to take his intel. Hes apparently trying to save the world and that we shouldnt trust anyone for the enemy was within, shit like that. We dont usually
entertain people of his type, as it may stain our ever-fragile credibility. In the broadcasting arena, every single sentence said,
not to mention how it is said, gets heavily scrutinized, detecting
F-bombs, grammatical insufficiencies, or anything they could
base an article from. And once we start covering about the Loch
Ness monster or the rapture or the ancient astronaut theory,
people would start thinking that were a bunch of bearded sages
that consult a crystal skull for news. Besides, our focus was to
the war. But the map seemed kind of legit, so Chris persuasion
of us to take the map paid off. He was also warned that people
would take that map from us whatever it took, since the map
was apparently stolen, a huge red flag. But it was nothing compared to other illicit stuff we revealed on our channel, assuming
of course that it should yield radical revelations to compensate
with its illicitness. Also, I thought nuke-hunting would be more
engaging for our subscribers than just seeing Iran get blown to
bits from the war.
I carefully unfolded the paper and showed it to the camera. It contained a map of Iran with several Xs all over and a
weird-looking mosaic of rectangles, squares and binary digits on
the other half. This<, I said, is from an anonymous source
who is also a fellow freelancer like us. He didnt actually tell us
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All She Lost.

to hide his identity, but I did just in case he has a bad reputation
with all his crazy ideas. I tried to remember the name of the
company Price worked for, but all I could recall was its globular
trademark, a black globe with stars around it and wings on the
background. Now, I cant tell you where he got this information, but its worth giving a shot. He says that this map shows
the locations where Iran could be hiding or making their nuclear
bombs. Our informant also tells us that over the past three years
of surveillance, these areas have seen the most activity than anywhere else in Iran. We dont know what, but they are definitely
doing something in these places. Whether theyre making the
bomb here, we dont know. The plan is to sneak out in each of
these facilities and find out just about that. And hopefully, dont
get shot along the way too.
I was supposed to say anything I felt saying anyway, so
I inserted a bit of my personal whims. So, this is the most dangerous assignment Ive ever been to in my life and, to be honest,
Im feeling really nervous right now, like anyone would, right?
This is the first time Im going abroad, and my destinations a
fucking battlefield. I< I just wish I told my parents< I stopped.
All of a sudden, I felt something cold dripping all the way down
my face, teardrops. I was having another emotional breakdown.
I hid my face from the camera, and wiped the tears with the back
of my hand. Extreme guilt flooded my chest. I loved my parents,
and I think from their loud sermons and strict rules they, or at
least kind-of, loved me too. If I got killed, Ill come back home in
a wooden box, or not at all, then my parents would whine their
hearts out for eternity over my dead cold body, in which case Ill
be such a selfish little shit who never cared what my parents ever did for me, just walking around doing anything she wanted
to. I guess I was like that all along. But then again, it was part of
the job. I have to do this. The quest for the truth has never been
and never will be easy, so they say.
After a few moments of calming myself down, I tried to
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All She Lost.

produce a huge smile for the camera. So< um< see you in 30
minutes.
Hey! Chris whispered, poking my shoulder. My eyes
and mouth opened wide in shock for a moment. I almost
screamed and ripped the precious map in half.
Shit, what the fuck, man! I pummeled him repeatedly
with a white pillow. You scared the shit out of me! He was
laughing his pants off, covering his head with his arms. I should
be feeling angry, but I couldnt help but laugh too. I folded the
map back to the front left compartment of my heavily-pocketed
brown pants.
Hey, listen. I kind-of borrowed your Smartphone when
I went to freshen up a few minutes ago, he said, giving me my
phone. Were you crying?
No, I said, though it was really obvious. My nose was
all clogged with mucus and my eyelashes all wet. Im fine.
Youre thinking about it again. I didnt answer back. I
thought that if I kept talking about this, I just might collapse under the weight of this guilt and not focus on the job, which was
the last thing I want. Probably to start a conversation, he then
requested for the map and examined it for the hundredth time.
My tummy feeling a bit empty, I pulled out a tuna sandwich
from the bag.
Were gonna follow this thing right?
Yeah, I said. We got nothing else, and you told us to,
dumbass. Where did you find that guy anyway?
There was a considerable pause. Well, I was drinking at
a bar down Washington Street and he just came to me. I had my
ID on so, seeing that Im a journalist, he gave it to me.
Why did you trust him?
I didnt at first. First time I saw him I thought hes demented or something. His face was all wrinkly, he wore these
big eyeglasses and close to a rag for a clothing. His hair was all
grayish and fuzzy. Such an appeal might have been the reason
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All She Lost.

why he was probably rejected an audience with other much

more respected news agencies out there, and his giving of the
map to us was his last resort.
Yeah I know that. So, why did you trust him?
He proved himself to be legit with his papers, he said,
and I thought we have no lead to our coverage so I took it.
I then looked at my phone and a weird crosshair icon on
the top of the screen caught my eye. What the hell is this?
I< I dont know. It just came up, I guess.
You broke my goddamn phone, Chris. Why did you let
me bring this thing anyway?
Just keep it there with you. You never know when it
would come in handy.
Whatever, I said. You owe me if this thing breaks.
You know, you shouldve thought that we could end up in jail
for that thing before you took that map. Though essentially the
same thing, hacking a secret was very different from uncovering
a secret with legal but not necessarily permissible ways. Edward
Snowden, through the leakages hub Wikileaks, belonged to the
first category, whose revelations including covert eavesdropping operations by the NSA to several world leaders and their
collection of data from the Facebook and Google accounts of millions of people we only dreamed of having. Over the years, as
our audience reach got higher, The Valiant gradually entered
that same category, culminating in this very mission. We saw
ourselves as warriors for the truth, the truth that would, hopefully, make the world a better and safer place, in this case, finding out whether the wrong hands have the end of the worldinducing nuclear arsenal.
Relax, he said. We aint gonna tell them whos it from
or where its from. And were not gonna go to jail. We just did
America and the world a goddamn favor. He had a point. The
discovery of the bombs should be enough reason not to send us
to prison. The world has been searching for those bombs for a
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All She Lost.

decade, and theyre gonna send us to jail because we stole information that led us to its discovery which they never did? I
didnt think so too.
I hope youre right, I said. If something happens to
us with your map, Im going to kill you.
But< you know Im not really sure. How could I? Do
you think there are really bombs out there?
There should be, or else theyll send our asses to prison
and Im gonna kill you. If they found out we used stolen information, added to the fact that we disobeyed an order to stay the
hell out of the country, then there would be no reason they wont
send us to hell.
But the U.N. has been searching for them for a long
time, for decades.
Yeah, I said, putting back the half of the sandwich to
the backpack. They didnt find any bomb because Iran is hiding
them very professionally, maybe in these places here.
They managed to hide the bombs from them, the U.N.
with all their technology and equipment?
I dont know. Maybe theyre just really smart at hiding
things, or maybe the U.N. is looking at the wrong place. Wait,
you sound like you wanna throw this thing away.
I was just thinking, he said.
I have made reports and interviews before about what
nations might have a secret nuclear bomb stockpile North Korea, China, France, Pakistan, India, Russia, Saudi Arabia and the
United States, among many others. I know a decent amount of
stuff about the U.N.s search for nukes on Iran, which included
the fact that Iran still fails to give a complete inventory of its nuclear stocks and access to its nuclear facilities. Come to think of it,
the fact that no one ever found those bombs after a decades-long
search and here we were, two young journalists who barely
knew the workings of international diplomacy, holding the map
to the nuke stockpile of Iran, was unnerving. Either were really
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All She Lost.

lucky, or theres more than meets the eye with this map.
Hey, do you remember the company Price told us that
we worked for? Its got that globe symbol with stars around it or
something.
I dont know. I forgot, he said. Shit, I forgot. Sorry.
Whats the name of that guy Judd got for us again?
Its< Omar.
You know I wonder how in the world Judd got an Iranian friend. His control-freakiness, not to mention his low perception of joke statements, earned him low on the friendliness
charts.
He gives away his NBA memorabilia. Turns out Omar
is an NBA freak too. You see, its a global phenomenon. Youre
the only person I know who hates basketball.
Whatever. I never knew that an American pastime
broke through cultural barriers and made other races anticipate
the next Heat vs. Lakers game. But that Omar guy must be really
an NBA addict, since he just agreed to risk his life for us in exchange for some memorabilia that would do him nothing other
than to develop a sense of pride on himself possessing that shit.
Chris grabbed the camera from the backpack and aimed
it at my face. I frowned at it. What are you doing?
Nothing, he said. Just seeing how beautiful you are.
Are you making fun of me?
Why? You dont believe youre beautiful? He definitely took a wrong timing for a tease, and he definitely took the
wrong words to say. Next to wideness and height, one thing
women really hate for men to say and judge on, except in cases
of romance, is beauty, especially if the word doesnt really apply
to the girl, like me. Im not beautiful, and not even close, a fact
that I learned and still uphold by heart since I got rejected by the
big news networks.
Stop fucking with me.
I thought were gonna do that later. He was being naspg. 35

All She Lost.

ty. I pummeled his head dead-on with a pillow. He dropped the

camera and cried in pain, waking the family sitting next to us.
As I saw the fathers angry face, I covered Chris mouth and apologized to them.
Shut up, goddamn it! Theyre looking at us.
Youre the one who hit me.
I let go of him and looked again at the family. The father,
slightly fat but dark as the night, was sitting nearest us in the
center rows, embracing two rather lightly-complexioned boys
sleeping in the middle seat. His wife, also fat and dark-skinned,
was at the third seat from us, cuddling a baby dangling on her
neck. Their bodies were covered with thick colored cloth, those
of the wife more elaborately decorated. They were apparently
among perhaps a hundred Iranians in this flight. I wondered
what could they be up to in their forsaken and war-stricken
country, but it must be something very important, since they
risked bringing their kid to the most dangerous place on Earth. It
was almost Chris case, but Im pretty sure theyre not gonna
document the war.
After I placed the camera back to the backpack, I poked
Chris right arm. Hey, I said, ask them why theyre here.
What? he said after looking at the family. I cant
speak Iranian.
Just call them then.
Sighing, he reached for the fathers shoulder. Excuse
me, sir? he said repeatedly. The man turned on the light above
them and immediately gave him a big frown, or maybe that was
his natural face. I got Judds Farsi-basic-phrases notebook and
neared my head toward Chris lap. I placed my right hand flat
on my chest as a gesture of respect before I talked.
Uh< ayashoma<Engilisi harfmizanid? I said, asking
him if he knew how to speak English. Chris giggled, which was
understandable with my pathetic and laughable diction. Like
Mandarin Chinese and Hindi, basically every other language
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All She Lost.

beside English, every word sounds awfully ridiculous that

laughter overwhelms me before I could speak.
After a few moments, the man spoke. Pale, he said,
which meant yes, and then he started speaking really fast that
my page-turning hand just couldnt catch up. From his voice and
gestures, I could tell he didnt want to talk to me. When he finally stopped, I introduced myself not minding whatever he said.
Hi, Im Holly Grace Thompson, journalist for The Valiant, I said, speaking as if the man was my nearly deaf grandfather. I did insert the name of our channel to make us look like
legit professionals, though he might not heard of it at all. So<
are you going to Iran?
Yes, yes< we go there< yes.
Where are you from?
Detroit, he said, pronouncing it horribly. Right then I
realized they must be illegal extraterrestrials. He couldnt speak
English fluently, so they mustve spent only a week or two in
America, perhaps trying to escape the civil war. But the war
wasnt over yet, in fact not even close to being over.
You American? he said. I nodded.
Why come back to your country? I said.
Imam calls us, save us< from your people.
Excuse me?
You speak English, dont understand? he said, apparently judging my strong English skills. I just let go of the ridiculous insult and tried to ask him again, but he waved me to stop
and turned off the light above them. I moved back to my seat
and looked at Chris.
That was worth it. I was, of course, sarcastic.

FOR THE NEXT thirty minutes, I laid my head on the chair

while I scan through the headlines on The Daily Beast, avoiding
those about Iran, which I should be reading. I thought that I
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All She Lost.

might come across some gruesome picture of a kid whose head

was blown off, or a severed limb on a road, which would lead to
another breakdown episode of mine, but its all there was. The
breakdown of the Iranian government was making the whole
world crazy, which was understandable with the nuclear bombs
and all. Even when I checked the reviews of Batman v. Superman:
Dawn of Justice on the site, a sidebar about Iran would suddenly
appear out of nowhere. It was quite annoying.
Once in a while, Id poke Chris face to see if he was really asleep. I didnt want to squeal again and wake up the entire
cabin and get yelled at by the flight attendants. After shoving my
laptop into the backpack, I decided to give the crappy country
and alternative music playlist a go, but to my surprise it was
now full of trance and dance tracks the likes of David Guetta,
Avicii and Zedd. At last, I had just a bit of fun. And for quite a
while, I wasnt plunging in a severe nervous breakdown.
I leaned toward the window to see the Sun slowly breaking through the horizon. I turned off the air-conditioner above
me so I could press my head against the glass, the fantasy of
breaking open the window setting in, making my crotch feel
ticklish. It was 5:49, ten minutes before landing. Just as Zedds
Clarity ended, the strong white lights of the cabin turned on and
the pilot made his morning greetings in English and Farsi. He
said we were already above central Iraq, and that we should
prepare to get off the plane. I worried for a moment that someone on the ground was going to shoot the plane to oblivion, with
the brand of Iraq being the hub of the most dangerous people on
Earth. I could now hear long yawns all around me. One in particular sounded uncomfortably close. It smelled like morning
breath too, until I turned my head.
Chris! Come on! I said, his face almost touching mine.
Sorry. Theres nowhere else to let it out. The others
might smell me.
And you dont mind me smelling you?
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All She Lost.

No. I was starting to think that he might be getting too

confident messing with me. He has never been like that. Hes
lucky that I owe him for inviting me to Maroon 5s next concert
after this assignment, or else I wouldve already punched him in
the face. But then, that might be his way of expressing his interest to me every tease really is. If a man makes a comment about
how skinny, how fat, how loud or how curly a girls hair is, remarks that her closest girl friends should only make, or says
something about the most little things that nobody ever notices,
then that man is definitely onto something. So I just went with
the flow and also breathed out on his face.
Take that, asshole, I said, my mouth directly on the
side of his nose.
Shit, is that onion? he said, teasing again.
Wha< how dare you!
As the passengers behind us reached for their luggage in
the compartments above their seats, Chris and I outfitted ourselves with microphones and comms and the other necessities of
the reporting job. The moment we land, we should begin making
the report with him holding the bigger and more equipped camera of his and me talking forever to it. I left my Handycam recording steady this time above the seat of the passenger in front
of me. It could hold like an eternity of HD video anyway, its battery the most lasting we could find at RadioShack, and you
would never know when a big moment might come. In the news
world, theres nothing more infuriating than missing a crucial
moment in your story, which was why I would strap it later in
my shoulder and make myself look like a fool.
I removed my jacket to install the microphone on me,
exposing my tight-ass grayish-blue shirt, so tight that my breasts
seemed to protrude out of the cloth. It was my precaution to the
hellish climate of the region. As I wrapped my hair into a ball, I
turned to Chris for a bit; he wasnt looking at them. He was busy
wiring himself too. I wasnt really sure if I wanted to catch him
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All She Lost.

looking at my breasts and prove every man is a pervert, or to

know if he was interested in them. I reached through my chest to
bring the wire under my shirt and connect it to the recorder in
my right pocket, and then taped the microphone just above my
neck. Though we could just use the cameras mic, I could get far
away from it when I make my report. Proving a big nuisance, I
unwittingly pushed my Smartphone to the floor.
Hey, he said. Whats wrong with you?
Sorry. You go carry it. Youre the one who need it.
I dont have any more pockets on me. Just put it in your
pants or somewhere, please. I need it.
Then I picked up the bulletproof vest from my backpack.
Together with our food and clothing and water for the next two
weeks, it was making the bag really bulky and heavy. The vest
was basically a tuxedo without any sleeves, but it has been
reused so many times that it already looked terrible, almost
shameful to put on. And with Irans ridiculously hot climate, it
would turn to an oven, baking my body and bathing it in a sea of
salty sweat. I would stink so much that no life form would survive. But it was a small price to pay than get myself killed.
The vest should, as assured by the boss, be able to withstand shrapnel from the average frag grenade, average AK-47
and average pistol rounds. But the rebels wont wage war with
just average weapons now, would they? Five years of wear, tear
and batter made the vest look like its been abused by Wolverine
and a horde of saber-toothed cats. I didnt even know if it could
bear another bullet. But we couldnt do anything about it. Thats
one of the drawbacks of being an independent journalist; we
have to make do of the really shitty stuff on our hands, all in the
name of the cause, to bring the truth to the whole world.
What are you doing? Chris said, seeing me outfitting
the vest, apparently baffled.
What do you think? I said. Go put yours own. Were
about to land.
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All She Lost.

The rebels arent gonna shoot us when we get off this

plane. The military is all over the airport.
Im just making sure, I said, pulling the zipper of the
vest. There might be snipers, or suicide bombers down there
wholl blow this plane to hell. I looked more like a bomb disposal guy with the vest on. As I fasten the side of my vest, I
heard Chris laughing at me.
What?
Youre acting hysterical, he said, chuckling. Were
totally safe on this plane. Theyre not gonna blow us up. Dont
worry about it. It angered the hell out of me. I turned to him
slowly, my mouth opened in disbelief to what I just heard.
Really? I said, looking at him straight in the eye. Are
you seriously gonna laugh when I try to keep myself alive? Is<
is this all fun and games to you?!
I dont mean it that
Im sorry if I cared about my life just a little! I heard
the cabin went silent, apparently surprised of my shrieking. The
family on the seats next to us was looking, though I was focused
on Chris sorry face. Why would you even say that? Is it< is it
funny to you that I tried not getting myself killed? What, you
want me to fucking die? Is that what you want for me?! Dont
you fucking care?! I looked away from him and cried again for
the second time, covering my face with my hands and howling
like a wolf giving birth to a dozen cubs. This assignment has already taken a big toll on me, and it hasnt even started yet. I
could only imagine what it would do to me when I get there.
And for a millionth time already, I thought of home my horrible sisters, my parents, my soft sofa, my Adam Levine portrait.
Im sorry. Im sorry, Chris said, hugging me tight and
pulling my head to his chest. I still cried, the images of home
continuously flashing to my mind. I didnt mean it, okay? Of
course, I do care about you Holly. I do care, more than anything
else. Im sorry. Im really sorry.
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All She Lost.

After a few more howls, I moved away from him and

wiped off my tears. Im sorry, I
No, no. It was all my fault. I shouldnt have said that.
Im< I am really messed up today. That was my severe damage; my mood and thoughts are nothing but tumultuous, swinging up and down like the spikes of an electrocardiograph by even the most unreasonable of triggers, like then. My
ears ring at times of extreme distress. And I guessed Im a really
big paranoid too. I worry and freak out about the littlest of
things. But I mean, who wouldnt, now that we were about to go
to hell on Earth? I also tend to daydream too much, my mind
fooling me that I actually lived its sick and ridiculous constructs,
a fault that more than once before made me question reality.
Sorry.
No, no, no, he said. Promise Ill shut the fuck up. Ill
never do that again.
Okay. Okay.
Im all used to you screaming at me like that anyway.
Whatever, I said.
From the Handycams viewfinder, I could see that we
were no longer in the center of attention. My damages might
make me end up crying in the middle of my reports, and people
would make fun of my pathetic little face. Soon enough, Id turn
into an instant comedy star, a laughing stock not exactly the
fame I wanted to bathe into.
After a few slap on the face, I continued fixing my vest.
Apparently still guilty of what he did, Chris pulled his vest out
and put it on. It looked as shredded as mine.
You gotta be kidding me, he said.
What?
This is just shit.
I know right, I said.
He then looked at me with a big smile. It was contagious. After he put himself in the vest, I couldnt help but laugh
pg. 42

All She Lost.

on how ridiculous he looked with the vest on.

What? he said.
You look like shit, I said.
I know right.
We both laughed at how ridiculous we looked, which
was perhaps the best thing to do to ease the tension at that moment. I would never know, that might just be the last chance we
ever got to laugh.
Holly, he said, taking my hand. Thank you for doing
this.
What? What do you mean? Its our freaking job.
Its more than that for me.
Shut up. Youre being ridiculous.
Its all gonna be okay now that youre here.
He was starting to creep me out. Did you smoke that
pot back there, you crazy asshole?
A little bit, maybe. Yeah, he said. But Im really sorry
for what I said earlier.
Yeah, yeah. Me too.
The next thing I knew, we were about to land in hell.

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All She Lost.

Chapter

03.
THE DAWN WAS exceptionally magnificent. Lumps of clouds
broke the eternal shine of the Sun, distributing it into magical
rays of light. The cloud canopy looked like what I thought the
skin of an orange fruit looked like under a microscope, bumpy
and vividly orange. The sky directly above us already turned
light blue. I always liked the sunrise, among the things this universe couldnt make enough of and indeed more beautiful. The
orange glow of the Sun rising from the earth and turning the
lands into almost shimmering gold is beyond magical, a priceless sight. I couldnt help it, so I grabbed the Handycam from the
top of the seat, and like little kids on a zoo seeing an elephant for
the first time, Chris and I waved at the camera with our significantly awful vests on and then pointed it to the window. After
six hours of wait in this congested plane, we were finally near
our destination.
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All She Lost.

The SEATBELTS ON light on the panel above the end of the

aisle turned on as the pilot told us to prepare for descent. His
voice reminded me of James Earl Jones, really deep and croaky,
which was really attractive, or maybe it was just the static of the
radio. After securing the belts, I suddenly felt my guts and my
brain on zero gravity, floating in the chambers of my body.
Slowly, we submerged into the cloud canopy, ruining my view
of the magical sunrise. The plane was vibrating and producing
creaky sounds more than usual to the point that I almost thought
the entire thing was gonna break apart. The bottles of wine in
the liquor bar chimed rather beautifully. Beside me, Chris was
still tweaking the camera and transmission equipment despite
the descent of the airplane.
You need help with that? I said.
No, he said. Its okay. I have no idea how to operate
that thing anyway.
I remembered the bag of marijuana he had. Wheres the
Mary Jane?
In the bag, and dont worry about it. Metal detectors
cant detect grass.
Yeah, but dogs do.
Irans on war, remember, he said. I think the least of
their concerns is a drug smuggler.
As our plane emerged out of the clouds, a snow-covered
mountain line immediately caught my attention, the top already
lit by the orange light of dawn. It seemed that Iran was not really
as hot as I expected, as what war films about the Middle East
always made it seem. Below the mountains, still dim and quite
foggy, was the metropolis of Tehran. It struck me as a bustling
city almost like that of my hometown in Newark, Ohio, though
our city layout was much more organized and our buildings
much taller and more elaborate but with fewer green trees. I
gravely underestimated this country. I really expected to see
sand houses and clay temples and mud roads, like Tatooine in
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All She Lost.

Star Wars, a part of the world still untouched by modern technology. I guessed the Middle East was not all sand, after all.
I focused the camera steady to the window, as per our
boss instructions of continuous recording. On the viewfinder,
the ground seemed to be rising up as we continued to descend.
My insides were still in a quite literal free fall, eliciting an ecstatic and relaxing feeling in me. Out in the distance, I saw two towering smoke columns emerging from what seemed to be a
burning building just the welcome one would expect in a warsavaged country. Fainter towers of smoke were visible far to the
horizon. Right then, my head went heavy, once again filling up
with thoughts of what-the-hell-did-I-put-myself-into again. But
theres no backing out now, now that were already here.
I zoomed in to one of the towers and called Chris. Hey,
hey. Look at this, I said, his head leaning toward me. As the
smoke was not in his line of sight and his bulky vest preventing
him to move in closer to me, I had to pause the recording and get
the camera to him. The smoke came out of a smoldering building, half of it collapsed because of mortar shells perhaps.
Christ, he said. Well, thats what we came for.After
he turned away, I pointed the camera back to the window and
resumed recording. The whole citys burning, I said to the
camera as if narrating my own documentary, and really, the
first thing you would see in this country is the chaos and destruction. Its already a post-apocalyptic wasteland down there.
From behind a smoke tower, two or three long helicopters emerged, maybe Chinooks, heading straight out to where I
was facing. The sky was already light enough for the camera to
clearly distinguish them. A large black container was hanging on
one of them, maybe containing weapons for the war effort or
relief supplies for the locals.
After calling Chris again, I zoomed in on the helicopters.
Right there, see that? I said. Helicopters< nations have been
sending supplies for the war and for the millions of locals and<
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All She Lost.

whoa, what the hell is that? Right below the helicopters, two
lines of white smoke suddenly popped out of a small building.
The smoke seemed to be coming out of black tubes travelling
really fast toward the helicopters. Another line then emerged out
of the same spot. Holy shit, is that< RPG?
What? Where? Chris said, leaning as far as he can toward me. He grabbed my camera and zoomed in on where the
lines were popping out. Another line again appeared, heading
towards the helicopters. Oh my God, theyre shooting the goddamn helicopters.
Really?! I held on to the viewfinder. The rockets went
haywire and flew all over the place as they reached the aircrafts,
missing them by a mile. No more were fired. Jesus Christ.
Paranoia was setting in again. If those bastards just fired
live rockets at our military, there would be no reason they wont
fire at this plane too. My hands shook wildly and my head
turned all over the place. I pressed my face to the window to see
if a rocket was about to hit the plane from below. I repeatedly
breathed till my chest totally ballooned out.
Oh shit. Oh shit, shit!
Hey, hey, hey. Dont go crazy on me again, he said.
What if theyre gonna hit us next? What if theyre firing
right now? I said, panicking like a little kid.
Relax, will you? I already told you, theyre not gonna
shoot us! Were already above the airport and no ones gonna
shoot a rocket from there. Those guys are too far away to shoot
us from there. And theyre not gonna waste their weapons to
take down something they wont gain from with. You hear me?
Yeah< yeah, I said. I was really not used to stressful
situations like and especially this. I couldnt even endure just a
minute of hearing my parents argue over whos gonna get what
buyer. But someone attempting to shoot our plane out of the sky
was something much more worse, which I thought was a reasonable justification for my paranoia.
pg. 47

All She Lost.

Goddamn it, why did I let Judd take my job?

You said you hate sitting around all day at the office.
Why did you have to convince him to make me to this
assignment? I said.
I didnt convince him. I just showed him the map and I
dont know what made him change his mind. And you had the
final choice
Just shut up. Youre making me think this is all my
fucking fault.
Were not gonna die here, Holly, he said. I mean, we
got these kick-ass armors for protection. They endured Wolverines adamantium claws, and its still< well, pretty much intact. Were essentially invincible. It was another of his trademark comforting statements, but it appealed to me as more of an
inconvenient truth of our situation. These vests fit better in a
trashcan than in the bodies of two young freelancers. We might
be better off without them at all; theyre heavy and essentially
rags and big ovens. But every little bit of help counts.
Whatever.
As I looked down at my closed legs, I wondered why I
even took journalism as my lifes work. It takes great courage,
strong guts and balls to be in this business. It requires venturing
far out of ones comfort zone joining riots, sucking in the wrath
of your interviewee, enduring the judgment of everyone who
thinks your face is all bloated and your reporting is all wrong,
and risking life and limb as in this case. But then, its a matter of
pushing through your boundaries, it always has been. I liked
bringing stuff that mattered to the people. I liked helping them
make sense of everything. And everyone will do everything to
do what they want most.
Youre thinking very deep again, huh? Chris said, interrupting my mediation.
Would you please? Im trying to relax myself, I said.
Good. You dont want to be a drama queen. Most likepg. 48

All She Lost.

ly, I would be doing this meditating thing millions of times during the duration of this assignment.
The entire plane suddenly shook violently, with the faint
sound of screeching tires filling the cabin. My insides felt like
they just plummeted from the sky. To my surprise, we have already landed. Few moments later, the rather unscathed building
of the Mehrabad airport came into view. A couple of airplanes
were at the receiving docks, which was really weird considering
the whole war situation. I guessed they must be for high-ranking
officials and rich Iranians in case they needed to escape, and for
the other rebel journalists also covering the event.
Come on, time to go, said Chris. We already went to
the door with our packs strapped on our backs but the beautifully-clad flight attendant blocked the way. I turned back to the
Iranian family I talked to earlier. The father seemed unusually
happy, waking up his children as if they have just arrived to a
picnic ground or something. I thought of approaching him
again, but he might just wave me off and insult my English
again. He did look at me for a bit, still angry. As the plane went
to a full stop and the door opened in an almost futuristic hiss
sound, the Iranian attendant then made her complementary farewells and thanks for the passengers.
This is it, he said and walked out after smiling to the
attendant, carrying on his shoulder the bigger camera which
looked more of a boom box. But hesitation froze my feet and my
entire body from stepping off the plane. I tried to move, but
there seemed to be a force field blocking my way. I knew its too
late for second thoughts, but it was particularly strong this time.
The ringing of my ears was all I could hear, the rectangular path
at the other side of the door leading to a ball of light all I could
see. Possibilities of my possible demise in all sorts of grotesque
ways were all I could think off, until a jolt snapped me off of it.
Chris pulled my arm out of the plane. Come on! Pull
yourself together!
pg. 49

All She Lost.

I shook my head and slapped my face. Yeah. Im sorry, I said. The bridge to the main building looked like the interior of a shipping container, only that its covered with that same
fabric in the walls of cinemas and big performing halls.
Get in here and lets do this shit! I walked in front of
him and collected in my mind what I was going to say. I was totally not in the mood, which was ridiculous considering that Ive
been doing stuff like this for practically much of my adult life.
My brain felt so tired that it couldnt produce a steady stream of
words for me. But I thought if I just started talking, maybe my
natural impulses would just kick in. So thats what I did.
Okay< were finally here in Tehran, and it is now 6:09
in the morning, I said, walking along the last curve on the
bridge before entering the main building. I was supposed to say
virtually anything I had in mind, from what time it was, whats
going on around, what I was feeling or what I was doing, then
Chris would move the camera accordingly. I have my camera
strapped on my left shoulder for additional footage.
The airport was not as state-of-the-art as expected of a
national airport, though it has changed from being a cruddy one
as shown in Argo. The ceilings were tiled with fiberglass, the
floor rather shiny as marble, and the stations looked more organized. But it was overshadowed by the disturbing amount of
people packed in the airport. Many locals have apparently used
the building as a temporary shelter, bringing with them bed
sheets, gallons of water and small tents. Their luggage towered
in the corners. Some of them laid out a big embroidered cloth in
the middle of the way, most likely for their morning prayers.
Armed guards in military uniform barricaded evacuees to the
corners of the building for the passengers to pass through. Also
disturbing was that the whole place was clean of any signs of
major damage, not even a shattered window, a collapsed ceiling,
or a destroyed wall. The whole place was really humid. I almost
couldnt hear myself talk.
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All She Lost.

On the path clear of any Iranian we walked through cautiously and casually. As you can see, I said to the camera, the
locals have used the entire airport as an evacuation center to escape the war. Kids, their parents and old people< there are like
thousands of evacuees in this building, and I think there are
more outside, right there by the window.
This marked the first time I ever saw foreigners in person, and considering whats going on, I didnt expect theyd
hang a bouquet of flowers on my neck or offer me their signature dishes or sing their welcome song or something. They were
all looking at us with such intense gazes that they seemed to see
through my vest. They might be amazed of two really pale human beings walking right in front of them and wearing ripped
off clothing, but it wasnt that. It felt like when I first entered
college and everybody was looking at me as if Im some lost hobo, disgusted of every inch of the fabric I wore. I was in the exact
situation, but this was worse. Its as if they want to kill us.
This is creeping me out, man, I whispered.
Just dont look at them, Chris said. Keep walking.
I slightly increased my pace to escape their gazes and
get the hell out of the airport to start reporting. But the fear crept
on me even more as I heard the loud shouts of locals blocked by
the guards from getting to the planes. Desperation was very
much apparent; they pressed themselves against the metal railings and yelled their lungs out to the guards. Women shoved
their babies to the guards faces like a reason for mercy. Its almost someones hunting them down. What the hell is going on
in here? I said.
One of them, a fat woman, saw and instantly ran towards us until she hit the metal barricade, then started yelling
out loud, pointing at us. For some reason, she was furious at the
sight of us. Like dogs that just sniffed raw meat, all the others
also turned to us and started yelling, as if they wanted the two of
us away. They frightened the hell out of me.
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All She Lost.

Come on, come on, lets go!

Maybe we should turn back, I said.
Are you kidding me? Its too late for that. Come on!
Just dont mind these people. Keep doing your thing.
Im trying, okay?
A few meters down, I saw another man in an extremely
thick brown robe walking in wide and stomping strides towards
us, his face filled with such pure rage, like hes just seen his mortal enemy after a thousand years. He was pointing and shouting
what I thought were obscenities at us. On his hand was a rusty
metal bar.
Holy fuck! I said, my heart pumping hard. That man
is walking towards us. Hes got a weapon!
Goddamn it, ignore him and stop looking! We walked
away from the man, but through my peripheral vision I saw that
he kept following us and shouting out loud with incomprehensible calls. Then, just as I turned back, the metal bar went flying
between the two of us, almost grazing my face. The sound of the
bar hitting the floor made the whole place go silent.
Hey! What the fuck is your problem, man?! Chris said,
dropping his camera to the floor and raging towards the Iranian,
the man showing no sign of being intimidated. Ive never heard
Chris voice that loud before, and I actually got more terrified of
him than the man. The two shouted at each other for ten seconds
straight like how two black guys would fight, staring and gesturing each other directly in the face, almost nanometers away from
contact. Soon enough, the other bystanders went yelling at him
too. It got real serious real fast. Knowing that if Chris punched
or even pushed one of the Iranians he might get into a lot of
trouble, I moved in and tried to pull him away.
Come on, I said, lets go! Lets get out of here! We
were now surrounded by a whole horde of angry Iranians all
shouting at us. Whistles from the incoming police didnt even
scare them off. As I held Chris arm, another man grabbed my
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All She Lost.

shoulders tight and yelled at my face. It hurt a lot.

Hey, hey, hey! Let go of her! he screamed, pushing the
man away from me. In retaliation, the other men pushed him too
towards me, the impact as hard as me hitting a concrete wall. I
fell on my back to the floor, the vest just slightly cushioning me.
Chris started punching everyone near his reach, but he was hit
exponentially more than he managed to punch. I got up and
pulled his arm to me before hes beaten to death.
Please stop! Stop! Please! Lets get out of here! I said,
but he didnt hear anything with the noise from all the yelling. I
grabbed hold of his left arm but the rest of him squirmed desperately for his fists to reach anyone. He was stopped as the police
came, after which the angry mob then dispersed back to their
corners and, after grabbing the camera, Chris and I walked off
just as quickly.
Motherfuckers! he said. Are you alright?
Yeah, yeah. Im fine, I said, still a bit shaken up. Oh
shit. I gazed on his face and remarkably, there was no sign of
permanent trauma or reddening or any sings that he just got his
ass handed to him by a bunch of Middle Easterners, but he
wasnt walking straight. Are you?
Are you kidding me? Nothing can take me down!
Compared to that RPG rocket earlier, I handled myself
pretty well in that situation. Ive been in quite a lot of rallies and
demonstrations, in fact exponentially worse than that. I knew
that some portion of the Middle Eastern folk still despise Americans the same or even of a higher magnitude than we are to
them, brought about by their atrocities to our nation since 9/11,
but until then I realized their hate was even more. I turned back,
and the mob has completely dispersed.
What the fuck is all that?
I dont care. Lets just go to the immigrations and get
the fuck out of his place before these motherfuckers go kick our
asses again, he said. I didnt care too. His loud shout and Hulkpg. 53

All She Lost.

level anger kept flashing in my brain. I felt really happy that he

faced an entire mob of angry Iranians for me.
Thanks, I said, bumping my body to his, for what
you did back there.
Dont mention it. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Ive never seen you get so mad like that before.
He chuckled. I am a man of many mysteries, he said
with pride.

THE IMMIGRATIONS COUNTERS, basically like a tollgate on

an expressway, occupied a rather small space among the other
stations in the airport despite the obvious need for more. But the
war has made the five stalls of the counter completely adequate,
excessive even, for our own needs. Chris started showing signs
of pain from earlier and his face started to redden, but he insisted his being unbroken. I wanted to interview the locals but
we needed to get out of here immediately, for crucial moments
of our story might be passing by already. Besides, they might be
hostile and kick our asses to death again. Lucky for us, our fellow passengers were slow turtles, still way back in the corridor,
so we got the ARRIVALS line to ourselves at the leftmost part of
the counter. But we remained on the crosshairs of the piercing
sights of the highly American-intolerant people of Iran along the
way, luckily without eliciting any violence from among them.
Right next in the line were a couple of guards scrutinizing with their X-ray gazes every square inch of our bodies.
Thinking that they dont like being filmed, Chris carried the
camera on his hands but continued recording. In the booth was a
rather pale guy, a rarity in a Sun-bathed region I thought, perhaps in his thirties. His hair was round-shaped and black, his
beard reaching all the way to his ears, and his green uniform
loose. A tall pile of folders occupied half of his station, and on
his table a stack of passports made another pile. Before I got to
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All She Lost.

the booth, I turned to Chris.

What if they know of our ban? I whispered. Theyre
not gonna let us in.
Judd said well go right through, he said. The man in
the booth then called out to me, apparently mad with me just
standing. After handing them over to him, he plowed through
my passport and transit papers with such scrutiny, glimpsing
my face several times. I was left petrified of the thought that he
might discover our real intentions of hunting down Irans elusive nuclear arsenal, but no one, I thought, would suspect that
from two young, pale-skinned Americans. I really hoped so.
What is your purpose here? he said after a while, startling my thin shaking body. I took a deep brief breath before
speaking.
Were journalists, I said, showing off the PRESS sign on
my vest, the only remaining unscathed part. Were here to report about the war. He flipped and went over my papers again,
this time inspecting them even longer.
I think he likes you, Chris said.
Shut up! I whispered back. The booth attendant then
told me to wait again as he grabbed his low-tech Nokia phone
and called someone. That just made me score Irans hospitality
rating with a big negative. For the next minute, I tried hiding my
growing frustration, but mostly my growing fear, by whistling,
faking a smile and crossing my arms. The mans repeated
glimpsing made me think that he was asking approval of some
higher authority to us into the country. My hearts pumping real
fast, almost to the point of it breaking through my chest. He
might be calling the States, prematurely ending this thing before
it even started. But Judd wont bother using our money if he
didnt have assurance of us getting in. After a final big nod, he
let go of the phone, stamped my papers and looked at me again.
Why did you come here? he said.
I already told you, were here to report about the war.
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All She Lost.

Were journalists, both of us.

Nothing else you will do?
No! I said. I might have responded too quickly, which
might have otherwise made him think I was lying. He looked at
me for like ten seconds. Anxiety attack almost kicked in. I hoped
that was charmed of me, and hadnt grown suspicious.
It turned out I was right, and he gave the papers back to
me. Thank you, I said, insanely relieved. When it was Chris
turn, it only took like a blink of an eye for him to get through.
I told you he liked you, he said. I guessed men here
dont see ladies as loosely clad like me much often.
We then sprinted towards inspection, but broken were
all of the airports X-ray machines. There was just a guy holding
a metal detector, which was perhaps broken as well. We passed
by him swiftly, as if he wasnt there. I was actually surprised that
that guy and all the others even bothered to work at this time of
chaos. I mean, the government was in dysfunction, basically
crumbling into oblivion. And they must have families to support
and protect. Who would pay for them, anyway? They deserved a
patriotic award or something for doing their country a favor
even at its darkest times.
The glass exit doors of the airport were directly ahead.
Smoke towers were visible from the glass faade of the exit. I
looked at my wristwatch. Oh, shit! Shit! Shit! I said.
What?
I forgot to take in my prescription drugs.
What for?
I get really bad coughs, remember? I said, reaching in
my pants for a white bottle. Ever since I graduated from college,
Ive been bothered by this rather enigmatic disease that quiteliterally came out of nowhere. I cough uncontrollably with no
apparent reason; my altered biological clock could not have been
the culprit. My doctor said it was maybe a residue of an allergic
attack or a lump in my windpipe. It wasnt tuberculosis, which I
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All She Lost.

really thought it was, or asthma or bronchitis. But whatever this

was, Im stuck with taking in a couple of little green pills every
five hours. And because of my series of dramatic episodes earlier, I almost got myself on the verge of another asthma attack.
How much you got?
Seven capsules, two for everyday, I said, taking in just
one. Its a gigantic pain in the ass, believe me.
Hey, thats< good for like three days only, he said.
Arent we supposed to be here for like two weeks?
I know, so Im rationing, only one per two days, I said,
and then we continued walking to the door. Ive been doing
that for like a month, and I cant tell the difference. But I have to
take the drug at the exact time Im supposed to, or Ill get pretty
bad relapses. Based on my poorly thought out calculations, the
drug should last for the duration of this assignment.
And how do you< you know, just in case?
I just hold my breath long enough, I said. Seems to
do the trick.
A few feet from the exit, I felt something vibrating over
my left thigh, which really tickled my crotch. It was the satellite
phone, much more like the walkie-talkie but twice as big and
with a really long antenna, which was also the only means of
communication we got to the headquarters. My Smartphone
couldnt handle the long-distance signal transmission. With the
ban, the NSA would most likely be monitoring calls in and out
of Iran to hunt down people like us, but our tech guys assured
me of its being untraceable as it relied on something they called
analog radio technology. I wasnt supposed to use it for its being
such a power hog, but it must be headquarters so I quickly answered it.
Hello? Judd? I said, turning on the loudspeaker for the
camera to hear. It was indeed him.
Are you there now? he said, speaking in his awful and
almost laughable British accent, which resulted from his expopg. 57

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sure to the company of British friends back in journalism school.

Hows it like out there?
We just landed five minutes ago and fortunately we got
through, and its fucking terrible out here. We just got attacked
by an angry mob of Iranians.
What? Are you okay?
Other than their fucking spit on our faces, were fine, I
said. Chris was encircling me as he recorded our conversation.
So, whats up?
Theres been a slight development, he said. Our airline company just cancelled our booking, so<
What?! Cancelled? What do you mean?
Theyre not gonna be able to pick you up next Thursday. That was the last thing I wanted to hear.
What did he say? Chris said, moving closer to me.
The fucking airlines not gonna pick us up! I said to
Chris. He tried to grab the phone from me but I waved him off.
You gotta be kidding me! You put us in this hellhole with no
way out?!
Its not my fault, Holly, he said. They said they cant
risk their men and their planes. And the FAAs keeping a close
tab on every airline out of America. But I managed to get another plane for the two of you, but it leaves in three days, on Monday evening. And its the last trip out of Iran.
Three days? I said. What the hell could we get in
three days?! As per our original plan, we should be staying for
a couple of weeks here, which should be enough time to get the
material we needed. And with that time reduced to just three
damn days, this trip has turned out to be useless. We could get
as much, even more, footage and material on the Web for just a
day. I should be happy that Im coming home much earlier, but I
didnt want my report to be a piece of shit either, now that many
were anticipating this a case which, as I noted, would infuriate
me more than to come back home as a dead corpse on a wooden
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box. The civilian embargo really kicked our asses really bad.
Judd sighed. Just go on with the plan, he said, and
well just make do of whatever you got, alright?
Yeah, okay, I said. Whatever you say boss.
And before I forget, give Omar my Bulls cap when he
arrives okay? Hes dying to have that. Omar was Judds contact
in Iran, who has agreed to be our chauffeur for the duration of
the assignment in exchange for a stupid Chicago Bulls cap autographed by LeBron James. Ive always wondered how in the
world Judd got acquaintances from even the remotest parts of
the world. He wasnt that friendly. I guess a Bulls cap could go a
long way.
Yeah, yeah, I said. Now where the hell is he?
He said hell pick you up by 6:15, he said. It was already 6:18. When you see a young pale guy with a funny voice,
no beard and with big eyeglasses, pretty thin and kind of nerdylooking, thats him.
You mean like you?
Kind-of, he said.
Does he even speak English? Cause its really tiring to
keep flipping the handbook you gave me.
Yes, fluently in fact. And you can ask him for some information too. He makes articles and satirical comics for the local
newspaper. He agreed to let you two stay at his house. Just give
him the cap.
Alright, I said. Well go now.
Keep safe, both of you.
Oh, wait, wait. Have you checked on my sisters?
Not yet. Ill go check them out later then Ill call you.
Okay, bye you fucking asshole, I said.
Im so sorry Holly for getting you there, you know that
right? I shut him off. I turned to Chris after putting the phone
back to my pocket, who was still recording in front of my face.
You think we can get enough footage in three days?
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If we start already, he said, maybe we can.

Shit. Now we just have to find that guy.
Wait, wait! someone remarkably American called us
from the airport just as we started walking to the exit. Emerging
from the sea of hopeless Iranian evacuees, a tall blonde wearing
a brown jacket with an enormous backpack and a dSLR camera
sticking out of his stomach ran towards us, his left hand up high.
As he got near and eventually stopped in front of me, I gazed
upon his heavily-freckled face and rather attractive blue eyes.
The sound of his things shaking around was loud.
Hi! You guys here for the war too? he said.
Yeah, I said, making use of the casual smile I give to
total strangers. Are you a photojournalist?
Matt Daniels, head and admin blogger for thedefinitiveawesome.com. He extended his hands at us, which, along
with how he moved in general, made me think hes cocky and
arrogant.
Im Holly and this is Chris. We work for The Valiant.
Whats that? I raised my eyebrows up to the top of my
head.
You dont know? Were the most popular independent
news channel on YouTube. We have ten million subscribers.
Never heard of it, he said.
Look man, Chris moved in, apparently annoyed too.
We dont have time for your shit. So mind your own fucking
business, okay?
Oh no, no, no. Im so sorry to offend you. I just want to
ask what you are going to cover.
Thats none of your business, my partner said, but I
pushed him off. I realized he could destroy our channels goodwill with just a few keystrokes, so I restrained my irritation and
made my aura welcoming of another peer. I couldnt tell him
were after the nuclear bombs for the purposes of maintaining
our exclusivity to it, something thats really precious for our
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All She Lost.

channel and what keeps us apart from others, so I manipulated

the truth.
Were gonna see whats really like out here, I said,
and make people experience this war more.
My friend from the military actually asked me to cover
something huge for my blog. He never told me what but it
seemed very big. I also heard there is a group of American and
Iranian charity workers working in Tehran. I think Im gonna
check on that too, all while taking the sickest war photos anyone
has ever seen. He sounded passionate, not minding the possibility of imminent death. I wished I could gain that same feeling
right then, but seeing the chaos from above and my mind running amok made me second-guess everything.
How did you get through inspection? The ban<
I dont know. They just let me in.
How long would you stay? Do you have a ride out of
here?
My friends gonna sneak me in one of their planes out
of here. Hes expecting me to come at their base tonight for that
stuff he wanted to tell me about. I plan to take off Friday next
week. I almost asked him if he could let us be on that plane too,
with all the time he has at his disposal to gather material, until I
realized the army would instantly bag our asses to Guantanamo
Bay, and we couldnt afford dragging someone else along. Its
really ironic that our own brothers would do us more harm and
no good at all. How about you two?
We could only do until Monday, I said. Its the last
flight out of here.
Too bad, he said. Well, nice to meet you two. And
like lightning, he pressed his rather smooth cheeks against mine
and took off to the door like a little kid about to enter in a carnival fair. Until next time, Holly! I was startled.
Prick, Chris said. I couldnt agree more.

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All She Lost.

Chapter

04.
OUTSIDE THE BUILDING, Chris and I were welcomed by the
cool breeze of the Iranian morning air, perhaps coming from the
snow-covered mountain range far to our right, balanced with the
warmth of the Sun now above the horizon. More smoke towers
were made visible. But our delight was short-lived with how
horrible the whole place was. Dust and all sorts of refuse tumbled with the wind like tumbleweeds in the desert, and the smell
was close to unbearable. Football field-sized parking lots surrounded the airport in the sides and the front, a road going in a
circle separating the spaces. But instead of cars, evacuees, some
selfless volunteers and army personnel sprawl the place with
their makeshift tents. As we walked along the steel-roofed
pathway to the left along the road out of the airport, I could see
stripped-down kids and babies crying their eyes out at their parents for food, an old bony man speaking at himself and the vopg. 62

All She Lost.

lunteers almost at the point of losing their heads. It was horrible

and heartbreaking.
Look at all these people, I said as Chris pointed the
camera to them. This is just terrible. I plugged my nose with
my hands just in case the terrible smell might trigger an uncontrollable cough, but the reek exponentially worsened for every
meter we passed. The scene reminded me of the concentration
camps of the Jews, though nothing in the world would compare
to that horror.
Holy shit! Chris said, covering his nose. This smells
killing me! On the other side of the road were a dozen big green
plastic containers leaking with some kind of gooey brown and
yellow thing on its lids. One got tumbled over and spilled its
contents vomit, pieces of shit both solid and liquefied, blood,
and a fucking rat in the middle of the road. Flies feasted on it.
Oh my God, I said, almost fainting. The stink was so
terrible that I couldnt even speak to the camera. It burned the
linings of my nose and my sinus, and it seemed to have penetrated my skull to poison my brain. Its so terrible that I couldnt
think of a proper hyperbolical phrase to match how horrible it
was. But that was not all. After the first curve, I saw several yellow bags laid out on the middle of the road. What the hell is
that? There was a dark hand protruding from one of the bags.
Shit, are those<? Oh my God!
Dead people, Chris said. I almost threw up. Its almost
like MERSCOV or bird flu or some form of mutant rogue virus
paid this place a visit and just wreaked havoc. Ive watched like
millions of films with countless of lifeless bodies, some even
chopping those bodies like poultry meat, in them but seeing
them personally was traumatizing beyond words. Those bodies
once walked and talked, and now they just lay there like meat
about to be sold on a market. As I walked, I looked straight covering my peripheral sight with my hands.
Holy shit, look at that, he said. I moved my hands out
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All She Lost.

and beheld two men toss a dead body into the pile like garbage.
I squealed and embraced Chris like I just saw the worst sight of
my life. The way its arms and legs moved as the body was
dropped really drove me crazy. I cried, every bone in my body
shaking beyond breaking point.
Oh my God! I said, my face pressed hard against his
chest. Oh my God!
Its alright, its okay. Keep moving, come on. Goose
bumps almost tore my skin out and my whole body shivered
like nuts. My chest filled with disgust, fear, trauma and everything else once could associate upon seeing a dead body getting
tossed in the middle of the road right in front of me. I, and sure
Chris did too, felt my legs weaken. I thought seeing really violent movies would make me immune to things like this, but
nothing beats the real thing.
I regained my composure shortly and just started talking
out of instinct, but I still trembled from deep my bones. These
people have no access to food, water or proper medicinal care
for more than a month now, and theyre like dropping like flies
out here. They tried to run away from the war but< I guess it
caught up with them.
Its okay, its okay, Chris said. Keep going.
Five dark-skinned, sweaty and completely naked kids
then came rushing toward us from the other side of the road,
going over the barricades to beg for food. They were crying and
pulling my vest out of pure desperation. I could see them also
reaching for Chris camera, thinking it was a box of relief supplies. More and more kids then poured in, crushing and suffocating the two of us until we basically froze in our tracks. Two
little girls keep pulling the already-torn side of my vest. I
couldnt push them off, because that would be the rudest thing. I
wanted to give them just a bit of my leftover sandwich from earlier and the excess food we got, but if I did, more children would
storm right at me and rip my bag and clothes. So I just kept saypg. 64

All She Lost.

ing bebakhshid sorry and waved my hands to them and

moved through the sea of children.
Soon enough, a thunderous gunshot from a guard made
the kids disperse. It seemed cruel and excessive but it nonetheless saved us from being crushed. The guard, in white army uniform, approached us and waved us off as he shouted Farsi at us.
Holy shit! I was almost crushed back there, Chris said
as he got out of the crowd. You okay?
Yeah, I said, breathing deeply. They almost ripped
off my vest. Shit, Ive never been to anything like this before.
Theyre really dying for food< You got that all?
Of course. Now come on, lets get out of here before
they come begging at us again. Then out of nowhere, not even
ten steps away from where we were, something really hard
bashed the back of my head. Pain surged from that spot down to
the corners of my jaws, like a wave moving through a bell when
its hit. I cried in pain as I felt my brain spewing out of the right
part of my head. As I kept pressure on it with my hands, I could
hear Chris shouting at someone, but the pain was too much that
I couldnt turn back.
Holy shit!
Are you alright? Chris said after a while.
No! Goddamn it, I said, though the pain was actually
beginning to subside. Who the fuck was that?!
Just some kid, he said, but he got away. Maybe he
got angry that you didnt give him any food.
What the hell was I supposed to do? The back of my
head felt wet and gooey, as if some kind of jelly was mashed all
over my hair. It was pretty warm too. And when I looked at my
hands, my palm was all red with blood. Shit! Im bleeding! I
said. Im bleeding!
Chris quickly pushed his camera and grabbed the first
aid kit from his bag. I was hyperventilating and freaking out at
the sight of my blood, and just like always, my imagination
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All She Lost.

flooded my mind with another series of obscure possibilities of

me dying, or specifically in this case, me undergoing brain surgery or losing my memory altogether.
Hurry up! Hurry up, goddamn it! As he examined my
head, I half-emptied a bottle of water that dropped out of his
bag. How is it?
Its just cosmetic, he said, washing the wound with
water then taping it with a Band-Aid. Youre gonna be fine.
Are you sure? You barely even looked at it!
Relax, the stone just scraped you. Youre fine.
I stood up and fixed myself. Hows my hair? I said.
What? Its fine. Of all the things, you worry about your
hair?
Jesus Christ. What have we gotten ourselves into?
Trust me, its for the best.
Its for the best that I got my head hit by a rock? Fuck,
lets just get this over with.
You wanna say something? He then focused the camera to me.
So here you go, I said. First few minutes in Iran, and
we already got attacked by a mob of Iranians and a kid threw a
goddamn rock on my head. And I got smooched too by some
random asshole. What more could you expect? Its like the best
welcome Ive ever had. Then, I walked away from the camera.
We jogged through the path this time to avoid being crushed
and thrown at again.
It was surely going to be a very long day.

FINALLY AFTER WHAT seemed like forever, we survived that

long path and made it footsteps away to the main gate of the
airport. Our jogging strategy served us two-fold, as a quick getaway from those mean kids and as our morning exercise. My
head no longer ached, so I guessed I wont need any brain surpg. 66

All She Lost.

gery soon. The place was already well-lit by the rising Sun, its
light making the tips of my eyelashes glow like glitters. And
more importantly, the horrible stench was gone. Out in the distance, I could still see three or five faint smoke towers. Two jet
planes then made a straight line in the sky, producing a deafening scream as it passed. The reality of the war began to creep all
over me.
This is where it all begins, guys, I said to the camera.
The moment we step outside that gate, theres no backing out.
But I guess theres no way for that now, right? Our fucking boss
just told us our rides gonna be here on Saturday, like well get a
whole lot of footage in that time. So< right now we are still trying to find our chauffeur. His name is Omar, and he will be joining us along the way. He is also a journalist, so we wont be running blind and we should have a first-hand account on whats
going on out here.
The road went straight towards the gate. The sidewalk
was covered above and on the side with cool-looking steel scaffolding, shaped like half of a mans ribcage. The asphalt was
dusty. For some reason, the image of that cocky blogger flashed
in my mind. I kind-of admired that he braved all this potential
shit for the stuff hes passionate about, but I still couldnt get
over the fact that he had no idea of our channel, and also that he
almost kissed me. Chris never did that, or something close to
that, to me before, and he must be feeling grossed out that my
face got contaminated by others before he could. He walked a
few steps away, maybe because hes filming or that hes really
grossed out.
Directly in front of us was the rather lightly-guarded
mesh gate, with a single machine gun-mounted Humvee truck
and five guards and a line of spikes laid out on the road. The
airports enclosure running in its perimeter was made from long
thick metal bars further secured with barbed wires on the top.
Parked right outside was a black and elaborately decorated pickpg. 67

All She Lost.

up truck with a thin guy on a green shirt and brown shorts, waving his one hand high at us.
Is that him? I said. Zoom in to that guy.
Looks like him, Chris said. Nerd like Judd. From
afar, Omar seemed like a geek in his twenties working for an
internet company that got lost in the middle of nowhere. His
skin was so light that he seemed to be glowing, almost an albino
but his hair was pitch black. The sight of him actually made me
disappointed, not because hes ugly or anything but his physique was far from what I really demanded, and not in a sexual
sense of that word. He was the only guy we would depend our
lives on, so I expected him to be herculean or something that
could fend off a crowd of mad Iranians. Were gonna trust our
lives with a nerd, but I guess its better than to have a companion
that looks like Osama bin Laden, like much of the locals in this
place.
The car was filled with stickers of Italian and American
automobile makers that messed with its elaborate flame paint
job. He was calling someone when we got to the mesh gate, but
he quickly turned it off and opened the door for us. His face
didnt match my expectations of a Middle Eastern man clean
and lightly-bearded, and really pale.
Hey, he said, extending his hands at us. You must be
Holly and Chris. Its nice to meet you two. What happened to
your clothes?
Its kind-of the way it is, I said, embarrassed. Is this
your car?
Oh, yes. Please, get inside the car. Its not safe around
here. That had an ominous appeal to me. I frantically went to
the car like any sane person would, but before I could open the
backdoor, the guards at the gate shouted at us. They wore a dark
green uniform that contrasted with their light complexion; their
boots made their feet significantly larger. Hanging from their
belts were shotguns and pistols. Three of them walked to us.
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All She Lost.

Salaam! So be kheyr! Omar said, his right hand on his

chest. Please get in the car, Holly. Without hesitation, I obeyed.
The interior of the car smelled like mothballs, irritating
but eventually pleasant to the nose, and its windows were tinted
dark blue that made the view from the inside monochromatic.
Chris got to the same door and made me move. Thank God, I
said and detached the Handycam from my shoulders, relieves.
Chris turned to Omar and the guards, still talking about
God-knew-what. I saw them point and face the car several times,
which made me think theyre talking about us. But my brain was
so tired from the jet lag and the early stress that it couldnt even
produce another dark speculation which it normally would at
times like this, like maybe theyre onto something sinister for us,
or maybe Omars working for the rebels and hes gonna take us
to them to be disemboweled to death, or hes gonna drive us
straight to the cliffs to do his country a great service for killing
two putrid Westerners.
What did they say to you? I asked just as Omar got
into the driver seat.
Dont worry about them, he said, looking at the rearview mirror. They just asked who you guys are and where I am
taking you. I hope you are comfortable in my seats.
No, no, no, no. It is fine. Your seat is very soft and comfy and actually better than the seats on the plane. Only half of
that was true.
Im glad to know. After an eternity, he finally started
the car and took off. The sound of the engine and the feeling of
the tires rolling against the concrete road were two things I
longed for as I was imprisoned in that packed airplane. Omar
continued. I just had my seats changed. My old ones were really hard on the ass< forgive my mouth, so I changed them with
leather seats, which are really quite hard to find with the war
going on, and really expensive. Cost me quite a fortune.
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All She Lost.

The road went straight before meeting with the main

highway. As he further explained how he changed the car seats
and how hard it was to find a replacement and how managed to
make the cars paint job, three large military trucks, one of them
filled with armed personnel and the others empty, turned to the
road and went to the airport. Are those army men? I said.
Uh< yes. They will help in the< relief efforts. I aimed
my camera to the trucks and I could see, despite the opaque
windows, the men gazing our car very intently. As the pick-up
turned, I saw the men jumping off the trucks with their guns on
ready. I ignored them.
Our chauffeur was half the things Judd told us he would
be young, pretty skinny, nerdy, not to mention a hall of a talker
too. His fashion and overall appearance made it hard to believe
hes a native of the place. Hes much like a geek from Silicon Valley working for Google or some tech company, or an inventor of
really weird contraptions, or a young theoretical physicist who
works for Stephen Hawking at figuring out how black holes
work. His voice was a combination of Tweetys and Donald
Ducks and a little bit of Tom Cruises pretty annoying but still
bearable. But at least, we wont suspect him of having some secret connection with some radical congregations out there.
I couldnt help but also notice his dashboard filled with
many Western pop paraphernalia. Stuck in the corner of his
windshield were pictures of a topless Britney Spears, Rihanna in
a two-piece, Eminem and his middle fingers, Jennifer Lawrence
posing as Katniss, and many others I couldnt name. On the
dashboard were little figures of what I believed were LeBron
James, Kobe Bryant, Yao Ming and a dozen other NBA icons.
Hanging from the rearview mirror were basketball-colored dice
and the Mockingjay pin. His stereo played Wake Me Up by Avicii. I never really imagined a native of a country with much history of hatred and intolerance with the West would have such
love with our culture.
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All She Lost.

Looks like you really love American pop, I said. And

basketball.
Yes, yes, very much, he said, once in a while turning
his head at us. The road was free of any traffic so I didnt worry
of crashing onto incoming cars. I really love American entertainment. Your music is really energetic and soothing and enjoyable to the ears. Your singers are really sexy and very hot. And
basketball, especially basketball. You see these little NBA figurines here? There are I think only 50 of these in the whole world,
and with the help of my good friend Judd, I got some of them.
He spoke English rather eloquently and effortlessly for an Iranian, without any trace of weird accent.
Oh my God. You got a Yao Ming figurine? Chris said,
leaning forward to Omar. Thats sick, man. Ive been searching
every NBA novelty shop for that thing. Can I touch it for a little
bit?
Sure, sure. Why not? he said, handing over the inchtall Yao Ming. If you want, you can have him and carry it to
your home.
Are you sure? I mean, you worked hard to have this.
No, no. Dont worry about it. Anything for a friend.
When he got the doll, Chris looked like a little kid who just got a
goldfish after his dad hit the bulls-eye on a carnival booth. I
never understood boys; theyll kill anyone just to have anything
with their idols face on it. But I realized I had the same madness
Id kill anyone to have anything with Adam Levines face on it.
Chris got so mesmerized with Omars Yao figurine that
he seemed to forget our job here. The big camera was lying on
his lap. Hey, Mr. Cameraman? I said. Your job?
Im just looking at it for a second, he said.
Will you just shoot something?
Maam, Omar said, looking at me through the rearview mirror, you want some NBA figurines too?
How kind of you, but no thanks, I said. Im not really
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fond of basketball or the NBA.

What? That is unacceptable! he said. The NBA players are the best sportsmen in the world. Not liking them is like<
hating cute puppies. That was a weird association. NBA players
were far from cute, or maybe just some of them. Theyre like really tall and big-mouthed mutants given with the power of slamming the ball to the basket until the entire thing broke apart. But
how could I understand these two? Theyre men.
I actually requested something else from your boss
Oh, yes, yes. The cap, I said. I pulled the signed Bulls
cap from my backpack and gave it to him.
Oh, yes. Here she is! he said, Ive been waiting so
long to have this. It seemed that it was actually our payment for
his services. This guys reverence to NBA was just astonishing.
He agreed to risk his life for us in exchange for a signed cap of
some basketball player. If that cap had gigantic blue sapphires in
it, or maybe rubies that have mystical powers to grant me any
wish, only then I would agree to risk my life for completely random strangers, which we were to him.
As the two shared their favorite Playoffs moments this
year, I stared at the neighborhood were passing through. I
didnt sit too close to the door; a sniper might shoot my head off,
even though the glass window was opaque from the outside.
Paranoid I might seem but its better than getting myself killed.
The buildings were filled with signs hanging from the roofs and
on their sides that had awful and grammatically insufficient
English labels. Particularly funny was their use of the quotation
sign, which, judging from their use, they mustve thought to be
for emphasis like PLEASE COME IN HERE and WELCOME. I
did expect to see just pure desolation in this place, like that sort
after a nuclear war or alien invasion or something similarly
dramatic, and not even a kilometer into the ride, I got what I
yearned for. Overturned cars and carts of vegetables scattered in
the road, buildings blown in half, trees still smoldering, electric
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All She Lost.

poles knocked down. Destruction was everywhere.

And when things couldnt get any more traumatizing, I
saw a little kid, a girl, sitting in the sidewalk. She looked right at
me when we passed by. The car was slow enough, or perhaps
time was slowing down, for me to see her stained face and
ripped off clothes, and a doll on her hands with its head ripped
off. A few meters away, a dead body laid chest flat on the sidewalk, blood soaking its torso like meat being marinated. Chills
went through my spine all of a sudden. I shivered. My heart
pounded hard; my ears started ringing again.
Maybe we should turn back, I said.
What did you say? Chris asked, interrupting their
Playoffs chat.
How far do we have to go?
My apartments ten minutes away from here, Omar
said.
Cant this thing go any faster?! I cant die out here! I
cant die out here! I squirmed in my four thousand nine hundred seventy-sixth psychotic episode, but Chris restrained me.
Calm down, Holly! Please!
Whats the problem? Omar said.
Let go of me! I pushed Chris arms away and cried,
my arms covering my eyes pouring with tears of hopelessness
and fear. This is all a big mistake. I shouldnt be here.
Hey, hey, hey. Were just getting started, dont go crazy
on me now. Its too late for that. Were here now. Its gonna be
fine. Didnt I tell you that? Chris assured, his hand on my arms.
Were gonna be okay. Now, lets just do this thing so we can get
this over with.
I promise you two will be safe with me, Omar said.
See? Hes got our backs. Dont worry about it. Now do
your thing.
I cant do this, Chris.
Yes, you can. Youre the best at this!
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He pointed his camera at me. My head still felt really

heavy, so much so that I couldnt look at anything else other
than my petrified hands on my lap. But he was right; acting all
crazy and paranoid like this was stupid. Its like buying a ticket
to watch a slasher movie then right when the movies just starting, running back to the exit doors like a little pussy. And this
was practically the field I usually get myself into back in the
states, only this time its a thousand times worse. Only three
days, I reminded myself, and all would be over. I slapped my
face repeatedly to blow the inhibitions, then tried to lift my face
muscles to produce a smile.
There you go, Chris said.
Make sure you cut all my drama bombs, okay? I said.
Let the editing guys handle that. Then after a deep
breath and a sweep of my face, I faced the camera and talked.
Hi! So, we are now in Tehran. We just arrived five minutes ago and we are now on our way to Omars house where
we could, hopefully, have some decent breakfast.
Omar laughed. Of course! Of course. I have prepared
toast and bacon back home.
I continued. Thats Omar right there. Its now 6:28 am
local time, and you can very well see outside what the war has
done to the entire city. Theres not a single building left intact
out here, cars are overturned, houses are burning, infrastructure
is destroyed. People are dying and dropping like flies out here,
like what you saw back in the airport. With the government collapsing, it really took a huge toll on the country. Iran was among
the richest countries in the Middle East and now, its a lot worse
than the poorest cracks of Africa. I mean, did you see whats
going on in the airport? We almost got killed back there by a
horde of Iranians and a little angry kid.
Any American civilian presence in here is totally forbidden so we cant show our faces to the American army or
theyll send us straight to Guantanamo, but turns out were not
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alone. That prick popped in my head again. We were able to

meet some other journalists in the field. Well be spending the
next three days out here before the last flight out of Iran goes
home, so< I guess just wish us luck. I waved him to stop recording.
That was really good, maam, Omar said.
Please, dont call me that, I said. Just Holly.
Okay. Im really glad I could help you guys with this.
Are you still working now?
I was an anchor years ago for the local TV but I stopped
because its really boring. I want to be out there on the field and
gather the news myself. So I just made my own newsletter.
When we arrive at my home, Ill show you. So, it seemed that
Omar would serve as more than just our Iranian guide. Hes a
freelancer like us, which meant that he should have some idea
on whats really going on. He may even help us with the map,
but it was not the time to show him yet. The map was just too
valuable. I would never know; some spy might be locked on to
our position with James Bond-esque binoculars.
How did you meet Judd? I asked.
I have been a fan of your work for quite some time. I
always visit YouTube for your new episodes. I did send you an
email about how good you are, and Judd read it and we started
exchanging emails. Whats that called, the Vogue?
I smiled. Its The Valiant. Thats a fashion magazine.
Why did you agree to help us? Wait, let me guess. He gave you
his NBA stuff, right?
He found out that I really love the NBA so because of
that, and our shared passion for journalism, I agreed to help
your team.
What did he tell you about this assignment?
He said to me four days ago that you will come here
and cover the war, and also to find the nuclear bombs.
Would you help us? I said.
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Of course, of course! Anything I could help!

Not wasting an opportunity, I started asking him. Well,
to start off, why the hell are those people packed in the airport?
They come from all over the country, he said. They
want to get out of here but the planes have already left.
Who are the guards? They work for the government?
But I thought?
No, they dont work for the government. Our government has already collapsed. There is no police or military. Lets
just say theyre really charitable soldiers.
Why dont they just stay put in the homes?
Because theyre being hunted down.
What? I said. By who?
The road took a turn, and he faced me again. Theyre
being hunted down by
Omar! Chris shouted. The car suddenly stopped as if
it just smashed an indestructible brick wall, throwing me to the
back of the front seats and to the base of the car. The screech of
the wheels was deafening. I landed flat on my chest, my backpack crushing my feet. Chris went through and hit his head on
the dashboard.
Oh my God! Im so sorry, Omar said as he pushed my
cameraman to the backseat. Are you okay?
I felt my left arm just got beat up by a heavyweight boxer and my legs pounded by a jackhammer. As I got back on my
seat, I saw Chris pressing his forehead; he got scraped. The camera was thrown beside the accelerator. The NBA figurines were
toppled above the dashboard. What the hell was that? I said.
A kid suddenly ran across the road, Omar said. I had
to stop the car. Im very sorry you get hurt. Thank you Chris for
saving our lives.
Dont mention it, he said, groaning. Then, I leaned
over to him and checked on his scrape. I grabbed the first aid kit
from his pack and applied the necessaries. The impact with the
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dashboard made long reddish lines on his forehead.

Are you okay? I said. It was inappropriate but I just
burst to laughter as I cleaned the wound with a small drop of
alcohol and covered it with a Band-Aid. I wasnt exactly sure if
that was how its done. The way how he crashed to the front of
the car was just really funny to me. Shit, you just rocketed to
the windshield, man!
Thats not funny, he said. But at least youre having
fun, even through you have me crashing to the dashboard. I
laughed.
Dont worry, Omar said, there is medicine and first
aid kit on my house. Its only like ten minutes from here. He
drove off. I looked for the seatbelts, but it seemed the fortunecosting seat replacement didnt include one. I moved to the front
seat to grab Chris camera by the accelerator, which unintentionally made me see Omars really hairy legs. Except for a small
crack in the corner of the viewfinder, the camera looked fine.
Sorry again, about what happened back there. I didnt
really mean it.
Its okay. Dont worry about it, I said. Chris took the
camera and recorded again. Is it working?
Yeah, yeah, he said. Its good.
I looked at him and sighed. Today was turning out to be
one of the most stressful days of my life, far worse than the day
when my youngest sister was born and I had to wake up in the
middle of my sleep when she cried, which was like every goddamn minute. With the three-day deadline and my parents not
knowing Im here and the possibility of imminent death growing
every meter we go, the stress vial in my head was close to blowing up.
Could this day get any worse? I said.
Maybe.
I had no idea.

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Chapter

05.
FEARING ANOTHER KID might just pop out of nowhere and
sprint across the road and send me and Chris crashing again to
through the windshield, I moved to the front seat beside Omar
where I could secure myself with the seatbelts. My partner sat
still in the backseat, tweaking the lens tube of the camera. The
damage from the crash turned out to be skin-deep; the zoom
mechanism got compromised and he needed to pretty much do
an open-heart surgery with it. I detached the Handycam from
my shoulders and just kept recording the entire trip, zooming in
on everything the editing team might find useful, be it a torndown tree, a burning pile of tires or a kid waving at me, and
talking to the camera as I see them.
The more we drove further, the more struck I got with
everything I was seeing. Minus all the bullet holes and craters
from bombs and the trash and the thick dust, the city proved to
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be remarkably modern, far from my expectations of just pure

mud and sand. The road was paved with asphalt, the highways
pretty complex and the buildings tall and looked sturdy though
really compact in places. And the magnificent snow-covered
summit of the mountain range wouldve made the city really
astonishing. Maybe I was just exposed too much to the stereotype of American war movies about how the Middle Eastern
landscape looked like.
The absence of any audible explosions or gunfire around
struck me more. Though the complete lack of people made me
pretty uneasy, the surroundings were disturbingly peaceful and
calm. I really thought that were gonna come across some group
of rebels fighting with machine guns and AK-47s against the
tanks of the American army, all while mortar shells drop from
the sky and explode a entire block to dust. But instead, it was all
quiet and tranquil.
Its weird that nothings going on, I said.
The fighting usually starts like seven in the morning,
Omar said. I looked at my watch 6:39. The rebels have this
weird schedule that they should only fight during this time to
pray and ask Allah for help. They must be resting or praying
right now, but soon enough the bullets and missiles will start
flying again.
I didnt want to get caught in the gunfire, like anyone
would even want that. How far is your house?
Its not really far, ten minutes away from here. Thinking that I had absolutely no right to complain for the ride he rather gladly risked his life for, I tried to hide my growing frustration. The road from the airport went straight, filled with large
craters and debris from fallen infrastructure. A few hundred meters down, the sound of helicopter rotors hit my ear. It sounded
particularly close to us. I looked through the windshield to find
them. If theyre in the air, that meant rebels might be nearby,
ready to blast those things and most likely all of us too with their
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rockets to kingdom come.

Helicopters from the Americans, Omar said. They fly
above the city much more often now.
No, I just< there might be rebels out here somewhere.
I saw them fire RPGs to helicopters passing by earlier before we
landed, I said.
Oh, yes. The rebels shoot the helicopters so that the
Americans could no longer send troops and weapons and supplies to their military.
Where is the American army stationed? I said.
Theyre on the other side of the city, at Dosshan Tappeh
airfield, he said. It was once a closed airport, but it was reopened for the military operation. There is another one in Saveh,
south of the city but its too far. I wanted to go there myself but
they wont let me in. They dont trust us. I just wanted an interview.
Well, we trust you man. We had no choice, anyway.
I will take you there. Its the least I could do.
Dont tell me youre doing all this for us because of
Judds toys and that cap?
Of course I am, he said. Its the greatest payment I
ever got from anyone.
You really love the NBA?
You wont understand that, Chris said. I would do
anything, anything, to like shake hands with LeBron or Kobe.
Aint that right, my man? The two pounded hands. Because of
their common unreasonable affection for the NBA, the two became more friends than me and Chris ever was. And they met
like ten minutes ago.
What is that on your head? Omar said. What happened to you? He mustve seen the Band-Aid on my head. I
ripped it off, taking some of my precious hair.
We were walking through the parking lot of the airport, I said, when this kid threw a fucking rock at my head.
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They just ran towards us. They almost ripped off my vest. Its
horrible back there.
Yes, he said. The whole airport has turned into an
evacuation center. Much of the city and many from far places of
Iran who wants to get out of the country but dont have any
money are staying there. And also because the planes are gone.
They cant ask the Americans for help because we dont trust
each other. Ive been there, and the people receive less or no care
at all. Theyre just dying in that place, which is the same if they
just stayed in their house.
You were saying earlier that someone is hunting the
people down.
The rebels, he said, his voice rather calm. They hunt
down every able-bodied Iranian to make their army bigger. Its
for their cause or something. Even women, they also hunt them
to rape them and produce child warriors.
Jesus Christ, I said. Do you know who those rebels
are?
There are many militia groups in Iran right now al
Qaeda, Taliban, ISIS, Hamas and maybe many others. I dont
know every single one of them. Theyre all fighting to take over
the whole country.
Thats why they killed the president? To take over this
whole nation? I was now in the zone.
Sure, but Im not exactly sure if the rebels are responsible for his death. There are many theories out there. Some say he
was poisoned by his cook, or he just ran away, I dont know.
Is your government really as corrupt everybody makes
it seem?
Oh you have no idea. His eyes widened. Iran makes
contact with Pakistan, North Korea, China and other states to
ask for nuclear technology. The government also funds and provides the weapons for the rebels to use and kill with. Fuck this
system. He laughed. Now that Rouhanis dead, everybodys
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racing to climb to the throne.

And to own the nuclear bombs, right? I said. Thats
why they killed the president? I went straight to it and not
asked whether he thought there were actually nukes here. If he
didnt contest against the question, that meant he believed there
were nuclear bombs in this country.
Definitely, he answered outright. Theyre hunting for
them right now surely.
So you think there are nuclear bombs here?
He paused. Yes, of course.
Is that for sure or you just think so?
No, no, he said. For sure. With him being a journalist, or at least in his own right, I was confident that he was telling
the truth, which greatly diminished the possibility of us getting
to prison for the stolen intel we have.
Will you agree to talk about all about the nuclear program when we arrive at your house? I said.
Of course, of course, he said, gladly. I actually have a
background on nuclear engineering.
Really? Where did you study?
Massachusetts Institute of Technology, California, he
said, which made quite an impression on me. His days on American soil might have been the root cause of his pop addiction and
his geeky appearance.
So how do you survive out here?
There are a few supermarkets out here with plenty of
food and water. Every few days or so, I leave my house to find a
new one. But its really dangerous to be out here. But the police
are down and out. There is no law and order out here now. The
rebels are everywhere, free to roam and kill anyone they please.
But dont worry, they dont come out at this time. His assurance
slightly annoyed for me; he smiled the whole time like bloodthirsty rebels were not such a big deal. But maybe I should just
trust this guy; hes been here long enough anyway and has lived
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pretty much through every shit this hellhole has to offer.

Were gonna be fine, he said.
Okay, if you say so.
So far in the duration of our cruise through the warstricken city, the scenery never changed even for a bit. A halfblown building there, a smoldering car here, jet planes and helicopters flying up there, and craters from mortar explosions on
the road down there. Despite the damage on the road, Omar still
managed to drive at an 80. The rising Sun made everything glow
a bright light orange. The heavens were rather peaceful and sublime, the perfect antonym for the Earth at this moment. Smoke
made orangey by the sunshine turned the atmosphere autumnal.
Do you have a family? I asked after a while.
I never found my lucky lady, he said, which considering his clean young face was kind-of impossible, and my parents were killed long ago so< I just live alone in my house and
do whatever I want to do with my life. The images of my own
parents just flashed in my mind right then, which was weird. I
wondered how my sisters were doing, if they wrecked moms
bedroom again or they emptied dads stash of Pringles. I thought
I couldnt live like Omar just yet; I still pretty much depend on
my parents, even though they didnt really fulfill my needs, both
financially and emotionally. They didnt care for me, and so I
tried to fill that gap by deciding for myself. But this Valiant gig
was more of a hobby and didnt really pay off that much, financially-speaking. But it did help me find the people to provide me
the love and care I long, something they never gave me.
But arent you scared that< I mean, you could get shot
or a bomb might explode in your face?
Maam
Just Holly, I said. Please.
Okay, he said. Ive been in Iran for 32 years, ever
since I was born, and the fighting has not stopped for even one
year! There is always killing and killing and killing again. In fact,
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my parents met during the Islamic Revolution in the 1980s. They

married in a middle of a war. My mother gave birth to me inside
a bunker in a middle of a war. She schooled me in our home in
the middle of a war because many schools were destroyed. And
they died and I buried them in the middle of a war. It never
stopped. The war is like a part of life here in Iran.
With what he just said, I became very much thankful to
God that I wasnt sprouted in this place. Thanks to a bit of
skimming I did in Wikipedia and to Argo, I happened to know a
few things about the history of this place, and it was pretty much
a history filled indeed with much blood and violence. Even
when the nation was still called Persia, many empires and territory-thirsty rulers had been fighting and butchering each other
over its lands for further expansion and its colonization. It was
the last territory to be successfully conquered by Alexander the
Great before a meek mosquito poisoned him with malaria in a
classic case of David defeating Goliath.
The 1980s was perhaps the most tumultuous in recent
history, when the nation endured hostilities from the inside and
later from the invaders claiming the land to be theirs. Before that
decade, Iran was ruled by Muhammad Reza Pahlavi, a shah as
their king was called, installed into position by the United States
and Britain for the two superpowers to gain control of the countrys rich oil supply. During his reign, he institutionalized Westernization and modernization programs for the country. And
according to the introductory comic strips of Argo, he was also
abusive of his power and wealth; his wife was believed to be
bathing in milk, and his lunch flown from Paris on a Concorde.
These placed him on the black list with the extremely conservative Shiite population that comprised much of Iran. In 1978, the
Iranians, led by an Ayatollah Khomeini, overthrew Pahlavi in a
revolution that made the country an Islamic state that it is today.
Pahlavi went to the United States for asylum and medical care
for his cancer. The United States harboring of the former shah
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fed the Iranians anger for the Americans and the West in general, which resulted to 66 Americans to be held hostage in the U. S.
Embassy in Tehran. The Iranians wanted Pahlavi back to face
judgment, to be hanged for his crimes.
Then a year later, Saddam Husseins relentless tanks
invaded the country in one of the last and worst wars this century has seen, lasting ten years. He saw Khomeinis ascension as
a dire threat to his preservation of power. The Iran-Iraq war, as I
remembered, claimed the lives of not less than a million people.
Omar continued. Those rebels, you may know, are all
funded and armed by the government itself. Someone is killed
here every single second, just like the president. No ones doing
anything about this. And now that hes dead, more and more rebels are free to roam around and kill people, and takeover the
whole government.
Do you think they could gain access to the nuclear
bombs? I said.
With no one guarding the bombs, it will only take time
before they could own the nukes.
No one is guarding your nuclear arsenal?!
Well, I wont say its ours, he said. The government
pursued making those bombs for potential attacks from its enemies, including America. Much of it actually comes from our
allies like Pakistan and North Korea. Since Rouhanis assassination, officials of the nuclear program thought the rebels are gonna go after the bombs so they all flew off. That had a very disturbing prospect. With even a single nuclear warhead on the
hands of those murderous bastards, billions of people would be
put into peril and cause potentially irrevocable damage to society. Now that they could own the entire nuclear arsenal of Iran,
life as we know it would be in extreme jeopardy. Scary thought I
sure was but for some reason, I felt an urge to be a hero, that I
could do something to prevent the end of the world.
Do you know where the nuclear bombs are? I said.
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I know some places where theyre might be kept. If you

want we could go there.
We actually have this map from our source that shows
us where the bombs might be.
Really? he said, quite astonished. After a long pause,
he continued. Where did you get that map?
Its from a man who said he hacked it from the database of a military company where he worked before. We were
actually wondering if you could take us to these locations.
He breathed deeply. Of course, anything I could do for
you. Can< I take a look at the map, if thats okay with you?
Why not? I said, pulling the map from my left pocket.
Perhaps another side effect of my paranoia, I feared that the police might have their binoculars aimed at us, so I opened the
map just below the steering wheel. For an entire whole minute,
he stared and examined the map like a scientist would on a newly-discovered virus, not looking for a bit on the road. But for a
moment, it seemed that he wasnt really looking at it. He was
thinking of something deep. Whats the matter? Do you know
these places?
Yes, yes, he said. He was excited, but in a really weird
way. I< I could take you here.
Do you know what those lines mean? I asked, pointing at the weird configurations of lines beside the map of Iran.
No< Im sorry. I dont know.
Its okay. As I folded the map back to my pocket, I
could see him tensing up through my peripheral vision. His
arms didnt move, and he exhaled large gulps of air. His anxiety
was contagious. Is everything okay? If you think its too dangerous to go, its alright if we dont.
No, no, no. Its gonna be fine. Im just< really sleepy. I
will take you both there, he said. Its my honor to help a fellow
journalist.
Are you sure?
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Yes, yes. Im sure. Dont worry.

For a few moments, I thought of something else I could
ask, until Chris suddenly burst from the back, out from an eternal silence. Goddamn it! This bitch is killing me!
Its just the zoom, I said. Its fine.
No, I already fixed the zoom, he said. The processor
chip just popped off the damn thing. Now it cant record anything at all.
Cant you open it?
I dont have a screwdriver.
Dont worry, Omar said. I have one in my house, and
there is also equipment there to fix the camera.
Youre a godsend, man! my partner said. I think I
owe you more now than my bank.
Dont mention it, friend.
I turned back to the road, and meters up ahead I saw
someone lying in the sidewalks face-down, hands flat on the
road. What the fuck is that? Some sort of black fluid seemed to
emanate from him, until I realized its a corpse. More dead followed after every few meters. A deadly pathogen, it seemed,
came through this place and just wreaked havoc. Some, men,
women and even babies, still have their eyes and mouths wideopen, a sight that would definitely leave a permanent mark on
my eyes. I almost puked several times, my mouth tasting like the
tuna I had on the plane. That was the most disturbing sight Ive
ever seen. I kept the camera pointed at the sidewalks, my eyes
totally closed shut.
Jesus Christ, look at all these dead people, I said. Chris
leaned in between the front seats. A spray of blood was apparent
beside some of the bodies, indication that they were shot with a
machine gun or something close. I then turned the camera to the
windshield, and in the middle of the road, there was a dead man
dipped in black blood with four famished dogs nibbling on his
meat, the vertebrae protruding from the mans back. In horror, I
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dropped the camera and just shrieked. Oh my God!

Whoa< are you okay? Omar said. Like a young child
who saw his first unrated version of a Saw movie, I covered my
face with my entire body paralyzed from the trauma. I already
endured marathons of zombie movies, but nothing beats seeing
a corpse being eaten right in your eyes. The smells were of rot,
blood, shit, guts, and just rot. My insides felt like theyre going to
blow out of my mouth at any moment.
Holy shit! Chris said from the back. Those dogs are
eating that poor bastard.
Stop it, will you? Did we pass though it already? I
said, trembling. My hands covered my face airtight.
Yes, he said. You are not used to dead bodies, yes?
You think so? What the hell happened here?
The rebels killed all of them. All of those who did not
want to join them in their cause are instantly killed, Omar said.
Im lucky that Im still alive. Im a pretty good hider. Dont
worry, I know this place better than anyone. I can hide you too.
Chris caressed my back, though I couldnt feel his hands
with the thick vest. You alright? he said. But the sight, coupled
with the jet lag Ive been suffering from, has drained my biological battery to nil. I didnt answer, and just lay back at my seat.
Then, like a flashback in a TV series, the image of the dogs nibbling on that dead man filled the walls of my retina, triggering
an explosion deep within my stomach that drove its contents up
to my mouth. Some of the puke spilled right on the dashboard,
until Omar made the window open and I spewed my guts out
like the waters in the Hoover. He didnt stop the car, so I made
quite a line of puke in the middle of the road.
Holy shit! Im sorry. Oh, fuck! I said.
Its alright. Its okay, Omar said.
Chris then handed me a bottle of water. Dont worry. I
didnt get that, he said.

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THE ROAD LED us to a big marble tower that looked like that
arc monument in the Champs lyses, only that its elevated and
supported by four flat columns going outward that looked like
the wings of a stork. Omar said it was the Shahyad Tower, built
as a gateway for the city and a commemoration for the Persian
Empire. Though one of its legs has been blown off and reduced
to its metal scaffold, the monument still remained on its feet,
which he used as a metaphor of Iran still a free nation despite all
the calamity. But the tower may soon collapse under its own
weight, and with the war still far from over, I thought the country would too eventually. I didnt say that to him, of course.
Though not apparent in the things he put in his car, he was still a
patriotic man deep inside, believing that his country could still
survive and persist despite everything.
My house is on the road at the other side of this tower,
Omar said as we encircled the monument. I would kill for a soft
king-sized bed right then; the stress and the jet lag churned and
bored deep through my head. I felt my guts have been stretched
to the breaking point after my dramatic barf.
Chris fell asleep in the backseat, his camera lying in front
of him. I reached and poked him several times. Hey, sleepyhead, wake up! I said. Wake up! Were here.
Its about time, he said, stretching his arms.
The square was an intersection of four expressways, but
the roads didnt pass through the tower but around it. The monument stood in a tiled and really wide open space, where probably millions of kids somersaulted or laid their picnic baskets on
before the war. Like a giant eye with the tower as the pupil, two
roads surrounded the monument with a nice lush green park in
between. We passed on the inner road. Its just depressing that
the whole place was trashed; it could have been a really nice
place to hang out with the cool breeze and the wide space. Many
cars were left in the middle of the road, scrambled and somehow
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turned over like pieces of dominoes.

Emerging out of one of the columns, I saw five kids
chasing each other in some sort of game, wearing the usual Muslim loose getup. They stopped and looked right at us as we
drove around the monument. Hey look, I said, there are kids
over there.
I know those kids, Omar said. They live just on the
other side of the road in front of my house. They live alone too
because theyre parents are killed. They just scavenge food wherever they found one.
I then turned to our driver. For some reason, I just got
disturbed with what he claimed to be his age. What did you say
your age was? I asked.
Im thirty-two, Omar said.
Really?! His face looked really fresh and small for him
to be as old as he claimed. I thought youre 25 or something.
Why Holly? Chris said. You jealous of his lush and
radiant skin?
Shut up, Chris.
You are the first person who cared about that, Holly,
Omar said. I use this goat soap that is locally made here. Its the
only luxury item I have, really cheap but really good to the skin.
If you want Ill give you some.
Youre too kind, I said. Thanks.
You know, Chris said, were not here to get a soap,
remember?
And were not here to collect stupid figurines of NBA
players. Omar laughed.
Theyre not stupid. Theyre a collectors item. Theyre
worth something.
Yeah, right, I said. Worth placing in your goddamn
drawer.
Wait, wait, Omar said. Halfway around the tower, he
turned off the engine and let the car roll by itself, letting it bump
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on an overturned red car.

Whats the matter?
Can you hear that? The sound of the mild Iranian
morning breeze and the kids laughter and cries filled my ears. It
was really eerie, but pretty relaxing at the same time. But there
was something else. Another sound was slowly superseding it.
Its got louder and louder and louder, but I still couldn't figure
out what thing it eminated from. It was a steady rasp sound, almost like a vehicle racing towards us.
What the hell is that? Chris whispered.
I turned my camera to the road straight ahead leading
out of the square where the sound seemed to be coming from. It
was now louder than ever. Is that a< car? I said, turning to
the two obviously stiffed guys. I looked back to the road, and
then out of nowhere, two trucks appeared.
Get down! Get down! Omar yelled. We all ducked out
of sight, pushing my feet in the space below the dashboard and
laying my body in the seat. I couldnt go in further because of
my stupid suit. Chris laid flat on the backseat, while Omar simply reclined in the backrest. The cars were brown and looked like
small Humvees, with someone standing in the back holding a
long tube, perhaps a machine gun.
Who the fuck are those people? I said.
Armed rebels, Omar said. Members of militia forces.
I thought you said they dont go out at this time?
I had no idea. They must be some random patrol. I
hyperventilated so much that my throat totally dried. My entire
body trembled from deep my bones, a sensation Ive never had
before. My head just went heavy; my whole body got cold.
Holy shit, theyre coming here and theyre gonna kill
us! Theyre gonna kill us!
Shut the fuck up, Holly! Chris said.
I pointed the camera to my face and tried to do what I
was supposed to do. I stammered. There are< armed men in
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the road, and they seem to be very unfriendly. Uh< we caught

them patrolling the area and they are right outside< theyre carrying really powerful guns<, I said quietly, breathing deep for
every word as if saying my final confessions on camera before
my death. My face must be very blurry in the camera with all my
shaking.
Few seconds later, the sound of the cars stopped. Holy
shit! They just stopped! They seemed only meters away from
us. My body was on overdrive, breathing twice as hard and stiffening like concrete. I could hear every step the men made outside, and from their voices, they sounded theyre going for the
children.
Holly, Chris whispered from the back, give me the
camera. Trembling, I complied. He slowly crawled to the door
and brought the camera up to the window. He zoomed in to
them. Omar looked as well.
What are they doing? I said.
Theyre just talking to the kids, Chris said, and uh<
they definitely want something.
They want the kids to come with them, Omar said,
and theyre asking where their parents are.
Oh, shit! Theyre punching the kid, Chris said. Oh,
Jesus. Theyre beating and kicking the fuck out of that poor
child! I didnt have to look. The sound was very clear the
men yelling at the kids, their foot pounding their poor tiny bodies and the kids screaming in pain. It was excruciating and
heartbreaking beyond words, to hear the helpless children got
beat up as they kept begging for their lives. So I just covered my
ears and closed my eyes shut to stop myself from crying.
Then, a gunshot blasted from the outside, firing every
single cell in my body. Shit! As my heart seemed to have
skipped a beat, I feared I might have screamed too loud. The two
guys got shaken by the sound, as if they were blown by the
shockwave. Then, a couple more were fired, coupled with the
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satisfied laugh of the rebels. My eyes opened wide, my head and

hands trembled violently, and my lungs inflated up to the point
of bursting. I shrieked like a little girl, pleading for all of this shit
to be over.
Please< lets get out of here! I cried.
Shut up, goddamn it! Chris said. Omar raised his head
a bit, then ducked down in a flash.
Theyre coming here! Theyre coming right here! he
whispered, Chris throwing the camera to me. I knew it; they
fucking heard me! I turned and laid chest flat on the seat, my
face at the camera which was aimed at the door behind Omar
and my hands pressed against my mouth, preventing any shriek
from escaping. I wanted to turn the viewfinder to me, but I could
already hear footsteps closing in. I hated how slow time moved
around me, or it might be because my brain sucked in more detail of every passing moment. I could hear the dust on the road
being crunched by their feet pressing against the road, and it
was getting louder, and louder and louder. It sounded like four
or five of them were coming. I closed my eyes tight. We were
gonna die before it all even began.
Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Please God, help us!
Please, father in heaven! I said, quivering in fear.
After what seemed to be eternity, a siren blared from a
far corner of the city, and with that the footsteps stopped closing
in. One of the men outside yelled and the men retreated back to
their cars, and soon enough, the vehicles took off. I could hear
theyve taken some of the children. In all that time, I managed to
not breathe at all, and it felt like I have just been un-strangled.
Not until we no longer heard the raspy sound of the engines that
we emerged out of hiding.
Looks like theyre going the way we came, Omar said.
Chris looked like hes been trapped in a freezer for years
and just lost a gallon of blood. I could only imagine how pale
would I look like in the mirror. That has got to be the scariest
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thing that has ever happened to me in this trip. And thats the
worst part the whole assignment was just starting, and there
would surely be more, even worse than that.
That was a close call, Omar said, who looked remarkably calm and collected, which was understandable since hes
been here for a very long time. Are you two alright?
What the hell is that siren? I said, still shaken up.
Its a warning to the people to get to their homes. The
war is about to start, he said.
Lets just get out of here, please! I screamed.
Yes, yes, okay. Hang on. He started the car, and we
headed to the exit where the cars emerged from. Right beside
one of the towers columns, the lifeless bodies of the kids soaked
in blood. I looked away before the sight of violence and death
could traumatize my brain, but I guess it already did. My heart
never pounded my chest as hard before, even more than when I
had my first sexual intercourse. But that was surely just a brief
taste of what was to come.
Im never coming back here again, I said.
Good idea, Chris said, apparently gasping as well.
Moments like this made our reporting remarkable and brought a
cinematic experience to our viewers. But that meant putting ourselves on the line of fire, literally.
I understand why you say that, Omar said. Ive attempted many times to get out of here, but I dont have enough
money to afford trip to America. And besides, I have no relatives
there.
Do you want to come with us? I said. I knew our latest
ride has only two seats for us, but Judd should be able to figure
something out for his own friend.
Thank you, but no, he said. I cant leave my wife and
daughter here.
What? I thought you said you dont have any family?
I mean, I dont have, but< I have no choice.
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Why?
I just cant, but thank you very much for asking. He
went silent and just kept looking at the road. He never talked
again. His aura slightly changed, as if hes nervous of something.
Hey man, Chris said. Do you have a bed in your
house? Because I want to lie down now so bad.
Sorry but I have only sofas, but theyre just as good. I
promise.
After another half-a-kilometer, the car parked in front of
a tall apartment building, more elegantly-designed than most of
the buildings around. The corners were covered with silver tiles
and the faade was winding.
Were here, he said. Let me carry your bags. I think
youre already very tired with everything that just happened.
He had no freaking idea.

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Chapter

06.
HIS ROOM WAS at the third floor of the rather neat apartment,
and though the stairs were pretty short, getting up there proved
to be quite a hike. I guess all the stress from my first 45 minutes
in Iran has taken a big toll on me already. I felt gravity was much
stronger in the building, perhaps because of my epic barf that
has drained whats left of my energy, but I kept fighting the urge
to lie down with the sirens, a sign that any moment then a bomb
might fall out of the sky and blow us all up to heaven, giving me
the pressure to move on. The floors were tiled, the ceilings installed with elaborate lightings and the doorknobs gold-plated.
The whole place, Omar said, was once a three-star hotel and a
favorite of tourists. Now, its just another relic of the calm times
of the nation. The rooms may be a poor mans paradise with all
the fancy appliances and dcor, but theyre as good as garbage
now with utilities down and out. Several families stayed with
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him in the building, and like him, they all took the chance for a
free check-in as the VIPs once staying in the place all evacuated
and ran off.
The third floor up housed the largest suites, and Omar
took refuge in the largest and fanciest one a reasonable choice,
as its free anyway. His room was basically like a photographers
studio warehouse, all white and bright, with a kitchen and the
sofas on one side. But the rising Sun gave the room a yellowish
glow. I could still smell the mothballs.
Damn nice room, man, Chris said.
Thank you, Omar said, removing the cloth covers of
the sofa and the furniture and hanging the Bulls cap on the side
of a big LeBron portrait just beside a cabinet full of NBA figurines. You can sleep in my sofas if you want to. With no hesitation, we just dropped our backpacks and the busted camera on
the floor and dived straight on the sponge-like sofas, like that
type Ive never put my ass before. I felt like I just trekked the
entire expanse of the Rockies and Appalachians at the same
time, and climbed Everest twice after. Jet lag and stress from severe tension was indeed a pretty horrible combination. I didnt
even have the strength to commend on how beautiful his room
was.
Sorry about this, Omar, I said. Were just really tired
and jet lagged.
Dont worry about it, he said, grabbing something
over his kitchen on the other side of the room. You have to rest.
You had a very long flight. You will need the energy.
The sound of the sirens made it through the glass doors
of the overhang. As the wind blew the elaborately-embroidered
silk curtain, I saw several bullet holes forming an intricate web
of cracks on the glass. Are you sure were safe up here?
Ive been here for quite a while. As long as we stay
away from the windows, were gonna be fine. He then placed a
tray of coffee, fried rice, bread and bacon on the table. Heres
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food when you have your rest. Sorry, its not that hot anymore.
No, no, no, no. Its okay. Thank you very much.
Now just rest and I will fix camera, okay?
Oh my God. Thanks again, man. I hope were not much
trouble.
Its okay, he said. Dont worry about a thing. If he
just lived in the States and was eight years younger, I would like
say yes without thinking about it were he asked my hand for
marriage. I just wished Chris was like him, but he did prove
himself to be a provider and protector material along the way.
Omar was so fucking nice, it actually made me guilty. On the
side of the kitchen was a cabinet filled with all sorts of NBA
memorabilia, mostly figurines of players and trophies. The wall
from the door was plagued with posters of players floating in
the air just as they smash the ball in the basket. They must be all
from Judd. I thought of calling headquarters to tell them that
were with him, but I was only supposed to use the satellite
phone in extremely important matters or when the headquarters
called us. The Smartphone, which Chris made me bring, was
only good for picture-taking and easy entertainment.
After a couple of minutes when I felt a bit recharged, I
removed my awful vest and reached for the tray in the center
table, and then shoved the bread and bacon straight to my
mouth. The Handycam was on the edge of the table. The only
things I ate in the past ten hours were half-a-tuna sandwich and
a little piece of steak from the plane, barely enough to make me
burp. Despite the mess in his country, Omar still managed to
cook superbly. Or maybe, the food really tasted terrible and that
my body was fooling me just to have something to consume,
now that I emptied my system from that epic barf earlier. I ate,
nonetheless.
These are really delicious, Omar, I said to him. He was
sitting in a long table on the other side of the room working on
our camera. Where do you get your food around here?
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There is a supermarket right across the street, he said,

Please, theres more food and water and beverages in the kitchen. Help yourself. And the first aid kits over there.
Thank you. I think were both fine now. I took a sip of
the coffee; though lukewarm, it still has that kick to it. Chris laid
chest-flat on the sofa in front of mine, snoring disturbingly and
his legs spread open wide, like hes really feeling at his own
home. He threw his vest in the center table, right on the bacons. I
got to him and punched his back, but he seemed to be in cryosleep. Sorry about Chris, man.
No, no, no. Its okay. Im actually really happy to have
guests in my house for the first time since the start of the war.
Besides the dizzying posters of LeBron and the other
giants of the NBA, another thing striking me in the room was the
sepia colored photographs of crying and terrified people hanged
on the wall by the windows. They were stunning and dramatic
to say the least, turning seemingly ordinary moments into art
that could penetrate into the heart. Omar took them years before
the war, he said. My favorite has a little kid standing and crying
in the middle of a rallying crowd with his sad face looking at the
camera, which I interpreted as innocences first taste of the real
world, shit like that. I wasnt that kid, I thought, since Im way
older now and I already knew much about the real world. Its
cruel, selfish, violent, cold and brutal pretty much every adjective you can give for the worst place there is. Subconsciously,
every person wants the other one dead, especially if their wants
and needs dont sync. That is the fundamental truth which explained this and all the wars in human history. Mens differences
in ideals and interests, and his attempt to protect them, have almost led to his extinction for countless of times in the past and
even more so in the future. It seems that the just be yourself
mantra would lead us to our ultimate doom. But then, if all of
mankind would somehow be made to have one and the same
traits and mental inclination, the world would be an insanely
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boring place worse than it is now. And besides, whose traits and
mental inclination should be followed? I guess man, like he is to
reproduce, is also preprogrammed to destroy himself.
Before I knew it, Omar has finished fixing the camera.
But a tall stack of booklets on a small table near him caught my
attention. Are these your papers youre talking about? I said,
grabbing one from the pile.
Yes, he said, but they are really outdated now. Those
are supposed to be delivered three weeks ago, until the battles
started. I couldnt go out there anymore, and they dont have
time to read that stuff. So, theyre the last copy. And I always
mention your boss name there. He helps me get news for my
American section.
Is that so? His news booklet was basically five or six
small pieces of paper stitched on the side, the letters and pictures
in monochrome. I flipped the pages left to right, until Omar told
me its supposed to be the other way round. Since their sentences were written right to left, what I thought the first page
was actually the last page, so I have to flip right to left. For a paper made by just one person, it was surprisingly well-done,
layout-wise at least, as it was all written in Farsi.
Do you release this per week or per month? I said.
Monthly, and because of my limited printing tools, I
only include news that I think would really matter to people.
Like what?
You know like election fraud and corruption of government officials, mostly satires about the government and the
rebel forces< the nuclear bombs, Israel and America, he said.
What about those countries?
I have been hearing rumors everywhere that the government plants to attack Israel and America with the bomb<
nuclear bomb. The America part was not that surprising. For
years, the United States and its allies have imposed trade and
support sanctions on Iran for its continued insistence to continue
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its nuclear program. Of course, with Iran having one of the most
notorious regimes in the world, everyone assumed that the program has some dark agendas other than the peaceful purposes
the nation insisted the program was for, particularly to supply
the country and its allies with nuclear bombs. News of an Iranian attack against the U. S. has in fact filled the Net for some
time now, though limited to mere provocative remarks of assured destruction.
Yeah, I said, but why Israel? That poor country
doesnt even have the firepower to even threaten that large a
country, so why would they do that?
Jews, he said. Rouhani and Ahmadinejad before him
had always believed that the Jews and Israel are Irans biggest
enemies before America. They hate Jews. The two even thought
that the Holocaust was just made up by the Jews to earn the
sympathy of the world. CNN interviewed Rouhani years ago
and he admitted he did not believe the Holocaust. The world
knows their hatred of that race. And they plan to destroy Israel.
Looks like Iran shared the twisted beliefs of Hitler. I
never knew that the country was such an anti-Semitist nation, or
perhaps only its presidents and they taught the whole country to
hate the Jews. I dont know exactly why but it could have something to do with what happened during the Crusades, my knowledge of which I got from Kingdom of Heaven. I knew the Muslims
took Jerusalem in the movie after Orlando Blooms stupid surrender, but the end credits said that with the help of the some
British king, the Holy Land was taken back by the Christians,
which remained so up to this day. Perhaps theyre planning to
take it back once again.
Until I saw The Third Reich: The Fall on the History
Channel that I completely felt sorry for Jews. When Americans
captured a German concentration camp and they released all the
prisoners, the poor Jews were just plain awful. They had no
muscles or fat left, only bones and skin hanging loose from their
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bodies. The edges of their skulls protruded beyond their eyes

and noses. Piles of rotting bony corpses were just thrown in a big
mud pit. I mean, the sight would make a seven-year old traumatized for the rest of her life, locking herself in her room and just
stare at nothing for the rest of her days. For thousands of years,
Jews have been persecuted and murdered and abused by everybody. Theyve been fed to lions in the Coliseum as a pastime for
millions of Romans, and cast out and crucified for reasons of
inferiority and disgust. And even today, that resentment continues in the form of jokes and derogatory references in almost all
movies and stand-up comedy skits. And as I just learned, Iran
has been planning to end them once and for all.
But the presidents dead, I said, so, will that plan
continue?
I dont know but many of the people really hate Israel,
so one way or another, the plan might be started. His voice was
rather calm, as if he wasnt even worried that an entire nation
and millions of people would be annihilated. He must be a big
Jew hater too.
I scanned through the ten-page booklet. In the fifth page,
two black-and-white pictures of a man waving a burning American flag and graffiti of who seemed to be Abraham Lincoln
strangling an Iranian man with his left hand and holding a pistol
aimed at him on the other filled half of the page. It had an ominous appeal to me. Where did you take this picture? I said,
showing the page to him.
Oh, that? Thats just outside of Tehran. I took them after our president was assassinated.
Looks the whole country really hated the U. S. Iranians have little or no tolerance to the West, and their historys
testament to that. The U. N. actually helped to end the ten-year
conflict between Saddam and Iran during the 1980s by making
the two sign a truce that the U. N. instigated. Khomeini, with
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ly with the conditions of the West, which was ironic since not
succumbing to the West was what the nation fought for years
earlier. I remembered him being quoted as saying that he drank
the cup of poison for his people. So its no surprise that the hate
still persisted today among the people like the genetic traits of
the previous generations of Iranians. Come to think of it, America and its allies had everything to do with why Iran hated the
West. It placed Pahlavi into position, which started this whole
thing in the first place. But I couldnt make any conclusions
based on just a rough skim of its history.
There are groups here that consider the culture of the
West to be< satanic and despises the gods, he said. Your Internet, gambling, Las Vegas, prostitution, movies and TV shows,
comedy, rap music and romance novels< they say all that are
work of the devil.
Really? I frowned at him. Thats just ridiculous. How
could they say that? I knew pretty much every show on our TV
has some sequence of sex and cursing and someone getting his
blood spilled on the floor or his guts dropping out of his belly in
it, such as and most particularly Game of Thrones. And there are
movies whose plot was all about college boys who wanted to get
laid and slutty bitches who also wanted to get laid. And there
are novels that are basically how-to guides to have sex and how
to put silver balls to a womans vagina. And pretty much every
joke has some dirty reference in it. But thats our entertainment,
for Gods sakes. They were meant to make people forget their
problems in the real world and just enjoy and laugh or cry, even
for just a short time. They were meant to bring their audiences
into an alternative realm and make them believe they have pet
dragons or telekinesis or ability to transform into wolves, or
have a rich and handsome prince for a husband. Theyre not
some kind of propaganda that promoted some kind of belief or a
protest to some kind of system.
Oh, Im sorry Holly. Dont get me wrong, Omar said,
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raising his hand towards me like Im a cop and Im aiming a gun

at him. He seemed to be thinking that he offended me. I love
American entertainment, and Im not one of those people who
think that Americans are really bad people. You developed the
world and made it better< He was speaking very fast, and it
was hilarious.
No, no, no. Its okay. Im not really mad, I said. Look,
I hate quite a lot of our entertainment too, that fucking Kardashian show, Pawn Stars, Jersey Shore, Twilight, Adam Sandler,
One Direction, Blank Space, all that shit.
Isnt it that One Direction is a British group?
Yeah, but< they mostly do shows in America so<
Who cares about those gay losers?
I agree, he said. Is it also true that an athlete in your
country changed himself to a woman?
Yeah, his name is Bruce Jenner, patriarch of the Kardashians. He made an interview with Diane fucking Sawyer about
why he was doing it. I mean, its the most ridiculous shit Ive
ever seen. Its purely publicity and to satisfy their need to be at
the headlines, no matter how ridiculous their shit is.
Is he sick or something?
No, I dont think so. He just wants to be in the news.
If hes ever here in Iran, he will be burned alive in a
stake for blasphemy.
I looked back at the photograph. The strangling Lincoln
caricature was making me uncomfortable. Seriously, I said,
Ive never seen anything on the news with these< hate graffiti
on Iran. I mean, they hated America for a very long time but as
youre aware America has made rapport with this country recently.
Most Iranians dont hate America but only our presidents, he said. They dont want the West to be intervening
with the affairs of Iran. They dont want Americas troops or
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gion free of any American soldiers< of course, until now.

I pointed at the small caption below the pictures. Hey,
can you translate this for me?
He moved his head closer, and said, Two images of the
Iranian hate of America< a kid burns an American flag and
graffiti outside of Tehran, both protests for America killing our
president.
His last words fired every cell in my brain, and somehow my tiredness just evaporated away from me. I looked at
him with such bewildered eyes. Did you just say, I said, we
killed your president?!
Didnt I tell you while were in the car?
The whole country must be really delusional. Next to the
fake Moon landing conspiracy theory and the Pope being allegiant to the Illuminati, that was craziest thing Ive ever heard in
my life. But that explained everything the angry mob back in
the airport, the suspicion of every local on us. Their hate must be
really too much that they just accused us of something absolutely, almost hilariously, crazy.
My brain started going crazy again, and in a flash
formed another set of dark and obscure possibilities, at which
time I knew I was at my normal state again. We were exposed
too much in the airport, and our faces must be all over Iran right
now, flashed on every screen and flyers. Every single Iranian
must be hunting for the two of us, like a bounty worth millions.
Shit! I said, moving away from Omar. We must get
the fuck out of here.
No, theres nothing to worry about! he said. And its
not really true. Its just propaganda.
I didnt listen. I ran with the cup of coffee on my hand
towards Chris, still sleeping on the couch. Chris! We have to get
out of here Then, a very loud thud rocked me out of balance,
which made me drop the cup and spill the coffee on the floor. It
was almost a sonic boom from a fighter jet, which made my ears
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ring up loud. I turned to the window, and a couple of buildings

away, I saw a big cloud of dust and smoke rising from the
ground, which immediately filled me with thoughts of assured
death. Panicking, I ran towards Chris who wasnt even awakened by the explosion.
Hey, hey! Wake up! I shrieked, hyperventilating again
as per the norm. I shook his body back and forth until his head
moved. Wake up! We need to get out of here!
Whats the matter? he said.
Theyre bombing the entire city, thats the fucking matter. I went for my bag and prepared to leave, but Chris wasnt
moving. Come on!
Please, its okay. Were gonna be fine here, Omar said.
Fine? Did you see that explosion?! I shrieked. Theyre
coming after us!
But its more dangerous outside.
Hes right, Holly, Chris said, standing up. We should
just stay here.
I cried in fear as I put my vests on and lifted our bags to
the door, which the adrenaline my body provided allowed me to
carry. I ran for the large camera, but the two just stared at me
like the threat of dying meant nothing for them. When I got all
the things hanging on my left shoulders, which for some reason
weighed ten times less than they should be, and I was about to
blast open the door, Chris rush to me and hugged me tight, pulling my head to his hard chest. I dropped the bags and the camera.
Please, Holly, he said. Calm down! It was followed
by more reminders of us being fine, but the gunshots and explosions outside seemed to be amplified, like theyre going off right
next to me but theyre really a hundred miles away. He irritated
the heck out of me.
Will you stop that? I said, pushing him away. We
need to get out of here! They hunting us down, and< and theyll
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gonna kill us because they think we killed their president!

What are you talking about?
We need to get out here, now!
Just calm down, please he said, moving closer to me
again. He attempted to hug me, but I punched his chest really
hard. It was the hardest I ever hit someone other than my sister.
Im not a crazy little paranoid girl who< who needs to
keep being told to calm the fuck down! And will you stop hugging me? Who the hell do you think you are?! I said.
What are y<? I was just trying to help you! he said.
So Im the one with the problem now, huh? Is that what
you think? Do I need help from you, now?
Holly! His shout made me silent, and like a daydream
just ending, I kind-of woke up and realized the words Ive been
saying for the last minute. What the hells wrong with you?!
We shouldnt be here, Chris! Were gonna get killed.
We shouldnt have done this. This is a big fucking mistake!
Youre not listening to me, he said. Were gonna be
fine! No ones gonna kill you or anyone of us. Were here to do
our job. And Im not gonna let anything happen to you, I swear
to God.
The explosions suddenly stopped. I stood by the door
for a few seconds, still recollecting what I have said and done. So
ashamed, I covered my face with my hands and stood in front of
Omars kitchen away from the two. I felt like all my blood was
rushing to my head, like it was gonna explode any moment. I
cried once again at the conclusion of my four thousand nine
hundred seventy-seventh anxiety attack. I was a full-blown grenade once more; my fear has gotten over me. Sorry, sorry. I< I
shouldnt have.
I heard Chris coming to me, but he didnt hug me again.
I understand, he said. Look, Im a little scared too but< I
turned back and embraced him really tight, my thin arms wrapping his neck and my breasts pressing against his chest. I wailed.
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Sorry, Chris, I said. I need you. I need you here with

me, okay? I cant do this without you.
He caressed my hair and leaned his head to mine. Im
always here, he said. Dont worry. Ill be on your side all the
time. Ill keep you safe. Im always here forever.
It was the cheesiest thing Ive ever heard in my life. Like
a crazy lady, I just burst in laughter. I pressed my face against
his shoulders to hide my laugh.
What? he said.
Youre so cheesy! I said, laughing and pounding his
chest. I couldnt control it. Sorry, I< I cant stop.
So youre laughing at me now? Out of spontaneity, I
just moved my head to his and kissed him, my eyes all closed.
His nose was really tall that I couldnt caress his lips that well, so
I had to move my head sideways. Our height difference proved
to be quite a hitch too. His lips were rather dry and rough, and
his short facial hair tickled my face, but I liked it, though I was
having trouble breathing from all my crying. My crotch felt ticklish for some reason. I could tell that he was enjoying kissing me.
I did thrust my tongue to his mouth for a bit, but I let go before
things could go out of hand. An awkward silence followed between us for quite a while as we looked around the room embarrassed, like nothing happened.
You taste like onions, he then said. I pushed him hard
in response. Omar was still standing on the other side of the
room.
Oh my God. Im so sorry you have to see that, Omar, I
said. He must be thinking that Im such crazy little bitch, crying
and then making out instantaneously.
No, no. Its okay, he said. I was worried a little bit
about you. Are you okay?
Im fine. Thank you, I said. Im just really nervous
right now. Im not used to stuff like this. Then, another explosion, much fainter, hit my ears. The echoes of gunfire blared
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from all around the city. The battle has apparently started once
again.
We are gonna be fine, Omar said. There is nothing to
be afraid of.
I know.
So, you want to interview me about the nuclear bomb?
That reminded me.

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Chapter

07.
CHRIS PREPPED THE room before interviewing our chauffer
and designated main informant of the Iranian nuclear program.
Our limited baggage capacity, once again, didnt let us bring sophisticated lighting equipment, but the sunshine proved to be
sufficient enough. Besides, Omar has a pretty pale complexion so
the camera should see him well and true. Chris placed a small
seat on the end of the room and the tripod-footed camera in
front of it, as I stood on the side and listed questions that would
make sense of everything around here. After every couple of
minutes, explosions of varying shock intensity and apparent distance would make me tremble, turning the words I wrote into a
bunch of senseless doodles.
You okay? Chris said, apparently hearing my occasional grunts. You want another hug?
Dont push your luck. Im fine, I said. Wheres Omar,
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by the way?
He went outside, said hes gonna buy something real
quick from the store.
For the past three minutes, I have written like four questions on the paper. The things I said to him earlier blocked the
tracks of my train of thought. My brain, I feared, could be suffering from schizophrenia or something with all my emotional instability and paranoia, which almost cost me the only guy I
could trust my life with in this assignment. I might as well be
Angelina Jolie in that ridiculous movie with her husband Brad
Pitt where they would shoot each other until their furniture and
ammo ran out, at which point they would make out like crazy in
the sea of glass. I apologized to him again, though I already did
like a million times in the first few hours of this day alone. But I
couldnt be sorry for him enough.
Please, forget about it, he said. I know this is your
first time in this kind of thing, and its normal to be freaked out.
Its just, how can you handle this shit?
I just dont think about it much, and you shouldnt too.
And experience really helps, being in the field.
What do you mean? Youve been here before?
Oh my God, dont you remember? he said. Me and
Dennis to Libya?
Shit, yeah. Im sorry. How could I forget?
You know I was very much like you, scared shitless in
my pants as we hide in the corner, bullets flying and bombs exploding everywhere. I wouldnt call myself scared shitless; it
was way worse than that. If thats the superlative of the level of
sacredness, then Webster must come up with something of higher degree. He was really angry at me too that I kept on whining
and acting all crazy. And I was really infuriated that you put me
in that mess.
Oh, did I? I said. Their assignment was the first overseas war coverage in our history, one that truly defined what our
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identity in news delivery was about for the years that followed.
Our footages were heavily used by big-time news networks,
which poured in quite the amount of bucks in our pockets. I was
the boss back then, a period of time that I truly missed the opportunity to just point at people and order them things I wont
otherwise do, particularly and most especially this one. But with
what happened to Dennis, I realized that this job had a larger
catch of putting the lives of the people you cared about on the
line, so I gave up my position for Judd to suffer on that burden
of guilt. Im sorry< for what happened to him.
I told you it wasnt your fault, he said, followed by the
usual silence that came with conversations like that. He held and
caressed the Playoffs trophy figurine, as if remembering the
good times the two of them had. Our continued request for a
rescue mission was denied by the military, on the account that
our teams presence there was illegal the stupidest thing Ive
ever heard. Its a big case of discrimination. If we were CNN or
some big news channel, whose audience reaches could permanently stain the credibility of anyone on the planet, that would
be the only time when they would go to do something. And as
Gaddafi fell and the soldiers were withdrawn, our chances of
saving him evaporated. With four years gone, he was as good as
dead. That was the last thing I wanted to happen to myself.
Hey, did you know you called us like every ten damn
minutes!
Of course. I was worried about you two! I said. You
two are our best guys. But you two were cut-off from us for five
days, right?
Oh, right. Our phone got shot off and destroyed during
the siege to the capital, he said.
What happened then?
You have no idea. After the siege, we were invited by
this group of Libyans to celebrate their win. The way to their
camp was through a large desert. And when we got to that
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desert, we were ambushed by a small Gaddafi army. We both

got shot and our driver blew his head off, and we tumbled down
this big sand dune. Me and Dennis survived, but we were left
behind by the Libyans. We didn't have food or water, and I
thought that was it and were gonna die. I already did a farewell
video to my parents. He chuckled. Until five days later, we
just woke up lying in some bed. We were saved by these< I
dont really know where theyre from, but they were really kind
to us. Some of them spoke English actually. They have these
black globe sign with wings or something. Theyre really nice.
They were led by an old guy they call the imam. They helped us
get to the American army. He then pointed out three gunshot
scars in his shoulders and thighs, and recounted how their
friends pulled the bullets out of them by doing the exact thing
Rambo did in his movie.
Will you stop that? I said. Youre really helping me.
It was really, really, really<
Come on, Chris. Stop kidding around.
Sorry, he said. Were gonna get out of here, Holly, I
promise you. And then, well go to Hiltons and see Adam Levine. Unfortunately, his little anecdote did nothing to calm my
nerves.
But how could you not think about it when there are
guns and bombs exploding all around you? I said.
Maybe youre watching too much horror movies, made
you all jumpy< or youre drinking gallons of coffee every day.
Very funny.
Look, seriously, he said. You should just learn to relax and calm down. Just do it, you know? That sounded really
familiar. You should not be feeling terrified at all. You chose to
be here, because you love doing this. You love bringing the truth
to the world. You love this shit. I smiled. It was all dead-on.
Being, well, scared shitless this time, I realized, was like being
disgusted of my favorite food in the entire world or hating the
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man that I love for all eternity. I chose to be here because this
was my job, job that I made and love. And why I would be
afraid when Im doing the thing that I love? It was an epiphany
in and on itself. I then wrote more questions as he tweaked the
focus of the camera. My thought track was finally clear, and with
that, relief in my fear-filled chest.
I came up with that speech just right now, he said.
Oh, yeah? I said. Well, that was actually not bad for a
cameraman.
I finished college too, you know.
After a while, I told him of the other epiphany I had earlier from Omar, that the Iranians were hostile to us because the
whole country accused America of killing Rouhani, putting the
hate on us. I expected him to lecture me about not taking everything that I hear from people seriously, but he didnt as it made
complete sense. Probably because Iranians couldnt let go of a
grudge of the Wests atrocities to their self-imposed isolation
from all things other than their own, they blamed us for something really stupid to do. Theres just no reason I could think of
that would make sense for the president or the CIA or some covert society to order such an assassination, unless it wanted the
500 million citizens of America, and inevitably those of the
whole world too, to die in a nuclear holocaust. Besides, if we did,
what the hell could we possibly gain from this? Theres just no
way, but all we knew then was we, and all other daredevils covering the war with us, were wanted and despised by every single Iranian here, adding to the already ass-busting problem of
the ban. Chris suggested of blending in by borrowing Omars
clothes, which was the best idea he got for me so far since that
marijuana he brought. It seemed like were going undercover
too.
The explosions and the gunfire were endless, some making the whole building vibrate. The whole of Iran, I feared,
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ings kept on going. There were more smoke and dust rising from
all around the city, which almost looked like columns of the Parthenon, holding the sky from falling down on us. I used to love
scenes of destruction in the war movies I always watched, but
actually being in one was a more traumatic and distressing experience. I was seeing first-hand how man was destroying himself
and the world he built and depended upon; it was like a prediction of a futurist coming true. Its really scary to be seeing how
far man would go to protect what he believed was right and better for all, in this case peace and protection from annihilation on
our troops side, and control and power on the rebels. But conflicts like this were necessary, I realized, just as animals killing
each other in the wild was necessary. Its for the preservation
and continuity of man, so that whats good for all would prevail.
Its just the question of what was the definition of good for all.
Besides, no two men are the same, so the good for one might not
be the good for the other.
I told Chris all that, but he found me weird. What the
hell is going on with you? he said.
Nothing. Im just< reflecting.
I think this whole assignments taking more of you
than I expected. Youre losing it, Holly.
Whatever. What the hell is taking Omar so long? Im
already done with these questions. He should be here right
now. Its already 7:24. He said the store was just right across
the street. I dropped my notebook on the floor, moved to the
sofas and stepped my feet on it to peek through the slide-door
window without endangering myself to a stray bullet. I used the
Handycam to zoom in down below. Several people were at the
street strolling around, remarkably not alarmed with the roars of
the explosions. I cant see him.
Then, I heard someone talking outside our door. Whoa,
who the fuck is that? Chris moved in slowly as I retreated back
to the kitchen. Holy shit, somebodys right outside! I whispg. 115

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pered to the camera. The voice was loud enough to beat the explosions. The other tenants must have seen us entering this hotel
and recognized our faces from the television and told the police
of our location. Chris pressed his head against the wooden white
door. Who is that?
He moved and shaped his lips without producing a
voice, but I believed he just said it was Omar. I moved in closer
to the door, and when I was about to open it, Chris stopped me.
Wait. Hes talking to someone, he said.
I pressed my face and the camera to the door. It felt
wrong to be eavesdropping on the conversation of a trusted
friend, but I realized I knew nothing about this guy other than
his really nice personality and geeky appearance. And we just
met less than an hour ago. Whatever he may be hiding, I expected it to be not that important, like a forgotten pizza delivery
or something like that. He was speaking really fast in Farsi, and
from the stress of his voice, I guessed I was wrong. I could tell he
was begging to that someone he was talking to, and that something must be given to him soon enough. One thing for sure,
theyre talking about something really serious.
Who the hell is this guy talking to? Chris said. I felt
really bad listening to his conversation, so I just opened the door.
It was really Omar, holding a bag with what seemed to be
canned food and bottled water inside. He was a bit surprised
when he saw us, and he looked pretty sweaty.
Hey, Omar, I said. Where have you been?
He quickly turned off the call and placed the phone hurriedly to his pocket. Oh, Im sorry if I didnt tell you, he said.
I just bought some food and water for us to have in our trip to
those places we are gonna go. And I have that soap you were
asking me.
Who were you talking to?
Oh, that was my friend Mahmoud. He was asking me
for the movies I borrowed from him months ago. I said I was
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gonna bring it to him today. He spoke rather calmly and

straight. If I was him and I hid something, I wouldnt have made
that lie so quick. I would be breathing uncontrollably and speaking choppily, but he didnt. Are we ready?
Yeah, were all set, I said. I couldnt be suspicious of
this guy. Hes just too clean.

OKAY, IM GOING to ask you some questions, I said, standing beside the camera, and you just say what you what to say.
Just talk naturally, you dont need to shout. You can even curse.
And keep staring at me. Is that good?
Yes, Omar said. We moved the seat to the wall so that
he could lean his back on it. Chris crouched on the side and held
my Handycam to record shaky B-shots.
Okay, please tell us your name, age and occupation.
Im Omar al Mottaki, 32 years old, and I am a freelance
journalist, working on my independent newsletter for over two
years now.
I only prepared a handful of questions for him. I would
use this interview in the first few minutes of the documentary,
with his voice as the background while our shots of the devastated vista of Iran like those we got on the way are shown. The
editing guys should be able to get rid of the noise of the gunshots and explosions from outside. With the scarcity of time and
the danger around, I couldnt interview more people, which
would disobeyed a golden rule among journalists of one person
wont cut it, so I guess we just have to make do of what fate has
given us. For dramatic effect, I said my next questions slowly
and with stress.
Are there nuclear bombs in Iran?
Yes, he said as if the possession of a weapon capable
of world destruction was no big of a deal.
Can you tell us why you say so?
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He breathed deeply. In the past two years, one of the

stories I always cover is the nuclear bomb. It is always the hottest topic here for years. Everybody in the world thinks we have
bomb, we have bomb. And the government always denies it.
Our presidents say our nuclear program is for peaceful purposes, to power Iran with nuclear power so we wont have problems
with our electricity. It is also for national pride, so that Iran will
belong to group of nations with the nuclear power, like Saudi,
Iraq, Egypt, Syria, Kuwait, Yemen, Pakistan, Afghanistan, India
and many others. Apparently, efforts of the United Nations for
preventing the proliferation of the nuclear bomb failed, too late. I
didnt interrupt.
He continued. But I have interviewed many government officials and employees in uranium enrichment sites all
across Iran, and they say that it is not true at all, the government
denying the bomb. They say it is only necessary to build the
bomb to protect the country from attackers, most especially the
West and its allies. Iran is always at war to protect its national
interest, so building the bomb is only a logical thing to do.
Can you tell us about this uranium enrichment? Because it is always the thing that Iran says its doing inside its
nuclear facilities. Can you tell us what exactly uranium enrichment is? I asked that only for the record. Thanks again to my
brief Wikipedia skimming, I have fair understanding on how
nukes were made. I could just narrate that into the documentary,
but I thought it would be better if the words came from someone
whos been here for quite a while.
He tried to explain in the most non-coma-inducing way
possible. Uranium enrichment, he said, is the process of putting uranium into centrifuges to make it more< rich. Natural
uranium is not very good for use in a nuclear bomb because
much of it has a composition that is not suitable for use in a nuclear bomb. There is a specific kind of uranium that can only produce enough energy for the bomb, so the natural uranium needs
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to be further processed before it could be used, thats why

theres a need for enrichment. He followed it with a series of
history bits and much more complicated scientific stuff about the
workings of the enrichment process, much of which I didnt care
to remember. He did mention some pretty interesting bits of info, like the Germans actually the first to discover the nuclear fission process during the era of the Nazi Party, which led Einstein
to think that Hitler would make use of such a discovery to make
nuclear bombs. Einstein migrated to America and sent a letter to
then-President Franklin D. Roosevelt, which contained his absolute belief in the imperativeness of America making a bomb of
its own before the enemy does.
The creation of a nuclear bomb involved much technical
Einstein shit. As far as I remembered, uranium found in nature is
composed of two species, or isotopes, of uranium, U-238 and U235. The latter is the only kind where nuclear fission could take
place, in which the nucleus of a uranium atom is split apart to
produce energy more powerful than that produced by the Sun
itself, per atom. Much of the natural uranium found in the crust
is U-238, and what the enrichment process does is increase the
U-235 concentration in the uranium to make it viable for their
purposes. If Im not mistaken, the material must reach 90 percent
concentration of U-235 for it to be used as a fuel for the nuclear
bomb, though a concentration above 20 percent is already feasible for use. Natural uranium has only 0.07 percent of U-235 in it.
In the end, the technology of the Germans was not even
close to pursue development of a nuclear bomb, far from the expectations of the proponent of the theory of relativity. And that
erroneous assumption led to the birth of the deadliest and most
destructive weapon mankind ever made, which made the world
an extremely frightening place for all. Einstein himself discovered the basic formula that governs how nuclear bombs work,
expressed in the most popular formula of all, E=MC2. I couldnt
say it was Einsteins fault; he was a man of knowledge and he
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only wanted to advance mans know-how of the universe. He

tried to be a responsible citizen and help what he believed were
the good guys to prevent further annihilation and destruction
from the world war. I guess even without Einstein, in some parallel universe where mankind, or a life form close enough to our
likeness, couldve developed, a nuclear weapon or some other
form of weapons of mass destruction would find its way no matter what. Its innate in every organism to protect itself, which is
why cobras and frogs form venoms and toxins and plants form
thorns in their bodies. We make bombs and guns. So I guess
those crazy conspiracy theories featured on doomsday specials
of the History Channel were right; we are destined to destroy
ourselves. The tomorrow is an absolute unknown, but it would
ultimately lead to that very fate.
As far as we know, I said, the level in which Iran has
successfully enriched its uranium stash is not enough to make a
nuclear bomb. Is that true?
No, definitely not. There are a lot of things that the
government of Iran is not revealing to the world, and what they
reveal to the UN or the IAEA is only the information that they
want them to know. Of course, why would they tell them all?
For example, they say that they were able to enrich uranium up
to 3.5 percent or 10 percent only, which is enough for use in nuclear power reactors. But we have enriched up to one hundred
percent with the help of our allies like China, Pakistan and
North Korea who also have nuclear technology.
Really? One hundred percent?
Yes, long time ago in fact. Thats how good they hide
things and keep things secret here. And the enriched uranium
can now be used to make nuclear bomb, of which we have many
stocks all over Iran.
Can you estimate how many nuclear bombs are kept
here?
Maybe<. There was a long pause and facial twitches
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implying his effort to estimate. < 2,000.

Two thousand? Holy fuck. I felt the bolts holding my
jaw to my skull just flew off and left my jaw hanging loose. That
number was staggering by all measure. Even though its relatively miniscule compared to the nuclear arsenal of the United States
and other major superpowers, that would still inflict a hell of a
damage to wherever those bombs were dropped to and I was
talking about just a single bomb. If all of those nukes were let
loose, which would be the most probable scenario in the case of
lunatics running the show here in Iran, then all of mankind
would kiss their only world goodbye.
How did you come up with that estimate? I said.
As far as I know, there are< more than 15 nuclear facilities in Iran, and more secret underground facilities for sure. Our
nuclear program has been running ever since the 60s or 70s, so
given that long time, it is not impossible that they have made
some bombs here. Our government sends many of our brightest
students to Harvard, Oxford or MIT to study nuclear physics. It
was a program they called Shiraz. The government pays the tuition and living expenses. When the students come back, they
will go straight to the nuclear facilities and help in making the
bomb. Also, some bombs come from Irans allies Pakistan and
North Korea and China. Colleges must definitely do extensive
background checks on their foreign students before admitting
them to check for cruel intentions.
Why do you think the world failed to find these thousands of nuclear warheads?
No, they did.
What do you mean?
They chose not to disclose such information to the public. They had some sort of a deal.
You mean, everybody knows? What kind of deal?
Sorry, but its all I know. All I know is that they had
some kind of dead.
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Okay. With the government of Iran in danger of collapsing, do you believe that someone out there will take advantage, I mean, steal the bomb for their evil purposes? Whos
guarding the nuclear arsenal now?
No one, he said. Since the assassination of the president, our military and police system has just collapsed. Nobody
wants to serve their country anymore. Besides, before all this,
they were not properly paid and given benefits. There is no law
now. And our government officials all ran away because they
are being hunted down by the rebels. So, I do believe that someone, maybe terrorists or someone will take the bombs for themselves< definitely.
How many rebel groups do you think are out there?
I dont know exactly but since the assassination, I think
all rebel groups came rushing in from all around the region to
Iran to grab the opportunity of controlling our resources, and the
bombs. Al Qaeda, Taliban, Hamas, everybody. There are also
many other not so famous terrorist circles out there, like this
group that I know. Theyre led by someone they call the imam.
People consider him their prophet, their savior.
How did you know them? I said.
They captured me one time, and< tortured me because
they wanted me to join them. I managed to escape but they got
my friends, my< I think they killed them. He looked down.
Audiences love a heart-wrenching dramatic moment but it
would be really rude to elicit tears from him just for that purpose. I didnt really need to know what he went through anyway. I moved on just as I recognized his recovery.
Before I could say another word, another explosion
rocked the entire apartment. I felt the shockwave shaking every
single cell in my body, almost like from a giant club speaker. It
was the strongest one since that explosion which turned me into
a grenade earlier. And just like that one, it made my chest beat
hard again. But I fought it. I needed to finish this interview, now
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that I was getting some really kick-ass information.

Okay, I said, exhaling deeply. About the map we
showed you earlier< you said that youve been to those locations, right?
Yes, he said.
Have you seen any nuclear bombs there?
No, I< I wasnt able to get inside the facilities.
Why?
The whole place was heavily-guarded by the military.
There were many machine guns, snipers and guards around the
facility.
But can you say that there are nuclear bombs being
made or stockpiled in there?
Yes, definitely. They wont bother putting that much
defenses if its not that important.
The last question on the list was about that crazy allegation of some Iranians that the West assassinated their president.
Though it was a charge thats as good as saying Michael Jackson
has recently impregnated a woman even though hes been dead
for seven years, I still gave attention to it. So< you said before
this interview that there are Iranians who accuse the United
States of killing Rouhani. Where did this idea come from?
Days after the assassination of our president, he said,
the newspapers started publishing these articles that say America killed the president. Of course, since the whole country hated
the West for a very long time, they all believed it.
Do you believe it?
Im not sure, he said. That meant there was a tiny percentage of him that believed that ridiculous shit. Or maybe he
really believed in it, and he only said that because were here.
Come on, what do you really think? You mustve found
something about that in your papers.
I did not find any credible evidence here to support
that accusation. The people I always talk to when it comes to
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government stuff no longer talk to me, because they have run

away with their families. But personally< no offense, I believe
they might have something to do with it.
Its alright. Thats why were here to find out. There
were no more questions. Okay, thats it! Thank you, man.
Always my pleasure, he said, which was followed by
a slightly awkward handshake, common in situations where you
found out the one youre talking to actually has intolerance for
you. Chris then removed the camera equipment and restored the
room as Omar went straight to the kitchen. Outside, the gunshots and explosions continued to ruin the natural song of the
metropolis. Adding to the noise, the jet planes already made a
sort of minimalist collage in the sky, which contrasted with the
clear blue heavens.
So, I said, whats our plan, Chris?
We should start going right now and get footages, he
said, maybe head off to the nuclear sites in our map. We dont
have much time.
When do you plan to leave? Omar said.
Monday night, I said. Judd said its the last flight out
of here. Do you know other ways we could<?
Dont you want to ask the American army for help?
Our government banned all civilians here. The first
thing theyll do when they see us, theyll send us straight to
prison.
So, said Chris, I guess well be spying on these facilities on our own. Their huge cars and noisy mouths would likely attract much attention, and the Iranians would see us coming
and hide the nukes before we even get there. So, even though
my common sense told me otherwise, we have no choice but to
go by ourselves.
Okay. You say where you want to go and we will go
there, he said, chopping a piece of meat. But I say we should
go to the Vajehabad compound. Ive been there and I think thats
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one of their main warehouses of nukes. Its underground and

not that much fortified with defenses.
What are you cooking? I said.
We call this here ahmisa, very good for long travels. Its
a tuna sandwich and does not spoil easily.
Then, the satellite phone rang once again, which I almost
thought was a bomb that has exploded right in the room. I
reached for it in my pocket but it was gone, until I remembered I
placed it in the backpack. Chris was the closest to it, so he answered the call. He faced the wall where we had the interview.
Who is that? I said.
Judd, Chris said, just as I thought.
Turn on the loudspeaker.
I dont know how to.
Really? You gotta be kidding.
Shut up, I cant hear what hes saying! he said. Your
sisters are alright.
Please tell him thank you for the LeBron cap, Omar
said. I really appreciate it.
He says dont mention it, Chris said after a pause, as
long as you keep us safe. Omar laughed, which didnt appeal to
me as a joke with our lives on his hands. It was then followed by
several hums, nods and yeas. The two, I thought, must be talking
about basketball again so I grabbed the map from my pocket and
planned out our next course of action, just as Omar said, since
apparently I was the leader of this expedition. We settled to follow the map Chris gave us, and weve also settled that whatever
shit that would happen to us would be all on him. There were
five points of interest on the map, which must be where the nuclear warehouses were, two being within fifty kilometers of the
city and the rest all the way to the heart of the country. With the
time we got, we would be able to visit only that two. The map
seemed to have been extracted from Google with the highresolution details of all the physical features and province borpg. 125

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derlines. The coordinates of the X marks were even included,

which could have been useful if the GPS on my Smartphone
worked, but the last thing thats running on a war-torn country
was its Internet.
Then, I noticed my partner turned silent. Theyre not
talking about basketball, I thought, since if they did, then he
would be all jumping and yelling around like a madman. But not
a fiber of his muscles moved. The call ended and in slow motion,
Chris brought down the phone and faced me.
Whats going on? I said. What did he say?
Hes dead.
What? Who?!

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Chapter

08.
I GRABBED THE phone from him in light of Judds latest call,
the series of which during this assignment did nothing but make
this already pain-in-the-ass assignment into a vain of my existence. David Price has been killed. What the hell happened to
him? I said, turning on the loudspeaker. Chris pointed the camera at me.
He was found dead by police in his home yesterday,
Judd said. He was hanged upside down and his belly was cut
open. They have no idea who did it, but a neighbor who reported it to the police said at least three dark men and one fairskinned emerged out of the house. His horrendous death
brought back images in me of that old guy being eaten by dogs
in the middle of the road. I felt my guts rising up again but my
deep breathing suppressed any potential barf explosion.
Jesus Christ. Does he have any relatives?
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I dont think so. Hes already on the morgue, and no

ones telling me hes been claimed yet.
But< how did they know? Who killed him?
I dont know, he said, but I think it has something to
do with the map. It could only be it.
You think? Of course, nuclear bombs, the most powerful and destructive weapon yet created by man that can grant
limitless power to its owners, was something anyone would unsurprisingly slaughter for. It could give nobodies a chance to be
the most powerful person on earth, and with the map to that
very thing in our hands, we just became a very prized bounty.
The onset of panic started to manifest into me. Jesus, theyre
hunting us down. Theyre coming to us!
Just relax, Holly. No one else knows we have the map.
How the hell can you be so fucking sure? What if Price
told those men that he gave the map to us?! Prices killers
mustve been working too for that military contracting corporation he said he got the map from, which must have technological
capabilities beyond my comprehension that they were able to
pinpoint his location and that he stole from them in the first
place. That could also mean they must be tracing our location
this very moment, and any moment then, someones about to
crash through the door and cut open our bellies like medieval
criminals.
Theres no way theyre gonna find you, said Judd.
Look, you should blend in to the people there, dress up like
them. Throw that vest away. You still have the map?
Its safe with me, I said.
You should get the footages now. Ill keep you posted
with new developments. Just stay safe okay?
Fuck you, Judd. Why do you have to put me through
this shit?
Its our job, and besides you said yes, he said. He just
reminded me of the worst decision of my life.
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You fucking made me to say yes! I said. Just make

sure our goddamn ride home is ready.
Ive paid them double. Theyll come for you.
Wait< did my parents or my sisters call you?
No, they didnt call. Is there something you want me to
tell them?
No, no, no! Just< tell them Im okay, alright? I turned
the call off. Bringing down the phone, I tensed up and felt my
head get heavy again from a surge of fear and doubt. Chris following me with the camera, I sat in the sofas as I tried to wrap
my head around what were we gonna do, which came down to
only two choices. We could go to the locations in our intel, in
which case we would be subjected to a huge probability of becoming casualties ourselves, but then we would get the things
we came here for in the first place were we survive of course,
which was as possible as me getting a Pulitzer next year, with
the war, those killers and every Iranian hunting our asses. Or,
we could stay and wait until Monday, in which case we would
live to report for another day, but then this whole trip wouldve
been a huge waste of time but then again, we could just obtain
material from the internet and make a documentary from that.
From the looks of it, it seemed the best thing to do was to get the
fuck out of the country, but the crave to make a quality report
for our fans proved to be a strong deterrent.
Hey, Chris said, sitting by me, do you still wanna do
this? I was surprised. For the first time, he sounded like he
wasnt assertive that we should continue to do this thing.
What are you talking about?
We could go home right now, he said.
Theres a plane for us today?
You saw in the airport, there are still quite a lot of
planes there. We can still catch a flight now.
Ive been dying to hear that ever since I stepped foot on
this country. Though Ive been here for just an hour, I didnt
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All She Lost.

need another one for me to realize how perilous and deadly and
dangerous the situation here was. Now, the stars have aligned
and they already gave me the ticket out of this fucking place. If it
just came earlier before we got out of the airport, I would turn
back to the plane, no questions asked. But right then I wasnt
sure, among the things I never saw coming of myself in this trip,
which included me surviving this assignment in one piece. My
urge to go home was in a tug-of-war with my desire to complete
this shit till the end. It was quite literally a war going on in my
head. Of all the things I hated, my work being a pile of garbage
was at the top list. I was a perfectionist and I always wanted my
work to be flawless. But then again, I didnt want this to be the
last I would make. But this report was so big that I might not get
another shot at landing another like this. But then again, I might
get killed! Its a conundrum probably more head-churning than
anything physicists baffle with.
I dont know what to do, I said.
Do you want to go home? he asked.
I< yes, but< I dont know. I guessed all of Chris persuasion earlier worked.
Forgive me if I interrupt, Omar said, but I can help
you get what you want. And I will do everything in my power to
keep you safe and< come back home with the news. So please,
stay. Youre already here.
I smiled to him. Thank you, Omar.
Its your choice, Holly, Chris said. I think I already
dragged you into this far enough.
The two options I got, I realized, had an approximately
same level of disadvantage. Were we to continue, we risked losing our lives, an irrevocable loss, but the help of someone whos
been here for most of his life would drastically lower that probability. Were we to go home, Ill surely not have the quality film
that I wanted and I would fail the expectations of our fans, but at
least I could still make do of that by making a bunch of reports.
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But chances like this to uncover the secret nuclear arsenal of a

rouge country dont come much often, if not at all. So, the
down factor was pretty much the same. I just imagined a large
coin and flipped it in my mind.
Fuck that, I said. Lets just do this bitch.
Alright, Chris said. Thats my girl. I mean, partner.As per my normal responses to his lame jokes, I pushed his
head in response and smiled. He turned to Omar, still working
on our travel snacks. Hey man, do you have some clothes that
we could borrow? We thought that we should blend in so we
wont be so conspicuous now that< you know.
Yes, of course, of course, Omar said, I have clothes
just for you.
As the two grabbed a whole assortment of garments
from the closet behind me, I was paralyzed on my seat, still
pondering if I made the right choice. The other side of my argument, to go home, whispered to my ear. Its electrifying to be at
the full control of my life, making choices with free will. But it
came with a price of making me think I just made the worst decision of my life, especially in big choices involving life and
death. Playing it safe and living doesnt come together, but I
didnt think it would apply in this case. Its a depression even
worse than I had when the news networks I applied turned me
down, since being turned down aint gonna kill me, but this
might just.
Okay, you wear that, Chris said, throwing a couple of
clothes, actually more of a mesh of black silk, at me.
Im not gonna wear this, I said. What am I, a nun?
Its traditional here. Women are not supposed to show
their shape, and besides its perfect cover. Almost every part of
your body is covered. No one will recognize you.
How am I supposed to wear this?
Its called chador, and its just like a big duster, Omar
said. You just put it on you.
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Oh shit, wheres the< comfort room man? Chris said.

Its outside at the end of the hallway.
Where the hell are you going? I said.
Im just gonna take a dump. What, youre coming with
me?
You gotta be kidding. He stuck my Smartphone into
one of his pockets, probably to jerk off at any porn he could find.

OUR DISGUISES WERE just plain horrible. The duster made

me look like a punk goth in a maternity ward with all the black.
It was more of a wedding gown, so I had to cut pretty much half
of the dress to match my puny height, but not too much for my
black Nike to be safely hidden. Chris wrapped the excess cloth
all over my head, making me a punk mummy too. The two men
assumed the Osama bin Laden-esque fashion. Chris wore a really loose brown coat-like cloth with a matching green scarf dangling all the way to his legs, pretty much like an Arabian hiphop artist minus the bling. He covered his camera with a piece of
Omars brown curtains. Our packs also got under the guise of
the outfits. Our Iranian informant gave up his geeky fashion
with a much more apt outfit a more traditional one with grey
loose pants and long scarves. We left our vests in the room,
which seemed like an extremely stupid thing to do but they offered almost the same level of protection as with the costumes. I
hoped to God these disguises would do the trick.
Chris finger map-reading estimated that the nearest
place of interest in the map would take 45 minutes of travel from
here, assuming no form of shit would descend upon us. But for
some reason, Omar insisted of proceeding to the main warehouse at Vajehabad, a couple of hours from the city, something
that of course I didnt contest against. I felt more agile with the
vest gone and my belly filled with a decent breakfast, but still a
bit shaky and cold. A surge of excitement slowly filled my syspg. 132

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tem, but it was countered by the sound of the gunshots and explosions getting a little more intense as we got through the marble-tiled rectangular lobby. My body started trembling deep
from my bones once again. The smell of burning tires and smoke
and dust overwhelmed the closet smell from the black cloth covering my head. Omar peeked through the cracked glass door,
collaged with bullet holes all over.
Its clear, he said. Lets go.
Just as I stepped off the apartment and into the dusty
sidewalk, the sonic boom from two fighter jets passing by right
then, though hundreds of miles away, almost threw me off balance. The sound from every single gunshot and explosion, even
from afar, rocked my insides like crazy. My entire body stiffened
like concrete, my lungs inflating almost beyond breaking point.
The smell epitomized that of burning tires, flesh and gas. I knew
one wrong move and Id get my head blown out of my neck.
Chris pushed me to the waiting pick-up, then shoved me to the
back seats as he and Omar occupied the front seats.
Everybody good? Omar said, and then started the car
as Chris got into the front seat. He turned on the mothballsmelling air-conditioner quite irritating, but at least better than
the smell outside. Omar had the windows closed shut, and the
opaque windows made the backseats pretty dark. Our destination was to the south of the city so we turned back from the way
we came. He played Miley Cyrus Party in the USA, which is a
track one would least expect to be played by a 32-year old Middle Eastern man. He placed the LeBron cap on the dashboard,
saying hed never let it off his hands ever, and took off.
Holy shit! I said. We forgot the fucking vests, Chris!
We left them, remember? Chris said. I felt ashamed.
Paranoia was setting in again.
Yeah, sorry.
Just relax. Were gonna be fine, he said, then pointed
the camera at me. Now, do your thing.
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Oh< um. I breathed and let it out. Hi, so< its 8:19
in the morning and we are on our way to find the elusive nuclear
bombs of Iran. Uh< our first target is approximately 30 miles
southwest of the city. Weve put on this ridiculous clothing on so
that no one would know that were Americans and were here to
hunt for their nukes. We just learned that David Price, the one
who gave us this intel, has been killed by what I believe to be
people working for that military contracting corporation he
hacked the map from. And probably those very persons are
hunting us down at this very moment. But well take our
chances on this and finish this thing till the end just for you
guys. So< well see if everything will turn out fine for us. See
you later. I waved at him to stop recording.
We should come back home by five in the afternoon,
Omar said. There is a curfew in the city.
I thought the militarys gone, I said.
Yeah, but its when the rebels and the Americans really
go out of the city and thats when the fightings really gets intense. Theyre really bombing the city during the night, he said.
From what he said, it seemed I have seen nothing yet.
Theres worse than< these bombings right now?
Yes, Omar said. Its actually pretty peaceful today.
I thought I just lost my breath for a bit. You gotta be
kid< you gotta be kidding me! Normally, I would be freaking
my guts out again and shouting at Chris about getting the hell
out of here. But, maybe because I was losing my mind, I burst in
laughter as if what Omar just said was the funniest joke ever.
Finally, shes having fun, Chris said.
Fuck this, man, I said. What I thought was the worst
proved to have not even tipped the scales. I wasnt sure if I could
endure more. Just a few meters away from the apartment and I
was already starting to regret my choice to go on. I cried again.
Oh, no, no, no, Chris said. Hey man, do you have any
Maroon 5 on the stereo?
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As a matter of fact I have, Omar said. The stereo then

blasted with the guitar strums and the girlish vocals of Adam
Levine. Chris sang-along with the song, strumming a makebelieve guitar and singing Wont Go Home Without You in a horrible falsetto. Omar did too, amazingly. I wiped my face to let
the two see how disappointed I was with their rendition. But I
knew Chris were sending a subliminal message to me, one that
might just help me get over with me being Angelina Jolie just
laugh it off. So, thats what I did.
Not bad, Omar, I said.
Why thank you, Holly, he said. Of all the singers in
America, Adam Levine is my fourth most favorite. It was apparent that Omar also detected my need of being calmed down.
Whos number one?
Carly Rae Jepsen.
Youre kidding, right? Chris said.
No, Omar replied. I think Call Me Maybe is the best
song ever. The fact that a guy as old as him has an affectionate
feeling for that annoying song tickled my funny bone hard, and
so did Chris. Omar went on to raise his defenses for the song,
maintaining one hand on the steering wheel. But my attention
was stolen by the tower of Irans continued resilience coming
into view directly ahead, and the blood-stained bodies of the
little kids below whose death I heard all too well. The way home
was at the right of the intersection. As the tower grew closer, the
battle in my head that I thought I had already settled earlier resumed once again. Home was right there. Its right there. We just
have to turn right there and Id be safe. I have another shot of
making the right choice. Turn or not turn? Its close enough to
that line in Shakespeares Hamlet. The main character contemplated of suicide when he uttered that ever-dramatic line. I realized I was pretty much in the exact situation. I wasnt thinking
of killing myself, but this was a choice decisive of my life. As the
two continued debating Call Me Maybes listen-worthiness, the
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pressure was about to blow my head off.

But Ive been through this dilemma all day long. Ive
had enough, and I spent long enough thinking about it. I just
closed my eyes as the car move around the tower. As I opened
my eyes, Chris looked at me with a huge smile on his face.
Thats right, he said. Were gonna make it through
this. Dont worry.
We better be.

THE EXPRESSWAY WAS wide but the craters and crevasses

and abandoned cars from a month-long war has made it close to
impassable, but Omar still managed to cruise through it at a
hundred kph. An albums worth of Maroon 5 songs already got
through my ears, but were merely halfway. Just as usual, the
roads were devoid of any live motorists or any form of human
life for that matter. So far, no gruesome sight of a dead body being eaten by cannibal dogs has made me throw up yet. But there
were more buildings in this part of the city thats been reduced
to its steel skeletons, some of them still smoldering. No mortar
shell has blown our asses to heaven yet, though I could see and
feel explosions going off all around us. Its almost were protected by some kind of force field, which I hoped would stay
with us until the end. Every ten meters or so, an Apache passing
above us would make me curl up and anticipate an RPG attack,
at which time Chris would turn around and tell me to calm
down.
For some reason, I longed to see a battle raging right in
front of us, with all the guns blazing and grenades blasting the
men off, which was weird considering how much of a pussy I
was for the majority of this assignment. Maybe its because I
didnt see any tank or machine gun-mounted Humvees or
armed men carrying grenade launchers in the past like twenty
minutes. I could hear gunshots and explosions loud and clear
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from all around me. That force field must be really there, protecting our asses.
Hey, Omar, I said, pointing my Handycam to him. I
thought you were gonna bring back the movies you borrowed
from your friend.
Oh< its alright, he said. Hes my friend. Im sure he
will understand. And hes far away over to the other side of the
city. And theres no electricity. Hes not gonna watch those movies. Ill give it to him after we do this.
What do you think we should do when we get there?
We will recon the area first before we go in, he said.
We will find a hill or anything we can hide with far from them,
and we see what they are doing.
How are we gonna get closer?
These costumes should do the trick. But dont worry. I
have done many like this before.
Are you really sure that place is not that fortified? Or if
theres even a single guard there? I said. I mean, the supervisors of your nuclear program mustve had someone guarding
the nuclear bombs. The absolute importance of even a single
nuclear warhead, let alone an entire arsenal, to a country cannot
be denied.
The supervisors of the nuclear program are from the
government, and since the assassination and all the rebel attacks,
they all ran away. So its open. Our only problem is the rebels
who might also be interested with the bombs.
Of course they do, I said. Why wont they? They already killed someone I know.
The Vajehabad facility is underground, under an entire
town. We just have to find the entrance. Ive not visited the place
in over a year now and Im sure they did some changes there.
Few moments of silence ensued, during which my focus
was stuck on the sea of devastation our car sailed through. Right
then, my mood became existential, philosophical. Why do they
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have to do this? Why destroy their nation? Why kill their brethren?
Theyre protecting what they think is right, Chris said.
Is it right to kill children, rape women, leave people
bathing in their own blood in the middle of the fucking street?
Its a sacrifice they have to make, you know.
For what? Take over everything so they could rule a
world of rubble?
To make things right, he said. To make the world
better for all of us.
So, youre with the rebels now? I said. Did you get
recruited by ISIS or something? The past couple of years have
seen the alarming increase of recruitments of terrorist circles and
terrorist attacks worldwide, a trend that has gotten the world
paranoid that soon enough terrorists would be everywhere that
they would be impossible to stop.
Im just sharing my thoughts. I mean, everybody does
that, kill people just to protect whats important for them. To
make the world a better place, you need to cut the weeds to the
root, you know what Im saying? Like, demolishing an old
building to build a new better one. My philosopher father used
to tell me, the world is fucked up by greed and power. It must
be changed, one way or another. Im sure some religious leader
told all these people to do this, that God wants them to.
Still, I said, fuck these people.
When I was captured by rebels like I told you, Omar
barged in, I saw the men and I actually pitied them. Before they
go out to fight, they hug their wives and children and they cry
when they see their father go. They are not cold killers; theyre
doing it for a reason. Once you see them, it will make you think
again who the real enemy is.
What do you mean? Were the bad guys? Our army
who tries to keep the democracy of this country is the enemy?
I dont mean anything by that, Holly he said, but
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why are they here? The wars none of their business. America
has always been there in every single conflict here and other
parts of the world. I sensed an abrupt change in his perception
to us, but he did have a point. Whenever conflicts erupt, especially those that could potentially injure the interest of America,
our troops get dispatched at moments notice, which drives their
families crazy because, indeed, its none of our business. Probably nothing is more outrageous than sending your ranger son to
some remote corner of the world to risk his life for people who
dont give a shit about him, like during the Vietnam War 50
years ago, which was a shame in the track record of American
foreign policy. More than half-a-million troops were sent there to
prevent the collapse of its ally South Vietnam, but the troops
were ultimately withdrawn in a ceasefire agreement in light of
the mounting losses and the increasing opposition of the American people to the war. The enemy didnt heed to the agreement.
South Vietnam was overrun, and 50,000 American soldiers died
for nothing.
Americas assistance in the war effort of its allies over
the years is based on promoting the interests of peace and forging stronger allegiance, for the greater good, but it turned out to
produce just the opposite. Recent interventions of the West to
the wars of the Middle East have sparked more violent attacks
from jihadists and Radicalists around the globe as an expression
of hatred, which is one thing I never understood. We just wanted
to help. But apparently, seeing us as a culture of evil, they consider our lending hands as a poison to infect their perfect cultures, an abomination that should not be tolerated. But come to
think of it, America is, as what many still holds, the strongest
and most powerful nation in the world, so why would it waste
its resources to save some country? Not unless<
What are you suggesting? I said to Omar. Are we
taking over the world?
Of course we do, Chris said. Thats the whole point
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of this. Help the country in war times and make the people think
were saviors and there you go, easy subjects. We will gain their
trust and we will have their precious resources.
I dont think thats the point here. Nukes are on the
loose and its more than important we find them before its all
too late.
Yeah, maybe in this case, said Chris, but ultimately
that is the point, it always has been.
Holy shit! And here I am thinking youre just a cameraman, I teased.
I graduated with a degree too, you know.
Why dont they just take care of their own business?
Omar said.
Isnt it obvious? We need each other. When war hits
one country, we help. We all depend on each other now.
Which is why its all too late, Chris said. America has
swallowed the whole world. One way or another, all the other
nations on this planet are our bitch.
Isnt it a good thing?
I dont know.
Omar took a sharp turn to a narrow road barricaded
with tall burnt buildings reduced to their scaffoldings, saying its
a shortcut out of the city. The road was as empty of life as a postapocalyptic wasteland. We got silenced, and I pretty shaken,
with the abrupt change in direction and the absolute death in
our surroundings, but the stereo tuning to Shake It Off disturbed
it.
Of all the songs, really? I said. I didnt like Swift that
much with all her rants for her exes in her songs.
Why? I love Taylor Swift, Omar said. Shes the hottest country singer ever. Shes on number 5 in my list.
Shes not hot, Chris said. Shes just cute, you know.
Thats why hundreds have broken up with her.
I dont care. I want to meet her someday.
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And what, court her? Shell break up with you, you

know that right?
Well, maybe if I
Then suddenly, something heavy smashed to the hood,
making a loud bang that made me shout my lungs out, my arms
and back stiffened like steel. The engine stopped and the car
screeched to a halt, almost throwing me to the dashboard again.
A spray of some kind of red fluid stained the windshield. What
the fuck was that?! I screamed.
Holy shit, your hoods soaked in blood man! Chris
said, leaning forward.
What? What the fucks happening?!
Something fell out of the sky, Omar said. Im gonna
take a look outside, you two stay here.
I dont think thats a good idea, I said.
The air filter probably got blown off. I need to fix it.
Please, stay inside. Its not safe out here. As he opened the door,
the smell of rotten flesh and burnt rubber, the sound of machine
gun bursts and the warmth of the Iranian morning air populated
my senses.
Did you see what fell in front of us? I said to Chris,
arduously peeking up the windshield with the big camera. Omar
stood in front of the car with his hands covering his face shut.
A dead person, he said, dropped from all the way up
that building.
What? Jesus Christ.
I need to help him out, stay here.
I grabbed his arms tight. Dont leave me here, please!
Well be right outside. Stay here and dont go out. It
felt like a vacuum contained me as I was left alone in the car. I
could hear every single breath and movement I made from the
black silk rubbing against each other. Though they were right
outside, my mind kept on telling me they just abandoned me,
left here to rot and under the mercy of everyone here who
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wanted me killed. My chest pumped hard again, my senses on

overdrive. I saw through the dark blue tint of the windows the
two lifting someone out of the way, its legs and all twisted,
bones protruding from its joints and its clothes all soaked in
blood, but in blue. As they placed the body beside a pile of rubble and trash, covering it just for the sake of giving that poor fellow a taste of dignity to carry to the other side, my Smartphone
rang for the first time. Knowing that the headquarters could only
know of its number, I assumed its them.
Miss Thompson? the caller said on the loudspeaker.
His voice and tone was rough, deep and croaky, almost monstrous. It wasnt Judd.
Who is this?
Oh my God, you have a lovely voice.
What? Who are you? How did you get this number?
I just want to meet the girl who started this all. Dont
worry, I have a feeling we will be seeing each other soon.
Who the fuck are you?!
You have something that belongs to me. Do you realize
what youve done? You will be responsible for the lives of
many.
I dont have time for you, whoever you are. Leave me
alone!
Dont you dare hang up on me! His deep dark voice
just penetrated through me, freezing my body and heeding to
his words. You will come to me, and Im gonna get whats
mine. Im gonna make you pay, you and every single person you
know. You will never stop me from I cut the call off and threw
the phone on the floor. The ringing in my ears was pitchy and
steady. I stared as the screen turned black, like the whole situation has just been. They got my number! They got my number!
And it would only be a matter of time before they would track
my location and open up my belly like what they did to Price. I
felt my throat closing up as I scrambled inside the car figuring
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out what I was gonna do. I cried again in desperation, and

yearned for the two men to save me, until I looked outside<.
I saw the two of them slowly retreating back to the car,
facing more than a dozen filthy-dressed Iranians, holding axes
and iron pipes and wooden clubs. They surrounded the pick-up
from all sides, slowly advancing to the car with pure rage on
their faces. Omar tried to converse with them, until a man threw
a rock at the windshield, creating a cobweb-looking crack. Chris
and Omar stormed into the car just as the men started pummeling the car with their weapons. As I screamed the life out of me,
I saw pure the rage steaming out of their faces, their collective
shouts penetrated through the doors. They started breaking the
lights and shaking the car side to side. They wanted us dead.
Please! Lets get out of here! I cried.
The car wont start! Omar said, repeatedly turning the
key to the slot. The men started pummeling the windows with
rocks and clubs, and soon shards of glass rocketed to my face in
a spray. Chris window shattered, and the men grabbed hold of
him and pulled him out of the car despite the edges of the glass
cutting their arms. In front of the car, a mother was holding her
baby high to us, as if pleading for us to save him. I looked again
at the men and it wasn't just pure rage; I also saw traces of desperation in their dirty faces. They needed our help. I guessed
they dropped that mans corpse to make us stop and give our car
to them. Soon enough, the windows at the back completely shattered and the men pulled my hair and dress out of the car. I just
squirmed and screamed with everything I got, my fear mostly
providing it. Despite the stress of the situation, I was able to notice they were not enjoying pulling us out of the car. They yelled
with traces of desperation and fear, in fact without the raw excitement from pulling a woman out of a car to be raped or something similarly unpleasant. But I couldnt be pitiful of people
who wanted me dead. No words Omar said calmed them down.
Chris! Chris! Help me!
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Goddamn it, Holly! Let her go!

Then, the head of one of the men pulling me out of the
car blew to a million pieces, showering me with blood and pieces of his head. More gunshots followed, and blood and chunks
of their muscles started spewing out of their chests. Cries of agony and death filled my ears, both that of men and women. I
thought the American army has come to our salvation, until I
looked at the back<
Start the fucking car! I shouted. Two military jeeps
filled with rebels holding their guns up high raced into the alley,
their machine guns continuously spraying bullets at us, tearing
holes all over the car. With one hard turn of the key, the engine
miraculously started and the car took off in a deafening screech.
I curled and laid in the backseat as I heard the gunshots that
seemed to never end and the cries of the men and women being
shot mercilessly by the hands of those murderous motherfuckers. I felt the car bumped and went over some of them. Right
then, my head went in a maelstrom that almost caused me to
lose my head, or maybe I already did. All these violence and
blood, I never thought humans were capable of this. They would
slaughter and butcher anyone, even their own brothers, just to
grab hold of power. Those rebels and that guy from the telephone I hope they all burn in hell.
The abrupt turns Omar threw me all over my seat, but
he managed to lose the rebels to our tail. After several minutes of
high-speed driving, he stopped the car at some corner in the
middle of the city. That was close. Is everybody okay? he said,
breathing deeply.
Yeah, Im good, Chris said. Are you okay, Holly? I
didnt answer; I couldnt. The thought of blood and pieces of the
brain of that guy sprayed all over my face paralyzed me, though
not severe enough as to freeze my lungs and guts. My mouth
was wide open. I was trembling. I felt Chris shaking and caressing my face, but I couldnt respond. Slowly, my eyes started getpg. 144

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ting blurry, my heartbeats getting slow. I breathed in long inhales and exhales, until I could no longer have another.
Holy shit! Shes shot! Shes been shot! Chris shouted,
or maybe it was Omar. Their voices sounded like an echo slowly
fading away. I tried moving my arms to find where the bullet
penetrated me, until I found wet goo just above my left breast.
Ive been shot.
Like a carpet at the ending of a ballet show, my eyes
gradually closed shut. After that, I felt nothing, heard nothing,
saw nothing. It was oblivion. I thought I just died.

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Chapter

09.
THE VOICES SEEMED to emanate from the deepest part of my
abysmal subconscious. They were a flood that seemed to never
end, quickly shifting from one to another with no apparent end.
I cant remember much of it, but I know they were flashbacks of
memory. You have something thats ours< a croaky voice
said. I will find you< Im gonna make you pay.
We have to take this map, Chris said. This is absolutely legit. Price told me people are coming after him for this
thing. This is gonna be our big break, Judd.
Holly<
You will be responsible for the lives of many, the
croaky voice continued. You will come to me, and Im gonna
make you pay, you and every single person you know.
They kill children and rape women to produce child
warriors and make their army bigger, Omar said.
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You have to come with me, Chris. Youre the only one I
could trust with my life.
Please, you need to do this for me, Holly, Judd said.
I cant die out here! I cant die out here!
Remember, dont trust anyone other than yourself.
I need you, Holly. We need you. The world needs you.
Holly!
The storm of voices ended, and like I was being sucked
out of the singularity of a black hole back into the light of the
world, I came out of oblivion, breathing heavily until my eyes
cleared out from a blur. I was still in the backseats but no longer
in the same pick-up. The interior was rusty, the seats now foam
as hard as concrete and the cabin creaky as hell. The engine
roared exponentially loud. Omar was in the drivers seat, the
pop paraphernalia in his dashboard gone, and Chris right next to
me. I kissed him, with an intensity apt in such situation of me
just returning back from the dead. I considered it a miracle I
couldnt fathom how high the probability of us getting blown to
pieces and getting killed in the process was, and yet we still managed to get out of the city in one piece.
Are you okay? he said.
Yeah, Im okay, I said, letting go of him. What happened to me?
You fainted and went to a coma for an hour. I thought
you were shot, but the blood on your chest was just a stain.
I wasnt shot? Thank God. Wha< what happened to
the car?
The engine got busted on our way out of the city, he
said. The tires got shot too, so have to leave the pick-up behind
and we walked for half-an-hour around the city and we hotwired this car. Lucky we didnt cross paths with those fuckers.
Oh my God, Im so sorry for your car Omar.
Dont worry about it, he said. I was gonna sell that
shit anyway. Im glad youre okay, Holly.
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I remembered the plead behind the rage in the faces of

the Iranians now butchered back in that alley, and that baby the
woman held up in front of me. Their cries and exploding chests
flashed in my head. Those people< they needed our help.
What are you talking about? Chris said. They tried to
kill us. They hate us.
No, I saw it in their faces. They< they just want to get
out of here.
Why wont they? Omar said. Its all fucked up in
here. No one wants to stay.
So why didnt you?
Like I told you, I have no choice.
The clear windows of our hijacked ride let me see that
we were now in the middle of some desert, evidenced by the
short brown grass, the cracked land and the mirage fooling my
eyes for a lake on the horizon. The vista was what I expected of
the Middle East. The road no longer had the smoothness provided by the asphalt, but only the ruggedness of the uneven terrain, which shook the car up to its breaking point. From the dust
and sand and tumbleweeds being blown around, the wind was
of significant strength. I could hear the tires rubbing over the
small rocks laid all over the path. No houses or nuclear facilities
were apparent, other than a long range of small hills directly
ahead. After checking me out again for any hidden and overlooked injuries, Chris moved to the front seats and played his
camera again.
I moved in between the two. Is it here? I said.
Yes, Omar said, the facility is just behind that hill
over there.
What is this place?
This is Vajehabad, he said. Only a very small town
with only a few hundred people.
It felt eerily safe with no audible explosions or gunshots
around for miles or even a single smoke tower or helicopter in
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the sky. The heavens were just pristine and cloudless, though the
dust and sand blown by the wind made it brownish. Theres not
a single structure from where snipers might be lying in wait, so I
opened the right car window halfway to feel the warm breeze of
the desert. As the warm sandy wind hit my face, adrenaline
kicked into my system, eliciting excitement and anticipation in
me, since we would be the first ever persons to uncover the nuclear bombs of Iran! I couldnt think of anything else in my twoyear journalism experience that made me feel this way, since
theres nothing big a secret as this one. Perhaps the only thing
that could match this revelation would be the Pope having a
wife and children or the President of the United States being a
shape-shifting alien. This was the mood Ive been trying to subject myself since the beginning of this assignment, but my fear of
imminent death has always restrained it, with the latter overwhelming me most of the time. With no patrolling rebels
around, the former has just won me over. But that man on the
telephone
Chris, I need to tell you something, I said, grabbing
his arm until I could feel his bones. My voice was apparent of
fright and pressure. He knows where we are! David Prices killer, he knows where we are!
What? he said. Thats impossible!
He called me in that alley. He said hes coming for us.
Hes gonna make me pay for what Ive done! My heart palpitated close to its limits. Were fucked. Were so fucked! For the
first time, he didnt make any attempts to calm me down, with
the situation that has turned so grim for the both of us giving no
absolute reason to. We could call the headquarters, but what
could they possibly do? We had next to zero information about
our would-be killers, and we couldnt let anyone, no matter
what it took, know of our transgression in this country.
Did he tell you what he want? Chris said.
No but, I said, it could only be our map. Theres
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nothing else. There was only one logical thing to do at that

point, something that Ive been contemplating ever since this
whole thing started and something that I would never think
twice again.
We should turn back. They looked at me. We must
turn< we must turn back now! Please! I dont want to be here
anymore!
Holly! Chris cut off my paranoia episode. Please, Im
trying to think this through.
I think the best thing to do right now is to continue on
with the mission, Omar said, still driving the car towards the
hills. If those bad guys want the map, we are definitely on the
right track. They are planning something. At least we must find
that out.
And then get ourselves killed?! I said.
Its the best thing we can do, Holly. I admired his
journalistic spirit, the so-called passion that drives people like us
to keep pursuing the truth even in the face of death. And he was
right, I realized. The only options we have left was to turn back
and face those fuckers again on the way to the airport, in which
case wed surely be dead, or get help from the American army,
in which case wed be good as dead in prison.
What do you think? Chris said, looking at me. Its the
only way.
I had no choice. Son of a bitch. Then what? After we get
their plans or their nukes, what then? Theyll kill us either way.
If we have evidence, Omar said, maybe the Americans will listen to us and help us.
Good idea, Chris said, which indeed lifted my spirits
up just a few millimeters. What do you think, Holly? With the
intel wed share, the army might find something useful of us,
even award us with something for revealing Irans nuclear
stockpile, and not send us to damnation. He looked at me, and
grudgingly I nodded. So I guess we push on.
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The road would lead us to the other side of the hills, but
before getting into the heart of darkness, we parked the pick-up
near the base of the hill behind a dead tree to recon the whole
area. As we got out of the vehicle, the scorch of the Sun and the
prickly silk stung my arms like hell, but the stream of sweat and
the cool breeze eased the irritation.
I opened the slit of my chador down to my chin, and unwillingly spoke to the Chris camera. So, its 9:37 and we have
just arrived at the first X-mark in our map in this small town of
Va< jehabad approximately 30 miles southwest of Tehran, I
said, walking slowly to the summit of the breast-shaped hill. The
loose pebbles and sand on the incline made us prone to slipping.
And as you can see, we are quite literally in the middle of nowhere right now. Omar says that one of the nuclear facilities in
this country is within the town directly behind this hill. And
were now going to recon the area from above this hill before we
go in.
A tall boulder at the top of the hill, shaped like an overturned honeycomb, provided perfect cover for us. Chris laid flat
on the rocky and prickly ground, his bin Laden-coverings
somewhat matched its color, as he captured wide shots of the
whole place. Me and our NBA-loving guide stood behind the
rock, well-protected from any snipers that might be positioned
down there. The entire area was bigger than I anticipated, with
the hill range acting like its walls from every direction other than
a small open side near us. Houses of varying sizes well, not
really houses but more like rickety shacks were scattered all
over the place, most concentrated along one half-a-kilometer
straight mud road. With my Handycam as an improvised binocular, I could see kids running around, women in black clothing
hanging their laundries on the roof of their shacks, and men scavenging wood from a burnt-down house but no apparent nuclear stockpile warehouse. I kept looking for spotlight towers,
barbed walls, a titanium building, heavily-armed guards and
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other form of world-class security worthy of the most soughtafter weapon of mass destruction in the world, but nothing.
You said it was here, right? I said to Omar. Where
the hell is it?
He did take several seconds to pinpoint the building.
Besides their sizes, the houses pretty much looked the same. The
largest was a rectangular one on the far side, but he said it was
just an abandoned basketball arena. There were more occupants
in the place than when he first spied on it, he also said, which
could only mean that the nuclear facility here mustve been long
decommissioned and the nuke stockpile long transferred to other locations, as no one would want a lot of people around something as sensitive as a nuclear bomb. And more importantly, we
could be too late already. Then, Omar pointed us to a small concrete house at the far end of the road.
That? I said. There are nuclear bombs in that small
shack? Our house is a lot bigger than that thing.
No, thats just the entrance, he said. The entire facility is underground. It made sense; the ground and the village
above provided the best cover from satellites and spy planes.
Do you think its still operational? I asked.
I dont think so. Like I said, all the supervisors already
ran away so<
I mean, could we find any bombs there?
There might be a couple of hundred nukes in there before, and its impossible for them to move all of those bombs
quickly so< I think we should see at least ten of those there.
Looks clear, Chris said, still lying on the ground. I
cant see anyone getting in or out of there, or any armed men in
the area. I didnt see any kind of gun or missile or machine gunmounted vehicle down there too.
Okay, Omar said. Lets get back to the car.
Just wait, I said. There were no apparent armed militias, but my confidence of going down there wasnt getting any
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higher. It never did, actually. Those people would be as brutal

and violent to us if we were found out to be members of the race
who allegedly killed their president. Were like delectable warthogs about to swim in a large anaconda-infested river hoping
that the snakes have forgotten to eat at all. And I wasnt up to
relying my life on this black silk dress. Are you sure about these
costumes?
Look around, there are a lot of girls down there who
look just like you, Chris said, looking at me. Just act natural
and youll gonna be fine.
And by natural, you mean<?
Dont freak out.
Thats helpful, I said, sarcastically. So, how are we
gonna do this?
We get in and get out, simple, Omar said.
Are there other ways to the facility than right through
that town?
There is only one door.
Fuck, I said. Lets just finish this thing.

THE SUNLIGHT MADE spectacular colored flares in my eyes,

like those in my favorite sci-fi flicks, whenever I looked up to the
Sun right above where we were going. My eyes were closed shut
and my whole body tensed up like a penguin for much of our
walk to the end of the mud road that cut through this small
town. I thought my bright brown eyes might give up our identities and screw us up. We had our bags on our back, my Handycam dangling on my leg. Omar led our caravan, the two of us
following closely behind. We left the car on the mouth of the
town facing the other way and ready to be jump-started in case
wed need a quick getaway; we couldnt bring the car in to minimize our conspicuousness. The houses werent really as rickety as I saw them from above. Most were actually concrete and
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looked study, albeit really old. The pointy rocks protruding from
the road made me slip and almost fall to the ground countless
times, so much so that I worried the people would think Im a
newcomer and come check me out. But thankfully, they were all
busy with their own businesses. Kids ran like crazy in the middle of the dusty street, an old man carried a huge sack of rice to a
small store on the other side of the road, and housewives cooked
what smelled like fish in their houses. We proved to be just
another ordinary Iranian trio in their eyes, but the whole walk
was still creeping the hell out of me, knowing that one small
misstep would cost our lives. I was supposed to, but I couldnt
turn around to Chris and say something, so I just whispered
close to the mic stuck down my neck and hoped that my voice
would penetrate through my head wrapping. But all I could
think of to say was how petrified I was with every obscenity my
scared-ass brain could come up with. Besides, it is scientifically
proven that saying curses helps alleviate every kind of pain and
fear.
On rusty metal walls and wooden poles on the either
side of the street, I could see ripped off pages of a newspaper
front page that had Lincolns caricature in it, which made me
assume that the large bold-faced Farsi letters on the paper meant
Americas killing of the Iranian president. But why in the world
would we do that? I wouldnt figure our president to be a sadistic leader who would kill another of his peers whenever he saw
fit, and besides he wont jeopardize the already fragile relationship of the United States with the Middle East. I bet that Irans
neighbors have already gone paranoid and have been plotting
an attack against the U. S., in which case our president would be
pleading our innocence like crazy to prevent an all-out nuclear
war. I started making connections in my head to figure out who
couldve done it but all I came up with failed to make sense; I
was too preoccupied by the fact that we were walking right
through hell. But so far so good; the kids kept on running in cirpg. 154

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cles in the street, the housewives hanging their washed clothes

and men lifting heavy sacks as we walked in the side of the mud
street. They didnt care about us.
A huge ditch on the side of the road covered with a large
black tarp caught my attention deep into the town. I kept my
gaze on it as I walked forward. The strong winds blew the side
of the cover, revealing lightly-colored objects inside the ditch. I
looked closer, and they had fingers. I started to reek. The wind
blew the cover further, and a face appeared. It was looking at
me, eyes and mouth wide open. Below it, a mass of dead corpses
half-filled the ditch, all tangled with each other like a mesh of
yarn.
Omar suddenly stopped and made me bump to him. I
was startled, and the fright from the dead corpses blown away.
Wait right here, he said. Im going to talk to an old friend.
What are you doing? I said. You cant leave us!
Itll only take a minute. I need to know whats been
going on here. My friend really hates Americans. We cant risk it,
so you must stay right here.
Thats just great.
What did he say? Chris said, also moving close with
his camera on the top of his right shoulder. The fabric wrap was
torn for the lens to see through.
Hes gonna talk to his friend over by that house, I said,
and just put down that camera. They might see it.
Yeah, yeah. Im on it, he said, and then moved towards Omar. Hey, you need some pot for your friend to talk to
you? We have a few sachets.
No, thank you. He is my friend, and I dont need to
give him marijuana to talk to me. And besides, no one smokes
marijuana around here anymore.
So much for your pot, I said.
As he crossed the road, we stood nearby a burnt hut directly in front of the single-storey blue house decorated by an
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assortment of plastic bottles hanged from the roof that swayed

with the wind and made reggae-like tunes. Omar moved up the
elevated porch of his friends house and knocked on the door as
the two of us tried everything to act casually. I kept my hands on
my legs like I was having an uncontrollable menstrual release for
the purpose of the wind not blowing my duster off and blowing
our cover. A really old, dark, wrinkly and bearded man emerged
from the door, who then embraced our guide as if they just had
their high school reunion. He looked more Indian than Iranian,
with his elongated face and head ornament. They exchanged
what I thought were usual Farsi greetings and how-do-you-dos,
and then closed the door shut, leaving us at the mercy of the Iranians.
Im really fucking scared, I whispered, which was a
grave understatement from the level of fright I was experiencing
then.
Me too, Chris said. I think I already shit my pants.
The wind blew notably strong from the mouth of the town.
Noises of an average town filled my ears.
Oh, God. I shouldnt have done this. I shouldnt have
done this!
I remember I saying that back in Libya. Funny that we
were in the exact same situation as this<
Shut up! They might hear you!
And you should stop whining then. I unwittingly
created tension between us, but I was too focused on keeping
our hearts beating. Im gonna go piss in the back.
Come on, you cant leave me here? I said. What the
hell< of all time in the fucking world?! His excuses, ridiculous
and outright stupid, were getting on my nerves.
Why, you want me to piss on you? he said, walking to
the back of the hut. Alone arduously and almost shitting myself
as well, the locals continued to show signs of not caring about an
Iranian couple standing for no reason beside a burnt hut. Every
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second lasted, as per the hyperbolical phrase, an eternity. I heard

Chris mumbling something on the back, so I checked on him.
His dick, hairy and tiny, dangled on his pants.
What the fuck?! He scrambled to hide his thing, and
my phone to his pocket.
Who the hell are you talking to? I said.
What? Im not talking! Cant you wait? he said.
Im almost dying out here?
Just go back. Jesus Christ, Holly.
I definitely heard you talk. I knew I did.
I dont know what youre talking about.
What the hell is taking him so long? I said.
I have no idea about that either, he said, giving the
phone back. I think we shouldve installed Omar with his own
mic.
What for? We dont have a translator in the States.
Well bring him with us. He already did much for us,
and I think the least thing to do is to save him from all this shit.
I already asked him that. He doesnt want to.
What could be left for him here? He doesnt have any
family or relatives of any kind.
No. He said he does.
Really?
Didnt you hear when we were going to his apartment? I said. And when I asked him about that again, he just
went silent.
You think hes hiding something from us? he said after a brief pause. I thought about that too, but his niceness and
good aura eliminated that possibility. Besides, if he was up to
something sinister, he shouldve already killed us back at his
apartment and saved himself from almost being killed.
I dont know, I said, but I dont think so. Hes a good
friend of Judd and hes been good to us. But arent you amazed
that he didnt want us to leave?
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What did you say? he said. I kept that last sentence to

myself. I realized its really rude to be accusing a good friend of
cruel motives for all the good things he did for us. But I couldnt
think of any of my own best friends who would risk their lives
just to take me to a place as dangerous as this, not to mention we
just met each other. But Judd already knew him for quite a while
as far as I knew and without him, we would have already
been hanged to death by the Iranians, or worse. He just wanted
to help, thats all. We owed him big time, and its a shame on me
to be even thinking about this sort of thing.
Nothing, I said. You think Omars plan will work?
Will the army listen to us?
Its the best thing we can do. We dont have a choice.
Look, we just found what theyve been looking for the last decade, he said. We should be fine.
Did you piss on my phone? I said, smelling something
foul on my device.
I love your AIDS detector app there. Its hilarious.
Before I knew it, two machine-gun mounted cars raced
into the town in a roaring engine sound, their passengers bearing every sign of being hostile. The rebels sprayed the air with
bullets from their AKs and LMGs and yelled out loud to wake
the town with their presence. People frolicked to get in their
homes at the sight of the rebels. As I saw the rebels approaching
me, my heart stopped beating and I was petrified like a zombie,
until Chris pulled me to the other side of the road. My ears rang
again.
Come on! Move, goddamn it! The trucks still looked
miniscule as we ran to the blue house, but the gunshots roared
loudly as if they were set off right by my ears. We banged the
door and yelled for Omar, not minding his American-intolerant
friend. The gunshots were getting closer. And at the best possible timing, Chris managed to crash the door open. Inside, the old
man was pointing a gun at Omar.
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Im fine, dont worry! he said.

What the fuck is going on here? Chris said. The old
man then aimed the gun at Chris, shouting an endless stream of
Farsi on his face. I shrieked, as per the norm. The gunshots were
getting closer.
We dont mean any harm to you, please! Chris said,
dropping his camera. We need your help! The rebels are going
to kill us. Please! Omar went on to reason out with his enraged
friend. I turned to the road, and the long barrels of the rebels
AKs were on my sight. Please!
After yelling loudly at him, the man started to move towards the door as to draw us all into his messy living room, all
while aiming his pistol dead at me and speaking incomprehensible Farsi. The floor made loud creaks with every step we made,
but it was nothing compared with the rebels yells and gunshots
progressively getting closer at us. My heart almost burst with
every beat. My skin felt really hot as blood rushed right below its
surface, about to blow me at any moment. As he stood in front of
the door, I realized what he was gonna do to us.
Please! Dont take us to them! I said. Before I finished,
Omar ran and punched the old man in the face, driving his head
almost to the other side. He bled and spewed pieces of teeth out
from his mouth and breathed deliriously. Omar then violently
pushed him back inside, crashing him right at his table, and
knelt right above his brittle body. Omar cried.
Bebakshid! Bebakshid, Peder. Bebakshid! Chris closed the
door, as the two continued to converse at each other, Omar apparently apologizing at his old friend who was still bleeding his
guts out from his mouth. I was left pressed my back against the
soft wall, stunned at how violent Omar could be, but mostly at
how much he would sacrifice to help us finish this thing.
Theyre right outside! Chris whispered, kneeling right
by the door. I could hear the rebels laughing their fucking guts
out at something. Then, all of a sudden<
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Komakamkon! Komakamkon! the old man yelled. Weeping, Omar grabbed a knife hanging near him and drove its sharp
edge right through the old mans throat. I was shocked. The old
man started making choking noises as rich red blood spewed
like a stream out of his neck and his life slowly faded away from
him. Omar cried like a little boy above his friends dying body. I
couldnt believe it he killed his friend just to save us.
Bebakshid! Bebakshid! he said, weeping.
Theyre coming right here! We must go now! Chris
said. From a tiny hole on the wall, I saw a couple armed men
slowly getting to us. They were both wearing black masks, but
their rather bright white arms were the more conspicuous feature. I couldnt talk at all.
Omar kissed the forehead of his friend. All shaken up,
he stood. Yes, please follow me, he said, walking towards the
back door. Chris pulled my unconscious body, and at the back
door I was welcomed by a really warm and sandy breeze as I got
out. The whole time, I had my mouth wide open and my eyes
stared at blank. Omar then pulled the two of us into a small alley, at the exact moment when the rebels got through the back
door. I awakened. Dont move, he whispered. Soon enough,
they retreated back. I hoped theyd think of the old man lying
dead in the floor back there as just another hopeless man who
has lost all hope in life. But still, I couldnt get over with the fact
that Omar just killed his own friend for us, until, of course, I discovered why he did all that.
We need to get down to the facility right now. We will
wait them out there. Omars voice was ever more serious, like
Tom Cruise speaking slowly and deep. His fun aura evaporated.
Im so sorry, Omar, I said, trying to express my guilt
for what he did to his friend. Im so sorry.
No time for that. Lets go.
We then ran on a clear path behind the houses, tiptoeing
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sions, my gown got snagged in pieces of logs protruding from

the garbage piles. I could also hear the breaks of the cars screaming from the road, the men firing their guns like crazy, and also
wailing women and children. I could only imagine what those
motherfuckers were doing to them. I was hyperventilating, constantly pleading to God for our deliverance from this thing and
cursing at the same time. My heart felt like it wanted to break
through my chest.
How in the world did they find us? I said.
No, theyre not here for us, Omar said.
Of course, they are! What else could they be here for?
Patrols come in here every day.
But you said there were no more guards!
Hey, just calm down, Holly, Chris said.
And I told you we shouldve got out of here!
Wait, wait, Omar said, waving the two of us to stop. A
road and a few more shacks separated us from where we were to
a small square structure that was supposed to lead us down the
nuclear stockpile. I still heard gunshots and hopeless screams all
around. Theyre massacring everyone!
The next thing I knew, my eyes were pouring with tears.
Get me out of here, please, I said. I cant take this anymore!
Chris pulled my body toward his and embraced me real tight,
hushing and caressing me like I was a small orphaned child. I
bet he could feel every single bone in my body shaking violently.
Please, please.
The rebels are right there. Just follow me and walk
slowly. Were gonna be fine, Omar said, remarkably calm. With
Chris arms above my shoulders, we walked as instructed, slowly to the small shack that would lead us to our temporary salvation. I turned to the side and I saw two armed men, both in black
masks and their weird white arms, raping a poor young girl. I
could hear the raw struggle from her as she used all that she had
to fight. The men ripped her clothes and dragged her to the
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ground until shes lying flat with legs open wide for their fucking dicks to get into. Her legs turned all violet and red. She
shouted until her throat broke apart. For some reason, I kept
watching the men through my thick tears as they tore the virginity out of that girl. And then, tired of her squirming around, they
shot her. I shouted. The rebels turned, and started shooting us.
Run! Run! Run! Omar screamed. I wiped my eyes to
get rid of the tears that clouded my vision, unwittingly bursting
the pimple on my nose. The bullets missed us by inches, some
ripping the sound barrier right in front of my face. When we got
to a long concrete wall on the other side of the road, the dress
got under my shoe and I tripped on a rock, falling hard on my
chest. The spot where I fell was sandy, otherwise the rocks
wouldve punctured my lungs all the way, but the impact and
the backpack still compressed my ribs so much that I couldnt
breathe. My legs might have crushed the Handycam dangling on
my feet. My squished breasts felt particularly painful.
As Chris dropped the camera and pulled me up, a rebel
saw me lying in the ground. Pulling a machete out of his belt, he
ran screaming towards me like a suicidal Japanese soldier. I
shouted beyond what my voice box could bear, until a few feet
away from me, Omar crashed against the man, throwing him to
the wall. The two exchanged strong punches that scraped their
faces and blew some of their teeth. Omar managed to drop the
knife away from him, but with a kick to his feet, he fell hard on
the ground and was strangled. Just as he drew his pistol to
Omar, Chris stormed to the battle and stabbed the man in the
back, probably penetrating all the way through his chest. He
pulled the knife out, and then swayed it to his neck, not making
it all the way to make a clean cleave. The man hit his head on the
wall, blood squirting out of his neck. In all that time, I was crying and freaking out like crazy thats the only adjective I could
come up with, but the real feeling was parsecs from that.
Are you okay? Chris said, pulling me up. I grabbed
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and held him tight.

Oh my God! Oh my God! I said, which was all I could.
I was losing my breath from all my crying. And when things
couldnt get more unbearable, the other rebel appeared. Chris!
Chris hasnt even turned his head to the man, but the rebel already has his gun aimed dead at us. Before any bullet could
pierce our bodies, Omar tore a hole through his head. The gunshots showering the locals in the town masked the sound.
We must go now! Omar said. I was really losing my
breath. My throat was closed shut but I forced the air to push
through the block. I feared my asthma could get a lot worse once
the next attack would set in. The sharp edges of the camera
made my left thigh hurt. I was shaking up to the smallest units
of my existence. Every hole in my face was dripping wet. In that
instant, I truly wished I wasnt pulled out of that void only to
suffer all this shit. I wished I was dead.
The concrete shack perfectly camouflaged its nuclear
contents, with cracked concrete walls, few tiny windows and a
trashed front lawn far from what one would expect of a nuclear warehouse, like say flesh-piercing laser or mines or motiondetecting snipers. Other shacks covered it from all sides. A few
steps to the entrance, Chris let go of me and helped Omar bash
through the metal door, shouting from deep their souls before
hitting it with their shoulders. My legs couldnt bear the weight
of my puny body, though I was breathing triple-time to get oxygen to my cells. My eyes started blurring, my ears echoing. The
day hasnt even ended, but this whole thing has probably already damaged my body beyond repair.
A couple strong blows finally made the door give up.
Come on, Holly. Stay with me! Chris said. I put all my weight
on him. The tear reservoir in my eyes emptied and I finally
calmed down. There was nothing in the structure but a single
wooden table in the corner and a rectangular piece of wood lying in the middle of the floor that proved to be a trapdoor which
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led to another metal door several steps below. Flags with blackglobe-with-stars-and-wings insignia decorated the walls, which
must be the rebels official trademark or something. We all
gasped for air, me more so.
We should be safe here for now, Omar said.
Why did you do that? I said. Why did you kill him?
The rebels would have killed us all if I didnt, and he
was going to kill you anyway. And hes too old to live.
Shit, dont say that. He was your friend.
I promised to keep you safe, remember?
Why are you really helping us? That just came out of
my mouth, but to bring up my suspicion to him, in light of what
he just did to one of his friends, was logical.
Is there something wrong? he said. Look Holly, I just
really wanted to help. I want to end this whole thing. I cant live
another day in this war. I want to help my people.
What did your friend say to you? Chris said.
He said people have been coming in and out of here,
and theyre getting the bombs out.
Were too late. Whats the fucking use? I said. The
rebels already know where the bombs are and theyre probably
about to blow one right now. And were gonna show our map to
the army? Whats the use?
Its not just a map you have. Its way more important.
Did you notice the lines on the side?
What about them? I said, pulling the map out.
Theyre launch codes. The nuclear bombs are worthless
if theres no launch code.
I almost let go of the map as it felt twice as heavy the
moment I discovered its true value. Son of a bitch. With the
power to annihilate nations coming with it, the map proved to
be more valuable than diamonds. The fate of the world was literally on my hands! I felt I was the target of every single terrorist
circle in the world, their legions being dispatched all over the
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country to hunt me down. And I knew it only a matter of time

before they do. Once again, the idea of David Price in possession
of this sort-of Armageddon device and his giving of it to us boggled me, but I was too worn out to see the connections.
Why the hell did you just tell us? Chris interrupted.
Sorry< I< I need you two with something.
With what? I said. Omar was silenced and frozen. It
seemed he spilled out something he shouldnt. With what?!
Then, his phone started to ring a drum tune. He looked at it for a
bit, his face bearing the marks of surprise, and then placed it
back in his pocket just as quickly.
Who was that?
Nobody, he said. Trust me. Nobody.
Trust? How could we when youre not telling shit? So,
what do you need us for, Omar?
Holly, thats enough, Chris said. I wasnt angry at our
guide, but I thought it was normal to act this way to someone
whom you depend your life with.
Omar remained silent. Tell me!
He breathed deep, and for the first time, I had a taste of
his anger which I thought he lacked in his body. I tried to help
you! I killed my dear friend just to let you two live! I did everything I can to keep you safe, and thats what youre thinking of
me?! If you need to know everything, that was Mahmoud, my
other friend who wants his movies back. I cant believe you
think of me like that, Holly. What if I just leave you behind and
let them kill you in a ditch?!
I was so ashamed. Oh my God. Shit, Im so sorry. Im
so sorry, I said, moving toward him while expressing my sincere regret. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Im just real scared. I< it just
comes out of my mouth. Im sorry.
Lets just get in here. Those men will come here any
time now. He then went down the underground facility, apparently feeling ambivalent of helping us out. Chris followed him.
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What the hell is wrong with you? my partner said.

Hes the only one weve got. Shame bathed my body as we
descended down the heart of darkness.

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Chapter

10.
THE DOOR WAS unlocked, though the rust has made opening
it quite a struggle for the two men. A surge of cold air, smelling
like rotten meat for some reason, blasted through me as a dark
hall was revealed inside. Large mice and all sorts of crickets ran
out the door when we made our first steps. The loud echo produced by even our smallest movements and quietest whispers
made it seem that the facility was incredibly big. Not a single bar
of signal registered on the satellite phone. I reached for my Handycam underneath my dress, and caressed every single corner of
it until I found the ON button. The stumble left a huge crack on
the viewfinder, but the camera operated fine nonetheless. When
I turned on the lights on it, particles of dust swirled and floated
in the beam like snow inside a snow globe when shaken. The
darkness ate the light wherever I pointed the camera on. Chris
eyes looked alien on the camera.
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Hold on, Ill get the lights, Omar said. After flicking a
few switches, the enormousness of the compound came into full
view. The complex was at least a football field wide and three
football fields long, already a feat of engineering in itself. All
sorts of metal structures and drums and frames were scattered
all over the place, with broken tents and small metal cylinders
thrown around and meshes of wire hanging on the metal frames
like cobwebs. It felt like an alternate dimension down here compared to the Stone Age world above. Three rows of spotlights
provided only a dim orange illumination, a couple was blinking
on and off like a perfect prop for a horror movie. The ceiling,
covered with what looked like sleeping swarms of bats, looked
uncomfortably weak to support the earth above. It was apparent
that this place has been around for a long time, so it would be no
surprise that hundreds of bombs mustve been made here, and
hundreds of bombs mustve been already smuggled out of here,
ready to be detonated anytime now.
Hey, should we be wearing masks for the radiation? I
said. We might turn to worms or something. I merely whispered but the echoes made it seem I just shouted for dear life.
Dont worry about the radiation, Omar said. The
uranium rods are kept in thick concrete containers so only a few
could get out. Besides, radiation cannot change your body into
something else. They can only destroy it.
Omars calm tone has returned, which I assumed to be a
sign that he has let go of everything that I said to him earlier. So
I proceeded with the inquisition. How long do you think this
has been around?
I think this is one of the oldest nuclear sites Iran, built
maybe back in the 80s. Judging from the size, this must be one of
the main warehouses too.
Jesus, what the hell is that smell? Chris said. The noseburning pungent smell seemed to emanate from deep in the facility. Even with thick coverings, the stench still made it through
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my smell receptors. It was disorienting. Is that from the uranium?

I have no idea. Come, we need to get out of here soon.
Listen, Omar, I said. Im so sorry for what I said. I
hope you can forgive me. Im just so fucked up with< everything. Sometimes, I dont know whats wrong with me.
I understand, and Im sorry too for what I told you earlier, and for everything you two have been through, he said.
But please, that launch code is extremely important. I believe
that is the only copy that exists. We cant let it fall on the wrong
hands.
I know. Its safe with me.
Every step we made echoed all over the compound,
even the squeaks and squeals of mice and bats and other nocturnal creatures that have made this weapons factory their habitat.
The floor was dusty as hell, and our steps produced a micro
sandstorm that further populated the air with potentially radioactive particulates. Pipes of varying size crawled from every
corner of the room. Occasionally, rats and spiders as large as my
arm would crawl over my feet and make me squeal like a little
pussy, which would then disturb a swarm of bats hanging at the
ceiling. The large metal drums and support beams bore all sorts
of Farsi letters, but one thing made it clear the small circle with
three triangles emerging from it, all inside a larger yellow triangle. Its nuclear, radioactive.
What are those giant pools for? I said, pointing to a
tarp-covered rectangular structure on the far side. Chris pointed
his camera accordingly to the conversation at hand. I kept mine
at Omar.
Theyre used to cool down uranium rods, Omar said,
speaking rather hurriedly. Because they are radioactive, the
rods produce a lot of heat, and if that is not regulated, those rods
might explode and release harmful radiation. Cold water helps
keep temperature down.
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Where are the rods?

The rebels mustve transported them to other places,
which is good because the whole place would have been really
dangerous for us to get into.
How exactly did they make the bombs here?
See those large drums over there? he said, pointing to
large cylinders on the far side of the facility. They contain the
centrifuges that concentrate uranium into weapons-grade. Then
they carefully take out the fuel rods and put it into an assembled
bomb. Workers here wear really thick suits to prevent radiation
from poisoning them, but it doesnt work that way. They were
still exposed. Many have died while working here, but many still
wanted to work because they get paid high, or the maybe the
government is forcing them to work. They threaten the lives of
their families to force them to work. The ditch above mustve
been where they buried their workers.
Jesus Christ! Chris suddenly shrieked for the first
time, awakening every single cell in my body. A dead man was
hanging by his neck on a metal bar, half-naked with his chest all
red with blood and his neck almost snapping off from his body.
Bats nibbled on his neck, but Chris light scared them off and
flew right passed us, almost grazing our faces with their potentially poisonous claws. Below him was a pool of dark red blood.
I felt my insides rising from my stomach, about to blow out of
my mouth again. As I fought it, I saw other bodies of killed
workers scattered all across the facility, each bathing in their
own pool of blood. The stench escalated. I shrieked in fright, and
unwittingly hugged Omar in the process.
Workers and scientists who once worked here, he
said, all killed by those rebels.
Look, theres something written on that guy, Chris
said, apparently not minding me hugging our guide. A board
was dangling on the hanged mans almost-torn neck, painted
with some letters in Farsi. What the hell is that?
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The< dawn of the new world has< arrived, Omar

said, looking at the letters almost 30 feet away from him with his
bare eyes. I let go of him. Evil will perish< from this earth.
What the fuck does that mean? I said.
I have no idea, but I think well know soon enough,
Omar replied. We have to keep moving.
I pressed my scared ass against Chris as we went
through the sea of corpses. The rivers of blood from the dead
made me close every hole in my face shut. A mutation of AIDS
and SARS seemed to have ravaged this very room. My eyes
filled with tears as I fought my guts from blowing out everything that I ate again. The blinking spotlights above also made
the whole walk more heart-pumping, like I was being chased by
Chucky or some other freaky horror icon.
I cant take another second in this place! I said.
I know. Me too, he said. But its nothing like any of
your first dates, right?
What the hell are you talking about?
Nothing. I knew he tried to elicit some lustful response from me, though the situation made no time for such
things. But I thought it would be better to turn my head to other
things that just freaking out all the time.
Yeah, I said after a while. Actually not that bad for
your first try. Due to his timidity, he has never asked for even a
few minutes of my time to have my company to do something
other than work, say, go on a date or watch a movie. In fact, no
one in my 23 years of existence ever did that, which could be
attributable to me being not that good looking. If Chris really
liked me, he should stop making suggestive shit and say what he
really felt right in my face.
So, you think were actually dating right now?
Fuck you.
Hey, are you seeing this? Omar said. Directly above
us, three rockets almost as big as a bus but a bit longer were
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hanging on big metal chains bolted on thick metal beams above.

Their sheer size and apparent mass left us all at awe. They had
pointed tips and stabilizing flaps on their ends, which mean they
must be for long-range attacks. I first thought they were space
rockets, but a nation at war wouldnt pursue space exploration
at such dark times. They could only be one thing<
Are those<? I said.
The nukes, Omar said. We could be the first Westerners, of course not considering the possibility of a conspiracy, to
lay our eyes on Irans weapons of mass destruction. Radicalists
have been right all along; the United States shouldve bombed
Iran years ago. The country dont comply with the statute and
refuse full transparency of its program, not to mention support
militia and jihadist forces, and renounce America and its allies.
Theyre really big, Chris said.
Holy shit, these are no ordinary nuclear bombs. These
are hydrogen bombs. But thats impossible.
What? I said. Hydrogen bombs are the much more
powerful and lethal variant of the nuclear weapons clan, making
use of hydrogen isotopes as fuel to produce an explosion hundreds of times more powerful than the average atomic bomb. As
their alternative name thermonuclear bombs imply, they release
tremendous amounts of heat that would instantly vaporize anything within hundreds of miles from ground zero, and poison
any surviving living thing with radiation afterwards. I believe
they are at least 500 times stronger than the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs. Most of the worlds nuclear arsenal is thermonuclear. How did you know?
That small letter H down there. But I didnt know we
had at supply of it.
Must be from other nuclear states, right?
Probably.
Hey, those slots are empty, Chris said, pointing to five
other chain baskets beside the rockets which looked like they
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have just been emptied out.

The rebels probably got them already, Omar said.
Jesus, what are we gonna do? I said. Many people are
gonna die.Now that terrorists have the most powerful weapon
ever made, the world endures the grave threat of a nuclear holocaust from its failure to act decisively before all this shit. For
some reason, my body flooded with the urgency to at least do
something to prevent this impending doom of mankind, which I
too belong. All I wanted to do was to get this shit over with so I
could be safe in the sanctuary of my home with my sisters and
unknowing parents. But me being here has trapped me into this
huge responsibility of continuing the existence of life here on
Earth a duty I didnt even think or dream of assuming.
Were gonna let the army know about this, he said.
Make sure we document everything here, get as much information as possible. Come, I see something over there.Omar was
getting really sweaty and uneasy for some reason, which I
thought was a perfectly normal reaction in situations like this.
Chris picked up an AK-47 rifle and a few magazines and
stuffed them in his bag. What the hell are you gonna do with
that? I said.
I have a feeling were gonna be using this soon.
You cant even shoot.
How hard could it be?
We passed by countless empty metal cylinders and containers of God-knows-what as we followed Omar to a square
structure pretty much in the middle of the facility, which appeared to be a sort of an office. It was lit from the inside, and I
could see through its glass windows tall stacks of papers above
its desks and pictures and maps hanged from its walls. The
workstations where the bombs mustve been assembled were
behind the office; empty metal cylinders surrounded it on all
sides. But before I could get any closer, a dismembered head by
the door startled me and made me squeal. The body sat beside,
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the neck cleanly cleaved perhaps with a samurai sword or something. Black blood bathed the corpse. That was the most disturbing sight of my life.
Oh God! Im not getting in there! I squealed, covering
my eyes with my cold sweaty arms. Theres a fucking head on
the floor! Omar grabbed the head by the hair, blood dripping
from its torn arteries and veins, and threw it like a bowling ball
right by the cylinders. I pressed my face on Chris chest and
trembled, all while crying my eyes out. At this pace, if every
minute blood and death and decapitated men pops at my face,
Id lose my mind beyond any hope of recovery.
Pull yourself together, Chris said. Its just a head.
Shut the fuck up!
You need to take a look at this, please quick! Omar
said from within the office. Chris pushed me away and I wiped
my eyes clouded with tears, after which a journalists treasure
trove came into view. Fifty people could fit well into the room,
illuminated by a single incandescent light bulb. Several portraits
of who I believed were Khomeini and the succeeding presidents
of Iran were hanged on the wall, along with the rebels black
globe insignia and the flag of Iran. Rouhanis portrait was
stained in blood, which I thought was a telltale sign that the
rebels killed him, which made perfect sense. Only he knew of the
location of the bombs, and no one wanted those things more
than those motherfuckers.
A rectangular table occupied the center of the room.
Hundreds of documents and maps and booklets were stacked on
it like paper bills. If theres a place that could unlock the answers
to all the shit going on in this country, nothing should reveal
more than here. Help me with this. We should bring everything
that we could carry.
Chris did his thing and shot the two of us with his big
toy as we dug through the piles of what might be the key to everything, not just to the war but our survival as well. I should be
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feeling irrationally ecstatic with everything I wanted right in my

face, but this whole thing the few first hours alone of this assignment has already damaged my head beyond repair. No
matter how much I reminded myself this was what Ive been
looking for, my head was on a shutdown. I just stood near the
table with my head absolutely blank. I could see the papers, but I
couldnt think of what was on them. I could smell the rot from
the facility, but I wasn't repulsed. I could feel the cold and moisture from the room, but I was nothing to me. That head, the
blood, the death, the screams and cries, the violence this whole
thing has messed me up for good. Not until I accidentally
pushed a pile of papers to the floor and ruined its order that I
woke up from that conscious coma. I tried to fix them, but I
didnt know what I was doing.
Are you alright, Holly? Chris asked, rushing towards
me. I sat atop the papers and laid my back on the wall.
I< I just need to rest for a bit.
Okay. Ill just dig up for you.
Its already 10:25, several hours since I last stared at my
sorry face, so I pointed my Handycam right at me and checked it
out on the viewfinder. The blood from my pimple has dried out
and formed a stream down my mouth. I pressed the source,
from which rich yellow pus and blood just popped out of the
pimple. My eyes were all red and quite shriveled, my lower eyelids all swollen up like I havent slept for weeks. My face looked
shrunken, the corners of my skull somewhat more pronounced.
Feeling my stomach rumbling, I used up whats left of my energy to grab my bag and the ahmisa Omar made for us earlier. It
was basically a sandwich with some kind of fish and onion as
filling, and it tasted rather good. Every bite brought a bit of
energy within me, and slowly the cloud blurring my mind
started to clear up, so did my eyes.
After the fifth bite, I started to notice the meshed-up papers on the floor. Some were really old Iranian religious proclapg. 175

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mations or something. Some were whole issues of The New York

Times, Time and Newsweek that had the Iranian Armageddon
cover which proliferated in the news world ever since this war
started, as well as countless newspaper cutouts of American politics articles, much of which were about covert black ops and
jihadist hunt in the Middle East. The amount of Americaninspired media in the pile was disturbing.
What the hell are these people doing here? Chris said.
Look at these things. Who studies flight trajectories? Quark and
quantum theories? Radioactive particle interactions? The Will to
Power? Nostradamus? Mein Kampf?! What the fuck is all this?
Many of these are textbooks about nuclear bombs, but
Im not so sure about the others, Omar said. I have here a lot
about American culture.
Theyre learning our ways, I said, which was the only
logical reason behind. But why in the world theyd do that?
Further digging revealed manuals and receipts for what
I thought were parts for the nukes which were of French, Russian, Chinese, Iraqi, Israeli, Libyan and Pakistani origin, confirming perhaps a secret trade between these nations or WMDs already available for sale in the black market. A schematics map
was also right in front of me. It was an intricate layout of a thermonuclear bomb every single gear and screw, dimensions and
instructions necessary for its assembly were on it which had
too much jargon for a layman to bear. The boxes below bore the
symbol for some company called G4S, apparently the owner of
the thing. I frowned in an effort to recall where on earth I heard
that name from, but I couldnt.
Chris, I said. Have you heard of G4S?
No, why?
I showed him the schematic. I think its the company
providing Iran with the bombs.
Well take it all, Omar said. He grabbed a whole pile
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thing in the bag. We really need to get out of here right now.
His urgency was infectious. Whats the matter? Are the
rebels coming right here?!
They might come in here to get the other bombs. We
must get out before they do.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Check this out, Chris said, sweeping his part of the table clean and then laying a map in front of
him. Come on, look at this.
What is that? I asked. I got up with the strength the
sandwich provided me and beheld a political world map drawn
with several red Xs all over. A large blue circle and arrows pointing out of the country highlighted Iran. The Xs were drawn on
Washington D.C., Las Vegas, San Francisco, New York, Sao Paulo, Johannesburg, Cairo, Paris, Vatican City, Berlin, London,
Moscow, Baghdad, Beijing, Shanghai, Hong Kong, Mumbai,
Manila, Sydney and Honolulu. The United States was conspicuously marked with a red circle, almost of blood. It would take
no rocket scientist to figure out what the map was.
The rebels targets, Chris said.
Jesus Christ, are they planning to destroy the world?
Theyre fucking insane. Theyre fucking insane! My worst fears,
unsurprisingly, have been realized; lunatics run the show in this
country. As what the plot of films centering on nuclear Armageddon would ultimately lead to, there would be no victors in a
nuclear onslaught, let alone survivors, but only a world of rubble
and radiation and death. With that many thermonuclear bombs
detonated, civilization would beyond any doubt collapse with
no hope of rising up again, because no one would live to do it. In
fact, not even bacteria or amino acids would survive as the subsequent fallout irradiates every single square inch of this poor
planet. I think it would take the birth of another universe, or
perhaps the terraforming technologies of a really advanced alien
species, and a billion years for the Earth to be restored, hopefully
free from a species like us capable of self-destruction.
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Wait, theres something else, Omar said.

What?
He pointed to a small Farsi writing above the map. I
think this is a date right here. Rabi is the fourth month of the year
in the Islamic calendar, which is approximately April in your
calendar. Today is April 29, right? There are only 29 days in our
month, and this says on the last day of Rabi. You add a day so<
April 30< Saturday, Chris said, facing us. Thats<
tomorrow! At that very instant, my legs softened and almost
made me collapse to the floor, my lungs shrunk as I ran out of
breath, and my skin felt freezing as the chill of the dark situation
was slowly creeping through me. I couldnt believe what I just
discovered. The ten billion human beings, together with trillions
of other living things and the countless magnificent sights and
vistas, on this planet would perish less than 24 hours from now!
The apocalypse was not something Id want a heads-up on Id
rather die unexpectedly, like with a truck squishing me on the
sidewalks or a mad killer shooting my head off with a sniper
gun, than to know of my passing. I slowly retreated back to the
wall, my face of devastation, grief and hopelessness. Because of
the countless end-of-the-world motion pictures I bathed my eyes
on, I already planned out the things Id do if the world would
come to an end, the first of which would be to have a last party
with my friends, then get laid, then zip-lining, and of course tell
my parents and sisters how much I appreciate them, even
though they didnt. I couldnt do any of that. Im stuck in this
hellhole.
Jesus< Jesus Christ! I cried. Chris then came to pull
me into his hard chest. Oh my God, were gonna die!
We can still do something with this, Omar said, as if
the end of the world was something two young American journalists and a thinly-built Iranian could thwart. We have the
launch codes. We can go to the American army and ask them for
their help. This is too much intel we will show them. They
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shouldnt throw us to prison with this.

Its not that its< how could we stop this? I said, letting go of Chris. Were too late. The rebels already have the
nukes. Every Iranian here wants to kill us, and that guy from the
telephone wants me dead. We arent even sure if the armys
gonna listen to us.
Not unless if we try, Chris said. We already talked
about this. Besides, what are we gonna do, just stand here and
do nothing when we have the answers to all of this?
I never wanted all of this shit. I just want to go home!
This is the way home, he said, gripping my shoulders
tight. We dont have a choice.
I dont wanna die, Chris!
Were not gonna.
Promise me! Promise me!
I did. And I still do.

AFTER OMARS ANOTHER reminder of us getting the hell out

of that place, we piled every single piece of paper we deemed
potentially useful and stuffed them all in the remaining spaces of
our bags, with the important ones like the targets map right in
my handy pocketed pants. My five-hour mark for my medication was closing so I checked the pants for the bottle, which still
rested in one of my left pockets. The adrenaline from the pressure of Armageddon relieved and provided me with the
strength to carry on. And they were right better to die trying
than for nothing at all. A few minutes after, were back again in
the dim abyss of the compound, together with the hundreds of
dead corpses and decapitated heads inside. The bats above and
the critters creeping below squeaked exponentially loud.
There must be some sort of passageway out of here, a
road or something, Chris said. How on earth could they get
these bombs out? And indeed, below the bombs of destruction,
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there were tire tracks leading out to the wall. The illumination
from the spotlights couldnt reach the side of the facility, and
every step proved to be as scary as shit. The tracks went through
the wall decorated with Khomeinis huge bearded face. Chains
bolted the door shut. Goddamn son of a bitch.
There, there, over there, Omar said, pointing to a large
metal support column whose highest point led to what appeared
to be a trap door. We can climb that column out of here.
We cant go back out there, I said. The town must
still be sprawling with hundreds of rebels.
Where else would we go? Chris said. That shut me
down, which I thought what they wanted for me long before.
The structure was at least 30 times my height, four times my
width, and looked sturdy enough to withstand earthquakes. A
series of protruding U-shaped metal bars without any protective
barricades served as the ladder. The trap door above was pouring dust into the compound.
Okay, who wants to go first? Omar said.
Its too high, I said. I< I cant do it. Would it be just
the same if we use that front door?
We dont have time for this! Chris said. Maybe Omar
should go first, you follow and Im gonna be on the back to catch
you.
Sounds good, Omar said.
As Omar climbed effortlessly with our big camera on his
shoulders, Chris pushed me up the ladder with his head directly
below my ass. The thick mesh of the chador made it excruciatingly hard to place my feet on the metal steps; I still had to lift the
whole thing so pull my feet up, so every time I placed my feet in
the next step, only my left hand bore all my weight plus that of
my stuffed-up bag. To make it worse, its all sweating up, lubricating my hold of the metal steps. The wires dangling in the column snagged us like snakes. The whole climb, to sum it all, was
nothing but unbearable. Then, close to the halfway point of the
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climb, a bat stuck itself in my dress. I shrieked. Get this shit off
of me!
Chris scared it off with the lights on the Handycam hes
holding for me, then laughed as if it was all a big joke. That
ones getting in the bloopers, he said. I flipped him.
How much time we got left? he said after a while.
Probably 30 hours still, Omar said. The rebels are
probably gonna blow the bombs at night after the last salat.
Whats that?
Daily morning prayers, he said. We do that five times
a day while facing Mecca.
Five times a day? Most people could hardly do one.
People are too trapped in the physical world, only caring about what their bodies need. They forget they have a soul to
nourish also, that is why we have all these crimes and corruption
and greed. Which is why<
What? I said.
< man needs to be saved.
A loud thud then echoed from the entrance of the facility, startling the swarm of bats sleeping near us. We were all frozen. A creaky sound further startled the bats, making some to fly
off. Mumblings start to fill up the room. Before I knew it, ten
armed men were walking straight for us.
Holy shit! I held the metal steps tight and pressed my
face against the cold metal column. We were already an arms
length away from the ceiling and just above the hanging spotlights. I hoped the bright lights would hide us from them, but it
was of no help at all to calm me down. I breathed twice as fast,
shook twice as hard, and perspired twice as heavy. My hands
were bathing in sweat. Every passing moment was torturous
beyond words.
The rebels quickly scrambled around the facility, a sign
of their awareness of someones transgression, which was unsurprising since we turned the lights on. Some looked up, and
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indeed the lights camouflaged our scared asses. They then went
to open the locked gate, some to the support beams holding the
H-bombs. In a roaring and irritating sound, a large military truck
went through the gate and positioned itself right below one of
the nukes. A series of pulleys slowly lowered the bomb. One of
the man accidentally lost his grip of the chains, almost dropping
the bomb and blowing all of us to Heaven. I briefly squealed, but
the noise they made covered it.
Chris pinched my foot to move up as Omar already had
half of his body up the ground. Move! The wind above blew
sand to my mouth as my head got out, but the bag got stuck,
pulling me in with it. I got back in, but before I even got my head
out of the door again, the men below shouted, apparently seeing
the light of day from the trap door. They started shooting us.
Move, goddamn it! Move! I yelled for dear life as I tried to get
my bag to go through the door, which took some seconds and
got Chris in the haywire. The bullets ricocheting right in my face
made magnificent sparks, but for some reason, not even a single
bullet shrapnel got into me. In a loud cry, the bag snapped off of
its snag and I laid face down in a rather cold and soft bed of
sand. As Chris got out, bullets tore through the door as Omar
shut it close. I breathed hard and deep.
Holy shit, holy fucking shit! I said. Right then, Chris
started groaning of extreme pain, only to find out hes been shot
in the abdomen. Oh my God! We need to get help!
Dont< Im fine! he insisted.
Where the hell are we?
Were on the other side of the hills behind the town,
Omar said, which meant the car was all the way to the other side
of the town, half-a-kilometer away. We have to go. They know
were here, and theyre coming right for us. With the camera on
his other hand, Omar helped me get Chris up. But before even
making a step, we froze again on the sound of roaring and gunfire. Omar quickly climbed the hill with the camera. And after a
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brief gaze, he ran back just as fast. Theyre coming! All of them!
Theyre coming!
Where are we gonna go?
Go around the hills, he said, giving me the camera.
Ill take care of Chris. We will follow you. Go, go!
The Sun assumed its might in the noontime sky, further
drying up the ground and driving sand to my eyes with the even
stronger wind. The sand was soft, but not as much as to drown
my shoes and make running a struggle. I could hear the rebels
running towards where we came from as they kept firing their
guns, and the townsfolk shrieking and crying and begging for
mercy. I ran as fast as I could, which I guess was actually really
slow with Chris and Omar following close behind. Every step
seemed to put a pound of weight more on my body, and by the
time we reached the mouth of the town, gravity almost made me
lie to the ground. By a dried-up tree, Omar put my partner down
and I did the necessaries. The bullet tore a gaping hole in his abdomen, out of which a considerable amount of blood poured out
of him. I ripped off a piece from the gown and wrapped the
wound tight, bubbling blood oozing out. He moaned and held
my arms tight. I kissed him, though it wont ease even by a bit
the agony hes facing, but I thought it would be a motivation for
him not to go to the light just yet. Please, stay with me. I need
you. I need you with me. He responded with another moan of
pain.
Our cars right on the other side, Omar said, peeking
by the tree. The men are all the way back to the town.
Are you alright? I said to Chris. Im really sorry. He
just smiled, the trauma apparently still overwhelming his brain.
The gunshots and cries continued, echoing into my ears.
We will make a run for the car, Omar said, leaning
close to us. You go first Holly. Run straight to the car as fast as
possible. Ill carry Chris.
I scoped the scene myself as Omar got Chris up. A long
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metal wall provided a nice path to hide from the rebels. Are
you sure about this?
Just go straight to the car. Well follow you.
You got this< Holly, Chris said arduously. After materializing from my system the necessary courage, I ran with my
hands covering my head like a comet was about to fall on me. I
looked straight down to the ground, my eyes wide open, my
back curved and my feet all stiffened up. I shouted every breath
during that run, my chest beating hard as never before. Once we
got to the edge of the metal wall, I scoped the scene again. A
couple of meters ahead into the town, ten old men and women,
all wailing for mercy, formed a line on the road with their hands
tied up behind their heads. On the other side, the masked rebels
cocked and aimed their guns at them. It was a death squad. They
all fired simultaneously, blowing the locals chests and faces off
and killing them instantly.
Jesus Christ! I said, shivering. They killed all of them!
They killed all of them!
Holly, Omar said. We cant do anything about that.
Please, we need to get out of here. Its very dangerous. As I saw
the men retreat to reload, I materialized whats left of my courage once again and made a run for the car. Before I knew it, I
bumped my head and opened the rear door. I heard another particularly close gunshot, to which I turned back. Omar and Chris
were lying on the ground, our guides legs really bleeding. He
has been shot.
Chris! Omar! A couple of meters away from the car, I
rushed back to the two and tried to get them on my shoulders,
but they proved really heavy for me. Another gunshot blasted a
pebble near us, and when I turned to the road, the whole battalion of rebels stormed through the town towards us. Their bullets screamed right at my ears. Such a situation usually provides
humans with insane adrenaline rushes which would have been
helpful for me to lift my two salvations to their own salvation,
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but mine wasnt enough. Omar was hit on his lower left leg.
Please, get up! Please! I cried.
No, no! You have to go! Omar said, pushing my arm
away. Take Chris with you. Get the intel to the army. Im so
sorry, Holly. Im so sorry!
What? Were not leaving without you!
Go! Please! They will kill you. I can take care of them.
Im gonna be alright. Go, now! It was no time to rationalize the
next move I was gonna make, and out of impulse, I carried Chris
to the car and decided to leave our chauffeur to the mercilessness of the rebels. Omar continued shouting as bullets flew right
on us, some blowing sand inches away from our feet. Chris
moaned with every step. Finally, I threw him on the backseat,
the camera on the dashboard, and assumed the drivers seat.
Bullets rained down endlessly, some penetrating right through
the windshield and showering my face with razor-sharp shards
of glass. I turned the car keys several times; the car wasnt starting. On the road apparently pouring with corpses of the locals,
the rebels ran like a mad mob, getting closer by every passing
second. Still, the car wasnt starting. Until<
Yes! Yes! I immediately threw the car in reverse and
drove out of that fucking town like crazy, bullets still showering
the two of us with glass on the way out. From the windshield,
though really shaky, I saw the rebels get their hands on Omar
and beat him to death.
Tears poured out of me like the Niagara, clouding my
vision of the road. I wailed with my feet unwittingly floored on
the accelerator and repeatedly pounded the steering wheel with
the force of my grief. I just abandoned the only guy that could
get us through all of this madness! And the feeling was compounded by the fact that I already caused the death of three
people! Not to mention, I was now all by myself; Chris was in
real danger of dying, and help was hundreds of thousands of
miles away to the other side of the planet. Theres also no assurpg. 185

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ance that the army would listen to us. It was helplessness and
despair at its highest possible form.
And when things couldnt get any worse, three cars
popped into view in the rearview mirror, their engines roared as
they raced through the bumpy desert. Men holding guns stood
on them. The rebels were onto us.
Chris! Chris! Were being chased by the rebels! Wake
up! You gotta help me, please! I said, franticly pressing the floor
panels, pumping the clutch and turning the steering wheel as I
drove for our lives. He didnt respond. I was screaming my guts
out, mucous clogging my windpipe. A kilometer away from the
town, the rebels kept their hot pursuit, raining bullets from their
machine guns at us, but the bumpy desert made them miss by a
mile. Normally, as the bodys response to stressful situations like
this involving life and death, Id gain relative supernatural powers like I did several times earlier, which allowed me to carry a
man as heavy as Chris. But right then, the adrenaline juice has
finally drained out. My heart pumped rather slow, my eyes
slightly blurred, and I felt rather weak; my body was crashing
down. The only thing that drove me through was the fact that if
we stopped, those motherfuckers would hang our guts out of
our bodies. I might have already mumbled every known curse
word that ever came out of a mouth.
I absolutely had no idea where I was heading the car to.
All I knew was that I was driving to the way we came, or at least
I thought. The rugged terrain stretched our hijacked ride to its
breaking point, tumbling it in all directions. More and more bullets got their way through the car, some so close to me that they
blew off some of my hair. Spectacular sparkles from the bullets
made it a New Years Eve celebration in the car.
A hand reached for my shoulders. Chris! Holy shit!
Theyre onto us! You gotta help me! I said. He tried to move to
the front seats, but the pain was just too unbearable.
Where is Omar? he said.
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I left him, goddamn it! I cried. Will you just help me

get rid of those fuckers? !He looked at our pursuers for a rather
long time. Then, fighting through the pain and the bullets ricocheting in the car, he grabbed the rifle he picked up from the
facility and fed a magazine to it. Do you even know how to use
that thing?
Dont worry, he said. I got a plan.
Then do it right now!
But Im sorry. I have to do this.
What? Right then, something really hard bashed the
back of my head and instantaneously threw me unconscious,
which made me hit my head to the steering wheel. I left the car
still running, and the rebels still behind our tail.
For the second time, I was in oblivion.

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Chapter

11.
THE DESERT STRETCHED far and wide, with mirages on the
horizon making it seem that the land was being cooked up by
the scorch of the Sun. The road went straight and smooth,
though years of neglect has left gaping cracks in some parts,
which our car didnt handle pretty well. I expected to see a
horde of camels or raccoons or rattlesnakes crossing the street, or
towering cacti or gigantic sand dunes basically anything distinctive of the desert vista but there was nothing in the place
but brown grass and totally dried out soil. The sky was still as
pristine, though dark clouds loomed in some parts, which really
proved ominous to me. I was seeing what might be my last
glimpse of the planet. That thought made me regain my sense of
awareness. Chris was driving the car, his one hand still pressing
on the entry wound. I sat on the front seat beside him. More importantly, the rebels were gone.
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Theyre gone, I said, breathing hard and deep. What

happened? How did<?
You bumped your head hard on the steering wheel
when you passed over that big dune. You were unconscious<
Ive been driving for the past thirty minutes.
How did you lose them?
They got stuck in the sand or something. I just saw
their vehicles stop and I went for it. Are you okay?
Sort of, feeling a little dizzy. How long was I out?
You mean for the second time? he said. Like, ten minutes, maybe fifteen.
Do you know where youre going?
Omar told me on the way to that village while you
were out the first time. There should be another road to the city a
few miles from here, directly to the American base. Oh shit! He
groaned from his aching wound. I then pulled out the necessary
kits from the bag, removed the impromptu bandage and did the
necessaries.
You want me to drive? I said.
No its okay, he said. I got this.
After, I grabbed the rest of the tuna sandwich from my
bag and shoved a piece at his mouth. It was time for lunch, 11:37,
and the warmth of the wind was testament to that. Oh shit, 11:37!
Oh my God! Oh my God! I said, reaching deep into
every single pocket in my pants for my prescription drugs. I was
30 minutes late to my self-imposed five-hour medication schedule, and with my scheme forcing me to take my drugs at the
exact moment I was supposed to, I just endangered myself to
another severe asthma attack. I took up two tablets to be safe,
but its only a matter of time before the attack would set in.
Judd has no idea about that, has he? he said.
I will tell him after this< if were gonna be alive.
What the hell are you talking about? Course we will,
he said. Dont you go all down with me. You feel good?
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All She Lost.

Think so.
What happened to Omar?
He got shot in the leg while we carried you, I said.
We were getting out of the town, and a sniper got his leg.
Fuck, goddamn it.
Flashes of memory filled my mind of my last sight our
guide. He was lying helplessly, and the rebels came to him and
just beat and beat him until he bled out. Hes probably dead by
now. I felt insanely bad that we accused him of conspiring
against us, and here we were, still alive while he lay back in the
town probably butchered up by those murderers for helping out
two wretched Westerners. Its< all our fault, man.
We have nothing to do with it. Its part of the job.
So, we kill now, is that it? I said. If we didnt come
here in the first place, none of this will ever happen. Three
people are dead because of us, and I cant have more just because of this fucking news shit fantasy.
Theyre gonna die anyway, all of us! he said. Those
fuckers are gonna blow up the world, and we are right here with
a shot of saving this forsaken planet. Dont make this all about
you, cause its not. Lunatics are everywhere in this country. We
didnt do anything wrong. We are gonna save the world, dont
you realize that?
Why bother saving this world? After all of this is over,
were just gonna go back killing each other again.
This world is all we got, he said. You wanna die?
I dont know. After seeing the horrors of the world
firsthand and the extent to which man could go to defend his
interests, far beyond what I was already aware that he could go,
I wasnt sure if I could endure another second. Turns out every
single thing teachers say to toddlers in preschool about the
world that its peaceful and happy and cares for every single
person is complete bullshit, which is I think a good thing. Exposing them to the horrors of the real world at such a young age
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All She Lost.

would totally mess their brains and maybe make them contemplate suicide. Reality is so harsh that bringing a child to the
world would be like taking a poor good soul to the mercy of
monsters a mortal sin in and on itself. The world is fucked up.
Maybe we should just let them do it.
What? What are you talking about?
Let them blow up the world.
What the hell is wrong with you? You mean we should
just let everybody, our loved ones, our friends, die? The world
maybe is a horrible place but not all of it. Theres just so much
thatll be lost, forever. Think about your mom and dad and your
sisters. I grimaced. Look, I know you and your parents dont
get along much but its not the way to fix things.
What are you talking about? I love my parents, I said.
Its just< I just wish they loved me back, thats all. Chris was
well-aware that I was a classic example of a failed expectation of
my parents. They wanted me to be business tycoon or something, reaping the money of the people for some product to feed
their desires that we made in the first place. I received little to no
support in my pursuit of my journalism dreams. They didnt
attend my graduation, nor did they help me find a job the
worst things a parent could possibly do. Back when I lost all
hope from my rejection, all I got from them was a whole fucking
bag of we-told-you-so. I mean, they just left me crying in my
favorite sofa for three consecutive days. They didnt care about
me at all.
They do. The fact that theyre gonna kill you if they
find this out proves that. You are still their daughter a very
beautiful and sexy daughter, though quite height-deprived.
Shut up. For the first time in like five hours, I smiled.
For some reason, any comment by men on womens size always
elicits response from us. I wanted to flip him again but I noticed
but his face was a tiny percentage paler, which could be a sign of
infection from the gold-plated bullet casing. Jesus, you're getpg. 191

All She Lost.

ting pale. Are you feeling okay?

Dont worry about me, please, he said. I caressed his
head and fought through all of his assertion of toughness. Im
aware that probably aside from losing a girl, being labeled a
weakling brings the same, if not greater, damage to a man,
which applies to those with tiny cocks or interests in any scholarly subject. What they dont realize is that a mans unreservedness to show his soft side, which all men no matter how tough
or cocky have somewhere in them, is one of the sexiest things
that turns women on.
Now I know how you get scared, I teased, remembering him being scared stiff back in the facility.
Come on, that was a dead guy hanging by his neck! Of
course Ill scream like that. I cant imagine how loud you would
freak out if you saw that guy first.
That ones getting in the bloopers.
So, this is how it is, huh? At least Im not the one
screaming like a girl all the time.
I am a girl, I said. Its like our natural response.
The road leading to the air base went to the opposite
direction of the left-turning main road. The skyline of the Tehran
metropolis was faint and shrouded with dust and cloud on the
horizon but it was already distinctive. Pressure waves from explosions and gunshots slowly get audible, as did the beating of
my chest. Chris pulled the miniature Yao Ming figurine from his
pocket, and started reminiscing on his and Omars short-lived
friendship.
He was such a nice guy, he said.
I feel really bad that we thought he was one of them.
Yeah, how could you?
Like Im the one who only thought of that, I said.
I didnt alright. I just asked if you think hes hiding
something from us.
Then suddenly, on the side compartment of the pack,
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All She Lost.

the satellite phone rang once again. Knowing the intense experience from my last call on that very phone, I kept Chris hands
away from it. Dont call that!
It might be the headquarters.
No, no, no. Its them. Its them! It might be that answering the call would let them trace our location.
Im just gonna look at it, he said. Its Judd.
Let me get that. Hello?
Holly! he said. Oh, thank goodness. Are you
You better have that fucking plane! I said. My pressure to him should be justifiable.
I< yeah. Are you three alright?
Its just the two of us now. Omar is dead.
Oh my God. What happened?
He got shot by sniper on our way out of the nuclear
warehouse. We are going to get help to the American army, I
said. We found something really big back in one of the nuclear
warehouses. The rebels are going to detonate every single nuclear bomb of Iran to every major city in the world tomorrow! All
two fucking thousand nuclear bombs!
Holy shit. Are you sure about that? Judd said.
We have their goddamn targets, and we saw them take
the bombs out of the warehouse. Those lunatics are going to destroy the world. You better make some calls right there now!
Yeah, but<
Theres more, I said. Omar said David Prices map
contains the launch codes for the nukes, you know the crazy
lines on the side of the map. So without this theyre not gonna be
able to use them. Were gonna show this to the army and let
them take care of the rest. When we get our hands on some extremely sensitive data like Black Budget allocations of the U. S.
government or covert military spec-ops in the past decade, we
usually protect at all costs its exclusivity to us, but since the fate
of the world was literally on this very thing, it would be the stupg. 193

All She Lost.

pidest and most selfish thing not to let anyone know.

Where is it?
I checked in my upper left pocket. Its here. Listen, you
really need to make sure the armys gonna let us in.
Sorry but I cant do anything about that. If I told anyone youre there, the FBIs gonna send us all to prison.
Fucking shit, I said. It was perhaps the most irritating
thing I heard in my whole life. Could you be of any fucking
help right now?
I am helping you. Look, I need to tell you something.
Listen very carefully. Several fighter jets flew above us, screaming sonic booms with their sound barrier-breaking speed. They
were followed by large C-130s, higher though relatively slower,
and boomerang-shaped aircrafts that I thought were stealth
planes. Its all over CNN. The President just ordered a massive
airstrike and land offensive to take back control of Iran and eliminate rebel forces there, after the video of the rebels chopping the
arms and legs of ten American volunteers went viral all over the
country. I think those are fighter jets I heard there. More will
come, and theyre gonna bomb the fuck out of Iran. You need to
get the hell out of there.
No shit. Where is our plane landing?
Shit< listen. He breathed hard, just before he uttered
the most devastating news I got from him yet. The planes not
gonna come. The air force will shoot any unauthorized plane in
Iran down and no matter how I persuaded the guy, he said hes
not gonna do it anymore.
Wha< what do you mean? Are you saying<?
Holly< I did everything that I can
Are you saying that no ones coming for us? That were
gonna be stuck in this fucking hellhole?! That youre gonna let us
get killed in here?! I cried once again, this time fueled even
more by hopelessness and devastation. You put us here! You
get us the fuck out of this place! Please! I dont wanna die! I
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All She Lost.

dont wanna fucking die!

Holly! Calm down! Chris was restraining me. I was
starting to morph into a wild animal.
Fuck you, motherfucker! You get us out of here, please!
Please, I beg you! I wanna live!
Im really sorry, Holly! Judd said. Theres not that
much that I could do now for you. Im really sorry. In complete
anger, I ended the call and threw the phone to the floor of the
car, regardless if the only means of contact we got to the headquarters would get broken. I went on to make perhaps the loudest wail I did in the assignment, with the realization that there
was no getting out, no getting home, no one to save us the end
of the line. America was gonna bomb Iran straight to hell, Omar
was dead, every single person in this country wanted us dead,
that man from the telephone wanted us dead, and our ride home
would not come every single thing that I had thought this assignment would be has been spot-on and worse so far. All evidence pointed to our ultimate and inevitable demise.
The pretty strong desert breeze and the tears flooding
my face cooled my head that was warming up with blood. As
my hands covered my face squirting with all sorts of despair
fluids, I felt the car stopped and Chris arms wrapped around
me. He smelled of noontime stench but his caress proved really
helpful. Im right here, he said. Im right here.
Were gonna die, Chris. Were gonna die!
Listen to me! he said, pushing me and pressing my
shoulders hard. Another squadron of fighter jets flew right
above us. I want you to stop saying that shit. Were not dying
out here. Ive been telling you that for ten hours now, and look,
were still alive. I wont let you die, because I love you, okay?
I wasnt actually that surprised. I knew all along he felt
that way for me, and I was too for him, but the moment of his
confession of that feeling was of the worst possible timing. That
doesnt change things.
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We have the goddamn launch codes, and those fuckers

can do nothing without these codes. The army would be really
stupid not to let us in. Its all gonna be alright, you hear me? Im
all fucking tired of this shit too, and I just want to go home, no
more than you do. Promise, Ill keep you safe.
I know, I said, calming down but still pretty devastated. Youre gonna get the both of us home, right?
I swear to God, he said.
You know you picked the worst timing. You shouldve
told me you loved me a long time ago.
I thought you always knew, he said, looking at me
with his bright brown eyes. Feeling my crotch ticklish again, I
wanted to kiss his rather dry lips and probably make love with
him briefly in his seat but sex required much more energy than
what was barely left in my body. Ive always thought when I
was a kid of kissing and sexual intercourse, just like everybody
else, as the grossest thing, but it seems that our biological drives
would make it impossible to resist, no matter how the brain tries
to override. Love, no matter what form, is a socially acceptable
form of insanity that none would ever escape from. So I just
smiled and produced an enticing stare for him to get excited
with as a response. He then reached for the large camera sitting
on the backseat and aimed it at me. Come on, we still have a job
to do.
I cleansed my face of all traces of my melodramatic episode and started assuming the journalist aura once again. So<
its been a long time. So, our excursion in the facility didnt turn
out very well as what you have seen. Our chauffeur, Omar al
Mottaki, is dead. He was caught and killed by the rebels on our
way out of the village. With his help, we discovered some pretty
big things. Apparently, the rebels are planning to destroy the
world tomorrow, and I think theyre gonna release all two thousand nuclear bombs of Iran. Thats the apocalypse in simplest
terms. It also turned out that we have the launch codes of the
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nukes. What a coincidence. Were now heading to the American

army base and hopefully, theyll listen to us and get all of this
shit over with, buy the world more time. I tried smiling, but it
was instantaneously dissolved by the feeling of hopelessness
eating my body whole. Chris confession of his emotions did
nothing to suppress it, and I still believed wholeheartedly that
we were not gonna escape this, that this is where we would die.
Okay, he said. Lets get the hell out of here.
Were not even halfway through the day, and yet more
shit has already descended upon us than most people on Earth
would likely encounter in their lifetimes. And that proved to be
another understatement with everything that was to come.

ANOTHER HOUR OF driving through the barren and almost

desolated lands of Iran was all it took to get out of the desert and
into the outskirts of Tehran. Chris drove at a speed he can manage with one hand on his still aching stomach. Civilization was
now apparent, and the vista reminded me more of a classic Iraqi
war movie setting brick houses, rusty billboard frames, chicken
pecking seeds, herds of goats walking around, and people just
standing along the side of the road. My fears of them suddenly
attacking the car didnt come true. The strong sunlight increased
the albedo effect of the ground, but our costumes made the glow
less irritating. Every few kilometers or so, a burnt American flag
hanged on some thin wire would remind us that we were despised in this country, and that anyone who dared to step their
foot on it would meet their certain death. I wondered where that
asshole blogger got himself into then, as well as the other American volunteers aboard the flight, and that Iranian family so anticipating their arrival in this hellhole.
I had my Handycam on top of the dashboard pointing at
the two of us. Realizing it was the best thing that I could do at
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venged back in the facility. Most were useless incomprehensible

fancy-written religious proclamations or something, but some
fueled my intrigue even more.
Look at this, I said. White House layout, Kremlin,
Chinese economics, British parliament organization, continuity
of government? What the hell are these people planning to do?
Theyre taking over the world, thats what, he said.
By destroying it first then they take the power? Theres
gonna be nothing left once they blow up those bombs.
Looks like they want to start anew, he said, and build
a new world from the rubble, a world they would rule.
Thats the craziest shit Ive ever heard in my life. I
mean, why would you change the world?
An hour ago, you were all let them blow up the fucking world and now<
No, I mean< could they rule the world by themselves?
They could hardly feed their own kind, let alone provide for ten
billion humans on Earth? I said.
Its corruption and income inequality, you know, rich
getting richer and poor getting poorer. And also all the obvious
shit porn, gambling, Wall Street, Bieber, One Direction. Basically the whole system is fucked, and the only way you could fix
that deep a problem is to reset everything and start fresh. And
dont say Im on their side now. Who knows, they might just be
lunatics who want to see the world burn.
You think the world is fucked?
I do, he said, looking at me. But this is not the way to
fix things.
A huge bump on the road made him lose his grip of the
wheels for a moment. I picked up the papers scattered on the
floor; an article on scientology caught his attention. Ive always
wondered the deal about that scientology stuff.
You dont know scientology? I said. Its the religion
of Ron Hubbard that audits people, you know to get them in a
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state of higher spiritual enlightenment, at a really high price.

Tom Cruise and Travolta, I think, are in that organization. Wait,
what in the world is this doing here? Based on Ron Hubbards
book on psychology called Dianetics, scientology is perhaps the
most controversial denomination there is, as well as the fastest
growing in the world, and the fact that Muslim jihadists such
other religion-intolerant people have interests in it was interesting. Perhaps they wanted to learn of Hubbards techniques on
persuading people to join his new religion and thus attract their
brethren to join their cause, or adopt scientologys basic dogmas
as their guiding principles for their new world. I remembered
Hubbard quoted as saying one has to lie to build religion, which
could mean that the rebels were fighting based on the lies of
some leader-figure among them.
Its not a lie, Chris said. Corruption, greed, all those
shit of the world arent a lie.
I started to get a little uncomfortable with his defenses
for the militias. Are you really with them?
Im just rebellious I guess. If I was with them, why
would they want to kill me? Besides, weve been together since
basically forever.
I didnt know you exist until five years ago, I said.
By the way, who came up with The Valiant?
I did, right after I got over the news stations rejection
of me. I made a Facebook group called the Rejected Journalists
of the World and Judd was the first to join. We chatted for a
while and then I introduced him to this brilliant idea of mine.
Dennis was the first one we recruited. You mean, youve been
with us for five years and you have no idea about that?
But Judd always says hes the one who came up with
the idea, he said.
He can say that to my ass.
Oh, Jesus Christ! Chris suddenly exclaimed, stepping
on the brakes until the car screeched to a halt. I turned to the
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road, and I screamed as I saw the most terrifying thing in my

life. On the electric poles made crosses on the side of the street
meters away, three men were left butchered and crucified. Their
arms and legs were severed from their torso, nailed to the poles
like meat on a market stall. Their bellies were cut open, their intestines hanging out of them and swaying with the wind. Their
faces, eyes and mouth were wide open, and their clothes bore a
green cross with a small Farsi inscription below. The base of the
poles drowned in rather bright red blood. On their heads, imitating the I.N.R.I. sign on Jesus cross, were Farsi writings that I
believed served a warning for us. The wind blew the horrible
stench right in my face. I kept on wailing and trembling. My
streak of having zero breakdowns was lost.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
The blood is still very red, fresh, Chris said. The
rebels are not far. We must get out of here. Before he could put
his feet on the gas pedal, a group of young boys, maybe not even
past their tens or fifteens, emerged from a store near the electric
poles. They bore AK-47s and shotguns that perfectly matched
their rebel outfits. I couldnt see them clearly with my eyes
drowning in tears, but I heard them making fun of the corpses.
And after finishing a loaf of bread they probably stole from the
store, they started shooting the bodies, laughing as the dead
were reduced to shreds and bones. They fired at the passing
fighter jets as well. I couldnt handle it. I cuddled down my seat
and shivered violently.
Dont move, Chris said. Im gonna drive right past
them.
Get me out of here, please! I whispered, scared stiff on
my seat. The boys continued firing on the bodies. I could feel the
pressure waves of the bullets going around me as our car moved
right by them. And by chance, they didnt bother us at all.
Jesus, those kids< how could they do that? I said.
The militia forces, theyre recruiting everybody in the
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country like Omar said.

My head went into another maelstrom with the sight of
unadulterated violence. I have lost it. I repeatedly pounded my
head on the backrest and Chris caressed my back, but all that did
absolutely nothing. To make things worse, my throat suddenly
closed on me, triggered perhaps by that encounter. I couldnt
inhale a molecule of air, as if a ton of concrete was clogging my
windpipe. The deprivation quickly manifested itself my eyes
got blurry, my ears ringed in a scream, my whole body weakened. I couldnt speak and tell Chris of my impending catastrophe. I couldnt even lift my arms to him. The attack has never
bothered me in months, and it has returned with revenge. For
some reason, Chris wasnt noticing my twitches and apparent
signs of asthma attack. But with a hard push of air, I managed to
break through the barriers and restore my breathing.
Whoa, whoa, whats going on? Chris finally noticed.
Are you okay?
Asthma, I said. I almost got an attack.A short-lived
attack like that was a telltale sign that another exponentially severe one was on its way to destroy me anytime soon. The last
time I went through such an ordeal, I had my chest and my
windpipe cut open, through which a three-foot long tube connected to some breathing apparatus had to be lodged and
pushed in deep all the way to my lungs. The scar from that
nightmare marked my torso. With help thousands of miles away
on the other side of the world, the primary attack would definitely kill me, and I couldnt do anything to prevent it. The medics at the army base were my only hope.
I need to get there now.
Yeah, just hold on.

THE ROAD WENT straight, and judging from the cars scattered
and the mediocre buildings and houses packed along the road,
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we were in the suburbia of the city. Carnage was everywhere. I

could see four or so people in the place, but more dead corpses
populated the area. In a crane in a middle of an abandoned construction site, five people a family were hanged by their
necks in the long arm of the machine, their bodies swaying with
the wind. Flies feasting on death swarmed the place. The smell
was beyond unbearable.
Chris drove at half the speed than he previously managed, and he continued to show signs of agony over his injury.
Holly, Chris said, could you wrap my bandage tighter?
Does it still hurt?
A little.Apparently, it was more than that. I lifted his
garment and beheld a gush of red blood emanating from the still
fresh wound.
Shit, the bleedings not stopping. I wrapped more
bandage around his abdomen as he drove. He was noticeably
paler. I couldnt force him to drive faster like a demanding boss
as he was in a pain of his own. I didnt know the way either.
Helplessness overwhelmed me.
Are you sure were going the right way? I said.
Omar said just go straight on this road.
How far is it?
I dont know.
An intersection was ahead. Just let me drive.
Im okay. I can do this, he said.
You're losing much blood. You wont make it. You
need to lie down.
Im fine, alright! Just let me do this. He was starting to
be that guy again, the guy who thinks he knows everything. Its
not a particularly appealing quality of him.
I can do it, Chris. By the time we get to the base, youll
run out of blood. Youll go dark.
I cant risk it, he said. And I dont want you dragging
my ass around. That was another thing I couldnt believe he
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said to me.
What?!I was just trying to help! Now if your fucking
pride is too important for you to give up, just forget that I tried
to help you. I heard him sigh, a sign that he has sparked something he never wanted, which was the same thing I felt with it. I
perfectly understood why men wouldnt want women to drag
their helpless asses, but this situation called for no such pride.
Look, listen, he started his apology. I looked at him,
and before he could utter a word, a car smashed at us from his
side. The impact pushed the car to the right and brought it to a
stop. I felt my eyes being squished against my sockets, as did the
rest of my insides against my bones. The last thing I saw was
Chris face going right at me. For a moment, the weight of the
whole universe was on my shoulders.

HE WASNT MOVING, and his body paralyzed me in my seat.

The door on his side was crumpled, the windows totally shattered, the frame bent. The car was smoking, smelling of burning
tires and gasoline. Chris face was totally bleeding, almost bathing in blood, from the shards of glass that grazed and got lodged
in his flesh. I was in a sitting position against the side door, Chris
lying face-down right on top of me with his head on my tummy.
I tried moving him up, but his feet was stuck on the door. He
wasnt moving or breathing, seemingly dead. I slapped and
shook him, but nothing. Chris mustve absorbed all the force of
the collision, which I feared was enough to kill him. I reached for
his pulse, but nothing.
Help, please! Komakamkon! I yelled, not knowing who
was out there. I didnt really see the car that hit us in detail, but
it was white and didnt look like it belonged to the rebels. Komakamkon! It wasnt long until I realized my face was also
bleeding out. Blood was everywhere on me, on my mouth, my
nose, my eyes, my cheeks. Glass was on every single part of my
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face and my head, especially on the back. I smashed my head on

the window of the door, the point of impact colored with a splatter of blood. My vision started blurring again, and my heart
pumped real hard like in a cardiac arrest. I was fading.
Though my ears were ringing really loud, I could hear
footsteps approaching our wreck. A human figure was right outside, and I could hear his or her attempt to take out the door and
save us. My blurring eyes and the cracked windows blocked my
view of the good Samaritan, or maybe a rebel. I couldnt tell anymore.
Then, the Beethoven tone of my Smartphone rang, emanating from somewhere in the car. Someone was calling. It then
made some weird techno-sounds and, out of some mysticism,
automatically opened the line. No one prepared me on the voice
I was about to hear. It was rough, deep and croaky, almost monstrous. It was him.
I told you I will make you pay. You are making a huge
mistake. Many more will die because of you, Ms. Thompson, just
like your Iranian friend. Yes, I know where exactly you are, and I
know every single thing you are planning to do. You think you
have a chance to stop us? You cant. I will deploy the bombs. The
world will be cleaned of all its evil, the true traitors will be eliminated, and the righteous will prevail! Nothing can stop us, not
you. I will kill everyone who dares to stop me! I will kill you and
everyone you know, you hear me?! Im going to kill you all<
After the call, my senses got deactivated and I didnt
know what really happened afterwards. The last sensations I felt
were that of pain as my body was being pulled out of the car.
My eyes were totally blurred out, but I did hear something from
someone masculine.
Come on. Im gonna get you two out of here.

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Chapter

12.
WHERE DID YOU find them? a deep-voiced man said.
At the seventh street where we sent Dug, Ishmael, and
Jake, another man said, who sounded like the same one who
pulled us out of the car. I was looking for them when I crashed
to their car. They were really bleeding and I thought I might
have killed them so I brought them here.
You know we already have so much of my people and
our supplies are barely hanging on, let alone provide for these
two fools. We cant have more helpless people in here.
But I know them. I met them at the airport.
You know how I feel about Americans.
Come on, man. Not every one of us is like that, thats
why Im here, and them too.
How about our brothers? Did you find them?
I heard the rebels coming so I quickly turned back.
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And you left them for these two?

I think they can help us, Amir. Theyre journalists. And
dont worry, Im going back out there right now for them.
Make sure you find them. We cannot afford to lose other men. And deal with these two when they wake up.
The Amir guy already turned away when I managed to
open my eyes. As my vision gradually cleared from a cloud, I
immediately beheld a wide space, several concrete columns connecting the tiled floor to the corroded ceiling, the closed-shut
windows bearing an orange glow, and shadowy human figures
walking around and sitting by the columns. The hall was
sprawling with children, close to a hundred of them, their faces
marked with some kind of stain, most probably for identification. I found myself lying in a really hard metal bed barely big
enough for me to move around, beside other beds where kids on
life support lay sleeping. A long tube connected to a bag of fluid
penetrated my wrist. Chris wasnt anywhere near me, and as I
groaned and looked around for him, a pale freckled man came at
intimate distance to me.
Holly, he said. Its me, Matt. Remember me?
Where am I? I said, slight pain still drilling my head.
What happened< wheres Chris?
Hes right there, five beds away. Got pretty messed up
from the crash, but doctor says he just needs to sleep it up. Im
really sorry I crashed to you. I was looking for my friends.
What is this place?
Oh, this is the hospital I told you about in the airport
where some Americans worked as volunteers. We keep all kids
trapped in the streets and heal them. In his brown jacket was a
grey T-shirt pinned with a green cross and a Farsi inscription
below, which I thought was the insignia of the hospital.
His face remained alien to me until the pain subsided.
Youre< the prick, right?
He smiled. I would say that to myself sometimes.
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What happened to your hair? It was now all black and

messed up, far from the smooth blonde one I remembered.
Amir said I had to blend in or the Iranians are gonna
kill me. For some reason were despised in this country, though
were the ones getting them out of this mess. I could see Im not
just the one who had the same idea of blending in.
I have to tell you something, I said. I know why they
hate us. The Iranians think we killed their president. And the
rebels, they have the nuclear bombs. They are going to kill everyone, the whole world!
Thats crazy.
We need to Shockwaves from a couple of really loud
explosions interrupted me, which rocked the entire building and
made the children embrace each other, helpless against the fury
of the war.
The bombings are getting worse. Just stay here, our
doctors are gonna take care of you. I have to find my friends or
Amirs gonna kill me.
Are you crazy? I said, pulling his arm. Youre gonna
get killed out there!
Ive been in crazier shit worse than this. What could
possibly go wrong? he said. Well talk later about what you
saw. Everythings gonna be alright.He then grabbed his camera
and ran straight to the wooden door on the far side of the room.
On one of the beds near the exit, I glimpsed on a heavilybandaged pale face, which was definitely Chris on account of
the tall nose and the brown jacket. My Handycam lay on a small
table beside me, the crack now propagated on the casing itself. It
turned on nonetheless, and I stared through the cracked viewfinder at my fucked up face battered by non-stop violence and
carnage. A couple of long reddish scrapes ran their courses all
over my face, and my eyes have never looked so shrunken and
dry. The lines of my face and the edges of my skull nightmares
of women of all ages have never been so pronounced. Several
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times in the few hours of this day alone that I have stared death
in the face and have welcomed it as my fate, but there I was lying in some hospital, still struck by the miracle that I was still
alive. Its an achievement worthy of a laugh, but it was barely
the end, and I knew its only a matter of time before death would
get me, and so would the rest of the world.
I have probably rested for a considerable amount of time
that I could already get myself up. The map, the targets, a few of
the bomb blueprints, the Smartphone and the bottle of four remaining asthma-preventing green pills rested well in my pockets. The satellite phone was reduced to its chips, wires and casing, crushed from the accident. Matt apparently left the rest of
our stuff in the wreck, thus leaving us with no contact to home, a
dead Iranian guide, a depleting supply of medicine, no food, no
clothing, and a few pieces of paper that might save the world
from obliteration. Were truly on our own, but I guess weve always been since we got here. The images of home, my parents
and sisters, all the violence, and the thought that I have brought
this upon myself all flashed in my eyes. There was no more
logical thing to do at that time of hopelessness but to cry.
Sitting on the bed, I did another video diary in hopes
that through words, this feeling of regret and despair would let
go of me. I< I shouldnt be here < If I just turned back in the
airport, I wouldve avoided all of this shit in my head. But how
could I know? I swear to God, if I could come back home, Ill<
never do this fucking news thing again. Ill never lie again, Im
gonna be better. Just< please God. Let me go home. That was
actually hard for me to say, with journalism as much of a passion for me as having a child. I used to say back in high school
that if I wasn't in the news industry, Id rather be a prostitute.
But if giving up this job would mean me getting back home, I
wont think twice. The world is a terrible place.
And that was further proven as the wooden door suddenly popped open and a bloody man carrying another bloody
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child rushed through. The man was wailing desperately for help.
The doctors placed the kid to a bed near Chris but I could see
the childs poor face, crying helplessly with tears and blood
drowning it. The father kneeled and gripped the kids arms tight
as the doctors and nurses fixed him. His stomach and left shoulder was being dug with long metal tongs and scissors, every single one bringing intense pain to the child. The doctors then
pulled a cube the size of a hand out of his guts. It was probably
too much that just in a snap, the child stopped screaming and his
head just collapsed. The father shook him, and after moments of
non-responsiveness, he punched one of the doctors and went
amok, tossing everything around him and shouting the kids
name and pleads to Allah. It fed the despair and hopelessness in
me even more.
Please< I said. Please. Let me go home.
A kids laughter went through my ears before I could
finish. On the bed beside mine, a little girl chubby and roundfaced and by all definition cute as hell was smiling and giggling at me. The mark on her face, a thin cross, messed with her
cuteness a bit. She wore a loose Barbie shirt and a long loose
skirt. She saw me talking and making sad faces to a video camera, which come to think of it was actually hilarious in her perspective. The father was gone. I laughed with her.
Whats your name? I said, until I remembered I was in
Iran. I mean, esmeshomachist?
Aliya, she said, her voice also too cute to be true. I
fought the natural human tendency to squeal and pinch really
cute things, but if I could, I might have torn her face apart. As I
came near her, I saw no signs of repulsion.
Salaam aleikum, Aliya, I said, making all efforts to engage in a decent Iranian conversation.
Salaam aleikum! she immediately responded.
Esme man Holly hast. Azmolaghate shamkhoshvaghtam!
That meant nice to meet you.Chands alet hast? That meant
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how old are you?

Man sheesh saldaram.I thought asking a child of her age
was part of a normal first-encounter conversation, but I actually
had no idea about Farsi numbers. From the sound of it and on
her facial features, I guessed shes six years old.
Man az America hastam, I said, saying that I was from
America, a name I thought would make her uncomfortable of
me but she didnt mind at all. A kid would have no grasp of the
intricacy of world politics and international relations. At that
point, I completely ran out of Farsi. Seeing her interest, I let her
use the camera and marvel at how her face showed up on it. She
was using just her left hand, until she took off her bed sheet. Her
entire right arm was gone, and from the skirt it was obvious that
the right leg was too.
We found her four days ago on a side of a destroyed
building in the city, a female voice said, startling me. Her arm
and leg were blown off by bombs. We thought she never make
it. She is miracle of Allah. The stout dark-skinned and middleaged Iranian nurse then came and stroked the kids head. She
wore a white hospital gown with the small cross symbol that
showed off her fat curvatures.
Where are her parents? I said.
We only saw her mother. She was pregnant. When we
found Aliya, she was crying beside her mothers dead body. Her
head was crushed by a big rock.
Jesus Christ.
Shes been crying every day, she said. She didnt eat
or talk, no matter how we tell her. Its the first time I saw her
smile. Thank you, miss<
Holly, Holly Grace Thompson, I said, shaking my
hand with the nurse, Marishka. Aliya then reached for my hand,
kissed it and went to sleep again with my hand as her pillow. As
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born baby. She was proof that all good and innocence in the
world has not yet disappeared, and that theres still hope to save
whats left. She, and countless others here and somewhere in this
country, were precious jewels that needed to be saved from the
rocks of evil and violence that crushed their soul. And in my
pocket might just be the key to their and everybodys redemption. Is she gonna be alright?
Her right leg got infected from the bomb, she said,
lifting her skirt for me to see the bandage of her leg all red with
blood. Whats left of her limb has turned bluish and had portions
of yellow protrusions all over. She needs antibiotics every day
and were running out of supply. If she doesnt get any medicine, infection will kill her.
Im gonna take care of her.
How about you? You might still need care.
No, no, no. Thank you, but Im fine. Others need more
help than me. I sat on Aliyas bed, and as she saw me coming,
she pulled me down and we shared the bed together, her body
pressed against me and her arm around my neck. Our stares
were locked on each other, and I beheld her need; she needed
help to get out of here, she needed a home, and most importantly, she needed someone to take care of her.
Im gonna get you out of here, I said. Dont worry.
Youll be safe with me. Promise.

THE VENETIAN BLINDS of the windows failed to hide the

mess of papers and empty boxes of prescription drugs in his office, a small enclosed room at the edge of the hall. A man that
appeared to be Amir was making an inventory of the hospitals
remaining supply of medicine, and from the gestures of his
hands, it was apparent they were in big trouble. His hair was
rather long and wavy for a man, and his body almost twice as
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pital obvious. The smell of nicotine-laced smoke from his cigarette overwhelmed my nose.
I know where we could get more medicine, I said. He
immediately turned to me, and I stared at his dark, round and
crumpled face complemented with his darker lip.
Youre one of Americans Matt brought here, he said,
his diction almost laughable. He blew a big cloud of smoke before speaking.
Yes, and I thank you for helping us.
Slowly, he turned back. He shouldve left you where he
found you.
Excuse me?
We dont have enough medicine to take care of you and
your friend.
We dont need any more medicine
So what else I could help you with then, miss?
We need to get everyone out of here. The armys gonna
bomb the whole city soon. A full scale attack has been ordered
against the rebels. Its not safe here anymore. We need to bring
them to the airbase. Im sure they have plenty of medicine over
there. He didnt respond. Do you understand what Im saying
to you? Youre all gonna get killed if you stay here!
Why would I listen to you? he said, turning to me.
These children are gonna die if we dont get them out
of here!
You are one of them! Americans< you are the ones
who brought war upon my country, and to the whole world, and
now millions of my people have been killed because of your
kind.
What? The rebels are the killers of your people! Were
here to help! Right then, I realized he was among those brainwashed of the lies of those motherfuckers to justify their blind
crusade to destroy our country and the rest of the world. The
rebels are lying to you. We didnt kill your president. They did! I
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have proof. They killed him so they can have the whole nuclear
arsenal of Iran
Those rebels have been here for a long time, he said in
a rough voice. We survive everyday even with them, but ever
since the Americans came here, more people are dead! You are a
disease to the world!
Then why is Matt here? Why did you have an American to help you here?
He paused. He proved himself to be a friend.
So am I, I said. I want and I can to help you! These
kids, they dont deserve all this shit. We can save them.
Where are you saying we take them?
The army airbase. They have plenty of medicine for
everyone. They can protect us.
I already tried once, he said, his voice lower and calmer. They didnt let us in no matter how much we ask them.
They didnt care about us. They even tried to shoot us if we
didnt leave. They are monsters, all of them. All of you!
I have something that will change their minds. We have
the location of the nuclear bombs, and the launch codes to deploy them. This is really important. If Im a monster, I would have
left you all here to die.
Once again, he turned around and didnt respond. We
have to get out of here. By five, our Iranian guide said its gonna
get a lot worse out there. It was already 4:13.
Who is this Iranian guide youre saying?
Omar al Mottaki, I said. Hes been with us ever since
weve been here. But he was killed when we were escaping with
this map. The rebels killed him?
You know why I really hate Americans? he said, talking slowly and lowly. His emotions started to flow out of him.
A year ago, Obama ordered many drones to be sent here and
kill Taliban and al Qaeda living in Iran. Hes been doing that for
many years, even Bush before him. No Taliban or al Qaeda was
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living in our town, I know that. I remember I was coming home

from work. My son and my dear wife< they were on the front
door waiting for me. I saw them wave their hands at me. I
brought home a bag of chocolates. Then< a missile from a drone
hit our house. My son and my wife, they were dead. I loved
them most in the world<
No words I could say. Im
They killed my family! They killed my son! They killed
my wife! How could I believe you that they will help us?
We have to try.
No! You must get out of here, you and your friend!
Please, these children< I cant let them die
You think I cant take care of them? That I will let you
take my children to those monsters?! Theyre gonna kill them!
Please, we have no time! You are running out of resources. You have to trust me if you want to save all of them.
We dont need your help, he said, pushing me out of
the office. I can take care of my own people! Get out of our
country, you murderous monsters! The door almost broke apart
as it closed shut. Frustration was about to blow me to pieces. He
was acting insanely and unbelievably stupid, irresponsible and
irrational.
Amir! Listen to me!I said, repeatedly pounding the
thin metal door. You will kill them all! You will kill all of these
children, do you understand?! Please, you have to listen to me!
I was stopped by the deafening silence in the hall; all the children, the nurses and doctors stared at me with such frightened
and terrified gazes that pierced through my body, seemingly
understanding what I just said. Aliya too looked at me with my
camera from her bed, but she was smiling and waving her
hands. If only she knew what was coming of us. Anytime soon,
the whole city would be pulverized to dust, with it the poor
souls of these innocent children who had nothing to do with the
sick fantasy of whoever was behind all this. Theres nothing
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more devastating for a person to say to someone of their certain

death, that there was no hope for their salvation, that there was
nothing I could do for them.
Whats going on here? Matt appeared from the back.
Hes not listening to me, I said, grabbing his arm. We
have to get out of here now. The armys gonna pulverize this city
to dust. These children< we have to save them!
Slow down, Holly.
There is no time! We must get everyone to the airbase
right now.
We cant just do that, he said. If the army sees us,
theyll throw us straight to jail. And I heard they dont get along
with these people.
But theyre children! What, are we just gonna sit here
and let them be killed?
Calm down! he said, an expression I heard for countless times this day alone. Lets sit down and talk this thing
through, okay? Come on.
Chris remained asleep as we passed by his bed. When
we got back to my crib, Aliya pulled me to hers and she held my
waist as if her life was hanging on it. She was probably mistaking me for her mother, but I couldnt blame her. She must have
seen something in me that made her think I could provide her
with the love and caring and safety she deserved, and I wasnt
planning to fail her.
Shes really cute, isnt she? Matt said, smiling. You
know she didnt stop crying until you came.
She needed someone to look after her, I said.
Youre really thin, you know that? I knew he was on
an attempt to hit me, in another sense of that word. I never got
to know your whole name.
We dont have time for that shit.
Come on, I was just asking.
The lives of these kids are in danger, and youre gonna
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waste the time we have left to hit on me?

Alright, Im sorry. I didnt know youre too rigid, he
said. My rigidity was only a logical reaction to the threat of imminent annihilation were in. Anything otherwise would be a
sign of severe mental illness, like he probably has.
Did you find your friends? I said.
No. I looked everywhere and I called, but nothing.
I looked at the insignia on his shirt, and something came
up from deep in my memory. I saw three men wearing that
symbol earlier.
What?! Where?
I took the camera from Aliya, hit PLAYBACK and fast
forwarded all the way before the crash. We were going to the
airbase when we saw this.I believed those three men hanged on
the telephone poles were three of him. As he saw the violence
that came with our experience, he was as repelled as I was.
Jesus Christ! Oh my God.
Im sorry, I said.
I only knew those guys for a couple of hours, and now
theyre butchered like poultry meat. Man, fuck this country.
How could they do that? He didnt answer.
So, he said, putting down the camera, what did you
see out there? What the hell is this all about?
All of this is all about the nukes. The rebels are planning to deploy all two thousand warheads of Iran and destroy
the world. They killed the president to get access to these bombs,
and they probably have them positioned all over the country,
maybe even beyond.
Jesus, two thousand? Thats fucking nuts. And why
would the Iranians hate us if the rebels killed their president?
They published these papers that put the blame on us,
to make the people believe were evil, to justify their cause to
wipe us all out.
Why the hell would they do that?
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They hate everything that we are, the West. Its a long

story.
Then were doomed?
No. I have the launch codes right here, I said, handing
it over to him. That map shows the locations of the nuclear
warehouses. We went to one of those. These lines are the codes.
They wont be able to deploy those bombs without that thing.
Our guide said its the only copy.
How in the world did you get this?
David Price< said he stole that from a military contracting corporation, an American corporation.
But why would they have the launch codes of the nuclear bombs of Iran? he said. And why did he give it to you?
I have no fucking idea, I said, grabbing the precious
map from him. That man gave this map to Chris a few weeks
ago. Maybe he trusted us more to do the job thats why he gave
it to us. I hadnt thought about that, and indeed, why would an
American corporation possess the launch codes of the nuclear
arsenal of Iran? As my head started forming possibilities, their
implications made me uneasy. The only way they could have the
codes was that if the traitor conspired with the government of
this country, but the president was already dead before Price
gave the map to us. The man on the phone must be the conspirer; hes the one who wanted to take the map from me. But how
could he use the nukes if the rebels have the bombs? Not unless<
No, hes with the rebels, I said.
What?
Theres a man whos been calling me. American. I think
he owns the codes, the traitor. He works with the rebels! I think
he ordered the assassination of Rouhani.
Youre saying, he said, slowly, there is an American
traitor who wants to blow up the world? And hes behind all
this? He ordered the assassination, then he put the blame on
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America, I mean, it doesnt make any sense. Why would he do

that?
I dont know, but it doesnt matter now. We need to get
these kids out of here. The airbase is the only place they could be
safe but Amirs not listening to me. You must convince him to go
right now.
I already did. He doesnt trust them. And even if I did
convince him to go, we only have two SUVs, barely enough for
twenty of us. Its too dangerous to come back and forth, let alone
go out there. And how are you sure they wont send you to jail?
Ill show this map to them. This should be enough for
them not to throw us away, I said. But these kids< how are
we gonna
No. No, heres what were gonna do. We take one of
the cars, go to the airbase and find my friend, just the two of us.
Well let him convince the general or someone to send help
here.
I felt energized. Great, lets go now!
I have to talk to Amir.
No, we have no time!And just as I said that, the sirens
blared all over the city once again, a sign of imminent doom for
all of us. The sirens. We must get out of here now!
He trusts me, he said. Ill reason with him so we
could work something out. Just stay here with her.
I grasped his arms tight. I thought you already talked
to him?
I did. Im just gonna get the keys.
Time has never been of the essence. Every single passing
second meant a chance lost at getting to the airbase alive. Outside, gunshots and explosions continued to roar from all over the
metropolis, which has never been as intense as before. The children cried as loud, and the nurses scrambled to calm them down.
It was a surrealistic nightmare. My whole body started to tremble and shiver from the fear. It overwhelmed my mind; I didnt
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know what to do. It was 4:20, and weve never been closer before
we all get trapped in the fury of this war. And all of a sudden,
the attack came once again. My throat closed shut and I was
choking. It felt like the whole world was strangling me. Tears
poured out of my eyes as I forced air into my lungs. And once
again, I managed to survive it. I knew the next one would definitely kill me if I didnt get out of here.
Aliya heard the loud breaths I made, showing her immense concern for me. I smiled, the expression I only knew that
would make her understand that Im fine, though Im far from it.
Im alright, my little one, I also said. Stay here, Im gonna go
get your uncle Chris. Okay? Dosetdaram. That meant, I love
you.
Dosetdaram, mader, she said. It melted me.
I grabbed the camera from the bed that was still playing
the recordings we made. The video was at before the intersection
where me and Chris had our latest relationship tear, and where
Matts car crashed to us. The camera was at the dashboard and it
clearly captured how Chris torso just flew to me, but glitches
from the video hid the rest of the crash. My bloody face was the
next thing I saw. I rewound the video to a random part to see if
the crash also ruined the rest of our footages, which would make
this entire situation even more fucking distressing. Our drive to
Omars apartment, Omar and Chris carrying my unconscious
body to another car in the middle of the city, inside the nuclear
facility, our escape from the facility everything seemed fine.
The video then showed Chris hitting the back of my
head with his gun back in the desert. I was instantly made unconscious, banging my head on the steering wheel. Right then, I
had no recollection of what transpired next. He grabbed the
wheel and stopped the car, the rebels right behind him. He got
out of the car with his arms up and shouted something in Farsi,
which I had no idea he knew of. One of the rebels approached
him, and after a long chatter, they shook hands.
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Holly? someone held my shoulders, startling the hell

out of me. It was Chris. Are you okay?
I< yeah. You?
I think Im good.
I looked again on the camera, but I unwittingly turned it
off. I was still collecting in my mind what I just saw.
Quite a day, huh? he said.
Yeah< quite a day.

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Chapter

13.
AS HE APOLOGIZED once again for his words and asked me
of our current whereabouts, I tried to dismiss in my head everything that I just saw, it being just too ridiculous and crazy to be
true. It might be that the carnage and blood I went through has
messed my perception that made me see an alternate reality. Ive
been working with him in the past five years, and neither in that
time span or in his prior history as far as Im aware of he had
any connections with people doing stuff that would make one
think hes a member of a cult congregation or something. He did
go to Libya, his only exposure to the Middle East before this
which ended tragically for his companion, but its like a thousand miles from this country, the language was different, and
those murderous rebels couldnt have been the ones who saved
him. All these arguments convinced me that I might be delusional.
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All She Lost.

Aliya hugged me the whole time. That kid got quite

attached to you, Chris said, sitting on my bed. I didnt notice; I
held the camera tight and still tried to get over what I just saw.
Is everything okay? Talk to me, please. If this is about what I
said, Im real sorry okay. Im
No, no, no. Its okay, its just< I thought about asking
him what he really did to get away from the rebels back in the
warehouse, but it would ignite something that we had no time
for. We need to get these kids out of here. We have to take them
with us.
Are you crazy? There are like hundreds of these kids in
here. How on earth could we take them all?
No. We go to the airbase now, I said. Matts gonna
ask his friend at the army and were gonna come back for them
with the whole army.
Who the hell is Matt?
The guy we met at the airport, he works here. He
pulled us out of that wreck. They have a car thats gonna take us
there. Hes in the office talking to his boss.
Did the headquarters call you? he said.
The satellite phones busted from the crash. All I got is
my stupid Smartphone.
Shit. Wheres all our stuff?
Theyre all left behind in the crash, I said. The map,
my Smartphone, my medicine, the camera, its all we got. You
think you can drive? Hows your gunshot wound? I reached for
his stomach to check on his wound, but he immediately pushed
my hand away.
Im fine, dont worry about me.
Dont start this again, goddamn it. Im tired of that shit
of yours.
No, no, no, Im sorry. Im fine really. Just dont worry
about me. He showed me the entry wound, still moist and rather fresh but no longer pouring with blood.
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We still need to get that bullet out.

Yeah. Hows your asthma?
Its getting worse, I said. It totally clogged my windpipe. I couldnt let any air in. Its never like this before.
Have you tried holding your breath?
My throats doing that for me. How about your feet?
Still numb on the lower thigh but never better, he said.
Im sorry for everything I did. Im sorry for bringing you here.
Its not your fault.
Dont worry. I promise its all gonna be worth it. Im
just gonna go look around, okay?
I faced the young one, still smiling at me. Aliya, were
gonna get out of here. Everythings gonna be okay now, alright?
Its gonna be okay. I hugged her tight, feeling a little bit weird
with her torn appendage. For some reason, her breathing was
effortful and rugged, like her throat was filled with rocks. I
could feel her ribs growing out, signs of her weakening body
and need for immediate care. Down on her blanket was a red
stain of blood; her torn leg was bleeding.
Another series of explosions shook the building, and
with the sonic booms of fighter jets sprawling the skies, it was no
doubt the situation has turned for the worse, as every second of
this day has been. Screams emanated from all over the hall. I
stood and peeked through a small hole on a window near us. It
was a fucking mess; the entire city was incinerating, so much in
fact that I truly doubted we would survive that cruise through
hell. But I didnt have a choice.
Holly! Holly! Matt shouted as he came running toward us. Lets go! Lets go! Come on!
Did he say yes? I said.
Lets just get out of here, he said, his expression suggesting of hostility in his negotiation. Where is Chris?
I dont< Chris! I screamed. Where the fuck are you?
He appeared out of a dark alley, putting something in his pockpg. 223

All She Lost.

et. What the hell are you doing? Lets go!

I grabbed the camera and Aliya and walked quickly as I
could to the door; Matt offered to help Chris walk, which he refused as per the norm. As they saw me walking away with one
of them, the other children started wailing and reaching for me,
begging to take them with us. They couldnt stand with their
messed-up bodies; it was beyond heartbreaking, but I could do
no more than ignore their desperate call for help. I could feel the
warmth of Aliyas blood on my feet. It was already 4:32. Our
distance to the airbase was uncertain, and with the time we
wasted, as with our chances of getting to the airbase alive.
Where are you taking her? Mariska came to me.
The airbase, I said. Shes getting sicker by the minute.
She needs help now. Come with us!
Take this, she said, handing over a half-emptied bottle
of antibiotics.
Thank you. Please, come with us!
I cannot leave these children. Go now!
Come on, Holly! Matt pulled me to the door.
Promise, I will come back for you.
Before I could reach the wooden door, Amir shouted at
us from the door of his office. On his hands was a shotgun. You
are not taking my child away! he said.
Matt rushed in front of us, as Chris embraced me and
the young child. Whoa, whoa. Put the gun down Amir, please,
he said. The gun was aimed, locked and loaded straight at us.
Who do you think you are, American? You think you
can just take my people away?
She needs help, cant you see that?! I said. Shes gonna die if she stays here!
And you think theyre not gonna kill her? he said, the
gun shaking on his hand. They killed my family! And they are
going to kill all of us!
Come on, you know Im your friend right? How many
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times do I have to tell you, we are here to help your people!

Matt said, slowly walking to Amir with his hands raised. Were
here to help you. As soon as we get to the airbase, we will come
back with help for everyone. Please, Amir!
Oh my God, shes bleeding really bad! I said, showing
to him the girls torn appendage. Splatters of thick red blood
stained the floor below me. Her wound smelled rotten. Every
passing moment exponentially decreased our chances for survival, and his unreasonable crazy fucking mind was just making
things a lot worse. Please, let us go! I beg you, for her sake,
please! Please! I was pouring my heart out to him, but he didnt
let go of his aim, the thought that he would kill a child the very
thing they have been fighting for not even passing in his mind.
You are not taking her away, Amir said, slowly and
deeply. Id rather let my people die than be on the hands of
monsters!
Youre the fucking monster! Before I realized it, Matt
threw a bottle of water at Amirs face, which made him fire the
gun, obliterating the light bulb above them. Everybody shrieked
in shock; Chris and I covered Aliya from harm. Despite the sheer
size of Amir, Matt managed to take the man down, landed on
top and tried to take the gun from him. A couple of blows to
Amirs face made him let go of the gun, but Amir retaliated with
a hard blow to his face. Just as quickly, he got on top of Matt and
punched his head several times, until Chris grabbed the shotgun
and pointed it on his back. Amir was stopped.
You let us go, now! he shouted and pulled Matt out of
his reach. Matt bled heavily from his nose and mouth; I saw a
couple of his teeth got blown off. His daze was apparent.
You Americans, Amir said. After I help you this is
what you pay me, you evil people!
We really need to do this.
Are you okay, Matt? I said.
Do I look like Im fucking okay? he said.
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Come on! Chris said, the gun still on his hands.

No! Amir shouted effortfully as we opened the door.
He was crying. I was just trying to protect her. You must understand. The Americans cannot be trusted. Please, dont take
her away.
I cant let her die, I said. You must understand. I
promise, I will come back with help. Im going to save all of you.
Promise. I went straight out without realizing in my mind that I
would also put the very existence of the human race on the line,
something that I did when it was all too late.

WASTING NOT EVEN a millisecond, we rushed to one of the

tarp-covered SUVs, essentially an ambulance. I gave Chris my
camera to do his job. The hall was actually on the fourth floor of
the building, and stairs of the fire exit were the only access
down, with the main entrance blown to bits by mortars. The inaccessibility of the place though proving more of a pain to the
dying children was keeping them from being found by the
rebels. Chris showed continued struggle of the pain from his
wound with every step. My entire feet was all wet with the
blood dripping from Aliyas leg, and the next time I looked at
her face, she has turned all pale and weak, with no strength to
even smile at me.
Just hold on my dear, I said, my voice echoing all over
the shaft of the fire exit.
How is she? Matt said.
Shes bleeding all over and shes really pale.
Do you know where the airbase is?
Yeah, we go straight at the road where you found us,
Chris said.
The air smelled of burnt matter and death, and each explosion and gunshot, regardless of apparent distance, produced
a shockwave that shook my body. As we got settled in the car, I
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All She Lost.

injected Aliya with all the remaining antibiotics and reinforced

the bandage of her still-bleeding wound; she has lost pretty
much all the energy in her body, barely enough to make her
breathe. Chris kissed his lucky charm. Though it seemed we
were about to venture into the heart of evil from which no life
would escape, I was so pumped up from the pressure of Aliyas
safety and ours too. The hospital was the safest place in all of
Iran we could ever be in, but I have pledged the little ones safety and the whole of the worlds very existence as my responsibility. There was nothing I wanted more than to get the hell out of
this country, as manifested in my series of breakdowns early in
this assignment, but I went into something that would haunt me
until the ends of this planet. The traitor knew me, and he would
stop at nothing to have me killed. I had no choice.
Matt took the wheel, swiftly passing through rubble and
dead corpses on the road. I have Aliyas head on my lap as she
lay on the long cushion seat right behind the two men. Monstrous dark clouds ruled the sky; smoke clouds were rising everywhere. Not even a single soul was around. It felt as if monsters
were all around us, about to maul me any moment then, so I lay
my head atop Aliyas. Its gonna be okay, its gonna be okay, I
whispered.
Hey Matt, Chris said, thanks for saving us back there,
you know the crash and everything.
Oh, dont mention it, he said. I was actually the one
who crashed to your car. So, I guess Im sorry. I was looking for
my friends, three other volunteers from the hospital.
Did you find them?
Theyre dead, butchered by those fucking rebels.
Oh the< shit, Im sorry about that. Hows your nose?
Its fine, thank you. This is the intersection, right?
Just go straight to the left.
Amirs resistance to the help we offered him was boggling me hed rather let his people die than let us save them.
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All She Lost.

Their history of Western intolerance couldnt have been the driving force, neither though understandable the fact that American drones killed his whole family. Life was what they sought to
protect, and letting it fade away just because of some personal
hatred would be the worst monstrosity. And considering that he
risked his own life and those he was working with just to save
children, the things he did to us must be justified by something
real. But then again, the rebels could have implanted their lies to
him.
Is everything alright, Holly? Chris said.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I said. Are we there yet?
Were back on the road, but I have no idea how far we
have to go.
Hey Matt, did Amir always hate Americans?
Ive only known him for a few hours, he said. He did
want me out of the hospital the moment I went in, but they badly needed volunteers so he had no choice.
Who killed his family anyway? Chris said.
American drones, Matt replied. Their town was a target for harboring Taliban insurgents. His family got caught in
the bombings.
Is that all he said why he hates Americans? I said.
The nurses told me that he thinks the army works with
the militia forces, and he saw them kill his people in the streets. I
thought that was bullshit.
But why would he let those kids die than let us help
them?
He doesnt trust Americans, but Amirs pretty old and
his brains all messed up.That was actually a good defense that
would eliminate the possibility of a conspiracy. And come to
think of it, its insanely stupid for the army to work with someone they wanted to kill in the first place. But nothing could have
prepared me for the truth.
Would you mind if I look at your pictures? Chris said.
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No, no, not at all. He handed over his dSLR to him

and my partner started clicking through the pictures and comparing his photographic prowess to his.
This ones from the airport right?
I stuck around in the airport for quite some time before
I went to the hospital. There were just so many things to capture.
But its terrifying back there.
I didnt see these military trucks when we went out.
Oh, those trucks? They suddenly came in and all these
armed men pulled every able-bodied men and children to the
trucks. I think they were rebels.
Let me see that, I said. We did see these trucks on our
way out, remember? The rebels threw the children into the
trucks like pieces of meat, and beat to death those who fought
back. Some of them, I remembered, were the ones who almost
crushed me to death, those naked and sweaty kids. They also
took the weakest ones, even the old guy I saw talking to himself.
Omar was right the rebels were building an army of their own
people to fight the war with them. They took everyone. Theyre
building an army. But why kids< these old people?
I looked at my wristwatch 5:13.
Do you have a telephone or something that can call the
States, man? Chris said.
No, I didnt bring any phone with me.
You mean you came here with no contact home? What
if you got into some severe shit? Whos gonna help you?
I think the government can trace my calls, he said,
and if I made just one call, theyre gonna send the FBI to hunt
my ass down. Besides, I dont have anyone to call.
What do you mean? I said.
Im all alone in life, Matt said. My mothers dead, my
fucking dad abandoned me when I was a child. Im living on my
own and this thing is all Ive got. I just want to do something
worthwhile in this life, and you came. Im gonna help you get
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through this. Were gonna save the world.

Damn right we will, Chris said.
Is this your first time overseas? I asked.
No, actually, he said. My first was in Sudan a couple
of years ago. I documented the horrible civil war there, I mean it
was chopped bodies here and there and shit. I stumbled on a
refugee camp, and you cant imagine the violence. Womens
breasts were cut out, arms and legs cut out, pregnant women<
Jesus, it was terrible. Why, is this your first time?
In my case, yeah. Chris already went to Libya.
You have no idea what I went through there, Chris
said, and the people I met.
What people? I said.
You know, the ones who saved me.
The video came back to me. You saw them today?
What? Theyre like thousands of miles away, he said,
speaking rather fast. How on earthwould I see them? Whats
wrong with you?
Nothing, never mind.
Hey, did you know there is a complex system of tunnels underneath this whole city? said Matt. If not for this war,
I wouldve blogged that shit instead.
Why? Is there treasure there or something? Chris said.
You never know. During the 1980s, the Iranians used
those tunnels to flank their enemies and get ammo and food for
their people. That would be History Channel material man.
Matt, are you sure your friend would let us in? Whats
his name by the way?
Sergeant Kevin Jacobs, he said. I was supposed to
sneak in to the airbase and hell let me in a cargo plane back to
the States. He expects me to come on Friday evening next
week.He really wanted me to blog some conspiracy about their
general and the Iranian president, but I dont know.
So I guess well just have to knock on their front door,
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said my partner. We were still on our horrible costumes, and it

might be that on first sight, the armys gonna blow our heads off.
Theyre not gonna shoot us, are they? I said.
I hope not, Chris said, but I think they wont, not unless they want to start a whole frenzy over our murder. That will
seriously fuck the military. I think they wont. I think.
Wait, there should also be some kind of launch key,
right? Matt said. You know to activate the nuclear briefcase
like in the movies.
Omar never told us that.
The rebels probably got them already, but they still
cant detonate the nuclear warheads without the launch codes,
said Chris.
Yeah, but just one more thing, how are we gonna make
them believe your map is real? Matt said. I mean, were just
three independent journalists with zero credibility and were
gonna show them the launch codes of the nuclear arsenal of
Iran.
This is very real, alright, I said. Why would the traitor call me for this map if this isnt real?
We cant just say that to them. I mean we got nothing to
back that up.
You got any better ideas?
Im just saying.
Lets just hope theyre not stupid enough.
And what are we gonna tell them if they ask us where
we got the map from? he added. Matt was right. We were just a
bunch of nobodies with absolutely nothing to show for the authenticity of this map, the map that decades of search by the
largest nations on Earth with all the technologies of the world
failed to find but a small band of journalists somehow managed
to have. And what indeed were we gonna tell them on how did
we get the map? If we told them it was stolen, we would avail
ourselves a free pass to an eternity in prison. And I brought all of
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us outside in the chasm of death, and risked not only our lives
but the very existence of every single human on this planet. I
didnt think this through; this plan would never work.
Oh shit, I said, my hands rubbing my face. Oh shit,
shit, shit, shit! This is all my fault! This is my<Oh my God!
Holly, calm down please, Chris reached for my hand.
Its all< its all fucked up! This is not gonna work! This
is all my fault!
No, no, Im sorry! Im sorry! Matt said. Fuck!
We gotta turn back! Were gonna get killed out here.
Shut up! This plan is going to work, okay? Chris said.
This is the best you could come up with. There is nothing better
we could possibly do. I need you to focus for us< for her.
I killed everyone!
No you did not. Were gonna save everybody. You hear
me? We are gonna save everybody.
Okay, I said. Okay.
Were all in this together, Holly, said Matt.
Its gonna be okay, Chris said. How many times did I
tell you that? Seriously, I lost count.
Its not funny, I said.
Are you guys in a relationship? Matt said, which was
also the last thing I wanted to hear at that very time. Sorry if I
ask, but Im just curious.
Maybe, but I dont know, Chris said, smiling. He then
faced me. Are we?
I was so tired that I just said whatever word came to my
mind first. No! Were not in anything right now. Just< focus on
the goddamn road, okay? They were both silenced, Chris more
so. His smile disappeared just as fast as he realized I was not in a
mood for bullshit, which I was. Moments of silence passed, that
is if the explosions outside wouldnt be counted, which turned
out to be boring as hell. Now I realize the value of small talks.
Im his girlfriend, I said, since a few hours ago. You
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know, Chris is such a pussy with things like this.

What? Look, she was the one who kept on sticking to
me, Chris said, and I knew this girl likes me, but I took things
slow. I didnt want to rush the magic.
Just shut up pussy.
Damn, Matt said.
I wasnt!
A faint but gradually intensifying hiss sound caught my
attention, something that I never heard before. Hey, shut up!
You two hear that?
Yeah, Matt said, theres definitely something hissing.He switched on a little orange light in the car. I froze and so
did the two men, my heart beating extremely loud and my body
enveloped by the fear that something was about to kill me.
Sounds like somethings coming this way, said Chris.
It sounded exponentially louder for every passing second, and it
seemed something was indeed coming our way. Matt kept the
pace of the car. I could barely see a thing with darkness already
taking its toll outside, but the curvature of Tehrans mountainous backdrop was still visible against the light blue sky. Rubble
filled the road we were in, laid against a block sprawling with
skyscrapers of inconsiderable height. We all stared at each other,
wondering what the sound was to bring us, until I noticed a
bright little light on the sky directly ahead.
Hey, what the It all happened very fast. A short lightning-fast beam of light pierced the road tens of meters away, and
pulverized the entire block to dust just as fast. The sound was
thunderous, almost bursting my eardrums to pieces. The shockwave just made a long crack to the windshield, but somehow
stunned every single muscle fiber in me. The car screeched to a
halt, pushing my insides against the front of my body. Aliya fell
from my hands and hit her destroyed leg on the floor of the car;
she screamed in severe pain. The seatbelts saved the two men
from flying out the windshield, but they were left in awe with
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what just happened. When I noticed all this, dust has already
swallowed the car.
Holy shit! Matt screamed as he threw the car in reverse
as fast as he could to escape the cloud of dust, and turned to the
first road he saw out of the road were in. The thunderous noise
of the collapsing buildings roared in my ears, like a prelude to a
nightmare, but it was immediately overwhelmed by the highpitched tone that tore the inside of my head. The pain was excruciating. I knew I screamed but I couldnt hear myself, neither
did Aliyas screams nor the curses the two men were shouting,
nothing but that painful tone and the faint echo of the chaos outside. Matt drove up to the cars breaking point as I looked after
Aliyas leg spilling with so much blood that I feared shed run
out of. It was horror right in my eyes. And as I regained my
hearing and cleared vision, it proved more so, more than anything I went through yet.
Motherfucking son of a bitch! screamed Chris, freaking the hell out in his seat. That was fucking close!
Is everybody alright? Matt said.
Were right in the middle of the crossfire, Chris said.
Were so fucking dead out here!
Where the hell is that airbase?!
I thought you both know! Matt said.
That road will go straight to the place, said Chris.
Holy shit, shes bleeding! I screamed. Shes bleeding
everywhere! Help me, please!
Put more bandage on her leg! Chris said. Holy fuck!
Aliya was screaming and flailing her heart out as I
wrapped her exposed insides with a big piece of my clothing,
with her blood squirting all over my hands. I did every means I
could think of to ease the extreme pain she was going through,
but none sufficed. The helicopters, rockets, explosions, gunshots
all the noise and commotion stirred my head to the point of
insanity, like the whole of the world was trying to get into me.
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My brain was in a total mess. I breathed so deep that my lungs

almost blew, shivered so hard that my bones almost broke, and
cried so much that I almost emptied my body of water. I was
deep in the fury of hell. I truly knew then that if this wouldnt
kill me, I dont know what would.
Please, please, please, please! Get me out of here, for
the love of God! I cried.
Which way are we gonna go?! Matt said.
I dont fucking know! Chris said. Just drive!
We have to stop here.
Are you fucking crazy?
Were gonna get fucking killed out here! You dont
even know the goddamn way! said Matt.
Holly, hand me that goddamn map! Chris said.
Its no fucking use! I said. The map was actually of the
entire country and not detailed enough to show the very streets
of Tehran.
Just give it to me!
Where the hell is that place?!
Im working on it, alright!
Another weird sound intensified, this time much closer
to ours. I braced for another devastating explosion, until the two
guys saw something on the sky right in front of us. A helicopter
was in a swirl, fire incinerating its tail and crawling all the way
to the cabin where a few soldiers hanged on for their lives. It
wasnt after Matt accelerated the car that I realized the aircraft
was heading for us.
Its coming for us. Its coming for us!I yelled to Matt,
the helicopter drawing even closer and coming in like an asteroid breaching the atmosphere.
Everybody, hold on tight!
What are you doing
Holy shit! Chris screamed as Matt revved the car right
to the ball of fire. The aircraft crashed to a building, the rotors
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and pieces of concrete flying everywhere and some hittingour

car, and then tumbled in a fiery inferno on the road, taking with
it those poor soldiers inside who have all died for nothing. It
barely missed us.
The two boys yelled all sorts of obscenities to release the
rush within them as I was left drained of all the energy I have.
Aliya stopped screaming and went non-responsive again; I
thought she was dead. My eyes bulged out and I froze in disbelief. She still has her pulse but I could barely feel it, and her
breathing was next to nigh. She wasnt dead, but she was definitely fading away fast.
Where the fuck is that airbase?! I yelled.
Im trying! Im trying, okay?! Chris said, scrambling to
pinpoint our whereabouts on the map. For some reason, he still
held it tight despite the impossibility of finding the road were in
on the map.
Shes dying, Chris! Shes dying!
I told you not to bring her in the first place.
What the hell was I supposed to do?!
Hey guys, look! Matt said, pointing to something that
I least expected to see but was the only thing I hoped to save us
at this very time of demise. For the first time in quite a long time,
my hopes actually went up. A military convoy!
Is it American? Chris said.
Im not sure.
Through the cracked windshield and a significant distance away from us, I saw a couple of big Humvees and military
personnel standing by. They were definitely American,otherwise
they would have been shooting at us by then. American.
Theyre American soldiers! I said, genuine happiness coursing
through me. Holy shit, thank goodness!I faced Aliya. Hold
on. Help is here. Youre gonna be okay, my child. Still, she
didnt respond.
As our driver honked at the soldiers like a maniac, the
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lights of their heavy-built weapons blinded him. I heard one of

the soldiers shout something, but the excitement deafened me.
At last, the end of this road of pain and agony which I thought
would last until the end of time was finally at arms reach, a
prize just waiting for me to grab and cherish forever. And suddenly, a bullet pierced the windshield and almost hit my poor
little one. I screamed, and the car was stopped.
Why the fuck are they shooting at us?! Chris said, his
head bent away from the soldiers sight.
Were not supposed to be here, remember? said Matt.
Out of pure desperation over Aliyas life, I reached for
the door and opened it, until Chris pulled my hand back. What
the fuck are you doing?! Theyre gonna shoot you if they see
you! he whispered in a deep stress.
Shes dying Chris, and help is right there!
Theyre gonna kill us!
But you said they wont!
You are entering a restricted area! a man shouted over
a megaphone. Turn around or we will shoot you! You have ten
seconds to comply!
Oh, shit, shit, shit! Theyre gonna kill us! What are we
gonna do?! I said.
We must show ourselves to them, Matt said, apparently shaking from fear. We have no choice.
What if they shoot us?!
No, we go out slowly, arms up high.
Five seconds!
Alright, alright! Were getting out! Matt screamed.
Icovered Aliya with the window curtains of the car, and went
out as told so. She was rather light for her chubby built, perhaps
because much of her mass has already been torn off of her. The
two had their hands behind their heads and slowly moved away
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from. I counted seven of them. The headlights turned everything

in the alley light orange.
Please do not shoot us. We are American citizens! We
need help!
What are you doing here? the soldier said. American
civilians are banned in this country!
HQ, we got a code three niner delta, another soldier
said on a large phone. I repeat code three ninerdelta. We got
American civilians here, please advise.
We are journalists! Chris said, the camera dangling on
his legs. We need your help! We have an intelthat can help win
this war!
What the hell are you talking about?!
I see her, copy that.
We have a child! I screamed, Aliya lying unconscious
on my hands. I slowly walked toward the soldiers. She needs
help right away! Please! Help us!
Dont move any fucking closer! the soldiers shouted,
theguns of the infantry aimed straight at me. We will shoot
you!
Please! Shes dying!
Holly, slow down!
I went on. Shes gonna die! Please, I beg you! Help us!
Stop moving! We will shoot you! We will shoot you!
Holly, stop goddamn it!
Stop moving! We will fucking shoot!
Holly!
Please, help us!
Copy that, target acquired.
Stop moving!
Goddamn it, stop!
Stop moving! We will shoot you!
No, please dont!
Shoot her now!
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Their noises did nothing to stop me, but it seemed at

some point that my unconscious was taking over my body. I
could see the barrels of their guns aimed right at me, and my
normal response at such a sight would be to run away flailing
around. But the drive to save my little girl was too strong. I
promised her life and safety, and in no way I would break that
responsibility. I continued to walk towards the soldiers, Aliya
right in my hands, still unconscious, desperately waiting for
someone to offer a helping hand.
And suddenly, one of the men fired their weapons at
me. I was startled, awakened from that altered state. I felt a sudden concentrated push in my midsection, but not a pierce in my
skin, otherwise, I wouldnt have stood for that long. I wasnt
shot, but I definitely felt that the bullet went through me.
Until I looked at Aliya<

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Chapter

14.
IT FELT LIKE the longest continuous stretch of time when everything in the universe seemed to freeze in its tracks as I stared
at the young girl laying on my arms to whom I promised to save
and look after, a promise that I risked my life and the very existence of mankind for. For most, if not all, of my life, I guess I only cared about myself I went to journalism school, disobeying
my parents, to pursue what I thought was best for myself. I
hated waking up every goddamn minute to tender my baby sister. I lied to my parents, my parents who looked after me for all
of these years, just to do my stupid fantasies, which turned out
to be the single worst decision I ever and perhaps would ever
make in my life. That was me, until I met her. It was with her
that I first felt that motherly bond every woman long to have. It
seemed that I just lost my own daughter.
What the fuck!? You shot her!
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Cease fire! Cease fire!

Motherfuckers!You sons of bitches!
Stop moving! Stop moving!
She felt a little bit heavier, her hands and feet dangled
freely from her. Her face was completely calm and collected, as if
she was just sleeping, but the back of her head was blown open.
The bullet went straight through her head. Pieces of her brain
scattered all over the road, and her blood gushed out like water
out of a drain. She was dead. The child whose life I was responsible for with everything I was, dead. The child who depended
on me for her life and safety, I failed. Whats worse, I myself and
no one else brought it to her. It was the single most devastating
thing that has and probably would ever happen to me. I
screamed in complete despair, laying her corpse on the ground.
The men exchanged screams but I didnt really notice, as I was
still overwhelmed with what has become of my little girl.
Stay where you are! one of the soldiers shouted.
How could you kill a child, you fucking bastards?!
She didnt do anything!
You two shut the fuck up!
Matt moved aggressively to the soldiers, his voice bursting with pure rage. She was a just a child, you motherfucker!
You< fucking shits!
Dont go any closer! This is your last warning!
What the fuck are you gonna do? Go ahead! Fucking
shoot me, you motherfuckers! Matt screamed in rage.
Matt, please dont! Chris said.
We got another stray, please advise.
How could you kill her?! She was just a little kid.
Matt!
Copy that, target engage.
Dont do it!
Another gunshot reverberated near me, and as I looked
down the road, Matts body collapsed and fell hard on the road
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like a toppled domino, the spray of his blood populating the air.
The devastation could not possibly get any more worse.
Matt! Chris screamed, kneeling on the road. Goddamn it, why did you do that?! What the hell did he do? Why
did you fucking kill him?!
Targets acquired. I repeat, targets acquired. We are a go
for delta extraction.
The soldiers moved in. Dont move! Dont move!
As they dragged my partner to their cars, all while fighting through his thrashes and flails, I was left a prisoner of the
idea that I brought upon them their death, that this was all my
fault, a result of my stupidity and assumption that I could already make decisions of my own. I moved beyond the line,
which provoked the soldiers to fire, which in turn angered the
hell out of Matt, which again provoked the soldiers to fire. Had I
not come in this country in the first place in pursuit of some illusory glory craved by my selfish desires, the blood of three innocent human beings, and for sure even more to follow, wouldnt
have been on my hands. The ringing returned, and as Aliyas
blood, warm and thick, made its way to my legs and feet, I trembled and shrieked in pure horror. I killed them. I killed them.
The traitor was right. I was the harbinger of death.
The soldiers cuffed and threw me on the back of one of
the Humvees with Chris, who laid flat on the floor, his arms tied
up tight. We were still on our costumes. All of my screams were
unfruitful. The rectangular cabin was separated from the drivers
with a mesh wire and the door fabricated from hard steel. A tiny
red bulb and the orange lights from the street piercing through
the windows and holes of the car provided illumination.
Im sorry, I said, tears pouring out of me. Im so sorry. I did all of this. This is all my fault.
No, he said. You dont have to be.
I killed them, Chris. I killed them!
No you didnt! Dont ever say that again. Stop blaming
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yourself for everything! You just did what needs to be done.

You know what, youre right. Its not my fault. Something sparked in me, a realization. You did this< you did this!
I was too overwhelmed with grief that I felt the urge to pounce
and reach for his face to claw his eyes out, if not for my cuffs. I
wanted to kick the hell out of him, make him pay for what he
has done to me and to those who lost their lives because of him.
If not for that fucking map he brought, I would have never met
them and they would have been alive. This is all your fault!
This is all your fucking fault!
Please, just calm down please.
I couldnt control it. I wailed until my veins tore apart.
Theyre fucking dead, Chris. You fucking killed them! He was
silenced, looking away, perhaps finally realizing to himself the
magnitude of what he did and the lives he took. The roar of the
engine and the echoes of war outside were loud, but the silence
between us proved louder. He was no doubt responsible for this
mess; he did bring the map to me and persuaded me to follow it.
But in the end, he wasnt. I held her in my arms, in my care. But
still she slipped away, right in my arms where she should have
been safe. It was me. Chris only did his job. I had the final word
on our actions, in fact the final word on going to this country. It
was clearly my fault. If I didnt come here in the first place, my
little daughter would have survived.
It wasnt you, Chris, I said.
No, I shouldnt have brought you to this.
No, I did this to her. Aliya< I promised on my life that
I would take care of her, I said, that she would have the love
and protection her mother would have given her. And I brought
her here, and Matt and Omar, I brought them all here.Now,
theyre dead. Theyre fucking dead!
Please you have to calm down.
I shouldn't have come here. If I just turned back, she
would still be alive. They would all still be alive! I was totally
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freaking out. My face drowned with tears, my chest at the verge

of exploding, my head burning with blood rushing all over it. I
bashed my head repeatedly against the metal cabin as partial
justice for my little daughter, but the only thing to match the evil
Ive done was to give up my life altogether.
Its not you, okay.
Oh God! Please forgive me!
Holly! Listen to me! he said. You cant do anything
about that! Theyre gone! But were still here. Pull your shit together, alright? I need you. We can still make it through this.
How? I said, looking at him dead in the eye. Please,
tell me. How?! How are we gonna get through this?
He was silent for a while. I dont know. I dont know.
But just trust me. We made it this far. And Im not letting them
hurt you. Im here for you, you hear me?
The devastation prevented any degree of comfort in me.
Flashes of Aliyas blown head and brain stormed my mind like
in a surrealistic nightmare. But I killed them! The traitor< he
said many are gonna die because of me.
Wait, shut up! Shut up! Pushing himself against the
side of the cabin, Chris heard the soldiers talking to each other.
They were faint, but some sentences were comprehensible.
Yes, sir, said a deep-voiced man perhaps in his forties,
apparently over a phone. The subjects are in custody. Yes, a
man and a woman, the journalists. Two strays eliminated.
Motherfuckers, Chris whispered. From the sound of it,
Matt and Aliya seemed to be nothing but expendables, lives excluded from their protection.
Roger that. Are we still gonna move them to that location, sir?
Where are they taking us? I said.
Shut up! I dont know.
Copy that,moving cargo to base now. ETA, ten mikes.
Come on boys, lets get this shit on the road. Lets go!
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Where are they taking us? I said. Where are you taking us?! Please!
As the soldiers embarked the vehicles, Chris rushed to
the end of the cabin and screamed at them the intel we possessed
and wanted to share, the intel that would definitely put an end
to this war and curb the imminent annihilation of this planet.
Perhaps because it was too farfetched of a claim, the soldiers
shut him off.
Where are you taking us?! he said.
To your worst fucking nightmares, one of the soldiers
said, then laughed their asses off and shut the door. For once, I
thought things, after an endless array of carnage and tragedy,
would finally go for the better. Everything in the universe has a
natural tendency to balance itself, and over the long run there
exists no hot streaks. Every possibility has an equal chance of
occurring over long enough time frames. So in theory, all of this
shit must have run its course already. How was I wrong. Im like
cursed or something, carrier of a virus that immediately kills
every single person I knew or even came across with. They were
my last hope of salvation and they failed me. My plan was destined for damnation since the very start, and ultimately cost
three lives so far then. The camera lay on the floor; the vehicles
finally moved.
Holy shit< holy shit, I said, my head in a state of complete delirium. What the hell are we gonna do? What are we
gonna do? With so much death in my mind, my head was in
oblivion, hitting a dead end from which no thought of ways to
get out of here could be made. I literally had no idea what I was
gonna do, nor the capacity to assure myself that everything was
gonna be okay. Its fucking not.
Why, you dont have a plan B? Chris said. Look, they
are gonna take us to the airbase. Most likely, theyre gonna interrogate us and well tell everything to them.
Theyre not gonna believe us, I said.
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You got any better idea? We have no choice. Look, everythings gonna be okay.
Dont tell me that! Its not and it will never be, okay?
Everybodys fucking dead because of me.
Were not arguing about that again, he said. Whats
important is we are still alive, and we can still have a shot for
dear life, you hear me?
I fucking hate this place.
It couldnt get any worse.
And suddenly, the Smartphone sang its Beethoven tune
again. I threw it to the floor like it was the most sickening insect
in existence. It could only be the traitor, out to haunt my already
messed-up life with his extremely disturbing voice and threats
again. Those weird techno sounds returned, then I heard a voice,
a funny-sounding British voice. I immediately grabbed the
phone, ecstatic on the sound of salvation.
Judd! Thank God. Please, you have to help us. The armys taking us to the airbase, and I dont know if
Please forgive me, he said. He was crying.
What? Whats going on?
I did this to you. I lied to you. He lied to you.
What are you talking about?
They were going to kill my family if I didnt bring you
there. Im so sorry.
I dont have time for bullshit Judd. We
Neither do I, a croaky voice said. Then, a gunshot
roared from the phone, deafening and painful. Somebody shot
him. My whole body went on another overdrive.
Judd? Judd! Judd!
Hes no longer here, Ms. Thompson, another voice
said, the sound of which made me freeze in space and time. It
was him.
What did you do?
Just what he deserved.
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You< you fucking monster! You fucking monster!

He laughed, expressing his dominion to me. You dont
understand, do you? The world needs to change. Civilization
needs a radical revolution. And I am the instrument of that.
Then what do you want from me?! I cried.
You know what I want from you.
If you want this fucking map, why dont you come here
and get it, motherfucker?! Why do you have to kill him?
I like to see you pay for what you did, he said. This
brave new world will not allow defiance from anyone.
Holly! a womans voice said, terrified and trembling.
Maggie? Is that you? I said.
What the hell is happening? said Chris.
Hes here, your guy. Help us, please! I dont want to
die. IAnother gunshot roared. It took my breath away. I heard
loud desperate cries in the background.
Please! Dont kill them! Dont kill them!
We are going to kill every single person you know.
Please, stop! I beg you< I said, pleading my heart out.
For the love of God, Ill give whatever you want!
Too late for that. And as I heard the barrage of gunshots raining down on my beloved staff, and their loud and
helpless cries of death, I screamed as loud as I could. My cry was
at the end of the threshold of what I could handle. I was hearing
them die, my friends with whom I shared some cherished memories and golden opportunities. I was hearing the moment when
once animate things become but lumps of rotting meat. Their
cries dug deep all the way to my subconscious. My head was
about to blow.
Theyre dead, the man said. Right now, I want you to
know something< you killed them, Ms. Thompson.
You fucking son of a bitch! You monster! You fucking
monster! Burn in hell, you fuck!
You and your team conspired against me. Dont you
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understand? I am here to save the world, bring about a radical

change for a better mankind! And you want to stop me? Who is
the real monster now?
You are going to kill millions of people!
Billions, Ms. Thompson, he said. Billions of innocent
God-fearing hypocrites. Consider it a reset. The foundations of a
new society cant be built on top of an existing one. From the
rubble, a utopia will rise, free from all evils and the true traitors
who bathe in the illusion that they own the world.
Your fucking insane, I said, a severe understatement
for his diabolical plan. In fact no word exists apt enough to describe what he was planning to do. Youre gonna burn in hell!
They tell the same thing to the greatest patriots in history. Victory is never without sacrifice. Now, if youll excuse us,
were gonna go kill your whole family. Have a good night, Ms.
Thompson.
No! No, no, no! Dont do it! Please! Please! I yelled.
The call was cut. Air departed from my lungs as I realized what
Ive truly done, a lie that has just cost the life of my family. Chris
went on to kick the panel to the drivers seat.
You have to help us! Please! Let us out now!
It was too much, too much death and psychological
trauma for a person to handle. The entire staff, all 13 of them,
people I spent more of my days with than my family, were all
dead, their last cries buried deep in my mind. And now my parents. My throat closed shut on me again, the onset of what might
just be my ultimate demise. No matter how strong my push was
and how hard my gasps were, the constriction on my throat
wouldnt let any air in. I collapsed on the floor.
The panel opened. You shut the fuck up!
You have to let us explain. There is someone out there
who wants to kill us!
I said shut the fuck up or Im gonna shoot you!
Enemy contact!
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I could not breathe at all. Then, through the windshield,

I saw the first Humvee fly into the air, a ball of fire rising from
underneath it, and tumbling on its side several times. Our truck
screeched to a halt. The soldiers scrambled to retaliate and send
a distress call to the base, and drive the truck away from the
choke point. Bullets showered the car, only penetrating few parts
of the thick steel of the vehicle. The sound of death was everywhere. In front of us, the soldiers got shot down one by one.
Chris rushed to me and held me on a tight embrace, somehow
protecting one another from getting killed. All the possible manifestations of fear in a human being I was able to show, some
more so. I still couldnt breathe. Chris kept whispering in my ear
that annoying phrase everythings gonna be okay though
at that moment, it proved to be the only thing that anchored me
from completely losing my mind.
But we were overran; the Humvee was thrown to its
side, skidding several meters along the road. I fell hard on my
back to the rough side of the cabin with Chris on top of me. I still
couldnt breathe. He tried resuscitating me, but the added force
still couldnt get through the barrier to my lungs. I started to lose
my vision, getting blurry and foggy. I stiffened like concrete.
Signs of death started to materialize in me.
The next thing I knew, the door was being struck down
by a whole army of men outside. Their yell proved their absolute
horrifying intentions.
Dont worry< its okay, Chris said, his hands caressing my paralyzed face. Im gonna protect you, you hear me?
Holly! Im always here.
As the door was brought down, I felt Chris getting
dragged out of the car. I remember the single thing I thought
about at that moment in time the raw cruelty and violence of
the world, and the true fate of all men. To live in this planet is
the greatest mistake of all. There is no grand purpose, or some
transcendent reason why were put on this planet. Man is the
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swine of nature whose only purpose for this existence is to die to

provide the more deserving life on Earth with what they needed
to survive. Like pigs, nature provides us with an immense
amount of sustenance to make us big and fat for the earth to extract our juices for the more deserving life forms to take in when
we die. Man is so fucked. Life is a quest to stall that fate, and I
guess mine has finally come to its bitter end.
Hands dragged my suffocating body all the way to the
rough road. The endless barrage of gunshots and explosions in
the city were reduced to mere echoes. In my last moments of
consciousness at that moment, I remember several human figures surrounded me. Their murmurs were inaudible, but one
leaned to an intimate distance to me and whispered with a voice
I never thought I would hear again. It sounded crisp. I knew he
was dead, in fact I myself led him to that demise. It might be that
my dying brain was hallucinating, creating a reality of its own,
but it seemed too real.
Its really good to have you, Holly, he said.

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Chapter

15.
THE NEXT INSTANCE I opened my eyes, I found myself on a
room, rectangular and not bigger than a couple squared meters,
with a small chair on a corner. A flickering light hanged on the
ceiling, together with an immense amount of spider residue. The
rocky soil was paved with sand, the walls made from mud and
clay. My horrible disguise was stripped off of me. Iranian nighttime breeze chilled the room through a small window, too high
and too small for me to get through. Silence was as dead as the
night outside, and any noise was suppressed by the ring of my
ear. My partner was nowhere to be found. It took me a few
seconds to realize this due to the sheer ridiculousness of itI was
locked in prison. Neither screams, cries, yells nor did bashes to
the rusty door do anything to make my situation any better. I
was all alone.
It couldnt get any more fucked up for me, like all the
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shit of the world has condensed and formed a singularity from

which theres no possible way of escaping. Aliya, Matt, Omar,
Judd, my entire staff, Chris probably, my family and I all met
and would be meeting our deaths, the bloods of whom bathed
my hands. It was devastating. And that didnt include the fact
that Judd actually sent me here to save his family from certain
death, something which boggled my mind. Somehow, the traitor
knew some of the deepest facets of my life, which implied that
he specifically chose me out of the billions of people on earth to
fuck with. The stolen map might be the culprit, but we have been
planning this job for quite some time and Judd already persuaded me to take the assignment before Price gave it to us. This
meant that the traitor wanted me specifically to come to Iran, the
reason for which still at-large. It wasnt just for the map but
something else big and deep, something that nothing could ever
prepare me for.
No force in the universe could ever bring my salvation,
an idea that completely swallowed me. No words could describe
the grief and sorrow and pain brought by the fact that no one
would ever come for me, that Id be alone to suffer in my demise, that Id die without even tasting the fullness of the world,
and worst of all, that I would be bringing my family to the grave.
I did all this to them, no doubt about it. This was probably Gods
sentence for everything I did, for the lies and betrayals, for my
selfishness and crave for glory, for thinking I could decide for
myself. I killed my own family, the worst conceivable evil thereis. I learned in The Kite Runner that there is only one true sin in
the world, stealing. You lie, and you steal ones right for the
truth. You betray, and you steal ones trust. You kill, and you
steal ones life. I did all this to all of them.
The release of this grief, pure and raw, drained me with
every last bit of energy I have, and for some considerable
amount of time left me laying on the floor unconscious like a
traumatized girl raped by a gang of ten men. The cries of my
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staff reverberated from every corner of my head, twitching the

wirings of my brain in a searing pain. And when I returned from
that void, regaining my thoughts, I saw the camera pointing directly at my face, still recording. I reviewed the footage in hopes
of bringing to light where on earth I was, but the tumble on the
streets blurred the recording and messed the sound all up. The
fingers of my watch pointed at 8:39, which reminded me of my
severe respiratory disorder, something that should have killed
me already. My windpipe was clear as ever, almost unscathed
despite the repeated onslaughts of asthma. I genuinely believed
that I should be dead, but it turned out that the universe has
some other plans for me. I wish it hadnt. I wish it just let me die.
Pointing the lens close to my face and my back against
the mud wall, I made another video diary, which I thought was
the last one I was ever gonna make. I was more certain of my
death than ever before. And the logical thing to do at such a realization was to impart my final words, final pain, final pleads to
God, and final I-love-yous. Besides, I still have a job to do. The
storm of emotions ranging in me controlled every word I said. I
cried non-stop.
I< I dont know where I am right now, I said, shaking
tremendously. We were on our way to the airbase when those
motherfucking sons of bitches attacked our convoy. They killed
the soldiers, and put me in this cell. I cant find Chris. That fucking traitor killed my whole staff, shot them all remorselessly.
Hes a monster; he wants to destroy the whole world and kill
everyone to build a new world for him to rule. Hes fucking insane. He did all of this to me. Burn in hell! You fucking shit, burn
in hell!
I was then speaking on overdrive, driven by devastation.
Im sorry! Im sorry< I never wanted this to happen. Mom,
dad, Carmen, Jade, I love you! I love you, please believe me. Im
so sorry I lied to you. Im so sorry for everything I did to you all
these years. Please forgive me! I love you! I love you! Please bepg. 253

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lieve me. The images and sounds of death plagued my mind.

The faces of the deceased I was responsible for filled my eyes
like they were right in front of me. Im so sorry, Judd, Matt,
Omar, Aliya, Maggie, Jake< Jesus Christ, Im so sorry! God,
please, forgive me for what Ive done! Please, forgive me!
God, Im so scared< Im so scared. Im never doing
this again. Please God, just let me live! I promise you, I promise
you, I will be better< Ill never gonna lie again, Ill go to church
every day, and Ill praise your name! Im gonna love my family
more. I still want to help many people. Please, for the love of
God, someone help me! Please! Please! The lens of the camera
got soaked with tears, tears from the raw fear of imminent death
and realization that no matter how much I plead to the metaphysical intelligent being omnipotent over the entire cosmos,
nothing could ever save me from this demise. Nothing is perhaps more painful than those caused by the repercussions of
ones own decisions, that you yourself and no one else brought
this upon you you and you alone.
I exhibited the thanatological stages of grief, as what is
expected of dying people living their final moments on earth.
Ive always had a weird fascination for death, even though, evidently, I completely lose it on the sight of a severed arm. The
first stage brings denial, when the patient does not accept the
fact of death thinking its just a big mistake and that hes too
young or healthy to die. The second stage brings anger, when
death gets to the mind as an assured possibility and the patient
resents that out of the billions of people on earth, hes the one to
be cut off. The third stage brings bargaining, when the patient
start to make promises of bettering himself in exchange for a
longer stay. The fourth stage brings depression, when he realizes, like I just did, that no matter how much plead you make,
your destiny will always run its course. The fifth and final stage
brings about acceptance, when the patient gives it all up and just
waits for his ultimate end. This was exactly the plot of my story,
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and with the light at the end of the tunnel nonexistent in my

very case, I was nearing the end, if not already in it.
I am Holly Grace Thompson, lead journalist for The
Valiant, I said, wrapping up the diary. I cried as hard as ever,
for the end was nigh. Mom, dad< I love y
All of a sudden the light went out, eliciting a violent jolt
and loud scream from within me. The cell became as dark as the
abyss of empty space, an infinity of nothingness, a void that has
completely swallowed me. And as I turned on the light built on
the camera, the jail door creaked and opened, followed by the
sound of footsteps running away from my cell. Someone was out
there.
Hello? Please help me! I said, only to hear more of the
footsteps going away. Hesitant but with no other choice, I
walked slowly and meticulously through the recently-opened
door of opportunity, the shine of the light guiding my way. A
hallway, apparently hand-dug with the rough surfaces and
wooden support beams of the walls, ran perpendicular to my
cell with no discernible ends. I made another call for help, but
only echoes answered me. I went to the right. Every step bore a
risk of me falling to the unknown.
I managed a few steps into the hallway when I noticed
several other opened prison cell doors all the way to the end of
the path, confirming the whole place to be a rebel concentration
camp or something similarly horrifying. They were all emptied,
contents no better than mine. It reeked exponentially. The sand
was disturbed, looking rather fresh, which meant people other
than myself were incarcerated in the prison. Lines in the sand,
some with tiny specks of blood, going out of the cells implied
that my captors dragged the prisoners to be tortured or executed. I could hear my every single breath; my lungs were palpitating from all my shivers. It was the most terrifying walk of
my life.
Soon enough, a faint scream, more like a little girls, got
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to my ears, coming from several rooms away. It sounded more

of pain and agony. And when I pointed the light to the end of
the hallway, I saw someone peeking at me from the wall then
ran away.
Hello? I said, my voice squeaking. It couldnt get any
more frightening, but I walked to the end nonetheless. My trembles and shivers weakened my legs to the point that I almost fell
on my own weight. I couldnt say anything to the camera. I
might have prayed to God and all His apostles more than even
the most devout Catholic would ever make in his lifetime. At the
end, there was another dark hallway going to the left, leading to
a dim orange light to which I slowly walked.
Another hallway to the right, all illuminated by light
bulbs connected with electric wires, met me. I turned off the
light. Pieces of cloth painted with a black globe and stars alternated with the orange bulbs. Its stupid and insane, I realized: I
knew something bad and horrifying was waiting for me at end
of this path, perhaps a trap that would slice me in half or snakes
and scorpions that would poison me to death or those murderous bastards who would butcher me to sell my meat to a cannibal market. But for some reason, I just kept on going. I had no
other choice. That time, the screams grew in frequency with my
every step, some short and high-pitched, some long and undulating, but all of pain.
I tried to be stealthy with tactics I got from spy movies
and violent first-person shooter games just creeping along the
wall with my back bent, stiffening my body and legs, and holding my breath for as long as possible. The hallway led to a concrete stair that went up to another metal door. I peeked through
the railings of the door, radiance from dim incandescent lights
hanged on the ceiling coming in, and saw another hallway. The
walls and ceiling were concrete but inflicted of age paint was
peeling off, the walls cracked, grease all over it. Burnt stuff,
turned-over chairs, empty boxes and other garbage filled the
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hallway. It looked like I was deep in a labyrinth with an eternity

to go before salvation. I saw no sign of the man who freed me.
The door could only be opened from the other side. I
reached for the lock but the window was too small even for my
puny appendage. I couldnt pull back my arm, leaving half of it
exposed. Then, I heard footsteps coming.
My heart went on overdrive as I squeezed my arm back.
The footsteps were getting louder. My skin stretched out to the
breaking point, painful, but I managed to pull the arm in just as
two men, in classic rebel rug uniform with AKs hanging on their
backs, appeared from the end of the hallway. My eyes were
bulging. The men came to the door and took the lock; they were
definitely ordered to come and get me. I could not be in any
more precarious position. I kept pushing my back against the
wall and suppressed any possible sound that might come out of
me. The rust of the door made a loud screech as one of them
pushed it open. And out of some miracle, it got stuck against the
floor and didnt make it all the way to me, otherwise Ill get
crushed and captured instantaneously. I was scared shitless. The
men passed right through and down the prison cells, and once
they did, I moved out.
Several times in this day alone that Ive had a brush with
death, and in all that time I managed to run away and live for
another moment. As I ran that way to salvation, some part of me
thought I was invincible, that I could cheat death every time,
that I would make it out alive. I actually felt a bit uplifted, but
that was complete bullshit. Death can only be cheated for so
long.
Instinct chose the path I took. I ran quietly and quickly,
the camera on my hands, weaving through all the garbage. The
narrow and dim hallways made me claustrophobic and dazed,
and the whole place seemed like a big maze, going all around
but actually going nowhere, but I kept on moving nonetheless. It
was only a matter of time before those two men find out of my
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escape and alert the entire battalion, at which time not even God
could save me. I passed a lot of doors and portraits of what appeared to be an Iranian hero, old and battle-scarred and heavilybearded, almost the face of bin Laden, hanged on the walls. Farsi
sentences and a hook letter written in blood were also all over,
giving that aura of a butcher house to the place.
I was still finding my way through the labyrinth when a
voice stopped me. Help! Please! it said, apparently of a man.
The voice was almost Chris but there was too much obstruction
for me to be sure. It seemed to be coming on the other side of the
wall I faced. I went through the nearest door I found, no apparent rebel presence whatsoever, and in the room filled with overturned tables and chairs, I didnt see anyone.
Theres no need to be afraid of, my friend, another
voice said, crisp and rather familiar, seemed to be coming directly from atop me. I got out of the room and up the stairs at the
end of the hallway. On the floor above, windows shining with
the rays of the evening Moon welcomed me; it turned out I was
underground. A door which looked like the exit was directly
ahead, but on the side was the room where I might have heard
the voices. With my legs and body stiffened, I moved closer and
peeked with the camera through the glass window as I squatted
out of sight. The crack in the glass was too small but I identified
six armed men stood on the corners; another, dressed not as
messy as the others, was talking to a guy strapped to a chair and
covered with a sack on the head. It was too dark for a clear view,
but the hostage wore a dark-blue shirt with the Paramount insignia.
Youve been reunited with us, the man said, your
true family. I couldnt see his face, so I couldnt confirm the familiarity of the voice. He removed the sack from the hostage,
who I still failed to see with the darkness and the small field of
vision. I heard every word they said, but their voices sounded
somehow distorted for some reason.
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Ive been looking all over for you. I knew youll come
for me, the hostage said, who was apparently happy notwithstanding his dire situation.
We never left, the other said.Were always there to
tend our brothers fighting for our grand cause. Take off his restraints right now. You have injured one of our brothers.
No, its fine. Where is the imam?
Hes dealing with the American. I think he knows
were the ones shooting down his helicopters. Hes growing really suspicious of us. Hes also angry because you and your Iranian friend killed two of his men back in the facility.
She was there. We had to do it.
Dont worry about that. The news of your return will
greatly please him, Im sure. Im truly glad to see you again berader, after all these years.
Me too, berader. Ive been waiting long for this.
You have been injured. Tell me what happened.
I got shot by one of his men on our way out the nuclear
facility at Vajehabad.
Dont worry, we will take care of that. You have done
well. Where is Omar?
He was left behind at the facility, but Im sure hes
doing his job for us. Look, I got something for you. Its the
launch codes for the whole nuclear arsenal of Iran.
Oh, God is great! The imam will be most happy with
this. We are one step closer to our ultimate goal.
We are. Look, I still got the charm you gave me.
Keep it. He entrusted you with it. It is the most important instrument to our success. You of all should keep it.
Understand.
But I thought you are to give it to her. He is really anxious to know if she is one of us. He trusts you for the success of
our cause. Weve waited too long for this moment.
I understand how important this is. She will be ready,
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she has to. A brave new world is upon us, and I promise with
my life, tomorrow will not end with victory in our hands.
That I cannot be in doubt.
I was nervous as hell. Every squeak of rodents swarming
the place, every drop of water hitting the floor from the ceiling,
and every piece of metal failing from the floor above made me
curl. I couldnt get a hold of whatever they were talking about,
but from their mentions of new age and grand cause, they must
be on the rebels side, or whatever sick congregation this was
aimed at destroying the world. The fact that they spoke incredibly fluent English spooked me. Then, the two men sent to get me
came in and talked to the standing guy.
What is happening? the man on the chair said.
She escaped.
Should we go and get her?
Let my men take care of it. Besides, she must not know
the truth yet.
Please dont let her get hurt. I love her, you know that.
Of course. She will become part of our grand cause. Of
course, she will be taken care of. But she will get hurt one way or
another, you know that right?
No! Im not letting her get hurt! You tell the imam she
must not be touched in any way. She must not have that thing
inside her, you understand? Cause if he does, Im not gonna
forgive all of you.
I understand, brother. I know shes suffering a condition. Our doctors think there might be a chance to get rid of it
from her. You must give us a chance.
Okay, okay. I think she will understand what it is that
we do.
She should. It is for the betterment of mankind, of the
world, of everything.
I thought of a dire possibility, one that made the fear
inflicting my body almost broke out of containment. I thought
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plotting the apocalypse and maniacs wanting every single soul

on this planet extinguished were just stuff of storylines. I cried,
my hands covering my face, and I lay back on the wall. I had no
idea of how big of a mess I just put myself into. It was unbearable. The whole world, and the whole of mankind with it, would
soon pay for my stupidity and mistakes. The fact that I was right
there and my fear and spinelessness froze me from doing anything about it made it worse. Being the destroyer of earth was a
legacy no one would ever want to leave behind. But out of the
billions of people on earth and out of the infinite chain of
chances the cosmos couldve chosen to happen, why was I the
one picked to get fucked up in this whole mesh of shit? That
would be a question to haunt me until the end of my days.
The men inside went silent, I noticed. I slowly brought
the camera up the window again to check on the two of them.
The lens already got well inside the window, but I had the viewfinder closed. I opened it, and when I did, they were looking
right at me.
Air blew out of my lungs. I ran for the exit, sprinted with
everything I got, hoping to somehow escape and survive an entire battalion of rebels hunting my ass down. I closed the door
shut and locked it with one of the metal bars on the floor. Long
thick plastic strips hanging from a metal bar, like that in meat
lockers and cold storage units, welcomed me in my supposed
exit. It sounded like a multitude of people flocked the other side.
The screams returned. I got in and beheld another hallway, all
illuminated with dim orange light bulbs, that went through a
series of rooms. I followed the sound of human life, and sure
enough, I found a plenty of them standing and filling up a large
room. Through a long slit on the wall, I saw several armed men
who pointed their guns at their frightened faces, some of little
children with their parents and old men and women.
Leading the pack was a fat and dark-skinned man with
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by clinging on to her neck. Two rather lightly-complexioned

boys, perhaps their sons, were on their side, crying and hugging
them tight. It was by the complexion that I recognized who they
were theyre the family on the plane! The man slapped the
boys faces in anger. Then, another Iranian, rather young and
dressed in a white robe, came in and inspected everyone with
his keen eyes for some reason. The fat man pulled and presented
his boys to him with pride, as if they were being offered as a gift,
but the two young men wouldnt let go of their mother, who too
pushed them to the guy. After caressing their chests, the Iranian
ordered the men to drag them away, and as they did the boys
desperately reached for their parents in a raw cry.
I looked at the others, and after checking the memory
database of my brain, I confirmed it. The children at the Square,
the old guy and those naked kids at the airport, the people on
the village above the nuclear warehouse, and the children at the
hospital everybody was there. Jesus Christ! I said. But thats
impossible! The rebels got them, those poor little kids. I brought
those kids here, only I could have.
The man on the white robe picked a couple more children and a couple of old folk with him. Something fucked up was
definitely going on, and since I wasnt likely to go anywhere and
the rebels still not on my tail, I followed them but the slit only
went up to the end of the room. Making use of my stealth tactics,
I moved through the hallway until I found the room where their
voices were loudest. An unlocked door got me inside.
It was suddenly dark; from the looks of it, I was stuck in
a corner filled with discarded containers, metal stuffs and tarps
with nothing but the LCD viewfinder as my light. Several holes
through the refuse allowed me to see them, three boys, two girls
and a couple of old folk. The armed rebels made them sit in the
metal beds scattered all over the room, each with its own tiny
lamp. Other men in white robes, their faces covered with hospital masks, stood by the beds, fixing and calibrating something.
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Like Adolf Hitler in his final days, the man on the white robe
went and smiled at each one of the boys and girls, said something encouraging, and rubbed their terrified faces wet with
tears and mucous. I still had no idea what the hell he was up to.
And when he finally got to one of the sons of that fat Iranian, he
nodded to the others and injected a fluid to the boys backside.
What followed was a nightmare.
The white robed men made the subjects, apparently injected with a sleeping agent or a paralyzing chemical, lay on
their backs. I focused the camera on the one closest to me, who
had one of the fat Iranians son. He ripped off the clothing of the
boy, poured alcohol or something and rubbed it all over his
chest. The boys face faced me, his eyes and mouth wide open,
completely paralyzed but still breathing. The man then took a
tiny knife, a scalpel, and slowly made a slit on the abdomen of
the kid, starting from the base of his ribs all the way down to the
navel. Blood dripped from the slit like a viscous waterfall. He
opened the slit even more with two clamps, and then pulled
parts of the boys intestine out. The man placed a small wooden
box into the cavity, pushed the guts back in and sew the slit. I
was terrified beyond no word could possibly convey.
As I turned my camera away, my entire body was shivering like crazy, unconsciously. The trauma couldnt get any
worse. That has got to be the worst sight of my life, most likely
everybody elses too. I threw up, semisolid matter slowly making its way out of my mouth. I felt extremely weak, blood, intestines and the look on that boys face storming my mind. I trembled violently. That fat guy sent his sons here to offer them as a
tribute for the rebels so that they could cut them in half and bury
something deep in the fragile bodies of his sons! I could not
think of any worse evil than that, which actually proved me
wrong. Mine was not the worst evil in the world.
I heard footsteps pounding the floor and rifles being
cocked on the other side of the wall where I lay my back; the enpg. 263

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tire rebel army was onto me, and I had nowhere else to go. The
white robed men pushed the metal beds with the sliced children
to a door at the end of the room, opening a window of opportunity for me. I went through an opening in the pile of junk and
crept my way through all the blood spilled on the floor to the
door where they first went in, but it was locked and remained so
no matter how hard I yanked it. I was left totally exposed. Soon
enough, I heard the men about to get out, about to capture and
cut me in half too, until the knob suddenly moved on its own.
The door opened, and my partner pulled me out of sight.
Dont move, he whispered, hiding behind the door as
the white robed men and their armed companions moved out of
the room. He held my arms right. I saw his wrists all reddened
for some reason.
Where did you come from?
Theres no time. We need to get outta here. Follow me.
You know this place? I said, walking and trusting his
sense of direction. Where are we?
Please just shut up. The entire rebel army is onto us.
Theyre gonna kill all of us! Everybody!
Just shut your mouth. I dont wanna die here and neither do you. Im trying to save our asses here, okay? Follow me.
I pulled him to me. Theres no way out! Ive been all
over this place. Theres no way out! Please, just stay with me!
Please, Holly, just trust me, Chris said, his eyes wide
opened. His hands gripped mine tight. I dont know what Im
doing, but we cant just do nothing. I swear Im gonna get us out
of this place, you hear me?
The maze of hallways didnt end, like when I actually
thought that we were halfway through the labyrinth, only to
discover we never actually went anywhere. We werent sure of
even a single step, a whole motherfucking nightmare indeed.
But somehow, our navigation skills have evaded any hostiles so
far which did make me feel hopeful, but it vanished anyway as
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the twists and turns of this labyrinth continued to drive our way
out away. He held my hand tight and towed myself on him, his
reddened wrist still dark and red. I kept my eyes shut when seeing was unnecessary, as another sight of human entrails would
make me spill whats left inside me, but my head was just being
stormed with images of blood and kids being cut open and
blood and the fact that I was right in the lair of monsters who
wanted to destroy the world. I tripped countless times against all
the garbage and shit.
A couple of armed men standing at the end of a hallway
stopped our hunt for the exit. We leaned on a wall. Shit, Chris
said. Theres nowhere else to go.
Forget it, Chris, I said, still reeling from the fourth
stage of grief. Were just gonna die anyway.
I promised youll never get hurt, remember? Were
gonna make it through this like we always have. Stay with me,
he said, sounding really certain. He looked around and saw a
door in front of us. Get in there now. Ill try getting them out of
the way.
What are you gonna do?
Just trust me. Get in there! Ill be back for you.
Dont leave me, okay? Please, dont.
Everythings gonna be okay.
So I did, and once again, I was on my own. I saw Chris
silhouette moving towards the guards through the cracked colored glass, but I was disturbed with the sheer stink in the room,
well beyond the threshold my nose could handle. The room was
dark and cold as hell, the smell of rotting flesh and blood making all the way to the cavities of my skull. The buzz of flies was
loud. I turned on the lights on the camera<
The floor was flooded with blood and pieces of skin and
guts and fingers and legs. Hanged on metal hooks like pieces of
meat, dead human corpses, some completely skinned off, sway
lightly as their blood dripped from their exposed muscles, bones
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and arteries into overflowing buckets. Their eyes and teeth were
plucked and bulged from their torn faces, a big piece of skin
hanged open on their legs, and their bellies all cut open, their
guts hanging from them. Below were almost hundreds of halfnaked and bloody children and old men and women with their
stomachs all sewn up. They were all moaning like zombies.
Death and gore were everywhere I looked. The rebels seemed to
be experimenting with humans like mad scientists for some insane end. It was horror for which no apt word existed. I slowly
moved back, petrified from deep beneath my skin. My ears rang
again, my eyes flooding from the raw sight of pure violence.
I turned back, but someone was behind me, three men
covered with thick scarves on their heads. I screamed and flailed
as they covered my face with a sack, grabbed my appendages
and carried me away. Raw panic ensued, but the hard grip of the
men made my efforts unfruitful. I yelled my partners name, but
no one came. I flailed, squirmed, flapped, screamed, begged,
cried, prayed nothing.
The next thing I knew, they laid me onto a metal bed
and tied my arms and legs tight. The sack was removed, and the
bright light of the ceiling overwhelmed my tear-filled eyes. Water distorted my sight, but I could see several people surrounding me, some of them in white robes with hospital masks. Then,
someone walked to me and wiped off the tears, clearing my vision. At first, I didnt recognize him, but the shape of his face, his
tall nose and the mole on this jaw gave it up.
Dennis? I said, gasping. Wha<
No, Holly. He is gone, he said. Im a new man now,
awoken and enlightened< free.
Please help me. Please.
I am helping you. I am freeing you from the prison of
this world, to see the bigger truth like we all have.
Why are you doing this?
You must understand. The world is filled with evil and
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darkness. Everyone needs to see the light, and through this light
we will all be cleansed and start anew, build a more perfect
world.
Please! Save me! I am your friend!
And now, you will have the honor of joining us< The
men then covered my mouth and ripped off my shirt and bra.
<to save the world from the evil of humankind<
No, no, no! Please, stop!
They poured and rubbed a cold fluid all over my breasts
and abdomen. I flailed uncontrollably and screamed until my
veins burst, but it was no good.
<to restore the planet to its natural state<
From the table beside me, the white robed man took a
long, thin knife, rubbed the blood stains, and sharpened it. He
looked at me with his terrifying, piercing gaze.
Please! Stop!
<to kill all those in power and riches, those who think
they own the world and control the people of God<
The men pressed my arms, legs and head, and the white
robed man came to me. He punctured my belly and cut all the
way down to the top of my navel. The pain was beyond imagination, beyond bear. I felt my warm blood spilling out of my
belly and around my torso.
<to make the world a better place for all of us<
I felt his hands go inside me, inserting something solid,
and for the first time experienced the sensation of touch from my
internal organs. My whole body was burning with pain, my
brain felt like being pierced by a thousand needles. I looked
down, and the man, his eyes wide open, held my heart in his
hands. And ate it.
<to glorify the one true God, Allah!

HOLLY! HOLLY! WAKE the fuck up! Youre dreaming again!

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I opened my eyes and took a deep breath as if I just

swam from the deepest trench in the ocean, my lungs expanding, hyperbolically speaking, from a pea to a planet. My eyes
cleared, and I found myself lying on one of the seats inside a
metal chamber, Chris on his dark-blue Paramount T-shirt sitting
by my side. It was the same Humvee the little red light and the
orange light from the lampposts in the streets were there, the
mesh wire and the soldiers on the drivers cabin were there. An
oxygen mask covered my nose, spraying cold rich air into my
nostrils. I couldnt believe my eyes.
Whoa, whoa. You alright?Chris said.
Where< where are we?
Were on our way to the airbase. Weve been driving in
the past hour or two. What, did you teleport to another dimension or something?
My clothes, the thin, breast-revealing grayish-blue shirt,
was still intact, and underneath, I found no sensations of deep
lacerations or sews on my stomach, nor any traces of blood.
More importantly, I was still alive, my heart still beating.
Is everything okay? Did you have a nightmare?
What happened to me?
You went into another attack, but lucky for you these
assholes have that oxygen mask for you. You could have been
dead.
But< werent we attacked? How<?
You were just dreaming.
But I saw you< no, I<
You saw me what?
I was captured and you saved me, and Dennis< Dennis was there!
Hallucinations, must be from your pills, he said. Just
sleep it off, Holly.
No, no, I think it really happened!
Youve been with me all the time, he said. Ask those
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assholes. Everythings gonna be okay. Youre with us now.

What?
I said, go to sleep already.
It took my brain a few seconds, but for the sake of getting over the trauma, I came to accept that it was all a dream, a
construct of my screwed mind, nothing but a really vivid dream.

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Chapter

16.
THE TREK TO the airbase proved to be long, but I didnt really
notice as I was too occupied with what turned out to be an extremely disturbing dream. Sitting on the chair with a big oxygen
tank standing beside me, I stared at the side of the cabin filled
with nets, long plastic tubes and camouflage tarps hanged on
tiny bolts, my head on a struggle to find reality. Usual dreams
are supposed to be black and white and fade into oblivion once
the state of sleep is broken. Also, dreams are what the brain
makes of what the person saw and experienced the day prior.
But for some reason, I could still recall the exact sequence from
my imprisonment to my dissection, as well as the intimate details like the look on that boys face as the man in a white robe
sliced his stomach and the color of the veins on the peeled-off
skin of those corpses. The amount of pure gore and violence I
endured this day alone might have screwed my neurons to the
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point that they already destroyed my sense of reality and made

my world bathe in red blood. Other than the scar from the lung
operation I had a long time ago, no signs of any cut or scar were
on me, but I did notice that that scar has gotten quite longer than
I remember. The Humvee looked unscathed, the soldiers were
still alive, and more importantly, me and Chris were still alive. It
was just a dream.
With my reality uncertain, I hoped that the death of
Aliya, Omar, Matt and my staff and indeed this assignment
altogether was also an elaborate construct of my mind, that I
was just sleeping back hope safe and sound on my couch, that I
didnt really cause all of this death, that this was all a big sick
fantasy. Inception, the only authority on dreams I got, taught me
that a dream world, if this be, follows slightly different laws of
physics and could be distorted and twisted depending on whats
happening on the real world or the upper dream level. Also, Ive
lost my consciousness several times, which meant that I must
have descended into limbo the black hole of the subconscious
already and wait a lifetime before I could wake up back to the
real world. But Chris made my hope in vain; they were still
dead, every single one of them. He kept on telling me that it was
just a dream and that I was just tired from all the shit we went
through, but he and I would never know, he might just be a projection. Or this was actually real world real life, but then again,
how could I know?
My wristwatch showed 9:48. I dipped my hands in every
one of my pockets. Holy shit, the map! I said. The map, I lost
the map!
Its right here, Chris said, handing it to me. Jesus
Christ, Holly. Calm down. Youre gonna give me heart attacks.
With the air mask on, I sounded like an estrogen-filled
James Earl Jones. Are you really sure we werent attacked?
What? Maybe thats just a side effect of your prescriptions or a nightmare. Get over it.
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But it was just too vivid. I still remember all of it.

Hey! Shut the fuck up! one of the soldiers shouted
from the front cabin, banging the mesh wire with his gun. Or
well take off that goddamn oxygen from you.
I saw the camera near Chris, let him reach it for me, and
replayed the recordings, my baseline for reality. I moved the
track slider to the very right, and the video showed my convulsing and choking to death. As per my dream, the rebels mustve
attacked our convoy and flipped our car on its side by then. But
instead it showed a glitchy footage of Chris putting me to the
chair and pummeling the front cabin of the soldiers for help,
who went on to operate the necessaries on me after a brief violent confrontation. It might be that I was almost dying and my
sensations were turned off, but I couldnt remember anything
from that moment. The footage then showed me lying still on the
chair with the oxygen mask no sign of my nightmare.
So, you believe in me now? said Chris.
It was just so real.
Its just a goddamn dream. This is real, right now. And
we made it, just like I promised you. The militarys now gonna
take care of it and its all going to end soon, real soon.
If theyre gonna listen to us, I said.
They have no choice.
I saw reddening around his arm. What happened?
That? I< I just grazed it on something, I dont know.
How about your stomach?
Your bandages are still holding up.
Silence ensued. What are we gonna do after this?
What are you talking about? Were going home, like
you always wanted.
No. I mean, this thing that we do.
You still want to keep doing this?
Its kind-of funny to think that after all the close brushes
with death that I went through and the millions of times I cried
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my heart out regretting doing this assignment, there was still a

part of me that wanted to keep pursuing this madness. Despite
bruising our torsos and messing up my head along the way, we
still prevailed, not to mention saved the whole of mankind in the
process, something that no couple of human beings I believed
ever did, not even the greatest figures in history. All they did
was leave a legacy of quotations for motivational speakers to
use. Besides, I couldnt spend the rest of my life dedicated for
some shitty job. But I couldnt let anybody die because of me.
I cant let anyone die because of me anymore, I said.
Shit, how many times do I have to tell you, you didnt
kill them! I didnt listen, for it was a fact already cemented in
my head. I killed all of them.
I guess Ill just stack Gatorade on our garage or something, or write the fucking script for Fox News. Shit, I hate this
fucking life.
My parents are dead, he said, his voice croaky.
I faced him, and for a moment I was blank in disbelief,
but more of anger. What?! I thought they<
They both suffocated a couple of days before I left for
this job. It was their time anyway, so<
Why didnt you tell us? I mean, we could have<
No, he said. I know you wont let me come to this
assignment if I did. Funerals would do us no good at all. I always saw Chris as the perfect son that every parent would die to
have, but the inherent imperfection of the world infecting each
of us would never allow that. He was just like me.
How the fuck could you say that? Theyre your goddamn parents, Chris. They were there every second of your life
and the least you could do is be there when they lie on their
graves, say whatever it is you want to say before their time ends.
And you gave that up just for this shit?
You have no fucking idea what youre saying! They
hated other people, and they didnt want anyone to cry for them
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when they die. So I buried them myself in our backyard. Do you

realize how fucking hard that is, burying the people who looked
after you and realizing youre now all alone in your life? His
eyes moistened, his mouth trembling. I never gave them up,
and dont you ever say again that I did< and this shit that we
did saved more lives no other human could possibly do. They
wanted me to do this. I loved them, Holly.
Im sorry, I said, ashamed. Im so sorry. Once again,
silence. He looked away from me for quite a while.
Its gonna be very lonely back home. I think Im gonna
marry you if you let me, he said, like marriage was something
that can be done out of spontaneity. Other girls would freak
their eyes out when offered of marriage, but I was just blank, too
overwhelmed by depression and trauma.
You sure about that?
I think its the logical thing to do. Weve been together
for quite a while. I like you, you like me. And Im gonna be so
lonely when I come back home.
My parents would make terrible in-laws, I said.
Theres always a way to everything, he said, smiling.
And theyre not really that bad, you know.
I could hear helicopter rotors breaking the sound barrier
outside. Bright spotlights shined the car, making beautiful narrow rays of light in our cabin. We must be near the airbase right
now. Seeing my crumpled up face, Chris came to me and
placed his hands on my shoulders from the other seat.
Come on, dont be so down on the dump with me. Its
okay, I dont take grudges that much. We made it! Everythings
gonna be fine.
I burst in tears again in light of what happened to Chris,
which reminded me of my own family and how short time was
before they get taken away and leaving me with regrets of not
being there when they needed me most. I hugged him from my
seat, a necessary gesture for someone who just lost their beloved.
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He truly loved his parents, and the last thing he did for them
was testament to that. I lied to mine. The people that took care of
me all these years, and all I gave for them in exchange were lies.
I love you, I said.
I love you. Its gonna be okay, its gonna be okay<
I saw the reddening on his wrists again. A surge of dj
vu went into me. What really happened to your wrists?
Dont worry about it, okay? he said.Im sorry, I cant
stop looking at your boobs. Theyre really big for someone as
thin as you.
And what the hell does that supposed to do? Make me
feel better?
Im just trying to lighten the mood. The end of the
world is tomorrow evening, remember?
Fuck you. He triggered me again.
I was just kidding, he said, elated. Our job is done.
Done? How can you be so happy with this? You arent
even sure if theyre gonna throw us straight to jail once we got to
the airbase. Our friends are fucking dead because of what we
did, and youre happy with that? He started it; one minute we
were making out, and the minute after, we were fighting again.
Of course not. But we would all be dead if we had not
been sent here. It was a necessary sacrifice for the good of all.
They did not deserve to die!
Everybody deserves to die, Holly. Its a must of existence like everything elses. Lets not start this again, please.
Our friends, do they deserve to die?! My parents<
That reminded me. Oh shit, my family. Oh my God. I threw
the mask out of my nose and rushed to front of the cabin. But
before I could scream at the soldiers, the car stopped, inertia
making me hit my head on the mesh wire. The soldiers closed
the window and left the car, and through a small hole on the
side, against the pitch darkness of the night, tall spotlights gave
light to a wide concrete ground crawling with military personnel
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running around in formation, armored Humvees and tanks driving around, huge cargo planes and helicopters parked on the
edge of the grounds, and large hangars stretching as far as my
eyes could see. The noise outside, helicopters and personnel
shouting with loudspeakers, was intense. Further out to the
background, glowing orange lights from which dark towers of
smoke rose to pollute the sky were spread all over the city, forming an image of desolation and destruction.
The back door opened, and Chris pulled me to his arms.
Stay with me! Just stay with me, he said, at which time one of
the soldiers, bald and heavily-built rushed inside and pulled my
partner remorselessly out of the car, pushing him to the ground
and tying him like a pig as he screamed in pain. I didnt recognize that they were the same soldiers that killed Aliya and
dragged me into this car.
Get the fuck out! Move it!
You have to help me, please! I said. My parents, they
are going to kill my parents!
Shut the fuck up! the bald soldier screamed, slapping
my face in pure rage, which for some reason didnt sting but did
drive my head to the breaking point of my spine. He tied my
arms tight until the rope pressed against my bones, and covered
my head in a sack, tying it shut to my neck. The soldier went on
to caress the whole of my body with his hard hands, particularly
those parts men would fantasize about at night. I felt his hands
as he pulled the precious contents of my pockets.
Please, you have to listen to me!
You got some buns, missy.
Please, stop! I cried. Chris!
You better shut the fuck up or I will fucking fuck your
brains out, you hear me? Youre gonna be in so much trouble
once generals done with you. Youre gonna be mine! Its about
time we get a woman here. Now get moving!
He pushed me outside, and I felt the warm and cool
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breeze from the exhaust of the heavy-metal vehicles and the

nighttime air, and trod my worn-out feet on the concrete. The
noise was unbearable, but for the first time since forever, my
hopes actually went high. Finally, salvation was in reach.

LIKE TWO HOSTAGES of Middle Eastern jihadists, my hands

tied and the knot on my neck almost chocking me to suffocation,
the three soldiers, walking in unison, brought us into a series of
stairs and labyrinths deep in the compound. The place was rather chilly, in fact stiffening my entire spine, but smelled of dirt,
liquor and cigarette. A loud voice over the speakers saying many
different names of infantries, basically names of exotic animals
and cool-sounding words, their assignments and orders to proceed to their battle stations filled my ears. And with the siren,
the guns being cocked, helicopters and jet fighters flying outside,
and the commanders screaming at their men, the sound of war
was all around. I cried and sucked in the gooey stuff coming out
of my nose for the rest of the walk, and every time I begged for
the soldiers to hear me out, they would push my shoulders and
finger the middle of my thighs, laughing and whistling as they
did. It was my womanhood being ripped to shreds. I could hear
Chris grunts over his torn gunshot wound. My legs were shaking from the inside out.
The next thing I knew, the men finally untied me and
shoved my ass in a metal seat, and then tied my hands and legs
tighter on the arm rests and stand. They got rid of the sack, and
after I regained my breathing, I saw Chris tied as well to another
seat a few feet from me. We were in a dim room with nothing
but cracked walls, a couple of incandescent bulbs and a really
large glass window with bright white figures seemingly moving
from the other side, much like an interrogation room. I was immobilized. The soldiers then left us on the room, the one who
slapped me winking and blowing me a kiss.
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You alright Holly? Chris said.

Where are we?
I dont know. Deep in the airbase, I think. God, my
stomach fucking hurts. The wound opened again.
They took all, the map, everything, I said. What are
they gonna do to us?
Dont worry. Im right here. Were gonna be fine.
Please dont leave me!
I am a few moments away from launching a full assault
on those motherfucking rebels right in the heart of this godforsaken country, and what I have here are two fucking adolescents. What the hell were you thinking, private?! a mans voice
echoed from the other side. On the glass window, several human
figures on their uniforms became apparent though blurry.
Please, you have to help us! I screamed out of instinct.
The traitors gonna kill my family! You have to listen to me!
A man, perhaps the general, looked at several pieces of
paper laid over a table by another soldier. He looked at us. Then,
the glass suddenly cleared as they brightened their side of the
room and I beheld a man with a dark and rugged face and with
a round white scar near his mouth, standing close to the glass.
His uniform bore his rank.
What was your purpose here? he said.
We are journalists, Chris said. We came here this
morning to document the war. But we discovered something
from our contacts here<
The rebels plan to launch the entire nuclear arsenal of
Iran tomorrow night! All two thousand nukes!
How did you know that?
I was shaking the whole time I spoke but relieved at the
same time, that we have finally reached our salvation. We went
in one of the underground facilities in that map youre holding.
We only saw a single bomb. The rebels already got them; they
probably positioned them across the country already. Theyre
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gonna blow every major city on the planet. Our Iranian friend
died when we escaped. But wait< the map also has the launch
codes. The rebels cant launch without it.
How in the world did you get this map? the general
said, apparently stunned.
David Price, he< gave the map to us a week ago. All
those other papers we got from the facility. He said he stole the
map from a military contracting company hes working for. I
dont remember the name, but that company controls the bombs.
It was an American company! There is a traitor, hes been calling
me. He killed all of my staff and friends and now he said hes
going to kill my family for that map! Please, you have to help
me! I saw my camera on a table near him. There, there in my
camera. I caught everything with it. There is footage in there
with the bombs. You have to believe me! I wanna go home,
please!
There are many young children trapped back in the
city. We need to rescue them, Chris said. A soldier approached
the general, pointing at the papers. Then, he laughed.
You expect me to believe this shit? he said.
What?! Our friends died because of that map! I said.
You just violated a strict order from the government
and you want me to, what, believe in a conspiracy that some lunatic American is plotting against his own goddamn country?
And in this fucking piece of paper are the launch codes? I am
about to single-handedly win this war, and the last thing I want
to hear is the fucking return of Jesus Christ!
We are telling you the truth! Chris screamed.
This map is a fake. All of these you brought are nothing
but worthless pieces of paper. Just who the fuck do you think
you are that you can tell me what to do? I dont give a shit what
youve been through. You violated a strict ban. He threw the
papers to the floor and left the room. Throw these two to where
they belong and stop wasting my goddamn time!
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General, sir! Please, Im telling you the truth!

Holly, its no use.
Please, sir please! You< stupid motherfucker! I was
wrong. As the general walked away, I despaired over the fact
that the only hope I got that would save me from all of this, the
only salvation I had, the only light at the end of this abyss, failed
me. It was my light slowly fading into oblivion. The curse of my
bad luck was still on me. My parents were gonna die and theyre
gonna throw me to jail for the rest of my life, putting everything
Ive been through into absolute nothing. I failed; I guessed I always knew I would. I was doomed from the very start.
Its okay, its okay.
Shut up! Shut the fuck up! What the hell do you want
me to do? I screamed at Chris. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What
are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?! My parents, oh my
God! Oh my God!
Right then, the five soldiers rushed in, the bald one, excitedly, unbound and tied my arms again, all while rubbing his
oily and sweaty face and drooling mouth all over my cheeks,
neck and chest. He kept pushing my crotch against his; his erection, hard and stiff, piercing through his thick uniform was like a
hallow metal tube being forced into my vagina. The soldiers
knew: theyre free to do anything they want with us without facing trial for inhumanity, since they could easily deny we were
here. No one knew we were here. I couldnt do anything but
scream and flail in disgust.
Hey! Get your fucking hands off her! Chris screamed,
but the other soldiers punched him in the belly, eliciting an extreme pain response.
Please, stop!
Shut up! You should have never come here, and now
youre mine. Youre fucking mine! With his hands squishing
my face, he kissed me like he wanted to suck my guts out, his
tongue wiggling all over my mouth. I almost puked out. I bit his
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fucking tongue as hard as I could, and he yelled in pain, his

mouth bleeding. Then, he punched my stomach, constricting my
insides, and pushed me to the ground. I felt something hard
pressing against my insides. I couldnt breathe, like the holes of
my body were plugged with thick slabs of steel, and I started
quivering uncontrollably while making weird sounds of agony.
The next thing I knew, he kicked me so hard right in the chest
that it seemed a spear pierced right through me.
Holly! I heard Chris. Im gonna kill you! Im gonna
fucking kill you, you hear me?! Motherfucker! Tears clouded
my eyes, and the pain overwhelmed my other senses, feeding
my brain with none other than the burning pain.
You fucking bitch! Im gonna make you pay for this. I
am going to tear you apart. Im going to fuck you until you fucking die, you hear me?!Piece of shit! And you, motherfucker, you
aint gonna do shit about it.
You fucking touch her again, and Im gonna cut your
goddamn head off!
You mean like this?He pulled me up, and started
kissing me again. His saliva moistened and his stinking lips caressed and massaged the extent of my face, slime freezing over
my skin. I cried in disgust.Yeah? You like that, little bitch?
You son of a bitch! Chris yelled. Im gonna kill you!
Take him away. They covered his head with a sack,
and then dragged him out of the room, fully cuffed.
Dont you fucking touch her!
And now, missy, we got some business to attend to.
Come on!
My chest and face was burning in pain, almost radiating
with heat, the points of impact swelling. Blood and saliva flowed
out of my mouth uncontrollably. Struggling to let air into me, I
couldnt stand on my own as the bald bastard dragged me out of
the room, my head covered again with the black sack tightly
wound on my neck, to what might be his red room of pain.
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Every bit of movement was agony and torture, emanating from

deep within the very fibers of my muscles and the joints of my
bones. Sirens, helicopters, the radio announcer and the helicopters, all screamed at my ears but none from Chris. That moment I
clearly knew, it was my end.
Not far from the room, another soldier stopped us. Ill
take her Gideon, he said. General says he needs you and your
men out front right now.
What the fuck do you think youre doing Jacobs?
Generals orders. What happened to your mouth?
None of your fucking business, he said. You think
you could fuck my woman before I do? Youre out of your goddamn mind.
Hes gonna shoot your head off if you dont show up
right now, you know that right?
Fucking shit! He handed me over to him, and then
pressed his hands against the middle of my thighs. Im coming
back for you, missy. And dont you even fucking do shit with
her Jacobs, or Ill fucking rip your head off, you hear me?
Please< stop! I said.
Ill take care of her, dont worry about that, he said.
Youll have her after Im done. The bald soldier left, his loud
stomps indicative of his anger and absolute certainty that he
would come back for me. The extreme pain coursing through me
left no room for any relief. The soldier then removed the sack,
wiped my face clean and untied me, after which I beheld his
white round face and a large black mole by his nose. His chubbiness made his jaws and facial bones less pronounced, but not
so much as to make one think he gobbles an entire buffet. He
looked like he was in his late-thirties.
You alright?
Thank you, I said.
Hes such an asshole, the biggest one around here. Hes
lucky hes very good at combat or we already kicked his ass to
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his head.
Please, help me. I< dont want to die out here.
Dont worry, he said, whispering. Im here to help
you. I believe this is yours. He gave me my camera, my prescriptions and my useless Smartphone.
Who are you?
We cant talk out here. Its too dangerous. Come on.
Where are you taking me?
Somewhere we could share a secret.

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Chapter

17.
A WOMAN COULD not possibly be more battered and bruised
and traumatized as I had and still have her life and mental faculty intact. The amount of torture, both physically but mostly mentally, I endured and managed to survive almost made my body
worthy of an achievement. The pain was beyond excruciating, so
much so that my sensations were numbed, reducing me to a
zombie, an unconscious walking piece of meat. It was almost my
metaphysical self floated with him; I couldnt feel my feet. But
for several brief moments, I flashed back, and I heard the intense
reverberations from the battle outside. I noticed little to no human life. I actually got pissed with the universe; I wanted to die
for all of this shit to end. The world is the quintessence of misery, death and despair, and there is absolutely no point for existence, and I mean absolutely nothing. My parents and sisters
were probably already hanged by their feet and had their bellies
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opened by those pieces of shit. No one believed a single word I

said. There was no point anymore. The army probably decimated, pulverized and obliterated all traces of those rebels by
then, and with the launch codes on the armys hands, the world
should be saved from assured destruction. Fuck that traitor.
Fuck everything. Fuck the world. I killed my own family and
several other lives on account of my foolishness and selfishness.
I killed my little child. That would earn me a one-way ticket to
hell, but I hoped saving the world and its countless inhabitants
from a fiery doom would compensate for that and give me a
proper eternity in the next life, if there is one.
The next thing I knew, I was laid back in a small room,
bright and cold, the glare of the tiny incandescent light bulb irritating my eyes. Indeed like a zombie, I kept moaning from the
pain. The room couldnt fit a dozen; a mess of maps and pictures
and used military uniforms were stuck on the wooden wall, a
pile of bags stacked on the corners. Frames with faces in them
stood atop a table in front of me. I could hear the echoes of the
war. Then, the soldier went on to rejuvenate my damaged self.
He was on his tight white shirt that revealed his nipples and his
rather muscular chest cavity, and on a bulky dark army pants.
Dont worry, he said. Its not bad as you think. He
was clearly lying.
Please just kill me now.
You know I cant do that. Now hold still please. Im
trying to save your life. How long have you been here?
Just this< morning, I said. Where am I?
Dosshan Tappeh airfield, at my own personal crib. Are
you a journalist or something?
Yeah, but it doesnt matter now. Theyre all dead. My
staff and friends, theyre all fucking dead!
Keep still, keep still. Im gonna inject you with a little
morphine, okay? This is gonna loosen the pain. Youre gonna
feel a little bit weird at first. Ready, on three<
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Wait, where are you sticking that thing?

On your heart, he said. Dont worry, I know what
Im doing. Thisll be quick.
No, no. Are you nuts? On my heart? I said. And before
I noticed, the needle already went through my cleavage, breastbone and heart, and before I could freak out, the burning sensation of agony slowly evaporated from all over my body, after
which it felt like a stream of electricity flowed inside my cavities,
waking me up.
See? Now just lie there and rest. Looks like youve been
in quite a mess.
We< we have to get Chris. They got him.
Dont worry about that. I could easily get him out of
there. You need some sleep. Its almost midnight.
Please, hes the only one Ive got, I said. Everybodys
dead because of me. My parents< friends, all fucking dead because of me.
I need to keep it down, he said, standing by the table.
Its really dangerous out here. Im gonna get killed if they find
out Im helping you.
Why would they? Arent they supposed to help us?
You violated a strict ban remember? You were supposed to be shipped straight out of this country and dumped
into some prison cell in a secret facility reserved for kinds of
stuff like yours for the rest of your life. And thats gonna be for
me too when they see me.
So why are you helping me? I said.
He peeked at the window behind him, closed it shut
with the blinds and sat down. I saw your footage during interrogation. You were with my friend Matt.
Wait, youre<
Kevin Jacobs. Matts been my closest friend since military school. That son of a bitch already graduated a goddamn
ranked official, but for some reason he turned it down and chose
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to become, what, an independent journalist? Thats the stupidest

shit anyone could ever do with their life. Our first assignment
was supposed to be on a friggin aircraft carrier. He never
stopped telling me about that. I dont know what happened.
We were on the same plane going here.
I actually sent him here for something I wanted him to
cover for his blog or something. Where the hell is he anyway?
Isnt he with you?
He didnt see the whole of the footage. I didnt know
how to put it without provoking him; I guessed no person in the
world would. Hes< we were driving to the airbase from the
hospital, and the soldiers blocked our way and< they<
What?
Im so sorry, I brought him there. I killed him! Please,
forgive me. I didnt want this to happen.
You mean< one of us shot him?
Im so sorry. I shouldnt have brought him with me. Its
my fault.He suppressed the emotion of anger and devastation,
it was apparent, indeed a rare sight for me. Few times Ive seen
men, known for their brute and ego, shed a tear or a hint of emotion, and when they do, its of the purest kind.
Its okay, he said, turning away. Theres nothing you
couldve done, nothing you< goddamn it! He kicked the metal
wall in an outburst of grief, and the picture frames fell from the
table. Its my fault, its all my fault. I told him to come here.
He saw me looking at the pictures. Its my little kids,
he said, picking up a frame with a doodle drawing of a house
and a stick family. Her names Patricia, my first. I think todays
her graduation from grade school. When she was born, I< I just
freaked out. I wasnt prepared. I didnt know what to do. I took
a few days off alone to suck it all in, and I did realize the blessing
that God gave me. But when I came back, she was gone. She left
me. She took my child. And here I am, wasting my life.
Im so sorry, I said. I noticed all the cigarette butts and
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small aluminum foils collected on the corner of the room.

My little girls never get to know me, until the mail
came with that drawing. He started crying and laughing. They
know me! They miss me. Thats why as long as Im here, I wont
let anything happen to them.
I sat up the bed. What was it youre gonna tell him?
He breathed deep before letting it out. I saw him, he
said, his voice hinting that he was about to impart something
big. A few weeks ago, my friends and I went on this routine
check around the compound. We went on top of a building to
get a full view of the area. I saw him on my scope. The general,
he was talking to one of them.
What are you talking about?
Hes working with the rebels. Theyre behind all this.
My head ached again over the discovery of a potential
conspiracy. I thought this whole shit was already over for me,
but how was I wrong. What?! You sure about that?
I think it was the rebels grand master or something.
Hes so scarred and so hairy. His beard is bigger than his head.
Jesus Christ, I said. I had a brief surge of dj vu from
his description of the old man, but I realized he was within my
violent dream, something I still hold firmly as just a big fucking
nightmare.
I followed him a few times, and I caught him again. He
was talking to someone over the phone, about bombs and assassinations. I think he ordered the president of this country dead.
He started this war.
Holy shit, the Iranians were right. Amir was right. Holy
shit, I shouldve listened to them! And there it was, another
proof that I was guilty of murder. They knew about it, but like a
fool I kept my ears closed, leaving me with their blood stained
on my hands and an eternity to despair over my foolishness. So
it was true, and the Iranians werent delusional and shit. And
there in the interrogation room I saw right in the face, the traitor,
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the crazy lunatic who wanted to blow the whole world.

You know about this? said Kevin.
Our Iranian contact first told us about this. Everybody< the locals were really pissed at us because they think we
killed their president. I didnt believe him, I thought everybody
was brainwashed or something. Its fucking crazy. How could
he? What the hell is he planning to do?
I dont know, but I cant do anything about it. Nobodys listening to me. Even if they did, he controls the entire
army. Its hopeless.
It makes no sense, I said. If hes with the rebels, then
who the hell are they fighting outside?
I dont know. Im as clueless as you are. Ive never been
in the front line, just in routine checks around the compound
and supplying ammunition to my brothers.
I thought youre a sergeant?
I was demoted. They caught me spying on the general.
Well, they dont actually know I was spying on him. I was accused of trespassing and there goes my rank.
The children< oh shit, the children at the hospital! We
and Matt went to that place, a couple of miles from here. Hundreds of kids are trapped in there. We need to rescue them,
please! I promised Im going to help them.
Its no use. The soldiers would immediately shoot them
on sight. And where the hell would we hide them?
There has to be something that we can do, I said.
Those poor little kids< they need me.
Im sorry. Its too dangerous. Theres much at
stake.And as the roar and thunder of the explosions outside got
to my ears, I shriveled and trembled as the image of those young
innocent and helpless children getting incinerated and blown
apart by those bombs and guns flashed to my mind, intensified
by the fact that I promised their safety with my life, that I would
come back for them. But there I was, alive and breathing, while
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they all die out helplessly. I felt like every breath I took was a
sin. Kevin went on to calm me down, which took a few cups of
water, a lot of smooth strokes on the back, a few hugs, a constant
reminder that it was fine and several minutes of his time.
Hes been calling me, I later said.
What?
He knows Im here. He wants me here. The map! He
wants the map! He gonna kill everyone tomorrow, six o clock in
the evening. Hes gonna launch the whole Iranian nuclear arsenal and collapse civilization as we know it!
Jesus.
The map has the launch codes, I said. They cant fire
the nukes without it. Its the only copy thereis.
You mean the map from the interrogation room?
Yeah. You have it with you, right?
He was silent for a few moments, then< He took it.
He took< what do you mean he took it? Who?
The general, he has it, he said.He didnt throw the
map, he took it with him. I was right all along. He definitely has
something laid out with that thing, and if what youre saying is
true, then were totally fucked. I just lost the map to the worst
possible place, the one that I was running away from, which single-handedly brought the world ever closer to the apocalypse.
But how could I have known? Nobody can be trusted truly, so it
seemed. Nobody.
Then lets go get it from him!
Wait, he said. I need to think this through.
Hes going to kill everyone tomorrow! Do you still have
to think about that?
Look, Ive been in hot water okay. I already got myself
demoted from sergeant to private, and if he sees me again Im
definitely gonna get myself kicked out of this base, if they dont
kill me first.
I thought youre going to help us, I said.
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I am helping you right now. If not for me, you would

have been raped by Gideon and his men. You would have been
dead.
Cant we call the States for help?
The communications centers right beside the generals
office, and theyre tapping every single call in and out of this
base. Were on our own.
What are we gonna do?
Somebody knocked hard on the door, startling the hell
out of me. I almost launched myself out of the bed, but he made
me stop. Jacobs! Stop jerking off in there. Were getting laid out
in ten.
Why? he said.
I dont know. Command says the general needs all battalions on the front line. Now come on, get your ass outta
there!Its our last chance to kick some Iranian ass, man!
Youre gonna leave me? I said as the soldiers left.
I need to go. I have no choice. Im gonna get in trouble
again if they found out I stayed here.
You cant leave me here. I cant save Chris on my own.
Dont worry, he said. Ill be back as soon as I can. Im
gonna check on that hospital youre talking about. I saw it on
your footage and I think I know where it is. Maybe Ill spy on the
general some more. Well go get your boyfriend first thing. Just
stay here and get some rest. And dont do anything stupid. He
then handed me a small walkie-talkie, almost a small shoe with
an antenna sticking out of it. Take this. Ill call you when I get
back.
I laid back and wrapped myself with his thin cloth blanket in obedience, the best and only thing I could possibly do for
the better. He wore the rest of his uniform, turned off the lights
and opened the door. I saw parts of the horizon totally ablaze
with the flames of war outside.
Ill be back, I promise, he said.
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Is Chris gonna be okay? I said.

Hes alive< Im sure hes alive. Stay here, alright?
As darkness and loneliness became my companions, an
eerie chill wrapped my body, realizing that I was right in the
heart of the lair of the monster. Everything never made a bit of
sense, but I did try to wrap it up. It turned out that the general of
the American army sent here to rehabilitate this forsaken country would be the one to end it, and the whole world with it, once
and for all, not mentioning hes the one who actually started all
this. He killed the president of Iran to spark a nuclear holocaust.
But what the hell could he possibly get from bringing Armageddon to the world? Unless hes a god or something, he would
never live to cherish his victory afterwards. I suspected that he
might be a war hero from Iraq or Afghanistan who wanted justice for the injustice of those in power, or that he might not have
been compensated properly for his selfless services for the country like in many cases of military rebellion and treachery, and in
such case he might demand the whole of the planets riches in
exchange for its very existence. He also turned out to be working
with the Iranian murderers a counterintuitive allegiance, considering that they hate the West for much of its history. But what
do these have to do with me? The traitor wanted me here so it
seemed, and he even cared to waste resources just to stall my
inevitable death by hunting my staff and family down just to
show hes not a person to fuck with. He couldve sent a drone,
fire missiles at us and retrieve the map from my charred remains, but he didnt. Hes planning something for me. It might
be that he wanted me right where I was right then, lying on the
very bed he wanted, waiting for the very soldier he told to.
I saw him dead in the flesh, his round white scar sticking
to my memory, but I noticed no signs of smugness or anything
indicative that he knew me. Also, his voice wasnt as terrifying
or monstrous or rough, deep and croaky as that on the phone,
but it couldve been a guise. Further still, why would he let me
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be sent back to the States if he wanted me disemboweled for

what Ive done with his fucking plan?
All that thinking stressed the hell out of me, drying my
eyes and pulling my scalp until it ripped apart. I tried to close
my eyes and fall to slumber, but the feeling that somebodys
eyes were locked on me made it close to impossible. The morphine proved to be short-lived as the searing sensations soon
came back to make my life more hellish than it already was, the
pain more pronounced in my stomach. It felt as if a long stretch
of skin was about to rip open from my chest to the top of my
crotch. I pulled my clothing and caressed the points of pain, and
immediately, I sensed something hard and round just below the
tip of my breastbone, seemingly unnatural. Looking down, it
made a bump almost as big as that on my elbow each time I exhaled. I pressed it, thinking that it might just be my colon stuffed
with undigested food, but the bump was rather hard, like something solid was lodged in my body. It wasnt actually the first
time several other weird stuffs have grown on my weaknessinflicted body before, and just like those, I just let this recent one
be and hoped that tomorrow, I would just evaporate away.
My parents and sisters must be dead by then, and together with those children and the others whose hopes I failed
and whose lives I took, their souls must be standing next to my
bed, screaming in anger for what Ive done. I couldnt be sorry
enough. My conscience was stormed with the faces of those I
killed, a nightmare in and on itself. But looking at the bright
side, I have potentially one of the biggest and most compelling
stories a journalist could ever uncover, one that would be on the
front page for years, start a radical change in the system, and
save countless lives. I guessed that would make my parents understand; there is a high price for the truth, Chris dad used to
say. But was it worth it to save millions of lives who dont even
care about me, or even knew I existed, while those dearest to my
heart die out, leaving me all alone in this desolate hellhole evepg. 293

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rybody calls home?

With the things I saw and learned this day alone, its a
resounding no. Human nature dictates that man always craves
to destroy himself, which is entropy at work, and it means that
absolute long-term peace is nonexistent. Long after my body rots
to the ground, the world will return to a state of chaos no matter
what, putting everything I gave up for to nothing. There is no
point in saving mankind; it will just destroy itself eventually, an
inevitability and certainty. So I lay in the bed crying my eyes out
once again, mourning the fact that my family and friends died
for nothing, like flies who just kissed their short, pointless lives
goodbye. I cried, like I always did.

A BRIGHT ORANGE beam populated with tiny dust feathers

woke me from my sleep. The utter silence and the serenity immediately struck, like the world was reset or something. The
sleep seemed to have rejuvenated my body, eliminating the pain
and even my tremble. Feeling rather excellent, I got up, sensing
the start of a new day, and through the metal blinds, I saw thick
and thin smoke columns rising to the sky from all around the
city as if Tehran has just been incinerated. The war was apparently over. On the concrete grounds, the worn-out soldiers slowly walked back to their hangars with their trucks and tanks. Cargo planes parked in front of the hangars. There was no sign of
Kevin, and time was running out. My wristwatch pointed at 6:43
am, and in less than 12 hours, mankind and life itself would
come to an abrupt end.
Though I came to the realization that my efforts of saving the world from destruction would ultimately prove futile,
the notion of living this short borrowed life to the fullest invoked
a sense of purpose in me. I still needed to do plenty of things
before I leave this mortal existence, and as popularized by popular culture, not fulfilling earthly desires would trap my soul on
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this planet to haunt those who would come across my grave.

Besides, the chaos of the future world would be the problem of
the next generation, and its better to have died fighting for at
least a miniscule chance of life than leaving it all to fate. This
feeling of great responsibility, of courage after an eternity of
fright and weakness, might be the result of my electrocardiographic personality, but what better thing could I do indeed?
The camera, its battery already half-empty, was still recording atop the table. Beside it were a couple of sandwiches
and the picture frames cracked from Kevins outburst, which
housed photos of two little babies, the cuteness of whom had no
words for, and a small family portrait, perhaps Kevins. Inside
one frame was a childs drawing of a house with rainbows, blue
clouds and star-shaped stars, and a large I MISS YOU, DAD and
COME BACK HOME on the top. It proved to be a very harrowing
picture for me a picture of what I have lost, of what I could no
longer have so I let go before the devastation could overwhelm
me once again. My family was dead, and there was no way I
could bring them back. I was on my own, living the repercussions of what I chose for myself. I would never experience the
joys of home, of my horrible sisters, of my uncaring parents.
Looking at the round blue eyes of his baby girl, I feared that
crossing paths with Kevin would just bring my curse to him,
single-handedly depriving his family of the love and care they
deserved and ruining the rest of their existence, something that I
couldnt bear to have on my hands. No one other than myself
should suffer the burden I brought on my own.
And so I did. Even though this decision might ultimately
cost my life, I couldnt bear any more lives destroyed on my account. I had to find Chris, retrieve the map and get the hell out
of this place on my own. I wore the spare military uniform, dusty though perfectly fitted, grabbed one of the maps of the base
and placed the Smartphone, the walkie-talkie, and the camera in
one of the large pockets that happened to be holed for the lens to
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see through. A matching cap provided identity cover. I then

gave up my Nike shoes for a more fitting one. I stuffed my
mouth with one of the sandwiches, albeit cold. The bump in my
stomach was gone.
As per the map, the base stretched one-and-a-quarter
miles long and half-a-mile across in an elongated shape. It didnt
include the perhaps larger subterranean system I knew the soldiers took me last night. A series of numbered hangars were laid
like a backbone, surrounded by tiny house units one of which I
suspected I was in. In front was a large empty space serving as a
runway and parking for armys war machines. I was near hangar
six, a couple of hangars away to the end of the base. Beside hangar two all the way to the other side was the communications
tower and the generals quarters where the launch codes must be
hidden. A large enclosed area, marked RESTRICTED, was behind
hangars one and two. Judging from its larger size, hangar two
must be where the main shit was and possibly Chris too, but he
could be anywhere. But I have to find him.
Fuck this, I said, a common motivator. As I pushed the
wooden door and stepped on the concrete, the massive scale of
the compound made me feel punier. Pushing through the thick
black smoke of war, the sunlight of the early morning sun still
was spectacular. The sky, tinted light orange from the sunrise,
was as serene as it was yesterday. The soldiers and the traitor
must still be reeling from the night on the battlefield so I decided
to head straight to the lair of the monster and retrieve the map,
than find Chris first in which case the soldiers would be all
around us and the map would be out of my grasp.
I tried to walk as inconspicuous as I could along the
structures in the base. Soldiers and personnel, mostly men,
crawled all around me, some jogging around in formation and
singing about women and pussies, some just sitting along their
house units sipping coffee, smoking and playing cards, some
carrying crates of ammo to the hangars. Others took a bath in
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makeshift showers in the middle of the field for all to see, the
runoff soaking the whole place wet. The men were too busy
messing with each other, attention that thankfully didnt point at
me. I saw no sign of that bald bastard.
All personnel, a female announcer said over the radio,
report to your respective infantry commanders for debriefing.
Remain on base until further instructions.
Cargo trucks, small jeeps and a shitload of ammo crates
and weapons filled hangar five. A large cargo plane parked in
front, from which even more ammunition and weapons were
carried with forklifts and large pushcarts to the hangar. All the
cargo bore the insignia of some organization called G4S a black
globe with stars around it apparently the militarys supplier of
weapons. I tried to walk straight through the line, but a forklift
accidentally bumped to another in front of it, smashing a crate
and its sniper rifle content to the ground. I was trapped.
What the hell is going on in there? someone screamed
from inside the hangar. Then, a tall man in his forties, grey hair
and on a brown coat, came rushing at the incident.
It was an accident, sir, the driver of the forklift said.
The clutch got stuck and I lost control of the forklift.
Keep those cargos coming in! the man said, pointing
at the others and then the driver. He then talked to the driver
with such deep intensity. You better fix your shit together or
Im gonna make you pay for the millions well lose if we dont
get this thing done, you hear me?
Yes, Mr. Neumann, sir. As the driver went on to fix
the forklift, I scrambled to get through, until the boss called me.
Petrified, I faced him with my head pointing at the ground.
Bring these papers to the general, will you? Let him
sign them and bring them back to me. Got it?
Y< yes, sir, I stammered. I immediately turned and
walked away the moment I got the papers, but not even making
a dozen steps, he called me again.
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Wait! Come with me to the plane, he said, walking

towards me. Im gonna get some more papers for the general.
And so we did, his hands on top of my shoulders. My head only
reached his shoulders, and the way he walked proved his high
civilization. His hair had stripes of white. His smell, musky and
smooth, was of the riches. His shoes, long and pointed, matched
his coat and every trod made a sound that was music to every
materialistic womans ears.
Im sorry if I smell bad. I just got off a trip from Ohio.
No, not at all sir. He was definitely kidding.
You seem pretty young to serve in the military, he
said. How old are you?
Im 23 years old, sir, I said.
Why the hell did you choose to be in here? You could
have been a journalist or accountant or a cover model. I mean,
look at you. Youre one of the most beautiful gals Ive seen
around here. I laughed with him, which was of course faked. A
complement for something that wasnt true is never funny.
I just like to serve my country, sir.
You never considered doing something else?
If opportunity comes, I might consider, sir.
Stop with the sir. Just call me Jerry. I felt his hands
moved down my arms a bit. Back then I started getting uncomfortable. From experience, when an old man gets friendly with a
woman, his hands pressed against her body, somebody is going
to get fucked, literally. If not for the excuse he gave me for going
into the traitors office, I had already slapped his face.
And what do I call you?
Ryan, I said.
What kind of name is that for a girl? he said.
I like it, sir. I mean, Jerry.
He kept his hands on me until we got to the stairs up the
front cabin of the plane. I was at awe with the sheer size of the
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gine, and seeing my reaction, he went on to share the specifics

on the vehicle and how he got it from a poker game against the
mayor of Los Angeles. We got up the aircraft, letting me in first
in a gesture of unnecessary gentlemanliness, and little did I
know, he had a mansion inside the plane. The handles were
gold-plated, the seats all leather, the ceiling decorated with a
crystal chandelier, the top of the table made of marble, and the
television as flat as televisions could possibly be. He closed the
door, me and him all alone.
You like it? he said. He had a classic American voice.
It is very impressive.
This plane is both my delivery truck and sky palace.
Please, sit down.
No, thank you, I said. I better give this to general<
to the general.
You dont know his name?
My heart palpitated. I am new here, and< everybody
calls him that way so I never knew.
Its Howard Marcus, he said. Hes been a really good
friend of mine for ages. A real patriot that guy is. He loves his
country more than he loves his children. Thats something we
both share. Im prepared to sacrifice my life for it. If he only
knew what hes planning to do. I thought of telling him just that,
and given that he might like me, he could help me with the map
and the dire situation of the world. But that would blow my cover and might further screw my situation in ways that I didnt
expect. I didnt risk it. But sometimes he just doesnt get it. He
just cant understand what I wanted for everyone.
Are you the supplier of weapons for the military, sir?
Yes, for the entire U.S. military in fact. I am the president and CEO of G4S, Green for Security, the largest private military contracting and weapons manufacturing company in the
world.
Holy sh< I mean, wow, I said, a bit starstruck.
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Yeah, holy shit, he said, digging through his table for

the papers. It surprised me too. I wanted to be a doctor actually,
but look where I ended up. What do you do around here?
Im a private, sir< in charge of the supplies.
Really? Never heard that job before.
Can I ask you something, Jerry?
Of course. You already did, anyway.
Is the war over? He then looked at me, smiling.
I should be the one asking you that.
I< just spend all my time here, I said. But I hear the
last wave of attacks was yesterday.
We managed to wipe out much of the rebels but they
seem to be conglomerating to a single main group. Im not that
sure if last night was the last attack, but I think Im gonna convince the general to keep the assault completely wipe out what
remains of the rebels with only the ancillary forces. The others
will be dispatched home.
But why are you still bringing weapons here?
Quite the inquisitive girl, huh? he said, smiling at me.
I have a contract to fulfill, to supply the army that much weapons and ammunition as need be. That contract is worth billions,
and if I dont deliver, all that moneys gone just like that. The
military doesnt give me an order to stop giving so, I still do. He
finally found the papers, all bound by a long metal fastener, and
gave them to me.
Take my ID so you wont get bothered by the soldiers
out there. I guess everybodys hitting on you on this base, so
take that as a protection. He laughed, and I quite flattered. The
ID, much like a credit card, bore his face and a couple of details:
his name and position. The black globe logo was prominent.
Thank you, sir. I will take this to the general now.
Why cant you look straight at me? He then removed
my hat and reluctantly, I looked at his elongated face, rugged
with the wrinkles of old age. His thin grey beard outlined half of
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his head. What happened to your eye?

I didnt even know I had something on my eyes, but I
suspected it swelled and maybe discolored from the beating I
got earlier. I< tripped, sir.
You are really young, you know that? he said, looking
at me. You shouldnt be in the military.
Thank you, sir Jerry.
You want some champagne?
I< no, but thank you sir. I really should be giving this
to the general.
No you dont, he said, walking to me. Right then I
displayed all signs of discomfort. He was definitely going to fuck
me, or worse. Those papers can wait. Please, just a single glass.
And I dont take no for an answer. I placed the papers on a table beside me and took the glass from him, the champagne sparkling delectably on the rim. I poured the whole thing to my
throat like a drunkard asshole to get it over with, thinking that
champagne was basically Sprite, until the kick of alcohol made
me cough, spraying it all over the room. Jerry laughed.
Holy shit, I said, swelling from embarrassment. Im
so sorry Mr. Neumann. Please forgive me. Ill clean this
No, dont worry about it, he said, still laughing. You
are pretty funny for a military girl.
Thank you, sir. But I guess I better get going before I
make more mess in your place. I started walking for the door,
but he proved his persistence.
I need to tell you something first. Suppressing my frustration, I stopped. Youre aware of the Iraq War, right, Bushs
biggest shame? Thousands and thousands of civilians and our
own men, dead. Michael Moore nailed it on his documentary.
He interviewed me on Fahrenheit 9/11, you noticed me?
I< Im afraid not, sir. I havent seen it. I lied and I
didnt. He was talking about my favorite documentary of all
time, the inspiration of my life, that a guy with a camera could
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expose the truth and do something about it. Its sort of The Cove,
but centering on Bush and how he allegedly lied to the American
people just to justify the invasion of Iraq, a country that has never threatened, never attacked, or didnt even have the military
might to damage the United States. But in reality, I didnt notice
his ugly-ass face on the film.
Then you dont know that Bush killed all those people,
wasted billions of dollars and the lives of our men just to secure
the oil fields of Iraq? He said it was to avenge 9/11, to hunt down
al Qaeda, to kill bin Laden. But bin Laden wasnt an Iraqi, all of
Taliban in fact werent Iraqis. He was smiling. They were fucking Arabians, all of them. And months before 9/11, Bush was
talking to the president of a Saudi oil company about making an
oil deal, gain access to the rich oil fields of the region in exchange for billions and billions. But Saddam had his hands on
Iraq, another major oil field. He needed to get rid of them but
with Vietnam and the Gulf War, the American people didnt
want to sacrifice another life on the battlefield. So, Bush needed a
reason to offer to the American people to destroy Saddam.
You mean he< he ordered the attack? I said.
He did. He killed three thousand innocent lives for oil,
for money. I didnt know about that allegation, but a lie his story wasnt. It was a conspiracy, other than the alien cover-up, that
I personally believed might just be true. He drank another glass,
keeping his burning gaze on me.
Are you also aware of the attack on the American embassy at Benghazi three years ago?
I< I dont
Of course you are, he said. Four American lives perished in that faithful day, including the ambassador to Syria
Christopher Stevens, my good friend. It was the last major blow
of al Qaeda to the United States since the death of bin Laden,
and now the groups been brought down to its knees and everybody thinks justice has been done for all those lives lost.
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Im afraid I dont understand. By that, I meant the reason why the president of the largest military corporation would
narrate me such an account. The Benghazi attack was the hottest
story of 2012, another one from the Middle East eating the bulk
of primetime news hours for months that followed almost as
much as the overthrow of Muammar Gaddafi a year earlier. Alleged members of the al Qaeda attacked the American embassy
that cost the lives of four civilians and the ambassador to Syria.
The attack happened on the 11th of September, which most likely evoked memories of the worst day in American history, and
perhaps signaled that another attack was coming. We failed to
cover this story as intimately in our channel following Dennis
death.
Of course you know this. Its your job.
I think I really must be going<
They are lying to you, he said. The al Qaeda didnt
attack the embassy. The group has been completely wiped out
since Operation Neptune Spear. Neptune Spear was the code
name for the black ops that successfully liquidated the most
wanted man of the decade, the one responsible for more deaths
than any other single terrorist, Osama bin Laden.
How about the other attacks blamed on them?
It was a total cover-up.
He unwittingly ignited my journalistic spirit, but I kept
in mind what it might cost me in blowing my cover. What are
you saying? Who attacked Benghazi?
Obama ordered the attack, upon the recommendation
of the secretary of defense and the CIA director. I was in the Situation Room during the entire operation. We codenamed it Sand
Arrow. The president used Seal Team Seven members to pose as
the terrorists, the al Qaeda that everybody thinks. The other attacks you were talking about, Seal Team Seven members were
behind them under the authority of the president. I think youre
very much aware of this.
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No, sir, I said. I< I have no idea. I was left in shock,

weakening my legs and muscles. Considering that he held practically the entire military of the United States, his preposterous
claim got a spray of authenticity. It should be my lucky day: exposes as outrageous rained on me for my own gratuitous taking,
waiting for me sniff the glory they would bring to my life. But
the world was on the brink of destruction, and no amount of
glory would save me from it. Even if it didnt, now that I knew
of the dark schemes of my own government, that they are prepared to kill anyone to promote the countrys interests, I would
never feel safe again.
He definitely got my attention, almost making me
breathless for every single thing he said. I have only dreamed of
this moment. A few weeks before the attack, said Jerry, pouring another round of champagne, Christopher approached me
and he told me that an American vessel ducked at the border of
Libya and Syria weeks before. It carried a lot of low-grade weapons and ammunition, AK-47, RPG, light machine guns. A retired army general was also with the ship. He has been frequently visiting the country over the few past months, making contact
with several militia leaders and commanders. Christopher said
they formed an alliance aimed at taking control of the entire
Middle Eastern region and making it a single sovereign unit under their control. The alliance was named ISIS.
Holy shit. I couldnt contain the shock.
We identified the general, highly-decorated, served in
Vietnam, the Gulf and Iraq. He had very close ties with the president, having been graduated from the same college. By that
time, the whole Middle East was plunging into chaos and at any
moment could burst into an uncontrollable fire that will burn the
whole world. It all started with Gaddafi, then came Egypt, Syria,
Jordan, Lebanon until the whole region went into shit. With the
success of the United States intervention in Libya, the presidents advisors came up with an idea that could effectively conpg. 304

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trol the whole region ISIS.

ISIS was the worlds bane of its existence since it started
attacking and occupying major cities and territories in the Middle East and beheading hundreds of prisoners for the world to
see, all for the end of making the Muslim countries of the region
into a single unified state. Though use of social media and effecting tapping into the minds of maniacs and sociopaths, the group
was able to penetrate other territories on the other side of the
planet and attract a significant following, which led to acts of
terrorism sprouting all around the world, all for the grand cause
of the group. It was sinister in all respects. And if what I thought
the boss just said was true, it would turn out worse than that.
Youre saying that<
The president created ISIS as his means to control the
whole Middle East and destroy all potential enemies of the country, he said. Christopher was the first person to know that.
But they were beheading people. Theyre fucking terrorists! Murderers!
Their governments were on the verge of collapse, and
the people would never allow America to barge in so this is the
second best way to do it. By getting the militia commanders to
promise never to attack any territory again, in exchange for giving them what they want, peace is assured for everyone.
What do they want? I said.
Money usually, lots of it. But some commanders were
very specific. They wanted the heads of fifty Westerners. So the
president did. He let his people handpick the lucky ones wholl
get beheaded for the whole world to see.
I was sickened. You mean< the president let those
people get their heads chopped off? They offered them like pigs
for sacrifice?! And then he ordered the ambassador to be killed
because he knew the madness he was doing?
When Christopher got back to Libya, the next thing I
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er in the White House with the president. He told me everything

about this black op and made me swear never to tell anyone. He
also told me he needed more weapons for another operation.
During the day of Sand Arrow, he brought me to the Situation
Room again. He didnt even tell me. He made me witness how
his soldiers kill my friend and those civilians. He then displayed raw hatred. That evil lunatic< that fucking traitor. And
so you see, every single government of our country has a record
of these kinds of atrocities. The list goes on and on.
He went silent, and so was I. Never before did a revelation impact me that way before. Those poor people, beheaded
for the sake of keeping power and control, not minding the families theyd left behind, the futures theyd ruin. I wasnt really
surprised the world is filled with liars and murderers, people
who are prepared to kill just to protect what they think is right.
Its just that the infection has spread at our own back doors. But
one thing wasnt clear still<
Why are you telling me this? I said.
I just want you to understand, he said.
Understand what?
I thought you had a right to know, thats all. I thought
you would find it useful in the thing you and your friend do. I
couldnt talk back, terrified with the price I might pay for such a
huge discovery. Now go deliver those papers to the general,
and come back to me afterwards.
Y< yes, sir. Right away.
Wait, I never got your last name.
My mind scrambled to quickly come up with a decent
unsuspicious name. Walker, sir, I said.
He looked at me intently. Walker, huh? Well then Private Ryan Walker, Ill see you later.
The door was at my arms reach when he interrupted me
again. Do you have a boyfriend? he said.
Excuse me? Considering his age, that was a disturbpg. 306

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ing, almost sickening, question.

Of course you do. You have no idea how lucky you are
to have him. Yet hes the one who brought you to this.
Im just gonna go sir, I said. Finally, I got out of his
luxury and walked away, completely stunned with what might
be the biggest revelation the world would ever know of, at the
same time relieved that my fears of being fucked didnt come
true. I just dismissed the other things he said as side effects of his
disintegrating brain. This might just be the news that would
shape the whole decade. The whole system would crumble, governments would topple, power would be shifted, and the world
would be stirred. A revolution would erupt. But perhaps more
troubling was the fact that he shared such extremely sensitive
information to me, a nobody. It might be that his aging libido
made him say those things to impress me, but he was too busy of
a man to do that. And for some reason, he kept on assuming I
knew what he was talking about, which made me think of a dark
possibility.
I glanced at the papers, a comprehensive list of all the
weapons and ammunition delivered to the base. The logo of the
company gave me a dose of dj vu. Then, the name patch on
my uniform stole my attention. I didnt even notice it was there.
And in big capital letters, it said, ROGERS.
Oh shit.

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Chapter

18.
WITH MY HEAD looking down,I walked as quickly as I could
from the plane to the generals quarters. My throat dried from
the amount of air I inhaled. He knew I was lying; he might have
already alerted the whole base and at any moment, the thousand
guns of the base would come hunting my ass, but everything
that happened suggested otherwise. He shouldve just trapped
me back there if he wanted me captured, but instead he told me
perhaps the biggest lie of recent history as if it was some small
talk and let me live to deliver worthless papers to the traitor. He
wanted me to know that conspiracy to understand something,
and for the thing that I do. It was too much; my head could no
longer take the sheer complexity of my situation, made even
worse by the fact that in less than eleven hours, the whole of
planet Earth would soon become a desolate rock floating in the
abysmal space, not to mention the bastard soldier who wanted
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to rip my body open.

Hangar four housed the tanks and large Humvees, arranged in the back like ducks flying south for the winter. In the
entrance were the battle-scarred machines being put back together, the damages of which made it seem that the army went
through a hell of a fight against the rebels last night. One of the
tanks got its tracks soaked with slimy red fluid and traces of
muscle and skin; it apparently ran over and squashed someone.
Another was completely covered with blood and pieces of entrails. In a brief flash I was transported back to my bloody
dream, blood and fingers and veins and torn heads right in front
of my eyes. I ran away with saliva pouring out of my mouth,
until I bumped into someone.
Hey, watch where youre going!
Im sorry, Im sorry, I said, still puking out. The soldier then shoved the hat off my head and paid me a closer look,
so did the others with him. He was half-naked, coal staining his
six-pack abs and his uniform hanging on his shoulders, and
slightly shorter than his companions. His head looked squashed,
his face rather cleanly shaved. He exposed his rather attractive
armpits and biceps. My chest pumped chaotically, and not on
that account.
I dont recognize your face. What infantry are you?
No, I< I am new here. Im with< Mr. Neumann, the
supplier of your weapons. I was just taking this inventory list to
the general.
Seeing a girl they could potentially get laid with, his
companions of varying skin color came for me while showing off
their big chests and wide smiles, until the guy pushed them off.
It was then his turn, his tone suddenly changing to a very sweet
one. Im Captain Brian Lock, commander of the Lion battalion,
at your service. Can I help you with those papers maam?
No, theres no need to, I said, irritated but just a tiny
bit flattered actually. Besides our commune in the headquarters,
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I have never been surrounded with many men, all grinding

against each other for the ultimate prize.
Come on, you look like you have been in pain. Let me
carry those for you. I can give you a ride to General Marcus.
Please, I dont need your help! Leave me alone. His
companions went on to boo on his failed attempt to get me. I
made it through him but men are such persistent creatures.
His office is at least a quarter-of-a-kilometer from
here, he said. Now, I wont forgive myself if I see a beautiful
lady walking that long.
I can walk by myself.
Can you at least give me your name, Miss< Rogers?
Whoa, whoa. Ill take some of that action, somebody
screamed from the back, slowly walking towards us. His voice
immediately flared my memory, and I knew if he ever saw even
a tiny square inch of my face, he would beat and fuck me to
death like he almost did last night.
Shes not yours to take, Gideon. We saw her first.
You know you dont have the cock big enough for that.
Or maybe we could share her, come on.
Slowly, I grabbed my hat and suppressed my tension as
far as I could. As per the situation, my ears rang again. I was expected to respond violently to his offensiveness, but the threat of
death made me freeze.
Shut your goddamn mouth, said Brian. Shes with
Neumann. And dont even say a fucking word about my cock.
Then why is she on our uniform, eh? The men moved
back when I felt the bald soldiers aura coming close to me, until
I felt his hands pressing on my shoulder. Whats your name,
missy? When I didnt respond, he pressed his hands on me
even harder. I said, whats your name?
Leave her alone, Gideon!
The situation called for decisive measures. Im going to
tell Mr. Neumann about this, I said, not looking at him.You
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will be sorry if you ever touch me again.

I apologize, maam, he said, lightly.I thought you
were one of us.
Thats the way you always treat women? You should
be ashamed of yourself, you asshole.
Oh shit, you got schooled Gideon, said the others. It
felt rather good to have tamed such a beast even with my back
turned on it. With the path cleared, I walked away, but Brian
proved his determination.
Come on, maam. Im just trying to help, he said from
his jeep. He was now on uniform. Just one ride. With my potential killer behind, I had to give up my hard-to-get play. His
vehicle was reminiscent of the classic war jeeps of the great wars:
no roof, clear windshield, almost bare interior and big enough
for at most five persons only. As he started the engine, I saw the
piercing stare of Gideon, who immediately walked away with
his men back to hangar six, at which time I knew he already
knew who I was.
You have to forgive him, Brian said. Being a total
asshole has its perks on the battlefield. Hes one of our best soldiers around here.
Can you go faster? I have to get the fuck out of here. I<
I mean, get these papers signed right away.
Of course, of course. Just hold on tight. He immediately obeyed as expected of him. I removed the camera from my
pocket. So, can you tell me your name?
Ryan< Ryan Wa< Rogers. Ryan Rogers.
Damn, quite a name for a woman.
Hey, can I ask you something? I said, pressingly. Do
you know someone named Kevin Jacobs? He said hes been deployed in Iran. Hes a friend of mine.
No, Im sorry. He must be from another battalion.
Are all the infantries here now?
Yeah, everyone except the Hawks. Theyre still outside
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cleaning up our trash and checking what might remain of the

enemy. Maybe thats where your friend is in, he said. Is he
your boyfriend or something?
Is the offensive over? I interrupted his stupid question. Are you all getting out of here soon?
Well, yeah. The general said last night was the final
blow. We managed to completely wipe out the rebel forces.
Were ready to go this afternoon, but I think the equipments and
the wounded will go ahead today.
You were fighting the rebels?
Yes of course. Who else is the enemy? he said. He had
no idea. The resistance wasnt actually that tight as I expected.
Almost half of us didnt even get our guns fired. The air guys
took much of the work for us.
Where did you fight?
The attack load is divided among the six infantries. My
battalion, Lion, the Eagle and the Hawk got assigned within five
clicks from the perimeter of the base. The other three, the Beast,
Empress and Stallion fight further out in the city and maybe
beyond. Let me tell you, these militias are brutal. They fucking
rush to our tanks like kamikazes, you know, the suicidal Japanese pilots. They run to our tanks and cling to them, then they
blow themselves to bits. A bomb must have been implanted inside them. Some were just kids and women. They were tossing
them from the top of buildings like bombs.
Jesus Christ. We passed the hangar numbered three,
and parked underneath its large metal bearings, a Humvee with
intestines hanging by the back wheel churned my stomach.
I hear that the rebels are shooting people in the streets
like theyre just some deer, you know. They capture women and
rape them, all others they torture and kill. I mean, how could
they do that to their own people?
I dont know.
But they fight like usual renegades, brutal yeah but
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All She Lost.

pretty much just your normal average untrained rebels. Most of

the time, we were just strolling around. My battalion didnt even
have any casualties, something I like to attribute to my cunning,
you know.
My stomach started aching, as if my guts got pushed
against something solid, which might be attributable for his bullshit cunning or the guts hanged on the car. Are you okay? he
said. Just as quickly, the pain faded away.
Im fine. So apparently, they slaughtered the militia
forces last night, but that shouldnt be the case if the general and
the rebels were co-conspirators. It was still of no sense.
What exactly do you do for Mr. Neumann? How much
do you earn? Must be really high, yeah, with his company is the
largest supplier of weapons in the world?
Not much, I said. I< Im his personal secretary.
Why are you in our uniform? Arent you supposed to
be in a tuxedo or something?
He insisted me to wear this so I wont be stared at by
men like you, but I guess it failed.
He smiled. Unfortunately, it did.
A brief blow of stench made me almost puke all over the
car. What the fuck is that smell? Jesus!
That must be from the burning compost over there behind hangar two. A few weeks ago, the general erected walls
behind that hangar for something. Then that stinking smoke just
rose, and it turned out not just some but all of our shit is smoldered in there. Get it? He laughed over his senseless joke. Faint
gunshots seemed to emanate from the same place.
Dont worry about that, he said. Theyre just practice
shootings. I know, pretty weird for this time of day, but its their
exercise. And we have a lot of spare ammo.
Can I ask where do you keep your prisoners?
Whoa, we dont keep prisoners of war around here. Its
against the some convention I think. Besides, we have a shoot-topg. 313

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kill order. No time for interrogations. I mean, how can you interrogate those rebels if they want to blow themselves all up?
You have a ban for American civilians, right? Where do
you keep the ones you caught?
Ryan, youre making me pretty uncomfortable with the
things you ask me for, he said, still smiling. Did Mr. Neumann
tell you to have the base background-checked?
Im< just curious. Come on, at least we have something to talk about while on this long journey.
The generals office is right up ahead, dont worry. But
if you say so, I think the guys cage them underground, beneath< I think hangar three back there, or maybe hangar two. I
heard that we caught two journalists and an Iranian last night.
Today, they should be shipped out this country to Guantanamo
Bay. Poor sons of bitches, those three are.
Iranian? I said. I mean, did you see the prisoners?
No. Gideon and his men took care of them, and theyre
the ones who bag our captives assess to Guantanamo.
Is Guantanamo that really harsh?
Oh, you have no idea, he said. Its in the middle of
the equator, so if the poor supply of food and water or the brutal
prisoners doesnt kill you first, the searing heat will. I mean, the
wardens will serve you nothing but garbage two times a day and
only three cups of water every day. Even me, I dont think I
could survive that. He just gave a haunting picture of what I
risked for going here, but none of that mattered in the face of an
even worse fate that would come for all less than half a day from
then.
The car stopped right by a large tank parked in front of a
large brown tent marked with four stars, the generals rank. Its
roof was anchored on the rusty beams of hangar two and the tall
communications tower on the other side. Before I got out, a large
rocket launcher with a sphere and two streamlined torpedoes on
either side, mounted on a sturdy block, being pulled into hangar
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two caught my attention. What the hell is that?

Thats an anti-rocket rocket launcher, the pride and joy
of the general, he said. We call it full metal kick-ass. That big
ball in the middle points lasers to a rocket or nuclear warhead or
any bird in the sky, and those bad boys blow the thing mid-air
with rockets. Pretty badass, huh? Courtesy of your company.
That thing can destroy nuclear warheads? I said.
Yeah, though we havent seen it in action but yeah.
You need to deploy it now.
What? What are you talking about?
I< nothing, Im sorry. I got out of the car.
Wait. Can I see you again later?
His eyes and lips were rather delectable, sparkling and
smooth like ice cream, in fact significantly more beautiful than
Chris. I would have let him take me to dinner for Chris to see
and thereafter make the two of them fight for my hand, if not for
the apocalypse coming for everyone. I thought Id let him help
me with everything but I would never know, he might give me
in to the traitor. I cant. Sorry, I said.
Can I at least get your number or something?
No, please you dont understand. You have to go.
Whats going on? Please, let me help you.
I felt he needed to know. The general, I said, close to
his face, hes working with the rebels.
What? What are you talking about?
I held his hand. I spoke stressfully. Hes going to deploy all the nuclear bombs in this country tonight. Please you
have to believe me. He will kill everyone! You have to help me!
Who are you really? he said.
I< Im a journalist. I wanted to speak
What? Youre one of the journalists we caught? You
escaped?
No, no, no, please. I need your help!
His radio suddenly turned on. Hey, commander, the
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general wants to see you and the other battalion officers.

He kept his gaze on me. Why? Cant it wait until the
conference in the Situation Room?
I dont know, but he says its urgent.
He looked at me. Please<
Sorry, I have to go.
You have to believe me!
Im so sorry. I need to leave. He left without a single
hint that he was going to screw my cover. My looks paid off to
steal his affection, which was enough to save me from being captured again, at least thats what I thought.
The heaven was well lit, glorified of day, and the base
fully awakened. Five or seven grey cargo planes each large
enough to carry an entire town lay on the far end of the base,
vehicles and equipment being delivered to them. Wounded personnel were pushed on metal beds to helicopters swirling wind
and dust in the middle of the base. My camera was still recording. I just have to get into the office, find the launch codes and
any clues to where Chris might be caged, get to that place and
retrieve him, find Kevin, and finally hitch our ride out of this
place, all while not getting myself caught. Mr. Neumann would
just have to get his stupid invoices himself.
This should be easy, I said. I hoped it really was.
The office was behind the rather shiny and hazel tank
that probably has never seen the darkness of war. And just as I
made it all the way to its end, I saw, standing right in front of the
door, the bald asshole and his men harassing another guard. I
pushed myself against the side of the tank, praying that they
never saw my skin.
Are you sure you didnt see her? the asshole said.
No ones been here since last night.
She should be here any moment now, boss. Dont worry about it. Well get that bitch.
Alright, you fucking stay here. Well go for a little hunt.
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You call when you get your hands on her, got it? You two find
Kevin. That assholes gotta be with that woman. Go! The stomp
of their boots sounded like the men ran out of my way, but in no
way that offered any form of relief in me. I just became a prey
trapped in the sea of predators all scrambling to hunt me down
and tear my body to pieces, with nothing but a miniscule and
most probably vain hope of getting out. And once again, my
curse would inflict death to another life that I hung onto. It
seemed that the world was closing in on me, trapping me with
nowhere to go, about to crush and obliterate all sparks of hope
and life.
I peeked behind the tank; only a rather thin-bodied soldier stood watch on the office. Inside, many personnel scrambled around scrutinizing papers and all sorts of communications
equipment. I could theoretically take him down, but twists of
fate might give me the disadvantage. I pressed my back again to
the tank, calculating other courses of action. Brian. For once I
regretted letting a man go off my sight; with a little more persuasion, he would me my ticket in. I ran to the front of the tank; his
car should still be within sight. Then, Gideon appeared out of
thin air. Laughing monstrously, he constricted my arms with his
large hands, immobilizing me.
Where do you think youre going, you bitch!?
Matched with a scream, I swayed my feet all the way up
to his balls, which made him grip my arms even stronger. He
lost his stance, and on the second time I crushed his nuts, he finally fell, screaming in pain. I turned around and another of his
men ran storming at me, and as if my mind has just overtaken
my conscious control of my body, I threw the papers to him like
a boomerang, the edge of the metal bar landing right in his eyes,
drops of blood moistening my cheeks. I ran to where my subconscious took me, overriding my physical limitations, and for a
few seconds of brain hyperactivity, I actually plotted out where I
was going. If I stormed right to the generals office, I would be
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trapped. If I turned back and ran to the middle of the base, Brian
would see me and hopefully go on to save his damsel on extreme distress, assuming that he didnt take my denial too seriously, but then again he would find out that I was a convict
and turn me over. On the side of the hangar was a door leading
inside the gigantic building. Before I realized any drawback
from this choice, my brain resumed normal processing speed,
and so I rushed to the only reasonable choice.
Inside were even more Humvees and tanks arranged in
a grid formation. A cargo truck was still pulling the anti-nuclear
weapon into the hangar, and amidst all the men delicately doing
the operation, I walked right through the warehouse unnoticed.
At places the floor made my head prone to severe trauma. I
pulled the camera out in light of the deadly chase, swerving all
over the place while on crawl. The holes of my head were pouring with all sorts of fluids. After the thousandth turn, I got to the
other end of the hangar, where another door waited for me.
There she is! My escape tactics proved bullshit. The
adrenaline rushing through my veins made it seem I ran at the
speed of light but their sights were somehow faster. The door led
me to a space filled with retired war machines, wrecked of rust,
stacked ammo crates and rusty steel bars. A large wall lay right
ahead.
You think you can get away from us?! You think you
can get out of this place alive?! Guess what! I will find you! I will
hunt you down! And Im going to tear you apart! You hear me?!
You got nowhere to run!
For several times, I got snagged on the sharp corroded
edges of the metal sea, each time driving me close to insanity,
but nonetheless I kept running, even with absolutely no sense of
where I could be heading and no assurance I would get away
from them. Everything was falling apart. I was near the point of
no return, the end of the line.
The wall was monstrous, of the same kind used to keep
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away zombies from the last sanctuary of humankind. Foul and

unbearable was the smell. I ran through the expanse of the structure, the screams of death closing behind me, but any door to
salvation was nowhere until, out of perhaps some intervention
from the universe, I found a tarp covering a crack big enough for
me to get through. After a minute of wait inside and all my run
finally paid off. I somehow got away.
My arms and legs were shaking, weakened from the
adrenaline overdrive, and my throat was as dry as the dust
bowl. All over me were large rusty metal panels as high as the
wall itself. The perpetual ringing weakened the sound but I still
heard what seemed like screams and gunfire on the other side of
the wall. The smell was of rot and char. Intrigued and with nowhere else to go, I walked through what turned out to be an intricate maze until I found a bent panel. Through a hole, I saw
many people, apparently local Iranians, in a single file, crying
and flailing around, their arms all tied up. There were, of all ages
and condition, men, women and children, even pregnant ones
and babies. Every gunshot made them scream and bend their
knees to the ground, at which time men in black masks would
shove their large guns at their faces. The line extended to the
other side of the panel, so I moved to find another vantage point.
Gunshots were endless, and that time I could also hear something burning.
The path led me to a hole in a wall of a small room filled
with weapons and ammunition of all sizes. A large sniper rifle
surrounded by smaller pistols and machine guns lay on a table
in the center, an American flag was stuck on the wall, gallons of
gas piled on the corner, and a lot of black masks stuffed on a
box. Before I could look out the window, the knob on the door to
the other side started creaking. I turned back the way I came,
closing it with the carton panel, just in time before two soldiers
walked right in. I shivered in fear. The men sounded British,
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dowed with what I would hear next.

Jesus, how long would it take for us to finish this?
I dont know. I saw three trucks parked outside before I
came here.
Three? Fucking shit, thats still a lot of people to kill.
I mean, did you see the whole shitload of people trying
to break in here to evacuate? Boss wants to kill them all.
Do we have enough ammo?
The boss just brought a new stash right now.
How about fuel?
Theres still a shitload in the back. Hey, why dont we
bring in the newbies here, you know for target practice.
I dont know. But maybe not. Theyre gonna piss their
fucking pants off if they see this. Maybe we should use the silencers now, yeah? These LMGs might be too noisy. Those idiots
outside might come to check us out. Boss dont want that.
Have it your way. Im still gonna use these bad boys.
The sound of the bullet makes the whole experience more immersive, you know. Besides, the wall is tall enough, and they all
think were practice shooting.
Hey, how much did the boss promised you?
Seven hundred fifty thousand dollars.
Dont fucking lie to me. Rob says his was a million.
Its actually 1.3 million for me.
Son of a bitch, thats unfair. Why is mine eight hundred
thousand only?
Maybe you could use a little bit of sweet talking on
Neumann. I hear hes quite the generous guy.
Their voices finally disappeared, but that was nothing
with the chaos in my head over everything I just heard. But I had
to see it for myself. I looked through the window with my camera, and there I beheld the dark truth. Surrounded by the large
rusty metal panels was an expanse of soil, dug with three large
trenches, with perhaps a dozen soldiers positioned all around
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the area, holding large machine guns. They wore black masks
and, for some reason, the rebel uniforms that exposed their
bright white arms. The trenches were ablaze, but the men made
them burn even more with gallons of gasoline. The people, in
groups of five, were made to line in front of the burning pits, a
pregnant woman among them. Their cries pierced my heart.
And then, they open fire. Like puppets cut from their lines, the
bodies fell to the burning pit. I saw the belly of the pregnant one
explode just as she fell to the fire.
I was paralyzed, every bit of fiber in my body quivering
over the sheer cruelty I witnessed, but it proved too much to
bear. I dropped the camera on my side. As the guns continued to
blaze outside, I shrieked, sitting with my head clasped between
my thighs. My hands went all over me like a wild animal. My
head felt warmer, filled with blood about to blow out of me. I
was losing it. I was losing it. I could not take it anymore. The
death of that pregnant woman, and the heads of everybody I
killed, coalesced in a storm within my mind that made me see
the world turning upside down and sideways. All I could see
were blood, guts, torn fingers, blood, heads, children getting cut
in half, and even more blood. It was too much.
I knew it the moment I stepped out of his plane, which
put sense on his revelation of the biggest lie of the 21st century
and the uncanny feeling that he knew me. Jerry Neumann was
the traitor, I couldnt be more certain. That would explain why
the mark of his company was all over rebel territory. He wanted
me to understand his betrayal of his own motherland and his
plan to obliterate the civilization that man spent his whole history to build, to reset everything and found a utopia free from
what he referred to as evils. Obamas lies and barbarism might
be severe, in fact worthy for him to be hanged or executed
through firing squad, but not severe enough to justify Armageddon. Neumanns reasons must have extended over decades of
injustice and corruption and violence, but it didnt matter. The
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general must be his right-hand, another lunatic who shared his

twisted ends, ordering a genocide to eliminate every Iranian in
the country. The abundant nuclear stockpile of Iran mustve led
the traitor here, and Marcus connections with the rebel forces
allowed him to kill the president of Iran, acquire the map with
the launch codes, and then force the United States to bring the
generals troops to the country, who would take care of eliminating all possible enemies by butchering an entire race of people.
The rest would be put to end with the nuclear warheads. The
masked men I saw in every single brush with death that I had
throughout this assignment were the Americans in rebel disguise, which would make the people put the blame on the real
militias. The high remunerations clouded the moral judgment of
the soldiers to the extent that they would kill a whole mass of
people just for thousands of bucks. But something wasnt clear
still why the hell Neumann wanted me to come here?
Omar was right; the real enemy was the other way
around. I recalled his story when he was captured by the rebels,
who he discovered were fighting for their homes and families
against the real monsters. The entrails from the tanks outside
must be from the militia forces holding the genocide operation of
the American soldiers off. Though for much of Irans history
they too almost brought the citizens of the country to extinction,
they would prove to be the only one who could maintain the
country and their race. But the general, and therefore the traitor,
and the rebels were co-conspirators, so why the hell would they
fight one another?
The barrage of fire stopped and another group were led
to the pits. Crawling and still shaking from trauma, I moved out
before their screams could get into my head. I have to find Kevin
and perhaps Brian too. It appeared that not all of the army was
made aware of what they really signed up for, so with the added
bonus of his attraction to me, I could get him to help me find my
partner, hijack one of the helicopters and fly all of us out of here.
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And I have to do all that in ten and a half hours.

Other than the hole I came in from, there was another
door on the corner that might be my way out. But I would never
know. There was no other safe exit in the room than that hole.
When I got the carton out, I heard a Beethoven tune ringing from
underneath me; someone was calling. The Smartphone showed
an unidentified caller, which most probably was Neumann. I
opened the line nonetheless.
You fucking monster, I said. Why would you kill all
these people?
Holly! Thank God, youre okay.
I couldnt believe it. Chris? Jesus, are you okay? Where
are you?
Im fine, he said, whispering and breathing deeply. I
just got out of my prison cell. I think Im still underground.
Where are you? Are you okay? Are you still locked up?
No, Matts friend saved me. Im outside beyond the
wall and< the soldiers are killing them Chris, theyre killing all
the Iranians! The traitor, I know who he is.
Were gonna talk about that later. Now heres what I
want you to do. You go and wait for me on hangar two. Behind
the building should be the wall where you are right now, right?
Wait for me there. I have the launch codes.
But the general has them.
No, the real map has been with me all along. I gave you
a fake one from the underground facility.
No wonder he didn't listen to us!
Ill just explain later. Get the hell out of there and wait
for me on hangar two. I love you. I gotta go.
I felt rather rejuvenated with a new hope that came unexpected in my midst, a hope that made its way through the
thick walls of my despair, a hope that I never thought would
come for me again. The map was in good hands, which made
things easier by a million-fold. Just as I was about to put away
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the phone, I noticed the crosshair icon on the screen alternating

from dark to glowing for some reason. It has been like that since
I arrived in this shithole of a country. I got up and cleared my
way to the hole, until the door at the corner creaked. I placed the
cover back and hid under the table, which was wide enough to
cover my puny body, just as a heavy guy went into the room.
The sound of his steps pressing against the concrete floor was
familiar, and when I saw his bald head, I ran out of breath.
Hey! Gideon screamed to the men outside. You fuckers see a girl come in here?
No, why? Did your dick fall off and she got bored with
you or something?
I asked you a goddamn question, you asshole.
I did not see any girl you recently fucked with, okay?
Like a raccoon, I compressed myself to a ball, all while
fighting through the shivers to keep myself alive. I could hear
even the faintest sound in the room, even the dust that his boots
crushed on the floor. My eyes were opened wide, seeing all the
way to my peripheral sights. And sure enough, I saw my black
camera on the middle of the floor.
Gideon walked right in front of the camera when his
phone rang. Screams were about to break out from me. Hello?
Yes sir, Mr. Neumann< He then turned to me, his dark and
dusty boots pointing to where I was. The phones volume was
loud enough for me to hear the traitor.
You have her?
I dont have her yet sir, but I assure you she got nowhere to go. My men are looking all over for her.
You make sure you find that bitch or Im gonna make
you so sorry, you hear me? And find her fucking boyfriend too.
Yes sir. What do you want me to do with her?
I dont care. Fuck her if you want. Wait, no.If you see
that woman, I want you to make her suffer until she wants to
die, then Ill kill her myself after I kill everyone she loves. And
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the Iranian, get the codes from him and you can go do whatever
you want with him. Hes of no use to me anymore.
With pleasure sir.
And find Jacobs too and kill him. Ive had enough of
this fuck. Those sons of bitches think they can have the world for
themselves<
Yes sir. Ill make sure youll have her sir.
He turned off the call, but for some reason, he wasnt
moving, standing still and silent. He definitely heard something,
and soon enough, he moved around the table and stopped once
again on my other side. I bit my lip until it got torn apart just to
keep the fright within me. He stood there for too long, as if he
knew I was right underneath and he was just waiting for the
right timing to grab my ass away. But he didnt. The bastard
walked hurriedly out of the room, offering me a huge dose of
relief. He left the door open.
I faced a directional dilemma. If I went out the same way
I came in, I would go right at where Chris told me to go, but the
agents of death might be waiting for me outside. If I went
through that door, which would lead me underground, that motherfucker might sneak up on me again and end me once and for
all, but Chris was right down there. And something made me
think that I should find out the Iranian also incarcerated with
him. After weighing the good and the bad that each would bring
me, I went to the right way.

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Chapter

19.
IT GOT COOLERwith every step down the concrete stairs. The
new shoes provided noise-free stomps. Electric buzzing sounds
filled the rather clean and bright hallway down below.I felt my
insides vibrating from hunger, proving the sandwiches lacking.
The best and ideal case scenario that should and Id die to happen was that I would see Chris sitting in some room with the
map, waiting for me, and without Gideon chasing us, we would
sprint the hell out of this place to a helicopter or a cargo plane,
and buy the world a few more years. Albeit terrified to death, I
moved as natural and calm and swift as I could through the
mesh of hallways. Closed circuit cameras and other soldiers
wandering around threatened to blow my cover, which my hat
effectively averted. I was all but sure-footed, going left and right
then another right without any sense of progress.
The world kept collapsing in on me. The traitor wanted
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to kill Chris and Kevin dead, like Neumann wanted every single
person that Ive been with dead. It seemed like he knew wherever I went and whoever I was with. He probably has his eyes on
me right then. But if he did, he shouldve already sent the bald
one to rip me in half. I went on. I had to find my partner.
The trauma level my brain could handle reached its
maximum threshold to the point that I could see dead corpses,
dismembered and marinating in pure red blood, all around me.
It has turned into a drug that screwed my consciousness of space
and time. Aliyas head, all blown open, was hanged from the
ceiling. The loud cries of mercy from my slaughtered staff deafened me. Hordes of people being shot to death were raining on
me. No matter how much I shook my head, the hallucinations
were resilient, so did the smell of blood and burning flesh from
the slaughter house for some reason.At times, my consciousness
departed from my body back from that scene of carnage, only to
return when my head smacked against the wall. I went to a vacant room, all but clean and illuminated, and puked my guts out.
I cried again.
Times like this made me rethink if my actions were the
right thing to do, if mankind was really worth saving. Man is the
cruelest animal in existence, and in most cases, a disease that
needs to be eradicated. I remember what the villain in The Matrix
said per that notion. Man is more like of a virus, the beings resembling our nature more than monkeys or chimpanzees. Once
a virus gets its way into a computer, it multiplies and infects the
system, stopping no matter what, until it is rendered inert. Destruction is its only program, its only purpose. In the same way,
man multiplies and colonizes areas on the globe, exhausting all
that there is, at which point he moves out and finds another area,
until ultimately theres nothing and nowhere left to go, finally
meeting his inevitable doom. It might be for his survival, but it
comes with the price of destroying the only living space the
cosmos has made available for life. Man is a disease of the Earth
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that needs to be eradicated. Then again, I still wanted to live my

life to the fullest, not to be cut short by a nuclear holocaust,
something that, as big as it may seem, I actually have a chance of
stopping.
8:10 less than ten hours to the end of the world.
I sat against the wall of the cordoned off room. For some
reason, I felt heavier than normal, which might be from the puke
draining my energy out. As the tiny red light on my camera
caught my eye, I marveled at how that tiny little bastard that
was my camera survived grueling hours of nothing but pure
suffering and violence. Aside from the crack on the viewfinder
and another on the main casing, it still operated fine. I looked at
my face, my right eye indeed swelling and discoloring a bit. It
was even more shrunken than before, as if my insides were being sucked out of me, and the pimple perked up again, but I felt
less irritated than I normally would. This assignment has completely turned over its head. What was supposed to be a documentation of the war and how the people survived it became a
rescue mission to save the planet. Its almost ridiculous that a 23
year old-journalist nobody from some outskirt of Ohio would be
the one up against the apocalypse, the end of the world itself,
which was another thing that I never saw coming of me.
If I ever get the footage I caught out to the Web, a sensation unlike any other would emerge. I hoped the world would
change for the better with everything I discovered. For a week or
two, my name would be glorified on every media thereis, celebrated like a heroine in fact for saving the world from certain
doom, glory which unfortunately would never compensate with
losses I had. Like anyone who has enjoyed the peak of media
exposure, I would come crashing down into the oblivion of anonymity where no one would even know I existed. Right then I
would know the true price of everything Ive done, all my lies,
all my betrayals. It wasnt even certain that I was gonna make it
through the end. I guessed the only right thing to do was to try
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and give saving this planet a shot.

Unable to contain how much I missed Aliya, I looked at
my footages back in the hospital. I laughed at how she messed
around with my camera, making faces as she aimed it away and
back again on her face. There was no possible way I could forgive myself for what Ive done to her. I swore with my life to
give her the love and care she deserved, for me to be the mother
she wanted, to make her life and future brighter and away from
all this hell, but I brought nothing but death. I thought I could
protect her, but I was in no capacity for so; I was such a fool to
think that I could be my own woman. I stopped the footage before tears flood my eyes, but I was too late.
With the end in sight, I made what could be my last video diary. I tried to be unemotional but it proved impossible with
my feminine nature. I didnt want it to be my final farewell, but I
could never know, so it might as well be.Hi, its me again<
been quite a long time since Ive done this. As youve seen, Ive
been through some serious shit, and I have lost many of my
friends and family along the way. Uh< I gotta say this is the
worst experience I had in my entire career, in all my life in fact. I
swear to God Im never doing this shit again. Besides, all my
staff, my friends are dead because of me. Everybodys dead. If I
just turned back< I had many chances, but I kept on going, and
now Im all alone. Im so sorry! Though I know you will never,
but I hope you can forgive me. I swear to God, I never wanted
this to happen. That motherfucking monster brought me here.
He should be the one suffering like this. What the hell does he
want from me? Its already 8:17 and I have less than ten hours to
find my partner and Kevin and get the hell out of this place before that monster blows the whole world up. I gotta go, and< I
hope well all see each other again. I love you, mom and dad.
Jade and Carmen, take care of them for me will you?
I turned off the camera to give it some well-deserved
slack until a voice of a woman echoed in the hallway. All battapg. 329

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lion commanders, all battalion commanders, she said, please

report to the general in the situation room immediately for urgent matters. Your presence is a must. All other personnel, return to your stations and await orders. I repeat, all other personnel, return to your stations and await orders.
Just as I thought things couldnt get any worse, it did.
The general mustve called the meeting to orchestrate a manhunt
for me, further slimming my already microscopic chances of
survival. But that was my cue, in fact my only remaining cue.
With the bases authority concentrated on one place and the soldiers de-motivated with their trip home indefinitely cancelled,
everything should theoretically go without a hitch, provided that
that bald bastard and his men somehow died. Otherwise, if the
plan has already been laid out and my search still hasnt paid
off, I would be no better than a dead cold corpse, and so would
the world.
My anxiety made the air even cooler and my walk wobbly. With no other means to navigate, I stuck to going random
directions in the labyrinth, relying on my peripheral sight to find
where Chris cell was with my hat blocking my face. Not even a
single sign or direction or map made my life easier. I came
across the interrogation room where me and my partner might
have gotten our asses handed to us, a hallway of empty prison
cells, even more interrogation and torture rooms and a couple of
conference rooms. Some paths were left dark and abandoned,
proving the labyrinth larger than it seemed to me. The whole
place must be part of a subterranean system that ran throughout
the city used by guerillas during the war-torn days of Iran like
what Matt talked about.
Already, forty minutes have passed since I last looked at
my watch, like the universe was anticipating the doom of the
planet. I might have walked the entire expanse of the underground system before I came across something promising. The
smell of cigarette and liquor and the sound of heavy footsteps
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and murmurs suddenly filled my senses, signs of humanity close

by. At the end of the hallway I trod on, the battalion commanders walked in close unison going to my left. It might be fate, but I
saw Brian among them. My instincts wanted me to run for him
but that would prove to be an extremely stupid idea, now that
they would all soon hunt for me.
I turned to that direction, and by the door of the situation room were the bald motherfucker and his three other men.
There were five of them as I recalled. I have nowhere else to go
but right through them. That time, the laws of nature were absolutely stacked against me if I attempted to take them down. And
suddenly, of all the possible time, Beethoven sang on my phone.
Blood rushed to my head as I pressed every pocket to shut him
up, and as footsteps emanated from the other side, I made a run
for it. The hallway looked three times as long for some reason,
but I still managed to reach its end without them chasing after
me. I hid on a short path stacked with chairs and rubbish. Chris
was calling.
Holly, where the hell are you?
It seemed that I lost them. My heart wanted to break out
of me. Im at the underground near the situation room looking
for you.
I told you to wait for me on the hangar.
Where the hell are you?
Im already up here waiting for you, he said.
Im sorry, I said, burdened with what turned out to be
another bad decision. I thought youre still down here.
Just stay where you are. Im going down there.
How are you gonna find me?
He wont, a deep voice whispered to me. Then, it all
happened very fast. Gideon pulled and threw me to the floor,
the camera and Smartphone skidding down further, and then
kicked my feet so hard that my bones vibrated. Another of his
men, the one whose eyes I messed up, rushed and stomped on
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my back. It proved very gratifying for them, like beating another

human being to death was such a fun thing to do. I couldnt
stand, my legs and back too bruised to support me. Pulling myself with my arms to somehow avert the coming end, I screamed
for help like a fool as he slowly walked towards me. I heard his
zipper being pulled down.
You thought you could get away from me, do you?
Please, let me go! Please! Help me!
You will never get away from us. We always see where
you are. No ones coming for you. Youre all alone, and youre
all mine, he said, as if savoring a meal to come. Ive been waiting for this moment. Now, youre gonna wish you havent been
born! Come on, boys! We have ourselves a feast!
The four of them grabbed every one of my appendages
and dragged me on the hallway like a pig for butchering to the
nearest empty room they could find. They laughed like devils in
the lair of Satan himself, their teeth grinning and their mouths
literally drooling over the illicit indulgence they were about to
have. The one with the messed eyes held my feet, his hands caressing my legs up to the middle of my crotch. I begged for mercy until my veins broke. Perhaps the entire subterranean system
echoed with my screams of despair and mercy, but it did nothing. Help was too late. It was my end.
Then, they threw me to a cold dark room, the full weight
of my body crushing my arms. Gideon turned me over and knelt
by my crotch, instantly rendering me inert. I couldnt move my
hips and legs with the sheer weight of his body, or reach for his
eyes for me to pluck them out with his sheer size. The others
surrounded me, removed their nightmarish-smelling clothes and
undergarments, and started jerking off to perk up their dicks as
the bastard ripped open my uniform to reveal my breasts and
puny shape. He then undressed himself, revealing his insanely
hairy chest and similarly hairy crotch with his erection looking
through. They tore the top of my pants and panties to pave a
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way for their fucking. I was helpless. Any form of resistance met
with a violent beating. The whole time I convulsed, shaking and
thrashing as hard as I could to lose their grip on me. It was
beyond a nightmare, a dream which I would rather die than experience.
Youre mine, he said, his face monstrous and eager to
eat me up. Dont worry, I wont kill you. Neumann will do that
for himself. I will keep you alive, but just barely.
He went on to grasp and massage my rather stiffened
breasts while repeatedly and rigorously piercing my vagina with
his erection, all while moaning like a dog. The others kept on
rubbing their horrifying genitals on my breasts and skin, traces
of semen pouring out of them. I really wanted to fucking die in
that moment. The one with the messed-up eyes pushed the bald
bastard as he was about to enter orgasm, and went on to push
his penis within me. Gideon punched him, and he landed over
my body, his erection still lodged deep within me, like it had
pierced all the way to my back. The bastard lifted and pushed
him to the side, and fucked me again. Weird enough, in some
moments, it actually felt good his penis rubbing against my
womanhood and his hands pressing on my breasts perhaps
due to this being a biological womanly need, but it was overwhelmed with the nightmare they were doing to me. He moved
faster and faster, digging deeper and deeper, and licked every
single square inch of my body, his saliva drowning my skin.
Then the next one did the same, and the next, and the next. It
was my end until, in an act of divine providence, I heard someone screaming.
Then, on top of me, Gideons head exploded in blood,
drowning all of my body. A long metal bar cut his face in half all
the way down to his open mouth, revealing the curves of his
brain, red blood squirting all over. I just trembled uncontrollably. I felt his penis got pulled out as he collapsed to the ground.
The warm blood marinated my skin and blocked my sights, but I
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heard screaming, choking and then bodies falling to the bloodsoaked floor. Somebody was killing the motherfuckers off while
I lay naked and bloody, screaming and terrified from the nightmare I just endured. Then, after the last scream faded away,
somebody rushed to hug me tight.
Holy shit, Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry, Holly. It was
Chris, also on a soldier disguise. He was breathing loud and
deep. I should be rejoicing and ecstatic with salvation finally
within my arms embrace, but the trauma left no room for such
feeling. I didnt really feel him touching me. My crotch was
warm and swollen, the rest of my body burning in pain. I wasnt
really there with him, like my consciousness departed from me.
Please forgive me. I shouldve been here for you. Im so sorry,
Holly! It wasnt the first time I got pierced with a dick, but it
did convince me to never have it again, in fact to never fucking
breathe at all. I wailed in his arms, a desperate call for the universe to end me. The only reason that I was still alive was to live
my life up to its supposed end, not to be cut off by some lunatics
vision of world purification, but if the rest of my existence would
be filled with suffering like this, what would be the point?
The men and the bastard all lay dead spilling and soaking with blood on the floor, pieces of metal sticking in their flesh.
They were finished but for some reason, I could still feel their
members going through me, their bodies piled on top of mine.
Half of Gideons sliced face was right at me, but for some reason
my eyes locked on him, until he blinked. I was frightened, and
like a schizophrenic I rushed and pushed myself to the corner of
the room. Chris came back with some clothes, but even to him I
freaked out.
Come on, put this on, please, he said. We need to get
out of here.
No, no, no, no, no. I dont want to do this anymore.
We are going to die if we dont get out of here.
I dont care! I dont care! I said. Just leave me here
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alone please! I cant do this, okay?

You dont understand.
What else there is to understand?! The planets going to
get destroyed no matter what. And I cant take more of this fucking shit, Chris! Were dead. Were already dead before we even
die! So whats the fucking point?!
I cant lose you, okay? he said. I swore to my life that
I would get you out of here, and Im gonna marry you remember? We have a shot to make things right, to save everything and
everyone. It doesnt have to end that way. Look, all we need
now is to get the hell out of this place and show the world everything that we saw, nothing else. Its almost over. Its all gonna be
okay.
Okay? How about my parents, my friends, everybody
that I killed?! Can you bring them back from the grave? Its never gonna be okay, Chris!
What the fuck do you want me to do?!
I want you to stay with me, never leave me alone! Im
tired of being alone and I dont know what am I gonna do! Dont
leave me alone
He hugged me again. Of course, of course. I promise Ill
never leave your side ever again. Ill never let anything like this
happen to you anymore. Promise. My quivering was strong
enough to shake his body, but his caress and warmth proved
quite a remedy.
What are we gonna do now?
I saw cargo planes being loaded with equipment and
taking off outside. We could hitch a ride in one. I have the map
with me. But get dressed first. Are you okay?
He clearly had no idea what being fucked by four monsters felt like. My legs were numbed, my breasts swollen from
the intense massaging. I pulled back my pants, and suddenly my
stomach screamed in pain again, like my guts were being pulled
to a single point inside me. I caressed my belly, and there it was
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again, the enigmatic bump.

What the hell is that? he said.
I< I dont know. I dont know.
Is it painful?
What the fuck does it look like?
He did it to you. That son of a bitch! he whispered.
What? What are you talking about?
Come on, lets get you out of here.
After checking outside, my partner had me on his
shoulders and we walked back the way he came, which turned
out to be the only hallway left for me to walk through. The camera and Smartphone lay on the floor and escaped a bloody bath,
but before I could pick up the phone, Chris stepped on it.
What the hell is wrong with you?! We have nothing
else to call with!
Just trust me. I shouldnt have brought it.
Whats going on?
Lets just go! Come on!
It took a couple of steps before blood flowed through my
legs again and the sensation returned; it took a couple more before the whole of my consciousness came back. No backups
stormed to us, perhaps due to de-motivation, and the conspicuous soldier carrying a mysteriously wounded personnel that
was us moved swiftly through the hallway. For some reason, not
a single soul took post on the situation room.
Voices reverberated loudly from inside the conference.
< we sure about these new intel, General?
Wait, Chris said, stopping by the fiberglass door.
What the hell are you doing? I whispered, stressfully.
Im gonna listen for a bit.
Theyve been proven correct by reconnaissance ops.
The general, I recognized.
Theyre gonna kill us here! Please we have to go.
Just a minute, please.He then aimed the camera to the
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glass window of the door and left me trembling with the chance
that soldiers might suddenly pop up and bag our asses again.
< we dont have enough firepower to support another
full-blown attack. Weve wasted everything last night with that
erroneous tip. Our soldiers are tired and frankly have had
enough of this thing.
We understand commander, Neumann said, but isnt
it better to end this thing once and for all and kill those sons of
bitches now than be deployed here again?
General, with all due respect, why is the president of a
weapons corporation present in this meeting?
Because commander, I happen to be the one who obtained these new intel. We have satellite capabilities beyond anyones reach. And I assure you, those motherfuckers are there.
Holly, look at this, Chris said, looking at the scope of
the camera. Theyre gonna launch another attack on the rebel
hideouts. This war isnt over. Turned out I was wrong. Come to
think of it, a couple of journalists were not such a big target for
the commanders to go hunt and waste time and men for. And
apparently too, they have no idea what Neumann and the general were really planning to do.
Lets go, come on please! I said. He didnt listen.
What you think we should do, Jerry? said the General.
Do you still have to wait? Right now is the time to attack. They dont know that we have their true locations. Its a
fucking guaranteed win. And I have all the weapons you would
ever need. I just brought a new stash right now<
You said you know who the traitor was, right? Chris
said.
Its that guy talking, Jerry Neumann, I said. The general must be working with him. Hes the president of a military
corporation called G4S. Price must have stolen the map from
them.
He looked intently through the window. Oh Jesus Chrpg. 337

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ist, that sick fucking bastard. Hes gonna kill all of them.
What?
Who the hell are those two? the commander said.
American journalists we apprehended last night, said
one soldier. They escaped and still at large.
I saw our faces flashed in the screen inside. I felt my
blood got drained. Turned out I was right. Oh shit, shit! Theyre
going to hunt us down!
Hes going out. Hes coming out, come on! We rushed
to the end of the hallway. My feet have fully regained sensation
but the joints at my pelvis were still a killer; those bastards dicks
mustve mushed everything within. I couldnt bring my legs together, and so I trod like a penguin. The whole place seemed
deserted and no soul whatsoever came across us, an extremely
good thing. I could still feel the bump on my stomach. We
stopped on the intersection as we heard the door slam and as
Neumann talked over his phone. Suppressing the pain of my
body proved a tall order, but Chris plugged my mouth with his
still bloody hands.
Gideon? Come in, you son of a bitch< He apparently
still had no idea. Where are they? < What? How the fuck could
you lose them? < This place is packed with fucking idiots. Get
everything ready to leave < Let me take care of those codes and
just do your fucking job. He should be talking about his attempt for Armageddon, which was nine hours and fifteen minutes away by then.
How many units did Obama dispatch to other countries?<Fuck that bastard, thats not enough. Slaughter another
ten volunteers and make it more gruesome as possible, you understand? We need their entire military. He was a real fucking
monster; he butchered Americans to induce the president to
bring him more firepower. Have you delivered the bomb here?
< Theyre out of the deal. They didnt agree to my terms. Kill
any of his emissaries if you see them. Ill go kill that old fool and
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his people. We cant let them take everything from us<

Motherfucker, Chris said, as if devastated. Motherfucking son of a bitch.
What did he say?
Nothing. Come on. We have to go.We moved as the
door got slammed. The hallway echoed with our loud breaths
and the sound of our shoes skidding on the rather shiny floor. I
had the camera on my hand. My heart beating so hard from the
fact that we have just become wanted fugitives rejuvenated me.
I talked to him, I said. I didnt know he was the traitor. He explained to me why he wanted to destroy everything.
He said Obama himself created ISIS to gain him control of the
Middle East, something like that.
What? Did he know who you are?
I dont know, but I think he does, but I dont know. He
just talked to me, and he didnt really mention stuff about me.
Good thing he didnt kill you.
Thats what Im wondering about. He wanted me to
know why he was doing it, but he didnt really say that. I dont
know.
Where did you meet Matts friend? Chris said. Where
the hell is he?
I dont know. That bald one was about to take me to his
cell when he took me away and brought me to his room. We
talked about stuff that he knows and then he left. He got dispatched to war. He gave me a walkie-talkie but he hasnt called.
Ive been looking everywhere. He said hell find us a way out.
We cant wait for him. Cant you call him now?
I dont know how to use it, I said. I gave it to him as
per the necessity. Still walking towards the end, he turned some
dials on the phone and called Kevin. We then reached the end of
the hallway, and to the left were the stairs leading up the ground
finally at reach. But before I could reach salvation, my stomach
cried in pain and made me fall on my weight. A drill seemed to
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be boring a hole though my body. Chris pulled me away from

the sights of security cameras. Every time I breathed, fire burned
though my guts. Those motherfuckers have messed my insides
big time. Chris couldnt offer any comfort.
Come on, just a little longer.
I cant do it, I said.
Wait, wait< Kevin? Kevin! Its Chris. Where are you?
I pulled my shirt up and tried pushing the bump in
where the pain emanated, but it was too much to bear. It was
definitely solid and of a size larger than I could possibly swallow
with. It could only be a cancerous tumor, but the fact that my
lineage was clean of any genetic infirmity made that possibility
unlikely, but maybe I was the lucky one. I wish it was truly a
tumor.
He wants to talk to you.
Kevin? Its me. Where are you?
The static messed his words but not enough to make
them a bunch of gibbers. We just got back, he said. Im right
outside hangar four. You got Chris?
Yeah. The pain finally subsided after a few
groans.Listen to me, the whole armys onto us! Theyre going to
hunt us down! What are we gonna do?
Just stay there and dont get out. Im coming for you.
Its Neumann, the supplier of your weapons. He is the
traitor. I heard him. He wants you dead. You have to come with
us right now!
Alright, there are a bunch of helicopters in front of
hangar two. Meet me there in fifteen minutes. And Holly, about
that hospital<
Yeah, you saw the children? How are they? I held my
breath, expecting the only answer I wanted to hear.
I< Im sorry. The buildings intact but I didnt find anyone inside. I think the rebels took them. Im sorry, Holly.
My face got pulled down. Are you sure? Did< did you
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search the building further? They have to be in there. They have

to be in there. I promised. I promised Ill come back for them!
Im so sorry, Holly. I searched every room in that place,
even the basement. They were not there. And so, devastation
got triggered in me once again.
Come on, theres nothing you can do, Chris said, hugging me. There is nothing you can do. It seemed like a bad
thing to say but he couldnt be any more correct. I knew theyd
be dead all along. Chris took the phone. Well see you in fifteen.
Cant we just kill him?
What are you talking about?
Neumann. Throw a fucking grenade in there and that
motherfuckers done.
Then what? The whole armys gonna come down here
and shoot us both? This is the best thing we can do.
Were gonna fail. No matter what we do, hes always
one step ahead of us, like he knows where we are.
Not anymore. He doesnt know where we are.
How the hell can you know?
Just trust me, okay?
Ive been trusting you this whole fucking time and look
at where it took me! I trusted you to follow that fucking map of
yours, and it brought me in this pile of shit!
I know its my fault. Holly, I< Im so sorry I have to
put you through all this. Im so sorry.
Are you hiding something from me? What the hell are
we really doing here? Where did you get that fucking map?
Holly, listen to me. He moved closer to me. I love
you. I love you, you know that. I would never do anything to
put you in harms way.
What the hell is really going on? I shrieked. Please,
just tell me, Chris. I cant take this anymore. I hate this fucking
place! Please! Take me out of here!
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Its gonna be over soon, I promise you, he said, and I

swear, you will never get hurt again, ever. I will protect you, I
will never let you get hurt. Were all gonna be saved, I promise.
A scream from deep through another hallway interrupted us. I did not contest against Chris going to check it out,
despite the fact the whole army would soon be hunting our asses
down. The voice was uncannily familiar, in fact of someone I
knew who recently died. With the pain in my stomach eased and
my feet perfectly capable of carrying me again, I followed Chris
through the dim hallway. At the end of the hallway was another
leading to an opened door into which the voices came from. I
could hear another voice, rough and of a large man, and then a
scream, and another scream, apparently of someone getting a
hell of a beating. Chris picked up a long metal rod on the floor.
Please! Please, stop! I have to talk to your boss. This is
very much important, please!
I dont give a fuck! You just have to give those things to
me. You are no longer needed.
But we had a deal! We had a deal!
Shut the fuck up!
I stood still on a distance as Chris was on a fighting
stance behind the door, holding the metal bar like a pitcher. No
other soul was around us. Then, after breathing deep to his soul,
he rushed into the room and from the screams of agony I heard,
he beat the shit out of the other guy. I didnt think he needed
help, considering he just slaughtered four monsters in my presence. I never thought of him being capable of such violence, but
it might be because of love, that socially acceptable form of insanity that drives the alter egos of people up from the deepest
abyss of their subconscious, which triggered him.
Holly, come in here!
I ran to the door as fast as I could, anticipating to see
someone I knew I myself was responsible for his death but still
miraculously lived through it. And beside the corpse of perhaps
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another of Gideons men was him, lying on the floor, blood and
bruise contrasting his really pale skin, still on his traditional
Muslim rug dress.
You son of a bitch.

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Chapter

20.
HOW? WE THOUGHT you were dead! How in the world did
you get here? That was the first thing I said to our Iranian
chauffeur, which seemed rude considering he lay on the floor
next to being dead. The sight of his all bruised up face lifted a
slightly significant block of guilt off me; I couldnt be happier. As
Chris pulled and hid the dead one on the side of the room, I tried
to ease our guides pain the way I knew without any kits whatsoever.
The rebels didnt kill me, he said, breathing heavily.
After they killed all the people in town, they left me for dead in
the desert. I had nowhere else to go but here. Im so sorry, Holly.
I know I promised you Im gonna be with you, but I broke that. I
hope you can forgive me.
Just shut up, I said. You did more than enough.
Please tell Judd that Im so sorry.
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Hes dead, Omar. Hes< dead.

Oh my God, Im so sorry, he said. This job has taken
so much from you. He clearly had no idea.
You really have to fucking tell me that?! Just let me fix
you, okay? I spiked up again, like twenty-five seconds after I
saw him got resurrected from the dead. Look, Im so sorry. Im
really happy to see you again, Omar. I really thought I killed
you.
I forgive you. Thank you Chris for saving my life.
Dont mention it. Never thought Id see you again.
Me too, my friend. We sat him up on a chair, after
which I went on ripping cloth to shreds and wrapping his
wounds with them as tight as I could, the best thing to do with
wounds and lacerations as far as I knew. Purple discolorations
were all over him. I wiped every stream of blood flowing out of
his skin. Both of his pinkie fingers got cut off in half. Apparently,
we got to him just in time.
How long have you been here? I said.
I came last night.
The armys bombing the hell out of the city last night,
Chris said. Good thing you got through that. Did you walk all
the way from that town up to here?
I hitched a ride for a few times, Omar said. Hows
your stomach Chris?
Dont worry. Its all stitched up.
What? I dont remember stitching that, I said. Who
did that to you?
The< hospital where you found the kids, remember?
he said.I think I should call Kevin right now.
Who is Kevin?
He is a friend who works in this base, I said.Hes
gonna help us get out of here.
No, Omar said. I cant get out of here yet.
What are you talking about? This is a very dangerous
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place. I almost fucking died here several times. Now the soldiers
are gonna hunt us down!
You have to go on your own. I need to do something.
What?! He wants you dead Omar, dont you understand that? What the hell could be more important than your
life? And the whole world? I said. Listen, I know now who the
traitor is, an American. He used the army to start this war. Those
rebels on the streets, theyre the American soldiers in disguise.
They are killing every single man, woman and child in this country. I saw it myself! He killed my parents and every single person Ive met in my life! Chris finally contacted Kevin, and he
went out for a better reception. We have the launch codes. We
need to get out of here! The world needs to know about this. He
wasnt looking at me. Please, you have to come with us!
He then held my arms with his trembling bloody hands,
and faced me with such a terrified face. No, you dont understand. Hes going to kill you. Hes gonna find you no matter
what. Hes relentless, he has no soul, and he cannot be stopped.
He controls everything. You have to go!
Wait< you know Neumann? I said. You know the
traitor?He let go and turned away from me again, silent.
Im sorry, Holly.
Stop saying sorry and answer my goddamn question!
He cried. I didnt mean for this to happen to you.
For the love of God, answer me!
I know him, alright! I met him long before I met you,
he said. He told me to go pick you up from the airport and take
you to the nuclear warehouse. You caught me a few times when
he called.
You work for that monster? Once again, he went silent. You lied to us?!
No, you do not understand
Then explain yourself!
What the hell is going on? Chris interrupted the inquipg. 346

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sition. Omar was pouring but by no means pitiful, with his true
allegiance in doubt. I was so infuriated of him; he was among
those responsible for ruining my life forever.
He fucking works for the traitor. He set us up!
No, I didnt! Omar said. Listen, I have no choice.
You sure about that? said Chris.
He was calling Neumann the whole time, thats why
the bastard always knows where we are, why the rebels are always on our tail. He lied to us!
Chris aura abruptly changed. Is this true?
Please, sincerely, I never wanted to hurt you.
We trusted you man, said Chris.
I have no choice! You have to understand!
Then make us understand! I said.
No, Chris said, deeply. Kevin said he has secured a
helicopter for us, one of the fastest one in the base, but theres a
slight change of plan. It just flew to Saudi Arabia to get fuel, and
we have to wait for an hour before it gets back.
Son of a bitch, I said.
Any minute hes gonna come to us with a truck. Were
gonna wait in his room.
I moved out of the room, surprisingly able and feeling
strong, perhaps fueled by anger of another traitor in our midst.
Theres something about the fact that the guy whom I depended
my very life with would be the one who would lead me to my
ultimate doom. I couldnt believe I actually thought of marrying
him! The block of guilt lost in me became a swirling storm of
rage for myself for trusting someone I barely even know like a
big gigantic fool. I was out of the door, but Chris still remained.
What the hell are you doing? We need to go now. The whole
armys right on our ass!
We cant leave him here.
Are you kidding me? Hes with Neumann! He practically killed us! He probably will contact him again.
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He wanted him dead remember?

Wha<? Do you still trust that guy?
We need all the help that we can get.
He doesnt even want to come with us!
I understand if you want to leave me, Omar said, not
looking at us. Ive caused terrible things to you.
Just tell me, Omar, I said. What the hell are you really
doing here?He then gave at me a teary piercing gaze.
He got my family, Holly.
What?
I need to save them, thats why I did it. You must understand. Ive never seen my wife, my kids in a month and I
dont even know if theyre still alive.
Why didnt you tell me before?
I know if I told you we would not get to the facility.
You wont let me. He will kill them. Please forgive me.
Why? Why that facility? Chris said. What did we really do there?
All of a sudden, his mouth burst with puke and all sorts
of undigested matter, covered with traces of blood, spilling all
over the table. My rage gone, I ran to him and rubbed his back,
but he started coughing uncontrollably. I felt his vertebrae protruding from his back. What the hell did he do to you?
We need to get him out of here right now! said Chris.
He lifted him up but Omar resisted, pointing at the dead guy
Chris covered with big blocks of dusty foam in the corner. My
partner went to check on him, and on his back pocket he pulled
out a little folded piece of paper with drawings of thick and thin
lines and tiny numbers and letters below them, much like those
in my map.
What is that? I said.
Thats what he wanted me to find, said Omar. Those
are the deactivation codes for the nukes.
Deactivation codes?
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All She Lost.

They can stop the missiles midair once entered.

We have to go, said Chris, hiding the codes. Kevin
should be up there by now. Come on.
Apparently, this country wouldnt just let me go, which
made me think the universe didnt want me to leave at all, like it
wanted to end this wretched world, slowly cutting all of our
strings to stop us. Chris carried Omar as I led them to the stairs
out of the labyrinth. Kevin waited on a light brown jeep, and
after a few introductory and the usual are you alright remarks,
we went back to his room all the way back to the sixth hangar,
all surprisingly without any hitch from the soldiers trying to hit
on me. My terrible costumes were gone but the heat of the heavens was still enough to moisten every crack in my body. I
should be feeling safer with the bald bastard gone, but I would
never know, the traitor might have his eyes locked on us. I sat
beside Kevin, my head pressing against the bare metal dashboard. The soldiers were all prepping their trucks and tanks for
another round of battle. Cargo planes took off on the field. Omar
lay on the back seat with Chris, quietly moaning in pain from the
torture he endured. My anger clouded my judgment; he of all
people was the only one who could definitely save us, provided
his sincerity was true. He turned out to be another victim, an
expendable, but now an asset against that monster.
Albeit of gasoline and burning rubber and dust, I missed
the smell of the over-ground, far from the smell of blood and
guts of thousands of innocent Iranians massacred back there. We
should have fate on our side. The launch and deactivation codes
were on our possession, and soon enough our ride out of this
country would save the planet from certain destruction. But I
couldnt help but think if were really one step ahead of him, if
he actually wanted me to be at this very car, at this very moment, with these very people. He shouldnt. It might be an attempt at optimism, but the recent turn of events suggested that
he shouldnt. We should be safe, for now.
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9:45 eight hours and fifteen minutes to the end.

OMARS MUSCLES MUSTVE been so tender from his beating

that he had to stuff a piece of cloth to his mouth as Chris and
Kevin carried him to the room. The base got noisier with the war
machines being turned on and warmed up for battle. Kevin immediately stuck a double dose of morphine to his heart, which
Omar handled rather well, and went on to do everything else
that he should. I sat on the table beside his family pictures, the
leftover sandwich and the camera, collecting everything in my
head. Every five seconds or so, Id look through the blinds for
any hostiles coming our way. My partner stood by the door.
Dont worry, Kevin said, they dont come here that
often.
Arent you supposed to be out there? I said. What if
they come and check you out again?
I already gave my excuse to our commander.
Chris held his cracked picture frames. Is this your wife
and kids? he said. Theyre really cute, I gotta say.
Yeah. Her name is Claire, and those little girls are Patricia and Mary Jean. Thats Patricias drawing right there. She<
she broke up with me when the two of them were born.
Im so sorry, man.
But it turns out they know my name. They want me
home. And thats why were gonna stop this shit together.
Fuck yeah, we will.Kevin went on with the medications. You a medic here?
No, my mother is actually a nurse so I kind of got into
it. Im a private now, recently demoted.
Shit, why is that?
Trespassing, said Kevin, but I think they knew I was
spying on the general.
How long did you know what he was up to?
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Quite a while now. I saw him talking to a very old guy,

maybe the leader of the rebel forces, while we were on patrol. I
tried telling everybody but no one would believe shit as crazy as
that. I even called my friend Matt to blog about this conspiracy
and tell the world about it. I know hes really fond of stuff like
that.
Im so sorry about Matt. He was a good guy.
I know. Me too, said Kevin.
Very old guy, huh?
Yeah, dark, scarred and heavily bearded. Hes pretty
thin and tall, kinda like bin Laden. Wait, what happened to you?
Whats that blood on your hands?
He killed Gideon and all of his men, I said, somewhat
proud.
Really? You took him down?
Why, you doubt that I did? Fuck you man.
So, where did our ride go? I asked.
I already reserved it for us, medical transport I called it.
I was about to start it when they called me off. They need fuel
for the tanks and Humvees all the way from Saudi. I reasoned
out but they just took off. Once it comes back, we need to board
it immediately before someone else will take it. That helicopter is
badass; it has a triangular chassis. It will only take us only three
hours to get to Sicily on that thing.
What the hell are we gonna do in Sicily? I said.
The USS George Washington should be ducked in that
island by now. I used to be assigned in that carrier, supposed to
be with Matt before this shit. We should be safe there.
Cant we just get another helicopter?
You wanna get out now? How about him
He lied to us! I said, anger clouding my mind again.
Hes with Neumann!
Stop it, will you? Chris said. Cant you see hes all
fucking beat up and shit?
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We should get out of here right now! I cant wait for

another fucking hour in this place. What if Neumann finds us
here?! Hell definitely cut off our heads and then hell blow up
the whole fucking planet.
If Omar wanted us dead, then he shouldve left the two
of us in that village! He fucking saved us!
Because thats what he was supposed to do!
You want us to leave him, is that it?
Please, stop! shouted Omar, which rid his lungs of air
and made him cough. I dont want you fighting because of me.
Just go, just leave me. I know you cant forgive me for what Ive
done.
No, no ones leaving anyone, alright?
Please, I beg you. You need to go.
Shut up! Chris said, eliciting a void of silence. He then
looked at me. We stick together until the end of this thing!
Neumann knows hes dead and crazy he might be, hes not gonna track a dead fucking corpse. I looked down, my spike finally
gone. We stick together, its the only way. I knew I already
forgave him; its just that betrayal is an extremely huge of a deal
to just let fade away. Now I know how my parents must feel.
Thank you, Omar said.
What are we gonna do now? I said, lowly. Everybodys looking for us in here.
We follow Kevins plan. We wait for that helicopter
and get the hell out of here. As long as we stay here, they wont
find us. Isnt that right, Kevin?
Youll be safe here, he said. Chris moved close to
touch my hand, to which I responded with nothing.
Were they really gone? The children? I said.
Im sorry, Holly. There was no one in there.
Goddamn it. Another failed promise.
But I dont think theyre dead, he said. I saw the
body of a fat old nurse and another old guy, but no child. I think
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they took them. Those should be Marishka and Amir.

Really? Where the hell could they take them?
I have no idea.
Kevin has bandaged the whole of Omars right arm and
chest when he finished. Our guide stared at the fiberglass ceiling
the whole time, tears dripping on the side of his eyes, apparently
thinking about what he did to us or probably about his family.
He hid their existence for us to get to the warehouse and get the
deactivation codes. Probably because he took too long to deliver,
Neumann dispatched his men to the village to get rid of him,
including us, but keeping him alive with the codes in the end for
some reason. Seeing him all patched up, I started extracting the
truth.
Maybe you can explain yourself now, Omar.
Dont talk man, Chris said. Just go rest and
No, you deserve the truth, said Omar. He sat himself
up the bed and started talking, stealing our focus. For years, the
Iranian government instituted an operation called Shiraz. I told
you about this in the interview. They pick the brightest and
smartest students from all over the country. They segregate them
from the rest, and put them in special schools in Qazvin where
they would learn all about Iran, its history, its power, its politics,
its role in the world, nothing else. All they would say is that Iran
is the most powerful country in the world. Other countries must
bow to our power. They would say that all the time.
And you were among them? I said.
Yes. I was among the hundreds chosen during the duration of the program. They conditioned us to love the country
unconditionally, even above our love for our own parents, and
our own sons and daughters. Any insubordination was met with
harsh punishments, flogging and getting locked in a pillory.
Jesus, said Kevin.
Many of us died there. Many tried to escape but they
were shot once they stepped foot out of the wall. I survived that
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program, and when Im old enough I was sent to the United

States to study nuclear physics at Massachusetts Institute of
Technology. And when we graduate, we will come back and
help make the nuclear bombs. They never even let me see my
parents. Next thing I know, they were killed by firing squad.
You can make nuclear bombs? Chris said, apparently
impressed.
Yes. I continued working for the government until one
month ago, when this war started. I think I made three hundred
warheads.
Really? Kevin said, impressed as well.
When the president was killed, said Omar, the minister on weapons ordered every single nuclear technician like myself dead. I dont know about the others but I escaped with my
wife and two daughters.
Where are the bombs?
I dont know. But I think theyve been taken all over the
country, maybe even outside the country, by the rebels.
Neumann, I interrupted. It could only be him.
Yes, said Omar. But there might be others.
What do you mean?
Other rebel organizations in the Middle East who want
the bombs for themselves, but I think they all banded together to
form one giant group. I saw them last night. They were wearing
different clothes but they fight together against the soldiers.
Yeah, Neumann told me that himself.
You talked to him? said Kevin.
He thought I was a private or something. He brought
me to his plane and he talked about why he was doing it, wiping
out everyone, that Obama created ISIS and ordered the attack at
Benghazi and all that shit. Some general united the militia
groups of this place in exchange for a lot of money and several
American heads.
Did he do anything to you? said Chris.
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I thought he was going to fuck me. I didnt know it was

him until I went out his plane. I think he knew who I was but I
dont know why he let me go.
Hes fucking playing you, thats what.
If youre saying Omar that the entire militia corps in
this region banded together, said Kevin, then why are there so
few of them? We barely fought anyone last night.
There are thousands of them all over Iran, even more
outside the country, and what you fought against last night was
not even the full force. They are all under control of someone
called imam, the one I told you about yesterday.
I think thats the one I saw talking to the general.
What the hell does that mean? said Chris.
Imam means a descendant of Muhammad, a religious
leader appointed by Allah himself.
Like a prophet or something?
Wait, I said. I thought Neumann was working with
the rebels? Why is he fighting against them?
The soldiers dont know what he is up to, so he needs
to make them think theyre really fighting a war.
And their leader would sacrifice his men for that?
They have the same goal, to destroy America and the
rest of its allies. Thats what I know.
Son of a bitch, Kevin said. I was right all along, that
sick motherfucking bastard.
Why does he have to bring the soldiers here? I mean he
could just order the rebels to take care of everything, I said.
And why are they killing all the locals, all those people?
I dont know. But I think he needs to send the entire
military of America to Iran and other parts of the world, so when
the attack starts America will be left vulnerable, very weak. It
wont be able to help its citizens and the whole country will just
collapse.
Other parts of the world? said Chris.
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Its not just Iran, said Omar. Neumann owns the biggest military weapons corporation in the world. He started war
in many countries by assassinating presidents and taking over
American embassies. He started in France, then here, Libya and
everywhere.
It was jaw-dropping. That son of a bitch apparently single-handedly started the worst crisis of this decade. You mean,
I said, he started all that? Hes responsible for all that chaos?
How did you know all this? Kevin said.
I managed to look at his computer files before, Omar
said. All of his plans, where every single nuke are, the organization of the new government hes going to build after the attack< I saw everything.
Jesus Christ. Were in some big fucked up shit.
Tell me about it, Chris said. We think hes gonna
launch the bombs tonight, maybe at six, which is why we need
to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.
You said you have the codes. Are you sure there aint
any more copies of those things?
Im sure they are the only copies, Omar said. It is for
security. Only one person should have the codes.
What he just revealed was big, but I wasnt up to hearing more of that monsters diabolical and delusional plan. How
did you know that traitor? I said.
I dont know how he came to me. I was at home with
my wife and kids until his men break into my house and took all
of us to him. He said he needs me for a job or he will kill my
family. He wanted me to reprogram the whole nuclear arsenal to
his system.
I thought the launch codes are all thats needed, said
my partner.
President Ahmadinejad wanted the nuclear program to
be digital, encrypted, so when the United States somehow confiscates the bombs they could be remotely detonated right in the
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heart of America. He actually wanted the U.N. to find Irans nuclear arsenal.
But they didnt find the warheads, I said. You said
there was a deal.
Yes, between Neumann and the previous Iranian government, Omar said. He gave Iran access to his weapons in
exchange for the countrys nuclear bombs. Neumann probably
took thousands of the nuclear bombs to other countries under
the disguise of his company. When the new president was
elected, Rouhani didnt want him to have the bombs anymore.
He took control of the weapons, which is why Neumann ordered
the rebels to kill the president, which started this war.
How in the world did Neumann made the rebels work
for him? Dont they despise Americans? Why did they do it?
I dont know. I have no idea.
Companies like his are generally non-regulated, Kevin
said, which means that they can basically do whatever they
want. His company has grown so much that hes thinking he
could do whatever the fuck he pleases.
Governments still own them, right? Chris asked.
No, they dont need any Congressional approval to do
shit, like go to war. Theyre a private company.
If I enter those deactivation codes in the system, they
will cause all bombs to become inoperative, no matter where
they are in the globe, Omar said. He then started showing signs
of discomfort, pressing on his chest like he was about to go into
cardiac arrest. He waved our offers to help him.
Then what did Neumann make you do? I said.
He told me to get the deactivation codes with you.
But why me?! I said. That was the question I was dying to ask and be answered, so I let it out with an apt intensity.
Why did you have to take us to get your stupid launch codes
and tangle us in this whole mesh of shit? Why me, Omar?!
It wasnt my call, he said. I dont even know the two
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of you until we met at the airport, I swear! He just told me to

pick you up, go to the warehouse and return with the codes.
And what the hell did he want from us?
I dont know. He did tell me to not let you die.
How fucking sincere of him, I said.
The rebels tried to find the codes too but they did not
find it, thank God. We were supposed to get a key too, Omar
said, the key to open a briefcase that contains the launch control
panel. He told me it was there, but I didnt see it.
Do you know where else it could be?
No, but he already made copies of it probably. I dont
know.
As long as we got the codes, said Kevin, were fine?
Yes, said Omar. Judd then called me when you will
come, and
Wait< did that monster call Judd to make me come
here? Did you know all about this Chris?
Why the fuck would I know that? he said. That might
be the reason for Judds abrupt change of mind for doing another overseas coverage. He never wanted to do another following
the tragic conclusion to our last one with Dennis and Chris, but
perhaps the monster got to him and threatened to kill his family,
which would explain why he appeared begging to me as he relayed the assignment to me for the first time.
His men killed Judd and all our friends, my parents, I
said, suppressing my emotions of loss. He made me hear their
cries as he shot them all mercilessly.
Holy shit, said Kevin.
He said it was his fault< I could no longer contain it.
What the fuck does he want from me?! What did I do to him?!
Why does it have to be me?! Chris then offered his warmth, which
I welcomed.
Im so sorry, said Omar. He had absolutely nothing to
do with it, I realized; if anything, we were on the same page,
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caught in the delusion of a lunatic. I apologized for my accusing,

and seeing his face I suddenly felt an urge of responsibility.
How about your wife and kids? I said.
I dont know where they are, Omar said.
We should find them. They have to be somewhere.
What to do you want to do? said Chris. You wanted
to leave him alone to get out of here and then you want us to
find his family?
Im sorry okay? It wasnt his fault. You were right. He
did save us, and thats the least thing we could do for him.
Not to be pessimistic, said Kevin, but Neumann just
killed him, right? So< he could have
Come on. Dont say that. Tears started spilling out of
Omars eyes. It was the first time in my life that I beheld grief
and devastation of someone elses, which proved to be infectious. With Omar dead, there would be no reason for the monster to keep them alive. I could not think of any evil worse than
killing an entire ethnicity without even a tiny drop of remorse
like they were pests on a field, tiny little bugs that had no purpose for life, not to mention plotting the apocalypse, wanting to
wipe out every single soul on this planet. He was close to being
Hitler, only this time he has access to weapons thousands of
times more powerful, enough to destroy life as we know it. He
has got to be the Antichrist himself, perhaps possessed by the
devil or an even worse manifestation of evil. That actually
proved me wrong once again, which did make me feel quite better. Mine was not the worst evil in the world.
So< why dont you wanna come with us? I said.
I was< I was thinking that I could still find them.
Who? Your family? How would you do that?
I think there is a computer here that I could use to get
into their database.
Yeah, Kevin said. Theres one I know but its all the
way back to the communications tower, and that place is packed
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with security cameras. Its too risky.

I dont think we should do it, said Chris. Our rides
coming in less than thirty minutes. Weve ran out of allies. If we
get caught once again, theres no possible way we could get out
of here.
You dont have to help me, Omar said.You have to
go on your own. I got no use to you. Ill be dead weight.
Bullshit. We stick together no matter what.
I think we should copy all that data, I said. There has
to be some storage device in there. We need all that information
to take Neumann down, take everybody involved in this shit
down.
Our footage should be enough, Holly. Besides, how on
earth could you open the computer? I mean, theres got to be
biometrics or a password. Theyre a goddamn military corporation for Gods sake.
And on cue, it popped on my head, the thing Neumann
himself gave me, and on one of my pockets, there it was, the
monsters identification card. Here, maybe this will help. He
gave it to me when we talked on the plane. Kevin paid it a closer look and concurred that it might work.
Hear me out a moment, Chris said. If you show them
that card, dont you think they wont call Neumann and cage
you in that tower? We cant risk things anymore Holly, now that
were nearly out of here, like youve always wanted, right? He
clearly didnt want us to leave and risk our assured escape for
something that would likely cost us more than what it would
give in return, which was logical. Our ride and assured salvation
was twenty-five minutes away, ever nearer than Ive never been.
I would kill anyone and anything to be home, to leave this forsaken place, but in an act of cosmic irony, I felt like something
needed to be done first. And so, once again, I was in the very
same situation back in Omars apartment a day ago; I was again
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portunity. But right then, there seemed to be only one logical

choice. The last time I chose to keep on this treacherous road I
almost died every step of the way, some closer than others,
though I still managed to stay alive. I didnt think my alleged
invincibility would last longer.
How are we gonna pull this off just in case? I said to
Kevin.
The computers are on the second floor, locked by a
metal door, which this ID should unlock. There are five personnel up top; theyre checking out the security cameras. If we can
make it through the guards on the door, we should be fine.
Dont tell me youre actually thinking of doing this,
said Chris, imparting all opposition. You saw our faces in the
conference. Were fugitives on this place.
What do you want to do? Let his family get killed?
They will definitely die if we dont get out of here! Everybody will die! The cycle of the never-ending conflict between
the two of us has turned upside down, now starting from him.
Youre the one who told me that we stick together!
Thats why we shouldnt do it. Theyre dead anyway!
I glanced at Omar. I wouldve thrown Chris out of the window
for the very words he just said, but our chauffer took no offense,
apparently because it was probably true.
You need to leave, said Omar. I beg you. I need to do
this, please. You have to go. Take the codes and save the world. I
need to find my own family.
Theyre dead, Omar! Dont you understand that? We
have to get out of here, all of us!
Im sorry but theyre my family. He paused. You do
understand. You will do everything for the safety of your family
even if there is little chance, right?
There are bigger things at stake here!
You have to leave me! I have to do this!
Chris moved to him and took his hands. We cant leave
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you to die out here. Youre our friend. We owe you our life.
Think about how many NBA games youll miss. If you ever find
your family, do you think you will be safe? Omar looked down;
he made up his mind.
We have to help him Chris, I said. We owe him.
He stood and banged his hands on the door. We wont
get out of here if we do this.
Youre the one who keep telling us to stick together no
matter what. He needs to find his family.
He looked at me. I thought you wanna go home.
More than anything, I said, but he needs our help.
We cant leave him behind. I wasnt actually sure of what I was
saying, like my mouth says what my head doesnt.
And you never know what you might find in those
files, said Kevin. Really important information, I bet.
You think we can make it? said Chris.
There should be only a few guards there. Better than
not trying at all.
He sighed. Alright, how are we gonna do this?
You dont have to
Shut it Omar. Hollys right. We owe you. And we dont
have time to argue this. We only have twenty-three minutes. I
think me and Holly should go to the tower.
No, Kevin said, you and me should go.
I have to see them for myself, I said. I went on to fix
my army disguise. I think me and Kevin should go. You just
bring Omar to the helicopter when it arrives.
But I need to go too, said Omar. Dont risk your life
for me.
Were not doing it for you. And youre still hurt. I need
to find something out. Well see you on the helicopter. I gave
Chris both of the codes as a measure in case shit would break on
us, specifically if we get caught. He then gazed as if memorizing
every curve of my face, and hugged me.
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I love you, you know that right?

Yeah, yeah, I know.
He gave me an almost creepy look that penetrated
through me. Promise youll stay with me.
Im not going anywhere. I need you to save my ass.
Thank you, Holly, Omar said.
Well keep in touch with the walkie-talkie, Kevin said,
giving one to my partner. Use that car outside. We wont be
long. I promise I will keep her safe. He then holstered a pistol.
You better do.
Come on, we gotta go, I said.
I went out the door feeling rather courageous and confident that I would actually make it. Against the scorching heat,
the war machines were arranged in formation in the middle of
the compound. The men busied themselves with prepping for
war rather than hunting us, which was extremely relieving. I
needed to know something, which would answer the single biggest question haunting me right then. Before Judd died, he told
me of another liar in my midst. I needed to know.
Apparently, the monster still hasnt had his eyes on us,
which should make things easy for all, but I would never know.
Chris assured me that were safe from him, that he didnt know
where we were, but how could he know? The fact that everything has been running smooth so far made me rather anxious.
The universe always wants balance in everything, and it was
only a matter of time before our luck would turn against us once,
and perhaps the last time, again.
10:27 seven and a half hours until the end of the world.

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Chapter

21.
I WAS SHAKING and trembling and quivering and showing all
manifestations of anxiety on our way back the tower. The courage was bullshit. Despite the Sun already way up high the horizon, the air was rather cold, hitting the sweat trickling down the
side of my body, moistening the deepest crevices. I sat straight to
avoid undue attention, the hat covering my identity. Kevin kept
on noticing and never stopped talking about how I should just
calm down and breathe deep and think about something else.
But despite that, I didnt think of turning back even for a bit for
some reason. I needed to know. The camera was as it were on
my first excursion on this place, as did how my heart pounded
my chest. Activity on the place was deafening, and so far none
has jeopardized the two of us.
I never asked where you came from. He clearly made
efforts to take my mind of it.
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Ohio.
Im from Miami, weird considering how white I am,
right? I didnt respond and still maintained my stiff poise.
Come on, relax. Its all gonna be okay.
Im fucking tired of that sentence.
Understood.
The voice of the radio announcer then filled the entire
base. All personnel, report to your respective battalion commanders for instructions. Repeat, all personnel, report to your
battalion commanders for instructions.
The conference is over. Looks like the attack is about to
start, he said. This should be a window of opportunity.
How long until the helicopter comes?
Nineteen minutes. That should be enough.
The base of the tower was now on sight. I hyperventilated. Alright, just stay behind me and dont look at anyone, got
it? Let me do the talking. You show that ID when I tell them you
work for Neumann.
Are you sure about this?
What? You told us to
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Im sorry. Sorry.
Stop freaking out. He didnt have to tell me twice. Its
gonna be< sorry.
A rectangular building acted the base of the tower, considerably of smaller size than the generals office. The whole
thing was shorter than similar towers in airports. The head of the
tower was octagonal, satellites and metal rods protruding from
the roof. Age was apparent in the structure; a single tremor
might be able to topple it down. As we stopped, Kevin pointed
to a small window directly above a slightly corroded metal
stairs, saying that led directly inside the computers and would
be our way out in case the soldiers trap us in. Beside the opened
door, four men blew smoke on each others faces. I looked at my
feet the whole time.
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Shes with the supplier. Were gonna take something

up top. I showed the card as per the need.
Holy shit, take a look at this. Our boy is becoming a
man. Good for you! About fucking time too, one said.
You little son of a bitch, another said.
I guess I just need some place secure, Kevin said.
Dont worry about it. We got you covered. Just dont
leave a whole mess of things up there.
Wait, do you even know how to fuck women? How to
put on a condom? I could teach you.
Dont worry, Mike. I figured it out. We got inside the
rather empty room with nothing but a pile of garbage on one
end and the stairs to the second floor. But only a couple of steps
in, one of them called us again. I didnt look, but he stepped inside too.
Wait, Jacobs! Commander wants to tell you he wants
you back on the field. Your excuse is denied.
Come on. Im still tired from last night, he said. I deserve some slack.
He also wants you to find the journalists we interrogated last night.
I froze. They escaped? Gideon brought them to their
cells. I never saw them again.
Where are those assholes?
I never saw them too, Kevin said. I better go, man<
Thats one sexy chick you got there. What battalion
Shes with Neumann. Come on, we really need to get
these papers for him. You know how that old man is.
I paid the man a quick glance, but I quickly turned back
just as I saw his face staring intently at me. He must be one of
the men at the interrogation room. Can I at least see her?
You will after we get what we need. Lets go.
Fine, suit yourself.
It almost went out of hand. Relieved, we stepped inside
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and went straight to the stairs up the second floor, the only thing
in the first storey. I never thought I would give credit to me being a woman that men could just fuck whenever and wherever
they wanted. Holy shit, I said.
Keep quiet and dont look up. Cameras can hear us.
Sorry.
Straight from the stairs was another one leading up the
tower. On the side of the narrow hallway was the door to the
computers. The whole place was far from what I imagined a
treasure trove of confidential information would be: no lasers, no
sensors on the floor, no fancy spy stuff, nothing but a laser scanner by the door. And, as expected, the ID unlocked it. Inside, a
single row of four processing units, all with blinking green LED
lights, a table with used up mobiles phones, and three computers on desks across the room welcomed us. Miles of wires on the
floor almost made me trip. Kevin closed the door. I was on edge.
I pulled my camera out.
There are USBs in here. Get everything. We only have
fifteen minutes.
The desktop displayed the black globe logo of the monsters military company, but the moment I moved the mouse it
demanded a password. Fucking shit, a password. I have no
idea what this is.
Try the serial number on the ID. And just as I did, the
treasure chest opened up. A single icon, the G4S logo, appeared
on the screen which I clicked and initiated a fancy animation of
the American flag, marching soldiers and jet planes. Arranged in
a grid were categories of information; those that caught my eye
were about advanced weaponry, drones, organizational structure, investment opportunity, employees and the company history. I traced the source file of the application and copied everything.
You got it? Kevin said.
Yeah, yeah. Eight minutes. Wait, can this thing connect
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to the Internet?
Yeah, why?
I took the memory card from the camera and pushed it
on a slot in the computer. Im gonna email these files to my contacts and upload our footage so everyone can see whats really
going on here.
We dont have time for that.
Dont worry. Ill cut it out.
The connection ran at light speed and I processed the
video on YouTube without a single lag. I removed everything
until we came at the airbase where I had the biggest revelations
on this assignment. I didnt bother looking at them; reliving everything that happened might trigger something unpleasant in
me, now that we were in the heart of the enemy. As the video
finished uploading, I sent the link of the video to every news
outlet I knew.
Thirteen minutes!
Its done, its done! Its all uploaded.
Is the copy done?
Shit, it got longer. Ten min< eleven minutes!
I got nothing here, he said. These computers are all
empty.
I placed the memory card back to the camera. Dont
worry, this should be enough. Kevin went on to scavenge everything of potential use in the room, taking one of the phones
from the table. The copy was fourteen percent complete, and the
green progress bar on the screen wasnt moving at all. My chest
was beating as hard as never before.
I looked at Kevin. Goddamn it, fourteen percent. Its
not moving, its not moving!
No, no! Dont look up on me. Theyll see your face! He
pointed to a security camera mounted on a corner. I immediately
heeded. He then unlocked the window he pointed at earlier and
opened it halfway.
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Looks like we have no choice, he said. We have to go

out through here.
You think those men recognized me?
Theyll surely check you out once we pass down there.
Come on, come on, come on! I motivated the computer to copy faster as if it would listen to me. My insides were
completely freaking out.
Eight minutes.
Will you please stop that? I said. I cant breathe with
you yelling at me all the time. He didnt actually yell; its just
that every time hed tell me how much time we got left, my heart
wanted to jump right out of my mouth. I directed all my focus
on the screen, my eyes almost popping out of their sockets, hoping that my brain power would make the computer copy the
files faster. Already, half of our time has passed, yet only a quarter of the monsters secrets got to us. I let Kevin dig through the
files to find the potential location of Omars family, scanning
every page like a superhuman, maps and documents flashing on
the screen in a split-second.
Its useless, he said. Theres nothing here. We wont
find the location of hostages on this thing.
There has to be something in there. I then felt the walkie-talkie vibrating. Alien with the device, I pressed every button
and turned every dial before I got to hear Chris voice. Yeah,
whats wrong? I said.
I think our ride just landed.
What?!
Its the triangular one right?
You gotta be kidding me! Kevin said, rushing to the
window to look for the helicopter. I threw the walkie-talkie to
him. Shit, there it is. Theres the helicopter. We need to get out
of here now!
I still need to find out where his family is.
Then suddenly, someone banged the door from the outpg. 369

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side. I skipped a breath. Hey! What the hell are you doing in
there?
Shit! I said.
Chris, listen to me! You have to bring Omar to that helicopter right now. Were getting out.
Open the goddamn door!
Were getting something for Neumann!
Come on! Come on, you son of a bitch! I said.
We have to go right now, Holly! Please!
I need more time!
They kept banging the door. Open this thing now!
I inputted MOTTAKI to the query, which the computer
took forever to load results for no matter how hard I shook the
screen and focused my energy on it. Kevin pushed the desks to
the door .Then, a bullet tore through it, grazing him. More followed, ricocheting across the room and creating sparks all over. I
shrieked. Fragments of wood and dust flew all around us like
snow.
Please stop! Were trying to save everyone! I yelled. It
was useless. They kept firing, some too close to me.
Open the fucking door right now!
What the hell are you doing Jacobs?!
Stop shooting! Stop shooting, man! Kevin screamed. I
have to help her. Neumann is lying to us! He wants everyone
dead! It turned out useless too; the bullets kept on coming. I hid
behind the thickest part of the desk, hoping the wood might
somehow stop them from piercing me. I couldnt move. I knew
this was coming all along.
Open the goddamn door!
Kevin was at the window. Holly, come on! Lets go!
The computer finally finished searching, and in the results three instances of the name showed up under the EMPLOYEES tab. No pictures were available, but someone named
Sofia, Hana and Umana Mottaki, most likely Omars wife and
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daughters, were shown as working in a facility at Qazvin. Beating the bullets flying in the room, I then entered the next name I
wanted to find, the something I wanted to know.
What the hell are you doing?! Kevin screamed.
That time, the results appeared instantly, and to my surprise and horror, nothing appeared, not even a single record or
reference. I refreshed the screen, but again, nothing. My brain
slowed down time for me to realize what that meant. I froze. He
lied to me. He didnt exist. He lied to me. He brought me here to
die. He did all this to me. He fucking lied to me.
Kevin snapped me off and pulled me to the window,
taking the USB and my camera. The monitor got shattered from
a bullet just as I moved away. Chris, you better get to that helicopter right now!
Were on our way, were on our way!
It was a hell of a rush. The handrails led down to a corridor near the door where we came in. Our car was waiting at
the end, but the way down looked ten thousand times longer. I
knew it was shorter but my brain kept on lying. The men kept
banging the door, bullets lighting up the whole room. Kevin
pushed, bit I resisted. Shit, I cant do this! I cant do this
You need to get down there now!
I cant!
We have no time!
Get outside and check on the stairs! the men said.
Shit! Theyre going outside. Get down there now!
I got out blind feet first. He held my arms until I stepped
on the rail. We had to get out quick before the monster sends the
entire battalion to hunt down our asses. I stepped on the first rail
and he let go, but suddenly, the rail snapped and for a few
seconds I went into freefall, so did my insides, until I managed
to hang onto another rail, a couple of feet from the ground. My
body smashed into the metal bars, the pain less worse than it
might seem. It was an unconscious move, and for that I owe the
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mystical force that rules over the cosmos. I jumped down the
ground before Kevin did, and then the chase resumed.
Were driving right now to the helicopter, Chris said
over the radio. Come in, Kevin, Holly. Where are you?
Two of the men saw us making a run for it. Hey, stop!
Stop running! Theyre down here, come on!
My eyes were opened wide, my lungs expanding ten
times as large. The army forces didnt surround our car; apparently, the monster still didnt know where we were. We rushed
into the vehicle, the men following behind. Before it got started,
one of them punched me in the face and tried to pull me out of
the car. The hit dazed and almost left me unconscious. As he was
pulling, Kevin floored it and the man got dragged on the concrete, rolling several times over.
I recovered. The wind blew hard on my face, which
compensated for the scorch of the Sun, but still left me breathless. He gave me back my camera.Holy shit. Holy shit!
Are you okay? he said.
Fuck, he blew my teeth off. I spit a molar out.
Could be worse.
The massiveness of the field, thrice as big than I first
thought, stole my attention for a bit. Directly ahead was a line of
fighter jets, helicopters and cargo planes, stretching across the
entire field. The sky was less pristine than usual and real cloudy
in places. Finally, the way home was in reach. The wind was less
colder, almost saying to me that the end was near, that I survived. I got the location of Omars family and a few things to
destroy and pulverize that fucking monster, not to mention the
codes that would bring the annihilation of the planet. I got all the
reasons to finally rejoice, until<
Holly, Kevin, where the hell are you?! Chris screamed.
Were near the helicopter. Are you there?
Were still on our way. Listen, you better start that helicopter right now! The whole armys coming for you! The whole
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fucking base is on your tail! I turned around and cleared my

head of my hair entangling with the wind, and there they were,
more than a dozen jeeps and Humvees coming from all around
us, right on our tail. One soldier kept on screaming on top of one
with a megaphone. If not for the other helicopters parked in the
field, they would have been raining bullets at us. I knew this was
going to happen, that the universe would screw us all over again
like it always did. The whole fucking base was onto us.
Jesus, how the hell are we getting away from that?!
Oh shit. Holly, you better strap in your seat right now!
Kevin said, pressing down on my shoulders.
What? I turned to his direction; a giant cargo plane
was barreling to where we were going, slowly getting bigger
and bigger, closer and closer. Were gonna crash into it, but he
never moved his feet off the pedal.
Turn the fucking car! I screamed.
No, we can make it.
I flailed all over the car. Are you fucking crazy?!
Those cars will stop if we make it. Just trust me!
I shook him. The plane was drawing nearer and nearer.
Were going to hit the plane!
No were not! No were not!
I gripped the door of the car as hard as my body made
me as the plane drew closer and closer. The engine screamed.
The entire car was shaking to the point that it might just break
into million pieces any time. I shut my eyes. Hold on!
Son of a bitch! We both screamed our own curses the
whole time. I felt the intense warmth of the aircraft and almost
went deaf with the loud cry of the engine. The strong winds
made my eyes open, and the next thing I saw was the round
nose and the metal belly of the hull. I breathed again when the
heat subsided. It was easily one of the most nerve-crushing
things I went though. Apparently, we were still alive. The plane
barreled down the runway and lifted off.
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Are you okay? Kevin said.

What the fuck makes you say that? I said.
He smiled. I told you well make it.
Youre one fucking crazy son of a bitch.
He looked at the soldiers behind us. Shit, theyre on the
move again. Those two better be there now.
Chris! Where the fuck are you?! He didnt answer.
Our stupid stunt offered only a few seconds more for our escape;
the soldiers were on us again.
Stop the fucking truck!
A truck filled with gallons of fuel was left parked a few
meters from our ride. The rather sharp nose, wide rotor blades
and the metallic green cover of the craft was very conspicuous,
but the dozen trucks racing down at us were really difficult to
ignore. I was on an adrenaline rush the entire time. My partner
was nowhere to be found.
Kevin threw me the walkie-talkie before he scrambled to
turn the monster on. The soldiers were getting closer with every
second. Where the fuck are you two?! I said.
Get inside!
Holly! Were trapped! I< I cant find the helicopter.
What do you mean trapped? Were in the middle of the
base, how can you be trapped?
The soldiers were getting closer.We got lost! Im driving by the cargo planes. Where is that fucking helicopter?!
They were close. Almost ignoring perhaps the hundred
army personnel barreling toward us, I looked at the far end of
the compound where I saw the line of cargo planes and sure
enough, a brown Humvee raced to my direction. I waved my
arms until they got ripped from my body. Chris! Can you see
me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah! I see you!
Get the fuck inside, Holly! Kevin screamed. He already got the rotors moving, the engine warming up. Before I
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could move, a tiny spark and a small crater suddenly appeared

on the concrete right by my feet, followed instantly by a thunderous gunshot noise which jarred me. I rushed to the cabin of
the helicopter, smelling of gas, and hid behind the door.
Oh my God! Theyre firing at me!
Where the hell are they?!
Theyre close, theyre close! I screamed as another bullet tore a hole in the helicopter, a tiny ricochet burying itself to
my leg. The rotors were almost at full rotational speed, the soldiers already on the runway. Come on Chris, get the hell in
here now! And on cue, their car screeched to a halt and the two
of them ran to the cabin, Chris supporting Omar on his shoulders. Another bullet hit the cabin as they got to me, running out
of breath, exhausted. We slid the door close, the soldiers still on
pursuit.
Theyre in! Lets go! Lets go! Lets go! The rotors were
at full speed, and right away we were up in the air. Bullets were
hitting every part of the vehicle.
From the pilot seat, Kevin handed me a lighter. Throw
this thing on that truck down there. I lit it, but he turned back
and slapped my hand. Whoa, dont light it here! Were filled
with gas and fuel!
Give it to me, Holly, Chris said. He threw it to the gasfilled truck and almost immediately, a gigantic ball of fire and
smoke emerged from it, blowing the truck to big pieces to the
incoming soldiers, effectively cutting off their pursuit. We hid
behind the rising tower of smoke as we flew out of the base.
Then, everything went smooth and tranquil all of a sudden. We looked each other in the eyes like we just met after a
hundred years, breathing deeply, still. And slowly, the whole
base got smaller and smaller, farther and farther. An alien feeling crept its way into my body, which my mind tried to reject at
first. I froze, trying to figure out if it was true, until Chris hugged
me, long and tight, and whispered to my ear the three words
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Ive waited an eternity to hear.

We made it, he whispered ever so passionately. Holly, we made it! I didnt believe it. My body was just too messed
up from everything that I refused to accept it. It took me a while,
but as the blue sky and cottony clouds filled my view outside
and the sound of the rotors whirling on top of us and carrying us
to the sky far away from the land filled my ears, I finally realized. We did make it. We made it. We were finally going home.
We made it!
Holy shit! We made it! Were going home! I suddenly
burst to ecstasy, almost going out of control. I went on to make
out with every single one of them, Kevin on the pilot seat, Omar
on the long seat and Chris on the other seat, more so of course
with the latter. That should be justifiable with the fact that we
were finally safe, that we survived that nightmare, that we were
going home, and that we saved the whole wide world. The feeling, the emotion, was akin to getting a second chance at life after
dying, of being rescued from the deepest, darkest corner of the
planet. It might be my perseverance or courage or the help of my
friends or it might be the intervention of the universe that got me
through, which didnt matter. The plot of my story didnt turn
out to be the four stages of grief, nor did the universe was totally
against me and mankind. I pressed my hands against my face
and said thank you for a thousand times to whatever or
whoever was responsible for this miracle I would never take for
granted. It was happiness nothing in the cosmos could match.
My leg suddenly screamed in pain when I straightened
it. Chris lifted my pants up and lodged deep on my skin was a
piece of metal. He moved it, and the pain made me lose my
breath. Come on, he said. Its just a tiny piece of metal.
It hurts, okay?
He handed me a piece of cloth. Bite that. Im gonna pull
this thing on the count of three.
Just do it quick. Without even counting, he pulled the
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metal out of my skin, setting my legs on a metaphorical fire. He

wrapped the wound and hugged me.
Its okay, its okay.
You son of a bitch, I said.
See? he said, rubbing my back and sitting next to me.
I told you well make it.
Chris, I< Sorry for everything Ive said to you before
Dont be. Lets just forget all that, okay? We hugged
once again. I love you, very much.
I love you too.
Now we could think about when will be our wedding.
Dont rush yourself, I said. Im still pretty fucked up
from this job. Most, if not all, of the stuff we covered in the
channel over the years has changed the way I saw the world,
both for good and for worse. This assignment made me see it as
the worst possible place anyone could fathom, full of desolation
and cruelty and remorselessness, something that I experienced
firsthand. It has messed me up completely, irreversibly, and it
would likely remain so until the day I die. Perhaps even when I
die, the scars of this nightmare would join me in the afterlife. I
tried to prevent the flashbacks destroy the mood of salvation.
Your face, Chris said, its swelling.
Oh yeah, that son of a bitch punched me when we ran
out of here. Is it bad?
Did it break open? Kevin said.
It just swelled.
Ill just wear off. Just dont move it too much.
The interior was all dark, big enough to comfort eight or
so persons, and apparent of frequent use. Wires and cables were
tangled in the many holes of the hull, the top of the cabin covered with a large net. The floor was still wet of fuel, the smell of
which we had to endure. Two parachute bags were hanged on
the side, but I didnt think they would be put to use. The hull
was thick enough to restrain the noise from the rotors to let us
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hear each other clearly without those large-ass headgear. A dizzying sea of dials, blinking switches and levers were on the helm
of the vehicle, all for Kevin to pay attention to, but it seemed he
got the hang of it. His pistol was sticking out of his holster.
Next top, Sicily! he said, gladly.
I never actually been to Italy, I said.
The sea there is totally heavenly, and their beaches
transcend paradise. He then threw me the phone he got from
the room. In case you have someone to call.
Did you find my family, Holly? Omar said, lying on
his seat. Chris was on his side reinforcing his bandages. I totally
forgot about the more pressing stuff at hand, with going home
dominating my mind. They returned. I lost the ecstasy.
Yes. I found Sofia, Hana and Umana on the computer.
Theyre my family! Where are they?
In Qazvin, I said. It said they were employees of the
company at some facility.
Thats only a few kilometers northeast from here, Kevin said.
Can you please bring me down there?
Are you serious, Omar? said Chris. Its too dangerous for us to get back down there. I bet that place is an entire
goddamn city. We have no time to search for them. And even if
we did find them, the whole army will be right on our tail and
we might never get out ever. I supported Omars quest for his
family but with home now assured, I wasnt really sure.
Hes right, Omar, I said. I dont know if we still make
it if we do that.
I will go on my own. Thank you for everything that
youve done. I have to do this, please.
But you cant even walk.
We wont leave you to die on this place, said Chris.
Why dont we get help from the military? I could talk
to somebody on the carrier to get us some backups, Kevin said.
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And you need to get well Omar, I said.

But they might be dead right now! he screamed, tears
flowing on his face. Why cant you just let me go? My family
needs me, okay?
They might be dead already, man! Chris said.
I thought you already agreed to let him find his family, I said.
I know I did and I totally respect that, but he cant possibly rescue them on those bandages. Youre going to die down
there and we cant have that. Omar was silenced, still crying.
Im sorry, man. We just care for you.
I know. Thank you.
Well get help first, and I promise you, were gonna
find your family together, Chris said.
I looked through the window and saw how the war has
dismantled the city, leaving an entire portion smoldered and on
ashes, the rest crumbled and on ruins. No life of any form was
apparent, nor any pursuers. The idea that Neumann wanted billions of people killed, that he butchered an entire race just for his
sick fantasy of cleansing the world, still gave me the chills. My
video must have gone viral already by then, and the world
should be working something out already. Neumann would be
trialed in an international court and sentenced with one enough
to cover his crimes of genocide and the plotting of the apocalypse. That induced a feeling of pride in me. After all, no 23-year
old in the history of the planet has successfully averted Armageddon and still lived to tell about it. But then again, with my
parents gone and pretty much every single person I knew dead,
it would prove to be short-lived, which reminded me. That monster was definitely at the middle of all this, the one responsible
for fucking my life all up, but it wasnt all him. The happiness of
going home was lost. Some questions had no answers still, and it
was time to find it out.
You see anyone following us, Kevin? Chris said.
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I dont see anything on the radar.

Holly, pass me the phone. I gotta call someone. I ignored him. You okay, Holly? Something going on?
Who are you gonna call?
The embassy, thats what.
You know the embassy was already overrun long ago.
Just< just give me the phone.
My Smartphone, I said. You let me bring it, right?
Yeah, if we would call the headquarters.
But you also know it cant handle long-distance calls.
You never know how it could be useful.
Then why did you smash it back there? He was silenced, apparently thinking of an alibi.
Neumann was calling you through that phone. He was
probably tracking us with that thing. Hes the owner of the largest military corporation, and he has satellite or radar, whatever
that is that can track us down wherever we are on the planet.
And you knew that he was tracking us? I said.
No, of course not! Are you kidding me?
Youre always calling someone ever since were on the
plane. Who were you talking to?
I wasnt talking to any<What in the world is going on
here? He was clearly defensive, which implied a lie.
Everybody just calm down, please, said Kevin.
I took a moment to think if I should tell him what I discovered, but everybody responsible for messing my life must
pay. David Price< you took the map from him right?
But hes dead, what
He doesnt exist, Chris! I looked for him on their database, and he wasnt there.
Maybe its not updated or something.
No, you need to tell me something straight. Where the
hell did you get that map?
I took it from him! He gave it to me!
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He doesnt exist, Chris!

Then why did Judd call us back at Omars apartment
that hes dead?
He told me he was lying.
What?
Stop lying to me, please!
I am not! he said. Im telling you the truth!
Emotions started running wild. I started having tunnel
vision, blurring everything else other than his face. How would
you explain to me how Neumann got to our friends and my family?! How did he find them?!
I dont know, okay? It wasnt my fault.
Its all your fucking fault, dont you see? If you didnt
bring that map, we wont be in this mess!
What are you saying? That I brought this to you?
I interrupted his bullshit. Why didnt you give the real
map to the general?! If you gave him the real thing, he wouldve
helped us! Wait, did< did you know they work for each other?!
Holly<
You betrayed me!
No! he yelled. I knew< I knew he would never believe us. I thought the map should stay right here with us. You
know I never want you to get hurt. I was just doing my job. I
was doing it for us!
For us?! How can this shit be for us?
I want us to live in a perfect place, a perfect world, for
the two of us. He rushed towards me, but I pushed him off.
Stay the fuck away from me.
If you just understand what Im trying to do.
Why not now?! Make me understand now!
The phone started ringing, interrupting my inquisition.
I swear, Holly, I had nothing to do with this.
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ber was shown calling. The crosshair icon was on it too. I opened
the line.
Hello? Nobody answered. Hello?! The static noise
answered back. I looked at Chris. Who the hell is this?
How am I supposed to know?
Then, I heard a voice form the phone, slightly noisy and
distorted but still audible and recognizable. It was a womans,
but I didnt exactly hear what she just said. I pressed the earpiece
deep against my ears, and what I heard next was nothing short
of shocking.
Hello? I said. What followed was a short duration of
static noise, then I heard her voice again.
Holly?
I lost my breath. Oh my God!
Who is it? Chris said.
Please< help us!
Mom?
Shit, we got an incoming missile! Everybody hold on!
The loud, thunderous noise from the explosion made me
ears ring once again. It tore a hole just above where Omar was.
We were thrown all over the cabin, smashing into the metal hull.
I let go of the phone. Everything went foggy and blurry, but I felt
the whole plane shaking violently. I could hear the faint echoes
of the helicopters buzzers and Kevin desperately screaming on
his seat. Chris was moving all over the place; he dragged me to a
corner with Omar and covered the two of us. We seemed to be
spinning, the sky and the buildings appearing one after the other
outside. Smoke was filling the cabin, smelling of burnt plastic
and fuel. We were to suffocate. Chriss face was right on top of
mine, shaking and terrified. He was mumbling something, perhaps about how sorry he was for bringing me to this mess. He
kissed me, but I didnt look at his face. The whole cabin was disintegrating, sparks bursting from every corner. Once I thought it
would never end, the lights dimmed and we smashed to the
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ground hard. Then, it was silent. Everything stopped moving. I

was unconscious.
I should be heading home, but my curse caught up with
me. The universe turned against us once again. That point I realized, I was never getting out of this country, alive that is.

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Chapter

22.
THE SIRENS WERE blaring again, the first thing I noticed since
I regained consciousness. Like a camera resetting, my eyes slowly cleared. My head ached from the concussion I might have sustained. I lay on a rather smooth surface, concrete and wet. I too
was soaked. A male voice was echoing loud. My brain was apparently not damaged that I still cared moving different parts of
my body for signs of immobility from fractures and other shit.
Youre awake, Kevin said. The walls made his voice
echo as if in a theatre hall. Thank God youre alive. Apparently unscathed, he was sitting next to Omar, awake but in pain,
binding more stuff on his right arm and legs. Chris lay against a
wall, still unconscious. Are you hurt? Can you move?
I think Im okay.
We have to get out of here. Those soldiers will come for
us any minute now. Theyre already on the move for the attack.
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All She Lost.

The smoke will give away our location.

I moved my body up. The four of us were in a rectangular room quarter-filled with wood and floor tiles, apparently an
unfinished house. Against the cloudy glass window, I saw rain
pouring outside. How did we get here? Wheres the damn helicopter?
Burned to the ground, he said. I pulled you out from
the vehicle after we crashed, then brought you all here. He even
saved my camera, which survived the crash out of some mechanical miracle. Sony did make a hell of a robust piece of gadget. I picked it up.
Thank you, Kevin.
But the phone got destroyed, so we have nothing to call
with around here.
Is Omar okay?
His wounds got pounded, Kevin said, but other than
that you should be fine, man.
May God bless you for what you did to us, said Omar.
Is< he okay? I pointed to Chris.
He hasnt blinked since I brought you all here. But hes
alive, dont worry about him.
Jesus, where did that rocket come from?
It should be from the base. They might have used that
big-ass rocket launcher Neumann brought today.
Hes not gonna let us go, is he?
Dont worry. Well make it out of here, or well die trying, he assured.
Chris miniature Playoffs trophy, his lucky charm, lay in
two pieces beside him. It was broken, the ball detached from its
tiny body. What looked like a key protruded from it.
Did your mother call? asked Omar.
I turned to him. I replayed the voice in my head; I was
more than sure it was her. A wave of hope moved through me.
I thought she was dead. Neumann told me he was going to kill
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All She Lost.

my family. She needed my help. She was< she was crying. I

think Dads with her too and my sisters. I have to find them! I
have to save them!
Wait, dont rush things, okay? Kevin said. Were still
in the middle of the city. Those soldiers are gonna be searching
for us, and theyll shoot you on sight. We should stick together.
They have no time! They need my help!
You wont find them if youre dead!
I rushed the door. No, I have to do this!
Holly! Listen to me! he screamed. Youre gonna die if
you go out that door! Now, we need to get the hell out of here
and figure things on the way.
What if theyre killed?
Neumanns not gonna kill them, I assure you, he said.
Theyre his leverage. If he kills them now, he knows he wont
get the codes, dont you think?
How about Omars family?
Its okay, Holly, said Omar. Theyre gone. I cant do
anything about that anymore. But I will help you find your parents, promise.
Why? I said.
You came for me. I owe you my life. Its the least thing I
could do for you.
The phone was totaled from the crash, the only thing
that would help me find them. It felt like every lasting second
was a huge chance wasted, some of which might just be the one
that could get my parents back.
I lied to them, I said, remembering every sin I did to
my parents. I never got to tell them how much I loved them. I
took them for granted and just did whatever I want to do, and
look where the fuck it got me!
Chris started moving, still dazed. What the hell is going
on? Where are we?
I dont know where it came from, but all of a sudden I
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was consumed with raw anger which pushed me towards him. I

got on top of his beaten body and slapped the hell out of him.
You did this to me! I screamed. Where are they? Where are
my parents?! Kevin restrained and pulled me out of my reach
of the guy who single-handedly ruined my life for the rest of my
days, possibly even up to the afterlife. Chris was shaken, curling
his body like a fucking pussy.
Holly, please!
Where the fuck are they?
I swear I dont know, okay? he said. Its not my fucking fault! I did not bring them to Neumann!
Of course you have something to do with it!
Why the hell would I give your parents to that monster? I didnt do anything wrong Holly! Of course, there was no
way he did, I slowly realized. Judd already told me of the assignment before Chris gave the map to me, which meant that the
monster already had me on his sights. My anger clouded my
judgment, but then again if he knew where the map came from,
he shouldnt have lied to me.
Why did you have to lie about the map? You knew its
from a traitor and you still< what the fuck were you thinking?
How many times do I have to tell you? he said. I took
it from Price! He gave it to me! Whatever its for, I had no fucking idea. He stood up and moved towards me. And I love you
and I wont let you get hurt
Just< stay the hell away from me! And stop saying I
love you for Gods sake, its fucking irritating. Let go of me Kevin! Then, silence. Water dripped down my head.
We should seriously get the hell out of here guys, said
Kevin.
I faced him. To where? Where the fuck are we gonna
go? Were fucking trapped in this country and everybody here
wants us dead! Where are we gonna go?!
Calm down, Holly.
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All She Lost.

You have no right to tell me that! Dont ever tell me to

fucking calm down!
Im just trying to help, okay? he said. We will find
your parents and his family. Well get help! His attempt for optimism was terrible.
And how the hell are we gonna do that?
Well just have to figure something out. Right now we
need to get the hell out of here. This place will be crawling with
soldiers any minute now.
We wont. It doesnt matter if we get out of this place,
I said, countering his optimism. Neumann knows where exactly
I am. He always knows what I was up to. He sees me, he hears
me. All of us right here, he planned this.
No, he cant possibly trace our location right now. We
dont have any radio-transmitting device on us so we should be
invisible to his radars. Neumann might have used the phone to
blow us from the air.
He can do that?
Tracking technologies, oldest in the business. It was
the culprit; my Smartphone as the instrument of my demise, and
Chris let me bring it.
You know about this? I said, facing Chris. You let
him track us?
Why would I do that? he said, desperately expressing
innocence. I didnt bring the two of us in this country just to get
ourselves killed. And I fucking swear to you, I never met Neumann before. I never even heard of his name, ever! Just because
Prices name wasnt in the database doesnt mean I ruined your
life. Dont forget that Im in this shit too.
I was silenced from his point. Im so sorry, Holly.
Yeah, your sorry wont do shit now, I said. He might
have nothing to do with my parents, but he was still in part responsible for ruining my life forever, albeit not deliberately.
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er and louder, made all of us freeze. We all turned to the door.

You hear that? I said.
Kevin peeked through the entrance and just as quickly
turned back. Shit, get down! Get down! he whispered. Our
faces and body against the wet concrete, the heavy war machines
produced vibrations on the earth as they passed by us, even reverberating through me. The others had their backs against the
wall and the stack of wood and tiles, Kevin right by the door.
The water seeped through my thin cotton dress. I could hear the
soldiers orchestrating the hunt for us.
They should be somewhere around here, one said.
Search every building, every goddamn room within this perimeter. You two, go look over there!
Holly! said Chris. What are you doing there?!
It was too late when I realized I lay on the middle of the
room, the worst possible hiding spot. I pushed the camera to the
side. I slowly crept my way to the side beside Chris, but when I
did, a soldier looked right at the window. I almost screamed. My
whole body stiffened and my breath nonexistent, the soldier was
looking intently through the cloudy glass. I hoped the grayishblue hue of my clothing would somehow mask me. And then he
moved towards the door.
Oh shit! Hes coming inside!
I stood up when the soldier came and aimed his large
gun at me. Dont fucking move! he screamed, the lights of his
rifle on my face. Kevin then smashed the door close and, in a
scream of fury, threw the man to the ground. Chris followed the
assault with a hit on his chest with a long piece of wood. Kevin
then grabbed the gun and aimed it at his brother, using the light
to block the soldiers sight of him. The soldier was effectively
rendered inert, me almost shitting my pants. The rain covered
their noise.
Dont you fucking move! said Kevin, on a very aggressive stance. Who were you looking for? Who sent you to
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search for them?

Thats none of your fucking business.
Kevin cocked the gun. Id rather not kill you.
Why dont you do it, motherfucker?
Who sent you here?!
The soldier was silent for a few moments. Jacobs?
That was the cue. Kevin flipped the gun and smashed
the handle to his face, instantly knocking the soldier cold. Everybody okay? he said.
That was fucking terrifying, I said.
The radio strapped on the soldier went on. All units,
head out to lateral B. I repeat, all units head out to lateral B,
possible sighting of the jackpot.
Theyre moving out. Come on, lets go.
What if he wakes up?
Dont worry about him. We need to go.
Kevin got Omar on his shoulders, but he refused. I saw
him push something on his back, which I assumed was just his
hands reaching out for an itch down there. Im okay, Kevin. I
can walk by myself, he said. Kevin took the rifle and let us out.
Rain poured disturbingly hard for a country mostly of
desert and dryness. Thick black smoke still emerged from the
wreck of the helicopter on the other end of the road, which practically became a shallow murky river with even muddier puddles; the fallen debris from blown infrastructure provided break
for the current. We walked under every shade from the rain, but
we were nonetheless very wet still. Good thing my camera was
waterproof. Chris was behind me the whole time, almost awkwardly silent, apparently thinking that I was still mad at him for
what he did. I wanted him to stand by me, providing his body
warmth to fend off the cold. It was irritating on several occasions, but I kind of missed his reminder to me that everything
was going to be okay. Judging from the current situation and the
reinforced allies Ive got, everything might just go okay. We
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sensed no military presence whatsoever, so far.

I know this place, Omar said. His legs were in obvious
pain from walking but he didnt welcome any help. We were in
a sidewalk beside a tall building. I think I might have a house
near here.
Is it safe? said Kevin.
Its underground. I stacked plenty of water and maybe
some food in that place.
So, I guess his place it is.
We have to find my parents, I said.
We all know that, Holly, Kevin said. We just need a
safe place to plan things out.
Chris and I were in an awkward couple situation; when
I caught him looking at me, he would turn away. He maintained
a considerable distance from me. But I guessed I couldnt blame
him for my ailment of suddenly bursting into fury, spiking high
in split-seconds. Then again, if he really had nothing to do with
everything, he shouldnt be acting like that to show his innocence. And he shouldnt have lied in the very first place. Yet, if
he was really with the enemy, he wouldnt have taken all this
shit with me and just have all of us killed, but he didnt and hes
still right there, trying to escape the very enemies I thought he
was conspiring with. So, he should be telling the truth. He must
be.
I couldnt take it anymore. Im cold, I said, to which he
immediately came to my aid, wrapping my shoulders with his
arms. Thank you.
Im so sorry, Holly, he said.
Are you really telling me the truth?
I swear, nothing but the truth.
Really?
Why did I take all of this mess for you? Like I thought.
Well< Im sorry too. I said.
I hope this is the last time well fight.
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You know I cant promise you that.

He giggled. Yeah, I know.
We walked against the rain. The water seemed to be rising by each passing minute. The rain was absolutely pouring,
big raindrops massaging my body, and loud, which effectively
covered every noise we made from the soldiers. My feet were
soaking and painful. Chris body warmth and the army jacket
provided little to no defense from the chills. Desolation was all
around us, destruction everywhere we looked. Drowning on the
road were corpses of people, some still intact, some torn into
half, some with severed appendages, their blood mixing with the
flood water. For some reason, I wasnt that repulsed as I did the
first time I had a taste of raw violence in this place, which might
be because I already endured too much of it.
Are we there yet? I said.
Im not so sure, Omar said. Im not been here in a
long time.
The radio turned on. Whats your status, Delta Dog?
Kevin covered his mouth to distort his voice. Ah, negative on my position, Alpha. Lots of dead bodies, zero visual of
jackpot.
Keep looking. They cant be too far. The general will
kill us if we dont catch their asses.
Copy that.
You better figure out the way right now Omar, I said.
Im trying, Im trying.
Shut your mouths, said Kevin, holding the rifle like a
veteran SEAL. I have no idea where they are but theyre crawling all over this place. Watch every corner. He was the white
commander, dragging two little kids though hell on earth; his
history in the military offered a sigh of hope to me that we
would make it out of this mess.
A series of gunfire suddenly screamed from some part of
the city, apparently just a few blocks away. It was coupled with
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what I thought were screams. The soldiers were on a killing

spree once again. Jesus Christ.
Come on, lets keep moving.
We were once again in an intersection, a very terrifying
spot where, as my experience in this country proved, the enemy
almost always showed up to kill us. A small park with a still
functioning fountain in the center was the centerpiece. Cars were
overturned on one side, craters from shelling ruined the road on
the other. The area was obviously a commercial center filled
with all sorts of Western convenience and electronic stores, all of
which have been defiled upon. The rain never stopped, so did
the gunshots. We ran as fast as we could, not minding how wet
weve been, to what Omar thought was the way to our asylum. I
was losing my breath, getting extremely tired, but my brain disregarded these physical reactions and kept on pushing me. Chris
had me the whole time.
I should be having an asthma attack right now. I
wasnt craving for my life-threatening affliction to come back
and haunt me. Its just that it vanished totally into thin air like
the years it spent to ruin my life was nothing.
Arent you glad about that? Chris said.
Its kind of freaky how it just disappeared.
Stop thinking about things too much. Its gone when
its gone. You should be happy about that.
Wait, stop! Kevin said. A steady stream of faint gunfire emanated directly ahead, masked by the noise of the rain. I
zoomed to that direction and through the rain, I saw something,
someone, moving, running towards us. Some of them just fell to
the ground like flies. They were people. My legs softened.
Who are those people? I said.
Go, go! Get to the side of that building, now!
The nightmare started all over again. We rushed to a
narrow dead end between two small restaurants and pushed our
backs against the concrete wall, out of sight of whatever was
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coming our way. The screams were getting louder. I was behind
the four of them, but I still saw men and women running, sprinting, on the road to where we came, shouting frantically. They
carried bags and baskets of fruit and clothing. Then, right in
front of my eyes, blood and muscle burst from the shoulders of
one man, blowing off one of his arms, and then he dropped face
down to the road. Chris shut my mouth. A Humvee carrying the
soldiers passed by; a long-barreled machine gun was above it. I
heard the men laughing.
What the hell are they doing?
Dont make any fucking sound! said Kevin.
More people ran past us, among them an old guy carrying a young one on his back, perhaps his son. A bullet went
through his legs, shredding them all over, bones totally vaporized. The boy fell hard to the ground, his father bled to death.
The boys cry was excruciating to hear. Then, another truck
passed by, firing a barrage of bullets to their side. The next thing
I saw, the boy lay on top of his father, his head completely gone.
I lost it once again. I flailed all over.
Please shut up Holly! said Chris.
O God, please forgive them.
Holy shit! Holy shit!
Theyre gone, Kevin said. Stay close behind me and
keep up, understand? Lets go!
We went to where the people came. Bodies were everywhere, all of them missing of a few body parts, mostly arms and
chests and heads, blown away from the gunfire. The flood water
was all red. I puked.
Just a little further, Holly! Come on!
There! There! I see it! Omar said.
My insides jumbled to knotted twists, pushing stuff out
of my mouth until I ran dry. A couple of fighter jets screamed at
the sky on top of us. Chris stood me straight, sometimes dragging me against the road as we ran. His body warmth provided
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less, if no relief from the cold. I lost track of where we went, but
we got to an alley where there was less massacre but with more
debris and floodwater. Suddenly, the pain from the enigmatic
bump on my stomach screamed once again, burning the whole
of me. It was too much; I curled on the road, stopping us in our
tracks.
Come on, we have to keep moving! Kevin said.
You have to get up Holly. Were gonna get killed out
here!
Fuck! Its killing me!
Get her up now!
The gunshots and screams returned, and that time it was
getting closer, coming for all of us. I turned back, and at the end
of the very road were in, a horde of people was running towards us, bullets raining after them from a caravan of murderous monsters. Holy shit!
Kevin screamed with everything he got. Get up! Get
up! Lets go! Keep moving, keep moving! Go! Go! Go! My partner carried me on his arms as we ran for our lives, with adrenaline provided him with the strength he needed and more. The
flood and the immense debris on the road slowed our run. I saw
people on our tail falling to the ground one by one as bullets
pierced their heads and chest in an explosion of guts and blood.
The soldiers were killing off everyone in this country to curb the
formation of any resistance against the rule Neumann would
found once his plans were done. Funny that just yesterday we
scrambled to get to the base to ask for their help, only to turn out
the other way around. The rain acted as our camouflage, and out
of some miracle we ran without a single bullet piercing us. My
stomach was killing me, but it was actually tolerable, with adrenaline acting as my pain-killer. I held the camera, and sure
enough it was documenting a hell of a chase, action and violence
our audiences would love.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
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Which fucking way is it?! Chris screamed.

Straight ahead! said Omar.
A line of smoke emerged from the top floor of a building ahead, racing towards the soldiers behind us, apparently a
rocket-propelled grenade. Then, against the mist of the rain, tiny
flashes of light appeared and the noise of gunfire screamed right
at our faces. Armed locals suddenly popped up everywhere, and
we were right in the middle of their ambush, right in the kill
zone, in the fucking open.
Kevin!
Get out of the goddamn road! He led us to the nearest
alley he could find, away from the choke point, but not until I
saw the whole building where the rocket came from blow to a
million pieces right in front of my face. The blast was powerful
enough to knock all of us to the ground.
Son of a bitch!
Keep moving!
Chris brought me back to his arms. Are you okay? he
said, still caring despite the insane chaos were in. He showed no
sign of weakening from carrying me for a hundred miles.
Make this stop! I said.
Just a little more, come on!
The ground started vibrating at the middle of the aisle as
I saw a tank moving past us, soldiers surrounding it on all corners. The mist of the rain was our cloak. We then stopped at the
other end where another road waited, Kevin cocking the long
rifle ready and assuming the commander role. The rain was ever
stronger; everything was wet as hell.
Fucking shit, I cant see anything.
Where is that goddamn apartment? Chris said.
Three buildings away from here, said Omar.
Jesus Omar, youre bleeding all over! I said. His bandages have turned red, soaking in his blood.
Are you okay, man? Kevin asked.
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Im okay, I dont feel anything, he said.

The gunshots and explosions got fainter, indication that
the chaos was already away, so did the pain boring deep in my
stomach. I could still feel the bump. I got down from my partner.
Okay, you move when I move, understand? Kevin
said stressfully. His voice wasnt really that of the commandotype, soft but still forceful enough. When you see a tank, wait
for it to leave. They got motion-detecting sensors.
You sure you can handle it, Holly? said Chris.
Im fine. Dont worry about me.
Our walk along the roadside was precarious, and the
first few steps brought no trouble. Power lines drowned in the
road, but they didnt electrocute us. It was silent for a while, of
course excluding the deafening rain. The gunshots and cannons
were still faint. At a corner of another small intersection, Kevin
stopped again.
See that? He pointed to a burned-up 7/11 store on the
other side of the road. Well get killed the longer we stay out
here. There should be a storage room in there or something. We
will wait it out and get the hell out of here after weve come up
with something. Agreed?
How long do we have to wait? I said.
I dont know, as long as we have somewhere to lie
down on and think things through. Alright, me and Omar will
go first. And so they did, running like they were in a middle of
a crossfire. They checked the store and from their gestures, it
seemed we found an alternative refuge.
Come on! Kevin said.
And so we did follow after much hesitation, and we got
to the asylum in one piece. I thought I heard an engine starting.
My partner checked on me again, to which I responded okay.
Only a quarter of the store got roasted, but it was a total
mess, chairs and food cabinets and Slurpees and wine spread on
the floor. Long wooden planks marked with some kind of Farsi
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letter, a hook with dots and commas all over it, replaced the
glass windows. The smell of expiration reeked. Four or five rotting bodies lay on the side. On one corner was a metal door.
Help me with this, Chris, said Kevin. I kept looking
for any signs of trouble outside as the two of them scrutinized
the door, until I noticed the pain Omar was enduring. He was
even more noticeably pale, the whole of body pouring with
blood. I went to tend for him.
Are you okay?
Holly, here, Kevin said, throwing me his bag of medic
stuff. Inject him with a couple more of that morphine.
Dont Holly, please, said Omar. You need it more
than I do.
Shut up. Your family needs you. We need you to stay
alive. We cant do this without you. I wrapped his wounds and
injected him as instructed. Pus and blood oozed through the
bandages. His skin was so hot; he had a fever. It required no
doctoral degree to figure out that his body was being overwhelmed with infection.
He needs antibiotics! I said.
The two managed to get the door opened, and inside
they were welcomed with screams of people, hiding from the
carnage. Who are they?
People, locals, said Chris. I brought Omar inside the
storage room where more than a dozen Iranians flocked in helplessness. Much of them were children and adolescents, one was
pregnant and the rest were fathers and old bearded folk. They
were scared to death when we got in, with Kevin looking exactly
like the monsters hunting them down. They were sickly and appeared next to being dead; they had been here forever.
Please, calm down, said Kevin. We are not here to
hurt you. Were here to help. Keep quiet! Omar did the job of
translating. An old, rather smart-looking, man in a loose robe
spoke for the group. Desperation was all over him.
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He says, please dont kill us, Omar said. We didnt

do anything wrong.
How long have you been here? I said.
He says this has been their home since the start of the
war. They havent eaten a decent meal in the past three days.
The soldiers are killing everyone they see. They dont understand why they do this to them.
A traitor brought this upon you, one of ours, I said.
Im so sorry for everything weve done.
He says, dont be sorry for what others are responsible
for. It wasnt you. Chris looked at me, implying hes been right
about this being all my doing. Still, they were wrong.
Can we stay here for a little while? Chris said.
He says you cant stay here. It is not safe. They want to
get out of here.
Shomamitoonikekomakamkonid? the man said.
Can you help us?
The soldiers are all over the city, said Kevin. They
will definitely see you, and before you even know it youll all be
dead.
Are there anyone else other than you? I said.
Yes, Omar translated. They believe there is a big refugee camp just a few miles west of this place where everybody is
staying. There is enough food and water for everyone there. It is
the safest place we could be.
He then looked at us with a pleading gaze. We have to
help these people.
We have enough problems already, Omar. We barely
made it out of there on ourselves.
The man started talking again. He says Allah will grant
you anything you want if you help His people.
Yeah, but your god wont make all of us bulletproof,
would he?
Omar started coughing hard, continuous, running him
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out of breath. The freakish sound he made from the vibrations of

his throat scared me. His whole bodys getting infected. We
have to give him something now.
Im< fine, please, he said.
Medicine? the old guy said. He then showed us a bottle with some kind of black fluid in it, apparently an exotic drug.
He was about to give it to me when he started blabbing again.
He says< they will give it to you if< you agree to take
them out of here.
You dont understand, said Kevin. You will all die if
you take one step out of there. It is safer for you, for her, to stay.
He says she< she cannot give birth in this filth. They
cant take care of the baby here. She needs somewhere safe. Four
of them have already died in this place. They cant stay here.
Tell them if they know a way out of here, Chris said.
Yes< there is a He coughed hard again.
Give us the bottle now! I said.
No, you< help! Help. Us! the old man demanded.
Kevin took it from his hand, and I put it straight to our
guides mouth. For a moment, I thought it was going to erupt in
an armed confrontation. We will help you, said Kevin. But
you must tell us the way out of this place. The man nodded,
apparently understanding him, and then readied the rest.
Were doing the right thing for them, right? Kevin said
to my partner.
Its what they want, Chris said.
Theyll all get killed out there.
The same will happen if they stay here anyway, I said.
Its better to give them at least a fighting chance. You feeling
better now Omar?
Yeah, he said, though his wellness was not apparent
in his face. He then pulled out the LeBron cap we brought him.
You had it the whole time?
He smiled and put the cap where it should be. This is
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now my most prized possession. Im not letting go of this.

A kid then approached me and handed a half-filled bottle of water with a few pieces of bread. It was heart-warming.
Kheily mamnoon, I said to him, an expression of thanks.
The rain stopped, said Kevin. Everybody ready? Tell
them to go whenever and wherever I go, okay?
Can you walk, Omar?
Dont worry, Holly. I can do this.
Were just gonna check outside, said Kevin. Chris
you come with me. The locals stuffed everything useful in the
room into their bags, mothers and fathers dressing up their
children as if we were going on a field trip. The pregnant ones
husband offered his cuddles and presence. I could see her fat
legs stained with stripes of blood. I turned away from them; I
could not handle one more death in my head.
Omar then pulled me to him. Thank you< for everything you did for me, he said, ever so deeply.
Of course. You dont have to thank me for something
that I should do.
I hope you can forgive me.
He was talking about Neumann. No, we already talked
about this. You were a victim. It wasnt you.
Its not that, its< Im afraid I havent told you the
whole truth yet. You are making a huge mistake.
It felt ominous. What do you mean?
I know why youre here, he said.
What?!
I couldnt tell you. He wont let me.
Who? I said. Who?! Why am I here, Omar?
He
Its clear, Chris suddenly showed up. Well get out of
here now. Tell them to form a tight group Omar. Come on, Holly. He then pulled me from him, from the truth. Omar was
looking at me, and with his lips he was sorry again. I was dying
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to find out that truth, to reason out the nightmare I endured and
to blame the ones truly responsible. The folks clustered as they
got out of the room. Kevin was on prone at the entrance; his
burden just grew exponentially huge with more souls depending
on him. The rain has indeed stopped, the water almost emptied
on the road. Faint were the sounds of violence.
12:59.
Omar, Kevin said, tell them to stick right behind me
and dont ever fall out of their group. Walk wherever and whenever I go, alright? Now, which way to go?
Straight through this road and go right after two blocks
and then straight through a railway. The camp is marked with
that same letter on that piece of wood. There should also be a
small train there that we could use.
You sure that place exists?
He said yes, Omar said. The imam promised to save
all of them, to keep them safe.
What is he, like your prophet or something?
Our savior.
We were about to put ourselves once again in the path of
certain demise, but it was a risk we need to take. I didnt complain about finding my parents as per Kevins huge point of
them being the monsters leverage. The plan was to get out, get
help, come back, and save them. The Samaritan child kept looking at me from behind, but I didnt make any bond with him or
any of the children in the flock. If they were to die, which was
almost assured in this case, and I was still attached to them, as I
was with Aliya, my brain would collapse in and on itself like a
black hole. I couldnt take lives on my hands like they were mine
to save, now that I couldnt even assure mine.
Keep close behind me, Kevin said, his gun readied,
Chris right by my side. Our breaths and steps were rather loud.
Omar never faced me again for the truth he shouldve given me.
The folks were apparently sickened seeing the corpses of their
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brethren spread across the road. I was totally wrong about fearing them; we were all victims of a lunacy.
A faint sound of a tank stopped us. Where is that?
Dont stop moving, Kevin said. Lets go.
A couple of tall buildings with a huge mosaic of bullet
holes were at the first block. The folks anticipation to escape this
nightmare was apparent. More helicopters and jets flew past us,
positioning for the final attack.
Chris turned around. Wait, wait, somethings moving
back there.
What? Where?
At the far end of the road, I saw some sort of long metal
tube, but it blended well with the hue of its surroundings that I
could hardly see it. What is that? I said.
Come on, we have not much time, Kevin insisted.
I think theres really something over there. I zoomed
in with my camera. I heard our faintest breaths as all of us stared
wondrously at the structure. The tube started moving, taking
with it some sort of a large metal hull and a tread. We froze.
Slowly, the tube pointed right where we were. Then, my blood
drained out of me.
Holy
Everybody down!
Instinct threw me to the ground just as the bullet-laden
wall we walked against blew to dust, the explosion pushing me
to the other side of the road. Everything turned white and dim,
the sounds faint. My ears screamed as loud as never before. I felt
like drowning, lost, desperately reaching for something to cling
on, but there was nothing. Chris was probably shaking me, but I
was a cold corpse. And slowly, the white world I was in faded
back to my dark reality. We were in a dust cloud, concrete and
debris swirling around. A hand was right above me. Thinking it
was Chris, I reached for its end, but it was warm and wet and
tender with something hard at its center. I looked at the severed
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All She Lost.

hand, and it was violent enough to wake me.

I could hear my partner calling. Chris! Help me!He
immediately came to my aid, brought me to his shoulders and
rushed me out.
Are you okay?
Chris! Omar! Come on! Kevin screamed from outside
the cloud. That tank is coming for us!
What< what about the others? I said.
Theyre all dead. Theyre all fucking dead!
I stepped on something soft and slippery. Entangled on
my shoes were intestines and skin, fresh and red with blood. The
cloud cleared a bit, and all around me were the Iranians severed
into million pieces, almost as if they were creamed from a blender. Fingers and heads and guts were everywhere, soaking in
pure red. The Samaritan kids head lay severed on the side, a
large piece of metal lodged on his forehead. I lost my breath and
puked all of a sudden. I could hear the tank coming.
Chris! Come on! Kevin shouted.
We got out of the cloud, my other two male companions
apparently undamaged. Chris had my camera. The radio was
screaming. All units, all units. This is Alpha Dog. Beast has eyes
on the target. I repeat, eyes on the target at Beasts position. Proceed and apprehend.
Son of a bitch, were gonna get boxed in!
Then, I heard a sign of life, a scream for help. Wait!
Wait! Someones still alive back there!
We cant go back! Chris said.
They need my help! Let go! I screamed, then pushed
him away and ran back. The cloud has cleared and at the end of
the road, the tank slowly crawled towards us, the tube pointed
right at me. Against the carnage, I saw a woman waving her
arms, half of her body stuck in a large boulder.
Get back here right now, goddamn it! Kevin said.
What the hell are you doing?!
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The debris was too heavy even with the adrenaline rush
inside me. The tank was now ever closer. I pulled her out with
her hands, screaming with everything Ive got, but like tender
beef meat, her muscles snapped apart and her torso just ripped
off her hips. Her guts got spread on the road, her juices spilled
all over her. She screamed until she just turned off. Just as I
thought that I already got over the violence of this place, my
head went into havoc again. I was horrified. I killed her. I succumbed to paranoia throughout our escape.
Holly, come on! Chris said, dragging me out.
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Kevin let off a few rounds from his rifle to the oncoming
mechanized monster, only to ricochet against its thick metal armor. Come on, move! Move! Move your ass!
Motherfucker!
The way that womans body replayed in my head over
and over again. I was too disturbed to keep track of where we
went, but we took many abrupt turns and went through tight
spaces, gunfire raging on every one. Kevin was up against the
entire battalion, his single rifle battling tanks and rockets and
grenades, we taking cover under his almost inexistent shield.
The locals kept on their assault in an act of revolt. The next time I
noticed, we were behind a tall pile of cinder blocks.
Shit, Im out of bullets, said Kevin. Where the fuck is
my pistol?
We have to keep moving! Chris said.
Yeah, no fucking shit! Were trapped!
There, down there! said Omar. Down there. I think
there is underground bunker inside. Come on!
I puked almost ceaselessly, so much so that I might have
drowned the entire city with my bodily fluids. Omar led us to a
concealed staircase on the side of a half-blown building, which
went down an average-sized room flooded toe-high and filled
with metal gas drums and wooden crates, far from the trove he
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promised. A large hole on ceiling provided illumination, rainwater still dripping from it. Chris put me down on top of a crate,
but my body seemed to be five times as heavy, flaming with
pain from hell. All my partner could do was press himself
against me and ask whether I felt okay. The men breathed hard
and deep, pressed against the damp walls, apparent of exhaustion after our dive right in the sea of fire and violence. The rain
washed away the blood from Omar, and the morphine has taken
its toll on him.
Were never getting out of this, are we? I said, crying.
Im not so sure about that anymore, Kevin said.
Come on, man, said Chris. That rail station should
not be far away from here.
Even if we get in those trains, their helicopters and jets
are going to blow us sky high. The only thing we could do right
now is wait until all of them are gone. During the night might be
our best shot to escape.
How about my family? Omar said.
Are you seriously still gonna go out there? Chris said.
Its a fucking warzone, man. Yeah, I think we should stay here
and take a rest. Well move out at night. We need you, Omar. We
dont know where to go and what well do. We have to figure
this thing out together. Omar didnt answer.
You think someone would come and help us? I said.
I dont know, said Kevin. But you uploaded you videos, right? Maybe someone will.
Dont worry too much, Holly. Were gonna be fine,
Chris said, as if I was a little kid who needed a lie to feel better. I
almost burst into anger again, but it was inappropriate. I knew
we were all alone; no one would ever come for us. Any spark of
hope was laughable. We were never getting out.
I was shaking. Those people< we left them<
We knew what was going to happen to them, anyway,
said Kevin.
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All She Lost.

Why are we still alive? How are we still< alive?

Maybe God still has plans for you.That explosion obliterated all of those people in a snap, which should have easily
vaporized us as well, but it didnt. It seemed that God and that
fucking monster conspired with one another to fuck my life.
Ending the world still wasnt enough that they had me involved
in this pile of shit.
I hate him. Why me? Why fucking me? I saw Omar
look at me. Why? He looked away.
Hey, can you hold on to this for me, Chris said, giving
me his lucky Playoffs charm.
What am I supposed to do with this?
Just hold on to it. Its very important to me.
We should all get some rest, Kevin said. Its been a
very long day, and I can only assume its gonna get even fucking
longer. How are you feeling, Omar, my friend?
He didnt respond. Omar?
Yeah?
You okay?
What time is it? He said that rather stressfully.
What did you say?
What time is it?
Its thirty to two, said Chris. Why?
Something collapsed above, an entire wall, startling all
of us. Shut up! Shut up! said Kevin.
I tried to get up, and retreated to the darkest part of the
room. Holy shit, holy shit!
We all froze. Shut up! Dont move. The engine of the
tanks and the treads pressing against the road were loud. The
ground was vibrating, pouring dust all over me. All of us looked
up the hole.
Theyre gonna find us!
Shut the fuck up, Holly, said Kevin.
Im so sorry.
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All She Lost.

Shut up, Om
Jesus Christ. We were all startled.
Omar< what are you doing?
Im sorry. I have to do this.
Omar, I said. Were your friends. Dont do this.
You dont understand. They need me. My family needs
me. He is going to kill them.
Drop the gun, Omar.
He had Kevins pistol, and with his shivering weary
arms, he aimed them at our commandos head. Only his two
fingers held the magazine. He was crying. I could hear the army
was right above us. My family needs me.
Omar, please, if you fire that gun, they will kill us all,
said Kevin. You will never find your family.
They will take me to him. He said if I take you to him,
he will bring my family back. That was our deal.
I was shitting my pants. Omar, I said. I beg you<
My family need me!
Listen, you dont have to do this, Kevin said, his arms
on his head. Well gonna get help, and we will bring your family back. Remember, that was our plan.
You cant stop him, no one can. It is inevitable. It is
larger than all of us. No matter what we do, we are too late.
Omar, said Chris. Put down the gun. Remember everything weve been through. I will take a bullet for you, you
know that. Put down the gun, please.
He then looked at me. His gaze showed his innocence,
that he didnt want this, but still he would do anything for his
family. Holly< do you really want to know why you are really
here?
Omar<
Love, he said. He was smiling. Love.
Hey, did you hear that? said the soldiers outside.
Im not a bad man, Holly. I just have no choice.
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All She Lost.

I know Omar, I know but this is not the way to fix this
mess. We can still figure things out.
We already tried everything, and everything well
think of will just fail. I have to do this. I have no other choice.
Please<
Im so sorry. He then smacked the gun against the top
of Kevins spine, instantly knocking him out. Chris tried pouncing on top of him but Omar was surprisingly agile, aiming the
gun at him before he could move. Im so sorry Chris. He
pulled the trigger, the bullet bursting Chris chest and dropping
him to the wet concrete. Omar pointed the barrel at me, stained
with my partners blood.
Omar, please!
Hey, check down there. I heard something! the soldiers outside shouted.
I hope you understand, Holly. I never want to do this
to you. Im so sorry.
I could feel the bones of my legs slowly crumbling. I
dont wanna die Omar! I dont wanna die! I just wanna go home!
I thought you are our friend. Please, you promised to keep me
safe, remember? Omar!
He turned away, crying heavily, the gun shaking violently. I saw he was fighting it, the need to kill me over the life of
his family. But it wasnt fair. The last thing I saw was the barrel
of the pistol swinging right to my head. For a few seconds I still
had my consciousness.
Allahu akbar, he said.

pg. 409

All She Lost.

Chapter

23.
I WISHED EVERYTHING was another of my brains elaborate
and vivid construct, a big daydream, resulting from my constant
exposure to violence and blood. I wished I had just returned
home when I had the chance. I wished I turned the other way
back in that marble monument. I wished I was never here, that I
was in the sanctuary of my own home. I have reached the deepest point of the chasm of helplessness and despair where I have
buried myself, where there was no other end, no way out. One of
the last persons I trusted and could only trust, indeed an extreme rarity in this fucking world, have singlehandedly destroyed the last flicker of hope I had. Being one of the gifted
ones, Omar mustve been on Neumanns sights for quite some
time, and through that email he sent Judd weeks ago he mustve
told him to have me tortured in this country and retrieve the
codes with us for him. But why would Judd, my closest of
pg. 410

All She Lost.

friends, almost a brother of my own, lie to us, to me? That monster had his family, but he shouldve at least told us or contacted
the CIA or something, and avoid this whole big fucking mess.
And, of course that all important question, why fucking me?
That monster couldve chosen nine billion other more insignificant human beings to fuck with. Omar provided an extremely
ambiguous answer, but it couldnt be that love, that ridiculously
overrated emotion, would want me to suffer all the hell in the
world for nothing. Being the special sucks, fucking sucks in my
case. I had no one else to trust. I was all alone, on my own.
I felt I was being pushed on a wheelchair; the ground
was rather smooth. I could not open my eyes, or they might have
wrapped my head on a thick black bandage. My arms and legs
were strapped tight against the cold metal bars of the mobile
chair. I couldnt talk or produce a single tone; something soft
and mushy was stuffed in my mouth. I was dizzy, in pain. For a
couple of times a brief flash of yellow orangey light got to my
eyes. The smell was of meat and blood. My ears were still ringing. I was never getting out of this shithole. Any notion saying
otherwise was comical, ridiculous, absurd, bullshit. I did save
the world from certain destruction, which should be enough
compromise for all the deaths I caused when I get to heaven. But
still, bullshit.
I thought it couldnt be more painful, but the feeling that
I already had salvation right at the palm of my hands, that I already celebrated it, that I had it in my grasp, only to suddenly
vanish to thin air, never to come back, was arguably worse than
hell itself. It was like seeing a ship for the first time after being
stranded in the middle of the sea for months. You wave and
scream for help, only to see the ship moving past you, away
from you, into the horizon, leaving you to certain death. I should
be going home right now, but destiny or God or whatever other
metaphysical entity couldnt just stop fucking my life.
They pushed my cart against a wall and unwound the
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All She Lost.

tight wrap on my neck. They pulled the sack from my head. I

couldnt see anything clear, my eyes still blurred. I spat the ball
of tissue stuffed in my mouth, all red with blood, after which I
screamed help up to heaven. It was cold, reeking. I tried trashing myself, but the restraints were resilient. I screamed again.
No one will come for you.
I was stopped with his voice, croaky and deep, echoing
throughout the big hall we seemed to be in. I looked up. The
shape of a tall man in a grey dress was in front of me, standing
by a spotlight, his edges brightened. My eyes slowly cleared and
the shape became more pronounced. His elongated head was
outlined with something white. He moved a few steps forward,
and there he was. I saw him, the lunatic, the monster.
I have to admit, I underestimated you Ms. Thompson. I
had everything planned out for this grand venture of mine, but
you are the one thing I least expected to happen, let alone interfere with my cause. And for that you have my respect.
I couldnt control it. You< you fuck! You fucking monster! You burn in hell you son of a bitch! Where are my parents?!
Where are they?! Please! Where are my parents?!
You hacked into my system and uploaded my files and
your footage to the Web. He laughed. Isnt it really funny that
the smallest, almost ignorable faults can fuck you the worst?
Please! Where are they?!
Did you like the little show we made for you? Theyre
such sick motherfucking bastards like me. We work well together. Too bad we couldnt work out our differences in the end
though we wanted the same thing.
Where are my parents?!
You think youll gonna get them back after everything
youve done to me? You almost destroyed everything I have
worked and sacrificed for much of my life. You think you can
still get away with this?
Please, just let me see them! Please! I need to say sorry
pg. 412

All She Lost.

to my parents! I need< I need them to forgive me.

Your efforts to stop the inevitable, to stop me, are very
laudable. But youre too late. The clocks in motion. No one, not
even God, can stop me now. Soon enough the whole world will
come crumbling down and a whole utopia will rise from the
ashes where there is no war and power. Everyone will be equal.
And I will be their savior<
Fuck you! You heartless monster! You< fucking monster! I screamed, followed by an outburst of tears. The room
was dark with a couple of spotlights pointed at us breaking it,
the ground moist and dark with long estuaries of some viscous
red fluid. I noticed my camera by the spotlight. Mucous clogged
my nose from smelling the rot. Long metal chains, some with
large hooks at the end, scattered all across the floor near me. I
could feel my fingers tingling from the tight restraints. I couldnt
see anyone behind him but the place must be crawling with his
minions. He let me cry my eyes out as he stood by the light,
chuckling, as if the sorrow of one was something that could
please. But I couldnt blame him; hes a heartless motherfucking
monster.
Why are you doing this to me? I said. Why dont you
just get on with it and kill me?!
Im not gonna kill you, yet. A human life like yours is
very precious now that Im about to start a new world.
Why me?! Why did you have to ruin my life for this?
Fuck you, why me?!
I anticipated his answer. He smirked. Im not gonna
spoil the surprise, Ms. Thompson. But I assure you, itll surprise
the hell out of you.
If you want to destroy the world, why did you have to
do all of this to me?! Why did you kill my friends? We have
nothing to do with whatever it is you want to do!
You really have no idea, do you?
Where is my family?! Where are Chris and Kevin?
pg. 413

All She Lost.

I am not a monster, Ms. Thompson, he said. I am a

savior, a patriot of the world. I did tell you why Im doing this,
which is why I didnt kill you back in my plane. Any person of
sound mind would understand my cause. The world is filled
with traitors, those who think the world is theirs to keep. Those
who think they can rule over everything! Those who think<
they could just kill innocent lives for the sake of keeping their
fucking illusion of power!
Isnt that what youre trying to do? Isnt that what
youre trying to do?! Youre gonna kill billions of people to have
the world for yourself! What would be left for you to rule? Everybody will be dead!
He smiled. Thats why I like you, Ms. Thompson. You
still have the guts to scream at me like that though you know I
could kill you right now.
Where are my parents?! Please!
We are living a lie. Freedom is the biggest lie. Everyone
thinks they control their own lives but they dont. The powerful
has every single person on this Earth in their prison where we
are made to do whatever the fuck they want. They make us use
the things they want us to use, eat what they want us to eat, do
what they want us to do. We think were safe in our homes, but
were never safe, not even by a bit. I have seen the truth, Ms.
Thompson. The government spies on its people. They kill them,
they steal from them. I exposed all of that to the world, and I
have ignited their spirit to protect their homes against those who
abuse their power.
He was behind all of it, the worst crisis the world has
seen in recent history. He apparently released all those classified
black ops documents that sparked the biggest outrage America
has ever seen. And youre happy with what youve done? The
world is in chaos. Civilization will fall apart
But thats the point. We need to start over, he said. I
will never allow my children, my family, to grow in a world run
pg. 414

All She Lost.

by abuse and corruption.

You have a family? Do they have any idea what youre
doing? If you love them, why are you letting them die in your
fucking lunacy?
You have no idea what youre saying.
They are going to die if you do this!
Theyre dead! I was silenced, my mouth trembling.
For the first time, I saw a hint of sadness, of vulnerability, to his
soul. Do you have any idea how they died? After the operation,
after they killed Christopher, they made me swear never to tell
anyone about the barbarism they did. I didnt. Five days later, I
came home late at night. I saw my wife dipping in the bath, with
a wire lodged in her neck. I ran to my kids; they were sleeping,
until I took off their blankets. Their throats were slit open. Their
eyes were still open wide; they were terrified, and I wasnt there.
I wasnt there for them! He paused, the corner of his eyes shining from a tear about to fall. So you tell me< who is the real
monster now?
You think your family would be happy if they see what
youre doing? I said.
Are you trying to lecture me what is right and wrong?
You have no fucking idea. The ISIS is just a small bullet in the
long list of dark agendas of your so-called sovereign. The 9/11
attacks, monopoly of all nuclear arms, bombing of every single
town in this region, global control< cant you just see?
Please, just let me go. I have nothing to do with this! I
cried. I want to go home!
He was speaking with pressure. I am here to make everything right, dont you understand that?! The society we made
is fucked up. But by starting over and with the proper guidance,
a perfect world will usher in. Thats all I wanted to do.
And you think you have what it takes to lead the
world? I said.
I know what I would be doing, Ms. Thompson. But I
pg. 415

All She Lost.

assure you, this end will be the beginning of something great. It

was really creepy every time he went existential, talking about
his plan of world purification like a deranged preacher. He was
really consumed with what he was trying to do.
Why did you have to kill all those people?
You mean the Iranians? he said. They dont deserve
to live, so does every single person on this planet. All of them
have been poisoned with the lies of the world we made.
Then who would be left for you to lead?
I dont know, Ms. Thompson. Maybe you. But I do consider the possibility that mankind would not survive this cleansing at all, which I think is the better outcome. Better for all of us
to perish than live in the cages of evil. Maybe, Im Gods next
chosen one, like Noah. I am here to finish what he should have.
Creation needs to be purified, cleansed. Thats what the old man
used to tell me, and I believed him.
What do you want from me?!
Dont you remember? You have something that belongs to me. Where are the codes, Ms. Thompson?
I was frozen. The codes were the most important thing
in the world, worth a billion human and an almost infinite nonhuman lives, perhaps the only collection in the entire cosmos,
but somehow I got my mind of them. I<
He moved closer. Where< are< the codes?!
My head was an absolute void. I couldnt think of nothing but the codes ever since this whole thing started. I knew I
had it. I knew I had it, but< I lost them, I said.
I dont think I like your answer.
I dont know! I dont know! Too many things happened
and I might have dropped them, I dont know!
The world needs to change for the better of man, and
youre gonna deprive everyone of that chance?
I dont know! Okay?! I< it might be back in the city, in
the< in the 7/11 store. I might have left the codes there.
pg. 416

All She Lost.

He smiled. You really think that lie would save your

life? Or your friends?
Please! Please! Please! Just let me go!
Im not gonna ask you again.
I dont know!
Screams of pain then emanated from the dark side of the
room. Looks like I have no other choice, he said. Gears and
the metal chains screeched above us, almost deafening. What
looked like dark honey dripped on my head. Slowly, a shape of a
human emerged from the dark, pushed by two other army men.
It was upside down, hanged on a hook like a butchered pig.
When it got against the light, its army outfit became apparent.
Blood was dripping from its hands. They took off the sack from
its head.
Kevin! His face was all bruised up, his nose broken,
his eyes swollen. A couple of his fingers were torn off. The metal
hook tore through his legs. He wasnt moving, or breathing. A
white tape covered his mouth. Kevin! Kevin!
Neumann pulled out a gun and aimed it at his head.
No, no, no, please! Please! Dont kill him!
I try not to be violent. It would be against the very fundamentals of the world Im trying to build, but it seems to be the
only option. The prospect of death is a strong motivator.
Please, I dont know where the codes are. I really dont
know!
He stared at me, the pistol on my commandos head.
Im gonna count to five. Youre gonna tell me where the codes
are, or Im gonna blow his head off.
The veins on my neck were about to explode. Please!
Please! I dont know!
One< two<
Please! I dont know where it is!
< three, four<
Dont kill him!
pg. 417

All She Lost.

Kevin started moving, and his eyes instantly locked on

me, widened. He was screaming for me.
Please, for the love of God!
I want you to see what youve done, Ms. Thompson.
No!
He ripped the tape from his mouth. Holly! Tell my family, I love them! Please! Tell my wife Im sorry! Tell them I love
them!
He pulled the trigger, and the bullet tore right through
his skull, blowing the top and much of his brains off. He was
looking at me; I saw his eyes and the end of his mouth light up
as the projectile penetrated his head. His lips went loose, his
tongue hanged out of his mouth. I flailed and thrashed, screaming as hard as I could. Another life has been taken, and I was
behind it.
You did this to him, Ms. Thompson.
Motherfucker!
Youre gonna tell me now?
Why dont you just kill me?!
He snapped his fingers, and the gear mechanism above
us activated again. The other men dragged Kevins body to the
dark corner as another approached the light. Neumann cocked
his gun. He was smiling.
You know this would all be unnecessary if you just tell
me where the codes are. The next one was alive, screaming,
flailing to fall out of his restraints. His small physique and his
voice were rather familiar. He was screaming my name.
No, no, please, please! I said.
I did know every single thing you were planning to do.
I got that a really fascinating feeling of being a god, watching
over another human being, having that power to control their
actions and destiny. But it was a luxury I sadly had no time for.
The new world requires a very dedicated leader. Little did I
know you two would grow to be a threat.
pg. 418

All She Lost.

Chris! Chris!
Gideon was supposed to tear you two apart, but you
managed to kill one of my best men.
They removed the sack from him. Chris head was totally red from the blood rushing to his brain, veins bulging against
his skin. A tape was in his mouth, but I knew he was screaming
for me too. His white arms had large areas of discoloration.
Please dont kill him!
You know what I am asking for. You have the power to
keep your boyfriend alive.He pointed the gun to his head.
No, no, no, no! Please!
One<
Ill take you to the codes! I know where they are! Just
let him go! I take you to them!
Oh my God, you are a terrible liar. Two<
The pressure of the situation woke every single cell in
my body. Its ironic that we actually feel more alive when faced
with certain death. Still, I couldnt recall the place where I left
them, or the person to whom I handed them over. My lungs contracted and expanded as such of my heart. My cords stretched to
their breaking point, but I could still scream my helpless pleads
to the heartless monster. My world was falling apart, and the
single person I have left was about to die, but I couldnt do anything.
Three<
Let him go! Please! Please! I am telling you the truth, I
dont know where it is! I yelled at him, my voice of a deranged
maniac. How many times do I have to tell you? Killing him
wont do anything. I dont know where they are.
He lowered the gun. I understand you want to save
mankind, nine or ten billion human beings on this holy Earth
who did nothing but waste everything the planet gave to them.
Their ignorance and stupidity and arrogance made them think
they are the most powerful thing creation made. He moved
pg. 419

All She Lost.

around. Are those the kind of people you want to save? You
want to save a bunch of ungrateful, uncivilized pigs who barely
even know who you are and have taken you for granted?
Those are lives youre going to take, innocent lives. Its
not their fault that you lost your family. Think of the children,
the future youre gonna take away<
Not their fault? One day, they will be leaders, they will
be presidents. They will be< holding power only to themselves,
abusing the weak and getting away with it as if it was nothing!
Were all the same, Ms. Thompson, dont you know that? Give a
man power and riches and you will see just how cruel and selfish they can be.
Like you?
No. I told you I am their savior. I will save them from
their prison! I will bring a new world free from those fucking
pigs, like you!
I lost it. Well, go ahead! Kill him if you want! I dont
want to live in your world! Kill me! Kill me right now! You will
never find those maps! You will be hanged for everything you
did! You will never get away from this!
He laughed. Youre still hopeful? Youre not gonna die,
Ms. Thompson, at least when I allow it. You would play an important role in the new world I will make. But I can take the life
of your dearly beloved if you dont give them to me right now.
I dont know where they are!
He laughed once again, and was clearly losing his patience. He threw the gun to the floor. Youre making this very
difficult for yourself and him. He whistled, after which a soldier pushed a wheeled metal table to him. It had scissors, knifes,
scalpels, tongs and all kinds of surgical apparatus. I ran out of
breath.
What are you gonna do to him?
I now realize guns are boring, he said. You cant really see the emotion of death. And since you dont want to coopepg. 420

All She Lost.

rate<
No, no, just stop, okay, just stop! He grabbed a scalpel
and tore Chris shirt in two, revealing his muscular and bruised
chest. His gunshot wound clotted; they were indeed sewed. A
long white scar running through his abdomen, almost identical
to mine, was noticeable. Chris stiffened, flailing all around but
the metal chains were just too strong.
You know sometimes, I also get surprised myself on
how humans can be so cruel. Maybe its in our innate nature, but
if everyones as devilish as those fucking pigs, we wouldve been
extinct a long time ago, but no. There is good in us. Until it hit
me, its power. The fact that only a single percentage of humans
on earth have power gives room for abuse, corruption, evil.
Power is the real source of evil. Im here to get rid of that.
I looked at my partners eyes the whole time, constantly
pleading for his forgiveness, his soaking with tears. He was gonna die and I was right there with him, but I couldnt do anything
about it. Im sorry. Im sorry.
I am going to blow all the nuclear bombs of this country tonight, he said, and then a lie would be revealed, the lie of
freedom and sanctity. But through me they will be truly freed.
The world will be rid of power and evil. A new age will begin,
where everyone and everything will be equal, fair.
My partners eyes burned with raw anger to the monster. He pointed the sharp tip of a scalpel to Chris stomach, and
before he could pierce it, it hit me out of nowhere, the last location where I last saw the codes. No, no, no, please. I< I remember where the codes are, I said. I left them at the airbase, back
at Kevins room. Im sure, thats where I last saw them. I know
theyre there. He kept the knife on him. Im telling you the
truth! Thats where I last saw the codes. Im sure theyre
there!Still, he just kept looking at me, silent, apparently not believing. What more do you want from me?! I told you where
they are! Let him go! Let us go, please! Were gonna get out of
pg. 421

All She Lost.

here and well not gonna interfere with your plans, we promise.
Please, just let us go!
So, youre just gonna let the whole world burn? He
laughed senselessly once again, and then glanced the time on his
wrist. The knife swayed right on Chris face. Have I told you
that I wanted to be a doctor? I always had that fascination with
how the human body works.
Please! Please! I cried.
Dont you want to see what your boyfriends really
made of?
Stop! No! He lodged the tip of the knife on his stomach, and slowly made his way to the other side, tearing his
skin apart and draining a whole lot of blood. Chris was apparently in hell, screaming and violently thrashing as the knife
made a long incision along his abdomen. For some reason, I felt
something tingling on that very part of mine too.
Stop! Stop! Stop! For the love of God, please! I yelled.
Neumann knelt down and looked at my partners face,
drowning with his own blood and sweat. With every breath,
blood oozed out from the slit on his stomach. He was still
screaming. The monster had the knife on Chris face. It took me
a while to understand why he did it, he said. It didnt make
any sense to me, but it did eventually. Love is such a stupid,
dangerous thing, you know. Once it buries itself to someone, it
will never stop corrupting the mind, driving one to do terrible
things, even bring their loved ones in danger of certain death.
My hands were shaking unconsciously, cold, and I
couldnt even make a full breath. My lips and the whole of my
windpipe all dried up. My head felt like collapsing in itself, my
skull crushing my brain to a singularity. I could see the pleasure
and satisfaction he was having on torturing us, a window to his
twisted mind I never thought I had when I first saw him. He was
never gonna listen to me, no matter how much tear I let out, no
matter how many please I say, but what better could I do?
pg. 422

All She Lost.

What more do you want from us? I already told you.

Do you want to hear his voice again? he said.
Please, dont do this.
He then ripped the tape off of Chris mouth, blood splattering out of it. Screams of excruciation went out next. Holly!
he shouted. Holly! I love< you!
Chris! You fucking monster! The map is back at the
base! You can have it for all I care! Let him go!
Neumann looked at me, straight, expressing of frustration. And suddenly, he drove the knife right through his naval,
bursting blood out of the cut. You really think Im stupid?!
Chris!
He walked to me with such anger. You think youll
make me believe your fucking lies?! You think youre over me?!
Now Im gonna make you pay. You will pay for what hes done
to me. You will never get out of this place, you and everyone in
this motherfucking country! Cut him down!
Chris then landed head first and then on his back on the
floor, the chain banging on his head. His teeth were all red,
drowning in blood, almost as if he endured Jesus flogging. He
never stopped screaming. He curled on the floor, until Neumann
ran to him and kicked his back repeatedly. All I did was scream
for him to stop. He didnt.
You think you< can steal< everything from me!
Stop!
I will kill< all of you! Stick that< to your and that old
fools< thick monkey skull! he screamed with every kick to my
partners backside. When he stopped, Chris remained completely still, nonresponsive, seemingly dead. I was silenced. He spit
on him, then took a deep breath and fixed his grey coat with
Chris blood all over it. He coughed hard, his beating proving
strenuous to his old ass.
That was fun, he said, breathing heavily.
He still wasnt moving. Chris< Jesus Christ!
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All She Lost.

You have to understand something. Actions have consequences. Yours is just right for what you did to me. He then
reached for something deep in his coat.
Fuck you!
Im afraid, like all people around you, Im also not being entirely honest. He pulled a couple pieces of paper out, and
showed them to me. The codes were in his hands. I am truly
sorry for everything I did to you, he said. But youll soon
know that Im not the one responsible for this. Treason is something I dont tolerate. Well, Im just gonna leave you here with
him. He moved out. He had the codes all along.
I trembled. You< you fuck<!
Oh, before I forgot. Bring Omar here! Two soldiers
pushed our chauffeur, handcuffed, into the room. He looked the
same the last time he pointed a gun at my face. The very moment he saw me strapped in a chair, he apologized for countless
times, something I didnt take in. My partner was dead, bleeding
out, lying on the floor. How stupid of me to think that he lied to
me, that he betrayed me, and right in front of my eyes, hes gone,
dead. My eyes froze on his body; I was drooling. Hes dead. And
the monster had the codes all along. Now, humankind was assured of extinction because of me.
I would like to thank you for your service to me, Omar.
He was my eyes and ears to your every move, dont you know
that, Ms. Thompson. But he still got me the codes, so thank you.
I am a man of my word, so Ill let you have your family back.
Bring them in! The sound of womanly fright filled my ears, and
then from the dark emerged two young ladies, one taller than
the other, and a mother. They wore the traditional Muslim outfit.
They shrieked with the sight of Omar, he too with the sight of
them.
Papa! Papa! the younglings said.
Oh Allah! Its okay, my dekheter. Its gonna be okay.
Neumann picked up the gun he dropped. No, really, I
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All She Lost.

really appreciate what you did for me, Omar. I took care of your
family. I didnt touch them or let my men rape them. So, why
dont you say I love you to them? Come on.
Omar was shaking. No, no, no, please. You promised!
I promised youll get them back. Now, you say it!
He was crying. Please, no<
Say it!
Papa< the youngest one said.
Omar looked at his family with such emotion. I< love
you. Right then, Neumann shot the all three of them in the
chest and head, their bodies falling to the floor like flies. Air ran
out of Omar, and slowly his feet melted with the sight of his
family massacred. Like me, he was there in front of them, but he
did nothing. He couldnt do anything. I remained silent, still
overwhelmed with everything that happened. With his hands
bound, Omar crawled to his wife and children, and caressed
their faces one last time while bathing them in his tears.
Your job was too easy, Omar, Neumann said. You
just have to bring the codes to me, and you would have been a
big happy family once again. But you have to tell these two my
plans, and look at us now, a big pile of mess! They wouldnt
have died if you just followed me, Omar.
He brought his wife to his arms and screamed to the
ceiling; I could tell he was sorry for what he brought upon them.
His cry went through me, but I showed no sign of sadness. I
couldnt. Then, remorselessly, inhumanely, monstrously, Neumann shot him, the bullet passing though Omars chest. The shot
screamed in the hall, almost deafening. His body fell on top of
his family, as if still protecting them. I didnt scream or shriek or
thrash myself. I was just left with my eyes absolutely pouring.
He then faced me, his gun lowered. Your excursions
have cost me quite enough, young lady, he said, wiping the
blood on his coat, but like I said, Im not gonna kill you. Something tells me that we should be seeing each other again soon,
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that is if you survive the army bombing the hell out of his place
any minute now. Remember, in the conference? I know you saw
me. If you ever survive, a brand new world awaits for you. He
moved out, but not until he told me something else<
And, about your parents< theyre gone. The one who
called you was just a recording. If you want I could let you hear
their final message for you before I shot them. But I guess youve
had enough for today. Your sisters, theyre safe with your parents, if you know what I mean. It was very nice knowing you,
Ms. Thompson. If you will excuse me, Im just going to hunt
down your boyfriends allies.
He left, and so did the rest of his men. Other than the
ring in my ears, it was a sea of silence. I didnt know for how
long I stared at their corpses, the ones who have been dragging
me away from my certain demise, the ones who I depended on.
Ive always thought I would be the one to die first, with me being the vulnerable one, but in a big fucking irony of things, all
those who were supposed to keep me alive, all dead. The harbinger of the Grim Reaper, a curse that trod the land, thats what
I was. Every single person I came across with, all dead. I remembered the family portrait Kevin had on his room back in the
base, and the faces of those who died because of me the futures
I single-handedly destroyed. It was all on me. Aliya< she would
have been part of a generation that Iran waited for a long time, a
generation that would spark revolution in the country, but right
in my grasp, she perished. Matt would have eventually joined
our band of extreme journalists and see the day when we take
over mainstream news. Omars children< they might be among
those who would change the whole country for good. Chris<
we wouldve started a family together, living through life, and
perhaps spark a radical change in our own right. All of them,
they all fought for me, for a cause that was doomed from the
very beginning. Their death was on me, and soon enough, all of
mankind as well.
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Futurists were right; the planet is destined to destruction

from the very life that depended on it. The virus that is humankind will eventually infect the whole system that is our planet
until it crashes and destroys the whole thing. I have long accepted this truth, with the insane developments in technology
accompanied with the increasing instability of sovereigns making it seem that its only a matter of time before the next World
War would break out. Its just that I never expected in my whole
fucking life that I myself would play a big part in this ultimate
fate of the world. It was quite a transition a 23-year old journalist nobody to the destroyer of earth.
I could hear faint explosions and helicopter engine from
where I was. I figured I was above ground, otherwise the noise
wouldnt have been that crisp. The countdown to my end has
finally come. I would leave this planet, bearing the legacy of being the killer of billions of living souls. Maybe Neumann was
right, the world we made is fucked up. Maybe it really needs to
start over again. Even if I thought about it otherwise, there was
nothing I could do. The bombs got closer and closer by the moment. That was it, the end. There was no escape.
I called on Chris, wanting for his tight embrace in light
of my impending end, but he remained still on his side. I called
him again, and again, but nothing. I couldnt see his face, but
more importantly, I couldnt apologize for everything I did to
him. I brought him to this. His parents died without him on their
side, where he was needed the most. Like a fool, I kept blaming
him for something I totally did to myself. I didnt know if he
could hear me, but his soul might still be around, so I scream
sorry to him. The ceiling slowly crumbled, dust pouring on
their corpses. I was about to die, about to face the lives I destroyed, and soon enough, the billion souls of humankind. I
hoped God would forgive me for what I did, for my stupidity,
for letting his creation get destroyed. I know he is the King of
pardons, but my case might be too stiff for any forgiveness.
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All She Lost.

I grew tired, tired of everything. I faced the ceiling and

waited for a bomb to vaporize my soul to heaven. I got nothing
else to live for, nothing else to do. The world is a terrifying place,
and I guess its for the best to leave it to its inevitable fate. The
hell with it. I never actually thought I would be glad the moment
I die.
I closed my eyes. At last, Im gonna die.

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All She Lost.

Chapter

24.
SEE, WHAT DID I tell you? She was right. I cant believe
weve been fools! How did we not see this, man?
Jesus Christ.
Weve been fighting for the fucking enemy. We just
killed hundreds of innocent people! Why does the president do
nothing about this?
He cut off communications, remember? And hes too
busy figuring out how to deal with the black ops leak and his
other shits.
Well, this shit will definitely get everybody killed. We
better tell somebody about this right now.
Jacobs has been telling me about that conspiracy for a
long time. Jesus, I shouldve taken him more seriously.
What? He knew about it? Why didnt you tell us?
Would you idiots believe it? I mean, weve known the
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general our whole lives. We even shared drinks with him, and
Im not just gonna believe some crazy conspiracy against him.
And its Jacobs man, you never know what stuff hes been taking
ever since his wife broke up with him. But how could Neumann
possibly gain control of all nukes around the world? Arent they
encrypted or something?
Hes got hackers, man. Or all governments handed him
their codes to their missiles. Hes president of a military corporation, right?
How is she back there, Erik?
Still cold. Not moving, but shes breathing. Man, how
are we gonna figure this thing out? Its just the three of us. How
in the world would we possibly take on this lunatic?
I dont know. Well just have to figure something out.
Its already 4. Its almost nighttime. Were not gonna do
this. I mean, I dont wanna die man!
Then stop freaking out and help me figure this thing
out, okay?
How? Neumann has all of our weapons. If he finds out
were onto something, hell get us all killed.
No, no. The commanders have no idea about this, and I
think so do much of the others. If we show them the tape, he
would have nowhere to run. You got the tape right?
Yeah, yeah, right here. Holy shit, you have to see the
stuff thats in here. They got through a whole lot of shit, man. Oh
my God, hey dude, look at this.
The fuck is that?
They cut her stomach, man.
Holy fucking shit!
Does it have anything with Neumanns face on it?
Wait, oh yeah, yeah. She< actually got to talk to him,
look at this. And whoa, youre in here too, man. What the fuck
are you doing here?
I told you, I saw her back in the base. She said she was
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looking for the general so I gave her a short ride. She went down
by the tanks and she first told me there, about the general. Put
that thing back in here.
The lieutenants gotta be looking for us right now. You
gotta hurry up.
What, so he could get that bomb?
What does he want from that thing anyway? What if it
blows up, I mean, were all gonna die! And who has the codes
on that thing?
Probably Neumann. If Hollys right, the lives of everyone lie upon us killing this guy. What a fucking lunatic!
The turbulence of wherever I was brought me back from
the depths I was supposed to never come back from. Their voices, I thought, were residues from the depository of my brain being drained out of me before I go to the next realm. I felt my
body pressed against a cushion seat, vibrating and squeaking
with mechanical noises. Flashes of orange street lights made my
eyes open. I was most likely in hell, with heaven unlikely to have
orangey glows and shaky rooms. I couldnt complain; better for
me to be in the inferno than suffer the hell that is the world.
Then, blurry, I saw a mans face, round and light, come near
mine, looking like a normal human being, far from the horny
monstrosities I expected.
Hey, guys, shes awake. Are you alright, miss?
I groaned. Where am I? Am I dead?
Brian, you gotta talk to your girl. Ill drive the car.
Where am I?
Holly, you remember me? A squashed face was on top
of me. My head took a while to process the visual input. Are
you okay?
Brian? Are you dead?
We came to save you. Were taking you out of here.
I realized I was in a car. Like a man just waking up just
minutes before work, I rose from the seat and looked all around
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All She Lost.

me. There were no flames or sharp corroded structures or the

bright red sky distinctive of hell. I hyperventilated, in disbelief.
Im still alive, still in this nightmare. I wailed. No, no, no, no!
Please, whats going on?
Im still here? Im still alive?!
You have to calm down!
She got messed up pretty bad, another voice said.
What the fuck did he do to her?
I pressed my head against the seat, devastated that I still
havent escaped this misery. I so wanted to be dead, but my
curse always was one step ahead. What did I do to deserve
this?! Why dont you just kill me now?! No, no!
Im here for you, said Brian, caressing my back. We
are here for you. Tell us what we could do. I didnt respond.
Shit, is that the best you can do? said another voice,
apparently teasing.
Will you shut the fuck up? Youre not helping, Malcolm. He kept rubbing my back, but it was of no help at all. I
could hear helicopters and gunfire and explosions going off all
around us.
Good thing we got to you in time, he said. The entire
armys gonna pummel this whole place to the ground. Listen,
Im sorry for not listening to you. I shouldve helped you back
there. And Im also sorry for the way I acted to you. Youre just
so pretty and
Come on, you really think she needs to hear that?
You< Malcolm I swear Im gonna pummel my fucking
gun on your face.
Im just helping man.
Where are you taking me? I said.
Were taking you back to the base. You were right, Holly. I shouldve listened to you. We are going to stop Neumann
from whatever he is planning to do.
Paranoia overwhelmed me. I turned back to face him,
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and when I saw the military uniforms they wore, I freaked out,
terrified of him and all of them. I was surrounded by monsters. I
thrashed myself all over the car, kicking the hell out of the nearest one from me. Brian was shaken, my Nike shoes impacting his
chest. The black guy went from the front seat to restrain me. The
driver almost lost control of the car.
Please, Holly! Were here to help you!
Let go of me! I yelled. You killed my parents! You
killed all my friends! You fucking monsters, let go of me!
What the fuck is wrong with her?
Im so sorry for this, miss. Something pricked my arm,
after which a tingly sensation quickly spread and then drained
my strength out of my body. The black one brought me down; I
couldnt move, no matter how I wanted to. My bones were made
concrete stiff.
What the fuck did you do?! said Brian.
Its the new sedative they gave me. It paralyzes the
whole body without making the victim sleep.
Are you fucking nuts?!
What do you want me to do, let her kick our ass? The
drugs only gonna last for ten minutes. Im really so sorry, miss.
Why dont you just kill me now? Please, just kill me
now! I said.
Holly, Brian said. Were not here to hurt you, understand?
It turned out that the drug also blew the cloud out of my
head, and the paranoia clogging my sanity. Brian? Is that you?
Y< yeah, its me, you remember.
The paralysis felt weird, alien. Apparently, it didnt
freeze my internal muscles and those on my head, which would
otherwise kill me, but it induced panic in me, almost like I was
strapped again in that chair, forced to witness his massacre of
the only people I have left. I< I couldnt move! What did you
do to me?!
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All She Lost.

Its just a tranquilizer miss. It will keep you still for only ten minutes, and dont worry about it. It will do you no harm.
Im Malcolm, by the way. We actually already met in the base,
unofficially.
We saw you strapped on that chair, said Brian. We
thought you were dead. Who did this to you?
Neu< Neumann, I was trembling. I started freaking
out, forcing my body to flail but the drug was just too strong.
Neumann, he did this to me! He did this to me! He killed all of
them! He killed them!
Just calm down, Holly. Were here now, dont worry.
Motherfucking bastard, I shouldve known.
Where did you come from? How did you find me?
Remember when we first saw each other? Lieutenant
Ford called the commanders of the two smallest platoons in the
corps to a briefing. He said we had an order from Neumann to
get a huge cargo full of ammo from the edge of the city to the
base. One of the helicopters apparently dropped it. It was a huge
container, barely fitted in our cargo truck.
Like those in ports but only medium sized, Malcolm
barged in. When we got to the container, the rebels were hacking it open. Of course, we killed them all. And this little canister
sat in the middle with all those long wires spread all over the
place<
It was a nuclear bomb, said Brian. It has a remote
detonator. Its not yet armed, but we cant disarm it. The detonators surgically attached to the fissile material. It might trigger
the chain reaction if we move it. The only way to keep it from
blowing up is to prevent it from being armed or enter some
deactivation codes or something.
There are deactivation codes. I had them, I said, but
he took them all, even the launch codes.
Looks like were going to take it from him, said Erik.
He wants to kill all of you before you learn of his sepg. 434

All She Lost.

cret, I said. Where is it?

We left it a few miles west of the base. I had my men
guarding it. We are heading there right now.
But how did you find me?
I actually found you, miss, said the driver. When we
were heading out in this area for the attack, I stopped to pee and
then I saw a jeep and one of our Abrams going on the other road
towards the helicopter where you were. I dont know where it
came from I kind of sensed something fishy.
It wasnt just Neumann. He told me General Marcus is
his best friend. Theyre accomplices.
Jacobs kept telling me that exact shit about the general, said the driver. I didnt take him seriously. Seems that our
top command is filled with traitors.
After all these time, you didnt even have the slightest
doubt? I said. Did you even know hes killing people right in
your backyard? Hes murdering hundreds of them, on the other
side of that big wall; I saw all of them. You didnt even notice?
We had no idea, said Malcolm. It was all they could
say for the hundreds of innocent souls butchered for someones
ridiculous dream of world domination. Its all they could fucking do.
Brian grabbed the radio. Four, whats your status?
Its all clear so far one two, no ones attacking us.
Where the hell are you?
Five minutes out, were coming.
Let me just say, your escape was insanely sick! said
Malcolm. I watched everything from hangar three. When you
floored it at the runway with that jumbo jet taking off, I knew
you were gonna crash. But holy shit, you made it!
So I followed them. The rain never let them see me, but
I saw how he just< massacred all those people running. I know
they werent rebels. So I called these two knuckleheads, and the
next thing I knew they were blabbing that they have a nuclear
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All She Lost.

bomb in their hands. Im Erik by the way.

Wait, where is Chris? I said.
You mean, you have somebody else with<?
Yeah, where is he?! Hes with me in that room! Did you
leave him? They all looked down.
Im so sorry, Holly.
Where?!
We didnt see him, said Brian. We didnt see anyone.
The room was empty, but we did recover your camera. No one
else was there, Holly.
What?! He was right in front of me! How could you not
see him? He was with me the whole time!
Im sorry.
How about Kevin and Omar and his family? They were
with me!
Youre the only one there. Im sorry were too late.
I acted like they were still alive, like they could still be
saved, until I remembered what became of them. Theyre all
dead, and he even took their bodies away, maybe to fucking eat
or display like mannequins or make them his sex dolls like the
necrophiliac that fucking monster is. I dont know for how many
times Ive felt like theres no point in me existing, carrying on in
this noble quest of saving the only abode of life in the cosmos,
but right then it reached its absolute. Everyones dead, but me.
He has the codes, and a few hours from then the whole world
would bathe in a fiery inferno, wiping everything and every living soul with it. I couldnt fathom a way out of this, even a tiny
light at the end of this dark fucking tunnel, or a silver lining, a
way through which I would still be alive. If my story was made
into a movie, or a novel, it would turn out awful, pan-worthy,
with my plot going in a constant crash without seeing the slightest light of day. I already gave it all, my friends more so, in giving this world a fighting chance to live another century or two,
but it seemed theres just no way. Besides, who am I kidding,
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All She Lost.

me, nothing but a forsaken, spoiled fucking brat who never appreciated what others did for her, saving the world? Even with
these guys on my side, arguably more capable than my previous
deceased company, it would likely turn into a disaster like it always have. I am a walking curse.
Youre all gonna die if you take me with you, I said.
What are you talking about? said Brian, right by me.
You have to leave me here. I cant< I cant kill another
soul anymore. You shouldve left me to rot in that seat.
Malcolm, I thought you said that drug would do nothing to her.
No, I swear. She might be too traumatized, man.
Please, leave me alone! Throw me away! Kill me!
Holly, listen to me! Brian gripped my arm hard, but I
couldnt feel a thing. Im not gonna do that same mistake I did.
Im never letting you go again. Ill never let anything happen to
you, understand? Everythings gonna be okay.
No its not! No matter what we do, were never gonna
stop him! Were all gonna die, dont you get that?! We tried everything! We tried all that we could! But I still failed. I failed everyone! I ki< I killed all my friends and family! I lied to them! So
just kill me, I dont want to live anymore!
Tears flowed constantly out of my eyes, though I didnt
feel the tickle of the drops nor the cold. The paralysis didnt stop
the spasms that came with extreme emotions. Then all of a sudden, Brian pressed his lips against mine, caressing it with his, his
hands rubbing my face. I couldnt feel a thing, I couldnt fight it.
But for some reason, I calmed me down, allowed air to get really
deep into me. I couldnt say I liked it, but it did help.
Things will be different now, he said. Im here. Were
gonna stop it, or well die trying. Im not gonna leave you. His
gaze was assuring, which did made me a bit confident that he
would be there with me until the end. It might seem too bitchy
of me to find another man just after my boyfriend died, but I
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All She Lost.

couldnt refuse his charity. I nodded to him.

Thats my boy, said Malcolm, laughing out loud.
There, there, I see it, said Erik. Theres the container.
A dozen or so men surrounded the slightly torn metal container.
Thank God theyre all alive.
You stay right here, Holly, Brian said. Erik parked the
car. Im just gonna take care of this.
The paralysis took longer than what it should. Its been
ten minutes, why am I not moving yet?!
Just relax maam, it will wear off anytime soon, said
Malcolm. They all went out of the car.
The immense clouds which bore the hellish rain earlier
tore apart in the dusk sky, revealing a lighter shade of blue slowly being consumed by the night. The explosions and gunfire
from the distance sounded as if they were drum beats. I could
now move my fingers, and shortly thereafter my legs and left
arm went responsive. All I could think of was Brian and his men
soon falling to my curse; they would all die, they would all die.
But they were right: much of the personnel on the base have no
idea that they harbor monsters on their lair. But once that secret
has been let loose, fire would rain down on those motherfuckers.
Theoretically, that plan should be foolproof provided that we let
the secret out in time. I looked at my watch 4:39. Once the
hands breach six oclock, the end could be at any moment by
then. I felt quite a bit aroused from the new light that unexpectedly came, but still, with all the previous lights all went off, I
wasnt entirely sure this would last long enough.
Malcolm opened one of the side doors and reached for
something in the seats. Oh, the tranquilizer wore off. Dont
worry, you will stand any second now.
We need to tell the commanders right now! I said.
Were running out of time.
Were trying to call the base, but it seemed they shut
down the network, he said. We cant contact any of the compg. 438

All She Lost.

manders, but I think I know a way through. Were figuring it out

right now.
You think this will work, the plan?
Affirmative. Neumann might have the weapons, but as
we say in the corps, without me, a weapon is nothing. The commander is the second most powerful guy in the base, and once
he discovers this, hes gonna send those two motherfuckers to
hell.
Okay.
Hey, you know my mans gotta big crush on you. No, I
think its more than that, like he really loves you.
What? Brian?
Yeah, so I suggest you dont break my mans heart.
Why?
Hes persistent, and youre his second. Hes that kind of
guy who always wants to get things done. And he really gets
crazy when he doesnt get something. Hes a true soldier, a true
friend, and once he has your back, he never let it go. Youre very
lucky to have his heart.
But I have<
What? A boyfriend?
Yes, but< hes dead.
Im so sorry about that, he said. But thats something
you have in common. He got his first killed a few years ago,
which is why hes here.
What? Why? Did he kill her?
His eyes bulged. Shit, I said too much. Okay, he< told
me they were doing this picnic that time. He had a gun on his
trunk. And the girl had some kind of personal issue with her
mom I think. Brian left her to get some firewood and the next
thing he knew, his girlfriend shot herself. When her parents
knew about it, they blamed him. So he had no choice. Please
dont ever tell him I told you this.
Jesus.
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All She Lost.

But you are in real good hands. And I know he will

never let you get away again. I didnt know what to feel about
my newfound relation, which seemed baseless, considering
Brian only got to know me for a few minutes when I was very
preoccupied. But it seemed I was more charming to some than I
thought, and it just earned me a new unexpected ally. It also
seemed that every guy I met have some sob back-story: Chris
just lost his parents, Omar got his family kidnapped, Kevin got
his family destroyed, Neumann had his daughters and friend
killed, Matt lived alone in life, and Brian lost his first girlfriend,
made worse with the fact that everybody thought he himself was
responsible. This just goes to show that there cant be absolute
happiness in this world.
I forced the paralysis out of my body, and soon enough I
sat straight. I was inside a Humvee, with three rows of seats and
a whole lot of equipment and ammo stuffed in bags all over the
car. I sat in the back seats. Brian and Malcolm fixed some kind of
comms apparatus. He looked at me through the window, but he
didnt see me. It was too early to say that I have feelings of attachment and affection for him, but he seemed totally into saving me. Hes better than nothing. I did think for a split second
that he was another of those double-crossers, but why would he?
Well, at least I hoped so.
The radio suddenly spoke with a womans voice. All
units, all units, return to the base as ordered. Repeat, all units
return to base. This is a direct order from the general. All units,
return to the base<.A more manly voice then spoke. Lion,
lion, this is Lieutenant Ford. Where the hell are you? The generals been looking for that cargo right now! Get back to the base
as soon as possible, copy? Copy? Lion, come in! Lion, come in!
Theyre not there, sir, the womans voice said.
Fucking impossible, go send<. The call ended. It was
obvious. The general mustve called the entire force back to the
base to have them exterminated with the hydrogen bomb right
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All She Lost.

in front of me. The magnitude of how crazy those lunatics were

cannot be measured, patriots and martyrs for a wrong cause.
And now, theyre coming to get us. I had to tell them.
I tried to open the door but the knobs were far from the
average sedan; it was locked. I messed with every lever and stick
on the door until what looked like another Humvee, but smaller,
got my attention. It was still bright enough for me to see its distinct jeep shape. It turned away from my direction and followed
more jeeps moving perpendicular to where it was a few meters
down.
The three men returned to the car. You okay, Holly?
said Brian.
Y< yeah. Wait, the lieutenant called through the radio.
I overheard him, he was going to send someone here to get the
bomb. I thought no one knows where we are.
No one does, said Malcolm, prepping a long enormous assault gun. But with their satellites, they would track our
location within five minutes.
What are we gonna do now? I said. Did you contact
the commanders?
No, our transmitters down, said Brian, also prepping
a long rifle. They would hear us if we use the radio. Were gonna stick to the original plan. The car started moving. Were
gonna bring that thing to the base so everybody would see.
We overtook the cargo truck which had the weapon of
mass destruction and led the way. Another Humvee covered the
back of the convoy. Malcolm and Brian had their assault rifles on
standby, aimed outside for any insurgent activity. The air hitting
me from the open windows was cold, slightly damp and smelled
of smoke and fire.
Four, you got the back, right? Brian called one of his
men through the radio.
You got it, one two.
What if they detonate the bomb? I said.
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All She Lost.

Lets just hope they dont.

What if they dont believe us?
Malcolm is our man right there, said Erik. Anything
this black guy says, everybody believes it.
Racist motherfucker, but yeah, dont worry about it,
he said. They will believe me for sure. I got a big mouth,
maam. And we have tangible proof right there.
So, you actually talked to Neumann? Brian said.
I didnt know who he was but I think he knew me and
what I do. He told me why hes doing this. He said< he said
Obama made ISIS to control the Middle Eastern countries, and
he killed the ambassador to Syria, Neumanns friend, who knew
of this secret. He owns the largest military corporation on Earth
and hes got his nukes ready to launch all over the planet, thousands of them!
Jesus. So much for pulling this thing off, said Erik.
Yeah, no shit, Malcolm responded.
No, we just have to tell Commander Merrick and the
others, said Brian, and well bag Neumann and all of his accomplices asses and get the codes.
Um, one two, the radio said, were seeing a convoy of
trucks on our tail, three clicks, maybe three or five of them.
You think theyre hostile?
Theyre not shooting at us. I dont see any armed personnel on the trucks. Oh, wait, they just drove away from the
road. I count< four of them. I see armed personnel on at least
one of the jeeps.
Keep your eyes peeled, four.
Roger that, one two. Have you asked her out yet? He
turned off the radio.
Theyre from the base, I said. Neumann sent them!
I dont know. Maybe.
My camera sat still on the dashboard of the car, which I
asked Brian to get. It was turned off. They wiped the blood from
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the massacre I endured that bathed it, but it still reeked. The
crack on the viewfinder slightly grew longer, reducing a fourth
of the screen to colored strips. I replayed the footage, disregarding the trauma that might fuck me again. The blood on the lens
made the video all red but shapes were still discernable. Brian
had me on his arms; I was out cold, shaking with him running
towards the cars.
Who the fuck is that man? Malcolm said on the video.
Someone I know, said Brian. Get that fucking truck
ready! Were getting out of here! The whole forces incoming!
Fours getting attacked. Theyre being surrounded!
Son of a bitch<!
I wound the video back. I stopped when I saw myself
strapped in that metal chair, paralyzed, devastated, and Neumann about to leave. He made a big mistake; he shouldve killed
me when he had the chance. In fact, he had every chance in the
world to end me, but he didnt. He thought we would see each
other again like a fucking prophet he was. And for that, he made
a big mistake, or at least Id like to think he did. Any terrorist
would never hesitate to kill all those who even remotely posed a
threat to their plans, but he didnt. He still wanted something
from me.
< very nice knowing you, Ms. Thompson, the monster said, and then left. It was all red and dark, but the spotlight
made my shape visible. For a few minutes thereafter, I stared at
the camera unconsciously, like a perfect actress for a horror movie. I didnt really see how grave my face looked like with all the
blood on the lens.
Theres a lot of dead bodies in here, said Erik.
Four, you see that convoy again? Brian said.
Thats a negative, one two.
All clear on this side, commander, said Malcolm.
Copy that.
How long do we have to go? I said.
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About fifteen minutes.

It now got darker outside, prominent sign that time was
running out. 4:56 one hour and four minutes till the end of the
world.
Well get there, said Brian. Dont worry about it.
The next time I looked at the camera, a tall lean man
stood right by where I was, cutting away my restraints. I was
startled. I could hear men scrambling behind the camera, the
lean man instructing something in Farsi. He spoke too soft for
me to identify who he was, but I still heard what he said. He was
on some kind of loose clothing, but I didnt really see. The blood
made his face blurry. He was rubbing my face.
Im so sorry, Holly, the man said, slowly, softly. Im
so sorry you have to go through all this. But you will understand, it will all be worth it. It will all be over soon, I promise.
My face crumpled when I heard those very words. He used to
tell that to me all the time, but I saw him bled to death. He
couldnt be alive. I felt a chill run down on my spine.
I will come back for you, he said, and then left.
Chris!
Who did you say? Brian said.
Oh, whoa, whoa, guys, we got something up ahead,
said Erik, slowing down the car. Brian, you better take a look at
this.
Whats the matter, one two? the radio said.
The fuck is that? said Malcolm.
Illuminated by the bright headlights of the car, a body,
apparently of a kid, was strapped tight against a concrete electric
pole a few hundred meters ahead right by the road were in, his
arms tied around the pole. My heart started beating hard once
again; shit was almost certainly about to hit. The body faced us;
it wasnt moving, most likely dead. Erik cautiously approached
the corpse, all of us keeping a keen eye on it. The body had a
thin built, his stomach abnormally bulged.
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Watch it, Erik, said Brian. That might be rigged.

I dont see any wires, said Malcolm.
What the hell is going on?
We got a kid strapped on a pole, four. I think hes
rigged. Keep an eye out for those trucks, will you? They might
have this thing set up.
Copy, we dont see anything so far.
The boy was bleeding rather excessively from the bulge,
like he just gave birth to a child or something. He was looking
down. I could feel my heart beating up my throat. Slowly, we
came ever nearer to the body.
Jesus, its just a little kid, said Malcolm.
Erik turned to us. Should we untie him at least?
Whoa, stop the car! Brian screamed. I bumped myself
to the seat as he floored the breaks. Jesus Christ!
Oh my God! Erik said. Shit! Brightened by the spotlights, a shiny transparent wire blocked the road, apparently
coming from the body to the other side. We almost snapped it,
which could have detonated an explosive somewhere. We all ran
out of breath. Watch the goddamn road!
That was fucking close, said Malcolm.
Is there another way round? I said.
Wed never make it in time, said Brian. And well get
caught if we take another route. Malcolm, get your bomb kit.
Copy. Looks like another blow job for me. He giggled,
and the two of them went out. I could see the body clearly from
inside the car.
Four, were checking out the body, said Brian.
Copy that. Were setting perimeter now.
Erik, slowly move the car back, okay? Get her away
from here.
Gruesome the sight maybe, I stared intently as the soldiers inspected the body. The rebels apparently did this to the
kid. People are such heartless monsters; they would massacre
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even the most innocent of souls just to get what they want. I
know Muslims, even jihadists alike, care as much of their brethren as their own lives, but why the hell would they forsake the
lives of their brothers just to realize their cause of spreading the
wisdom of Allah to the world, and having allegiance with what
they consider as the worst of cultures, the worst of people, the
source of all evil that is the West? For some reason, the rebels let
the traitor lay waste on their land and exterminate their people!
But Neumann sent all of the troops to eliminate all last rebel hideouts. No less complicated this shit was.
You okay, Holly? said Erik, perhaps noticing my intense concentration.
I was just thinking why they are doing this to their own
people.
You know Muslims are violent.
No, no< well, maybe to Americans, but they would
never kill one of their own.
Holly, maybe you should get some rest. Your face look
shriveled. Youve been through quite a lot. Do you feel okay?
My face did feel quite rough, haggard as hell. My head
felt a ton heavier with all the stress. I guess so, I said.
Stop thinking about this, he said. Youll get yourself
stressed to death and that is a killer, I tell you. Everythings gonna be fine now
Erik! Would you get over here for a second?! Brian
screamed. I saw the kids face, stained and small. I ran out of
breath; I saw him before. Persuading Erik with a scream, I got
out with my camera and went to the kid.
Brian welcomed me with opposition. What the hell are
you doing here, Holly? Erik, I told you to keep her in!
I know this kid! I said. I saw him in a hospital in the
middle of the city. There were hundreds of them. The rebels
have all of the children. I know he is one of them. How is he?
Well, he still has a pulse, said Malcolm. Hes alive.
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Im just gonna check whats with his stomach.

Do you know what youre doing?
With all due respect, Im both a walking doctor and a
bomb technician, which go hand in hand. Slowly, he cut the
clothing off the child with surgical scissors. In both of them,
you need to have delicate hands.
No sign of them, one two, the radio said.
Copy that, Brian said. You better get back to the car,
Holly. Its dangerous here.
Dont you think I know that?! I said. I need to check
on him. I can take care of myself.
Damn, Malcolm exclaimed.
Brians men had the convoy covered on all sides. Malcolm got rid of the childs clothes, and the kids stomach almost
made me puke. Oh my God. It was bulged to the point of ripping apart, all red and violet with thick veins making it look like
he had an alien inside him. Blood emanated from a long sew
running across his entire stomach.
I could feel something solid in here, said Malcolm,
caressing the stomach. I dont know but theres a big chance
that a bomb has been implanted on him.
I was sickened. Jesus Christ! Could you remove it?
I dont know. If we cut open the sew and get the bomb
out of him, he might die of blood loss. And from the looks of it,
he already lost quite a lot.
Then suddenly< Mama?
Oh shit! The kid spoke, startling the hell out of all of
us. He was more than fatigued, pale, running out of breath.
When he saw what became of him, he started panicking, calling
for his mother. His cry made me turn away.
Alright, alright, calm down boy, calm down, Malcolm
said to him. He didnt understand of course; the kid kept crying.
Im here for you. Were gonna get you fixed okay. Were gonna
get this nasty thing off you, understand? Now, I want you to
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calm down, let the black guy do this, okay?

Malcolm, the wires are tied to the pole, not to the kid,
said Brian. I think it wont explode if we cut this thing off.
You sure? You checked on the other side? There might
be buried IEDs down there.
I already did. Nothing.
Erik pushed me away. Better we get back on this one.
You fucking sure? Malcolm screamed. Cause Im
gonna kill you if I die out here!
Brian grabbed his scissors; he didnt have any protection
whatsoever. I couldnt call it bravery or courageousness, just
plain stupidity. Malcolm remained with the child. You sure you
know what youre doing? I said.
We have no time! We need to get the bomb out of this
place! he said. Okay, here we go!
Wait, dont cut Malcolm screamed, and without even
counting, Brian cut the lines without costing a life. Fuck!
Okay boys! Lets get out of here and bring that bomb to
the base! Well be right with you!
Wait, I said. We cant just leave that kid here!
Were not. Im letting the rest of the convoy ahead.
You sure about this, Brian? said Erik.
Its more dangerous for that bomb to be out of here.
Four, you take care of that cargo for me, will you?
The cargo truck and the other Humvee moved past us,
the men giving salutes to their commander. Roger that, sir. You
better watch your backs.
Malcolm had the child to bite on his towel as he opened
the top part of the sew, his flesh snapping open like rubber. The
child was leaking all over his face. After injecting what seemed
to be anesthesia, he reached deep inside the childs stomach and
pulled out a wooden box the size of my hands.
The fuck is that? I said. Brian opened it, a sliding panel revealing its contents. Oh, dear mother of Christ! What the
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hell is that?
A bomb, professionally-made, he said. This aint no
ordinary one. It has a pressure detonator. If this kid bumps into
something, this bomb will go off.
The kid kept crying, looking at me almost calling for me.
He was desperately gasping. Is he okay now? I said.
There still something deep inside him, said Malcolm,
untying the child. I might kill him if I take them out here. We
should get him to the base. If we dont move him that much, he
shouldnt explode.
Get the car ready, Erik, ordered Brian.
Why would they implant bombs on children? I said.
We saw the same thing when we fought the rebels last
night like I told you. The rebels made everyone run towards us,
and they just explode.
Were there any children?
Some of them, he said. I resisted imagining it; they
used those poor kids as kamikazes, suicide bombers, to fight for
something those young souls gave no fuck whatsoever.
Motherfucking cowards, I said.
Malcolm had the kid to stand up, covering him with his
bloody clothing. Shivering and breathing arduously, he was no
better with the bomb out of his body. I approached him, thinking
that a female presence would soothe him. Okay come on. Were
getting you out of there. Were gonna get you fixed, okay?
Wait, Holly, said Malcolm, looking at the kids back.
Theres something else protruding from here.
Come on, Malcolm, screamed Brian, the car approaching. Lets go. Lets get him inside!
I saw some kind of pin, small and bloody, attached with
a transparent wire to the pole. Hey, whats that thing?
Malcolm looked at it, paid it a close look, and then, instantaneously, he let go of the child, pushed him away and
dragged me to the car. Go! Go! Get back! Get the hell back!
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Whats the matter with you?!

Hes going to explode! Hes going to<
What?! I tried to go back, but the black guy was just
strong. We cant leave him!
Come on, theres nothing you can do!
No! No! No! Hes gonna die! We can still save him!
Brian came to pull me back. Whats going on?
Hes gonna blow! The kids gonna blow!
No! We need to save him!
Theres nothing you can do! Theres nothing you can
do! Come on!
Please! Hes just a kid! We need to save him! Let go! Let
go! He was crying his eyes out, a little kid left alone in the middle of a ruined city, calling for his mother. I couldnt take my
eyes off him. No matter how much I resisted, he went farther
and farther away from my reach. He kept calling for his mother,
desperate, looking nowhere but to me. He started crawling towards us, repeatedly calling for me, for his mother. And as I saw
his body vaporize into thin air, his blood rain, his parts spread
all over the place, I lost it. We managed to get behind the Humvee. For a few minutes, I had my mouth wide open, gasping for
air, and once I did, I screamed, shrieked, at the top of my lungs
like any person would do after seeing a kid blow up to a million
bits. And then, it all went blurry. I only heard their cries, unconscious of what happened next.
Get her inside, now! said Brian. Come on, go! Go!
Holy shit!
Guys, we got company! We got company!
I curled myself on my seat, screaming ceaselessly as
chaos unfolded all over me, the camera right in my face. There
were shooting and screaming and cursing and everything. The
entire car was being shredded with bullets. It was hell.
Son of a bitch! Go! Go! Go!
Get some, motherfuckers!
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HQ, this is lion. I repeat, this is lion. We are under attack, requesting immediate backup! We need backup!
Which way to go?! Which way to go?!
Brian, theyre all over us! Get us the hell out of here!
Just fucking drive, and keep fire on them!
Why dont you go get help?!
Just shut up and shoot!
One two, come in! One two! Where the hell are you?!
Were getting hammered here!
What?! Where are you? Wheres the bomb?
We are under attack! Theyre all over us!
Jesus Christ! Theyre popping everywhere! Where the
fuck are those reinforcements?!
Oh my God, please forgive us!
Brian, they have the bomb! They took the bomb!
What?!
Erik! Erik! Hes been shot!
Watch that!
My head got shoved in the tight space between the seats,
my whole body rocketing forward. Then, it felt like gravity
ceased for a few seconds, the car turning into the vacuum of
space, and the next thing I knew, my back smashed to the sharp
edges of the top of the cabin of the car and everything went
blank and black, another cut in the continuum of my existence. I
hit my back so hard I felt my insides crash against each other.
My head banged so hard to the thick metal beams of the car that
my senses just turned off. Oblivion had me for the fourth time.

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Chapter

25.
IN THE SERIES of my seemingly never-ending second chances
for dear life after what should have killed the average human
being already, I woke up surprisingly alive inside a mediumsized tent, lying in a rather soft and slightly fragrant white cushion. The same Farsi letter back in the 7/11 store was painted on
the blue tent. Three more messy beds were on the either corners
of the tent, and a small table with fist-size pieces of bread and a
cup of water right beside me waited patiently for me to eat. Just
as I reached for them, I found my left arm wrapped in bandages
and straightened out with pieces of sticks; lucky for me, the
crash broke the slightly insignificant appendage. The bread were
rather crispy and fresh, the water almost sparkling and cold. A
couple of moths danced around the orange bulb luminescence,
lizards keenly watching their every move. It was definitely far
from the torture house I expected to find myself again after bepg. 452

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ing attacked by rebels. And it definitely felt extremely frustrating

to be still breathing.
Just when I thought that having the firepower of the army would give our plan an edge towards success, it all came
crashing down like it always did. I was right once again; everything we do just turn out disastrous, unfruitful, a failure. The
rebels got their hands on the atomic bomb, our hard proof of
Neumanns lunacy, thus shutting down our last viable plan to
saving the world. Yet, for some fortuitous thing, I managed to
survive each and every tumble that plagued me in this assignment. I am, or I was, an asthmatic, a weakling, thinly-built, with
weird things popping out of my body, and for two straight days
I got raped, hammered and thrown around all kinds of beating
known to mankind but I still lived through. My body might be
more resilient than I thought, but this might also say something
else. I did things wrong, and that the universe still waits for me
to come up with the perfect plan to save everything. Bullshit. If
the cosmos wanted me to save the world, why didnt it let me?
Why didnt it bring my curse to that monster instead? Why did it
let him live? I got nothing. My friends were dead, my parents
were dead, and everybody I ever knew, dead. And soon enough
the rest of the world would too. This place was probably a secret
camp of the rebels, and I was just moments away from being
chopped to pieces and be eaten. I wrapped myself with the
clean-smelling blanket, my filth staining it. And just as I did, I
heard footsteps coming in. My time has come.
Holly? Hey, wake up.
They were the last things I expected to see again. I was
rejuvenated. Brian? Malcolm? What are you< Oh, thank God
youre alive!
What are you talking about? said Malcolm. Half of his
right cheek was bandaged. It would take more than just an ambush to annihilate us.
Just dont move that arm too much, said Brian. The
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doctors said your bones will heal in a couple of hours and you
can use that arm again. The waters real good, right?
Where the hell are we? I said.
Some kind of underground refugee camp, I think, said
Malcolm, eating the rest of my bread. There are hundreds of
people outside, survivors, hiding from people like us. I could
hear communal noises from the other side of the tent.
But thanks to you, they didnt rip us apart, said Brian.
Their leader knows who you are.
What? Me?
Hes waiting for you outside.
I required Brians rather narrow but bulky shoulders to
walk me out with my legs all tender. Other than the long scrape
running from his nose to the side of his face, he suffered no other
damages, but he looked stressed as hell. You okay?
Yeah, Im alright, he said in a non-Chris-y kind of
way. Its just Im really glad we made it, that you made it.
How about the others? Your men? Wheres Erik?
Hes dead. Still no sign of them.
Dont you think Neumann sent those men?
Doesnt matter now. Come on, hes waiting for you.
Turned out that those people from the 7/11 store were
right. It was a large communal of living souls, stuffed in a large
concrete hall twice as large as an aircraft hangar, an abandoned
nuclear facility like that in Vajehabad but a thousand times
cleaner. The locals, near to a thousand I estimated, made everything in the warehouse to their makeshift house stuff: metal canisters and small beams were reformed into tables, chairs and
double-deck beds, the cooling pools once for radioactive uranium rods into swimming pools for the mischievous, the melting
cauldrons to cooking pots. Armed men kept them arranged in a
grid, showing no coercion at all. It was the most peaceful and
organized refugee camp I saw, far from the chaotic, messy, desperate one normally expected from people running from the fire
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and death of war. Like in a colony of ants, everyone had something to do: women and mothers cooked and took care of the
younglings, the men and the other ables reinforced the walls,
carried food from inside a tunnel, and scavenged whatever was
left in the facility and made them to something of use. Resources
were rather plentiful for a refugee camp. Weirdly happy and
contented, they seemed to not mind the impending doom coming for everyone and everything, almost like they had no idea
about it. Portraits of a scarred old bearded guy scattered all over
the place, revered by the families as if he was a god.
I was left at awe. Look at this place.
Yeah, they got everything they need right here. Good
thing Neumann never found this place or theyll all be dead.
Malcolm had my camera. Look Im gonna be your cameraman now, he said. I always wanted to be behind the
scenes shooting the action. Dont worry, since Im an amateur,
this is free of charge.
Wheres the leader youre talking about?
Im not the leader of this place. What are you talking
about? a voice from my back said. It didnt become of significance to me until I saw the man where it came from. I believe the
odds of this moment unfolding right in front of my eyes were
unfathomable, astronomical, exceeding that of another Earth-like
planet existing elsewhere in the cosmos. For four years, he was
dead, rotting and eroding away in the sands of the Sahara, killed
on my account, for my little fantasy that more than once almost
had me killed myself. I almost didnt recognize him, with time
also eroding away my memory of him. He stood there like a
dressed caveman, rough hair covering his chin and head, robe
clothing his body. His skin and fat still hid the curves of his
bones but he was significantly thinner than I remember. He definitely looked happy with the sight of me, but I wasnt that much
to him. I was more spooked. I actually took a step back when he
rushed to hug me. He shouldnt be alive.
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Oh my God, I never thought I would see you again.

You have no idea how happy I am to see you.
Y< yeah, me too.
Oh my God, you look so stressed out. You feel okay?
Shes been though a lot, said Brian.
Im so sorry for that. Look, we made a buffet just for
you. I know youre all hungry. I didnt respond; I just looked at
him with an overwhelmed gaze. You seem very surprised to
see me, he said, noticing my disbelief. I started getting angry.
Its just< you never< you never even called us. We
were so devastated after you never showed up. We all thought
you were dead, Dennis. We thought you were dead! Why didnt
you call us? I thought were your family?
Im so sorry. I understand how you feel right now, but I
can explain.
Holly, you never saw each other for four years and the
first thing you do is get mad at him? Brian said.
I pushed him off, my irritation somehow eradicating the
pain in my legs. This is none of your business, Brian. You dont
know anything about this.
Sorry, but Im just supporting the guy who saved us.
You know you never changed after all these years,
said Dennis, smiling. You get mad of the simplest of things.
What?! Is it all that simple for you? We all made you a
fucking funeral, man! We didnt think wed go on with the news
now that youre gone, and now youre just gonna show up and
tell me its nothing?! Fuck you!
No, no, no, Im sorry. I shouldnt have said that. You
know how I am. I can get a little off sometimes. But listen, I have
my reasons and its gonna be a long story. Why dont I get you
guys something to eat and Ill tell you everything?
Chris is dead.
It stunned him, but not as much as I expected from the
best of all his friends. Oh, I see.
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All She Lost.

He didnt even know you were alive, Dennis, I said.

Do you know one of the first things he asked me when we came
here? He asked me if I think youre still alive, if hes gonna see
you again. And now hes fucking dead. He didnt even ask how
he died, or expressed the ultimate vengeance to the one who did,
like any fraternal brother would to his deceased. Instead, he just
looked down the whole time as I screamed at him how guilty he
should be. I then reached for the stupid lucky charm he gave my
partner and threw it to him, which he picked.
So he gave it to you, huh?
Is that all youre gonna say?
I loved him, Holly, he said. I loved all of you.
Then why did you do this to us? Im fucking tired of
my questions not getting answered, so please just tell me why.
Why didnt you show up?! Why did you leave Chris behind?!
I got afraid, okay.
What? What can you be afraid of?
I got afraid that if I showed the world the footage we
got, the militarys gonna kill all of them.
Who?
The people who saved me, and Chris too. I was silenced. I owe them my life, and I cant just let them get killed.
But< theyre in Libya.
They came here to help the people. Ill explain to you
along the way. Come on, that buffets gonna get cold. And hes
very eager to meet you, the man who saved our lives.
We then had an impromptu tour of the entire expanse of
the hall, but it wasnt the whole thing. The center was part of a
complex system of tunnels and subterranean halls that ran underneath the entire city of Tehran, which proved Matt correct.
During the Islamic revolution and the Iran-Iraq War more than
30 years ago, the minions of Khomeini somehow sculpted the
entire underground of the city to serve as a tactical advantage
against those who tried to rid them of their conservative ways.
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All She Lost.

As Dennis narrated, the soldiers transported weapons and resources to their allies all over the city through these tunnels to
avoid being detected. They were also useful for taking the enemy by surprise. But as soon as Saddam Hussein discovered this
little trick, his tanks collapsed the earth onto the soldiers, hundreds of them, together with tons of ammunition and the alleged
treasure of the Iranian leader. If he was here, Matt would have
been flipping around with joy. Only half of the original extent of
the complex was still accessible.
Where the hell are we exactly? I said.
Just outside the city, west of the base. That tunnel over
there leads to another one further out, but I think it has collapsed
already. There are five halls like this underneath Tehran, but this
one is where most people are. We have more than one thousand
locals in custody.
I noticed the large hook paint on the walls. What does
letter over there mean?
Many things, he said. But I prefer new world.
More people took refuge in the hall than I cared to
count, all hiding from the monsters I somehow managed to survive from, and as our band passed through them, they gave us
the welcome I expected. They all turned away, grimacing, pulling their kids back to their embrace as we came near them a
welcome significantly better than that we had back in the airport. Dennis assured Brian and Malcolm, who mustve felt uncomfortable as hell, that no one would throw knives or chairs on
them. He spoke Farsi as if it was his other native language. For
once, I thought I was living another dream, in the negative sense
of the phrase, like I couldnt help but think he was just a hallucination. The sight of him walking right in front of me was just a
bizarre experience.
When Judd and I founded The Valiant, he was our first
ever employee, a refugee in the world filled with ridiculously
picky and stupid news outlets. His case was way worse than
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mine, even though he was immediately hired the first time he

applied for a position. Dennis gathered news much like Lois
Lane; he only wanted to cover stuff he deemed important, not
what his editor-in-chief told him to. The same thing persists in
most, if not all, news outlets from printed media to online to television: news is made like a fucking scripted reality show, like
people are only shown of news that would earn those outlets
more viewership. And for that he got fired, so did the next six
news outlets he applied for, until he came to us. He considered
us family, the only people in his life that never turned away
from him, that let him do what he thought was right, that made
him feel free. Both of his parents abandoned him and he was
raised in a home for the aged, and even there no one really took
care of him. He schooled himself, somehow finished up to college, and looked for opportunities to push his passion, eventually crossing to our paths. Our headquarters was his home, we his
family. For the first time, he felt welcomed, belonged. So the fact
that he hid from us, that he made us think hes dead, that he lied
to us, the people who had been with him for much of his later
days, boggled me.
Did Chris ever tell you what happened when were
doing the report in Libya? said Dennis.
You got attacked on your way out of the capital and
these people saved the two of you.
So he did tell you.
How the hell could they be here?
Lucky for the two of us, we got picked up by the imam.
Hes that guy on the pictures right there.
Why are they praising him? said Malcolm.
His title means descendant of Muhammad, kinda like
Jesus. They all believe he is the last imam, the one to bring them
to salvation. They also believe he is immune from error and sin.
Looks like were gonna have quite an honor.
You will, said Dennis. For quite a while now, hes
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leading many from all over the Middle East, you know, people
in need and those in trouble. He provided them with everything
they need to live, as long as they stay loyal to him. He united
every rebel faction in this region, which made this place as
peaceful as never before. He came here when the war started.
United all rebel factions? said Brian. Then, who are
those fuckers that attacked us?
Of course some rebel groups are more resilient, even
though theyre among the last remaining militias here. Those
you fought against last night, it wasnt us. We only want to help
these people to get through this war.
I thought you worked with the general and Neumann,
said Malcolm. The accusation made Dennis laugh.
We didnt start this war, and I never even heard of that
name in my life. I assure you, it wasn't us.
A kid threw a can at Brian, starling him, and then ran
away. Dennis yelled an incomprehensible Farsi and apologized
for the youngling. You have to understand, these people have
lost everything so their feelings can get a little extreme.
But we didnt do any of this. We were betrayed!
What are you talking about?
The entire complex vibrated, the earth roaring of rocks
rubbing against each other, which made the lights blink on and
off. The onslaught of the army was apparently not over. Then, I
pressed Dennis shoulders, the pressure of the impending apocalypse returning to me.
There is a traitor, I said. His name is Jerry Neumann.
He controls the entire army. He wants everybody in this country
dead, and hes gonna launch all the nuclear bombs of Iran to destroy the world tonight!
Are you sure about this?
Why, you dont have any idea?!
Holly, its already six, Brian said. I weakened.
Jesus Christ.
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I swear to you, we have no idea about this!

Well pretty soon youll all gonna have, cause were all
gonna fucking die! I said. Good thing the locals didnt understand a word I said, otherwise the whole place would turn into a
nightmare. I didnt know what came over me but the feeling of
responsibility for the lives of billions of human beings on Earth
filled me again. You have to help us. We need your army.
We dont use our weapons to fight but only to protect.
What the hell is wrong with you?! Were all gonna die,
and youre acting like youre one of them!
I am one of them now, Holly! he said. They saved my
life and treated me as one of their own! And your just gonna tell
me to take advantage of them?
He was being ridiculous. What?! This is not about you.
Its the end of the fucking world! Do you understand that? Were
all gonna die and we need you to help us stop it!
We need your help, said Brian.
Why dont we just borrow one of their cars and a few
guns and get back to the base like what we planned? Malcolm
said. Well just use her footage as evidence.
No, said Dennis. Its too dangerous to be out there.
I dont think well get attacked twice by those motherfuckers and the armys the only other one raining hell out there.
You said there is a traitor in your command. Dont you
think hed want you dead?
He has no idea we double-crossed him.
He was the one who killed Chris! He killed my family
and every single one of our staff, Judd, everyone! He killed
every single person I knew! You have to help!
Thats why I changed my mind, said Dennis, finally
getting the severity of what was going on. I didnt realize the
whole situations worse than we thought. Im gonna talk him
out. Come on. The imams over there.
We skipped the buffet and rushed to their spiritual leadpg. 461

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ers quarters. Basically a large dusty yellow tarp raised with a

large hook in the middle and shaped to a tent with wires tied on
the beams on the ceiling, it didnt fit the title designated to him,
but it wasn't that surprising with their culture calling for detachment from material stuff. It sat against the concrete wall not
far from a dark tunnel leading God-knew-where. A couple of
armed guards lifted the cheesy veil of beads covering the entrance, greeting Dennis salaam aleikum. Inside, we caught who
looked like the imam talking to a man on a common Muslim
dress, his height fooling my head into thinking he was Chris.
The man was apparently really angry with the old one. He then
took off right through us, covering his face as if we had any idea
who he was. I did see his rather pale hands pressing against his
chest, and a reddening on his wrist.
Salaam aleikum, imam esme, greeted Dennis, matching it
with gestures of respect. From his depictions he appealed to me
as an Arabian redneck, someone who lived in the far-flung corners of the Sahara feeding on nothing but the dust blown by the
wind, lizards and other critters crawling in the dunes, balls of
camels and whatever the desert brought to him, and it seemed
that he might have been. Their detachment from material things
was apparent from his tall and bony physique, especially his
slightly hollow eyes, but he looked strong and able. His black
beard protruded taller from his head than his bony nose. His
cranial and facial hair made his head twice as big; his robe fashioned much like that in ancient Rome made him stouter than
he probably was. The long white scars running diagonally on the
side of this face only rather made him less of a badass, if not for
his body. I also thought he was a sadist who used a whip just to
tell someone to get him coffee; he did torture Omar like he told
us. But the moment he saw me he went on to give me a hug like
a father to his long lost daughter. Holding a grudge against the
West, he only nodded to my American companions, but at least
he didnt kill them. He was an extremely jolly guy, the exact oppg. 462

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posite of my first impressions.

Welcome, my friends, the imam said, his accent almost laughable, his voice slightly crooked, especially you, Ms.
Holly. I hear so many things about you from Haman.
I was surprised. Haman?
Thats what they call me here, said Dennis. I never
really liked that name.
What? But it means trustworthy and great follower, just
like you. I am truly glad I met you.
And I am so happy you rescued me out of there.
Lets not remember the past, but anticipate the future!
Clay pots of varying sizes, extremely smooth stones of
different colors and shapes, beads made into chandeliers, and
intricately embroidered carpets filled his room. Weird enough,
everything smelled of frankincense which took me by surprise.
I am so happy you are finally here, Ms. Holly.
You were expecting me?
I am eager to meet the friends of Haman, the old man
said. He always talk of you.
I thought him to speak English, said Dennis. It took
him six months to memorize the alphabet.
Well, it took you one year to say one Farsi word properly! They both laughed like the good old pals they were. The
old guy went to remove the sticks and bandages on my arm and
apply a cold, scented solution to it, accompanied with a ridiculously sounding Farsi prayer. It was good as new the moment he
let go, but it didnt appeal to me as a miracle of Allah. I was very
occupied with the things unfolding in my eyes. I offered my
thanks, nonetheless.
With all due respect sir, Brian stepped in, we need
your help. We need your men to help us stop the traitor from
destroying the world now.
He is going to fire all nuclear missiles of Iran to kill all
of us, I said. Hes gonna do it tonight!
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All we need is a few of your men, a few weapons and

vehicles. We need to show something to the commanders so we
could stop this thing.
It took a few moments for him to reply. He suddenly
went serious, his welcoming aura evaporated. You want me to
attack your own people?
No, we only need help getting there
So you can tell them where we are and kill all of us?!
Please, you dont understand, I said. You will all die
if you do nothing right now.
You say nuclear bomb? Our shelter is hundred feet underground. My people will survive any bomb. We will not interfere with your war. You Americans kill my people!
We were betrayed! said Brian.
Of course! You Americans are evil. Your own people
even betray your people. Why we help you?
He killed my family, all of my friends. He killed Chris!
He made me see how he killed every single person I knew. Ive
got nobody else left. Please<
. Chris is dead?He looked at Dennis, which acknowledged with a sad nod.
This sanctuary will not survive a nuclear attack forever, said Brian. The fallout will penetrate more than a thousand
feet from the ground, killing every living thing it reaches. You
may live days after the initial attack but you will still die. You
will starve to death. Every living thing on Earth will perish!
You underestimate the power of Allah, he said. He
will protect us from harm and bring
Your God will not save you from a nuclear attack! You
will all die in this place! Think of all your children! Think of all
the family depending on you! Please, help us save everyone. It
was blasphemous but I thought it didnt matter at times of Armageddon. His faith blinded his rationality, among the side effects of being pious that I find terrifying. I have encountered
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parents whod rather let the will of God decide the fate of their
child dying of tuberculosis than send him to a hospital. His case
was way worse; he depended on something which might not
exist at all for the lives of actual live people. I think God would
only come into play to our lives in our final moments, when He
will choose our final destination, but until then we alone control
our fate.
I will think about it.
It infuriated me; it was the most stupidest thing. What?!
Hes gonna do it tonight and youre still thinking about it?
Dennis pushed us out with me apparently pissing his
imam off. The guards by the entrance almost restrained me, but
he stopped them. Come on, he needs a moment.
Everybody will die if you dont help us right now!
I cant just tell him what to do. Hes a really powerful
guy; he controls much of the rebel groups in this region. And
you just screamed at him.
I dont give a shit!
Cant we just get out of here and borrow one of their
cars? said Malcolm. We dont have time for this. Just come
with us, Dennis! Dont you wanna get out of here?
I cant leave this place, he said. I owe them<
What?! How could you?! I said. Youd rather live in
this shithole than return to
Return to where? Return to where, Holly? I have nothing to return to back there. I have no home, no family, no nothing! All of our friends are dead
Dont you ever call them friends! You didnt give the
slightest shit about them! All of these years you hid from us just
to, what, join them?! What do you think you are, a fucking monk
or something?
I cant let them die.
And you can endure hurting the people who treated
you like family?! Thats how you repay us?!
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What would you do? he said.

I wouldve at least told them that Im still alive. They
didnt understand but everybody in the hall looked at us as we
unfolded the drama. The only thing worse than losing a loved
one is knowing that hes been hiding all along for something that
he cant even explain, and the way I treated him in our first encounter in four years should be understandable. I turned my
back from him and took off, until I realized the end of the world
had no place for personal shit. Will you just help us?
He still thought about it for a few seconds. Alright, this
way, he said, then leading us to the tunnel. We ran like anyone
faced with the impending doom of the world would. Theres
stairs in here, going up a lot where we keep all of our trucks.
Come on! How much time we have left?
None! I said. That monster could detonate the warheads anytime now.
But what the hell is he waiting for? said Malcolm.
Me. He still waits for me. I think he wants me to see
him blow the world up. Hes waiting for me.
Youve met this traitor? What does he want from you?
I have no fucking idea. He has everything, he has the
codes, he has every single life he could take away but me!
Listen, I< I know you cant forgive me. What I did was
fucked up and I know you wont understand<
Maybe we could settle this after we save the world?
Y< yeah, okay.
I knew grudges shouldnt be held for that long, and besides he hasnt really explained himself, so I cared to ease the
tension between us. Im also happy to see you. He smiled.
Good thing you dont have your asthma anymore.
Wait, you know that I have asthma?
Well, y< yeah. Chris told me one time.
The tunnels went all over the place, like the underground of Tehran was a big honeycomb. A continuous line of
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orange bulbs provided light to our way. Men carrying all sorts of
stuff went against our direction, all with piercing gazes. A group
brought a wounded one with a metal rod sticking out of his stomach, which must be from the armys continuous barrage of fire
above. Age inflicted the entire structure. Water dripped from the
ceiling almost as much as rain, drowning the tunnel floor. Rotting bars of wood kept the rocky soil from crushing all of us
alive; and seeing all the boulders that dropped from above us,
every step was unnerving.
Dont worry, said Dennis. Its been here for decades.
Thats exactly why Im afraid to walk through this
thing. For some reason, our voices didnt echo throughout the
tunnel like I thought it would, but a geologist I wasn't to figure
that out. At the end of one tunnel, I saw a lot of the imams men
seemingly arming themselves from a room with a shitload of
weapons, some angry commander or something screaming at
them, almost as if they were preparing to go to war. Dennis said
the men were to arm their posts with the threat we brought.
Suddenly, three of that old guys minions screamed and
ran for Dennis from one of the tunnels, apparently with something big for him. Our men got something from a downed
American convoy a few kilometers from here, he translated.
What American convoy? said Malcolm.
They said they bear the mark of a horse.
Stallion, said Brian.
Thats Lukes battalion man, Malcolm said. What
happened to them? Are they alive?
They were all killed. The same rebels who took you
down might be responsible for this. Were sorry were too late.
What did you find?

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Chapter

26.
THE WHOLE PLACE burst in activity, the pressure brought by
which, in addition to that from the almost assured end of mankind, kept me awake and alive, but I could feel my life force being drained out of me. I ate nothing but bread for the past two
days, and the constant running and stress and blood raining
down on me made me next to being dead. My entire head
wanted to collapse to a single point like a dying star with all the
stress. At moments, my vision got reduced to incoherent blobs of
color, and then returned normal again, only to see Aliya and
Chris heads got covered with guts and skin and then blow to a
million pieces. I puked, my insides almost rushing out of my
mouth, but nothing came out. My body seemed to be disobeying
my brain to keep pushing; it didnt move at all. Dennis ordered
his men to get me food while Brian offered to carry me all the
way. My body felt so light that I thought I floated in his arms.
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All She Lost.

The enigmatic bump hasnt disturbed me for quite a while, but

the pain turned way, way worse.
I didnt contest with our diversion again; I couldnt. And
besides, that motherfucker was waiting for me to blow the world
up. Maybe he changed his mind and realized what he was trying
to do, but that was next to impossible. His head was too fucked.
The men got us to a small enclosed space, which appeared much
of a debriefing room for soldiers with all the maps and military
paraphernalia and the hook insignia stuck to the smooth mud
wall. The imam and a few of his men surrounded a table and
inspected some kind of metal canister as big as my body with
wires sticking out of it on a wooden table. My two American
guys seemed bewildered with it.
Are you sure you got this from the convoy? said Brian.
They said they found American bodies on truck carrying this, the imam said. Do you know what is this?
Its a nuclear bomb. Everybody in the room got shaken with the most powerful weapon known to mankind right in
front of their eyes. Dennis didnt translate it to the others, but it
seemed the word bomb was something these men were used to.
I grabbed the shoulder of the nearest guy from me to see it for
myself. It didnt look like a warhead, but with all the wires and
metalwork it might be unit that would go inside the missile. The
whole thing looked like a small aquarium with four rectangular
metal bars attached to two large square metal pieces holding the
electric components together. An LED screen with a lot of green
chips and bolts and wires of varying color was bolted on three
fist-size cylinders as long as the whole thing that probably contained the fissile material and the trigger that would set the
bomb off. It seemed to work simply but there might be mechanisms inside that would fill a whole damn encyclopedia. Beside
the screen were tiny red, orange and green lights, none turned
on. A small letter H was embossed on the side; this was a hydrogen bomb. Everybody got petrified, silent, no hands anywhere
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near the bomb.

This shit looks like the same bomb Neumann ordered
us to take to the base, said Malcolm.
What do you mean? Dennis said.
He ordered us to deliver a nuclear bomb to the base. Of
course he didnt tell us.
He wants everybody in the base dead before they discover his secret, I said.
But this ones smaller, so this should have lesser fissile
material in it and should explode less stronger.
But this bomb still strong enough to destroy our home,
hurt my people? the imam said. He clearly had no idea.
If this thing blows, this whole place will be destroyed.
Everybody will be dead. But it wont destroy the whole city, or
release that much radiation in the air, though it will definitely
kill all of us here.
We want the commanders to see what twisted shit
Neumann wants to do, so we brought the bomb to the base for
them to see, said Brian. Turns out we're not the only ones he
ordered to bring nukes to the base. Then those rebels showed up.
Neumann might have those fuckers under his control.
Wait, but you said those rebels worked for Neumann.
Why did they have to attack us? Malcolm told me.
I dont know about that twisted fuck, I said. But we
can stop that if we move right now! I said. We have no time! I
ran out of strength to stand on my own. The men made me sit
and chow on the gratuities as they came. I was much obliged.
You have to help, said Brian.
Wait, theres something else here, Malcolm said, still
scrutinizing the bomb. Theres a tracer on this thing!
Everybody in the room got shaken. What? I said, my
mouth spilling with food. He knows where we are?!
He paid the bomb another closer look. No, no, its not
turned on. Its not transmitting anything.
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Oh, Jesus Christ!

There must be one stuck to our fucking bomb, said
Brian. Thats how the rebels got us. You didnt see it?
The container was dark as fuck, man. Dont blame me,
said Malcolm. I mustve moved something that activated it.
Do we have to worry about it? I said.
I dont know, but no one should ever touch this thing.
One wrong press might turn that tracer, or maybe arm this shit.
Ms. Holly, the imam said. Tell me everything you
know, everything that happened to you. It would take forever
to make him an account of all the shit that ever happened to me
in my first days in Iran, yet the shittiest in the chronicles of my
life indeed, but I knew he was already considering lending us a
hand, though it was still fucking ridiculous that he still wanted
to waste time to think about it. He looked at me intently as I narrated him the shortest version of my story possible, food all over
my chair. His other emissaries went out, leaving the five of us
and the atomic bomb. I fought the flashes of violent memories
that came with my account.
I am a journalist, I began. Chris and I were sent here
to document the war and how the people survived. But we had
this map that Chris got from a guy named David Price that
shows the location of the secret nuclear facilities of Iran, so we
decided to report that as well. Judd, my boss, hired Omar to take
us to the nuclear sites. He told us everything thats been going
on in this country: the rebels overwhelmed everything, they
killed the president, they want the nuclear bombs of Iran. He
even told me you tortured him.
Omar was brilliant scientist, the imam said. I wanted
him to join us unite region but he choose no. I have other scientists, mostly doctors, who work with us. I did not hurt him. Why
does he say that? I treated him like friend. Where is he?
Neumann killed him and his family right in front of my
eyes, and Chris and everybody else. He< Neumann had his
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family to take me to that nuclear facility to get the deactivation

codes.
Who is this Neumann?
Hes the owner of the largest weapons manufacturing
company in the world. He< worked with the rebels to kill the
president, he own all the nuclear bombs of this country and kill
every single one of your people. Hes a motherfucking monster!
He might be the reason why the others dont want to
join us, said Dennis. He might be paying them.
Is salvation of their souls not enough for them? the
imam said. I cannot believe this. Why does he do this?
He told me the American government created ISIS and
did a whole lot of atrocities over the years. He knew these secrets, so they killed his daughters. I started overreacting. Then
he killed my parents and Chris and all my staff and all those
children in the hospital! I dont know if he blames me but he
made my life hell! I dont know what the fuck he wants from
me!
How did he know you in the first place? said Dennis.
He first called me when we were going to that nuclear
facility. I dont know how he knew my name or where I was, but
he seemed to know wherever I went<
He was tracking you, said Brian.
He did, through my Smartphone.
How did you know? Malcolm said.
When we were in the base, Chris smashed the phone
So he knew that it was being tracked? said Brian.
I defended him. No, I< he said Neumann has technologies that could track us down wherever we are.
Yeah, sure but he needs to pinpoint you, which means
that he already knows who you two are.
No, man, Malcolm said. I saw in one documentary
that the NSA can use cellphones like microphones, and listen to
what millions of people say and detect those that pose a threat.
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Neumann has been listening to your every word. Maybe he

knew you were after the bombs.
I know that, I said. But I didnt say anything about
my parents and my staff! And then one time he called and made
me hear their cries as he shot all of them!
Once he knows your name, he could make an instant
background check on you. Thats where he knew who your parents were.
But still, said Brian, why would he track you down
and kill your parents if you didnt mean something to him, if he
doesnt know you?
I had the map, which turned out to be the launch codes
to Irans nuclear arsenal too. It also turned out that Neumann
made Judd to get me on this country. He threatened to kill his
family if he didnt. Neumann called me when he killed him.
Oh God, said Dennis.
Why would he want you here? said Brian, the very
question whose answer would make sense to all this motherfucking bullshit.
I wish I could answer that.
You said Chris got the map from that David, right?
said Malcolm. Where did he get the map?
Chris told me he just came to him and he gave the map
to him. He said he was an employee in G4S, which was Neumanns company. He stole the map from them. But I looked on
the database on their computer back in the base, and he wasn't
there. It might be outdated, I dont<
He lied to you, said Brian.
What? He didnt
His database is likely on the cloud, which means no
matter from what computer you look, that database is always
updated to any changes made to it by anyone, said Malcolm.
Everything is connected. The other thing might be that they
erased it before you could take a look, but I cant see why they
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would do that. He stole the map and I dont think they would
erase any connection he has to the company. He doesnt exist.
What are you saying, that he brought me to this?!
Hes the one who got the map, and how did Neumann
know your boss? said Brian.
They were all being insensitive. Why dont you ask him
yourselves?! Oh wait, hes fucking dead! I said. Neumann tortured him right in front of my eyes. He cut open his chest and
made him bleed out. So youre saying he brought me here just to
make me watch him get fucking killed?! Now, I knew a little bit
more of what Brian was like. The two went silent. My account
has turned into an investigation of who really fucked my life.
Im sorry, he said.
Now, Neumann has launch codes, said the imam, listening to our conversation intently.
Yes, I said.He also has the deactivation codes, which
can stop the nukes if they are launched in the air.
And he plans to do it tonight?
Yes.
He looked at Brian. American, you have plan?
We will deliver this bomb to the commanders and tell
them what Neumann is planning to do. Most of us have no idea
of what he is doing, and once they do, Neumann has no escape.
If hes gonna do it tonight, said Dennis, what is he
waiting for?
Hes waiting for me, I said.He is a sick fucking lunatic, like he wants me to see him blow the world.
You sure that plan will be successful? the imam said.
Better than nothing, Brian said, a shroud of uncertainty covering him.But it would be better if you let us borrow
some of your troops.
The situation has turned very dark for all of us. Im sorry if I realize it just now. Do we have time?
Not enough.
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Do you know where Neumann will launch the nuclear

bombs? said Dennis.
He should be in the base this very moment, said Brian.
Wait, he wants this bomb at the base. You think hell be
there when this blows up? said Malcolm. Hes not gonna be
there. What if we go there right now, show this shit to the commanders and hunt his ass down?
A possibility emerged from me out of nowhere. What if
he killed them all? I said. He couldve had all the commanders
killed before they know his secret. Their use to the monster has
been served, to make the whole army unknowingly exterminate
every sanctuary like this. His paid emissaries might have shot
them all, and then hed flee like a pussy to have them and the
entire army dead with the nukes. Or perhaps he would take
some of them to his secret bunker to serve as his arms and firepower for his new world. The plausibility of it made all of us
uneasy.
Jesus Christ. Do you have any radio transmitter or any
means to contact the base? said Brian. If theyre all dead, were
fucking screwed.
But would they track us here if you use that?
Dont worry about it, Malcolm said. I know how to
tweak that puppy up to be undetectable even to triangulation.
Dennis looked at the imam, apparently needing his final judgment on the trustworthiness of the two, something that I understood. I didnt really know these two guys, and with much of the
people Ive met turning out to be someone else, I still had a significant amount of suspicion to them, even though they helped
me through some shit. Hundreds of people, perhaps the highest
concentration of human beings within the expanse of this metropolis, depended on this sanctuary. In the end, after giving the
two of them a piercing look, the old guy gave his go to hand
over the lives of his people to two Westerners.
Dennis screamed at the men outside, who immediately
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brought an old, apparently busted comms equipment. Its all

we got. We dont really use that thing.
Yeah, no shit, said Malcolm.
Would that still work? said Brian.
Just let me do this. This shit just needs a lot of screws.
And keep an eye on that bomb. Tell me if anything lights up on
it or something. And no one fucking touches it, yall hear? He
then stripped the corroded covering of the equipment, revealing
a nightmare for him to fix.
I stuffed my mouth with every bit of food they gave me,
the first real buffet I had since what felt like forever. My head felt
significantly lighter. Malcolm, turning out to be our resident tech
geek, scrutinized the transmitter; the bomb lay still in the table
as it were the first time I saw it. The next thing I heard was the
imams deep, old voice reverberating through my ears.
Im so sorry, he said, placing his wrinkly hands on my
shoulders, for everything you had to go through. I assure you,
everything has a purpose. A celebrity he might be among the
hundreds of million members of the Islamic world, I didnt feel
the slightest starstruck.
Im also sorry for yelling at you earlier and for cursing
at your God. I didnt mean
No, I understand. I am not angry. How do you feel?
Im fine. Thank you very much for your food.
You want to save everybody. You want to save the
world. You will be rewarded greatly when you get to the second
life, this I assure you.
I couldnt feel relieved of his assurance, even if hes really immune from error, the ridiculousness of that might be. God
has messed up my life so much beyond the point of reverting it
back. He will reward me in the second life? Then why is he
causing so much pain in my life right now? Why did he choose
to ruin my life out of the billions of people on this planet?
Everything has purpose, my child, he said. He alone
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sees the ultimate fate of everyone and everything, and it is the

path of righteousness, of peace, of tranquility, of love, free from
any and all evil. I noticed how his English got more coherent.
We all have part to play in it.
Does the path of righteousness need my life to get all
fucked up? I said.
I am prophet, messenger of God. Everything I say come
from him, this you should believe. He promises you salvation,
for everyone too. All of us will go to heaven with him.
How did you know youre his messenger? I said. I
probably shouldnt have asked that, but like I said, I didnt give
a shit. Smiling, he didnt take it as an offense.
I just know. He came to me in my dream when I was a
kid and thats when I heard his call.
Hey man, do you have a small screwdriver and a tiny
piece of aluminum foil? Malcolm said.
Is it still working? said Dennis.
This things been around since the stone age. Its gonna
take quite a while before I get this thing to work.
Just tell us what you need.
I have exhausted the free food and recharged my body
enough to keep me going up to what might turn out as the end
of this world. The imam kept his gaze on me, which was freaky.
I want to ask you something, he said, rather intensely.
He sat next to me, the strong smell of frankincense emanating
from his beard. Why do you do this? Why do you keep pushing? You could just sit down and give up after every hardship
you go through, but you still push, even though you know you
have little chance of success. Why do you keep doing this?
I didnt know what to say, perhaps because I found his
question bizarre, like he knew of all the shit that came down on
me, and most of all there was no apparent purpose for him to
know why I persevered. Maybe he read my face or something.
But I still gave him an answer. I< I just think it needs to be
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done, the right thing to do. I cant run away from this, no one
can. So if no one will save the world, why not me?
Are you prepared to risk everything?
What do you mean? Why do you want to know?
Cant an old man care? he said. Dennis was smiling.
Well< I dont know. But, Im extremely tired of all this
shit. I want to die so bad. Im tired. I want this to end!
He stood up, and then gave me what seemed to be a
piece of his blessing, with him being a descendant of Muhammad himself. I understand. Ill leave you be. I promise you will
find salvation and peace, very soon.
Tell me<, I said. Will we find him? Will we make it
through this? It was a sign of absolute desperation; I would
trust no word from him. Things that would be would likely not
change at all with whatever shit hed say, but I guessed a lie
would make me feel better in these dark times.
Yes, he said. Good will prevail, like it always has. I
nodded begrudgingly.
Goddamn it! screamed Brian. Its not working!
Just calm down, dude, said Malcolm. I got this.
How can you be so positive all the time?
Cause I can fix this, okay? Just chill.
American, the imam said. Do you have other plan if
this not work?
Brian was on edge. If Neumann had them all killed, we
cant do anything. I dont really know if he really had the other
battalions paid to work for him.
You have to let him borrow your troops, I said.
The Americans will kill them. They will think he is our
hostage. I will not sacrifice life of my brothers for nothing, said
the imam. He maintained his resolve. Im sorry.
I will take them, said Dennis. They will think Im one
of them. We were about to leave this bomb showed up.
But we still dont know where the hell Neumann is,
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said Malcolm. Where are we gonna go? Even if the commanders are alive and the others will believe us, itll take us forever to
track him down this city. We dont have that.
I could call him, said Brian. Yeah. I could call him.
Who?
Neumann. I know his radio. All commanders do.
Holy shit! And you just thought about that now! He
then rushed to get the machine working.
What are you gonna do? Ask him where he is? I said.
Are you crazy? He will track us down.
No, no, he wont. Arent you listening to me? He wont
cause Im working on it, Malcolm said, his confidence rather
annoying. I could also tap to his phone and listen to his conversations and maybe track where he is, but were gonna need
computers with that. Anyway, Brian and that bastard are basically best buddies.
I think I could make him say where he is, said Brian.
Hes really not that guy thats hard to talk with. And I think the
lieutenant also told me to come and see him when were done
with the delivery.
You really think you can do that? I said.
I have to. Weve no other options.
He has technology, said the imam. What makes you
so sure he will not find us, American?
With all due respect, sir, scrap beats technology, said
Malcolm. I can make this thing untraceable. Just give me a few
moments. Then, the earth reverberated once again, disturbing
the power supply, from an apparent explosion at the ground. A
small slab of the clay ceiling fell near me.
Are you sure this things gonna hold? I said.
We put concrete every week to make ceiling strong,
said the imam. It will be safe, trust me.
6:52.
I didnt have the confidence to assure myself that this
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recent alteration to our plan for world salvation, which might

just be the very last, would be the one, with the tons of dark possibilities that would break it apart. If the commanders and the
rest of the good soldiers were still living and they turned out to
be all working for Neumann, or if theyre all dead, or if they believed us and we never found that monster in time, wed all be
dead either way. We could call our much capable government,
with us being the worst possible group of people in charge of
saving the world from Armageddon, to send reinforcements, but
they would just make that monster stronger, and the circumstances called for no time for convincing of his treachery. My
theory of that lunatic waiting for me to launch the worlds weapons of mass destruction, as if it was an honor to witness, was
hypothetical and ridiculous, but it seemed to be the case, which
was a good thing. We were all still breathing, still trying to cut
short the imminent, yet inevitable, end of the world.
I felt pressure on my bladder. I need to use the bathroom, I said.
Theres one straight out of that door, Dennis said.
You want me to come with you? Brian said. I expected
Malcolm to tease him again, but the job proved more important.
I nodded to his offer; I never knew, another kid out there might
throw a can at my face.
The walk was short through the dark, wet tunnel. The
soldiers scrambled all around to their posts, guarding all potential entrances the envoys of that monster might go through. Dug
through the earth, the comfort room, large enough for a family
to live in, had separate stalls for both sexes and even a small mirror and a bucket of water, and was rather clean, in fact significantly cleaner than those in the subways back in the States, but
reeked like hell, like those subways Beside the wooden ancient
toilet of the womens stall was a can filled with bloody improvised sanitary napkins that smelled beyond horrible. I pissed at
the mens as Brian waited. He was silent, perhaps filled with the
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thought that our plan to save the world would fail.

Were not gonna stop him, are we? I said.
What are you talking about? We can still stop this shit.
If we find out where he is, were gonna go there and kill him.
He still had that assurance.
And if he didnt tell you?
Then well ask the lieutenant, he said. That son of a
bitch has nowhere else to be.
Then, why are you so silent?
I just dont want to disturb you when you piss.
Malcolm said you and Neumann are good friends.
Bullshit, that guys just teasing, he said. But we did
talk one time over beer back in the base.
Why did you talk about?
I didnt really get it at the time. I thought he was getting really drunk when he said those crazy shits. I thought< he
was trying to convince me to join him.
What did he say?
That hes gonna save the world from evil with the fire it
made, that hes gonna rule everyone. That lunatics crazy prophetic words just whispered to my ears for some reason.
You really think we could stop him? I said.
We have to, he said. I needed his assurance, even
though its most likely blind to the reality that it would all end
up to shit, but just like in any grim situation with almost absolutely no way out, it was all we got, to hope.
Can I ask you something? I said.
Yeah. You already did, anyway.
Why did you join the military? Why are you here?
He chuckled. Is this an interview right now?
I just want to know. Im curious if its just all about
fighting for the country and protecting the people, you know, or
if theres something else.
He sighed, realizing what I really said. Malcolm told
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you about that, didnt he?

Maybe.
So you know I didnt kill her.
I got out of the stall and washed my hands. Why did
she do it?
I never really knew, he said, looking at the wall and
reminiscing the dark memory. The last words I heard from her
was, I cant take this anymore. She was really crying. I went to
find firewood and she ran to the car and shot herself with my
gun. And her parents blamed me for it. She told me one time
that they didnt want her to be with someone like me, that shes
gonna spend the rest of her life outside of the country, away
from me. Then, I saw all those bruises all over her. Her parents
beat her a lot. I told her to run away with me but for some reason
she cant. Then, she killed herself. And I was right there, and I
did nothing. Im here, running away like a fucking coward.
I wouldve done the same thing.
What, run away? I didnt even protect her. Im all that
shes got and I failed her. The words that he said didnt go far
to those I have been saying and hearing throughout this day.
Im sorry, I said. I shouldnt have asked you that.
No. He faced me, looking at me with his wet shiny
eyes. He was serious. Im not gonna do that again. Im not just
gonna stand on the side and do nothing as the ones I care about
die. Im not leaving your side. I will keep you safe.A few have
told me those same words, all of whom did succeed to keep me
alive but not necessarily safe, but his was the most sincere. I did
feel safer with him around, though he has yet to prove himself.
My irrational heart seemed to be at work. For only a few hours
we got together and I was yet to scratch his surface away, but I
felt I wanted him to be there with me. But<
Why? Why are you helping me?
He walked closer and closer until I felt the air disturb
with his presence. He held my shoulders and looked at my face,
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nowhere else. You remind me of the very girl I wanted to spend

the rest of my life with, he said. I love you, Holly.
He was worse than Chris. I looked away from him, suppressing laughter from his cheesiness. Im sorry. I cant help it
when I hear stuff like that.
So you dont like cheesy stuff, huh?
I dont know whats wrong with me.
Well, how about this? He pushed me towards him as
his mouth reached for mine. He had his arms wrapped around
me as we kissed passionately, our slight height difference proving to be not a problem. The natural tendency of the human
body to shut down rationality and let sexual drive take over
overwhelmed me. It got my legs to open as he pushed his pelvis
repeatedly against it, his erection poking through his pants. It
still felt pretty painful from the severe fucking I got from that
bald bastard earlier, but the drive made my brain ignore it. He
pushed me against the wall, against the floor and up the wall
again. He removed his shirt, and my hands went all over his
chest, feeling each curve. I had my eyes closed the whole time,
my breathing intense. He removed my shirt and caressed my
chest with his lips, my stiffened breasts pressing against his
body. He apparently didnt mind how bad I might have smelled.
It seemed ridiculous that we still had time to fuck each other
when the world was to end, but it was the sheer power of sex to
turn off rational thinking and let evolution do its thing. When he
was about to rip open my pants, someone opened the door and
went back out, the Muslim man inside the imams tent earlier. I
was turned off immediately and pushed him off me. The dark
reality were in surged back into my head.
We shouldnt do this, I said, putting my clothes back
on. Unlike probably most men, he didnt resist my refusal and
even steered clear from me. He dressed hurriedly, like he was
the one violated.
Im sorry. Im so sorry. I shouldnt have.
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No, I mean< we shouldnt do this now.

He smiled, recognizing my suggestion. If we ever pull
this saving-the-world thing off, having sex with him afterwards
wouldnt be such a bad idea. Yeah< sure, he said.
Dennis then knocked on the door. Holly! Holly!
I opened the door; he was apparently overwhelmed with
something. What is it?
Youre not gonna believe what the men found outside.
What? Another nuclear bomb? said Brian.
No, he said. They found him!
Who? And then, he said his name.

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Chapter

27.
ANOTHER IMPOSSIBILITY HAS transpired in my story, just
slightly greater than seeing one of our staff walk in front of me
after four years of death. With my body fully recharged and
blood still rushing within me from my sexual encounter, I ran
like hell, spraying water to whoever was near me, to the room
where they took him. The occasional thunder roaring from the
explosions above us, which made dust and small pebbles crumble to the floor, didnt even shake me. They said the room had a
white cross painted above the door, and so I rushed into that
very room, expecting someone from the other side. And, assisted
by three stout nurses in crumpled Muslim woman getup, I saw
him on a wooden bed just like mine in the tent. His eyes were
closed but I could see him gasping for air. He looked damaged
to the fullest extent of the word. His face was all bruised and
scraped, his chest covered with thick bandages, his mouth droolpg. 485

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ing. I couldnt almost look at him, but he was right there. As they
saw me coming, the nurses took off, and I stood next to him. I
didnt call for him, but he turned around, seemingly sensing me,
and said my name.
Ho< Holly, he said with his breath.
Oh my God! Oh my God, Chris! I grasped his hand
and kissed it, as well as did what a girlfriend would on her boyfriend after seeing him get sliced right in front of her eyes. I
burst in tears. I thought< I thought youre gone.
Are you< okay?
I< Im so happy I see you again. I thought I lost you.
Im never going away. I promised you that, remember? He still spoke with his breath. I could feel his hands shaking from the trauma he endured, almost of Alzheimers. Every
time he breathed, he fought expressing the pain which he knew
wouldve freaked me out. Dennis and Brian caught up with me,
and saw us cherishing each other again. I almost couldnt look at
him straight, the sight of someone enduring all the pain of hell
crushing my heart to dust, but kept my sight on him; he needed
me more than ever.
I< I love you, he then said. I love you.
For a split second, I froze, unable to say those three
words I had to say to him, and tested of fidelity to the man I almost had sex with earlier. I didnt say I love you to Brian, nor
showed indication that I romantically loved him other than the
fact that I enjoyed what he just did to me, which didnt count
when romance was concerned. He actually beat Chris on that
regard, as we have never engaged in even the remotest sexual
activity in the years of our relationship. Brian must be cool with
it, and he couldnt blame me that my boyfriend just got raised
from the dead.
Of course, I said. I love you< very much.
Dennis came to his side and, perhaps for the second time
in four long years, saw his best friend right in front of him, both
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seeing resurrections of each other. Dennis was gone for four

years, and I told him that his best friend was killed in front of
me. This must be an incredibly surreal experience for the two of
them. My partner raised his hands for him, which he grasped
hard. Dennis pressed his forehead against Chris, smiling beyond
his ears. Its so good to see you, my friend! So good, after all
these years!
I thought Id never see you again, said Chris.
Holly told me you got yourself killed.
Turns out were both wrong. They laughed. I felt bad
for the senseless conflict I sparked with Dennis.
Im sorry, Dennis, I said, for whatever
Please dont say another word about that, Holly. There
is nothing more important than him right now. He then pulled
the miniature charm I threw at him earlier. Here, I think this is
yours.
Its hers now. I took the stupid trophy from him. The
bruises and lacerations his face sustained didnt shroud my
partners beautiful smile and his passionate look at me. He
stroked my face all the way down to my hands. Im so sorry,
he said, for all this. This wouldnt have happened if I didnt
bring you into this.
You didnt, okay? I said. You almost died for what
we do. You didnt do anything to me. Im so sorry for everything
I said. God knows I regret that.
You know I would never let you get hurt, right?
I know. I know.
I swear to God, Im not going away now. Im gonna
make things right. That motherfuckers gonna pay for what he
did. I think he has promised sticking by my side for infinite
times now, but he did live up to it in the very end, which was
very relieving.
Dennis stood up and grabbed something from one of his
men. My men tell me they found him tied on a metal bed on the
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side of the street a few miles from here, he said. A blood bag
was attached to his wrist. The cut on his chest was big, and a
small portion of his gut was separated. But they were all stitched
shut. Whoever took him saved his life.
Holly told me he was with her when Neumann had her
tortured, said Brian, but when I saved her, he wasnt there. I
didnt find anyone else other than a chair she was strapped on.
This paper was also on him when they found him. I let
go of his hands and reached for the paper, stained with his red
blood, and written perhaps with the very same thing were
words that made me burst in fright and tear.
I WILL COME BACK FOR YOU.
That motherfucker couldnt just stop reducing my life to
shreds, and strip those shreds to shreds, until theres nothing left
to shred. He destroyed my life more than the dent I ever did to
his plan of world destruction, and now that he was almost assured of success, he still wanted to come back for me and do
what fucking evil he wanted to do to me, like killing all of the
people I held dear in my life for no apparent motherfucking reason wasnt enough. I lost it again.
Why doesnt it stop?! I screamed. Why cant he just
let me go?! What else could he take away from me?! Why cant
he just kill me and get this shit over with?! Brian sensed my
need for a shoulder to cry on, which he provided, sitting next to
me on the bed right next to Chris.
Its okay. Its okay, he said. Im here for you.
Did Neumann take you? Dennis said to Chris. He
didnt respond immediately, looking away from us. Chris?
What?
Did he take you?
He did, he said, every word arduous. I blacked out
after he cut open my chest and kicked me so hard on the back.
The next thing I knew, they had me in a car, fixed me and tied
me. Then, I< I dont know how I did it but I got my one hand
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free and opened the door and I got away. They didnt come back
for me when I landed on the side of the street. It didnt make
even the smallest bit of sense, but that monsters irrational desire
to make me the most miserable human being in existence must
be the culprit. He wanted me to be with the one I loved when he
would burn the world to ash. And he wanted to let me know his
nightmare to me wasnt over.
Brian let go and moved away, letting me to lay my head
on Chris. I stared at his face, a sight that I would never ever take
for granted again.
Is he still working on it? Brian said to Dennis.
Yes, but he told me it will not take more than a while.
Hes in the mechanics room now. The bomb is safe in the planning room. Im sorry the imam didnt want you to use his men.
He just values the lives of his people too much. All the people
here are afraid. They ran away from the war and hes not gonna
force them to come out and fight.
No, no, I understand, he said. And what was I thinking, where the hell would we go? We dont even know where
Neumann is.
You think you can really talk him out?
I should. Lets just hope he still recognizes who I am.
But< can I ask you something? How long have you been here?
Four years, Dennis said. Chris and I went to Libya to
report about Gaddafi. Were all working for the same thing. The
imam rescued me and Chris. When the war broke out, the imam
wanted to help our brothers and so he brought us here.
What did you mean that the military will kill the
people who saved you if you showed your footage?
Tell me that the army care even just a little about the
Arabian guy with a gun they kill. They dont. They will slaughter them all, and I cant have that for the people who saved me.
Thats not true. We dont kill people like that.
They wished for all we got to be hidden. Would you
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All She Lost.

not do everything for the men who saved you?

Is that why you stayed here? Why did you let your
friend leave and you stayed here?
Brian, trust me, this wont matter to you.
After the two finished conversing, Chris made me reach
for a glass of water for him to drink. He didnt let me pour it on
him, which might be an indication of the presence of his manly
pride again or that hes already feeling better.
How are you feeling? I said.
Never better now that youre here, he said. So, did
you meet him, the old guy who saved us?
The imam? Yeah, I did. Hes a very nice guy and he
took care of me.
He really wanted to see you, you know. We all talked
about you the first time they got us.
Listen Chris, Kevin and Omar< theyre both gone, I
said. Neumann killed him right in front of me, after he threw
you to the ground. Omar stole both the codes from us and gave
it to him in exchange for his family, but Neumann killed him, all
of them.
He has the codes?
Anytime hell< launch the nuclear weapons and kill us
all. I think that monsters waiting for me to see him do it.
What are we gonna do?
Were trying to locate Neumann now, said Brian, his
voice broader than usual. I think I can make him say where he
is. And once he does, well go there and kill him.
Chris seemed perplexed with the sight of him. Wha<
what are you doing here? How did you get here?
Same as you. They saved us after we got attacked by
those rebels. Were gonna be able to call that bastard any minute
now.
How did< how did you know her? said Chris, referring to me. At that moment, I sensed something was about to
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break about between the two of them, if not already, which apparently Dennis sensed too.
We have to leave him, he said. He still needs to get
his wounds covered up. And we have to plan this whole thing
out.
No, no, Im fine now, Chris insisted. He tried getting
up but he couldnt even make his body move. I have to help.
Just stay here Chris. Its just a few stitches. The doctors
need to patch you more or else youll get all infected.
I should be a part of this thing! Holly and me started
this, and I cant just stay on the corner
You are a part of it! I just need you to get well, okay?
Dennis said. When youre all done, youre gonna come with us
to stop Neumann, maybe kick his ass if you want to. Just a few
patches, my friend. Rest. We got this.
Brian then reached for my arm and pulled me with him.
Come on, Holly. We need you.
Wait, wait! I< can you just give us a few minutes? I
gotta tell her something first, said Chris. I sensed that he really
needed my presence, since a return from the depths of death
would make one appreciate a million times over what he should
have lost, just like I would if my parents and friends would
somehow live again.
But you need to
Let go of me Brian, I said, facing away from him. Ive
had enough of this bullshit. You dont need my help. You can
just save the whole world on your own. Ive had enough of this.
Brian insisted. But you know whats going on here better than we do.
Please< just leave. I need him, Brian.
Come on, man, said Dennis. They need it. We better
check on your friend.
Im sorry, Holly, Brian said, and the two then left. I
didnt look at him, ashamed that I just pushed him away after
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his sincere vow of keeping me from harms way no matter what

and expression of heartfelt feelings for me. Then again, he
couldnt blame me that my boyfriend got a second chance for
life. Chris didnt really die, but I never thought I would see him
again. I did like Brian, who I thought to be the best guy to settle
down with in case the thing between me and Chris wouldnt pan
out and if we ever save the world of course. I knew that when I
let him go away from me back in the base. Come to think of it,
Chris saved my ass and has proven himself for far more times
than Brian. I owe him nothing, but something, perhaps my ridiculously irrational heart, coupled with his apology, told me what
I did to him was wrong. I just stood in the middle of the room
thinking about him.
Who is he? Chris said.
Is that what you wanted to tell me?
No. I just wanted to ask.
His names Brian, I said. I met him at the base when I
was out looking for you. He got me out of that room. And hes
gonna help us end all of this.
Why did he come for you?
It was apparent; a veil of jealously was all over him. He
didnt. He just saw me there. They followed Neumanns convoy
and they got to me.
Does he like you? he said.
Are you kidding me?! The worlds about to come to an
end and youre gonna waste time on that?
I thought you loved me.
He was being ridiculous. You just saw us hugging and
thats what youre already thinking? We dont have time for this.
You need to get patched up.
Wait, please. Tell me you really love me.
Jesus Christ, theres nothing between the two of us! Is
that what you want to hear?
I thought Id never see you again when they had me.
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Throughout this shit, you are the one who got me going and
saved me from them. Youre the reason Im still alive, dont you
know that? he said, which well-qualified to the cheesiest shit he
ever said, which should have me laughing my ass off by then.
But it was an emotionally-charged moment, involving a relationship that could potentially go haywire with one wrong word. He
wanted me to affirm my love to him, and a few moments ago
that was all I did. But, perhaps due to my frustration with the
fact that he cared to deal with his jealousy before his own health,
or maybe Brian has gotten all over me, I didnt want to do it at
all, which didnt necessarily imply that I got tired of him. I still
loved him. Its just that an I love you is a far too precious of a
sentence to just say.
Tell me, Chris said. Tell me if you still trust me.
What are you talking about?
Youre thinking I brought you here.
Shut up, just shut up. You almost died for this. Its not
your fault. I know I have said things but I was a complete idiot.
Im not thinking straight. I was the one who led us to this, who
led you to this. I should be the one saying sorry to you.
If I didnt get that map from him, we wont be here.
Im not gonna tell you again. Neumann had us the
whole time. He< he threatened to kill Judds family if we didnt
come here and you know that. Its all his fault.
I just wished that we could live a happy and peaceful
life, Holly. I didnt want you to get hurt.
I found his self-blaming, which he already did for far
more times than I cared, a waste of time. In some of those times,
he seemed to be saying more underneath, which I found no time
to think about. I called for the nurses and moved to the door. I
hope you get better, Chris.
I love you! he said once again.
I love you. I went out. Thought hed never shut up.
7:26.
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ALL OF A sudden, I found myself in a rare recess where I felt

free from the pressure of saving the world. The whole time nothing that much dramatic happened, akin to the entire underground compound collapsing and burying all of us alive, or that
nuclear bomb blowing up, or Neumanns troops storming and
slaughtering all of us here. Reverberations from explosions
above continue to put more strain on the earth that provided us
cover, the bright lamps and large metal chains hanging from the
ceiling swaying with each one, but they seemed to not shake the
refugees that much anymore, with war being a part of their existence. Everyone carried on with their roles in their commune,
and it turned out it was already dinner time. Everybody had
more than enough to eat, which for some reason was mostly
meat.
Dennis, Malcolm and Brian continued to bring back to
life the comms equipment in a room that seemed to be a graveyard for all things rusty and metal. The imam was nowhere to
be found. I offered my presence to help in any way. The whole
time I was there, he made no eye contact or any attempt to make
me talk to him, which bothered me as it implied this fucking petty love triangle was real. If not for Dennis, the two of them
wouldve been plucking each others eyes out over me, which
would be the stupidest thing. I could tell that the comms being
operational was still quite far ahead, and to prevent an unwanted conflict breaking out, I decided to distance myself from
either of them and perhaps mingle with the children. And besides, there was nothing better I could do. The next steps were
gonna take were contingent on us finding out where that motherfucker was hiding.
I did indulge myself in a fantasy on what I would do if
we managed to tie his ass down: I would kick him so hard on the
chest he would throw his fucking lungs out, then get an axe and
cut off his fucking hands and feet, and then drive a large metal
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bar through his fucking heart until he brings every one he killed
back to me. I might be extremely sadistic but it should begin to
cover what he took from me. Then again, it still depended on
whether wed pull this thing off. And with that indulgence came
the thought of what I would do and be afterwards when I get
back to the States. Most likely, Chris and I and Brian and Malcolm would become superstars, awarded of the Nobel Peace
Prize, Presidential Medal of Honor and a shitload of other recognitions to honor what might be the most significant act of heroism and sacrifice recent history has seen, as I liked to see the
stuff that we did. We would be a household name, shown in
every television in existence. We would bathe in fame unprecedented in the annals of fame itself, which would make us targets
of the deranged and the extremists. If we would somehow survive a barrage of assassination attempts, the next thing to deal
with would be choosing the guy to settle down with, if Brians
resolve to me holds that is, and deciding what I would do for the
rest of my life. Id rather die than become a useless fucking
housewife, and the same goes if I ever get myself to the news
delivery profession again. Albeit my passion, I now realize all
that I would get from being a journalist are more proof that the
world is fucked up. I guessed Ill just stack Gatorade bottles on
our garage, or maybe trek the world with the money from all the
awards, or maybe drink myself to death. Then again, it still depended on whether wed pull this thing off.
I got out of the dark labyrinth and returned to the large
hall to find something to drink. It felt weird but as I got passed
the soldiers, they would nod to me like I was their commander
or something. As I walked through the refugees, parents busy
feeding themselves and the younglings, I fought any flashes of
that monster and the people Ive lost in this shit. Theyre gone
forever, I realized, and sobbing about how I was to blame with
their demise would do nothing about it, and it would definitely
destroy what was left of my sanity.
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All She Lost.

Deep in the sea of people, children encircled a couple of

mechanics trying to fix what seemed to be a TV. I found a water
dispenser beside a large yellow tarp on the side of the hall that
had the radioactive logo all over it, but it shouldnt kill me. I
couldnt get the water to my Styrofoam cup with the weird nozzle, until a girl spoke to me out of nowhere.
You need help with that, miss? she said, in pure wellspoken English. Brown silk stained with some grease covered
her hair; the rest of her dress was different plain color cloth interwoven together, which revealed her thin body. She was almost as tall and as big as me, yet the gift of youth and freshness
were still all over her. She had a tall nose, a really smooth and
long hair, and a slightly bony face as white as I ever dreamed
mine would be, but they werent indications of malnutrition or
anemia.
Yeah, I< I cant get the water out.
Dont worry, Ill help you. Her voice was pitched, like
how Britney Spears sings, but it wasnt irritating and funny. She
had a very American accent, which was weird.
Thank you, I said. You know how to speak English?
Yes. Im the only one here who knows that. I learned it
in the university. I actually know English better than our own
language. Farsi is very hard to learn. You only have 28 letters to
memorize.
How many letters do you have?
A shitload, she said, laughing. Apparently, she got the
English slang and coarseness too.
How old are you?
Im 19, but they say I look older.
How could they say that? I thought youre 15.
Come on, stop fucking with me.
Turned out she got too much of our coarseness. Whats
your name? Im Holly, by the way.
I know who you are.
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Y< you do? How did you know? I said.

Me and brother Haman used to talk all the time, about
life in the States and what he used to do for a living. Im the only
one here who knows how to speak your language well, and also
some of our professionals who studied in America. I am very
interested in your way of life, your culture and your humor too.
And he told me a lot about you, that youre his bitchy boss.
Bitchy< he said that about me?
I dont know why he said that, she said. Im Ramada
by the way.
Salaam aleikum, Ramada.
Khosh amadid! That means welcome. Its already time
for dinner. Have you eaten yet?
Yeah, he gave me a lot of food
No, youre still hungry. Come on. I havent eaten yet. I
just finished feeding the kids. Care to join me? I could tell we
had a connection, like that of BFFs. With the nature of my profession requiring me to be as serious and hard as a rock, I grew
far from being a bitch, by which I mean a girl who spent her
days putting powder on her fucking face and putting on tighter
and tighter clothes trying to impress as much boys as she could,
as if that would get her somewhere.
Sure, why not? I said. I thought it would be better for
me to be in someone elses company, in a girls company. Like I
recounted, I never been much in the company of women, with
The Valiant mostly composed of the other gender.
She walked me to where her room was. Apparently, she
served more of a big sister, almost a mother, to the kids in the
camp, handing them food and soup and fixing their bed, as well
as washing their crapped up bed, and telling them stories and
setting them for bed. The kids, apparently all full, all rushed to
her like she was a female Santa, but they werent like those
naked and malnourished kids that almost crushed me and Chris
to death in the airport. For some reason, I thought they might
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have been the same ones from the airport. They wanted her to
throw a red rubber ball and play fetch. The kids saw me following her, but they didnt spit on me or pushed me away; they just
smiled at me, then continued pulling Ramadas dress to make
her throw the ball. I couldnt help but notice their slightly bulged
stomachs. When she got the kids to run away, she told me a
short version of her back-story, that she was an only daughter,
that her parents were killed by some random sniper while they
were eating, and that she spent years and years scavenging in
the streets of Tehran as a very young girl until the imams men
found and took care of her just over a year ago. She also added
that much of the refugees share pretty much the same memory,
that much of them got their salvation from the imam. Coupled
with his reputation as a Muslim equivalent of the Messiah, its
no surprise people would consider his mortality a divinity. She
then went to describe him in all glorious ways, and say how his
power was keeping them alive from the rain of fire and all those
metaphors.
Everybody here really owes that guy everything, she
said, and so do I. In return we would do anything for him.
He doesnt look powerful to me.
Yeah, but thats the beauty of it. The essence of being a
leader is humility and compassion. You dont need gold or money or an iron fist to show people youre in charge. All you need
is dedication, service to the people. She had the ingredients for
being a freethinker smart, coherent, expressive but her debt
from the imam enclosed her mind in a hard shell.
Its really noble of you to still be taking care of all those
kids, I said.
I wouldnt say noble. It was the right thing to do, and I
got nowhere else to go. It was the least I could do for what the
imam did to me. Everybody here calls him their savior. That is
what his title implies. But he keeps telling us hes not the savior.
He says a woman will be our true savior?
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Why is that?
I think he wants equality between the sexes in our society, she said. Men have always played the important parts in
our history. So he wants to have a woman save the world.
Where in the world would he get a willing woman to
save the world?
He says she will come soon enough.
Well she better be up to the task.
The old guy gave her the largest tent in the compound
with all the double-decker beds for the children. Her own got
ruined from the kids turning it to a trampoline, so she slept on
the floor. She didnt have any picture or locket or any proof that
her parents existed, but the only thing on her table was a picture
of the scarred and bearded face of their proclaimed savior, which
spooked me. I knew he saved them but I thought it wasn't
enough of a favor to treat him like a god.
Do you know the story of that guy? I said.
Its just a simple story really, she said, fixing the beds
of the children. His real name is Malik. He was born in the
deepest part of the Elburz, and when he was ten years old, Allah
came to him in a dream and called him to be the last imam.
Why the last?
That was what he told us. Allah told him that the end
was upon us all, and that his people needed someone to lead
them to him, toward the light.
What end? Is he talking about this war?
Maybe, but were not afraid, she said. He promised
all of us salvation and peace, as long as we all do our part, something that I am more than happy to do of course. And being
called the imam by Allah himself grants him immunity from all
evil and wrong. He is always right, all the time.
You really believe that?
I have nothing else to. She was right, and I didnt try
to antagonize the last thing that people hold onto at times of
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imminent oblivion hope.

She continued narrating the old mans story as she prepared her dinner, getting food from a makeshift fridge. He
didnt tell anyone of what Allah told him but his parents. People
will ridicule him, and he will be surely the target of the previous
imam, the self-proclaimed one, the fake one. He will kill him for
sure. But one day, he ordered the boys parents hanged for blasphemy and Malik to be burned alive. I dont know how in the
world he knew that. In the middle of the town, under the burning Sun, he was tied in a stake and right in front of him, he saw
his parents hanged to death. You can only imagine what he must
be feeling at that moment. It was now his turn and they lit the
wood on fire. And suddenly, it rained. A minute ago the sky was
totally clear and the Sun was really hot. Everybody saw it as a
miracle of Allah, and a proof that he wasnt a fraud. The people
let him go, but he was so angry at the imam that he ran towards
him with a piece of wood and drove it right through his eyes.
His guards didnt do anything about it. When the boy was done,
the next thing he saw, the people were bowing down to him.
He really did that? I said. That rain could easily be
explained by global warming or some crazy weather phenomena. Also, he might be taking some kind of hallucinogen that
made god appear in his dreams. He might have healed my
arms miraculously quick but that might just be from that fluid he
applied to me.
Thats what Haman told me the imam told him. But he
fears< that hes going to die soon, not long from now.
Why? How can he say that?
I dont know. He says someone who will be of great
significance will do it to him, but we will be indebted to that person. We must serve whoever this person is.
For being a refugee, the dinner she had was excessive
and rather delicious peas, corn, two cups of rice, and a big
piece of steak indicative that they had all the resources they
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would ever need, like they were really planning to stay underground for quite some time. Ramada sat with me on her table.
Come, please eat.
Where do you get all your food? I said.
There are plenty of stockpiles all over the city, and even
more beyond. Our men drive above ground outside the city to
get food and vegetables for us.
Do you plan to stay here?
No. The imam said we will move out real soon. We
have something very important to do.
You cant get out. The armys going to kill you.
But the war is almost over, right? Youre here!
I grimaced. What are you talking about?
Youre going to save us, yes? she said.
We still have no idea where Neumann is.
She smiled. You will find him, I know it, and you will
bring a better world together. The imam told us that from your
hands our success will finally come. We will all be free now.
You knew I was coming?
Yeah. I mean, the rest of us dont yet recognize you but
I do, and Im very happy to see you, Holly.
I moved back a little, freaked out but I didnt know exactly why. What the hell is going on here?
Oh, Im sorry. Did I say something?
Did he know that Im coming?
Yes, of course. He has divine powers<
Stop fucking around. Tell me the truth.
I am, she said. Its hard to believe, but he did. He did
foresee you coming here, just as he foresees our salvation.
Turned out her mind was too enclosed in the shell of
that old guys promise of deliverance. What exactly did he say
to you? When did he say that to you?
I< I dont remember what he said exactly but he said it
when he settled here a few weeks ago, that someone from the
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other side of the world will help us. He talked about you. Why,
is there something wrong?
Even though I believed, more or less, in the presence of a
deity, evidenced by my almost continuous blaming of it for all
the shit of my life, I was always skeptical of mortals claiming to
possess their power. With that in consideration, the fact that the
people here knew I was coming suggested that that old skeleton
had something to do, even remotely, with the shits Ive been
through. It might be the case with Dennis turning out to be hiding in this shithole, who might have, for some reason, told the
imam that I, of all the fucking persons on this planet, would be
the perfect one to save them from that monster, that fucking
monster who I knew for a fact brought me here to suffer his lunacy. But that was impossible. That monster led me here by forcing Judd to make me take this job, and he most likely instructed
that Price guy to give Chris the map to accompany Omar in recovering the codes in the facility, thereafter making me his sadists bitch. But that was too petty of an explanation on why that
monster did this to me. Anyway, I wouldnt be in here if we
chose not to bring Aliya to the base. I wouldnt be here if we
died in that helicopter crash. I wouldnt be in this camp if not for
the astronomical odds that I beat. They couldnt have planned
my arrival. As ridiculous as it may seem, the arguments made
me incline to the possibility that the imam might have foresaw
my arrival somehow. And I just realized, he talked in the general
sense, as there are millions of others from the other side of the
world.
Nothing, I said. Im sorry. I thought of something.
Why dont you join me get water for the kids?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Ill just fix this and change up if you dont mind.
She ate fast with no spare for the rats. She went outside
quick to wash the dishes. I remembered my camera, perhaps the
most resilient thing I have ever known in my life. Oh shit! I lost
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All She Lost.

my camera. Where the hell did Malcolm put it?

Whats the name of your channel again? said Ramada.
Valiant, I said. I came up with it.
Sounds medieval. What does that mean?
Courageous, but its more of a hobby. I mean, we do
get featured on CNN but thats just a couple of times.
How many are you in your staff? she said. But suddenly, their cries came back to me again in a slowly fading echo.
Holly?
Um< were< fifteen.
She then came back in and grabbed the same kind of
dress she wore from a closet. I think this is gonna sound crazy,
but is there like an open position? I really want to be a journalist,
thats why Im studying English. I wanted to cover international
news like in CNN. Can I join you? She had her eyes and mouth
opened wide, like a little kid asking for a pony or a unicorn or
some other nonexistent pet. It was her dream, and it seemed that
the next words I were to say would either make or break the rest
of her life. But I have made my choice.
Im not doing this anymore, I said.
But why?
Theres nothing youll get from that job except all the
shit in the world and proof that our society is fucked up.
Dont you think people should know that?
What, that the world is fucked? They already know
that well enough. And besides, youll just get yourself killed
sooner or later. Im sorry. Youre a sweet, smart girl and theres a
lot of jobs out there that could make use of someone like you.
I understand, she said, trying to hide her disappointment, and what was I thinking? I have no background on
But I would still accept you, I said. All we require is
passion, thats it, nothing else. And you have that.
She smiled. Thank you, Holly. Ill just change up.
Listen, if you really want to be a journalist, I can take
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you with me to the States. I have a friend who desperately needs

someone like you. You got skills Ramada, and you shouldnt
waste that. I also could use some company when I come back
home.
Why? Dont you have any family? she said.
Theyre< theyre all dead. I expounded no more.
Im so sorry to hear that. But I thank you for your offer.
I realized I didnt know what I was saying back there. I got excited. I have a responsibility to fulfill here. All these kids have
nothing but me. I have to take care of them. And I am indebted
to the imam. I cant leave.
You know youre the second person I asked to come
with me to America, I said. He was my friend, and he got himself killed. Theres nothing for you here. Do you want to waste
away your life in this place?
Im not wasting my life. I am doing God a big service
by keeping his people safe and sound. I hope you understand
that, but I still thank you for your concern. I didnt, for absolute
devotion and sacrifice for a deity was something I never got my
head around.
Can I ask you something? I said. Did Dennis say
something to you about why he didnt want to come back home,
why he stayed here?
That was among the first things I asked him actually.
What did he say?
He said he found his home here< that he found a new
spiritual reawakening on this place, just as I did, like everybody
did. You know the imam is a very infectious person. His words
kind-of transcend you, you know. They came from Allah himself. Hes very inspiring.
I never knew Dennis to be a religious one.
Its another proof of his divine power, Holly, she said.
He can turn a non-believer to a devout one. His purported
divinity changed nothing in me, but I no longer tried to express
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my skepticism.
Behind the third double-decker bed in the middle of the
tent, she changed her clothes as quickly as she could so as not to
induce an awkward lesbian moment. I didnt look away, and
through the beds I saw how smooth her body and her legs were,
which make me quite insecure. Her blue cotton panties looked
awful, but she had a natural leg gap that models die for. Up her
abdomen, I noticed a long white scar that ran diagonal from her
bladder, almost like mine.
What happened to your stomach? I said.
Oh that? I< I got scraped by a cat.
Are you sure?
She covered my sight of it quickly and got out with basically the same kind of dress. I dont know; its been with me for
a long time. We better go before the kids get here and attack us.
Before we got out of the tent, one of her boys rushed and
pulled her out of the room, excited. What is he yakking about?
I said.
He said the TV got fixed and our mechanics doesnt
want to turn the channel to the cartoons.
The TV?! Shit, ask him if CNNs on.
The kid didnt know what I talked about of course, but
with the opportunity to check on the outside world and, more
importantly, if any form of help was coming our way, we hurried to the television, pushing and passing through children yelling at the two guys controlling the remote to change the channel
to the Iranian Cartoon Network. The footages and secrets I uploaded shouldve filled television and destroyed Twitter by then,
and made the United Nations do something to help us avert the
end of the world, which would somehow avenge the death of
my departed. The mechanics managed to hook the television to
the satellite. And, enduring the wrath of the children, I surfed
every international news channel that popped out.
What are you looking for, Holly? said Ramada.
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All She Lost.

Help, I said. I need to know if the world knows what

the hell is going on in here.
The signal was considerable. I stopped flicking when the
English edition of al Jazeera showed up. Images of destruction
and violence, pretty much what we got, filled their report. <
siege continues in its fifth week now. Fighting in the streets of
Tehran and other major parts of Iran have devastated much of
the country. Death toll continues to rise as the rebels continue to
kill the civilian population in the country and as troops from all
over the world fight the insurgents<. The people behind me
started cheering once images of rebels firing machine guns at
some random target and fighting off against our troops flash in
the screen, as if cheering for the people that put them to this
mess. They mustve misunderstood, but they still gave me chills.
The reported continued. < troops are run by General
Howard Marcus with three other commanders of the U.S. and
British army. G4S president Jerry Neumann has sent continued
supply of weapons to support the effort. Many of the troops
works for his military company, G4S. President Barack Obama
has entrusted the private military corporation with supporting
the war effort as he diverts the U.S. forces to other parts of the
world to curb the ongoing crisis, indeed the worst we have seen
in the recent decades. As a result, oil prices went through the
roof with the Middle East in turmoil. NASDAQ and NYSE are
both reporting staggering falls in stock prices, up to 800 points in
certain stocks. The world economy is being rocked as what some
experts say to the point beyond recovery<
Jesus Christ. They have no idea. Like fools, they have
no fucking idea that the world was about to come to an end.
What does that mean, Holly? Ramada said.
On BBC, images of rioting and looting and burning cars
and smoke bombs thrown at people plagued the report. < riots
against what the American people claim to be police brutality
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trollable magnitude. There is rallies and violence in almost every

street in America. President Obama has dispatched the Army,
the National Guard to take care of the situation<
I looked for another channel until CNN showed up. Isha
Sesay was on. An aerial shot of the Mehrabad airport introduced
the report; the entire structure was almost in ruins, burning and
half of it collapsed. One aircraft was torn in half in the middle of
the very runway we landed. The video zoomed on the parking
lot, pixilated on what the reporter revealed to be dead bodies
spread all over the place. Those poor people<
< these harrowing images of destruction clearly displays the horror facing the Iranian people. The dead are all over
the streets. We are getting reports that the military has been able
to rescue more than a thousand locals that they harbored on
Dosshan Tappeh in Tehran<
Thousand locals they fucking murdered, I whispered.
The world knew, but they had no idea of the graver truth. They
had no idea were all about to die.
< we have also acquired footage from online news organization The Valiant which apparently contains one of its
journalists Holly Grace Thompson, disobeying strict civilian and
press ban, conversing with the president of Green 4 Security Jerry Neumann in his private jet. The audio of the footage was distorted but a few words are audible. We have not yet confirmed
the validity of this footage but as per the request of the FBI, we
cant show you this footage nor tell you what it contains. For
some reason, they have confiscated all existing copies of the footage. G4S Vice President Michael Harris issued a statement today saying that the footages are a hoax and that Neumann is
currently on medical leave due to appendicitis. Independent
news organization The Valiant has been known for its radical
reports, much of which have been denied by authorities<
I was shocked, infuriated. Why the fuck would you do
that?! I screamed. Why would they do that?!
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She mentioned your name and your group, Ramada

said. Whats going on?
I sent some of my footage to every single news station I
know. I thought they would bring in help for us if they see the
truth. Son of a bitch, what the fuck are we gonna do now?! Shit, I
have to tell Chris.
Alright. Good luck, my friend.
I went past her, almost forgetting that she was there. I
promise, Im gonna do everything in my power to save all of
you. Maybe someday, well see each other again.
Havent I told you? Youll succeed. Youll get through
this. He foresaw it. You just have to believe. Goodbye, friend.
Yeah, bye.
Oh wait, I have to ask you something!
What?
Shit, its not important. Go! Good luck!
My last sight of her was her face bearing the confidence
that when this night turns to dawn, everything would come back
to normal, that we would all be safe, that this shit would all
come to an end. It might be misplaced but she was too smart to
believe a delusion, a fantasy, and for that I led myself to believe
that we might just get away with this, even though it turned out
were all gonna be on our own. I never thought I was gonna put
my devotion to the words of some old guy who claimed to have
Allah talking to him in his dreams, but at least it was hope that
made this whole thing less bleak. What the hell.
7:58.
All the children in the place rushed to their mothers
embrace to call it a day, as I ran towards the clinic where Chris
lay, but he wasn't there. The soldiers were now running past us,
carrying crates of ammunition and average insurgent weapons.
My heart palpitated again.
I remembered Malcolm leaving my camera to the planning room, and indeed my trusty hardy mechanical companion
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sat atop a pile of wooden planks at the corner of the room pointing to the nuclear warhead sitting alone in the table. It had a
gravitational pull of its own. I stared unconsciously to its intricate wirings and smooth metal casing, filled with awe with an
actual nuclear weapon, albeit less powerful and smaller, right in
front of me. I heard something beeping, faint but continuous. I
scanned the warhead and on the tracker Malcolm talked about, a
red LED light was pulsating.
What the hell is this?

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Chapter

28.
THERE YOU ARE! Dennis said, with Brian, Malcolm, the still
busted equipment and a few of the soldiers entering the room
with him. Weve been looking for you. What the heck are you
doing here?
I< I was just about to go back. Is it working now?
I wont be able to finish this shit in that fucking oven,
Malcolm said.
What the hell is taking it so long?
Its already working. Im just finding out how Neumann wont find our asses once we call him. I just need a< hey
man, wheres the fucking screwdriver?!
Where the hell is Chris? I said.
Isnt he back on the clinic? said Dennis.
That place is fucking deserted. Shit, my footages< the
FBI confiscated them! I saw on the TV.
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What are you talking about? said Brian.

I uploaded some of my footage back in the base, the
one where I talked with Neumann on his plane. I thought someone will come and help us deal with him. They fucking confiscated it. Son of a bitch! They must be working together. Neumann mustve told the government to ban American civilians on
this country so no one would interfere with him. It made perfect sense, since in no conflict in the Middle East or anywhere in
the world in fact that did our government declared a press ban.
Theyre hiding something their allegiance with that motherfucker, which mustve been easy for him, since he provides weapons and military might to the worlds largest superpower. Its
almost an inside job; he gained their trust and faith, making the
impenetrable soft enough for him to destroy.
Oh my God, Dennis said.
Did Obama order reinforcements to come? said Brian.
I didnt hear it, but what the fuck could he do?
Exactly, what the fuck could he do? said Malcolm, not
letting a single second pass without his eyes on the equipment.
Hey Brian, you better practice what youre gonna say. Were
totally fucked if you dont pull this off.
Dont worry about it. How long would that still take?
Fifteen, just fifteen more minutes, he said.
The world has no idea whats going on here, I said.
They dont know theyre all gonna die.
It wont make much of a difference, said Malcolm. I
think its better they dont know.
Why? At least they could spend time with their families
if they know.
Quit talking about that, Brian said. Nothings gonna
blow up. Dennis, whats going on up top? Did your men see anything?
No, he said. The army has stopped bombing this part
of the city, and they see almost no activity right above us. What
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do you think theyre doing now?

Its already eight. They mustve returned to the base to
eat and refuel. I think they will come back in a couple of hours.
Or maybe not at all if they already covered the entire city. And
the commanders dont like wasting their fire for nothing. They
disagreed to this operation in the first place. Maybe theyll never
come back.
We have to do something right now, I said. I cant
take this. Neumann is definitely unto us, I just know it. Hes not
gonna wait this long. Hes looking for me.
What do you suggest we do? Dennis said.
I dont know, something! Somethings definitely going
on and I cant sit this thing out much longer.
Were doing something, Holly. I am doing something,
said Malcolm.
The imam changed his mind and already had his men
ready and armed, Brian said. They have a stash of a whole lot
of weapons in here, and were gonna rain fire on that bastard
with everything weve got. Malcolm and I are gonna lead the
charge. Once we find out Neumanns location, were gonna contact their men positioned near his place to make sure he doesnt
leave. And well surround his ass.
Where do you think he could be? I said. What if he
already left the country? What if hes on a plane right now?
Theres a dozen F-22s on the base. Were gonna fire on
his ass no matter where he is. I realized with the blood letter
that he wouldnt go anywhere until he rips me in half, until he
purges his violent tendencies on me more.
Holly, said Dennis, we decided that you should just
stay here. Its gonna be extremely dangerous. Our men say there
are planes still operational at Mehrabad. We will take you and
Chris there. We cant have you both dead. Were gonna lead the
charge on our own.
I was silenced. Youre fucking kidding, right?
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Its not safe for you.

You think I dont know that?! I have to make him pay
for everything that he did to me, for all the loved ones he took
from me! I need him to tell me why! I have to make him answer
for everything he did to me!
You dont have to worry about her safety, Dennis, said
Brian. I got her. I promise I wont let her get hurt.
Im not gonna let her be in harms way again. We cant
risk it. Shes had enough. Shes not gonna take it anymore.
You dont fucking understand!
You know you dont have to do this, he said. You did
your part. Let us take care of the job. Stay here and be safe!
Why would you do that to me? I said.
Do you want this to be over?
Theyre all dead! He killed him, every single person I
knew in my life. Cant you understand? I need to know! I need
to make him pay!
Dennis, I already told you said Brian.
Shut it! said Dennis. Theres nothing more you can
do! Youve done your part. Its all over, and hes coming back for
you. We cant let you get hurt again.
I have nowhere else to go, nothing else to do! I need
him to stop fucking my life.
But thats what were gonna do!
Have you forgotten about them? This is the only possible way you could make out for your years of fucking lies. This
is the only thing you could ever do to the people who adopted
you, who made you family!
Im as fucking mad to that man as you are! he said.
Then you understand why I have to do this.
With a few more of his escorts, the imam then graced the
room with his presence, and from the looks of it he has lost a bit
of his cool, which should be apt for this decisive moment. Still
smelling of frankincense, he looked anxious and angry. With a
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couple of soldiers supporting him, Chris followed the old man,

all patched up and on his blue T-shirt, and sat him on the chair
near the bomb, his chest bulging from all the patches. He too
looked angry.
You okay? I said.
It took him quite a while to produce a smile. Yeah,
yeah. Im okay now.
Is the equipment ready? the imam said.
Ten more minutes, said Malcolm. Im just installing
the thing so Neumann wont find us.
The men are ready and vehicles are put in place. We
trust you that this plan will work American. We trust you with
our lives.
Lets hope I wont fail you, Brian said.
You cant fucking make me, Dennis. Im gonna finish
this. I have to know. I have to avenge my family!
What are you talking about? said Chris.
He wants me to stay. Hes not gonna let me avenge my
family, our friends Dennis! Cant you understand?!
There are working planes back at Mehrabad airport,
said Dennis. Please, all I want is for you to be safe, Holly. And
Chris needs you. You saw it, he still cant support himself. He
needs you by his side.
What he just said didnt really sink into me. I was too
consumed by getting the cold revenge I deserved from that
heartless motherfucking monster. Why cant you just understand that I have to do this?! I dont give a shit if it Ill kill me. I
dont care! I have to know.
I think< I think we should go, Holly, said Chris.
I looked at him with such surprise. What? What the hell
are you talking about? You want to leave?!
I cant< I cant do this. We already did our job.
What the hell are you talking about? I said. What
about finishing this shit till the end like you said? He killed my
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parents, every single person we know!

Theyre gone, Holly! he said. We cant do anything
about that now. I thought you want this shit to be over. We can
go away right now, with me, and leave all of this shit behind. I
thought youre tired of this.
I cant believe what Im hearing from you.
Hes gonna come back for you. Hes gonna hurt you
again and I cant have that. I wont forgive myself if he would
ever lay his hands on you again. Please, we already did what we
have to do. Stay here, with me.
You? Youre gonna protect her? said Brian. You cant
even protect yourself.
A moment of silence filled the room. Something was
about to break out. What the hell did you say?
Shut up, Brian. We have no time to fight over this, I
said. Chris, nonetheless, found it very offensive, as would anyone else. Fighting through the pain, he stood to counter Brian.
Who the hell are you to talk to me like that?
I thought youre sorry for everything you did to her. I
thought youre gonna make things right, make Neumann pay for
what he did to her, to you. And now you have that chance, and
youre gonna take that away from her?
Just who the fuck do you think you are?!
I got her out of that room, Brian said. I risked my life
and my own men for her. I took care of her when you couldnt,
when you didnt. I can take care of her more than youll ever
would.
You have no fucking idea what I went through for her!
You have no fucking right to tell whats best for the two of us!
You dont fucking know what I did, what I sacrificed for her!
Please, enough goddamn it! I said, restraining Chris
who was already on his feet from the breakout. Dennis pushed
Brian back, only to fuel his irrational anger more. He was mad
for something he didnt have to give any shit about me.
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What exactly did you do?! Brian said. You led her
into this. You destroyed her! You killed her parents, her friends!
Youre the one responsible for everything she went through!
You have no idea what youre saying.
Yeah? Where the hell did you get the map?
Please, stop this Brian, come on! said Dennis.
No, let go of me! You knew Neumann has been tracking you all that time. You led her to him! Why the fuck would
you do that?! Why would you bring her here?!
You think you know everything, you little fucker?!
You did her all this. I cant just leave her to someone
wholl lead her to shit!
You wont take her away from me! Shes mine! I swear
to God Im gonna kill you if you lay your hands on her again!
I cut off their line of conflict. Enough! I said. What the
hell is wrong with you two? And stop acting like youre my
fucking father, Brian! I dont need your help! I dont know you,
and stop being such a fucking hero! He went through more shit
for me than you ever did!
Cant you see? Hes lying to you! You have to stay
away from him. He did you all this!
How dare you say that? He nearly got himself killed for
me, and youre gonna blab about how he fucked my life? You
think you know everything about me?!
You have to stay with me, please, said Chris. If he
captures you again, I wont forgive myself!
I dont give a fuck if he gets me again. Im not gonna let
him touch me. Im gonna make him pay. Im gonna kill him!
And I dont need help from anyone of you! I am perfectly fucking capable of taking care of myself.
But Holly, I< I cant. Im too weak.
Stop being such a fucking pussy, Chris! I said. If you
cant be strong enough to avenge our friends, my family, you
can just stay here and fucking rot! Intense words they were, but
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it did feel good to be dictating the action of people around me

than just being their bitch. Anyway, that was what others in my
same case would do scream the shit of everyone preventing me
from carrying out the only thing that mattered when ones family has been taken away.
Nobodys taking anything, I said. and nobodys staying anywhere! We have to do this together.
I was just trying to protect you, Holly, Chris said.
Listen to him, please, Dennis said.
No, let her be, the imam barged in. For some reason,
the imam just stood at the back and didnt conjure some divine
intervention from Allah or something to fight off the evil of mistrust and jealousy plaguing all of them. We need all help we
can get. God wants her to help. We cant force her to do what she
does not want to.
But you still want to do it, Chris said. He seemed to
have said that to the imam.
Done! Malcolm screamed, raising his hands like he
just finished assembling a gun. All yours. He immediately
broke the tension between all of us. Breaking away from his
sight of me, Brian grabbed the receiver from his black friend and
dialed Neumanns number. Chris held my hand tight but I let
go. I got turned off with him, with being such a pussy an extremely unpleasing and unattractive trait.
Brian stood in the corner, the foot-size receiver connected to what looked like a Tesla coil antenna and pressed
against the side of his head, waiting for that monster to pick up.
Harsh were the words I let out at him, but thankfully they didnt
deter his intentions to help. Malcolm rewired the entire thing,
reconstructed and stuck a whole lot of black boxes in the motherboards, and wound electrical tape on a piece of silver metal
which he said would reveal our location to Neumann. He said
that the coil supercharged the range of the equipment by a thousand miles, well enough to cover an area more than that of the
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entire city. Two small speakers were aimed at us. When he set
the loudspeaker on, static and feedback almost destroyed our
ears. A beeping sound followed.
Are you calling him through the radio? I said.
No, cellphone, said Malcolm. He wont be carrying
that heavy shit around with him.
Brian turned around, both impatience and anxiety brewing in his face. A minute already passed, and still nothing. Its
either Neumann got his phone destroyed, he changed his number, he left his phone somewhere, or his men were preparing to
track the number before he answer the phone. The plan was
bound for screwing before it even began; so much for our fight
to get me home. A soldier then opened the door and said something to Dennis. He went out.
Where are you going?
Im just gonna check on something up top.
Come on you bastard, answer! Brian said.
Are you sure of his number? I said.
Maybe hes out of range, Chris said.
No its ringing, said Malcolm. We got his phone. Hes
not answering.
Jesus, for the love of God. Come on, come on! It all
boiled down to one phone call, the very fate of the world on that
motherfucker picking up his phone and Brian managing to make
him talk of where he was hiding. Moments passed long enough
for hopes to evaporate, and still no apparent voice was heard.
Who<? a croaky voice then said on the speaker, only
to be cut off by static. Malcolm scrambled to fix the signal. Who
is this? Once again and finally, I heard the voice of the evil incarnate of my life, but rather than fright a wave of anticipation
hit me. Were finally gonna get him. After a deep breath, Brian
replied in a friendly conversational tone as to not arouse suspicion that we were out to hunt that bastards ass.
Sir, its Captain Brian Lock. We had a few drinks a few
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nights back. Do you remember me, sir?

He paused. Oh, shit yeah. Youre the guy who never
got laid with his girlfriend, is that right son? He spoke with all
the jolly in the world; their acquaintance was apparent. The static and the weak speakers made his voice darker and grittier.
You got that right sir. I just wish to inform you that we
have delivered the package you told us to get. Its being secured
in hangar four as we speak.
Good to know, he said. But you dont have to tell me
that yourself. Why didnt Ford call me?
He mustve forgotten sir, and I just wanted to check.
He did tell me that you wanted to see me after we deliver the
package.
Oh yeah. Well, dont bother walking to me. I was just
gonna tell you to tell your men to pack up cause the whole operations done. I thought we could have some more drinks before you go, but other than that, nothing important.
Thats actually a great idea, sir. You think I could invite
some of the guys in? Where are you right now?
Marcus, he said. He got killed a few hours ago.
What? How did he die? I thought he never goes out of
his office. Did he kill himself or what?
I guess he did. He wanted to check on what my men
were doing outside, and maybe a rebel shot him in the head. I
warned him never to get out. The operations were all done and
theres nothing for him to check out.
He killed him, his best fucking friend, I thought, and so
it seemed that Neumann has started cutting all loose ends. They
werent co-conspirators after all. He mustve had all the commanders exterminated as well. In his voice I sensed no smidgen
of emotion but only of fulfillment that his plan was perfectly in
play.
So, whos in charge now? said Brian.
Ive asked Merrick but he just vanished. I dont know
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where he went. He mustve left the country.

I guess youre the one on the hot seat now, right? Too
bad the whole things over.
What are you talking about? he said. Theres nothing
else to do.
Now, how about that drink sir? Should I have the same
drinks in? Where are you right now sir?
How about you invite Ms. Thompson in?
Holy shit! I said. All the air inside me vaporized away,
immediately freezing my whole body, like my soul was ripped
off of me from the sudden fright. He knows Im here!
What are you talking about, sir?
Why dont you give her the radio?
I couldnt contain my fear; I pressed my back against the
wall until I had my back crushed. He knows Im here!
Im here at the base sir. Theres no Thompson here. Ive
never heard of that name before.
Oh, its good for you that youre protecting her now.
Too bad she already has someone else.
Jesus Christ! I said. Oh my God!
Ask her if she got my note, the monster said.
Sir, I dont
Shut the fuck up kid. I know she can hear me. Just in
case the note fell out of her boyfriend, I want you to know Ms.
Thompson, its not over yet for you and I. You will come to me
one way or another. We had too short of a time in our last chat
and I never said what I really want to say to you, like the whole
truth, the whole ridiculous motherfucking truth. And funny, I
forgot to ask you about the launch keys like a stupid son of a
bitch. I know he gave it to you.
He laughed. I couldnt control it; I took the receiver from
Brian and yelled my heart out of that motherfucker. Fuck you!
Why the hell are you doing this to me?!
Oh, there you are. You have no idea how I missed your
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cute little voice. So, I believe you found some new friends, huh,
some new allies to help you in taking me down? How are you by
the way?
I swear to God Im gonna kill you. I swear to God
Youre not gonna thank me for not killing your boyfriend? I stitched him up for you.
What the hell did I do to you? Why did you have to
ruin my fucking life?
Why dont you ask yourself? Or better yet, why dont
you ask him? Im sure he got the answer.
Were gonna hunt you down. Were gonna stop you.
Im actually counting on that, he said. But theres
something else thats needed to be done. I know theyre sneaky
sons of bitches, and I have to make sure theyre all gone before
my new world dawns. I mean, they managed to survive all my
attacks and extermination. You never know, they might survive
a nuclear holocaust too, fucking cockroaches they are.
What are you talking about?
Theyre all there< right?
What is going on? the imam said. He knows where
we are?
I swear to God, he cant track this radio! Malcolm said.
I have no idea how hes doing this.
Youve met the old man? Neumann said. He thinks
that hes the chosen one, right, the one who will lead everyone to
the light? Well, youll see his ass is as crazy as mine.
What the fuck is going on?
People lie all the time. They hide things. You shouldve
realized that by now.
Where the hell are you?! I screamed. Where the fuck
are you? Stop being the coward and show yourself to me!
So, Im the coward now? Dont worry, Im gonna tell
you where I am. You know the small tower a few blocks north
from the base?
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The lookout, said Brian.

Thats right, Captain. Thats where youll find me, and
thats where Im gonna start my new world. Im not going away.
Ill be waiting for you. Consider it my act of thanks.
For what?
For getting rid of them for me. Keep yourself alive. Ill
be waiting for you. But just in case youre thinking of getting
ahead, Ill be waiting until precisely nine oclock. If youre not
there by then, I swear to God Im gonna be there myself and Im
gonna tear you limb from limb. He turned the call off. I was left
breathless, petrified. I dropped the receiver, smashing to the
ground. He knew where we were; he knew where we were.
Were so fucked. Everything suddenly went to shit.
You said they wont track us here! Chris said.
No, I swear to you, said Malcolm. I dont know how
he did it!
How did you let this happen? the imam said. You
said theyre not gonna find us.
You cant blame us. We didnt do anything!
How the hell did you know Neumanns number?! said
Chris, on his feet. You two infiltrated this facility so you can
send him our location.
What the hell are you talking about? He fucking lied to
us too. He wanted us dead! Brian said.
You fucking killed us all! We trusted you!
We didnt do it!
A loud beep from near Chris, emanating from the nuclear bomb, shut all of us up. Shaking and his skin all wet from
his failure to keep us untraceable, Malcolm approached the
bomb. Oh, Lord<
What?
Its fucking armed.
Are you fucking sure? said Chris.
What do you mean armed?! I said.
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He activated the warhead.

Its gonna blow up?! What are we gonna do?! Can you
turn it off?
Oh, Allah, the imam said.
He mustve traced the location of this thing.
Yeah, because of you two! said Chris. Brian almost got
to shove his fist to his face but the imams guards aimed their
guns at him. My legs unconsciously moved me away from the
impending bloodbath.
Whoa, whoa, put your guns down! said Malcolm. We
seriously have nothing to do with this!
He wanted us dead, dont you understand that?! said
Brian. Why would we reveal our location to him?
We fucking trusted you, said Chris. He turned to the
imam, shocked and shaken. All your people are gonna die because of them! Theyre traitors! Why did you trust them?!
You piece of shit! Brian said.
You dare call me that? That bomb is gonna blow any
minute now!
We didnt fucking do it! Holly, we didnt do it! He
looked at me with eyes of desperation and please, but I was too
stressed to figure out if he was telling the truth.
Wait! Malcolm screamed, noticing something else on
the bomb. Somebody moved this shit! The trackers turned on!
Somebody moved this! Thats how he found out that theres a
bomb in this place. Youre< youre the one near this bomb the
whole time!
Why would I do shit?! Chris said.
Why would we do shit, either?! You fucking moved
this thing!
Enough! the imam said, his men keeping their aim at
the two Americans. I was wrong about you. I should not have
let you in our home in the first place. My people will perish because of my trust to you.
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Goddamn it, we didnt do it! Malcolm said. We were

trying to save you! The next thing I saw, he collapsed down to
the ground. One of the men shot him when he moved toward
the old guy. I shrieked with the fire, frozen shut in the corner as
everything unfolded.
No! You piece of shit! Brian screamed. You fucking
killed him! You fucking killed him! He charged to the soldier
that fired the shot, sheer rage burning through his face, but before he made another step, the soldiers lunged toward him, disabling him. The others had the barrels of their guns buried deep
in his cheeks. The bomb almost fell from the table.
Why did you kill him?! he said. We tried to help you!
We want to keep you safe! How many times do I have to tell you
that? You killed my friend; what makes you so different from
them?!
You betrayed all of us! my partner said. For some reason, he was too convinced that the two men who saved me just
screwed all of our lives.
The imam then placed his hand on the shoulder of one
of his men, and without a word they let go of their restrain of
him. Brian crawled to his fallen friend, cried atop his cold chest,
and took his dog tag. The whole time I didnt say anything, most
likely because our plan to rescue the world from extinction, the
only viable plan we had, disintegrated before we even put it to
effect. The universe has turned against us, the biggest shit it has
thrown at me right after making me come in this godforsaken
shit in the first place. And as my newfound allegiance was
breaking apart right in front of my eyes, I realized there was no
way out; whatever we do, whatever we think of doing, was
doomed to fail, something that of course I already saw coming.
I dont know what words would be enough, the imam
said, but Im so sorry for your friend.
You fucking should be.
I assure you his body will be treated properly.
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He cried. You still think we did this?

You brought that to yourself, said Chris. Brian looked
at him with furious eyes, his hands clasped shut atop his friends
corpse.
Did I? Brian then kicked the hell out of the guy nearest
him, grabbed his gun and aimed it at the imam, not seeing the
dozen barrels also aimed right at him. They were about to fire,
but the old guy ordered their guns down.
Please, the imam said. Im sorry.
What the hell are you doing?! said Chris.
Brian went to me, kicking the equipment out of the way,
and clasped my neck with his muscular arms, the insides of my
throat squished together at one point. He smelled of oil and bodily odor. Let go of me! I said.
You let her go, you son of a bitch! Chris screamed.
Stay right there, or else Im gonna blow her head up! I
felt the burning tip of the barrel touch my face.
What the hell are you doing?! I said, squirming.
Please, Brian, the old guy said, raising his hands up.
He ordered his men to stand down. The enemy is coming for
us. This is no time for this.
You killed him, my only friend in this fucking world.
How could I be with monsters like you?
Goddamn it, let me go!
We are not enemy, Brian. We need your help.
Is it? Youre not the enemy?
What the hell are you talking about? said Chris. This
is fucking ridiculous. Were all gonna get killed!
You fucking liar! I dont know what sick fucking reason
you have for bringing her into this mess. Youre not gonna hurt
her again!
Let her go, please.
The sound of loud bells reverberated from the other side
of the wall, an alarm for all the refugees to evacuate the place,
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and sure enough screams of panic then filled the whole place. I
could also metal and gears screeching from the weapons the men
were placing into position. Theyre here, the old guy said. We
can still help save my people if you let her go and help us.
Were all gonna die, goddamn it! I said. Stop!
Heres what I want you all to do, he said, keeping his
tight clasp on me. Youre gonna let us out of here. You tell your
men to stay away from us. Im gonna take her somewhere safe,
somewhere away from you. Im not gonna let her get hurt.
Youre not taking her away! Chris screamed.
Move one more step and I swear Im gonna kill her!
Brian, please! I said. Please, stop!
Were gonna stop Neumann ourselves, he said to me,
deep through my ears. Hes gonna pay for everything he did to
you, I swear to God. He was fucking delusional, fucking jealous, which single-handedly put all innocent lives in this place in
certain jeopardy. His clasp was too strong, and no amount of
flail made me free. The soldiers kept their aim down as per the
old mans words.
Dennis rushed from the door, and instantly stopped
with the stand-off right in front of him. Wha< what the hell is
going on here?
Get the hell out of the door!
Brian, we need you to help us, the imam pleaded, his
humanity pouring out of him. I thought were a team.
Thats what I thought too. Now, get the fuck out!
Neumanns men are coming! Are you crazy? said
Dennis.
Get the hell out of the door!
With a loud scream, Chris came sprinting towards us,
beating Brian before he could fire his weapon to him. We landed
hard on the floor, and I got away from Brians arms as Chris repeatedly pummeled him with everything he got. Brian targeted
Chris wounds, spilling blood out of his mouth, but the soldiers
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quickly pulled them away.

You shit! Youre not taking her away from me! said
Chris, coughing of blood.
What the hell were you thinking?! Dennis said.
Outside, the noise of panicking innocents was deafening.
Faint gunshots started to scream. Theyre here, the old guy
said. Were doomed. He then looked at the men beside him,
nodded and pointed at Brian. Do it quick.
Wait! Wait! Holly!
Im sorry. Itll be over soon. I never wanted to do this to
you, but these are crucial times. God be with you.
I stood right behind him, held by two soldiers, by the
door. He scrambled to get away, looking at me, but the men kept
punching him on the guts. He kept saying my name, but I just
stood there as the other man raised his pistol right at his face.
Please, please, you have to believe! he said, his final
words to me. Then in a blink of an eye, he just went silent, collapsed, his mouth suddenly loosened. The bullet pierced right
through the side of his head. I wasnt sure if despair was the
right response; he tried to kill me and he might have indeed sabotaged us all.
Are you okay? Chris said, his mouth smeared of red
blood. I didnt answer. Holly?
This was waste of time, waste of life, the imam said.
Now your plan get all my people in danger.
But we have what we need! said Chris. This was the
only way. We needed them.
And now he know where we are. My people will die
now before we fulfill our cause. We should have done this ourselves like what was planned.
What the hell are you talking about? I said.
We must not waste time anymore. Get her now, and
take the bomb.
His men then grabbed my arms, immobilized me, and
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then started dragging me out of the room. Everything was happening so fast that I had no time to collect what was going on,
lost in a chasm of confusion. What the hell is this?! Where are
you taking me?!
Wait! Wait! This is not what you promised me! Chris
said. You already broke your word! You said youre not gonna
hurt her!
Im sorry, Chris, said Dennis. I know I promised you
that but I cant. It is needed. Of course, you know that.
I thought you know what was coming of everyone,
the imam said. And you gave her the key.
You lied to me! I did everything you asked for.
Do not make me turn it on myself, he said. I love
you, my son. I know you did everything that must be done. God
is eternally grateful for what you have done. But sake of one is
not greater than sake of all. Lets go now. Time for the world to
be cleansed of its sins.
What the hell is going on?! I said.
No! Stop, goddamn it!
The men dragged me out. No, no! Let go! Chris!
I saw the hundreds of people racing through the tunnel,
carrying nothing but children and their elderly. The moment the
old guy revealed himself, they were all stopped to raise their
hands to him and cry for help. He spoke a short speech for them
in Farsi, almost a motivation for soldiers before going to war,
and then with his both hands held up high to Allah, the people
screamed in passion. Back at the hall, flashes of gunfire light up
the place from the soldiers fighting off Neumanns men. Then,
my captors sacked my head, and everything turned black. I
could hear Chris screaming inside the room.
It is time, Dennis whispered to me. Thank you for
everything you did. Now it begins.
What the fuck is going on?!
This is the time weve been waiting for, the answer to
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your question, the reason why youre here.

What?!
The imam then approached him, said something and
then placed his hands firmly on my face. This is the time, Holly,
my daughter, he said. We will now make a better world for all
of us.
I was shaking. What the hell do you mean!?
We will now take you to him. We will kill this traitor,
and you will do the honor for us like you wanted. You will save
the world from darkness. I promise you, everythings gonna be
okay now.
So what the hell is this cuff and sack for?!
We need to keep you safe, my dekheter. Lets go.
Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar! everyone screamed. In the
sea of their voices, I noticed Ramadas, pitchy and thin. I called
for her but she was too deep in the ocean of people.
What are you making these people do?!
Then, I heard Chris scream. Get your hands off her!
The two men let go of me as someone was apparently beating
the hell out of them, who mustve been my partner. I felt and
crawled my way in the dark to the nearest refuge I could find.
An act of overprotection, they tied the sack on me like shit, and
as I pushed myself against a wall, I could hear Chris exchanging
blows with the men, everybody around them screaming. Something hard hit me on my back, which turned out to be my camera. So far, the men still managed to get the murderers away
from us.
No, stop! Dont hurt him! Dennis said. What the hell
are you doing? This is it, this is the moment weve been waiting
for!
Shut up! Youre not gonna hurt her!
Goddamn it, Chris! We already planned this long ago,
and youre ruining it all for her?
Fuck you and your fucking plan!
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No, let him go, the imam said.

But we have no time!
Do not worry. He will remember who he is.
The gunfire from the onslaught was getting nearer and
nearer, and the men seemed to be on their last stand. I was definitely panicking. I couldnt pull the fucking sack out of my head
until his hand got to me, and then I saw Chris face, all bloody
and scraped. The people ran deep in the tunnel, so did Dennis
and the old guy. Bullets ricocheted near us, gunfire screamed in
the tunnel like metal hitting another metal, and the men were
getting killed one by one. I didnt see the murderers with all the
smoke and debris that fell on the mouth of the tunnel, but I
heard their screams of evil intentions. They were coming for me.
Go! Blow these motherfuckers to hell! Kill all of them!
the soldiers screamed. Give me my fucking ammo! Were hunting them all down!
Holly, please, he said, pain still all over him. He was
pressing his chest, his shirt smelling of blood. We have to get
you out of here.
What the hell is going on?
Im so sorry. Im so sorry, Holly.
What the hell is happening?! Were gonna get Neumann now! Why would you do that?
Ill explain everything, but we have to get out of this
place right now!
The moment he touched my body to get me up, I sudden
wave of electricity propagated within me. It wasnt from the love
that might still be extant between the two of us; it made me terrified of him, like his bloody and scraped up face was the most
frightening thing to have laid my eyes on. I kicked him away,
like he was a grizzly bear about pounce and claw my eyes out.
Stay away from me!
Holly, come on! We have to go!
You fucking stay away! Dont ever come near me ever!
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Theyre coming and theyre gonna kill us!

Stay away from me! And I ran away as quickly as my
body permitted me. I got the camera on my hands. The lights
stuck on the side of the tunnel were blinking, at moments turning the whole place pitch black. I could see no end, no light at
the end of the tunnel, but I nonetheless ran toward it, away from
him. He repeatedly called my name, the motherfuckers running
him down.
All the forces of evil in the world wanted me. No matter
where I go and what I do and whoever I ask for help, no matter
how far away I got from them, it seemed that I would still end
up in their hands. I bet when I finally die, something that, other
than my chances to escape from all this shit, always got away
from me, Neumanns ugly-ass face would be the last thing I
would see. Right then, running away was the best possible thing
I could do. It was the only thing I could do.
No other life form was in the chamber other than me,
Chris and the monsters hunting us down. The next thing I knew,
a steady hissing noise grew louder and louder. Chris screamed
at me to get down. I turned around, and a rocket came flying
right above me. It obliterated the walls, crumbling the earth right
above us. The entire structure shook, cracked up. It turned dark,
and on another tunnel I fell. I didnt really know what did happen, but as I got pulled down further the earth, I heard screams
of human beings seemingly nearby. There were many of them.
And then, I smashed back first to the ground.
And unfortunately, I didnt die that time.

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Chapter

29.
THE GROUND I landed moistened my back and eased the hard
fall, the first things that came to my head. It was an absolute vacuum of light, so much so that I wasnt sure if I was blinking or
not. It seemed to me that the whole structure collapsed, tons and
tons of boulders stacked on top of my body. Rough edges of
rocks and some metal bars lay all around me, and any sudden
movements might provoke the earth, which, judging from the
recent turn of events, might just be the ideal case scenario. It
smelled of the soil and sand, a little bit of crude oil and blood,
which might be from me. I felt my legs and my right hand stuck
against the rocks. With absolutely nothing else better to do, I
took the chance to wallow and cry on how my life, in just two
short fucking days, turned from just plain sucking to the conglomeration of all the shit the universe could possibly throw at
anyone, and worst of all there was no reason for it. How in the
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fucking world could I, a worthless 23-year old freelancer from

the deepest possible part of American suburbia, be the target of
the worst evil figure of recent, if not all of, history? Hitler or bin
Laden has no match with that motherfuckers ambition of total
world annihilation. I mean, they could just assassinate all the
worlds leaders and have the ten billion humans on this planet
under control with the A-bombs as deterrents for any revolution.
As invisible drops of what might be water hit the side of
my nose, and claustrophobia slowly kicking in, I weighed the
next best thing I could do. Staying here would certainly provide
an escape from all the chaos of reality, from all those motherfuckers killing each other off. I might even survive a few days
after the destruction of the Earth, which should be any minute
from then, far longer than any other human would. Going back
out there again would provide the exact opposite benefits.
Carefully, I moved my hand around the space I was
gonna be stuck into for the rest of my 23 years of existence, hoping that the camera, the hardiest artifact of man Ive ever known,
survived. The ground soaked in some kind of gooey fluid, almost like a jam. Sure enough, the son of a bitch sat right over my
head, still recording and functioning, though a quarter of the
lens got cracked and the lamp destroyed. The viewfinder was
intact but it turned dark after seconds of glitching. I had no idea
if the battery would still survive for so long. It was the funniest
thing for me, this cheap piece-of-shit $40 Handycam still working after everything we went through. If not only for its nonhuman traits, it would have been the perfect partner a girl could
ever wish for resilient, faithful, working all the time and absolutely trustworthy.
I still think that Chris had nothing to do with all the shit
in my life. I had no fucking idea what the hell they talked about
before hell broke loose back there, and why he went all crazy to
get away from the old guy. If not for him, I wouldve kicked
Neumanns ass so bad right now, but then again, why would
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Dennis let me get cuffed and my head get sacked? I also thought
Brian had really nothing to do with it, that he really just wanted
to help me, that probably Malcolm underestimated what that
monster was capable of.
That old guy united all the rebel factions in the region to
join him in his noble cleansing cause, going to places of chaos to
help the people and gain their trust and devotion, thereafter
brainwashing them with his alleged divinity that they have a
sacred duty to fulfill for their god like crusaders. Scientology
mustve been real handy for him. It was what Ramada talked
about, the sacred duty they must do, the thing that she wanted
her future to be thrown away for to fight for the preservation
of their lands. From their screams, it seemed that it was the case.
But what was he thinking hes gonna arm all those innocent
men, women, children and the weak who didnt even know how
to fucking draw a gun? I thought he fucking cared about them. It
might be their own choice, but his persuasion and his claim of
divinity made them choose that. He might have used his alleged
divine powers to persuade Dennis too, which he even saw as a
new spiritual awakening, the reason why he never came back to
us. Theyre all gonna fucking die for sure, ripped to shreds and
blown to pieces from that motherfuckers heavy metal. Theyre
gonna fail and the world would be destroyed. But I didnt give a
shit anymore. I was done, trapped in this shithole, in this coffin,
with no way out, about to die at any moment. They could just
butcher each other off for all I care.
And so I turned on the night vision and stared at the
tiny red light on the camera before I suffocate to death in my
ready-made coffin. This was the last thing I imagined my death
would be, getting shot in the head being my preferred one, but
at least this gave me a chance to let go and release. Finally, finally, my end has come. And wanting to die was, of course, another
thing that I least thought would happen to me.
Hi, I said. Who knew I would end up in here, right?
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I then paused to give room for my tears to flow. Mucous filled

my nose. But at least this could not get any better. I cant see
anything. I cant hear anything. Im trapped, I think hundreds of
meters down the ground, tons of rocks right atop me. I dont
know if Im injured, if I have broken bones, but Im still alive.
Im stuck and I cant move my feet and my right arm<. Im
fucked. Thats it, Im fucked, Im fucking done. But at least its all
over for me<. Just as you saw earlier, Neumann attacked us,
destroyed the whole place. When things start to grow better, it
all came crashing down again. I gotta be the unluckiest person in
the world, the most fucked up person on Earth. Can you imagine
every single thing you do all turn out into shit? No matter what
you do, youll always fail, so why the fuck would you go on? I
laughed. Who knew? Dennis is alive, who fucking knew? Right
now, those two are butchering each other, the monster and my
newfound allies. You better hope theyll stop him, but I dont
know. Theyre all gonna get killed.
I looked straight to the red light. I cried a little more.
Im sorry. Im so sorry. Im sorry I failed. I didnt even do shit to
stop this. Im so sorry! Im so sorry, mom and dad! I know youll
never forgive me. Im< Im gonna see you guys real soon, okay?
Im gonna hug you, Im gonna kiss you and Im not gonna lie to
you again. Im gonna be there with you and Im never going
away<. If anyones watching this, though Im pretty sure none
of you would, but just in case you have this tape, I just want to
say Im so sorry. I tried. I tried. I dont know if youre an alien or
if you somehow survived the apocalypse, but please< dont let
this happen again.
Im gonna be alright. Im< gonna be okay. I will just lie
down here, wait until shit blows up and I run out of air. Good
luck. So, this has been me, I guess. I paused, thinking of what
else must be said. Im sorry, Brian. I know< I know you just
wanted to protect me. Im so sorry I met you. I didnt know
what to say of Chris. I didnt know exactly why I just ran away
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from him. He was dying and bullets rained right behind him and
I just let him. Hes probably dead, for real this time, crushed under a rock. A flood of guilt suddenly rushed through me. Oh
my God! Oh my God, Chris< I<
Hello?! a faint echo said in the background, apparently of a man, almost of Chris but I wasnt sure. It jolted me like
shit, and by chance the viewfinder started working again,
cracked and glitching all over. The battery was already threequarters empty. I turned the night vision on everything went
green, freaky, and my face scary as fuck. I looked around my
tomb, and it turned out only my hand and my legs got covered
with all the rocks; it was pitch black on top and on the side. I
zoomed in, and a wooden wall with broken glass windows and
grease all over popped up. The fluid flooding the floor was
slightly viscous and bubbly, sticking and turning my hand all
spotty and shit. My nose was totally clogged.
I looked at my stained wristwatch 8:27.
Goddamn it, where are you? the voice said again. I
wasnt sure if it was of a friendly, and it could only be Dennis or
Chris or the imam, two of which would spell doom to me. But
from the sound of it, it was from someone lost and needed help
too. I was about to break my word again, as I have established
staying here would be the best course of action. No doubt that it
would bring more agony than I already endured and would ultimately kill me once and for all, but so would staying here. I
wont suffocate but Id starve to death, among the most painful
and agonizing ways to go. Outside, I might get shot in the head
or sliced in two or blown to bits, but at least I wont feel the pain
of life getting out of me. I might even survive in the end, given
my rather extreme resilience evidenced by my continued survival. And if I ever see Neumann or Chris again, Id have the added
bonus of knowing the truth, something that would give my soul
closure and peace. Once again, my brain fooled my body into
doing the worst decisions, making absurd reasons to justify its
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actions.
I pulled my arm and legs out of the rocks without causing the whole thing to go down. I stood, remarkably with no major bodily damage. The night vision served as my eyes, breaking
through the absolute cover of darkness surrounding me. Few
steps to the door and I kicked a bucket filled with the gooey
stuff, spilling to the flooded floor. Every noise made me freeze; it
was so fucking frightening that no words would be enough to
gauge how fucking frightening it was. I breathed a thousand
times per second. I could feel my guts getting scared too.
Hello? I said, echoing through the darkness. No response it caused. I opened the door and a flooded hallway, hallow and motherfucking dark, going perpendicular popped up.
The walls were inflicted of age, concrete, the paints peeling off,
and stains of grease all around. Chairs and boxes and wood and
all other shit drowned in the black fluid. I said hello again, only
to a zero response.
I couldnt see shit without the camera. The water getting
dragged with my feet and my ridiculously erratic breathing was
all I could hear, along with the occasional hissing, rock cracking
and faint screams. Other rooms looking like small quarters of
prisoners were all over the expanse of the path, all opened for
some reason. At the end of the hallway was another portrait of
the imam. The path went to the left at the end and just a few
steps away, a wide door emerged on the night vision, but just as
I pushed the door open, the viewfinder turned off again, instantly blinding me. I got into a proverbial vacuum of space, the most
frightening nothing thereis. I cursed and shook the camera as
necessary, not moving a single fucking step. It wasnt working,
the camera still recording though. The screams grew in intensity,
and I could now hear voices of men as well, who might be the
murderers hunting who else were trapped.
A few taps later and the screen turned back on. A large
room I seemed to be with nothing but pitch darkness inside. It
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was also flooded, the black fluid getting into my shoes and freezing my toes all up. The air was ridiculously cold, and I couldnt
smell a thing. I decided to go through the room following a
straight line on crouch, looking at the flooded floor and hoped
for another door on the other side. I couldnt see anything
beyond the reach of my hands. The voice was still unresponsive
despite my repeated calls.
Long, small and wrinkly tubes emerged out of the black
flood, as well as what looked like tiny sausages, ripped up plastic and white balls. I was stopped with a metal table right in
front of me. On it were stained scissors, long scalpels and other
knives, and a small saw.
What the fuck< Then suddenly, the night vision got
all white, almost blinding me. The lights went back on all around
the compound. And as my eyes slowly adjusted to the light, the
floor got all red and bubbly and red. My entire hands got all red.
I looked up, and all around me, all over me, all over the entire
fucking room, were dead corpses hanged on large metal hooks
like pigs, their skins all peeled, their guts hanging from their
torn bellies, their eyes and mouth plucked and bulged out of
their torn faces. Their blood drained to overflowing buckets.
Underneath them were almost hundreds of half-naked children
and old men and women with their stomachs all sewn-up, all
fucking dead. It was horror beyond anything, anything.
Oh God! Oh my God! I screamed, running away to the
door I saw at the other end. I disturbed a swarm of flies, feasting
on an open-up kid. I couldnt keep my eyes open with all the
blood, and sure enough my feet got snagged and I fell face down
on the floor. The blood got all over me, some I might have ingested. I shrieked in disgust and kicked the snag away from my
feet. When I flew out of the door, vomit surged out of my mouth,
almost sucking out my stomach as well. Sitting against a pile of
old boxes, I wiped and squeezed their blood out of my hands
and face, my clothes and my hair, disgusted beyond words. I
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puked even more.

I sat in the intersection of three hallways, the lights flickering, with still no sign of the voice. But clearer and louder than
ever, I heard gates being opened and even more screams. I sat
still for a while, trying to drain the trauma away, until I saw
someone standing at the end of one of the hallways. The tears on
my eyes reduced it to a blob, but I could hear it coming towards
me, its steps echoing loudly. I couldnt move, but the figure was
seemingly a friendly, otherwise it would have shot me to death
already. It got taller and taller and taller, the flickering lights and
faded sights blocking my view of it, and then it stopped right in
front of me, covered with a bloody white robe. It was a man. He
pulled my chin up and rubbed my stomach with his gloves soaking with blood. I couldnt see his face clearly.
Welcome back, Holly, he said. His voice was of a man
a few years from my age, smooth and that of an educated. We
missed you. I thought we will never see each other again. Are
you okay? We are about to head out when I heard screaming. I
thought I recognized that scream and I was right. Why are you
here? I didnt answer. I couldnt. You know, I never get to tell
you this but Im so tremendously happy that we have people
like you supporting our cause, Dennis, Chris, Neumann and
you. It goes to show that even people from your side believes in
what we believe, that the West needs to be brought down, that
the world needs to be cleansed<. Im so happy to see you. Too
bad Neumann wanted you for himself first. He wanted to explain to you his side of reason why hes doing this noble cause. I
believe the imam has explained ours to you too. Do you remember me?
Y< Wh< what<?
You seem very weak and tired. Dont worry, I will take
care of you. We better go before those soldiers catch us here. I
still hear them walking around this area. He brought me to his
shoulders and carried me away. I was too weak to fight back, my
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strength not enough to even pound his back. We are transporting everybody to their places. We will go to the imam after we
fix you up.
We got deeper into the hallway, darker and messier. I
looked back for my camera but it was gone. Who are<?
Youre trying to say something?
Who are you? I said.
Im Rashid, and I am the doctor here. We saw each other the night before, dont you remember me?
I absolutely have no idea who the fuck the guy was.
Where are you taking me?
To get you cleaned up and ready for tonight, he said.
I hear now is the time. Im sure the imam is waiting for you. I
thought you were with him. Why are you down here?
Let< let go< of<
Dont worry. I have a lot of leftover food for you. You
will need the strength.
The whole place was illuminated with dim orange light
bulbs, hanged against corners and in the ceiling. Through the
blur of my eyes, I noticed all the Farsi letters and sentences written in blood all over the walls. One wall was wooden and had a
long slit. He took a right from the room covered with thick plastic strips, and on all the doors on the side of the corridor, blood
was spilling out. He brought me inside one of them and sat me
in a soft chair, in front of a bowl of fruit, a knife and a big piece
of steak. He then grabbed a towel and rubbed whats left of the
blood off of me. The place was cold, giving off an eerie vibe. The
room smelled of mothballs and had a lot of laboratory stuff arranged into cabinets. Go ahead, eat up. Im gonna change these
dirty clothes, all bloody from putting the thing into all those
people. You want me to change those clothes for you?
The drive to eat was too strong, but I fought it. From the
looks of this place, from all those blood and corpses hanged onto
hooks, the meat might be from another live man. This place was
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so bountiful with meat because they kill off some of their own to
feed the rest.
Go ahead, eat. You need the strength. He got rid of his
bloody robe for a more traditional one. You know, you look just
like her. Its almost like youre her clone. Its really freaky. I want
you to know Ive been keeping them safe. He< you-know-who,
asked me too, but Im not yet allowed to show them to you.
What is this place?
This whole compound is a gift for me from the imam.
This was once refugee camp long ago by fighters during war
times. We transformed it into our hospital.
What did< what did you do with all those people?
You dont know? he said, washing his hands and face.
I prepared them for their duty. The imam said it will grant
them strength from the gods that will overpower and defeat any
mortal weapon. I equipped all of them, all of you, with this.
Why did you kill all of them?
He combed his hair. You mean back in that room? I
have to admit the operations havent been all successful. Their
bodies were somewhat uncooperative. Thank God yours isnt.
What< what do you mean?
The weapon I put inside of you, he said. Thank God
your body sustained the operations despite its severity. You
know you have a pretty strong body, Holly.
The onset of panic got into me, blood pressure on my
head building up. My eyes cleared. What did you do to me?
He walked towards me with a pair of pants and shirts.
His slightly pale face was smooth and almost triangular, his
moustache thin and enclosing his mouth. Pleasant on the outside
he may be but he bore signs of being a psychopath. Which one
of these do you like?
I stood, clinging to the chair with the knife on my hand.
What did you do to me?
What did I do<?
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What the hell did you do to me?! I said.

I thought you wanted this. I thought thats what he
wanted for you. We all need this protection. The imam wants us
to do our duty for the grand cause. I have two within me so I
could really serve him well.
What?
Someone knocked on the door, catching me off-guard,
perhaps another one of him, but then immediately left after asking this doctor something. He says we have to go right now.
The imam is waiting for us. Come on, I will change your clothes
for you.
You stay away from me!
But you need to change your clothes
Get away from me! I said, pointing the knife at him,
trembling. For some reason, I couldnt get the cold steel door
open. Please get me out of this place.
We are getting out of this place. I need you to change
up. I dont want my new friend to get sick.
As he inched his way to me, his eyes giving me a terrifying and piercing gaze, I moved away into his room, the two of us
on a merry-go-around. He held the clothes as if they were sacks,
like he was about to pounce on me. And indeed, as what I just
told myself a few minutes ago, the universe has turned its back
against me again, like it always did, and it didnt even take long.
Im just gonna put these on you! he said, impatience
and frustration brewing. I gave you food and I did good things
to you, but< what could you possibly be afraid of me?
Please, just let me go!
The door got knocked once again. Come on, hes waiting for us now! the man outside said. The last truck is waiting
for you. The voice ringed many bells inside me.
Just a few minutes more! Wait a minute, is that you<?
The doctor opened the door, but the man outside crashed the
metal to his face and he collapsed to the floor, his head hitting
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the edge of the wooden table. Someone on a large dusty yellow

jacket came rushing in and punched him in the face without any
thoughts, effectively knocking him out cold. He then stood, took
the jacket off and looked at me, breathing deep. He placed my
camera on the table.
Holly, he said. Thank goodness. Ive been looking
everywhere.
What are you doing here?
I have nothing to do with this. Im not lying to you. I
wasnt relieved or happy or terrified when I saw his bruised,
slightly bloody and all patched up body. The feeling of relief did
creep into me, as my abandoning of him didnt end up in his
death. Chris showed little to no pain from the cut on his chest
anymore. I still had the knife on me the whole time we just
stared at each other, with him probably wondering if I wouldnt
drive the knife through him if he ever come near me. This would
be perhaps the one millionth relationship tear between the two
of us. Please, we need to go now.
All those dead bodies<, I said, shaking. What the
hell is this place? What the hell are they doing to them?
I have no time to explain. The soldiers are crawling all
over this place. They will kill us if they find us!
That guy< that guy knew who I am. He said he did
something to me.
We have to go
No! Im not going away until you tell me what the fuck
is going on here? And you better stop lying to me, cause I swear
to God Im gonna drive this knife to your fucking neck!
You wont understand, he said.
What?! How would I not understand? We were about
to leave and finish this once and for all and you have to act all
stupid and crazy!
That old guy was going to hurt you!
Why would he do that?! I thought he was with you.
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Dennis was right there with him!

Please, just trust me on this one.
Why the hell would I when you cant even tell me
whats going on?! For the love of God, just tell me!
I will, but I need to get you out of here first!
No! I screamed, pointing the knife at him. Im not
getting out of here until you fucking tell me now!
You hear that? someone said on the other side of the
door. Theres someone else over there.
Shit.
I got cold all of a sudden, fear creeping all the way up
my spine. Oh my God, Im sorry! Im sorry!
Jesus Christ! Go hide, hide in that corner!
There, there! In that room over there!
Chris pushed me into the dark corner of the room behind that psychos open closet filled with clean-smelling lab
coats and a few casual ones. The smell somehow cleared the clog
from my nose and sure enough the stink of the blood I just marinated in burned my nose. We left the camera on the table. Footsteps get louder and a few seconds after, two soldiers, armed
with shiny light machine guns and protected with compact bullet-proof vests and steel joint covers, ridiculously big and obviously merciless, stormed inside. I held my breath the whole
time.
Nine-two, one of them said, we got a dead body over
here and a shitload of lab equipment. Coast is clear. Permission
to proceed.
Well, what do we have here, body parts, formaldehyde.
Jesus, these are some crazy-ass shit. Who knew people in this
part of the world would do shit like this? All biochemical warfare and shit like that.
Hey< get your hands off the doctor said. The moment he did, they tore his body apart with almost five seconds of
continuous gunfire. I might have screamed, but the fires were
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loud enough to cover it. Chris covered my face with his hands,
his whole body pressed against me.
Son of a bitch, this ones still kicking!
You really need to one hundred rounds on one target?
The boss has tons anyways, and you know all these
terrorists are fucking hard to kill. Hey, did Merricks battalions
get out after we killed the commander?
They caught Lion in the middle of the city when they
delivered the bomb. These motherfuckers mustve caught Brian
and Malcolm to gather intel on us. Eagle was escaping on one of
the cargo places, and they got fried.
Pussies. After were done with this shit, Im gonna buy
all the pussies in the world and Im gonna fuck all day all night.
You cant buy all the pussies in the world for eight
hundred thousand dollars< And they left. I got out of my hiding spot after Chris checked the hallway for any signs of potential aggression. The doctor got creamed, literally, his pieces scattered all around him, his chest torn open. And I lay against the
closet, trying to rip my face off, freaking out that we almost got
ourselves creamed from my shit.
Oh my God, oh my God. Im so sorry. Im so sorry!
Come on, lets get out of here!
Did you< did you see those men? Where are we gonna
go? Were not gonna escape those soldiers? Did you see what
they had? Were not getting away with that! Theyre gonna kill
us! Its been a long time, but paranoia couldnt come to me at a
worse time. I guess it never did. And so, in response to my
breakdown, Chris pressed his hands on my shoulder, looked at
me intently, and said his words of promise deep and assuring
his long-used yet proven effective cure.
We are getting out of here, he said. We are going to
stop Neumann, and were gonna go home, you understand?
Goddamn it, were not gonna get out
A hundred times you said that and a hundred times I
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proved you wrong. Were gonna get out of here, didnt I promise
you that? Now, take all of that off. You stink like shit. I think Im
gonna change into something else too.
I guessed his explanations would find their right time.
Besides, what he did might just be from some misunderstanding
between him and the old guy, most likely that he no longer
wanted to continue his allegiance with him to pursue our life
together alone back in the States like he always said and promised me. The imam might have denied his petition, which culminated to what he did. The old guy had me sacked and restrained
to keep me safe and make sure I wouldnt get lost in the rush of
people. Of course, such were explanations made up by my mind
to justify the only thing I could do stick behind his ass.
After washing, I took off all my bloody coverings and
undergarments and changed for a black T-shirt, loose jeans and
silk black panties and bras that the doctor somehow happened to
have. Chris opted for a striped T-shirt with a small Chicago Bulls
sign on the neckline. I had the camera on me. But before we got
out of the room, I got stopped when I looked at the time.
Wait, wait, I said. Its already 8:44, sixteen minutes
before he detonates the nukes. Were not gonna make it out of
here. Were gonna die
He cant launch the warheads. He said hes gonna come
here himself to find you because he cant launch the nukes without the key.
Then, who has it? Wheres the key?
How am I supposed to know? he said. But thats just
a hunch. Maybe he got duplicates like Omar said, or he already
hacked to the controls. That bastard could do everything. He did
find our asses here.
So you now believe Brian didnt do it?
I dont know. Maybe I was just overwhelmed with the
moment. I didnt expect the imam would kill him. Im sorry
about Brian.
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No, youre not, I said. So, what are we gonna do?

Were gonna get out, and well take it from there.

HE WAS TELLING the truth about him being an alien on this

butcher house. We turned and went left and right, up and down,
for an eternity without sense of progress, the smell of rot and
blood almost knocking me unconscious. The silk panties proved
ridiculously itchy. I kept my eyes shut when seeing was unnecessary, as another sight of human entrails would make me spill
whats left inside me; the camera recorded everything anyway.
And so I tripped countless times against all the garbage and
what might have been corpses. I didnt say a thing, for another
word from me might bring our damnation, and there was nothing for me to say. The blood flood only got to certain areas but
boulders did crush quite a lot in the facility. We stopped and
crouched for every gunfire we heard, which was like every fucking second, some of which seemed to be coming from the other
side of the wall. I could hear their screams and cockiness all over
the place; I heard one say that he found the head of the recently
deceased Iranian president stuck in a pole. But somehow, our
navigation skills have evaded any hostiles so far which did make
me feel hopeful, but it vanished anyway as the twists and turns
of this labyrinth continued to drive our way out away. He held
my hand tight and I towed myself on him; the reddening on his
wrist has slightly faded. But throughout our escape, I had that
eerie sense that we already did this very thing before, not so long
ago in fact.
The next thing I knew, Chris was sticking his hand to the
other side of a locked door deep in the concrete wall. We were in
an absolutely empty room that can fit a dozen sedans, rather
clean other than a trail of blood going to another door, with six
cracked concrete columns pushing the earth above us off. He
locked all the other doors the soldiers might go through to my
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left with a long metal bar. The other side was dark as hell.
Is that the way out? I said.
I dont know, but it seems to be.
How big is< ? Weve been circling around for hours!
Wait, what time is it?
Its< shit, its a minute before nine! Shit! Were not
gonna make it. He then took his hand off the door and tried to
catch his breath. What the hell are you doing? Open the goddamn door!
Just a minute, okay, he said. Neumann might be entering the codes right now, which means that we only have one
minute to live.
Then why arent you opening the door?!
I dont want to spend the last moment of my life opening a door.
You dont think the imams men and all those people
would make it?
I wouldnt have taken you out of here if I did.
Is it why you did that? I said. Hes gonna make me
fight against that bastard? Is that what this thing is all about?
You saw the weapons of those soldiers alone. You saw
what they can do. They will blow you to pieces before they give
you a chance to fight back. That old guy knew that, but< he believed too much. Theyre probably all dead right now.
What does Neumann still want from me?
I dont< know.
You think we should still stop him?
We have to go home, Holly, he said. The truth is
nothing compared to your life. And we cant fight him alone.
We would have a chance if we stuck to them!
I dont want you to die.
Bullshit! Now, where the hell are we? Hes gonna detonate the nukes any minute now! So much for your protection!
He came near and immediately pulled me into his arms.
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I mean, I dont want you to die without me by your side.

I didnt find his gesture of romance any bit of sweet or
anything near that. Let go, come on!
How much time is left?
Goddamn it< thirteen seconds!
He held me tighter, almost suffocating me. I love you,
Holly.
What the hell are you doing?
Tell me you love me, right now.
Please get off me now.
I want to spend the last moment of my life with you by
my side. Dont you want the same?
I pressed against his damaged chest and sure enough, he
let go. I looked at him. I want to spend my last moment< with
my family, I said, and he took them away. He took them away
for nothing! Now, Im gonna die without even avenging them!
Then, the lights went out, which should mean that the
entire worlds arsenal of weapons of mass destruction has finally
been detonated, unleashed, and now obliterating life on this planet. Mushroom clouds and tremendous heat and shockwaves
must be rising and propagating in all major cities around the
world, vaporizing people and infrastructure and civilization on
their wake. Children eating ice cream, old folk jogging in the
streets, fish swimming in the sea, bears feasting on a kill and the
rest of the things on this Earth should be turning to dust by then,
a dust that we were supposed to come back to and sure wont
ever come back from again. The whole place should crumble
down from the shockwave about to pass through above us at
any moment. Standing straight and stiff in the darkness, I just
shut my eyes and waited for life to come out of me, asking for
Gods forgiveness which should earn me a ticket into his eternal
kingdom.
A few seconds later of virtual inactivity, I was still
breathing in the perpetual darkness, apparently alive. What the
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All She Lost.

hell is happening? I said.

I< guess I was right, said Chris.
Holy shit.
And then, someone banged against the door. Who the
fuck is in there?! a soldier screamed outside, flash of his light
sweeping the room. Chris jumped back against the door and
tried to open it blind as I hid behind the concrete column right in
front of him. I heard at least three of them outside, most probably even a lot more, all with obvious cruel intentions. I definitely heard someone inside.
Crash it open, then.
Oh shit, shit! Open that goddamn door now! I said.
Im fucking trying!
They hit the door again. Go check that other one!
Come on, come on!
Goddamn it! said Chris, sweat dripping all over him. I
was seriously shitting my pants, my very soul itself trembling.
So much for the delayed apocalypse. They were now breaking
into both doors, beating the hell out of them. The metal bars kept
them out so far.
Come on, open you son of a bitch!
Theyre coming, I said. Theyre coming!
Chris got the door to open and he immediately went to
the other side, leaving me at their mercy. Before I could run to
him, the soldiers smashed the door. The room turned into a ballroom hall with their lights sweeping all around. I could hear
their footsteps slowly getting louder and louder.
Maybe it was just a ghost, or aliens or some other crazy
shit, Mike.
Shut the fuck up, another said. I heard his voice before
in the base. Boss will be pissed if we dont get that girl. Kevin
already had that bitch. Go check on that door on the side.
Shit! They were coming. They were coming for me!
With the light from the soldiers, Chris popped from the
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All She Lost.

darkness, waving me to run for it. Come on! Get the hell out of
there! he said with his mouth. Like a pussy, I couldnt move at
all, as anyone would when men with shitloads of guns are right
behind them. I cried.
I cant!
The whole place is clear, one of the soldiers said. We
killed all of them.
Now we just have to find those two. Check if anyone
saw them outside, and lets get out of this shithole and get our
fucking money.
And all of a sudden, Chris ran and pulled me out to the
door. There they are!
Come on! Hold on to me! he screamed.
Dont let them get away!
Son of a bitch, sneaky fucking rats! Then, they rained
all hell on us.
Go! Go! Go! Run!
We sprinted as fast as we could through what seemed to
be a sewer, rats and pee and crap filling the place, and bullets
flying all over it. The screams of furiousness and fright with that
from their guns blew my eardrums apart. Chris almost crushed
my wrists as we ran for our lives, I sometimes getting dragged
along. The concrete were blowing up around us, shards of the
wall and bullets piercing through my clothes. Rats and roaches
were flying all over the place, some getting into my mouth. I felt
the actual shockwave of a bullet hit my face, but for quite some
time both of us managed to keep the actual bullets from piercing
us. I never turned back, but from the looks of it the entire fucking army of the world was on our asses. My heart was already
inside my head, my lungs already exploded, my body beyond
hyperventilated. The tunnel went straight, going into an absolute darkness.
Go! Go! Keep running! Keep running! Chris screamed.
Come on! Keep up! Go! Go!
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Block the end of this tunnel! Dont let them get away!
Jesus, holy shit! Holy shit!
Come on! Go! Go!
Dont shoot the bitch! He needs them alive!
Oh God! Help me! Help me!
The motherfuckers were laughing their fucking asses off,
their voices resonating and frightening as fuck. Come on you
bitch, we just want to play! We want to ask you something! We
wont bite, we promise, until the boss gets what he wants from
you! Come play with us! Come on!
We might have made quite a distance from them, but
they kept their fire on us. I saw a hand sticking out of a tiny slit
on the wall. The next thing I noticed, Chris let go of me and
screamed. He got hit. I lost sight of him, which was almost like
falling into a deep black canyon, lost and nothing to hold on to.
And soon enough, I slipped and fell hard on the filthy water. I
could hear him crying in pain. Grease covered my whole face.
Chris! Chris!
Keep running, goddamn it!
Where are you?
I heard a scream, of a young boy, coming from behind
us. The soldiers fired at it and it stopped, the holy name of Allah
the last thing that I heard from him. And a bomb went off out of
nowhere, triggering the ring on my ears, loud and painful. The
whole tunnel resonated with the sheer force. I wiped the grease
away, and it was all darkness and sudden silence. Our pursuers
vanished, the others behind them retreated.
My hearing returned. Chris!
Im here< Im here, he said, still groaning.
What the hell was that?
I dont know. Are you okay? Are< are you hit?
Im fine. Where are you? I cant see anything!
Suddenly out of nowhere, the fiery pain in my stomach
returned, stiffening the whole of me. What? Talk to me! said
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All She Lost.

Chris. Whats happening to you?

It came back again!
What?! Are you hit? But just as quickly, the pain evaporated like a whisper in the air. I sensed nothing of the hard
bump that poked through my stomach.
Im okay, Im okay.
Shit! Im< my fucking shoulder!
Just keep talking. Im gonna come to you, okay?
A fireball then emerged from the wall, under it a bright
silky round thing moving it towards us. More followed, and as
the light got to us, I saw Chris on his side pressing against his
damaged shoulders. I heard a pitched-voiced girl talk and her
companions carried Chris away.
Wait, where are you taking him?!
Relax, Holly. Were here to help. Thank God were still
here and we caught you. I heard you screaming and I knew you
were in trouble.
Ramada, is that you? I said.
Yes. Is he Chris?
Yes. Hes been shot.
Dont worry, we can take care of him. Can you stand?
Yeah. She helped me up.
Come on, were about to go to the imam.
Where is he? I said.
In the city, fighting for us against the enemy. I thought
you were with him?
It all got messed up. Who the hell was that kid screaming? What was that explosion?
His name is also Malik, one of our youngest, she said.
He sacrificed himself for you.
Before we went inside the slit where I saw the arm, my
eyes caught pieces of meat stuck against the concrete. The soldiers lay all over the place, their bodies disfigured. I saw no sign
of the kid, who mustve vaporized from the explosion. It appg. 553

All She Lost.

peared that he let himself get blown up for our sake.

Why would he do that?
He knows you will save us all.

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All She Lost.

Chapter

30.
WITH WET CLOTH stuck in his mouth and the sound of my
soothing voice, Chris endured having his whole shoulder covered up, his screaming almost got his voice box destroyed. He
lay on the floor of the truck, just behind the drivers seat, the
whole thing swaying back and forth from the craterous and debris-filled road we should be passing through, so I had to keep
his right side steady as the thin and bony Iranian woman secured the wound. She closed it almost torturously, saying,
through Ramadas translation, that it would force the blood
away better. The bullet tore a hole through his bones and perhaps some large arteries as feared, but he could still move his
right appendages. The women nearest us offered their head ornaments and the water for the trucks engine for us to scrub all
the filth off. Chris let the others wash him off without letting his
manhood get in the way. I could say that we have matched each
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All She Lost.

others level of damage. The runoff made the smell hellish, but
the others didnt mind. They all looked at me, their faces apparent of the delight of the mere sight of me, and they all wanted to
caress me like I was some idol or something, seemingly hoping
to have my saviors blessing onto them, but Ramada backed
them off. It might just be from the shock of encounter with a
white-skinned being.
Crouched on the either side of the cargo bay of the apparently stolen-from-the-military truck, rather new and still undamaged, fifteen of Ramadas people, ten of them women and
the rest children, accompanied us to our final destination. The
younglings, three girls and two boys I counted, pushed themselves into the warmth and cuddle of whomever adult was nearest them, shivering in the ridiculously humid truck. Two armed
men, also on crouch, guarded the end of the cargo bay, the
whole thing covered in thick metal with a couple of big holes
above for air, almost a torture cell for prisoners. It was next to
absolute darkness, though I could still distinguish the women
with the light from the holes and the tiny window to the front
cabin. It was deep in the night, but I saw other colors than black,
hints of whats left in city getting burned to the ground. The
screams of war echoed loudly inside the truck, putting the kids
on the breaking point, but the women took their fear off things
with a ridiculously-sounding song, almost a yodel with repeated
mentions of Allah and the imams name. However, it didnt take
us off the trauma of getting chased and fired at by an entire
horde of murderous motherfuckers. Ramada told us to never
stand, as bullets would pierce right through the casing. The
camera sat by me the whole time.
I sure hoped to God that old guys trusty, brainwashed
soldiers could pull this off, as they were the worlds last line of
defense from total annihilation. Ironic, I thought, since perhaps
the worlds most hated group of people, the stereotypical terrorists, would be the one to save it.
pg. 556

All She Lost.

Are you okay? he said, making all efforts to stay still.

Im tired. I< cant feel my legs.
Are they taking us to him, the imam?
Yeah, I said. Hes waiting for us.
Where is he?
I dont know, somewhere in the city.
He went silent. Are you sure of what you wanna do?
I thought were not gonna talk about this again.
Were all gonna get killed out here. You know that.
Shut up! They can understand you. And what the hell
would you want us to do?
Get the hell out of this place! he said. Take that plane
and get back home, like you always wanted.
It doesnt make any difference. If they fail, were gonna
get killed anyway, all of us! If were here, we have at least a
fighting chance. And that monster wants me to come to him.
What are you gonna do, talk to him? He will kill you!
At least its better than to die running! I said.
You know I only want you to be safe, said Chris.
I got next to being mad. I dont want to hear another
fucking word about that, okay? Im sick and tired of that shit.
You already got two of my friends killed trying to keep me safe.
I referred to Brian and his black friend who, with their insights
about our enemy, would have devised some plan that shouldve
given us more edge to victory.
I didnt kill them Holly.
You didnt trust them, either. Or better yet, maybe you
could explain to me what the hell is really going on here
No, he said. You are right. I< I was too shaken up
with all this that I didnt think things through. Im sorry. Well
go to him, and end this thing together.
I sensed something being kept. Is there something you
need to tell me?
Why would I?
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All She Lost.

Is everything okay? Ramada said, leaving the chorale

to check on us. Do you need anything?
No, thank you, I said.
She turned to my partner, extending her hands to him.
Nice to meet you Chris. Im Ramada. I heard many good things
about you from your friend Dennis. Ive always wondered why
you never stayed like he did.
He looked me for a bit before he replied back. There
was< something else I should do, he said. How did you know
Holly?
I met her back in our home when she didnt get water
from the dispenser, she said, sitting by me. She is very sweet
and very kind. I am very happy to meet her. I thought we would
never see each other again, but thank Allah our paths crossed
once again. Can I ask what happened back there?
The sea of blood filled my head. What the hell was that
place? I said, expressing all horror. I saw a lot of dead people
in there. What the hell were you doing in there?
I dont know what youre talking about.
You mean you have no idea theres a fucking slaughter
house right next to you? There are fucking corpses hanged like
pigs in there. Youre eating human meat! Dont you know that?!
Our imam will never allow such thing.
Ramada, Chris interfered, where are the rest of your
people? Where did the imam take them?
He told the others to go to other points in the city according to our strategy, but he told most to go to the airbase.
We cant go to the airbase! I said. What
No, were taking you to the imam. Hes in a marked
building somewhere around the base. I know hes been waiting
for you. The drivers know where it is. And we will go to the base
after we take you.
What will you do in the airbase? Wha< what are you
all even doing here? I thought that tunnel system went throughpg. 558

All She Lost.

out the city. You must have plenty of places to hide. And you
have plenty of soldiers to fight.
Shes right, Chris said. Its extremely dangerous for
all of us to be out here.
We hid and waited long enough, said Ramada, expressing all seriousness. The imam said now is the time. Just
because we are women we should just stay behind as our men
fight our freedom? We are equal under God, all of us. She held
my hand. We have equal obligation to fight against evil.
With the lamppost lights getting through the holes
above, I noticed different kinds of rifles stuck underneath each of
the women. Youre gonna fight all those soldiers?! Are you
fucking serious?
We have to protect our future.
Youre all gonna fucking die, dont you realize that? I
said, my eyes bulging out to her. Theyre gonna slaughter every
single one of you! The ridiculous chorale stopped.
I told you we are not afraid. We are not afraid of this
war and we are not afraid of dying. The Quran says, do not say
that those who fight for Allah are dead. The imam has always
promised us salvation. And we have weapons within us to make
sure we finish the job. So how could we be afraid?
I almost got disgusted of her, as it was absolutely insane
that someone of a free mind would be so stupid to sacrifice her
own life for some guy who only had his dream to support his
alleged divinity. Jesus Christ! He< he let you do this? I thought
he cared about you. Why the fuck would that old man make you
fight for him
We are not fighting for him or anyone! We are fighting
for our lands and our people, just like you! And for God! And
for our salvation.
What about these children?! I said. Will you make
them fight too? Look at them, theyre all fucking scared!
Its not my call to make, she said. The imam said this
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All She Lost.

is the only way. Everybody needs to fight for our freedom, for
the new world. We need all the help we can get.
What the hell is he thinking? Hes gonna make them
fight against those soldiers?!
The truck slowed down, and screams and chants and
sounds of gunfire penetrated our protective shell from the other
side. Beating the possibility of getting shot at, I stood and peeked
through the small window through the front cabin with my
camera. A whole rally of people, men, women and children
alike, all waving large black flags with the hook letter, firing
their rifles in the air and screaming Allahu akbar with all their
hearts, blocked the road as far as my eyes could see. I saw dead
bodies covered in white cloth being paraded. A few meters
ahead, the others danced around a large fire in the middle of the
road with what might be American soldiers as their fuel. This
was what Omar told us in the airport, thousands more insurgents from every corner of the country about to unleash hell on
the troops, the bad guys in this case. I was taken aback with the
sheer mass of that old mans legions, which did make me think
that we might just overwhelm Neumanns army and pull this
off, stop him once and for all. Disturbed I was too, with thousands of innocents willing to lend their lives on the promise of
salvation from the words of some old guy. But, among the taglines of history, victory never comes without sacrifice.
The truck paced like a turtle, stuck in the almost perpetual river of enraged human souls. They broke their formation to
make way for their warriors. Never before have I seen such a
large congregation of people all apparently ready to die for their
freedom and God, a sight usually associated to the medieval.
Jesus Christ, I said. Theres so many of them.
Please, Ramada I beg you, said Chris. We need to go
back underground. The soldiers are gone. Well be safer down
there now. Were all gonna get killed if we stay here any longer.
Do you understand?
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All She Lost.

Im sorry, Chris. We have to do this. We cant bear hiding anymore. Too many of our people have died.
And many more will die if you do this.
Take the children back down there! I said. You said
youre fighting for your future. What the hell would be left if
your children are gone?
Its not my call to make, said Ramada. We need to
work together. This is the only way.
The women suddenly shrieked as two of the children
started puking their guts out, almost continuous like the gush of
water on dams, drowning half of the floor in bloody semi-solid
matter. They rushed to lay them down, the other three freaking
out like they just saw the devil. Both boys, they were twitching
to the breaking point of their bones, drooling, their eyes opened
wide, almost being transformed to a zombie. The womens cuddles and prayers did next to nothing.
See? They cant take all of this shit! I said. Whats
happening to them?!
I dont know, said Ramada, rushing to their aid. Ive
never seen this happen before. They might be too scared. We fed
them a lot before we went out here.
Are they the sons of one of these women?
No. The imams men brought them to us this morning.
I dont know where they came from.
The bony Iranian pulled me into the convulsing kids as
if I could do something about it. I placed my hands on both their
heads, extremely hot and stiff, and even sang a short lullaby, but
they kept shaking, their backs swimming in their viscous vomit.
I didnt lock my eyes on them any longer, as they would most
probably die and their face would end up messing my head. One
of the women spat and spread her saliva on their forehead, then
recited an incantation. The screams and gunshots only got louder outside; the truck still moved slowly.
You dont have anything to call the imam? said Chris.
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All She Lost.

Im sorry, replied Ramada. We dont have any radio

or telephone.
Its a goddamn military truck. This should have one on
this damn thing at least. I was about to help him up to check on
the driver seat for any radio when Ramada rushed to him first.
The window to the front cabin was small even for a head to fit
through, so Chris looked and pointed, occasionally groaning
from his wounds, while Ramada told the driver where to find
the radio in the compartments.
Suddenly, one of the kids stopped squirming but still
unresponsive, as if the convulsion drained him out or maybe the
spit did the job. Spread across the side of the kids face and on
the rest of the children as well, I noticed a faded green cross.
Dj vu hit me.
When did you say your men brought these two?
Just this morning, said Ramada. Why?
They couldnt be from anywhere else. Oh God, they<
theyre the children from the orphanage! Chris, theyre from the
orphanage! Holy shit!
Are you sure? he said, apparently less surprised.
This green cross on their faces, I remember this sign.
I< how many did they bring to you? Where the hell are the rest
of them?
I dont know, said Ramada. They brought quite a lot
of children with that sign on their faces. They must be everywhere in the city now to join the fight.
I thought theyre all dead. I went to their orphanage
yesterday. I promised I would come back for them<. You need
to take them away from here.
I< I cant
What? Youre gonna let them die here?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Chris said. Helicopters dead
ahead, coming right through our direction. Soon enough, the
distinct noise of the rotors slicing through the air emerged, and
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All She Lost.

the chaos and outcry grew worse. I could hear the crowd rushing to the bright lights like hoards of barbarians. The kid remained frozen, the other still in a delirious state. The women,
probably to seek out the god they so devoted their lives for, held
hands and went on with their incantations, the three other children pushing themselves in their embrace and protection.
Ramada turned back to them as I peeked through the
meshed window. Fighting through my partners insistence to
make me sit, I could see at least three bright lights approaching
ahead. Everybody ran towards them in a loud war cry with their
guns held up high, each spraying bullets on the helicopters. Our
truck joined the men in their onslaught and drove through the
rally. The sound of the rotors got louder and louder.
No, no, no, wait, wait, Chris said to the driver.
Whats going on? I said.
We cant go through there. Turn back! Turn back! The
driver kept on going. Turn back!
All of a sudden, long straight beams of light started
shooting out of the helicopters, piercing right through every single man and woman and child in front of us, their chests and
heads blowing out all over the place like theyre being liquefied.
Thousands of rounds of machine gun fire rained down on those
people, sweeping the whole place until all got decimated. Their
parts were flying everywhere, blood and muscle raining everywhere like confetti. And we were driving towards them.
Holy shit!
Get down! Chris screamed as he lunged to me just as
the bullets ran through the truck from and to the either ends, 7millimeter fire tearing a long line of holes in the middle of the
vehicle and lighting up the whole cabin. We all shrieked in horror as would anyone with fucking machine guns aimed and firing hundreds of bullets every fucking second right at them, even
after the fires were gone. The truck kept on its way, racing
through the road. Chris groaned loudly in pain on top of me. I
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All She Lost.

lost my breath, shaken, my ears ringing loudly again. I couldnt

close my mouth at all.
Are< are you okay? Chris mightve said. I felt blood,
warm and thick, flowed under my head. I turned to where I felt
it came from, where they were all screaming and horrified, the
women and children, their faces all covered in splatters of blood.
The other kid twitched not as much as before, until I saw his
head completely blown in two, destroyed, all the brains and
bones and muscles almost melted, squirting blood which mixed
with the puke on the floor. I felt a small lump of his brain on my
face. I saw Ramada holding an arm, severed with meat and bone
and veins wiggling out at its end, of one of the women, crying
the life out of her. Right by them, another woman had her right
leg torn away, the others trying to stick it back with their excess
cloths. The two men opened the metal door and fired on the helicopters behind us, still raining hell on all those people. Gunshots and rockets flew all over the place. Everything just turned
into a surrealistic nightmare; it always has been. All those hundreds of people got slaughtered in an instant, the whole fucking
road flooding with their blood that shouldve been that of all of
them murderous motherfucking traitors. All those men and
women and children didnt even have the slightest chance to
avenge their nation and the brothers theyve lost. This last hope,
this very last hope, like all my other last hopes, like everything I
ever fucking did, was in grave danger of being blown away before it even began taking hold.
I didnt get shot, and apparently so did Chris and the
driver. My partner was spitting his words on my face, the unscathed women scrambling around to somehow make the pain
from severed hands and legs more bearable for their sisters, and
the two men firing on the enemy who seemed to be popping all
over the place, all reduced to a continuous high-pitched tone. I
dug deep in my ears, only to make the ringing worse.
Chris got up and screamed at the driver thorough the
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All She Lost.

small-ass window for the radio. I pushed myself in the corner,

only to see half of my body soaking in blood, pieces of meat
sprayed all over my clothes. The ringing still persisted. Seeing
the hand and the leg kept on detaching, the men threw them out
of the truck and the unscathed sealed tight the exposed insides,
the two women despairing over the pain. The two men pulled
the kids corpse to the back, scattering more pieces of his head.
Ramada gathered the four orphans to the side near me, the boy
still unresponsive, the rest pouring and trembling from fear. One
of them, a girl, looked at me with such frightened, helpless and
teary eyes, a poor soul among the millions more trapped in this
lunacy. I cuddled her and the others that followed, the only
thing I could give but perhaps the only thing they ever needed.
And just as I did, my hearing returned, and the first thing that
got to my ears was their pleas for help, pure and undeniable. I
knew I would likely fail them in the end and they would die
right in my midst like Aliya, but the worse thing to do, I realized, would be to leave them to their demises without giving
them at least a tiny bit of hope, the only thing they would ever
have. And though I knew they wont understand anything I say,
my voice and caress should transcend words and give them my
promise of protection and care. Besides, I made a promise I still
had the chance to fulfill.
Im so sorry I left you, I said. Im so sorry I left you
all behind. I know I promised to keep you all safe. But Im here
now. Ill never leave you, I swear. Ill never leave you. I didnt
promise to keep them safe, as it would be an impossibility given
the whole situation. And technically, I wont break that promise
if they get killed. The girl smiled and laid her head against my
chest; apparently, she might have understood.
Theres the fucking radio! Chris screamed, pulling out
the mesh out of the window to reach for the receiver. Hello?!
Can you hear me? Help us! Were all getting killed out here!
Tell that old bastard to come and get us! I said.
pg. 565

All She Lost.

No! Im sorry. You were right. Shes with me. We have

Ramada and a few other women. Are they alive?
What the hell are you talking about? Tell them to help
us right now!
I am, okay?! He gave the mic to the driver. Hey, tell
the imam where we are!
Are they coming for us?
Promise me you will honor your word! I will bring her
to you but she will be mine!
What?!
The truck screeched to a halt, sending all the women
crashing right to us. I unwittingly made the children my shield.
The bony one flew and landed right over my head, the rest of
them piled up against us. I heard glass, stone and metal falling
apart outside and a helicopter flying by.
What the hell was that?! I said.
Shit, were fucking trapped, said Chris. The roads
blocked. We cant go anywhere.
Did you tell them to come and get us?
They fucking know where we are now, okay?
The children started talking to me, scared straight, probably asking me if were all gonna die. I provided comfort as necessary. Everythings gonna be okay, understand? Im right
here. Im not going anywhere. Your imams coming for us now.
I saw Ramada squatted on the floor, in pain, holding her
left wrist tight. Are you okay, Ramada?
My< fingers got broken. Shit!
Hello, can you hear me, goddamn it?! Chris said on
the radio. Theyre not answering.
The truck backed up and turned into another road, and
on the opened back door, a short empty road barricaded by
smoking buildings came into view. Far into the background,
flickering helicopter and jet plane lights and the blaze of the city
tainted the skies. But not even a few meters into the path, the
pg. 566

All She Lost.

engine shut down.

Jesus Christ! This is not happening to us right now.
After repeated turns on the key, we were still dead in
the water. The others went on with their prayers again. Come
on, come on, you bitch! said Chris.
Where the hell are we?
Ramada translated for the driver. Just a mile until we
get to the imam.
Are there any entrances to the tunnels nearby?
He says hes not sure where around here.
Close that goddamn door! said Chris, sitting down
and breathing out before the stress kills him. The driver scrambled to get the truck running again. How the hell did we get
into this mess?
You tell me, I said. We wont be here if you didnt
I know. I know. I messed up.
What promise are you talking about? Who the hell is
alive?
He looked at me. Your
Something rumbling, something at close proximity, interrupted him again; he never gets to answer my questions
properly, cut off by things popping up just as he started to
speak, as if the universe had something it didnt want me to
know yet. The noise was a bit creaky and loud, most likely from
an engine of a large vehicle, coming from behind the truck. Chris
hit the barrier to stop the driver from turning the car back on.
Oh my God, not this again, I said.
Everybody, keep your mouths shut, said Chris, which
Ramada translated. I felt the children tremble deep down their
bones.
One of the men opened the doors. No, no, no, what the
hell are you doing?! And on the road where we came from was
a shiny hazel tank, the same one I saw in the base, slowly creeping with no personnel covering it on its sides.
pg. 567

All She Lost.

Hey, dont do anything stupid, said Chris to the men.

Whatever you do, dont fire at that tank. And, not heeding to
the warning, the idiots went to light the thing up.
Stop firing, goddamn it!
I beat the hell out of the barrier and screamed at the
driver, the children about to tear my skin apart like cats clawing
their way for dear life. Turn on the truck! Turn on the truck
right now! Now! Now!
The tank stopped moving, all the bullets just bouncing
out of its hard metal hull. The truck still couldnt go anywhere.
In fear, everyone clumped together to the front as the men kept
their fire on the beast, all of us freaking the hell out of our selves.
Ramada was loudly reciting some kind of prayer.
Come on, come on, come on!
The long barrel of the gun started moving to our direction, the truck still dead as fuck. Oh shit! Oh shit, shit, shit, shit!
Come on!
Stop firing you stupid motherfuckers! said Chris.
Two of the women, the injured ones, separated from the
group and went courageously in front, fighting through the pain
and helping each other to walk, with their rifles on their able
hands. They faced Ramada, and after a nod and a kiss on the
mouth, they stepped down the vehicle and walked to the tank,
firing everywhere on it. The barrel was already pointed at us, the
truck still dead.
What the hell are they doing?! I said. Pull them back
in here! What the hell are they doing?!
Theyre about to do their duty. Its their time.
Wha<?! Theyre gonna get themselves killed!
And suddenly, the truck finally turned on and took off.
Go! Go! Go! Chris screamed. Get us out of here!
Tell them to come back! I said, but it was too late.
Holy shit, you let them kill themselves?!
This is what were here for. Were here to fight them.
pg. 568

All She Lost.

The tank fired at us, and before we even get to duck

down, a whole shack on the side of the road just past us blew up
sky high in a large dust cloud, a close call by any measure. I lost
sight of the two women and the tank, but before we turned to
another road, I heard another explosion all the way back to the
beast. It somehow blew up too.
What the hell was that?! I said. What the hell was
that?!
They sacrificed themselves for all of us.
What? What the hell was that explosion?! Did they
blow themselves up?!
They did what needs to be done so youll be alive!
They blew themselves up?!
Is that it? Chris said. Is that the building?
I heard another helicopter barreling down on our direction, and sure enough an Apache was flying right behind us.
Before we could move a finger, it fired two rockets right at us.
Everything was over in a flash, not even enough time for Chris
to scream to get the fuck down, but I got to see every detail of it
somehow another of my special gifts apparently. I had my
gaze out to the door the whole time. The helicopter was gone
and the black sky went into view, serene and peaceful, the stars
arranged in a band which might have been the Milky Way.
Blocking the shine of the stars, the Moon also came into view for
a moment, far away yet still pretty detailed. I was floating, all of
us in the truck, in zero gravity. The women were flying in front
of me, bumping against each other and hitting the barrier in zero
gravity. Barf and blood floated in large globs all over us. Chris
kept a tight grip on the sill, the rest of his body floating away
from him. And then, everything went crashing down, all of us
landing on the ceiling, bathing in barf and blood.
The rockets flipped the truck in the air, which was at
least significantly better than obliterating us completely. The
children all landed on me, squishing my insides. Somehow, my
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All She Lost.

ears didnt ring from such a traumatic incident, and I heard the
aircraft fly away. Other than the dead kid all twisted up at the
back, everyone seemed to be alive, though it took a while for all
for them to recover, the red viscous vomit dripping off their faces. I didnt get up until the kids went conscious. Somehow, the
crash snapped the boy out of unresponsiveness too. I took my
camera sitting at the back of one of the women, all stained with
blood but still recording nonetheless.
That was it. Its hopeless. Its fucking hopeless. All those
men should be dead by then. Theres no one left to extinguish
this hell.
9:39.
Are you alright, Holly? said Ramada, words that Chris
usually says. He was alive, still lying on the floor trying to get
the women off of him.
Im alright, Im okay. This is not going to end, is it?
Youre still alive. Theres still hope. We need to get you
to him. This has to end now.
What the hell can I do to stop this shit? I said. We
barely made it out, and< and all your men got killed back there.
What the hell can I do?
You are our last hope, she said. You have to do this.
What do you want me to do, pray to Allah for a fucking
storm to wipe them all out? Theres nothing we can do!
Its the safest place we can be, Chris said, groaning.
And its just up ahead. Theres nowhere else to go.
I thought you didnt want to go there. I thought the old
bastards gonna hurt me?
Theyre the only people that can help us right now.
You shouldve thought about that when you took me
away from them!
Guys, please<, said Ramada. Then, another rumbling
sound, creaky and from the engine of a large machine, emerged
from the faint screams of war all around us. We couldnt see anpg. 570

All She Lost.

ything beyond the veil of smoke just behind us, but we all knew
very well what the hell it was. We froze, the women freaking out
again.
Motherfucker, I said. Motherfucker!
Shit, come on! Come said Chris. Get the hell up! Go!
And so we did. The kids, all shaken up, stuck to me like
first graders on their first day of school. They didnt find Chris a
safe companion. All reeking from blood, we got out from our
capsized vessel only to see the entire city in Armageddon, in a
proverbial hell. We were on the side of a four-lane highway, cars
flipped and debris scattered all over the place. Structures around
us were next to being destroyed. Everything was burning, blowing up to heaven. All around us was death.
A tall building half-burnt and all covered with soot and
large holes on the side was right ahead. Is that the building,
Ramada? said Chris.
Yeah, yes, thats it.
Then, what the hell are you all standing there for?
No, she said. You must go on your own. Were staying here to keep you safe.
I knew what theyre about to do. Dont tell me youre
We have to make sure youre alive. This is our time.
Shut the fuck up and come with us! I said. I already
felt the ground vibrating; death was nigh.
No, you go! You go right now!
Come on, Holly! said Chris, pulling me with him. We
have to get away from here!
For the love of God, think about what youre doing!
She looked at me. Im so sorry, Holly. Youve been a
very good friend to me, even with the short time weve been together. Im so happy Ive met our savior.
The men pulled the children away from me, all refusing
to let go. Chris kept me from pulling them back. Whoa, what
the hell are you doing?! What are you gonna do with them?!
pg. 571

All She Lost.

Its our time now, all of us, she said. They will now
fulfill their duty to God. Go now, go!
Youre gonna kill them!
Goddamn it Holly, lets get out of here, said Chris.
Youre all gonna die!
We know, she said, as long as you are alive. Promise
me you will save the world!
Come on!
No, no, no, wait, wait! We cant leave them! Ramada!
They faded in the cover of smoke, the cries of the children loud and unending, seemingly calling for me. I was right
and it happened all over again; I failed them. They all died right
in front of me, right where I had all the power in the world to
save them. It proved heavy to me.
Jesus Christ!
Come on, come on. We cant do anything about them,
said Chris, bracing me tight as he pulled me away.
But theyre right there! They dont deserve to die!
So do you, Holly! So do you!
I heard a military Humvee barreling down the road, a
machine gun destroying every living thing on its range, coming
right for us. With every fire, a scream vanished, then another,
until theyre all gone. I could hear the bastards screaming and
laughing as they went on their murder spree like postapocalyptic maniacs, and the women firing their weapons all
over the place. We ran as fast as we could, Chris fighting
through the pain. The vehicle then emerged from the veil of
smoke, driving straight towards us, until someone ran right in
its way, one of the women. She got hit, her torso snapped apart
from the metal bumper, and then the car suddenly exploded out
of nowhere, flipping the car on its side, skidding a few feet down
the road. As we went to the building, I heard no signs of them
anymore.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
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All She Lost.

Come on! We have to keep moving!

Make it stop! Make it stop! I said, though I knew
theres no way in hell it would.

THE NEXT THING I knew, we were climbing up through the

building, all elaborately tiled with different colors of ceramics
and decorated all over with all sorts of accessories, which reminded me of Omars apartment. Its more like a hotel, all rooms
in every corridor closed shut. No one was inside, even a single
one of that old bastards man, but we pushed on. I was dying for
even a bit of rest and a drop of water, but Chris dragged me up.
The smell of mint and char mixed together, the whole place dusty as hell. On every floor, we passed by large destroyed sections
of the building, giving us a progressive higher view of the desolation. Fireballs rose from the ground like jellyfish swimming to
the surface of the sea, gunfire and rockets flew and blew up in an
almost pyrotechnic fashion. I saw a man hanged in the middle of
the hallway on one floor. Our calls echoed through the entire
building, and no one called back.
Goddamn it, theyre not here. Theyre not here! I said.
Please, put me down! I need to lie down, please.
He laid me against the wall with the camera. I couldnt
feel my body other than my head and my chest ballooning out
from my lungs dying for more air. Frustration exploded out of
him. Shit! Shit, shit! Fuck!
They all got killed for us! All of those children, they<
didnt want to fight!
I have no idea theyre gonna do that.
Did they have bombs implanted in them? That< that
woman just blew up after she got hit on that truck! The hospital,
thats where that doctor cuts off their stomachs and puts the
bombs in. Thats what hes been doing in there. All those dead
people<
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All She Lost.

I dont know. I dont know.

I let it out, all the fright. Oh shit. Oh shit, shit!
You okay?
What the hell are we gonna do now?
He looked at me. I guess< this is the end.
I dont think so. Hes not gonna stop until that monster
sees me again.
Then, we dont let him see you, he said, catching his
breath too. I think we should just stay here, wait it out.
You think so?
This is a hotel, lots of rooms to rest and hide in. There
should be food that hasnt spoiled yet somewhere here too.
Theyre still gonna find us, I said. But I guess it wont
make any difference, right? Were all fucking dead already. Even
if we find that old bastard, what the hell could they do?
You still want to find them?
I dont know. Can they really do something?
I dont think so. I guess youre right, he said. But at
least< I still have you in the end.
He was standing on the other side. Then, what the hell
are you doing back there away from me?
I dont want to. You fucking stink. He laughed. Im
just gonna get something to wipe on. And then he kicked open
one of the doors and shortly brought a couple of large cotton
blankets. He threw one on me, and we wipe the filth off. Slightly
smiling, he sat right next to my weary ass, and for a few seconds
we enjoyed the sound of our deep breaths and the echoes of explosions going out all over the place.
Im not gonna say sorry anymore, but<
No. I dont want to hear another word.
Okay, he said.
You didnt answer Ramadas question. Why didnt you
stay here like Dennis? Whats the thing you have to do first?
He took a long exhale. I just said that. It didnt mean
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All She Lost.

anything. Theyre the first words that popped out, you know.
But< while we were in Libya, that old man spent a whole lot of
time on Dennis. Im not sure what theyre talking about, but he
led him to join his group.
Didnt he talk to you too? Why did you leave?
He did. He convinced me too to join him. He kept talking about purification of the world and shit. But I< I have to
come back. I took Dennis to the base but the morning we were
about to leave, he< he told me he has to join him. I cant make
him decide otherwise, and then he left.
You knew all along what happened to him? I said.
Why didnt you tell us?
Thats what he wanted me to tell you. He didnt want
us to come and risk our lives to rescue him. He said he< found a
new home. Turned out we didnt give him enough to make him
think were his new home. Apparently, the mere words of some
old guy from the other side of the world who simply rescued
him from certain death, as opposed to us who gave him a life to
live in, were enough to make him abandon everything he ever
knew.
So, why did you leave him?
For you, he said. I know its stupid that I confessed
you that while were in hell on earth. I thought its romantic. I
want to prove myself first by keeping you safe, and here we are,
still together.
You have the worst idea for a romantic gesture.
But did it work?
I guess Ive got no other choice, do I?
I had the opportunity to ask him everything, now that
were all alone and nothing could possibly stop him from talking
other than a rocket flying right at us and blowing us to pieces.
When we first met, Ramada told me they all knew I was coming. She said Dennis kept telling stuff about me to her. She keeps
saying to me that I was gonna save them all, that I was the one to
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All She Lost.

end this. You heard her on the truck, right?

So what?
Did< did Dennis call you to take me here? I said, my
voice intense as necessary.
I havent heard anything from him for four fucking
years, I swear to God! I never thought Id see him again. Why,
you dont believe that old man foresaw you coming here?
I dont believe in miracles.
But you believe in God, he said.
Hes not God, is he?
Right. Hey, do you have that Playoffs trophy? I didnt
even know I had it, but there was one on my pocket. I gave it to
him. I think Ill just keep it on me for a while.
That old guy told me too that we will succeed, I said,
that we will make it through this.
Really? Maybe we should just believe him.
And what, hope that some fucking angel would come
to us and end this thing?
You never know, he said. And this is not all about us.
There are many others at stake. Any time now, the worlds gonna know, and they will come for us. You uploaded our footages,
right?
Didnt you hear me? They confiscated all my footages!
Theyre all working together.
You didnt tell me that. Of course, theyre gonna confiscate them. They didnt want to cause a panic. You think the government would want people to know the worlds gonna end?
Theyre not gonna tell everybody that an asteroids gonna hit us
until they destroyed it, until its all over. Theyre coming for us.
So we should just stay here?
Exactly, he said. Or if you want, well take a short
rest and well go find that plane and fly the hell out of here.
How could we possibly find that thing? Even if we did,
where would we go? Neumanns gonna blow up the nukes anypg. 576

All She Lost.

time now.
He still needs the key, remember? He couldve detonated them before but he didnt.
Could the imam know where it is?
I dont know, maybe.
Then we better get to him! I said. If we find that shit
first and destroy it, theres no way he can blow up the nukes. His
men should know where that thing may be hidden!
Then, we heard a voice, faint and of a man. Theyre not
gonna come here.
Who the hell is that?
Give them more time, please. They will be here.
Son of a bitch, theyre right above us! said Chris.
What?!
He stood up. Dennis! Dennis, is that you?
Oh my God, Chris? the voice said. Where are you?
Get over here right now!
Theyre right there and they didnt hear us? I said.
Come on, lets go, he said just slightly enthusiastically,
getting me up on his unscathed shoulder.
Are you okay? said Dennis.
Chris has been hit, I said. We almost got killed outside. For some reason, they didnt send even at least one of
their men, or Dennis himself, to help us up. We got to the next
floor, and he wasnt there, not a single soul. Weve reached what
might be the highest floor; I saw no more stairs at the end of the
hallway. But there was one opened door halfway through, light
coming out of it.
Dennis?
Right here, he said. Come on.
We went to the room, Chris and I, slightly feeling relieved. For some reason, no one even peeked out or welcomed
the two of us, considering how important they thought we were
to them. But they might be busy plotting out another course of
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All She Lost.

action.
We got inside the room, and I saw the imam and Dennis
standing beside a pool table. Chris suddenly let go of me, falling
straight to the floor, hit on the head by an extremely large man
on a high-tech military gear standing beside the door. Another
one clasped his arms around my neck, and the other one closed
the door. I was choking, my eyes tearing up.
Come on! Stop! Dennis said. This is not necessary!
No, stop, stop! Let her go, someone else on a grey suit
said. Then, the soldier shoved me to the floor; I fell chest first. I
coughed hard, gasping. I felt footsteps getting close to me, heavy
against the tiled floor, and then it stopped. I felt his musky air as
he sat right in front of me. Before I could get my head up, the
man pulled my hair and brought my head right up to his. The
light behind his head made his face dark, until my eyes cleared
out<
Nice to see you again, Ms. Thompson.

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All She Lost.

Chapter

31.
HE SMASHED MY head against the ceramic floor, shaking the
deepest parts of my consciousness but I remained aware, only to
endure the searing pain of having my head banged again. It took
an awful lot longer to subside, which might be from my skull
cracking all the way through from where that kid from the airport threw the fucking rock to my forehead. I screamed endless
to compensate for the pain. He pummeled my head so hard it
made a small crater on the ceramic floor where my blood dripping like hell from my head pooled into.
What a nice reunion, Neumann said. Every single
person I ever wanted to be together now in a single room.
What the hell did you do that for?! said Dennis.
Keep your fucking mouth shut!
We kept our word, American, the old man said. We
followed your terms. You dont have to hurt them!
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All She Lost.

Oh I can do whatever the fuck I want to do with them.

Remember you snuck out of our deal first, cause you think you
know better than me. And now you came begging back. Youre
in no place to negotiate! Captain!
Yes, sir, another man said, his voice deep as hell.
Feel free to blow these two up to their dear Allah the
next time they open their fucking mouths, you understand? But
let me know first.
You got it, sir.
Now, where were we? I enjoyed your little chit-chat
downstairs. You two are such a nice couple. I know I told you Ill
be at the tower but it seems his men already ruined the place.
This is such a nice little villa, isnt it Ms. Thompson? Oh, can you
two lift her up, bring her to that chair? We dont want our guest
of honor feeling uncomfortable.
I knew its impossible to feel anything from underneath
my skull, with the lack of nerves on the brain, but I had no doubt
that it was bleeding from within, putting pressure against my
cracked up skull. My eyes were on a cycle of blur and clear, my
sight almost distorting into incomprehensible shapes, the men
bulging out and squeezing in. They put me rather gently on a
sofa, soft and clean. I couldnt see clearly but I could tell they
were all looking at me, Neumann standing in the center of an
elaborately embroidered round rug. Near him was a small table
with a large silver briefcase on it, the flag of Iran painted on the
front. They had Chris, apparently still unconscious, tied on a
wooden chair on the other side of the room in front of me.
Good thing you still have your camera, said Neumann, picking up my hardy gadget. Lets put it where it can see
all the action. Ladies and gentlemen, what youre about to see is
the end of a journey, and a start of a new era. Hold on to your
seats. This should be very exciting.
The room was of a considerable size, rectangular and
painted to look like the interior of a tree house, all lit up by a
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All She Lost.

large chandelier right above the pool table. Much of the furniture
was covered in white dusty cloth, like in an abandoned house. A
few bottles of wine were left standing on a rack just past the table. At the end of the room was a large glass window, the rest of
Tehran getting reduced to ash right on the other side. Corpses of
the imams men lay in a straight line right in front of it. I counted
five men positioned all around the room, two right beside Chris,
another beside the imam, another by the door, and the largest
one right beside me, all of them with large-ass guns on their
hands and what might be grenades on their belts.
Why are your men still firing on my people? said the
imam. You said you will make them stop once they are here.
Didnt I tell you to shut the fuck up?
Do you want me to blow this fool right now, sir?
Please stop! the old man said. You have what you
wish for. You dont have to do this to my people.
Yeah, youre right, said the monster. Theyre all gonna die now, anyway. We dont want to waste my weapons on
such worthless pieces of shit. Captain, tell the men to stop killing
off his people and leave them alone until further orders.
But why should we do that, sir? said the captain. We
should just finish the job and take care of these terrorists.
I didnt pay you to talk, soldier. Do as I say.
Yes, sir.
You know Malik, said the monster, your English has
significantly improved since the last time we talked a few weeks
ago, right? Did Dennis teach you? I thought you hated everything about the West?
I hate people who use others for their own good.
Neumann laughed. Thats the way things in this world
works, my friend, as if youre innocent of that kind of evil, he
said. The more powerful rules over the weak, but thats what
were here to eliminate, remember?
Blood still tricked from my head, but everything had
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All She Lost.

finally cleared. A small clay lamp was within my reach, which I

could theoretically throw right at his motherfucking face, or I
could sprint right through the window and hope for a hay wagon to cushion my fall, but that would prove unwise; his men
would rip us to shreds. Outside, fires slowly ran out and chaos
stopped, sounds of gunshots and explosions almost inexistent.
Chris wasnt moving at all. I gasped for air, frozen shut in my
seat, nervous as hell.
The motherfucking monster turned to me. Seems like
were gonna do this again, Ms. Thompson. But I promise you,
Im gonna try to end this in just a jiffy. And dont worry, Im not
gonna torture you or your boyfriend. I didnt fix him up for you
for nothing. And Im not gonna touch you or hurt you anymore,
other than what I just did to you< not if I couldnt help myself,
that is.
Why? I said, breathing out with every word. W<
why?
Why? Well, thats what youre here for. You are about
to discover the horrible truth, and also more importantly, to bear
witness to the dawn of a new age like weve been talking about.
You should be feeling better now. This is the end of the line.
I cried. Why are you doing this to me?
You never get tired of asking me that question, dont
you? he said. Well, like I probably said to you before, I find
your story extremely intriguing. In the decades of my life, I never encountered a case like yours. Its almost comical and it didnt
make any sense. But Im not gonna tell you that yet, since it
would be more tragic than everything you probably had. This is
not the right time, and Im not qualified to tell you that. And also, I like the way you suffer. It somehow brings< joy to me.
Stop hurting her, please, said Dennis.
The soldier raised his gun to his face. One more word
and I swear to God Im gonna blow your fucking brains out!
Im not touching her, am I?
pg. 582

All She Lost.

Shes never part of this! Let her go!

I thought youre gonna make her your savior.
No, I said, still reeling from the pain. You know<
you two know him?
No Holly, we
Yes, why dont you tell Ms. Thompson of our alliance
now Dennis? said the monster.
What is he talking about?
Hes lying! Dennis said. Dont listen to him! Dont
believe a single word he says!
You bother denying it now? Neumann said. Malik,
why dont you answer that question? I know youre the imam of
your people, right, the last of the long lineage of Allahs apostles
or something, which means you cant lie to us or else God will
punish you.
God does not punish his children, the old man said.
He only give judgment for those who have done wrong to his
people.
Is that what he told you? God only judges us on where
we will end up for the rest of eternity? Alright. So, you tell me
you fucking monkey, the monster said. He slowly walked toward the old man. How would God judge you for everything
that you did?
Sacrifice must be done for the good of all.
Yeah. All those people sacrificed to get rid of me, while
we have the same purpose in life after all.
You< two are behind all this? I said. You were with
him?! The imam looked away, silent.
Lifes really a bitch, you know? Neumann said, smirking. The people you think will save you from all this trouble
will be the same ones wholl leave you for dead in the end.
Rage filled me all of a sudden. I jumped out of my seat
and ran towards him. You motherfucker! But the soldier near
me swayed his gun right to my chest, the edges of his gun digpg. 583

All She Lost.

ging into me, and I collapsed again to the floor. A spear seemed
to have pierced me right through.
Goddamn it, you monster! said Dennis.
Stop moving, you shit!
I screamed in pain as I got restrained, both my wrists
tied against a column behind me, my arms stretched up.
Said the innocent motherfucker, Neumann said.
Why dont you do something?! I screamed to Dennis
as I got restrained, both my wrists tied against a column behind
me. Youre right there. Kill him!
You see men? This is why I love this bitch, very strong
and brave. Youll have strong and feisty children with her. If you
want, you can fuck her pussy all day long after Im done. Consider it as my bonus.
We guess we could use some fucking right now, the
soldiers said, laughing.
Let me go! Let me go!
Why dont just you get over it, asshole?! said Dennis.
You didnt answer her question, yet! said Neumann.
Go on. Tell how you all lied to her the whole time to fulfill your
sick fantasy, just like mine.
What the hell is he saying? I said.
No, Holly! Hes lying! We never lied to you! He captured us while were here. Why would we do anything to hurt
you!
Stop, Dennis, the imam said. Enough.
There we go!
What?! I said. Is he telling the truth?
Why do you want to keep inflicting pain to her? said
the imam, facing the monster. Why does this matter to you?
Dont you think she deserves the truth? the monster
said. She needs to have closure before I kill her. Her story needs
to have a happy ending.
You dont have to harm her. You won. This is over! We
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All She Lost.

succeeded! We just have to do what must be done!

His words were conclusive enough. I looked at him, my
mouth trembling, disgusted. What?! I said. You< you were
with him?!
Im so sorry, Holly. This is not how I want this to be
I trusted you! I said, yelling my fury onto him. All
that shit you told me, all fucking lies! What the hell is this? All
that for what?! You betrayed all your people! All those people
died because of you! They all hoped that you will save them, and
they all got killed out there for nothing, you shit!
You will understand.
Even the children! You< you put bombs inside their
bodies and let them blow themselves up, and you say God will
reward them for what theyve done?! They never wanted to do
this! They were afraid. I thought you cared about them.
Everything has purpose
What, so you could join him in his sick fucking fantasy?! You heartless monster!
Dennis tried to appeal. Holly, this is not what you think
it is. They died for a greater purpose.
And you! I said. You left us behind and lied to us all
these years to join this fucker?! What were you thinking? He
got silenced.
Oh, come on now Dennis, said Neumann. Youre not
gonna explain yourself to your dear friend why you left her?
You shit! he said.
We have plenty of time to talk about things.
I swear, I said to the monster. I swear to God Im
gonna kill you for everything you did to me. Im gonna rip your
goddamn eyes out
You already told me that, and look at where is has got
you so far. You cant defeat me. Youre just a sad rebellious teenager who lied to her parents all these years just to do what you
want to do for yourself, isnt that right? You see this is not my
pg. 585

All She Lost.

fault that youre in this mess. Its yours. My head got heavier,
but I fought any sign of guilt, which would add to his sense of
overpowering over me. In the end, nothing is more painful than
the truth.
He continued. Now Dennis, you were saying?
Holly, said Dennis. You know how much Im grateful that I met all of you. I dont regret each second. But I found
something greater, bigger than all of us, a purpose. This is something we have to do for the good of all, which is why I want you
to be a part of it.
So we could destroy the world together with that motherfucker? I said.
No. So we could have a better world, a better future.
You< you want to< kill everyone?!
Is it what God originally wanted for all mankind? said
Neumann. He banished the first men from Eden because they
disobeyed him. He never wanted man around his creation, and
when we scorned almost all of the Earth, he sent a flood to wipe
us all out. But Noah was a coward. And here we are again with
another opportunity to get things right. You taught me that,
right Malik?
He only wanted the corrupted away from his creation,
the old man said.
Neumann stared back at him. Is that right? He turned
to me. You said it yourself while youre heading to the base
with your boyfriend, people are gonna fight each other off eventually, so why not end them now? Of course, you already know
Ive been listening to your every single word.
It doesnt make any sense! I said.
Nothing in life makes any sense, Ms. Thompson. There
is no point to everything. Its supposed to be like that.
You< you mean, your children< theres no point in
bringing them to this world? Youd rather have them killed because theres no point in them?
pg. 586

All She Lost.

He was suddenly silenced, the smug on his face gone,

his stare bearing all signs of guilt. Then, he went to one of his
soldiers, took a sidearm, and rushed to Chris, absolute rage all
over him.
Is he awake? Hey! Hey, wake up! He then pummeled
Chris face with the gun, which immediately woke him up.
Chris!
Youve been missing out, motherfucker!
Goddamn it! Stop! Dennis screamed and rushed to his
best friend, only to be hit on the face. His mouth bled hard.
Tie those two on the floor!
What the hell are you doing?! I yelled. Chris! Chris!
He struggled out of the chair, calling for my name. Neumann
hammered his fingers with the metal handle of the gun. He cried
painfully loud.
You awake now?!
You shit! You piece of shit! How did you get here?
I want you to watch carefully, the monster said. He
then rushed to me with the gun swinging on his hand, and shot
me in my right leg. I saw how the bullet ripped right through my
jeans and skin and made the blood splatter. For a few seconds, I
was lost for words, my lungs closed shut, and as the blood
spilled out of my leg and the sensation of pain overwhelmed by
brain, I screamed loud as ever.
Holly! Goddamn it, you son of a bitch!
Im gonna kill you! Im gonna fucking kill you!
He grabbed my hair and brought my face to him.
Didnt I tell you? he said, every word intense. I loved my
children. I loved my family. Theyre the only thing I cared about
in this shitty fucking world. And they took them away from me!
They took them from me! Thats why theyre gonna pay for what
they did. Every shit they did, Im gonna make them pay. And
Im gonna prevent it from ever happening again once and for all,
you understand?! Im going to kill them all!
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All She Lost.

Chris! Chris, please!

Let her go, you fuck! Let her go!
You think you know better? he said. You think you
know better than me?! You dont know shit. You dont know
shit?!
Stop! Stop, goddamn it! said Chris. I have what you
want! Just let her go!
He stood and aimed the gun at my head. The rest of my
jeans were soaking wet from the blood constantly draining out
of me. You think itll be that easy?
Please, stop! You have what you wish for!
Why dont you confess to her too, what you really did
to her?
Make it stop! I said. Make it stop! Make it stop!
What the hell do you want from us?! I have the key,
just fucking take it!
Oh I will take that key from you, not until you say to
her the whole fucking truth.
He cocked the gun. Chris!
Goddamn it, stop! screamed Dennis.
Take that fucking gun away from her and aim it at me!
Chris said, struggling out of the chair. I'm the one who started
this! I brought her to this! Point that gun at me right now and
shoot me!
No. Heres what I want you to say, said Neumann.
Dont you realize you are such a great actor? You can make
people believe the shit you say. Now, I want you to say everythings gonna be alright to her. Cant you see shes scared and
freaking out? Why dont you try and calm her down?
I swear youre not gonna leave this room alive, you
hear me you fuck?!
He brought the gun deeper to my head. Thats not what
I said. Tell her, everythings gonna be okay. Lie, like you always
did.
pg. 588

All She Lost.

Why dont you just get over it?! I said.

Not until you hear what he has to say. This will be the
tragic truth Im talking to you about.
Take the key, goddamn it! Take the key!
You see? He lied to you again, said the monster. He
has the key all along. Youre not gonna ask him how he got it?
I dont give a shit! I said. Kill me right now for all I
care!
He nodded. As you wish. He fired his gun once again
on my leg, freaking the hell out of me.
Stop! Stop, for the love of God! screamed Chris.
What? I missed, Neumann said.
Its not too late, my friend, the imam said, his hands
tied against the thick leg of the pool table, his eyes closed as if
praying. Its not too late to do the right thing. He will forgive
you if you stop this right now.
He laughed. He will forgive me for this! I am doing
him the greatest service any human could possibly offer him.
Would one of you fellas get the key from him?
Of course, sir, a soldier said. He kicked Chris chair to
the floor and searched for the key he somehow had. Neumann
turned the silver briefcase to my direction.
Ive had enough of this, he said. I think you should
just go to your grave without any idea on how you got here in
the first place. But I enjoyed our little confab.
Fuck you! I said.
He came to me a few hours ago, begging for our little
alliance to come back. In return, he would help me find you and
this old monkey and all his cockroaches. And by the way, God
didnt pick you. He did. Thought you wanted to know.
Im going to kill you, you have my fucking word. I
swear to God, youre gonna die in this place! Those words
didnt mean anything to me at that time, with my head filled of
nothing but absolute blind hatred and thoughts of his fucking
pg. 589

All She Lost.

head exploding to million pieces, his guts getting eaten by dogs

and the rest of him feasted by rats and flies. It would be the most
satisfying sight I could ever wish for.
Holly? Chris said. Are you okay?
My feet felt tingling with blood not reaching the end of
my right leg. Weakness and dizziness started to manifest in me.
Get me out of here, please! I said. Get me out!
This will all be over soon, I promise. I promise you!
We cant find any key sir, but he has this on him, one
of the soldiers said, throwing their boss a tiny golden figurine,
the Playoffs trophy. He turned the top part that revealed a metal
bar, the key. Chris had it all along, and I had it in my hands.
How the hell could I forget about this little shit? said
Neumann. I must have Alzheimers or something.
Now let her go! Chris said. You got what you want.
She has no use to you now.
And what, let her escape? She and everybody else on
this planet are going to die. Dont you think youd want her by
your side? Im giving you all front row seat to a beginning of a
new era! He inserted the key into the electrical lock of the briefcase. Inside was a rather simple control panel, with a small
number pad on the upper left, small levers and LEDs below it, a
hand-size screen in the middle and a large red button within in a
clear plastic glass on the other side. A glorified portrait of Khomeini with some kind of inscription under it was on the back of
the briefcases cover.
Please, dont do this, I said. Dont do this. Think of
everyone youre gonna kill, all the lives thatll be lost!
I already thought about that long enough, Ms. Thompson, he said. Its too late to back out now. He then turned to
the old man. Allahu akbar. He placed his hand on the screen,
apparently a biometric control, and all the lights on it lit up and
the plastic glass flipped open.
No please, no!
pg. 590

All She Lost.

He started singing the Star-Spangled Banner as he entered a few keys on the pad and placed the weird lines of my
map, the launch codes, on the screen for scanning. He threw the
map to the floor and ripped the deactivation codes in half. We
wont be needing that anymore.
Please, I said, pleading my heart out. Please, please.
You dont need to do this.
Look at the goddamn window! This is the culmination
of everything Ive sacrificed. Now I want you to see< the beginning of a new era.
Sir! the captain yelled. Neumann stopped. What the
hell is that thing? This is not part of the plan. We got the leader
of the rebels. Lets take them and end this thing.
Are you giving orders to me now, soldier?
I didnt even notice before, but they were all afraid, the
men. They all looked at each other, apparently having no idea
what was really going on right in front of them and what this
was all about. I saw an opportunity.
Hes been lying to you! I yelled at them. Hes gonna
launch the nuclear weapons! Hes gonna kill every single person
you know! If he presses that button, were all gonna die!
They aimed the guns at him. Is that true, sir?
Believe me, hes a lunatic! He wants to kill all people on
the planet! Believe me!
What the hell is this all about, sir? another said.
We thought this is about killing off the terrorists, sir?
another said. I have a family and a girlfriend in the States.
Neumann remained silent.
Get these ties off us, please! I said.
Shut up! Weve completed the job. Our contract to your
companys over. Put down the briefcase.
He looked at me, smiling. You one smart son of a bitch.
You never cease to impress me.
Sir, put down the briefcase now! They already had the
pg. 591

All She Lost.

sights of their rifles at him, the monster showing no signs of being intimidated at all.
Arent you forgetting? he said. You still have a job to
do. Then, he raised the gun up and instantly shot the man beside the imam and the two near Chris. Caught by surprise, the
other two just stood there waiting to be shot. Neumann ducked
to the floor out of their sight and shot them right in their eyes,
shattering their glasses. If he wasnt a sadistic motherfucker, I
would have been really impressed of his gun-wielding skills, but
it left me breathless and terrified; it took him less than five
seconds to take all five men with nothing but a handgun. He
fucking killed his own men. He stood up and fixed his coat.
Shit, I thought Id never put these hands to good use
again, he said.
You fucking coward! said Chris.
It saved me from killing them later on. Theyre now
useless anyway, so His shoulder suddenly exploded, shot by
the soldier beside my partner. Neumann almost fell to the floor,
but he immediately stood and looked for the man who shouldve
killed him. The man fired another bullet, but he missed. Neumann rushed to him and fired right at his face until his magazine
emptied.
Fuck! Son of a bitch! he yelled, throwing the gun right
at the man. Half of his coat soaked in blood. You<, shit! You
see? None of this wouldve happened if you just believed in
what Im doing here!
Please, dont do this, I beg you! I still said to him even
though I knew it wont change a bit in the dark void within him.
He suddenly burst to laughter and eventually in an emotional state, resting his body on the table beside the briefcase. I
stared at him the whole time. What a day, isnt it Ms. Thompson? You know you should be very proud of yourself. You almost took me down, you whos nothing but an ungrateful slut.
Youre extremely resilient. You survived all this shit, and here
pg. 592

All She Lost.

you are, still alive at the very end. I guess one more reason why I
picked you is that< you remind me of my wife. She looks just
like you< just like you.
Whats her name? I said, attempting to sympathize
and derive reason to change his mind.
Diane. I really missed how she gets mad at me. You
showed me that again.
You think shell be happy to see you doing this?
She will never understand, neither will you. But this is
justice. Its the only thing that would give me peace. And its not
just for me. All those who died because of our lies, our greed.
Im giving them justice.
He had his finger on the button again. Please< please,
you dont have to do this. You dont have to do this!
The FBI has got their hands on your footages, and by
now every single organization in the federal government has
seen our conversation. Three F-22 fighter jets and two stealth
fighters are barreling towards us as we speak, with a whole battalion right behind them. They should arrive any minute now.
Theyre gonna bomb the hell out of this place, kill every single
man, woman and child here. You see how they would handle
this situation? Theyd rather kill and destroy everything, get it
over with without even thinking about it!
I ran out of things to say. Thought so, he said. Now, I
want you to look straight to that window and watch the dawn of
a new age. Malik, you want to join me in our moment of triumph, bring about the new age weve always wanted?
Please, please, please! Imam, do something! Say something to him!
The old man opened his eyes, finishing his mediation,
and looked right at the monster. But I am tied, he said. I cannot move.
Of course, of course. I apologize. Aching from his injury, seemingly worse than it looked, he walked towards the old
pg. 593

All She Lost.

man. He left the gun at the table. Dennis remained silent, looking away, his mouth still bleeding and apparently moving something behind him.
Holly, said Chris. Everythings gonna be okay.
The monster chuckled. You are such a lovely couple.
Make sure you tell her everything when you two get to heaven.
He knelt beside the imam on the side of the table and united his
hands. This is it, the moment weve been waiting for.
I am sorry, said the imam. I am sorry for you, son.
I am, too.
Neumann walked back to the briefcase, and all of a sudden, the monster without even turning back, Dennis threw himself to him, his restraints already cut somehow. They fell right to
the table, the briefcase and the gun tumbling on the floor, both
screaming in rage and in pain. With a billiard ball on his hand,
Dennis beat the hell out of Neumanns face with everything he
got, screaming with every hit. He was spitting his blood to him.
Neumanns face got more bruised and bruised, skin almost peeling out, blood gushing out of the side of his head, but Dennis
never stopped. It was the happiest moment of my life, seeing the
man who ruined my very existence getting what he more than
deserved, but I didnt scream at Dennis to keep pummeling him.
I possessed a soul, a conscience; then again, I didnt feel any remorse seeing him suffering. No longer had I recognized his face,
his sockets filling up with blood and loose skin, but Dennis kept
going, screaming with every hit.
Stop, Haman, said the old man. Thats enough.
He ran out of breath, the ball soaking with the monsters
blood. Neumann trembled, unable to move, his hands and legs
shaking as if his head got severed. He was gasping for air, but he
seemingly couldnt get any inside him. I couldnt feel any better.
Everything I heard before meant nothing with him finally taken
down.
You okay? said Dennis, removing my restraints. The
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All She Lost.

blood on his mouth made it seem that he just ate the monster up.
Yeah, yeah. He went to remove Chris as well.
The imam sat near my legs and wrapped the entry hole
with a strip from his coverings. Dont worry my daughter, he
said. Everythings okay now. He applied the cold solution to
the wound, and did his incantations. Chris and Dennis embraced
each other. You have lost a lot of blood. You must drink this to
get your energy back.
What the hell is that? Contained in a small corked bottle, the solution looked like piss but smelled of cherry blossoms
nonetheless.
It is mineral water from my hometown. Drink it now,
please. Really crisp and cold, I couldnt find anything to compare its taste with, but it wasnt bad at all. Do not move your
leg for a while. You need to rest.
Thank you, I said.
Chris went on to hug me, not as tight as I expected with
his broken shoulder but still long enough to signify his longing.
Dennis brought the briefcase to the pool table, leaving it open.
Its all over, Chris said. Its all over.
Yeah, yeah. I guess it is.
You have been hit, Chris, the imam said. Sit down so
I can heal you.
No, its fine. Im okay.
No, you need this. It will be quick.
Lying flat on the floor, Neumann remained alive, his
appendages still shaking. I tried to stand up. Holly, what are
you doing? Dennis said.
Dont worry. I got this. The small lampshade supporting me, I stood right in front of him, the urge to pluck his eyes,
drive a metal bar to his chest and rip his fucking arms and legs
out filling me. His face got deformed, the side of his head all
swollen and bruised up from his epic beating, his nose broken,
his eyebrow cut open. He literally swam in his own dark blood. I
pg. 595

All She Lost.

could hear him groaning. Theres no way hed get up again. I

saw a large rifle from a dead soldier just beyond the reach of his
left arm, but he couldnt even move his fingers. I tried to show
not a smidgen of pity to him, just how he didnt show any remorse to the people he killed, but only a look of superiority. Bad
guys always get whats theirs.
I want you to know something, I said. What you just
had wasnt even enough payment for everything you did to me.
You destroyed my life, and not even your money or your own
miserable life could make up for it. Im gonna leave you here to
rot, get feasted on by rats and flies. Youre gonna die slowly,
painfully, and Im gonna watch your soul get eaten to hell. I
spat on him.
Holly, you have to sit down, said Dennis.
Leave me alone! I turned back to the monster, emotions pouring out of me. Everything you said about me is true,
and you have no fucking idea how painful it is for me that its all
true. But no second passed that I wanted to say sorry for everything that I did. I never got to say that I loved them most in the
world. But you took my parents and all of my friends away from
me. For what?! To satisfy your need to inflict pain on whomever
you please?! Youre gonna burn in hell. Youre not gonna see
your family again, or even if you did, theyre gonna hate you,
despise you, and regret that you were ever their father! Theyre
gonna regret that you even existed! You piece of shit!
The monster turned his face towards me, his left eye still
blinking, looking right at me, quivering. Miss< mi< miss Th<
Thompson<. He smiled. I< I< w< I won.
I lost it again. I threw the lampshade right to his face, the
whole thing breaking to pieces. Driven of rage, not feeling the
slightest pain from my leg, I grabbed the gun nearest him and,
without even aiming, fired the hell out of him. The recoil of the
gun proved too strong for me, and I dropped the gun. I could
still hear him breathe, so I grabbed the gun again, placed it
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All She Lost.

against my shoulder, and fired on every single part of his body,

mostly on his fucking condescending face, until the magazine
emptied out. Every single bullet tore his skin apart, his blood
splattering everywhere. And as the gun run its course, I got to
sever his left arm from his body, completely peel off his chest
and destroy his face. Extremely violent it may be, it was the most
satisfying sight ever, but as I dropped the gun, I couldnt help
but burst to tears once again.
Are you okay, Holly? said Dennis.
No, Haman, the old man said. She must let everything she feels out. Let her be.
And so I did. I finally avenged the wasted lives of everyone I cared and knew about, who died partly of my doing and
mostly on his lunacy. It was an end that I couldnt wish for any
better, but tears kept flowing out of me for some reason. They
might be from the fact that Ive just beat impossible odds. Everything that I ever did, the universe turned its back against me to
the point that I was led to believe I carried some curse or something. The last two days had been a conglomeration of all the
shit anyone could ever endure in their whole lives. Every choice
I made led me to more blood and blood and higher assurance of
my demise, killing every single person Ive known along the
way. Hope was as inexistent as the chances the God would help
me out of this mess, but at the ultimate end, I eliminated the
very evil that brought me in this tangle. It might be from Gods
intervention or my persistence, but it didnt matter. This shit was
over.
I stood and made my way back to the sofa, the imams
elixir seemingly doing its job. Im okay, I said. Im< Im fine.
Im all good.
You sure? asked Dennis.
Yeah, Im fine. Then, I saw Chris lying flat on the floor
on the other side right beside two dead soldiers, completely out
cold. What happened to him?!
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All She Lost.

Dont worry, the imam said, standing near the briefcase. I just made him sleep. It will last just a few minutes.
Why the hell would you do that?
So no one will stop you from fulfilling your destiny.
What the hell are you talking about? Lets get out of
here and find any of your men. Theyre being slaughtered down
there!
They have their own purpose, he said, and they are
serving it well. God will be most proud of them. Now that this
man is dead, we must do ours to end this suffering now.
I sensed something different, something wrong. Their
auras got cold. What the hell is this?
Everything you heard from him is true, Holly, said
Dennis. But we never ever wanted you to get hurt, we swear to
you. You should know that.
I tried to recall everything Neumann said earlier, but his
death brought so much joy in me that they totally slipped away
from me. Whats true? What are you talking about? Whats
going on?!
You are Gods chosen one, my dekheter, the imam said,
getting closer to me. He chose you to do the sacred task that
must be done, to cleanse the world of all evil, of the poison that
kills his creation.
This is the sacred duty I was talking about, the greater
truth that I found from him, said Dennis, smiling. God has
sent us a message, a calling, an obligation that must be done. His
creation has suffered too much from mans arrogance, greed,
power and evil. The Earth cannot take it anymore. It will not
continue to survive with mans presence. He must be eliminated
to give creation a chance to restore its former glory, and for the
true people of God to have a brighter future.
Fear and chill crept slowly all over me, but I denied that
shit at first. Stop this bullshit right now, okay? I said. Now,
lets get out the hell of here and wait for the military. Theyre
pg. 598

All She Lost.

gonna come and help us, bring us home Dennis, the three of us!
I cant go back home, Holly, not anymore. This day will
not end without our grand cause coming true. Weve been waiting a very long time for this very moment.
I took a step back in total disbelief, the two of them
standing in front of me anticipating for a response. The things
the monster said earlier all came back in a surge. My insides palpitated; I lost my breath. I< I thought you just< you just said
that, everything you said to him. You were just playing< I<
We are very sorry for troubles we caused you, the old
man said. We did tell you things that are not true, but they are
necessary to bring you to us, to make sure you fulfill your duty
to God, so his will be done.
Chris did his duty to us well, Dennis said, constantly
smiling. He left me in Libya with them so he could bring you
here with us, and here you are. You came to the imam in a
dream long ago, a vision from God himself of the one who will
save the world from evil, a woman who is strong and willing to
sacrifice it all for the good of all. Who knew our paths of the
imam will cross out of the infinite possibilities? God planned this
very moment to fulfill his desires for the world. He wants you to
do this, Holly!
I cried once again, the world falling apart on me, with
the very people I trusted with my life and the only one I thought
ended my misery the very ones who brought it all to me. It
didnt make any fucking sense. My head just scrambled, still trying to reject what they just said. You did this to me?! I said.
Youre the one who brought me here? But< he, this monster
brought me here!
He is nothing but an instrument to our cause, the old
man said. He just provided us with more of the tools to make
sure we do the task, that no one is left behind in this world but
the righteous, his true people. But he does not deserve to join
our great cause. His heart is filled with darkness, among those
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Allah has told us to remove from this Earth. Allahu akbar.

Allahu akbar, Dennis followed. We worked with him
so we could get access to the worlds nuclear bombs, but he is
filled with nothing but evil. He killed much of my brothers, the
righteous. We couldnt do anything to rally the rest to fight
against him, until you came. You are their savior! Everyone believes in you! He walked to me. You must fulfill your destiny
for the better future of all
You< you fucking started all this?!
Yes. This plan shouldve been in motion years ago, but
we needed the circumstances to align to our cause. We killed the
president of Iran with the big coward that he is. He was too
afraid to use the weapons God let him create to fulfill his will of
purification. He does not belong to his people.
I picked the rifle I used to murder the monster. Stay the
fuck away from me! I said, my eyes leaking out. I< I cant believe this! It doesnt make any sense!
She has to be clarified of all things, the imam said, or
she will not accept the responsibility with her heart.
Of course, imam. Dennis walked closer to me, not
minding my gun pointed right at him.
Stay away from me! Im going to shoot you, I fucking
swear to God!
This is obviously very troubling for you. I apologize.
But I am going to tell you everything, the whole truth, so that the
spirit of God will come into you.
He spoke naturally, but every word frightened the hell
out of me. It wasnt him at all, like some kind of entity was within him eating away everything he was. What happened to you,
Dennis? I said.
I told you once, he is gone. I am a new man now, awoken and enlightened< free. Please, put your gun down. I am not
going to hurt you.
My bones felt like crumbling. Let me out of here please.
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I cant take this anymore. You are family to us. We loved you!
Please, let me go! Chris! Chris!
I loved all of you more than anyone Ive met in all my
life, he said. I am so indebted to you for accepting me even
though I have nothing to pay you with. But finally, I can repay
you with this noble task. I am going to remove you from your
suffering and join all of our friends.
No, no, no, no!
All of our friends who died are now in Gods hands, in
Paradise. Once we have completed this task, we will join them in
eternal happiness, them and your parents. Dont you want that?
My partner remained cold, paralyzed. Chris! Chris!
Hes not gonna wake up. Hes not gonna help you. I
thought he understood. I thought he was with us. But something
changed in him, I dont know why. Maybe he has deeply fallen
in love with you that he forgot our true purpose.
Thats why he threw me away from you. I shouldve
believed him. I shouldve believed him!
I never understood why he did this. He truly believed
in our cause, but how could he suddenly change his mind?
He was your best friend! I said. Youre willing to give
that up for this sick fantasy? I thought you knew better. You are
willing to sacrifice everything, everything you ever knew? I
thought you loved the world, capturing its beauty, bringing the
truth to the people. I thought you loved that! Unlike the monster, his heart was clean and pure, something that I held very
true. If that old fuckers words changed him, maybe mine could
turn him back.
The truth? he said. I have seen the truth about the
world, Holly, and you too have seen it. We are just too afraid to
do something about it. The world is fucked. The powerful is exploiting the weak. We are all in their cages, their slaves! This is
not the world God wanted for all of his children. But by starting
over, through us, we can make that world possible. Do you unpg. 601

All She Lost.

derstand?
The fire that we will unleash on this land will purify
the Earth, said the imam. It is the pit of blazing fire where the
unjust and evil will be thrown, where those who weigh light in
the balance will be punished.
It was hopeless. Too brainwashed his mind was of the
twisted promise of salvation through total destruction of humankind. Cant you give the world another chance?
We have, many times. We waited so long for man to
show his willingness to change his ways, but no. Evil still persisted. God cannot let his creation suffer anymore. Through you,
we will usher in a world free from tyranny and oppression. This
is what God wants.
I was quivering from deep within my bones. You< you
monsters! You heartless monsters!
You have to do this, Dennis said. This is your destiny, Holly. No one should do this but you.
W< why do you need me? Why did you have to ruin
my life?!
Me and Chris saw it in you, the first time we saw you.
You are strong and you never give up. You are very brave. You
truly possessed the very traits of the one that God told us will
save us all. And what you said to the imam when he asked you
proved that you are indeed her. I am not surprised that Chris
will fall in love with you, but you are not for him. You are for the
world, all of us. You must save it!
You think< you think creation will be saved with what
youre gonna do? I said. You will destroy and burn everything
your God made! Youre gonna end existence. There will be no
future! Were all gonna die, dont you realize that?! Your fucking
people, all of you, will be burned to ashes!
No, the imam said. God will protect the righteous
Youre all gonna die! Youre all gonna die! I cried my
heart out. What kind of God is he, that he wished for all man to
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die? What kind of God is he?!

His reason should not be questioned. It is his will, his
grand design. It is perfect, undeniable. If he wants the whole of
mankind gone, including us, we will joyfully accept our fate. But
you have to do this.
I walked away from them, air rushing away from me,
until I felt something tender on my feet. The monsters obliterated arm blocked my way, my feet swimming in his blood. His
face was all mushed up and destroyed, half of his mouth and the
whole jaw still intact. He was smiling. He was smiling at me,
seemingly implying that his torment to me wasnt over, and indeed it wasn't.
And Maggie, said Dennis. She wanted me to tell you
that she will never forget everything that you two did together
and she will do everything to see you again.
W< what do you mean?
I was there when Neumanns men stormed our headquarters. I led them there. I wanted to bring them all to heaven
with God
You<! You killed them?!
It was the right thing to do.
How< how could you?! How could you?! I screamed.
You piece of shit! How could you kill them?! We brought you
in as one of our own! And thats how youre gonna repay us!
I brought them to the Creator himself. I brought them
happiness. I thought thats what they all wanted. They are very
special to me and I want them to discover the truth before anyone else. I already freed them from the prison of the world, from
the clutches of evil that poisons all mankind. And were gonna
join them soon.
Oh my God! Jesus Christ! It was worse than I couldve
ever imagined. His affliction completely destroyed everything I
knew of him. His face didnt even change a bit, like killing the
people who provided him everything was nothing. He had no
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remorse whatsoever. I knew him better than anyone, and one

thing he definitely wasnt was having a blind belief in something. He never firmly believed in anything, not the sovereign,
not the idea of freedom, not religion, and if he ever held on to
something, that something must be true, extant. And if God truly told him to do that, then our Creator must be the absolute opposite of everything we were taught him to be.
I think she has been cleared, my son, the imam said.
I agree. Please Holly, God cannot wait any longer to
fulfill his will. You have to do this now. Only you can have this
great honor.
I raised the gun at them. I am going to kill you both, I
said. Will God punish me for that?
Holly, dont to this please. Its your destiny
Stay the hell away from me! Stay the hell back! Their
hands raised, I made them retreat back to the table as I moved
away from Neumanns bloody corpse. They showed not even
the slightest sign of fear, as I would hesitate to blow their fucking heads off. I called on Chris, but he remained motionless, almost lifeless.
Did you kill him? I said. What did you do to him?
I moved a bone on his spine, the motherfucking old
man said. He is paralyzed, but he will regain movement anytime now.
Through the window, I saw a large explosion suddenly
lit up the entire sky a few miles from the building. Two smaller
ones on the background followed, illuminating the monstrous
smoke from the previous one. The distinct noise of jets filled the
air. The floor vibrated with every fire unleashed. Help has finally arrived.
Holly, listen to me, said Dennis. Theyre gonna bomb
this place to the ground. Theyre gonna kill all of us. You have to
launch it before its too late.
Shut up! Shut up! Say another word and Im gonna
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blow both your fucking heads out!

You know were right about all this. You know were
right. This is the right thing to do. You have to do this before its
too late.
I aimed the gun at his head. I am. I pressed the trigger.
Nothing came out.
You see? he said. God is with us.
The rifle had no fucking bullets, exhausted from my
massacre of the monster. I scrambled to reach for another gun all
the way to the corner, but Dennis kicked me to the floor before I
took a step. The pain from my leg returned.
Do not hurt her, Haman, said the imam.
But we are running out of time. She will not cooperate
with us. How can we finish this?
The old man looked at me, already impatient. Go and
find me something sharp.
Do we have to do it?
Sacrifice must be made. Go now.
As Chris left, I struggled to reach for the nearest gun,
but the imam sat next to me, holding my arms firm to the floor
and sitting on my left leg, disabling me. I could only spit on his
rugged fucking face, but he kept his strong grip. You must not
fight the will of God, now that he chose you.
Fuck your god! Let me go!
Another explosion blew off from a much closer distance,
shaking the whole building and shutting off the lights for a few
seconds. Only you should do this, and no one else. But chances
has changed. I am so sorry, but we have to do this.
All those people< all those people believed in you, I
said. They owed everything to you. You saved them, all that so
you can betray them?!
They know exactly what must to be done. They want to
be with Allah even before this. They want to be taken away from
this suffering, thats why I do this. I will not fail my people!
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I hope this will do, imam, Chris said, handing the old
monster a large broken shard of glass from one of the bottles and
a short piece of wood.
What are you going to do with it?!
In your hands our salvation will come. Thats what Allah said to me, the old man said. Chris went to my side and
pressed my left arm as the motherfucker placed his weight on
the other one, the broken sharp piece of glass right on his hand
and the wood on the other.
What are you gonna do?!
He pressed the shard to my wrist. You must be willing
to accept Gods duty to you, but you do not accept this honor.
We will take your hand<
No! No! No! No! I flailed.
< to fulfill your destiny, to serve your one true God. I
promise, I will do this as fast as I can. This will hurt, but just
think about the sake of the world. He pummeled the wood to
the glass, driving it into my wrist, squirting blood to my face. I
screamed and shrieked and cried, no word enough to describe
the pain coursing all over me. He hit it again, and the glass cut
finally through my hand. I felt my throat breaking apart, my
whole body quaking all over. He quickly took my hand, placed
it on the screen and pressed the red button on the briefcase with
it, while Dennis scrambled to wrap the wound and pour the piss
solution on the wound.
Breathe Holly, breathe, said Dennis. Its all finished.
You did it! Breathe, just breathe!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh, shit! Christ in heaven!
You did it! You did it! Its all over.
I could hear the case making a beeping sound. Yes! the
imam cried. Finally! A new age has begun. The world is saved!
Then, I heard someone scream. Through the tears clouding my eyes, I saw Chris take the briefcase away from the monster and smash his head with it, my hand tumbling on the floor.
pg. 606

All She Lost.

The case still beeping, he threw it to the floor and dragged the
imam with him to reach for a rifle on the side of the room. Dennis brought me up, his arm wound tight against my neck. The
onslaught of the American forces continued outside, lighting
Tehran to flames again. My right arm was still dipped in the core
of the Sun, but I somehow didnt pass out, only to witness what
transpired next.
Let her go! Let her go right now, yelled Chris, the gun
aimed at the imams head, or Im gonna blow his fucking head
up! Right now! Right now!
Its too late, Dennis said. Its too late, my friend. The
bombs had been detonated. Our cause has been completed! You
must be happy with this! Its all over!
Im not serving crazy lunatics like you! Let her go, you
shit, or Im gonna kill him!
My son, the imam said to Chris, it is alright. We have
completed the task. God is very happy for you. And I want you
to know that she has fulfilled her destiny for us.
Shut up! Shut up!
I knew you would bring her to us again. Thank you,
my son. You have done your job well.
Im gonna shoot you if you say another word, I swear
to God!
I think youre forgetting something. We placed something inside her, remember, in case things goes wrong? Shoot
him, or Im going to detonate the bomb within her.
Chris! I screamed. Chris! Chris!
No, no! Dont do it! Dont do it! Please!
But I think Im just going to blow her up right now, so
that we will all be with God in his kingdom, is that right imam?
You let her go! Chris said, his eyes tearing. You let
her go or Im gonna kill your beloved fool right now!
You know I was wrong, Chris. I thought I lost my best
friend. I feared you lost your way, turned blind on our cause
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All She Lost.

when you dragged her away from us. I thought you would never come back to us after all those years. But you came back. I
knew you would.
Shut up!
Dont you want to tell her what else did we do for her?
That theyre here?
Shut up! Chris pressed the trigger on the gun, instantly blowing a hole right through the old mans head, the bullet
taking much of his brain. Dennis pressed deep against my abdomen, almost groping something inside me. I felt a solid object
pushing my guts apart. All the air rushed out of me, and I just
fell to the floor, curling and breathing in. Chris then tore holes all
over Dennis, his body flying all the way to the door. I curled
from the pain. My torn arm didnt hurt as much anymore, only
to be superseded by the pain of my guts getting twisted in all
directions inside me. Every comparison I would make of the
pain would fall terribly short of what it really felt like.
Holly! Holly, Im here! said Chris, rubbing every corner of my body like a maniac. Im here! Whats wrong?
What the hell is inside me?! What is that<?!
They< they placed a bomb inside you. Its armed. Its
gonna detonate any second.
What?! Oh, shit! How the< how the hell<?
Im so sorry, Im so sorry! I shouldve removed it when
I had the chance.
A steady tone emanated from the briefcase, and out in
the distance, beyond the horizon and the reach of the city, two
tiny but bright lights slowly rising to the sky caught Chris attention. Two more followed right underneath it.
What the hell is that? I said. He stood, not answering.
What is that?!
They< they just launched the nuclear warheads.
Fear overcame the pain for a moment. We were witnessing the end of the world itself. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my
pg. 608

All She Lost.

God! Were all gonna die!

No< no were not! He quickly sat next to me and tore
my top apart, fighting to keep me lying straight. Breathing
chaotically, I drowned my body with air to alleviate the pain,
only to no help. I looked down on my belly, and just above my
navel was a protrusion. Something solid was definitely lodged
within me. Chris grabbed the bloody shard the motherfucker
used to cut my hand off. I have to get this out of you.
No, no! You need to stop< those warheads! I said.
Theyre gonna be airborne for a while. Were both gonna die if we dont get this off.
No, no, no! Please, no!
You have to trust me, he said. Im not gonna let you
go! He then removed his shirt, rolled the side and covered my
face with the rest. Bite this and dont look, okay? Im gonna
make this quick.
No, no, I cant do this!
He kissed me. Trust me. Its gonna be okay. I love you.
Then, he drove the glass right through my skin and cut from the
top of my belly down to the navel, my skin snapping open from
the previous cut. The glass was dull, so he had to push it up and
down as he went. Blood spilled around my torso. My head was
on the verge of exploding. I tried to distract my brain from the
pain by constant reminders that I have finally eliminated every
single one responsible for this pile of shit, the closure that I deserved, and that if I die, a possibility more than certain at that
time, my soul would have the peace it deserved. But it was just
too much. My teeth tore right through the cloth, and my remaining hand clasped so hard that it too bled from my nails digging
to the palm.
Chris pulled the glass out and pushed his hands through
the puncture, but as he did, I just stopped screaming, all other
reactions shutting down as well. Everything suddenly went silent, muted. My body got numbed, as if it didnt exist at all, and
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All She Lost.

I couldnt move any part of it, not even my eyes, but I knew I
was still alive and conscious. My brain lost control of my body.
My eyes were open, fixed at a single point, the black cloth and a
bit of light from the chandelier penetrating the dress all I could
see. I didnt know if I was breathing at all.
He pulled the cloth away and screamed at my face, silent, his hands soaking in blood. He was crying. He shook my
head, but I never regained anything. With the bomb on his
hands, he left, and my head got rested on its side, my eyes fixed
on the window, slowly getting blurred. I still saw a few burning
structures outside and a few more warheads slowly rising up
from the Earth. The flames looked like shimmering stars against
the black sky. Chris ran frantically to the window and threw the
bomb out. He ran back to me. I couldnt hear a word he said, or
feel his bloody hands rubbing my face, but I could tell he was
screaming my name. He kept shaking me without me feeling a
thing, but I just stared at him, unable to move, to speak, to do
anything.
Outside, even more lights were rising up in the air. He
left again me and scrambled around the floor for something. Beside the imams corpse, he found the ripped pieces of what
might be the deactivation codes. Pulling the briefcase to him, he
rushed to assemble it back. He placed the pieces on the screen,
and after a few rearrangements and switches on the levers, the
panel lit up. Then, he just stopped moving. My eyes started
blacking out, and I was fading away fast. The case right in front
of him and his finger on the red button, he turned and looked to
the window, at the nukes rising from the earth, angels of death
about to obliterate every single man, woman and child on the
planet. I lost sight of what he did next for a few seconds, but the
next thing I knew, his face was right above mine. He smiled, his
eyes pouring, and it was the last thing I saw. Slowly, he faded
away in black, and I was gone.

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All She Lost.

Chapter

32.
THE ECONOMY CLASS of the 300-seater or so airplane lived
up to its name, but its actually better than I thought it would be.
White fluffy pillows, soft bouncy seats with plastic hand rests,
minty air-conditioning, decent meal but not enough to fill a
quarter of my tummy, and a built-in music player filled of crappy alternative songs; I guessed its more than enough to keep me
alive for this eternal six hour trip to Iran, the last one I was yet to
endure. But I couldnt complain. The sky above was filled with
silky clouds, brightened by the magnificent radiance of the
Moon so close and fine. I sat by the window, at the second row
from the cockpit door well within a convenient distance from a
small liquor bar. I needed to get off the plane immediately for
the job I so stupidly agreed to do, perhaps the most ridiculous
decision a sane human being would ever make in the annals of
time. I hoped to see the shimmer from the lights of the nighttime
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All She Lost.

Earth, but the plane hovered above the cloud canopy which
looked like the outer surface of the brain. Once in a while,
lightning would make a chunk of cloud glow, which reminded
me of that dance game in arcades. I checked the GPS on my
Smartphone, only to see that were already somewhere in southern Yemen. I didnt worry about the radio signal from the phone
interfering with that of the plane which would lead to a catastrophic crash and my premature death, as it turned out on
Mythbusters that its just a myth.
The steady hum of the aircraft prevented my body to
enjoy a steady good-night sleep. I raised my body up a bit and
turned my head to the long cabin of the plane, which appealed
to me like a futuristic time travel capsule, and it seemed that I
was the only one bothered. The dim blue light above the two
aisles was just enough for me to see the passengers cuddling
their pillows like a young girl would on her newly-won teddy
bear on our almost egg-shaped fiberglass seats, and wrapping
themselves in thick bed sheets.
Chris, my partner slash guard slash cameraman, slept
like a princess beside me, assuming the position of a fetus still in
its mothers womb with the tiny space compressing his sheer
height, and wrapping his lean body with a thick bed sheet from
the flight attendant. The frosty air-conditioning blew right on his
head, swaying his black silky hair back and forth. His long, almost peach-shaped and muscular face turned all pale, his lips all
dry and cracked, which made me worried that he could get hypothermia or something. I tried to wake him up by poking and
pinching his cold cheeks, hoping to have a little chat, but he was
deep in cryogenic sleep.
My eyes wont close anymore. I never ran in a triathlon
event before the flight but for some reason, my hearts beating
really fast that I could almost hear it in fact. My breathing was
intense, deep and fast, so much so that I might have released too
much carbon from within me that we could all suffocate in this
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All She Lost.

plane. It felt so deviant of me that everybody else around didnt

seem to mind the imminent danger waiting for all of us when
this thing lands, and that Im the only one feeling this intense
pressure about to blow my body to bits. I thought of shouting
out loud at these foolish motherfuckers that were going into a
trap and that we should turn this fucking plane back, which I
realized, if I did, would turn them into panicking little parrots
trying to break free of this cage, which would surely lead to our
premature doom.
I tried everything to get this tension out of me, among
which I have proven effective at times of extreme anxiety involved me watching short clips of Saturday Night Live. To my
dismay, it didnt work at all. For some reason, I couldnt hear a
word from the clips, like my head kept on telling me that Ive
done the worst thing in my life and that Id regret it in the very
end. I was getting insanely paranoid, perhaps the four thousand
nine hundred seventy-fourth in the past five hours of this flight
alone. Ive been reporting for The Valiant for five years now, and
Ive been through pretty much the portfolio of every other journalist out there. But never in my life have I been this anxious.
Come to think of it, were just gonna walk around Iran and get
the material we need and we go. But no matter how I persuaded
my brain otherwise, I just couldn't help but think that somethings gonna go wrong.
Holly? Hey, can you hear me?
I shook my head back and forth and slapped my face as
hard as I can until I felt all the crazy thoughts have left my brain.
I cursed with every form of swear thereis, as it is proven to alleviate extreme emotions. I flailed my hands. It did the trick. On
my computer, I clicked on CNNs link, and soon enough, Anderson Cooper started warning of the footage being graphic and
violent in nature. At the start of the shaky amateur video, a kid
was approaching the camera, smiling. She soon spoke something
in Farsi to the cameraman, who I believed was her father. Far
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All She Lost.

behind her were many kids running around in circles in some

sort of game. Seconds later, a deafening boom almost busted my
eardrums. My whole body blasted away from the laptop, which
I almost threw up the ceiling, and crashed hard to the backrest. I
pulled the earphones out of my ear. I then looked at Chris and at
the other passengers; no one got disturbed. When I looked at the
video again, an arm was lying in front of the camera. It was pixilated on the biceps, until I realized it was a severed arm. I immediately closed the Mac and shoved it back to the bag.
My wristwatch showed 4:56. A heavy dose of deep
breathing and head shake was all thats needed for me to get
over that scary shit. I leaned to the glass window in another attempt to savor the remaining hour of this flight and for some
more sleep, so when I wake up the view of the heavens would be
the first thing I see, which I hoped would bring even a little
spark of glee and hope in my body then swimming in the despair of regret. But the air blowing out of the air-conditioning
above me has turned it really cold that my tongue might get
stuck if I stick it out.
I looked back to the window when my four thousand
nine hundred seventy-fifth anxiety attack kicked in. The classic
syndromes of paranoia once again manifested in my bony body
my vision got narrow, my breathing got intense, and my head
spun all over the place like I was trapped in a big box. My brain
flooded with thoughts of death again. I whispered any mantra I
could think of to myself and repeatedly shook my head until I
felt like my brain was bashed to the corners of my skull like I did
before. I slapped my face hard for countless times, hoping that
the force of my hands would blow these inhibitions away. That
time, it didnt work. The image of that smiling kid and that severed arm and the sound of that roaring explosion, compounded
by the thought of this being my entire fault, just flooded my
head. Then, I felt a cold hand on my arm. I turned my head at it
in a sudden jolt; it was Chris.
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All She Lost.

Hey Holly, he said, flicking a switch above us that

turned on a little dim light. Is everything alright? What the
hells going on with you?
I'm okay. Im fine.
I thought youre freaking out or something.
No, no, I said, smiling to hide my breakdown. Im
just really nervous. I jolted my hands wildly. They were all wet,
but the cold air of the air-conditioning froze it off.
Its all gonna be fine, he said.
I dont know.
Holly? Please, can you hear me? Wake up<
I took a quick peek at him. His face looked remarkably
calm, as though hes not even shaken up with the situation were
on. Im sorry, I said.
For what?
For bringing you here.
What? he said. Are you kidding me? I always wanted
to come in this trip.
I thought you didnt want to come, with all that happened in Libya and Dennis.
Yeah, but< what the heck, he said, gesturing his expression. I love this job. I love going to places. And besides, I
love you. I mean Im with you.
Shes not waking up. What happened to her?
She just went unconscious when I took the bomb off
her. She didnt take it.
Im so sorry, but the imam told me to place it into her.
I dont want to her your fucking excuses! Revive her
now or else Im gonna bang you to a goddamn door again!
Hey, I said, poking his right shoulder gently. How
did you convince your parents to let you come?
Oh, they kind-of persuaded me to do this actually. I
was stunned.
Really? They did?
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All She Lost.

They both once worked for a newspaper. Theyre both

journalists. Theyre actually very happy for what Im doing on
The Valiant. So when I told them about this assignment, they
immediately said something like, Are you nuts? Go! Do your
thing!
They didnt care what might happen to you? I said. I
mean, didnt they see whats going on in Iran?
How wont they? They watch the news like every single fucking day. Its what theyre talking about all the time. You
know, my dads like a Greek philosopher, and one day he told
me, the quest for the truth has always been mans greatest endeavor. It never was and never will be easy. And it comes with a
high price. I dont think thats not caring if you let someone do
what they want to do.
Do everything you can to revive her. Please. Please! All
of this will be for nothing without her!
Im trying my best.
After some silence, I finally confessed. My parents have
no idea that Im here.
What? he said, leaning away from me out of shock.
They dont know youre here?
They wouldnt have agreed if I told them. I mean, I
dont have to, right?
You shouldve at least told someone.
Yeah, I said. My sister knows about this. But Im not
gonna let my parents know. Theyll kill me!
How they wont know that? he said. Are they away
right now?
Yeah. Theyre on their estate broker thing. Theyre gone
like most of the time. I even hardly know what they look like. I
chuckled. And Im pretty sure theyll come back long after all
this is done. Besides, they didnt really care about me.
How about your sisters? His voice heightened, as if
those brats were his. You left them?
pg. 616

All She Lost.

No, of course not! I said. I hired a nanny.

Chris went silent for a moment. Thats really cool, you
know, he then said.
What?
Doing whatever you want without anyone knowing
about it. Must be really exhilarating.
Yeah, kind-of electrifying actually, I said. Am I a bad
daughter?
He looked at me for a few seconds, thinking of what
words to say. Yeah, he said, looking at his feet. But Im worse
than you. He then pulled a folded green polo shirt from his
backpack, and showed me a small plastic bag with what appeared to be a dark green grass inside. It was a bag of Mary Jane.
What the fuck! I screamed quietly, wrapping the plastic back to the shirt and shoving it to the bag. What the hell did
you do? I dont wanna go to prison!
Relax, he said. We could use this thing, you know.
For what? Getting high, you fucking idiot?
No, no, no. We can offer this to the Iranians to tell us
what we want. I mean, who would resist this thing?
Holly, please. Wake up! Wake up!
Hey, he said, you alright?
Yeah, yeah, Im good, I said. I sniffed him.
I didnt, okay?
Crazy bastard.
Hey, do you think theres any chance that Dennis is still
alive?
Its been four years, Chris, I said, trying to keep my
tone in that level as to not induce the feeling of hopelessness to
him. I mean, I dont know if he could still be alive. Im sorry.
I know. It wasnt your fault. He then pulled out from
his pocket an inch-tall figurine of what I thought was the trophy
given to the winning team of the NBA Playoffs, which he considered a lucky charm of his.
pg. 617

All She Lost.

Thought youll bring that thing again, I said.

You want this?
I want none of your bad luck, Chris.
Dennis gave this to me the day before he disappeared,
he said. He told me to keep this beside me all the time. Its really important for him, you know.
Come on, come on, come on! Stay with me, please!
You never really told me what happened when you
two were about to leave.
Its kinda sketchy, he said. We were on an American
army base, slept there for the night. And the following day, he
was just gone. He left this trophy for me. I could tell he didnt
want to talk about it, as would I.
Shes alive but shes not waking up for some reason.
Is there something you can do?
Im afraid not. She endured too much. Her body just
gave up on her. I dont think shes gonna make it.
Tell me, I said, grasping his hands, tell me were
gonna be okay. I knew we wont be, but I thought if he just said
yes and Id be led to believe that were gonna make it through
this thing, though the odds were totally not, and not even a bit,
in our favor. He smiled at me, and placed his other hand above
mine, the figurine still on it. He looked like he wasnt gonna lie.
We will, he said. I promise.

IT WAS ABOUT to start all over again, the nightmare of having

me relive all the shit I went through in the past two days, the
worst of all nightmares, but luckily something just snapped inside me to wake me up, which might be the searing pain brought
of it. I wake up to a cloudy world, all bright and glowing. I must
be in heaven right now, dead. I cant see other souls around or
even my own, or any indication of a gate through paradise, but
there is some kind of bright white orb glowing right in front of
pg. 618

All She Lost.

me. I cant also tell if Im moving or not, or if I can at all. Then,

everything slowly becomes crisp, dark and detailed. Apparently,
I am still on Earth, alive, somewhere underneath the ruined Iranian capital. A wobbly ceiling fan and an incandescent light with
some kind of bugs flying around it are right above me. The ceiling is clay and rugged and a bit infested with all sorts of crawlies. It smells like onions and garlic being fried, like somethings
cooking somewhere. I feel slightly weird that I have regained
sensation all over me, like my soul has just been installed into a
new body. I am a bit unsure, though, of what to feel now that it
turns out Im still alive. But at least I have eliminated the very
ones responsible for destroying my life, and since Im still
breathing and my skin not yet melting away, the whole world
must be too. Chris stopped those warheads and saved the world,
and I guess I too did a little part, me losing a few body parts and
a whole lot of blood along the way, not to mention every single
fucking people I knew and cared about. But I try not to live in
the past anymore, for its all over.
Ridiculously comfortable and almost of the heavens the
bed is. My tired ass just sinks into it, almost like quicksand from
which I never want to rise from again. Its almost like my bed
back home, if not this is my bed back home, but we didnt have
shitty interior design. I am still somewhere in the city. Two days
of condensed pure shit drained my strength so much that I
couldnt even lift the damn blanket. My camera sits at the table
on my left pointing at me and still recording. I turn to my right,
and a woman, thinly-built and her hair covered in grey cloth,
sleeps on a table. Thick bandages cover her entire right hand.
Hey? I call. Excuse me? Where<? She immediately
wakes up, and seeing her face again I cant believe. Ramada?!
Thank Allah! You are okay now, my friend.
Youre alive? I thought< I thought you all got killed.
Almost, she says. A passing truck with a machine
gun firing above it killed much of us, but we were able to depg. 619

All She Lost.

stroy it before it got to you. There were only six of us left. The
tank came to us, its gun pointed right to us, but before we get to
attack it, the imams men fired a rocket to the tank. It got destroyed and they saved us, brought us down here. Other than
the hand and a few lacerations on her face, she looks like she
didnt just emerge from the darkness of war.
How long was I out?
A few hours. Its already early in the morning. I pull
my remaining hand deeply imbedded, literally, to look at the
time, but even such a meek shit needed much effort from me.
Im too weak. It turns out that even my remaining hand got
damaged. The glass pretty bloody, my wristwatch shows 5:39. I
notice my hands are rather paler than usual, perhaps from all the
blood I lost along the way.
I didnt sleep for a day? I feel like Ive been out for at
least a day or two.
No, you didnt. You must sleep. The suns not yet up.
Im American, remember? Our time zones different.
Where the hell are we?
Under the city. Our men say this is the smallest underground refugee camp around, but its big enough for all of us.
Why? I say. How many are still alive?
Maybe less than a hundred. Theyre all we could find.
Its too dangerous to be outside. We fear theyre all dead. But
that is okay. Theyre with God now.
The name of the deity triggers a dark memory of mine.
He lied to you, your imam. Dennis too, they lied to us all, betrayed you all. That bastard was working with the enemy. He
used him to get more nuclear weapons. He wanted to destroy
the world and kill all of us, and he wanted me to do it, or at least
a piece of me would. He< fucking cut off my hand when I resisted. And he fucking brainwashed my friend to make him join
his lunacy. I< I couldnt believe it.
He wants all of us dead? she says, her expression turnpg. 620

All She Lost.

ing to anger. Oh my God, Im so stupid to believe him. I was so

wrong about trusting him. I cant believe I dedicated my life to a
murderer. Im sorry, I didnt know.
I find her change of heart slightly odd for some reason,
but its the right thing. Thats okay. And Im sorry too.
You dont have to be. Hes among those responsible for
killing much of my people. He lied to us all! Worst of all, I believed every single fucking word he said. You sacrificed yourself
for all of us, to save the world. It deserves no sorry from you.
Listen< Im so sorry about Dennis. You have lost so much.
Me too.
Anything that I can do to make up to you, I will do it,
she says, extending her arms to me. I will do everything you
want, give everything you need. Its the least I can do for you.
You dont have to do anything for me. But< but Dennis used to talk to you, right, and the imam too? Didnt you even
notice what he was up to? I thought you knew everything about
his plan. You told me that you had something to do. You all
fought for him!
I told you before, all Haman keeps telling me is about
you and his life in the States. Me and the imam talk all the time. I
take his spiritual classes with many others. He teaches about our
obligation to serve Allah and spread his word, his teachings. I
never knew he was planning this.
Why did you risk your lives for him? All your people
He told us that we must fight anyone who means to do
our country harm. I see many of my people being slaughtered in
the streets. We have to fight the Americans before they get to us.
But its too late. The true enemy has been right in front of me.
You keep telling me that Im your savior, and you said
you knew that long before I came here. You made me promise to
save you. So you know what he was planning for me, that he
wanted me to destroy the world myself! You all know those two
wanted to bring me here.
pg. 621

All She Lost.

She paused. No, you got it wrong, Holly. I swear I<

the imam told us that you were our savior the night you came to
our little home, when he told us that you will help us fight
Neumann and the time has come to attack. I never knew you
were coming. He told me nothing else, I swear.
I just realize Im living in the past again. No, no, no, I
say. Lets not talk about this anymore. I cant< live through all
that again.
I understand. Its what Chris wants for you. He told me
to not answer your questions about everything that happened.
He fears it might mess you up again.
Where is he?
He is outside, talking to the eldest men and women we
rescued about who must lead us. I told him he should be our
leader, but he didnt want that. He wishes to focus only on you.
He can talk Farsi?
Someone is translating for him.
I thought you said youre the only one who can speak
English among you? I say.
Didnt I tell you? We have quite a lot of us who went to
America to study. I said I was the only one who went to the university here in Tehran. But we only rescued a few of them, and
thankfully one of them is our doctor, Rashid.
Rashid? I think I heard that name before.
Hes our doctor here, but scares me. I dont really talk
to him. You want to go see Chris? Can you stand?
I cant move. This blankets too heavy, and this beds
too fucking soft. This is the most comfortable bed Ive ever been
laid onto.
Yeah, we found that lying around here. Dont worry,
we cleaned it up before you use it. She takes the blanket off and
to my surprise, I am in an interwoven series of cloths wrapping
my whole body just like and almost as big as hers, if not one of
hers. My severed hand is wrapped in even more bandage, alpg. 622

All She Lost.

most a bowling ball stuck in my hand, clean and no blood or pus

gushing out of it. It feels tingly on that arm whenever I move my
other set of fingers. Something tight is also wrapped around my
stomach.
Oh my God. Im so sorry. Is everything still painful?
No, its okay. My hands feel weird though.
How about your stomach? The doctor said your body
could not handle the stress of the operation Chris did to you,
now that you didnt have any anesthesia, causing you to pass
out. And you also lost way too much blood. We really feared
you wont make it. But you are strong, you endured. Thank God
for that.
Wait a minute, I say, didnt you have one yourself?
That old man told me he implanted all of you with bombs! You
still have inside you?!
No, she says, lifting her dress up to show me a long
fresh scar running the length of her belly. The doctor already
removed the bombs from much of us. I think hes still operating
the others. Its still pretty painful. He operates very fast.
Good thing you endured all that shit.
The doctor has plenty of improvised anesthetics. You
are way stronger than all of us, Holly. I mean, you just saved the
whole fucking world and killed the most dangerous man on the
Earth. No hero has ever done that.
Yeah, but what the hell did it do to me? I lost everything I ever had and everyone I ever knew. My parents and my
whole family<. Shit, now Im stuck in this shithole with nowhere to go. Tears start to flow out of me. You know nothings
more painful than having been betrayed by everyone youve
trusted with your life, the people to whom youve given everything. Nothings just worse.
Her face abruptly changes and pours of sadness, a sight
I never expect to have. She then hugs me and cries. Oh my God.
Im so sorry, Holly. Im so sorry.
pg. 623

All She Lost.

What? Why?
Im so sorry, she says, embracing me tightly. You lost
everything. Your life was destroyed, all for our sake. Im so sorry. Its all our fault, Holly. You do not deserve this.
No one does, Ramada, but someones gotta do it.
No. Not you. It shouldnt be you. Youre the best person Ive ever known in my entire life.
Stop kidding yourself, I say. Im a fucking terrible
person. You see God specifically told that old bastard to bring
me into this shit to suffer and die.
She kisses my cheek. No, youre not. Believe me. And
she kisses me again, her tears moistening my face. God picked
you for a purpose. And you did it. He is never wrong.
Thats what you said about your imam. You mean hes
right about destroying the whole world and killing off all of us?
If God really told him to do this, us saving the world, is he gonna damn us forever?
Hes not like that. The imam is wrong, she says. God
is forgiving. He only wants to< cherish and take care of everything he gave us and make us realize he can easily take them if
we abuse them. Come on, lets go find him. I believe he has a
surprise to you.
That guy has never given be any surprise in my life.
She serves as my right leg as we walk out of the room. I
look like a native Iranian woman with the dress, almost a gown
of traditional Thai dancers, reaching down my feet to hide my
damage. Its significantly better than Omars gothic chador at
least, colorful and lively. Behind the rotting wooden door is
another hallway, its narrowness tricking my brain that its a mile
long, that led to a metal door which appears to be scavenged
from a military ship, which Ramada tells me is the exit. Soot and
dust and the smell of the earth cover the whole place, blinking
lights illuminating and scaring the heck out of me. Other doors
are throughout the path, but they seem abandoned. At the other
pg. 624

All She Lost.

end of the path, I see people moving about, and sure enough, we
find quite a few of them spread across a space at least half the
size of their previous asylum. Illuminated by nothing but two
dim spotlights, the place appears more of a prison for prisoners
of war. Half of everyone inside lay on wooden boards on the
floor, and the other half try to patch them and keep them alive.
The others clean the whole place and scavenge whatever they
can find in the tunnels protruding on the walls all around us.
We just settled here a few hours ago, says Ramada,
so its still pretty messy. But our men will take care of it soon
enough, dont worry.
Are these people okay?
We only get people that we can save. I heard our men
say that they left many on the streets. Their< parts were cut off
their bodies. We cant save them. If they bring them here, they
will die and decompose. The rest of us will die of disease. We
left them behind. But at least God is with them.
The militarys out there! Theyre gonna help us. Look at
all these people. They need help. Theyre all gonna die without
help.
Chris wants us to stay here until everythings clear.
What the hell is he talking about? Its all over.
Holly? a male voice says from our side. I dont recognize him at first with the awful Muslim getup, and then he hugs
me. I can smell the earth in his clothes. Oh God, youre okay!
Its Chris. For some reason, something just snaps inside me the
moment I see him. I dont feel happy or tragic with him on my
side again, but just blank like hes just another man in my life.
All of a sudden, all the darkness of the past two days, all the
nightmares and the shit the universe threw at me, pops in my
eyes once again. The faces of all that I lost, every single person I
knew, flooded my sight. I lose it, my mood spiking up. He looks
extremely happy to see me, as if nothing just fucking happened.
We thought youd never wake up again, he says. Are
pg. 625

All She Lost.

you okay?
You already told me that Im okay, I say.
Its all over, Holly. We did it. Its done.
What did we do, Chris? We saved the world and then
what< whats left of us?!
What are you talking about? I thought this is what you
always wanted, all this to be over.
Whats wrong Holly? says Ramada. Did I say something to you? Shes not like this when she woke up.
Goddamn it, Ramada, I say as I push the two of them
away from me and reach for the wall to hold me up. I cry. I
dont know. I dont know, okay?! Can you just stay away for me
for a while?
Ramada, go get her some water.
I dont need your help. I dont need you to fucking get
me water! Get the hell away from me!
Are you okay, Holly? she says.
I got this, Ramada. You take care of the others now.
You must tell theyre here, I hear her whisper. She
wants to see them. It will help her recover.
Not yet. She cant know yet. Shell freak out.
Shes too weak and she might not recover completely.
They will help her.
I will take care of this, Ramada.
I got mad without any reason at all, just another of those
emotions that you cant explain but just infests your body and
wreaks havoc on your head. He stands silent behind me. Get
the hell away from me.
Youre still tired, he says. You have to lie down. Let
me take you, come on.
All of them< all of them are dead!
Not all. You still have me. Come on, please.
I take his help begrudgingly and let him take me inside
the nearest room back in the hallway. My right foot, apparently
pg. 626

All She Lost.

also covered in bandages, feels tight with every press of my left

foot to the ground. Inside was another bed, a chair, two small
tables on either side of the bed, a wobbly fan and a small light,
and a ripped portrait of some old Iranian guy as well. He puts
me down on the bed, not as soft as the one back in the room, and
grabs a plastic pitcher filled with water and a glass from Ramada. He closes the door and hands the glass to me. I refuse. She
leaves my camera on the floor by the door.
I cant help you if you dont tell me whats wrong, he
says. Im here for you. I love you.
What the hell are we still doing here? The armys right
outside. Lets get the fuck out of this place!
No ones out there, Holly. They didnt send in any men.
We already looked outside. They just bombed the whole city and
killed everyone on the streets.
What?! So were stuck in here? Is that it?
Until we figure something out and when the radiation
clears, were staying here.
I cant last a second on this fucking country. We have to
go home, right now! There has got to be people out there.
Theres no one out there, Holly. Theyre all dead. Radiation poisoned the entire city.
Radia<? What? I thought you
No, the bomb that old man found in the streets from
the American convoy, he says. His men brought it to the base
and blew the whole place up. Its not as strong as a nuke like
Malcolm said. Much of the city is still intact, but the radiation
spread all over the city. We cant be outside for an extended period of time. But Im sending a few of the men to scout outside
for any help they can find.
They all worked for that bastard! I say. How can you
be so sure that theyre not gonna kill us?
He fucking lied to them, remember? Theyre not gonna
hurt us, I promise you. I wont let them.
pg. 627

All She Lost.

I thought this shit is over.

It is! he says. Hes dead. Everyone who did this to
you, to us, theyre all fucking dead.
What difference does it make?! Were still in this shit.
Im next to being dead, and were stuck in this shithole with no
way out.
Youre still alive, Holly
I didnt wish to, alright?! I say. You shouldve just
killed me back wherever you took me.
I thought you wanted to be with me. I thought were
gonna start over and make a family.
Are you kidding me? In this shithole?! What the hell
are we supposed to do here, fuck each other and raise our kids
while all those people outside starve to death?!
Thats why Im getting help! The men know places to
get some food and water. Were gonna be okay!
And thats gonna be our life now? Were just gonna
scavenge food around here and wait until we all die
Were not gonna be here forever!
I cant live a second more in this shit! I cant live in this
fucking shit!
What the hell is wrong with you?! he screams. I tried
everything to keep you alive! We cant do shit about this! Why
the hell are you so angry with me?
Dennis< Dennis killed all of our friends. He was there
when Neumann shot them all in the headquarters.
Wait, he what?!
He was there! He let all of them get killed! He killed
them like< it was some fucking gift for them! And< and youre
not even thinking about it, like all of our friends are dead and
youre still fucking happy!
Stop it! How could you say that?! Do I look happy right
now? Dont you even think those people matter to me? What, do
you want me to just keep crying about it while you bleed out
pg. 628

All She Lost.

and die?! Theyre all Ive got, Holly! Youre all Ive got! I cant let
you go, you understand?
You know what he said? He killed them so he could
take them to God first! He killed<! I cry even more. What the
hell did he do to him?!
It wasnt any of our faults. That bastard brainwashed
him, led him to believe all his sick ambitions.
Details of our last encounter with the monsters keep on
coming to my head. You know what else did he say?
Holly, stop doing this to yourself
He said you left Dennis< so you can bring me here, so
he can make me destroy the world myself. Is that true?
Would it matter to you? he says.
I look at him in shock. So you did?!
I never want to be here in the first place, remember?
Judd asked the assignment to you, and you picked me to come
with you. I swear to you I never heard from him until now. I<
have no idea that hes gonna turn into something else.
Why didnt you stop him from leaving you?
I told you, I tried! I cant change his mind. Im as devastated as you are, Holly! Hes my fucking best friend. But I cant
just spend the day crying about it like you do. And stop thinking
about everything that happened. Itll just fry your brain away.
We cant do shit about that anymore. Theyre all dead, but you
and I are still here. Holly, we cant just fight again and again
with this same shit.
What the hell do you want me to do?
He sits next to me, the bed creaking up with our combined weights. He caresses my back, not comforting in any way
though. Rest here, and let me take care of you. Thats all you
need to do. Your body almost gave up on you. Let it rest. Were
not gonna be here for long. Understand? I looked to the point
where the walls meet in the corner. For some reason, my eyes
arent turning to his face and my anger went all to him. I didnt
pg. 629

All She Lost.

answer, for theres no need to. Im just gonna check on the men
if they found something outside, okay? Im gonna call Ramada
to keep you company.
He leaves, but he stops to tell me one more thing. The
men told me earlier they can find better home outside the city
when the radiation subsides. Theres< theres nothing for us in
the States. Dont you want to stay?
Whatever you say, I told him.
Okay. You should rest. I have a surprise for you later
on. Ill come back in a bit. You want some crackers? I didnt
answer. He left. Hes probably right about staying here. Theres
nothing for us in the homeland. Were gonna come back there
with no money, no fucking friends and relatives to ask for help
and a permanent residence. Were gonna be fucking hobos in
our own home, or worse. The army will send our asses to prison
for all this shit. If they somehow dont, Neumanns company
gonna hunt us down for exposing their boss secrets, then torture
our asses or probably use us for experimentation. Besides, we
dont even have any means to get us back home. Maybe well
just stay here and be fucking miserable until my dying breath,
though Im currently thinking to have that right now.
Can I come in? Ramada says on the door.
Yeah, I guess. She enters and walks to the bed.
Im sorry for whatever I said or did. I might have
Stop saying sorry to me, okay? I say. Its fucking infuriating.
Sorry. I turn to her and she stops. Shit, Im not gonna
say that again, promise. She sits beside me. Are you okay?
Im stuck in here forever, am I?
But why do you want to leave? Theres nothing for you
out there.
Stop saying that. Dont you think I know that?
Im sor<, goddamn it! Silence follows. Other than our
own breaths and the creak of the bed and the murmurs from the
pg. 630

All She Lost.

hall, theres absolute silence. I guess Im despairing over the fact

that I just saved the whole world and all I got in return is to live
in a shithole while everybody else scramble about their worthless business somewhere on the planet, the ungrateful sons of
bitches as they are.
You remember, she says, before you left me the first
time, I told you I wanted to ask you something. I was just wondering who sang the song Fireflies? When I was in the university,
my friend let me hear that song and from that I just cant stop
Shes gonna use pep talk to try calming me down, which
irritates me a bit, like Im a crazy psycho with violent tendencies
that needs constant help and comforting from people around
him. Its not gonna work, Ramada.
Okay, I understand.
She points her head to the floor. But if you really want
to know, his stage name is Owl City. I dont know his real name.
I kinda like him too.
Im just mesmerized by his voice and the background
music he uses. Its amazing.
Yeah< but I like Taylor Swift even more.
Whos that?
Exactly. She didnt laugh, and my joke bombs.
I dont get it.
No, forget about it.
You know, you should be happy right now, she says.
Why the fuck would I?
Its all over. Youre safe with us. Nothings gonna bother you now.
I dont want to spend the rest of my life crawling in this
shit, Ramada. I want my old life back! I want to be out there,
doing the thing I love! All my friends are dead because of me.
Maybe I could make it up to them by continuing this shit that we
do.
I thought you said you dont want to do this again?
pg. 631

All She Lost.

I know, I say, but I got nothing else left in this life

thats worthwhile. I dont want to die lying in a bed, getting fed
by someone who pities me. I want to get out of here. I wanna go
home! Or else, Ill just< go ahead and kill myself. Ill be better
off dead anyway.
Did he tell anything to you? she says. Chris?
He told me< we cant go out of this place. Radiation
poisoned the entire city, and the fucking armys not out there.
Were gonna be stuck in this shithole for a long time.
She placed her hands on my lap. Holly, I swear to God
Im gonna make it up to you. Im gonna do everything in my
power to keep you safe and happy in exchange for what you did
for all of us. Im gonna sacrifice myself for your sake.
Stop, Ramada. Youre not serving anyone.
Are you kidding me? You saved the world from tyranny and oppression. You freed us!
I didnt free anything.
I promised< that Im not gonna tell. But I cant stand
to see you like this, now that the world owes you everything.
Stop acting crazy on me, okay?
He told me never to tell you this, or else you would run
away from him and everything he did will be wasted. But they
will help you recover from this state. You need to see them.
What the hell do you mean?
Theyre alive! she says. Theyre here! The doctor has
been keeping them safe and well-fed, all of them.
Ramada, youre creeping my out right now.
Dont you want to see
Holly? Chris suddenly appears on the door holding a
tray of boiled corn. You liked corn, right? Its all what the men
could find.
Did they see anything outside? I say, anticipating.
No, they cant find anything. And the radiations getting in their heads so they pulled back. I said if they feel anypg. 632

All She Lost.

thing bad, they must come back down.

Goddamn it. Where exactly is this place?
A few miles north of the base.
Did they check for any airplanes that might still be
working?
The whole place got destroyed, he says. Im telling
the men to search for food and water. Were not the only ones
who needs saving here, Holly. I thought we talked about this
Yeah, shut up already.
He puts the tray on the table on my left. They didnt put
any butter but the corn smelled heavenly nonetheless. I didnt let
him pick my corn as Im still unreasonably mad at him, like
probably my affections for him after all. You can get if you
want one, Ramada. You must be hungry.
She then stands and looks at him intently. You have to
show them to her, please. Shes had enough of this. I thought
you care about her.
Its not the time yet. Shes not ready.
It will not make any difference if you show her them
later on. They will help her recover, you understand?
Stop saying like you know better for her! he says.
I stop them from talking cryptic. Are you two kidding
me? Youre talking like Im not here. If youre arguing about
something, go fight it somewhere I wont hear you two! Ive had
enough listening to both of your fucking yaks.
Holly, its your
No! he stops her. Youre right. She needs them. Im
sorry. Theyre dying to see her anyway. He puts a corn back to
the tray and goes to the door. Leave her alone, Ramada.
Why? I have to stay and keep her company
Come help me get them. Their cryptic talk fucking
infuriates me. Ramada joins him and they go to the door.
Chris! I call him as the two are about to go out of the
room. What the fuck is going on?!
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Go, he tells her, then he turns to me. Im gonna get

them for you.
Who?! Enough of that shit talk!
He smiles. I dont want to spoil the surprise.
Stop with your fucking surprises! What the hell are you
messing with me around for?!
I hope you understand, but I cant tell you yet before
you see them. He then picks up the camera recording by the
door and opens the cracked viewfinder, and then brings it right
to the bed. Its playing the footage it caught back inside what
appears to be the planning room on the other underground shelter. You dont review the footages you shot, do you?
Are you having fun in making yourself more mysterious to me?
No, he says. You deserve the truth, Holly. Stay here.
Im gonna get them for you. He then leaves with the door
opened. The video playing, I reach for the camera and watch the
footage, indeed from the planning room. I see the nuke sitting on
the table in the side, and the boards of wood atop which the
camera sat. I must be meeting Ramada the first time when this
was taken. The crack on the liquid crystal display already became a large right triangle, the video within its lines totally distorted, but the rest played fine, the audio loud. The battery is
already on its last stretch.
And then, I see someone in a common Muslim dress,
apparently in pain, walking wobbly to the bomb, pressing on his
chest. He was the same man I saw when we met the imam the
first time and the one who almost walked into the bathroom
where Brian and I were making out. He removed the dress, underneath it a dark blue T-shirt. Then, he turned around. It was
Chris. I dont know what to make of it, and then I hear the door
open and get slammed again. Another came inside the room.
Facing the bomb, Chris spoke a long line of gibberish to
the man who went inside. I realize its Farsi.
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Dont talk that way, the man said, who from the slight
crooked voice should be the imam. The men might hear us.
If she hears us talking here, everything will be ruined.
Shes not gonna hear us. Shes over there in hall, talking
to one of the girls.
Then, what the hell are you here for?
The American seems to have an eye for her.
Dont you think I know that?! I swear Im gonna kill
that asshole if he ever talks to her again.
So it is true.
What?
What Haman said to me, the old bastard said. Your
affection for her has distracted you from your mission. You
should have brought her here a year ago. She would have been
prepared for all this by now, and there will be no need for all
these lives that will be lost.
You didnt care about all of them anyway.
That is not true. All this I do for my people! Have you
forgotten who you are? Do you remember everything I told you,
or do you still have poison of the world inside you?
I know exactly who I am, imam, said Chris, turning to
him. But you broke your word behind my back. She will not
fight against the army but you still put that bomb into her!
I would not have done that if you already brought her
here before!
I needed a reason, alright? She wont go outside the
country unless its for something big. And you let Dennis stay
with you when we couldve just both went home, and bring Holly the next fucking year!
I need to make sure you will return and fulfill your destinies, the old man said. This is too important to risk.
Why? You didnt trust the power of your convincing
words? Chris turned back to the bomb.
We wasted a lot of time from your plan. You should
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not have involved others in your journey. They distracted you.

You should have brought her here right after you came.
Youre also spying on me?
My men always tells me where you are. They tell me
that you refused to come with them when they saved you from
those Americans in the city when you were with Omar. She was
unconscious and Omar knew of our plan. Why did you refuse?
Neumann had Omars family, alright? I had to help
him retrieve the deactivation codes. And it wasnt the time. She
wasnt ready.
You know you could have saved her from all the danger she went through if you did that. You let Neumann know
wherever you go. You didnt have to steal the map from him.
You know we will get codes at the right time.
It was the only way to gain his absolute trust, said
Chris. But you have to betray him at the worst possible time.
He fucking did this to me! But< why the hell do you keep blaming me right now? Shes right there, isnt she?! And Neumann
already has control of all the nukes. If I didnt talk him out, he
wouldve killed all of you here and have the world for himself!
I am sorry, my son. Nothing is more important than
completing this task. We must finish this now.
What the hell do you think Im doing? Did you already
tell your people about Neumanns terms?
Yes. They are ready. They will fight his forces until we
get to leave. Some of the women will stay behind and wait for
them. I have called our men outside to start marching.
I thought you said were saving the righteous people of
God from the evils of this world, said Chris, lowly, but youre
letting him kill your people. Neumann butchered thousands of
them. We saw them all rotting in the streets when we came here.
Have you seen them yourself?
Theres not a day that passes that I do not pray for their
souls. You do not know how painful this is for me. But sacrifices
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must be made for the good of all. They will be with God now.
You cant just sacrifice a life. You taught me that.
Not unless its Gods will. We cannot protest against it.
His will needs to be accomplished no matter what. Besides, you
did the same thing with your friends. She has to do it on her
own. There is no other way.
After all this is done, said Chris, turning back to him,
she will be with me. Youre gonna remove the bomb inside her.
And you let her be for the rest of her life. I cant lose her!
But you have to make her believe in what we do. You
have to convince her to take her true path and do what must be
done.
What if she doesnt want to?
Then I will be forced to do it myself. If she refuses, she
will die from denying God. Of course, you know that.
I swear to God I'm gonna kill you if you do anything to
her. You did all of this to her. I cannot lose her. I love her with all
my life! I would die to keep her safe and happy!
Are you threatening me, son? the old man said. You
are forgetting your place. She is not yours to keep. She is not
your property. She is a daughter of Allah, and she must do what
must be done.
Holly, dear? a woman says on the door. Blood rushes
to my left ear with the sound of her voice. My head was in an
absolute chaos with every word said on the footage, my mind in
a constant struggle to deny the truth, but it all stopped with
those two words. I know that voice, have known it for all my life
in fact. I turn to the door and a woman in an almost exact dress
as mine stands by it. I can see her face, a face Ive known too my
whole life, but the fact its right there in front of me left me paralyzed. The video keeps playing as she runs towards me. She
hugs me tight as she cries her heart out. Its impossible. Its just
impossible.
I care about her, Chris said on the video. I only want
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her happiness. I will do everything to keep her safe.

You are doing the right thing, you know that.
Oh my God! she said. Im so, so happy youre here! I
thought well never see you again!
I stare at the wall the whole time, holding the camera
tight, as she moistened my shoulders with her tears. I feel her
chaotic breaths, her genuine happiness to see me. My head is at
war again; she cant be here. She cant possibly be here. Then, I
hear two girls calling my name while running towards the bed
to hug me. A man is right behind them, also calling for my
name. I didnt turn to them but I know exactly who they are.
They all hug me, their sensations something Ive always thought
Id never have again. I never thought Id never see all of them
until I get to heaven, but theyre all right there hugging me, crying. I always wanted to say sorry for every lie I did to them, but I
just sit here frozen shut without a single word. Its just fucking
impossible.
What happened to you, Holly? my father says, caressing my face. Thank goodness, he brought you in here before its
too late. We thought you got left behind out there.
Their food is so terrible here! Carmen says. Everything your boyfriend gave us is terrible. Where did you go? I
didnt speak, my head in total absolute disbelief.
Is everything okay, Holly? my mother said. Is something wrong? Were here.
I try to look at them. How< ho< how?
Your friend Dennis and his men took us here, says my
father. I thought they kidnapped us but Brian told us the truth
and everything thats going on.
Is it true you saved the world, Holly? says Jade.
No, I say. No! No! No!
You like my surprise? says Brian, standing at the door.
Ramada stands right behind him, also smiling. I brought them
here for you. I know theyre the most important people in your
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life, and I want them to be here with us. I made sure theyre
completely taken care of, for you. You see< I did all this, this
whole thing, so we can be together until the end, with no one to
take us apart. I sacrificed everything to be with you. My parents< I know I told you they supported me but, they didnt understand. I buried them myself in our backyard so they wont
endure the pain of this world anymore. But everything is at
peace now. Its all over, like youve always wanted. Theyre here.
We can be together now for the rest of our days.
I start crying with the horrible truth finally laid bare in
front of me. I didnt bother asking; theres nothing else to know.
I have been right all along. My mind didnt even bother denying
it, or try to create another alternative explanation that would
support his innocence, for it cant be possibly denied.
I got afraid all of a sudden, my ears ringing. I am suddenly in a room filled with ghosts and monsters. I stand up and
run to the door as fast as I can, away from my family who means
the world to me, whose death the reason Ive been pushing
through all this shit. My fear lessens the pain on my feet for me
to run away. I clasped the camera tight on my right arm, for its
the only thing I can totally trust in this world. I didnt look at
Chris or Ramada as I rush out of the door.
Stay away from me! I scream, but I cant hear my own
voice. I run straight to the exit, to the metal door. I cant even feel
the slightest pain from my feet. I didnt think of looking back;
none of them try to pull me back in. My eyes are pouring, my
breaths violent. I didnt bother thinking about what happened
and how all things connected and how it all made perfect sense
that Chris did this to me. It will only make the pain worse than it
already is. He fucking did this to me!
I turn the wheel on the door, and with a scream and a
strong pull, it opens. On the other side is a short clay stairway
going up to the ground. I know I wont be going anywhere, but I
just cant stand to be anywhere near all of them. All the lies and
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All She Lost.

betrayals I did, all came back to me in an endless storm. Everything is still a loud ring coming from all around me. At the end
of the steps, I reach a wooden door. I push it away and I then
find myself in a small ruined room. Its still dark, but the shapes
of things are already discernable. Glass and soil and wood and
concrete spread all over the place. Its completely destroyed, the
wooden skeleton the only thing keeping it in shape. I got out of
the room.
And everything becomes silent, the ringing gone. I drop
the camera to the ground. I can see much of the city from where I
stand. Balls of flame are everywhere, consuming whats left of
the city. A large blanket of black smoke blocks my sight of the
horizon. The wind blowing at me is warm from the all the fire. I
look up, and the whole sky is slightly tinted red, clouds all lumpy and dark. Its almost sunrise but the sky is all red in all places
that I cant tell where the Sun will be rising. Ash rains from the
sky for some reason. The wind got stronger, enough to blow
away the thick blanket of smoke. And there is the Sun, slowly
rising from the horizon.
I always liked the sunrise, among the things this universe couldnt make enough of and indeed more beautiful. The
orange glow of the Sun rising from the earth and turning the
lands into almost shimmering gold was beyond magical, a priceless sight. I thought the sight of the dawn of the new day would
spark at least a bit of hope and optimism against my dark times.
But the Sun isnt rising like it used to. Its slowly getting bigger
and bigger, its brightness almost intolerable. The clouds above it
seem to get pushed away, revealing the red sky. The land near it
seems to get brighter and brighter as the star grows bigger. The
wind grows stronger and stronger, blowing smoke, ash and dust
to my face. I cant keep my eyes open. Shortly, it settles. A large
tower of cloud and smoke rises from the star until it swirls back
down, forming a shape of a mushroom.
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All She Lost.

ing in sheer fright. Holy shit. Holy shit!

Can you see just how beautiful it is, Holly? Chris said.
The dawn of a new era, right in front of us. The whole world is
seeing the same thing as we are.
I turn to him. You<
I did this for us, Holly. The imam is right. The world
needs to be saved. And thats what I did. I just cant let them
stand in our way. This end is inevitable no matter what we do.
The only thing that we could is try to survive it. And I cant survive without you, Holly. Through the two of us, we will start a
whole new world.
No! No!
He pulls me up and hugs me tight, his stare right at the
star, and puts my head on his shoulders. He rubs my back and
then drives something sharp into my stomach. I scream in pain.
Slowly, my eyes blur and my head becomes heavy. I cant let any
air inside me. I lose all my strength. He turns my head to his and
kisses me, but I cant feel his lips. And then, he whispers to me.
Everythings gonna be okay now, Holly. We are home.
You are safe with me.

the
end

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#theMahatma

pg. 642