Unwanted Love Stories

Some place......

Ice-cream bell; her voice reminded him of an ice-cream

bell.

That simple unadulterated sound of joy, laughter, and

cheeky honesty, was something he never thought he would live
to hear.

Honesty; he has been looking for honesty for a long time.

It was not the common currency in his society. This society.

And now someone was using it. Without fear.

Or guilt.

He looked at the living embodiment of imperfection across

the table. The mellowing sunlight highlighted her soft dark
hair, coarse from chemical treatment, as it bounced with every
sudden jerk of her laughter. From a giggle to guffaws. She was
cracking a joke about blonde brunettes, brunette blondes. The
perfect people of his society; she was making fun of them.

Perfect. He could hardly wait to get to know her.

A waiter came to collect the bill. There were shuffling of

footwear, rustling of pockets, and friction of notes of red,
green, and blue. Not to mention musical voices of light-hearted
protests and assurance. Act of chivalry ensued with three red

1
notes. Promises of returned kindness were half-heartedly
exchanged.

He smiled at his friends. Nothing has changed.

His brown eyes followed her steadily as she did her best
imitation of sincerity while she tried to press a green note in
his best friend’s palm. When failed, they entered a mini
discourse about the definition of the modern man. Her petite
frame leaned forward, eyes still, body immobile, as if she was
waiting to pounce on any runaway logic.

The sun said 6 o’ clock. Friends bade their goodbyes and

left for glamorous parties they didn’t want to go to. He didn’t
want to wait any longer.

“Let me fix Aaron’s bad hospitality,” he interrupted. His

hand was outstretched.

Buying the opportunity, she smacked the note into his

palm with a “Hah!” His best friend then started a jest about
greedy bastards. He smoothly responded with a well-you-didn’t-
want-it-anyway. They laughed and joked some more. Then his
friend excused himself to a family dinner.

She got up to leave, saying that it was getting late. He

swiftly presented her the green note in his palm. A fiver.

“What?” She seemed bemused.

“Keep it.”

2
 “No, you keep it. I’m paying for my meal. I don’t want to
owe people.”

“Then I’ll buy you part of your dinner with this.”

Her eyes twinkled. And blinked. For a moment, he

couldn’t tell what went on behind the black holes in her pupils.
He thought he saw many things in a turbulence of thoughts.

But he could tell that she was considering what he wanted.

“Okay,” she smiled, amused.

As she sat down in her chair and laid her bag on the chair
next to her once more, he noticed something peculiar. This
time, there was something about her presence he couldn’t quite
grasp. So much that even the night air changed. It felt...

...heavy.

Melancholy; there was an insane amount of it. Despite the

calm smile on her rosy face.

For a moment, he wondered if it’s because of the Guinness

he bought her an hour ago.

Those black holes seemed to grow deeper. He wanted to

know why.

3
Somewhere. Same girl. Different guy...

“Sorry that I’m late,” she panted as she slammed the car
door. Droplets of water told him that she showered right after
he announced his arrival 20 minutes ago.

“Again, you mean.”

“Well, sorry,” she rolled her deep brown eyes as she

stifled a smile. “The hairdryer broke down and I had to look for
my comb.”

“I don’t see any difference,” he raised an eyebrow at her

ever messy ‘natural’ look.

“Just drive!” Her hands raised animatedly before hitting

the dashboard. Her smile gave her away. He smiled to himself.
She could be so endearingly predictable.

The Ford Cruiser gallantly rolled onto the busy highway.

They were supposed to watch a movie downtown, after
indulging in Shangri La’s generous hospitality for their college
reunion. For a short while, they just allowed themselves to be
absorbed into the upbeat atmosphere of Traxx FM. He noticed
that she was unusually quiet. She noticed that he often stole
glances at her.

They noticed that DJ Pat and DJ Mag were funny for once.

“I’m sorry that I’m late,” she said. She looked at him.

4
 “Nah, it’s okay.” He gave her a reassuring glance before
leaning against the steering wheel to analyze the fluid
roundabout before emerging with it. It didn’t matter to him that
they would be late for their college reunion. She looked more
beautiful than the last time he remembered. Right now, she was
sitting next to him.

Some things are just worth the wait.

A shrill mechanical cry vibrated in between them. Her

face shone white light as she expertly pressed a few buttons.
He didn’t know what to make out of the placid stare at her
mobile. Her lips twitched.

“I’ve a friend who wants to watch the movie too. Do you

mind?” She looked at him again with earnest eyes. He quickly
paid attention to a crawling Kancil next to them.

Or not.

“Yeah, sure. Guy or girl?” He tried to sound indifferent.

“It’s a he. He said he might be bringing a friend too.”

His grip tightened.

“Oh, okay. So what’s the plan now?”

“Since it’s hard to get the tickets, why don’t you drop me
off to buy the tickets first and then we meet later? I don’t think

5
the class will miss me. We’re going to meet again next week
for rock-climbing anyway.”

“Alright, I’ll drop you off. You go have fun then.”

“Aren’t you coming later?”

“Nah. I don’t know them anyway.” He hated the way he

sounded. He felt like he was killing her night.

She slipped her mobile into her bag and quietly studied
him. Back straight. Face taut. Eyes shifted a lot. They didn’t
really want to meet hers. Come to think of it, he hasn’t
properly looked at her for the past few days.

“What?” His head jerked to his left to briefly meet her

piercing stare.

“Nothing.” Her lips twitched in amusement. “You okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing.” She blinked.

“You sure?” He wished she would stop staring. If only she

didn’t look at him that way. It almost killed him.

“Are you sure?”

Silence. He cursed at a careless Mazda which almost

scratched his new paint job. Swerving the Ford to the right, a

6
sudden wash of iridescent lights warmly greeted them from the
dark grey roads. People of silver and gold decorated the
brightly lit stores of red and pink. Outside the car, they could
hear children wailed as their parents dragged them away from
forbidden toys and candies. Lovers giggled with their shared
ice-cream. A salesman tried to convince an old chemist that the
perfume in his chemical-free hair product was a typo. The
grand entrance merrily called out to her to hurry up.

“You have fun, alright?” He plastered on a smile as all

locked buttons stood up to let her go.

“You too.” Her eyes seemed to say everything and

nothing.

The door slammed again. Their tight smiles remained as

the black Ford Cruiser blended into the background. Stores
nearby played the works of Beyonce, S.H.E., Jessica Simpson,
and Teriyaki Boyz. Nothing but the cacophony of it all
reflected the muted requiem in her heart.

She sighed at her realization.

~

Elsewhere. Same girl. Different guy...

A restaurant. A pub. A clubhouse. A bar. Bistro. No, wait,

a lounge.

Yes, that sounds a lot better. Sophisticated.

7
 The art of pretension.

They sat near the grand piano on stage. She absent-

mindedly observed the swirling clouds in an oil painting next
to the pianist. It was a picture of a yacht on still waters of the
Pacific Ocean. The full moon was drawn pure and bright against
a foreboding storm. The lighted thunderstorm behind the yacht
seemed more real than anything else.

The best lies are the ones told without realization.

She looked at her date’s mess of a crown: ruffled and

sexy; just the way the she liked it. She wondered if he knew it.
After all, he was what many girls vied after: attractive looks,
wit, charm, kindness, and confidence.

Then again, he wasn’t what she wanted: inspiration,

ingenuity.

She smiled again as her date animatedly re-enacted his

experience at work. It was almost like routine. He didn’t seem
to mind anyway because his voice quivered with excitement.

“You having fun?” He asked after noticing that she smiled

at the wrong time. His voice toned down.

“Yeah, I am. No worries.” Her eyes widened. Her lips

parted into a genuine smile. Her head cocked to one side, tilted
with curiosity.

“Really now. You don’t seem to be saying much.”

8
 “I didn’t know that I have to say something to show that
I’m having fun,” she said in mock protest. “Can’t I enjoy by
myself?”

“Well, sharing is caring.” He couldn’t help but smile at

her effort.

She rolled her eyes and smiled back. “Well, for what it’s
worth, thank you for inviting me to dinner.”

His smile faded. Leaning against his plush chair, he

looked at her intently for a moment. He studied her. Slowly, he
leaned forward and paused.

“No, thank you,” he said quietly. “Thanks for coming to

dinner with me.”

Her cheeks warmed up. She looked at him for a while and
blinked. The numbing effect of her third Vodka Lime was gone.
Suddenly, she could feel the pressure she was putting onto the
velvet cushion beneath her. The air was pregnant with void.
Chet Baker’s My Funny Valentine had stopped playing.

She thought of her workmates, her course mates, her

classmates, her friends, her neighbours. She thought of all the
other he(s) in her life. They were all different; special; unique.
People she didn’t know what she would have done without
them. People who had almost nothing in common among
themselves. Except, maybe, for one thing—

9
 They fell for her.

And she was never there to catch them. She never really
wanted them to fall in the first place anyway.

“There’s something I want you to know...”

His gaze dropped and quickly returned. His shoulders

shifted uneasily. His hands didn’t know what to do with
themselves. There was a hint of tremor in his voice.

“...I think you know it anyway.”

She looked at him again. She recognized the intensity in

his eyes.

And felt sad.

Because of what she couldn’t give.

Some time. Same girl. Different guy...

He was hit by a sudden awe of her dissimilarity. His

pupils dilated, interested. A conquest? Something genuine? He
was unsure. All he knew was that her actions, demeanour, and
answers were almost unpredictable.

Almost; because he was once there.

10
 He was amused. There was nothing like her before.

And she knew that.

The white light of MSN Messenger reflected against their

contemplative stare.

She lazily traced the little buttons on her keyboard. Her

mind whirred. Eyes blinked as they lapped up all the little
details on the screen, both significant and insignificant. A
steady breath. There was almost nothing to suggest her next
course of actions; no notes for reference.

But she knew what to do.

Signs of an old player.

He had to smile at his screen. Nobody ever had the

courage to prod and poke at things he dug into, even more so at
things he barely touched. A well of questions, many
unanswered before. She was like his personal Oracle.

It was liberating. He didn’t think she could do that.

One ring. Two rings. She masked the zealous smile in her
voice with a nonchalant “Hello”. She proceeded with inquiries
of his health, career, ideals, and perception. Random comments
of shared sentiments towards the citizens of the world. And she
listened.

11
 A lot. To an infinite torrent of feelings towards his life,
veiled behind the not-so-subtle descriptions of mum, dad,
siblings, authorities, friends, people, and ex-girlfriends.
Especially ex-girlfriends. They held a big key to his heart. He
had to talk about them.

He wanted her to know. He trusted her.

She smiled. He didn’t know anything about her. Come to

think of it, they never knew anything about her. They barely
asked. They never wanted to know who she met or where she
went or what she did today. They were interested in how and
why. Always.

The bronze ceiling fan languidly whirred as the

conversation became silent.

“You’re really something else, you know that?” he said.

“How so?”

“Your views, your perceptions, your understanding, the

way you speak, act...everything. You’re just...different.”

Her lips curled. She never knew how to react to

statements like that. "Thank you" sounded a bit curt to her.

“You’ll do better in another country,” he said. “This place

kills.”

“Would you go with me?”

12
 “I would if I could.”

The slow ticking of the clock on her dressing table kept

the silence alive. She could almost feel the heat exuding from
the mouthpiece. She didn’t mind it at all.

“You know,” she said. “I’m just about four centimetres

away from you.”

“It’s probably about eight. Four from your side, four from
mine......Right now, it’s almost like we’re whispering into each
other’s ear...”

“Without the phone......you’ll be right next to me.”

Silence. The fan seemed to whirl at the pace of their

heartbeats. One ear chased the other, oblivious to the stillness
of the night.

“I should have met you a lot earlier.” His voice was soft.

Suddenly, the room didn’t seem so dark anymore. Her

heart smiled aglow. But it was a painful smile, because she
knew that tone—the tone of impossibility.

“Likewise.”

He was infatuated with her. Again, she knew that. Men

fell for her quite quickly. And like times she had fallen before,

13
they could never be together. No matter how much she wanted.
For reasons out of their control.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

It’s been so long since she felt something real; something

close to what she wanted.

“I’m going to the office. Work ends at one. Might have a

meeting afterwards—”

“When are you free?”

And so she didn’t want to care anymore.

“I should be free around three.”

Outside her room, she could hear the grinding of wheels

against the cracked marble floor. It was the locomotive her
mother bought her brother for his birthday; the toy the boy so
wanted for months, it was like his holy grail.

The boy happily dragged the English train across the

living room, oblivious to the speed. Now was all that mattered
to him. Ignorance is bliss.

Yet, little did it occur to him that one moment of oblivion

could end the smooth journey with a crash, with his mother’s
prized vase from the Ming dynasty.

A collision of dreams.

14