2.

1Comments
Jaery
Natalie

1. AlthoughJaeryfindsRoomconfusingattimes,sherecommendsRoombecauseshebelieves
WoolfprovidesdeepinsightinregardstowomenwritersandbecauseshefindsWoolfs
thoughtsonwhatmakesagoodwriterinformativeandinspiring.
2. IthinkJaerysbodyparagraphscarryoutthethesisforthemostpart.Idontquitegetthelast
sentenceofherlastbody whereshesaysthatyoushouldreadRoomifyouwishtogain
inspirationinhowtodetermineiftheauthorofthefictionyouarereadingisatrulygood
writerornot. Idontseehowthisrelatestothepointofthat orherthesis.Alsoinher
conclusion,shestraysawayfromherthesiswhenshesaysWoolfprovidesdeepinsighton
womenwritersinrelationtoJaneAusten.
3. Theessayiskindofeasytoread.JaerysessayincludessomeMDbuthassomeawkward
phrasessuchas:AsWoolfshowshowherthesisthatawomanneeds, bothofwhich
Woolfcallsgenius, andmademethinknewlyaboutwomen, whichmaketheessayhard
toreadatsomeparts.
4. Ibelievetheevidencesheusessupportsherpoints.However,Jaerykindofcontradicts
herselfwhenshesaysWoolfgenerallydoesabeautifuljobwritingtheessay,makingiteasy
totellthatthisiswhatamindofagoodreadergoesthrough inherconclusionbecausein
herthesisshesaysthatRoomisconfusing.
5. JaeryincludessomeinsightwhenshetalksabouthowshefoundWoolfswritinginspiring
andinformative.
6. JaerygenerallyhasalotofMD.Ithinkshecouldusesomemoreinher3rdbody.

Alex
Natalie

1. AlexbelievesRoom,althoughcontainingreferencesthatmightnotbeunderstoodbysome
readers,isaworthreadingbecauseitprovidedhistoryregardingwomenswritingand
becauseitisagoodlearningexampleofanunusualwaytopresentanargument.
2. IbelieveAlexsessaycarriesoutthethesis.Eachbody hasatopicsentencethatsupports
thethesis.
3. Ithinktheessayissomewhateasytoread.Itcontainssomeawkward/unclearphrasessuch
aslostontodaysaudience, Woolfandherfilter, andByopeningupherpointtobeing
toldthroughfiction thatdistractsfromtheclarityoftheessay.
4. IbelievetheevidenceAlexchosesupportshismainpoints.
5. AlexdisplaysinsightwhenheexplainshowWoolfusedthenarrativetosymbolically
illustratepointsratherthanstatingpurefacts.Healsodisplaysinsightwhenhestateshow
theeffectofRoommightofcomeoffstrongerifhehadreaditatalatertimebecausehe
mightbefamiliarwithsomeofthereferredtextsbythen.
6. IthinkAlexcouldusesomemoreMDinhis2nd.

Mary
Natalie

1. MarybelievesRoomisworthreadingbecauseshefindsthecombinationofWoolfsbeautiful
writingandcleverlyselfeffacingstyleveryfeminine,whichmakesitenjoyabletoreadeven
ifRoommaybeoutdated.
2. Ibelievetheessaycarriesthethesisthroughout.Each startswithatopicsentencewhich
relatestothethesis.
3. IbelieveMarysessayisveryeasytoread.IbelievesheusesMDwhereitisneeded.
4. Ibelievetheevidencesheusesproperlysupportsherpoints.
5. IthinkMarysessayprovidesalotofinsightintothetext.Ilikedhowshesaidhowthe
combinationofWoolfsbeautifulwritingandselfeffacingstylewasveryfeminineandhow
WoolfswritingwasproofofWoolfsownargument.
6. IthinkMaryusesMDverywellandwhereitisneeded,makingheressayclear.
7. Verywellwrittenandelegant!

Danielle
Natalie

1. DaniellebelievesRoom,althoughdenseanddifficulttoread,isworthreadingbecauseshe
resonatedwithWoolfsportrayalofgenderinequalityandbecausesheenjoyedWoolfsuse
ofrhetoricaldevices.
2. Ibelievetheessaycarriesoutthethesis.Eachbody startswithatopicsentencethatrelates
tothethesis.However,IthinkDanielleshouldrevisethetopicsentenceofher2ndbody
byaddingabecauseIlikedhowWoolfsportrayalofgenderinequalityresonatedwithme
totheendofthesentence.Ialsothinksheshouldcutoutthesecondsentenceofthat
becauseIdontthinkitsnecessarytostatethe2reasonswhyshelikesRoomifsheisonly
goingtotalkaboutoneofthereasonsinthis.
3. IthinkDaniellesessayiseasytoread.TherearesomephrasesthatIthinkneededitingsuch
asWoolfsaysaboutJudiththat andinherofheressay. Ialsothinksheneedstorevise
thesentenceaboutProfessorXbecauseitisunclear.
4. IbelievetheevidenceDanielleincludedproperlysupportsherpoints.
5. Ithinkthisessayprovidesinsightintothetext.IlikedhowDanielletalkedabouthowgender
inequalityresonatedwithherandhowmenstillletoutacry whentheyfeelliketheir
superiorityisunderattack.Ialsolikedhowshedescribedthesentencesheusedasevidence
inher1stbody ashavingacircularnature.
6. IthinkDanielleusesMDwellandhasasufficientamount.

Aakash
Natalie

1. AakashbelievesRoomisaworthwhilereadbecauseWoolfmakesagreatargumentabout
therightsoffemaleauthorsandbecauseWoolfshumorandwitprovideanunusualtonenot
seenfrequently.
2. Ibelievetheessaycarriesoutthethesisforthemostpart.InAakashsthesis,hesays
Woolfshumorandwitprovideanunusualtonenotseenfrequently, howeverinthebody
wherehetalksaboutWoolfshumor,AakashtalksabouthowthehumormakesRoom
easiertoreadandstrengthensWoolfsargument.Also,inhisconclusion,Aakashsaysthat

3.
4.
5.

Woolfshumorandwitarecaptivating.IthinkAakashshouldchangehisthesistomatchthe
pointshemakesinhis3rdbody.
IbelieveAakashsessayiseasytoread.TherearesomephrasesIfindunclearsuchas
simplybecauseofhowgreattheargumentthatusesheris andmenmakethemselvesfeel
betterthanwomen.
IbelievetheevidenceAakashusesappropriatelysupportshismainpoints.
Aakashdoesdisplayinsightintothetext.IlikedhowhestatesthatWoolfwantstogiveher
argumentaproperintroduction,butdoingsodistractsfromtheintriguingaspectofher
essay.IalsolikedhowAakashsaysthatWoolfssarcasmgivesherasortofcredibility.
IthinkAakashsessaycouldbenefitfromalittlemoreMDinallbodys.

6.

Karen
Natalie

1. KarenbelievesRoom,althoughoutdatedforthemodernreader,isaworthwhilereadbecause
shefindsWoolfsargumentforfeminismelegantandbecauseshefoundthethemesof
independencetobeinspiring.
2. Ibelievetheessaycarriesoutthethesis.Eachbody startswithatopicsentencethat
matchesthethesis.
3. IbelieveKarensessayissomewhateasytoread.IbelieveshecouldbenefitfrommoreMD
inallbodys.Ialsofoundthesentence,Itbecomesclearthatherstanceonfeminism in
herfirstbody tobeconfusing/unclear.
4. IthinktheevidenceKarenusesinher2ndand3rdbodyssupportherpoints.Imnotsure
howtheevidenceshechoseforher1stbody relatestoherpoints.Ithinkshecouldpicka
betterexampleorjustexplainwhyshechosethatexampleinmoredetail.
5. KarendisplaysinsightwhenshetalksabouthowsomeofthesignificanceofWoolfs
argumentmaybelostbecauseoftherelevancyofthemodernreaderssituation.
6. IthinkKarenshouldincludemoreMDinallofherbodys.

Lena
Natalie

1. LenabelievesRoom,althoughcontainingalotofinformationthatwasdifficulttoabsorball
atonce,isaworthwhilereadbecausesheenjoyedWoolfsinsightoftheandrogynousmind
andbecauseWoolfisrealisticaboutthematerialthingsthatarenecessarytobecomea
successfulwriter.
2. IbelieveLenasessaycarriesoutthethesisthroughout.Eachbody hasacleartopic
sentencethatrelatestothethesis.
3. IbelieveLenasessayiseasytoread.SheusesalotofMD,makingherwritingclear.
4. Ibelievetheevidenceshechoosesappropriatelysupportshermainpoints.
5. Lenadisplaysinsightintothetextwhensheexplainshowonehastodomultipleclosereads
tothoroughlyunderstandandappreciateWoolfsinsightandwhensheexplainshowWoolf
iscorrectinbelievingthatmaterialthingsarenecessarytobeasuccessfulwriter.
6. IthinkLenasessayhasasufficientamountofMD.

Natalie
Natalie

1. IbelieveRoom,althoughmakingmefeelignorant,isworthreadingbecausethereaderlearns
aboutthechallengeswomenfacedcenturiesagoandbecausetheessayinspiresthereaderto
writeaboutwhatevertheypleasewithoutworryingaboutthejudgementofothers.
2. Ibelievemyessaycarriesoutthethesis.Eachbody startswithatopicsentencethatrelates
tomythesis.Nowlookingback,Iprobablyshouldhavemyconcession asmy1stbody
becauseIstatedmyconcessionfirstinmythesis.
3. Ithinkmyessayiseasytoread.ItriedtoincludealotofMDtomakeitclear.
4. IbelievetheevidenceIusedsupportsmymainpoints.
5. IthinkmyessaydisplaysinsightwhenItalkabouthowreadersrealizetheobstacleswomen
overcameandhowsocietyhaschangedovertimeandwhenItalkabouthowWoolfswords
motivatepeopletowrite.
6. IthinkmyessayhasenoughMD.