Q&A Report

July 19, 2014 | CR James

Here are a few good questions that people asked. As always for reports like this, a lot of
times I'll end up adding (sometimes massively) to the original answer given so that it's
more informative and clear for the reader of this report.
With the first Q/A, I end up talking about a method for attaching new
feelings/perceptions to past events. It's an easy way to increase attraction. Study and
practice the structure. Once you get the rhythm of it down, it will not fail you.
You'll see what I mean.
Hopefully, you'll be able to use it and benefit from it in the near future.

Hi CR. Old Time reader of 8 years here.

I'm having trouble with a girl in college. She showed me a lot of interest during the two
days we met, but she didn't give me her number but said she wants to keep meeting...
I made a blunder what I believe and got her number from a group friend and started
texting her and she blocked my number.
Then she told one of my guy friends that she is creeped out.
Yet I still feel she likes me. I've texted her from a few different numbers. She continually
keeps telling me she doesn't like me [and] doesn't want a friendship or relationship...
I think she is just a fearful girl but deep down wants a guy like me.
What is your advice?
[Joe]

What's up [Joe]!
In a situation like that, an easy strategy that could work is:
Stage 1 - Find out why she thinks you're creepy - in terms of what happened (i.e.
what you've done, what you've said, how you reacted in certain situations, etc)
More than likely, the shift from 'being attracted to you' to 'seeing you as creepy' was a
result of things you've done - more specifically, her interpretation of what you've done.
Sometimes they're creeped out for a good reason.
Sometimes they're creeped out based on taking something the wrong way (i.e. assuming,
twisting your words, filling in the blanks)
But it doesn't matter...
The rules that make a woman go from 'thinking a guy is just-ok/kindacreepy/unattractive' to 'being-attracted/addicted/in-love' works for the reverse.
In other words, it all comes down to what you do + what you say + how you react... and
more specifically, the 'feelings & perceptions' that get ATTACHED to what you do +
what you say + how you react.

Looking at it in simple terms:

Case #1: The structure of how a guy loses/decreases

Attraction/Addiction/Affection
INPUT (what
you do + what
you say + how
you react)
Example #1: The
guy complains about
several things every
time he talks to her
(In his mind: He just
wants to talk about
something
interesting.)
Example #2:
The husband always
gets angry (or sad)
when his wife isn't in
the mood for lovemaking.

Attaching the
'feelings & perceptions'
(to the INPUT)

In her mind...
She ends up feeling bad while in
his presence.
She thinks he is a downer.
She thinks he lacks confidence.

In her mind...
She ends up feeling guilty.
She ends up feeling 'like she's not
good enough'.
And/Or...

(In his mind: He just

wants her to want
sex as much as he
does.)

Example #3:
The guys who wants
to pick at her over
every little
thing/imperfection
(In his mind: He
wants to help her
and get her to see
the importance of
doing certain things.)

OUTPUT

The 'Attraction/ Addiction/

Affection' DECREASES!
She's repulsed.
She's de-motivated to be in his
presence.

The 'Attraction/ Addiction/

Affection' DECREASES!
She's repulsed.
She's de-motivated/repulsed to
have sex.

She ends up thinking I wish he

understood that I enjoy sex, but I
need to be turned on first.
She ends up thinking I wish he
understood that I prefer not to
have sex when I'm tired or
stressed out.
In her mind...
She ends up feeling like a 'failure'
when she's in his company.
She ends up feeling 'like she's not
good enough' when she's around
him.
And/Or...
She ends up thinking 'what guy
makes a big deal over little stuff'.
She ends up thinking 'why can't
he focus on what I do that's right'.

The 'Attraction/ Addiction/

Affection' DECREASES!
She's repulsed.
She's de-motivated to be in his
presence.
She's de-motivated/repulsed to
have sex

Case #2: The structure of how a guy gains/increases

Attraction/Addiction/Affection
INPUT (what
you do + what
you say +
how you
react)

Attaching the
'feelings &
perceptions' (to the
INPUT)

Example #1: The

guy makes her feel
special and
attractive (in a
smooth strategic
way - NOT in an
ass-kissing way)

She ends up feeling

amazing while in his
presence.
She ends up feeling sexy
and alive when she's with
him.
She feels happy
(smiles/giggles a lot) when
she's with him.
She thinks he is confident
and inspirational.
She thinks to herself 'most
women don't have a guy
like this'

OUTPUT

The 'Attraction/ Addiction/

Affection' INCREASES!
She's addicted (or at a
minimum she thinks about him
a lot - something he said something he done - when
she's going to see him again)
She's motivated to be in his
presence.

There are many other examples.

In your case (with the girl that became creeped out) chances are it started with texting her
without asking for her number.
She ended up attaching some set of 'feelings & perceptions' to that event... and it lead to
an attraction decrease.
You probably didn't think nothing of it, but a lot of women would find that sort of thing
to be super creepy...
And here's why...
In fact, my wife and I just recently had a long discussion about this sort of thing.
And at some point, she kept telling me story after story about her experiences with 'guys
who she lost attraction to' + stories of her friends who experienced the same sort of thing
with their past dates/boyfriends...

I was really paying attention to the female point of view in these scenarios. And as she
was telling these stories, I started to see this sort of 'hidden thread' where the woman isn't
too cool about the guy 'inserting himself' in a situation prior to getting the appropriate
level of approval.
And it doesn't matter if she likes the guy.
If you could a imagine a woman coming home to her apartment. She enters her place
with her keys and purse in one hand and a bag of items from the convenient store in the
other hand.
She slowly walks in and pets her cat in the quiet empty house and as she makes her way
into the bedroom, she spots the guy she just met yesterday (that she had a 2 minute
conversation with) laying on the bed naked with a big smile on his face.
Quick Background: Although she liked him when they first exchanged numbers, she
never told him where she lived. She was excited to get to know him. She wanted to
find out what he wants out of life. She wants more than just a random sexual
encounter with a guy. She wants a connection. She wants to feel important. She
doesn't want to feel like a sex object. She wants to share experiences. She wants
things to move at the appropriate pace. Things have to happen in the right order for
her. So even though she was ok and excited about giving him her number. She
wouldn't have been ok and excited about marrying him at that moment (things have to
happen in the right order for her). She wouldn't have been ok and excited about
having sex in the public restroom that was a few feet away (after a 2 minute
conversation). Maybe at some point in the future (because again - things have to
happen in the right order for her).
With that 'quick background' in mind, when the woman enters her bedroom and spots the
guy she just met yesterday laying on the bed naked with a big smile on his face, there is a
good chance that she's going to be super creeped out...
In fact, as a basic rule - any sort of behavior where the guy is not involving her decision
making (in a way where he's doing things out of order and/or pushing her faster than her
'comfort pace'), he stands a great chance of massively decreasing his current level of
attraction.
...whether she initially thought he was sexy.
...whether she initially thought he was just ok.
...whether she initially thought he was kinda creepers.
Digging deeper...
And this is often the source of confusion, because guys are being taught/encouraged to
take change! Don't ask her. Just make the decagons. Be bold. Be the alpha dog blah blah
blah...

It's bad advice.

...at least to me it...
It's also ironic in the sense that it often leads to OUTPUT of an attraction decrease.
Here's the deal... as my wife was telling me these stories of these creepy guys from the
past (or guys who went from 'attractive to creepy'), I could see what the guy was
TRYING to do...
And on top of that, I've had lots of guys tell me about how the attraction faded...and I
could see what the guy was trying to do.
He was trying to be bold.
In certain (not all) situations, women want us to make decisions for them and be bold
...but within the 'context of her approval'...
In other words...as time goes on...you build sexual value (she starts to like you more)(the
attraction gradually increases)...
She starts to look forward to seeing you more.
As time goes on (and as the comfort builds), you increase sexual tension (chemistry)(you
create the urge for her to be affectionate/flirty)...
She gets to a point where she's ok with you visiting her.
And then later on....when she's excited to have you over, it's ok to eventually be 'naked in
her bed'...
...but that's after a series of steps.
The same 'basic structure' applies to everything: getting her number, texting, calling,
emailing, whatever...
So it's better to just ask her for her number in some way... find a reason.. and then contact
her...
So in terms of stage 1, think back to things you've said and done and see if there were
other behaviors along those lines and/or some other type of anti-sv (creepy) signals..
Stage 2 - Clean things up
The good thing about attraction is that it can stay the same, decrease or increase.

It's really no different than going from liking someone to not liking them or vice versa.
The good news is becomes pretty simple when you know what you did wrong.
On the other hand, when you're in the dark and don't know where to start, that's when it
becomes challenging.
Because in order to turn things around (when you're in the dark), you need to do a lot of
things right + eliminate a lot of 'bad/creepy' signals ==> in a way that matters to her ==>
for a long period of time to override the old perception (i.e. creepy, just ok, just a friend,
being the ex-boyfriend that didn't have a strong impact on her, etc.).
On the other hand, when you can pinpoint what you've done wrong (that decreased the
attraction) it's much easier.
You can just play the 'clean things up' game.
Step 1: Get her in a receptive listening mood.
Step 2: Make it a point to directly or indirectly explain things.
There are thousands of ways to do Step 2.
Assuming that the only issue was getting her number without asking.
A simple structure that's worth testing could be:
Acknowledge it in some way Give the reason why you did it (or why you didn't
think it was a big deal) Apologize (and/or mention how you shouldn't have done it
and/or why you normally wouldn't do it)
For example:
Saying something to the effect of, "....blah blah blah I shouldn't have texted you without
asking for your number first. Even though I've never done that sort of thing, I was under
the impression that it would be ok based on you saying XYZ, but even still that's not cool
blah blah blah...."
And then you would combine that sort of statement with other 'attraction building'
strategies.
The good thing about attraction building - and why it's sometimes very easy (when you
see the clear picture) is that all men and women are generally looking for the same thing.
People admire those that are 'not judgmental' - fun to be around - good conversation.
Basic stuff like that.

People admire people who admire/acknowledge their good traits/decisions.

People generally want to be liked and treated with respect....and have their
decisions/opinions validated.
Sometimes it can be tricky to explain things from the point of view of a strategy, because
in a very basic way you want to be yourself (and not worry about what others think about
you - your interests - etc)...and you also want to 'add real value to her life' and a 'real
genuine experience' without really expecting anything in return.
These are just basic likable traits.
Some guys are trying to be desirable without actually being desirable.
You can always start by putting yourself in her shoes and thinking about what kind of
guy would be valuable. It's normally going to be a likable person.
If you like the idea/fantasy of a woman (or your wife/gf) telling you things that make you
feel amazing/special/etc.
Chances are, she's going to like that, too.
So in many cases, 'attraction building' is all about being likeable and other simple things
that create the right feelings (which leads to a better OUTPUT).
And then you can add layers based on a variety of factors (i.e. figuring out what persona
that she likes about you the most - and showing that to her more often - understanding a
woman's psychological buttons - etc.)
Women need to understand men and press the right psychological buttons.
Men need to understand women and press the right psychological buttons.
When you're playing the 'clean things up' game, you're just simply attaching a new
meaning to past events.
If the female brain didn't have this ability to 'feel differently' about past events, it would
be impossible for a husband to 'fix his sex life' and it would be impossible for a guy to
ever get back with a woman and improve the relationship.
But that's not the case...
In the example that we mentioned, where the husband always gets angry (or sad) when
his wife isn't in the mood for love-making. And as a result she ends up ATTACHING a
series of 'feelings & perceptions' to that event...

It's not the end of the world.

It's no big deal.
The guy (if that's his issue) needs to ATTACH new 'feelings & perceptions' to that
event...
...as a starting point.
Technically, he doesn't need to, but it would help him if his goal is to get her to crave sex
with him - more often - in the future.
He could use the same structure.
Acknowledge it in some way Give the reason why you did it (or why you didn't think
it was a big deal) Apologize (and/or mention how you shouldn't have done it and/or
why you normally wouldn't do it)
"...blah blah blah... look the other night, you weren't ready and I really wanted you. And I
know there are times when I get upset. I realize that's not to fair to you. We just weren't
at the same place at the same time blah blah blah besides it's better when we're both in
that energetic and playful-naughty mindset blah blah blah..."
She ends up feeling guilty She NOW feels as though the guy understands.
She ends up feeling 'like she's not good enough'. She NOW feels better about the
situation.
And/Or...
She ends up thinking I wish he understood that I enjoy sex, but I need to be turned on
first. She NOW thinks 'ok he does understand that I need to be warmed up first'.
She ends up thinking I wish he understood that I prefer not to have sex when I'm tired or
stressed out. She NOW thinks 'ok he does understand that I enjoy sex. The situation
needs to be right'.
Sometimes it doesn't sink in after just one message, but that's fine - overall your goal is to
clean up all of the anti-seductive messages (in some way) so that there is a different
meaning attached to.

It may be a little awkward to have a conversation about everything you've done wrong.
The good news is that's not necessary.
But if it's something that had a major negative impact, then it makes sense to have a
strategic conversation that directly (or indirectly) overrides the 'negative attached

messages' as a way of spending things up.

Sometimes it's the difference between saving a marriage - getting back together - or
having an amazing sex life.
At a bare minimum, you want to at least understand all of the 'anti-seductive' signals
you've possibly sent and make it your goal to eliminate/minimize them.
Here is a list of some anti-seductive traits/behaviors:

Being Forceful (Pressuring, Moving faster than she's ready)

Being too emotional too soon
Being overly expressive of emotions
Sending a high volume of expressive emotions
Being too needy
Complaining a lot
Talking excessively about negative topics
Begging
Being the guy who doesn't 'get it'
Being excessively available
Allowing one sided behavior
Having behaviors that represent lack of control
Being too focused on the bad side of things
Talking about how things aren't fair (feeling powerless)
Wanting people to feel sorry for you
Excessively talking about fears, worries and worse case scenarios
Any creepy signal (she can't understand why you're doing it)

And it works better when you actually mean it and you actually understand her
perspective.
I hope that helps [Joe].
Take care
CR

Hello CR James,
Conversely, what if I let her win all of the time.
What if I give in because I like to avoid conflict. I think that she thinks I am weak
because I don't stand up to her. I am wondering what your thoughts are on that subject.
Thanks,
[Andrew]

Hey [Andrew]
That's a very good question.
In many situations, it's ok to avoid conflict and minimize arguments. In many situations,
it's the best move.
If she gets turned on (or at a minimum more affectionate) after standing up to her via
arguing back, it could be something to consider doing for the short-term, especially if it
makes sense to voice your concerns in an argumentative way.
But for the long-term, it's always best to minimize aggressive forms of communication
for the overall health of the relationship.
If she thinks you're weak, find out if her perception is reasonable.
Because sometimes a woman feels a guy is weak or challenges his manhood as a way of
getting him to behave a certain way or do something specific.
Sometimes her feelings are based on how she believes you should react in a certain
situation, which isn't really fair.
Sometimes it's a result of her seeing the world just from a weak/strong dynamic.
Either way, one thing that's obvious is that she believes it's important to be strong. Based
on that - you can appeal to her in many way (sexually and non-sexually).
If a woman feels she's smarter than the guy (or smarter than most people), the guy can do
things to appeal to her intelligence.
So if she really believes you are weak, I don't think it's a good idea (for the long-term) to
use arguing as a way of reversing that.

You can find other ways to send the message that you're strong (in other areas) and/or
reverse the negative perception.
Step 1: See if you can figure out what is making her think that (in terms of your
recent/past decisions)
Step 2: Find ways to reverse it.
Things that you can try: Get her to attach new emotions to a particular experience. For
example, maybe something recently happened. And she expected you to behave a certain
way.
Her: How come when that guy cut you off on the road you didn't flip him the bird?
You're too nice. When me and my brother were little and some knucklehead cut off my
dad, he would have flipped the guy off and honked the horn several times!
You: Yeah, but your dad's an idiot!
You: Oh yeah? Wow! I like his energy. You can tell he doesn't take shit from no one.
Probably explains why you're so tough and passionate. I noticed that early on about you
when we first met.
OR (converting it into a sexual tension tactic)
Her: I have a question for you. How come when that guy cut you off on the road you
didn't honk your horn at him? You're way too nice. When me and my brother were little
and some knucklehead cut off my dad, he would have flipped the guy off and honked the
horn several times.
You: What's your dad's IQ again?
You: Oh yeah? Wow! I like his energy. You can tell he's a bulldog. Probably explains
why you're so tough and passionate. I noticed that early on. Do you remember that time
when I was a little tired and it seemed like you were worked up. I was getting ready to
tell you that maybe tonight's not a good night for love-making, but you had this
passionate look in your eye - like you weren't taking no for an answer. I don't remember
ever getting that hard - so fast - in my life.
The core thing you want to always do is figure out the event(s) that's leading to her
believing that you're weak or whatever.
And then either 'attach a new meaning' to the event via clarifying and/or shifting the
conversation to a compliment.
While at the same time, finding other ways to send the message that you're strong at other
times. You could do this by admiring someone for their strength (which implies that you
value it).
There are lots of ways. You could also tell stories of times when you were the 'strong'
character or strong in another aspect of life.

Most people are stronger/smarter/better in certain areas of life.

I hope that helps.
Take care.
CR

CR (SS-L) James Bond,

Questions:
1 Do your wife understand what's happening to her to as well as other women when they
get turned on? or they get so turned on they don't care.
2 Will you release a [Mid-fetish report part 2] on how other ways you can use it.
3 And are you telling me getting them to visualize, heightens the situation for them to get
them into the act

Hey [Zach]
1. With some stuff she does... especially if I do an overt 'getting her in the mood' style
that is physical/affection based. It depends on what approach I'm doing.
Overall, she doesn't care...
If she ends up wanting sex, she never gets upset or paranoid of what I did.
And if a woman has a good perspective, she really shouldn't get upset.
At the end of the day, I'm her husband. I love her. I'm loyal. We share good times
together. We have a great relationship. We both love making love to each other.
If I take the time to get her in a mindset of being excited about having sex, that's a good
thing.
And far as the tactics, that's the easy and fun part.
For the most part, the same core buttons that turn us (guys) on - turns them on.
It's just with women, you have to know her enough to know how to craft your message
the right way.
And knowing what not to do and say.
If you think about the impact of simple compliment (not as a means of creating arousal but just as a 'simple tool' to make someone feel good about themselves)...
A woman could tell a guy, 'hey you look really nice today' and the guy would end up
feeling good about himself. Successful Impact.
But when a guy tells a woman, 'you look really nice today', depending on her way of
processing information, she might say something like, 'Really? But what about my hair?'
or 'Are you just buttering me up for something?'

So there may be times when he has to spend extra time 'convincing her'. Sometimes the
impact is achieved directly. Sometimes (depending on the woman and her patterns) it will
happen as a result of extra convincing and slightly more effort. But the same approach
works.
The same sort of thing applies to when a guy gets a woman in the mood.
The same stuff works, he just has to craft it differently.
Once you're pretty good at building arousal (or at least at a point where you're constantly
improving), the main thing that really helps is knowing the importance of "how you view
women".
Every guy has a list of beliefs.
Guy A's list could be:
Women are bitchy.
Women are confusing.
Women are hard to get turned on.
Women only have sex to gain something (but they really don't enjoy it that much).
The list goes on and spans across multiple aspects of life.
Guy B's list could be just the opposite.
Some guys are better than they realize at doing things to get a woman turned on. In fact,
they may have learned and tried things that didn't work too well - but the 'limiting factor'
wasn't his tactics, but rather his beliefs about women.
Imagine a guy who for whatever reason believing that everyone on the planet (except for
himself) is lazy, stupid, selfish, greedy and sneaky.
Whether he realizes it or not -- his beliefs are going affect how he interacts with people
and how compassionate he is with them and so on.
So coming up with some sort of strategy to shift your beliefs about women is super huge.
There are so many ways to do it. The simplest way is to just pretend.
Assuming that you don't believe this already...
Pretend that she's sexy and fun.
Pretend that her parents, school and life experiences haven't taught her everything.
Pretend that she's still learning and growing.
Pretend that for the most part she just wants to be happy and loved.
Pretend that all women are capable of getting horny.

Pretend that in her past experiences - some guys were better at making her feel sexy and
special than other guys.
It wouldn't shock me if my wife or any woman got horny and then upset or paranoid that
the guy secretly made her horny.
But for the most part women tend to have a general understanding of how things work.
And that's because any guy can't just 'say stuff' to her and then 10 minutes later she'll
want to have sex with him.
There's a good chance (and I'm speaking for most guys - not all) that a 974lb woman with
no teeth and a weird rash all over her body can't just walk up to any guy and say
something that would make him have sex with her within 10 minutes.
If she has a nasty rash, it's going to take at least 15 minutes.
Seriously... you can't technically MAKE someone desire sex with you without doing a
combination of "appropriate/logical things": (1) be someone that they find desirable + (2)
get them to feel as though everything is going be ok during/after sex + (3) triggering
arousal based on this idea that THERE ARE PROCESSES that are capable of getting
them horny + other things along those lines.
Getting back on track....
Most of the time when she gets aroused, I believe she thinks it's her idea, because often
times I observe her doing things to get me excited.
So she doesn't care.
In fact, she does clever stuff to me to get me turned on...
In fact, you can learn a lot from some women - especially if you believe in the whole
"what turns us on - turns them on" thing.
Based on that (and this is speaking from experience) it would be very wise to analyze the
process that a woman did to get you horny in the past - whether she's a current female
friend, a current partner, an ex-girlfriend or whatever...
With that said, some women are very sensitive to the whole 'guys manipulating her mind
and tricking her into getting horny'.
But in those cases, their identity is largely built on being a victim in the first place.
...and/or she has some 'programmed idea' that sex is dirty/evil.

...and/or she has some idea that her genitals is somehow more sacred than his genitals.
....when actually (according to my beliefs) sex is healthy, feels great and (in relationship
situations) it increases the connection & love.
As far as the second question....
2. I didn't plan to create a mid-fetish pt 2 ... although I might have to give it some thought
now that you asked...
As far as the third question....
3. Getting them to visualize definitely heightens the urge...if it's done the right way.
It's kind of like if you thought about eating pizza (or something like really like)... you
could increase the urge to have some just by imagining the warmness of the pizza...and
the crispy crust... the sauce...etc.
In fact, going back to the whole "what works on them - works on us" thing, it's always a
good idea to practice getting yourself to crave things (sex, pizza, whatever). And just pay
attention to the process.
With pizza, are you visualizing the details?
Are you visualizing the "movie", "process" of moving the slice towards your mouth?
Are you adding an emotional statement to the visual? ("Wow! This pizza is going to be
really yummy!")
With visualization-based methods, it should be smooth + have the right details + have the
right emotional attachment.
In other words, a guy looking at his wife bending over might not get her aroused - but
when he is looking at his wife bending over + attaching some strong emotion (i.e. "man it
would feel sooooooooo good to just give it to right here... get naked and blah blah blah")
then it has the ability to work.
And visuals are great. Especially when you don't treat them as a standalone/complete
process and more like an "ingredient" to the whole recipe.
Men can get horny via the right visuals (or sexual fantasies).
Women can get horny via visuals (or sexual fantasies).
Special Note For Readers of this Q/A Report: In the previous question, we mentioned an example of
the guy saying:
The guy: Do you remember that time when I was a little tired and it seemed like you were worked up. I
was getting ready to tell you that maybe tonight's not a good night for love-making, but you had this
passionate look in your eye - like you weren't taking no for an answer. I don't remember ever getting
that hard - so fast - in my life.

Notice how it's a statement designed to elicit a visual (the woman sexually attacking him) along with
an 'emotional attachment' (the woman being aggressive and no talking no for an answer).

I hope that helps.

Take care
Best Regards,
CR James
crjames100@gmail.com
crjames.com
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Some of these tactics and 'new ways of looking at things' are based on things I've been
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Report #2: 61 Nympho Tactics This one involves doing things to make it
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