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Maintaining better relationship with kids is not an easy task as their emotions are very much delicate and
immature. Children do not interpret what they observe and feel, but just react in the most spontaneous
way to what they see. They understand things just the way they feel them; thus dealing with them requires
skill and maintaining proper and better relationship with children is a hard to crack nut. There are
suggested ways of dealing with the feelings of children and manipulating the relationship with them.
Taking a bit of extra effort will make parents affectionately attached with children.
Most important is to make them feel that you care for them, you love and you consider them. This is the
right way of achieving the trust of children and having a healthy relationship with them. Let us see the
proven methods of having positive relationships with children.
Express your emotions; verbally
Tips on maintaining better relationship with children is not all the tips on pretending with kids and
hacking their minds. It is the psychologically and socially accepted and proven practices to prune kids and
still be better parents to them. As told earlier, children believe what they see; therefore say frequently that
you love them. Verbal and physical expressions of love and care make kids believe that parents are always
with them. Tell them every day that you love them unconditionally. The knowledge that parents remain
with them throughout the life will help them grow more confident and smarter. Few simple words of love
like, 'I love you', have abundant impact in maintaining better relationship with kids.
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Respecting the choices of children and learn to deny them in the most soothing way by convincing kids
the fact why you deny it them. Never consider children as miniature human beings with inferior minds or
immature psychic realms. They are miniatures only in the physical form in the feelings level and in the
emotional levels, they are intense enough same as elders.
Make them priority and seek their opinions
Parents need to make kids a priority in life. Kids are the leaders of tomorrow. It is through them the
mankind goes ahead; they are the essential links in the continuity of human race. Every parent has to bear
in mind this essential realization and should grow up the kids as responsible human beings. Teach them to
have own opinions about all that is related to them. You can ask their suggestions whenever you take a
decision for them. This practice helps kids to feel that they are people of importance at home. Good
parents and good friends always. Parenting in better relationship with people is just understanding the
kids and developing an atmosphere of mutual respect at homes. Ignored kids are found to grow up as
social nuisance and anti-social persons. The warmth of parental affection and interpersonal relationship
with parents help kids to become mature enough and responsible enough to handle his own life as well
that of his/her fellow beings.
Better relationship with kids is necessary to interfere and influence in the grooming process of kids. When
children feel affection towards parents, he/she may feel the obligation to follow the guidelines of parents.
Just like with any relationship, building a positive relationship between parent and
child is one that requires work and effort to make it strong and successful. Parenting
is a tough job, and maintaining close relationships and open communications helps
to ensure parents and their children stay connected through all ages of their
upbringing. Here are 10 simple tips for enhancing the bond between parent and
child.
1. Say I Love You
Tell your child you love him every day -- no matter his age. Even on trying days or
after a parent-child disagreement, when you don't exactly "like your child" at that
moment, it is more important than ever to express your love. A simple "I love you"
goes a long way toward developing and then strengthening a relationship.
2. Teach Your Faith
Teach your child about your faith and beliefs. Tell him what you believe and why.
Allow time for your child to ask questions and answer them honestly. Reinforce
those teachings often.
3. Establish A Special Name Or Code Word
Create a special name for your child that is positive and special or a secret code
word that you can use between each other. Use the name as a simple reinforcement
of your love. The code word can be established to have special meaning between
your child and you that only you two understand. This code word can even be used
to extract a child from an uncomfortable situation (such as a sleepover that is not
going well) without causing undue embarrassment to the child.
attention or try to involve parents in power contests. Children get no satisfaction from being annoying if
nobody pays attention, and tantrums do not work without an audience.
Withdraw from the struggle, not from the child. Although talking and interaction in moments of
conflict with children are ineffective, friendly conversations and pleasant contacts at other times are
essential. Have fun and play together. The less attention children get when they are disturbing, the more
cooperative the relationship may become.
Resist interfering in children's fights. By allowing children to resolve their own conflicts, they learn to
get along better. Many fights are provoked to get parents involved to act as referees and judges. Parents
can best help children with social skills at times when they are not fighting.
Take time for training. Parents need to teach children useful skills and values. This training should be
done when neither parents nor children are upset. Taking time for training will eventually save time;
untrained children demand much of their parents' time.
Resist doing for children what they can do for themselves. Dependent children are demanding
children. Parents must be keen observers of their children and be careful not to underestimate their
children's abilities. Children become confident and responsible when offered opportunities and
encouraged to be contributing members of the family and community.
Children's behavior has purpose. Their basic purpose is to find their place in the social group, such as
the family. Well-behaved, well-adjusted children have found their way toward social acceptance by
understanding the requirements of the group or social situation and making useful contributions to it.
Misbehaving children are still trying, in mistaken ways, to gain social status. Dreikurs describes children's
mistaken ways in terms of goals of misbehavior.
Children are usually unaware of their goals or motives, but they are keen observers of situations and
act in ways that work for them. Although their behavior may look illogical to others, it makes sense to
them in that it is consistent with their interpretation of how to find a place in the family. Dreikurs
identifies four goals of children's misbehavior: undue attention, power, revenge, inadequacy. (See
Children's Goals of Misbehavior chart.)
Understanding children's goals of misbehavior is essential in deciding what action to take. Children's
behaviors alone are not helpful in deciding what corrective action to enlist, since parents cannot know for
what purpose (goal) children behave. Parents can understand children's goals by examining their own
feelings and behaviors and their children's response to them. Corrective actions are based on the parents'
understanding of children's goals and are concerned with how parents can manage themselves rather than
making children behave. (See Children's Goals of Misbehavior chart.)
Be responsible for your own behavior and feelings. Parents must accept responsibility for doing what
they can to improve the situation other than making futile attempts to make children behave. Instead of
ruling children, parents can create an atmosphere in which guiding and helping children is possible.
Of course you love your parents thats a given. But at times, maintaining the bond between parent and
adult child can be as challenging as that between parent and teenager.
These days, both of you are confronting new challenges retirement or career changes, health issues,
concerns about the future. Its to be expected these issues will affect your relationship, but as you change,
so, too, must your relationship with your parents change.
Part of that evolution requires forging a new relationship, one between mature adults rather than parent
and child. You already have the basic underpinnings love and shared memories. Add mutual respect
and common interests and you may find a more fulfilling relationship with your mother and your father
than any youve had since childhood.
Of course, some things never change Mom might still offer her unsolicited opinions on your weight
and wardrobe, and Dad might still only start a conversation if it has to do with your car. The key is to love
the best parts of ?them and learn to accept the rest. Here are 14 Stealth Healthy ways to forge an adult
relationship with your parents and enhance what might not always have been the strongest of bonds.
1. Think of them as fellow adults, rather than as your parents. If your parents still treat you like a kid,
despite the fact that you have kids of your own, you may have to help them let you grow up. Feeling
and acting like an adult around your parents is the cornerstone of having an adult relationship with them,
says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist in Long Beach, California, and author of It Ends
With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction and The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before
40. If you treat them as fellow adults, theyre more likely to treat you like one. A simple way to do this
is to ask yourself a question before each interaction with them: How would I act in this situation if Mom
or Dad was a friend or an acquaintance? Then behave accordingly.
2. Talk to your parents as friends. If your parents still treat you like youre 6 or 16, it may feel funny to
give up your role as the child. A good start is to model your conversations with Mom and Dad on those
you have with friends, says Dr. Tessina. Dont limit your conversations strictly to family memories, or
gossip about family members, or your personal life, she advises. Theres a whole wide world out there
why not explore it with Mom and Dad as you would with a friend? Current events, sports, work, local
neighborhood issues, or national politics (if you happen to share the same views) are all fair game.
3. Keep your sense of humor. When youre dealing with your parents, laughter can be a lifesaver both
to help you handle the stress of dealing with sometimes crotchety individuals and to help you bond
together. Tell a few jokes you know theyll enjoy, share some comics from the paper or e-mail with them,
watch the Letterman show together. If you can laugh together, youre doing okay.
4. Tell your parents what bothers you. If you love your mom and dad but they drive you batty, your
resentment can eat away at your relationship. So dont seethe silently. Communicate, with gentleness and
respect. For instance, if your mom keeps calling you at work, tell her that your boss is starting to notice
and, while you love talking to her during the day, its beginning to affect your job performance. Arrange a
call you can both count on at a mutually convenient time.
5. Dont ask your parents advice or opinion unless you really want it. Sometimes, asking for a
parents advice is really a way of asking for Mom or Dads approval. If thats the case, remember that
youre an adult now, perfectly capable of choosing a living room carpet or a car on your own. If your
parents are bent on offering you advice whether asked or not, smile, nod, and take it in (who knows it
may actually be helpful!). Focus on the fact that they have your best interest at heart. Then make your
own choice without guilt.
In our busy lives we need to make time for the things that promote family wellbeing. Positive and fun interactions can get squeezed out when we are all on the
run. Most of our time can be taken up working, shopping, cleaning, cooking, and
getting the kids to and from school or day-care. It can all be rather exhausting.
However, what do we really value about our families? These are the people who are
most important to us, closest to us. This is where we learn to relate to others, work
together, get what we want, deal with conflict and emotions. As a family we need,
care and love one another. We can show this through the words, deeds and actions.
ParentLink states on its website that . Healthy families:
Commitment
Put the well-being of your family as a first priority. Show loyalty to your family.
Resilience
Strong families are able to withstand setbacks and crises with a positive
attitude, and shared values and beliefs help them cope with challenges.
Take the time to think about your family, are you getting the best from them
and, more importantly are they getting the best from you.