Term 2 2014 Scenario Example Assignment 1 Example NOT FOR USE IN TERM 2

2015
The train smash
Scenario: A train smash has occurred in which members of the public were injured.
News Story Details are provided on which you are required to write a news story based
on the facts of the case.
Media Release The organisation, Queensland Rail, wants to put out a media release
related to the incident and commuter safety.

News story
You are a journalist and are on site to report a train crash. These are your notes from
interviews with witnesses and police:
Two passenger trains collided not far from Bowen Hills station.
One train travelling from Windsor toward Bowen Hills, and the other train was travelling in a
northerly direction toward Ferny Grove.
The accident occurred at 8.30am on Tuesday 17 June.
It took seven hours to clear the track. No trains could travel on the Ferny Grove line, which
services suburbs north-west of Brisbane, during that time.
The trains were not in a tunnel at the time.
Witnesses statement (John Smith, aged 31, from Keperra):
One train was speeding as it came around the corner. I thought it was going way to
fast, so I was watching it, and then it just lifted off the track as the other train was
coming. The other driver tried to slow down, but it was too late. The screeching sound
of the brakes was just horrible.
I thought I saw a baby being thrown from one of the trains when its doors flew open
when the trains crashed.
Witness statement (Jane Doe, aged 45, from Marsden):
I cant believe it. I was travelling north to see my mother, and its the first time I
have caught the train for years. We had just come out of the tunnel, and I remember
looking up because I saw the sun, and the next thing you know the train seemed to
shudder and you could hear the breaks squealing. People were flying everywhere.
I was lucky, because I was sitting and managed to grab hold before it got too bad.
There were lots of people injured.
Police statement (Sergeant John Chance, aged 51, from Enoggera Police Station):
We can confirm 12 people were hospitalised, five with critical injuries, as a result of
a train collision this morning.
Queensland Rail (QR) operate the commuter train and personnel came quickly from Roma St
to assist the recovery.
QR spokesperson (Jenny Flower, Communication Officer does not want to be named
specifically):

We can confirm that an incident involving two commuter trains this morning has
occurred. A number of people have been injured and our responsibility is to ensure
that all is being doing for those affected by the incident. We will release a formal
statement this afternoon to update the media and members of the public.
This is the third time in a month that section of the track has been closed.
Unnamed QR source (refused to state his name):
Drivers have been concerned about the state of track on that particular corner for
some time.
But we heard one of the drivers was old Johnny, and were wondering whether he
might have had a heart turn or something.
QR operated bus shuttles for affected passengers throughout the day.
Injured passengers were taken to Royal Brisbane Hospital and the Mater Hospital.
Both QR drivers were injured, one critically (apparently the driver of the train that was trying
to slow down).
Photo: You have taken a photo of the collided trains. In the background, you can see
emergency crews working to free passengers from a carriage and people are lying over the
tracks. You will need to write a long caption for this photo that encapsulates the story no
more than 50 words.
News/Media Release
Queensland Rail wants to release a statement in the form of a media release to address media
and public concerns about the incident that occurred north of Roma St on Tuesday 17 June.
You are communications officer Jenny Flower, and you are gathering information to prepare
to write the release. You will be the contact person for media generally.
Notes from a meeting with the CEO John Smith, who will be the stated spokesperson for the
event, are as follows:
The incident that occurred north of Roma St this morning whereby two of our
passenger trains collided was significant and people have been injured, including two
of our drivers. Our immediate thoughts are with the families of those who have been
hurt.
We are aware that concerns have been raised about the state of the track.
That section of the track has been subject to maintenance over a period of time, and
the possibility of the crash being related to track condition will be investigated. It is
too early to comment on what actually caused the crash.
Queensland Rail takes the safety of its staff and passengers seriously, and it is our
companys first priority. We are committed to improvement, and our investigations
will ensure we get to the bottom of what happened today.
You have contacted Human Resources, and confirmed that the drivers are John Andrews, 63
and Jane Green, 42. Both have significant experience, and neither has been involved in a
major incident. John Andrews does have a history of heart-related health issues. Jane Green is
currently in a critical condition, and both are still in hospital.
Human Resources has arranged for a de-briefing and counselling session with all staff
involved in the incident later today and are making plans to provide ongoing support.

An assistance hotline has been established for loved ones concerned about their relatives. The
number is 1300 17 0614.
You have contacted the Royal Brisbane and Mater Hospitals, and have an update on the
condition of passengers: 12 people remain in hospital, five are still critical. Three children
were injured, and one of these, a baby, is critical.
You know that it is routine for Queensland Rail to work with other relevant authorities to
investigate incidents.
You also know that many people are whinging on social media about the track closure and
inconvenience it caused, so you know a statement needs to be included that addresses this
issue.
Queensland Rail facts include the following:

Queensland Rail aims to be the safest, best performing and customer focused
railway in Australia.
Founded 1865
48.5 million customer journeys on the City network (south-east Queensland)
per year *
More than 390,000 customer journeys on the Travel network (long distance
rail) per year *^
More than $6.9 billion in total assets*
More than $1.9 billion in revenues*
More than 6,500km of track*
Workforce of around six thousand*
215 stations across Queensland
City network On-Time Running (OTR): 96.30% - combined peaks*

* figures taken from the 2012/13 Queensland Rail Annual & Financial Report and available
at http://www.queenslandrail.com.au/AboutUs/Pages/Fastfacts.aspx
Queensland Rail has a customer charter
(http://www.queenslandrail.com.au/AboutUs/CustomerCharter/Pages/CustomerCharter.aspx)
and you know you will need to refer to this to ensure your message is consistent with the
organisations general messages to customers.
To support your media release, you need to state key messages and talking points.
Select three key messages that would assist in fostering a positive image while addressing the
serious concerns emerging from this incident.
Develop five talking points that can form the basis of rehearsal/response focus for your talent.
Thats it. Enjoy .

Feedback to students Provided to Term 2 2014 students

Hi everyone.
I mentioned that I would provide some broad feedback for the second assignment.
Overall, the standard was pretty good, with the average grade being a Credit. It was clear that
students who had reviewed materials and paid attention to I asked our markers, who are
professionals and working in industry, to pay particular attention to the technical aspects of
writing, and to be quite tough. The reason is writing a hard news style story is a foundation
media writing task. One of the traps with media as many of you would be aware is that media
writing looks like it would be very simple. It does, however, take a lot of effort sometimes to
be that simple.
We had a number of consistent issues:

Speech attribution. This was a problem for a lot of students. It is specifically covered
in the Week 5 Study Guide, and it has been covered in quizzes. I know in school you are
often taught to use other words instead of said stated, explained discussed, and so on - but
it's really important in news writing to simply use the word said. The words within the
quotes should actually be quite clear as to whether they are a statement, an explanation, a
description, so if you are even vaguely tempted to use any other word, I would say: Forget
school, just use said. Even though I've talked about that a couple of times, many students
had troubles with using said and many students mixed indirect and direct speech. Remember
that the reader needs to know who is talking and what they are talking about before they
actually speak. It helps avoid confusion.

Simple writing. Some students still wanted to be really creative and descriptive, but
the focus in this genre is to write what it is be simple, accurate, and clear, and this is best
done by writing actively. Therell be plenty of opportunity within your programs to be
creative, but for this genre, talk as you would speak very simply.

Strong leads. Most students made a really good attempt at a lead for their news story
and release. The news release lead should have prioritised the organisations perspective. I
have some examples at the end of this post. There were probably a good 12 different ways
you could have written the lead to the news story but probably fewer options for the news
release.

Attention to detail. We continue to be surprised at the lack of attention to detail in

relation to the task. Paying more attention to specific requirements would have made a
difference to some of you for example, many didnt submit a self-assessment, and if you
had done a good job with everything else, this made a difference between an HD and D in
some cases.
When reviewing your work, its worth keeping in mind the general standards. If your work is
professional and without error or with only very minor errors, then it would be in HD. A
Distinction grade is a very good effort. It's almost professional but it has some areas that need
polish before it could be published. A Credit is a very good job with a couple of different
couple of issues in a number of different places, and a Pass is a good attempt with some
issues generally throughout. A Fail is where there is significant issue and we are unable to
actually give you a pass because you havent technically met the learning outcomes as per the
criteria.

I do understand some of you found this a difficult task. It was deceptive it appeared simple,
but was quite complex. We marked quite hard. This was intentional because of the
importance in getting some of the basics right. The reason its worth 25% is that it provides
an opportunity for us to create an assessment as learning task that encourages people to
reflect.
The next tasks are very different. One of the learning outcomes for this course is that you
demonstrate an ability to actually write across range of genres, so while its quite different
you will still need to pay attention to detail - attribution of speech, punctuation, selfassessment. You wont receive the level of detail in the feedback, as we will be focusing more
on structure and story impact, but errors will still make a difference
In addition to comments on writing structure, you would have received some feedback on
strategy or professional standards for example, what a journalist would have done, or a PR
person would do. I know, for example, those of you who were marked by Christopher would
have received quite a lot of comments about what a PR person would or wouldn't have done
in the circumstance. Vanessa, who is an senior journalist, might have made a few comments
about what decisions you might have made as a journalist. I moderate the assignments (which
means I review them to make sure the standard of marking is consistent in the application of
grading) and I'm happy to leave that feedback in for you to learn from. The critical
requirement was to focus on the writing-based elements, and marking against a criteria
ensures consistency in the overall grades in the end.
I have provided an HD level example below. It is a mix of different student work but
demonstrates ultimately how simple the story needed to be.
NEWS STORY
TWO TRAINS COLLIDE LEAVING FIVE PEOPLE CRITICALLY INJURED
A baby was among five critically injured when two Queensland Rail commuter trains
collided near Bowen Hills on Brisbane's northside during peak hour this morning.
Twelve people were taken to hospital, including both train drivers, one of whom is in critical
condition.
The Ferny Grove line was closed for seven hours while the track was cleared.
Witness John Smith said he saw the baby being flung from the carriage and knew the train
was going to fast before the trains collided.
I was watching it, and then it just lifted off the track as the other train was coming, Mr
Smith said.
The other driver tried to slow down, but it was too late," he said.
"I thought I saw a baby being thrown from one of the trains when its doors flew open when
the trains crashed.
Passenger Jane Doe from Marsden was travelling to see her mother, and said the train had
just come out of a tunnel.

The train seemed to shudder and you could hear the breaks squealing. People were flying
everywhere, Ms Doe said.
Ms Doe said it was the first time in years she had caught the train.
I was lucky, because I was sitting and managed to grab hold before it got too bad, she said.
This is the third time in a month that section of the track has been closed, and Queensland
Rail source said concerns had been previously raised about the corner where the accident
occurred.
A Queensland Rail spokesperson said organisation was working to support those affected by
the incident, and a formal statement would be released this afternoon.
Queensland Rail operated bus shuttles for affected passengers throughout the day.
PHOTO CAPTION: Twelve people were injured, five critically, when two Queensland Rail
commuter trains collided in Bowen Hills, north of Brisbane, this morning. Emergency crews
worked to free passengers from train carriages before transporting the injured to the Royal
Brisbane and Mater Hospitals.
MEDIA RELEASE
17th June, 2014
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
QUEENSLAND RAIL INVESTIGATES COMMUTER TRAIN COLLISION
Queensland Rail is investigating the cause of the collision between two passenger trains north
of Roma Street this morning, which left twelve people injured.
Twelve people, including three children, were taken to Royal Brisbane and Mater Hospitals.
Five people, including a baby, are in critical condition.
The drivers of both trains, John Andrews, 63 and Jane Green, 42, were among the injured.
Jane Green is in critical condition.
Both drivers have significant experience and have not previously been involved in a major
incident.
Queensland Rail Chief Executive Officer John Smith said the organisation's immediate
thoughts are with the families of the injured, and he has acknowledged concerns about the
state of the track.
"The specific section of the track has been subject to maintenance over a period of time and
the possibility that the crash related to the track condition will be investigated," he said.
"Queensland Rail takes the safety of its staff and passengers seriously, and it is our company's
first priority. We are committed to improvement, and our investigations will ensure we get to
the bottom of what happened today," he said.
Queensland Rail will work with relevant authorities to investigate and find the cause of the
accident.

Queensland Rail apologises for the inconvenience to passengers due to the track closure and
is operating bus shuttles for affected passengers throughout the day.
Queensland Rail Human Resources Department has arranged for a de-briefing and
counselling session with all staff involved in the incident and will provide ongoing support.
Concerned families of passengers involved in the accident can call the Queensland Rail
assistance hotline on 1300 17 0614.
KEY MESSAGES:
1.

The number one priority of Queensland Rail is the safety of its staff and passengers.

2.

Queensland Rail can be trusted to do the right thing.

3.

Queensland Rail has their staff and passengers best interests at heart

TALKING POINTS
Witnesses have said that one of the trains was speeding, is this correct?
It is too early to speculate on the cause of the incident. When the investigation is finalised, we
will be transparent and advise the public of the outcome. Queensland Rail can be trusted to
do the right thing. Once the cause of the incident is known, Queensland Rail will do
everything possible to ensure this incident is not repeated, as our number one priority is the
safety of our staff and passengers.
If the cause is not yet know, how can passengers feel safe and reassured that a collision
like this wont happen again?
Queensland Rail is continuing to investigate the cause of the incident with relevant
authorities. No stone will be left unturned to ensure the safety of our passengers. If it is found
that there is an issue with the track, or any other cause, we will be transparent with the public
and will rectify the problem. Queensland Rail can be trusted to do the right thing. We will
continue to make safety the priority for the 48 million passengers who travel on the city
network every year.
What assistance is available for concerned family members?
Queensland Rail has set up an assistance hotline for loved ones concerned about their
relatives. Anyone who needs assistance or further information on family members can call
1300 17 0614. Queensland Rail has their staff and passengers best interests at heart, as we
are also offering de-briefing and counselling sessions with all the staff involved in the
incident and will be providing ongoing support. Queensland Rail will continue to support
passengers and staff involved in the incident.