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and Timothy Biblarz show that “Two

Perspectives: Gay Mommies are as Good as Mom and Dad.”

Men Only? What the evidence says

By Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse They say that the evidence purportedly
showing that children need mothers and
Equal, but… fathers doesn’t really prove any such thing.
That research conflates five factors that are
“Kids Do as Well with Same Sex Parents,” conceptually distinct: the number of parents,
the headlines screamed. I crossed swords the gender of parents, sexual identity,
with Judith Stacey, one of the authors of this marital status and “biogenetic relationship to
most recent study, at a debate at Bowling children.” Children with married couple
Green State a few years ago. I asked her parents have one straight male and one
point blank if she believed men and women straight female parent who are married to
were completely interchangeable as parents. each other and both biologically related to
In front of that very friendly audience, she them. To prove that heterosexual marriage is
said absolutely: the gender of parents uniquely good for children, and superior to
doesn’t matter. And so she says now, in this same sex parenting, we really need studies
new article the media loved. But midway that separate all these factors. So, Stacey and
through the article, her argument shifts from Biblarz gathered 81 studies that compare
a “no difference” argument to my favorite families in these various dimensions.
definition of feminism: men and women are
identical, except women are better. Her But hold it right there: before we enter into
article ends with an intimation that I believe this argument, look at what we are being
tells strongly against same sex marriage. asked to take on faith. The “biogenetic
Redefining marriage will create a cultural relationship to the child” is a ten dollar
climate that will drive men out of the family, phrase meaning that the adults in the couple
and lead to the belief that the only good man are actually the parents of the children. We
is a gay man. have always taken for granted the idea that
kids are entitled to a mom and a dad because
The claim that the gender of parents doesn’t a mom and a dad is what it takes to have a
matter is a crucial argument for same sex “biogenetic” origin, in the first place. By
marriage advocates. Treating same sex breaking marriage down into its constituent
unions like marriage amounts to saying that elements, Stacey and Biblarz are asking us
mothers and fathers are interchangeable. It is to break ourselves and our children, into
a coin toss from a child’s point of view, pieces. The children in my household need
whether they have two moms, two dads, or not be products of my sexual union with
one of each. So here is how Judith Stacey anybody in particular, or even a sexual
Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse • 663 S. Rancho Santa Fe Road Suite 222 San Marcos CA 92078
www.jennifer-roback-morse.com • email: drj@jennifer-roback-morse.com • 760/295-9278
©2007 No part of this document may be reproduced or disseminated in any way without the expressed written consent of the
Ruth Institute.
union at all. The birth parents can be against same sex parenting. But listen to
different from the legal parents can be Stacey and Biblarz turn “gender flexibility”
different from the caregiving parents. into a positive trait.

And the kids are supposed to be ok with all “Twelve-year-old boys in mother only
this. families (whether lesbian or heterosexual)
did not differ from sons raised by a mother
But put that to one side. Let’s also put to one and a father on masculinity scales but scored
side the question of whether the over a standard deviation higher on
interpretative scheme that Stacey and femininity scales. Thus growing up without
Biblarz construct around the 81 studies they a father did not impede masculine
summarize is really the one and only development but enabled boys to achieve
possible interpretation of all that data. It greater gender flexibility.”
would take another whole article to “If, as we expect, future research replicates
deconstruct that issue. Instead allow me a the finding that fatherless parenting fosters
few quotes, from “How Does the Gender of greater gender flexibility in boys, this
Parents Matter?” to illustrate my point that represents a potential benefit. Research
fatherhood itself is at stake in the same sex implies that adults with androgynous gender
parenting debate. traits may enjoy social psychological
advantages over more gender traditional
“Two women who choose to parent together peers.”
provide a ‘double dose of middle-class
feminine approach to parenting.’” Interchangeable?

“Women parenting without men scored The bottom line is not really that mothers
higher on warmth and quality of interactions and fathers are interchangeable, but that
with their children than not only fathers, but masculinity is a bad thing.
also mothers who coparent with husbands.”
“If contemporary mothering and fathering “Thus, it may not be fatherlessness that
seem to be converging,… research shows expands gender capacities in sons but
that sizable average differences remain that heterosexual fatherlessness. When gay men,
consistently favor women, inside or outside lesbians or heterosexual women parent apart
of marriage.” from the influence of heterosexual
masculinity, they all seem to do so in
See what I mean? Men and women are comparatively gender-flexible ways that
identical, except women are better. may enable their sons to break free from
“Gender nonconformity” used to be gender constraints as well.”
considered a negative trait, something,
which if found, provided an argument “Parenting by gay men more closely
Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse • 663 S. Rancho Santa Fe Road Suite 222 San Marcos CA 92078
www.jennifer-roback-morse.com • email: drj@jennifer-roback-morse.com • 760/295-9278
©2007 No part of this document may be reproduced or disseminated in any way without the expressed written consent of the
Ruth Institute.
resembles that by mothers than by most
married, heterosexual fathers.” Let’s see
now. We’ve shown that women are better
parents than men. We have shown that gay
men parent more like women than like
heterosexual men. Therefore, it stands to
reason that gay men are better parents than
straight men, perhaps even including the
child’s own father.

Same sex marriage is being sold to the


public as a small change, with “marriage
equality” as the only important issue. I
believe there is much more at stake in
redefining the law and the culture
surrounding marriage and parenthood. This
article supposedly showing that “kids do
fine” with lesbian parents, has proven my
point for me. The drive for same sex
marriage will marginalize men from the
family, and lead to the belief that the only
good man is a gay man.

Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D. is an


economist and the Founder and President of
the Ruth Institute, a nonprofit educational
organization devoted to bringing hope and
encouragement for lifelong married love.
She is also the author of Love and
Economics: It Takes a Family to Raise a
Village and Smart Sex: Finding Life-Long
Love in a Hook-Up World.

Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse • 663 S. Rancho Santa Fe Road Suite 222 San Marcos CA 92078
www.jennifer-roback-morse.com • email: drj@jennifer-roback-morse.com • 760/295-9278
©2007 No part of this document may be reproduced or disseminated in any way without the expressed written consent of the
Ruth Institute.

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