Examinations of a Schizophrenic

(Part I)
By
Keith J Jim
March 6 2010

History.
‘I’ developed schizophrenia in the fall of 2005. When he first heard it (voices,
other egos, or as R.D. Laing terms ‘false self’.), he thought it was his neighbors’ voices in
another apartment. He concluded them to be psychics during an accident when ‘I’ burned
his hand in hot water and another voice cried out. However his nervous breakdown
occurred during a high on marijuana when a flash like a lighting bolt took place in his
mind, accompanied by a voice loudly proclaiming ’Your schizophrenic!’. A voice
responded ’Bitch’ instantly after. From then on the voices claimed psychic hood. First
they played mind games on ’I’, when shortly later set out as killers preying on ’I’. A few
years have passed with recovery. However a new recession has occurred once more.

Session 1

Ego One: This guy is stupid. I’m going to smoke him someday.
Ego Two: I hate this guy. We’re going to kill you fuck! We’re going to murder your ass.
I: No, I don’t see it. Your part of my mind, an aborted consciousness.
Ego One: We aren’t you, fuck that.
I: That’s a lie. You know nothing, you can’t see.
Ego Two: I hate this bitch… going to kill your mother.
Ego One: I’ll kill his family.
I: You can’t, if you could it would have been done by now. No, you say so but yet
nothing happens, as always. I’ll put you back into Tartarus.
Ego Three: I ain’t him. I’m going to shot him. Your going to die.
I: I’m waiting.
Ego One: I’m going to off him now.
Ego Two: Lets get him tonight. We’re going to find you.
I: Imagine a psychic who can’t find anyone. How many months has it been? Years? No
murderer could be that terrible. Meaning you suck, your bullshit.
Ego Four: I’m going to blow this fuck.
I: That’s gay.
Ego Four: Fuck him! Fuck your mom.
I: How about you fuck each other? I’ll watch. You can have an orgy. No, I don’t want
you.
Ego Five: He’s scared.
I: No, if there is any fear it is you.
Ego Five: I ain’t.

‘I’ feels a strange sensation in his diaphragm. He says impulsively and

sarcastically…
I: Fear!
Ego Two: Yup he’s scared.
I: Nope. Just kidding.
Ego Two: That’s enough.

A few perverted thoughts pass through his mind, not to his like. He has strange
movements between the legs, behind the groin area.

Ego Five: Heard you.

Ego Three: This guy is gross. You need help.
Ego Five: Pervert.
I: If you weren’t here I could get rid of it easily. I think it is the chakra, it’s stirring
around.
Ego Two: No it ain’t.
I: You like it, you leech. I gets you off, those thoughts. Like being scared, you’re a
sadist.
Ego Five: No we ain’t. You lie.
I: If you have to state that I lie then you aren’t real or human enough. What do you think
you are then?
Ego Two: We ain’t you. I want to off this bitch.
I: We don’t get what we always want… brat. Your me.
Ego Six: He lies.
I: Nope, I ain’t lieing.
Ego One: We aren’t schizophrenia.
Ego Two: He lies…. You die.
I: I’m not lieing, you don’t know truth, you fall for the deception and the lie.
Ego Two: Man he’s stupid, he doesn‘t know.
I: I bet you think you know something more. But whatever my subconscious
believes, you will, for you’re a puppet. You know not yourself but get your strings
pulled. What you think is something I mused on earlier… period.
Ego Two: Man he’s gone.

Comments
It has been noted over the course of time that schizophrenia is very compensative.
If one thinks the hallucinations or auditory voices as egos, the egos nearly constantly
compensate for their inability to manifest on a material plane and their lack of
psychological development. For example, take the comments of harming the individual
or his relatives. One can see that they are threatened by the dominate consciousness,
therefore try to frighten it. These egos have to live on the concept of possibility, shown
that they never manifest and have to live in the possibility that they are there, somewhere
hidden and waiting to strike,- for their own egos sake. For if they knew the truth, they
would destroy themselves at the despair that their world is an illusion. To put it straight
forward, they are in sever denial about their existence. They conceive ‘I’s’ truth
statements as lies because they leech on possibility or the unknown. Plus they parasite on
what may be mentally harmful to ’I’.

There is a theory called memes which is the passing of information between

people. Schizophrenia is very similar in which the egos are like memes which are viral.
They live off the host, the schizo, and build their consciousness through him, mould
themselves to him. The egos belief that ’I’ is lieing, feeding off his doubts, are a sign they
(the egos) thrive off ’I’s’ consciousness. Through the their conversations they try to
reinforce their existence to ‘I’. Despite all of this they remain what they are, disturbed
imps of ’I’s’ dreaming brain. ‘I’ knows this but this is not a neurosis that can be cured by
an acceptance. Most likely it is mechanical, a misfiring of neurons in the brain.

Taking the egos relationship to ‘I’, one can see how they are in some way like
him. Notice the violent and sexual terms passed around. These are in a sense ‘I’s’
monsters, fitted for his psyche. One may mythically say that ‘I’ is in a sort of purgatory. I
interpret this positively, in that ‘I’ is being cleansed for a better and saner world.
Everyone, I am told, has occasional stupid or weird thoughts. Yet, the psyche of ‘I’ is
fitted for focusing attention on those strange thoughts, making them punishable sins to be
grieved over. He is burdened by his load.

Forgive me reader if this seems odd, including ‘I’ himself. Unknown to most, the
psyche is vast as a sea and what we know is only sized as the cup of water we drink.
Most individuals cannot bear the unconscious (collective and personal) manifesting
constantly and significantly in our waking life. Horrors we never thought we would see
or imagine present themselves to us, causing fear, doubt, anxiety, and uncertainty. When
the mind begins to merge, reality and illusion, memory and imagination, horror and joy,
become one. They are the Wrathful Deities of mythology and any individual must pass
through this gate to find the wholeness that Carl Jung once wrote.

Thus Ends Part One