Samuel Shely

F15.UWRT1103 - Caruso-Combined201580
Home My courses Fall 2015 F15.UWRT1103 - Caruso-75800-Combined-201580
Thursday, October 1 Peer Review Forum (037) Links for Inquiry Path and Synthesis Paper

Search forums

Peer Review Forum (037)

Links for Inquiry Path and Synthesis Paper
Subscribed

Info for Prezi and Start of Synthesis Paper

Synthesis Paper
Display replies in nested form

Links for Inquiry Path and Synthesis Paper

by Samuel Shely - Thursday, 1 October 2015, 3:22 AM
https://prezi.com/x6dv2q1680hd/inquiry-path/

Synthesis Paper.docx
Reply | Export to portfolio

Re: Links for Inquiry Path and Synthesis Paper

by James Kelly - Thursday, 1 October 2015, 8:08 PM

After reading your Synthesis Paper, it is clear to me that the main questions that you are
trying to address include:

Which is better? Socialism or Capitalism?

During your discussion within your essay, you decide that a mixture of both Socialism and
Capitalism proves to be the most effective in increasing a nations economy.
You should state this main point in your first paragraph as your thesis statement.
o Therefore, you can using examples of both socialism and capitalism proving
to be effective in order to support this thesis.
Some improvements that you could include:
Improve the flow your paper by developing a strong thesis statement, which you
will work toward to prove within your paper. Your thesis may be to prove that
economies need a mixture of capitalism and socialism in order to be effective and
productive.
Try to avoid grammatical errors
o When people feel as though though they can create a business, the urge to
work and climb oneself out of poverty is enhanced. Here you included the
word though twice. The word the should be changed to they in this
case, because you are referring to people. Oneself should be changed to
themselves since you are referring to people.

You could also make this sentence more clear and concise by
removing is enhanced. As a result, your final sentence may look
something like this: When people feel as though they can create a
business, they urge to work harder, and as a result, climb themselves
out of poverty.
Advice and Suggestions/Comments for your Prezi:
Your Prezi does well in forming connections between various topics
You did well in developing a layout that shows the connections between topics
One thing to mention: you could change the order in which the slides appear
o For example, after displaying a question, display the corresponding answers
and ideas before jumping to an additional question.
o Make sure that your Prezi has a logical flow of ideas and support.
Show parent | Reply

Re: Links for Inquiry Path and Synthesis Paper

by Lukas Duemmler - Thursday, 1 October 2015, 9:31 PM

Wyatt,
Your introduction is good, with poverty being such a big topic now-a-days, it catches
my attention. I think it might be beneficial to take out This is what has prompted the
question. In the sentence prior, you mention that the first step is to identify the best
ways to reduce poverty and I believe it would flow better if you take that out. Or, you
could combine those two sentences into something similar to this,
Although it would be ideal to totally eradicate povertys existence, the first step is to
identify the most eective and ecient ways it can be reduced prompting the
question: what is the most optimal system of government for reducing poverty,
socialism or capitalism?

Paragraph 2:
I like the explanation of capitalists views on strategies for decreasing poverty,
because most readers probably will not know that. In the very last sentence you state
that,
The privately owned territories are more acquainted with the problems connected to
poverty, therefore will be able to address the problems more productively.

Maybe you could give an example of how they address the problem more
productively rather than the government directly funding the poor.
Paragraph 3:
Be more specific, especially with which countries support entrepreneurial eorts?
How and why does this support increase their economy? The words One might sum
up that the in the final sentence seem like flu words to me. I think it would be
beneficial to the coherence and flow of your paper if you take that part our and just
say,
The capitalist strategy of minimizing poverty is to promote entrepreneurial eorts to create
positive economic activity such as creating jobs, and to keep the government out of the
private sector including privately owned charities in order to support the more eective
private sector.

Paragraph 4:
I like how you really compare the two sides here, especially at the end. You start the
paragraph by explain socialism, and then at the end you state how there are two
polarizing points of view and state their dierences. It also gives the reader the idea
that a mix of both socialism and capitalism is best for the government, which you
state in your conclusion.
Conclusion:
You answer your question on which government style seems to be most optimal:
capitalism and socialism by stating that both is the way to go. It was a good
summarization of the two government types and the paper as a whole. Good job.
General:

On your inquiry path, I was a little confused because sometimes it would jump from
question to question without answering them, other than that it was informative and
interactive.
Show parent | Reply
Info for Prezi and Start of Synthesis Paper
NAVIGATION

Home
My home
My profile
Current course
F15.UWRT1103 - Caruso-75800-Combined-201580
Participants
Badges
Thursday, October 1
Peer Review Forum (037)
Links for Inquiry Path and Synthesis Paper
Kaltura Media Gallery
My courses

ACTIVITIES

Assignments
Forums
Resources
ADMINISTRATION

Forum administration
Optional subscription
Subscribe to this forum
Unsubscribe from this discussion
My profile settings

You are logged in as Samuel Shely (Log out)

F15.UWRT1103 - Caruso-75800-Combined-201580

Synthesis Paper