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Running head: PERSONAL COMMUNICATION PHILOSOPHY

Personal Communication Philosophy


Kelli J. Stansell
Gonzaga University

PERSONAL COMMUNICATION PHILOSOPHY

In answering the question: What does communication mean to me? I come to the
conclusion that communication is inevitable. As humans, we must have communication to
embark in relationships. We have been created to be in relationship with one another. To better
understand relationships, we must better understand ourselves, and thus, how to communicate
that understanding to others. Communication is the elixir of life. Merriam-Webster (2015)
defines an elixir as a substance held capable of prolonging life indefinitely. The following
paper will explore the tenet that people are made to be in relationship with one another, Charles
Bergers Uncertainty Reduction theory connected to short-term relationships and the difference
between mediocre and full relationships steeped in Marshall Rosenbergs non-violent
communication theory.
We are made to be in relationship with one another and relationships cannot exist without
communication. Followers of the Christian tradition, among others, believe that humans are
made to be in relationship. This is a transcending belief. Outside of communicating with one
another (through verbal and non-verbal pathways), how can we build relationships? Through
completing the Communication Estimate and Log I realized that very little time throughout my
day is spent not communicating with someone or some idea. Reading and listening to someone
with whom I do not have a relationship even connects me with that person. I am engaged in their
ideas, I contemplate their assertions, and come to my own conclusions about who they are and
what they believe thus, creating a relationship between the author and myself. Between
people, communication seems to be one of the most difficult concepts to master. We naturally
shy away from building full relationships through communication because it involves
investment, vulnerability, honesty, conflict and effort. There are aspects of new relationships that
can reduce uncertainty and make us more likely to invest.

PERSONAL COMMUNICATION PHILOSOPHY

As an axiomatic theory, defining axioms as self-evident truths that require no additional


proof, Charles Berger uses 7 axioms with a later added 8th axiom as the backbone for the
Uncertainty Reduction Theory. Axiom 1, Verbal Communication, claims that as the level of
verbal communication increases, the level of uncertainty will decrease. Axiom 2, Nonverbal
Warmth, claims that as nonverbal affiliative expressiveness increases, uncertainty will decrease.
Axiom 3, Information Seeking, claims that as uncertainty levels decline, information-seeking
behavior decreases. Axiom 4, Self-Disclosure, claims that high levels of uncertainty cause
decreases in the intimacy level of communication and low levels of uncertainty produce high
levels of intimacy. Axiom 5, Reciprocity, claims that high levels of uncertainty produce high
rates of reciprocity and low levels of uncertainty produce low levels of reciprocity. Axiom 6,
Similarity, claims that similarities between persons reduce uncertainty, while dissimilarities
produces increases in uncertainty. Axiom 7, Liking, claims that increases in uncertainty level
produce decreases in liking and decreases in uncertainty produce increases in liking (Berger &
Calabrese, 1975). Lastly, Axiom 8, Shared Networks, claims that shared communication
networks reduce uncertainty, while lack of shared networks increases uncertainty (Griffin, 2012).
The basis of this theory is that in all new relationships, we are striving to reduce uncertainty in
order to build connection.
I have attempted to keep myself from connecting with others. My line of work involves
short-term relationships. Students enter my life for a timeframe of no less than one day and no
more than four months. After four years of becoming fully attached to people who leave after a
short period of time, I see myself becoming callused. Last summer, I attempted to hold back
from developing relationships by keeping the uncertainty high. This did not work. Spending
twelve days in the wilderness with six people lends itself to building of relationships. It is nearly

PERSONAL COMMUNICATION PHILOSOPHY

impossible to walk out that experience without knowing more about your comrades than when
you arrived. As much as I tried to save myself from short-term relationships, I realized it was in
vain. I could not engage in truthful and honest life via full communication with these people
without building some type of relationship. We are made for more than just exchanging bits of
information through communication.
We are made to fully communicate with one another. Fully communicating is a different
task then simply communicating. This type of full communication starts within oneself. A person
must understand oneself before they can express that understanding to others with a readiness to
listen to their feedback. Marshall Rosenberg (2003) teaches the method of discovering your
feelings, needs, and desires in order to fully communicate with others. This method utilizes
compassionate, non-violent communication. Once you take the time to discover your own
feelings, needs, and desires you have the opportunity to share that with others. It is then your
responsibility to act on that new knowledge, empathize with others, and help determine their
answers to those questions. This method leads to more full communication.
Full communication, filled with compassion and empathy, is a desire of mine. This
includes more fully understanding oneself, thoughtfully expressing that understanding, listening
carefully to others, and attempting to move them through the same process. We often miss the
opportunity of full interpersonal communication. Students in our semester-long program can
attempt holding themselves back for the first month or two, but once you make it to month three
of living and studying with a small group of people, the walls start to fall. Holding yourself back
from this is a detriment to building relationships and growing personally. We must investigate the
inner world of ourselves and be willing to share that with others if we expect them to do the
same.

PERSONAL COMMUNICATION PHILOSOPHY

To bring my philosophy of communication full circle, I quote Dr. John Caputos (2015)
reference that philosophy is 1. Love of, or the search for, wisdom or knowledge. Through my
studies in communication and leadership I hope to develop this love further. This paper explored
how we, as humans, are made to be in relationship with one another and that takes effort. This
effort is often difficult to muster and we miss opportunities to share our feelings, needs, and
desires with one another. Dr. Marshall Rosenbergs Nonviolent Communication tactics give us a
structure for sharing in full relationship. Dr. Charles Bergers Uncertainty Reduction axiomatic
theory revealed that all human interactions are striving to reduce uncertainty. Communication,
being the elixir of life, is necessary to all relationships and we are continually looking for
connection.

PERSONAL COMMUNICATION PHILOSOPHY

References
Caputo, J. (2015). Philosophy of Communication (Unpublished paper). Gonzaga University,
Spokane, WA.
Berger, C. R., & Calabrese, R. J. (1975). Some explorations in initial interaction and
beyond: Toward a developmental theory of interpersonal communication. Human
Communication Research, 1, 99-112.
Elixir (2015). In Merriam-Webster Dictionary online. Retrieved from http://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/elixir
Griffin. E. M. (2012). Communication, communication, communication: A first look at
communication theory. (8th Ed.). New York, NY: McGraw Hill.
Rosenberg, M. B. (1999). Nonviolent communication: A language of compassion. Del Mar, CA:
PuddleDancer Press.

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