Professional Documents
Culture Documents
that
Your
Happiness & How to
Change Them
by Woody Haiken
Contents
The Four Patterns
Limiting Beliefs..................................................................................... 2
Interpretations...................................................................................... 3
Assumptions........................................................................................ 4
The Gremlin.......................................................................................... 4
Goal Setting......................................................................................... 6
Awareness............................................................................................ 7
Limiting beliefs
Limiting Belief: Something that you accept about life,
about yourself, about your world, or about the people in
it, that limits you in some way
Limiting beliefs can be cultural. For example, until Roger Bannister ran a
mile in less than 4 minutes, it was believed by all that a 4-minute mile was
impossible. There was a time that everyone thought the world was flat.
Limiting beliefs can also come from ones family. These are the most
damaging because they usually begin in early childhood. For example,
I was told by my father that I was stupid, that I would never amount to
anything, and that I had no ability in math. This affected me throughout my
life. I never believed I could do well academically, and therefore I didnt.
I did poorly in college after high school and dropped out after one year. I
was very surprised, when I returned to college more than 25 years later,
that I did well in every subject including advanced math. I did so well that I
graduated from Rutgers University with a 4.0 GPA.
Just like me, there are many people who have limiting beliefs about what
they can accomplish because a parent, a relative or teacher told them so.
What messages did you get from your childhood? Is there anything you
have always wanted to do or be, but were told that you werent good
enough or capable enough to do?
Interpretations
Interpretation: An opinion or judgment that you create
about an event, situation, person or experience and
believe to be true.
The following story is from Steven Coveys The 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People :
Assumptions
Assumption: An expectation that, because something
has happened in the past, it will happen again.
Growing up, we were taught by the words and actions of our abusers,
our bullies and those observing our torment, but doing nothing to stop it,
that the same thing was going to happen again and again. The abuse, the
bullying, the humiliation were there the moment we let our guard down.
Then, when we became adults, we still lived with the same world view:
the only things certain in life were pain and disappointment, ridicule and
embarrassment.
Assumptions are one of the main reasons we dont take risks in life. Why
apply for the position you want if every other time youve applied for a
similar position you were not hired? Why ask someone out on date if every
time in the past you were rejected?
The Gremlin
Gremlin: Your inner critic that tells you, in one way or
another, that youre not good enough.
The most insidious and damaging of all thought patterns is our inner
critic. It is rarely silent, and it echoes all the messages we heard growing
up, I will never amount to anything, What makes you think you can
accomplish anything? Im just kidding myself, Dont bother, Ill just be
disappointed, Im a failure.
The gremlin voice is harsh, sometimes as harsh if not more harsh than
those voices we heard growing up. If we said to others what we say to
ourselves, wed be labeled as abusers. Yet with the inner critic, we are
subjecting ourselves to daily abuse.
Copyright 2014, Wounded Child Coaching www.woundedchildcoaching.com
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Awareness
The first step to change is awareness of what needs to be changed. Of
course you know what you do not like about your life, and you just wrote
out what you want your life to look like. But it is not your life that needs
change, it is the thoughts that are keeping you from the life of your wishes
and dreams.
Exercise 2: What are the thoughts that hold me back?
Directions: Look at the list of what you want out of life. With each item on
the list, ask yourself, What is keeping me from having this? Write down
your answers.
Now, look at your answers. Mark each answer L for Limiting Belief, I for
Interpretation, A for Assumption, or G for Gremlin.
Exercise 3: Challenging your thought patterns.
DIrections: Next answer the following questions for each type of thought
pattern:
For Limiting Beliefs, answer these questions:
How true is that belief, really?
Where did you get that idea from?
How has that belief affected you?
How can you let that belief go?
How can you put that into action, immediately?
For Interpretations, answer these questions:
Whats another way to look at that?
What might be the completely opposite point of view about the
situation?
Name 5 other possible interpretations.
What would someone else say about what happened?
6
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* Covey, Stephen R. (2009-12-02). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (p. 30).
RosettaBooks - A. Kindle Edition.