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PublishedonTheCaravanAJournalofPoliticsandCulture(http://www.caravanmagazine.in)

AftertheLastsky
Memoirsbywomenwhowerenotparagonsbutsurvivors
ByNANDINIRAMACHANDRAN|February1,2015
courtesyPenguin

AnisKidwaiauthoredaharrowing
retrospectiveaccountofPartition,and
ofherroleinhelpingitsvictims.

ANISKIDWAI,BinaDas,HansaWadkar,PrabhaKhaitanandTemsulaAowereallbornincolonialIndiaandactively
participatedinthemakingofanindependentnation.AnisKidwaiwasoneofIndiasfirstfemaleRajyaSabhamembers.Bina
DashelpedorganisetheQuitIndiamovementinCalcutta.HansaWadkarwasapopularactressinearlyMarathicinema.
PrabhaKhaitanmanagedtwocompanies,wroteseveralnovels,andtranslatedtheFrenchwriterSimonedeBeauvoirs
seminalfeministtext,TheSecondSex,intoHindi.TemsulaAoisNagalandsmostfamouslivingwriter.
Allthesewomenwerepioneersintheirprofessions,butunlikemoreglamorouswomenmemoiristsoftheireraAmritaPritam,
ShaukatAzmi,LeelaNaidu,VinaMazumdar,KamaladeviChattopadhyay,GayatriDevi,DurgaKhotetheyarentfamous
enoughtohaveachievedimmortality.Theyinhabitthetenuousterritorybetweensuccessandcelebrity.Theyledfulfillingand
trailblazinglives,butnotreadilyaccessibleones,andoftentheirstoriesaboutthemselvesaretheonlyoneswehave.Luckily,
theyallwrotememoirsthathaveappearedintheoriginalEnglishorintranslationoverthelastfouryears.
ThesememoirsilluminatealifestyleoftenoverlookedinpopularrepresentationsofIndianwomen:thatoftheindependent,
middleclass,workingwoman.Someofthesememoiristsweresingle,othersweremarriedandyetprofoundlyalone.Ifthe
implicitbargainhereislonelinessforsuccess,howdoesanywomannegotiatethatprice?Recentmainstreamcultureoffers
workingwomenafewdubioussolutions.Lastyear,acontroversialAirtelcampaignimpliedthathoweverauthoritativeawoman
mightbeatwork,sheoughttocompensateforthatauthoritybypamperingherhusbandathome.Bollywoodnowtakes
womenwhoworkalittlemoreseriouslyaswell:movieslikeNoOneKilledJessica,Page3,andevenTheDirtyPicturefeature
womenwhosecareersareattheforefrontoftheirlives.Amoreappropriatecomparisonforthememoirsinthisessay,
however,isSatyajitRays1963movieMahanagar,whichisaboutahousewifewhodecidestowork,muchtoherfamilys
chagrin.LikeArati,theprotagonistofRaysmovie,thesememoiriststhoughtofacareermoreasafinancialnecessitythanan
enjoymentorentitlement,andwhileallthesewomenwerebatteredbythelivestheychose,notallwereshatteredbythem.
AnisKidwai,theeldestofthisgroup,wasbornintoagenteelMuslimhomeintheBarabankidistrictofUttarPradeshin1906.
InherunfinishedUrduautobiography,GhubareKarwaan,publishedin1983,Kidwaidescribesthesyncreticworldofher
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youth,whereHindusandMuslimsnotonlycoexisted,butalsocelebratedfestivalsandprayedtogether:RamandRahim,Ali
andFatimawereexquisitelyyokedtogetherinthisimagination.In1919,attheageofthirteen,Kidwaiwasmarriedtoa
mannamedShafi,andheroldestdaughter,Azadi,wasborntwoyearslater.Itseemstohavebeenahappymarriage,until
ShafiKidwaiwasmurderedinOctober1947.HewastheadministratoroftheMunicipalBoardofMussoorie,andhadreceived
severaldeaththreatsintheweeksbeforehisassassination,butherefusedtoleavethecity.AzaadikiChhaonMein,Kidwais
1974memoirofthePartition,beginsintheweeksleadinguptothatfatefulday.ItwastranslatedintoEnglishbyher
granddaughter,AyeshaKidwai,andpublishedasInFreedomsShadein2011.
KidwaibeginsthebookbyreminiscingaboutIndiasfirstIndependenceDay:
Irememberwellthatfirst15thAugust,thedesignateddayofliberation,runginbythehorrifyingshrieksofterror
resoundingfromCalcuttaacrosstoEastandWestPunjab.ThedaywhenthecorpseofDelhiwasbeingmangled
underfoot,thedaywhenwomenwerebeingdishonoured.Adayoffreedom,yes,butafreedomslashedandstreakedwith
blood.AdaychokedbysmokeandfireOnthatday,Indiatookitsfirststepsbackintothepast.
InFreedomsShadeisaharrowingbook,compassionatetoitssubjectsbutmercilesstothereader,whoisremindedthatthe
costoffreedomwasnotonlyabrutalizedpopulation,butalsothedestructionofawayoflife.Ittellsstoriesofwomenrapedby
theirneighbours,childrenbarteredforfood,anddestitutefamilieshuddledunderasingleblankettoprotectthemselves
againsttheDelhiwinter.Afterherhusbandsdeath,KidwaijoinedtheShantiDal,apeacekeepingorganisationthatworkedin
theresettlementcampsandhelpedsecurefoodandblanketsforrefugees.Thegroupalsotriedtopreventfurtheroutbreaks
ofviolencebyestablishingdialoguebetweenhostilecommunitieswhohad,untilrecently,livedtogetherpeacefullyfor
generations.TheShantiDaldidnt,ofcourse,entirelysucceed,butthereweremanysmallvictories:acouplereunited,a
schoolopenedfororphans,avillagepacified.Kidwaiwritesinruthlessdetailaboutthehorrorsshewitnessed,buthighlights,
always,thequietmomentsofkindnessandgenerositybetweenpeople.
KidwaioffersusrareinsightintoawomansexperienceofPartition.Hermemoirendsin1949,andinoneofherfinalchapters
shedescribesherinvolvementwithwhatshecallstherecoveryofabductedgirls.Itsathemetoucheduponacrossthe
narrative,butinthischapterthedegradationexperiencedbysuchwomenbecomesevident.Theabductedgirlsrangefrom
thosewhocrossedtheborderwiththeirloverstowomenwhoweresoldintoslavery(oftentogovernmentofficials)orforced
intoprostitution.Kidwaisdespairiseloquent:Theseadolescentgirlswhoseessenceisnowonlycarnalhunger,these
derangedyoungwomenwhosewholebeingisaferventappealaslongastheylivetheywillrememberthosemalignant
times.Unlikescholarlyhistory,InFreedomsShadeisanintimateaccountofaterribletimeinIndianhistory,andKidwai
invitesustonotonlyunderstand,buttoalsosharehertrauma.
Kidwaiwas,inmanyways,asbewilderedasshewashorrifiedbyPartition.BinaDas,incontrast,wasenragedbyit.InA
Memoir,shecallsitacruelgameofHolibeingplayedwithblood,andclaimsthatIndiansshouldbeboycottedfromcivilised
society.Shehasarighttoherrage:shewasarevolutionarywhospentheryouthinprison,andthiswasnotthecountryshe
foughttofree.Shefirstwenttojailin1932forattemptingtoshootthegovernorofBengal,StanleyJackson,duringher
convocationceremonyatCalcuttaUniversity.Itwasthesecondtimeinherlifeshehadheldagun.Shewastwentyoneyears
old.
Releasedfromprisonin1939,DasbeganworkingwithMNRoy,oneofthefoundersoftheCommunistPartyofIndia.Bythe
late1930s,however,RoybelievedthatthecauseofIndianfreedomwasbetterservedbyworkinginsidethenationalistfoldof
theCongress,andhebeganorganisingaworkersmovementwithintheparty.DaswritesthatRoywasamajorinfluenceon
her,andshejoinedtheCongressunderhisguidance.UnlikeRoy,shewasalsoimpressedbyGandhi,whichwaswhyshe
continuedworkingfortheCongressevenafterRoysbreakwiththeparty.ShewasoneofthechieforganisersoftheQuit
IndiaprotestsinCalcuttaandwasimprisonedagainin1942.Injailshegrewextremelydepressedbythelackofsolidarity
betweenpoliticalprisonersandcriminals,andbegantohallucinateaboutLenin,whoconfrontedher:Youcannotforgetyour
superiorpositionyoucannotforegotheprivilegesandcomfortsofyourclass.Yourideaofmassuprisingismostlyacademic
youacceptitwithyourintellect,butdonotfeelitwithyourheart.
Releasedagainin1945,DaswasfurtherdisheartenedbythegrowingcorruptionoftheCongress.ThebookendsasIndian
independencebecomesarealityarealitydrenchedinbloodandwhileDascontinuedworkingtoprotectvulnerable
communitiesinBengalfromtheviolence,herdisgustandherdisappointmentareevident.Sheisastonishedthatfreedom
fromtheBritishdidntnecessarilymeanfreedomfromtheiradministrativeapparatus.Howisit,shewonders,thatgovernment
officialsandcivilservants,thesamepeoplewhoinsultedandhumiliatedtheflagduringthestrugglewerenowhoistingthat
nationalflagintriumph?IncreasinglyisolatedwithintheCongress,Dasretiredfromactivepolitics,thoughsheremaineda
socialworkerandaprogressivethinker.Itwasthen,andonlythen,thatshemarried.
KIDWAIANDDASwerenotonlyunusualinthattheywrotefrank,perceptiveandunsentimentalmemoirsaboutapivotal
momentinIndianhistory.Theywerealsounusualintheirfreedomfromdomesticity.Kidwaiwasawidowwithadultchildrenat
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thetimeofPartition,Daswasaspinster.Theirtimeandtheirprioritiesweretheirown:aluxuryfewwomenhaveeverbeen
allowed.Consider,forinstance,PrabhaKhaitan,whowasborninCalcuttaaboutthirtyyearsafterDas.KhaitansALifeApart,
unlikeKidwaiandDassmemoirs,wasntinspiredbythefightfornationalfreedom,butitisalsothestoryofawoman
strugglingtoliberateherself.
ALifeApartbeginswithaninvocationtoSati,theembodimentofawomanwhodedicatedherwholelifetoasingleman,and
tohimalone.Khaitanschoiceofwordsawoman,notawifehintsatherowntroubledpersonallife.Khaitanwasdevoted
tooneman,thePadmaShriwinningophthalmologistGopalKrishnaSaraf,butshewashismistress.Asthememoirstarts,
KhaitanisinNewYorkwithSaraf,whoisseekingmedicaltreatment.Hetreatsherwiththecallousintimacybornofalong
relationship:hereprimandsherforbuyinganexpensivebagandquestionsherfidelity.Thepointofherautobiography,which
isstructuredinaseriesofflashbacks,istoexplainhowandwhyshefoundherselfstuckinaforeigncountrywithahorrible
manwhowasntevenherhusband.
Khaitangrewupinalarge,richMarwarifamily.Herchildhood,however,wasfarfromidyllic.Shewassexuallyabusedbyan
olderbrotherattheageofnine.Herfatherdiedyoung,andherilliteratemotherstruggledtosupportthefamily.Itwasthis
experience,Khaitanclaims,thattransformedhermotherfromaconservativeMarwariladyintoafierceadvocateoffemale
selfsufficiency.Heroldersistersweremarriedintheirteens,whiletheirfatherwasstillalive,butthetwoyoungergirls,Geeta
andPrabha,wereeducatedinstead.(Khaitaneventuallyearnedadoctorateinphilosophy.)
KhaitanwastwentytwoyearsoldwhenshemetSaraf,whowasthenfortyandamarriedfatheroffivechildren.Heprovedhis
reputationasanotoriouswomaniserwithinminutesoftheirfirstencounter:DrSarafpeeredintomyeyes...andremarked,I
dontthinkIhaveexaminedamorebeautifulpairofeyestillnow.Alittlelater,heisrepentant:SomepeoplesayIhavea
bestialstreakinme.Khaitan,however,remainsundeterred.Foryou,shesaysatonepointinthatsurrealfirstconversation,
Iampreparedtosufferanything.TheirrelationshipthenproceedswiththebizarrelogicofaBollywoodfilm:awhirlwind
courtshipofclandestinemeetingsbytheHooghly,stormyconfrontations,andfantasiesofaneternalanduniquelove.
HerlifelongaffairwithSarafdefinedKhaitan.Itensuredthathoweversuccessfulshebecame,shewouldalwaysremain
primarilyamistress,inherimaginationasmuchastheworlds.Thisdidnt,however,freeherfromtheresponsibilitiesofa
wife.Sarafwasasuspicious,possessiveman,whopolicedherfinancesandherfriendshipswithequalfervour.Heexpected
hertosupportnotonlyherself,butoftenalsohisfamilywithhisfirstwife.Khaitanwas,atvariouspoints,hiscook,travelagent,
secretary,and,finally,hisprimarycaregiver.
Meanwhile,shealsobuilttwobusinesses.In1966,afteranabortionandanuglyfightwithSarafswifeandherfriends,Khaitan
leftCalcuttatodoadiplomainbeautytherapyinLosAngeles.Uponherreturnthenextyear,shefoundedahealthclubcalled
Figurette,whichshecallshersanctuary.OnceFigurettegrewintoafranchise,Khaitanwentseekingfreshadventuresand
startedaleatherexportbusiness.Mybusiness,shewrites,becamemysolace.Astheyearsrolledon,Khaitangradually
grewmorefeminist.Sheexpoundsontheinvisibilityofhouseholdwork,onthemalegazeintheworkplace,andonthedouble
standardsimplicitinpatriarchy.YetsheremainsconvincedthatLove,ahappymarriedlifewithlovingchildreniswhatevery
womandesiresaboveall.
ThenarrativeinALifeApartendswithSarafsdeath,thoughthememoirwaspublishedfifteenyearsafterwards.Khaitanwas,
atfifty,finallyfreetoliveherliferatherthandefendit.How,shewondersinretrospect,didshejustifyhercompleteandabject
surrendertoanotherperson?Itsaquestionthathasperhapsnoanswer.Khaitansowntentativeandvagueonehopethat
onedayallthiswouldchangeonlyconvincesherreadersthatotherwisepragmaticpeoplearecapableofstaggeringlevels
ofemotionaldelusion.Later,however,sheoffersamoreconvincinganswer:Myloveforhimgraduallyrecededbutnotmy
fearofhim.
IffearsteeredKhaitanintoastablebutunhappyexistencewithamanwhodevaluedandresentedher,itledHansaWadkar
intoalifeofconstantflight.Bornin1923intoafamilyofcourtesansandperformersinBombay,Wadkar(bornRatan
Salgaokar)startedactinginMarathimoviesattheageoften.Atfifteenshemarriedherchildhoodneighbour,alreadythree
monthspregnantwiththeirfirstchild.Sheeventuallyhadamiscarriagethefirstofmanyandsettledintothegrueling
scheduleexpectedofanactressinherera.
Wadkars1970Marathimemoir,SangtyeAika,inspiredShyamBenegals1977filmBhumika,whichfocusesonthelifeofa
famousactresswithchallengingfamilycircumstances.SangtyeAika,whichwasculledfromextensiveinterviewsfirstpublished
inthemagazineManoos,recentlyappearedinEnglishasYouAsk,ITell.Init,Wadkarexplainsthatsheresistedreturningto
actingonceshewasmarried.Allshewanted,shesaysrepeatedly,wasahappymarriedlife.Butshequicklydiscoveredthis
wasimpossible:herhusband,Bandarkar,couldntsupportthefamily,andeventuallyturnedparanoidandviolent.Hecheated
onWadkar,andbeganbeatingherforperceivedtransgressionsofherwifelyduties:cominghomelate,maintaining
friendshipswithmalecostars,refusingtohandoverherentiresalary.AndsoWadkar,stillateenager,becameanalcoholic,
likebothherparentshadbeenbeforeher.Iturnedtothebottleshesays.Itwasaneasywayofforgettingthewhiplashesof
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theworld.
Despiteherdeterioratingpersonallife,Wadkarinsistsshewasrarelyintoxicatedwhilefilming.Shewasadevotedand
respectedactressinMarathicinema,untilshesuddenlyranawayfromhomeandwenttoliveinavillageasthedefactothird
wifeofamanshebarelyknew.Sheabandonedbothherhusbandandherchild,Rekha,forthreeyears.Thedecisionwas
takeninadrunkenhaze:shehadabadfightwithBandarkar,fledtoPune,wasofferedadrinkinthemiddleofthenightbya
man,andwokeupafewdayslatertofindherselflivinginhisvillage.Sheresignedherselftoanentirelydifferentandstrictly
regimentedexistence,untilshefinallywrotetoBandarkarandherescuedher.Butherroadbackhomewasnteasy.Alongthe
wayshewasrapedbyamagistrate,andshereturnedtoadaughterwhobarelyrecognisedherandanindustrythathad
forgottenher.Allmydreamsshesaysaboutthistimeinherlife,wereshattered.OnceagainIwasfilledwithrageagainst
thewholeworld.Shewentbacktowork,thoughwithlesssuccessthanearlier.HerdifferenceswithBandarkarpersisted,and
shefoundherselfinPuneagain.Thistime,however,themanshefledtoRajanJavle,afellowactorwaskinderandmore
supportivethantheothermeninherlife.Hehelpedherfindherfeetagain,bothpersonallyandprofessionally.Atthecloseof
YouAsk,ITell,HansaWadkarisfortytwoyearsoldandstilllivingwithhim.
IfWadkar,tossedbyeverynastycurrentinherlife,isthemosttragicofthesefivememoirists,thenTemsulaAo,whoalso
livedthroughtraumatictimes,isthemosttriumphant.Bornin1945,sheistheyoungestofthegroup,andherOnceUpona
Life:BurntCurryandBloodyRagsistheonlyoneofthesememoirsoriginallywritteninEnglish.Itpresentsafrightenedand
insecuregirlwhogrowsintoaconfident,selfsufficientwoman.Aowasorphanedasachild,andlivedinpovertyandhunger
untilshewassenttoaboardingschoolinAssam.ShereturnedtoherancestralvillageinNagalandupongraduatingtenth
gradeandwasmarriedafewmonthslater.Shequicklygrewdisenchantedwithdomesticityandherprescribedroleasa
politicianswife.
In1963,AoshusbandwaselectedtothelegislativeassemblyofthenewlyformedstateofNagaland.Theyearsthatfollowed
werethemostunstableofhermarriage,andherhomewasinvadedbypoliticalagentsandpetitioners.Shecallselectionsa
surrealscrambleforthevote,anditwasonlythreeelectionslater,whenherhusbandfinallylosthisseat,thatherfamilywas
freedofthegreatfraudofpolitics.Bythistime,Aohadestablishedanindependentidentityasaschoolteacher,andshe
begantodreamofaworldbeyondherstifling,limitedanduninspiringcircumstances.
Aoconvincedherhusbandtoallowhertostudyfurther,andsheeventuallybecameateacherattheuniversityinKohima,
whereherfamilywasthenliving.Ayearlater,shewasofferedajobinShillong,whichsheacceptedwithoutconsultingher
husband.Shemovedtherewithherchildren,buthermarriagedidntmakeit.Shedescribesherseparationasaprocessof
slowestrangementherhusbandwasntvengefulorabusive,buthewantedawifehecouldcontrol.Afterherdivorce,Ao
begantowrite,firstpoetryandthenshortstories.Sheexplainsthatherwritingis,inpart,cathartic:Venturingoutofthe
securityofconventionalityandhavingtocopewithdivergentpressuresinawhollyalienenvironment,Iseemedtoturnmore
andmoretopoetrytoseekrefugefromthecontradictionsofthelifeIhadoptedfor.
ReadingAoaftertheothermemoirsislikecomingupforagaspoffreshair.HerbookisntasexcitingasWadkarsorDass,
butofallthefiveAoandKidwaialonepresentthemselveslikethewomentheymusthaveappearedtobetothepeopleintheir
lives.Theirmemoirsreflectthewomentheybecame,notthewomentheywereduringthechallengingtimestheyrecall.Their
authorialvoicesareserene,majesticandinspiring.Kidwaisbook,however,issoembroiledinthemiseryofhertimesthatits
notintheleastcomforting.Ao,ontheotherhand,restoreshope.Notallwomen,herreaderisreassured,spendtheirentire
livesflailing.
ITISSTRIKINGhowaliketheauthorsofthesememoirsare,separatedthoughtheymightbebygenerationsandgeography.
Theyareallextremelysuccessfulintheirpubliclivesanddesperatelylonelyintheirprivateones.Theytakefierceprideintheir
work,butthosewhohavemenintheirlivesalwayspointoutthattheyalsokeepanexcellenthomeandtakecareoftheir
partners.Theydontdeserve,theyargue,thewaytheyaretreatednotbecausenoonedeservesthat,butbecausetheyare
modestwomenwhofulfilltheirconjugalobligations.Theyareworthy.Theyarenot,Imeantosay,feminists:theydontargue
thatthewaytraditionalmarriagessubjugatewomenisflawed,merelythattheirmarriageorrelationshipisflawed,andrarely
foranyfaultoftheirown.Readingtheirmemoirs,onefeelsempathywhydidtheyhavetosuffersomuch?Butthesememoirs
alsoraiseamoreurgentquestion:Ifsuchaccomplishedwomencouldfeelsodefeatedbytheirlives,howdoordinarywomen
copeundersimilarcircumstances?
Unfortunately,noneofthememoirsdelveintowhytheirauthorsmadethedecisionstheydid.Theyhave,remarkablyfora
genreassolipsisticasmemoir,almostnointerestintheirownmotivations.Theydescribethehowtheprocessoftheir
sufferinginmeticulousdetail,butrarelythereasoningbehindit.Dasneverquiteexplainswhyshetriedtocommitmurder
beyondofferingafewplatitudesaboutrevolutionaryfervor.Wadkardescribesherescalatingmisadventureswithdetachment,
asiftheysimplyhappenedtoherandsheplayednoconsciousroleatall.Allfivewomenrelyontheircircumstancestoexplain
theirchoices:familyexpectations,politicaldemands,children,fearofvengeanceandsocialcensure.Theclosestonegetsto
graspingtheirmotivesisthepersistenthintthatfearandwhatAocallsromanticnotionsguidedtheirdecisions.Butifthey
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did,asDasclaims,haveromanticnatures,andifthatmeanssomethingbeyondbeingwildlyimpulsive,itisanaturethatthey
learnttoruthlesslysuppress.Thus,thequestionbecomes,toquoteJasbirJaininhertranslatorsintroductiontoWadkarsYou
Ask,ITell,howdoesonelivewithasubduedself?
Thisisthequestionthatanimatesallthesebooks,ifinverydifferentways.DasandKidwaieffacethemselvessocompletely
fromtheirnarrativesthatitseemstheirturbulenteranotonlyovershadowedtheirinnerlives,itrenderedthemredundant.It
musthavefeltindulgenttoponderindividualgriefwhensomanypeopleweresuffering,andsotheysimplydescribethethings
thathappenedandthesightstheysaw.Thelatermemoirsaccordmorespacetotheirauthorsprivatelives,andleavethe
readerwiththeimpressionthatthewomeninthemarebeingslowlystifled.Fourofthefivememoirists,forinstance,use
metaphorsofflight.Khaitancallsherselfastormtossedbird,whileKidwaisaysshefeltlikeabirdwhosewingshadbeen
clipped.AoreferstotheAfricanAmericanpoetMayaAngelousautobiographyIKnowWhyTheCagedBirdSings.Dass
descriptionofherimprisonmentisthemostpoignantinstance:Wewerelikebirdsinacage,diffidentaboutsoaringintothe
boundlesssky.AsthePalestinianpoetMahmoudDarwishsaidaboutanotherkindofdispossession,whereshouldthebirds
flyafterthelastsky?Thehorizon,thatlastandeternalsky,limitseveryoneequally.Howthehorizonisdefined,however,
remainsanopenquestion.
ThehorizonsofIndianwomenhavelongbeendefinedbythepeculiardemandsofIndiansovereignty.Scholarssuchas
TanikaSarkarandParthaChatterjeehavearguedthatthefemalebodyespeciallytheHindufemalebodywascrucialtothe
shapingofnationalisminthenineteenthcentury.Nationalistthinkers,eagertofindaspacefreefromcolonialismwithinwhich
theycouldlocateanessentialIndianculturethathadtobeliberated,settledupontheHinduhome.Hinduwives,who
presidedoverthosehomes,thusbecameinextricablylinkedtopatriotism.Thesewivespure,virtuous,spiritual,submissive
werethesoulofthemotherland.Theyhadtobesavedfromthedepredationsofmodernityandcolonialism,evenwhenthis
meanttheyhadtobesavedfromthemselves.Thisideology,thatwomenarerepositoriesofaculturallegacy,isasprevalent
todayasitwastwohundredyearsagoconsidertheviolentpolicingofintercastemarriagesbykhappanchayats,orthe
hystericalconversationaboutlovejihadthatpresentsMuslimmenasexistentialthreatstotheHindufamily.Thisideology,
moreover,isalsowhymostIndianwomenwhosurviveoutsidetheconventionsofmarriagemustresignthemselvestoliving
withasubmergedself.
Themoreinterestingquestionremains,however,howwomenaretonavigatesuchcircumstances.Onewaywouldbethrough
thediscourseofempowerment,whichsuggeststhatwomenmakechoicesthatbenefitthemasindividualsratherthanthose
thatbenefitthemasmembersofcollectivessuchasthefamilyorsociety.Itdemandsthatindependent,selfrespectingwomen
defythesocialstricturesthatholdthemtohomeandhearth,andthusreplacetheirpainwithpleasure.Itsaseductive
argument:withtheawarenessthatsocietydemeanswomenoughttocomethecouragetobreakwithsociety.But,strikingly,
noneofthesememoiristsdosotheyremaintrappedintheprevailingnarrativeoftheidealisedwoman.EvenAo,whocomes
closesttoaselfassertiveindependence,leavesherhusbandonlyinstages.Thesewomenchosetosuffer,chosetocontinue
downapaththattheyknewcouldonlyleadtodespairandhumiliation.Butthisisnttosaythattheyweredisempowered,or
thattheywere,againstalltheevidence,victims.Daswillinglywenttoprison.Khaitanmademillionsandtravelledtheworld.
Thesufferingofthesewomenwasntsubmissivetheyembracedtheirsuffering,andtheytaughtthemselvestofunctionwithin
it.
Onewaytoresolvethiscontradictionistorejectthebinarybetweenempowermentandsuffering,astheanthropologistTalal
AsadsuggestsinhisessayThinkingaboutAgencyandPain.Pain,heexplains,isoftenassumedtobeapassivereaction,
andislinkedwithvictimhoodbecausevictimsarebodiesconsumedbysuffering.Asadbelieves,however,thatthisisa
reductiveperspective.Sufferingcanbeproactive.Itis,heargues,sometimesthebodyspunishmentofitselffordesiringwhat
itoughtnottodesire.Ourthinkingaboutpainis,moreover,confusedbyitsassociationwithvictimhood:webelievethat
peopleneedtobeliberatedfromsufferingsothattheymightbetrulyfreeagentswhoareresponsiblefortheirowndesires
anddestinies.Butwhoamongus,howeverintrospectiveandprivileged,canclaimtomanipulateourowndesires?Inplaceof
onemyththeidealwifewearesubstitutinganother:thefreeagent.Insteadofagency,Asadproposessanitywhichhe
definesasknowingtheworldpracticallyandbeingknownpracticallybyitasabetterguidetohumanbehavior.Thisallows
ustoapproachothersinthesamespiritweapproachourselves:ascreatureslostinhabits,routines,andavastmazeof
competingdesires.
ThefivememoiristsdiscussedinthisessaydontrepresentallIndianwomen,buttheyarevaluableexamplesofwomenfrom
thelastcenturywhomightnothavebeenfeministsbutwereindisputablymodern.Theyledrich,accomplishedlivesthatwere
markedbybothsufferingandsuccess.Toreadthemeitherasvictimsorasexceptionsistodothemaninjustice.Accepting
thatsufferingisapart,ratherthanaperversion,ofhumanagencyoffersusamuchdeeperperspectiveintothelivesinscribed
inthesefivememoirs.Onceweconsiderpaintobeanethicalconundrumratherthanametaphysicalonesomethingtobe
experiencedratherthanenduredsufferingbecomesindicativeofapersonstenacity,nottheirtransgressions.Thewomenin
thesememoirsacceptpainnotbecausetheyhadtosuffer,butbecausetheycouldsufferandstillremain,asitwere,sane.

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