4 PILLARS OF RELATIONSHIP:

1.
2.
3.
4.

COMMITMENT
RESPECT
COMMUNICATION
TRUST

SCRIPT:
RIDHIMA- good morning/afternoon everyone. We are. (introducing ourselves) . and we
are here from the peer educator programme. About the programme... (what we learnt, name
of mentors, kengeri campus). Plz take this class seriously as it might prove to be very helpful
to you.
SAH- this session will only be meaningful if you guys interact and cooperate. We are here to
try and give you people some insight into the basis of relationship and the importance its 4
pillars play in a relationship.
SHUBHAM- What do you know about relationships?... What different kinds of relationship
do you have with people for e.g. Parents, peers, siblings, strangers, and intimate
relationships? What level of importance does each relationship have for you?
SHREYA- what do you think are the most important pillars or the factors that affect the
relationship?... (jot down the responses on the board)..which quality is the most important
according to youin different relationships?
RESPECT ( 4 PILLARS OF RELATIONSHIP)
RIDHIMA- so hi everyone, this is ridhima here from 3bbahb, and I am going to present on
the topic respect. What exactly you all mean by respect? Any idea? Guys lets make this
very interactive.
Listening to answers..and noting down all points on board.
So I will give u comprehensive answer of what exactly respect means
On a practical level respect includes taking someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes
and preferences into consideration. It means taking all of these seriously and giving them

worth and value. In fact, giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and their
thoughts, feelings, etc. It also includes acknowledging them, listening to them, being truthful
with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies.
Respect can be shown through behavior and it can also be felt. We can act in ways which are
considered respectful, yet we can also feel respect for someone and feel respected by
someone. Because it is possible to act in ways that do not reflect how we really feel, the
feeling of respect is more important than the behavior without the feeling. When the feeling is
there, the behavior will naturally follow.
Ok why do you all think respect is important?
(taking answers from everyone)
Going back in time, respect played an important role in survival. If we think of a small tribe
wandering in the desert we can imagine that a person not respected by anyone could be left
behind and die. Such a person was considered to have no worth, no importance, no value to
the group. This, I believe is the foundation of our psychological need to feel respected.
Nowadays it seems much more possible to survive without being respected. Someone could,
for example, inherit a large sum of money, have many servants and employees and have
salesmen constantly calling on him and catering to him, yet not be respected in the least.
Someone could also make a lot of money through having a particular talent which is valued,
such as being able to dunk a basketball yet not really be respected, perhaps because of the
way he treats others.
Still, there is a value to respect which money can't buy. Though someone's life might not
depend on it, there are times, many times in fact, when another person has the chance to make
a personal decision - a judgment call. When that person feels sincere respect for someone
else, they will make a different decision than if they feel no respect, even if they have
customarily shown a false, pseudo-respect to the person.
We can all sense whether we are respected or not. This holds true for those with money and
power as well. Moreover, it is quite possible that those who pursue money and power are
actually trying to gain a type of respect that they never have truly felt.

When we are respected we gain the voluntary cooperation of people. We don't have to use as
much of our energy and resources trying to get our needs met. When people respect one
another there are fewer conflicts. In summary, it is for both evolutionary and practical reasons
that respect is important, and also why we simply feel better when we are respected.
Showing and Earning Respect
Respecting someone means respecting their feelings and their survival needs. Here are ways
to show respect for someone's feelings:

asking them how they feel

validating their feelings

empathizing with them

seeking understanding of their feelings

taking their feelings into consideration

For this process to work efficiently several things are required. For example:
1

Each person must be aware of their own feelings; i.e. know how they feel.

They must be able to express their feelings.

They must know how to listen non-judgmentally & non-defensively.

They must know how to validate feelings.

They must believe that feelings have value.

They must believe that feelings matter.

ACTIVITY
So lets do an activity, what exactly is activity is all about is that each group will be given a
chit with a specific case written, all you guys need to do is provide solutions to the problem
given and one person out of the group will present the answer.

Lets divide class into 4 groups according to the pattern in which they are sitting.
SITUATION 1- You have a boyfriend who has friends that play loud music, smoke a lot and
keeps everything messy and you are not comfortable with this, what will be your reaction
towards dealing with this problem?
SITUATION 2- Your mother keeps checking your phone, reading your chats and checking
pictures, you dont like her indulgence into such matters, how will you deal with this
problem?
SITUATION 3- you have a girlfriend, who every time is late for the movie or party, but you
dont like to miss such things, how will you deal with this problem?
SITUATION 4- You have a boyfriend who is very insecure, and keeps asking you questions
like where were you?, why did you go? But you dont like his interference in your personal
life. How will you deal with this situation?
SITUATION 5- Your mom dad keeps on fighting and persistently asks you questions like
whom do you think is right? Whom would you support? How will you react in such situation,
give answers?
We will give them 5 minutes for the activity
Now 1st group please come up with your case and so on discussion will continue till 5th group.
Ok since the introduction and activity is done we will quickly go through 5 overarching
points about respect which one must always keep in mind.
1. Respect means treating people as individuals
This is a really simple concept: accept that a person is a mix of what they have experienced
(including where they come from), how they see/choose to see things, and where they want to
go. We do not get to choose what we have been through or experienced, and we cannot define
people solely through their past as much as we can define them solely through their ethnicity,
looks, or gender.
2. Showing respect doesnt always mean being nice

Respect excludes actions or expressions which seek solely to damage, but they in no way
exclude criticism or critical thinking. Saying no to someone is almost certainly not going to
please them, but respect for yourself and the other understands of the world makes expressing
and explaining your actual position more meaningful and respectful. This also means not
punishing people for honesty, no matter what that honesty is.
3. Respecting yourself is an important part of respecting others
Understanding yourself as a decent human being is important to your ability to actually be
one. This doesnt mean excusing anything bad you have done: it means taking ownership of it
and doing your best to set it right and prevent it from happening again
4. Honesty is one of the highest forms of respect
While lies are easy, often two-dimensional, distractions from reality. Taking the trouble to try
to figure out the truth of something, and to express it purposefully to another, is worth more
than 1000 easy avoidances. Being honest entails accepting that the other person, as a human,
has the capacity to understand your thoughts and ideas. It means giving them room to reflect
on, and give feedback, about your position or thoughts. Doing this makes you more
vulnerable, but it also shows your ability to think far and opens you up to learn more than
any clich small talk, or quotes from some series or movie.
5. Giving respect wont always mean getting it back: accept this
Treating others with respect is something done not just for the other, but also for yourself.
Respect is something which may be given, but it cannot be demanded in return. If your
respect is not returned by another, this says far more about them than it does about you, and
helps you immediately known to be careful of this person. Do not take it personally: it will
only skew your motives and understanding of the situation (as well as the other person).

SHREYA- COMMUNICATION:
Communication forms one of the most essential pillars of relationship. Communication to a
relationship is like oxygen to life, without it the relationship dies. Only through proper
communication can you strengthen the level of trust, honesty and respect in your relationship.

It dictates morale in a relationship and helps individuals in a relationship to understand each

other better. Okay, so what are the various communication approaches that you pursue with
different relationships? . (for e.g. with parents, peers).
ACTIVITY: THE BLINDFOLD GAME
Uses
This helps to improve communication and listening skills, and to build trust between partners.
People and Materials

Any size group works well in this exercise.

Enough blindfolds for half of the participants.
A large, private room.
Furniture and other items that you can use as obstacles.

Time

Around 15-20 minutes.

Instructions
1.

Scatter furniture and objects around the room before the activity begins. Your course
should be challenging, but still safe to navigate around.

2.

Put team members into pairs and ask them to stand at one end of the room.

3.

One person from each pair should put on the blindfold.

4.

The sighted people must guide their partners across the room and give instructions to
help them avoid the obstacles.

5.

When each team reaches the other side of the room, partners should switch roles and
then repeat the exercise.

Advice for the Facilitator

Talk with the group after the exercise. Consider these questions:

How did participants have to communicate differently to guide their partners?

How did their listening skills change and adapt when they were blindfolded?

Since, communication is that important now I am going to talk about some techniques in
order to improve communication in your relationships.

1. Make your case:

Learn to say what you mean- because only by stating your true feelings will the other
person understand what you want. We cannot expect people to understand unless we

state our feeling explicitly.

Use "I" or "me" statements- this implies that we should not generalize while making
conversations. We should openly state what we feel rather than relating it to the larger

population.
Keep as calm as you can- anger and depression cloud our judgment. Only by keeping

calm can we communicate effectively and efficiently.

Maintain positive body language- we should not assume a negative outcome of out
conversation and should keep a positive attitude towards the other person and the

conversation.
Project your ideas with confidence- only if we are confident about what we are

speaking will the other person also believe us.

Have a game plan before you begin- if in a formal conversation we should prepare
and work on the communication with our collogues. We should think of different
outcomes the conversation can lead to.

2. Listening to Your Partner:

Put yourself in your partner's place- we should also look at the situation from the

other persons point of view only then will we understand his stance better.
Allow your partner the freedom to work through internal conflicts- we should
understand that individuals not only face external conflicts but also fights and
confusion s within himself/herself are continuously going on. Thus we should give

them space to solve and clear out on internal conflicts before interacting.
Give him or her your full attention- if we expect the other person to listen to us and
understand us its our responsibility also to do the same. While conversing our full

attention should be focused on the conversation.

Let him/her finish- we shouldnt judge a person without listening to the entire
conversation as that leads to premature evaluation. Only after he/she completes
speaking should we offer solutions and form judgments.

Mind the gap- we should understand that every relationship we have has its different
boundaries. Never while communicating should we cross our personal and
professional boundaries that might make the other person uncomfortable.

3. Building a Strong Foundation:

Maintain closeness- in our close relationships we should keep the levels of closeness

intact so that the other person is also ensured that our relationship is still going strong.
Learn to recognize when your partner is upset. This skill develops with time and is
very important because even the other person starts expecting this kind of

understanding and involvement from our side.

Be proactive- being proactive shows that we still concerned about our relationship.
Know when a conversation is no longer productive- there is no point in aimlessly
arguing to the other person when you know that no definite outcome can be achieved

through this conversation.

Learn to compromise for mutual betterment but not at the price of your values- we
should remember that some amount of mutual compromise is often beneficial in a
relationship but this should not be at the cost of our values and beliefs. If this happens

a person demeans self and looses self respect.

Don't forget to appreciate each other- its normal human tendency that people like
being appreciated from close ones.

SAHIL:
Good morning to one and all,
This is a simple quote, which states that The foundation of a relationship is trust, greater
the trust better is the strength of the bonding between the people in a relationship. For e.g. A
son goes out for a party, asking his mom to extend his curfew, if his mother believes in him
and trusts his words, she would definitely allow him and this would eventually strengthen the
relationship. However in case of absence of trust between the two, it could result in the
development of a unsound relationship between the two.
Role Play
Demonstration of the above mentioned e.g.

Scene 1
Sahil The son goes to his mother, Ridhima and asks her for permission for a party
happening tonight promising her that he would not drink.
Ridhima _ Trusting her son she tells him that ok go and please come back home by 11:30.
She also asks him to abide by his said words

Scene 2
Sahil - The son goes to his mother, Ridhima and asks her for permission for a party
happening tonight promising her that he would not drink.
Ridhima On hearing that she yells at her son and asks him o shut up and go back to his
room.
T Transparent, Do not hide anything in your relationship, until an unless in a very personal
matter and you would like it to be disclosed at all. Keeping things transparent would
strengthen the relationship and also strengthen the believe in between the people in a
relationship.
e.g. X and Y a both fall in love with each other, however before getting committed they
disclose to each other certain relevant informations. Informations about their previous
relationships. This ensures transparency and prevents any sorts of conflicts from arising in the
future.
R Responsive, always pay attention to what the person is saying and be a good listener.
Quick and positive response is an important part of it.
U Caring, Taking care of one with whom you are in a relationship is very important, may it
be with mother, father, girlfriend etc. Until and unless you care you dont fulfill the
expectations of the other individual into the relationship.
S Sincere, if you love someone love him/her sincerely. Try to give it your 100%.

T Trustworthy, always try to believe in others and let others believe In you. Being
trustworthy just simply means that allowing someone to have faith, trust and confidence in
you.

Role-play
Sahil, Ridhima, Shreya and Shubham are friends
Sahil reveals out a secret to shubham about his family and expects that he does not tells it out
to anyone
Shubham Shubham, however go and tells about the same to Shreya and Ridhima.
Sahil through Shreya comes to know about this and this results in a fight between shubham
and Sahil.

IMPORTANCE
Strengthens bonding Trust ensure that the people in a relationship have a strong bonding
among them. It develop a sense of respect between the two.
Increases confidence How confident you are in respect to the person you are in
relationship directly depends upon your trust on him. Higher the trust hiher is the confidence.
Liberty and freedom The existence of the so-called trust allows liberty and freedom in a
relationship. e.g. A girlfriend allows her boyfriend to go out with some other friends of his
without a slightest hesitance, if she has faith and trust on him and vice-versa.
Reduces the sence of doubting - In continuation to the above mentioned example. If the
people in a relationship trust each other, the sense of doubting among them will definitely
reduce, just because of the fact that they believe in the doings and act if each others.

Negative aspects
Misleading Sometimes trusting someone beyond the boundaries of a confined space may
lead you to a wrong pathway and ruin your life. E.g. A step mom giving wrong career
opinions to her son in order to ruin his life. Thus Blind folded trust is the right way.
Wrong Decisions E.G. Getting the word trust into physical relationships.

Relation of trust to ABC

Awareness: This includes instincts. Always trust your instincts.

Balance: You must have a relationship built on mutual trust.

Choices: Trust that you are making the right decisions and follow through with them.

HOW TO BUILD TRUST

Avoid keeping secrets Role Play Sahil and Shreya are committed to each other,
Scene 1
Sahil tell her about her previous relationship and the eventual progress of the
relationship.
Scene 2
Sahil hides the information of his previous relationship and the eventual conflicts in
the relationship.
Keep your routine Do not sacrifice on your daily routine of importance
relationship

for the

 Make your relationship a top priority Give importance, time and respect to your
relationship.
Give your partner space and foster kindness do not try to get into the personal
space of the one you are in relationship with.
Share how you really feel Talk about the positives and negatives, share your
feelings and perceptions in order to have a healthy relationship.

Say no sometime do not develop the habit of always saying yes. Try to keep him or
her out of your set personal space by simply saying No