Olivas 1

Alexis Olivas
Professor Batty
English 28
9 December 2016
Reflection
In this narrative essay I added more sensory details in order for the reader to feel as if
they were living in that moment in comparison to just reading a description about the moments. I
included more details about my grandfather so it can be felt as if they knew more intimate things
about him and feel the strong connection. This is important because in this essay it is described
how he was as a person as an overview and those sensory details to how he smelled and the
sound of his voice add more to it. I also described the day I found about his death in more detail
so the mood can be felt instead of just read about making feel more gloomy and setting the tone
for the nest part of the essay which also includes more sad moments lived and such. I described
the cemetery so that specific scene can be visualized. Lastly, I changed my conclusion so that it
wasnt too short and dull but more explained and full while also changing what I gained from the
experience so it can be less confusing. All in all, what was most needed was sensory details and
so I went back and looked for places where they can be more appropriately put.