ABRIL.

- Justo despus de hacerme azafata, una amigo mo que tena un jardn

me dio un capullo para mi habitacin. El colecciona cosas as, insectos y orugas
y todo eso Estaba pegado a una ramita y mi amigo me dijo que una maana
me despertara con una bonita mariposa en mi habitacincuando naciera. Me
dijo que cuando salen, estn empapadas y tambin tienen algunas gota de
sangre No es increble? pero en una hora se secan y comienzan a volar.
Bueno, le dije que tena un gato. Yo tena un gato entonces, pero l me dijo que
pusiera al capullo en un sitio en donde el gato no pudiera alcanzarlo cosa que
es imposible, pero Qu poda hacer? As que lo puse bien alto en un estante
donde el gato nunca suba, y a la maana siguiente estaba todava all, al
menos pareca un sitio seguro para dejarlo. Bueno, el caso es que casi una
semana despus, muy, muy temprano aquella maana, me llama este chico y
me dice, Abril, tienes una mariposa esta maana? Le dije que esperara y me
las apa para subir y mirar, y en aquel estante haba una parte mojada con
una motita de sangre pero no haba mariposa, y pens Ay, Dios mo, el gato
se la ha llevado! Cog el telfono para decrselo a mi amigo y entonces la vi
debajo del tocador, estaba moviendo un ala. El gato la haba alcanzado pero
estaba viva todava. As que se lo dije al chico y se molest muchsimo y deca
Oh no oh, Dios, no no ves que es una vida un ser vivo? Bueno, me
vest y la llev al parque y la dej en una rosa, era verano entonces, y pareca
que iba a estar bien creo, en cualquier caso. Pero ese hombre realmente
me hizo dao horrible fue muy cruel. Volv a casa y lo llam y le dije Mira,
yo soy un ser vivo tambin, imbcil! No volv a verle ms.
Im scared, Barry, you know, like weve got a garbage disposal in our sink in the
kitchen, I mean, my mothers kitchen . . . And sometimes a teaspoon will fall
into the garbage disposal? So, like, you know how you feel when you have to
reach down . . . into that gunk and you have to feel around down there for that
teaspoon? Who knows whats down there? Could be garbage, a piece of
something, so much stuff goes down there . . . or germs, which you cant even
see. You cant see germs but if theyre gonna be anywhere, theyre gonna be
down that disposal. They grow there, see? They come back up the pipes.
Salmonella, yeast, viruses, flu, even can- cer, who knows? But, Barry, even
without all that, what if, and Im just saying what if, what if the garbage
disposal came on while your hand was down there? I get so scared of thinking
about it that I usually leave the teaspoon down there. I dont even try to get it
out. But then Im afraid that my mother will get mad if she finds it down there,
so I turn the disposal on, trying to make it go down the drain. But all it does is
make a huge racket. And I stand in the middle of the kitchen and the spoon
goes around and around, and I get sort of paralyzed, you know? It makes a lot
of noise, because I know the teaspoon is getting destroyed and annihi- lated
and thats good cause I hate that teaspoon for scaring me like that . . .
Well, its not just the garbage disposal, its everything. What about insects?
Termites. Hornets, Spiders. Ants. Centipedes. Bedbugs. Roaches. Mites. You
cant even see mites. Theyre like the germs. Tiny, impossible to see! I like
things to be clean. Dirty ashtrays bother me. The mailman brings me
unsolicited mail, I mean, the postage stamp could have been licked by

someone with AIDS. Right? My mother is a threat to my life just by persisting to

go out there . . . Barry, did you know that theres this dust storm in California
that has these fungus spores in it? And these spores get into peoples lungs,
and it goes into their bloodstreams and grows inside them and kills them!
Strange air . . . strange air . . . you have to . . . Oh! Theres my mother. Shell
kill me if she finds out I used the phone!