Running Head: Deep Change Journal 2

Deep Change Journal #2

Caitlin Leffingwell
Eastern University

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Introduction

Although an avid violinist since second grade, I entered college making the difficult
decision to pursue a path in social service rather than musicmorosely thinking that this choice
would mean sacrificing most of my musical pursuits entirely. Before even graduating, however, a
completely unforeseen series of events led me to begin teaching violin at an inner-city school
called Milner, which proved to combine both passions more perfectly than I ever could have
imagined. Moreover, the program began to impact students in a way that inspired me to begin
investing as much as possible in its growth through all forms of continuing educationthe latest
of which being this masters program. Particularly by reflecting on Robert Quinns book, Deep
Change, I have now begun to develop an increasingly clear vision of the transformation that
could occur specifically at Milner through the challenging, yet ultimately very hopeful, process
of deep personal and organizational change.
The Need for Change
Personal: Envisioning a more effective and transformative violin program at Milner
began with a better understanding of the truth that Deep change at the collective level requires
deep change at the personal level (Quinn, 1996, p.193). Due to lacking a degree in music or
education, most of my motivation for improving this program stemmed largely from feelings of
inadequacy. In fact, only in the last year have I felt myself begin to transition from the paradigm
of technical competence to the paradigm of political transaction as I gain more skills and
become more ambitiousyet more selflessin my attempts to expand the program (Quinn,
1996, p.109). Such personal change has improved my ability to navigate the political web at
Milner and advocate more effectively based on an understanding of this system of exchange
(Quinn, 1996, p.111).

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Moreover, as my understanding of these technical and political systems grows, I have

also become more aware of the underlying moral system that must be addressed for any true
change to occur (Quinn, 1996, p.125). In many ways, the grace of God allows me to be internally
driven by the deep desire to see students and their families experience a relationship with Jesus
Christ. This desire supersedes personal or even program success, in that I consider musical
progress secondary to the main goal of fostering relationships that draw others closer to Christ.
In fact, remembering that God essentially handed me this opportunity helps me not view
personal survival as a driving internal force and even prompts me to work toward a vision of
one day handing the program over entirely to former students (Quinn, 1996, p.127).
Yet this internal drive is also still tainted by selfish desires, such as the need to be
recognized, validated, and even deemed right before God due to good works rather than faith
alone. In fact, just as I try to advance the violin program for wrong reasons, I even find myself
holding back for equally wrong reasonsfearing the cost of stepping outside my comfort zone
or forsaking task in favor of relationships (Quinn, 1996, p.177). These character flaws
profoundly limit my relationships with students and co-workers by encouraging self-preservation
rather than sacrificial service and fostering an environment marked by individual self-interest,
anger, insecurity, distrust, little cohesion, and continuous political posturing (Quinn, 1996,
p.161).
Overall, this connection between internal motivations and external impact convinces me
of the truth that The problem is not out there but inside each one of us. The external system
that we often complain about actually exists within each of us (Quinn, 1996, p.101). As such,
realizing any vision for transformational change at Milner must truly begin with allowing the

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Holy Spirit to refine my character as I practice the self-discipline necessary to foster healthy
relationships that will also draw others to our Savior (Quinn, 1996, p.117).
Organizational: As these deep changes occur personally, my true hope is that they will
foster deep change within my overall work environment at Milner as well. More specifically, I
hope that my growing ability to navigate any technical, political, and moral systems will lead to
an empowering classroom environment that helps students become effective leaders in their
school, community, and even future workplaces. According to Quinn (1996), fostering the
different dimensions of empowerment (p.225) involves a masterful mix of both mechanistic
inputs (clarity, delegation, control, and accountability) as well as organic inputs (risk, growth,
trust, and teamwork) (p.223). Important environmental conditions also include clear vision and
challenge, openness and teamwork, discipline and control, and support and a sense of security
all of which I am beginning to envision more clearly for my class, despite the fact that we have a
long way yet to go (Quinn, 1996, pp.226-227).
The Challenge of Change
As Deep Change helped me envision more clearly what personal and organizational
change could look like for the violin program at Milner, it also revealed many of the serious
challenges that could accompany this quest. The first challenge revolves around the difficulty of
improving my organizational environment as both a team player and a self-authorizing leader; in
other words, what might it look like for me to pursue my vision of student empowerment for the
sake of my students while undoubtedly causing disturbance in the process (Quinn, 1996, p.125)?
According to Quinn (1996), a transformational leader engages in unconventional behavior that
often baffles others by falling beyond normal expectations and outside the rules of self-interest
(p.126). This uncomfortable dissonance seems to stem in large part from the leaders

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wholehearted pursuit of a moral vision that others cannot necessarily see until he or she conveys
it to them, such that the vision can be overpowered if not communicated convincingly or led with
absolute integrity (Quinn, 1996, pp.124-125). As such, the challenge at Milner will be to
communicate and live out my vision in a way that helps my students cope with the confusion that
it may initially cause.
Similarly, I believe that a second potential challenge will be that of improving
organizational structure by actually combatting its natural structurethat is, balancing the need
to conform with the need for change. As Quinn (1996) writes, Organizations need people to
conform. Traditionally, rules and procedures have been established to ensure stability and
predictability in the organization[But] To remain vital, an organization must adapt to its
changing external demands (p.156). Just as both equilibrium and change are critical aspects of
organizational life, classrooms need a consistent, yet relevant, structure that fosters
empowerment and encourages students to explore risk, to learn, or to create (Quinn, 1996,
p.167). Finding this balance between structure and freedom has always been difficult for me, and
I anticipate that this burgeoning vision will only complicate things further until more deep
change occurs.
Finally, the third most evident challenge simply stems from the fact that Change sucks
because of the great pain, sacrifice, and risks that it involves (Quinn, 1996, p.95). The stubborn
rebel in me has, at times, followed the Just Do ItBut Dont Be Stupid mantra, such as when I
blatantly disregarded my bosss cautions against letting students take their violins home for the
sake of teaching them numerous life skills (Quinn, 1996, pp.157-158). Yet I have also found
myself caving too frequently to the pressures of self-preservationparticularly in the area of
what Quinn deems the cost of success or rate-buster phenomenon (1996, p.135). I have spent

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much of my life dumbing down my appearance to avoid any backlash (or even acceptance based
only on usefulness) that can come from over-achiever characteristics. I am even hesitant to
share my vision for the Milner violin program with anyone at work, because I honestly do not
want to risk this kind of unfavorable response. Relatively minor current issues such as these
allude to the greater struggles that may arise with even greater change.
Conclusion
Reading the second part of Deep Change opened my eyes to the deep personal and
organizational changes that need to occur within the violin program at Milner, as well as the
numerous challenges that will most likely accompany those changes. However, this reflection
also helped me to develop a clearer vision of this program as an environment that draws students
closer to Jesus by empowering them through a balance of structure and freedom. Unlike prior
plans, this vision is fundamentally a moral one, and it is internally driven by the personal change
that God is bringing to fruition in me. As Quinn (1996) so wisely notes, the external world can
be changed by altering our internal world (p.217), and this truth gives me hope for the future of
Milner as I embrace my own need for personal change. The challenges inherent to bringing about
transformation at Milner will arise with details that only time will tell, but I embark on this
journey from teacher to leader knowing that these changes are more than worth the abundant life
that will follow for myself and for those whom I serve.

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References

Quinn, R. (1996). Deep change: Discovering the leader within. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.