Professional Documents
Culture Documents
~Lb
2.50 (we
thir.~k)
fheii"hpractico\
Astro\oger
*
*
*
*
Includes:
How fo Practice Horrary: by Lil!y Williams The 0-?/-~ T..Square
by Bessie Virgo Tales from the Crypt from the Astrrological Log
of London A Tribwte to .ung Jung Fly in the Oinbnenf On the
Astra-Therapists Cauch Quizzes News Reviews Letters
And much, much, mu&h, much, much more 1!1 (well, not that much)
A Tribute to ]ung
A Tribute to ]ung
~
~
=
z
by R. Gillette II
(at the 'Cutting Edge')
Conference feedback
We were pleased by the feedback from
the conference. Of the 63 responses to
the Questionnaire we sent out asking for
delegate's honest optmon of the
conference this year, 3 were quite
complimentary (at least on some points).
Only a percentage of our respondents
were overtly critical of our arrangements
and less than 50% were actually abusive
(compare this to last year where 62%
threatened to sue). On the whole, the
main complaints centred around the
outbreak: of Botulism on the 2nd day.
Prof. Granislov has asked us to make it
clear that vomiting during his afternoon
seminar should be attributed to the
botulism and not to the graphic nature of
the slides he displayed on sexual
perversion and the pre-birth experience.
The main requests for an improved
service next year were for habitable
accommodation, clean crockery, a new
council and talks that had something to
do with astrology.
Some of you also asked for shorter
lectures, longer breaks, and time off for
good behaviour.
Request for information
Does anyone know of a good clairvoyant
who could help us find our missing Water
Colour of Margaret Hone?
Election Proposals
Unfortunately, owing to a strong and new
found belief in atheism among council
members, Nick Campion no longer
exists. We will be holding our election
for the new post of AA President next
month.
How to .....
~
~
=
z
by R. Gillette II
(at the 'Cutting Edge')
Conference feedback
We were pleased by the feedback from
the conference. Of the 63 responses to
the Questionnaire we sent out asking for
delegate's honest optmon of the
conference this year, 3 were quite
complimentary (at least on some points).
Only a percentage of our respondents
were overtly critical of our arrangements
and less than 50% were actually abusive
(compare this to last year where 62%
threatened to sue). On the whole, the
main complaints centred around the
outbreak: of Botulism on the 2nd day.
Prof. Granislov has asked us to make it
clear that vomiting during his afternoon
seminar should be attributed to the
botulism and not to the graphic nature of
the slides he displayed on sexual
perversion and the pre-birth experience.
The main requests for an improved
service next year were for habitable
accommodation, clean crockery, a new
council and talks that had something to
do with astrology.
Some of you also asked for shorter
lectures, longer breaks, and time off for
good behaviour.
Request for information
Does anyone know of a good clairvoyant
who could help us find our missing Water
Colour of Margaret Hone?
Election Proposals
Unfortunately, owing to a strong and new
found belief in atheism among council
members, Nick Campion no longer
exists. We will be holding our election
for the new post of AA President next
month.
How to .....
~Ot!tlt!'J ltOt!Utt!
with Lilly Williams
Horary is the art of fmding out whatever you want to know about absolutely anything
you can think of simply by following the rules handed down to us by the Wise Old
Astrologers of Ancient Times. And it really works! My particular 'guru' is the 17th
century sage Gilbert Prognosticus, whose 25-volume masterpiece Practical/
Predictive Prognosticks is very much the 'bible' of horary practitioners today. All
you have to do is set up an horoscopical figure (that's 'chart' for those of you not 'in
the know') for the time and place of the question, and all will be revealed. Sounds
unlikely? Well, cross my palm with silver (Access/Mastercard and Visa accepted)
and I'll show you how it's done.
--==~"02~
-~44'
. 035'"-
_7.c/16~ollf~~~
0
--,;,
__ _
.-:
12
4 '
.,.
52'
//,
~3\.
\\
'\ '\.,
'"'02
'
\ \
., / , /
ADAM FAITH
Born
14.4.1!140
London
7.30am
/
2 '
. ,
Birth Chart
12{
w~
" \.
.....'-_~---.:.. __ 8
II/
<. 2oo
\[1
/ /\53'\
16'
t;
13'/ ~
.,
bl'
'. . . _, ~- o18'
;,105,." 0230 'J~
r m.<._
""
-... R
11
11
e . .
10
t5 ~-
~"'-
.....
~~-= 35:--'-~J--16o K
~-I(
,bl
/.>' T ;~
/13'/
~ //
/
Prognosticus (vol.XXI p.75648) says: 'Look to the Moone in all Questions where
the thing to be founde hath jledd its Rightfull Master, for Luna hath Dominion over
fugitive Servants, escaped Slaves, Wives, Cattel, &c.'
Now you see how marvellously relevant these old rules are even today! (I know
he doesn't specifically mention pet budgies, but I don't think they had them in his
time). Anyway, with the Moon in an Air sign (birds, flight), I was pretty sure I was
on the right track.
Notice how the Moon is 10 from the Midheaven. Prognosticus says, 'When Luna
applyeth unto the highest Angle of Heaven out of Ayr signes, 'tis certayne the Rascall
be jledd towards some high place, viz, a Steeple, Tower, tall Tree &c.' Now, Libra
is a western sign and there is a tall tree standing in a field just 300 yards due west of
the querent's house! I predicted that Joey would alight on that very tree lO minutes
from the time of the question. Why? Because the Moon is 10 from the MC of
course.
While the querent hurried off to retrieve him, I stayed behind and helped myself
to a well-earned glass of her cooking sherry, It was then that her rather large ginger
tom came in through the catflap, licked his lips and looked contentedly towards
Joey's empty cage. Oh dear! What I had overlooked is that the Moon is conjunct the
malefic fixed star Algobbel ('the Devourer') which Prognosticus associates with
'death by Savage Beastes' amongst other horrors.
I hurried after the querent but found that, in her haste, she had fallen into a
drainage ditch and dislocated her shoulder. This is indicated by her significator
opposing Saturn (falls) and moving out of Gemini (shoulders). Isn't horary
marvellous! Do join me next time for my judgement 'How much will I have to pay
in damages?'
Jtut/pm~
Jm1on
~
?
J-"/
~=-"~"'''''/
The Moon
The Moon is big and white. It is quite
confusing to observe because it keeps
changing shape and moving about in the sky.
The Sun
The Sun is round and orange. It is
sometimes difficult to observe in Britain and
is seldom visible in the Manchester area. The
trick is to look for it in the daytime because
it is very hard to find at night, even with the
aid of a telescope.
The~Earth
The querent came home to fmd that her budgerigar's cage had fallen off its stand. Its
door was wide open and there was no sign of little Joey anywhere. Ominously, the
kitchen window had also been left open ... After an hysterical 45-minute phone call
to me, I cast a horoscopical figure and hurried across to her house to give my
verdict.
INTRICACIES OF ASTRONOMY
EXPLAINED IN CLEAR AND
SIMPLE TERMS
~Ot!tlt!'J ltOt!Utt!
with Lilly Williams
Horary is the art of fmding out whatever you want to know about absolutely anything
you can think of simply by following the rules handed down to us by the Wise Old
Astrologers of Ancient Times. And it really works! My particular 'guru' is the 17th
century sage Gilbert Prognosticus, whose 25-volume masterpiece Practical/
Predictive Prognosticks is very much the 'bible' of horary practitioners today. All
you have to do is set up an horoscopical figure (that's 'chart' for those of you not 'in
the know') for the time and place of the question, and all will be revealed. Sounds
unlikely? Well, cross my palm with silver (Access/Mastercard and Visa accepted)
and I'll show you how it's done.
--==~"02~
-~44'
. 035'"-
_7.c/16~ollf~~~
0
--,;,
__ _
.-:
12
4 '
.,.
52'
//,
~3\.
\\
'\ '\.,
'"'02
'
\ \
., / , /
ADAM FAITH
Born
14.4.1!140
London
7.30am
/
2 '
. ,
Birth Chart
12{
w~
" \.
.....'-_~---.:.. __ 8
II/
<. 2oo
\[1
/ /\53'\
16'
t;
13'/ ~
.,
bl'
'. . . _, ~- o18'
;,105,." 0230 'J~
r m.<._
""
-... R
11
11
e . .
10
t5 ~-
~"'-
.....
~~-= 35:--'-~J--16o K
~-I(
,bl
/.>' T ;~
/13'/
~ //
/
Prognosticus (vol.XXI p.75648) says: 'Look to the Moone in all Questions where
the thing to be founde hath jledd its Rightfull Master, for Luna hath Dominion over
fugitive Servants, escaped Slaves, Wives, Cattel, &c.'
Now you see how marvellously relevant these old rules are even today! (I know
he doesn't specifically mention pet budgies, but I don't think they had them in his
time). Anyway, with the Moon in an Air sign (birds, flight), I was pretty sure I was
on the right track.
Notice how the Moon is 10 from the Midheaven. Prognosticus says, 'When Luna
applyeth unto the highest Angle of Heaven out of Ayr signes, 'tis certayne the Rascall
be jledd towards some high place, viz, a Steeple, Tower, tall Tree &c.' Now, Libra
is a western sign and there is a tall tree standing in a field just 300 yards due west of
the querent's house! I predicted that Joey would alight on that very tree lO minutes
from the time of the question. Why? Because the Moon is 10 from the MC of
course.
While the querent hurried off to retrieve him, I stayed behind and helped myself
to a well-earned glass of her cooking sherry, It was then that her rather large ginger
tom came in through the catflap, licked his lips and looked contentedly towards
Joey's empty cage. Oh dear! What I had overlooked is that the Moon is conjunct the
malefic fixed star Algobbel ('the Devourer') which Prognosticus associates with
'death by Savage Beastes' amongst other horrors.
I hurried after the querent but found that, in her haste, she had fallen into a
drainage ditch and dislocated her shoulder. This is indicated by her significator
opposing Saturn (falls) and moving out of Gemini (shoulders). Isn't horary
marvellous! Do join me next time for my judgement 'How much will I have to pay
in damages?'
Jtut/pm~
Jm1on
~
?
J-"/
~=-"~"'''''/
The Moon
The Moon is big and white. It is quite
confusing to observe because it keeps
changing shape and moving about in the sky.
The Sun
The Sun is round and orange. It is
sometimes difficult to observe in Britain and
is seldom visible in the Manchester area. The
trick is to look for it in the daytime because
it is very hard to find at night, even with the
aid of a telescope.
The~Earth
The querent came home to fmd that her budgerigar's cage had fallen off its stand. Its
door was wide open and there was no sign of little Joey anywhere. Ominously, the
kitchen window had also been left open ... After an hysterical 45-minute phone call
to me, I cast a horoscopical figure and hurried across to her house to give my
verdict.
INTRICACIES OF ASTRONOMY
EXPLAINED IN CLEAR AND
SIMPLE TERMS
SCORES:
t!
~
(Yl
~
!\
~
~
s
t
t!
~
cih~RJ-Quiz
70haL ion o1 ~au tpJIL???
There comes a time in your life when you need to consider what clique
you belong to. In case you've no idea, this quiz should help you decide.
1. What do you normally do after an astrologicar lecture?
a. Hand out your business card;
b.Applaud wildly;
c.Point out the speaker's mistakes;
d. Wake up;
e.Meditate on the deeper meanings.
2. What do you hope to achieve as an astrologer?
a. World peace and happiness;
b.Fame and fortune;
c.A good sex life;
d.A deeper understanding of humanity and its problems;
e.A reappraisal of the works of Ptolanilius.
3. What shape are your charts?
a.Square;
b.Round;
c. Triangular;
d.Octagonal;
e.Original.
4. Which school did you study with?
a.Quantifying Horrible Practicalities;
b.Faculty for Astronomical Suppositions;
c.Centre for psychotic astrologers;
d.Pink Flamingo House;
e. Your Own.
t!
4M4
1:
a. 5
b. 3
c. 1
d. 2
e. 4
2:
a. 4
b. 2
c. 5
d. 3
e. 1
3:
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
e. 5
4:
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
e. 5
5:
a. 2
b. 1
c. 4
d. 5
e. 3
6:
a. 1
b. 5
c. 3
d. 4
e. 2
~
(Yl
~
Under 9 Points:
!\
9 - 15 Points:
ii
s
t
t!
~
4M4
._..
Guaranteed
~
Magical Mystery ToursToke your trip with
PISCES TRAVEL
for the holiday of a lifetime
Cos/f'siHiffr fo
fraN/ hOfHifully
fhon fo arrlvtl
ABTA recommended
You are a traditionalist - obviously not a very good one though or you would have already
noticed by now. Do people in the astrological community at large generally ignore you? Are
you ostracised at large events? Are many of your books in Greek, Latin, or incomprehensible
English? If the answer to these questions is yes, subscribe to the Traditional Astrologer and
cast a chart to see where your next drink is coming from.
You are a standard, run-of-the-mill, contemporary astrologer and keep meeting people just
like you at every event. In fact you might even get introduced to yourself as your type sticks in
people's minds so very little.
15 - 21 Points:
You are a psychotic astrologer determined to unravel the deeper meanings hidden in the
chart and ready to torture innocent people by outlining problems they never even knew existed,
let alone realised they had!
21 - 27 Points:
You are an esoteric astrologer, in touch with those higher minds who have probably sent
you telepathic messages about how to answer this quiz - or otherwise it was encoded in your
copy of todays Guardian and revealed by little green men, or something ....
27 - 30 Points:
Come, come- You are Nick Campion.
!! SPECIAL OFFER!!
-
~T?::.='
Mobile Phone Set:
Two Matching Receivers
SCORES:
t!
~
(Yl
~
!\
~
~
s
t
t!
~
cih~RJ-Quiz
70haL ion o1 ~au tpJIL???
There comes a time in your life when you need to consider what clique
you belong to. In case you've no idea, this quiz should help you decide.
1. What do you normally do after an astrologicar lecture?
a. Hand out your business card;
b.Applaud wildly;
c.Point out the speaker's mistakes;
d. Wake up;
e.Meditate on the deeper meanings.
2. What do you hope to achieve as an astrologer?
a. World peace and happiness;
b.Fame and fortune;
c.A good sex life;
d.A deeper understanding of humanity and its problems;
e.A reappraisal of the works of Ptolanilius.
3. What shape are your charts?
a.Square;
b.Round;
c. Triangular;
d.Octagonal;
e.Original.
4. Which school did you study with?
a.Quantifying Horrible Practicalities;
b.Faculty for Astronomical Suppositions;
c.Centre for psychotic astrologers;
d.Pink Flamingo House;
e. Your Own.
t!
4M4
1:
a. 5
b. 3
c. 1
d. 2
e. 4
2:
a. 4
b. 2
c. 5
d. 3
e. 1
3:
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
e. 5
4:
a. 1
b. 2
c. 3
d. 4
e. 5
5:
a. 2
b. 1
c. 4
d. 5
e. 3
6:
a. 1
b. 5
c. 3
d. 4
e. 2
~
(Yl
~
Under 9 Points:
!\
9 - 15 Points:
ii
s
t
t!
~
4M4
._..
Guaranteed
~
Magical Mystery ToursToke your trip with
PISCES TRAVEL
for the holiday of a lifetime
Cos/f'siHiffr fo
fraN/ hOfHifully
fhon fo arrlvtl
ABTA recommended
You are a traditionalist - obviously not a very good one though or you would have already
noticed by now. Do people in the astrological community at large generally ignore you? Are
you ostracised at large events? Are many of your books in Greek, Latin, or incomprehensible
English? If the answer to these questions is yes, subscribe to the Traditional Astrologer and
cast a chart to see where your next drink is coming from.
You are a standard, run-of-the-mill, contemporary astrologer and keep meeting people just
like you at every event. In fact you might even get introduced to yourself as your type sticks in
people's minds so very little.
15 - 21 Points:
You are a psychotic astrologer determined to unravel the deeper meanings hidden in the
chart and ready to torture innocent people by outlining problems they never even knew existed,
let alone realised they had!
21 - 27 Points:
You are an esoteric astrologer, in touch with those higher minds who have probably sent
you telepathic messages about how to answer this quiz - or otherwise it was encoded in your
copy of todays Guardian and revealed by little green men, or something ....
27 - 30 Points:
Come, come- You are Nick Campion.
!! SPECIAL OFFER!!
-
~T?::.='
Mobile Phone Set:
Two Matching Receivers
An Epistle to the
PROFESSIONAL ASTROLOGER
!;=::$,:
1
s far too many people were turning up to the Monday night lectures, it was
decided to move and not tell anyone. This has now been achieved and Queen's
Square is no more . Rumours that we moved after someone was charged 1.07
for a half of lager in the Dirty Duck are completely erroneous.
')
Unfortunately a single member of the public tracked us down. (God knows how? some of
theses O.A.P.S never give up!) However our American PitBull managed to get in a few good
bites before they paid. The PitBull was obviously satiated from digesting a poor fool who
asked for a Student Reduction! On this matter I have been asked to apologise to our speaker
that night, who didn't realize that she still had to pay to get in. Get well soon Kim.
As the only astrological organisation with a ready supply of Presidents, our role is
becoming clearer for the coming years. However N.C.'s election to GodHood (see jLY iN tHE
oiNTMENT earlier in this magazine for details), is hotly disputed by our present incumbent
Hot Saturn ('Whats wrong with the )) in TIL?'), who always felt that N.C . was a little easy
going. It is little known that N.C . failed the Soren Kirkekaard rabbit test at the Crypt, biting
insufficient heads off live rabbits within 10 minutes (apologies toM. Python).
Our Patron Saints' lecture at the Conference was well received, although I hear that N.C.
had to take a mild savaging for clicking the slide show on and off at the wrong times. Patron
Saints' new motion (that all members of the Crypt must have attended Girton College between
the two World wars) is not looked on favourably, and frantic back-stage representations are
being made to try to get her to drop it.
This has been made more difficult as N.C., Patrick Indian (Profusion of Long Words), and
PeeWee are the only members properly qualified to speak to her, and PeeWee has forsaken
Astrology completely and is to be found in the British Museum making weird sounds (ahhh,
coooeei, etc.), prattling on about writing the first world dictionary not written in any known
language but somehow understandable to all. PeeWee can't stand Patron Saints' accent
anyway.
On a more serious note I can confirm that the Crypt is sending Dr Doom to a course at the
:'!;c efficiency report by Anderson Mckinsey Consulting
Prue Leith Schoo! of C
highlighted the long queues waiting for refreshment in
the break. Although the committee felt that we could
sell the queue to a local firm of muggers, Anderson
Mackinsey pointed out we should train Dr Doom in
the appropriate advanced skills of Beverage
Refreshment Operator. If he fails the course he can be
our next president.
Our sympathies go, yet again, to Mata Hari ('I've
buried more lovers than you've had hot dinners'). We
wish her well in her banishment in the west country;
the rapid rise in membership since she left is surely a
coincidence?
An Epistle to the
PROFESSIONAL ASTROLOGER
!;=::$,:
1
s far too many people were turning up to the Monday night lectures, it was
decided to move and not tell anyone. This has now been achieved and Queen's
Square is no more . Rumours that we moved after someone was charged 1.07
for a half of lager in the Dirty Duck are completely erroneous.
')
Unfortunately a single member of the public tracked us down. (God knows how? some of
theses O.A.P.S never give up!) However our American PitBull managed to get in a few good
bites before they paid. The PitBull was obviously satiated from digesting a poor fool who
asked for a Student Reduction! On this matter I have been asked to apologise to our speaker
that night, who didn't realize that she still had to pay to get in. Get well soon Kim.
As the only astrological organisation with a ready supply of Presidents, our role is
becoming clearer for the coming years. However N.C.'s election to GodHood (see jLY iN tHE
oiNTMENT earlier in this magazine for details), is hotly disputed by our present incumbent
Hot Saturn ('Whats wrong with the )) in TIL?'), who always felt that N.C . was a little easy
going. It is little known that N.C . failed the Soren Kirkekaard rabbit test at the Crypt, biting
insufficient heads off live rabbits within 10 minutes (apologies toM. Python).
Our Patron Saints' lecture at the Conference was well received, although I hear that N.C.
had to take a mild savaging for clicking the slide show on and off at the wrong times. Patron
Saints' new motion (that all members of the Crypt must have attended Girton College between
the two World wars) is not looked on favourably, and frantic back-stage representations are
being made to try to get her to drop it.
This has been made more difficult as N.C., Patrick Indian (Profusion of Long Words), and
PeeWee are the only members properly qualified to speak to her, and PeeWee has forsaken
Astrology completely and is to be found in the British Museum making weird sounds (ahhh,
coooeei, etc.), prattling on about writing the first world dictionary not written in any known
language but somehow understandable to all. PeeWee can't stand Patron Saints' accent
anyway.
On a more serious note I can confirm that the Crypt is sending Dr Doom to a course at the
:'!;c efficiency report by Anderson Mckinsey Consulting
Prue Leith Schoo! of C
highlighted the long queues waiting for refreshment in
the break. Although the committee felt that we could
sell the queue to a local firm of muggers, Anderson
Mackinsey pointed out we should train Dr Doom in
the appropriate advanced skills of Beverage
Refreshment Operator. If he fails the course he can be
our next president.
Our sympathies go, yet again, to Mata Hari ('I've
buried more lovers than you've had hot dinners'). We
wish her well in her banishment in the west country;
the rapid rise in membership since she left is surely a
coincidence?
Fact File:
September 1752
and the real reason for the missing 12 days
In response to recent queries regarding the reason why
September 1752 has only 18 days, it is clearly time for some
form of explanation. The problem lies in a programming error
(in computer terms referred to as a 'bug') that was made many
years ago when the first astrology program was written for
personal computers. When the computer requested some memory to
perform a calculation, the programmer inadvertently supplied
too little, with the result that the data for the 3rd through
to the 13th of September were not output. Since there are many
sophisticated programs in use world-wide, mostly derived from
this early source, it is clearly too late to fix the bug.
Luckily, not many people are interested in what happened in
September 1752. So,
in order to put things straight, a
delegation representing the interests of astrological software
manufacturers went to the Vatican and requested an audience
with the Pope. The meeting was successful and the Pope, in
consultation with other ecclesiastical bodies,
agreed to
retrospectively change the calendar for the period in question.
Since the calendar was changed by counting backwards from
September 14th 1752, no date since then has been affected. All
dates before that, however, were moved by 12 days.
The 11 days from September 3rd to September 13th were erased
from history. Scholars were tasked with searching through all
historical texts to see whether there were any notable events
between these dates but, luckily, they could find no evidence
of anything significant.
Thus all parties were happy that the course of action taken
was justified, that no temporal anomalies were introduced, and
that there was no need to issue software upgrades to the
astrological user base.
September 1752
(!)n lk,
441Ao-- ~~~ e~
"You will only be able to function effectively and assess your ultimate potential,
individuality, and creativity when you have acknowledged, processed and accepted your
feelings about your Mother's (}))sister's (:aC?) cat (:IC? in Q). And how you felt about it
when it spat at you CNC? 0 ~ in ..r... a cf in lTl) when you were eight years old and your
progressed )) was just into I and you were pretending to be a horse" ... said the
Astro-Therapist to the Client.
"But I can't remember that", said the Client.
"Aha .... ", said the Astro-Therapist,
" ... .it is too painful and you are blocking it. This is because your mother's sister's eat's 8
must be on your Descendant so you are projecting and disowning these feelings. The cat has
ego problems himself as the J) 0 C? in Q is with Regulus, which gives him delusions of
grandeur and he thinks he is royal. He has also projected these feelings on to you because his
tl is conjunct your 8 and you have unfinished business together from a past life".
"No, really .... ", said the Client,
" .... my Mother's sister did not have a cat, but she did have a pet python that nearly
crushed me to death when I was five".
"Aha .... ", said the Astro-Therapist,
" .... you are blocking your sexual feelings towards this cat (din lTL,O })/C? in Q). You
see it as a snake which relates to your penis envy(~ a your 8 in TtP. the cf in lll)".
"I don't remember any feelings like that, but I have been afraid of snakes ever since".
"No, No, No .... ," said the Astro-Therapist,
" .... this is your 11. in X. cf' your 8 in TtP which makes you fear your own fantasies and
disown them for the sake of the conventions of our repressed society. With 11. in X , rf' the 8
in TtP you are damaging your psyche by trying too hard to conform".
"No, really" ... said the Client "I don't think -"
"You must think less and feel more. You are blocking
your feelings by thinking too much (very 11. in TtP ).... "
said the Astro-Therapist, " .. Anyway the Session is over."
" ... Will a cheque be all right this time?" said the
Client.
"Certainly, but please make it for 10% extra as interest
will be lost during the time it takes to clear at the bank.
The 'same time next week then? and we can start the long
process of dealing with your Virgoan problem of being
obse;>~ed with details which means that because they both
have; similar markings you cannot tell the difference
bet*~m a tabby cat and a boa-constrictor".
c:::-~
Fact File:
September 1752
and the real reason for the missing 12 days
In response to recent queries regarding the reason why
September 1752 has only 18 days, it is clearly time for some
form of explanation. The problem lies in a programming error
(in computer terms referred to as a 'bug') that was made many
years ago when the first astrology program was written for
personal computers. When the computer requested some memory to
perform a calculation, the programmer inadvertently supplied
too little, with the result that the data for the 3rd through
to the 13th of September were not output. Since there are many
sophisticated programs in use world-wide, mostly derived from
this early source, it is clearly too late to fix the bug.
Luckily, not many people are interested in what happened in
September 1752. So,
in order to put things straight, a
delegation representing the interests of astrological software
manufacturers went to the Vatican and requested an audience
with the Pope. The meeting was successful and the Pope, in
consultation with other ecclesiastical bodies,
agreed to
retrospectively change the calendar for the period in question.
Since the calendar was changed by counting backwards from
September 14th 1752, no date since then has been affected. All
dates before that, however, were moved by 12 days.
The 11 days from September 3rd to September 13th were erased
from history. Scholars were tasked with searching through all
historical texts to see whether there were any notable events
between these dates but, luckily, they could find no evidence
of anything significant.
Thus all parties were happy that the course of action taken
was justified, that no temporal anomalies were introduced, and
that there was no need to issue software upgrades to the
astrological user base.
September 1752
(!)n lk,
441Ao-- ~~~ e~
"You will only be able to function effectively and assess your ultimate potential,
individuality, and creativity when you have acknowledged, processed and accepted your
feelings about your Mother's (}))sister's (:aC?) cat (:IC? in Q). And how you felt about it
when it spat at you CNC? 0 ~ in ..r... a cf in lTl) when you were eight years old and your
progressed )) was just into I and you were pretending to be a horse" ... said the
Astro-Therapist to the Client.
"But I can't remember that", said the Client.
"Aha .... ", said the Astro-Therapist,
" ... .it is too painful and you are blocking it. This is because your mother's sister's eat's 8
must be on your Descendant so you are projecting and disowning these feelings. The cat has
ego problems himself as the J) 0 C? in Q is with Regulus, which gives him delusions of
grandeur and he thinks he is royal. He has also projected these feelings on to you because his
tl is conjunct your 8 and you have unfinished business together from a past life".
"No, really .... ", said the Client,
" .... my Mother's sister did not have a cat, but she did have a pet python that nearly
crushed me to death when I was five".
"Aha .... ", said the Astro-Therapist,
" .... you are blocking your sexual feelings towards this cat (din lTL,O })/C? in Q). You
see it as a snake which relates to your penis envy(~ a your 8 in TtP. the cf in lll)".
"I don't remember any feelings like that, but I have been afraid of snakes ever since".
"No, No, No .... ," said the Astro-Therapist,
" .... this is your 11. in X. cf' your 8 in TtP which makes you fear your own fantasies and
disown them for the sake of the conventions of our repressed society. With 11. in X , rf' the 8
in TtP you are damaging your psyche by trying too hard to conform".
"No, really" ... said the Client "I don't think -"
"You must think less and feel more. You are blocking
your feelings by thinking too much (very 11. in TtP ).... "
said the Astro-Therapist, " .. Anyway the Session is over."
" ... Will a cheque be all right this time?" said the
Client.
"Certainly, but please make it for 10% extra as interest
will be lost during the time it takes to clear at the bank.
The 'same time next week then? and we can start the long
process of dealing with your Virgoan problem of being
obse;>~ed with details which means that because they both
have; similar markings you cannot tell the difference
bet*~m a tabby cat and a boa-constrictor".
c:::-~
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser
Client:
Organiser
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
rJir~ np
~ ~,Yi~~1'-ti.-tep~c~.Se,
YCIIJ. a, l~
wiltm wtn1ee.
tfiras
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
Organiser
Client:
Organiser
Client:
Organiser:
Client:
rJir~ np
~ ~,Yi~~1'-ti.-tep~c~.Se,
YCIIJ. a, l~
wiltm wtn1ee.
tfiras
The T-Square
It is always fasinating when a riter gives us somejing new to fink about' Bessie Virgo
hasent bean 5IHdf studieil'lg doing astrology very long but has cum up with some l'lfJVle new
highdears about one aspect that is hardly ever ritten about.
Book
Review
The Astrology of Fete
by the Vicar A.E.G. Greene
Every once in a while a book is
published, so radical that it literally
transforms one's thoughts and creates a
new philosophy and a new culture. The
Astrology of Fete is just such a book. It
is a remarkable piece of work and must
surely be destined to grace the
bookshelves of astrologers throughout
the land.
The book is steeped in the myths and
traditions of the village fete and although
immensely readable, its powerful,
provocative and in-depth treatment of its
subject matter may be somewhat
daunting to newcomers.
Of the three main sections I found the
ftrst, Moira's Allotment, and the last
God's Providence to be the most
important. In Moira's Allotment, by
means of highly descriptive narratives,
the Vicar discusses ways in which local
resources can be mustered to good
effect, in the intriguingly titled Fete and
the Feminine. Liking them to the
Eumenades, or 'kindly ladies', he
presents a set of scenarios in which
members of the W.l. can plan and
organise the event from conception
through to execution, and then to the
ending when all has to be transformed
back from whence it came.
The centre section showed the character,
or genius, of the author's writing, that
.!J
The T-Square
It is always fasinating when a riter gives us somejing new to fink about' Bessie Virgo
hasent bean 5IHdf studieil'lg doing astrology very long but has cum up with some l'lfJVle new
highdears about one aspect that is hardly ever ritten about.
Book
Review
The Astrology of Fete
by the Vicar A.E.G. Greene
Every once in a while a book is
published, so radical that it literally
transforms one's thoughts and creates a
new philosophy and a new culture. The
Astrology of Fete is just such a book. It
is a remarkable piece of work and must
surely be destined to grace the
bookshelves of astrologers throughout
the land.
The book is steeped in the myths and
traditions of the village fete and although
immensely readable, its powerful,
provocative and in-depth treatment of its
subject matter may be somewhat
daunting to newcomers.
Of the three main sections I found the
ftrst, Moira's Allotment, and the last
God's Providence to be the most
important. In Moira's Allotment, by
means of highly descriptive narratives,
the Vicar discusses ways in which local
resources can be mustered to good
effect, in the intriguingly titled Fete and
the Feminine. Liking them to the
Eumenades, or 'kindly ladies', he
presents a set of scenarios in which
members of the W.l. can plan and
organise the event from conception
through to execution, and then to the
ending when all has to be transformed
back from whence it came.
The centre section showed the character,
or genius, of the author's writing, that
.!J
l 1
"
In the last issue of the Impractical I noted a reference to the recent activities of
the Utopian Terrorists . I'm not sure what it means but rumours flying around the
South west of the country may be of interest to your readers. I can confirm that the
Terrorists do exist and are presently meeting in a newly converted garden shed in
south-east London. Under the cover of offering an extension to the AA office and
giving valuable storage space for archive material the terrorists are apparently still
planning world domination of the astrological type. Their three point plan has been
circulated amongst members of the Universally Disordered and as my milkman is a
member this information has been passed to me to publish to the world. The three
point plan is:
1. To take over the world and get lots of money;
2. To ensure that everyone lives in a perfect spiritual state as defined by the
Universally Disordered;
3. To rid the world of all who don't agree with them doing the above.
I would be interested to know what your readers think and if they to have had
contact with members of the Terrorists . Something must be done! ~
" It is a sad fact that most astrologers who live outside the major cities are subject
to periods of professional isolation. I myself have become used to working as a
solitary oddity, and experience the companionship of other astrologers only when a
strange and overwhelming compulsion forces me to act out-of-character. But as an
astrologer coached in a worthy tradition of ancient methods and crusty old customs I
find it very demoralising to have to sit through talks, such as the one I attended
recently, where the lecturer insists on claiming that there are more than five planets.
(I'm still fighting a rear-guard action against the use of Mars and Jupiter - five
planets should be enough for anyone!)
Not so long ago I attended a regional talk on astrology where I was dismissed as
unenlightened by the organiser just because I do not make use of aspects.
Thankfully, the majority of us remain unenlightened, if only because it is so difficult
to draw the beastly lines on our chart forms.
As a magazine editor I am in an extremely priviledged position. Your comments,
criticisms and words of encouragment are completely irrelevant to me, however, and
I wish people would just think as they are told . There are only five planets and Nick
Campion does not exist. ~
ASTRO-PETS
- by Daphne Scuttle (Yorks.)
"
How refreshing it was to read your recent article on family pets. I especially
enjoyed "flor@scopes for Hampsters" by Marsupilamlils. Wil)) .there be a follow -up
discussing the synastry between them? You see, we supposedly bought an active pair
ourselves but they simply do not get on. Could put me in touch with the author?
"Karma for Canaries" by Sylvester Puddiquat touched 91e deeply. We lost our
Canary last Christmas and haven't got over our grief. We were present at the natal
moment when its mother, Henry, suddenly produced an egg . We had a chart drawn
for the time she emerged from the egg but all I can remember now is that she was a
Libran, giving het: that wonderful ability to sit on a perch all day, and had Mercury
in Sagittarius, allowing her to fly around and giving her a chirpy disposition.
I knew ~hat the planets had a .physical effect on the natural1wor'lcl since we live 0n
the edge e>'f a .ti<ilal estuary, but had :not previe>usly realised tha~ mafline life were a'ls0
governed by astrological events. In "Evolution of the Sole" by j'ohn :D0ry 1 was
educated to .~he fact that .the breeding habits were synchronised to exact ,planetary
aspects. Clearly there is much more ,to learn about the natural world ~
moon
The Traditional
Horror .c ou.r se
Ashamed of your
Secondary SexiXIIHabits?
visit
AQUA'RIUS CLINICS
For all-over depilatory electrolysis
ar~cl ,return home smo0tlol and
androgynous
'--- - - - - - - - - - - - --..J
W.pnwlde
the bricks
for you to
build up
l 1
"
In the last issue of the Impractical I noted a reference to the recent activities of
the Utopian Terrorists . I'm not sure what it means but rumours flying around the
South west of the country may be of interest to your readers. I can confirm that the
Terrorists do exist and are presently meeting in a newly converted garden shed in
south-east London. Under the cover of offering an extension to the AA office and
giving valuable storage space for archive material the terrorists are apparently still
planning world domination of the astrological type. Their three point plan has been
circulated amongst members of the Universally Disordered and as my milkman is a
member this information has been passed to me to publish to the world. The three
point plan is:
1. To take over the world and get lots of money;
2. To ensure that everyone lives in a perfect spiritual state as defined by the
Universally Disordered;
3. To rid the world of all who don't agree with them doing the above.
I would be interested to know what your readers think and if they to have had
contact with members of the Terrorists . Something must be done! ~
" It is a sad fact that most astrologers who live outside the major cities are subject
to periods of professional isolation. I myself have become used to working as a
solitary oddity, and experience the companionship of other astrologers only when a
strange and overwhelming compulsion forces me to act out-of-character. But as an
astrologer coached in a worthy tradition of ancient methods and crusty old customs I
find it very demoralising to have to sit through talks, such as the one I attended
recently, where the lecturer insists on claiming that there are more than five planets.
(I'm still fighting a rear-guard action against the use of Mars and Jupiter - five
planets should be enough for anyone!)
Not so long ago I attended a regional talk on astrology where I was dismissed as
unenlightened by the organiser just because I do not make use of aspects.
Thankfully, the majority of us remain unenlightened, if only because it is so difficult
to draw the beastly lines on our chart forms.
As a magazine editor I am in an extremely priviledged position. Your comments,
criticisms and words of encouragment are completely irrelevant to me, however, and
I wish people would just think as they are told . There are only five planets and Nick
Campion does not exist. ~
ASTRO-PETS
- by Daphne Scuttle (Yorks.)
"
How refreshing it was to read your recent article on family pets. I especially
enjoyed "flor@scopes for Hampsters" by Marsupilamlils. Wil)) .there be a follow -up
discussing the synastry between them? You see, we supposedly bought an active pair
ourselves but they simply do not get on. Could put me in touch with the author?
"Karma for Canaries" by Sylvester Puddiquat touched 91e deeply. We lost our
Canary last Christmas and haven't got over our grief. We were present at the natal
moment when its mother, Henry, suddenly produced an egg . We had a chart drawn
for the time she emerged from the egg but all I can remember now is that she was a
Libran, giving het: that wonderful ability to sit on a perch all day, and had Mercury
in Sagittarius, allowing her to fly around and giving her a chirpy disposition.
I knew ~hat the planets had a .physical effect on the natural1wor'lcl since we live 0n
the edge e>'f a .ti<ilal estuary, but had :not previe>usly realised tha~ mafline life were a'ls0
governed by astrological events. In "Evolution of the Sole" by j'ohn :D0ry 1 was
educated to .~he fact that .the breeding habits were synchronised to exact ,planetary
aspects. Clearly there is much more ,to learn about the natural world ~
moon
The Traditional
Horror .c ou.r se
Ashamed of your
Secondary SexiXIIHabits?
visit
AQUA'RIUS CLINICS
For all-over depilatory electrolysis
ar~cl ,return home smo0tlol and
androgynous
'--- - - - - - - - - - - - --..J
W.pnwlde
the bricks
for you to
build up
'flfle peeple invelveEI ilil the prodllletion of this publication aFe net giving
away their names. In fact, all ef olllr contributors have ma~e a paint of
re~qwesting anonymity. We alie happy to observe their wishes. iJiihe
~ollewing peeple had motlfiing wlilatseever to do with material OOiiltained
lllelieiN:
IRosi AEiams
Kim Falimell
Jackie 111olding
Deborah Houlding
Anfilr Gliay:
Br;ian Moore
Peta High
David Plant
Peter Hill
Paul Whitehouse
If yow w0wld like to sertcl l'l'laterial for ouli next siek vent~.llie,
please note the followirtg:
All material is to l;>e swliun itted on 5%" computer disc, 11313C B e.:empatible,
an1 formatted for W~d5tar v.1. 1fhe aceompanying hard eopy must be
neatly typed and laser Ji>firtfe1 (with double line spaGiflg~ on Conqweror
best quality laid paper ~ pale oysteli shade preferred). All <iliagrams t6 be
pr@duced in CoveiOraw versimn 5 ~ar~d gutputted it1 full col0ur please).
Arti<t:les for considerati(j)n t> ltle mm less than 5000 words and no mgre
~flam 5005 wouds.
If your work is ngt C@lflsilered fl!lrnny, you will be ask:e<iJ tm o>rrect it until
you get it right.
We reserve tlrle ri~ht te edit, chop, 11:1'lange, completely: oblitevate any or
all of yur argumemts, make y,oru loe>k like a me ron anGI take f~ll credit for
all yot!lr best wmr~.
If ygu should l'lav.e a ~r01illem with arny of the above, please hesitate to
get in touch.
S1:fJP PRESS!
i.l last mit~it check has revealed thar we have published the wrong charH it1 Lilly Williams
amcle agait1. Oh dear, I am so sony. lJt~forllmatly that page has gone lo pr;itlt so all we can
do is detale here the data thai we Nhood should have givetl. It is: 15:10 am GMT, 15.6.94,
Z.Onilo11. Apologies to Lilly. tJilly has also graciously poit~ted out that the /Jirth data given, IJy
mistake, for Adam Faith, is not cot:J'ect. We hope to give you the eornect data /OF the
imm,llect chart ill our tlexl isshew.
Vmuses & trines!! (the heatlhitter)