Love One Another: A Discussion on

Same-Sex Attraction
[All text retrieved on 11Nov2016]

Purpose of This Website

Elder D. Todd Christofferson
This official website does not offer a comprehensive explanation of everything related to
same-sex attraction, but it does reflect the feelings of Church leaders as to how we should treat
each other as part of the human family. The site offers a place where the people whose lives
are impacted by attraction to the same sex can find inspiration to work through difficult
challenges while remaining faithful to Church teachings.
What Needs to ChangeElder Dallin H. Oaks
There is no change in the Churchs position of what is morally right. But what is changingand
what needs to changeis helping Church members respond sensitively and thoughtfully when
they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or
elsewhere.
The Gospel Is a Gospel of HopeElder Dallin H. Oaks
Everyone experiences the desperation of temptation and the emptiness of sin. This is the
common condition of humankind. Nevertheless, Latter-day Saints believe that the good news
of Jesus Christ shows that these adversities are not final. They are part of the test of mortality
that all people must undergo. Christs grace will take care of the rest. With Him, each of us can
walk the path and chart the destiny of our own spiritual lives.
Impact on FamiliesElder D. Todd Christofferson
We live in an imperfect world. Not all the pieces of the puzzle seem to fit. But having an eternal
perspective and believing in a just and merciful God gives us hope that all will work out in the
end.
Let Us Be at the ForefrontElder Quentin L. Cook
As a Church nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in
terms of expressing love, compassion, and outreach. Lets not have families exclude or be
disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own
gender.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why Use the Term Same-Sex Attraction? Why Not Just Say Gay?
Same-sex attraction (SSA) refers to emotional, physical, romantic, or sexual attraction to a
person of the same gender. If you experience same-sex attraction, you may or may not choose
to use a sexual orientation label to describe yourself. Either way, same-sex attraction is a
technical term describing the experience without imposing a label. This website uses this term
to be inclusive of people who are not comfortable using a label, not to deny the existence of a
gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity.
Why Does the Website Not Discuss Gender Dysphoria or Transgender Issues?
Many of the general principles shared on this website (for example, the importance of inclusion
and kindness) apply to Latter-day Saints who experience gender dysphoria or identify as
transgender. However, same-sex attraction and gender dysphoria are very different. For
example, those who experience gender dysphoria may or may not also experience same-sex
attraction, and the majority of those who experience same-sex attraction do not desire to
change their gender. From a psychological and ministerial perspective, the two are different.
Are You Asking Yourself If You Are Gay?
If youre asking yourself whether youre gay, youve probably experienced same-sex attraction
and are wondering how to interpret these feelings. Sexual desires are complex and shaped by
many factors. While a romantic, emotional, or sexual attraction can signal a sexual orientation,
you should not automatically assume that it does. Sexual desire can be fluid and changeable. If
you are questioning, you should not feel pressured or rushed to reach conclusions about your
sexuality.
Words mean different things to different people, and the definition of a word can change
throughout our lives. What does the word gay mean to you? Is it a feeling? an identity? a
lifestyle? The usage of the word gayhas been changing as society and culture change.
Identifying as gay may mean you experience same-sex attraction but choose not to act on these
feelings. Or maybe this label describes how you express yourself emotionally, physically,
sexually, or politically. If youre wondering what someone means when they say, Im gay, just
ask them.
Should I Come Out?
For some people, keeping feelings of same-sex attraction private can result in shame or a
negative internal dialogue. Sharing those feelings with a trusted confidant can be liberating and
healing. Some, however, wish they had waited longer or at least limited the number of people to
whom they disclosed their feelings, so this decision shouldnt be based on yielding to pressure
to come out publicly or openly identify as gay. If you decide to disclose feelings of same-sex
attraction, prayerfully consider whom you would like to tell about it and how to share this aspect
of your mortal experience.

If you decide to share your experiences of feeling same-sex attraction or to openly identify as
gay, you should be supported and treated with kindness and respect, both at home and in
church. We all need to be patient with each other as we figure things out.
As Church members, we all have a responsibility to create a supportive and loving environment
for all our brothers and sisters. Such a support network makes it much easier to live the gospel
and to seek the Spirit while navigating any aspect of mortality.
How Can I Talk to My Parents or Bishop about Same-Sex Attraction?
If you feel comfortable talking with a parent, another family member, or a Church leader,
consider sharing your feelings with them. Help them understand what youre going through so
they can show love and support. If they dont understand what this experience is like, ask them
to read through the articles on this website. This may not be an easy conversation to start, but
its important to get a dialogue going. Be patient with the people around you, and remember you
are all learning together. If those you love have difficulty understanding or being supportive, they
may need your help. Treat your parents and leaders with the same kindness and respect you
hope they will show to you. This website is designed to help everyone better understand
same-sex attraction from a gospel perspective.
If Im Faithful Enough, Will My Attractions Go Away?
The intensity of same-sex attraction is not a measure of your faithfulness. Many people pray for
years and do all they can to be obedient in an effort to reduce same-sex attraction, yet find they
are still attracted to the same sex. Same-sex attraction is experienced along a spectrum of
intensity and is not the same for everyone. Some are attracted to both genders, and others are
attracted exclusively to the same gender. For some, feelings of same-sex attraction, or at least
the intensity of those feelings, may diminish over time. In any case, a change in attraction
should not be expected or demanded as an outcome by parents or leaders.
The intensity of your attractions may not be in your control; however, you can choose how to
respond. Asking the Lord what you can learn from this experience can focus your faith on an
outcome you can control. Turning your life over to God is an important act of faith that brings
great blessings now and even greater blessings in the world to come.
Will the Church Ever Change Its Doctrine and Sanction Same-Sex Marriages?
Central to Gods plan, the doctrine of marriage between a man and woman is an integral
teaching of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and will not change:
As a doctrinal principle, based on the scriptures, the Church affirms that marriage between a
man and a woman is essential to the Creators plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
Sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully
wedded as husband and wife. Any other sexual relations, including those between persons of
the same gender, are sinful and undermine the divinely created institution of the family. The
Church accordingly affirms defining marriage as the legal and lawful union between a man and
a woman (Handbook 2: Administering the Church, 21.4.10).

Church Teachings
God Loves All His Children
Nothing more fully demonstrates the depth and reach of Gods love than His willingness to
sacrifice His Son that we, His children, might overcome death and be offered eternal life.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him
should not perish, but have everlasting life.
(JOHN 3:16)
Nothing better expresses the love of Jesus Christ than His willingness to give His life to atone
for the sins of mankind, compensate for all suffering and injustice, and break the bands of death
for all (see Alma 7:1113).
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
(JOHN 15:13)
In an October 2009 general conference address, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf described Gods
love:
God does not look on the outward appearance. I believe that He doesnt care one bit if we live
in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though
we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly.
Though we may feel lost and without compass, Gods love encompasses us completely.
He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love.
We are important to God not because of our rsum but because we are His children. He loves
every one of us (The Love of God, Oct. 2009 general conference).
God loves all of us. He loves those of different faiths and those without any faith. He loves those
who suffer. He loves the rich and poor alike. He loves people of every race and culture, the
married or single, and those who experience same-sex attraction or identify as gay, lesbian, or
bisexual. And God expects us to follow His example.
We Are Commanded to Love God and One Another
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy
neighbour as thyself.
(MATTHEW 22:3739)
This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
(JOHN 15:12)

We show our love for God by keeping His commandments (see John 14:15) and by loving one
another (see John 13:34). If you have a family member or friend who experiences same-sex
attraction or identifies as gay, love them. President Henry B. Eyring observed:
If you want to stay close to someone who has been dear to you, but from whom you are
separated, you know how to do it. You would find a way to speak to them, you would listen to
them, and you would discover ways to do things for each other. The more often that happened,
the longer it went on, the deeper would be the bond of affection. If much time passed without
the speaking, the listening, and the doing, the bond would weaken.
God is perfect and omnipotent, and you and I are mortal. But he is our Father, he loves us, and
he offers the same opportunity to draw closer to him as would a loving friend. And you will do it
in much the same way: speaking, listening, and doing (To Draw Closer to God, Apr. 1991
general conference).
You show your love for God by loving and serving others.
And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are
in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.
(MOSIAH 2:17)
What does it mean to love one another? Love cares. Love listens. Love includes. Love inspires.
Love is at the heart of what makes us human, for we are children of God, and God is love (1
John 4:8). At the Last Supper, the Savior reiterated, By this shall all men know that ye are my
disciples, if ye have love one to another (John 13:35).
The commandment to love one another includes those who dont see the world the same way
we do. As Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained:
In so many relationships and circumstances in life, we must live with differences. Where vital,
our side of these differences should not be denied or abandoned, but as followers of Christ we
should live peacefully with others who do not share our values or accept the teachings upon
which they are based. The Fathers plan of salvation, which we know by prophetic revelation,
places us in a mortal circumstance where we are to keep His commandments. That includes
loving our neighbors of different cultures and beliefs as He has loved us. As a Book of Mormon
prophet taught, we must press forward, having a love of God and of all men (2 Nephi 31:20)
(Loving Others and Living with Differences, Oct. 2014 general conference).
Divine love does not excuse sinI the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of
allowancebut is anxious to forgivenevertheless, he that repents and does the
commandments of the Lord shall be forgiven (D&C 1:3132). In like manner, we should yield
no ground in living and defending the commandments of God, but to mirror fully the love of God,
we must also love one another so openly and completely that no one can feel abandoned or
alone or hopeless.
The Savior Has a Perfect Understanding of All Our Difficulties
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall
I know even as also I am known.

(1 CORINTHIANS 13:12)
As mortals, our understanding is limited. We can declare with Nephi that we know that he
loveth his children; nevertheless, [we] do not know the meaning of all things (1 Nephi 11:17).
As we seek answers and direction for our personal journey, we can trust God and the power
inherent in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. As Jesus Christ took upon Himself the sins of
the world, He also experienced every pain and affliction any human being might experience.
And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that
the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his
people.
(ALMA 7:11)
Feelings of Same-Sex Attraction Are Not a Sin and We Can Choose How to Respond
The Church does not take a position on the cause of same-sex attraction. In 2006, Elder Dallin
H. Oaks stated:
The Church does not have a position on the causes of any of these susceptibilities or
inclinations, including those related to same-gender attraction (Interview With Elder Dallin H.
Oaks and Elder Lance B. Wickman: Same-Gender Attraction, 2006).
Feelings of same-sex attraction are not a sin. Elder M. Russell Ballard stated:
Let us be clear: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that the experience
of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but
acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose
how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all Gods
children, including [those with same-sex attraction] (The Lord Needs You Now! Ensign, Sept.
2015, 29).
While same-sex attraction is not a sin, it can be a challenge. While one may not have chosen to
have these feelings, he or she can commit to keep Gods commandments. The parent of a child
who experiences same-sex attraction or identifies as gay should choose to love and embrace
that child. As a community of Church members, we should choose to create a welcoming
community.
And he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none
that come unto him; all are alike unto God.
(2 NEPHI 26:33)
People Who Live Gods Laws Can Fully Participate in the Church
Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons.
(ACTS 10:34)

God promises that if we obey His laws we will have eternal joy, and He always keeps His
promises. Clearly people who experience same-sex attraction or identify as gay can make and
keep promises to God. They can walk in His light. They can fully participate in the Church.
If members feel same-gender attraction but do not engage in any homosexual behavior,
leaders should support and encourage them in their resolve to live the law of chastity and to
control unrighteous thoughts. These members may receive Church callings. If they are worthy
and qualified in every other way, they may also hold temple recommends and receive temple
ordinances (Handbook 2: Administering the Church, 21.4.6).
President Gordon B. Hinckley stated:
We love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are
powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or
another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as
do all other members of the Church. If they violate the law of chastity and the moral standards of
the Church, then they are subject to the discipline of the Church, just as others are (What Are
People Asking about Us? Oct. 1998 general conference).
Whatever a persons circumstances, he or she can contribute to the Lords cause in the present
and can anticipate that his or her faithfulness will yield the same blessings, here and hereafter,
that are promised by God to anyone who is similarly faithful. Elder D. Todd Christofferson has
observed:
Everyone has gifts; everyone has talents; everyone can contribute to the unfolding of the divine
plan in each generation. Much that is good, much that is essentialeven sometimes all that is
necessary for nowcan be achieved in less than ideal circumstances. So many of you are
doing your very best. And when you who bear the heaviest burdens of mortality stand up in
defense of Gods plan to exalt His children, we are all ready to march. With confidence we
testify that the Atonement of Jesus Christ has anticipated and, in the end, will compensate all
deprivation and loss for those who turn to Him. No one is predestined to receive less than all
that the Father has for His children (Why Marriage, Why Family, Apr. 2015 general
conference).
The Law of Chastity Applies to All of Gods Children
Sexual purity is an essential part of Gods plan for our happiness. The First Presidency and
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles declared:
The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for
parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that Gods commandment for His children to
multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded
that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman,
lawfully wedded as husband and wife (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).
Sexual relations between a man and woman who are not married or between people of the
same sex are sinful and violate one of our Father in Heavens most important laws and get in
the way of our eternal progress.
The Lords law of chastity is abstinence from sexual relations outside of lawful marriage and
fidelity within marriage. Sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are
legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Adultery, fornication, homosexual or lesbian

relations, and every other unholy, unnatural, or impure practice are sinful (Handbook 2:
Administering the Church, 21.4.5).
People of any sexual orientation who violate the law of chastity can be reconciled with God
through repentance.
Thou shalt not commit adultery; and he that committeth adultery, and repenteth not, shall be
cast out. But he that has committed adultery and repents with all his heart, and forsaketh it, and
doeth it no more, thou shalt forgive.
(DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS 42:2425)

Gods Plan
Gods plan is perfect, even if our current understanding of His plan is not. Through the Savior
Jesus Christ, we can find hope and healing despite lifes many challenges.
God has a plan for our happiness. He sent us to earth to learn from our circumstances. He sent
us here to make choices.
We lived with God before we were born. We knew Him, and He knows us. He knows our
strengths and weaknesses, our dreams and our fears. Mortal life is our personal journey of
getting to know God again. He knows our great potential and who we can become. More than
anything, God loves us.
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
(2 NEPHI 2:25)
We may have forgotten the time we spent with God, but He hasnt forgotten us. He calls
prophets to remind us why were here and how to become like Him.
Therefore also said the wisdom of God, I will send them prophets and apostles.
(LUKE 11:49)
We are here for a wise purpose. God sent us to this time and place. He knew the challenges we
would face, the choices we would be required to make. God will not force any of His children to
obey His laws. He wants us to choose for ourselves, whatever our circumstances, to learn from
experience and to become as He is. But God wont force us to obey Him.
Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself.
(2 NEPHI 2:16)
Marriage is an important part of Gods plan for our happiness. Eternal marriage between a man
and a woman is essential at some point in our progression to reach exaltation, a state defined
as living the kind of life our Heavenly Parents currently enjoy.

In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; And in order to obtain the highest, a
man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of
marriage]; And if he does not, he cannot obtain it. He may enter into the other, but that is the
end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase.
(DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS 131:14)
As followers of Jesus Christ, we learn to listen to the Spirit and walk in the Light of Christ. We
can discern what is right or wrong, despite physical appetites and temptations that are contrary
to true principles. And by choosing right, we grow stronger. At times it may seem we are at war
with ourselves, but overcoming opposition is part of the plan to make us stronger. Opposition is
not comfortable, but it is necessary.
For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, righteousness could
not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.
(2 NEPHI 2:11)
When we sinand we all dowe can repent. The process of repentance helps cleanse our
souls and allows us to grow closer to God. Repentance is not a punishment. It is a gift,
purchased in Gethsemane and on Golgotha by our Savior Jesus Christ.
But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement
of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
(ISAIAH 53:5)
The sacrifice of our Saviorwhich we call the Atonement of Jesus Christis more than
payment for our sins. We can turn to the Savior to heal our heart, to strengthen our spirit, to find
peace. We can lay our burdens at His feet, and He will take them up. He is our Redeemer. He
knows us.
And he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to
the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their
infirmities.
(ALMA 7:12)
Sometimes our doubts, fears, and frustrations may seem overwhelming. Life can pose difficult
questions and present serious obstacles. To have faith is not to have all the answers, but
choosing faith over doubt is a choice to trust God. We choose to trust His plan and His
timetable, even if some parts of our mortal experience make no sense to us at the present time.
As we put our faith and trust in God and have the patience to build our faith day by day,
eventually we will see things clearly.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall
I know even as also I am known.
(1 CORINTHIANS 13:12)
Seeing clearly is not an event. It is a process. We see more clearly as we fulfill our potential as
children of God. And what is our potential? If we do our best to keep His commandments, He
has promised eternal joylasting, true joy.
Life may seem unfair at times. It may seem as if our sincere prayers are going unanswered. It
may seem as though we were denied the fulness of opportunities and Gods ultimate blessings.
But no honest prayer goes unheard. God will fulfill all His promises. No blessing will be denied
His obedient and faith-filled children. Our divine potential is to be able to live as eternal families
and be like our Heavenly Parents.
And he that receiveth my Father receiveth my Fathers kingdom; therefore all that my Father
hath shall be given unto him.
(DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS 84:38)

Who Am I?
How you define yourself may change throughout your life, but first and most important, you are
a beloved child of God. He is the Father of your spirit (see Numbers 16:22; 27:16; Hebrews
12:9).
In our mortal lives, we may be given or assign ourselves many labels. Some labels may
describe affiliations or a stage of life, and other labels may reflect physical characteristics like
tall, short, brunette, bald, or redheaded.
Labels have power. In an October 1983 general conference address, then Elder Thomas S.
Monson described his firsthand experience with the power of labels:
Sometimes cities and nations bear special labels of identity. Such was a cold and very old city
in eastern Canada. The missionaries called it Stony Kingston. There had been but one convert
to the Church in six years, even though missionaries had been continuously assigned there
during the entire interval. No one baptized in Kingston.
While I was praying about and pondering this sad dilemma, for my responsibility then as a
mission president required that I pray and ponder about such things, my wife called to my
attention an excerpt from the book, A Childs Story of the Prophet Brigham Young, by Deta
Petersen Neeley (Salt Lake City: Deseret News Press, 1959, p. 36). She read aloud that
Brigham Young entered Kingston, Ontario, on a cold and snow-filled day. He labored there
about thirty days and baptized forty-five souls. Here was the answer. If the missionary Brigham
Young could accomplish this harvest, so could the missionaries of today.
Without providing an explanation, I withdrew the missionaries from Kingston, that the cycle of
defeat might be broken. Then the carefully circulated word: Soon a new city will be opened for

missionary work, even the city where Brigham Young proselyted and baptized forty-five persons
in thirty days. The missionaries speculated as to the location. Their weekly letters pleaded for
the assignment to this Shangri-la. More time passed. Then four carefully selected
missionariestwo of them new, two of them experiencedwere chosen for this high adventure.
The members of the small branch pledged their support. The missionaries pledged their lives.
The Lord honored both.
In the space of three months, Kingston became the most productive city of the Canadian
Mission. The grey limestone buildings still stood, the city had not altered its appearance, the
population remained constant. The change was one of attitude. The label of doubt yielded to the
label of faith (Labels, Oct. 1983 general conference).
Throughout our lives, aspects of our identities change. We inevitably change from young to old.
Our views may change, and, along with those views, we may change our affiliations.
Our identity may be in flux, but there is one aspect of who we are that is eternally fixed: we will
always be children of God.
We should exercise care in how we label ourselves. Labels should be used thoughtfully and
with the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Labels can affect how we think about ourselves and how
others treat us and may expand or limit our ability to follow Gods plan for our happiness. Labels
may impact our goals, sense of identity, and the people we call friends. If labels get in the way
of our eternal progress, we can choose to change them. Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained in a
2006 interview:
I think it is an accurate statement to say that some people consider feelings of same-gender
attraction to be the defining fact of their existence... We have the agency to choose which
characteristics will define us; those choices are not thrust upon us.
The ultimate defining fact for all of us is that we are children of Heavenly Parents, born on this
earth for a purpose, and born with a divine destiny. Whenever any of those other notions,
whatever they may be, gets in the way of that ultimate defining fact, then it is destructive and it
leads us down the wrong path (Interview With Elder Dallin H. Oaks and Elder Lance B.
Wickman: Same-Gender Attraction, 2006).
If one experiences same-sex attraction, he or she can choose whether to use a sexual identity
label. Identifying oneself as gay or lesbian is not against Church policy or doctrine; however, it
may have undesired consequences in the way one is treated. No true follower of Christ is
justified in withholding love because you decide to identify in this way.
President Russell M. Nelson reminded us: One day you will be asked if you took upon yourself
the name of Christ and if you were faithful to that covenant (Identity, Priority, and Blessings,
Ensign, Aug. 2001, 10).
As Paul expressed it:
For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew
nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in
Christ Jesus.
(GALATIANS 3:2728)

One day, at the end of this short mortal journey, we will return to the presence of our Heavenly
Parents. One day, all other labels will be swallowed up in our eternal identity as children of God.

Jesus Christ Can Change Our Hearts

As descendants of Adam and Eve, all people inherit the effects of the Fall. In our fallen state, we
are subject to opposition and temptation. When we give in to temptation, we are alienated from
God, and if we continue in sin, we lose the companionship and influence of His Spirit, the Holy
Ghost, in our lives.
The only way for us to be saved is for someone to rescue us. We need someone who can
satisfy the demands of justicestanding in our place to assume the burden of the Fall and to
pay the price for our sins. Jesus Christ has always been the only one capable of making such a
sacrifice.
From before the Creation of the earth, the Savior has been our only hope for peace in this
world, and eternal life in the world to come.
(DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS 59:23)
Our Saviors Atonement does more than assure us of immortality by a universal resurrection
and give us the opportunity to be cleansed from sin by repentance and baptism. His Atonement
also provides the opportunity to call upon Him who has experienced all of our mortal infirmities
to give us the strength to bear the burdens of mortality. He knows of our anguish, and He is
there for us. Like the good Samaritan, when He finds us wounded by the wayside, He will bind
up our wounds and care for us (see Luke 10:34). The healing and strengthening power of Jesus
Christ and His Atonement is for all of us who will ask (Dallin H. Oaks, Strengthened by the
Atonement of Jesus Christ, Oct. 2015 general conference).
This life is an opportunity to become more like our Heavenly Father. As we embrace our eternal
destiny as children of God, we enter a process of continual growth and improvement. As Elder
David A. Bednar taught in an April 2012 Ensign article:
The journey of mortality is to go from bad to good to better and to have our very natures
changed. The Book of Mormon is replete with examples of disciples and prophets who knew,
understood, and were transformed by the enabling power of the Atonement in making that
journey. As we come to better understand this sacred power, our gospel perspective will be
greatly enlarged and enriched. Such a perspective will change us in remarkable ways.
As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our
personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than
praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than
objects that are acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:14) (The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality,
Ensign, Apr. 2012, 4344).

As we access the power of our Savior Jesus Christ to strengthen us and heal us, He can
change our hearts. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland shared the following story:
I speak of a young man who entered the mission field worthily but by his own choice returned
home early due to same-sex attraction and some trauma he experienced in that regard. He was
still worthy, but his faith was at crisis level, his emotional burden grew ever heavier, and his
spiritual pain was more and more profound. He was by turns hurt, confused, angry, and
desolate.
His mission president, his stake president, his bishop spent countless hours searching and
weeping and blessing him as they held on to him, but much of his wound was so personal that
he kept at least parts of it beyond their reach. The beloved father in this story poured his entire
soul into helping this child, but his very demanding employment circumstance meant that often
the long, dark nights of the soul were faced by just this boy and his mother. Day and night, first
for weeks, then for months that turned into years, they sought healing together. Through periods
of bitterness (mostly his but sometimes hers) and unending fear (mostly hers but sometimes
his), she boretheres that beautiful, burdensome word againshe bore to her son her
testimony of Gods power, of His Church, but especially of His love for this child. In the same
breath she testified of her own uncompromised, undying love for him as well. To bring together
those two absolutely crucial, essential pillars of her very existencethe gospel of Jesus Christ
and her familyshe poured out her soul in prayer endlessly. She fasted and wept, she wept
and fasted, and then she listened and listened as this son repeatedly told her of how his heart
was breaking. Thus she carried himagainonly this time it was not for nine months. This time
she thought that laboring through the battered landscape of his despair would take forever.
But with the grace of God, her own tenacity, and the help of scores of Church leaders, friends,
family members, and professionals, this importuning mother has seen her son come home to
the promised land. Sadly we acknowledge that such a blessing does not, or at least has not yet,
come to all parents who anguish over a wide variety of their childrens circumstances, but here
there was hope. And, I must say, this sons sexual orientation did not somehow miraculously
changeno one assumed it would. But little by little, his heart changed (Behold Thy Mother,
Oct. 2015 general conference).

About Sexual Orientation

Same-sex attraction is not the same for everyone. Some people choose to use a sexual identity
label and others dont. This article offers a basic definition of common sexual orientation labels.
Sexual orientation may refer to emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions as well as a sense of
identity. For some, it is helpful to distinguish between sexual attraction, emotional attraction, and
identity, rather than grouping them all together as sexual orientation.
The most common labels are lesbian (a woman attracted to women), gay (a man attracted to
men) and bisexual (a man or woman attracted to both genders). Some women may also use the
term gay to describe themselves. People may use other labels, and some who experience
same-sex attraction choose not to use a label to describe themselves. How people choose to
identify may change over time.

Attraction is not identity. People can make their own choices about how to identify. There are
active, temple recommendholding Church members who comply with the law of chastity and
identify themselves as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. There are active Church members who
experience same-sex attraction and never choose to identify themselves using a label. Our
primary identity will always be as a child of God.

Ten Tips for Parents

As a parent, you may sometimes feel inadequate. Although you may not always know how to
respond to the struggles your children face, you will never regret reaching out with love and
understanding.
You will never regret saying I love you.
You will never regret throwing your arms around your child and hugging him or her. You will
never regret listening. You will never regret trying to understand.
You have been entrusted with the care of a precious soul.
Learning to be a parent on this journey will stretch you. As you seek the companionship of the
Spirit, you will draw near to God, your child, and, if applicable, your spouse. Remember to honor
agency. If your spouse disagrees with how you want to handle things, work it out respectfully. If
your child makes choices you disagree with, kindly let them know how you feel. Never try to
control or manipulate them. Give them your time and assure them of your love.
Did you overreact, get angry, or say things you regret? Dont be discouraged.
This is one moment in a lifelong conversation. Its never too late to apologize.
If you learn about your childs same-sex attraction secondhand, dont take it personally.
Talking about ones same-sex attraction can be terrifying and confusing. Your child may not
have known how to talk to you about it.
Its natural to grieve.
Do you feel your dream of the perfect LDS family slipping away? Do you fear losing a close
relationship? Are you afraid your child wont be treated with kindness? These feelings are
natural. There is no shame in grieving.
Dont blame yourself for your childs same-sex attraction.
This is no ones fault. Blame is neither necessary nor helpful.
As a parent, the least productive prayer is why?
A close second is please, take this away right now.
The most helpful question you can ask is how?
How can I help? How can I be the mom or dad my child needs? How can we learn from this?
Surround yourself with people who build you up.
Some people care. Some people are curious. Answering questions can help build
understanding but can also be exhausting. Be sure to charge your spiritual battery by spending
quality time in sacred places. And no one cares more than your Father in Heaven.
Peace and perspective go hand in hand.

Seek knowledge, and learn all you can. Speak with your bishop or branch president and receive
counsel from an authorized servant of the Lord. If you feel impressed, ask him for a priesthood
blessing to help you meet the needs of your child. Some people find perspective in support
groups or through temple attendance. In fact, there is no better place to find peace and
perspective than in the temple.

Depression and Suicide

People who experience same-sex attraction or identify themselves as gay may be at higher risk
for depression or suicide. People who are depressed or who may be contemplating suicide
need to know they are loved and should be referred to a competent mental health professional.
Additional resources addressing suicide can be found at preventingsuicide.lds.org.
Feelings of depression are real and can be overwhelming and debilitating. Often, professional
counseling and medical care can help people deal with depression. When feelings of
depression turn to suicidal thoughts, it is critical to have someone to talk to. People who are
suicidal are in significant physical, mental, or emotional pain; are often isolated; and may feel
they have no hope for the future. They may feel there is no other way to end the crippling pain
except through taking their own life. Thoughts of death by suicide are often contemplated,
considered, and reconsidered before any attempt is made. During this period of contemplation,
intervention can save a life.
Preventing suicide starts with recognizing the warning signs. For a list of warning signs, please
visit the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention.
If it appears someone may be at risk, the best thing one can do is talk to them about it. It may
seem awkward or presumptuous, but people who are depressed often desperately need
someone to talk to, someone to help them process thoughts and feelings. These conversations
may be difficult, but they are critical in reducing the feelings of isolation and hopelessness that
can lead to suicide. If it appears that a person is at immediate risk of attempting suicide, call the
national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland speaks compassionately of dealing with depression:
Whatever your struggle, my brothers and sistersmental or emotional or physical or
otherwisedo not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it!
Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all
shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are like a broken vessel, as the Psalmist
says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter (Like a Broken
Vessel, Oct. 2013 general conference).

Seeking Professional Help

Seeking insight from a professional counselor is a sign of strength and humility. If a person
chooses to seek such help, others should respect his or her right to determine the desired
outcomes.

Sometimes it can be difficult to view oneself objectively. Seeking insight from a professional
counselor can help many aspects of lifefrom addressing patterns of depression and anxiety to
strengthening a marriage.
As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has noted, professional help can sometimes be just as important as
spiritual help.
(SEE LIKE A BROKEN VESSEL, OCT. 2013 GENERAL CONFERENCE)
When one seeks therapy, the Church recommends approaches that respect client
self-determination. In other words, the individual has the right to determine desired outcomes,
and therapists and counselors should respect his or her wishes. For someone who experiences
same-sex attraction or identifies as gay, counseling may help the person approach his or her
sexuality in healthier, more fulfilling ways. However, counseling and therapy are not needed by
everyone.
While shifts in sexuality can and do occur for some people, it is unethical to focus professional
treatment on an assumption that a change in sexual orientation will or must occur. Again, the
individual has the right to define the desired outcome.

Self-Mastery and Sexual Expression

Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?
(1 CORINTHIANS 3:16)
Our bodies are a special gift from God. They provide our spirits with a way to experience the
physical world. They are key to our potential exaltation. Learning to master our bodies is an
important part of becoming like our Heavenly Parents. Mastery takes time, practice, and
patience, but it has eternal consequences.
God has commanded us to bridle all [our] passions, that [we] may be filled with love (Alma
38:12). Living the law of chastity is a source of great blessings. As President Marion G. Romney
declared:
I can think of no blessings to be more fervently desired than those promised to the pure and the
virtuous. Jesus spoke of specific rewards for different virtues but reserved the greatest, so it
seems to me, for the pure in heart, for they, said he, shall see God (Matt. 5:8). And not only
shall they see the Lord, but they shall feel at home in his presence.
Here is the Saviors promise: Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy
confidence wax strong in the presence of God (D&C 121:45) (Trust in the Lord, Apr. 1979
general conference).
Sexuality is an important part of being human and is also a source of passions that need to be
bridled. Despite these intense feelings, there are Latter-day Saints who faithfully adhere to the
Lords moral law over many years.

These individuals have made a determined commitment to live a chaste life and avoid anything
that will reduce inhibitions. Additionally, they have provided exceptional service to others,
especially in a Church setting. In so doing, they have found joy, contentment, and peace.
Children and youth need the help of parents and trustworthy adults to learn about and
understand sexuality in its divine context:
Parents have primary responsibility for the sex education of their children. Teaching this subject
honestly and plainly in the home will help young people avoid serious moral transgressions.
Where schools have undertaken sex education, parents should seek to ensure that the
instructions given to their children are consistent with sound moral and ethical values
(Handbook 2: Administering the Church, 21.4.11).
Experimentation with sexual expression outside marriage is a serious sin.
The Lords law of chastity is abstinence from sexual relations outside of lawful marriage and
fidelity within marriage. Sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are
legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Adultery, fornication, homosexual or lesbian
relations, and every other unholy, unnatural, or impure practice are sinful. Members who violate
the Lords law of chastity or who influence others to do so are subject to Church discipline
(Handbook 2: Administering the Church, 21.4.5).
Viewing explicit sexual images, even out of curiosity, also violates Gods commandments.
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
(PROVERBS 23:7)
Sexual stimulation has a powerful effect on us. Even looking at images or thinking about sexual
expression causes us to feel pleasure and desire more. In promoting this stimulation,
pornography deadens ones sensitivity to Gods moral law. Most importantly, it offends the
Spirit, leaving one without the guidance and protection of the Holy Ghost.
The Church opposes pornography in any form. Indulgence in pornography damages individual
lives, families, and society. Such indulgence drives away the Spirit of the Lord. Church members
should avoid all forms of pornographic material and oppose its production, dissemination, and
use.
The booklet Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts provides counsel on how to avoid and overcome
problems with pornography (Handbook 2: Administering the Church, 21.4.9).
Within the context of marriage between a man and a woman, sexual expression is an important
aspect of bonding between spouses. However, if we express ourselves sexually outside the
bounds the Lord has set, we not only jeopardize our ability to choose well; we also reject the
pattern the Lord set for our eternal happiness. In his October 1993 general conference address,
The Great Plan of Happiness, Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained:
The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given his children. Its use
was mandated in the first commandment, but another important commandment was given to
forbid its misuse. The emphasis we place on the law of chastity is explained by our
understanding of the purpose of our procreative powers in the accomplishment of Gods plan.

Outside the bonds of marriage, all uses of the procreative power are to one degree or another
a sinful degrading and perversion of the most divine attribute of men and women (The Great
Plan of Happiness, Oct. 1993 general conference).
As we use our agency to make choices to follow Gods laws, our spirits grow stronger.
If we find ourselves spiritually weakenedand we all do from time to timeour Savior Jesus
Christ is there for us. Through repentance, we can return to a life characterized by self-mastery.
As Elder David A. Bednar explained in an April 2013 general conference address:
Some of you who receive this message need to repent of sexual or other sins. The Savior is
often referred to as the Great Physician, and this title has both symbolic and literal significance.
All of us have experienced the pain associated with a physical injury or wound. When we are in
pain, we typically seek relief and are grateful for the medication and treatments that help to
alleviate our suffering. Consider sin as a spiritual wound that causes guilt or, as described by
Alma to his son Corianton, remorse of conscience (Alma 42:18). Guilt is to our spirit what pain
is to our bodya warning of danger and a protection from additional damage. From the
Atonement of the Savior flows the soothing salve that can heal our spiritual wounds and remove
guilt. However, this salve can only be applied through the principles of faith in the Lord Jesus
Christ, repentance, and consistent obedience. The results of sincere repentance are peace of
conscience, comfort, and spiritual healing and renewal (We Believe in Being Chaste, Apr.
2013 general conference).
Repentance requires a change of heart. The precious gifts of repentance and forgiveness are
made possible by the Atonement of Jesus Christ. They can wipe the slate clean and strengthen
our ability to use our agency for good.