Building a

Healthy
Relationship
Is About:

The Facts About..

Abuse in Relationships

TEEN DATING
ABUSE
AND

One third of teens report experiencing some

kind of abuse in their romantic relationships,
including verbal and emotional abuse.1
*
13% of teen girls in a relationship admit to being
physically hurt or hit.2
*
One in three teens reports knowing a friend or
peer who has been hit, punched, kicked,
slapped or physically hurt by their partner.2

Honesty
.
Treating each
other with
respect

*
Domestic violence occurs in approximately 3040% of gay and lesbian relationships.3
*
Battering is the leading cause
of injury to women--more than motor vehicle
crashes, rapes or muggings combined

Shared decisions
.
Open communication

Changing your
mind
..
Saying no to
anything

Feeling safe

Having other
friends

Somerset & Kennebec Counties

Being treated
As an equal
.
Privacy

Being yourself
.
Being safe

Domestic Violence Helpline: 623-3569

24-Hr. Toll-Free Helpline:
1-877-890-7788
Augusta Main Office 623-8637
Waterville Office: 877-0835
Skowhegan Office: 474-8860
Email: fvp@familyviolenceproject.org
Website: www.familyviolenceproject.org

Family Violence Project is supported by the Maine Department of

Health & Human Services, Maine State Housing Authority and
the United Way agencies of Kennebec Valley and Mid-Maine.

1Love

is not Abuse.com, 2010

2Teenage
3

Research Unlimited, Liz Claiborne Inc., 2005

http://www.rainbowdomesticviolence.itgo.com

Red Flags of Abuse

There are 10 warning signs that indicate abusive behavior may be present in a relationship.
If you can check one or more of the boxes, you need
to be thinking about how this relationship feels for
you!

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:

Expect you to spend all of your time with
him/her or to check in with them and let
them know where you are?
Act extremely jealous and/or possessive of
you?
Isolate you by controlling where you go, who
you see and talk to, what you wear?
Treat you with disrespect and put you down?
Put down your family and friends, your
dreams, your ideas or goals?
Lose his/her temper over little things?
Make you feel as if you are walking on eggshells?
Make threats to hurt you, hurt your pets, destroy your property, and/or commit suicide
if you dont do what he/she wants?
Play mind games or make you feel guilty?
Refuse to take responsibility for his/her
actions, blame you, drugs or alcohol, his/ her
boss, parents, etc. for his/her behavior?

You have RIGHTS

in a relationship

TEEN DATING ABUSE IS ALL ABOUT A PATTERN OF HARMFUL AND

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE
WHO KNOW EACH OTHER.

YOU...
have the power to help a friend

*Share expenses
*Spend time with other people
*Be treated with respect

Peer Pressure
Threatening to
expose someones
weakness or spread
rumors *telling
malicious lies about
an individual to
peer group

*End a date at any time

*Share in decision making
*Talk things out
*Say "no" to anything
*Have your own opinion
*Trust *Have privacy
*Not to be hurt or forced through violence
*Be free from expected paybacks
*Choose who you want to date
*Be treated fairly *Be treated honestly
*Be safe and feel safe
*Make changes to your relationship or
break up
*Control what you do with your body
*Decide how serious you want things to be
*Be yourself/do what is best for you
*Expect more than a physical relationship
*Communicate openly
*Date other people if not exclusive
*Be treated with courtesy
*Express your feelings and emotions

Isolation/ Exclusion
Controlling what another
does, who she/he sees,
and talks to, what she/he
reads, where she/he goes
* limiting outside involvement * using jealousy to
justify actions.

Anger/Emotional
Abuse
Putting her/him down *
making her/him feel bad
about her or himself *
name calling * Making
her/him think she/hes
crazy * playing mind
games * humiliating
one another *
making her/him
Using Social Status
feel guilty
Treating a partner like a

TEEN
POWER
&
CONTROL
WHEEL

Sexual Coercion
Manipulating or making
threats to get sex * getting her
pregnant * threatening to take
the children away * getting
someone drunk or drugged to
have sex

Threats
Making and /or
carrying out threats to
do something to hurt
another * threatening to
leave, to commit suicide, to report her/him
to the police * making
her/him drop charges *
making her/him do
illegal things.

servant * making all the

decisions * acting like the
master of the castle *
being the one to define
mens and womens roles

Listen and believe

Express your concerns
Tell her/him you care
Tell her/him you are worried about her/him
Tell her she/he doesn't deserve abuse, help her/him
recognize that abuse is more than physical--it can be
emotional, verbal and sexual
Make it clear to the victim that violence is not
acceptable

Intimidation
Making someone afraid by using
looks, actions, gestures * smashing things * destroying property
* abusing pets * displaying
weapons

Minimize/ Deny/
Blame
Making light of the abuse
and not taking concerns
about it seriously * saying
the abuse didnt happen
* shifting the responsibility for abusive behavior *
saying she/he caused it

*Have a chance to explain yourself

Help the victim believe she/he is not to blame and that

changing her/his behavior will not make it stop
Don't be critical of the abusive partner
Help the victim make a safety plan
Ask "What can I do to help?"
Assist in getting help

Helping the Abuser

Tell him that violent behavior is never okay. Offer
alternatives for cooling off
Be a role model

*Defend yourself

Take a stand; don't reinforce abusive behavior by

*Stay connected to friends and other activities

laughing, minimizing or ignoring an act of violence

*Be treated as an equal

*Be free from pressure *Change your mind

Helping the Victim

ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR IS A CAUSE OF UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS DONT FEEL GOOD BECAUSE IT IS ALL ABOUT ONE PERSON

Call the police if you witness an assault