Chapter 1: The Cullens Go To Wally-World

"Bella? What's going on?" Edward was referring to the fact that I was sitting at
my decrepit computer hunched over laughing hysterically. I tried to take deep
breathes the calm myself down enough to answer him. When the laughter
was turned down to a giggle, I turned to explain.
He was sitting on my bed, smiling my favorite crooked smile, which made my
heart stutter. Once my heartbeat returned to normal─as normal as it could
ever be around him─I explained, "I was just checking my e-mail and I got a
really funny one from Angela. It's '15 Things To Do At Walmart'." Another
giggle slipped out just thinking about it.
Suddenly, I got a great idea. I turned back to the e-mail and pressed "print".
When the printer finally spit the paper out I grabbed it and started walking
toward the door, motioning for Edward to follow. He gave me a confused look,
but followed.
He didn't say anything until we were in the Volvo pulling out of my driveway.
"So, do you mind telling me where we're going or do I have to guess?" he
asked.
"We are going to your house so we can get Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and
Rosalie," I answered. I decided not to tell him my plan until we got to his
house so I could watch him squirm a little, trying to figure out what was going
on in my head.
"And why are we doing this?" he wondered, just like I knew he would.
"You'll find out when we get there."
"You're not going to tell me?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to wait until I can tell everyone at the same time." I looked
over at him to see if he was getting frustrated yet. He was always so beautiful
when he was frustrated. To my surprise his face was calm and smooth, but in
his eyes there was a small hint of frustration that he couldn't hide. I smiled to
myself. Would I ever get used to his beauty?
He didn't say anything more until we were at his house. Edward parked the
Volvo outside the mansion, not bothering to use the garage, he must of known
that we wouldn't be here for long. He got out of the car and was opening the
door for me in seconds. He offered me his hand and lead the way inside his
house. Alice had obviously 'seen' what I was planning and told the others,
they were all waiting for us and began asking questions as soon as we
entered.
"Okay Bella, what's your big plan for us all to have a fun, non-boring
evening?" Emmett cheerfully asked.
"You didn't tell them?" I asked Alice. I thought she would have gave them a
full description of our night already.
"No, I thought I would let you do that," she replied. I could see she was
already excited, she was bouncing up and down, smiling hugely.
"Well," I began, "Today I was reading this e-mail, it listed 15 thing you could
do at Walmart, you know, to freak other customers out, annoy the employees,
or just get a good laugh. So I thought we could drive to the Walmart in Port
Angeles and try some of them." I looked around the room at everyone to see
their reaction. They were all smiling deviously and looked excited, even
Rosalie, who hated Walmart.
"Yes!" Emmett hollered. "I've been bored all day. What are we waiting for?
Let's go!" He started moving towards the door, but before he could make it
out, Edward stopped him.
Edward turned around to face me. "Bella, exactly, what kinds of things are we
talking about?" he asked warily.
"Um..." I muttered as I pulled out the list out of my back pocket. "15 things to
do at Walmart," I began to read each. Every so often I would hear a chuckle
or Emmett would laugh loudly. At one point Jasper had to send a wave of
calm his way just to shut him up.
By the time we got to Port Angeles we had already decided who would do
what. Edward pulled into the parking lot of the Walmart and we recapped. We
decided to meet back at the car in two hours, leaving us plenty of time to pull
our pranks and do whatever else we wanted. For me it was to avoid Alice and
her mood for a shopping spree.
We all made our way into the store and split up, of course Edward decided he
and I should stay together, so he could protect me from the 'dangers of
Walmart'. First we would do my tasks, which included making a trail of tomato
juice to rest rooms─I of course did not pick this, but since I was the only one
that could actually happen to, I had to do it. I also had to get several bouncy
balls and throw them down an aisle shouting 'Go, Pikachu, go!'─I was the only
one who actually understood that one. The last one I had to do involved
Edward too, when a clerk asked if they could help me, I supposed to start
crying and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" while Edward
gave the person dirty looks and trying to comfort me.
I made my way to the food aisles, pulling Edward along with me, while he
chuckled about what was to come. When we reached the tomato sauce I
turned to Edward for help, "What kind do you think we should use?" I asked
him.
He looked a little puzzled, "How do you presume I should know? You're the
expert on food," he pointed out.
"Well," I began, "You're the expert on blood. I want to get one that resembles
blood the most. If we're going to do this, I want it to look authentic." Why do
this half way?
"Okay then," he leaned closer to get a good look at each one's color and
texture. After a few moments of careful consideration, he finally grabbed a
generic brand of sauce in chunky style.
"Are you sure?" I asked with heavy sarcasm.
"Yes, love. I am quite sure." he replied very seriously. We made our way to
the restrooms. I unscrewed the lid off the tomato sauce jar and began pouring
it little by little, making a trail to the women's door, while Edward 'listened' for
anyone coming. Surprisingly, the sauce looked an awful lot like blood, it made
my stomach churn. When I was finished I dumped the jar in a nearby trash
can, while Edward examined my work.
"Nice job, love," he whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arm around my
waist and began leading me away from the 'blood'. "It almost makes me
thirsty," he laughed in my ear before he kissed the top of my head. He lead
me towards the toy section. When we reached the bouncy balls I took three
that were sitting in one of those cages in the middle of the aisle. The weird
thing was, they actually resembled 'Pokemon balls'.
We walked over to a fairly crowded aisle. I made sure there were no
breakables around. I threw the first ball, and caught the attention of a few
girls, who had been ogling at Edward, then I threw the second ball, and the
next. Finally, I yelled with as much seriousness and enthusiasm as was
possible, "Go, Pikachu, go!" Everyone stared at me for a second before
laughing. If my face wasn't already red from laughing, I would have blushed.
Edward was laughing just as much as me. If it were possible, tears would
probably be streaming down his face. He kind of reminded me of Emmett.
"Did those things look fun to you?" I asked Edward when the laughter finally
subsided enough to breathe, let alone talk.
"Yes, they did in fact look very enjoyable," he said, trying to ease his laughter.
"Good," I said smiling deviously at him, "It's your turn to help cause a little
chaos."

Chapter 2: Edward in Walmart

(Edward POV)

"Okay, here he comes," I murmured quietly to Bella. "Get ready."

We were standing in the middle of 'Lawn and Garden' section at Walmart,
preparing to cause a little bit of a scene with one of the sales clerks who was
on his way to ask us if we needed any assistants
'Wow, that girl is really hot! I wonder if she's with that guy. Oh, well, he's
probably a jerk.' the clerk thought. I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and
pulled her closer to me. Suppressing a growl at the clerk's thoughts. I didn't
want to give him any reason not to come over to us. Besides, it really wasn't
his fault, Bella did look exceptionally beautiful today.
She was wearing a lovely blue blouse and a khakis skirt. Did she always have
to be so tempting? And her smell... I swallowed the venom that had built in my
throat, quickly regaining control of that side of me. It wasn't so hard now to
resist her. But I was very happy that the temptation would soon be over. Only
three more weeks until I finally call her my wife. My mind started to wonder to
our honeymoon. When the wait would be over and I could finally have Bella to
myself, all of her.
I was brought back to the present with the clerk's cheery salesman voice.
"Hello, is there anything I can help you with today?" he asked, looking back
and forth between me and Bella. Suddenly, Bella started sniffling and her
eyes began tearing up.
"Oh, no, now you've done it," I said to the confused employee as Bella started
a full-on crying jag.
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?" Bella practically yelled at the
clerk.
"E-excuse me?" asked the dumbfounded salesman.
"Why would you do that to someone?" I glanced down at his name tag that
said 'Hello! My name is Brandt!'with one of those yellow smiley faces on it.
"Why, Brandt?"
A few people had started staring between us and Brandt.
'I wonder what he did to the poor girl. Some people can be so mean.' was
what most of the thoughts were.
"Oh, man! What did I do? I just asked if I could help her! Man! The boss is so
gonna fire me!' was what Brandt was thinking. I really hoped he wouldn't get
fired. I turned to comfort Bella by rubbing her back soothingly. "Shh, it's okay
Bella, sweetheart," I said in a calming voice. She turned away from the clerk
and stuck her head in my chest.
She took a few ragged breaths before stuttering, "I-I just w-want t-to go h-h-
home!" her crying got a little louder and she started shaking. It really looked
and sounded like she was crying, but I knew better, she was trying so hard
not to laugh. I figured we should leave before she blew our cover with
laughter. Besides, I was about to crack at any moment as well.
I gave Brandt, who was beginning to back away, one last dark look before he
turned around and walked quickly away. 'Got to get away, got to get away!' he
thought.
I turned back to Bella and began leading her past the gathered crowd and out
of the 'Lawn and Garden' section. Once I was sure we were far enough away,
I released all of my built up laughter, Bella did the same. Distantly, I could
hear the voices of Brandt and the store manager, who had apparently seen
the whole thing. The manager was yelling at Brandt, telling him if he screwed
up one more time, he was fired. Brandt was trying to explain, but the manager
wasn't buying it, this must have not been the first time something like this
happened to Brandt. Poor Brandt. Once the hysterics had finally wore off
about five minutes later, we moved onto the next prank.
I snaked my arm around Bella's waist and tried to lead her to 'Housewares',
she was still laughing, so she was having a harder time than usual. At one
point she tripped and took down an entire row of paper towels. We finally
reached the alarm clocks. I dropped my arm from Bella's waist and quickly set
all the alarm clocks to go off at two minute intervals. I returned back to Bella
and we walked over to the next aisle to wait.
Bella started looking at some picture frames, while I counted down. Finally, it
was time. "Five, four," I counted off to Bella, "three, two, one."
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
One of the alarm clocks started going off. I listened closely.
'What the hell?' One of the employees made his way over to the clocks. He
searched through all of them. Finally, he found the right one and switched it
off. He was almost out of the aisle when another started beeping. "What the
hell?" he repeated, this time out loud.
Suddenly, I heard Bella gasp. I looked over to her. "Is that Brandt?" she
asked. I peeked over to the aisle with the clocks. Sure enough there,
switching off the alarm clock was Brandt himself, the employee we had just
tormented, not ten minutes earlier. By now, three clocks were going off ─ I
made sure I had some of them on high shelves.
"God dammit! What the hell is going on?" I heard Brandt exclaim. Poor
Brandt, this was just not his day. Oh, no, is that who I think it is? I listened
closer.
'Brandt is in some serious trouble. First, he makes some girl cry, now he's
cursing up a storm. What am I going to do with him?' The store manager had
heard Brandt's loud profanities, along with half the store. "Brandt!" the
manager called as he stormed into the aisle with Brandt and the beeping
alarm clocks. I listened in for Brandt's thoughts.
'Oh, damn, it's Mr. Douglas! Now I'm really gonna get fired! I wonder if
Target's hiring? Maybe I can make a run for it.' Oh, no, Brandt. Would he
really do that?
"What's going on?" Bella's sweet, angelic voice pulled me out of Brandt's
thoughts. I turned to Bella to explain.
"The manager, Mr. Douglas, is planning on firing poor Brandt. Meanwhile,
Brandt's contemplating just running away," I told her quietly, whispering in her
ear, so that only she could hear. A crowd had appeared when Brandt started
cursing, so Bella and I slipped into the crowd. One look at Mr. Douglas said
everything. He was an unnatural shade of red, a vein in his forehead looked
like it was going to pop.
Finally, Brandt dropped the alarm clock he was holding and took off. He made
it all the way out the aisle before bounding straight into Emmett. Brandt
ricocheted off of Emmett and into a display of deodorant. The deodorant fell
into a big pile, while Brant quickly got back up. He took off running again.
Unfortunately, he was wearing very baggy pants. The pants started falling
down and before Brandt could pull them up, they fell all the way down his
ankles, sending him to the floor, yet again. He finally got back up and pulled
up his pants. He was holding his pants up and was now a deep shade of red.
Finally, he made it out the door and into the parking lot.
I looked around to everyone's face. The emotions were all clearly displayed.
Humor, shock, and astonishment were all evident on all the faces, except
Emmett, his face just showed humor, humor, and guess what more humor!
Everyone in the crowd burst out into laughter, Emmett had fallen to his knees
and was now holding his sides.
"Nice job, Eddie-poo!" Emmett exclaimed through all the laughter. I looked
over to the manager, who was walking out of the aisle, shaking his head, the
vein in his forehead still pulsating.
After the laughter subsided, Bella and I left Emmett, who was still rolling with
laughter. Bella's hand found mine and she led me over to the service counter.
There were a few people there so we had to wait in line. When we reached
the front, Bella opened her mouth to speak. "Excuse me, miss," she said to
the girl, who was looking at me and having very inappropriate fantasies about
me. I restrained the urge to roll my eyes at my annoyance with her thoughts.
"Could you please page Brandt, I need to talk to him, it's important," Bella
stated, while giving the girl a death glare.
"Sure," the girl said, blinking back to reality.
"Thanks," Bella replied politely. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled
her closer to me, much to the dismay of the girl. I led Bella a couple feet away
to 'wait for Brandt'. The girl at the counter picked up the phone and pressed a
button. She began speaking over the intercom.
"Could Brandt please report to the service counter. Brandt to the service
counter. Thank you." she said. By the time she was finished I was already on
the floor. I pulled my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them,
assuming the fetal position. I started rocking back and forth.
"NO! NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!" I yelled. I screamed rather loudly
and began to dry sob. "STOP THE VOICES!" Bella dropped down to my side
and started soothing me.
"It's okay Edward, sweetheart," she told me. I looked at her and widened my
eyes, putting on a horrified look.
"NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN BY CLOWNS! LEAVE ME ALONE YOU
DEMON ELVES! I WON'T LET SANTA GET ME!" I exclaimed as loud as
possible. I barely my face in my knees.
"It's alright, no one's going to hurt you," Bella assured me. "Look around, no
one's out to get you." I lifted my head and looked around with a terrified
expression.
"No clowns?" I asked Bella.
"No," she told me.
"No elves?"
"None."
"Santa's not going to get me?"
"No, I won't let him."
"Okay." I said warily. Bella helped me off the floor and began leading me
away from the crowd. We started laughing as soon as we were out of hearing
range. Finally, we were finished with our pranks. I decided it would be fun to
see how the others were doing...

Chapter 3: Condoms, Guns, and Anti-Depressants

Emmett POV)

"Hello? Miss?" I was standing at the pharmacy, ready to begin my first prank.
This was going to be good.
"Hello, sir, may I help you?" the pharmacist asked politely, batting her eyes at
me. It was a good thing Rosalie wasn't here right now, she would have this girl
crying by now.
"Yes," I answered her. "I would like to buy some condoms, please?" Wow, it's
been awhile since I've had to buy condoms! Good thing Rose and I don't need
them, we'd have to buy them in bulk.
"Um..." she sputtered, blushing. Ha! She has the same reaction to the word
'condom' as Bella! "There's a whole aisle of them over there," she said,
pointing to a nearby aisle where I could tell there were a lot of condoms.
"Wow! How many are there?" I asked, incredulous, by the amount.
"One hundred forty-two. Oh, no, wait! Trojan just came out with the cherry
flavor. So one hundred forty-three," she said, matter-of-factly. I just stared at
her. I couldn't imagine that many different condoms. I also didn't expect her to
answer my question, it was more of a rhetorical question. But that was an
interesting little fun fact. (A/N: Speaking of fun facts, did you know that pigs
can have an orgasm that lasts for up to thirty minutes?!)
"Okay, thanks," I said before I walked to the aisle with all the condoms. My
eyes quickly began scanning the boxes. Mint flavor, cherry, sour apple, ─ I
wonder what makes them sour ─ bubble gum, small, medium, large, extra
large, XXL, XXXL, ─ wow, someone's dreaming big. No pun intended.
Hmmm...how about large in cherry. Wait! Is that glow in the dark?! Cool! I
might have to get me some of them! I grabbed some boxes of each and put
aside a box of glow in the dark ─ for experimental purposes. I stuck all the
condoms in a basket and began looking for victims. I came across a boy
about 13 or 14 years old shopping with his mother. Perfect! I waited until they
were both distracted and, using my vampire speed, quickly buried five boxes
of condoms in their cart.
Next, I found an old lady, about 84 years old, slowly making her way through
the store. I put about eight boxes in her cart. Ew. I feel sorry for the cashier
and the mental images he will have. (A/N: I to am sorry for the mental
images.) I decided to keep the last five boxes to make water balloons out of.
Glow in the dark water balloon fight!
Now that I was finished with that, it was time to move on. I began to make my
way to the hunting department. I can't believe humans have to use all this
crap, just to take down a deer. Can you say boring? Where was the fight ─ for
the deer that is. Humans had to be the most boring creatures to ever walk the
face of the Earth! Well, with one exception. It's always fun to watch Bella fall
down. Even if she doesn't get to hear half of the jokes I make inside of my
head about her, it's enough just to annoy the hell out of Edward.
Once I was in the hunting department, where all the guns where held, I began
to mope around and pretend to be depressed. I picked up one of the guns. It
was some kind of rifle. I began to toy with it and turn it around in my hands.
After a few minutes, I walked up to the clerk, who was standing behind a
counter with a cash register and more hunting supplies.
"Hello sir, how may I help you today?" the clerk asked politely. I looked down
at his name tag quickly before answering.
"Well, Wes, I would like to purchase this gun," I said, pointing to the gun I had
sat on the counter. I made sure I made my voice as gloomy as possible.
"Okay, well do you have a gun license?" I pulled out my wallet slowly and took
out the gun license Alice had given me earlier that morning. She was always
prepared. I handed the license over. Wes looked at it and my ID before giving
me some papers to sign and purchasing the gun for me. When he was done, I
asked him my question, so I could complete my prank.
"Wes," I started, "do you happen to know where the anti-depressants are?" I
watched as Wes's face went white. If I couldn't smell him I would have thought
he was a vampire.
"A-aisle f-four," he replied, shakingly.
"Thanks," I replied before grabbing the gun and walking away with my
shoulders slumped and my head down. I could barely contain my laughter
until I was out of sight and ear-shot. I wonder what Edward and Bella are up
too?

Chapter 4: Distractions
(Edward's POV)

I saw Mike Newton out of the corner of my an got an idea when I heard his
thoughts.
'Bella is here with Cullen. I'll bet she'll see me any minute and realize she is
madly in love with me!'
Poor delusional Mike.
"Bella," I whispered. She spun around to meet my gaze. That's when I bent
my lips down softly to hers. I couldn't exactly remember when, but sometime
during that kiss I had pushed Bella against the aisle wall, and had one of her
hands pinned to the shelf above her head, while her other hand knotted in my
hair. My free hand rested on her hip. I forgot Mike was standing a couple of
feet away from us, but was brought back to the time and place by the
thoughts running through his little mind.
'What is he doing to my future girlfriend?!'
I almost laughed when another thought passed through his brain and once
again into my ears.
'I know why her eyes are closed! She's wishing she was kissing me! HAHA!'
Emmett was suddenly behind me. "Ahem," he cleared his throat. "EDWARD!"
he screeched after a minute. I broke the kiss and looked over to Mike, who
held his jaw agape. I tangled my fingers with Bella's and walked over to him.
"Catching flies, are we Mike?" I asked innocently. It took him a minute to
answer verbally, but mentally, he was seething with anger.
'No! He can't do that! He can't kiss my girlfriend! She can't kiss him! GOD! I
hate you Cullen! If you hadn't pinned her hand over her head and practically
crushed her into the wall, she'd have seen me and been all over me! Grrr!'
"No," he abruptly closed his mouth and glared at me. Mike was starting to
unintentionally annoy me, by thinking about him and Bella in ways that
couldn't really be considered PG-13. A growl erupted from the back of my
throat. Although it was too soft for Mike's ears, Bella, having heard it before,
caught it in an instant. The images didn't stop.
"Mike," I started, "would you please shut up?" Bella gave me a stern look as I
scowled at Mike. Although Mike backed away, the images pouring through his
head didn't cease. I saw every one of them.
"Edward, what did I tell you about saying things like that to people?" Bella
scolded me.
"That it's rude and I shouldn't do it," I paused, then grinned evilly and said, "Or
you'll have to punish me, although your punishments are very pleasurable," I
looked at Mike.
'No! Ew! No! He can't do that kind of thing with her! Ew! Dirty mental images!'
A series of mental images of Bella and I flowed through his mind before he
could stop them. Good. Serves him right. Huh, in his mind, Bella is much
more flexible. Huh, I wonder if that position is even possible! We might have
to try it sometime when Bella is more durable.
Having enough of Mike, I turned and walked away at a slow pace. Bella
attempted to follow me, but tripped and fell. She groaned and picked herself
up off the floor. It looked like she was going to pass out, I couldn't figure out
why. Then it hit me, burned in the back of my throat, and clouded my mind. I
wanted to run to her, catch her incase she fell again, but I was becoming
almost as dizzy as her. Pain glistened in her eyes, fear in mine. The smell
was so strong, Emmett had to sprint away. Mike looked at us with confusion
written on his face at what he was witnessing.
"Edward," she spoke weakly, "don't be brave. Just walk away." For Mike's
benefit, she was trying to add a cheery demeanor into her voice.
'What does she mean by "don't be brave"? I'll bet he's afraid of blood! HA!'
Mike if only you knew...
I shook my head and watched her as she sped off to the bathroom. I glared
silently at Mike, while I waited for her to come out.
Minutes later, she emerged, all clean. No more blood pouring out of her arm.
Back to normal. I gave her a kiss and smirked at Mike, before walking away
with Bella to find my siblings.
'God! What the crap! Dude's a freak and he still gets the girl! It's his fault she
gets hurt, and she still runs back to him! God! What a day!'
Now these thoughts made me snarl in anger. How was it my fault?
Bella looked at me curiously. "Excuse me please, Bella, while I go pummel
our friend Mike into a bloody freaking pulp!" I said calmly to her.
"No, Edward. No inflicting bodily harm on anyone in our school," she replied
sternly.
"But, Bella! You should have seen what he was thinking!" I whined.
"Don't care now come on!"

Chapter 5: "Do These Pants Make My Butt Look Big?"

(Jasper's POV)

All day I had felt like a chameleon changing colors every ten minutes. It
seemed as if there was a new emotion coming at me everytime I turned
around. It went from Bella's excitement, to Edward's frustration about not
knowing what she was so excited about. To Emmett's extreme excitement
and evil planning, to Rosalie's annoyance to Emmett's evil planning.To Alice's
worry at being seen at Wal-Mart (gasp!). To the store clerk's embarrassment
at being yelled and running out of the store with his pants falling down, to the
manager's anger with Brandt. To Mike's shock at seeing Edward and Bella
making out, to Edward and Bella's lust, and finally to Emmett's annoyance,
but amusement at the whole Mike/Bella/Edward scene.
Whew, there had been a lot of emotions today! And it wasn't even two o'clock
yet!
But, at last, it was finally time for my pranks.
My first prank would be with Emmett, who had just found me after taking a
Wal-Mart bag full of boxes of condoms out to the car. For what, I have no
idea.
As we made our way to our first prank together, I couldn't help but to be a little
annoyed by the lustful emotions we received from every female human we
passed. It was times like these that I truly felt sorry for Edward and his mind-
reading capabilities.
When we finally made it to one of the large mirrors by the clothes racks,
Emmett loudly asked, "Jazzy do these pants make my butt look big?"
I stifled a giggle and replied in a somewhat homosexual voice, "No, Emmy!
Those pants make your butt look great! I could only wish to have as great a
butt as you!"
"Oh, thanks, sweetheart! Do you really mean it? Or are you just trying to make
me feel good about myself?"
By now, people were starting to pretend to be looking at the clothes, while
really watching our conversation. I decided to give them a bit of a show,
"Emmy, I really, truly love your butt! It's just so...firm!" I said as I reached out
to give his butt a little squeeze. From behind me I heard a little gasp, coming
from one of the girls, who, up until recently, had been ogling Emmett and I.
"But, Emmy, I have to ask you something...." I sighed sadly. "Does this shirt
make me look like I have man boobs?" I asked while puffing out my chest to
get my point across better.
Emmett gasped loudly, then, in a shocked voice, said, "Jazzy! Don't you even
think like that! Most guys would kill to have a chest like yours! Remember
what we learned from Richard: be proud of your body! Okay?"
"You're right, you're totally right. I'm sorry I doubted myself."
"Alright, now, give me a hug, Jazzy." he said before pulling me into a giant
bear hug he usually only gives Bella, only rubbing my back, which was kinda
creepy.
"Better?" I nodded my head "yes". "Okay. Good. Now, you finish up here. I'm
going to see if they have any of those strawberry Slimfast shakes."
"Alright," I agreed. "Oh! See if they have any of those chocolate ones! I've
been craving chocolate a lot lately."

Chapter 6: Mission Impossible

(JasperPOV)
Ugh! The vile smells! How could anyone stand to eat this crap? Humans smell
much better!
I was currently walking through the food aisles, grimacing at all the digusting
human food.\
Alice had just given me some black clothes to change into. And, of course,
like everything else she bought, they were designer. I wondered if there was a
special designer that made ski masks and other clothes that were good if you
were planning on robbing a bank.
Oh, well, I thought. Might as well begin my next prank.
I walked to the main part of the food section, which was the most crowded
section in the store, besides the checkout lanes and the door.
As soon as I got there, I shrunk into a crouch and began to "dart around
suspiciosly". I made sure my crouching and darting around didn't look too
scary.
I began humming the Mission Impossible theme song while I darted around.
(A/N: Just take a minute, close your eyes, and just picture it.)
After a few minutes of this, a woman, who looked to be somewhere in her
forties, approached me.
"Excuse me, sir," she said to me. "But, I'm going to have to ask you to either
stop 'darting around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission
Impossible theme song' or leave the store. You're starting to freak the other
customers out."
"Oh, I applogize ma'am," With this she gave me a polite smile and walked
briskly away.
So, no humming the Mission Impossible theme song? Well, that sucks. Oh,
well...I guess I'll just have to switch songs.
As I began my darting around once again, I started to hum the Pink Panther
theme song. At least it wasn't some vampire movie theme song.
Once again, after a few minutes of this, the lady returned.
"Sir, I thought I asked you to stop humming!" she exclaimed, exasperated.
"Oh, you did. You told me to stop humming the Mission Impossible theme
song. Now, I'm humming the Pink Panther theme song. But, if you wish, I will
stop humming all together. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go get some
funnels." I began to walk away, leaving the woman in the foods section.
Before I went to the automobile section, I changed back into my regular
clothes.
Once changed, I was off to the automobile section for my next prank.
I went straight to the funnels. I picked out two funnels of different sizes and
walked over to the man at the service desk.
"Hello, sir, how may I help you today?" the man asked.
"Well, you see, I was planning on getting breast implants and I wanted your
opinion." I held both of the funnels up to my chest. "Now, which one looks
better?"
"Umm...well, I..." The man's finger began to inch its way over to the phone
and he pressed a button, making the phone begin to ring. "Oh, excuse me,
but I must take this." He picked up the phone, but with my vampire hearing I
could tell there was no one on the other line. "Hello? Yes. Yes. Oh! Really?!
Oh, okay! I'll be right there!" He hung up and turned back to me. "Excuse me,
sir, but I must go. Goodbye!" And with that he disappeared.
Oh, well, better just go see what Alice thinks.
Chapter7: The Real Reason Alice Was in an Insane Asylum
(AlicePOV)

I can't believe someone would actually shop here! Oh, no! Did that tag just
say 100 percent polyester?! Gross! Oh, well. I guess not everyone can look
fabulous all the time. At least I can make sure that Bella can!
Well, if I'm going to hide in a rack, it might as well be one that isn't filled with
completely hideous clothes! This one doesn't look too horrible.
Glancing around me to make sure no one was watching, I quickly ducked into
the middle of the square clothing rack. Once in, I turned around and arranged
the clothes to where no one could see me. Now, all I had to do was wait.
I waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, after about 15 minutes of waiting, a
woman in her mid-sixties started browsing through the ugly clothes. When she
finally started going through the clothes next to me, I jumped out yelling, "Pick
me! Pick me! Pick me!"
"Oh my lord! Jesus save me!" The lady screamed before dropping the clothing
items she had and running away. Very quickly for a human, I might add.
Now, for the next prank. The prank that in my opinion was the best on the
entire list!
I decided this prank would be best preformed in the front of the store, near the
checkout lanes.
"How could you do this to me?" I asked to the air, pretending to talk to
someone. "I thought you loved me! What's her name? Huh? Oh, don't pretend
like there isn't another girl! I'm not stupid! No, I will not stop yelling! Well,
maybe you should have thought about that before you did that with her!" With
this I began to cry, loudly.
"Well, no more! I'm done with this! I'm done with you! I'm leaving you! Don't
touch me!" I pretended like someone was trying to grab my arm and acted like
I was kicking someone. "No! Don't!" I then fell to the floor like someone was
beating me. " Ow! Stop! Leave me alone!" I was now rolling on the floor,
pretending to be in pain. After a few minutes of this, I finally got up and walked
away. Pretending like nothing happened.
As soon as I was in an empty aisle, I began to shake with laughter. Soon,
Jasper joined me. Apparently, he had been standing nearby watching.
Once the laughter finally subsided, I decided it was time for Jasper and I to
find a nice janitor's closet for some alone time.
Chapter 8: "How You Doin'?"
(RosaliePOV)
I can't believe I'm really in a Walmart! This is so gross! I would feel bad about
being so vain if it weren't for the fact that every time I was near Alice, I could
practically feel the disgust rolling off her in waves. I may not have Jasper's
powers, but that didn't mean I couldn't tell. She thought this was just as gross
as I thought it was.
I was currently walking around the store looking for my first "victim", so to
speak. Why is it so difficult to find decent help in this place?
Finally, I spotted someone. He was a short, chubby, bald man, perhaps in his
thirties, his name tag said "Joey" on it. His glasses were duct taped in the
middle.
I walked up to him and in an official tone said, "Code 3 in housewares."
At this his eyes went wide. "Oh, no! There's a wild monkey running wild?!
They told me this would never happen! I guess they were wrong!"
With this, he ran, more like quickly waddled away in the direction of
housewares.
Huh, why would there ever be a wild monkey running wild? And why would
they make a code for it? Oh, well, it doesn't really matter.
Now, for my next "victims". If it wasn't stupid and totally the Volture's thing, I
would have laughed evilly.
Near the electronics department, I spotted two teenagers about fifteen years
old, holding hands. Perfect.
I marched up to them, putting on my sexy look I usually used on Emmett.
"Hi there." I said coyly to the boy, ignoring the girl. "What's a big boy like you
doing in a smalltown like this?"
"Umm.... I kinda have a girlfriend," he said, gesturing to the now very angry
girl next to him.
"Oh! Hi, there!" I said, now talking to the girl. "What's a big girl like you doing
in a small town like this?" I flirted with her the same way I flirted with the boy,
batting my eyes for emphasis.
The girl just gave me a wide-eyed look and walked away, pulling her boyfriend
with her.
I began giggling as soon as they were out of earshot. Moments later, I felt
Emmett's strong arms wrap around my waist and his lips at my ear.
"Hmm...girl on girl action. Now, that's hot. I simply rolled my eyes.
"Come on, let's get everyone so we can go home," I said, pulling him by his
shirt towards the exit.

Chapter 9 : Epilogue
(BellaPOV)

About two weeks later...

Alice, Jasper, Edward, and I were currently sitting in the Cullen's living room,
just talking.
Suddenly, Emmett came bounding in, dragging an irritated-looking Rosalie
behind him.
"What's going on Emmett?" Edward asked suspiciously. "Why are you
blocking your thoughts from me?"
"Be patient for two minutes, Edward," Emmett replied, annoyed.
"Actually, thirty-seven seconds," Alice spoke up.
"Well, then turn on the t.v.!" Emmett said, eagerly bouncing in the seat he now
sat in, with Rosalie seated on his lap.
The television was turned on and soon a MasterCard commercial came on.
There was a girl in her teens making a trail of tomato juice to the women's
restroom at a Walmart store.
The MasterCard voice came on and said, "Tomato juice: $2.65."
It then showed a boy hiding condom's in an elderly lady's cart.
The voice returned: "20 boxes of condoms: $26.99."
The next scene was of a Walmart employee running out of the store with his
pants falling down.
The voice returned for the last time. "Annoying the pants off of Walmart
employees: priceless. There are some things in life money can't buy, but for
everything else, there's MasterCard."