THE DAILY UTAH "TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1978 THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAHAs I sit down to write this letter, Iam filled with mixed emotions. The front page article of the Chronicle dated January 51, 1978, affected me so personally that I feel I must write this letter. It will do little good unless published and yet even if published anonymous letters are not usually treated as seriously, or given the same respect, consideration or authority as those bearing the author's name. But is it worth the risk of probable negative effect on family, friends or career to sign my name to what I am about to write? In response to editorial comments preceding the letter written by the man signing himself L.M.L. and published under the banner “Mormon and Gay..." Ican only say Ihave no question as to the authenticity of events related in that letter. Sufficient information is presented in that letter to leave little doubt that I was one of those whose lives were affected by L.M.L.’s actions. A decade ago, during the school year 1967-1968, I was a senior at Brigham Young University (BYU). After successfully completing a Mormon mission, [had returned to BYU and had completed my sophomore and junior years. My Mormon upbringing had filled me with aversion, remorse and guilt when it became impossible to avoid recognizing my homosexuality. I had continued at BYU to live with the knowledge that I would not be desirable or acceptable if the truth were known. And yet wouldn't repentance and a solution tomy problem be more difficulton other campuses of the latter ‘60s with agnostic and atheistic professors and students, student riots, hippies, free love and drugs? Under such conditions would I be able to find a solution or the incentive to overcome my problem? L.MLL. writes of “. . . the paranoia homosexuals at that institution were by necessity forced to live with.” BYU students were instructed that it was their duty and obligation to inform on any fellow student known or even suspected of not conforming to university standards. Then there were those students assigned by Standards or Housing to inspect the living quarters of other students, even those who lived off-campus unless they lived with their families, and report any evidence of non-conformity to standards. Whether or not a spy ring actually existed on ‘campus, there was little reason to be convinced that it didn't. Being gay at BYU was like being in the CIA or the ‘Communist Party (depending on your point of view). Even before one gay student would introduce two gay friends (as gay), without revealing names, he had to give each friend sufficient information about the other to enable the friend to sate himself thatthe other could be trusted and that he ‘could give his permission to be introduced as being gay. In the case of parties or get-togethers, the precautions were even more complex, One had to be certain that a new friend was not an informer or a plant. ‘During the school year of 1967-1968, given the proper clearance, I was eventually invited to a few parties. ‘Sometimes we played party games, Battleship or the like, but mostly we talked. We discussed our school activities and aspirations. And of course there was the ever present, ever oppressive question, “What do we do about our homosexuality?” If we can’t change, individually or collectively, how do we live with our homosexuality in the church most of us loved? ‘Those who had sought professional or ecclesiastical counseling reported that no matter how well intentioned, those consulted were so unknowledgable, and so unappreciative of the real feelings and problems of the homosexual that little was accomplished and it had been a waste of time, ‘Then came the night of that infamous party. I was casually introduced to someone I did not remember having ever met before. We seemed to have little in common and, as 1 remember, talked little. Some days later the host asked if I remembered this individual from the party. I was told that someone had turned him in and thathe, in turn, had provided a list of names, naming everyone he knew or had met. ‘What happened in the weeks that followed came to be called by those involved the Witch Hunts of 1968, One by one students were called into Standards. One by one students reported their experiences. (One thing the efforts of BYU accomplished was a breakdown of the previous reticence on the part of gay students to be known by other gays. Wehad to hang together or hang separately.) It was always the same. The initial approach was the expression of a desire to help. Conditions for remaining at BYU were the supplying of additional names and the approval of President Kimball (then Elder Kimball), The request for names was so that all of those with the same problem could be helped. If the student cooperated and supplied a list of names his trip to Standards was relatively painless; if not, interrogation procedures were put into effect, threats of immediate ‘expulsion or worse, being confined in a room alone (solitary) to think about it, a barrage of insistent questions, sometimes from more than one source, and the like. ‘Some reported that even after being detained for hours they had still refused to supply additional names only to later seem to disappear from campus, apparently forced to leave so suddenly that friends did not know when they had left or where they had gone. ‘Others reported that to make their visits as brief as possible they had supplied fictitious names or the names of only those they knew had already been reported. Apparently, however, some supplied additional names as the number of those called into Standards steadily grew. L.MLL. writes of “. .. the hell that broke loose in the lives of those Thad revealed. Hell such as excommunications, degrees lene, cateer fnserpeed of c¥en ruined, and, perhaps, lives ended.” ‘This I can verify. Those I knew who were involved were not hippies or the less desirables (except for their homosexuality). ‘These were for the most part Mormon elders very active in their wards. Some had received recognition for the participation in student affairs. A significant number maintained B averages or better through three years of college, even, perhaps, while working their way through college. There was the ROTC officer who faced not only expulsion but the loss of his commission and career as well as the scholarship which enabled him to go to school at all. “There were college seniors who had been promised good positions as management trainees or junior executives upon. graduation but who would now have to give up such dreams. Even if one were allowed to graduate what hope did one have when his official school records, open to prospective employers, labeled him as a homosexual? In addition to the personal lives of the students there were also the families to consider. Some were the sons of prominent civic or church leaders in their respective communities and some were even related to a Gencral ‘Authority as I was. Feelings and emotions were especially high since it was reported that our friend had confided in another that he had been promised that if he would supply a list of names he would be allowed to remain in school at least until theend of the term with no difficulties presented if he then wished to transfer to another university or college. Ifhe failed to supply the names he would be expelled immediately with a good chance that this would be the end of his college career. Who could feel good about a traitor who would sell out his friends just to save his own skin? There is more I could write, much more, of difficulties encountered in obtaining employment, of the fact that although I was not expelled but chose to leave school at the end of the term without seeing Elder Kimball or attempting to obtain his approval for further studies, BYU still coded my