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Abstract
This paper reveals a theory of personality based on the formation of intimate relationships
during the early stages of a person's lifetime. During infancy, childhood, adolescence, and
young adulthood, new needs and tensions arise in the individual. In attempt to seek ways of
adapting to these newfound stresses, people develop different kinds of intimate
relationships that ultimately form their personality. Relationships formed during each stage
of life serve as a prototype for interactions in later stages. For this reason, there exists a
continuum of relationships formed throughout a lifetime that shape and mold specific
personality traits.
Neither intimacy nor individual development can exist alone. The birth of a child initiates a
human being into a life-long process of mutual adaptation between the child, his or her
intimate relationship partners and the broader social environment. Intimate interactions and
relationships affect adaptations to the changing needs and stresses that evolve with each
stage of development throughout one's lifetime. Intimate interactions from early life serve
as the basis upon which relationships later in life are formed. Environmental contingencies
to which individuals must adapt are rooted in these relationships. In an attempt to adapt to
other people's styles of relating, one must adjust his or her own behaviors (Baldwin, 1992).
Based on the fact that human development is a product of complex interplay of forces that
reside within the individual human being and the environment by which he or she is
surrounded, it can be proposed that interpersonal interactions and relationships shape
individual personality and coping styles. Psychological maturity involves integrating intimacy
into a life framework that encompasses all parts of the self.
1. Emotionality is the tendency to express negative emotions such as anger and fear
frequently and vigorously.
2. Activity is the degree of physical movement that a person characteristically shows.
3. Impulsivity is the degree to which a person acts quickly without deliberation, moves
from one activity to the next, and finds it difficult to practice self-control.
4. Sociability is the tendency to be outgoing and friendly and to enjoy the company of
others (McAdams, 1989, pp. 136-137).
According to this theory, persons are inherently born with tendencies to develop these four
temperaments to different levels. These dimensions are present in infancy and continue to
grow throughout childhood and adulthood. The social environment reacts to these
tendencies, modifying and shaping them in different ways. Such modifications are the
results of interpersonal relationships that begin to form during early life. The development of
a unique interpersonal style is a function of temperament (McAdams, 1989).
Attachment
According to the Bowlby and Ainsworth (1991), the love between a mother and an infant is
the result of an attachment bond formed during the first year of life. Interactions between a
child and his or her mother form behavioral patters that are reflected in later relationships.
An example of the development of personality as a result of this bond can be seen in the
securely attached infant. As a result of sensitivity and responsiveness on the part of the
caregiver, an infant may develop a "secure" attachment style (Rothbard & Shaver, 1994).
Infants who develop "secure" personality types feel confident and at ease when relating to
others. They learn how to take turns, how to lead and follow, and how to express and
receive. The attachment bond serves as a prototype and provides the earliest pattern for
warm and close relationships (McAdams, 1989, pp. 140-143).
Friendships
Over the course of social development, the role of friends and parents changes significantly.
During early adolescence, the amount of time that North American children spend with their
family drops roughly in half (Westen, 1996, p. 547). As an adolescent undergoes physical
and emotional changes, he or she seeks out relationships that enhance efforts to adapt to
new needs and stresses. Adolescents seek to share their thoughts and feelings with those
who are experiencing similar changes. Intimate interactions increase between friends during
this stage in life because they provide teens with opportunities for self-clarification. Through
the formation of coconstructive dialogues between friends, teens can participate together in
exploring and constructing selves.
Referring back to the example of the securely attached infant, it can be inferred that the
ability to construct such dialogues directly stems from earlier interactions. The secure
infant's sensitive and autonomous personality traits were reflected in relationships with
peers. These traits reappear in the dialogues formed with friends during adolescence. The
egalitarian authority structure of friendship lends itself to such exchanges and relieves the
pressure adolescents might feel to yield to the views of adult supremacy (Youniss, 1980).
Multiple Selves
During late adolescence, one must first confront the problem of multiple selves. For the first
time, an adolescent realizes that his or her personality changes from one situation to the
next. This is the stage of life during which one looks to craft a narrative of the self that
provides a sense of sameness and continuity. The desire to discover how one is the same
from one situation to the next dominates the desire to discover how one is the same as
other people. The importance of intimate friendship and romance formed during early
adulthood stems from the valuable and adaptive contribution dialogues made with friends
during adolescence. Personality differences can be identified by capacities to form intimate
relationships characterized by commitment, depth, and partner individuation based on
interactions of early life (Prager, 1995, pp. 131-133).