Veronica Louise Mendoza #204585803

Professor Michael Suman, TA Yoomi Chin

Communication Studies 10
1 September 2015
What to Expect When Youre Expecting (A Gift)
You can always tell what kind of person a man really thinks you are by the earrings he gives
you. - Audrey Hepburn

The nature of gift-giving is a complicated yet simple analysis of human behavior. There
are people who panic at the thought of giving a gift for someones birthday, people who think
critically before gifting an item, and people who frankly do not care enough and show up to the
party with a gift card they purchased the day of. The many factors that go into gift-giving are, in
a way, common sense. For example, everyone knows that it is out of courtesy to give a gift when
invited to a big event, like a birthday party or a baby shower. But, people often struggle with
what and how much is appropriate, what to give, and how it will be emotionally received. The
role of the gifter is to compliment the receiver, but also give an item that they believe the
receiver would like and/or need. On the gifters end, gifts are physical symbols that reveal how
much a person values another, reflect the public self of the giver, and promote human intimacy.
However, as receivers, gifts can perpetuate certain expectations based on the relationship and the
social and economic status of both parties.

We live in a world where money drives practically everything. People pride themselves in
comparing the monetary value of a material thing. As a child, we are told that this toy is too
expensive and are encouraged to take advantage of sales, yet gawk at someone with a pure gold
Rolex. After all, capitalism enforces the idea that money is an easy calculator of success, at least
for most people. While we were in the womb, some of our mothers listened to Mozart to give her
baby a supposed head start in life. Once we are born, we follow stages of education with the
ultimate goal of learning about the world and getting into a prestigious university. Follow this up
with the idea that after college, we should have a stable job as we enter the world of adulthood,
and so on until we save enough money to be comfortable, settle down, and raise a family. It is
only natural to associate money with success, and when it comes to purchasing gifts for others,
the monetary value of the gift makes a public statement to the world about your financial
situation. When the youngest member of the Kardashian Klan, Kylie Jenner, received a six-figure
sports car for her birthday from her beau, it made headlines and even was a trending topic on
Facebook and Twitter. People care so much about celebrities and Hollywood because we idolize
the glitz and glamour that comes with being rich, which people believe celebrities are. People
obsess over the fact that an 18-year-old young adult received a $320,000 Ferrari because this is
Tygas profession of how much she is worth to him.
This is not the first time we have seen this. Many TV shows and movies depict the reality
of getting a car once you become of legal driving age. The reality show My Super Sweet 16
usually showcases lavish teen birthday parties featuring celebrity appearances and such. At the
end of the party, as if that were not enough, the parent brings out a new automobile and the teen
bursts out in tears of joy. The truth is, cars are expensive. Not everyone can afford a new car, let

alone high-end Mercedes or Range Rovers. The expression of love is symbolically demonstrated
through the price tag.
But, receiving a monetarily cheap gift does not necessarily mean that the giver does not
value the receiver any less than a person who gifts costly items. People understand that not
everybody can afford iPhones for their best friends for Christmas; we would all be broke by now
if we did that to every single friend we had. Opting for the cheaper gag gift that reminds you of
an inside joke is bound to be more memorable, anyway. In fact, another determinant to gauge
what another person thinks of you is by how much time and effort it took into making/purchasing
the gift. For example, I am a very emotional person, who enjoys penning my thoughts into
words. I write very personal letters to friends whom I havent seen in a while and special people I
love. My best friend knows how much I appreciate getting heartfelt letters, and so for my
birthday, she wrote me a four-page letter that was completely unexpected. I was so touched by
this action because, knowing that writing was not her favorite subject, I realized that she went
out of her way to do this for me. I knew that it would have been much easier for her to pick out a
random clothing top at a store and put it in wrapper paper, but instead I received a letter. Yes, the
cost is virtually nothing compared to a new shirt, but my value of the gift is much more
significant to me than a material item. Other instances of this would be when someone writes you
a song or dedicates a book to you. Sometimes, it really is the thought that counts.

One can argue that the Ferrari that Tyga gave to Kylie was to express his profound love
for her. This may be a factor, but by gifting such an overpriced, highly-desired sports car, Tyga
used Kylies 18th birthday as a public platform to exude his wealth and bolster his girlfriends
wealth/celebrity status. The entire Kardashian-Jenner family has their life documented for the
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public eye in the reality series, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. It is no coincidence that social
media outlets lit up once they heard Tyga publicly displaying his affection through gifting this
car. Not only does this car say a lot about the kind of financial situation Tyga is in (enough to
splurge on $320,000 for his girlfriends birthday), but it also indicates what kind of relationship
him and Kylie have. With the knowledge that Kylie comes from a wealthy background, by not
gifting her an embarrassing or lousy gift, Tyga uses this gesture as an opportunity to give her an
extravagant, over-the-top gift. Thus, exceeding her and the general publics expectations. It is
making a clear statement that, when celebrities make a big deal out of attending events and such,
they know that the media is watching. Tyga uses this to his advantage and to further flaunt his
luxurious lifestyle. However, if Tyga were to gift her something anything less than a car, Kylie,
her fans, and the community, could have taken this as offensive due to her high social status.
Naturally, there are other expectations that receivers have, but we will get more into this later.
There are also situations where giving too much or too little is inappropriate. If a
respected member of the community, say CEO of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg, receives a gift of
a $25 Starbucks gift card after presenting a motivational talk at a successful start-up, people
would be up in arms about how rude this gift may seem. It would appear as though Mark
Zuckerbergs time was only worth $25, and would seem petty compared to his achievements.
Yes, it is a free gift, but it may seem more professional if the company were just to express their
thanks with a flattering introduction and a handshake. By putting an exact number on the gift, it
gives off the idea that there is a limit to their thanks. There is also the possibility that Zuckerberg
may be offended by this action. Note how I also said the company was a successful start-up. If
the general public knew the net worth amount the company makes, and if the gift does not add

up to the companys reputation, it will be taken as a distasteful, unprofessional gesture, similar to

how people would not react well if Tyga had not given Kylie a pricey gift.
There is also the question on what is appropriate nowadays. If we are living in a world
where you are scrutinized for not giving a ridiculous excessive gift, but also criticized for being
too frugal, where is the middle ground? As a gifter, you hold a responsibility to assess the
relationship and know not to give your coworker a Tiffany ring for Christmas. People tend to
save these incredulously expensive gifts to people they deeply love. If that coworker were your
spouse, then it would make perfect sense to do so.

Gifts, one way or another, allow humans to build intimacy in a relationship. By giving a
gift, someone shows that they have put in effort into thinking about the other person enough to
put time into purchasing, wrapping, writing, carving, etc., said gift. Gift-giving is an action that
brings people closer together: the receiver now has a shared item which will serve as a reminder
of the giver.
This also has its negative effects. Say a boyfriend gives his girlfriend a painted portrait of
her for their anniversary. She loved it so much that she hung it above her bed. When they broke
up, the girlfriend burned the portrait out of anger and because she could not stand to be reminded
of her ex every time she went inside her bedroom. At the end of a romantic relationship, people
tend to throw out or give back the gifts their exes had gifted them. The mere sight of the gift is
too painful, and the act of disposing the gift allows peace of mind for the owner. Now that the
gift is gone, it is like the saying goes: out of sight, out of mind.
A social norm in todays American society is sending a thank-you note after receiving a
gift. It is done out of etiquette and gratitude and is generally a short, handwritten, personalized

note saying how much the receiver enjoyed the specific gift. This acknowledgment of the gift
can now serve as proof that there is exclusive information (the gift) shared between the two, sort
of like an inside joke.
Because human beings are social, interdependent creatures, we crave intimacy. Humans
thrive on connecting with others. In the four stages of intimacy, gift-giving would apply to the
shared activities stage. We use gifts as physical representations of our affection to one another.
They are acts of nonverbal communication, serving as artifacts, showing how each individual
wants to come across as and exhibit how we feel about the receiver. Some people think about
how gifts can be perceived consciously and subconsciously. With Tygas social status and
celebrity spotlight, we can deduce that he wants to come across as a loving, affluent boyfriend.
However, using the benefit of the doubt, we can assume the hypothetical company that gave
Mark Zuckerberg $25 most likely did not think of the repercussions and thought that they meant
well by giving a gift. This is proof that there can be miscommunication when it comes to giving
gifts, both on the giver and receivers end.

Similar to how gifts reveal certain traits about the giver, there are also specific
expectations receivers are bound to. Like I said, gift-giving is a complex art. Not only does it
reflect the character of the giver, but it also complicates the entire process for the receiver. When
we host an event where we know we will be receiving gifts, like a wedding, there are traits we
know about each of our guests. Obviously, each person is close to us to have been invited to the
wedding, so we have already established a strong friendship and relationship with each guest.
Part of what we know already is their socio-economic status. If we had a relative who comes
from a struggling area, we expect the gift to be modest and perhaps something homemade. But if
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we invited the Queen of England, for example, we would expect her to give nothing less than a
fully-paid-for honeymoon, but nothing too excessive, like an uncharted, getaway island in the
Caribbean.
With the Mark Zuckerberg example, we can assume that he was inherently disappointed
with the gift once he saw the cost and informality of the gift card. His expectations are much
higher than your average Joe because, in our community, he is a person of importance, wealth,
and high social status. Switch this around, too, and we get something similar to the Tyga-Kylie
Jenner situation. If Zuckerberg were to give a gift to a company and present a $25 gift card, there
would be hot press in judging this motion.
Changing lanes, we can trace this kind of communication and expectations back to the
biblical times. In Mark 12:42-44, an impoverished widow comes to the church and gives the only
money she has left two copper coins. Jesus commends her for this and says, Truly I tell you,
this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their
wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everythingall she had to live on, (1). Here, Jesus
knows that the widow has nothing more to give, yet she gives all she has. He knows that based
on her socio-economic status, the two coins, though not a large amount of money, signify high
respect and worth.

The 21st century has made life much easier in following what a person would like for a
gift. With the media keeping track of everything that we like, dislike, find interesting, and search,
it makes researching for a gift idea easier yet more difficult. The infinite options the Internet
provide allow for people to know that the person they just met during orientation enjoys the band
Green Day and dislikes cats. It can also cause an information overload with how much they can
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know about a person based on their social media profile. Most of the time, though, it helps us
understand one another and assists us in predicting what kinds of gifts to expect. The media may
also be used as a forum where people can publicly display their gifts, thus reaffirming their status
as the giver or receiver.

Until we achieve another means of expressing how we feel about each other through
inanimate objects, gifts will remain as symbols that indicate another persons value, reflect a
publicized self of the giver, and bring both parties together. In a more convoluted sense, receivers
base their expectations on the gift through the socio-economic status and the relationship of the
receiver and giver.

Resources:

1. Mark. Biblegateway.com. Biblica Inc, n.d. Web. 31 Aug. 2015.