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Lindsay Holmes
If you've ever known someone with depression or have battled it yourself, you're deeply aware of the
accidental insensitivity that can often come with it. For those who may not understand the complexities, it's
easy to say things that have the potential to do more harm than good.
While the U.S. has one of the lower clinical depression rates in the world, the number of people it has an
impact on is still significant. An estimated 1 in 10 Americans suffer yearly from the illness.
So how can we help someone who may be affected? According to Dr. Adam Kaplin, an associate professor in
the departments of psychiatry and neurology at Johns Hopkins University, it's not just your words, but your
actions that can be the most supportive.
"It's best not to say anything that is going to make them think that what they're dealing with is because of a
lack of coping skills, personal weakness or a character flaw," Kaplin tells The Huffington Post. "The worst part
of depression is that it narrows the field of vision into a very small tube so they can't see the options. A lot of
[the goal of helping] is giving people a hope that things will get better."
Kaplin advises that while every case is different, there are some general principles to follow when it comes
to helping those who find themselves in this situation. Below find the six things people shouldn't say to
someone with depression.
2. "Suck it up."
You may not intend to trivialize someone's condition -- but with phrases like "suck it up" or "just be positive,"
you may be doing just that. "What [most people don't realize] about depression is that its debilitating to
concentration, focus and sleep. It changes lives and people get off of trajectory of where theyre heading,"
Kaplin explains.
Kaplin says that it's crucial not to underestimate the impact of depression. Approximately 20 million
American adults suffer from mood disorders in a given year.
3. "Cheer up."
"The phrase 'cheer up' is like a close cousin of 'suck it up,'" Kaplin says. Telling someone to be cheery isn't
going to do much -- in fact, it may make them feel worse. Kaplin suggests instead of advising them to perk
up, try just offering your presence. "Just listening to what that person is going through and saying something
like, 'Wow that must be hard,' gives them validation that it's a difficult time. If they could cheer up, they
would have by now."
When it comes to a loved one with depression, Kaplin says it can often feel like you've done something wrong
and you're being shut out, but just realize that it's nothing personal. "It can feel like that person is cold and
isolated and it feels that way because that illness has isolated that person from their own feelings," Kaplin
says. "[As they overcome depression], their tunnel vision begins to expand and they're able to see more
possibilities. As people get better, their world will broaden."
6. "Just think -- there are others who have it worse than you do."
While you may be trying to put things into perspective, it may not be received that way. "[The key] is to
recognize their suffering as opposed to being dismissive," Kaplin says. "With a phrase like this, there may be
an underlying issue in that we don't really know what to say, so we're trying to make ourselves feel better by
trying to make the person suffering feel better."
Kaplan suggests that instead of offering perspective, just saying nothing or hanging out with someone for a
little while may be a good idea. "A lot of times it's just recognizing that you can't always take someone's pain
away, so it's just a matter of being comforting," he says. "There are certain messages that you do want to put
forward. Just knowing that you're not alone is half battle when it comes to depression, so just being there
and connecting will help."
Have a story about depression that you'd like to share? Email strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com , or give
us a call at (860) 348-3376, and you can record your story in your own words. Please be sure to include your
name and phone number.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.