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MATHAI'S"SHE"

MATHAI'S"SHE"
Date:4/25/2001

Comment
M.O.Mathai's"SHE"
Foreword:
Thisarticlehasashortbutimportanthistory.ItwaswrittenonJune23,1977bynolessapersonthan
M.O.Mathai.HewasthenIndianPrimeMinisterJawaharLalNehru'sprivatesecretary.Mathaiwas
anintelligentandcompetentmanfromsouthIndia,aCatholicbyreligionlikemanysouthIndians,
andquitecourageoustohavewrittenthetwowellknownbooks:(1)ReminiscencesoftheNehruAge,
and,(2)MyDayswithNehru,wherehehas,forthefirsttime,divulgedmanysecretsofthehighand
themightyoftheNehruyears.
However,thearticlethatourreadersaregoingtoread,wasnotanordinaryarticleofadescriptive
nature.IthasmanyreferencestoMathai'spersonalinteractionwithIndiraGandhi(neeNehru).The
articlewasoriginallysupposedtobeapartofMathai'sbook,'ReminiscencesoftheNehruAge'but
forobviousreasons,atthelastmoment,itwasleftoutofthebook.Ireceivedacopyofthearticle,
(whichIamsharingwithourreaders),soonafteritsappearanceintheformofanarticlebyan
unknownauthorbutitdoesnottaketoomuchgreymattertoguesswhoiswritingandaboutwhom.
Ourreaderswilljudge.AgreatdealofwhatMathaiistellingusinthesepages,arealreadyknownto
intelligent,informedreadershowever,thesefewpagesaresurelyquitereadablealthoughtheactors
andactressesoftheolddramaarenowgone,manywiththeirpastglorytarnished!Itwastohidethe
tarnishthatsomuchtroublehadbeentakentokeepthesefewpageshiddenfromthegeneralpublic,at
thetime.InIndia,thegeneralpublichasalwaysbeenandstillistheoutsider,nevermindwhatthe
politicossay!
HerefollowstheverbatimreproductionofMathai'sSHEShehasCleopatra'snose,Pauline
Bonaparte'seyesandthebreastsofVenus.Shehashaironherlimbswhichhavetobeshaven
frequently.Physicallyandmentallysheismoreofamalethanafemale.Iwouldcallheramanly
woman.
Imetherfirstinherancestralhomeinthewinterof1945.Shethenhadababysonofcrawlingage
andwhowasacrybaby.Myfirstreactionwasthatshewasaconceitedgirlwithunhappinesswritten
alloverherface.Hersecondson,borninDecember,1946,wasanunwantedchild.Asababyhehad
tobecircumcisedtoremoveadefect.By1947hercupofunhappinesswasfullandfortunetook
possessionofherface.
Intheautumnof1946herfathergaveherasmallAustincar.Shewantedmetoteachherdriving.In
theinitialstagesIusedtotakehertotheViceroy'sbodyguard'sPoloGroundforlessons.Shewas
quickinlearning.ThenIstoppedthedrivinglessonsbecauseshewasgettingintotheadvancedstage
ofpregnancy.ItoldherIdidn'twanthertotakeanyriskgoingintotheopenroadslearningdriving.
HersecondsonwasborninthemiddleofDecember1946.BythemiddleofFebruary1947shewas
readytoresumedrivinglessons.WewentintotheroadsandtoConnaughtCircus.ThenItoldher
"youjustimaginethatyouknoweverything,concentrate,considerthepersondrivingacarfromthe
oppositedirectionisafool,andgoalongwithconfidencedrivingthecar,takearoundofConnaught
Circusandcomeback".Shedidthatandreturnedintriumph.Thedrivinglessonsendedthere.
Beforethemiddleof1947sheaskedmetotakeherouttoacinema.Fromthenonweusedtogoout
forpicturesasoftenasIwasfreewhichwasnotfrequent.
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ShelookedforwardtotakingmeoutdrivingovertheRidgewiththejungleoneitherside.Shehated
smallcars.SoweusedtogoinmycarwhichwasaPlymouth.Shelikedtogointothewildswhere
therewereruins.DrivestoregionsbeyondQutabMinarwerefavored.Oneday,duringanaimless
drive,shetoldmecomplainingly"Youdonotloveme".Isaid"IdonotknowIhadnotthoughtabout
it".Bytheautumnof1947Iknewshehadfallenheadlonginlovewithmewithoutmytakingany
initiativeinthematter.Herfacewouldlightuponseeingme.Shestartedtalkingtomeaboutherself.
Shesaidthatsometimeafterhermarriage,shediscoveredthatherhusbandwasnotfaithfultoher.
Thiscametoherasagreatshockbecauseshemarriedhimintheteethofoppositionfromevery
memberofthefamily.Shesaidshebegantolosehersaris,coats,blouses,shoesandhandbags.She
suspectedtheservantsuntilshediscoveredsomeofherlostthingsonthepersonsoftwowomenata
party.Thesewomenwereknowntobefriendlywithherhusband.Shealsofoundouttowhichwomen
herhusbandhadgiventhebooksstolenfromherbookshelves.
Shemadeitknownratherdiscreetlywhatherintentionswereaboutme.ItoldherIhadtwo
inhibitions:(1)Ididnotliketofoolaroundwithmarriedwomen(2)myloyaltytoherfather
prohibitedanythingsuchasshehadinmind.ShewasimmediatelyforthcomingaboutNo.1.She
assuredmethatsometimeagoshehadstoppedhavinganythingtodowithherhusband.Sheadded:"I
cannolongerbearthethoughtofhistouchingme".Shefurtherconfidedinme"fortunatelyhehas
alsogoneimpotentthoughheretainedhisattractiontowomen".AboutNo.2shewasangrywithme
andasked"Whathasmyfathergottodowithit?AmIaminor?"
Sincethenshespentasmuchtimewithmeaspossibleandridiculedmeformyattitudetoherfather
insofarasshewasconcerned.ButIcontinuedtoresistgently.Iwasnotmentallypreparedor
reconciledasyet.
Onthe18thNovember1947shetookmetoherroomandkissedmefullonthelipsandtoldme"I
wanttosleepwithyoutakemetothewildstomorrowevening".ItoldherthatIhadverylittle
experiencewithwomen.Shesaid"allthebetter".Soonthe19th,whichwasherbirthday,wewent
drivingoutandchoseaplaceinthewilderness.OnourwaybackItoldherthatIhadsomerevulsion
aboutmilkinherbreasts(thoughshehadstoppedbreastfeedingthechildawhileago).Afterward,
shedidsomethingaboutitandsoonwentcompletelydry.ShediscoveredthatIknewlittleaboutsex,
andgavemetwobooks,oneofthembyDr.AbrahamStoneaboutsexandfemaleanatomy.Iread
themwithprofit.
Shewasnotpromiscuousneitherdidsheneedsextoofrequently.Butinthesexactshehadallthe
artfulnessofFrenchwomenandKeralaNairwomencombined.Shelovedprolongedkissingand
beingkissedinthesamefashion.Shehadestablishedareputationofbeingcoldandforbidding.She
wasnothingofthekind.Itwasonlyaposeasafemininemeasureofselfprotection.Shewasa
passionatewomanwhowasexceptionallygoodasawrigglerinbed.Duringthetwelveyearswewere
lovers,Iwasneversatisfiedwithher.
Progressivelyshebecamehostiletothefatfemalefamilyfriendwhousedtocometostay.Eversince
shesawthefamilyfriendwelcomingmeonarrivalwithahugandaninnocentkissonmycheek,she
becamejealousandlividwithrageagainstthefamilyfriend.Occasionallythefamilyfriendusedto
askmetotakeherandmy"she"toagoodcinemawhenevertherewasoneintown.My"she"could
cleverlyseetoitthatIdidnotsitnearthefamilyfriendbutonlynexttoherasthirdintherow.
Thedaybeforethenexttimethefamilyfriendwasexpectedtoarrive"she"askedmetotakeherout
intothewildsaftersundown.InthecarIaskedher'whatisthebigidea?Ihavesomeurgentworkto
do'.Shereplied'aslongasthefatoneishere,IwillkeepawayfromyoubecauseIdonotwantyouto
touchmeaftershehastouchedyou.'IassuredherthatIhadabsolutelynointerestinthefatone.
Eventually,'she'gotusedtothefatone'sfriendlywelcomeanddeparturegesturestome.
Shetriedhardtopersuademetooccasionallygouptoherroomwhileherhusbandwasthere,sit
downandtalktothemboth.ItoldherthatIhadnointentionofpracticingdeception.Sosheusedto
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bringhimtomystudyoccasionally.
Sheusedallkindsofdevicestoensurethatherchildrenspentaslittletimewiththeirfatheras
possible.Shetoldmethatshedidnotwantanyinfluenceoftheirfatheronthembecauseshewas
convincedthathisinfluencewouldbebadforthem.Sheconcludedbysaying:"Idonotwantmy
childrentogrowupaschampionliars."Thiswasoneofthereasonswhyherhusbandwasshiftedtoa
separateroom.
OnceImentionedtohersomethingwhichherhusbandhadtoldme.Shesaid:"Don'tbelieveaword
ofwhathesays.Ihavelearntittomybittercost".
ShewrotetoA.C.N.Nambiar,whomshehadknownpersonallyforalongtimeandwhowasalsoa
friendofherfatherandmother,askingforhisopinionaboutdivorcingherhusband.Sheknewthat
Nambiarwasadearfriendofmine.Nambiarrepliedtohertosaythatundercertaincircumstancesit
waspreferabletohaveaclearbreaktolivinginmakebelieve.Ididnotencourageherinthismatter,
mostlyforthesakeofherfather.
Oneday,shetoldmethatshecouldnotbearthethoughtofbeingmarriedtoaHindu.Itoldher"Itisa
complimenttothegalaxyofgreatmenHinduismhasproducedthroughtheages".
Ineverencouragedhertocometomybedroom.Ononeoccasionshecame.Itwaspastmidnight.I
wasfastasleep,havingworkedtillmidnightshelaydownbesidemeandgentlywokemeupbya
kiss.Iaskedher"Whatisthematter?"Shesaid:"Ihadtocome".Ididnotknowifshehadbeen
troubledinmind.Itoldher:"Letuslieherequietlyanddonothingunlessyouwantto".Shesaid:"On
thisoccasion,Ionlywanttobewithyou".Shelaythererelaxedtillabout4inthemorning,andgently
tiptoedtoherroomupstairs.Beforegoingawayshetoldme:"InevertoldyouthatonceIthoughtof
committingsuicide.Suchthoughtsdonotcometomeanymore.Youhavegivenmebackmy
happiness."
Once,earlyinourlifeoflove,shetoldme,"IneverknewwhatrealsexwasuntilIhadyou".Atthe
heightofherpassioninbed,shewouldholdmetightandsay"Oh,Bhupat,Iloveyou".Shelovedto
giveandreceivenicknames.ShegavemethenameofBhupatthedacoit,andIpromptlygaveherthe
nameofPutli,thedacoitess.Inprivateweusedtocalleachotherbythesenames.Abouther
protestationsofloveinherromanticexcitement,IquotedtoheroncetwopassagesfromByron'sDon
Juan:
"Man'sloveisaman'slife,athingapart,Itisawoman'swholeexistence.Inherfirstpassionwoman
lovesherloverInallothersallshelovesislove".
Shereplied,"allright,Iwantyoutotellmeasoftenaspossible,notinbed,thatyouloveme".Itried
mybesttoobligeher.Infact,therewasnodifficulty,forIhadfallendeeplyinlovewithher.
Oneevening,Ifoundherdisturbed.Whenshesawme,sheburstintotears.Iaskedherwhathad
happened.Shesaidthatwhenshecamefromherdressingroomtodrinkherusualglassofmilk,she
discoveredthattherewasfinelypowderedglassinit.Thepowderwasfloatingonthethickcream.At
thefirstsipsheimmediatelysenseditinhermouthandspatitout.Shesaidthatfromherdressing
roomsheheardherhusbandsneakingintoherbedroomandmakinganexit.Shecontrolledherself,
putherarmsroundmeandholdingmetight,said:"Oh,Mackie,IloveyouIamsogladyoucame
up."
IntheConstellationplansonourfirstvisitabroadtogether,shewasallexcitementwhenwewerein
sightofMontBlanc.Shesaidsoftlytome,"IliketheQueenBee,Iwouldliketomakelovehighup
intheair".Iaskedher:"Didn'tyoueverdreamofsoaringhigheruplikeaneagleandsurveyingthe
world?Iwokeupfromsuchadreamonceandfoundmyselfonthefloor,forIhadfallenfromthebed
withoutbreakinganybones".SheknewIwaspullingherleg.OnreachingLondon,shefoundoutthe
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firstfreemealtimeforher,andarrangedformetotakehertoaquietrestaurant.Onreachingthe
restaurant,IaskedhertoorderthefoodIsaidIwouldhavethesameasherswiththeadditionofsix
largerawoystersonicewithappropriatesaucetobeginwith.Shesaidshetoowouldhaveit.The
maindishsheorderedwasveal.Shesaid"EversinceIarrivedhere,Ihavebeendyingtoeatveal".I
askedherifevershehadreadVatsayana'sKamaSutra.Shesaid,"No,why?"ItoldherVatsayanahad
prescribedvealforyoungcoupleforsixmonthsbeforemarriage.Shehadnotevenreadthe
RamayanaortheMahabaharata.HerknowledgeoftheRamayanawasonlywhathergrandmotherhad
toldher.Inmanyways,shewasadenationalizedperson.
Shedidnotlikeartificialbirthcontrolaids.Onceintheearlyfiftiesshegotpregnantbyme.She
decidedtohaveanabortiondone.ShewenttotheBritishHighCommissiondoctorwhomsheknew
personallybutherefusedtohelp.Soshewenttoherancestralhomeandgotintouchwithalady
doctorwhomsheknewpersonallyandinwhomshehadperfectconfidence.Onthistripshetookher
secondsonwithher.Afterafortnightthemotherandthelittlesonreturnedwiththegoodnewsthat
theboywascuredofhisdefectinspeechinthenaturalprocess.Earlierhecouldnotpronounce"R",
andthemotherwasworriedaboutitshewasinfranticsearchforaspeechcorrectionexpert.Onthe
dayofherreturn,shetoldmethatthewholethingcameoutwithoutanymedicationoraid.
Wasthefatherawareofherattachmenttome?Theanswerisintheaffirmative.Everytimehehadto
gooutfordinner,heknewwheretofindher.Fifteenminutesbeforethetimeofdeparture,shewould
comefullydeckedupandsitinfrontofmeinmystudy.Atthestrokeoftheappointedtimethefather
wouldpassmystudyandcallherout.
Inthewinterof1958Ihappenedtoseesomethingbysheerchance.Immediatelyafterlunch,Iwentto
conveysomeurgentinformationtoher.Shehadalreadyclosedthedoor.Iknockedafteraboutfive
minutesshehalfopenedthedoorandpeepedout.Idiscoveredthatthecurtainsweredrawnandatall,
youngishhandsome,beardedmanaBrahmacahriwasintheroom.Icameawaysaying"Ihad
somethingtotellyoubutIshallsayitlater".Thatwastheendofourrelationship.Shetriedtomake
mebelieveseveraltimesthatthesceneIwitnessedmeantnothingmorethansome"yoga"and
"spiritual"lessons.IgaveherthedefiniteimpressionthatIwasnotinterestedinherexplanations.
Graduallyshegrewbitteragainstme.Infact,ultimatelyshebecamemydeadlyenemywhich
constantlyremindedmeofthefamouscoupletofWilliamCongrave:
"Heavenhasnoragelikelovetohatredturnednorhellafurylikeawomanscorned."
WithinafortnightoftheincidentIcollectedallherpassionatelettersandreturnedthemtoher.Ayear
laterIcameacrosssomemoreinmyoldpapers.Theywerealsoreturnedtoher.
Thereisanerroneousbeliefamongsomethatsheandherhusbandcametogetherduringthelasttwo
yearsofthehusband'slife.Enoughhadhappenedintheirlivesthatareunionofheartswasnot
humanlypossible.Itistruethatshewaskindandconsideratetohimduringhisillness.Certainthings
weredoneduringthisperiodandmorespeciallyatthecremationandcollectionoftheashesofthe
husbandandwelladvertisedtogivecertaindesiredimpressions.Theywereallforpublic
consumption,for,bythattime,shehademergedasafullfledgedpoliticalanimal.
23rdJune,1977.
Afterword:
Afewclarifications,nowthatthereadershadalookatthematerialpresentedbynolessapersonthan
M.O.MathaihimselfonIndira(akaMaimunaBegum).
Indirausedto'shaveherlimbs'readthatas'herpubichairs'.ThisisanIslamicpracticeforcedtoday
ontheAfghanpopulationbytheTalibansinAfghanistan.Thereisnothingextraordinaryinher
statementthatshewouldnotliketogetmarriedtoaHinduman,althoughsheusedtohave
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unauthorizedsexwiththeHindu'brahmachari'inherownbedroom.
Thathersecondson(thebastardsonbyMohammadYunus)Sanjay(akaSanjiv)hadcircumcisionis
nosecretnow.Whyblameanunknownandimagined'defect'?Itwasdoneonlytoleavethesealof
Islam,exactlyasithadbeendoneonJawaharinthepalaceofthenawabofOudh.Herinordinatelove
toeatvealcanbetoleratedbutnotthefalseexplanationofcircumcision.TheentireNehrufamilywas
ofIslamicrootsofunknownpedigreeandtheynowplantohandoverthecountrytoday,toanillbred
Catholicwomanofunknownpedigree.
Thatshehadtheabortionofherthirdbaby,theonesiredbyMathai,isnotknownbymany.Butthe
matterwashushedupbytheexcuseof'speechdefect'ofthebabyson,Sanjiv(hewasnotname
changedtoSanjayasyet,afterthecartheftinLondonandtoprocureaseparateIndianpassportto
evadetheLondonpolice).Nowweknowthatitishardtopronouncetheletter'R'!
ThatFirozwasaliardoesnotcometousasurprise!Didn'ttheschoolboysusetochant:
"Galigalimenshorhai,RajivGandhichorhai?"
AndtothinkthatnoonehadtoldthemthatthebastardsonofIndirawastheBoforsthief,whichfact
evenanyoftheIndianleadershavenotyetbeenabletodecipher!Andhowcouldafornicationprone
thieflikeFiroz,hidethefactfromasmartbroadlikeIndira(akaMaimunaBegum),hisownwife,for,
itiswidelyacceptedthatIndirawasindeedmuchsmarterthanFiroz.
ThatIndirahadnoorlittleknowledgeoftheRamayanaandtheMahabharata,wassuspectedbymany.
DidsheknowanythingatalloftheKoran?ShewasafterallinvitedbytheSaudikingtoattendthe
HajjceremonyatMeccawhichinformationwasalsosuppressedbyourfoolishmediapersons.If
IndiralearnttherudimentsoftheRamayanafromhergrandmother,thequestionstillremains,which
one?Jawahar'smotherorKamlaNehru's(neeKaul)mother!Wehappentoknowthenameof
Jawahar'smotheritwasThussuwhichwaschangedlatertoSwarupRani.Noneofusseemtoknow
thenameofKamlaKaul'smother.
ThefactofFiroz'scremationisveryinteresting.ItwasdoneonlytofooltheHindusofIndia.This
SunnimusalmansonofNawabKhan,theliquorvendorofAllahabad,convertedtoCatholicismby
Sonia'spetulanceatOrbassano,Italy,haddiedandbeencrematedlikethekafirHindusbutwasnot
buriedinaccordancewiththetenetsofIslam.Thenwhathappenedtohim?DidhegototheJannatat
all?Didhehavethe72houriesandthe28gilmans(pearllikeboys)?Noonetellsusthat!Itis
amazingthattheIndianmediaisheadedbyabunchofidiotsandthatsituationneedstobecorrected
asearlyaspossible.
IamsurethattheshortwriteupbyMathaihasdoneaworldofgoodforourreadersandeventually
thelargerpublicinIndia.Restassured,allIndiaisnowreadingourwebsiteanddiscoveringthetruth
forthefirsttime.Thetruthwillsurelyeventuallycomeoutinfull,foralltoknowandeventuallythey
willallactastruesonsofthesoil.Atthemoment,ourIndiaischockablockwithtraitors,starting
fromthePresident,MichaelKocherilRamanNarayanantoGujral,KuldipNayyar,ShabanaAzmi,
JavedAkhtar,DilipKumar,ManiShankarAiyar,K.NatwarSingh,retiredambassadorAbidHusain,
MukarramHusainetalandahostofothers!
AndathoughtaboutFiroz'sattempttopoisonhisownwife!Wasitthesameincidentthathad
promptedIndiratopoisonLalBahadurShastriatTashkent?Whoknows?

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