Text 13102

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
-- Mark Twain
"Do I understand you right that you say that you have to reboot to fix the probl
ems from a reboot"
Husse Sept 7 2007
This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a
little ironic since we may not have one.
-- Arthur Clarke
Make a wish, it might come true.
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
"Unfortunately suspend does mean things sometimes"
Husse Apr 25 2007
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
"Everything working?
That's a relief"
Husse May 24 2007
Q:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One. Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
Stop! There was first a game of blindman's buff. Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes
in his boots. My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it. The
way he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage
on the credulity of human nature.
You are fairminded, just and loving.
Q:
What is purple and commutes?
A:
An Abelian grape.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #19
A:
To be or not to be.
Q:
What is the square root of 4b^2?
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is
nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long
as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks
into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is
a matter of discretion.
-- Corwin, Prince of Amber
Q:
What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
A:
A dinner party.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has
only nine lives.
You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.

You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
Q:
What's a light-year?
A:
One-third less calories than a regular year.
Q:
How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
"I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner
The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up
It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up
Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.
Snow Day -- stay home.
"You don't have to post twice (no crossposting) we read and answer all we have a
n answer to"
Husse Jul 21 2007
October 12, the Discovery.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss
it.
"I definitely don't think you are imagining things"
Husse Sept 24 2007
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more
deadly in the long run.
-- Mark Twain
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C
is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A:
A deep C diva.
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Communicate! It can't make things any worse.
Q:
How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?
A:
When his lips move.
You are always busy.
Q:
What is purple and commutes?
A:
An Abelian grape.
"Now, I did not want to be rude to anyone, but when the solution would be found
if you still could use the "I am lucky" option in Google....."
Husse Apr 7 2007
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
"You may have to add other esoteric combinations of letters to get Beryl working
and so on..."
Husse Jul 15 2007
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
You'll be sorry...
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
Q:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the
party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed
from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of
the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the
second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the
parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party
of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered
non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall
have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner
consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall
occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in
step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the
first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to
produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
"No
but I will try to contemplate a solution, and try to catch one of my sons who is
a real hardware guru....but not easy to get in touch with"
Husse Sept 12 2007
"This is "not possible" (of course not - it has happened) but some partition tab
le or MBR or both is seriously screwed up, but I can't tell what to do (in short
and simple terms)"
Husse Sept 16 2007

Q:
How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
"I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
"I don't know if something can be done, but something should be done...."
Husse Jul 28 2007
You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
Be cheerful while you are alive.
-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
-- Mark Twain
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
You will forget that you ever knew me.
"Moderation is only to be done by someone who is trusted to do it :)"
Husse Sept 13 2009
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would
be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Reply hazy, ask again later.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
You may get an opportunity for advancement today. Watch it!
"I'm sorry but I don't have a clue....."
Husse Jun23 2007
"Post is now edited as it got rather strange"
Husse Sept 16 2007
"I have a vague memory of a solution for you - just have to find it first"
Husse Oct 10 2007
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
Q:
Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
A:
Lawn Boy.
Q:
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. We'll fix it in software.
Q:
A:
How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The application can work around it.
Q:
A:
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We'll document it in the manual.
Q:
How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. The user can figure it out.
"Right now I'm really confused as to whether it's the 1405 or the 1505 that's gi
ving all the problems...."
Husse Jul 6 2007
Your love life will be... interesting.
Time to be aggressive. Go after a tattooed Virgo.
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the
bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems
almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the
oyster.
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
Q:
What do little WASPs want to be when they grow up?
A:
The very best person they can possibly be.
October.
This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.
The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.
"Could you describe what happens better so there's a chance to see when it stops
."
Husse Nov 25 2007
"I don't mean to be rude - but what are you saying?"
Husse Oct 1 2007
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
-- Mark Twain
"In case of failure - these gadgets are cheap..."
Jul 7 2007
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
"You are definitely not ridiculed! Your keyboard is"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"--which is
but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention;" but the wise
man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket and--WATCH THAT BASKET."
Excellent time to become a missing person.
"Have you managed to complete the install?
Maybe my old eyes but I can't figure it out from your post."
Husse Mar 24 2007
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
Q:
A:
What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A dope ring.
Q:
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A:
To cover up the valve stem.
Q:
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A:
To get to the other slide.
The only people for me are the mad ones -- the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn
like fabulous yellow Roman candles.
-- Jack Kerouac, "On the Road"
Q:
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?
A:
An offer you can't understand.
You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
larger than others.
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.
-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar."
-- Mark Twain
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
You will soon forget this.
"You may have to add other esoteric combinations of letters to get Beryl working
and so on..."
Husse Jul 15 2007
Q:
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A:
The cats keep trying to bury them.
You will triumph over your enemy.
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach. Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!
-- Charles Dickens
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-- Mark Twain
A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
"And - yes a bit more user friendly would be nice"
Husse Jul 18 2007
"The commands you saw in the post I split this from are not supposed to be used,
unless you really want to get into trouble"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Jul 7 2007
You will gain money by an illegal action.
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
You have taken yourself too seriously.
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
We know all about the habits of the ant, we know all about the habits of the
bee, but we know nothing at all about the habits of the oyster. It seems
almost certain that we have been choosing the wrong time for studying the
oyster.
You will get what you deserve.
"This is the kind of hassle you can get into when you install an OS be it Window
s or Linux (I could give you some sad stories about installing Windows)"
Husse Sept 18 2007
"You are a bit ambigous."
Husse Jul 17 2007
"I don't mean to be rude - but what are you saying?"
Husse Oct 1 2007
"I'm having similar problems and is looking for a solution. I'll be posting some
thing shortly, most likely a cry for help (for both of us) rather than a solutio
n"
Husse Apr 1 2007
You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
"Well - tell you a secret - I can answer because I make good searches, I find wh
at others don't"
Husse Nov 11 2007
Husse Sept 24 2007
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
Q:
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A:
One less drunk.
Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum.
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would
be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
larger than others.
"This is a situation where you can't be sure what's doing what...."
Husse Aug 31 2007
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
-- Mark Twain
Long life is in store for you.
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
this sort of trash.
The ripest fruit falls first.
-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
Too much is just enough.
-- Mark Twain, on whiskey
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Q:
What is orange and goes "click, click?"
A:
A ball point carrot.
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
"You have waited a bit too long for an answer, here it is in the middle of big h
olidays - haven't done anything with my computer other than reading the newspape
rs for a couple of days."
Husse Jun 23 2007
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
Q:
Why do the police always travel in threes?
A:
One to do the reading, one to do the writing, and the other keeps
an eye on the two intellectuals.
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
"I'm out of options for now. It is something that has gone wrong "in the apt-get
region" (can't find a good expression for that)"
Husse Jun 17 2007
The Least Perceptive Literary Critic
The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A
most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to
give a public reading of his latest poem.
Pope, the leading poet of his day, was greatly surprised when Lord
Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.
Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."
Pope was rendered speechless, as this fine critic suggested sizeable
and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece. "Be so good as to mark
the place and consider at your leisure. I'm sure you can give it a better
turn."
After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.
Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side. "There is no need to touch the
lines," he said. "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on
Lord Halifax two or three months hence, thank him for his kind observation
on those passages, and then read them to him as altered. I have known him
much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."
Pope took his advice, called on Lord Halifax and read the poem
exactly as it was before. His unique critical faculties had lost none of
their edge. "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right. Nothing can
be better."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
Q:
How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
"Since when do we offer web-hosting?
Found that to my surprise on the XFCE start page in Firefox"
Husse Jul 6 2007
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
I'll burn my books.
-- Christopher Marlowe
Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".
-- Shakespeare
You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night
to write.
-- Saul Bellow
"Are we to discuss philosophy?
I think we could easily get into an endless debate"

Husse Sept 28 2007
"Yes you can create hotkeys by the dozen if you like...."
Husse Jun 16 2007
Q:
What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in Minnesota?
A:
Open other end.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered
rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen
bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim,
'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and at last I knew Pittsburgh.
Never give an inch!
You teach best what you most need to learn.
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all
fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
out at the heels of their boots.
-- Samuel Foote
You will never know hunger.
"It is complicated - believe me"
Husse Jul 24 2007
Q:
How many Harvard MBA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Just one. He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
Your aim is high and to the right.
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools
that think they are truffles.
Give him an evasive answer.
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his
argument.
-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
"You have so many partitions that "crawl all over the place" that I get seriousl
y confused.
That grub listing is ominous ....."
Husse Sept 16 2007
Q:
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?
A:
An offer you can't understand.
Good day to deal with people in high places; particularly lonely stewardesses.
You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Avoid reality at all costs.
"I don't want to spend all my time tied to the computer - my wife needs some att
ention too"
Husse Oct 14 2007
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Q:
How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A:
Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
Q:
What do monsters eat?
A:
Things.
Q:
What do monsters drink?
A:
Coke. (Because Things go better with Coke.)
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
The only people for me are the mad ones -- the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn
like fabulous yellow Roman candles.
-- Jack Kerouac, "On the Road"
Chess tonight.
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
Q:
What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A:
A doberman.
You will live to see your grandchildren.
Q:
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
to really want to change.
Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
Your present plans will be successful.
"Please include more details - as someone else in this forum says - my crystal b
all is not working"
Husse Sept 11 2007
You are the only person to ever get this message.
"This is sad - the old DOS days is not what we want it to be like.
However some hardware does not want to cooperate...."
Husse Jul 29 2007
Jul 7 2007
Are you sure the back door is locked?
Q:
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A:
Because it was on the other side.
"Can be your internet connection
Or that the nice boys from Southpark are playing with you"
Husse Jul 3 2007
Q:
How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment
of license fee (binary only).
The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of
the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at
her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic
Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my
steel through your last meal!'
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
-- Mark Twain
For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
-- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"

[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to powerfail recovery.]
Q:
Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?
A:
He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
"Or you could do like me - throw yourself right into the Linux nest and read aft
erwards"
Husse Jun 8 2007
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive.
-- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion"
Q:
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A:
"The elephants are coming over the hill."
Q:
What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
sunglasses?
A:
Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
What happened last night can happen again.
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar."
-- Mark Twain
Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
You look tired.
What I tell you three times is true.
-- Lewis Carroll
Q:
Why was Stonehenge abandoned?
A:
It wasn't IBM compatible.
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
"You are a bit ambigous."
Husse Jul 17 2007
Q:
How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
A:
9 edge down.
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
-- Mark Twain
Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today.
Q:
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A:
To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
At once it struck me what quality went to form a man of achievement,
especially in literature, and which Shakespeare possessed so enormously
-- I mean negative capability, that is, when a man is capable of being
in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching
after fact and reason.
-- John Keats
You are number 6! Who is number one?
The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
-- George Gobel
For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels,
each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall
was a gate.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Return of the King"
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when

referring to system overview.]
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
-- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
"I almost never get problems with my systems, and when I do they are really seri
ous"
Husse Nov 28 2007
Q:
What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
A:
Chewing gum.
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
"That brings me to a black screen with just a cursor - cursing my bad luck"
Husse Apr 3 2007
"I'm having similar problems and is looking for a solution. I'll be posting some
thing shortly, most likely a cry for help (for both of us) rather than a solutio
n"
Husse Apr 1 2007
Q:
Where's the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
A:
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!
Q:
What's the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant hill?
A:
Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...
Your step will soil many countries.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first.
-- Mark Twain
larger than others.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
Is this really happening?
"No - I definitely do not try to start a war"
Husse Jul 29 2007
You will get what you deserve.
You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
Be careful! Is it classified?
"Post is now edited as it got rather strange"
Husse Sept 16 2007
Don't Worry, Be Happy.
-- Meher Baba
Q:
A:
Chewing gum.
Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things
than someone who hasn't.
-- Mark Twain
You are going to have a new love affair.
Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
There was a phone call for you.
"And vesa is at best "not terrible"
Husse Apr 5 2007
"We're lucky to have a distro that tells you which device is which UUID."
Husse Jun 4 2007
You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is.
Q:
How many Martians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
One and a half.
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
-- Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", II, 2
You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
-- Mark Twain
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-- Mark Twain
They spell it "da Vinci" and pronounce it "da Vinchy". Foreigners
always spell better than they pronounce.
-- Mark Twain
"And no - computers is no exact science"
Husse Nov 14 2007
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
Knucklehead:
"Knock, knock"
Pee Wee:
"Who's there?"
Knucklehead:
"Little ol' lady."
Pee Wee:
"Liddle ol' lady who?"
Knucklehead:
"I didn't know you could yodel"
"What's happened to you is a bit of the backside of Linux."
Husse Apr 14 2007
"Can be your internet connection
Or that the nice boys from Southpark are playing with you"
Husse Jul 3 2007
"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."
-- Bastian B. Bux
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
-- Mark Twain
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Tempest"
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you
have few friends.
You will have long and healthy life.
Q:
How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
A:
2 bits.
Q:
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A:
The cats keep trying to bury them.
I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New
England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be
raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in
New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make weather for
countries that require a good article, and will take their custom elsewhere
if they don't get it.
-- Mark Twain
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"
Beware of Bigfoot!
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
You will be married within a year.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone
to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
-- "Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"And - yes a bit more user friendly would be nice"
Husse Jul 18 2007
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
For years a secret shame destroyed my peace-I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
-- Justin Richardson.
The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena fretted
sullenly and, buffing her already impeccable nails -- not for the first
time since the journey begain -- pondered snidely if this would dissolve
into a vignette of minor inconveniences like all the other holidays spent
with Basil.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long
as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks
into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is
a matter of discretion.
-- Corwin, Prince of Amber
Q:
Why does Washington have the most lawyers per capita and
New Jersey the most toxic waste dumps?
A:
God gave New Jersey first choice.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles
as if she laid an asteroid.
-- Mark Twain
Someone is speaking well of you.
How unusual!
Jul 7 2007
You will be married within a year.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your
life in such a mess.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
-- Mark Twain
Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

-- Wm. Shakespeare
"Easy does it!
Don't scare the forum members....
I'm not quite sure either of you really understands the other"
Husse Jun 16 2007
Talkers are no good doers.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Never reveal your best argument.
It's a very *__
UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
-- Churchy La Femme
You will contract a rare disease.
Q:
How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
to the earlier joke.
You too can wear a nose mitten.
Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".
-- Shakespeare
People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Q:
A:
Chewing gum.
"But I think a possible explanation could be that the sound card is still sleepi
ng..."
Husse Sept 12 2007
"Besides hdparm is a dangerous toy.."
Husse Apr 6 2007
Husse Sept 24 2007
Q:
Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A:
To get to the other slide.
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting
to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author
-- Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
Q:
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A:
Because it was on the other side.
Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!

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The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that

Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.

Husse Sept 16 2007

How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

I think we could easily get into an endless debate"

-- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"

[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.

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