Washington, Chris

Farrar-Wellman, Maia
ENGLISH 124 - 016
Fall 2015
Aragorn and Arthur - Abdullah Chaudry Peer Review by Chris Washington
Abdullahs topic is unique and has many examples to prove its central claim. As a whole,
the paper reads a lot like a summary and feels as though it is lacking sufficient analysis.
Although Abdullah is comparing a large work, I think it would helpful to find a larger amount of
specific quotations from The Lord of the Rings to support his claims. Also, I think Abdullah
needs to better focus on exactly what his thesis/whole paper is comparingKing Arthur vs
Aragorn, The Lord of the Rings vs Arthurian Literature, Gandalf vs Merlin, ect Right now, it
feels like he is jumping around between each paragraph and each paragraph is not serving the
central thesis/building on the previous paragraph. Also, his title suggests he will be comparing
Arthur v Aragorn but his thesis introduces several other separate ideas.
Abdulllahs introductory paragraph is interesting to the reader, but several statements are
vague and could be more specific, such as a character with several heroic characteristics,
shares many features of King Arthur, and a relatable journey. Abdullahs thesis statement is
also a little hard to pinpoint, and I think could be aided by being more concise - J.R.R. Tolkien
modernized and reconstructed the old tales on King Arthur in The Lord of the Rings, which is
shown through many similarities such as, Excalibur and Anduril, Aragorn and Gandolfs
relationship compared to Melin and Arthurs, and the theme of chivalry. The introductory
paragraph also to a degree feels like a synopsis of what the paper is about, as opposed to a true
introduction to the topic.

In the first body paragraph, Abdullah compares Merlin and Gandalf. He makes several
claims, but they are not followed by specific examples. Abdullahs evidence in this paragraph is
vague; he indicates that Gandalf and Merlin aided their respective allies in their journeys to
become king, but he does not reveal necessarily how they did so. Also, starting in this paragraph,
and included in other parts of the paper, Abdullahs discussion of Gandalf and Merlin starts to
feel like a whole entire separate idea and does not support his comparison of Arthur and Aragorn.
The second body paragraph does not have a strong introductory sentence, and kind of
launches into the argument. One issue is that Abdullah does not mention which Arthurian piece
of literature he is pulling these quotations from, which is somewhat confusing.
Abdullahs transition into the next paragraph is a little jarring because he has chosen to
insert a prophetic quotation from The Lord of the Rings. Also, Abdullahs explanation of this
quotation does not serve his argument, and the next section feels like plot summary.
Abdullah discuss the theme of chivalry in the next paragraph and provides specific
examples from both texts. I think that he could emphasize the so what of the paragraph more.
Similarly in his next paragraph, an emphasis on the importance of the statements that he is
making would be helpful.
Abdullahs conclusion does start to introduce his thoughts on why what he has said is
important, but at this point in the paper, it feels somewhat redundant/a summary of his own
paper.
Abdullah has very good ideas for his paper, and with increased specificity and
organization, the paper will be amazing.