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Enneagram

Type 2 - The
Helper
Helpers who need to be needed

People of this personality type


essentially feel that they are worthy insofar as they are helpful to
others. Love is their highest ideal. Selflessness is their duty. Giving
to others is their reason for being. Involved, socially aware, usually
extroverted, Twos are the type of people who remember
everyone's birthday and who go the extra mile to help out a coworker, spouse or friend in need.
Twos are warm, emotional people who care a great deal about
their personal relationships, devote an enormous amount of energy
to them, and who expect to be appreciated for their efforts. They
are practical people who thrive in the helping professions and who
know how to make a home comfortable and inviting. Helping
others makes Twos feel good about themselves; being needed
makes them feel important; being selfless, makes Twos feel
virtuous. Much of a Two's self-image revolves around these issues,
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and any threat to that self-image is scarcely tolerated. Twos are


thoroughly convinced of their selflessness, and it is true that they
are frequently genuinely helpful and concerned about others. It is
equally true, however, that Twos require appreciation; they need
to be needed. Their love is not entirely without ulterior motive.
Twos often develop a sense of entitlement when it comes to the
people closest to them. Because they have extended themselves
for others, they begin to feel that gratitude is owed to them. They
can become intrusive and demanding if their often
unacknowledged emotional needs go unmet. They can be bossy and
manipulative, feeling entirely justified in being so, because they
"have earned the right" and their intentions are good. The darkest
side of the type Two fixation appears when the Two begins to feel
that they will never receive the love they deserve for all of their
efforts. Under such circumstances, they can become hysterical,
irrational and even abusive.
Because Twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they
can forget to take care of their own. This can lead to physical
burnout, emotional exhaustion and emotional volatility. Twos need
to learn that they can only be of true service to others if they are
healthy, balanced and centered in themselves.
Twos can mistype themselves if they are not in an obvious helper
role in their professional lives; they might not recognize the extent
of their involvement in assisting others. This is especially true for
male Twos, who have not received the same social rewards for
helping as female Twos receive. Male Twos frequently mistype as
Ones or Threes, the wings of type Two. Females, of all types, are
bound to recognize some of the dynamics of type Two in their
personalities, as such qualities have been socially reinforced.
Female Nines, for instance, are especially prone to mistyping as
Twos, particularly if they are the mothers of small children. But
Nines are self-effacing and humble; Twos are proud and have a
strong sense of their own worth.

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TYPE TWO: THE GIVER


Twos are driven by a need to be loved, to be needed, to be appreciated. To
get that love, they express love and devotion more freely than most: they
become helpers," interested in the welfare of others, and in doing things for
others.
Their love, however, is not truly free; they expect repayment. Often they
establish dependency relationships which art in effect, a form of bribery to
get the love they so badly need. Twos are usually unwilling, even unable, to
acknowledge that all their efforts to please and gratify are motivated by
their own strong needs for love and approval.

Twos are driven by a need to be loved, to be needed, to be appreciated. To


get that love, they express love and devotion more freely than most: they
become helpers," interested in the welfare of others, and in doing things for
others.
Their love, however, is not truly free; they expect repayment. Often they
establish dependency relationships which art in effect, a form of bribery to
get the love they so badly need. Twos are usually unwilling, even unable,
to acknowledge that all their efforts to please and gratify are motivated by
their own strong needs for love and approval.
Possible origins. Twos were the children who were loved for being
pleasing. They quickly recognized the qualities in themselves that were
appealing to the different adults in their lives and learned to put on a
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performance that met those needs. Another common scenario is reported by


Twos whose sensitivity to the needs of others developed because they had
to support their parents emotionally. Others recognized the manipulative
possibilities of becoming indispensable and loved, and used their seductive
abilities to extract what they needed from other people.
Flawed Twos become too involved, over-extend themselves in the service
of too many good causes, befriend and advise too many people and wind
up feeling burdened and physically worn out. They may feel that they are
not properly valued. Twos are attracted to power and do not waste time
developing relationships with those below. The need for love can
degenerate into a need to control, expressed in the form of manipulation.
Twos are masters at creating guilt in others while maintaining their own
righteous positions. They may martyr themselves, ostensibly putting
themselves in the service of others while unconsciously resenting those
others.
As managers they will alter temperamentally, at times wanting to be liked
by employees, at times feeling burdened by their presence.
Well-Adapted Twos, those who have learned to love without necessarily
being loved in return, are unselfish, considerate, and genuinely loving.
They are altruistic and frequently serve real needs in the world. They will
be found serving on fund-raising committees, working with charitable
organizations. On a personal level they are compassionate, thoughtful, and
ready to help.
Well-adapted Twos see the potentials in people. They are sensitive to
bringing a new person into the group. They draw people out. They also
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become capable of accepting anger in themselves when it occurs and using


it as a basis for asserting their own needs. They stop cloaking themselves in
selfless and powerless virtue, and free themselves to use power directly.
They become less likely to do a slow burn and more likely to surface
problems as they arise.
Occupations. Typical occupations are social services and philanthropic
endeavors of all sorts. As managers, they might very well gravitate to
human resources and training, or organization development. Attractive
environments include any situation of assisting or associating with a
powerful leader.
Finding Oneself:
Twos will probably agree with most of the following statements:
1. Many people depend on my help and generosity.
2. I take more pride in my service of others than in anything else.
3. I need to feel important in other people's lives. I like people to need
me.
4. I seem to have personal radar for the detection of moods and
preferences of others.
5. Each of my friends brings out a different part of me.
6. I am attracted to difficult relationships.
7. I don't feel that I have that many needs.

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8. I believe that gaining approval is equal to gaining love.


9. When I have time off, I frequently spend it helping others.
10.Having a sense of personal freedom is very important to me.

The Helper (the Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's


needs.
How to Get Along with Me
Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably
try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
In Intimate Relationships
Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen
with me.
What I Like About Being a Two

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being able to relate easily to people and to make


friends
knowing what people need and being able to make
their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others'
feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good
sense of humor

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What's Hard About Being a Two


not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of
being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I
should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as
I tume in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I
suppress my real feelings
Twos as Children Often
are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and
understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get
attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or
quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)
Twos as Parents
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are good listeners, love their children unconditionally,


and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they
aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?"
"Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective

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Dynamics of Type 2: Helper


World View: People depend on my help. I am needed.
Basic Desire: to be loved
Basic Fear: of being unloved

Healthy loop controlled by Basic Desire:


Need to be loved -> help others -> loved -> Need to be loved
In the healthy state, the need to be loved induces Type Twos to help
others which causes them to be loved. When Twos feel loved, the
need is satisfied and a balance is reached.

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In the average state, when Twos' are not helping others and are not
loved, the need to be loved increases, which helps Twos to again
reach out and help others. Thus the balancing loop can help Twos to
recover.
Unhealthy loop controlled by Basic Fear:
Fear of being unloved -> resent and manipulate others -> loved ->
Fear of being unloved
In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of being unloved can cause
Type Twos to feel resentful and try to manipulate others into loving
them. This can cause people to love them even less, which further
increases Twos' basic fear. The cycle continues to build up.
Insight:
We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of
the basic fear is to weaken the unhealthy loop. Twos can refrain
from manipulating others but start to genuinely help others. This will
cause Twos to be loved, and thus reduce the fear of being unloved.

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Enneagram Type 2: The Giver


Lost essential quality: An experience of the essential truth that all needs
are satisfied through a universal will, which is greater than that of the
individual.
Compensating belief: You must give to receive. To be loved you must be
needed.
Attention/coping strategy: Getting your own needs met by being needed
and actively giving to others. Focusing attention on others needs and
repressing your own.
Trap: Obtaining personal fulfillment through meeting other peoples needs.

Driving energy: Pride in being needed, even indispensable. Feeling you


know what others need better than they do.
Avoidance: Disappointing people, becoming useless, being seen negatively
by important others and being rejected.
Strengths: Generous, sensitive, helpful, energetic.

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Paradox: Giving more to others does not bring freedom and fulfillment for
yourself, and being cut off from an awareness of your own needs prevents
you from obtaining the freedom and fulfillment you desire.
Path of development:
Pay attention to personal needs and wants
Learn to receive
Nurture a separate self
Develop independence and autonomy
Ultimate task: Realizing that love is not dependent on being needed, and
developing a sense of humility that goes with not knowing what to give and
being in need yourself.

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Type 2: The Giver


Sensing the needs of others and adapting to meet their needs
How have my attention and energy been going to others needs? In what ways
have I acted on what others seemed to need? How quickly did I act on what I
perceived needed my help ? In what ways did I alter or change myself to fit what
others seemed to want?
Basis: Twos believe that love comes from fulfilling needs and in turn, they will be
fulfilled, hence their attention goes to needs.
Indispensability
In what ways did I feel or act as though I were indispensable? Take pride in being
needed? How did I act like I knew what others needed better than they did? When
did I give advice or be overly helpful? How have I experenced others as
dependent on me?
Basis: Twos feel secure when their giving is valued by others. They believe that if
they are indispensable, they wont be rejected.
Own needs and desires
What did I do to support or nurture myself? Take care of my needs or desires?
How was I at referencing back to myself compared to referencing to others? In
what ways did I let myself receive from others? Did I balance giving and
receiving?

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Basis: Twos often neglect their own needs and have difficulty receiving, since
value or worth comes from meeting the needs of others, not from being needy.

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The Basic Proposition


You lost sight of the fundamental principle that everyones
needs are equally and freely met. You came to believe instead that you must give
to get, and to be loved, you must be needed. So you learned to fulfill your
personal needs by being needed and by giving others what they want or need,
with the hope that they would do the same for you. At the same time, you
developed feelings of pride in being indispensable. Your attention naturally goes to
others needs and desires.
The central issue for healing
Twos must reclaim their freedom from the tyranny of a need-driven world that
only approves of them, and loves them, if they fulfill the needs of others.
Developing a separate self, then, becomes a difficult proposition. Since others
needs and desires are endless, Givers never gain a sense of their own freedom
from trying to fulfill them.
To gain freedom you must learn to give what is needed and no more, pay
attention to your own needs, and receive from others. You must come to realize
that, ultimately, your needs are met by a greater or universal will and that your
self-worth does not depend upon being the agent of others fulfillment. Then you
can give with the pure joy of giving for its own sake, freely and lovingly.
Six healing and growth commitments for Givers:

Develop and maintain a separate, integrated self

Practice releasing the pride of feeling indispensible

Freely give and receive without pride and expectations

Notice signs of your own repressed needs, paying special attention to any
rising emotions as indicators than your needs arent being met

Balance the active force that goes out to others needs with the receptive
force that allows your needs to be met

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Spend time alone to develop your own interests and a sense of separate
self

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